Author: linliz68
Rating: Teen-Mature
Summary: This is Liz’s view on things that have happened in her life, how she felt when she lost almost everyone she’s ever loved. Begins from 2nd season to 3rd, but there will be a few things mentioned during the 1st season as well. Starts at Destiny and goes on from there.
Credit goes to: Natalie’s “Goin’ Crazy”. This is her song. There are also quotes taken from the show, which was written by amazing writers.
A big thanks to Roswellianprincess16 for my amazing banner, and all her nagging (LOL) about this particular piece. She helped me through this particular piece, among many others of mine. Thanks Selena!
“Ever since the day you went away
and left me lonely and cold
my life just hasn't been the same”
-Natalie “Goin’ Crazy”
“I just wish...that I could’ve stopped you from saving my life that day at the Crashdown.”
Back when those words were spoken, there was only one reason behind it. To protect what had been done to him. To all of them. That maybe if we were able to go back, that none of this would’ve happened. I would’ve stayed upstairs with Maria that day, so the shooting wouldn’t have occurred. But once again, the fates decided that this was how it was supposed to happed or some bullshit like that. Who decides to let the man you love with all your heart to be tortured by the hands of someone who doesn’t understand and who has no remorse whatsoever.
What no one knows is that I partially blame myself for that day. When nacedo came in the dinner, impersonating Max, all logic left my head. I just followed what instincts told me and they told me that this was Max. I mean, if i hadn’t went with him, then Pierce wouldn’t have taken Max, and the events that followed wouldn’t have had to happen. Part of me feels that this is what Nacedo wanted, to have him tortured, to have him feel weak, I mean, why else would it take them so long to rescue him? And then, after he was rescued and brought back to them, did he hope that in some sick twisted way, that Max would go to her?
What pissed me off was part of me knew that the real Max was still inside that house of mirrors, and here I was following the fake. I knew then, and I still do now, that Pierce should’ve taken Nacedo. He has no heart either. He’s only programmed to do what he’s told. That right there was his first mistake, he did take orders, but he twisted them around so that he benefitted more. Especially with Tess.
During this whole time, Michael and Isabel didn’t understand, they were just trying to follow what he said and not get caught. Knowing Michael, he was about ready to snap her in two if they didn’t get in there to help and Isabel was beyond scared. In some way, I think that gave Tess an advantage in slipping into her life. I know that they weren’t the best of friends, but it gave Isabel some comfort to know that there was someone out there who was just like her, who she could be herself with.
The next event, was when they received that message from their mother. Telling them of their duties and who they were to each other. I was there, listening to what their mother told them. How she explained to them, that they were their planet’s only hope for survival, and that they would come back and free them. It was unbelievable to me, and yet looking at Max, I knew he was destined for something big. What came next, felt like a blow to my stomach.
“I have sent with you, your young bride.”
This couldn’t be happening. He was married in his past life? To her? The urge to gag is becoming unbearable. I hold it down, in attempts to try to understand the rest of the message. I mean, what more could be said after that was just heard. Wait..did she just say come back? As in come home. Okay, the need for air is too much. I need out of her. I can’t stay here anymore, knowing that all of our lives have just changed.
I knew by staying there I was interfering with their destiny. I had to leave, I needed to be away from that place and away from him. No matter how much it tore me up inside. Saying those words, and seeing his reaction, a piece of me died. He had been through so much in the past 24 hours, and I was a constant strength for him, and here I was leaving. Part of me needed to leave, but an even bigger part of me wanted to stay. I knew she was watching, and all I wanted to do was go up to her, wipe that smug look off her face, and tell that she had won. Maybe then it would be enough for her to see that I was willing to give him up for the sake of others and that no matter how hard I tried or the fact that I knew I was hurting him as well, that this just wasn’t supposed to be.
I ran that day; from him, them, and mostly from me. Staying in Roswell, after going through those things and seeing what they saw in the cave that day, was just not an option for me. Maria and Alex didn’t understand their behavior, but they understood mine. They knew how hard it was and they also saw the toll it took on me. I had to get back to normal. Heh, whatever normal was. I packed, said my good-byes to Maria and Alex, telling them I’d keep in touch, and left to stay with my aunt in Florida.
I thought that the farther away I got, the better it’d be for me. In a way, it was. I was away from all the things I needed to be away from. But that didn’t stop me from thinking and dreaming of him. Some logic part of me told me I was doing the right thing in letting him go; to let him fulfill the destiny he was given. Other parts of me were telling me to screw destiny and just live life the way I wanted to.
Once back home, things picked up as though I had never left. They had discovered Pierce’s bones, and it turns out that where I got my second job, it was also where information on where the bones were to be delivered. Which meant there would be more of this..this stuff I had left to get away from. I’d have to work with Max also. I didn’t mind working with him, its just every time we were together, he’d be in some way reminding us of what we were, and what we had. That one touch, sent all those memories of us, just that previous year. To feel all that emotion and love, from just one touch, it was mesmerizing. I just didn’t let Max know that. To me, he was someone with a destiny. One that didn’t include me, and no matter how many times I told him that, he always came back.
After that night, things were never the same. Some other type of aliens had murdered Nacedo. Notice I don’t sound so sad. After all he put me through, I’m just glad someone got to him before I did, but I pushed that anger down deep inside me. When he came running through those doors, hurt and bleeding, I couldn’t stop myself. I had to help him, to know that he was okay. But when she put her hands on his face, almost the same way I did, at one time, it felt like someone threw cold water on me, throwing me back into reality. Did he feel it, did he feel with those few words I spoke that I still loved him.
On Isabel’s birthday, those were some good memories. Especially making her think that a real cop was here and needed to talk to her. In reality, it was Alex and his own personal gift to her. He gave her her very own strip dance. He was really good, up till the point where Mrs. Evans stopped him from going too far. It brought a smile to her face, one I haven’t seen in a really long time, and I honestly believe she truly enjoyed that moment. It gave her a moment away from what life really was, and to just be in the moment with us and with him.
Maria, my bestest friend, kept trying to push Max and I back together. She knew that someway we belonged together. I love her for that, but it was something I just wasn’t ready for. Believe me, if I wasn’t ready then, I sure as hell wasn’t ready for a Max from the future. He appeared out of nowhere, claiming all these things and how the world ended. And the reason for that; Me. Max and I, apparently had gotten back together and caused Tess to leave, insert small laugh here, and without her, Michael and Isabel, along with Max were helpless against them. Leave it to me to cause the end of the world and all I did was love someone. He told me things; about Vegas, about that night of the Gomez concert, about things I only asked to know about. He couldn’t go into detail, knowing if he said too much that a much different future would happen.
I begged him to go to someone else. Anyone but me, because what he was asking me I couldn’t do. Through everything we’ve been together, the future version of Max asked me to make myself and him fall out of love with each other, and for me to push him to be with Tess. I broke down inside, something deep within me just died that day. I went to him that night, told him things I knew weren’t true. Things I needed him to believe so he could move on from me. I left his room, feeling empty.
Once I returned, he started to vanish. Saying that what I did must’ve worked, heh, worked for him. After realizing it didn’t work, he asked me to try again. So I set him up with her, trying to get the wheels in motion. When Future Max commented on her shirt, I felt sick. He had felt an attraction for her, just not to the point of what we had. While watching them, he was watching me. That’s when he told me that we had eloped, in Las Vegas. In an Elvis chapel, no less. I couldn’t believe it. Everyone came; Michael, Maria, Isabel, Alex..they all came. I couldn’t help but smile. I had gotten married to the one person I truly loved, and now here I was, trying to keep that day from ever happening.
When I went to visit Maria after everything had happened with her and Michael, she mentioned how he was there with Courtney and didn’t try to deny it. She knew then that it was over. I knew then what had to be done; I went to Kyle. The words of what he had said earlier still fresh in my mind:
“That’s when things between us were cemented; we made love.”
Getting ready, with f.Max only a few feet away, hearing all that was said was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my entire life. Laying in that bed, with Kyle, with only moments to spare, I thought to myself is this the way my life is going to be? Am I destined to be alone? Will this be my only role in life; to help others, and never have any peace in mine.
When I first saw Max, I knew then, another piece of me died that very day. Having him believe that what we had was over, that I had moved on. Knowing f.Max was watching, also with a pained expression, I just wanted to run to him. Tell him I love him, and no matter what I do, I’ll always love him. That this is just something to get you to be with her. When he dropped the tickets, and backed away without another glance at me, I knew I had hurt him deeper then anyone ever had. The tears came then, and I did nothing to stop them. I had every right to cry, to feel pain. Just those few minutes before he disappeared, he said something to me.
“Kyle’s turning out to be a good guy. Maybe you should be with a normal human being.”
I was speechless. I knew it hurt him to even consider it, and I knew with every part of my body, that it would never be true. I told him that no one would ever mean to me what he means to me. I’ll always love him, and then I asked him the one thing I knew I’d probably never get the chance to. I asked to have my wedding dance. Being in his arms, dancing, I felt the safest I’ve ever felt in a really long time. After he spun me around, I came back to nothing. He had vanished, and I’d never see him again. I knew then, I’d never be the same ever again.
Those days that followed, with the death of Congresswoman Whitaker, and leaving for Copper Summit, were in truth, the hardest days I’ve had to face. The trip down there, everyone, but the two of us, were asleep. How he’d never let me forget what I didn’t do, but what he saw I did. He knew with all his heart and mind, that I’d never do something like that, and I knew he was right, but if I had told him that, he would’ve pushed even harder to know why I would do something like that; to put him through that kind of pain. Our confrontation in the middle of the road, us yelling at each other. But the breaking point for him was when I told him that Kyle and I made love. To him, it was a slap in the face, but he was right about one thing, I was lying. It was then, that we had both put up this wall. A wall that neither of us could get through.
Then the weirdest thing happened. It was the day we came face to face with the other set of “Royal four”. Looking at them and seeing the resemblance of Michael, Isabel, and Tess was too much. Why hadn’t we known about them? Michael mentioned he had recently found out about it and was going to tell us, but here they were. In the flesh. I immediately sensed something was wrong. Where was their Max? Did something happen to him and why did the only one who looked truly affected by it was Ava? She seemed scared of the other two, almost as if she said the wrong thing they’d hurt her.
I knew when Max asked about him that the response that Rath gave us wasn’t right. If I knew our Max like I did, I knew that their Zan wouldn’t have lost it. He would have wanted to know about us, the other set of them. I knew that Rath and Lonnie, couldn’t be trusted. The way they kept looking at each other, silently telling each other something we didn’t know of.
Looking at Isabel, I noticed something. Lonnie was a person Isabel longed to be, even if she were to never admit it. Lonnie was someone carefree and she used her powers without worrying about the next thing that was to happen. They each had the same secret, but unlike Lonnie, Isabel didn’t care about this guy or her past. She just wanted to live as normal life as she could.
Rath and Michael, there was no mistaking their differences. Rath was much tougher, or at least he acted like it. Michael didn’t have to. He knew what he had to do, and he also knew that these people, no matter how much they looked alike, that in reality, they were nothing alike. It was like Rath hated everything there was about Earth and couldn’t wait to get home, while Michael felt like this was the only home he’s ever known. I could tell that Michael didn’t want to be anywhere near Rath.
Ugh, Maria. How many times do I have to tell her that it was not Michael I kissed. Hell, I didn’t even kiss anyone. He kissed me, and by the way, for the record, he is a very bad kisser. But that’s not the point, I’m just tired of carrying this secret of what happened between me and f. Max hidden from her. I try explaining it to her without really explaining it to her and that just makes her even more confused. Leave it up to Alex to be asleep the whole time. I don’t know why, but seeing the dupes here, made me question if it had something to do with the granolith. I knew I had to tell Max, but how? He doesn’t even know that I know about it. No one does, except for them.
It was then that I glanced over at Ava. There was something about her that made me want to trust her. I knew that by looking at her and then at Tess, that there was no way these two were anything alike. I also liked the fact that Ava did her own thing, and knew that she and Zan weren’t meant to be; she even told me it was almost as though he was waiting for someone else to walk into his life. I knew that she was also scared; of what or who, I didn’t know.
That night when Max came to my window, I was remember the good times we had. We even did the cheesy photo booth and gotten our pictures taken. Looking at his face, I couldn’t help but smile. It had been so long since he had come to my window, but after opening it, I knew he was here for an entirely different reason. He gave me back the gift I had given him last Christmas. I felt the tears threatening to fall, I knew I didn’t have much voice left. He was leaving? With them and bringing Tess with him? Ugh, all that time, I just really wanted to just yell at him and tell him to leave, but I couldn’t. Not without warning him about the granolith. This look of confusion comes across his face and he asks how I know about that, and I know I can’t tell him, which is something I know he won’t accept. The last thing he says to me breaks my heart. He couldn’t trust me.
I didn’t even know about the fight he had with Isabel and Michael. Come to find out that it wasn’t them at all; that Max was tricked. Michael and Isabel were less then pleased to find this out, they were pissed. Michael was seconds from hurting her, and I knew that she could care less, like nothing could hurt her more then she had already been hurt. I pulled her away from them, and begged her to know what was happened. I pleaded and laid my heart out, I needed to know what happened to their leader. Taking a deep breath, she told me; she told me of how Rath had pushed him in front of a truck and Lonnie did nothing to stop him. They just watched him die, and Ava was held back and could only look on in horror.
Isabel tried her hardest to reach him, but it wasn’t working. It was then Ava mentioned that I could; that I been changed. How the hell could I have been changed and why was Isabel even considering this?
“I know my brother, and no matter where he is or what he’s doing, there’s one voice he’ll always listen to.”
I was beyond scared. I remembered what Max told me to do; taking deep breaths, I cleared my mind and reached out to him. I remember seeing them, watching them take Tess hostage, and Lonnie reach up to use her powers to loosen the lift above him. I pleaded with him, yelling for him to walk forward. When he finally did, I felt myself back in the Crashdown. I don’t know what took place after that, but he came back home. He actually smiled while we were in my room, as I looked for changes. Right before he left, he asked again. And I gave the only response I could. It hurt him asking, but even more knowing my answer.
Christmas came, a blessing for everyone. Max took it the hardest. He witnessed a man get killed, as his daughter whom he had saved, watched. He came to me that night, saying the ghost was haunting him. That he needed help and that the reason he didn’t save him was he felt like he was back in the white room and being..tortured. That was a very tough time for all of us, and him reliving it was even worse.
After talking with Maria, who had learned of Brody’s daughter having cancer, she came up with a plan for Max. He was going to heal his daughter, but he arrived only minutes after Brody had rushed her to the hospital. He then knew what he had to do. He and Michael went to the children’s ward of the hospital she was staying in, and not only healed her, but the others who were in that same room.
It nearly drained him of all his power, and Michael helped him out just in time. When he visited again, later that night, I told him that he wasn’t God, that maybe it was meant to be, but deep down, I knew that after he healed her, he couldn’t turn his back on the others. It was in his nature to help as many as he could. Maybe that was the reason for his gift of healing. I asked him to come to midnight services, but he used the words I had said earlier to him. He didn’t believe in God. But as the choir sang, I felt his presence. He took the seat beside me and took my hand in his, he spoke the words I’ll never forget.
“I believe in you.”
After all we had been through, I had longed to hear those words. It’s strange putting them to the test. I don’t know why, but after hearing those words, I’ve had him on the brain twenty-four hours a day. I dream about him, think about him constantly, and I even said his name as I handed customers their food. I’m a maxaholic; Maria’s words, not mine. Then if that’s not enough, apparently Sean, Maria’s cousin visits. Maria, of course, doesn’t like it. She’s already off on her “you don’t live here, stop acting like you do”, which I find amusing. Who wouldn’t?
Alex came back. I’m so happy to have him back; a month is just too long. I even visited a few sites for learning a little bit of their language. I didn’t have enough time to talk to him; Maria saw Max and thought it’d be a good idea if I go talk to him. I can tell by his body language that’s he’s hurting over what’s happening to Valenti and how Kyle’s also affected by it. I know its hurting him, but he’s trying and that matters.
He came by the café around six that afternoon and just wouldn’t leave. I wasn’t angry or anything, it was just the first time he’s done anything like that since that night. When he tells me he doesn’t want to go home, my heart breaks for him; then I find out why. Due to what happened to Laurie, he’s afraid that it’ll happen to me. I can’t explain what I was feeling at that moment, but I was glad to have him there.
At that moment, Sean decided to pay a visit; like I’ll give him free food. He finally looks over my shoulder and I know he sees Max, but I could care less at the moment. Once he finally gets the idea, he leaves and I make my way back over to Max. I don’t want him to leave, and I know he doesn’t want to either, so I let him know that I’ll be back in a few seconds with my books. I’m just happy knowing he’s here; there are feelings in my mind and heart right now that words couldn’t even explain. All I know, is I’m glad he wants to stay.
Of course, Alex brought us a slide-show of pictures from his trip. I think he brought back the whole country with him, I mean there must be like over 200 pictures. After finding an extension chord, and running into Sean, again, I’m finally comfortable watching as Alex explains his trip. With each picture he showed me, it made me want to see what the world had to offer. I also knew that I only wanted one other to go with me, so slipping him a note, I waited for him.
I wanted to see the world, but I didn’t want to leave him. Watching him tell me that he couldn’t come with me, I felt angry. All these things they’ve been through, over the past two years, it didn’t make sense. I mean, did we not just save the world? We should be able to do something for ourselves. Granted, Las Vegas wasn’t a very good choice, for either of us, but something normal for a change. He was born to do great things, yes, but he still has a say in how his life goes; all of them do. Knowing he won’t be going, but yet staying and waiting for me, has me breaking inside. He wants to go, I can read it in his eyes, but responsibility is his concern and priority. He’s sacrificed everything, even himself at times, and still stays. I know the world will still be there when I’m ready to see it. For now, Roswell’s my home. He’s my home.
If that’s not enough, Maria and Michael can’t come back to Roswell. The whole state of New Mexico is looking for Laurie, and right now she’s with them, and if that’s not the icing on the cake, Sean’s looking all pissed. At this moment, he’s just adding more tension then I need right now. Great, not only do I have Sean to deal with, Maria’s mom is also on the list. I love that woman, but sometimes she over-exaggerates. Yes, she was born back in the seventies, I think, but she should give her daughter more credit. I really wish I could hit him right now; I’m trying to explain to Ms. DeLuca where Maria went and Sean just keeps throwing his two cents in, not that he has any really. Who is he to pass judgement on Michael, when looking at him.
After a few hectic weeks, its now prom. You know what’s funny, if you asked me a year ago who I wanted to go with, without hesitation, Max. After a year, my answer is still the same; even if we’re not together. I even bought a dress, which I hope still fits. Back when we first kissed, everything seemed so much easier. Now, well, its not so much as easy, its really difficult. In the back of my mind, a part of me thought that this could be our chance to start over; try to be together again.
Yet, strangely after a conversation with Sean, I realized that even though we weren’t together, I was always alone, hoping that he’d come back and we’d be together. But with that hope came the fear that he’d remember who he was in his other life and his feelings for Tess would come back. I needed him then, I felt like this was our last chance, and yet the words that were coming out of my mouth weren’t the ones I wanted to say. Yes, I felt suffocated, and needed to breathe, but I wanted to work on us at the same time. I destroyed a part of him that night, and after seeing Michael and Maria out there on the floor, along with Alex and Isabel, I wanted this to be our night. So, I went to look for him, and I found him.
My legs felt like they were about to give out and all the air was suddenly gone. He was kissing her. I knew then that there would never again be an us. I knew I had to get out of there; I threw the flower he had given me in the trash and just bolted. My heart breaking with each step I took. My life no longer mine, I felt lost. I didn’t know where I was going or where my legs were taking me; but I ended up back at the bowling ally. Yes, I felt alone, and cold, but I knew that what was meant to happen did happen. I just stood by and watched it happen; yet, a piece of me died each day.
The day after prom, Maria and I, stayed at Alex’s house for a few hours. Maria and I were both shocked to see the tables turned and Isabel chasing after Alex. We knew he had changed and we were happy for them. It had taken them almost two years, but they were finding themselves and we couldn’t be more happy. After that, Maria and I went back to the café, to finish cleaning while the rest of the gang laughed over different pictures that were taken. We were still waiting for Alex, he said he’d be by later after he had got done eating and we still didn’t see him.
A crash to the right caught my eye; Maria had broken more plates. No big surprise there, she was always doing that. What made my blood run cold was the scream that followed. She ran out and I immediately stood up as she grabbed onto me as if life depended on it. That’s when the back doors opened and there was Valenti, with a look of utter sadness on his face as he said the words I’ll never forget.
“Alex is dead.”
It didn’t make sense. We had just seen him earlier. What could have happened from the time we left till now. Something in my gut instantly told me that this wasn’t right. He was part of our group, he knew the secret, now they’re saying that he might’ve turned his car into oncoming traffic. That right there, is major bullshit. Alex, who loved school and music, Alex who chased after Isabel for nearly two years, the same Alex who was at prom the very night before with a smile on his face.
Watching Max walk to that van where his body laid, hearing the sounds around me and holding onto Maria as Isabel said what everyone hoped would happen. I paid no attention to anything, I kept my eyes on that van, and heard nothing but the beating of my own heart. Seeing him come out alone, I knew nothing would be the same; between any of us. Michael had to literally pulled Maria away, Isabel and I just stood there; both thinking that this was just some sort of horrible nightmare.
She walked away first, my feet had no will of their own. I just wanted to stay there. I knew he’d be worried about me, but honestly I didn’t care. My best friend just died. I really didn’t feel like seeking comfort from him after what I saw, my anger was just all over the place, and seeing her so close and trying to cling to him brought even more anger. Why was she still looking at me, I wasn’t going anywhere. She has what she’s wanted all along, she needs to leave me the hell alone. I need space. I need answers.
The next day, I left early in the morning with only one destination in mind; the junkyard. I found his car almost immediately and began my search. For what, I didn’t know. I just knew that something wasn’t right. The urge to throw up is much greater now, seeing the actually damage done and the amount of blood makes what happened that much more real to me and all I felt was more anger. I turned to leave, but something caught my eye. What the hell is a picture of them doing in here, oh god, I’m going to be sick. Someone had defaced his image. This isn’t right.
Since no one feels like they can help, once again I’m on my own. The conversations I had that day; with Maria, with Jerry, and Valenti, I know now that its up to me to find out what really happened. Everything I’m told just doesn’t add up. Jerry just made it seem like it was what Alex wanted, and I know he didn’t deserve my attitude, but hearing him talk about him like that, something inside me snapped. I couldn’t stand there anymore, I told him where he could find me and I left, heading to the place I knew I could get some answers.
Alex depressed? His grades started slipping? I mean, god, doesn’t all kids go through that at some point in their teenage years. I need out of this place, I need to breathe. Why I ended up at his house, I don’t know. I just knew I didn’t want to be alone. I let out some of my aggravation on him; he knew it was something I had to do. I had kept it inside for too long and it needed to be released. I felt slightly relaxed until the mention of Prom was brought up and I knew that I was back at that place again. Watching him kiss her, oblivious to everything that was happening around him. I told him how I felt, no matter how numb I already felt, I needed him to hear this. I needed him to believe this and I only asked for one thing in return. Just to always be my friend.
The funeral, the next day, didn’t feel real. I couldn’t understand why were we burying him when it wasn’t his time to go and leave us? Why did it feel like the only ones who truly cared were Isabel, Maria, and I. Strange as it was, it was how I felt. I felt tears, threatening to spill out like a dam ready to break, but I pushed them down. I knew I had to be strong for what happened next. I even asked Max to talk to Valenti about his findings and how they were going about with the investigation. I dont know what all was said, but I heard shouting as our car passed them. Now came time for the hard part. As I walked over to Mr. Whitman, watching as he stood alone both seeking and refusing condolence. After talking for only a minute or two, I asked if it would okay to go sit in his room for awhile. He looked into my eyes and could see nothing not but pain and honesty; He said yes.
Knowing in my gut that something was wrong, I asked the only person I knew who could help me; Alex. It suddenly occurred to me that the conversation Maria and I had with him, we pointed out one of his books, Robert Frost. What struck me as odd was that the page he had marked and what he marked it with. First, what caught my attention was the poem and its one line: I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.
Then, I noticed the tickets; the date was the same day he had..died. I felt my first small ray of hope. There is no way you’d go buy concert tickets and then plan to take your life the very same day. It doesn’t make sense. I had spread the word to the others that there was a meeting in Alex’s room and they needed to be there.
I got them all caught up on everything that had happened in the past few days and I could immediately feel my wall coming up. I felt something was going to happen with the words I was about to say and I prepared myself for any oncoming emotions. I showed them the concert tickets, pointing out that he had bought two; one for him and the other for Isabel. I knew it broke her heart to have to hear this, but it was what was needed to be said. I spoke honestly about how Alex couldn’t take his own life with what he had going for him. I paused for a breathe, hearing Michael speak calmly about how it was an accident nothing more; I knew what was going to be said next would divide us.
“If there is anything any of us should have learned over the last year and a half, it's that nothing is ever what it seems.”
I saw his head snap up at the exact moment the words were spoken. Anger and hurt, easily shown in his eyes. Voices were raised as accusations were made left and right, but I had to get my point across. I had to make my final statement:
“You don't want to think that Alex was killed by an alien because that would mean you are responsible.”
I prepared myself for a lot of things in life, but never have a I been so sure of myself that I couldn’t see what I was doing to the others in the group. The yelling, the anger, the fear, all of it could be easily felt. I knew something was wrong and I spoke up about it. Taking all the anger and suspicions that had been pushed back, now broke free. When he got in my face and it was just him and me, I knew he had changed. It wasn’t the same Max I had looked at over the past two years, he had changed; she had changed him. I’m sorry, but I know you were a king back on your planet, but here, your words don’t mean anything to me. He spoke to me like I was a child, like I knew nothing. As if to say that the past two years didn’t exist and neither did we.
I pushed back harder that day then I ever thought possible. I threw his greatest fear into his face. I knew he couldn’t handle the fact that just by knowing what he was that he had caused them to lose their life. I knew on some level I had hurt him deeply, but couldn’t he see that I was hurting, I felt close to nothing when he left and they followed. But I knew one thing, I was going to find out the truth.
I’ve shut everyone out, in finding the truth. While Maria works on a collage for him, I’m looking for clues. What I have so far is the Thai receipt, the concert tickets, a weird message claiming “Leanne is not Leanne.” What’s even weirder is that the emails we received from him while he was on his trip in Sweden, were in fact not from there, but from the campus at Las Cruces. From there, Maria and I worked together. We went down there and found that Alex, “Ray”, never came out of his room, except for one night when he was seen coming out of one of the main buildings on the campus. We went over there, talked to one of the faculty members that worked there and found out what Alex was working on.
He was translating the book, the book that was important to them, into English. Why would he be doing this? Wouldn’t he tell us? Damn, a lot of unanswered questions. After returning from the university, things got even more complicated. But what hurt the most, was Max’s confession. Tess was pregnant; they had slept together.
After finding about the reality behind ‘Leanna is not Leanna’, I was absolutely in the dark. All signs pointed to her, but why would she kill him; she didn’t even know him. Thank god I found out just in time; going with Max to the university and knowing what he was about to do, I had just saved her life. Her blood cells proved it, she was human. Finding out that he was going to leave to save his child, I had to find the truth before he did. Watching him try to explain what was happening, I knew I didn’t care. I didn’t want to hear any of it. Here I was, watching him leave with her and it was like I didn’t even exist. Did the past 2 years mean nothing to him? I mean, all I really did was keep his secret, help him escape from Pierce, jumped off a bridge, and who knows what else, so he should just leave without looking back, because I am not done here. I saved myself for him, ever since he showed me who he truly was, I fell in love with him and knew he was the one I wanted to share my body with; he already had my heart. Then he threw the incident with Kyle back in my face, I needed out of there.
Sitting in front of the Crashdown with him and listening to him telling me that all I’ll have of him is a necklace. Part of me was screaming inside; I deserved more then that! I knew then that after all that was spoken, I finally spoke the truth of what happened. He asked me about sleeping with Kyle and I finally spoke the truth. Watching the realization of that come across his face pained me more then I thought possible. If none of that ever happened, he wouldn’t be sitting in front of me telling me he had to leave and the whole incident with Tess would’ve never happened. We shared one finally kiss, while I was desperately trying to hold onto what we used to have, what we shared. I put everything I felt into that kiss, as I know he did, too.
After finding out about her betrayal, Max sent her back to their home alone, with his unborn son. We all knew that nothing would ever be the same again. Senior year came and with it, a whole new me. I know, the perfect Liz Parker robbing a bank, you can just see the jaws drop and the eyes widen. But it was who I became; that day he came out of the cave proclaiming his love for me, even after everything, I still wanted to help him see his child; even if it meant seeing her. After being arrested and nearly sentenced, the only thing I could think of was him. That’s when my parents came in, they were happy that the case had been thrown out, but they still had one more thing to say.
“Your mother and I forbid you to see max anymore. He's not welcome at our restaurant. You are not to go out on a date with him, or attend the same parties. If you pass him in school, you are to look the other way.”
If that’s not enough, Isabel begins making wedding plans; to Jesse Ramirez. I was happy for her, but of course both Max and Michael questioned him to no end, making sure he was who he said he was. That led to a fight in a bar and Max breaking his nose. What’s funny about that, is that the day of the wedding, Max pulled the “Raw meat can cure anything” routine and healed his nose, having the meat be the cover-up. On her wedding day, she had the biggest smile; the only other time I saw her that happy was when she was with Alex and I knew he was there with us, too.
And if that wasn’t enough, kivar, Isabel’s former lover decided that now out of all times that he wanted her back. He was at her wedding, danced with her, and followed her and Jesse to La Holla, where they planned on staying for their honeymoon. Kyle was a wreck when he told us, and Max and Michael were on the first plane there, to kill him. Of course, Maria and I found out that Kivar, was actually a local of Roswell and Kivar had just taken possession of him. Now I really don’t know the details of what happened, but I do know that Michael, Isabel, and Max all came back to us, and Jesse of course. After all, he is Isabel’s cousin.
Then during New Year, I get stuck working at the diner, while Max, Michael, and Maria go off in search of Enigma. Something happened along the way, because the next thing I know, both of them are dragging in a beyond drunk Michael, and his powers are all out of whack. We, with great care, place him in my room to let him sleep off the effects. All this time, Maria’s convinced that Max is there only as a babysitter and he goes and proves her wrong. Hours later, they return with a story for all of us. Michael never looked prouder. I was happy for him.
“You’ve been changed.”
I didn’t really believe when that was spoken, but it always remained in the back of my mind and now I know what it meant. It meant that I was no longer...well, that I was changing into what Max, Michael, and Isabel were; a hybrid. At first, I thought I had the flu, but heh, if having the room spin at very fast speeds, speech bleeped out, and causing a book to go up in flames is the flu, I feel sorry for whoever else has it.
I didn’t want to go to Max with this. After he saw the fire, I had to tell him. The fact that he healed me, changed me. Of all the people I could’ve went to, Kyle was the one I wanted to go to. Maria had her music career going; Michael was trying to make ends meet and figuring out where he was at in Maria’s life, and Max was dodging his father left and right, all trying to find his son. Kyle was the one person I could turn to, after all he was healed a year after I was, so whatever was happening to me, would eventually happen to him.
I, like any other person, love tans, but when its in the form of green lightening, that’s a whole other story. Once it would start, it would sting from time to time, but it felt like my body was changing and my mind and heart desperately wanted to stay who I was. It felt like a losing battle. Did I ask for this? No, but does it happen anyways, yes. I had my life planned out, I was going to graduate and go to Harvard and do something wonderful with my life, but as far as I’m getting now is Roswell city limits. Heh, my interview with the admissions guy from Harvard went down the drain; he probably thought I was some kind of lunatic. He’s not the only one who thinks that.
Max thought that since he healed me that day when I was shot, he could heal whatever was happening to me. A deep part of me knew that he couldn’t; he just didn’t want to see me in any pain. Boy, he thinks this is pain, he doesn’t know the hell I went through this past year and a half. At first, when the process began, I felt it working, but all of a sudden that feeling went away and all that was left was pain. I begged him to stop, it hurt too damn much, but in his mind, it was working.
When the crystals blew and I dropped to the ground, everything just came up. I could no longer keep it in, nor did I want to. I wanted him to know all the pain I went through, how that bitch killed my best friend and thought she could get away with it. What’s worse then that is playing on his emotions; Making Max believe that his son, the only other person, I believe, that he truly cared about, was dying and that leaving was the only option for them. Deep down, I knew she never really cared for anyone, but there was a split-second of pain that came across her face when she saw how badly she hurt Kyle, that I never fully understood and I doubt I ever will. I threw out all the hate I had; not at him, but what he had done. He knew he had hurt me, he just didn’t know how deeply it had gone. I knew then as I did at that moment, a part of me would never fully trust him. I did what I felt was right, I left Roswell and headed to the boarding school my father threatened Max with if he didn’t leave me alone.
Once there, I felt free. Like I could just stand there and breathe the air and not worry about an attack or leaving in the middle of the night or anything. Another thing about being away from home is my powers showed no signs, up until Max called. Don’t ask me how it happened, but I melted the phone. That’s not the half of it, not even a day after Maria stopped by to visit, a sharp pain deep in my heart snapped; Max had died. And no matter how much hate or shame or disappointment I had felt towards him, I still loved him with all my heart. You know how, as little girls we always dream up the perfect man and the perfect wedding, well all of that was shot to hell. I was never going to see him again or tell him how much I loved him, and I would never get that day. Maria kept denying it, but I knew it was true and once she had gotten a hold of Michael, I knew it. She slowly came towards me, her eyes full of tears and she tried to tell me, but I was the one who comforted her. I needed to bring strong for her, I needed to pull myself together.
Another thing I regret is getting drunk. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I, Liz parker, did in fact get drunk. I needed something to dull the pain that threatened to escape; I yelled at Maria and ran. I didn’t get to far, because the next thing I knew was I was waking up and there was Max right in front of me. I thought my mind was trying to bring him back to life for me but I knew it wasn’t true; until I kissed him and saw his memories. I knew then it was him, but why did they say he was dead? That answer came in a very weird way, but after everything everyone has been through, maybe this was normal. He was fighting for his life in a body that wasn’t his; the other person, Clayton, was wanting nothing but to live his life again, even if it meant killing people to get it. He pleaded with me to end his life, so that mine would be spared; I couldn’t. In that next instant, I was being thrown out the window with my whole life flashing right before me, while the man who I loved more was going through the same thing, but he got back control enough to save my life, even it meant losing his. That, I wouldn’t allow; I knew that if our love was this strong, I had to do something. So with all the love I had, I kissed him, allowing my love to flow back into him, to let me know that there was something here worth fighting for; me. Once he came back to me, which was something I’ll always thank the higher powers for, I knew that there was only one thing missing and when Maria found us, I knew what it was. It was home.
You ask, could life get any better or worse, it did. We had another crash, one that Michael saw first hand. What was even worse, was that a fighter pilot was caught in the cross-fire and his only daughter’s life was being threatened. So, being the good natured people they are, Max and Michael were there to save the day. After kidnaping, well if you call catching the guy who was breaking into your apartment, kidnaping, then yeah its what they did, but they got all the necessary information. They were able to get the pilot and his daughter to safety, but the thing that bugged me was that in fact there was a ship and we didn’t know who or what was on it. We were soon going to find out.
Just when you think you’re past won’t come out and bite you in the ass, it does. Not only was the ship occupied, but Max and Isabel’s parents had placed a video camera inside her room and caught her using her powers, giving them only one option; to tell them the truth and that’s exactly what they did. Now me on the other hand, after dealing with Max dying and coming back to life in the span of almost two days, and leaving, I thought my powers would be settled. Boy, was I wrong.
Walking into Michael’s apartment to meet up with Max came the biggest shock of my life; there she was. Without even thinking, all this hatred and anger came to the surface and I did the only thing I really wanted to do; I blasted her. Seeing her down brought a smirk to my face. She didn’t know what I was becoming and I had an advantage, I brought my hand up again and forced her back against the wall once more. She was a murderer who deserved only one thing, to die. She took the thing that meant most to me, and betrayed all of us, and a part of me didn’t care that I was hurting her. I wanted to make her pay; for killing Alex, for sleeping with Max, for using his son against him, and for just coming into our lives. I couldn’t feel anything except the energy I had to use against her.
It wasn’t until I felt arms pulling me back that I realized I was shouting. I yelled the truth, and I wanted her to see that none of us forgot what she had done to us. I needed out of there, so I went back to the diner, but not before hearing what Kyle said to her. He said the words that described the emotions that I had just shown moments earlier. Of course, I never really befriended her, because from day one all she wanted was Max. I knew Kyle hurt deeply from her betrayal, like all of us did, but we needed to make sure she was safe. Heh, I think I’ll just sit this one out and let everyone else deal with it, but like me, they all wanted her out of our lives.
Moving from place to place to keep the National guard from finding her, it was decided that it would be put to a vote; yes, to help, no, we turn her in. Listening to everyone’s vote, brought a realization upon me. If I voted yes, I would be just like her; a murderer and knowing what I had attempted earlier proved even more that I didn’t want to become her. I voted no, even though I hurt more then anything, I knew what the right thing was. After I made my vote, Max and Michael left with her and the baby, and we all hoped that they’d get her to safety. But nothing ever works out the way you think it does, but when they came back, we were given yet another surprise; Zan was human. She had played on all his emotions, she got to him when he was at his worst, and when she found out she was pregnant, she knew the only way for him to focus on getting home was to make it seem the baby couldn’t survive.
Through the night, we tried to sleep and miraculously all of us did, but the events of the day still fresh in our mind. Why did she want me to take her? Didn’t she know I could use my powers on her at a moments notice? For someone whose supposedly an alien queen, she was really stupid. The whole drive was in silence; like I wanted to say anything to her anyways. The thing that really shocked me was when she made her confession about Max and his feelings towards me. I just didn’t understand why she was telling me this, she got what she wanted and she was sorry for the pain I went through, but did she even care about the pain I went through over Alex? I never got to ask her that, because she walked into that base with one intention, she wasn’t going to be put in the white room or give up without a fight, and she didn’t.
After it was over, Max did the one thing that nearly killed him. He gave Zan up for adoption, even after his parents who now knew the truth were behind him. He knew it was for the best and that he didn’t want his son to live the kind of life he had lived; he didn’t want his son to be in danger. That I understood, and watching him there with him, and how strong a front he put up, I was behind him. I knew he couldn’t leave him without letting his son know who he was, he gave him a memory. My heart skipped a beat watching him. Walking beside him and watching him give his son to his mom, tore at my heart. As their car pulled away, he finally let it go. I let him know that no matter what, that I’d always be there for him and I always will be.
It’s finally here, graduation, and I couldn’t be more happier. These past three years I needed something good to come out everything we’ve been through. Max and I were finally together without the worry of our parents, Tess was out of our lives, and everyone was happy. Even Jesse even knew the truth. There was nothing stopping us now. Except the fact that I had a premonition of a woman being murdered, which Max and I prevented and the fact that while making out with Max, insert blush, I saw another vision but of Max, Michael, Isabel, and I getting shot. We just didn’t know where or when.
That was when all of us decided that after graduation, we’d all leave; separately. Everyone was on edge after; scared and frustrated because all we wanted was a normal life and none of us ever got that. After another ‘vision attempt’, I obtained new information which would help us know when and how to be prepared for what was going to happen. I remember that night; it was the night Max proposed to me. When he got down on one knee, I knew all air was gone. I couldn’t breathe. Watching him show his love for me and how we’ll make each day a new life time for us, there was only one answer I could give him, yes.
Sitting in the gym, listening to our principles and teachers speak, I felt free. I saw Max look back, and I couldn’t stop the smile from forming on my face, nor did I want to stop it. That’s when the guest speaker appeared on stage, and my blood ran cold. He was the one I saw in my vision, but we weren’t expecting to see him for almost another two weeks. I felt trapped, Max once again looked back at me, and I saw something in his eyes that I never saw before; determination.
Watching him walk up to the podium and direct only one light on him, allowing us to escape, and hearing the words he spoke, I knew that the only thing he cared about was us, his family. Not just us, but the ones who’d be left behind as well. You could hear his loneliness, his appreciation, his frustration and his anger. He let it all out, explaining to those that he had to be what he was, and in his own way, saying he was sick of hiding. I could feel his panic as I left the building, but that quickly vanished as he and Michael came racing towards us on Michael’s bike.
What’s ironic about that is that we had all decided to leave separately, but now we knew we couldn’t leave each other. We were family, we belonged together. What broke my heart, was having to watch Isabel tell her husband, to go, to live the life he was supposed to live. It killed her to do this, because more then anything, she wanted him right there with her. She was just happy he knew the truth, and still loved her for it. We only had one more stop, and it was for Kyle. I don’t know what was spoken, but he had tears in his eyes once he returned. His father was a great man, and will always be remembered by us.
The past three years have been hell, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Knowing that everything we’ve been through, it was finally going to be the end of a new chapter for us and the beginning of a new one. The friendships, and relationships that were formed are some of the ones that will remain very close to our hearts. The loved ones we had to leave behind and the ones that were lost to us these past three years will forever pain us, but will never be forgotten.
There is one thing that we all know and that is, we will return.
“I've gotta let you know that I think we are destiny
For you I cross the world for you
I'd do anything”
-Natalie “Goin’ Crazy”
This was my first ever POV fic, but after hearing this song, I had this idea about it and Liz was the one that best fit this song. I truly hoped those of you who read it, enjoyed it. Thanks so much.