Depression?

[dreamer19]

Anyone else here suffer from depression? I sure do.

[Zanssoulmate08]

Thank God for anti-depressants, because I wouldn't be quite so happy-go-lucky without them.

-Sarah

[dreamer19]

I know, but they don't make me quite that happy.

[Chione]

You're not the only one. I suffer from depression at times as well, and though I have taken anti-depressants in the past I've found that they really only do more harm for me than good. There's not a noticeable difference, and I just feel pathetic that I have to take medication to be happy. Something about my pride won't let me do that. Also, I feel like by taking them I'm only putting off the inevitable confrontation with these feelings, and I'd rather not have to be on medication for years to come. (My mother, a pharmacist, keeps telling me otherwise, but I'm stubborn.)

I hate when people find out I'm depressed and they offer all these suggestions like "Go out and find something to do that you enjoy!" or "Go meet people, that'll make you feel better." That doesn't help. It's not that I sit around all day moping and not meeting people and being antisocial and not going out and doing things that I like to do. There's a huge misconception about what depression is and what causes it.

[dreamer19]

You're not the only one. I suffer from depression at times as well, and though I have taken anti-depressants in the past I've found that they really only do more harm for me than good. There's not a noticeable difference, and I just feel pathetic that I have to take medication to be happy. Something about my pride won't let me do that. Also, I feel like by taking them I'm only putting off the inevitable confrontation with these feelings, and I'd rather not have to be on medication for years to come. (My mother, a pharmacist, keeps telling me otherwise, but I'm stubborn.)

I hate when people find out I'm depressed and they offer all these suggestions like "Go out and find something to do that you enjoy!" or "Go meet people, that'll make you feel better." That doesn't help. It's not that I sit around all day moping and not meeting people and being antisocial and not going out and doing things that I like to do. There's a huge misconception about what depression is and what causes it.

I feel the same way, that I should not have to take antidepressants to be happy. But they don't make me happy, but do make me feel better. I also suffer from anxiety and I was majorly depressed, suicidial even, so I really don't think it would be good for me to go off them. I don't handle things well by myself.

[Heavenli24]

Although I've never been diagnosed, I have suffered from feelings of depression in the past - once in high school (for most of my final two years) and again in my final year of university.

I found myself crying all the time and wishing that I could be somewhere - anywhere - else. I hated my life and who I was. But, since I've never spoken to a doctor about it, I've never been on antidepressants or any other kind of medication or therapy for it.

My way of getting over it was to start/do something new, although these have been major changes. The first time I felt better was when I went away to college. Meeting new people definitely helped and made me realise that not everyone was like my so-called friends in high school (complete selfish bitches as far as I can remember). A major factor in helping me was when I saw a flyer advertising a service helping people with Social Anxiety Disorder. I didn't go to it or anything, but at the time the thought of going out to sweaty, crowded clubs and bars made me feel sick, so just knowing that I wasn't the only one was enough to make me feel a little better.

The second time I suffered was when I started back at uni after a year studying abroad. I had real trouble adjusting to the life again and ended up staying in my room a lot, crying and pigging out on junk food (I put on 17 lbs!). Fortunately, it went away after I graduated and moved back home (and also discovered how much I loved writing) and since then (15 months ago), I've been feeling generally happy, have lost over 20 lbs (mostly due to being on my feet all day at work) and have just started grad school.

I do get the occasional couple of days or weeks when I feel like crap, but mostly I'm happy right now.

Personally, I don't think antidepressants are the way to go, because you don't want to end up relying on them. However, a good friend of mine has been suffering from much worse depression than I ever have and even had a nervous breakdown a few months ago. Luckily, she's getting better now (I think) and is trying to come off antidepressants (if she hasn't already - I haven't seen her in a few weeks). She just got married a couple of months ago and I believe she's happier now.

You're right, there is a misconception about depression. At one time, I could never understand how someone could hate themselves and/or their life so much that they would want to harm themselves, but just a couple of years later, I experienced a similar thing. Granted, I never wanted to harm/kill myself (I can't stand the thought of blood - even the thought of someone cutting me open on the operating table makes me ill), but I could understand why other people might. I guess all I wanted was to either turn back time so I could prevent my life getting so bad, or escape to another life where I could be happy.

PS. I don't know if you've read my story I'll Be There, but it deals with depression (Liz's) and a lot of what she feels is drawn from my own experience.

[dreamer19]

I think I've always been midly depressed but I became so majorly depressed I thought about suicide on a daily basis. I'm in therapy and all that now. But the last two years I did not know how I was going to survive. I would break down crying. I could not go shopping or do anything normal because it would make me more depression. The feelings of hopelessnes and worthless became my life. I do have problems with self injury, but I won't go into that here, b/c it triggers people. But there definitely is a big misconception about it. I've had so many people tell me I'm not trying hard enough and I need to get out there. I was not feeling just a little blue or depressed. I was majorly suicidal and nothing brought me joy. Althought I discovered roswell fanfiction back in 2004 and read it everyday for six months straight b/c it took my mind of things. So reading and writing has definitely helped in making me feel better.

[Heavenli24]

Althought I discovered roswell fanfiction back in 2004 and read it everyday for six months straight b/c it took my mind of things. So reading and writing has definitely helped in making me feel better.

I had a similar therapy: Buffy!

I started feeling depressed around the time that season 3 started over here and I just got totally obsessed with the show. It got to the point that I hated my own life so much that I ended up filling it with all things Buffy - I wanted my own Angel, I wanted to have a friendship group like theirs, I wanted to live somewhere warm and sunny and not depressing. I would turn on the TV channel every morning and afternoon in the hopes of catching a trailer for the next episode (I would even record them to rewatch later) and when the episodes aired, I would tape them and watch them over and over again.

And you know what the crazy thing was? It got to the point that ending it all wasn't even an option, because then I'd never find out what happened next on the show, so I guess you could say that the show potentially saved my life (although I don't think I could have actually gone through with it anyway)!

I didn't discover Buffy fanfiction for several more months, but once I did, I was obsessed with that too. I would spend all my time reading about how Buffy and Angel would have a happy ever after, because by that point my own social life was non-existant and reading about other people's happy endings was much safer and easier than going out into the real world and forming real relationships myself and thereby getting hurt in the process.

I rediscovered the wonderful show that is Roswell about 2 years ago (after having visited Roswell myself and trying to remember if the TV 'Roswell' was anything like the real city) and the Buffy obsession faded away. At first, reading Roswell fanfic was my comfort (it was around the time that I felt depressed again), but once I'd left university, made new friends at work and started writing my own stories, I found that I was enjoying life again .

For me, it didn't get so bad that I couldn't go anywhere - I still enjoyed shopping and going out to dinner or the pub or whatever, but it was when I got home afterwards that I'd feel like crap and burst into tears .

I also think that my choice of degree subject was contributing to it, I mean who wouldn't feel depressed if they were trying really hard to do well and understand concepts like quantum mechanics and general relativity, yet the professors made them feel like nothing they ever did would be good enough?!

Now though, I'm doing the course I've been dreaming of for close to 10 years (which involves modelling and the propogation of seismic waves through subduction zones - go figure!), I'm enjoying it and I've also discovered a new-found love for writing fiction!

[Lillie]

I suffer from I guess, Seasonal Depression. I never realized just how bad it gets. But it got really bad for me this year. I had a lot of days where I just didn't want to get up and go to work, but I always did. And boy, did it suck. I hate to say it but the only way I really got through it was with alcohol, not that I'm saying that I would get raging drunk. Just enough to feel good and not to think about all the things that bothered me.

I've never told my doctors about the things I feel, so I don't take any medicine. Sometimes I don't honestly know how the hell I get through it. Friends, painting, writing usually helps. But this time that I got depressed, I couldn't even write. I would look at the computer screen and nothing would come out.

I would be worried about what taking any kind of anti depressents would do to me. The pills are all chemical, and thats what freaks me out. Kinda weird of me, I know.

[FaithfulAngel24]

I have never been diagnosed with depression ,but I think if I went to a doctor they would prescribe me some major uppers. My best friend experienced some of the same pain I have and actually got put on medication. I’ve never been really good at admitting when something is wrong because that would be confirming that I do in fact have a problem. I wish I could understand it. I know most people get sad from time to time but mine comes in abundant waves.

For a couple of days I feel like the world can’t keep me down and then one instant later I feel so unhappy that I can’t even get out of bed. I sleep for twelve hours straight at times like it’s no big deal. I’m not sure pills would really help me. I’ve always been really anti foreign chemicals and though I know it really helps some people I’m just going to stick to doing what I love to be content. Writing. It’s how I channel all my anxieties.

Quote: Heavenli24

I had a similar therapy: Buffy!

I completely understand. Buffy was my obsession there for a while. I had to get my hands on all the posters, cds, dvds, and articles. It’s like I could escape into a world where things weren’t perfect but in the end you always had your friends and family to see you through. Watching the slayer battle a seven foot demon made me feel like I had the strength deal with an arrogant teacher. I’ve now moved on to Roswell and someday I’ll stumble upon something else that will grasp my attention.

Not everyone can be helped by the same things. You have to use what works for you. It’s tough process at times ,but is completely worth. This world is vast and beautiful. There’s always something new to discover about your surroundings as well as about yourself and who better to learn about. You have to put up with yourself for the rest of your life. Might as well figure out how to like yourself.