The Moods of a Woman...
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction.
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
The Moods of a Man....
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy
The Differences between men and women
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Morning Dreamgirl
- Addicted Roswellian
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- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
- Location: United States
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Heavenli24
- Obsessed Roswellian
- Posts: 587
- Joined: Tue Feb 22, 2005 9:41 am
Hey, I've got some - my mum actually forwarded these from her workmates (some of the scenarios are typically British, so i hope they make sense to everyone 
) :
Things that make blokes proud of themselves...
1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!
5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.
7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling? Superb.
12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
24. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.
) :Things that make blokes proud of themselves...
1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!
5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.
7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.
10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling? Superb.
12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
24. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.
I like british humor - the news ones that you posted, killjoy, were great too -
Morning Dreamgirl
- Addicted Roswellian
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- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
- Location: United States
Not really a "Differences" thing, but I thought it was funny, nonetheless.
Harry met Sandy at a nightclub one evening, and she finally invited him back to her apartment to spend the night. Her roommate was out of town, so this was the perfect opportunity.
The couple went back to her house, and after a few minutes the pair proceeded into Sandy's bedroom. When Harry walked through the door he immediately noticed all of these stuffed animals.
There were hundreds of them - stuffed toys on top of the wardrobe, stuffed toys on the bookshelf and stuffed toys on the window sill. There were more on the floor, and of course, stuffed toys all over the bed.
They cleared off the bed, jumped in, and went at it. Later, after the sex, Harry turned to Sandy and asked, "Well ... How was I?"
Sandy replied, "Well, you can pick anything from the bottom shelf."
Ashley
Harry met Sandy at a nightclub one evening, and she finally invited him back to her apartment to spend the night. Her roommate was out of town, so this was the perfect opportunity.
The couple went back to her house, and after a few minutes the pair proceeded into Sandy's bedroom. When Harry walked through the door he immediately noticed all of these stuffed animals.
There were hundreds of them - stuffed toys on top of the wardrobe, stuffed toys on the bookshelf and stuffed toys on the window sill. There were more on the floor, and of course, stuffed toys all over the bed.
They cleared off the bed, jumped in, and went at it. Later, after the sex, Harry turned to Sandy and asked, "Well ... How was I?"
Sandy replied, "Well, you can pick anything from the bottom shelf."
Ashley
Ask a woman in the street how to get somewhere and she will direct via shops.
"Well first you take a left over there by Old Navy,which is where I bought the cutest little blue jean skirt last week. You than go about a mile down that road and you'll come to a four way stop,you than turn right. What's the name of the street you turn on? Sorry I don't know. I do know that it runs behind that Target where I got my favorite little red purse."
Ask a man and it will be via bars.
*Pointing* "Ok first you go down this road until you see a Hooters.Once you pass the Hooters go about three stop lights down and take a left onto the road O'Malleys is on. O'Malleys oh man that is one great place to go to on Saturday nights let me tell you! This one time there was these hot twins and I.....oh you're in a hurry oh sorry. Ok like I was saying you go down the road O'Malleys is on for about fifteen miles and than you'll see a big sign that says Steve's Bar and Grill....ok you with me so far? Ok good...like I was saying when you see the sign for Steve's turn and look over to your left and there it is."
Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want.
Women could never invent weapons that kill, only ones that make you feel really bad and guilty until you surrender
Men have a gene which enables them to answer any question, no matter how complex or important, with a mumbled "Mmm."
A man can choose and buy a pair of shoes in 90 seconds over the internet.
Women pee together. Men do not acknowledge, let alone speak, to each other when peeing.
Men can watch six different channels at the same time and know the name of none of the programmes they claim to be following
Women know that washing machines have programmes for every kind of fabric, colour and quantity and use them appropriately. Men will put a months supply of laundry through the 40 degree cycle (safest guess), regardless of any other detail.
Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed.
"Well first you take a left over there by Old Navy,which is where I bought the cutest little blue jean skirt last week. You than go about a mile down that road and you'll come to a four way stop,you than turn right. What's the name of the street you turn on? Sorry I don't know. I do know that it runs behind that Target where I got my favorite little red purse."
Ask a man and it will be via bars.
*Pointing* "Ok first you go down this road until you see a Hooters.Once you pass the Hooters go about three stop lights down and take a left onto the road O'Malleys is on. O'Malleys oh man that is one great place to go to on Saturday nights let me tell you! This one time there was these hot twins and I.....oh you're in a hurry oh sorry. Ok like I was saying you go down the road O'Malleys is on for about fifteen miles and than you'll see a big sign that says Steve's Bar and Grill....ok you with me so far? Ok good...like I was saying when you see the sign for Steve's turn and look over to your left and there it is."
Women can use sex to get what they want. Men cannot, as sex is what they want.
Women could never invent weapons that kill, only ones that make you feel really bad and guilty until you surrender
Men have a gene which enables them to answer any question, no matter how complex or important, with a mumbled "Mmm."
A man can choose and buy a pair of shoes in 90 seconds over the internet.
Women pee together. Men do not acknowledge, let alone speak, to each other when peeing.
Men can watch six different channels at the same time and know the name of none of the programmes they claim to be following
Women know that washing machines have programmes for every kind of fabric, colour and quantity and use them appropriately. Men will put a months supply of laundry through the 40 degree cycle (safest guess), regardless of any other detail.
Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed.
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FaithfulAngel24
- Roswell Fanatic
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- Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:34 am
- Location: Alabama for now, but someday I'll be on a beach in Morocco
- Contact:
I really do! Shops and resturants. Where I spend most of my timeAsk a woman in the street how to get somewhere and she will direct via shops.
Love is not finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Looking for a little magic? Practical Enchantment
We've all heard the phrase 'crossing the line to the other side' right? And sometimes we cross that line on many things in life without knowing that we had. Mostly because both sides were so very similar which made the line a razor thin edge.
But the line that divides men and women is not razor thin, hell it's more like the Grand Canyon! But today I crossed that line and didn't realize it until later.
For starters I've been redecorating my living room. That alone should have been a hint at what was happening to me. But anyway like I was saying I'm redecorating. I have new curtains, matching furniture but bare walls. But last week I entered a store and found five very beautiful pictures I liked very much. But sadly they were way to expensive for me to buy. But just the other day I went back to the store to find that the store was getting rid of that line of paintings and so they had all of them marked down 75% off. I bought them and so in effect I got all five paintings for the price of one. I was happy and in a good mood until I got in my car. It was than that it hit me.
I, a guy, was actually happy about getting a great deal while shopping!
And to make it worse the deal didn't have anything to do with buying a car, golf clubs or any other male thing like that!
Well lets just say I had to get home quickly so I could drink a beer and watch a sporting event on the tv in hopes of getting my guy points back up!
But the line that divides men and women is not razor thin, hell it's more like the Grand Canyon! But today I crossed that line and didn't realize it until later.
For starters I've been redecorating my living room. That alone should have been a hint at what was happening to me. But anyway like I was saying I'm redecorating. I have new curtains, matching furniture but bare walls. But last week I entered a store and found five very beautiful pictures I liked very much. But sadly they were way to expensive for me to buy. But just the other day I went back to the store to find that the store was getting rid of that line of paintings and so they had all of them marked down 75% off. I bought them and so in effect I got all five paintings for the price of one. I was happy and in a good mood until I got in my car. It was than that it hit me.
I, a guy, was actually happy about getting a great deal while shopping!
And to make it worse the deal didn't have anything to do with buying a car, golf clubs or any other male thing like that!
Well lets just say I had to get home quickly so I could drink a beer and watch a sporting event on the tv in hopes of getting my guy points back up!