Author: Melissa (FaithfulAngel24)
Disclaimer: The characters of ‘Roswell’ belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, the WB and UPN. They are not mine. No infringement is intended.
Category: CC, M&M
Rating: Mature
(This is a letter Maria wrote to Michael during the second season that she never sent.)
Warning there's some major angst
Space Boy,
"Half the night I waste in sighs, Half in dreams I sorrow after the delight of early skies; In a wakeful doze I sorrow. For the hand... the lips... the eyes... for the meeting of the morrow."
My favorite poet Alfred Lord Tennyson uttered these infamous words and they certainly sum up the incessant tossing and turning I've done tonight. Which is funny seeing as how I swore I'd never lose sleep over you again. Well, not funny ha ha obviously. The difference between the stuffy Brit and I of course is that he can't wait for tomorrow to come ,because he will get to see his beloved while I myself am dreading seeing you.
I guess this fact just helps prove my contradictory personality.
As if you had any doubts. You of all people know I like to be difficult. Which is entirely your fault by the way, you made me like this. If anything you can take credit for that. I also said that I wouldn't fantasize about what it would be like to be with you again. It's rather easy to lie to yourself isn't it? I find that I am deceiving myself more and more with every passing day. Just like you taught me. For that you should be proud. I had promised my poor wounded heart that I'd never let another man reach me.
Then you came along and my best laid plans were long forgotten. All I could see was you. Unfortunately your gaze held a debauched strategy that my innocent spirit couldn't even fathom. How truly blind I was to you're wicked charms. I felt safe enveloped in the arms of the most dangerous man I had ever encountered. As my knight in faded denim you possessed a power over me that disarmed my stone wall resistance. Damn your persuasiveness.
I had never met anyone that spontaneous. Every single second with you was a wild adventure that I craved to the extreme. No matter what I couldn't get enough of my 'Mr. Too Cute and All Trouble' as you were so appropriately nicknamed. I was forewarned regarding your rather shady past, but was convinced that you could change. My incredible love would help you become a better man. It shames me to admit how naive I was. Even though I knew your intentions were purely dishonorable I still let you take over me.
What's truly sad about the entire twisted relationship (Can we call it that?) you made a fool of me ,and I enjoyed every passionate moment of it. Does that make me a masochist? In our time together you introduced me to a world of no limitations. One in which you pushed the laws of convention and left me gasping desperately for air. Drowning in my desire for you I found it impossible to tell down from up or right from wrong.
The scary part is I simply didn't care anymore. I was ready to renounce Heaven and all of it's glory just to spend an eternity burning with you. As predicted you rejected that notion and now I'm left unwelcome in my father's house. There's no vacancy in paradise. Here I am left analyzing our failed attempt at romance and all I can come back to is that your happiness was my number one priority, but the more I ponder on it the more I realize that to you I was merely an option.
I confused you in the sense that I made you feel again ,and I think you resented me for that indiscretion. I'm too complicated, too independent too much for your wandering nature to accept. It's ironic how the quality I admired in you the most (Never being satisfied while always striving for more) was what led to our untimely demise. I was bound by the connection we shared, but oddly enough it set you free. We were both conflicted unable to describe the weird unspoken agreement between us.
However instead of facing it head on you pulled a 'me' and ran. I don't really understand us either, but isn't that what it's all about? Figuring it out together. Apparently not. Once again, I stand alone abandoned and carrying this burden of unresolved emotions. At first I blamed myself. It was my fault. If only I had given in If only I had let you take what you had come for No. You had my heart and all I gained was your blatant mistrust.
Not once did I ever give you a reason to believe my words were dishonest. When I said I was yours I meant it. Funny how that little verbal exchange was one sided. How many of them did you really care about? Did you ever think of me before, during, after the fact? Never mind, I don't want to know. I'm just sorry that I wasn't enough. I kissed several men before we met, and a couple since we parted, ,but not one has captured my lips with the fervent desire that you exuberated so effortlessly.
Fuck! You've ruined me for all other men. How dare you! You knew it was doomed from the beginning, and yet you still pursued me. I say this knowing that while I despise you with the fiery intensity of a thousand suns hope refuses to allow me to believe you are anything less than remarkable. Still I won't give in to your advances. We are just friends, and that's the way it should be. So when I walk in tomorrow don't flash me a mischievous smirk filled with promises you know not how to keep. Instead greet me warmly as an old pal does for that's all you will ever be to me.
Sincerely,
That Maria Girl
