The Fight That Changed the World
Author: Mel1016
Category: M/L
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer:The characters of "Roswell" don’t belong to me. Some of the storyline was taken, if badly, from the show.
Summary: Begins during Departure. What if Liz told Max about The End of the World before he left for Antar with Tess and the baby? Would the future be changed again?
***I am a long-time lurker, and just had to write a fic. Please feel free to be honest about this. It’s my first time, and I have no idea what I’m doing!***
Prologue
It hurts. My stomach feels like some overpowering force has it in its grasp and is squeezing hard, sucking the breath from me and sending bile into my throat.
“Tess and I slept together. Liz, Tess is pregnant.”
I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t respond. This is what was supposed to happen, right? I’ve noticed them together, especially since the kiss at prom, but I never thought, in the deepest depths of my heart, that it would ever go this far. I looked around the jeep, out into the desert night, looking anywhere except into those eyes that once only burned for me. Now he’s in love with HER, gave up his virginity to HER, and has fathered her child. I can’t breathe. I know I shouldn’t be angry. I shouldn’t feel betrayed, but I do. It shouldn’t be this way.
When Future Max came to me, begging for my help, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was saving the world. He was so insistent, so adamant that what I was doing was the right thing. Make Max fall out of love with me. Ha! Deep in my soul, I didn’t think it was possible. I was so naïve. So arrogant about the love we shared.
I have been in pain since that last night, the night I pretended to sleep with Kyle. I’ve wanted to tell Max what happened so often, and couldn’t find the right words to explain. I realized after Future Max disappeared that there had to be a better way. There had to be a way for Max and I to be together and still defeat the enemies intent on destroying the planet.
Weeks after my betrayal, I began daydreaming about telling Max what happened. The optimist in me thought that if I could explain everything, Max would be relieved, we would fall into each others arms, and, after our reunion, figure out how to make it work with Tess, to make her stay in Roswell and not leave. I dreamed that Max would understand why I did what I did and just hold me close, forgiving me for everything I had done to save us all.
The pessimist in me knew that this happy reunion would be more…complicated. I knew Max, I knew there was a side of him that would not only feel betrayed, but feel like I had taken all control away from him. I had taken away his choice, leaving only the Destiny he tried so hard to run away from. I didn’t know if he would ever forgive me, or, if he did, how scarred our relationship would be after.
For this reason, I could never find the right words or the right time to tell him. I couldn’t just say, “By the way, Max, I know that you are dealing with the Skins and the knowledge there are duplicate aliens running around New York, but I really didn’t sleep with Kyle. I slept with you. We got married, and 14 years later, the world ended.”
Yeah, that would go over well.
Several times, I thought I might be able to tell him. When we connected while he was in New York. When he revealed what he saw in Vegas, the vision of our wedding day, I almost told him. Then the moment passed. I became his friend again, just hoping the time would come.
After that, Prom happened. I was so conflicted about being with Max. The selfish part of me wanted to ignore what Future Max said and just get back with my soulmate. I felt myself reaching out to him. I know I confused him. I couldn’t help it. I really wanted him, needed him, the world be damned. I even asked him to Prom. Then I saw him with Tess in his room, trying to discover their past, and they seemed so close. Maybe Destiny was right after all. Maybe he belonged with her. I pushed my fear and jealousy aside, getting ready for Prom like I was going to meet my boyfriend, my Max, instead of the person I could never have.
But it was no use. I was so conflicted. I lashed out at him, trying to end it once and for all, trying to end my pain, my confusion, my guilt. Then he kissed her.
I was angry then, but a part of me blamed myself. To him, I was the girl who broke his heart. All he knew was that I had sex with Kyle. That I became friends with him, that we got close again, and then I blew up at him at Prom. I blamed myself for not making the decision to tell him, because I knew that only by coming clean about Future Max could I ever hope to make it right. I waited too long, and he sought comfort elsewhere. That elsewhere being in the arms of the one person I feared would take him away from me.
Then Alex.
I knew he was murdered. There’s no way he would have killed himself, and my gut told me it wasn’t an accident. I wanted desperately to cling to Max, my lifeline, and for him to make it alright. To bring Alex back. Or at least figure out what happened to him. But he didn’t. I shut myself off, and in the process, pushed Max and the others away. I had to find out what happened to my best friend. Nothing else mattered. I was on a quest to find his killer, and it gave me purpose. It gave me control back over my life, which was rapidly spiraling out of control. I had to seek vengeance for Alex’s death, no matter the consequences.
Now, as I sit here in Max’s jeep, knowing that he now believes me about Alex’s death, knowing that I was right, I feel just like I did before Alex’s death. I have to face what happened to Alex and face what has happened to Max and me at the same time. There’s no turning back now. Tess is pregnant. A baby is a permanent change in Max’s life…in all our lives. I know it’s not right, but I feel betrayed that Max slept with Tess. I know we weren’t together, but it still hurts. I just want to get out of this jeep and be by myself.
No…Alex first. I will deal with my feelings later.
I just hope I’m strong enough for this.
The Fight That Changed The World (M/L, Mature) COMPLETE
Moderators: Anniepoo98, Rowedog, ISLANDGIRL5, Itzstacie, truelovepooh, FSU/MSW-94, Forum Moderators
The Fight That Changed The World (M/L, Mature) COMPLETE
Last edited by mel1016 on Thu Aug 24, 2006 6:51 pm, edited 24 times in total.
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it!
Chapter One
Ok. So she’s pregnant. It’s what was supposed to happen. Destiny.
Well, it’s what happens when you are stupid enough to have unprotected sex with a conniving alien hybrid who has delusions of grandeur. Stupid bastard couldn’t even use a condom. What is THAT about?
“Liz?”
“Look, Max. I don’t want to talk about your sex life right now. I don’t want to hear about Tess or the fact you were so stupid that you got her pregnant. Let’s just get to Las Cruces and finish this thing.” My teeth were clenched as I spoke, and my voice was as controlled as I could make it.
“Uh, sure.”
“Thank you.”
For the rest of the drive to the university, I try to concentrate on vengeance for Alex. I don’t enjoy violence. It turns my stomach. But I have been seeking his murderer for so long, I just have to have closure. And if someone had to die for that closure…well, I would deal with my feelings later. I’m just so tired.
The trip is a silent one. An hour to be alone with my thoughts. Once I reach the point where thinking about Alex and death is too much for me, my thoughts return to Max. It’s tough not to think about him. Until Alex died, I thought of nothing else. Now, those feelings have clawed their way back to the forefront of my mind.
The problem, of course, is that all of my feelings for Max are jumbled together. I feel pain, anger, rage, betrayal, lust, and love. I could never stop loving him. I’ve never had to deal with these emotions before, and I don’t know how to control them.
Unfortunately, just thinking about them fills me to the point of bursting. The anger and pain win out. I want to scream at Max. I want to beg him to pull over so I can get away from him and his words.
<i> “Tess is pregnant.” </i>
But I can’t. I have to find Leanna, and I need Max to do it.
Bastard.
I’ve done everything for him! I jumped off bridges for him! I broke laws for him! I lied to my parents for him! Who am I kidding…I lied to EVERYONE for him. Even myself. I lied to myself that I would ever be able to live happily ever after.
When we reach Las Cruces, Max looks to me. I can feel him staring at me as he stops the car and shuts off the engine. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself, and confront Alex’s killer. Without a word, I jump from the jeep and start walking toward the building. I assume he’s behind me, but I don’t bother to stop and check. This is my mission, and I need to get on with it.
It’s dark, but the street lamps illuminate the street and Manson Hall. The dorm rises above the street, a brick monstrosity, the windows lit from within. It’s early enough that most of the students are still awake, probably studying or spending time with friends. I realize with a start that I will never be like them. Even if I make it to college, I could never enjoy the innocence most of the residents of Manson Hall take for granted. I will never be free of the taint of Max…of all the aliens I have encountered. I know what goes “bump” in the night. I feel like a weary warrior back from battle, never having really left the battlefield.
Anger rises within me. I know what I must do, and I’m ready.
I just hope Max is ready for the aftermath.
Chapter One
Ok. So she’s pregnant. It’s what was supposed to happen. Destiny.
Well, it’s what happens when you are stupid enough to have unprotected sex with a conniving alien hybrid who has delusions of grandeur. Stupid bastard couldn’t even use a condom. What is THAT about?
“Liz?”
“Look, Max. I don’t want to talk about your sex life right now. I don’t want to hear about Tess or the fact you were so stupid that you got her pregnant. Let’s just get to Las Cruces and finish this thing.” My teeth were clenched as I spoke, and my voice was as controlled as I could make it.
“Uh, sure.”
“Thank you.”
For the rest of the drive to the university, I try to concentrate on vengeance for Alex. I don’t enjoy violence. It turns my stomach. But I have been seeking his murderer for so long, I just have to have closure. And if someone had to die for that closure…well, I would deal with my feelings later. I’m just so tired.
The trip is a silent one. An hour to be alone with my thoughts. Once I reach the point where thinking about Alex and death is too much for me, my thoughts return to Max. It’s tough not to think about him. Until Alex died, I thought of nothing else. Now, those feelings have clawed their way back to the forefront of my mind.
The problem, of course, is that all of my feelings for Max are jumbled together. I feel pain, anger, rage, betrayal, lust, and love. I could never stop loving him. I’ve never had to deal with these emotions before, and I don’t know how to control them.
Unfortunately, just thinking about them fills me to the point of bursting. The anger and pain win out. I want to scream at Max. I want to beg him to pull over so I can get away from him and his words.
<i> “Tess is pregnant.” </i>
But I can’t. I have to find Leanna, and I need Max to do it.
Bastard.
I’ve done everything for him! I jumped off bridges for him! I broke laws for him! I lied to my parents for him! Who am I kidding…I lied to EVERYONE for him. Even myself. I lied to myself that I would ever be able to live happily ever after.
When we reach Las Cruces, Max looks to me. I can feel him staring at me as he stops the car and shuts off the engine. It’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself, and confront Alex’s killer. Without a word, I jump from the jeep and start walking toward the building. I assume he’s behind me, but I don’t bother to stop and check. This is my mission, and I need to get on with it.
It’s dark, but the street lamps illuminate the street and Manson Hall. The dorm rises above the street, a brick monstrosity, the windows lit from within. It’s early enough that most of the students are still awake, probably studying or spending time with friends. I realize with a start that I will never be like them. Even if I make it to college, I could never enjoy the innocence most of the residents of Manson Hall take for granted. I will never be free of the taint of Max…of all the aliens I have encountered. I know what goes “bump” in the night. I feel like a weary warrior back from battle, never having really left the battlefield.
Anger rises within me. I know what I must do, and I’m ready.
I just hope Max is ready for the aftermath.
Last edited by mel1016 on Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
**AN <i> Thank you all for your wonderful feedback! It means a lot. Here's the next chapter. </i>
<u>Chapter 2</u>
“Liz, wait.”
I keep going. Let him follow for a while. He’s always in charge, the consummate leader. The King. I can hear him running to catch up. I keep going. I can’t do this right now.
“Liz. Liz! Wait a minute, damn it!”
I slow down enough for him to catch up. He grabs my arm, halting my progress. His fingers wrap around my arm like a vise, digging in.
“WHAT?” I spin toward him as I yell. He had the nerve to touch me! I don’t have time for this shit.
He just looks at me. His face looks so hurt. He looks so young just then. Like a little boy. His eyes are shiny, like he’s holding back tears. He lets me go and just stares at me. God, it’s hard to resist that face. He’s so beautiful. I look up into his eyes, and almost forget the bomb he dropped on me over an hour ago.
But then the sight of Tess, fully pregnant and beaming, as she rubs her belly and looks up at Max, enters my mind. I can feel my eyes harden at the same time my heart does.
“Liz please. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Not now! We can talk about it some other time. I guess we have what, nine months? Or is there some different alien incubation period I’m not aware of?”
Max sighs and runs his hand through his hair.
“How can you be sure Leanna wasn’t an alien? You just ran in there and stopped me from ending this thing!”
Oh. He wants to talk about Leanna.
“She’s not an alien. I’ve got some of her blood. We’ll go to the university biology lab and I’ll show you. She was threading a needle, Max. What alien needs to do that?”
As we return to the jeep, I think about the world I had saved. None of these students would ever know that I saved the world. That they owed their lives to me and an alien from the future named Max. We gave up our happiness so the future would be secure. But is it? Alex is dead. He wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t changed the future.
<i>“After we were married, we called Maria, Michael, Isabel, and Alex and had them meet us halfway.”</i>
I stumble on the sidewalk, lost in thoughts of what would have been. I am responsible for saving the world, but I am also responsible for Alex’s death. A part of me pursued his killer because it was my responsibility. I caused his death; I must avenge it.
Max lightly grabs my arm to steady me. I accept this gesture, if only because I am distracted by my guilt and pain. We reach the jeep and I climb into the passenger seat, totally numb.
Had the world changed enough? Could I tell Max now? His future is set: Tess is his Queen and she is pregnant with their son. It would give me great satisfaction to make him hurt like I’m hurting. But my practical side overcomes my anger. What good would telling him now do, other than alleviate my immediate guilt and pain about what I have done to Max? Telling him would be totally selfish. But maybe he’s happy now and won’t care. I know deep down, just by the way he looked at me, that he loves me. But love isn’t enough to fix our problems. We weren’t supposed to be. It’s as simple as that.
Max gets into the driver side of the jeep and starts the engine. We back out of the parking lot in silence.
My thoughts return to Alex, where they should be. If Leanna didn’t kill him, who did?
It feels like I’m missing a piece of a puzzle, one I can’t find anywhere. It’s just out of reach. If only I could concentrate on it enough to figure it out, maybe I could solve Alex’s death and get on with my life.
I’ve got time, right?
TBC…
<u>Chapter 2</u>
“Liz, wait.”
I keep going. Let him follow for a while. He’s always in charge, the consummate leader. The King. I can hear him running to catch up. I keep going. I can’t do this right now.
“Liz. Liz! Wait a minute, damn it!”
I slow down enough for him to catch up. He grabs my arm, halting my progress. His fingers wrap around my arm like a vise, digging in.
“WHAT?” I spin toward him as I yell. He had the nerve to touch me! I don’t have time for this shit.
He just looks at me. His face looks so hurt. He looks so young just then. Like a little boy. His eyes are shiny, like he’s holding back tears. He lets me go and just stares at me. God, it’s hard to resist that face. He’s so beautiful. I look up into his eyes, and almost forget the bomb he dropped on me over an hour ago.
But then the sight of Tess, fully pregnant and beaming, as she rubs her belly and looks up at Max, enters my mind. I can feel my eyes harden at the same time my heart does.
“Liz please. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Not now! We can talk about it some other time. I guess we have what, nine months? Or is there some different alien incubation period I’m not aware of?”
Max sighs and runs his hand through his hair.
“How can you be sure Leanna wasn’t an alien? You just ran in there and stopped me from ending this thing!”
Oh. He wants to talk about Leanna.
“She’s not an alien. I’ve got some of her blood. We’ll go to the university biology lab and I’ll show you. She was threading a needle, Max. What alien needs to do that?”
As we return to the jeep, I think about the world I had saved. None of these students would ever know that I saved the world. That they owed their lives to me and an alien from the future named Max. We gave up our happiness so the future would be secure. But is it? Alex is dead. He wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t changed the future.
<i>“After we were married, we called Maria, Michael, Isabel, and Alex and had them meet us halfway.”</i>
I stumble on the sidewalk, lost in thoughts of what would have been. I am responsible for saving the world, but I am also responsible for Alex’s death. A part of me pursued his killer because it was my responsibility. I caused his death; I must avenge it.
Max lightly grabs my arm to steady me. I accept this gesture, if only because I am distracted by my guilt and pain. We reach the jeep and I climb into the passenger seat, totally numb.
Had the world changed enough? Could I tell Max now? His future is set: Tess is his Queen and she is pregnant with their son. It would give me great satisfaction to make him hurt like I’m hurting. But my practical side overcomes my anger. What good would telling him now do, other than alleviate my immediate guilt and pain about what I have done to Max? Telling him would be totally selfish. But maybe he’s happy now and won’t care. I know deep down, just by the way he looked at me, that he loves me. But love isn’t enough to fix our problems. We weren’t supposed to be. It’s as simple as that.
Max gets into the driver side of the jeep and starts the engine. We back out of the parking lot in silence.
My thoughts return to Alex, where they should be. If Leanna didn’t kill him, who did?
It feels like I’m missing a piece of a puzzle, one I can’t find anywhere. It’s just out of reach. If only I could concentrate on it enough to figure it out, maybe I could solve Alex’s death and get on with my life.
I’ve got time, right?
TBC…
Thanks everyone for the feedback. And so the battle begins....
<u>Chapter 3</u>
We’re back at square one. Leanna’s blood is human. I show Max the blood cells under the university’s microscope.
“We just have to step back and start over.” I turn from the microscope and face Max. He’s backed against the concrete wall, arms crossed over his chest, looking down at his feet.
“I can’t. I don’t have time,” he barely whispers.
“Huh? What do you mean, ‘you don’t have time’?” I lean back against the table that holds the microscope we have been using. I cross my arms, mimicking his movements.
“Tess is pregnant.”
“I KNOW THAT!” I throw my hands up and turn around and start packing up my stuff.
I hear him step toward me in a hurry. He steps up beside me.
“We have to go back.”
I just stare at him for a second, confused. Back to Leanna? Back to Roswell?
Then I get it. Oh my God. Could I be more in shock than when I heard Tess was pregnant?
“Back?” I point up at the ceiling, in the same way he did when he told me where he was from. I didn’t know how else to say it. This is incredibly surreal.
“Tess’ baby, our baby, can’t survive in this atmosphere. It’s killing him. We have to go back, and that crystal you guys found, along with the translated directions from the book, will help us get home.”
And the hits just keep on coming. I’m stunned. I turn from him, and just start packing again. I can’t seem to process this new information. Not now anyway. What else is going to happen? Alex, Tess, the baby, now this. And once again, like with Future Max, I have to take on the responsibilities. Max is leaving.
I see red.
“I’m sorry. I must have hallucinated, because I could have sworn you just said you were going home. With Tess.”
“Yes.”
Well, you can’t leave. We have to figure out who killed Alex. What if they come after Maria and me next? Or the Valentis?”
“Once we turn on the granolith, we only have 24 hours. It’s our only way home, our only shot at saving the baby.”
That’s it. That fucking does it. I have now reached my quota on the alien bullshit for one evening. Hell, for an entire lifetime.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. After everything I have done for you! After what we have ALL done for you! And now you are leaving? With a murderer on the loose? Un-fucking-believable!!!!!”
“Liz…”
“NO. Let me get this out. It’s my turn to talk, and your turn to listen. I don’t want you to leave without me saying a few things. Because I don’t want there to be anything unsaid between us when you get on whatever fucking ship ‘your people’ have left for you and head back to ‘your home.’”
I take a deep breath, and Max just waits. He opens his mouth, thinks better of it, and shuts it again. He’s back against the wall now, his hands once again folded across his chest. I, on the other hand, could probably shoot daggers out of my eyes, if that sort of thing were possible. It hurts so much, I can’t breathe. But I’m mad, too.
It’s easier to be mad.
I step toward him, and it all starts to come out.
“Let’s face it, Max. Alex was sacrificed because he knew you, knew that you were all aliens. And while I don’t blame you for his death, I really don’t, he kept your secret. We all did. It was to protect you. All four of you. Even….Tess. You may have made a complete unit, the four of you, but we were all a team. We humans did so much to help you. You didn’t know anything about who you were when I was shot. Maria and I helped you figure that out. We were there when you found Atherton’s house. We lied to our parents, on so many occasions, to be there for you. Alex gave blood for you, even not knowing your alien status, just because he’s a great guy who believed in me and Maria enough to help us help you. Then when he knew about you, he continued to help. He single-handedly brought Isabel out of her shell…and let’s face it, her particular shell read “Bitch Inside,” in bold letters, but he was still there. Maria has done more for Michael than anyone else in his life. They may fight, but there is such love there, such devotion and passion. Sheriff Valenti was there for you, too. And Kyle.
“We did everything you ever asked, we were there every step of the way. We did it all, because we believe in you and love you. All of you.
“And now, because you were irresponsible and couldn’t either keep it in your pants or cover it, there’s an alien baby on the way. So we, the humans, have to pay for your mistake. Well, I suppose by default Michael and Isabel do, too. Isabel seems to love it here and Michael loves Maria, even if he is curious about home. Tess, of course, just loves this. She killed two birds with one stone. She get’s to be with you forever, because you would never leave her now that’s she pregnant, I know you too well. But she also gets to go home. I have never heard such whiny crap from anyone. She’s a real piece of work.”
Then I couldn’t resist. “Maaaaxxxx, we’re alien, not human. Humans are weak. Maaaaxxxx, I know we’re meant to be. We’re destiny. We are king and queen of Planet Cream Cheese, and it’s our destiny to go back there, Maaaxxxxx.” Not a bad Tess impression, if I do say so myself. Childish, I know. I’m off on a tangent, totally out of control, but I don’t really care at this moment. Logical thought has flown out the window. I sound like a vindictive ex-girlfriend. I guess I am.
He is looking at me now, his ears an interesting shade of red. I can tell I hit a nerve. But he doesn’t speak. I’m on a roll now. Might as well continue.
“I realize I haven’t been myself since I got back from Florida.” Max snorts at this statement, but stays quiet. But this gesture just makes me angrier.
“Oh, you find that funny? Well FUCK YOU! You have NO FUCKING IDEA what my life has been like! You don’t know anything about it! What you did to me…” I stop there, knowing I was about to launch into Future Max and the whole deception.
Max, of course, misunderstands completely. “What I did to you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wasn’t finished.” I step back, wanting to finish my point, to correct his misunderstanding of that statement, but I can’t without explaining myself.
Max uncrosses his arms and steps forward a step, no longer leaning on the wall.
“Yeah, you are finished, at least until I address a few things. I don’t want you to leave with misunderstandings either, and I think it’s about time I said my peace.
Let’s just start with your last statement, ‘What I did to YOU.’”
TBC.
<u>Chapter 3</u>
We’re back at square one. Leanna’s blood is human. I show Max the blood cells under the university’s microscope.
“We just have to step back and start over.” I turn from the microscope and face Max. He’s backed against the concrete wall, arms crossed over his chest, looking down at his feet.
“I can’t. I don’t have time,” he barely whispers.
“Huh? What do you mean, ‘you don’t have time’?” I lean back against the table that holds the microscope we have been using. I cross my arms, mimicking his movements.
“Tess is pregnant.”
“I KNOW THAT!” I throw my hands up and turn around and start packing up my stuff.
I hear him step toward me in a hurry. He steps up beside me.
“We have to go back.”
I just stare at him for a second, confused. Back to Leanna? Back to Roswell?
Then I get it. Oh my God. Could I be more in shock than when I heard Tess was pregnant?
“Back?” I point up at the ceiling, in the same way he did when he told me where he was from. I didn’t know how else to say it. This is incredibly surreal.
“Tess’ baby, our baby, can’t survive in this atmosphere. It’s killing him. We have to go back, and that crystal you guys found, along with the translated directions from the book, will help us get home.”
And the hits just keep on coming. I’m stunned. I turn from him, and just start packing again. I can’t seem to process this new information. Not now anyway. What else is going to happen? Alex, Tess, the baby, now this. And once again, like with Future Max, I have to take on the responsibilities. Max is leaving.
I see red.
“I’m sorry. I must have hallucinated, because I could have sworn you just said you were going home. With Tess.”
“Yes.”
Well, you can’t leave. We have to figure out who killed Alex. What if they come after Maria and me next? Or the Valentis?”
“Once we turn on the granolith, we only have 24 hours. It’s our only way home, our only shot at saving the baby.”
That’s it. That fucking does it. I have now reached my quota on the alien bullshit for one evening. Hell, for an entire lifetime.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. After everything I have done for you! After what we have ALL done for you! And now you are leaving? With a murderer on the loose? Un-fucking-believable!!!!!”
“Liz…”
“NO. Let me get this out. It’s my turn to talk, and your turn to listen. I don’t want you to leave without me saying a few things. Because I don’t want there to be anything unsaid between us when you get on whatever fucking ship ‘your people’ have left for you and head back to ‘your home.’”
I take a deep breath, and Max just waits. He opens his mouth, thinks better of it, and shuts it again. He’s back against the wall now, his hands once again folded across his chest. I, on the other hand, could probably shoot daggers out of my eyes, if that sort of thing were possible. It hurts so much, I can’t breathe. But I’m mad, too.
It’s easier to be mad.
I step toward him, and it all starts to come out.
“Let’s face it, Max. Alex was sacrificed because he knew you, knew that you were all aliens. And while I don’t blame you for his death, I really don’t, he kept your secret. We all did. It was to protect you. All four of you. Even….Tess. You may have made a complete unit, the four of you, but we were all a team. We humans did so much to help you. You didn’t know anything about who you were when I was shot. Maria and I helped you figure that out. We were there when you found Atherton’s house. We lied to our parents, on so many occasions, to be there for you. Alex gave blood for you, even not knowing your alien status, just because he’s a great guy who believed in me and Maria enough to help us help you. Then when he knew about you, he continued to help. He single-handedly brought Isabel out of her shell…and let’s face it, her particular shell read “Bitch Inside,” in bold letters, but he was still there. Maria has done more for Michael than anyone else in his life. They may fight, but there is such love there, such devotion and passion. Sheriff Valenti was there for you, too. And Kyle.
“We did everything you ever asked, we were there every step of the way. We did it all, because we believe in you and love you. All of you.
“And now, because you were irresponsible and couldn’t either keep it in your pants or cover it, there’s an alien baby on the way. So we, the humans, have to pay for your mistake. Well, I suppose by default Michael and Isabel do, too. Isabel seems to love it here and Michael loves Maria, even if he is curious about home. Tess, of course, just loves this. She killed two birds with one stone. She get’s to be with you forever, because you would never leave her now that’s she pregnant, I know you too well. But she also gets to go home. I have never heard such whiny crap from anyone. She’s a real piece of work.”
Then I couldn’t resist. “Maaaaxxxx, we’re alien, not human. Humans are weak. Maaaaxxxx, I know we’re meant to be. We’re destiny. We are king and queen of Planet Cream Cheese, and it’s our destiny to go back there, Maaaxxxxx.” Not a bad Tess impression, if I do say so myself. Childish, I know. I’m off on a tangent, totally out of control, but I don’t really care at this moment. Logical thought has flown out the window. I sound like a vindictive ex-girlfriend. I guess I am.
He is looking at me now, his ears an interesting shade of red. I can tell I hit a nerve. But he doesn’t speak. I’m on a roll now. Might as well continue.
“I realize I haven’t been myself since I got back from Florida.” Max snorts at this statement, but stays quiet. But this gesture just makes me angrier.
“Oh, you find that funny? Well FUCK YOU! You have NO FUCKING IDEA what my life has been like! You don’t know anything about it! What you did to me…” I stop there, knowing I was about to launch into Future Max and the whole deception.
Max, of course, misunderstands completely. “What I did to you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wasn’t finished.” I step back, wanting to finish my point, to correct his misunderstanding of that statement, but I can’t without explaining myself.
Max uncrosses his arms and steps forward a step, no longer leaning on the wall.
“Yeah, you are finished, at least until I address a few things. I don’t want you to leave with misunderstandings either, and I think it’s about time I said my peace.
Let’s just start with your last statement, ‘What I did to YOU.’”
TBC.
Chapter 4: Max’s side
Max is staring at me coldly. Perhaps as coldly as I had ever seen him look. I sit down on a stool next to the lab table. I try to look defiant. I want to continue yelling at him, but he looks adamant, so I cross my arms and wait for him to talk.
“What I did to YOU. I loved you, that’s what I did. I said Destiny didn’t matter. I tried to protect you. I may have done a few things wrong last year. I couldn’t make up my mind about being with you. I didn’t think it would be possible for us to be together. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want Michael or Isabel to get hurt. Then the whole Tess/Destiny thing. Yes, I kissed her. I still can’t explain that. It was wrong, and I’ve apologized for it enough. Then Pierce took me.”
Here, Max pauses and closes his eyes. He looks sick. I wait. After a few seconds, his eyes shoot open, a new look of resolve on his face.
“Then I came back from being TORTURED, and the only thought in my mind was getting back to you. Loving you. Protecting you. After my mother told us of our supposed Destiny, you left me. YOU LEFT ME!!”
He steps forward a couple of steps, narrowing the distance between us. I can’t take this.
“Max…”
“NO! Listen to me. You left me. You walked away. I had just been TORTURED. I heard from my mother that I was a KING. I find out about this whole other life that I supposedly led, and are you there to help me? NO! You fucking left! I can’t talk to you, I can’t see you! The love of my life abandoned me! I was broken. My heart…my spirit. Yet I spent the ENTIRE summer waiting for you! I forgave you, because I knew somehow it had to be my fault. You were too good a person, I didn’t deserve you, and so you left me. But I loved you, so I decided to try and be a better person. I wanted to forget everything alien and just be with you.”
Max finally takes a breath. His face is bright red. His eyes are wide as he relieves last summer. God, my heart hurts, and I am overcome with guilt. Part of me knew when I left that I was abandoning Max, but I was so torn up inside, I couldn’t think of anyone but myself. That part of me, the guilty part, stays with me even now. I abandoned him. I know I did.
Max’s eyes narrow as he continues.
“Then you came back. You were aloof. I tried everything I could to make coming back as normal for you as possible. Because that’s what you want, right? Normal.
I tried everything I could to win you back. To make you see that we belonged together. To try and help you forget what I so easily could: that I had some grand destiny. I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT DESTINY! Didn’t then, don’t now. I learned a Spanish song so I could serenade you. I brought you flowers. I tried every romantic idea I could come up with.”
My breath catches as he talks about singing to me. That’s when I met Future Max, we saved the world, and my world ended.
“And what did I get in return? YOU pushed me to tess. YOU set it up so she and I would meet outside the Crashdown. YOU set it up so we would talk, and you were even watching us. YOU WANTED US TO GET TOGETHER! How crazy is that?”
"Then you show up in my room. You start babbling about Romeo and Juliet and how you wouldn’t die for me. Is that something I did to you? Hell No! You broke me again, Liz.
I was hurt, but I couldn’t let you go. I loved you so much. And deep down, I knew you would eventually come around. I knew it because when I kissed you in Whitaker’s Office, I felt the connection, I knew you loved me then. I knew it. I felt it with everything I had.”
“Then….and here’s the kicker, Liz…then you had sex with Kyle. With Kyle! You guys were friends. I never felt that you had feelings for him, not even when you were dating him. It didn’t make sense. And that hurt the most. That it didn’t make sense, that I couldn’t make sense of it. It almost killed me, Liz. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. The memory of the two of you in your bed consumed me. I just wanted to know why. Why would you do something so random and meaningless as have sex with Kyle? A person who, until that night, was just a friend?
“Then, inexplicably, you started being friendly again. You acted like nothing happened, like we could go from being intensely in love to being casual friends. Like you didn’t just break my heart. You wanted to be friends. Fucking friends! I couldn’t, because I still loved you, and just seeing you, knowing what you did, and knowing we were over, hurt too much. I knew I couldn’t be friends, not while the pain was so new, but YOU were insistent.
“After a while, I gave in to you. I needed you in my life, and you were a part of this whole alien madness, so I knew that I had to come to terms with my feelings so I could function around you. Sometimes, I felt your feelings for me, as strong as they ever were. And I tried. I thought I could heal, forgive, and we could be together like I knew we were supposed to be.
“But you kept pushing me away, then pulling me back, then pushing me away again. Vegas, Prom, after Alex’s death. I was torn between loving you and wanting to be rid of this pain I was carrying.
“Tess found me alone a lot. She was there. She was kind to me. I was in such pain and she was kind to me. She said she would never leave me, and that’s just what you kept doing. Leaving me. And you were telling me I should be with someone else, with Tess, and that was killing me inside, because all I wanted, all I ever wanted, was you.
“She comforted me. She’s an alien like me; she knew some of the things I was feeling. It was easy to just give in to the loneliness. I was lost, and just wanted to be at peace.”
Max walks forward to the other end of the table I’m sitting at and puts both hands on the table, bracing himself as he leans forward on it. I just stare at him. He hasn’t been this open in a long time. I don’t think I realized all that I have been doing to him this year, that it would be as hard on him as it has been on me. I knew I hurt him, but I figured he’d just move on eventually, even if part of me selfishly wanted him to pine for me forever. I didn't think of just what my indecisiveness was doing to him, and he never told me. He kept it to himself.
Of course, when he finally did begin to open up tonight, I went off on him. Great going, Liz.
Max looks up from the table at me, still gripping the stainless steel edge, and continued.
“Can’t you see? I didn’t know what else to do! I had a broken heart. I am half human, I do have feelings! And you said you were fine with Tess and me together. You told me you were fine with it, even when you weren’t actively pushing us together anymore!”
He stands up straight and rounds the corner of the table, moving towards me. He stops when he is about three feet away.
“My point is this. You weren’t innocent in all of this. I find it ironic you talk about what I did to YOU, when there are no words to describe what you have done to me. I was a broken man, and broken men do stupid, stupid things. Yes, I slept with her, but you not only pushed me to her, you pushed me away from you. YOU had a hand in this. Don’t get me wrong. It’s my fault that I slept with her, ultimately, and my fault I didn’t use protection. To be honest, I can’t say I remember why I didn’t use protection. I thought I had it with me at the time, but I obviously didn’t use it. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what happened to it." He looks up, and seems to be thinking about it. Then he looks at me.
"No, I didn’t buy it to use with her, if that’s what you were thinking.”
“I wasn’t going to ask.”
“Good. Anyway, she’s pregnant. It’s what we face now. It’s where we are right now,” he says as he taps the table with his finger. “And I have to protect the baby. I have to. He’s mine. It’s my responsibility. I have to live with the consequences of my actions.”
Max’s next words are quiet, almost like he’s used a lot of energy telling me these things. It’s almost as if his soul was emptied tonight. He’s drained himself. I understand. I’m tired and numb from all this myself.
“We have to leave in a hurry. We have no choice. Tess is in a lot of pain, and the baby’s in distress. The granolith takes 24 hours to prepare. I thought we could kill Leanna tonight and you would be safe by the time we had to go. I was wrong, but there’s nothing I can do about that now.
“It kills me to leave you all with no protection. It really does. Valenti and Kyle will protect you and Maria, I’m sure of it. I will try and come back as soon as I can, if I can, and help you. I just have to do this now. Please understand that. It’s what I have to do.”
He steps closer to me. He’s within arm’s reach of me. I don’t know whether to shove him away from me or grab him and kiss him for all I’m worth, until I have nothing left, just to feel him again.
He looks into my eyes. He reaches out to where my hand is resting on the table, and puts his hand over mine.
“And know something else, Liz. I will forever be grateful to you, Maria, Kyle, the Sheriff, and Alex for everything you ever did for us. I love you all. We all do. I love this planet. I would never choose to leave you if I could help it. Especially you. You are everything to me. I told you, I came alive that day I healed you. You are my reason for living, the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. All my dreams are of you, holding you, loving you, marrying you, growing old with you.”
I just stare at him. I hate this. I have so much more anger inside of me; I want to keep yelling at him, pushing my pain into him. But he’s almost calmed me down with those words.
Almost.
Maybe it’s my ego, maybe it’s just my selfish need to be first in Max’s heart…or maybe I have a dire need to hit rock bottom…but I have to ask. I think the answer is obvious by the fact she’s carrying his baby, but I ask anyway, hoping to settle this in my mind once and for all. It takes everything I have to ask it.
“Do you love her, Max?”
Before I realize it, he’s grabbing me. He pulls me off the stool and kisses me. His tongue finds it’s way into my mouth before I can stop it. He’s grabbed me by my waist with one hand and the back of my head with the other. He devours my lips, he strokes my back. He holds me so close, I can’t move or even pull away, even if I wanted to. There’s so much pain and anger in that kiss. So much emotion, I can’t even sort out what I’m feeling. I feel everything within me begin to tingle as our connection roars to life. But then it hits me. I was so shocked, I didn’t block him from my thoughts. And he saw it all.
Everything.
TBC
Max is staring at me coldly. Perhaps as coldly as I had ever seen him look. I sit down on a stool next to the lab table. I try to look defiant. I want to continue yelling at him, but he looks adamant, so I cross my arms and wait for him to talk.
“What I did to YOU. I loved you, that’s what I did. I said Destiny didn’t matter. I tried to protect you. I may have done a few things wrong last year. I couldn’t make up my mind about being with you. I didn’t think it would be possible for us to be together. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want Michael or Isabel to get hurt. Then the whole Tess/Destiny thing. Yes, I kissed her. I still can’t explain that. It was wrong, and I’ve apologized for it enough. Then Pierce took me.”
Here, Max pauses and closes his eyes. He looks sick. I wait. After a few seconds, his eyes shoot open, a new look of resolve on his face.
“Then I came back from being TORTURED, and the only thought in my mind was getting back to you. Loving you. Protecting you. After my mother told us of our supposed Destiny, you left me. YOU LEFT ME!!”
He steps forward a couple of steps, narrowing the distance between us. I can’t take this.
“Max…”
“NO! Listen to me. You left me. You walked away. I had just been TORTURED. I heard from my mother that I was a KING. I find out about this whole other life that I supposedly led, and are you there to help me? NO! You fucking left! I can’t talk to you, I can’t see you! The love of my life abandoned me! I was broken. My heart…my spirit. Yet I spent the ENTIRE summer waiting for you! I forgave you, because I knew somehow it had to be my fault. You were too good a person, I didn’t deserve you, and so you left me. But I loved you, so I decided to try and be a better person. I wanted to forget everything alien and just be with you.”
Max finally takes a breath. His face is bright red. His eyes are wide as he relieves last summer. God, my heart hurts, and I am overcome with guilt. Part of me knew when I left that I was abandoning Max, but I was so torn up inside, I couldn’t think of anyone but myself. That part of me, the guilty part, stays with me even now. I abandoned him. I know I did.
Max’s eyes narrow as he continues.
“Then you came back. You were aloof. I tried everything I could to make coming back as normal for you as possible. Because that’s what you want, right? Normal.
I tried everything I could to win you back. To make you see that we belonged together. To try and help you forget what I so easily could: that I had some grand destiny. I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT DESTINY! Didn’t then, don’t now. I learned a Spanish song so I could serenade you. I brought you flowers. I tried every romantic idea I could come up with.”
My breath catches as he talks about singing to me. That’s when I met Future Max, we saved the world, and my world ended.
“And what did I get in return? YOU pushed me to tess. YOU set it up so she and I would meet outside the Crashdown. YOU set it up so we would talk, and you were even watching us. YOU WANTED US TO GET TOGETHER! How crazy is that?”
"Then you show up in my room. You start babbling about Romeo and Juliet and how you wouldn’t die for me. Is that something I did to you? Hell No! You broke me again, Liz.
I was hurt, but I couldn’t let you go. I loved you so much. And deep down, I knew you would eventually come around. I knew it because when I kissed you in Whitaker’s Office, I felt the connection, I knew you loved me then. I knew it. I felt it with everything I had.”
“Then….and here’s the kicker, Liz…then you had sex with Kyle. With Kyle! You guys were friends. I never felt that you had feelings for him, not even when you were dating him. It didn’t make sense. And that hurt the most. That it didn’t make sense, that I couldn’t make sense of it. It almost killed me, Liz. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. The memory of the two of you in your bed consumed me. I just wanted to know why. Why would you do something so random and meaningless as have sex with Kyle? A person who, until that night, was just a friend?
“Then, inexplicably, you started being friendly again. You acted like nothing happened, like we could go from being intensely in love to being casual friends. Like you didn’t just break my heart. You wanted to be friends. Fucking friends! I couldn’t, because I still loved you, and just seeing you, knowing what you did, and knowing we were over, hurt too much. I knew I couldn’t be friends, not while the pain was so new, but YOU were insistent.
“After a while, I gave in to you. I needed you in my life, and you were a part of this whole alien madness, so I knew that I had to come to terms with my feelings so I could function around you. Sometimes, I felt your feelings for me, as strong as they ever were. And I tried. I thought I could heal, forgive, and we could be together like I knew we were supposed to be.
“But you kept pushing me away, then pulling me back, then pushing me away again. Vegas, Prom, after Alex’s death. I was torn between loving you and wanting to be rid of this pain I was carrying.
“Tess found me alone a lot. She was there. She was kind to me. I was in such pain and she was kind to me. She said she would never leave me, and that’s just what you kept doing. Leaving me. And you were telling me I should be with someone else, with Tess, and that was killing me inside, because all I wanted, all I ever wanted, was you.
“She comforted me. She’s an alien like me; she knew some of the things I was feeling. It was easy to just give in to the loneliness. I was lost, and just wanted to be at peace.”
Max walks forward to the other end of the table I’m sitting at and puts both hands on the table, bracing himself as he leans forward on it. I just stare at him. He hasn’t been this open in a long time. I don’t think I realized all that I have been doing to him this year, that it would be as hard on him as it has been on me. I knew I hurt him, but I figured he’d just move on eventually, even if part of me selfishly wanted him to pine for me forever. I didn't think of just what my indecisiveness was doing to him, and he never told me. He kept it to himself.
Of course, when he finally did begin to open up tonight, I went off on him. Great going, Liz.
Max looks up from the table at me, still gripping the stainless steel edge, and continued.
“Can’t you see? I didn’t know what else to do! I had a broken heart. I am half human, I do have feelings! And you said you were fine with Tess and me together. You told me you were fine with it, even when you weren’t actively pushing us together anymore!”
He stands up straight and rounds the corner of the table, moving towards me. He stops when he is about three feet away.
“My point is this. You weren’t innocent in all of this. I find it ironic you talk about what I did to YOU, when there are no words to describe what you have done to me. I was a broken man, and broken men do stupid, stupid things. Yes, I slept with her, but you not only pushed me to her, you pushed me away from you. YOU had a hand in this. Don’t get me wrong. It’s my fault that I slept with her, ultimately, and my fault I didn’t use protection. To be honest, I can’t say I remember why I didn’t use protection. I thought I had it with me at the time, but I obviously didn’t use it. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what happened to it." He looks up, and seems to be thinking about it. Then he looks at me.
"No, I didn’t buy it to use with her, if that’s what you were thinking.”
“I wasn’t going to ask.”
“Good. Anyway, she’s pregnant. It’s what we face now. It’s where we are right now,” he says as he taps the table with his finger. “And I have to protect the baby. I have to. He’s mine. It’s my responsibility. I have to live with the consequences of my actions.”
Max’s next words are quiet, almost like he’s used a lot of energy telling me these things. It’s almost as if his soul was emptied tonight. He’s drained himself. I understand. I’m tired and numb from all this myself.
“We have to leave in a hurry. We have no choice. Tess is in a lot of pain, and the baby’s in distress. The granolith takes 24 hours to prepare. I thought we could kill Leanna tonight and you would be safe by the time we had to go. I was wrong, but there’s nothing I can do about that now.
“It kills me to leave you all with no protection. It really does. Valenti and Kyle will protect you and Maria, I’m sure of it. I will try and come back as soon as I can, if I can, and help you. I just have to do this now. Please understand that. It’s what I have to do.”
He steps closer to me. He’s within arm’s reach of me. I don’t know whether to shove him away from me or grab him and kiss him for all I’m worth, until I have nothing left, just to feel him again.
He looks into my eyes. He reaches out to where my hand is resting on the table, and puts his hand over mine.
“And know something else, Liz. I will forever be grateful to you, Maria, Kyle, the Sheriff, and Alex for everything you ever did for us. I love you all. We all do. I love this planet. I would never choose to leave you if I could help it. Especially you. You are everything to me. I told you, I came alive that day I healed you. You are my reason for living, the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. All my dreams are of you, holding you, loving you, marrying you, growing old with you.”
I just stare at him. I hate this. I have so much more anger inside of me; I want to keep yelling at him, pushing my pain into him. But he’s almost calmed me down with those words.
Almost.
Maybe it’s my ego, maybe it’s just my selfish need to be first in Max’s heart…or maybe I have a dire need to hit rock bottom…but I have to ask. I think the answer is obvious by the fact she’s carrying his baby, but I ask anyway, hoping to settle this in my mind once and for all. It takes everything I have to ask it.
“Do you love her, Max?”
Before I realize it, he’s grabbing me. He pulls me off the stool and kisses me. His tongue finds it’s way into my mouth before I can stop it. He’s grabbed me by my waist with one hand and the back of my head with the other. He devours my lips, he strokes my back. He holds me so close, I can’t move or even pull away, even if I wanted to. There’s so much pain and anger in that kiss. So much emotion, I can’t even sort out what I’m feeling. I feel everything within me begin to tingle as our connection roars to life. But then it hits me. I was so shocked, I didn’t block him from my thoughts. And he saw it all.
Everything.
TBC
Last edited by mel1016 on Sun Jun 25, 2006 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
~Ok, here's the next part.~
<u>Chapter 5</u>
He saw it all. Oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit! The flashes came fast and furious, like my subconscious wanted to put it all out on the table before my mind could react.
***Future Max coming into my room….the mariachi band….Future Max’s story…talking to Tess…watching Max from Congresswoman Whitaker’s Office…Future Max and I discussing why I have to stop Max from loving me before Gomez…cementing…going to Max’s house…crying with Future Max on my balcony…the plan to make Max believe I slept with Kyle…me in bed with Kyle, watching Max through the window…my devastation and last conversation with Future Max…dancing…***
Two things happen at once. Realizing what I had done, I try and put up barriers in my mind that would block him from seeing any more. I was too late. At the same time, Max stiffened and pulled away from me, stumbling backwards. He backed into the lab table, his knees buckling.
I was reeling. I couldn’t get my breathing under control. I was totally at a loss for words. Max was just looking at me wide-eyed. Yep. He definitely saw everything..
I can see the shock and confusion in his eyes. It was almost physical painful to maintain eye contact with him. His eyes were searching mine, trying to make sense of what he saw. I could tell he was replaying it all in his mind. Minutes pass, and neither of us have said a word. Finally, Max decides to talk to me.
“W-w-what-the-hell-was-that-Liz? What-did-I-see? Start-talking-now. I-am-really-freaked-out-here.”
He sounded calm, but it was like the calm you hear from someone right before they lose it. I knew I had choose my words carefully.
“Max, I know what you saw in the flash was confusing, but I can explain…”
“You better.” He is staring at me so intently, I have to look away.
So I begin to explain the images. I tell him everything from the moment Future Max arrived until he disappeared on my balcony. I left nothing out. Max just stared at me in silence.
“…s-s-so you see, Max, I didn’t really sleep with Kyle. I didn’t mean all the things I said to you. I had to make you stop loving me so we could change the future. So we all wouldn’t die. I saved us.”
I wanted to make sure he knew that Future Max and I did what we did to save us all, because that was the most important part of the entire deception. It was also the only reason I could live with myself.
I looked up to meet his eyes. He was still staring at me, but his eyes no longer held confusion. Shit, now he looked pissed.
“Max?”
“Give me a minute, would you? The person I love more than anything in this world or any other, just informed me that the past, oh, SIX MONTHS of my life have been a lie. That, for whatever ridiculous reason…and the reason is ridiculous, Liz…you didn’t feel you could trust me enough to tell me what was going on. You took away everything from me. But most importantly, you took away my choice. You make choices for me that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, and could have an effect on everyone we love. And you didn’t bother to consult me. It may take me a minute to process this.”
He sighs. I look around the room. His tone was sarcastic, but at least he wasn’t yelling at me again. Maybe we could talk it out.
Yeah, right.
I look at my watch. It’s 11:30 p.m. It’s getting late, and his ship will leave in about 7 hours. God, that sounded weird.
“I can’t believe this.” I barely heard his voice, he spoke so softly. He walks over to a window and looks out into the night. His back is to me.
“I can’t believe you would do this. I don’t know what to say. You betrayed me. I don’t know who that “Future Max” was, but he wasn’t me. I would never do that. Never.”
“Max,” I was speaking softly. I didn’t want to make this worse.
“No, Liz. I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you would do this to me. To us. Why didn’t you come to me? Why did you go behind my back and change my life forever?”
He turns around and looks at me, back to the window.
“I told you. I didn’t have a choice…”
“Yes, you did. Don’t you get that? I am the one who didn’t seem to have a choice. You manipulated me, you and this supposed future version of me, and now I have to leave.”
“No, I didn’t want to do this. Please, Max. It was awful for me to do it, but I wanted to do the right thing. If you were meant to be with Tess, I didn’t want to stand in the way of that. You had to be the Four. I was in the way. It killed me to do it, but I had to!”
“Oh, please. This from the girl who, just a few minutes ago, was pissed at me for sleeping with Tess! It’s what you engineered! Before I just thought you were pushing me to her so I could fulfill some sick destiny. But now…now I know you were doing it because you didn’t have enough faith in me to tell me what was going on!”
Max’s voice shows his growing anger. I wince. “It wasn’t like that, Max. Yes, I manipulated you, ok? And yes, I was mad at you for doing what I thought you had to do. I’m not like you. I’m human. It hurts! It hurts deep down in my soul that you had sex with her, that you somehow didn’t wait for me. You didn’t have faith in me, either! It’s wrong, but that’s what it feels like.”
“Oh bullshit. We’ve just been through this. I was lonely, I was upset, and I was broken. I would have been with you in heartbeat if you had just told me what was going on. We could have solved the problem with Tess. And this ‘Future Max.’ Are you even sure he was real? Time travel, Liz? Really? What if he was a mind warp or a shapeshifter or something we don’t know about yet?”
“No, he was you. I am sure of it. He came back and he could predict that you were coming to sing to me and he knew things. He knew things only you know.”
“But you don’t know! You know me, Liz. You trusted him over me. How could you?”
He just looked at me like I was the lowest lifeform on the planet. Maybe I am. I hung my head. I couldn’t meet his piercing hazel eyes. Not now.
“I am so sorry.” My eyes well up with tears, and, God help me, I can’t stop it. I can’t stop the flood. I think about everything we’ve been through, my guilt over deceiving Max, my part in what happened to Alex. I want to be mad, but I’m so tired. And the guilt is killing me. I just couldn’t stop. I broke down.
“I’m so sorry. Please. I don’t know what to say. It was a mistake, ok? It was wrong of me, but I was scared. The future version of you was so sure it was the right thing to do. He was you, Max. He told me about our wedding. He told me he only trusted me. That I had to do this so we could all survive. I didn’t think I could live with myself if I had been so selfish that I ensured the world would end because I couldn’t be away from you. Then, when it was over, I told myself that I had to live with it for everyone sake, that I had to do it because Future Max and even the future me gave up their lives so we could do it right. He came to me because he thought I was strong….I’m not!”
I am practically hysterical now. I put my head in my hands and just sob. I cry for Max, for us, for Alex, and even for myself. I have never felt so much pain. I have been trying to block it out, to be angry and full of rage, but it’s not enough. And it just keeps coming out. Max doesn’t say anything. I don’t look up, too wrapped up in my own pain.
“I didn’t want to feel jealous of Tess. I know I helped push you together! But that doesn’t mean I have to like it! I don’t have to feel good about that!”
Now I’ve worked myself up, the rage I’ve been feeling about Alex’s death and the alien connection to it wells up inside me. The anger at Max for giving in to his destiny with Tess. I look up at him. I’m breathing heavy, my face is hot and covered in tears. I’m sure I look terrific. But I can’t be this weak. Max is just staring at me. There’s no expression on his face. He doesn’t even look at me with the slightest bit of sympathy. It’s funny how emotions can be so closely tied together. I am in such pain, I feel such loss, that I’m angry again. Angry at myself for being this out of control, angry at myself for keeping this from Max until now, for shouldering this responsibility. And angry at Max, both versions, for doing this to me.
“You made me do this, you know! Maybe not you, but Future Max was supposed to love his Liz with his whole heart, too. He begged me to do this to prevent the end of the world. And he got to leave, to go be with his soulmate, even if in heaven. I had to stay here and suffer the fallout. He got 14 years with his true love, and I got nothing. And now Alex is dead. Because of me! Because I wanted to save us all.
“You always get to be the martyr. We’re just supposed to say thank you, and be grateful for such a responsible leader. I, on the other hand, actual DID something about it. I saved us, damn it!”
I’m yelling again, but I don’t care. It feels so much better than hysterical crying.
“Liz. Stop yelling at me. You can say what you want, but I will not be blamed for this.”
I try and calm down. My next words are as controlled as I can be at this moment.
“No matter what I did, Max, I didn’t make you sleep with her. I didn’t make you forget to wear a condom. I didn’t make you stop believing in me when I told you my theories about Alex’s death.”
“I know. I’ve already apologized for that. But you don’t have a right to call me a martyr. That’s the pot calling the kettle black, Liz. And so goes our dysfunctional relationship, right?”
He smirks at me and looks out the window again. He’s completely calm. I just look at him. This just isn’t worth it. I’m sick of this. I am a strong person, and I’m letting my emotions get the better of me. This isn’t like me. I’m a logical person. This isn’t constructive.
Fuck it.
“Max. I’m sorry. I am. I wanted to tell you, I wanted to so many times. But, as you said earlier, it’s what we have to deal with now. It’s where we are now. You kissed me. There are still feelings there. I’m not going to be sorry anymore, because we both have responsibility in this. I am willing to accept my part. How about you?”
He turns back to me. There’s a flicker of softness, I think. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.
“We have to go. I have to get ready to leave.”
And with that, he picks up his keys, and walks out the door.
TBC
<u>Chapter 5</u>
He saw it all. Oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit-oh-shit! The flashes came fast and furious, like my subconscious wanted to put it all out on the table before my mind could react.
***Future Max coming into my room….the mariachi band….Future Max’s story…talking to Tess…watching Max from Congresswoman Whitaker’s Office…Future Max and I discussing why I have to stop Max from loving me before Gomez…cementing…going to Max’s house…crying with Future Max on my balcony…the plan to make Max believe I slept with Kyle…me in bed with Kyle, watching Max through the window…my devastation and last conversation with Future Max…dancing…***
Two things happen at once. Realizing what I had done, I try and put up barriers in my mind that would block him from seeing any more. I was too late. At the same time, Max stiffened and pulled away from me, stumbling backwards. He backed into the lab table, his knees buckling.
I was reeling. I couldn’t get my breathing under control. I was totally at a loss for words. Max was just looking at me wide-eyed. Yep. He definitely saw everything..
I can see the shock and confusion in his eyes. It was almost physical painful to maintain eye contact with him. His eyes were searching mine, trying to make sense of what he saw. I could tell he was replaying it all in his mind. Minutes pass, and neither of us have said a word. Finally, Max decides to talk to me.
“W-w-what-the-hell-was-that-Liz? What-did-I-see? Start-talking-now. I-am-really-freaked-out-here.”
He sounded calm, but it was like the calm you hear from someone right before they lose it. I knew I had choose my words carefully.
“Max, I know what you saw in the flash was confusing, but I can explain…”
“You better.” He is staring at me so intently, I have to look away.
So I begin to explain the images. I tell him everything from the moment Future Max arrived until he disappeared on my balcony. I left nothing out. Max just stared at me in silence.
“…s-s-so you see, Max, I didn’t really sleep with Kyle. I didn’t mean all the things I said to you. I had to make you stop loving me so we could change the future. So we all wouldn’t die. I saved us.”
I wanted to make sure he knew that Future Max and I did what we did to save us all, because that was the most important part of the entire deception. It was also the only reason I could live with myself.
I looked up to meet his eyes. He was still staring at me, but his eyes no longer held confusion. Shit, now he looked pissed.
“Max?”
“Give me a minute, would you? The person I love more than anything in this world or any other, just informed me that the past, oh, SIX MONTHS of my life have been a lie. That, for whatever ridiculous reason…and the reason is ridiculous, Liz…you didn’t feel you could trust me enough to tell me what was going on. You took away everything from me. But most importantly, you took away my choice. You make choices for me that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, and could have an effect on everyone we love. And you didn’t bother to consult me. It may take me a minute to process this.”
He sighs. I look around the room. His tone was sarcastic, but at least he wasn’t yelling at me again. Maybe we could talk it out.
Yeah, right.
I look at my watch. It’s 11:30 p.m. It’s getting late, and his ship will leave in about 7 hours. God, that sounded weird.
“I can’t believe this.” I barely heard his voice, he spoke so softly. He walks over to a window and looks out into the night. His back is to me.
“I can’t believe you would do this. I don’t know what to say. You betrayed me. I don’t know who that “Future Max” was, but he wasn’t me. I would never do that. Never.”
“Max,” I was speaking softly. I didn’t want to make this worse.
“No, Liz. I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you would do this to me. To us. Why didn’t you come to me? Why did you go behind my back and change my life forever?”
He turns around and looks at me, back to the window.
“I told you. I didn’t have a choice…”
“Yes, you did. Don’t you get that? I am the one who didn’t seem to have a choice. You manipulated me, you and this supposed future version of me, and now I have to leave.”
“No, I didn’t want to do this. Please, Max. It was awful for me to do it, but I wanted to do the right thing. If you were meant to be with Tess, I didn’t want to stand in the way of that. You had to be the Four. I was in the way. It killed me to do it, but I had to!”
“Oh, please. This from the girl who, just a few minutes ago, was pissed at me for sleeping with Tess! It’s what you engineered! Before I just thought you were pushing me to her so I could fulfill some sick destiny. But now…now I know you were doing it because you didn’t have enough faith in me to tell me what was going on!”
Max’s voice shows his growing anger. I wince. “It wasn’t like that, Max. Yes, I manipulated you, ok? And yes, I was mad at you for doing what I thought you had to do. I’m not like you. I’m human. It hurts! It hurts deep down in my soul that you had sex with her, that you somehow didn’t wait for me. You didn’t have faith in me, either! It’s wrong, but that’s what it feels like.”
“Oh bullshit. We’ve just been through this. I was lonely, I was upset, and I was broken. I would have been with you in heartbeat if you had just told me what was going on. We could have solved the problem with Tess. And this ‘Future Max.’ Are you even sure he was real? Time travel, Liz? Really? What if he was a mind warp or a shapeshifter or something we don’t know about yet?”
“No, he was you. I am sure of it. He came back and he could predict that you were coming to sing to me and he knew things. He knew things only you know.”
“But you don’t know! You know me, Liz. You trusted him over me. How could you?”
He just looked at me like I was the lowest lifeform on the planet. Maybe I am. I hung my head. I couldn’t meet his piercing hazel eyes. Not now.
“I am so sorry.” My eyes well up with tears, and, God help me, I can’t stop it. I can’t stop the flood. I think about everything we’ve been through, my guilt over deceiving Max, my part in what happened to Alex. I want to be mad, but I’m so tired. And the guilt is killing me. I just couldn’t stop. I broke down.
“I’m so sorry. Please. I don’t know what to say. It was a mistake, ok? It was wrong of me, but I was scared. The future version of you was so sure it was the right thing to do. He was you, Max. He told me about our wedding. He told me he only trusted me. That I had to do this so we could all survive. I didn’t think I could live with myself if I had been so selfish that I ensured the world would end because I couldn’t be away from you. Then, when it was over, I told myself that I had to live with it for everyone sake, that I had to do it because Future Max and even the future me gave up their lives so we could do it right. He came to me because he thought I was strong….I’m not!”
I am practically hysterical now. I put my head in my hands and just sob. I cry for Max, for us, for Alex, and even for myself. I have never felt so much pain. I have been trying to block it out, to be angry and full of rage, but it’s not enough. And it just keeps coming out. Max doesn’t say anything. I don’t look up, too wrapped up in my own pain.
“I didn’t want to feel jealous of Tess. I know I helped push you together! But that doesn’t mean I have to like it! I don’t have to feel good about that!”
Now I’ve worked myself up, the rage I’ve been feeling about Alex’s death and the alien connection to it wells up inside me. The anger at Max for giving in to his destiny with Tess. I look up at him. I’m breathing heavy, my face is hot and covered in tears. I’m sure I look terrific. But I can’t be this weak. Max is just staring at me. There’s no expression on his face. He doesn’t even look at me with the slightest bit of sympathy. It’s funny how emotions can be so closely tied together. I am in such pain, I feel such loss, that I’m angry again. Angry at myself for being this out of control, angry at myself for keeping this from Max until now, for shouldering this responsibility. And angry at Max, both versions, for doing this to me.
“You made me do this, you know! Maybe not you, but Future Max was supposed to love his Liz with his whole heart, too. He begged me to do this to prevent the end of the world. And he got to leave, to go be with his soulmate, even if in heaven. I had to stay here and suffer the fallout. He got 14 years with his true love, and I got nothing. And now Alex is dead. Because of me! Because I wanted to save us all.
“You always get to be the martyr. We’re just supposed to say thank you, and be grateful for such a responsible leader. I, on the other hand, actual DID something about it. I saved us, damn it!”
I’m yelling again, but I don’t care. It feels so much better than hysterical crying.
“Liz. Stop yelling at me. You can say what you want, but I will not be blamed for this.”
I try and calm down. My next words are as controlled as I can be at this moment.
“No matter what I did, Max, I didn’t make you sleep with her. I didn’t make you forget to wear a condom. I didn’t make you stop believing in me when I told you my theories about Alex’s death.”
“I know. I’ve already apologized for that. But you don’t have a right to call me a martyr. That’s the pot calling the kettle black, Liz. And so goes our dysfunctional relationship, right?”
He smirks at me and looks out the window again. He’s completely calm. I just look at him. This just isn’t worth it. I’m sick of this. I am a strong person, and I’m letting my emotions get the better of me. This isn’t like me. I’m a logical person. This isn’t constructive.
Fuck it.
“Max. I’m sorry. I am. I wanted to tell you, I wanted to so many times. But, as you said earlier, it’s what we have to deal with now. It’s where we are now. You kissed me. There are still feelings there. I’m not going to be sorry anymore, because we both have responsibility in this. I am willing to accept my part. How about you?”
He turns back to me. There’s a flicker of softness, I think. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.
“We have to go. I have to get ready to leave.”
And with that, he picks up his keys, and walks out the door.
TBC
Last edited by mel1016 on Mon Jul 03, 2006 10:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
***Thanks for the feedback over the last few chapters! I guess my goal is to just throw it all out there, my perception of both Max and Liz’s feelings, warts and all. We’ll be working our way into how Max and Liz live with all the new information and shared feelings and how it changes everything again.
<u>Chapter 6</u>
He just walked out. No apology. No acceptance of my apology. I guess that’s it for us. I am strangely calm as I finish putting away the slides and microscope, careful to leave the lab like I found it. Under normal circumstances, I would want to stay and explore: the University lab has so much more equipment than West Roswell. But now is not the time.
I exit the lab and lock the door behind me. The hallway is cold and sterile, quiet and serene. I make my way out of the building and into the parking lot. Both the building and the parking lot are deserted, save one old jeep. Max is waiting in the driver’s seat. He hasn’t started the jeep yet. He just sits there, staring straight ahead.
Wonderful. At least the ride will be quiet. I don’t think I can take any more yelling. I just don’t have it in me.
I throw my bag into the back of the jeep. Oh God, right on the blanket Max and I used the night we found the orb. Life was so perfect then. I was in love with my soulmate, doing well in school, all my friends were alive, and Tess didn’t exist. What a difference a year makes, huh?
After I climb into the jeep, Max cranks it up and we leave. He still hasn’t spoken to me. I look at my watch.
<i>11:53 p.m. </i>
The entire ride back to Roswell was like that. Max drove, never once looking in my direction, never once speaking. I just stared out into the desert. It gives me time to think.
I guess our fight tonight, as awful as it was, was helpful. A good purge. I feel empty, and I don’t know what the future holds or what telling Max will mean to us, but deep down I’m glad it’s all out in the open. Secrets, like the big one I was keeping, can weigh you down. I’m tired of being weighed down.
For better or worse, he knows.
Every act committed since Future Max and I changed the course of our lives has been like a ripple effect on all of us. Was it enough to save this planet? I guess I’ll have to wait and find out. Alex was an unintended consequence of our arrogance. We thought we could make changes in time that would make the future better, and instead it killed my best friend.
Maybe that’s where I should start. Maybe I should try and figure out what our meddling changed that could have caused Alex’s death. In the first timeline, Max and I got together and Tess left. That’s all I know. Future Max didn’t give me a lot of details. He thought he was protecting me and the future, but if I had known more about what happened in that timeline, maybe I could figure out what elements are different in this one. Right after Future Max came, we went to Copper Summit. Other than Max being angry with me about Kyle, I can’t see a difference in what would have happened. Whitaker had already died when Future Max came to me. The events at Copper Summit were already in motion.
Then there’s the situation with the duplicate aliens. Maybe Max wouldn’t have gone to New York if we had been together. So Rath and Lonnie could have been involved. Anything after Copper Summit could have changed, because we changed. Max and I weren’t together, and he didn’t trust me. Someone used Alex to decipher the alien book, then set up an innocent girl to cover their tracks. But who? What purpose did it serve to anyone other than the Four? Was it about the Granolith? Who had access to the book, and who knew Alex could solve it?
Again, I feel like there’s something in my mind that I just can’t put together. Something important.
It’s too much to understand right now. I’m just too tired. I will have to think on it, maybe create a timeline. Writing it down may help.
I was startled when my cell rang.
“Hello?”
“Liz!” It was Maria. From the frantic sound of her voice, I can tell she knows about Michael leaving.
“I’m here Maria.”
“Oh God, Liz! I can’t believe this! It’s like a nightmare. I can’t believe this is happening.” She’s crying now. It breaks my heart.
“I know.” I can’t bring myself to say anything else. We’re both quiet for a minute.
“Where are you?”
“I’m with Max. We’re on our way back from Las Cruces.”
“Las Cruces? Oh…Leanna! What happened?”
“Nothing. She’s not a Czechoslovakian.”
“She’s not? I don’t get it. She didn’t do it? Who did? What does that mean for us?”
“I don’t know yet. But we’ll figure it out. You and me.”
“You mean by ourselves because they’ll be gone.”
“Yes.”
“Liz?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t sound so good. Did I interrupt something?”
“No. We’re just….driving.”
“Oh. Liz? Can you just come over here? I really need my best friend right now.”
“Yeah, I’ll have Max drop me off at your house, ok?”
“Ok. See you soon.”
“Bye.”
I shut my phone. I notice that we are getting closer to Roswell. Suddenly, Max pulls off the main highway onto a side road. It’s dark, and I haven’t been paying attention, so I can’t tell exactly where we are.
“Max? Where are you going?”
Max doesn’t say anything. He just keeps driving. The night is black. All I can see is what the moon and the headlights reveal.
Suddenly, the jeep stops. Max turns off the jeep, but leaves the headlights on. He’s still staring straight ahead.
It dawns on me. I know where we are.
“Max?”
TBC
<u>Chapter 6</u>
He just walked out. No apology. No acceptance of my apology. I guess that’s it for us. I am strangely calm as I finish putting away the slides and microscope, careful to leave the lab like I found it. Under normal circumstances, I would want to stay and explore: the University lab has so much more equipment than West Roswell. But now is not the time.
I exit the lab and lock the door behind me. The hallway is cold and sterile, quiet and serene. I make my way out of the building and into the parking lot. Both the building and the parking lot are deserted, save one old jeep. Max is waiting in the driver’s seat. He hasn’t started the jeep yet. He just sits there, staring straight ahead.
Wonderful. At least the ride will be quiet. I don’t think I can take any more yelling. I just don’t have it in me.
I throw my bag into the back of the jeep. Oh God, right on the blanket Max and I used the night we found the orb. Life was so perfect then. I was in love with my soulmate, doing well in school, all my friends were alive, and Tess didn’t exist. What a difference a year makes, huh?
After I climb into the jeep, Max cranks it up and we leave. He still hasn’t spoken to me. I look at my watch.
<i>11:53 p.m. </i>
The entire ride back to Roswell was like that. Max drove, never once looking in my direction, never once speaking. I just stared out into the desert. It gives me time to think.
I guess our fight tonight, as awful as it was, was helpful. A good purge. I feel empty, and I don’t know what the future holds or what telling Max will mean to us, but deep down I’m glad it’s all out in the open. Secrets, like the big one I was keeping, can weigh you down. I’m tired of being weighed down.
For better or worse, he knows.
Every act committed since Future Max and I changed the course of our lives has been like a ripple effect on all of us. Was it enough to save this planet? I guess I’ll have to wait and find out. Alex was an unintended consequence of our arrogance. We thought we could make changes in time that would make the future better, and instead it killed my best friend.
Maybe that’s where I should start. Maybe I should try and figure out what our meddling changed that could have caused Alex’s death. In the first timeline, Max and I got together and Tess left. That’s all I know. Future Max didn’t give me a lot of details. He thought he was protecting me and the future, but if I had known more about what happened in that timeline, maybe I could figure out what elements are different in this one. Right after Future Max came, we went to Copper Summit. Other than Max being angry with me about Kyle, I can’t see a difference in what would have happened. Whitaker had already died when Future Max came to me. The events at Copper Summit were already in motion.
Then there’s the situation with the duplicate aliens. Maybe Max wouldn’t have gone to New York if we had been together. So Rath and Lonnie could have been involved. Anything after Copper Summit could have changed, because we changed. Max and I weren’t together, and he didn’t trust me. Someone used Alex to decipher the alien book, then set up an innocent girl to cover their tracks. But who? What purpose did it serve to anyone other than the Four? Was it about the Granolith? Who had access to the book, and who knew Alex could solve it?
Again, I feel like there’s something in my mind that I just can’t put together. Something important.
It’s too much to understand right now. I’m just too tired. I will have to think on it, maybe create a timeline. Writing it down may help.
I was startled when my cell rang.
“Hello?”
“Liz!” It was Maria. From the frantic sound of her voice, I can tell she knows about Michael leaving.
“I’m here Maria.”
“Oh God, Liz! I can’t believe this! It’s like a nightmare. I can’t believe this is happening.” She’s crying now. It breaks my heart.
“I know.” I can’t bring myself to say anything else. We’re both quiet for a minute.
“Where are you?”
“I’m with Max. We’re on our way back from Las Cruces.”
“Las Cruces? Oh…Leanna! What happened?”
“Nothing. She’s not a Czechoslovakian.”
“She’s not? I don’t get it. She didn’t do it? Who did? What does that mean for us?”
“I don’t know yet. But we’ll figure it out. You and me.”
“You mean by ourselves because they’ll be gone.”
“Yes.”
“Liz?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t sound so good. Did I interrupt something?”
“No. We’re just….driving.”
“Oh. Liz? Can you just come over here? I really need my best friend right now.”
“Yeah, I’ll have Max drop me off at your house, ok?”
“Ok. See you soon.”
“Bye.”
I shut my phone. I notice that we are getting closer to Roswell. Suddenly, Max pulls off the main highway onto a side road. It’s dark, and I haven’t been paying attention, so I can’t tell exactly where we are.
“Max? Where are you going?”
Max doesn’t say anything. He just keeps driving. The night is black. All I can see is what the moon and the headlights reveal.
Suddenly, the jeep stops. Max turns off the jeep, but leaves the headlights on. He’s still staring straight ahead.
It dawns on me. I know where we are.
“Max?”
TBC
Last edited by mel1016 on Thu Jul 06, 2006 6:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
***You guys are awesome! You have some great theories. It inspired me to get a few chapters ahead, so here's the next part.***
<u>Chapter 7</u>
<i>1:14 a.m.</i>
I can see the old radio tower in front of us. This is where we found the orb. It’s where we almost made love last year. So many memories.
“Max, what are we doing here?”
Finally he turns to look at me.
“I apologize for sleeping with Tess. I didn’t give up on us, I just turned to her in a moment of weakness. I was giving in to something that didn’t feel right, but made me feel better at the time. That was wrong. I don’t love her, but I do care about her. I feel a connection to her, but I never wanted to be with her. I just surrendered to the pain and loss I was feeling. It was the wrong thing to do, but it’s done. I apologize for what happened to Alex, and not believing you. I also apologize for the future me, putting you in such a terrible position.”
“Max, I didn’t mean to blame you for that…”
“Wait, Liz, I need to finish.” Max was speaking softly but firmly, and his eyes were now softer, as if he didn’t want to upset me any further, but didn’t want me to interrupt.
“This ‘Future Max’ may not be me, not the me that I am now, but I do feel like knowing me, being involved with me, made you do what you did. It wasn’t a good decision, and you do bear responsibility, but I can’t say it was all your fault. We both have done many stupid, stupid things this year. We’re a lot alike, you and I. We both love our friends so much that we take on too much responsibility and never let anyone else help us. I think our decisions would have been better had we been straight with each other. But the future has changed. We can’t go back, no matter how much we might want to.”
He looks out at the tower again.
“I stopped here because it represents a time when we solved our problems together. We were completely open with each other, and we were happy. I didn’t want you to forget about that. Not after I’m gone. I want this to be a comforting place for you. I want you to remember the good times…not all this…pain.
“I can’t promise I’ll be back. I want to, but I have to take responsibility for my son. I will promise to try and return and fix this mess. Just know that I love you…I’ve always loved you…and I always will.”
He reaches over and strokes my face. I take his hand and kiss his palm before lacing my fingers with his.
“I love you, too.”
He smiles.
“All that said, I am still hurt about you not trusting me enough to tell me about Future Max. My life changed, and I had no control over it. But that’s over.
“I’m taking my life back, Liz. Starting now. All future decisions that affect me will be decided by me. I don’t know if what you did changed the future of this world…if what you were trying to prevent has, in fact, been prevented. I don’t know if what happened tonight, if telling me about the future, changed it again. All I know is that I am no longer going to stand by and let other people….even you…dictate my future.”
“I understand. And I guess I understand why you’re leaving, even if it breaks my heart. But I need to find Alex’s murderer, and I worry about those of us you’re leaving behind.”
“I do, too. But I have to save my son.”
He looks at his watch.
<i>1:30 a.m. </i>
5 hours to go.
“We have to go.”
Max starts the jeep. He never removes his right hand from my left, so we drive back to Roswell holding hands. I think it comforts us both. We don’t speak again.
When we reach Maria’s, we both just sit there staring straight ahead. It’s so hard to let go.
After a few minutes, I untangle my fingers from his.
“I won’t make this any harder by asking you to stay.”
“I don’t want to go.”
I turn to him, and can see his eyes shining with tears. His lip trembles.
“I wish everything could have been different. I wish that so much.”
God, I do, too. I can’t breathe. Suddenly, Max leans over and kisses me, pulling me to him with his hand wrapped in my hair. He deepens the kiss, and I grab his t-shirt at the waist, clenching the material in my fist. We kiss like there’s no tomorrow. For us, there’s not.
I get out of the jeep. Max meets me at the back of the jeep and grabs my bag, which has gotten tangled in the green blanket. He stands there for a second, then stumbles and shakes his head quickly, like a thought just ran through his mind.
“What is it, Max?”
“Liz, I have to go.”
He hugs me tight to him, and then turns and jumps in the jeep.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
And after staring at each other for a few precious seconds, he takes off.
Slowly, I make my way up to the door.
TBC
<u>Chapter 7</u>
<i>1:14 a.m.</i>
I can see the old radio tower in front of us. This is where we found the orb. It’s where we almost made love last year. So many memories.
“Max, what are we doing here?”
Finally he turns to look at me.
“I apologize for sleeping with Tess. I didn’t give up on us, I just turned to her in a moment of weakness. I was giving in to something that didn’t feel right, but made me feel better at the time. That was wrong. I don’t love her, but I do care about her. I feel a connection to her, but I never wanted to be with her. I just surrendered to the pain and loss I was feeling. It was the wrong thing to do, but it’s done. I apologize for what happened to Alex, and not believing you. I also apologize for the future me, putting you in such a terrible position.”
“Max, I didn’t mean to blame you for that…”
“Wait, Liz, I need to finish.” Max was speaking softly but firmly, and his eyes were now softer, as if he didn’t want to upset me any further, but didn’t want me to interrupt.
“This ‘Future Max’ may not be me, not the me that I am now, but I do feel like knowing me, being involved with me, made you do what you did. It wasn’t a good decision, and you do bear responsibility, but I can’t say it was all your fault. We both have done many stupid, stupid things this year. We’re a lot alike, you and I. We both love our friends so much that we take on too much responsibility and never let anyone else help us. I think our decisions would have been better had we been straight with each other. But the future has changed. We can’t go back, no matter how much we might want to.”
He looks out at the tower again.
“I stopped here because it represents a time when we solved our problems together. We were completely open with each other, and we were happy. I didn’t want you to forget about that. Not after I’m gone. I want this to be a comforting place for you. I want you to remember the good times…not all this…pain.
“I can’t promise I’ll be back. I want to, but I have to take responsibility for my son. I will promise to try and return and fix this mess. Just know that I love you…I’ve always loved you…and I always will.”
He reaches over and strokes my face. I take his hand and kiss his palm before lacing my fingers with his.
“I love you, too.”
He smiles.
“All that said, I am still hurt about you not trusting me enough to tell me about Future Max. My life changed, and I had no control over it. But that’s over.
“I’m taking my life back, Liz. Starting now. All future decisions that affect me will be decided by me. I don’t know if what you did changed the future of this world…if what you were trying to prevent has, in fact, been prevented. I don’t know if what happened tonight, if telling me about the future, changed it again. All I know is that I am no longer going to stand by and let other people….even you…dictate my future.”
“I understand. And I guess I understand why you’re leaving, even if it breaks my heart. But I need to find Alex’s murderer, and I worry about those of us you’re leaving behind.”
“I do, too. But I have to save my son.”
He looks at his watch.
<i>1:30 a.m. </i>
5 hours to go.
“We have to go.”
Max starts the jeep. He never removes his right hand from my left, so we drive back to Roswell holding hands. I think it comforts us both. We don’t speak again.
When we reach Maria’s, we both just sit there staring straight ahead. It’s so hard to let go.
After a few minutes, I untangle my fingers from his.
“I won’t make this any harder by asking you to stay.”
“I don’t want to go.”
I turn to him, and can see his eyes shining with tears. His lip trembles.
“I wish everything could have been different. I wish that so much.”
God, I do, too. I can’t breathe. Suddenly, Max leans over and kisses me, pulling me to him with his hand wrapped in my hair. He deepens the kiss, and I grab his t-shirt at the waist, clenching the material in my fist. We kiss like there’s no tomorrow. For us, there’s not.
I get out of the jeep. Max meets me at the back of the jeep and grabs my bag, which has gotten tangled in the green blanket. He stands there for a second, then stumbles and shakes his head quickly, like a thought just ran through his mind.
“What is it, Max?”
“Liz, I have to go.”
He hugs me tight to him, and then turns and jumps in the jeep.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
And after staring at each other for a few precious seconds, he takes off.
Slowly, I make my way up to the door.
TBC
***Hey everyone. This part's a bit short, but it moves the story along. Thanks for the feedback. It really helps with writing this story. 
***
<u>Chapter 8</u>
<i>1:53 a.m.</i>
Walking to the door, I’m reminded that I’m not the only human in pain tonight. I see the curtains part, then close again. As I reach the front door of Maria’s modest home, the door opens.
The girl standing before me reflects all the pain I’m feeling at the thought of losing Max. Maria, though she shares a volatile relationship with him, loves Michael with all her heart. She is in Scooby Doo pajamas and her hair is in a ponytail. She has no makeup on, but I can tell by her puffy eyes that it’s possible she cried all of it off.
“Oh Liz.”
I step up into the house and hug Maria. We stay like that, hugging in the doorway, two lifelines giving the other support.
“He’s leaving me, Liz. Why is this happening?”
“Didn’t he tell you?”
“About Tess and Max? Yes. But I don’t understand why they all have to leave.”
She breaks into tears again. I hate seeing her like this. I move her into the living room. She’s been through so much, with Alex’s death, and now this. We sit on the couch, facing each other, about a foot apart. I hold both her hands in mine.
“I know it’s hard on you, Maria. I am so sorry about this. I feel it’s my fault. If it hadn’t been for me and Future Max, this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t changed the future, Alex would be alive. Tess wouldn’t be pregnant, and they wouldn’t be leaving.”
Tears well up again. I didn’t think I had any left. Apparently my guilt is never-ending.
“Liz, stop it. I don’t blame you. I know why you did what you did. It’s not your fault…not really. You had no idea this would happen. I just wish they didn’t have to go.”
She looks at me, then down at her lap.
“Liz, I have something to tell you.”
Oh God. More bad news?
“What?”
“Michael and I…we made love.”
Wow.
“Oh Maria! I’m so happy for you!”
I pull her to me.
“It was wonderful. He opened himself up to me, showed me everything about him. We connected Liz. It was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had. And then he told me he had to leave.”
We separate.
“I don’t regret what I did, Liz. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”
We sit there, holding hands and talking, for an hour. Maria tells me more details about her time with Michael, but we mostly talk about the future and what we should do. Both of us agree that we need to start writing everything we know down so we can figure out what happened to Alex. It’s easier to think about our strategy for finding his killer than to think about what was happening with the aliens.
Suddenly, I see headlights in front of Maria’s, and then hear a slamming door. It must be Ms. Deluca or Sean. Maria opens the curtain and looks out. She looks puzzled.
“It’s Max. What is he doing back? It’s like three in the morning. I thought they were leaving soon?”
There’s knock on the door. I get up and answer it. Maria stays where she is.
Max is standing on the front step, illuminated by the small outside light. He is breathing hard and looks at me with wide eyes.
Something’s obviously wrong.
“Can I come in?”
“Uh, sure. What’s wrong, Max?”
Max steps across the threshold, shuts the front door, and puts his hand on the back of his neck, rubbing the base of his skull.
“When I was leaving you, when I was getting your bag for you, I touched that green blanket. You remember?”
“Yeah. You looked startled and then you just left.”
“I had a flash, Liz.”
TBC
***<u>Chapter 8</u>
<i>1:53 a.m.</i>
Walking to the door, I’m reminded that I’m not the only human in pain tonight. I see the curtains part, then close again. As I reach the front door of Maria’s modest home, the door opens.
The girl standing before me reflects all the pain I’m feeling at the thought of losing Max. Maria, though she shares a volatile relationship with him, loves Michael with all her heart. She is in Scooby Doo pajamas and her hair is in a ponytail. She has no makeup on, but I can tell by her puffy eyes that it’s possible she cried all of it off.
“Oh Liz.”
I step up into the house and hug Maria. We stay like that, hugging in the doorway, two lifelines giving the other support.
“He’s leaving me, Liz. Why is this happening?”
“Didn’t he tell you?”
“About Tess and Max? Yes. But I don’t understand why they all have to leave.”
She breaks into tears again. I hate seeing her like this. I move her into the living room. She’s been through so much, with Alex’s death, and now this. We sit on the couch, facing each other, about a foot apart. I hold both her hands in mine.
“I know it’s hard on you, Maria. I am so sorry about this. I feel it’s my fault. If it hadn’t been for me and Future Max, this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t changed the future, Alex would be alive. Tess wouldn’t be pregnant, and they wouldn’t be leaving.”
Tears well up again. I didn’t think I had any left. Apparently my guilt is never-ending.
“Liz, stop it. I don’t blame you. I know why you did what you did. It’s not your fault…not really. You had no idea this would happen. I just wish they didn’t have to go.”
She looks at me, then down at her lap.
“Liz, I have something to tell you.”
Oh God. More bad news?
“What?”
“Michael and I…we made love.”
Wow.
“Oh Maria! I’m so happy for you!”
I pull her to me.
“It was wonderful. He opened himself up to me, showed me everything about him. We connected Liz. It was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had. And then he told me he had to leave.”
We separate.
“I don’t regret what I did, Liz. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without him.”
We sit there, holding hands and talking, for an hour. Maria tells me more details about her time with Michael, but we mostly talk about the future and what we should do. Both of us agree that we need to start writing everything we know down so we can figure out what happened to Alex. It’s easier to think about our strategy for finding his killer than to think about what was happening with the aliens.
Suddenly, I see headlights in front of Maria’s, and then hear a slamming door. It must be Ms. Deluca or Sean. Maria opens the curtain and looks out. She looks puzzled.
“It’s Max. What is he doing back? It’s like three in the morning. I thought they were leaving soon?”
There’s knock on the door. I get up and answer it. Maria stays where she is.
Max is standing on the front step, illuminated by the small outside light. He is breathing hard and looks at me with wide eyes.
Something’s obviously wrong.
“Can I come in?”
“Uh, sure. What’s wrong, Max?”
Max steps across the threshold, shuts the front door, and puts his hand on the back of his neck, rubbing the base of his skull.
“When I was leaving you, when I was getting your bag for you, I touched that green blanket. You remember?”
“Yeah. You looked startled and then you just left.”
“I had a flash, Liz.”
TBC
** I decided to post earlier than Sunday. Enjoy! **
<u>Chapter 9</u>
“You had a flash of what?”
“Let me explain. I…I don’t want to, but I have to if you are going to understand. So I’m sorry….about the subject matter.”
He looks down and then back up at me, as if waiting for permission to continue.
“We’ve already apologized to each other for everything. Just tell me, okay?”
“When I was…with Tess, it was at the Roswell Space Observatory. You know where I’m talking about?”
“Oh….um, of course. It’s has a great telescope.”
“Well, I, uh, took in my blanket. It’s…um…what we used?”
“Okay…”
“When I touched it tonight, I got a flash of that night.”
I don’t know where Max is going with this, but I wait for him to continue.
“It was short, but it was important. We were….God, this is hard to tell you.”
“Just say it, Max.”
I reach out and touch his arm, trying to reassure him that I wouldn’t break.
He exhales and continues.
“What I was feeling before we entered the observatory were the same in the flash as I remember. I was lost…I just wanted to forget….everything that was going on in my life. I’ve told you all this. But the flash explained something. We were about to have…sex, and I reached into my pocket for my condom. Remember how I told you I wasn’t sure what happened to it? Well, the flash showed me. Liz, I pulled the condom out and put it on. I didn’t want to get her pregnant. I remember thinking about it. I was careful! I just wanted to drown in my sorrow, not add more. Anyway, Tess grabbed my face and locked eyes with me. I see my eyes glaze over. Then the flash ended. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I had to go to the observatory to see if I could get another flash.”
He runs his hand through his hair. I look over at Maria, she’s just staring at us. She’s sitting back against the couch with her arms crossed. I can tell by her face that she’s not happy with Max, but she’s staying out of it for now.
“I went to the observatory and touched everything…everything we possibly could have touched. I didn’t have another flash. I was frantic…but nothing worked. I was walking toward the door and just stopped. I thought about it, about the fact I had probably been mindwarped, and just concentrated on the room we were in, on the floor…where we were, and just waited. I was too angry. I was trying too hard. So I relaxed, and tried to remember. And then I did.”
Max looked at me. He reached out and took my hand and held it in both of his.
“Liz, I used a condom. I HAD been mindwarped. She made me forget that. She took it afterward and dissolved it. She planted memories and made me forget! I just thought I was…floating. Like I wasn’t really there, in a way. I didn’t realize that was a mindwarp.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My mind just wasn’t keeping up with what he was saying.
“So, if you used a condom…”
“She’s not pregnant. She must have mindwarped me into feeling the baby, too. It was probably all a mindwarp!”
I blinked a few times. This is too weird. It’s possible. Even likely. Tess did mindwarp Max into kissing her and made him have weird dreams about her. And she obviously wanted a way to make Max stay with her on a permanent basis.
But faking a pregnancy? That’s too cold. On the other hand, women have done it before, but none of them had the lethal combination of desperation, treachery, and mindwarping.
Behind me, I hear Maria inhale loudly.
“Are you sure Max?” I guess Maria couldn’t stay silent any longer.
“I know what I saw. It was real. It was the truth.”
“Max? Oh God Max!”
I feel kinda weak in the knees. Could it be this easy? Did we all catch a break?
He lets go of my hand. I barely notice when his hand touches my shoulder.
“I know. We may be able to stay.”
I hear Maria begin to sob. Every noise seems filtered through a tunnel. Max pulls me to him and embraces me. I let him. I put my head against his chest.
“I will make this right.”
“What do we do now?” Maria was obviously thinking further ahead than I was.
Max strokes my hair as he talks. I can hear his heart. We haven’t been this close in a long, long time. It felt comfortable. It felt right.
“It’s three in the morning. Isabel was expecting me hours ago. I can’t call; it’ll risk waking my parents. So I need to go get her. I’ll get her and Michael and meet you both back here in a half hour. We need to figure out what to do. I’ll call Tess on the way and tell her I was delayed, but that I still need to get Isabel and get ready to go. I think it’s best to confront her after we’ve figured everything out. I have to hurry.”
Reluctantly, I step back from Max. He looks down at me with more love than I’ve seen from him in many months.
“I’ll be back soon.”
He touches my cheek, and then walks out the door. I stand there, in the open door, and watch him leave. All of a sudden I’m not tired. My mind is in overdrive.
“Maria? Do you have some paper?”
TBC
<u>Chapter 9</u>
“You had a flash of what?”
“Let me explain. I…I don’t want to, but I have to if you are going to understand. So I’m sorry….about the subject matter.”
He looks down and then back up at me, as if waiting for permission to continue.
“We’ve already apologized to each other for everything. Just tell me, okay?”
“When I was…with Tess, it was at the Roswell Space Observatory. You know where I’m talking about?”
“Oh….um, of course. It’s has a great telescope.”
“Well, I, uh, took in my blanket. It’s…um…what we used?”
“Okay…”
“When I touched it tonight, I got a flash of that night.”
I don’t know where Max is going with this, but I wait for him to continue.
“It was short, but it was important. We were….God, this is hard to tell you.”
“Just say it, Max.”
I reach out and touch his arm, trying to reassure him that I wouldn’t break.
He exhales and continues.
“What I was feeling before we entered the observatory were the same in the flash as I remember. I was lost…I just wanted to forget….everything that was going on in my life. I’ve told you all this. But the flash explained something. We were about to have…sex, and I reached into my pocket for my condom. Remember how I told you I wasn’t sure what happened to it? Well, the flash showed me. Liz, I pulled the condom out and put it on. I didn’t want to get her pregnant. I remember thinking about it. I was careful! I just wanted to drown in my sorrow, not add more. Anyway, Tess grabbed my face and locked eyes with me. I see my eyes glaze over. Then the flash ended. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I had to go to the observatory to see if I could get another flash.”
He runs his hand through his hair. I look over at Maria, she’s just staring at us. She’s sitting back against the couch with her arms crossed. I can tell by her face that she’s not happy with Max, but she’s staying out of it for now.
“I went to the observatory and touched everything…everything we possibly could have touched. I didn’t have another flash. I was frantic…but nothing worked. I was walking toward the door and just stopped. I thought about it, about the fact I had probably been mindwarped, and just concentrated on the room we were in, on the floor…where we were, and just waited. I was too angry. I was trying too hard. So I relaxed, and tried to remember. And then I did.”
Max looked at me. He reached out and took my hand and held it in both of his.
“Liz, I used a condom. I HAD been mindwarped. She made me forget that. She took it afterward and dissolved it. She planted memories and made me forget! I just thought I was…floating. Like I wasn’t really there, in a way. I didn’t realize that was a mindwarp.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My mind just wasn’t keeping up with what he was saying.
“So, if you used a condom…”
“She’s not pregnant. She must have mindwarped me into feeling the baby, too. It was probably all a mindwarp!”
I blinked a few times. This is too weird. It’s possible. Even likely. Tess did mindwarp Max into kissing her and made him have weird dreams about her. And she obviously wanted a way to make Max stay with her on a permanent basis.
But faking a pregnancy? That’s too cold. On the other hand, women have done it before, but none of them had the lethal combination of desperation, treachery, and mindwarping.
Behind me, I hear Maria inhale loudly.
“Are you sure Max?” I guess Maria couldn’t stay silent any longer.
“I know what I saw. It was real. It was the truth.”
“Max? Oh God Max!”
I feel kinda weak in the knees. Could it be this easy? Did we all catch a break?
He lets go of my hand. I barely notice when his hand touches my shoulder.
“I know. We may be able to stay.”
I hear Maria begin to sob. Every noise seems filtered through a tunnel. Max pulls me to him and embraces me. I let him. I put my head against his chest.
“I will make this right.”
“What do we do now?” Maria was obviously thinking further ahead than I was.
Max strokes my hair as he talks. I can hear his heart. We haven’t been this close in a long, long time. It felt comfortable. It felt right.
“It’s three in the morning. Isabel was expecting me hours ago. I can’t call; it’ll risk waking my parents. So I need to go get her. I’ll get her and Michael and meet you both back here in a half hour. We need to figure out what to do. I’ll call Tess on the way and tell her I was delayed, but that I still need to get Isabel and get ready to go. I think it’s best to confront her after we’ve figured everything out. I have to hurry.”
Reluctantly, I step back from Max. He looks down at me with more love than I’ve seen from him in many months.
“I’ll be back soon.”
He touches my cheek, and then walks out the door. I stand there, in the open door, and watch him leave. All of a sudden I’m not tired. My mind is in overdrive.
“Maria? Do you have some paper?”
TBC