Starts With Goodbye (UC, AU, Z/L, Mature) [COMPLETE]

[Skittles1983]

Author: Amy

Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB & UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.

Couple: Zan/Liz

Rating: Mature

Alternate Universe, No Aliens

Intro:

Liz Parker and Zan Evans have been best friends forever. Zan is two years older than Liz and no matter who comes into their lives they are still best friends. As they get older Liz realizes that she is in love with Zan. She keeps these feelings to herself, but all of their mutual friends can tell that there is something there between them.

Liz decides to go away to college and attend Boston University. All of her friends are staying in Roswell, New Mexico and attending Roswell University.

On graduation night, Zan who has just finished his sophomore year of college visits Liz. Zan has gotten a reputation for being a player. He dates and sleeps with whoever he wants. However, on graduation night something happens between Zan and Liz. They spend a beautiful, passionate night together. For Liz it is her first time and unforgettable. For Zan, it is something entirely different. This is the first time he is really seeing his little Lizzie all grown up and he realizes he loves her. But, in the morning when Liz wakes up she finds a note from Zan.

Heartbroken, Liz decides to leave for Boston early. She runs from her heartbreak and sadness but she can't hide forever.

While away, Liz never visits Roswell. She keeps in touch with all of her friends at home except Zan.

Now, four years later as Liz graduates college she decides to go home and visit the place she ran from.

What will happen when Liz returnes home?

[Skittles1983]

Start with Goodbye

Prologue

Liz reread the note for the fifteenth time:

Elizabeth,
Last night never should have happened. You are my best friend. It was a mistake, please forgive me.

~Zan

She wiped the tears from her eyes and knew what she had to do. She made her way down the stairs to her parents restaurant and saw her Dad opening up The Crashdown. She caught his eye and motioned for him to come into his office. She found her mom sitting at the office desk and she cleared her throat. Just as her mother looked up, her father walked through the door.

“Lizzie, what’s going on?” Her dad asked.

“Well,” she began, the paused to take a breath, “I want to go to the early summer program at Boston University.”

“What?” Her mother exclaimed, “Sweetheart, you’d have to leave today. I thought you wanted to spend the summer with Zan, Maria, Michael, Alex, Isabelle, Kyle, Serena, Tess, and Max.”

At the mention of Zan’s name Liz fought back her tears. When she had her emotions under control she responded, “No. I want to go to Boston and get acquainted with the city. I need something new. I’m tired of Roswell. I need to go, I need to…” But at that moment her emotions took hold of her and she started to cry.

Her mother and father looked at each other, unsure of what brought on this emotional outburst. Her father took her in his arms and rocked gently back and forth, “Whatever you want Lizzie,” He reassured her, “I’ll call the airport and make the arrangements. Go pack and make your phone calls.”

Liz nodded and headed upstairs to her room. When she calmed down she started to pack her room. She only wanted to take the bare necessities: her journal, bathroom products, a picture of the whole group, various scrap books and her clothes. Then she called Isabelle and asked her to come over. Even though Isabelle was Zan’s sister, she knew that she could trust her.

Isabelle found Liz on the floor in her room, surrounded by boxes and suitcases.

“Liz?” Isabelle questioned.

Liz looked up, “Isabelle, I’m leaving.”

Isabelle shook her head, “I don’t understand.”

Liz smiled at her, “I know and neither do I. I’m going to BU early. They have a program to get you acquainted with the city, so I’m going. I just decided today.”

“When do you leave?”

“In five hours.”

Isabelle looked at Liz with raised eyebrows , so Liz began her story. By the end, both girls were in tears and Isabelle didn’t know what to say or do. Liz handed Isabelle a letter for each member of their group of friends. She even handed her one for Zan. And with that, the two friends said goodbye.

Isabelle and Liz promised to write to each other often and they did. However Liz, didn’t return to Roswell during any of her school breaks, holidays, or summers. All of her friends were hurt by her sudden leave, but knew that something must have happened because Zan was miserable and Isabelle wouldn’t speak to him for weeks after Liz left. No one but Isabelle, Zan, and Liz knew the real reason why she left. Liz never looked back after she left Roswell that day.

[Skittles1983]

Starts with Goodbye

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you guys like it so far! Here's the next chapter.

Chapter 1

Liz couldn’t believe that in two hours she would be back in Roswell. No one knew she was coming back, well they knew, but they were expecting her in a week. She decided to leave Boston early and surprise her finessed family. The past four years she spent at Boston University had been good to her. The once quiet, shy, girl was now a woman who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind.

As Liz drove on the interstate she thought about what awaited her in Roswell. She was happy to get back to her friends and family. Se had had a great four years away, but was excited to get settled into her new job and new apartment. Liz had decided last Christmas when her parents and Maria came to see her that she was going to move back to Roswell after graduation. She accepted a job offer as a pharmaceutical researcher at Biotech Industries, which was twenty minutes outside of Roswell. She had entrusted Isabelle to find her an apartment in Roswell and Isabelle had found the perfect apartment. Liz bought herself a used SUV and packed al her stuff into it and had taken off on her cross-country journey.

Liz was also apprehensive about returning home. She had kept in touch with all of her friends except fro Zan. She would ask about him, but she hadn’t spoken to or seen him in four years. She hadn’t seen him since that night. All of her other friends had come out to visit her, but he never came or called. At first Liz was really hurt. She knew she could have called him or could have gone home at least once in the past four years, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t face him after she had run from the entire situation. If she was honest with herself, she had been in love with Zan and that night had changed her life. She really did miss Zan. She missed his friendship the most. Even though he was two years older than her, they had been inseparable since they met. They started their own little group and soon, Max, who was Zan’s twin was a part of it, and Zan’s sister who was Liz’s age was a part of it. Eventually, Maria, Michael, Tess, Kyle, Serena, and Alex came along. The group was very tight and leaned on one another through everything. Although, Liz had only told Isabelle the real reason she was leaving the others had figured out that something had happened between Liz and Zan. However, Liz, Zan, and Isabelle never talked about it and the others eventually stopped trying to find out what it was.

Liz hadn’t wanted a huge conflict in the group. So, she trusted Isabelle with the truth and that was it. She was happy to have confided in her. Liz was so lost in her own world that before she knew it, she was in Roswell. She pulled up to the Crashdown and looked inside. She was surprised to see the entire group hanging out there. The restaurant was empty except for her friends and parents. She looked at the clock and saw that it was 3 in the afternoon and she knew that that time of day on a Sunday was normally slow. Liz sat in her car for a few minutes.

She noticed that nothing had changed and that brought a smile to her face. The streets were all the same, all the houses still there and all the businesses still there. She had taken a few weeks off just to have to herself. It was now the end of May and she didn’t start work until the middle of July. She shook her head to clear it of thoughts of work and focused all her attention on calming her nerves. She took a deep breathe and got out of the car. She shut the door and made her way to the entrance of the Crashdown. She debated using the back entrance, but decided to just go in.

As she opened the door, the jingling of the bell alerted everyone in the Crashdown that a patron was entering. Everyone looked up and Liz could see their expressions turned from surprised to excited. And before she knew it, she was wrapped up in hugs and passed from person to person. The last person she got to was Zan and before she could even think about what she should do, she was wrapped up in his arms in a bear hug and she heard him whisper, “I missed you Angel.”

[Skittles1983]

Hi Everyone, I'm sorry this post is later than expected. Thank you for all the wonderful feedback. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks, Amy



Chapter 2

Two weeks later

Liz didn’t feel like getting out of bed. She snuggled deeper into her bed and pulled her comforter tighter. She sighed as she closed her eyes and thought back on the past two weeks.

Everyone had been pleasantly surprised to see her two Sundays ago. Liz smiled when she thought about everyone’s faces. She truly was glad to see them and couldn’t have been happier to be back in her circle of friends. She had made quite a few friends at BU but none were like her friends at home. Her parents had been happy to have her back. She ended up spending the night in her old room.

Her smile faded as she thought about Zan. He had hugged her so tight when she had gotten back and called her “angel”, which had been his nickname for her since they met. She had been surprised by his reaction but could tell that he had genuinely missed her. However, in the past two weeks that she had been home she had not had a chance to talk to him or be alone with him. She knew that they really did have to talk but it was hard when everyone else was around and wanted her attention.

Her smile came back full force as she thought about all of her other friends. Isabelle, Maria, Tess, and Serena came over every night after work and helped her set up her new apartment. Isabelle had taken a few days off from work and helped her pick out paint and furniture. The girls were all to happy to help decorate the rooms. Isabelle and Liz painted every room while Maria, Tess, and Serena had helped move furniture around and decorate. Max, Michael, Kyle, Zan, and Alex had come over after work with food for all of the girls. They had helped to by moving furniture and painting some of the rooms. Liz was grateful to them for all of their hard work, so she had decided to have a BBQ for her friends and family to show her appreciation.

Things had been awkward with her and Zan but she really didn’t know how to make it any better. She sighed as she looked over at the clock and saw that it was 1:30 p.m. Everyone was coming over for a BBQ at 3 p.m. She got up and took a quick shower. She threw her hair up into a messy ponytail and threw on a pink tank top and a denim skirt. She slipped her feet into a pair of pink flip flops and set about taking out the paper plates, cups and silverware. Isabelle and Alex were bringing a salad and corn on the cob, Tess and Kyle were bringing macaroni salad and cookies, Michael and Maria were bringing rolls and soda, while Max and Serena were brining chips, salsa, and dip. Zan had said he would pick up some pastries and make a taco salad. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were bringing baked beans and apple pie, Maria’s mom was bringing her infamous peach cobbler, while Kyle’s dad was bringing the beer. Liz’s parents were going to supply the hot dogs and hamburgers. Liz had already made potatoe salad, and she had marinated chicken. She started the grill and went back inside to put on a pot of coffee. Just as she was about to pour the water into the machine she heard a knock at her front door. When she got to the door, she looked out the peep hole and saw Zan.

She rested her forehead against the door and mumbled, “I haven‘t even had my first cup of coffee yet.”

She pulled the door open and gave him a small smile, “Zan, what are you doing here?”

“I was just in the neighborhood and thought that I’d stop by to see if you needed any help with anything?”

“Oh, um…” Liz thought for a moment, “Actually, I’m all set.”

She could read the disappointment in his eyes so she said, “But, I was just making some coffee. Why don’t you come in and join me? Everyone will be here soon.” Liz knew that it was a perfect moment to talk. She reached out and took the pastry box he was holding.



She saw a small sparkle return to his eyes, but chose not to say anything. She turned around and made her way back into the kitchen. She heard Zan shut the door and follow her. She put the pastry box in the refrigerator then turned around and took the huge bowl of Taco Salad he was holding and made room for it. Then, she put on the coffee. When she turn around her eyes met Zan’s.

Zan broke the uncomfortable silence first, “So, the place looks really good.”

Liz nodded her agreement. Her apartment was more like a condominium. She had a living room, kitchen/dining room, two bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, an office, and a patio. She and Isabelle had painted the living room a crème color. Liz had gotten a black leather love seat with two huge chairs and ottomans to match. Isabelle had picked out red accent pillows and scattered around the room were red candles and red vases. On the mantle were a few picture frames.
They didn’t really do much with the kitchen except to add a few rugs on the hard wood floor. The kitchen was already done in a deep wood color and had stainless steel appliances. Next, they had done the master bedroom in a pale purple color. Liz had picked out a white four poster bed and white furniture to match. She had picked out a very comfortable chair to sit in one corner so that she could read at night. She kept her bathroom simple. Everything in the bathroom was already done in a frosted glass, so she just added a few purple candles which gave the room just enough color.

Liz had let Isabelle decorate the guest room and guest bathroom. Isabelle had opted to go with a Caribbean ocean color for the paint. She then decorated the room with dark wood furniture and pictures of tropical places along with blue and white candles. The bathroom was already a dark blue, so Isabelle just added a beach theme to it by filling vases with sand and sea glass.

Liz and Isabelle let the girls decorate the office. They had chosen a soft buttercup yellow color and had also chosen a dark desk to fill the room. They picked out a black leather chair for Liz to sit in and put it behind the desk. They hung up pictures of friends and family throughout the room and put frames all over Liz’s desk.

The half bathroom Liz decorated herself. She just sponge painted the walls with pink and gray and added some flower photographs.

Liz’s favorite place was definitely the patio. She and Isabelle had gotten a wicker patio set and found a wicker two seater swing. Then they found string lights that were made out of wicker balls. They strung about twenty strands around the patio. Isabelle had found huge dark brown pillar candles and found glass dishes for them. Liz loved to sit outside at night and read. It was peaceful.

Liz was brought out of her thoughts by Zan clearing his throat. She blushed and apologized, “I’m sorry. I just got lost in this mind of mine.”

Zan laughed and Liz realized how much she missed the sound of it. As quickly as the thought entered her head it left. Liz wondered where it came from.

The sound of the coffee machine chiming caught Liz’s attention so she busied herself with making the coffee. She knew Zan liked it light with no sugar. She placed the cup in front of him and he smiled up at her from his seat at the table, “You remember.”

Liz just nodded as she turned around to make hers. Then she took a seat at the table directly across from him.

“Zan, we need to talk.”

He just nodded.

“Things are so awkward between us. I never ever thought that it would be like this between us.” Liz started.

She waited for him to say something, but when he didn’t she continued, “You were my best friend. Zan you were everything to me and to just lose you like that. These past four years have taught me a lot about myself. I’m a different person that I was four years ago.”

Before she could continue Zan interrupted, “Liz, I made a mistake those four years ago. I never should have left you that night. I just got scared.” It was Liz’s turn to interrupt.

“Zan, I truly believe everything happens for a reason. When I woke up to find you gone, I just…” tears came to her eyes, “I was so broken.” she whispered as the tears started to fall.

Zan was at her side in an instant, “Oh, angel, please don’t cry,” he said as he wiped away her tears, “I made a mistake writing that note to you and leaving you. I broke your heart and in the process broke my own.”

Liz couldn’t deal with this now. She had built these walls around her and they were starting to crumble. She couldn’t let him in again. She craved his friendship but most of all she craved his love and she was so angry at herself. She should have been stronger, so she did the only thing she could, she pushed him away.

“Zan, no. You were right it was a mistake. We never should have had sex. I was just another notch on your belt. I was so stupid to think that it was more. I had been so in love with you, but I was scared to say anything. You would come home from college with these stories of these girls and you were such a player. BUT, I stuck by you and stuck up for you to all of our friends. Then you come to me that night and you looked at me like I’d wished for so many times. You told me I was beautiful and I guess I fell for it. I’m sure you say those things all the time, I just didn’t realize I was part of your game. I should have known that you would fuck me and then leave me…just like you did to all those other girls.” Liz was near hysterical now but she didn’t care. She said what she wanted to say. Four years ago she had been extremely hurt, but now she was just pissed.

Before she could continue her rant she heard a throat clear behind her and she froze. She saw Zan’s eyes widen. She turned around finding everyone standing there. She thought briefly that they must have lost track of time, but before she could give it another thought she realized by the looks on their faces that they had just heard everything. She turned back towards Zan, who looked at her. She didn’t move as he pulled something out of his pocket and laid it down on the table.

He addressed the group standing in shock behind them, “I think I better go.”

He walked out before anyone could say anything. Liz didn’t make a move she just stared at the object on the table. It was her letter and by the looks of it he had re-read it over and over again. She felt a hand on her arm and turned to find herself staring into Isabelle’s eyes.

“Liz, I’ll handle things and get the BBQ started. Why don’t you go clean up?”

Liz nodded and picked the letter up off the table. She didn’t look at anyone as she made her way into her room and closed the door. She slid down to the floor and opened up the letter.

Zan,

I know you won’t understand it, but I have to say Goodbye. I’ll make a confession to you right now: I’m in love with you. I woke up this morning and I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Then, I found your note and my heart broke. I can’t stay here after what happened. I need to move on and in order to do that I need to be away from you. I have to do this. I can’t imagine my life without you and this is killing me. But, I have to make a choice right now and it’s going to hurt. I’m going to let go because moving on with the rest of my life has to start with goodbye.

~Liz

**Liz’s letter to Zan parallels Carrie Underwood’s song “Starts With Goodbye”**

[Skittles1983]

Hello everyone. I've finished this story. Thank you for all of your feedback. Please let know what you think of the rest of this story. Thanks, Amy

Chapter 3

Later that Night

Liz and Isabelle had just finished cleaning up after everyone else has left. Liz came out shortly after reading the letter she had written four years ago. She pretended as if nothing had happened and no one questioned her.

Liz and Isabelle flopped down onto the couch exhausted.

Liz looked over at Isabelle, “Thanks. For helping me today and for whatever you said to make no one question me.”

Isabelle smiled but kept her eyes closed and her head resting on the back of the couch, “No problem. You don’t have to thank me. I just threatened them with singing in the Christmas play this year.”

This caused the both of them to erupt in a fit of giggles. Liz knew that Isabelle could be quite persuasive and a threat from the Christmas Nazi (as Max and Michael called her) was taken seriously. Liz could see the questions in their eyes, but no one dared ask them.

The doorbell rang and Liz sighed. Isabelle stood up and made her way to the door. Liz heard quiet talking but didn’t move from her spot on the couch. She looked up as Isabelle made her way back into the room and her eyes widened slightly as she saw Zan walking behind her.

Isabelle said, “Um, I think I should go.”

Liz nodded, “Yeah. I’ll walk you out.”

Liz walked Isabelle out and thanked her once again. As she closed the door she rested her forehead against it. She debated on whether or not she was truly up for another round with Zan. She sighed tiredly and made her way back into the living room.

She found Zan sitting on the couch and as she went to sit next to him she stopped dead in her tracks.

She gasped as she looked at his face, “What happened?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Zan replied dismissively.

“It’s not nothing. Zan your eye is black and blue and your lip is split. What the hell happened?”

Zan sighed, “Michael.”

“Oh.” Liz said as realization hit her.

She silently went into the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack. She wrapped it in a towel and brought it out to Zan.

“Here,” she said handing him the ice pack, “put this on your eye.”

He took the pack from her, “Thanks.”

Liz nodded. An awkward silence filled the room and Zan was the first to break it. He lowered the ice pack and looked over at Liz.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just left you here to deal with everyone. I’m sorry about what happened all those years ago too.”

Liz nodded accepting her apology, “Zan, I forgive you. I can’t hold onto this anymore. It’s made me a lot stronger, but it’s also controlled my life for so long. I’ve held in so much anger and hurt towards you and it all came out. I shouldn’t have said some of the things I said today, but I don’t regret saying them. I was wrong to say it was a mistake for us to have slept together. I said it to hurt you and I shouldn‘t have. I wish things could have been different.”

Zan went to interrupt but Liz held up her hand, “I need to apologize to you. Not for what was said today but for running. I couldn’t deal with what had happened but I shouldn’t have run. I should have stayed and confronted you. Maybe things would have turned out differently and I’d still have my best friend.”

Zan looked at the beautiful woman sitting in front of him and knew it was time to come clean, “Liz, you don’t have to apologize. My note to you that morning was wrong. You don’t know how much it killed me to write it. I fell asleep that night and I was the happiest I had ever been. I woke up and watched you sleep for a while. I realized that I was in love with you. But, I couldn’t tell you that. Liz, you were going to be leaving in two months for college and I would have held you back. I wanted you to experience college. You were right, I did sleep with a lot of women in college. I was a major player, but with you it was different. It always was Angel.”

Liz nodded as tears fell from her eyes, “Zan, I loved you so much. You wouldn’t have held me back. I would have went to college and we could have worked out something.”

Zan’s heart broke at the sight of his tears, “Angel, I never meant to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” His own tears stopped him from continuing as he hung his head.

He felt Liz slip her hand into his and he looked up at her, “Zan, we need to move on. We need to let go of all the anger and hurt we have. I want to start over. I was so mad at myself for still wanting you in my life, but I can’t be anymore. I need to be happy and you make me happy.”

Zan pulled Liz into a hug and felt her smile against his neck. Liz knew that although they had a long way to go, she was on the road to getting her best friend back.

Epilogue

Six Months Later

Liz looked nervously at her reflection in the mirror. She heard Isabelle laugh behind her and turned around to give her a look.

Isabelle raised her eyebrows, “What? C’mon, you have to admit it’s hysterical that you’re nervous.”

Liz exhaled a deep breath, “No it’s not. Izzy, this is our first official date. We’ve done a lot of talking, arguing, crying, and thinking to get to this point.”

Isabelle had to agree with her there. Liz and Zan had started on the road to mending their friendship six months ago. Everyone in the group had given Zan hell for what had happened, but eventually they saw that Liz was forgiving him, so they stopped bothering him. And liz was right, it had taken a logn time for them to mend their friendship and get back to where they once were. Then, Zan had asked Liz out on a date. Liz had agreed immediately. Now, she was getting ready with a little help from Isabelle.

Isabelle had straigtened Liz’s hair. She picked out a white skirt that flowed out around Liz’s knees and stopped just below the knee. Liz had decided to wear a turqoise tank top and matching shoes. Isabelle had brought over a necklace and earring set made of sterling silver and Amber.

Liz jumped as the doorbell rang. Isabelle got up and answered the door. Liz finished putting on her clear lip gloss and took a deep calming breath.

She made her way into the living room and smiled at the sight of Zan. He was wearing a faded pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that fit him perfectly. Liz had never seen him look so hot. She raked her eyes over his body and when she lifted her eyes she met his amber gaze. He smiled at her and she blushed because she was caught. Her eyes widened slightly as she saw him slide his gaze over her body. She felt the heat from his intense gaze and her blush deepened. A throat clearing behind them brought them out of their silent flirtations.

Isabelle grinned at them, “All right kids, be careful.” All three laughed as Zan led the two women out of the apartment. Liz locked up and followed Zan and Isabelle out to their cars. Zan and Liz waved at Isabelle as she drove away.

Zan turned towards Liz and pulled her to him for a heated kiss. He pulled away and whispered in her ear, “Angel, you look so good.”

She shivered as his breath tickled her ear, “Thank you. You look hot.”

She brought her lips up to his and they shared another passionate kiss.

As they pulled away and made their way to Zan’s car he stopped before opening the door for her.

“Liz, thank you for giving us another chance. I hoped for it, but I never thought…”

Liz silenced him with a kiss.

“Zan, no more apologizing. No more looking back. It’s time to let go and that starts with goodbye. Goodbye to the past and to our mistakes.” She said recalling the words she’d written to him in her letter.

Zan didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky but he didn’t question it. They loved each other and there was no more questioning it. It was time to look forward to the future.