What My Heart Wants... (AU,M/M, ADULT) Ch 12 - 10/08[WIP]

[Innocent Eyes]

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What my heart wants to say

Author: Innocent Eyes, aka Tânia
Couple: Michael/Maria, and it’s kinda AU
Rating: TEEN to ADULT
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell (though I’m still dreaming on!) and unfortunately, not Brendan/Michael either. And I most certainly do not own the songs I am going to use on this fic.
Summary: Something strange is happening and Max, Isabel and Michael don’t know what it is. Someone who’s like them seems close, but they don’t know why, how or who. It turns out Nasedo shows up because he heard of the Crash there, and he brings someone with him, a girl their age, Nicole (no Tess!!). They had never heard of Nasedo before and they had never known of the existence of any other alien, but they end up finding that Nicole is the fourth alien. She has very deep connections with every one of them, but especially Michael. Meanwhile, Michael and Maria’s relationship is not going well. They both love each other, but Michael is incapable of telling Maria how he feels and being caring to her because deep down, he doesn’t want to hurt her. Maria thinks he doesn’t care about her at all and feels miserable and unhappy. What happens when Nasedo announces that Nicole is Michael’s destiny?? And that they are meant to be together and go back off to Antar with Max and Isabel?? It’s Michael’s big chance to finally tell Maria how he truly feels, without fears, before it gets too late... or worse, Nicole gets what she wants – that is having Michael and keep Maria away at all costs, even if that means hurting her badly! Will finally Michael and Maria confess the deep, true love that unites them both and finally start a real relationship??!

A/N.- Hey!! I wanted some change so I decided to start writing my M/M-only fic, which I’ve been planning to write almost a year ago, so now I’ve finally started! I warn you though, this is going to be kind of angsty (yeah... not fluff this time, sorry, at least not until the end!!), Michael & Maria will have lots of problems and they probably won’t be together until the end... but I promise everything will turn out alright and it’s gonna be a happy ending!!!
A/N. 2- Like you must have noticed on the summary, I’m going to mix Michael and Maria’s relationship a little. They never had anything serious, not more than just some kisses, totally no-strings-attached (blame Michael! Lol, just kidding), though they secretily really love each other, Michael has a lot of trouble showing what he feels, he’s secretily scared and aparently seems insensitive, and Maria doesn’t know what to do anymore and feels really down because she feels she’ll never know Michael and be with him as a real girlfriend. In my fic Maria’s character will be a little like in Melinda Metz’s “Roswell High” books, kind of sweet and romantic, and not as much as a “spitfire” like she is on the TV show. But I hope she’s gonna make us laugh some time here. I haven’t decided exactly how and when, but I’ll work on that. And Michael’ll have some changes sometimes too... you’ll understand what I’m talking about I hope!! Well, that’s all!! Hope you enjoy and please, leave some feedback!! Thank you!!!!

Chapter 1

“Could you please pass me that slice of pizza?”
Maria was woken from her thoughts by Kyle’s voice.
“Huh?
“Can you please give me that slice of pizza? Just because you’re just staring at nowhere and not eating a damn thing, it doesn’t mean I’m not hungry”, Kyle replied.
Isabel rolled her eyes.
“Oh, sorry”, Maria said, giving him the slice of pizza, and Kyle took a bite hungrily.
Isabel rolled her eyes again.
“Oh, please, Kyle”.
“What?”, Kyle asked innocently with his mouthful.
Isabel screwed up her face. “Gross”.
“What?”, Kyle repeated, with his mouth still open.
“Would you mind please chewing with your mouth shut??!”, Isabel snapped.
“Okay, alright”, Kyle said, chewing with his mouth closed.
“Thanks”, Isabel said.
“Maria?”, Liz asked.
“She’s off again”, Alex shrugged. “Yo, Maria! Earth to Maria, we’re waiting!!”
“Huh?”, Maria looked at them blankily.
“You were tripping”, Alex smiled. “What’s up with you? Are you alright?”
“Yes. Yes I am”, Maria replied weakily.
“You want some pizza?”, Michael asked.
Maria shivered when she heard Michael’s voice. Was he worried about her? Or had he asked if she wanted some pizza like it was something totally ordinary??
“Yes. Please”, she said, after clearing her throat.
Michael handed her a slice.
“Here”, he said.
Maria felt the blush rise up to her cheeks as she felt the touch of Michael’s warm fingers. God, she could be feeling that warmness all her life.
“Thanks”, she said, jerking her fingers away quickly. She sighed and took a small bite distractedly. What could she do?? Let everybody in the whole Crashdown see how she felt everytime her and Michael touched? That would be just pathetic.
“Maria, what is the matter with you?!”, Kyle nearly had to yell on her ears.
“Huh? Nothing, Kyle, I’m just... a little... not in the mood”, Maria answered. “But I’m fine”.
She noticed Michael had been eyeing her everytime she said something. She felt happy because that was a sign – very little, when it came to Michael, but still – that he cared about her, but at the same time she was sure he wouldn’t do anything to make her feel better. She knew him too well. Better than he knew himself, she was sure.
“Are you really alright?”, Maria was in shock when she heard Michael’s voice. And he was looking her straight in the eyes. Oh, God. Speak. Say something, she desperately instructed herself. Whatever you do, don’t just look at him like a freak, despite how especially good he is looking today...
“Yeah, I’m fine”, she replied as firmly as she could, though she was shaking inside. She noticed that all the looks were placed on her.
“Look, I’m fine, alright?!”, she snapped. “I’m just feeling a little... moody”.
“If you say so”, Alex shrugged and got back to his pizza.
Liz, who was sitting next to Max, felt him shiver, his eyes shut.
“Max? What’s the matter?”, she asked, not liking that look on his face.
“I felt something”, he whispered.
“Felt what?”, Liz wanted to know.
“I—I’m not sure. Something weird”. He turned to Isabel and Michael. “Did any of you felt anything on the last couple of minutes?”
“I felt something too”, Isabel murmured to him. “I can’t explain it. It was so weird... but it was so strangely familiar at the same time”. Max and Isabel looked at Michael. “Michael?”, they both chorused.
“What?”, he asked.
“Have you felt something?”
He shrugged.
“I felt my tongue burning with the pizza”, he tried to joke, though he was looking serious as always.
Maria wanted to laugh. She couldn’t resist to Michael’s sense of humor, and it wasn’t just because she was in love with him. But she figured it wasn’t the best time to laugh. Max and Isabel were looking pretty serious.
“I’m serious, Michael”, Isabel said, pushing behind one of her long blonde highlights. “Me and Max felt something. Something we’re pretty sure we’ve felt before, but we don’t know what. Have you felt that too?”
Michael took a while until he finally nodded.
“Yeah”, he said. “I’ve felt that. Stronger than anything else I’ve ever felt before”.
Max only then noticed that Alex, Kyle and Maria were listening.
“What’s going on? What can possibly be that?”, Alex asked.
Isabel shrugged.
“We don’t know”, Max said. “It can be anything”.
“Michael?”, Maria screwed up her courage to ask. “Are you feeling okay?”
Michael nodded.
“Yeah”.
Maria felt like sighing with relief. But she felt dead curious, like everybody else. What could possibly be that that had affected Max and Isabel so much, but especially Michael??...

***

“Maria? Can we talk?”, Liz asked.
Maria had gone to sleep over at Liz’s, like she did so many times. But now she had really wanted to. She needed some company to ease her loneliness, her sadness, and especially, a shoulder to cry on.
“Sure”, Maria said, flicking away one of her bouncy blonde curls. “What is it?”
“Maria, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”, Liz blurted out.
Maria stared at her wide-eyed. “Why are you asking that?!”
“You know, Maria”, Liz began, sitting on her bed next to Maria. “Today at the Crashdown... you were looking really... well, kind of weird. Like Alex said, it looked like you were tripping. Tell me the truth... you know you can trust me. It’s because of Michael, isn’t it?”
Maria felt a knot starting to form on her throat, and that was starting to hurt. Everytime she felt that, Maria knew, she would be crying in very little time.
“Oh Liz”, she said, laying her head on Liz’s lap. “I don’t know what to do anymore. It looks like I’m invisible. Michael doesn’t even care about me, that’s proved. But I just can’t seem to accept it and move on”.
“Well, maybe you’ve got a reason not to”, Liz suggested.
“A reason?”, Maria echoed, lifting her head to look into Liz’s eyes.
“Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Michael is so careless about you. At all. You might not have noticed, but I have. I saw the way he looked at you when he thought nobody was paying attention. I saw the looks on your faces when he handed you the pizza and you remained looking at each other as if a bubble was surrounding you, and don’t tell me it was not, because deep down, you know it’s true, Maria. And I saw the look on his face and how he asked if you were alright. Do you think Michael would do all of this if he wasn’t the slightest bit interested in you??!”
Maria bit her lip, a tiny string of hope reborning in her heart, a smile starting to spread on her lips.
“Well, I did notice that, alright. But he... he was a way so strange of showing his feelings, you know? Or, better, of not showing them”.
“We all know how Michael is”, Liz pointed out. “And we all know that deep down, under that tough-guy armor, he’s pretty insecure”.
“Yeah... well, maybe you’re right”, Maria admitted, but couldn't help thinking how adorable it was of Michael feeling insecure, although she knew he must think that that wasn’t very sweet... at all. And she wanted to know Michael. She wanted to know his dreams, his hopes... she wanted to know everything that was in his heart. But would he ever let her break that wall of his defenses and show her how he really was, fearlessly?
“We better go to bed”, Liz suggested, breaking up her thoughts. “And if you feel the need to talk, just don’t hesitate and keep that to yourself, alright? You know I’m here for you whenever you need to”.
Maria gave her a touched look. “Thank you so much, Liz. I will”.
Liz smiled.
“Good. But I mean it, you hear me?”
Maria nodded, smiling.
“Yeah. I will”.
As Maria was lying on bed, before closing her eyes, she thought of Michael, like she always did before drifting off to sleep. And she wished, as always, that he would have sweet dreams and peace in his heart... whatever would that mean to Michael. And maybe, just maybe... that he’d may think of her too, before falling asleep.

A/N.- Hmm... first chapter’s done!! I really don’t think it’s that good, but by now is 11.35 p.m. and it’s not the best time to write, but I just needed to ‘cause I had this fic at way too long on my mind!! Please tell me what you think!! I LOOOOVE feedback!!! Thanks for reading!!

[Innocent Eyes]

A/N.- This chapter is kind of focused on Maria’s point of view, most of the time, though not directly. Okay, that was it. FEEDBACK!!!!!!!! I’M ON MY KNEES BEGGING FOR SOME!!!! AND I KNOW I LOOK PATHETIC, SO PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME!!!!!


Chapter 2

“Is this it?”
“Yes. Roswell, New Mexico. The place we were supposed to get to”.
“Yeah, I know, but this looks just like so... Roswell”.
“Nicole, you know we’re here to get our job done. This won’t work out if you start whining like that”.
“Okay, dad. I’m just gonna go pretend I moved from California and I’m really happy to be here. Sounds good like that?”
“That’s my girl”.
“Anyway, where do you, Mr. Knows-It-All, suggest we start looking for them?”
“We’ll find them. Something tells me that they’re closer than we could ever expect”.

***
“Holy geez”.
Michael squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them, then closed them again. What the hell had that been?
“Michael? You okay?”
Michael opened his eyes slowly to face Max. He looked at him like he had never seen him before.
“Michael, what happened? I had to go up and check on you ‘cause you were so late. Are you okay? You look blown away”.
“I—I—geez”. Michael shook his head, not knowing how to put it.
“What?”
“I—I had a vision. A flash”.
“What? A vision? Of who?”
“This girl – some girl I don’t even know”.
“Are you sure? Isn’t she someone from school or something?”
“No, I never met her. This’s weird, Max. I never had anything like that before. Only with you and Isabel”.
“Have you touched someone... or... something... to get that vision?”
“I—no!!! Very funny, Maxwell. Think you fool me with your little angel look? I haven’t touched anyone or anything. I was just lying on my couch and then suddenly her face popped into my head, just like that. I really don’t know what can that be”.
Max grinned devilishly with Michael’s first words, then chewed on his lip and regained his worried look.
“Strange”.
“You tell me”, Michael muttered. “Anyway, we better get going, I wanna try and see if I can forget this, or else I’ll go insane”.
“Michael, are you sure you are okay? Because if you aren’t, you can just stay and maybe—”
“Maxwell, come on. I’m fine. I’m not gonna stay home like a loser just because I had a vision. Let’s get going then. I’m okay”.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. C’mon”.

***
“Michael!”
Maria couldn’t help but almost jumping on him when she saw Michael entering the Crashdown with Max by his side. ‘Very smart move’, Maria thought, disgusted with herself. ‘Keep behaving like a desperate chick and no doubt Michael will look at you like you’re a real girl at last, and not some weirdo-friend”.
She quickly bit her lip, trying to get the words back.
“You... you’re late, so I... I mean we, we started to get worried. What took you so long?”
She held her breath antecepatively, hoping Michael would tell her the truth, for a change.
“Nothing. I fell asleep”, Michael almost muttered, without noticing the hurt look on Maria’s face, that bent her head down, letting her long curls hide her face.
‘He’s lying. Did he really think I wasn’t going to notice? God. It doesn’t even take somebody who loves him to figure out this is one of the worst lies ever. Why can’t he tell the truth, at least for once? Is it just because it’s me?’ Maria’s thoughts ran wild on her mind, while she was trying as hard as she could to hold back the tears. She took a deep breath and smoothed her curls off her face, finally joining her friends on the usual table.
“Hey Maria, no tripping this time, right?”, Alex joked.
Maria forced herself to smile.
“Hahaha. Very funny, Alex. ‘Course not. As if”.
Kyle and Liz, especially, didn’t look very convinced, but Maria didn’t care. She was busy still trying to figure out why would Michael shut her up by spitting out some lousy lie. That meant something serious had happened. But what?
‘This is the meaning of how much he cares about me, really. Even his lies when it comes to me are lousy. Gee. I’m pathetic’. Maria couldn’t help but think, and wished madly she could have her diary there, so she could just blurt out everything that was messing with her. If she couldn’t yell that on Michael’s face, at least, she would write. And she would feel better about it, because it was what always happened.
Suddenly, her thoughts – and everybody else’s, she was sure – were broken by the entry of a beautiful girl and someone who looked like her dad on the Crashdown. Roswell was a small place, and everybody could tell when someone wasn’t natural of there. And natural of Roswell was what that girl and that man definitively weren’t.
‘Who are they?’, Maria thought.
Everybody looked like was wondering the same. And how could they not? Even the girls. That girl who had just gotten in looked just like a movie star, even though she seemed to be around their age, like 16. She looked like a kind of younger Marilyn Monroe, and with a mix of Estella Warren too, Maria thought. She glanced at Michael. He was completely lost in that girl, memorizing every single detail of her face and body. Maria tried to ignore the hurt that started spreading on her heart. She really tried. She should have known. I mean, come on. Michael was a guy like every other. Whose 16-year-old guy wouldn’t go crazy over that beauty over there? Probably none, that was the truth.
“Michael?”, Max whispered. “You’re looking blown away again. What is it?”
“This girl”, Michael stuttered, as low as he could. “This is the girl of my vision”.
“This one?”, Max echoed, glancing at the girl now carefully. She was tall and slim, with every curve perfectly placed, wearing a curve-hugging red wool sweater, black jeans and black boots. And the truth was that she was beautiful, she looked just like a model, Max thought. She had a beautiful face, with high cheekbones, rosy cheeks, full red lips and a freckle over her lips. Her hair was long, very straight and blonde, over her waist, and she had a long braid, but smaller than her hair size, in the middle of her hair. And her eyes were big and blue, shiny like an ocean. Every single move she made would breathe glamour and, what was the word Isabel would use, finesse. He glanced at Isabel. Even his sister was staring at the unknown girl with her jaw dropped. The girl whispered some words to the man beside her, that must be her dad, and then, for everybody’s surprise, headed towards their table, with a bright smile starting to spread on her lips.
“Hi”, she said.
They all exchanged indescribable looks, until Max was finally the one who gave her an answer.
“Um, uh, hi. Do you need anything?”
The girl smiled.
“Actually, I’m kinda new here, you know, so somebody told me this was the place where most people my age gather, so I decided to drop by and take a look around”. As if everybody kept silent, the guys looking at her with their jaws dropped like she was some kind of goddess from above and the girls not believing anyone could be that pretty, the girl insisted:
“So... can I sit here?”
“Sure”, Max replied, before anyone could really understand the question.
Alex was the one who slowly came to his senses.
“You said you were new here?”
“Yeah”, the girl nodded. She looked at each one of them until she finally introduced herself. “My name’s Nicole. I’m 16”.
“And where are you from?”, Maria asked, to everybody’s surprise. Maria was usually pretty shy with strangers, and the way she had made the question, seemed like she wanted to jump on the new girl.
“Carmel. California”, Nicole informed with a sunny smile.
‘I know where it is’, Maria muttered to herself.
“So, why did you have to move?”, Liz asked.
“My dad’s work”, Nicole explained. She pointed with her chin over to the left, where a man in grey was. “That’s my father. Jerry Taylor”.
“What does he do?”, Maria snapped. She just couldn’t help it. She wished she could. But that girl got in her nerves. She didn’t like her, and she didn’t know why.
“He works in... publicity. So we had to move here because he got a new work to do. You know, Roswell, because of the aliens and all”.
“Right”, Max said slowly, exchanging a serious look with Isabel.
Michael closed his eyes and panicked, when he sensed a new flash coming, him kissing the girl like there was no tomorrow.
“Michael”, Isabel whispered. “What’s wrong with you?”
Michael slowly opened his eyes, feeling tiny drops of sweat on his forehead. “Ask Max, he’ll explain you”.
“You don’t look much like your dad”, Maria pointed out, after glancing at the man Nicole had pointed. She almost covered her mouth to never speak again. What was wrong with her??! She was getting possess! That girl really had some weird effect on her.
However, Nicole never seemed to lose the pose. Maria felt like killing her.
“I know. I look more alike with my mother. That’s what my dad always says, that I look just like my mom. She died”, Nicole looked down, maybe to give some sad effect on everybody. At least, Maria thought so. The chick looked like she was permanently on a stage. But again, maybe that was just what she thought.
“I’m sorry”, Max said sympathetically, giving Maria a look. God. If Max had noticed her, then maybe she was really overreacting. But she just couldn’t help it. And what was that with the strange looks Michael and Nicole kept giving each other? She felt sick with jealousy.
“You must be really sad about it”, Kyle finally broke in. Liz rolled her eyes. There was never a minute Kyle wouldn’t try to flirt with the girls, especially pretending he was the sensitive type.
Nicole gave him a sweet smile. ‘Blah’, Maria thought, feeling like throwing up. Who the hell the girl thought she was fooling? That smile was as fake as Pamela’s boobs.
“She died almost three years ago, so I feel better now. But I still think about her a lot”, Nicole explained.
“I’m sorry”, Kyle said.
Nicole fixed her eyes on Michael, then slowly looked away and suggested brightly:
“So, why don’t you guys all tell me your names, so I can beginning learning? I mean, now I guess I’ve made new friends and all”.
“Puhlease”, Maria thought, but gave her a fake smile when Nicole rotated her smile over to her.
Michael shivered when another flash crept by, and this time, he and Nicole were making out onto some table. Things were definitively getting worse. Why the hell was he having flashes of almost sexual activity? He didn’t get it. He only had flashes with aliens, at least until now. What was up with that girl for him to feel so bizarrely attracted to her and having those flashes?!
“Well”, Liz began. “My name’s Liz. He’s Kyle – she pointed Kyle, and this is Alex, Isabel, Michael, my boyfriend, Max, and Maria”.
“Liz, Kyle, Alex, Isabel, Michael, Max and Maria”, Nicole repeated slowly, then she smiled. “Got it”.
“So, Nicole, want some pizza?”, Alex suggested.
“That would be great”, Nicole replied, smiling.
“Pizza for eight it is then”, Alex decided, and he got up to order it.

***

“Maria, what was up with you today? You looked... different. You were kind of mean to Nicole!”, Liz exclaimed, when finally she got a moment alone with Maria, up in her place.
“I know, but there’s something about her that gets on my nerves. I don’t like her”.
“Why?”, Liz insisted. “She looked kind of nice to me”.
“Nice??!”, Maria chocked. Then she saw Liz’s look. “I don’t know. I just don’t like her”.
“Does that have something to do with the looks sometimes she gave Michael and vice-versa?”, Liz suggested as tactfully as she could.
God. So now that was official. There was definitively something between Michael and nicole. Just shoot me right now, Maria thought.
“Yeah, that was a part of it. But it was mostly between me and her. We don’t click. We’re not alike and we don’t like each other. I could tell she didn’t look too fond of me too. I know I kind of attacked her, but she already looked like it even before I talked”.
Liz hugged Maria sympathetically.
“Nevermind, Maria. God, you’re so tense”, she noticed, when she felt Maria’s hard shoulders. “Just relax, sweetie. You’ll see everything will get better soon. Now, I know how you are. Promise me you won’t lock yourself in your place and only get out past two days, alright? Don’t get depressed. We don’t know anything yet. And if you ever need to talk or absolutely anything, you know I’m always here, right?”
“Right”, Maria nodded. “Thanks, Liz. Now I guess I’ll get going and I’m going to find someway to pour my ugly feelings out”. She smiled at Liz. “Which means, I’m going to write on my diary, or having some hot bath with my oils or a nice mug of hot chocolate. Anything goodie. Relax, I’m not gonna kill myself or cut my wrists or anything”.
Liz smiled.
“It’s good to know that”. She kissed Maria’s cheek. “C’mon you. I’ll walk you home”.
Maria giggled and hugged Liz.

***

“Holy crap. This won’t go away”, Michael muttered to Max, after pratically dragging him over to his place to talk to him about the flashes.
“Michael, you’re telling me you had flashes in which you were kissing Nicole?”, Max repeated.
“Yeah. And almost more than kissing”. He saw Max’s eyes starting to get bigger. “No, no, no”, he replied disgusted. “We weren’t having sex or anything. God, in what are you thinking, Maxwell? But we were making out like two aroused... things. I don’t get it. And the worse is that I feel this really weird thing, this hopeless attraction I feel for her. Alright, she was hot, but that doesn’t mean I have to go all gooey over some girl. This was different. And when I felt her looking at me kind of the same way, I... God, I can’t even explain it”.
“I’m gonna tell Isabel”, Max said. “This is really strange”.
“Do you think there is a possibility that she may be... one of us?”, Michael suggested.
“I don’t know. I don’t know”, Max admitted with eyes closed, smoothing out his hair and sighing. “I’m sorry I can’t help you, Michael. I myself I’m still trying to figure out the whole thing and get used to this. I’ll talk to Isabel. She may have some idea of it. Besides, she also noticed you were feeling kind of weird, hasn’t she?”
“Hmm”, Michael nodded.
“Look, I gotta get going. Me and Isabel are going to think about this. Any other thing you feel, just give me a call, right?”
“Right”, Michael said. “Thanks Max”.
“Don’t mention it”, Max smiled. “I haven’t done anything, really. Well, I’ll be going. See you tomorrow”.
“Yeah. See ya”.

A/N.- HA!!! Chapter 2!!! I kind of had writer’s block on this one because I didn’t know how to start it, but then finally I got off it!!! I had a lot of fun writing this, especially the whole Maria-Nicole thing, I had to stiffle the laugh most of the time! I meant to made Nicole a little more neutral, but I couldn’t help it, after the way Maria was picking on her. But if you think Nicole also kept her mysterious and icy identity just the same (which was the original idea), great for me!!! Hope you liked it!! And about the feedback... well, I guess I was pretty self-explanatory up above.
Kissies

[Innocent Eyes]

Chapter 3

“So. I guess it went well”.
“Yes. Congratulations, Nicole”.
“Do you really think anyone would resist to my charm?”, Nicole smiled devilishly.
Nasedo smiled.
“What did you find out about them, then?”
“The predictable. They’re all from Roswell... well, expect for Zan, Vi— , I mean, Max, Isabel and... Michael. I haven’t found much still, alright, because they would start suspecting me if I started blurting out too many questions. But I’ll work on that next time I see them”.
“And are you sure they’ve all believed you?”
“Oh yeah. I’m a pretty good actress”, Nicole smiled devilishly again. Then her joyful face darkened and she wrinkled up her nose. “Except for that weird Maria girl. I don’t think she believed me”.
“Why do you say that?”, Nasedo wanted to know.
“She kept asking me questions like she wanted to see me dead and giving me these weird looks. And I’m pretty sure she has a thing for Ra—Michael. I saw the way she looked at him. It was almost sick, as if he was her everything in the world”.
Nasedo looked thoughtful.
“Hmm. She might be in love with him or something. You’ve got to find out and take things calmly”.
“Yeah, my life’s complete”, Nicole rolled her eyes.
“I’m serious, Nicole”, Nasedo warned.
“So am I. But alright. I’ll take things slow, don’t worry”, Nicole promised, but something in her face seemed to tell otherwise.
“Alright then. What have we got today? More Chinese food?”
“Unless you want to eat burned food once again”, Nicole replied with a slightly mocking smile.
“I think I’ll go for the Chinese food then”, Nasedo replied, and they both laughed, sitting down for lunch.

(A/N.- – Ahh... happy family!! )


**

‘Rath... look at me… look at me’.
‘You weren’t supposed to see me’.
‘I know, but I wanted too. I need to. I missed you’.
‘I missed you too. But you know they don’t like to see us together’.
‘That’s for now. I know they will accept us. I love you, Rath’.
‘I love you too’.
‘And we’ll always be together’.
‘Always’.


Michael opened his eyes in shock and looked around, panicking. Had that been a dream? No, it couldn’t have. He had heard those voices very clearly in his head. He riffled his hair, his eyes closed. Was he going insane??! In a while, he was sure he would. All those flashes and voices stuff were starting to drive him crazy, and worse, nobody he knew was able to help him.
“Fucking great luck is yours, Guerin”, he muttered to himself. He just needed to go for a walk and see if he could get his mind off things. At least he hoped so.
He got out of his house, locked the door and, hands in his pockets, he went for a walk around. Everything was calm and quiet, which would make Roswell look like an even smaller town. He was so distracted, that he didn’t notice when he bumped into the last person he thought he would see.
“Maria!”
“Michael”, Maria stuttered. “Um, uh, hi. How’re you doing?”
“Fine, I guess”, he muttered.
Maria studied his face atentively and knew he most certainly wasn’t ’fine’.
“Is everything okay?”, she asked with concern. But she already knew. It must be those flashes stuff. The image of Nicole crept on her mind and she shivered with disgust. She had been trying as hard as she could since the last time she’d seen her not to think of her.
“Sort of”, Michael mumbled. Then, for his own amazement, he started blurting everything out to her. “Well, I’ve been having these flashes, and hearing these weird voices. You know. Alien stuff, I think’. He smiled lightly at her and Maria promptly smiled back, her chest getting lighter with butterflies.
“Do you want to talk about it?”, she asked softly, delighted that Michael was actually sharing part of his private life, his worries, with her. ‘Looks like old lousy Maria Deluca is starting to move up’, she thought with a satisfied grin.
“I don’t know”, Michael smoothed out his hair without even noticing it. He didn’t know that Maria found that gesture simply irresistible.
“Try it. maybe... Maybe I can help”, Maria offered shyly.
And for her surprise, Michael did so.
“It’s weird. I don’t know how to explain it. On a hand, it’s like I’m connecting with some other side of me I don’t even know I have”. He looked up at her hesitantly, but Maria was staring at him atentively, encouraging him to go on. And, note of herself, melting into those gorgeous brown eyes. At least she didn’t think I was crazy or something, Michael thought.
“This doesn’t even make sense to me”, he smiled akwardly. “But something tells me I am dealing with other side of me. This is with the voices... I started hearing today. I don’t really want to think of it now. Then it was that thing with the flashes, with a girl I didn’t know… until now”.
“W-who?”, Maria sttutered, secretily afraid of hearing the answer because she sensed it was something she wouldn’t be happy to hear. She wasn’t the girl of Michael’s flashes for sure. Not of his flashes and not in 'real life’.
“It’s... Nicole”, Michael said.
Maria gasped. ‘You’ve got be kidding me’, she thought desperate.
“Her??!”, she almost screamed.
“Yeah. Believe me, I’m confused myself”, Michael said.
‘No shit’, Maria’s wildest part of the brain thought. She didn’t want to blame Michael. It wasn’t his fault. But somehow it looked at the same time that it was. Why it had to be her? Nicole was so... everything that she wasn’t.
“But…”, she began. God, she was totally lost for words now.
“I don’t know why it happened. I totally freaked out, and so Max and Isabel when they knew. And I don’t think they can help me”, Michael said. He wanted to go on; he wanted to tell her what those flashes had been all about, now that he had already begun to talk about them. But somehow, he didn’t manage to. He couldn’t. It was like… he couldn’t tell that to Maria. And it was not because she was human. Well, not mostly. It just didn’t feel right telling her that. He didn’t know why. Suddenly it was like an electric zip went through him.
“Look, just forget it, okay?”
Maria opened her mouth.
“But...”
“I don’t know why I started telling you this. It’s not like you would understand”, Michael said, almost as if he despised her.
Maria felt that so damn familar knot in her throat, and the tears starting to well up in her eyes.
“But you started to—”
“I know, but I shouldn’t have”, Michael cut her off. “Look, I gotta go. Just... forget about this, okay? Don’t tell anyone, but don’t think of it. Don’t… try to help me. I’ll be fine”.
And without anything else, Michael stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his baggy jeans and walked away, leaving Maria stuck to the ground, hurt and confused.
What had happened? Why had Michael gone so cold and harsh? She hadn’t said anything wrong. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Looked like Maria Deluca had gone back to her ‘lousy’ place again. Like it always happened. Silly of her to think Michael would ever trust her. He wouldn’t. Never. And she should know better, but she would just keep on dreaming with the perfect moment Michael someday would come up to her and... ugh, it was better not to go there again. It wasn’t worth it. Michael didn’t care about her and probably never would. It had been close, though. It had been sweet while it lasted. God knows how much she wanted to have Michael’s heart, to know his fears and his hopes. But no. Maria shook her head sadly, trying to swallow up the salty tears, and kept going her way, like she was before she had bumped into Michael.

**

What had happened to him? Had he gone mad? He didn’t want to tell Maria anything else, alright. But he didn’t want to be almost screaming at her. Why had he done that? Why had he felt like he couldn’t trust Maria? Wait... he knew he could trust her. Something deep inside of him told him so. He just... didn’t want to involve her in that. That was it. Something was telling him that that in which he was starting to get himself into wasn’t going to be nice, and he didn’t Maria to watch his downfall… whatever that meant… and he didn’t want to watch hers. Not Maria’s. Wait... why was he saying that? God, is anything I’m thinking actually making sense??! He was really going insane. There. It’s official. That’s the result of having flashes of him making out with an Estella Warren clone and listening to voices in his head. Even for an alien. He saw Maria’s hurt look again on his mind. And he didn’t like it. Knowing that he had caused that hurt look made him like it even less. He felt like immediatly running back and apologizing to her. He felt like hugging her for almost having made her cry, because he had noticed it, her eyes getting shiny with nothing but tears. You asshole. You insensitive asshole. Wait a minute… he used to be harsh to people. It was the way he was. He had never looked much sorry for it before. But he was now, because he realized he had hurted Maria’s feelings. And why was he feeling that with Maria in the first place??! Maria was... a friend. Nothing but a friend, like everybody else. Sure. They had made out two or three times a while after they met each other. Suddenly – and also because he thought they were better off that way – everything was over and it was like they didn’t know each other anymore. Like they had tried to erase those first thoughts of them together from their minds. But... now he realized he hadn’t. Why??! It had happened months ago. And why was he trying to figure out if Maria still remembered it??! ‘You better get a grip. You’re going sick’, Michael thought disgusted.
When he finally unlocked the door of his apartment and fell lazily on the couch, a thought was still in his mind. Something about the way he saw Maria was changing. Why would that be?


A/N.- Hey... another random chapter just to keep myself up with the updates. My inspiration hasn't entirely come back yet. I'll be waiting. ^^ A closer Michael/Maria interaction, the first one. Typical M/M... at least in Melinda Metz's books. Hope y'all like it. I hate my scenes between Nasedo and Nicole. I think they're terrible. I'll try to figure out a way to make them better. Please... feedback... Have mercy of a poor uninspired fanfic writer and songwriter... songs haven't been flowing either... but nevermind that, just drop some feedback please!...

[Innocent Eyes]

Chapter 4

I keep on looking through the looking glass
And I want to fall on through
Out of the real world to a happy day
Out of the wreckage that I do

Maria unlocked her home’s door and looked around. Her mother wasn’t home. Better for her. Right now, she needed to be alone. She placed the bag with the shopping on the kitchen’s table and sat on the couch, pulling her legs up and surrounding them with her arms, leaning her head on her knees. She would always sit that way when she was feeling sad or down, ever since she was little. Usually she would do it on her bed when there were other people around, but when she was home-alone, it was always on the comfy couch, the couch which had seen her growing up, that she would sit. And cry. Like she was doing now, like she had done for 16 years.
‘God, what is wrong with me?’, Maria thought, the tears now rolling freely down her face. Why did people keep constantly hurting her? Why did Michael only think about her as a geeky friend, that was only good to be stepped on? She didn’t like to think Michael would think of her that way, but she was starting to think that maybe she wasn’t that wrong. Why couldn’t Michael be at least a bit nicer to her? She knew that nice wasn’t exactly his middle name, and she accepted that, for much that it hurted her. Still, she had still hope someday he could change a little bit more... if he was loved. And she had all her love hidden, just waiting for a chance to be given. But Michael wouldn’t even care. ‘How long can I survive like this?’, she wondered, sniffing. ‘How long can he take things all by himself, pretending he doesn’t need anyone?’ Well, at least he would do better than her, for sure.

I keep on dreamin because I can
Even though my eyes don't close
I keep on trippin because it’s free
To a place I only know
I keep on dreamin because I can
Even though my eyes don't close
I keep on slippin out of this life

And she couldn’t rely on many people to pour her feelings out. The only person who actually knew she liked Michael was Liz. She didn’t know why, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell her other friends. She felt weird. Maybe they would start laughing, or would feel sorry for her, because they saw the way Michael was. The way he wasn’t the slightest bit interested in her. But someway, she didn’t want to press Liz with her problems. Despite what Liz was always telling her, to go talk to her if she needed, Maria decided to keep all, or at least the majority of her pain, to herself, afraid that she may bore Liz with all her same complaints. Everyday, the same old problem. Liz probably wouldn’t say anything because she was too nice, and her best friend. She would be better dealing with her own problems on her own.

Still my hand won't go to the other side
My boney fingers stay locked here
The glass is cold when I touch my face
But I can taste my salty tears

Michael’s face appeared in her mind, completely clear despite all her tears. And then his whole body. The whole Michael. The only guy she had truly loved for all those years. It was almost extraordinary to think that they had made out three times no much after they had met each other. The three happiest moments of her life. The three times she had made out, she had felt like she was stepping out on heaven. And Michael held other part of her, he was the guy she had first kissed. And she was the girl he had first kissed. Even when she found out he was an alien, she didn’t stop loving him. She already knew she had a special connection with him. But now... she smiled bitterly. Of what connection she could talk about? The only good memories she had of her with Michael seemed too longinquous for her to remember and feel good with.

I keep on dreamin because I can
Even though my eyes don't close
I keep on trippin because it’s free
To a place I only know
I keep on dreamin because I can
Even though my eyes don't close
I keep on slippin out of this life waiting for the drapes to close

As Michael's face appeared in her mind again, Maria let out a sob and pressed her head against her knees, tightning the grip around her legs. She had no mood to go to school the next day, even though that would mean she would see Michael again, she knew the pain would come up again. Just to think of the possible despising Michael would have towards her, just to think that he might very well stop talking to her out of the blue just to keep her out of that, made the tears well up in her eyes again, but she felt too tired to cry again. She needed to do something to get her mind off things. She turned on the living room’s hi-fi, popped in one of her old CDs but that her a music that she still liked, and layed on the couch, her head on a pillow. She closed her eyes and tried to let her mind go blank.

Mirror mirror, won't you kiss my cheek
And tell me that I'll be OK
And warm my spirit with your sugar lips
And help me wait for another day....

~ Katy Rose, “Because I can”


**

Meanwhile, Michael was awoken by the ring of his bell. He cracked an eye open, then closed it and tried to fall asleep again. The ring repeated itself longer. Michael rolled his eyes, muttering that a guy could not be quiet even in his sleep, smoothed out his hair and walked towards the door to unlock it, his eyes still blinking with sleep. He was hoping it wouldn’t be Maria. He just couldn’t face her again after what had happened.
“Hi, Michael”.
Suddenly all the sleep flew away of Michael. His eyes were wide open in disbelief.
“Nicole?”
“Hi”, she said again, smiling. She glanced around shyly. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah”, Michael muttered, rubbing his eyes, and stepping to the left so that Nicole could come in. “So... um, what brings you here?”
“Oh, I just thought in dropping by, you know”, Nicole said flatly, looking around. She turned to Michael: “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure, I guess”, he said. He was still mortified for having Nicole in his own place. Must be because of those flashes thing again. How could he not think of it when she was standing right in front of him?
“Mind if I sit down?”, Nicole asked.
Michael shook his head and gestured the couch behind her.
Nicole smiled as a ‘thank you’ and sat down.
“Look, Nicole, I don’t wanna be rude or anything, but... I was just sleeping and...”
“Oh, I’m sorry”, Nicole apologized. “I thought this would be a good time”.
“Look, I’m not shoving you away or anything, but, if you need to say something, you can go straight to the point, alright?”
Nicole stared at him. Michael felt slightly umcomfortable. Her big blue eyes were cat-like, and examined him in a way that made him feel restless.
“Michael”, she said. She got up and Michael had to fight back the will of taking a step back. He stood still, feeling like he had frozen, while Nicole took several steps until her face was merely an inch from his. Michael felt her perfume slowly taking over his senses, as well as something else he couldn’t precise. As he inhaled it, his mind flashed and he saw again the most famous vision of all that he’d been having: the torrid, almost hungry kiss between him and Nicole. He was so engrossed in his emotions that he hardly heard when Nicole started talking again.
“I just want you to know, Michael”, she said, her words a mere whisper. “That if you ever need anything... if you ever feel anything... even if it’s strange and you are sure most people wouldn’t understand... that I’m here for you. Whenever you need. Always”.
His mind flashed again.

~ ... We’ll always be together...
Always. ~

His eyes glittered in pure shock. What was she doing to him?!
“Yeah”, he finally replied in a chocked voice. “Thanks”.
“Just let me know”, Nicole whispered, before placing an ultra light kiss in the corner of Michael’s lips.
Michael got frozen again, watching helplessly, confused and feeling something close to manipulated, as Nicole walked away and out of his apartment.

A/N.- Electrifying chapter!!


P.S.- To hear the beautiful music I used in this chapter go to www.katyrose.net

[Innocent Eyes]

Chapter 5

“Maria…”
Maria heard a distant voice buzzing through the room, but not quite entering inside her ears. She blinked back the sleep and tried to stare at the person in front of her.
“Huh?”
“Maria, sweetie, it’s time to wake up. You’ve got school”.
Oh. Mom. Maria sighed and closed her eyes again. She had no intention whatsoever of going to school. But she knew very well she would have to. The problem wasn’t school. She knew it. The problem was that she also knew Michael would be there, and that he would ignore her. She was almost positively sure. And... Nicole! If Nicole would go to the same school as them, she would have to face her like twenty four-seven! God, what a depressing thought. She felt the sleep taking over her again, her eyelids getting heavier, her body relaxing until it became so light she couldn’t feel it...
“Maria! C’mon”, Amy shook her lightly.
Maria groaned, rubbing her eyes, and finally managed to sit up on her bed, but she was dizzy with sleep. She took a deep breath. Time to go.

***

“Hey Maria!”
Liz’s cheerful voice was enough to cheer her up. She forced herself to smile, while pushing one of her curls behind.
“Hey, Liz. What’s up?”
“Nothing much”. Liz studied her face. “Everything’s okay?”
“Yeah”, Maria lied. “Everything’s fine”.
Liz nodded, but didn’t seem 100% convinced. “Ready for classes?”
Maria smiled genuinely.
“I’m never ready for classes. I’m not like you, you little scientist”.
Liz punched her arm and laughed.
“Liar! You are. You do amazing stuff in English. Remember? You amazed lots of people with those poems. Have you written any new stuff lately?”
Maria shook her head.
“Nope. The muse hasn’t been in a good mood lately”.
“Aww, that’s too bad. I love your love songs. Especially that one you wrote for me and Max”.
Maria smiled.
“Yeah. I’m glad you liked it so much, though. It wasn’t one of my best works”.
Liz punched her arm again.
“Of course it was! It was beautiful. Anytime you write anything new, you will show me, won’t you?”
Maria smiled.
“’Course, Lizzie. Count on that”.
Liz smiled.
“Great”. She looked at her watch. “Gee, we’re late, we better run!”
They walked hurriedly towards their classes and Maria had momentarily forgotten about Michael. This until she spotted him. He didn’t seem to go to the same place as them, but still, she couldn’t help having her eyes locked on him.

Turn out the light
Just say goodnight, to yourself
May I remind you
When you find you

He carried a notebook under his arm and looked absent, as always. School definitively wasn’t Michael’s favorite place. His gaze fell momentarily on her too, and Maria saw something in his eyes.

You're all alone is when you've got to be strong
Cause that's when they call you, in the night
He's got your picture in his mind
He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime

She didn’t know what. Michael’s look always carried mystery, some sadness and stubborn indifference. But nevertheless, everytime he looked her in the eyes, Maria would forget everything. Everything that made her miserable, unhappy or sad. She forgot everything. That was one of the things she liked most about her feeling towards Michael.

Is it really true
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away, to someone who
Someone who you met in bar
The back of a car

But that familiar ache which made her heart feel like a void, came back when Michael rapidly looked away. But he was walking towards her. Oh my God. Oh my God. Was he going to talk to her? Was he going to say her something? Would he apologize? Oh God, let it be anything. Let it be anything, I don’t care… I just want Michael to talk to me…

And for a moment you felt important but not in your heart
My self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low
I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me
I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me
Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name

It was like a knife had been stabbed in her heart. Michael walked past her, without saying a word. He had been totally cold and indifferent. She took a deep breath, trying to hold her breath for a while, and her tears. When she looked again, Michael had disappeared. She was ready to turn her back and leave to her class, because she was very late already, when her heart froze. Michael had appeared again... but she didn’t have time to feel joyous. To her complete horror and amazement, she saw Nicole. Her skin was fair and perfect, with no signal of dark circles under her eyes, despite having had a well-slept night, nor unwanted blackheads. Her hair fell shiny and straight, and she sure hadn’t the feeling that her locks were messy and needing a good wash. Sure not. Nicole was almost perfect. She saw, just like in the Crashdown, the buzz of whispers, incredulous looks and fingers pointing at her. Nicole, however, seemed not to notice anything or that she was the center of so much attentions, continuing talking about God knows what with Michael. Maria didn’t doubt that Nicole soon would be one of the most popular girls in school. Maybe she would even try out for the cheerleading squad. She snorted. It was definitively something she pictured Nicole doing. Michael seemed surprised, but he soon was talking to her like Nicole was a 10 years friend. He didn’t look at Maria one single time again. Maria thought it wasn’t worth it for her to be staring at them any longer, despite every nerve in her body and heart were begging for her to stay there for another while. But she couldn’t take it anymore. She was nearly suffering of a nerve crisis and they weren’t even 10 a.m. yet. And she certainly wouldn’t cry in the middle of the school’s hallway. Oh no. She wouldn’t humiliate herself in front of everybody. Maria took another deep breath and made her feet drag her out of there.

Cause I want to learn, can you save yourself for
Someone who will love you for you so many times we
Just give it away, someone who, couldn't even remember your name
You save yourself for someone who, loves you for you,
Loves me for me
Give it away to someone who, someone who will
Cherish your name
Cherish your name...

~ Sense Field, “Save yourself”

**

“What? Nicole is in school?!”
Maria shrugged when he heard Kyle’s surprised voice. Her calm and dry reply would betray her heart boiling with jealousy and nerves. And anger. Why did she have to come and spoil it all? As if her amorous life wasn’t bad enough. Let’s add a 16-year-old Estella Warren clone.
“She never said she wasn’t coming to our school”, Maria replied, without taking her eyes off her french fries.
“Yeah, I know, but still...”
Maria took a bite distractedly and, while chewing, she looked around, trying to look for Michael. He would usually sit having lunch with them everyday. What had happened for him not go sit next to them today? Oh, of course. How could she forget? Nicole. Even the thought of the name would send her shivers down her spine. And then she noticed them. Sitting on a bench, far away, but still within eye reach. Michael wasn’t smiling, but still, seemed pretty engrossed in the conversation. Maria wondered what could they be talking about. They didn’t even know each other, for the love of God. Well, not entirely. She sighed and slowly looked away, popping another french fry in her mouth. She looked at Liz, feeling someone’s eyes on her. Liz was looking back at her with a knowing look. Maria shrugged and mouthed ‘What?!’ and got up, grabbing her french fries packet with her.
She went for a turn, and eating while she was thinking. Suddenly, she felt a shadow behind her. She almost didn’t have to turn back and see who it was. It was Liz. She touched her arm softly.
“It’s Michael, isn’t it?”, she asked with the same softness.
Maria felt her heart beating faster.
“Look, you don’t need to do this. We don’t need to talk about this. It’s okay, Liz. I’m fine”.
“You’re scared, aren’t you?”, Liz asked, as if she hadn’t heard Maria’s words. “You’re scared because you fear Nicole may get too close of Michael. You’re afraid they may get involved. Isn’t it?”
“Liz, seriously—”
“Isn’t it?”
Maria sighed.
“I’m terrified”, she confessed. “Ever since I saw them together talking this morning”. She paused and then looked up at Liz. “Do you think I have reasons to be worried?”
Liz shrugged.
“I really don’t know. It’s so early to know anything precise yet”. She looked at Maria. “I’m sorry, Maria. I wish I could help you”.
Maria smiled.
“It’s okay, Liz. You don’t have to listen to me. I bet you’re tired of listening to me whining about the same things. So... I guess I will understand if you want to quit the Michael odyssey or something”.
But Liz had a severe look on her face.
“Don’t. Don’t say that again. I do not mind helping you, Maria. You know that. I’m your friend, you listened to me about Max while we didn’t get together, and I’ll do the same with you and Michael. And I am sure you and him will be together someday. I just know it. you’ve been a terrific friend throughout all these years, and I want to pay it back. And I know this is really important to you, so I’ll listen even if this takes the rest of our lives. Is that clear?”
Maria smiled and hugged her.
“Oh God. Thanks. Um, I guess I am just, uh, a little sentimental. God, Liz, you’re so nice to me. I really aprecciate what you’re doing. I know I must be dead boring”.
“No you aren’t, silly”, Liz pinched her nose. “Now we better get back and finish up lunch before it rings to afternoon classes. Okay?”
“’Kay”, Maria nodded. Liz smiled, squeezing her hand, and they walked back towards their table.

**

“I can’t believe that”. Nicole shook her head in disbelief.
Michael shrugged.
“Believe it. It’s no big deal, really”.
“Of course it is”. Nicole looked at him like he was crazy. “I mean, they treat you bad. No one should be doing that to you. Especially someone who is supposed to be your foster dad”.
Michael shrugged again.
“Really, it’s okay. I got used to it”.
“You shouldn’t”, Nicole shook her head again. “It’s nothing for someone to get used to”. She looked up at Michael and slowly caressed his face. “God, Michael, I’m really sorry...”
Michael shivered. Whoah. It was like somebody was electrifying him. Nicole made him feel like that. Another flash. Whoah, you wild guy. Their making out session was so heavy this time that both of them were messing each other’s hair and trying to take each other’s clothes off. Geez.
“Hum, thanks”, he sttuttered.
His whole body sensed danger. Nicole’s face was coming closer to his. Her hands closer to his. He could sense her breath hitting his neck. Her lips looked inexplicably desirable. When Nicole kissed him, he made no effort to stop her. He couldn’t think. All he could feel was Nicole’s taste and smell engrossing his senses. Slowly, he started kissing her back. Nicole’s arms surrounded his neck. Automatically, his own arms surrounded her thin waist. Nicole’s tongue brushed his, hit his teeth. Soon they were wrestling their tongues, and the kiss that had begun calmly and almost akwardly was now passionate and hungry. And then, Michael realized, one of his flashes was coming to life. But why? Then he froze. Was it possible that Nicole was one of them? He had thought of that before, but only now that possibility seemed to fit. God. He didn’t know if that was good news or bad news.

In her own way home, Maria felt her heart twist in her chest, in a bad presentiment. She didn’t know what has happening, but she always trusted in whatever she was feeling. She hadn’t seen Michael getting out of school, and that was a bad sign. She felt that that was something happening to him. She felt like going back, but she didn’t. She could only hope that everything would still be okay. For Michael, and for her...

A/N- Yeah, so Michael kissed Nicole... I’m not thrilled about it, but someday it would have to happen. Poor Maria... the song I used in part 1 of the chapter is the song who appeared in Chant Down Babylon, but as no Chant Down Babylon is going to happen here, it’ll be one more song to Maria angst. Hope you’ve enjoyed the chapter and please... please... leave some feedback.
xoxo

[Innocent Eyes]

Chapter 6

“Hey, Maria”.
Maria quickly turned around, even though she had recognized by the voice that it wasn’t Michael.
“Oh. Hi, Max”.
“Look, I was wondering if you haven’t seen Michael? I haven’t seen him getting out of school and I was kind of worried. We usually walk together and I haven’t seen him anywhere since it rang”.
“Neither have I. I was just wondering the same”.
Max smiled at her.
“Oh. Thanks. I’m gonna try and catch Liz then. See ya, then”.
Maria smiled back.
“See you, Max”.
She was starting to get worried. If Michael hadn’t even gone home with Max, then something must be happening. If only she knew what...!

**

“Dad, I’m home”.
“Nicole? It’s you?”
Nicole dropped her backpack.
“Yeah, it’s me”.
Nasedo looked at her eagerly.
“So? Anything new?”
Nicole looked at him slightly disgusted.
“You know, I guess that in ordinary situations the father asks his daughter how did her day go when she gets home after school”.
Nasedo smiled at her.
“Sorry. I had forgotten. How was your day?”
“Not bad, once you get used to the routine”, Nicole replied. She smiled. “So, ready for the news?”
Nasedo nodded with the same eagerness, sitting down.
“Of course I am. Come on, sit down”.
Nicole sat down next to him, still with a triumphant smile.
“I kissed him”, she finally said.
Nasedo looked like all his dreams had come true.
“And?”
“Well, I got flashes, so he must have gotten them too. And I bet they are the same ones as mine”. She paused and then smiled devilishly. “He’s a really good kisser”.
“Excellent! Well done. Are you sure he hasn’t suspected of anything?”
Nicole shook her head.
“I’m almost sure. We just started talking and everything else came naturally”. (A/N.- Or not!! Hehehe. ).
Nasedo smiled knowingly.
“Are you sure you haven’t used a little bit of your favorite weapon?”
Nicole narrowed her eyes at him with a forced smile.
“Hahaha. Very funny. Well, I thought about it, but there was no need of mindwarpping. He just... went along with it. But... now that you mention it, I mixed him up a little for him to go meet me and for it to seem like a coincidence. I could leave it up to him, but I thought it would be safer”.
Nasedo nodded and smiled.
“I knew it. But good, anyway”.
“Someday we’ll have to tell him the truth about all this stuff and why we have come. Nor him or the others know anything about their past lives and Antar and all of that. And I don’t like hiding who I am. I don’t want to live like them. Living like an ordinary human girl it’s not for me”, Nicole said.
“But you sure are good when it comes to pretend”, Nasedo pointed out devilishily.
Nicole gave him an ice look.
“Okay, I’ll think of it and when it’s the right time, we’ll tell them”.
Nicole rolled her eyes.
“You spend your whole life saying that. You better start figuring out a way of introducing yourself to them so we waste less time”.
“Excuse me, but I believe I am the leader”, Nasedo said coldly.
“Of course. You are the leader”, Nicole muttered, but she seemed to be very sorry for that. Then her face lit up again and her usually icy eyes glittered in a somewhat dreamy look.
“You know, I think I’m falling for him”.
Nasedo didn’t need to ask who.
“Well, that’s good. After all, that’s why we came. You two belong together. In your other life… and in this one”.
Nicole got her smile back.

**

“Look, I’m sorry I haven’t said anything, okay? I just had some things to do”.
Max shook his head.
“I said I understood that. And that’s not what I’m talking about right now. What I want to know is just what have you been doing that it was so important you couldn’t tell me?”
Michael sighed.
“Okay, I was hanging around the school with Nicole”.
Max raised an eyebrow.
“When the bell rang?”
“Yeah”, Michael replied.
“Can I just ask what you guys’ve done?”
Michael sighed again and went quiet for a while. Max said nothing.
“I’m not making you say anything, so if you don’t want to tell me, I’m okay with it—”
“We kissed”.
“Huh?”, Max stared at Michael.
“We kissed. Okay? She started kissing me and I kissed her back. So what?”
“You—you guys kissed? Michael, you barely know her—”
“I know. I know, okay? But it just happened”.
“How did it happen?”
“We were just wandering around the school and I started talking with her about my foster dad – don’t make me say his name or I’ll lose it – and I ended up telling her about the things he does to me”.
“Michael, it’s not that I’m condemning you, but you’re not intimate with her enough to start talking to her about your life and all that stuff...”
“I know. I thought about it. But it just came out. I found myself attracted to her and I felt I could talk about this with her”.
Max sighed.
“Well, you should do what you feel comfortable to do, but don’t go too far. You know... don’t talk to her too much. About... you know what I’m referring to”.
Michael nodded.
“Of course. Do you think I don’t want our security too?”
But thinking that Nicole might be just like them was still haunting him. Max seemed to read his mind.
“You got flashes while you were kissing her?”
Michael nodded.
“Yeah. The closer we are, the more sexual they get”.
Max bit his lip.
“Don’t know if that’s good”.
Michael shrugged helplessly.
“Neither do I”. Then he decided to speak up his fears: “Max... I was thinking... and I’m pretty sure that Nicole is like us. You know... an alien”.
Max looked at him.
“Do you really think so?”
Michael nodded.
“Yeah. I don’t know, but sometimes my connection with her reminds me a bit of the ones I have with you and Isabel. And she makes me feel... I don’t know. I can’t explain it”.
“Are you falling in love in love with her?”, Max asked quietly.
Michael shrugged helplessly once again.
“I don’t know”.
Max nodded silently.
“Let’s just let things flow. But I keep what I said: don’t talk to her too much about you and us, being her an alien or not. Let’s not risk things needlessly. Okay?”
Michael nodded.
“’Kay”.
After a while, when Max left home, Michael sat on the couch, his head in his hands. He was confused like never before. It was like Nicole had some way of someway poisoning his senses and his mind. Suddenly he remembered Maria, and the way she had looked at him in the morning, and the way he had ended up looking back. Was she still thinking of what had happened Sunday? Despite of the strange completion that he had felt with Nicole’s kiss, everytime Maria looked at him, he felt proud of himself, because she looked at him as if he was the only human being left in the world. Sometimes he wanted to impress her. Sometimes he felt his heart warm up with the kind of attention that would spread out of Maria’s eyes. Sometimes he just wanted to come up to her and talk to her, but he was always too scared and fearing for that. He didn’t know why. He shouldn’t have any reasons to. After all, Maria was a friend.



Maria was a friend. Right?


Michael groaned, ruffling his hair in exasperation.
‘I swear, sometimes I would be better without girls around, aliens or not’, he thought desperate.


A/N.- I didn’t like much the Michael/Max talk. I think that it wasn’t quite the reaction Max would have on the show. You tell me if I did good nevertheless or not! I warn you, next chapter will be extremely painful to Maria... yeah, worse than anything that has happened to her until now. Even though it’s not a big deal, the poor girl will be left to cry. Wait and see!

[Innocent Eyes]

Chapter 7

‘I’m sorry... for the times that I made you scream... for the times that I killed your dreams... for the times that I made your whole world rumble... for the times that I made you cry... for the times that I told you lies... for the times that I watched and let you stumble...'
Maria was humming one of her favorite songs while scribbling down the beginning of her English essay. She had tried to start doing her Bio homework, but it had been as good as nothing. She would have to ask for Liz’s help, she was the brain in Bio. Maria smiled, satisfied with what she had already written, and closed her notebook for a pause. She stuffed it inside her backpack and decided to go for a turn around the school. It was one of those days where Kyle was having his practice, Alex was having the band rehearsal, and Max and Liz were together. She missed her turns around school with Liz and their talks while they did it, but she completely understood that Liz wanted to spend some time with her boyfriend too. God knows, if she dated Michael, she would want that too. And she would want it badly.
Speaking of Michael... where would Michael be? She knew he liked to wander around by himself, but she hadn’t seen him yet and it was afternoon already. So she decided she would go for a walk and try to find Michael. She would have to find him, after all they were in the same school... except if he had skipped classes for the day...
Shaking her head, Maria got to her feet, grabbed her backpack and started walking to where her feet were taking her. She missed Liz, but she liked to walk alone. She could think, and she felt peace taking over her. Suddenly her thoughts were abruptly interrupted when she saw Michael away. Her heart gave a huge twist in her chest, and she started feeling her legs trembling. ‘Okay, Maria. Get a grip. Just calm down…’, she instructed herself.
Then she saw Michael half-smiling. She felt herself melting right there onto the floor. Literally. God, he was so beautiful everytime he smiled. His face totally lit up and he was just... Maria sighed, feeling her heart giving another twist. Then, for her horror, she saw Nicole. «Does she ever leave him alone, damn it?!», Maria thought desperately. So much for the hope of finding Michael alone and maybe, just maybe, talk to him. Oh no. Miss ‘Look-at-me-I’m-too-sexy-for-my-shirt-but-I-don’t-give-a-damn’ had to come and screw it all up. ‘Great’, Maria muttered.
But it wasn’t all. God, how she wished it was. At least she would still be able to live just with the thought of Michael smiling at Nicole, for much that she wished it was her. But this, she could never get over with. Ever. It was too much.
It was like somebody was ripping her heart off, even though she could feel it beating wildily in her chest. Her blood flowed in gushes, and she felt everything going like in slow motion. It was like a scene from a sappy movie. It was only then that she realized that she had continued walking towards them and was immensily close of the spot where they were standing. Michael was holding Nicole as if she was his girlfriend for years. Nicole had a light in her face, that made Maria feel like ripping her eyes off. It was the same light she felt in her own face when she looked at Michael, and felt that everything was okay. Her heart suddenly stopped beating, her whole body sensing danger. So big-time. Michael was kissing Nicole. Nicole was kissing Michael. Michael was kissing Nicole. Michael was kissing Nicole like he had never kissed any other girl before. She recognized faint traces of the passion Michael had kissed her with back in the days, months that now seemed years, in his kiss with Nicole. She felt her eyes fill with tears when she remembered the way her heart had beated so fast, while feeling Michael’s lips touching hers, craving for her. She then caught the faint taste that she had felt when they had kissed, and she had never felt anymore ever since they had «broken up». She closed her eyes, feeling her heart beat at the speed of light again. She wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Nicole. Not in front of Michael. Not right there.
To her relief, she heard the bell ring, announcing the end of the classes. She thanked God inside, because she felt she wouldn’t be able to face a class after what she had just seen. She gave another glance at Michael and Nicole, not kissing anymore, but still with their arms around each other, and stormed out of there. She hadn’t waited for Liz, but she couldn’t think right now. Besides, Liz would probably go home with Max, so it wasn’t that much of a problem. Liz would understand. When Maria figured she was far away from school and that she probably wouldn’t catch Michael or Nicole (or both) in the way, she leaned against a fence, feeling the tears starting to sting his eyes.
Oh God, why? Why her? What had she made to deserve that? She only wanted Michael. She loved him, and that was all. And now he had gotten himself a... girlfriend??! What else would she have to face?

I am doll eyes
Doll mouth, doll legs
I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too

That was how much she was lucky. Why? That was what she kept asking herself. Had Nicole enchanted him that much? All right, she was beautiful. But didn’t Michael see how she was? What was up with that? And if Michael didn’t love her, why did he sometimes looked at her with that look that just told her something would happen between them? Had he so little consideration for her feelings? Had he just ignored the looks and her and that was it? God, she was so confused. And she felt terribly bad.

I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love him so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday, you will ache like I ache

It was like somebody had just stabbed all her hopes dead, and smacked her in the head with a hammer. Maria still felt herself shaking. She was about to have a breakdown if she kept seeing the picture of Michael and Nicole holding, she knew it. She sighed with relief when she saw her house getting closer. She unlocked the door, threw her backpack away, grabbed the package of her favorite chocolate chip cookies and sank on the couch, chewing and hoping that the chocolate would calm her down and make her a little bit more joyous, like it used to happen. But deep down, Maria knew it would be impossible, nervous, hectic and sad like she was now. She glanced at her backpack. No English essay today. No Bio homework. She just couldn’t concentrate and she wouldn’t even try. Suddenly someone rang. Maria placed the cookies on the couch and looked at herself in the mirror for a quick ‘face-check’. She still looked like she had seen a truck ‘ironing’ someone. She rubbed her eyes and her face, took a deep breath and when she thought she was at least a bit presentable (as presentable as someone could be after seeing the guy you’re in love with kissing a girl you hate), she opened the door. It was Liz. ‘You read minds, doncha, Lizzie?’, Maria thought bitterly. Saying nothing, she just made a sign for Liz to come in. And Liz did so, also without saying a word.
“So, Liz”, Maria said, trying to hide her somewhat chocked voice. “Do you want anything?”
“You didn’t wait for me when classes were over”, Liz said quietly. It wasn’t an accusation.
“I figured you were with Max, and I was also kind of in a rush”, Maria explained, trying to sound neutral.
Liz nodded.
“I see”, she said. She studied Maria’s face. “Is something wrong?”
Maria felt like crying. She rubbed her eyes.
“No, I am... I am just, kind of sleepy. You know. Not in the mood. Probably coming down with my period or something”. She grabbed the chocolate cookies package and waved it.
Liz nodded again.
“Do you want any help with your Bio homework?”
Maria felt like crying again.
“Um, no thanks. I’ll be fine”.
Liz raised her eyebrows.
“You told me you weren’t understanding one damn thing”.
“I – I know, but right now, I’m not in the mood for homeworks and stuff. I’ll figure out a way of getting everything ready tomorrow or I’ll just show up without it done, I don’t know and I don’t really care”.
Liz’s face was serious and alert.
“I promise that if I have any serious doubts, I’ll run right to you, okay, girlfriend?”
Liz nodded, still serious.
“And our English essay?”
“Done”, Maria lied.
Liz smiled.
“You better really do have that essay done, Maria. You’re the example to follow in English class”.
For the first time, Maria smiled.
“Don’t worry, Bio girl, I’ve got everything under control”. What a lie.
Liz nodded, but her face had turned apprehensive again.
“Are you sure everything’s okay? You look strange”.
Maria took a deep breath. Liz was the best friend in the world.
“I am, Liz, seriously”.
“So you don’t want me to stay here for a while with you? We could talk”, she insisted.
Maria shook her head quickly. She aprecciated that so much, but right now she needed privacy.
“No thanks, Lizzie. I’ll be fine. I just want to be alone today”.
Liz nodded gravely.
“Okay then. I’ll be going”. She kissed Maria’s cheek. “You take care”.
Maria smiled faintly at her.
“Don’t worry, I will”.
With that Liz walked out of the house. Maria sank on the couch again, stuffing another cookie inside her mouth. What would Michael and Nicole be doing right now? Maybe making out somewhere else. Maybe he had walked her home.
Maria took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to cry. She wanted that so much. But she wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to cry.

I am doll parts
Bad skin, doll heart
It stands for knife
For the rest of my life
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do, too
I want to be the girl with the most cake
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday you will ache like I ache
Someday you will ache like I ache...

~ Hole, “Doll Parts”


A/N.- For this chapter I based myself on my own experience to write Maria’s pain. Maria’s feelings when she saw Michael kissing Nicole and most of her POV was based on what I have felt myself. That makes this chapter kind of personal to me. I love this Hole song, I adore the lines “I love him so much it just turns to hate” and “Someday you will ache like I ache”, and I thought it would relate so much to Maria’s situation. Courtney Love’s voice in the end of the song is awesome. Oh, the song Maria was singing is "Nobody's wife", by Anouk, if anyone is interested. So, that’s all. Hope you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it. Take care & review

[Innocent Eyes]

A/N.- Thank you so much for the new feedback!!! I cannot tell you how much I aprecciate it, y'all!! And thanks for bumping!!! I love you!!!
So here it goes for all of you, and I hope ya like it :

Chapter 8

“Maria?”
Ever since she had seen the terrifying Michael/Nicole hook-up everything had turned heavier and harder to handle. Like school. She wished she could get out of there, but she still had, almost inexplainably, an urge to see Michael. Even if that meant he would still be with... well hell. With her. She knew it was stupid, and useless, and it was like torturing herself. But she couldn’t help how she felt.
“Maria!”
Her thoughts buzzing furiously through her mind as she was scribbling as furiously as she was thinking down on her notebook were abruptly stopped.
“Huh?”, she asked blankly.
“Didn’t you listen to what I was saying?”, Liz asked incredously.
Maria blushed lightly.
“Ah. No. I’m sorry”.
Liz gave her a light smile.
“Don’t worry. I’ll tell it again”.
Maria smiled, but soon, she couldn’t help it, she had dozed off again. She needed to see Michael. Every fiber of her being was begging her to, even if it was for sure she would get hurt again, because he would probably be with Nicole. But what could she do. It wasn’t as if she said ‘no’, to her heart, the urge would stop. She took a deep breath, trying to finally start listening to Liz.
“Liz, um, can you give me a minute?”, Maria asked after a while of fruitless trying.
Liz looked at her with an eyebrow slightly raised.
“Why, do you need anything?”
Maria desperately thought of an excuse. It didn’t take too long.
“I, uh, I need to go to the bathroom”, she said.
Liz nodded.
“Okay, sure. Go on then”.
Maria gave her a smile while running towards the girls’ bathroom. Besides feeling her soul heavy, she had started to feel a strange pain spread all along her abdomen. She sat down on the toilet, her face covered with her hands. When she pushed her panties down she saw them emerged in a sea of blood.
‘Oh, great’, she thought furiously. ‘As if my hormones weren't high enough, let’s add a little something else!’. And she didn’t even had a damn pad. ‘Why me?’, she couldn’t help thinking. ‘Why, why, why...’
With her face screwed up in disgust, she pulled up her panties again when she was done, feeling dirty and strangely tired. Her period had never appeared when she was at school. Looked like the little lie she had given Liz had come true. ‘Thanks for punishing me’, she thought, looking up at the ceiling. ‘It was a necessary lie. Not that that matters anymore’, she thought bitterly.
When she got back to the table where she had been sitting with Liz, Kyle, Alex and Max, and after muttering a ‘Fine’, when Alex asked her if everything was okay, she whispered to Liz: “Can I borrow a pad?”
Liz looked at her.
“A pad? Oh, yeah, I’d forgotten you already got your... um...”, she quickly glanced at the boys.
Maria sighed desperately.
“A tissue??! Anything I can stuff down into my damn...”
“Calm down, Maria”, Liz said, studying her best friend, who was almost in the edge of tears. “I think I’ve got something”, she added, searching through her backpack and giving her a pad. “Here you go”.
“Thank you so much”, Maria sighed with relief and ran towards the bathroom again.
She locked the door and sat against it, backwards. She took a deep breath. ‘Okay’, she reminded herself. ‘Just calm down. This isn’t Liz’s fault, so stop it. She’s your friend and she’s trying to help you. You won’t get that of much people’, she bitterly added. Alright, she had other friends that made her feel good, and cherished. But Liz was the only one she could talk to seriously, and being taken seriously. Sometimes it looked like his relationship with Kyle and Alex, for instance, was just for lighter things, to have fun. She felt so horrible for saying that, because she loved Alex and Kyle dearly. But when reality bit, she knew she always had Liz, and Liz was always her first choice.
Finally, when she changed herself and was wallking towards their friends again, she had a sight that made her freeze. She stopped abruptly, as if she had been near of getting run over. Her heart pounding violently in her chest, near her throat, she tried to tell herself that what her eyes were seeing wasn’t real. But it was just a silly and useless try of not wanting to face the reality, because the facts were there. Michael and Nicole. Again. ‘Maria DeLuca, you’re a damn loser’, she thought. ‘A damn, luckless, flipping loser...’
They weren’t kissing this time. Yet. However, they stood here, their arms around each other’s waists, with two or three people surrounding them. Who were they?? Michael hadn’t any steady, real friends besides Max and the whole gang. She didn’t even know if she would fit in that category yet. Maybe they were Nicole’s new friends?? Yes, it must be exactly it. She was laughing as if she had known those people forever, and Michael was smiling too. It seemed an actually satisfied smile. It seemed like he liked to be there. She didn’t understand. Michael had always been introspective and lonely. In fact, he was one of the most alive examples she had ever known of teen angst. And now, he was there... she hated to admit it, but almost like a jock. Brr. Not a good thought. Suddenly he turned his head to face Nicole, their faces so dangerously closed Maria held her breath antecipatively, waiting for the moment her heart would fall crashed on the floor once again. it didn’t happen. It looked like Michael actually wanted to kiss her this time, but Nicole just giggled, covering his mouth with her hand. (A/N.- Painful memories... ).
That could not be true. And she, like a stupid, was actually standing there, watching everything, putting up with her everything, just because she wanted, she needed to see Michael. ‘I am not becoming obsessed’, she thought. ‘I’m not. I’m in love with him, and that’s all’.
Michael did not look at her one single time: maybe he hadn’t even noticed she was standing there, which Maria couldn’t blame. Or maybe he was trying very hard not to. It had to be. He had to know she was there. They were pratically inches from one another: it was like a scene taken out from a teen-ish movie again.
Finally Maria sighed and, pulling herself together with all the emotional strenght she had left, she started walking away from them and towards Liz and her friends, feeling shaken and overwhelmed again.

**

Later that day, during her shift at the Crashdown, Maria finally managed to get her mind off things relating Michael, even if for a couple of hours, while she was busy with something else, but at least it was something. She was carrying two Will Smith burgers to one of the tables when suddenly she froze again. Michael was getting inside, alone. His eyes fixed themselves on Maria and she only by luck didn’t drop the plates. Oh God. She didn’t do any effort to stop herself looking back at him, even though her mind was yelling at her not to. What was he doing there?? What was he doing there without Nicole while she was trying to work and forget him??! Her gaze slowly travelled from his face to his body. She felt the heat rise up to her cheeks when she thought of how his muscles were noticeable underneath his black t-shirt. ‘Don’t go there’, she told herself, and quickly, feeling her mouth dry, she turned her back on him and went to deliver the burgers, praying she wouldn’t step into something and make a fool of herself right there in front of Michael.
“Michael’s here”, Liz said, pointing him with her chin when Maria came back.
“I know”, she replied weakly, her heart never stopping its wild beats. (A/N.- Always happening to me... hehe).
“Are you okay with it?”, Liz asked quickly.
“Yeah. Sure, I am. Why wouldn’t I?”, Maria replied, quickly turning her back on her.
Liz gave her another of her knowing looks. Maria could feel her eyes scratching her back. Taking a deep breath and quickly checking if Michael was noticing her (he looked away as soon as Maria's gaze fell on him), Maria finally turned to face Liz again.
“Um, do you want me to go there and take his order?”, Liz suggested, clearly noticing Maria wasn’t so okay.
Maria thought fast. It was her chance to get close to him, to talk to him, as none of them had ever did it again after that Sunday disarrangment. She was going to do it. Taking another deep breath, she replied, wishing her voice would come out a little less shaky:
“Uh, no, I’ll do it”.
Liz smiled on the inside: she knew it wasn’t likely Maria would waste that chance, now that she was covered with the work excuse and all. She watched Maria walk as neutrally as she could, as if Michael was just another customer, and taking her padnote out of her apron’s pocket, she said as casually and calmly as she could:
“Hey, Michael. What can I get you?”
“Hey”, Michael greeted back, seeming slightly surprised. “I’ll have a, uh, an Alien Blast”.
“Right”, Maria said, scribbling down the order. She gave him a light smile and turned on her wheels.
“So?”, Liz asked, not able to help the smile who started forming across her lips.
“So what?”, Maria repeated, but couldn’t help smiling too. “Nothing happened, unless you think ordering an Alien Blast is a good sign”.
Liz laughed.
“C’mon, I’ll get the Alien Blast”, she said, smiling. “Why don’t you go talk to him meanwhile?”
“Me?”, Maria chocked. “You’re crazy. What was I supposed to tell him?”. Suddenly she felt an uncomfortable shiver. She still hadn’t told Liz she had seen Michael and Nicole kissing. She still wanted to keep that to herself. And for now, she would.
Liz smiled again.
“I’m sure you two would find plenty to talk about”, she said, with a slightly naughty tone. Maria stucked out her tongue at her, while Liz, laughing, went to get Michael’s Alien Blast.
When Liz came back, she handed it to Maria, smiling.
“Now. Go there and give it to him”.
“I know what a waitress does, thank you”, Maria said, grasping the Alien Blast out of Liz’s hands and starting walking towards Michael’s table.
“Here you go”, she said.
“Uh, thanks”, Michael thanked. And he looked at her. His eyes were locked on hers for at least two seconds, but Maria felt like melting right there. As she forgot. Everything. As soon as Michael’s gaze met hers, it was enough for everything bad that was implanted in her mind to disappear momentarily. What she saw in Michael’s look made her heart twist in her chest. It was a deep look, as if he couldn’t see anyone around but her. And there was something else, as his look softnened. Tenderness? Yes. It looked like it. But those two or three seconds that seemed to last forever soon evaporated. Maria turned her back on him once again, breathless, overwhelmed and happy. So happy. She knew she shouldn’t. She knew that maybe Michael would give those looks also to Nicole, maybe even sweeter looks. But right now, Nicole wasn’t there, and he hadn’t looked at anyone else but her. She felt also a little confused. If he seemed to be in such serious commitment to Nicole already (at least by the way they walked around the school, they looked like they would never be apart for a minute), why had he appeared in the CrashDown by himself and looked at her that way? Nevermind. She wouldn’t think of it right now, even though the most annoying part of her brain was telling her she should.
Michael kept his eyes on Maria, even when she turned her back on him. He desperately wanted to say something else, but it was like his throat had dried up and his brain had run out of choices for sentences. He gave a light sigh. Another day without saying anything. He kept telling himself someday he would talk to her, but never anything came out. This was one of those days, for a change. He watched her go helplessly, and without any other choice, he turned his attention to his Alien Blast.
Seeing that nobody else seemed to be getting in, Liz and Maria took the chance to have a little talk, even though whispering, to avoid any strange ear’s (and specially Michael’s) eavesdropping the conversation. Liz knew immediatly what was going on by the unmistakable glitter in Maria’s green eyes.
“Oh-oh... something happened”, she said with a knowing smile. “C’mon, Ri, spill it out”.
“He looked at me”, Maria said excitidely. Before Liz could open her mouth to comment, she said: “Not any look. This one was kind of different. It lasted... longer, and we kept eye contact all the time. You know this usually doesn’t happen, right? And his look actually softened, like I was... I can’t explain”.
Liz smiled tenderly at Maria’s enthusiasm, sensing it as if it was actually happening with herself.
“Do you think this means...?”, Maria asked, biting her lip in excitement, and trying to erase the dark thoughts of Michael and Nicole that someway kept flashing in her brain everytime her heart became a little lighter with happiness and hope.
“I think so”, Liz smiled. “I mean, a person doesn’t look at another person like that if he or she doesn’t care about that other person”.
Maria smiled and sighed.
“I hope you’re right”. She glanced at Michael’s table, his eyes on the Alien Blast. She smiled lightly and turned to face Liz. “I just hope you’re right”.

A/N.- Yeah, the first part of the chapter was darker, but the second one was a little more optimistic. Once again, both parts based in personal experiences. But don’t expect too much happiness for Maria. Heartache will come on strong again soon... Yeah, it’ll come and go, and it’ll basically be it... but hey, I think it’s what happens in most on-and-off relationships like this one. Hope you’re okay with it... and I also hope you don’t get tired of reading so much constant heartbreaking for Maria... this is supposed to be an angsty fic... Anyway, thanks SO MUCH again for the wonderful feedback, everybody, I hope you keep coming back for more!!!
*Muacks*

[Innocent Eyes]

Ok...I LOVE this story...but, I am a little confused...is Michael ACTUALLY with Nicole or is this all a mindwarp?

Let's say it's half of both.

Is Maria the only one seeing these things because Michael is acting so differently toward her at school and at the Crash...

Yeah, for now!!!


A/N.- Heavy angst alert!

Chapter 9

“So, you’ve already started doing the Spanish homework?”
Maria smiled at Shannon, classmate and one of her closest friends other than Liz and the rest of the gang.
“Um, yes, I’ve already finished it”, Maria answered.
“Then will you please help me with that stupid thing? You’re so good at it!”, Shannon pleaded.
Maria laughed.
“Okay”.
“Muack!”, Shannon kissed her cheek. “You rock!”
Maria smirked gently at her.
“Ass-kisser”.
Shannon rolled her eyes.
“In your dreams, babe”, and they both laughed.
Still smiling, Maria looked sideways, but what she saw immediatly wiped the smile away from her face.
Michael and Nicole. How refreshing. Sitting on a bench... oh – my – God. Kissing. And this time they were going at it hard. It looked like it was some kind of contest to see which one would swallow the other’s throat first.
Maria felt like her kneews had turned into Jell-O. She leaned against a wall, trying to keep her breath steady and her panicked tears locked.
“Maria?”, Shannon asked in an alarmed tone. “Are you okay?”
Maria swallowed, nodding, and asked quickly: “Look, Shannon, can you give me a minute for me to step into the Girls’ Room?”
Shannon nodded a few seconds later, blankly.
“Yeah, sure...”
Maria scooted over to the closest bathroom, after shooting another quick glance at Michael and Nicole and feeling her stomach twist.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

Storming through a group of girls who looked at her blankly, Maria entered inside and slammed the door, sitting backwards against it. Her heart felt so tight in her chest that she wondered if it wouldn’t explode.

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

Covering her eyes with her hands, she tried taking deep breaths, but it wasn’t helping. The image of Michael and Nicole clearly making out like they had never before was haunting her like a murder image. She couldn’t let it go. It was implanted in her mind. Her heart now starting beating very fast, she let out a sob, not being able to hold back her tears anymore.

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

How could he??! Okay, he didn’t know. He didn’t know she still liked him and that she had seen him. But how could he be doing that after the... Oh God, I’m pathetic, Maria thought. Only someone like me to think that actually giving looks every now and then would be a sign that he’s in love with me. But the truth was that he had, and that he had looked like she was actually interested in her. And after what they had gone through together in the beginning... how could he?! But that didn’t make her love go away and didn’t make Michael stop dating that trash.

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

She gave another sob, but her cheeks kept dry. How she still wasn’t spilling tears, she didn’t know. It was a miracle.

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Suddenly, Maria felt she needed some fresh air. She sighed with relief when she saw the sun and felt the wind again. When she walked by the bench Michael and Nicole had been kissing on, she glanced at it fearfully, but this time it was empty. The crowd of teenagers was starting to clear out, for the bell had already rung. The last thing Maria felt like was getting stuck in a classroom chewing on what had happened. But what other choice had she left?
She slowly slipped against a wall, burrying her face in her arms. And suddenly, the tears began to come.

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Warm, salty, desperate tears flowing in gushes like blood, cut every now and then by a silent sob. It hurted so much, she didn’t know if she would be able to get up and pretend nothing had happened again.
“Oh my God, Maria!”
Maria raised her wet face to find a puzzled Liz, carrying a pile of books against her chest, looking at her in shock and confusion. Maria would expect her tears to automatically dry up, like it always happened everytime she was caught crying. But it didn’t this time. Maybe because this time it was Liz, and Liz was one of the few people that she didn’t mind being caught by crying. She tried to stand up, but the damn thought of Michael and Nicole appeared again and she broke down in tears again.

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

~ Maroon 5, She will be loved


Liz dropped the books, while trying to help a trembling Maria. She was sobbing so hard that Liz was afraid she might have to gasp for some air back in her lungs. She made her sat down next to her and craddled her gently.
“Shh, Maria, shh... what happened, sweetie? You can tell me everything...”
“Michael is dating Nicole”, Maria sobbed. “I-I saw t-together... they were kissing like there was no tomorrow and they seemed happy and I...”, she broke down in tears again.
Liz chewed on her lip. So it was that. She had already suspected. She had tried to talk about it with Max, but he was just as clueless as her, saying that Michael seemed to have feelings for Nicole, but that he himself hadn’t figured out about it yet. It had to have led to this. Liz sighed, feeling terribly sorry for Maria’s pain. She could feel it, her heart bleeding so terribly. She knew how that felt like. As once Maria had told her, it was like her heart had been ripped off. And it was probably what has happening to her. (A/N.- Thank God Maria still has Liz... I tried to talk with a friend of mine about the scene too, but she pratically told me to get lost. Okay, I understand that she was studying... but I only wanted one or two words of comfort. Well, I’ll stop whining and let’s get on with the story. ).
“Maria... sweetie... for how long do you know they’re dating?”, Liz asked quietly. She knew Maria too well. She sensed Maria knew about this strange date a while ago, but had kept it from her. Maybe because she didn’t want to bother her... or she wanted to feel the pain all by herself. She knew Maria was the kind who liked to live her angst alone and cry to relieve herself.
Maria raised her crying gaze to face Liz and decided it was of no use to hide it anymore. And right now, she needed Liz’s comfort. God, she needed a shoulder to cry on. She had been neglecting one for far too long.
“Since this week began, sort of”, she confessed with a broken voice.
“Oh my God”, Liz murmured, stroking Maria’s hair, while she burried her face into her shoulder. “Maria, I’m so, so sorry...”
“Nevermind”, Maria sobbed.
“It does mind”, Liz said firmly. “God, Maria, you didn’t need to hide it from me. I understand if you wanted to digest things by yourself... but for how long would you keep it from me? You know that I’m always here for you, Maria... it didn’t need to be like this...”
Maria nodded quickly, another tear rolling down her face.
“I know, but I... I just wanted to deal with things on my own for awhile”.
Liz nodded.
“Right, I understand”. After a while of silence, she asked: “Do you think you can manage to go to a couple of classes?”
Maria sobbed, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, then nodded quickly. “I think so. What other choice do I have?...”
“I really wish I could do your classes for you”, Liz said sincerely.
Maria felt more tears welling up in her eyes.
“Oh Lizzie”, she sobbed, hugging her. “You’re so good to me. Thank you... so much”.
“Shh...”, Liz smiled, stroking her hair. “You already know what I have to say about that”.
For the first time, Maria gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, I know”, and she let out a shaky laugh.
Liz took out a tissue, helping Maria wiping her face, held her hand and, picking her books up again, she led Maria to the her classroom, after giving her a reassuring smile. Whispering a ‘see you later’, she kissed Maria’s cheek and walked away after giving her best friend one last glance.

***

In the dark of Michael’s apartment, all that could be heard were the soft sounds of Michael and Nicole kissing, both tangled up on the couch.
“Wow... take it easy, Nic”, Michael whispered.
“Sorry”, Nicole breathed, giggling awhile after.
“Shouldn’t you get going? Your dad’s gonna get worried, it’s been a while since classes were over”, he said also after some time.
Nicole looked at her watch and nodded, even though she looked like she was ready to be stuck inside with him for another five hours.
“You’re right”, she finally said. “I should probably get going”.
“Yeah”, Michael said, smoothing out his messy hair. “You probably should”.
Also smoothing her hair, Nicole smiled and placed a kiss on Michael’s lips, picking up her backpack.
“See you tomorrow at school, then”, she said softly.
Michael smiled lightly and nodded.
“Yeah. See ya”.
Nicole smiled at him over her shoulder and finally walked away. When she was on the street, after a quick look around and making sure Michael wouldn’t be watching from the window or had followed her, she waved her hand in front of her face and quickly rearranged her make-up, her red lipstick and eyeliner impecable and untouched again. Then, she finally started walking towards home.

**

Back in his apartment, Michael locked his hands around his hair. He felt things were going way too fast, but a bigger part of him wanted that to go on. He didn’t know why. He felt so confused, he didn’t know if there was any use in keep trying to analyze every action he did with Nicole. Suddenly, a purple flash blocked his mind. He winced, as if he had been suddenly put into pain, and after the initial shock, he heard a sobbing sound, that came to become clearer and clearer. Horrible broken sobs, like somebody who wanted to cry but couldn’t, hadn’t the strenght anymore. And suddenly, his mind flashed again and he saw the person whose sobs belonged to.
It was Maria.


A/N.- Haa! Cliffhanger!! No, I just wanted to finish this way, I thought it would look better. Hope you’ve enjoyed it... I feel so bad for Maria and even a little for a confused Michael... but oh well... Once again I hope you guys have liked it & thanks for reading!!

[Innocent Eyes]

Chapter 10

“We’re not open yet, come back la—”, Maria piped up, with the habit.
“I know, it’s me”, for her horror and amazement, she heard Michael’s voice. The door closed and he stepped inside the Crash. She turned around, aghast.
“What are you doing here at this hour?”, Maria demanded, with a much tougher voice than she felt like.
“I, um... I had to talk to you”, Michael stuttered.
Maria cocked an eyebrow.
“Really?”, and she turned her back on him, even though her body and heart were begging her not to. Michael wanted to talk to her? About what? Suddenly, her heart skipped a beat. Could that mean he was going to talk to her about... him? Them? That his relationship with Nicole didn’t really mean a thing?
“I had a flash”, Michael announced, maybe bursting a little. “A flash with you. You were crying”.
Maria felt her body turn into ice. Had he had a flash when she had been crying right after she had gotten home the previous day?... But he didn’t have flashes...
“But you... you don’t... you didn't have flashes of me or us since we were... we were, um, together”. It looked like a forbidden word.
Michael seemed slightly uncomfortable too.
“I know, but, I just did. I usually only have flashes of people I care about”.
“Oh, geez, that’s too bad then, isn’t it?”, Maria mocked with a cold ice look, and turned her back on him again.
“No, that’s not what I—”, Michael sighed desperately and ran his hand through his hair. What was up with her? Why was she so snappy? It wasn’t as if they had talked lately to get mad at each other. In fact... they hadn’t really talked since Sunday. Was she still mad at him because of that? “Look, I just had the flash. I usually feel when something is wrong with those... people I care about. And you seemed to be in real pain. I felt it”.
Maria swallowed. Yes, it was definitively it.
“So, I was, you know, I got kinda worried, and...”
Maria’s ears stretched up. Did Michael Guerin actually said he had being worried about her? Had she entered in some kind of alternate reality or what?!
“...And I went to check if everything’s okay”, he said awkwardly. “You know... with you”.
He remembered the chocked sobs he had heard the previous evening and felt an ice stab stabbig him on his back. And, though he didn’t really know why, he felt guilty. He had never heard Maria crying before. He didn’t even know that she was sad to be crying like that.
“I’m fine”, Maria snapped. God, he just didn’t get it. it was like he was being totally oblivious to his pain, after all. And he was. He didn’t have the slightest idea why she had been bleeding like that, like she had been crying her heart out. Oh no. And why? God, because he loved his girlfriend. Michael had a girlfriend. She didn’t want to believe those words. It seemed so unreal that she wasn’t Michael’s girl. She always thought of him that way. And now... God, it was too strange. She couldn’t get used to it.
“You weren’t fine”, Michael retorted. “Those were... heartbreaking sobs”.
Maria’s heart softened a little. She tried to do something that wouldn’t let those words hit it and think that maybe Michael had a gentle, maybe a... little thoughtful soul. She couldn’t think of it. But it was too late. It already had.
“Everything was okay”, she said a little more softly.
Michael kept staring at her, with those big, mysterious brown eyes of his. Maria’s heart started racing.
“Then why were you crying?”, Michael asked.
Maria felt her cheeks were starting to warm up with nervousness. Now how would she get out of that? She wanted to tell Michael the truth so much, make the reality bang in his head. But she couldn’t, because what good would that be, anyway?, and her proud wouldn’t allow her to do it by now.
“Just... personal stuff, okay? It’s no big deal”, she almost snapped again, turning again to the counter.
Something told Michael that wasn’t the truth. That wasn’t the truth at all. He was dying to know the truth now, but something in him told him not to insist. He knew Maria – at least he thought he knew her a little bit. She could be incredibly stubborn sometimes, and he knew insisting wouldn’t do any good if she had decided she would keep her mouth shut. Yes... Maria could be incredibly secretive sometimes. Maybe there were things she wouldn’t even tell Liz, and that was hard to conceive, being the two of them so close.
“Where’s your girlfriend?”, Maria suddenly asked in a cold, slightly irritated tone, taking Michael by surprise and suddenly interrupting the flow of this thoughts.
“Huh? Oh, um... you mean Nicole?”
Maria rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“Unless you have someone else? She wouldn’t be too happy. I wouldn’t be too happy myself”.
Then she felt like smacking her head on the counter. God, what had she said?! She had just insinuated Michael that she didn’t like him having a girlfriend. Or two, for that matter. She shouldn’t be saying that out loud. What would Michael think? Then she thought, oblivious to her feelings as he was, he wouldn’t probably notice.
Michael caught a hint of unsatisfaction in Maria’s voice... maybe even sadness. Was Maria in a bad mood because she didn’t like him dating Nicole? Wait... was that the reason she had been crying?!... (A/N.- I swear, Michael is such a stupid guy! ).
“Nicole doesn’t know I’m here”, he eventually said.
Maria didn’t say anything. What was there to say?
“Look, I should probably get going”, Michael said uncomfortably, pointing outside over his shoulder.
Maria nodded, looking indifferent, even though her heart was breaking. She felt like begging him not to go. That she needed him there. Desperately.
“So, I, uh, I’ll see you in school?”, she suggested, suddenly shyly, as a goodbye. ‘With that cow?...’, she added mentally.
Michael nodded.
“Yeah, I guess so”. He hesitated, then added. “See ya”.
Maria shrugged, with a small nod.
“Same to you”.
When Michael finally stepped outside, Maria felt like breaking down and cry. One missed chance. But what could she do? God, life was so unfair to her.
‘I should’ve told him’, was Maria’s first thought the second Michael got out. She paused for a moment, then turned back to work. ‘No, I shouldn’t’.

**

Walking through the familiar streets with his hands stuffed inside his pockets, Michael remembered the conversation he had had with Maria just seconds ago. He knew she had been lying. The sound of her sobs was glued to his mind, against his will. It was starting to become horrifying to him that Maria had been through such pain. But why? He knew he didn’t hang with the gang that much now, but from what he had seen of her, she seemed fine. (A/N.- And the stupid guy thing again!!).
Was Maria having some serious problem? Something that was hurting her a lot? He wondered if any people of the gang knew. Well, Liz probably did... if Maria had told her. He hoped somebody would help Maria if she was really in some kind of trouble.
An uncomfortable part of his brain made him think that somehow he had something to do with the fact that Maria wasn’t so okay. And he felt that it was his dating Nicole that made her feel that way. Why? It wasn’t as if Maria still liked him.

Right?

Michael smacked his head and grunted. Oh, Jesus!! Was Maria upset because she still liked him?! Because she was in love with him?! Then she probably still must’ve remembered the looked-like-it-was-ages-ago eraser rooms trips inside which they used to kiss the daylights out of each other, exploring each other, getting to know each other. Secretly, in the best hidden part of him, Michael still cherished those moments. He had never told that anyone since he and Maria had ‘broken up’, not even Max. And somehow, Michael got pleased to know that aparently Maria hadn’t forgotten it either.
But he was dating Nicole. And Nicole seemed to understand him in a way no one else ever had, just like Max and Isabel. But Maria touched his soul and something else... God, he was so confused.
His heart started racing at the thought of Maria liking him. Was it possible that he was still in her memory? Well, yeah, sometimes she looked at him. But she had always hid her feelings pretty well. No. Maybe he was just confusing everything.
Or maybe he couldn’t think straight yet...

**

“Michael....”
Michael increased the kiss, feeling as always that Nicole awoke his senses in levels he didn’t think possible. His lips brushed her neck, his hands around her waist, and Nicole’s hands running through his hair. That day at school had been pretty confusing. After the Crash talk early in the morning, both Michael and Maria had felt confused and lonesome. He saw the tired, sad look on Maria’s face and his heart had stung again with preocuppation, even though he hadn’t talked to her again and only glanced at her when her eyes weren’t finding him. Somehow, that day he hadn’t wanted to get too close of Nicole. But now, when they had gotten to his place like they had been after school for some days, they had been back at it again. With Michael’s thoughts briefly focusing on Maria again, and for his panic when he realized what has happening, the purple flash flashed on his mind again, and Maria appeared on his mind. He knew that Nicole had felt that too. They shared connections everytime they were physically envolved. He saw Maria laughing over something with Liz and Alex, tucking a stubborn blonde curl behind her ear, that had slipped to her face while she was laughing. Michael’s stomach twisted. He had never thought of Maria’s smile like that, it had never made him feel that way... at least in a long time. And he also saw Maria sitting next to the gang but looking absent, probably before the laughing episode, her legs pulled up and her arms surrounding them, her head against her knees, her green and usually bright look with a shadow of sadness blurring it.
He eventually felt Nicole breaking the kiss. Her voice was soft, but at the same time looking cold, as if demanding an explanation:
“What was that?”
Michael also pulled away, closing his eyes to pull himself together and running a hand through his hair.
“I don’t know...”
“It was Maria”, she said softly.
Michael nodded quickly.
“Yeah, I—I know”.
“Why are you having flashes of her?”
“I don’t know...”, Michael lied automatically.
‘He’s lying’, Nicole immediatly figured. She didn’t know why he wasn’t telling her the truth, after what they had been sharing. It would take a mindwarp to figure it out. It would be the only way. Michael was playing dumb and she wasn’t liking it.
“I’m gonna get going”, Nicole announced in a falsely cool voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow”.
They shared a quick kiss and Michael watched Nicole getting out still in a daze.
Out on the street, Nicole’s mind was working furiously. She would have to mindwarp Michael. Those flashes were getting dangerous to her plans, and she was sure it wasn’t the first one Michael had had. And what if Maria was also having Michael’s flashes? Were they... or had they been... connected in some way? Nicole frowned. It was something she would have to find out. And she would probably have to ask for Nasedo’s help, even though she didn’t like getting him into her stuff. But she would do anything to stop any unusual thing that would cross her way. Even if she had to affect Maria... she would do it.


A/N.- Another cliffie! I’m having fun with this!! Yeah, Maria is stubborn... Did you think she would tell Michael the truth? You have lots to wait... But I can already say that Michael will feel Maria’s feelings with time. And about his feelings... you’ll see not too late. Even though you’re probably thinking he’s getting a little blind by now, aren’t you? About Nicole and her plans... yeah, you’ll see in time too!
I will try to keep posting regularly, but now I've started school so I can't really assure anything...
So, anyway... thanks for reading!! I hope you’re liking the fic... preeety please!