Title: Innocence
Author: FallenMagic
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters. They are the property of Jason Katims and all those people who helped create them.
Rating: TEEN
Summary: Liz thinks back to when they all lost their innocence. Warning! It's pretty dark!
Note: Big thank you to Mia Nora who made my beautiful banner!
Innocence
The night was dark around me as I stood there in my room, staring out at the bright stars.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
Were these the same stars I had gazed at from my balcony all those years ago? Had they changed or had I changed?
For a break that would make it okay
They didn’t seem the same to me anymore, they no more held the promise of forever, they no more felt like my guiding lights that shone down to light my way for me.
There’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
Everything felt so different now, every one seemed so different.
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
When we had left Roswell we had known that things were going to change. What we didn’t know was that we would change too. All our aspirations and hopes got left behind in Roswell, in the desert where we all buried our memories.
Oh beautiful release
But where did we leave our innocence? When did we loose it? When we left Roswell? When Alex died? When I was shot?
Memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
If I try hard enough I think I can recall the exact moment when our innocence and optimism shattered into a million pieces.
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
No amount of logic, love, understanding, or revenge could help us replace or understand what and why we had lost. It had taken that one moment, just that single, solitary moment to destroy all that we had ever believed and held on to all these years.
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
We had thought that we were finally safe, that they had left our pursuit now. It had been three years since we saw any sign of the FBI and so we began to hope.
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
We began to hope of returning home, we began to hope of finally living freely…we began to hope of our children’s lives being safe. We should have realized that for us, there was no such thing as hope.
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
I don’t even remember how it all happened. The day had started out like any normal day, with me and Maria taking our kids to school.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
I remember walking down the street one minute and the next running for our lives. I remember their black suits; I remember the kids’ terror stricken faces. I remember their guns pointing at us, pointing at our kids, taking aim.
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
The sound of the gun shot still rings through my head at an alarmingly loud level. I remember Maria’s look of horror as her son crumpled to the ground in a pool of blood.
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
I remember her cries, I remember my hands red and shaking… I remember Josh dying in my arms.
You keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
I have often wondered after that how we will ever get through this, how we will ever feel safe again.
It don't make no difference
escaping one last time
Every day I think about that day and wonder why it had to be Josh? Why it had to be us. Holding my own daughter close, I would feel the tears slip silently as I tried to convince myself that we will make it out of this darkness, all of us will. Safe and unharmed.
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
But then I wonder how Maria and Michael could ever get over this. How could they possibly go back to their daily lives, knowing that the most important person to them is dead, dead because we had let our defenses down?
In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
My heart hurts for them, I ache to soothe their pain but I can’t do anything. I can only hope that they are strong enough to pass through this, that they know that they are not alone.
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
I am still thinking of this when I feel my husband’s hand snake around my waist. “Don’t think about it…”Max whispers in my ear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
I can’t help smiling a bit as I lean against him and we both stare out at the stars. He knows me too well. I don’t say anything as I snuggle up in his arms, feeling safe if only for a while.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
He is the only thing, aside from my daughter that keeps me from losing all hope. I know that with him next to me, I’ll make it eventually. We all will. And as he leads me back to bed, I can’t help thinking that for at least tonight, with him by my side I’m safe and all is right in the world.
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here…
THE END