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"Okay, Sure, Ben & Jerry's sounds great..." She replies in a generic tone. "Good luck with Michael..." she gives me her brave happy face. This causes me too wince. I don't want to leave her but me and gorilla boy need to straighten some things out.
"Thanks." I whisper hoping she understands the meaning behind the one word.
I twirl around and open the door his apartment.
"Alright buddy, You have some serious explaining to do."
Love is not finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.Looking for a little magic?Practical Enchantment
"Okay, let's stop by the house and grab some water and snacks and then we can head out to the desert," Max begins with a suggestion to which I simply nod. I'm not even completely sure what it is I want to talk about. I mean, there are so many different things on my mind, things that I feel need to be covered at some point here. I just don't know where to start.
"Or we could grab lunch there and talk before we leave," Max adds while I'm sitting almost lost in my thoughts.
"No, grabbing something and getting out to the desert seems like a good idea to me." I figure, by then I may have my thoughts in better order and might know exactly what it is I want to say first and have things basically organized in my mind.
"When are you supposed to meet Tess so you can prepare to tell our parents?" I ask, thinking about the fact that I planned on being there to give both Tess and my brother emotional support.
After Isabel and Max leave, I settle on my couch and turn on the television, flipping it to a game. I'm hoping that maybe Maria will become distracted by her conversation with Liz and decide not to waste time getting onto me about things. After all, it wasn't as though she'd had the desire to have much to do with me lately either.
I refused to admit that I've missed having her around or seeing her. It's not about to happen. She is the one that said she can't count on me. So, why should I bother to show her otherwise. Besides, I'd never promised her forever. I'd never told her that I wouldn't leave. If I have the chance to learn who I am and see where I come from, I can't guarantee how I'll feel at the time.
The thought of leaving her sends a pain through me everytime, but I'm not really sure what else to do. "Alright buddy, You have some serious explaining to do."
I turn just as Maria comes in closing the door behind her as she speaks. "Explaining about what, Maria?" I question even as I turn back to face the t.v. I love to get her riled up just so I can see how hot she looks when she is.
"No,grabbing something and getting out to the desert seems like a good idea to me." Isabel says as we drive up to our house. I pull around the side and park by the garage so it won't be completely obvious that we're ditching class.
I nod and hop out of the jeep. Sounds like this is going to be a long conversation.
"When are you supposed to meet Tess so you can prepare to tell our parents?" She asks.
"I, uh, I don't know. We didn't really talk about that." I feel really bad. I've been talking to Michael and Isabel and Liz, while Tess is alone at the school. She's carrying my baby and I've virtually abandoned her. "Sometime after school, I guess. Dad's not going to be around until after six, so there's plenty of time, but I do want to be sure she's okay."
I grab a pack of sodas out of the fridge and a bag of apples. That should be a good start.
I place my hands on my hips in a clearly annoyed stance. If he thought that this discussion was over boy was he wrong.
"Explaining about what, Maria?" he grumbles his eyes affixiated on the t.v in front of him.
Is he serious? Doe he really not think tht he should explain himself. Tell me whats going on inside his head. Sometimes I feel like there's just no reaching him. That no matter what I do or say I'm never gonna get through to him. I shake my head partly out of aggravation ,but mostly out of exhaustion.
Trying to met him half way I clear my throat.
"Look I had no right to say those words to you. I was hurting and it just kind of slipped out. That fact being said however doesn't make them any less true. I don't feel like I can count on you. I know that one day you are going to leave me ,and it tears me up inside, but what hurts the most is that it doesn't seem to bother you at all."
All right. I told him how I feel. Thats all I can do right? I wait anxiousy for his reaction.
Love is not finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.Looking for a little magic?Practical Enchantment
"Look I had no right to say those words to you. I was hurting and it just kind of slipped out. That fact being said however doesn't make them any less true. I don't feel like I can count on you. I know that one day you are going to leave me ,and it tears me up inside, but what hurts the most is that it doesn't seem to bother you at all."
At her words, I remain silent for a moment. Does she really think that I am not bothered by the fact that I might end up leaving her behind? Of course, she does… it’s not as though I’m the most open person about things like feelings. I draw in a deep breath and turn to look at her, “What do you expect me to say, Maria? I never promised that I would be here forever. You’ve always known that I wanted to know where I’m from and that hasn’t changed. I don’t understand why you can’t just accept what we have now and stop worrying about something that might never happen.”
Okay, I don’t think my words are coming out right, but how can they when I’m looking at her and I want to simply hold her and feel her next to me? “Look, I’m not good with this sort of thing…” I start and then turned to shut off the television before motioning to Maria, “Looks like you might as well get comfortable, Maria. This might take a while.” I say, trying to get some time so I can try and figure out what to say.
“Would you be happier without me in your life, Maria?” I ask, wanting her answer before I do anything or say anything. Inwardly, I’m dreading that she’ll say yes. After all, my past pretty much says it all.
“What do you expect me to say, Maria? I never promised that I would be here forever. You’ve always known that I wanted to know where I’m from and that hasn’t changed. I don’t understand why you can’t just accept what we have now and stop worrying about something that might never happen.”
I let my mind roll around his words. I swallow feeling immediately sick at my stomach. This uneasiness occurs because in my heart. I know he's right. I do want him to find out who he is. If finding out about his parents and his former life on Antar makes him happy then thats what I want for him to do, but I can't help but be selfish in the fact that he can do it all and still come ome to me.
“Look, I’m not good with this sort of thing…” he begins amazingly enough he turns off the hockey game abd turns to me. Uh Oh this must be important. “Looks like you might as well get comfortable, Maria. This might take a while.” I walk over to the couch and take a seat. Well, he wants to talk about it that's something right?
“Would you be happier without me in your life, Maria?” He asks uncertainty twinged in his tone.
I lose my breath for a moment. I want to scream no at the top of my lungs ,but I can tell he wants me to take his question seriously. I arrange my thoughts trying to figure out whats best but it all comes back to the same thing.
"If you don't love me. Then yes. I don't want to stay in this relationship if you don't feel the same for me. It will kill me to let you go, but I can if I think it's because that's what's best for you. I love you, Michael. I just want that to mean something to you."
Love is not finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.Looking for a little magic?Practical Enchantment
"If you don't love me. Then yes. I don't want to stay in this relationship if you don't feel the same for me. It will kill me to let you go, but I can if I think it's because that's what's best for you. I love you, Michael. I just want that to mean something to you."
I remain silent for several moments before reaching out and taking her hand in mine. Running my other hand through my hair I try to determine the best way to respond, "What if... I'm not prepared to let you go, Maria? What if, I know without you there wouldn't be anything for me?" I feel myself choke up and shake my head, glancing away for a moment before drawing a deep breath and sliding closer to her, drawing her into my arms.
I'm not good with words, I do love her, but to say it... that takes more then I really have at the moment, so I decide that I'm going to show her. Before she can react, I lean down and press my lips to hers and share a part of myself that I hadn't before. This time, while I'm kissing her I let myself connect to her. I let her see the many times I've looked at her, the memory that is strongest is still when she simply held me after the worse Hank incident.
The silence in the room is deafening. Oh No! Now I've done it. he's gonna kick me to the curb. Imagine my relief when he reaches out for me taking my hand in his. He runs his free hand through his lucious locks and looks like he wants to tell me something,but can't find the words.
"What if... I'm not prepared to let you go, Maria? What if, I know without you there wouldn't be anything for me?" He shakes his head and adverts his eyes so I cannot see what lies in them. Taking a strained breath he slides closer and gathers me up into his arms.
His body surrounds in such a way that I feel safe and protected.
Suddenly he leans down and gently presses his lips to mine. Instantly I feel entirely connecteed to Michael as if I am a part of him. I am bombarded by rushes of memories. Many I reacognize some don't. Though it's now no secret that i cameo in alot of his dreams. For one brief shinging moment I see Michael as he percieves me to be.
I see Hank in all his evil glory and how Michael wished that he was a part of the Evans family, and then I saw his final fight with his abusive adopted father and the events immediately following it. he had wantes to feel ,safe, loved, and protected. So he came to me. Because he loves me. When the colors have faded I see one solitary thing in his mind. Me.
I blink and suddenly I back in my beloved's dirty apartment wrapped in his arms. I kiss him softly pouring all my love and devotion into that one expression of love.
"Thank you." I whisper not trusting my own voice.
Love is not finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.Looking for a little magic?Practical Enchantment
At Max's reply, Isabel nodded. It didn't really surprise her that Max wasn't certain. With everything going on, things were all up in the air and then she was sure that Michael hadn't exactly made it very easy for him either. "I can call her cell and leave a message for her to call me once she get's out of class, then you can find out." Isabel offered quietly as she followed her brother inside and watched him reach for something to eat and drink.
"Thanks. That will help," Max said.
Isabel went into her room a moment and grabbed some of the cash she kept hidden in case they were late and decided to get something out before facing the Evans' adults.
She was more then willing to spend some time talking to Max and she knew that she would need to speak with Tess too. She realized she hadn't been being fair to either one of them and things had to change. Walking back out of her room, she looked at Max, "We ready?" She grabbed some tabasco sauce before heading for the door.
"I think so," Max nodded. There didn't seem to be any reason to linger here. Well, no reason save his reluctance to start this conversation. He knew that Isabel had said she would support him and he believed that. He trusted her and he knew she was 'on his side' now. This was still going to be a difficult conversation, in spite of that, and he wasn't exactly looking forward to it. Hopefully, when it was done, he and Isabel would be stronger, but he suspected that much like his earlier conversation with Liz, getting there wouldn't be easy...
Suppressing his urge to shrug, Max simply lead the way back out to the jeep and climbed into the driver's seat, waiting for Isabel to join him.
Isabel walked out of the house with a sigh as she watched Max climb into the jeep and moved to the passengers seat. She was certain that he was probably expecting this to be something rough and maybe in a way it would be. She couldn't keep the fact that she lost her chance for love and she didn't want her brother to lose his. She also wanted to know more about other things that she realized she had missed while she was lost to her grieving.
For the moment though, she sat in silence, waiting until they reached their destination because on the way there she wanted to think more fully on the situation. No matter what, she would be there with him and Tess, she'd support her brother in anything that went on...
Unlike some extended periods of silence, Max found the silence to be quite agreeable as he drove out to the desert. It was comfortable. There was no need for words at the moment. From the expression on her face, and his own familiarity with his sister, he was sure she wasn't angry but only pre-occupied. He felt much the same himself and he was happy for the time to think.
Still, he did precious little of that as he drove. Everytime his mind started down one path, he'd find himself distracted by another thought, and then he'd be back at the beginning again. Less than halfway there, he'd given up and just let his mind go blank, concentrating on nothing more than the color and shapes of the rocks he was passing as he traveled the familiar road.
At length, he was there, taking the jeep off-road and driving as closely a possible to the path leading up to the pod-chamber. He shut off the ignition and turned to his sister. His lips formed a slight smile as he nodded at her before climbing out of the vehicle. "Somewhere out here or shall we go inside?" Max asked.
Isabel had watched the terrain a little but mostly she had drifted deeply into her thoughts, barely realizing that the jeep had stopped. Turning, she looked over at her brother in time to here his question and see the slight smile. Smiling in return, she glanced around a moment, "Out here for now. The heat isn't as bad as usual." She climbed out of the jeep and moved to stand behind it, leaning on the back slightly before she turned to look at Max, "Did you ever think we'd learn so much about who we are and yet so little?" She questioned quietly, feeling that the safer concept for the moment, the better.
"No," Max admitted as he spread an old army blanket on the ground and then laid the food on top. "We had Nacedo with us for such a short time and there was so very much he never told us. Of course, he was with Tess for twelve years and he didn't give her many details, either," he added with a shrug.
He sat down on the blanket and gazed up at the distinctive outcropping that hid their empty pods and the Granolith chamber beyond it. "It's so much bigger than I'd ever imagined."
Isabel nodded as she sat down as well, looking about. "Everything is, Max. None of us imagined we'd be going through any of this." She turned to look at Max, her expression serious and a small smile pulling at her lips. "In the beginning, I wanted to hate you for risking everything. I don't feel like that anymore, I hate myself for not risking more. Even when I haven't seemed to, I like Liz, I think she's been a great friend to us all. Maria too, though I was cruel at first." She laughed softly as she thought back to some of the things she'd done, "Alex and Kyle eventually... they have all had something to do with our making it through things, helping us through different things."
She sighed as she turned to look toward the chamber, "During my grief over... Alex... I forgot that I had anyone at times. Forgot about our friends and forgot about family." She admitted before turning to look at Max again, "I'm sorry, Max. I should have been here for you. I should have been around for you to talk to when you needed me."
Max looked at his sister, his expression calm and sincere. He placed a hand over hers, feeling sympathy for her grief over Alex. He missed the awkward techno-teen, too, but he knew it was much harder for his sister. "It's okay, Isabel. We've all been having trouble dealing with it. Getting past it. But I know that being part of our group, being with you, in particular, made Alex happy. I don't think he ever regretted a single minute after he found out who we really are."
Isabel turned her hand over and squeezed his as she gave a slight smile, "I know, he told me the same many times." She started and then sighed as she shook her head, "Still, it doesn't change the fact that when you needed me, I was wrapped up in my own needs and not there for you. What happened that I missed, Max? How did you and Tess grow close enough to get intimate when the last I remembered you weren't?"
"We didn't. At least, not that much," Max admitted. He'd grown closer to Tess over the past few months, but not that close. It had been a mistake, he knew, but it had happened. If Tess really was his destiny, then maybe it was just a little early...
Max glanced at Isabel and then quickly diverted his eyes, looking downward at his hands. He'd never told Isabel about what Liz had done, or rather, what she'd made him think that she'd done. How would he explain anything now?
"I'd been working with her since September, to try and recover my memories of Antar, but I didn't want to be with her. I love Liz. but things were so ... crazy since Alex died. Maria, Kyle and Liz turned away from us. Michael seemed to have disappeared. And you ... you were going to leave us, too." Max shook his head. Even talking about it brought back the feelings of abandonment, of hopelessness. "Liz was so obsessed. She didn't even want to talk to me. I begged her to stop, for the sake of our friendship, and she ... she threw it away."
Max stopped, biting his lip for a moment, but he forced himself to go on. He could feel the tears in his throat, but even now, he refused to let them show on his face. "Tess found me then. She'd been there for me when ... when Liz broke my heart and I'd finally given up on her. She was there that night, too. She ... she kissed me and I ... I kissed her back. I shouldn't have, I know; it was a mistake. But I just needed --- I needed to feel like I wasn't alone..."
