All finished stories from the Unconventional Couples board, the Crossover board, and the Alien Abyss boards will eventually be moved here. See those forums for descriptions.
Author: DMartinez
Email: shockerdm@icqmail.com
Disclaimer: Characters portrayed in the following work belong to Kripke, Singer, Metz, Katims, WB, UPN, CW. No infringement intended.
Summary: Supernatural/Roswell Crossover: AU without Aliens: Sam and Dean are mourning their father's death when they learn that Pastor Jim passed away over a year ago and Liz has been on her own. Sam sets out to find her and Dean tries to lose himself in the bottle... what Sam finds will alter the plans that John and Dean had made when they left her to live her own life.
Rating: Mature
Pairing: John/Liz, Dean/Liz
Book III - Chapter 1
Sam flipped through the book. His father's replacement journal. No personal thoughts or old photographs in this one. Just facts. Hunts. Contacts. It's cover not nearly as worn as its predecessor, which resided in the bottom of Dean's duffle like he'd put their father on timeout since he'd died. He glanced over at Dean, who was working steadily on cleaning every gun in their collection and finishing the bottle of whiskey they had opened the week before when they were coming down the high of the last hunt with their father. The last hunt that John Winchester ever led. Ever fought. Ever won. Then something caught Sam's eye.
"Dean," he croaked out.
"Told you. Not going to cry my eyes out over that man."
"Save 'em for someone who deserves them." Sam cleared his throat. "Pastor Jim is dead. He died last year. Dad never told us."
Dean froze and turned to his brother. "Last year?"
"I guess that's when yo--- when we weren't talking to Dad." Sam stared at his brother, silently begging him to say something. He didn't. Finally, Sam closed the journal and began packing.
"Where are you going?"
"To Blue Earth."
"No." Dean shook his head.
"We have to go and see if she's doing alright."
"Then go alone."
Sam all but threw his bag down. "Dean!"
"Look, we got enough on our plate without going back there." Dean tossed down his rod and rag. "She's fine. She's always fine."
"This time is different and you know it."
Dean took a long pull and finished off his bottle. "Fine. Go alone. We'll meet up later."
"Where?"
"I don't know."
--
Sam watched the scenery blow by through the window of the bus. He had never quite understood the rift between Dean and their father. He had known it was about her but neither had been willing to explain the extent of it. The last couple of years had been busy. Had been hard. It was over now. Dad was dead. Dean had killed the demon who had killed their mother. He felt like there were pieces of his brother missing all this time. He had hoped that with the demon gone, it would resolve itself but the death of their father had only seemed to deepen the pit that Dean lived in.
He had two days on the bus to figure out just why their father had never mentioned that Pastor Jim had died. Who had killed him? Did anyone kill him? Was it a stroke? A heart attack? Why did no one know the man had passed?
--
Dean stared at the door. He couldn't believe Sam had left him. To go look for her. They had all agreed it was for the best to leave her alone. Barging in two years later would be pretty lame. Nothing good could come of contacting Liz after all she'd been through. After all that had happened in Blue Earth and certainly not after the way they had abandoned her. Dean didn't think he could handle seeing her after losing his dad. He tried, tried hard, to hate him but he couldn't and it was ripping his brain apart. Opening his new bottle of whiskey, Dean ruefully thought about how much he'd tried to be like his father his whole life… and as he swallowed down the first few inches, he knew he'd succeeded far greater than he'd ever imagined.
TBC
Last edited by DMartinez on Sun May 10, 2009 7:45 am, edited 11 times in total.
Sam didn't know where to start exactly but the church would be his best bet for finding out who had taken over Jim's post and possibly what had been done with her in the pastor's wake. The new pastor was polite and shrugged lot. Said that the former pastor was a good man, taking in Liz the way he had. Liz had had the option to stay but had chosen to move on. She had been very attached to Pastor Jim. Said that a lot of people had turned up to give their regards to the old man who had passed away of a heart attack in his cellar. Said people from the Vatican had shown up to see the body itself… all very strange. Where was she now? Only God knew.
Sam took a stroll through town to think of anything that would help. He sat in an old diner and racked his brain for anything. All he really had was her picture in the back of his dad's journal. It was a picture from the 80s, though and in Dean's duffle to boot.
He wondered, truly, how many lives had she lead. He wondered how many of them had been happy lives. He had read that some of them had been really horrible. He waited for the waitress to come by. He asked her but she was new and she didn't know much about Blue Earth. Then he was directed to the bar past the railroad tracks. Said to ask for Stan or his sister.
Angela was a big help. Said she knew mother and daughter. She had moved on when the pastor had died. But didn't leave a forwarding address and never called to check in. Good woman that girl.
--
Dean packed up his things and hit the road, using his dad's journal as a guide. People he'd been in contact with who were always good for a hunt. New bottle of whiskey and his car, he set out. Wondered if Sam were really coming back of it was just an excuse to go back to college and live a normal life.
--
Sam followed the trail across six states and ended up in his own backyard. Sam ended up in a bar in the middle of nowhere. A nice middle aged woman had stared him down for a few minutes then served him a beer, commenting that a nice college boy shouldn't be in backwater bars. He had just smiled and said that he grew up in backwater bars and they all felt like coming home. She had laughed and told him not to get too drunk. He was ready to give up his hunt. He took Dad's journal to a back booth and opened it up while he sipped his beer. Then he looked up to find the same woman staring at him. "Where did you get that book?"
"Um… it's mine." Sam had stat up, closing the book.
"That book belongs to John Winchester and if he finds out you've got it… you're not long for this world."
Sam took a moment to digest that threat. He had nodded to himself with a small, sad smile. "Dad came through here often, did he?" She stood there, eyes narrowed. "I'm Sam Winchester."
Then that scowl turned to a grin. "Well, I'll be… the littlest Winchester. Where is your dad? And you've got a brother too, right?"
Sam nodded to himself. "Dean's… on the road and Dad… well, he's under it."
She nodded. "Sorry to hear that. I'm Ellen. Your dad was like family once. I'm sad to hear he's gone."
"He died… and my brother… well… he solved the family problem for us all."
"Killed that son of a bitch that killed your mother… good for him."
Sam's eyes slid to his hands. "So, you know about that, huh?"
"Well, a man like your daddy…" She looked away, wet in her eyes. "He's not very trusting but a bottle of whiskey has been known to loosen a tongue or two tougher than his." She straightened up and looked him over. "Winchesters are welcome here. You need a place to crash, I got a couple rooms out back."
"Thanks, I'd appreciate it." He cleared his throat. "I can earn my keep. I've… never been one to follow in my father's footsteps as far as… room and board go."
"Good to hear." She chuckled with a face that spoke of how intimately she was familiar with John's way with money. "You… uh… pass that same message on to your brother. Your daddy… he sure was proud of you boys."
Sam felt the wet coming to his eyes. "He talked about us?"
"All the time." She nodded to him. "Dean's been a crack shot since he was six. Sammy's the smartest boy on the planet… Course… he stopped coming around when you boys was preteens still but when he did come by…"
"Yeah." He nodded until she went away. Anything to keep from letting that small piece of him inside, that tiny piece that still yearned for his father's approval, from growing too big.
--
Dean glanced at the passenger seat. It had been weeks without Sammy. On the road, alone. Maybe the kid had gone back to Stanford. Maybe Dean was on his own. The demon was dead after all. Dad was dead. No one around to make Sammy stay anymore.
--
Sam dunked glasses in a sink, scratched a finger nail against a stain or two, and loaded all into a dishwasher labeled "bar glasses". Then he set to hand-washing a stack of sturdy bowls which had once housed pretzels. In the midst of that, he didn't hear the girl walk up on him.
"That's what I like to see. Muscles in an apron."
He whipped around, splashing soapy water onto the wood floor. "Pardon?"
"Mom! Who's the help?" She called back, toddler on her hip.
"Sam Winchester! Be nice to him!" Came the call from up front.
"Winchester?" She tilted her head at him, blonde hair falling over her shoulder. "Any relation to John?"
"He's my dad." Sam nodded, turning back to the sink. "Well, he was."
"I'm sorry." She offered and Sam felt like she meant it. "It happens, in this life. Job got my dad, too." He felt her hand on his shoulder briefly and then she disappeared up front with the baby.
He took the next several moments and bowls to control his face. He was drying and stacking when Ellen and the baby returned to the kitchen. Sam had to smile at the kid, who stared back with huge hazel eyes. "Your grandbaby is adorable."
"Well, thank you but he's not my grandbaby. Thank God. Jo would have to slow down a minute to let a man catch her." Ellen hoisted the boy higher on her hip. "One of my waitresses… this is her boy. She's out on a Mommy's Day Out. This kid's no trouble anyhow, are you Danny, boy?"
"Hey Danny, I'm Sam." Sam tossed his towel on a counter and held his hand out to the boy, who took it and made Sam's hand look huge.
"I remember your daddy coming into my bar, the two of you in tow and thinking what a moron he must be to drag two kids around the country like that… but you look like you turned out fine." Ellen kissed Danny's head and wandered off out the backdoor. "Lord knows staying in one place didn't do Jo no good."
Sam watched her go and wondered at what she meant. He almost picked up the phone to call Dean but he swore to himself that he wouldn't do that until he found Liz. How in the hell Dean wasn't crawling the country looking for her… but then, it wasn't like it had been a simple break up or anything. They had abandoned her to make new memories out of nothing.
--
Dean slid into a booth and turned over his coffee cup and laid a twenty over it. The hangover was killing him and he'd be useless in an actual fight. She took the twenty, poured him a hot cup and didn't talk any longer than to lay a menu on his table. He poured in a generous shot of whiskey to remedy his condition. After nearly the whole cup, he felt like he could eat some pancakes but waved off her offer of eggs and bacon.
What did Sam think they were going to do? Find Liz, then what? Make sure she was doing okay but they had no right to inform her of what was in the dark. They had no right to steal her life from her. They had no right to take away the normal she was finally given after centuries and centuries of giving her happiness and life for a cause she could probably care less about. Now she could meet somebody and fall in love and get married and have babies and live her life.
Liz deserved that life. White picket fence with a good man; a husband with a good job. Father to her kids and nothing bigger to worry about than which schools the kids would go to… and Dean couldn't stand to watch her have it. Not even from the end of a block. He'd wanted it. He knew he'd wanted it and he'd been too much of a coward to tell his dad to shove it. Too much of a coward to let the hunting life go. To learn to fix cars in one place. To earn money the way Uncle Sam had intended. To buy a ring and propose and live that life that his mother had wanted for her boys before that evil son of a bitch had entered their house and shattered their American dream.
Stabbing his pancakes, he forced them down and drowned him with more whisky laced coffee. Let Sam find her and find her okay and then they could get on with their lives…even if it meant dropping Sam off at a college to finish his degree.
Sam found that a day of honest work and a night of good sleep in a soft bed with clean sheets did him good. He woke in a good mood and hope for tomorrow. It took time and space for him to realize that he didn't have to go back to the job. He could do something else with his life… he'd probably have to do it without Dean. Dean would never settle down. He had spent the last six weeks chasing Liz and it had come to nothing. Had ended himself in a bar in the middle of nowhere with people who thought of his father fondly. Hell, Bobby never thought of John fondly and he was the closest that his father ever had to a best friend. Hell, that he knew of, only two women had ever loved him. One was dead and the other had amnesia.
Right then and there, Sam decided that Dean was going to have that life. He deserved that life. After everything. After demons and monsters and girlfriends from spells gone wrong… after being the obedient son and the doting brother and the father and… everything. Dean needed to be normal or else… Or else Dean was going to end up a tale told around Harvelle's Roadhouse as a legend and as a cautionary…
Sam dialed Dean's phone. Got no answer. Left no message but opened a text. Left coordinates and then set about getting dressed for the day. Even after all they had been through. Through all the fights and shouting matches. Sam was grateful that he had made a sort of peace with his father before he died. He only regretted that it took a wedge between Dean and his father for that to happen.
As Sam was leaving the bathroom. He heard the sound of Danny laughing behind a door. A soft chuckle that must have been his mother and more laughter. That was normal. A Saturday morning in bed. Mom and son, enjoying what they had. Hopefully with no clue about what hid in the dark. Moving on, Sam followed his nose to the kitchen where Ellen was making coffee. Hot and strong, just like Dad made before his eyes opened.
--
Dean steered his way through Nebraska. What the hell Sam found in Nebraska had better be worth it. Cause there was a hot blonde. Hot blonde. Some trashy bar chick that was all over him… and maybe she was 40 but who the hell cared? Where the hell was his phone? Fuck it; he was not backtracking 200 miles to get a piece of plastic and circuits.
--
Sam helped Ellen make breakfast for her motley crew. And yes, he laughed when he thought it because he knew Dean would snorfle if he'd actually said it out loud. Ellen's bar staff seemed to include her daughter, Jo, a computer wizard by the name of Ash and the two occupants of the room near the bathroom. Those two had yet to appear but Ellen said that they weren't really morning people.
Sam had just put a mouthful of bacon and eggs into his mouth when he set eyes on Danny's mother as she led him to the kitchen. He almost spit it out, then started choking, which of course, got her attention. She pointed at him. "I know you."
"Sam, this is Liz." Ellen made the introduction so that everyone was clear that she was in charge. "Liz, Sam's the son of one of my good friends from a long time ago. His daddy and my Bill worked the same job."
"This guy?" Liz rushed forward to Sam with her locket fumbling between her fingers.
Sam silently cursed his father and Dean for what they had done to her. He took the locket and opened it to reveal his father's picture alongside Liz's from the 80s. "Yeah, that dude."
"You guys just dumped me off at that diner and let me find out from the owner that I was his daughter."
"Whoa! He's not your father." Sam dropped her locket and backed away. "She told you that?"
"And Pastor Jim said it wasn't true but the doctors at the hospital said he said he was."
"He only did that to cover your medical expenses." Sam growled softly to himself.
"Well, do you at least know who the father of my baby is?"
"What?"
"I timed it. If my math is anywhere approaching accurate, then I conceived at the time of my attack." She lowered her voice. "Was I raped?"
"NO. No, no. God, no." Then Sam took a really good look at little Danny. "Oh my God."
--
Dean groaned when the coordinates focused on mostly nothing and a little speck of a town so spread out it was depressing. Pulling in at a bar was the best he could do. Surely that's where Sam would have left word for him. He was feeling a little parched anyway. A few cars and beat up trucks outside. Not near to packed when he walked in. Severely lacking in female companionship. Shrugging out of his jacket, he sat at the bar. A long-legged blonde caught his eye, he flashed her a grin. She returned it with a wink. Someone cleared her throat, he turned to see an older woman, eyebrow cocked. "What can I get you?"
"Beer." He nodded. She reached into a bucket, slammed the cap off and set it down in front of him with a thunk.
"There you go." She nodded to him and then leaned in. "You keep your eyes on the beer, huh?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good boy." She relaxed, her threat having been delivered. "Passing through?"
"Meeting someone." He pulled on his beer. "Anyone been through?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Honey, this is a roadside bar in the middle of nowhere. Everyone's passed through, not all of 'em leave names."
"Fair enough." He pulled on his beer again.
"This somebody you lookin' for… male or female?"
Dean paused with the beer halfway to his mouth. It was too easy and Sammy was nowhere to appreciate the joke. "Mostly male, with female tendencies."
"Best friend or brother?"
"Both?"
She grinned. "Never heard of that."
"Dude I'm looking for is taller than a tree, thinner than a rail and staring into his eyes tends to evoke… warm tender feelings in most females. This of course tends to make me vomit."
"Well, of course."
Dean finished his beer and took a look around. Old guy in the corner writing in a journal. Grease monkeys drinking the day away. Dean fished his journal out of his pocket to look up a few numbers. He reached for his cellphone before he remembered that he'd left it behind. Hundreds of miles behind.
What could he do but sit and wait and drink? Dude, did that guy have a mullet? Awesome.
--
Sam had hedged for nearly an entire day but when Liz came back, she'd want a story. Dean wasn't answering his phone; not calls or texts. He heard her steps to her room down the hall, the smaller ones of her son. Dammit, he wished Dean would just answer his phone already. If he timed it right, he could be outside before she heard him leave his room. He took his chance, got five long strides down the hall to the entrance to the bar. He had just opened the door when he heard her door open once more. Two more steps and he realized that he must have done something very very bad in a previous life to deserve the train wreck about to happen.
Dean, drunk at the bar. Liz, pissed. Sam… caught between the two when they called out to him at the same time. "Sammy!" "Sam!"
"Shit." He muttered and chose to pursue his brother and give him some sort of warning. "Dean, we need to talk. Now."
Dean slid off his seat and nearly slid to the ground. This was not good. "I've been waiting all damn day for you."
Sam tried to put Dean on his feet and talk at the same time. "Dean, when I got to Blue Earth, she was gone and I went looking for her and I tracked her all over the place and there's something you've got to know about her."
"Sammy, what the hell are you talking about?"
"It's Liz. She's here."
"What the hell?" Dean could focus on those words. Then his eyes found her. "Sam, what the hell? Why didn't you tell me she was here?" Then his eyes fell to the toddler by her side. He needed air, to sit, to fall, to have another drink and pray for oblivion.
Ellen watched the whole thing unfold and began to wonder if she'd made a mistake in welcoming the Winchester boys into her bar.
"I know you." Liz pointed to Dean. "You were with Sam… and John…"
"Yeah." Dean nodded.
"I asked Sam. He wouldn't answer me." She walked quickly, her son struggling to keep up. "Maybe you know more?"
"Me?" Dean's breathing picked up and he gripped the bar with white knuckles. "What would I know… more about… than Sam… Sam… he knows everything."
Ellen swooped up the baby to take away from the talk at the bar even as Liz closed the distance. She stared up at him. "Look, I just want to know if you know if I was involved with anyone before the attack. Sam swears that I wasn't… assaulted and I didn't have sex after the attack and yet, I was pregnant. I timed it. It's pretty close to then. I just need to know if you know something more than I do."
"Jesus Christ." Dean blurted out before his eyes rolled back and then he slid to the floor.
Sam scratched at the back of his neck for a moment then turned to Ellen and opened his mouth but she cut him off with a nod. "Pick his sorry ass up and get 'em to bed. He really is John's son. Ash!"
"Yo!" Ash called back from where he was studying the dregs of leftover beer for drinkability.
"Come haul a body." Ellen jerked her head to the side.
Ash studied Sam then the body on the floor. "He ain't dead, is he? I don't haul dead bodies."
"He fainted." Sam explained.
"Like a girl?" Ash sneered but joined the hauling crew.
TBC
Dean woke to a ceiling. Like most other ceilings he'd slept under, there were no light fixtures. A lamp next to the bed. By the ringing in his ears, he figured he was better off not turning it on. Turning his head to look for the door, he felt the knot on the back of his head. What in the hell was he hunting?
The door creaked open. Sam's big head of girly, fluffy hair stuck in. "You alive?"
"Am I?"
Sam slid in and shut the door. "Look, I haven't found a way to tell her yet. I need you up and at 'em."
"Tell who what?"
"How hard did you hit your head when you fell?"
Dean squinted in the darkness at his brother and then it started to click. Sam had taken off on him. Had gone to Blue Earth. But they weren't in Blue Earth now. "Liz."
"Yes, catch up faster, please."
"She's here. Where's here?"
"Nebraska. Harvelle's Roadhouse. Dean. Wake up a little faster, please."
"I was drinking… and then she walked in and… holy shit."
"Yes, that's it. What are we going to do?" Sam sat on the bed and pulled the chain on the lamp, blinding his brother and revealing his annoyance. "You can't just tell her that you don't know. Jesus, Dean, you have a son."
Dean sat up and took a deep breath. When he deflated he looked at his brother. He wondered how someone so smart could continually be so naïve. "There's a chance that he's not mine, Sam."
"I never thought you'd be one of those guys, Dean."
"Sam. I'm not denying that there's a chance that he's mine. I'm just saying there's a chance that he's not."
"Bullshit. You know her history. It doesn't work that way. She was with you."
"And she was with Dad." Dean met his brother's eyes. "I'm not talking about when we were kids. I'm talking about two years ago, he was with her." Sam shook his head. "Why do you think we didn't talk about her?"
Sam stared at his brother. The words ran through his head but they wouldn't settle. "Why do you think…? Dad wouldn't… I mean… We all saw the way she was with you…"
"He admitted it. We were fighting." Dean got to his feet and stared out a window. "I don't think he meant to say it. I remember throwing it in his face that she spent her last night with me before storming off to war… He… didn't say anything for a long time and he had that look on his face. When he knows he's had too much to drink. Said more than he thought he did. Only knows how deep he cut by the response he hears."
"You've never noticed it."
"Never experienced it before then. I noticed it plenty when the two of you went at it." Dean throat itched for the burn of whiskey. "I called Pastor Jim… fishing… his lack of response said it all."
"Seriously." Sam frowned. A mental image of his father having sex… at all. And he couldn't shake it.
"Look… I don't know how to tell her that it was me who fathered her kid. I definitely don't know how to tell her that our father fathered her kid or that I don't actually know which one of us knocked her up before she committed holy suicide."
"It wasn't holy suicide."
"Then explain it."
"I can't." Sam cursed under his breath. "What do we tell her?"
"Shit. I don't know. I mean… it's either my son, your nephew or it's our half-brother. Either way… he's a Winchester." He cleared his throat. "They're family."
--
Ellen watched Jo showing Danny how to make snowflakes. Could remember guiding little hands to use scissors not that long ago, herself. Liz sat at the table, picking at a bowl of soup. She had been fidgeting ever since the eldest Winchester had hit the floor. Of course, the second that Danny tugged on her leg, her smile lit up her face. She lifted the boy onto her lap and oohed and awed over the snowflake.
Whatever those boys were up to, if they broke her heart, Ellen might have to pull out her shotgun. She hadn't threatened to shoot anyone in a long time but maybe it was time to see if she was still as intimidating as she was told that she could be.
When the door opened, she expected that it would be Sam with another excuse but it was Dean who entered, hands in pockets, head bowed. There was a man who knew something that he knew he should have shared. His green eyes watched Danny's movements carefully for five full minutes before clearing his throat and announcing his presence. Liz turned her head, tilted it and furrowed her brow. "Are you okay? Should you be up?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. Get cracked in the head a lot." He scratched at the back of his neck before motioning to the hallway. "Can we sit and talk somewhere?"
"Sure." She nodded and stood with Danny still in her arms and followed him down the hallway. "We can talk in my room."
Dean paused a moment in her doorway, just staring at the crib and the bed, crammed into the small room. He took a deep breath and shut the door behind him. "Listen… um… you're gonna have to excuse me for earlier. It's been a really rough couple of years on top of a rough couple of decades."
She offered him a small smile. "I didn't mean to blurt all that out. I just… I saw Sam and figured I'd finally get some answers. He's been stalling me… I guess until you could get here."
"He… uh… asked me to come before we knew you were here. You were kind of a surprise." He looked at her. Her hair shorter than it had been the last time he'd seen her. He missed the length on her. "You cut your hair."
"It was way too long with this monster." She tickled Danny, who laughed and scrambled to the floor to play with his toys. "So, I take that you do know something about me from before or else you wouldn't be fidgeting like that."
"Yeah. I do." He nodded. "Look… um… we weren't entirely honest with you in the hospital… and I really don't want to be the one to tell you any of that because… you have a new life now. That's… really important."
"But I have no past. No clue. I mean. I woke up in a hospital with a strange man sitting next to my bed. I mean… you guys are great and… I remember the… relief in his eyes when I came to… but the three of you left me behind. Angela talked so much shit about John and Pastor Jim kept telling me to ignore it but how could I? And then I turned up pregnant and I never had the chance to meet anyone to make that happen. It happened right before the attack." She stared up at him, eyes rimmed with tears. "Sam said that I wasn't assaulted. He was clear about that but only about that. I just… throw me a bone, okay?"
"It might not be something that you can handle. Dad and I had agreed that you deserved a normal life." Dean cleared his throat. "Of course neither of us knew you were pregnant… it… would have been impossible to tell that that point if I understand biology any at all."
"It's not normal to live the way I do, Dean. I need something. Anything."
"It's complicated."
"I'll bet."
"I… you and I…" He met her eyes. "There's a chance that I'm Danny's father. There's also a chance that I'm not."
"Oh." She frowned to herself. "I didn't think that I… was like that."
"You aren't. Not normally. There were extenuating circumstances and… I don't really know what happened with you and that other guy." Dean swallowed down the lump and tried to keep talking. "If I had known…"
"Who was the other guy?"
"Maybe you don't want to know."
"I think I deserve to know. Danny deserves to know."
"It was my father."
--
Ellen watched Dean stew over a glass of whiskey. Liz had yet to emerge from her room following their talk. Curiosity was starting to win out. Sam had emerged, looking like the world sat on his shoulders. The two brothers didn't talk. Just sat next to each other and drank.
Jo tilted her head as she passed behind them. Ellen shrugged. She was two seconds from storming over there and demanding they lay it out straight. Then she watched as Dean tossed back two glasses of whiskey in succession and wipe what looked like a tear from his eye.
Sam rose and took the glasses to the bar and motioned to Jo for more. Jo was young and holding her tongue was harder. "So… what's the story?"
Sam blinked at her and took a deep breath. "Um… he was in love with her. We do what we do. She got caught up in it. He thought it was doing the right thing by letting her go when the opportunity came up." Raising a hand, he stopped the comment on her tongue. "My brother doesn't fall in love. So, it was a pretty big decision and I'm not sure he didn't regret it even before today."
"Well, is he going to take responsibility for this mess?"
"Well, now that's up to Liz."
--
Liz stared at her son. She thought about Dean's light hair and his green eyes and his fair skin. Then she gazed at John's dark hair and bronze skin and his hazel eyes from the inside of her locket. Any one of them could have fathered her son. Looking at them, it was no mystery that she could have been with either. She wondered what kind of men they were. She wondered why she would have betrayed one for the other. Dean had said it was complicated and if that wasn't an understatement then she didn't know what was.
Ellen had been good to her after Pastor Jim had died. She knew that she would always have a place at Harvelle's. She just wondered how the Winchesters would fit in with her life… or if they would. Dean had been straightforward with her. There was a chance that he was and a chance that he wasn't. There was still a relation there. As a father or a brother. A lover or an in-law of sorts. Then she slowed her mind's racing. She hadn't asked the context of their relationship. Was Dean a one-night stand? Was it a budding relationship? Was it a long-term deal? How had she gotten mixed up with his father? Why had they lied?
--
Ellen watched Liz take her son outside to play. Never a doubt in her mind that that girl loved her son. It had been six months since she and the boy had arrived. Ellen had forgotten what it was like to have a little one in the place. He was a good boy. A little quiet. Liz had reassured her that he chattered nonstop with her. Sometimes, Ellen caught him at it. He was a shy little boy. She recalled a shy boy hiding behind his father once entering her bar. He had grown up quite a bit with quite the chip on his shoulder.
--
Sam explained in short terms what he knew about Ellen and her relationship with their father. It wasn't much. Dean had only nodded and given his brother a disgusted look when his brother suggested that their father and Ellen had a thing. As if the last two years had taught him nothing about his father.
Dean pushed his way outside. Disturbingly sober for the first time in about a year. He heard the laughter before he saw them. He remembered her smile. The way it lit up her face. The way her laugh seemed to make everyone else smile. Then he set his eyes on the boy. Danny. Short for Daniel, he was told.
Small and unsteady on his feet, it seemed. He ran this way and that way. Smile broad and fingers pointing. Little voice calling out "Mama, look!" and "Mama! Com'ere!"
Dean moved before he knew where his feet were going. He sat near to her and watched Danny examine a trail of ants. "When is his birthday?"
"Would it help us figure out who his father is?"
"No." Dean answered honestly. "My… dad and I got into this huge fight not long after we left you behind. He didn't mean to let me know what had happened between the two of you. We were both angry and hitting below the belt just because we could but that was… He didn't actually say it but what he didn't say…"
"I'm having a little trouble with this, Dean. I don't know what kind of person I was when I knew you but… to make plays for father and son… seems…"
"There were extenuating circumstances." Dean admitted but refused to speak further on it. He wanted Liz to have a normal life, even if it was a normal life in a bar. Then he realized he'd left out a very significant part. "Hearts shattered the day we left you behind."
She lifted her gaze to him. "And what's that mean?"
"It's not like we were a one night stand or anything of that nature but it wasn't really a long term relationship." He met her gaze. "You and me… a couple of weeks. Most of it messed up but you were… convincing in your expression of…" He turned away. He hated this kind of stuff.
"Convincing enough that a two week thing was real enough for you?" She watched him shrug. "How long was I with your father?"
"Nine months is what he said." He held his hands up. "When you and I met, I didn't know you and he…" Jesus, he was a really bad liar. "When I introduced you to my father, all hell broke loose. We all found ourselves in a bad situation and only figured it could get worse. It did."
"Then I was attacked."
"Right… we… didn't talk much but you woke up and you didn't remember anything and… we figured we'd let it lie and let you move on and…"
"Is that what you wanted?"
"I thought it was."
"I must not have meant much to you."
He stared at her. "Don't say that. I'm not going into that mess again but don't say that."
"Was it love?"
"It could have been." He sniffed, wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "You were ready to go all in. I… could… I didn't want to trust you." He shrugged. "Nothing you did or said… just bad timing on my part. Sammy will spill his guts and tell you everything but that's not my style. He just got a front row seat to the whole thing."
"Did I really love you?"
"God only knows why."
"Well, he's the one that holds my heart now." She nodded to her son. "I need an answer to it, Dean. We can talk in circles about what I did with who but… I need to know because someday, he's going to look at me and ask a question that… right now, I can't answer."
He nodded to himself. "That can be arranged. Sammy would know more about that than I would."
--
It turned out that Ash was actually the expert in this arena and could get them results from a reliable lab using false names in practically no time at all. He of course would like some of his bar tab paid off.
Liz let Sam pluck a few hairs from her head, then watched as he tucked them into the pouch and marked it. Then watched as he did the same for Danny who made a face at Sam for pulling out his hair. Dean didn't make a face at all but was greatly amused when Sam had pulled out an old toiletry bag and produced a couple of black and gray hairs from its bottom. "Dude, seriously?"
"You grieve your way and I'll grieve mine." Sam had scoffed then left them to mail off the package.
Ash recorded his false names with the real names in a notebook for later comparison. "Well, if it keeps the kid out of my crap."
"My son doesn't get into your crap."
"Then explain the peanut butter on my keyboard." Ash glared at her.
"How about the peanut butter sandwich you made yourself the night before?" Liz countered.
"Touche." Ash sniffed and disappeared in a trail of floating hair.
TBC
Ellen poured Liz a drink and gave her a grin. "That is some story. I'm sure it's not all of it but I gotta say… it's not like anyone would blame you for banging the old man."
"Oh?"
"I knew him back when he was young and stupid. Toting those boys around in the backseat. I was married but even my head turned twice when he walked in here." She sipped her beer and remembered the last time she had seen John. "Even when he started looking his age… If you could tell him a joke dirty enough, that smile could make you wet yourself in a second."
"Ellen, that's…" Liz snickered into her beer.
"Just thinking about him smiling makes me grin. He was far too handsome a man to go into this life but he made it look good. Scarred up and smiling, he was the poster boy for every bad boy fantasy any woman ever had." Ellen glanced up when the bar door opened. "A lot like that son of his… but uglier. Never did I ever think that boy would grow up so damn pretty."
"Ellen… he's half your age."
"Says the girl who's baby's father may possibly be twice hers."
"Noted."
Dean sat on the other side of the bar, picked up the beer when it was handed to him. "There is shit to do in Nebraska."
"That's why God invented drinking." Ellen winked at him.
"And cartoons." Liz added as Danny toddled in followed by Jo. Danny ran right up to his mother. Dean reached down and hefted the boy onto her lap. "Thanks."
"I just love his long eyelashes." Jo flipped Danny's eyelashes with her finger. Then she tilted her head at Dean. "Though those are the curliest I ever seen on a man." She pointed to Dean's face. "That nature or Maybelline?"
"All nature, baby." Dean winked at her before polishing off his beer.
"Bet you beat 'em off with a stick."
Dean eyed his empty bottle, refusing to let himself look at Liz. "Used to."
He let the conversations move on without him as he drank whatever was set in front of him. Visions of dark hair, dark eyes, soft skin. Sitting right there at the bar. Slow smile, sly eyes, pouting lips. Shoving away from the bar, he tripped his way back to the bed he'd been given. He should just leave. Just get out of Harvelle's and never look back.
Sometime later, many, many rotations of the ceiling later, his door opened. The bed dipped. A cool cloth was placed on his head. When he opened his eyes, she was leaning over him. "You're still beautiful."
"Um, thanks." She raised her eyebrows at him.
"But you're different."
"I am." Half a statement, half a question.
"Little bit."
"Oh? How?"
"You were pretty selfish before."
"Selfish?"
"Your wants. Your needs, then everyone else's. You weren't like that when I was a kid."
"I wasn't, huh." She turned the towel over on his forehead.
"No, but you were always talking. Always singing. Can't hold a tune but always singing."
"Okay… why was I selfish, Dean?"
"Cause you had me but you wanted him, too."
She hung her head. She knew nothing of the person that Dean was babbling about. She dropped a kiss on his cheek. "Go to sleep, Dean."
"Sleep with me."
"If that was a come on, it was pretty lame."
Dean lifted his hand to brush the hair out of her face. "I just want you to lay here with me."
"I see." She nodded to herself. "And who's going to put my son to sleep?"
"Sammy's practically a girl. Let him do it."
Liz flipped the towel on his forehead again. "You should sleep this off, Dean."
"Will you turn off the light?"
Dean welcomed the darkness and waited but she didn't leave. She helped him take off his boots, jeans and overshirt then made sure he was lying with his head near a trashcan. He felt her hesitate but didn't make any move to stop her. Finally she lay down beside him. "Dean, tell me about your dad."
Dean struggled to focus on her voice, given the still spinning room around him. "What do you want to know?"
"What was he like? Forget about whatever I was to him. What was he to you?"
Silence filled the room while Dean fought for the words. "My dad was a hero. He was sniper corps in Vietnam. He was honorably discharged as a lance corporal. Then he came home and he married my mom. They were married awhile before they had kids. First me, then four years later, Sammy. He was six months old when… when she died. He tried to save her. I remember him in the room with her. He gave me Sammy and told me not to look back."
"But he didn't save her."
"No, he didn't… but he saved us and then we were on a mission to kill the thing that killed her. He did the best he could to make sure that we were safe. That we could take care of ourselves. He taught me to shoot a gun when I was six and I made him proud. I bullseyed every one of his targets."
"Did he tell you he was proud?"
"Nah, not my dad. He um… would get this look in his eyes. He was smiling, nodding some but his eyes were wet. I kinda preferred it when he was pissed at me. Could never stand that look in his eyes." Dean flung the towel across the room.
"You didn't like him to be proud of you?"
"I didn't like him missing my mom too much. It made him drink too much."
"But he was a good man."
"Yeah. I think he was. He wasn't perfect. Far from it but he tried to make it work. He tried the only way he knew how."
"It's not easy raising children alone."
"I hope I'm not his dad."
"What?" Liz propped herself up on her elbow to look him in the eye. "Why?"
"I know how to be a brother. I don't know how to be a father."
"Who says that even if you are that I'm going to let you?"
"Why do the test?"
"I need to know something that's a fact about me. About my son."
"Maybe the truth will take what you have away."
"How could it?"
"What if you had to choose between the life you have with him and not having him?"
"Why would I have to choose?"
Dean blinked his eyes at her in the dark. "I don't know. You had to choose before. A perfect life and losing your life and you chose to lose it."
"Why would I choose to lose my life?"
"I guess you're pretty noble."
"Then what happened?"
"You got another shot and you made the same choice."
"Okay…"
"And I followed you." He took a deep breath. "I was too afraid to let you have all of me and I thought that was why you left… but I don't think it would have mattered. Maybe you would have left sooner."
Liz started to say something but she wasn't sure what she would have said to that. Her lips found his and it was just supposed to be a soft kiss. It felt so much like coming home that she didn't retreat fast enough for it to end there. His lips pressing against hers, nudging them open. Pulling her down against him. As he covered her body in kisses, and sent her clothes to the floor, he talked softly against her skin.
"Your hair was really long and you kept it pulled back until you were in bed. Your hair was everywhere, stuck to everything." His hands and mouth found body parts that had changed; fuller in the bust and hips, softer in the belly. Felt her pulse quicken, her body flush… listened for her needy whimpers. "It's okay. We've done this before, you and me. You only feel like a virgin… but your body remembers."
"You're a real smooth talker. How do I know?" She gasped out. "How do I really know that everything you've told me is really the way it was?"
"You don't."
--
Dean woke with the sun in his eyes, a raging headache and very naked. He had some vague memories of the previous night but he didn't know what he was going to do about the situation any more than he had the night before. He should go. He should leave before their lives got any more complicated. Before they became targets for supernatural vengeance. Pulling some clothes on, he found clean clothes for a shower. He could hear Sam laughing at something funny down the hall.
Somehow, he survived the shower and its lukewarm water. Dressed and ready for the world, he saw her… sitting on the floor with play dough. Danny giggling at the feel between his fingers. Liz pulling it away when it started for his mouth. Patient and smiling and… making memories surface in Dean's mind. He shook them off and went in search of coffee.
--
Sam watched Dean dive into the bottle again. Brooding and distant. He knew that Ellen had noticed by the scowl on her face. Dean even ignored all of Jo's polite flirting. Then he saw it, the looks from Liz at the bar, or while she bussed nearby tables. Something was going on there but he knew Dean wasn't going to talk about it and Liz seemed to have a pretty good poker face.
One thing that Sam definitely knew was that Dean was avoiding Danny like the plague. Dean would be good with the boy and everyone knew it but Dean. Of course, Sam wasn't about to warn Dean that little boys pretty much get what they want when they want it. Case in point: Little Danny climbing onto the chair next to Dean with a crayon and a sheet of paper. Dean was just drunk enough not to care.
Dean peered at the boy over his bottle but didn't address him. Danny was perfectly happy to use the blue crayon to scribble all over the sheet of paper without a word. Dean thought he could remember that. Not needing his dad's attention, just needing to sit next to him and do his own thing. Knowing someone was there who would take care of him. Maybe he had done that a lot after his mom died… maybe some after Liz had vanished.
Sam dropped a couple of sandwiches and sodas on the table, then produced more crayons and paper from a pocket before wandering away. Dean just nodded that he was on Danny duty as the bar was picking up in business for payday. After an hour, some drunk bumped Danny's chair. Dean leapt up to give a silent threat then sat Danny on his lap so he could continue to color and snack in peace. Dean had never seen a bar like this one before. He could swear there were other hunters in here. His father had never said anyone else hunted besides the people they had met over the years. Pastor Jim, Caleb, Bobby, Jefferson.
Danny climbed off Dean's lap but grabbed his hand. He didn't say a word, just tugged Dean to the men's room. Dean groaned inwardly. "You need a new diaper or something, champ?"
"I do it." Came the petulant response. So, Dean stood guard while Danny dragged a footstool from under the sink to the bathroom stall. "I do it," came the proclamation once more as pants and pull-up pamper were wriggled down. Dean shut his eyes and leaned his head against the wall and waited and waited and waited. Then finally the sound of liquid hitting water. "I do it!"
Dean clapped his hands and waited and waited for the kid to finish. Then Junior tried to hop down with his pants at half-mast. This, Dean knew how to do. "Okay, champ… gotta be dry first. You gotta learn to shake." Dean made sure pamper and pants were pulled all the way up. "And you pull 'em down, they gotta go back up… all the way up."
"Wush." Danny held his hands up. "Wush."
"What?" Dean shook his head, then watched as Danny dragged the foot stool back to the sink and climbed up, trying in vain to reach the bar of soap over the sink. "Wash. I see."
Dean took the little hands and lathered them up and rinsed them off. With a wad of paper, he dried both their hands. Danny stared up at him. "Mommy."
"Ok, let's go find her." Little hand in his, he pushed the door open and they both walked through. Memories flooded Dean's mind. Sticky hands and cries of 'Daddy!' across diners to reach their father studying and scribbling in his journal. Danny ripped his hand free and raced to his mother's knees. Dean lingered behind to watch Liz talking to a guy at a table by himself. She smiled shyly, placing a beer and nodding to something being said. The guy leaned over to tickle Danny, who scooted behind Liz's legs and out of reach. Liz hefted him up into her arms. Danny whispered in her ear and her smile grew. She glanced around and spotted Dean, her smile faded but she mouthed thank you and kissed Danny's face.
Dean took Danny from her when she passed. She was working and it was the least he could do. He'd lied to her and set her loose in the world, pregnant and alone. The bar was full, the ladies were busy. Danny fell asleep long before it wound down. So, Dean sat, sipping a beer and eating whatever Sam set in front of him, Danny asleep on his shoulder while Liz worked… and flirted with the dark-haired guy who sat at the table all night. The guy greeted other people occasionally but never had company around when Liz passed through to refresh his beer, to smile at him and say something nice and to find some way to touch him as she brushed passed to another table, or to exchange his napkin for a fresh one.
He was a self-centered jerk. It never occurred to him that she had a life built up outside of what he had already seen. Sam sat next to him when things started to wind down. It was late and only a few drunks were left behind, aside from Liz's number one customer who just seemed to be enjoying his beer and the view. Liz sat down across from the man and they chatted for a bit while she had a beer. Dean tried not to watch.
"So, you were on Danny detail and you managed not to screw it up. Got to be a good sign." Sam cleared his throat.
Dean shrugged and shifted his posture so that Danny could drool down his back instead of down his arm. "I don't… man… I don't think it matters if he's mine or not… she's got a father all picked out for him." He cleared his throat. "I'm just the sperm donor as far as she's concerned."
"Were you hoping for more?"
"I don't know." He shrugged again. "Seeing her again…"
"You told her that?"
"The fact that I lied and ran out on her is a bigger factor to her right now."
Sam stared at his brother. The way he sat so uncomfortably so the baby would keep sleeping. The way he kept returning one hand to stroke his back. "Tell the truth, how do you want the test to come out?"
"She was the only time I remember Dad being happy."
"Dean." Sam scoffed at his brother. "Don't you want something for yourself?"
"I'm not cut out for this sort of life, Sammy. Let's just say the test comes back and says that I'm the father… what am I going to do here? How long until I fuck it up? I'm not going to sit here and watch that for the rest of my life." He gestured to Liz laughing with tall, dark and douchebag.
"Not even to watch him grow up?"
"Shut up." Dean stood and stalked to the back hallway. He set Danny down in his crib… took off the little shoes and covered him up. When he turned to leave, Jo was standing in the doorway. "You have some words of wisdom to offer, too?"
She shrugged and leaned on the frame. "Just thought you'd like to know that she's never kissed Max. They've flirted off and on for like four months but no one's ever made a move." She looked him up and down. "She was acting pretty goofy this morning, though. Like a woman whose broken her dry spell."
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Not a whole lot. Not saying she's been waiting for you or anything but… she was waiting for something."
--
Liz gathered the bottles on the table and set a fresh one down. "You know Max, this is it. I have to cut you off after this one."
"I know." He nodded. His eyes drifting off again. "So… um… who's the new babysitter?"
Liz turned to see Dean heading to the back room with her son. "Um… a complication."
"Is he… the… I mean… is he Danny's father?"
"That's the complication." She set the bottles back down and sat. "I don't know. It's possible and likely but… we're not sure…"
"Well…" Max cleared his throat. "A lot of time has passed… you shouldn't have to feel obligated to make it work… You do have a new life now."
"It's complicated and I'm not really ready to talk about it."
"No? I thought we talked about everything."
"That was when I didn't have a clue who I was." She smiled and tossed the bottles in Jo's bucket when she passed. "Now, I do have a clue. It's not a good one. It's not necessarily one that I like but it's mine."
He stared for a long minute. "You're different than you were last week. It must have been one hell of a clue."
"You could say that."
"Anything to do with your locket?"
"A bit."
"You're playing coy. You've never done that before." He whispered.
"What are you talking about?" Liz scoffed and stood, she wiped down her half of the table before turning to go. "We're closing soon. Finish your beer."
"I'm not sure this knowledge is a good thing for you, Liz." He called after her.
Liz held the envelope in her hand. It had the answer in it. She hadn't told anyone that it had arrived. She wanted it all to be simple. She just wanted to know once and for all what was going on with her life. When the door opened behind her, she shoved it in her dresser drawer. She turned just as Dean was setting Danny down on the floor. Dean lingered, shoved his hands in his pockets. "We… were… you know… mud pies and rock cakes. Guy stuff."
"I see." Liz noted the dirty handprints that her son left on everything he touched.
Dean watched the boy climb up onto the bed to leave muddy foot prints on the quilt. "Sorry about that."
"It happens." Liz began gathering clean clothes and Danny's bath time gear. Then she studied her dirty boy. "But we don't say the b-word unless we have to."
Dean helped her wrangle the boy into the tub after the water had been tested. Stripping the boy was a challenge. He stepped back to watch her laugh and play with the boy, who only resisted the water the first five minutes. Liz didn't look back at him once. "I'm not gonna pretend to know what the other night was about but…" He cleared his throat. "Maybe… Dad and I were wrong to do what we did. We thought it would be better."
"Maybe…"
"Look, I saw you with that guy last night and I'm sorry if this is screwing up your life."
Liz stared at her son's hazel eyes behind the cloud of bubbles. "It can't get any worse. It can only get better… besides… Max and I are just friends." Danny grinned up at her and topped her head with a huge pile of bubbles. She bit her lip to stifle her giggle. "I… just wanted to see… maybe… if … I thought I could trigger a memory."
"Did it work?"
"Not so much." She shook her head. "It's not that… you know… I enjoyed myself but… it just didn't ring any bells." Then she began rinsing soap and bubbles off her son. "But it doesn't really matter… because whoever his father is, however he was conceived… he's mine and he's perfect."
"Mommy." He reached up with little hands to be helped out of the tub.
Dean handed her the towel and handed over clothing as needed. Sliding down onto the floor, he cleared his throat. "Listen, I don't know what Pastor Jim told you about us. I don't know what you know about what we do…"
Liz sat on the toilet seat with her son in her lap, dozing as Dean talked. She watched his every facial tick and heard every clench of teeth and hitch of voice and listened. When he was done, she stood, stepped over him and went back to her room. She breathed for a minute. Then she had to lay down her son before her knees gave out. It was too much. She wished she hadn't demanded to know. It felt like a bad dream. Really, all she had to do was tell him that he was crazy and have done with it. She could check the contents of that envelope and send him on his way… except that no matter the result, he wouldn't go. Either he had a brother or a son to look after and he wouldn't go without a fight.
Taking the envelope from its hiding place she sat on the bed. It took twenty minutes to open it. She didn't know what result she wanted. She didn't know how she felt about the knowledge that he had given her. She just knew that she had to close the chapter. She had to know and it had to be now or she would go crazy.
--
Ellen took her turn watching Danny. Jo and Liz did their best to keep up with the Saturday set. She'd been studying the boy since he'd arrived. Studied the Winchester boys since their reintroduction. She remembered John. Thick dark hair over intense eyes in that handsome face. She could see John in Sam and Dean. In the set of Dean's jaw, the crinkle of his eyes when he laughed, and the fire in his eyes when he looked at the mother of this child. Saw John in the set of Sam's eyebrows, in the eyes when he looked far away, at the intensity of his arguments with his brother. Seeing both boys in action, remembering John… that mother of theirs had left quite the hole. Such a shame but having lived the life with a man who hunted, she knew the risks. Was intimate with losing someone to the supernatural.
Then she watched Liz work with the walk of the shell shocked. Something had happened. What? Ellen would probably never know. Kids and their secrets. Like this one. Danny grinned up at her. Could have been Dean's, but could be John's… practically the same smile. The eyes… could be John's, could be Dean's and Liz's fighting for attention. Shame on John for entertaining a girl so young. Wonder what had made John open up to a woman after all this time?
Ellen turned her head when the door opened. She stood and couldn't tear her eyes away because this was a train wreck waiting to happen. Max, fresh from work, determined and heading straight for Liz. Passed right by Sam and Dean and took her in his arms. Ellen closed her eyes at the last second. She couldn't watch. A moment later she heard the crack of a hand across a jaw. There were a series of footsteps and the opening and slamming of the door. When Ellen opened her eyes again, all eyes were on the front door. Liz and Max were nowhere in sight. Then she heard the yelling from out front. As barkeep she was allowed to look out the window but forbade anyone else from getting closer. She watched as Liz paced and pulled at her own hair, then gestured emphatically as she talked. Max stood there, head hung low.
"I can't! Max, I can't!" Liz's words were muffled through the glass. "I just met the father of my child! I don't remember our relationship or the rest of my life! I can't do this now!"
"He left you." Ellen felt the words much more than she heard them from Max's soft spoken mouth.
"Maybe. Maybe he did. It wasn't because I was pregnant. It wasn't because he didn't love me. He did what every asinine man does and tried to make a decision for a woman because he thinks she's better without him. I don't know if I love him or did or will or anything! All I know is that he's the reason that I have my son. I owe Dean nothing. I owe Danny everything." Liz took a breath and straightened her blouse. "I am so tired of people making choices for me because they think they know me. Every man I've met so far has done it. I'm done following these orders. This is my choice. It is my life, my child, my…"
Ellen watched Liz pale and turn her face to the road. Then Liz raced into the building and to the back bedrooms. Picking up Danny, she deposited him in Dean's arms then raced after Liz, who she found in the bathroom, sitting under the sink, the toilet still flushing the stink of vomit away. "Liz, are you okay?"
"I think Dean told me truth." She covered her eyes. "I remembered something. I left him… he didn't leave me." Then she took a deep breath. "And I remember John… a bit from after the hospital… and a bit from before. Every man I meet thinks he knows better than I do. Max, Dean, Pastor Jim, John…" She peeked up from behind her hands. "Ellen… Dean told me the truth and I'm starting to remember and I don't think I want to."
"What are you remembering, honey?" Ellen crouched down to meet Liz's gaze.
"Things that nightmares are made of." Liz took a breath and closed her eyes. "It's insane and I was ready to tell him to shove it and get the hell out but he was right and I see it in bits and pieces but he's right. It's me… and I think I hear them or I remember what they sound like."
"Whatever you want to do, we'll be here."
TBC
Liz sat on a low fence to watch her son play. Happy. Oblivious. Maybe she could see what the Winchesters had tried to give her. Danny turned suddenly, grinned and ran straight for her, tackling her and toppling them both backward. Mischievousness in those hazel eyes, laughing and tickling her. Then he was still, catching his breath, head on her chest. She held him close, remembering those months with the pastor. Watching her stomach grow, feeling his movements, his heartbeat. She had known all along that it would be a boy. Had never considered not having him.
She hadn’t known at the time but John had checked up on her. It all fit now. The black truck she sometimes saw parked in the drive though she never saw its driver. She wondered why John never told Sam or Dean about Danny. Why he never talked to her about it. Pastor Jim was never a good liar and had Liz known her exact relationship with John to begin with, she probably would have pressed him about it.
A shadow fell over Liz but she didn’t open her eyes, just lay there with her boy. She cleared her throat. “Pastor Jim was a good man. He kept secrets he shouldn’t have. I should have known. Then… Jim was working all night on some case for some friend… I told him to go to bed but he kept working. Whoever it was came and left in the middle of the night and the next morning… he went down as he was preparing for his sermon.”
“That was a year ago?”
“About that.” Hoping to not need to open her eyes and see something she didn’t want to in his face as he answered her question. “Dean, how did he die?”
“Heart attack.” Dean sniffed. “Couple months back. We fight evil for a living and he dies because he ate red meat, drank too much and always over salted his food.”
“It’s better that way, right? That it wasn’t a creature?” She opened her eyes, squinting into the sun to see him, sober with sunglasses on. “He didn’t get rusty…”
“I guess it’s nice and normal.” He shrugged and then turned to go. “You know now. I’ll wait till you make up your mind.”
--
Ellen busied herself with the dishes. She didn’t envy Liz a bit right now. Not with her history. Sam leaned on the wall by the back window. “How’s he dealing with his news?”
“Not well… but I’m the only one who knows it. He might not even know it… and I don’t understand it.” Sam breathed out. “He’s great with kids. I don’t know how I never knew it but… he’s just… Kids love him. I never would have guessed it but after the last three years, I’ve seen it. They just… respond to him.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“He thinks he’ll make a horrible father.”
--
Liz watched from the big window in the bar. Dean working on his car and Danny hopping around trying to see. Then she watched as Dean hefted him up to sit where he could see. Sam pulled up in Jo’s truck, handed Dean a beer from cooler then handed Danny a short can of pop from his bag before dumping the rest in the cooler. Dean talked while he worked. Danny ate up the attention, then almost fell into the engine while trying to look. Dean tucked him under one arm and worked with the other.
“Makes your ovaries want to burst, don’t it.” Jo tsked at the window. “He is so pretty!”
Liz laughed and turned to face her. “Technically, he’s single.”
“Nah, he’s all heartbroken and moody. I like my guys more fun. You’re pretty lucky though. I remember John.” She cleared her throat. “Probably thought more of him than I should.”
Liz only nodded, her memory still in bits and pieces. If she focused she could remember the weight of him on top of her, his breath hot and heavy on her skin, his whispers in her ear. His laugh rumbling through his lean body to hers. But that was twenty years ago. Just two years ago, it was Dean’s hard body and deft hands and half-whispered promises. She tried to remember the tryst that Dean told her had happened but it was fuzzy.
Blurry images of John’s beard, his heart beating… leather seats. The taste of whiskey. His beard scratching her skin. But she couldn’t get anything more than that. She didn’t understand why it had happened if… it had indeed happened. Then there were the other memories. A bespectacled face and wiry arms and a cross. Dark skin, heavy black hair and broad muscles. Tight grip and hot tears… Liz prayed that she never remembered all of it.
She felt Sam lean on a table behind her. “He’s good with him. Danny’s a good kid though. Always been easy going.”
“Dean doesn’t think he’s father material and I honestly don’t know what Dean’s feeling about Danny right now… but I do know that Dean will make sure that the two of you are safe.”
“Everyone is trying to create this family unit… but I’m not even thinking of that. I’m just trying to find a way to tell my son that his daddy is here.” She shut her eyes and tried to will away unbidden images of her past.
--
Dean sat on the curb with his beer and watched Danny concentrate on holding his pop with both hands. Despite the late friction that Dean’d had with his father, he had a lot of good memories just like this one. Helping his dad with the car, then sitting back to enjoy some quiet afterward. Dean just watched him for the longest time and let himself think it for the first time since Liz’s explosion at her knight and shining douchebag; his son. Daniel Winchester, son of Dean Winchester, grandson of John Winchester.
--
“It’s not that … it’s just that…” Liz stammered and struggled for the words. Jo just sat there listening as she filled salts and poured peanuts. “I don’t want to feel obligated to him but obviously he’s got a right to see his son and spend time with him but… how is that going to affect Danny if Dean is off hunting all the time? Is he even really going to get to know Danny?”
“You’re still not talking about how you think he’s hot and you’re into him still.” Jo commented.
“That’s like… obvious. I mean… yeah, he’s hot and he knows it and he’s probably got girlfriends all over and for all I know, Danny has half-siblings all over the place.”
“Well, he hasn’t said and you don’t know that but… really… it’s your business if you want to keep stringing them both along…”
“I am not stringing Dean and Max along!” Liz stomped her foot then took a breath to calm herself.
“Max is into you and you like him. He comes here every week to see you. I know for a fact that he hates beer but he orders it because he drinks it fast, doesn’t get drunk and he can see you every ten minutes for a refill.” Jo tossed her a look. “Every week for months now.”
“Ok.” Liz nodded.
“And Dean… baby… ooh.” Jo shook away a shiver. “If he looked at me the way he looks at you? I’d be on my back all the time.”
“Jo!”
“I’m just saying.” Jo smiled brightly. “Hell, have you seen him? I’d be on my back all the time anyway…”
“You are on your back all the time.” Ash cut in, dropping a bucket of glasses on the counter, then pulling out a glass to drain the dregs.
“You’re going to get sick doing that.” Jo hit him with a towel then hit him again. “And I am not.”
“Well, he’s one to talk.” Liz commented as she began loading the dishwasher. “Who was it I saw with you in the back of Ellen’s truck last week?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ash shook his head.
“In the back?” Jo made a face. “Where we keep the groceries before we bring them inside? Ash, ew.”
“Yeah, ew.” Liz nodded and found herself wrapped in a memory. Leather seats and the smell of engine oil. Hazel eyes staring down at her… Then an older face, same eyes looking up into her face… pain in his smile.
“Liz?” Ash tapped her arm. “You still in there?”
“Yeah.” She gave him a small smile. “I just… was remembering something.” Pieces of memories continued to flash before her eyes. “I think I’ve had sex in a church… is that bad?”
“In a church?!?” Jo exclaimed. “With…” Jo pointed toward the window. “That guy?”
“No…” She shook her head. ‘It wasn’t.” Liz smiled to herself. “It was a seminary student.”
“Seminary students are a waste of time.” Ellen snorted as she walked in with another bucket. “Can I get some of those clean glasses or are we not done with the clucking session? I have a bar to run, people.”
--
Dean had the map spread across the hood of his car. He seemed to be studying it but Sam knew better. He did note that Dean had stopped drinking early in the day but drinking later into the night. “You got a hunt?”
“Just getting the lay of the land.” Dean shrugged.
“Eager to get out of town… cause we could stay… Ash says the commute to the next town is okay. Movie theaters, grocery stores… a mall.” Sam watched for a sign of anything but his brother was locked up tight.
“We probably shouldn’t stay too long.” His head shook slowly.
“You’re not going to talk about it but you should. He’s your son. He’s family and…”
“I know.” He nodded.
“Dean.”
“Do you always have to be such a freakin’ girl?”
“Just… get something worked out before you go off into the sunset.”
--
Dean scanned his father’s journal. He had known about Pastor Jim and not told anyone. Had he known about the baby? There were no notes. Basic notations that Jim had gathered information for this hunt and that hunt. If John had been to Blue Earth since they had left her two years before, then he had to know about the kid.
Old journal, new journal. No mention except for Jim. He flipped the books, checked the folds. He pulled the pages out and turned the leather pockets inside out… and there it fell. A very small, very worn picture of a baby. The back was labeled “Daniel Winchester, 2006” and nothing else.
“Son of a bitch.”
TBC
AN: So, this thing is done. I finished it and sooner than I thought I would. I'm kind of sick of it. I mean... it's got it's own frickin' soundtrack for crying out loud. I'm kind of itching to get it posted but at the same time I would hate to ruin whatever mystery is left... whatever. Questions. Comments?
Dean cleared his throat, hands on his hips, and then took a deep breath. Liz tilted her head at him and started digging in her pockets. “Heads or tails.”
“You guys suck.” Sam scoffed and stormed away.
“Heads or tails.” Liz repeated as she found a coin.
“Heads.” Dean took it and tossed it into the air. He caught it and slapped it on the back of his hand. “Ready?”
“Ready.” She nodded. He revealed a face. “Ok.”
“This sucks.” Dean took another deep breath and made his way to the sand box where Danny was building a giant mound. Liz nodded and gestured for him to go ahead. Dean stood over the small boy who looked up and smiled. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Danny went back to building his mound.
Dean didn’t even know how to do this. The kid was two. He probably wouldn’t even remember this in five years. Then Dean felt Liz stand beside him. “You should probably keep it simple. There’s time to explain things later.”
“Mommy!” Danny squealed and held up a handful of dirt to her.
“Hey Danny.” Dean knelt to meet the kid’s eye. Danny tilted his head at him, waiting. “I’m your dad.”
“Dad?” Danny just stared at him then looked to his mother, who nodded. Danny went back to playing.
“That’s it?” Dean looked at her.
“I guess so.”
--
Sam stared at his brother. Dean stared back. Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. Dean smirked. “It’s just for the day. No big deal. I need to… bond with the kid.”
“You sure you’re up for it? Little kids take a lot of energy.” Sam crossed his arms.
“It’s one afternoon. Anyway, Liz already said I could.”
“You need a carseat.”
“I’ll borrow Ellen’s.”
“You need diapers.”
“Little dude and I totally have the bathroom situation under control.”
“You can’t feed him junk.”
“No worries. I can feed the kid.”
“And you can’t blast the stereo.”
“Oh, come on.”
“You can’t. It’ll hurt his ears.”
“Sam, I can do this.” Dean lifted Danny into his arms. “I’m a pro. I can do this.”
--
Liz knocked and almost ran away. When Max answered the door, she froze. He leaned in the doorway and waited, eyes cast to the ground. She had all these things planned that she wanted to say to him but nothing would come out of her mouth. Finally she just pulled him down and kissed him. His arms wrapped around her, holding her close as he deepened the kiss. Finally he pulled away to catch his breath. “Do you want to come inside?”
--
Dean drove around for about thirty minutes before he realized he didn’t know what to do with a two year old. Danny sat in the car seat in the back seat and stared out the windows. Coloring book and colors in his hands. Well, he couldn’t go wrong with getting something to eat.
--
Liz fiddled with the stereo as she briefly explained what had been going on in a way she was sure wouldn’t scare him off. “I guess I had daddy issues… and I was seeing John for several months and then I took off.”
“You didn’t love him?”
“I wanted to I guess but I think I knew it wouldn’t work out… then I met Dean… and it was so familiar and so… I don’t know… normal that I plunged in head first…” She put in a cd then sat next to him… Then he introduced me to his father and it all fell apart.”
“Then what happened?”
“There was an accident… I had amnesia… they decided not to fight over me… or for me… They didn’t know I was pregnant… I probably didn’t know either…”
“So, you had to do a paternity test?”
“Right… I never thought I was that kind of person but… I guess when faced with two men that I loved… I didn’t know how to choose.”
“But you didn’t come here to choose me.” She shook her head. “Well, then why are you here, Liz?”
“I don’t know… but I’d like the option of choosing for myself.”
He nodded to himself. “Then why are you here?”
“To find out what my option is here.” She stood in front of him. “I have a question for you.”
“Shoot.” He leaned back and tilted his head back to look at her.
“Why didn’t you ever make a move before?” Liz straddled his lap.
“I didn’t know if I was reading the signals right.”
“But now I’ll never know if you would have if he hadn’t showed up.” She pouted and played with the collar of his shirt. “Max… I just… I remember now… my life with him but… I have this life now and… it’s hard… nothing’s clear and I’m torn between the things I want now and the things I wanted before…”
“There’s something else?”
“Yeah… I realized that John had come around after Danny was born and he never told Dean about him…. And I don’t know why.”
“So why are you here now, Liz?”
Liz leaned forward and laid her mouth against his… then took his mouth with hers and then breathed into his mouth. “Show me what you want to give me.”
--
Toy stores. Kids loved them. It was like giving crack to an addict. Dean watched Danny run from aisle to aisle to aisle and back again, jabbering on and on in a dialect that Dean was not fluent in. ‘Tool’ seemed to be code for ‘cool.’ But who knew what was up with Dora and Caillou and that big blue dog or the creepy guy who owned him. Then Dean saw the Hotwheels… and then they spoke the same language.
They spent an hour going over the differences in the Chevy Impalas and the other lesser car models… though the limited edition roadsters were pretty sweet. Dean bought him a whole set… and a racetrack… and leather jacket. It took some looking but Harley Davidson had a tot line. Who knew?
--
Max let out a shaky breath and pulled his pants up. Leaving them unzipped, he leaned forward. He had no clue where his shirt was. Liz sat on the other end of the couch, fingernails in her mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m having the strangest feeling of déjà vu.”
“Done this to many guys?”
“Just once before.”
Max found her shirt and tossed it to her. He had thought things were going well. Then the look in her eyes had undone everything. He thought he had known what she felt when she looked at him. When he touched her and she reacted and he could see it. When he had pulled her beneath him, he could have sworn that she felt it too. Then afterward, she had opened her eyes and the apology in those brown depths had been more than he could take.
“Max, you have to know that it’s not you.” Liz tugged her shirt over her head and scrambled to get her skirt from the floor. “You’re… perfect. Handsome and caring and attentive…” She met his eyes as she handed him his shirt. “And amazing in… you know… what we just did.” She wanted to touch him but she knew he would only flinch away… the way John had done when this had happened with him. “I’m so sorry. I… don’t guess I know myself as well as I thought.”
“You know… we really don’t have to talk about this… you know… ever again. It’s probably just a good idea if you go now.”
--
Dean had just finished setting up the track and Danny had already set to rolling the cars along the track that had already been set when Liz walked in. She cleared her throat after she had taken it all in. “When bonding fails… bribery wins.”
“Well, now that I’ve laid the ground work, it’s a cheap habit to keep up.” Dean flicked a car down the track. “He picked out all the cars with minimal guidance.”
“I noticed all those cars were Chevy. Ellen will have something to say about that. She’s a Ford woman.” Liz gathered her things for her shower. “Just… hold the fort another hour? I’m gonna… take a bath.”
“Consider the fort held.”
“I hungee.” Danny announced.
“And fed.” Dean nodded before rising off his knees.
“Veggies, young man.” Liz kissed her son’s forehead. “I’m sure there was plenty of junk today.” He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a messy kiss to her chin. She grinned and cupped his face. His beautiful little Winchester face. Every single time he looked at her with those hazel eyes and smiled with all those teeth… she felt full to the brim with love. Even with the memories surfacing little by little, she would never regret 2005.
“Mommy.” Danny complained from between her hands.
“Be good. Eat your dinner. Mommy will read you a story after her bath.”
“Otay, Mommy.” He kissed her nose and reached for Dean, who had to jump to attention to take Danny before he leapt out of his mother’s arms.
“Liz?” Dean caught her before she disappeared down the hall. “You okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” She shook her head at him.
“You… look like you’ve got the world on your shoulders.” He shrugged and shifted Danny on his hip. “I’ve… just seen it on you before.”
“Got some thinking to do.”
Dean watched her go then carried his load out through the bar to the kitchen. Ellen smiled at them before setting down her knife to cup Danny’s face to cover in kisses. “Boy, I haven’t seen you all day. Did you have fun?”
“Look.” Danny held out a ’57 Chevy to her.
“You’re a natural father, Dean. Quickest way into a kid’s heart is new stuff.” She snorted but planted one more kiss on Danny’s face before returning to her task of chopping vegetables for a pot she had next to her. She eyed the two of them as she continued to heap vegetables in her pot. “You got things worked out with Liz?”
Dean shook his head, took his time looking Danny over, trying to memorize him the best he could… just in case. Danny had been easygoing so far. It was easy bonding with an easy kid.
“He seems to like you well enough but he likes Ash, too… and Ash really doesn’t like kids.” Ellen poured water over her pot and set it on the stove. “You gonna stick around, Dean?”
He pressed a firm kiss against Danny’s forehead. Danny pushed Dean away and scrambled over the table top to grab a carrot that hadn’t made it into the pot. “That’ll be up to Liz.”
“And she’ll tell me that it’s up to you.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “So, I ask again. You gonna stick around for him? You know… even if the girl ain’t up for grabs?”
“I honestly never thought I’d be a father…” Dean set about gathering items for a sandwich while Danny crunched on his carrot. “Ellen, can I ask you something?”
“Shoot, boy.” Ellen lit her stove with a match then set about gathering bowls and spoons from the cabinets and more items from the refrigerator.
“You knew my dad pretty well?”
“As well as he let anybody know him…” She sighed as she lined up her ingredients beside her mixing bowl. “He told me and Bill about the two of you… and that’s more than he told most people.”
“Think you could figure a reason that he would know about Danny and not tell me?”
“You think he knew?”
“Yeah, I know he knew.”
Ellen let that roll over her mind while she measured out cornmeal, cracked eggs and poured milk. As she spiced and stirred, it rolled around and around but didn’t seem to catch. “Mind if I ask a few questions?” He nodded as he settled Danny with a sandwich and some pretzels. “When did you find out that he’d been with her? Liz filled me in on what she knew already.”
“A while back, a year… maybe a year and a half.”
“And he didn’t say anything then but you know he knew?”
“Yeah. I had called Pastor Jim to see if he knew anything about Liz switching partners while we were all together. He basically said he knew about it and he’d suspected as much. That was the last I’d talked to either for a long time. I didn’t know that Jim had passed away. Dad never said when he showed back up.”
“And when was that?”
“A few weeks before he died.” Dean cursed under his breath. “Son of a bitch thought he was gonna live forever. Wonder if he was ever going to tell me.” He recalled the conversations he’d overheard with Sam. Dad wouldn’t have said something like that for Sam to pass on. The times that Sam would look over at him, shake his head and tell their father that ‘no, Dean’s not ready to talk to you,’ and then hang up only to tell Dean they had a job to do.
“When did you kill the demon?”
“About a week before he died.”
“You spend any time together in that last week, Dean?” Ellen’s eyes were full of pity and Dean couldn’t look at her anymore. “Dean… maybe he was trying to keep Danny safe from the demon… He always thought it was hunting your family and he never knew why… maybe he found out why. Maybe he was going to tell you when it was all over.”
“It’s not good enough.” Dean’s voice boomed out before he could catch it. Danny jumped, eyes wide. Dean laid a hand on his little shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not mad.”
For a second, Dean thought the boy might burst into tears. He smacked his mouth and pointed to the sink. “I thursty.”
“I gotcha.” Dean leapt up to pour a short glass of water. Assistance to drink half of it down.
“Good enough or not, Dean. Do you think I might be right? You know that if anything had happened to that little boy because too many people knew about him, your Daddy would have thrown himself into the pit.” Ellen poured her batter into a pan and set about rinsing the dishes out before setting the pan in to bake. “You know that if anything had happened to you or your brother, your father would have marched into hell and hunted the devil himself to make amends.” She turned to look at him. “All the pieces are there, Dean. Do you see them?”
He took another long look at his son. Imagined if the demon had come for him just to get to the Winchesters, without Liz knowing the truth. Brushed his hair out of his face and watched him chew his sandwich with no concern at all about the conversation going on around him, about him. “Maybe.”
“I won’t pretend to know everything that’s happened with you, your daddy, that baby right there and that confused woman back there. I knew your daddy once. I know that woman now. I know this little boy. It’s a big heap of circumstances that happened where I can’t see, won’t ever know and maybe doesn’t really matter. It’s done and past and we’re living the consequences and maybe none of us are ever going to understand the whys and wherefores…” Ellen laid her hands on Dean’s shoulders. “I do know that if you don’t come to terms and you don’t do what’s right… I’m coming after you with my butcher knife and you won’t ever have to worry about fathering kids for the rest of your life.”
“And what’s right, Ellen?” Dean met her stare. “To endanger his life by coming back again and again? To keep doing what I do? To stop doing what I do? Tell me what’s right and I’ll do that.”
--
Liz loved Ellen’s bathtub. Clawed feet. Deep. Old. She could float in it for hours but she had given herself an hour time limit. The ends of her lives had started coming to her after her encounter with Max. Just a sliver of death each time. She waved her hands under the water, studied the veins in her wrists; saw the blood spilling out time after time… for centuries.
Staring at her hands, examining memories of this man and that time and that love… but she began to see more. The Pity in their eyes. All of them… except Dean. Dean had never felt sorry for her. Had always accepted her for who she was. Had tossed away her what ifs and brushed aside her fantasies for a different life… learning and accepting a path that was unknown to him, which did not involve him. Had left her do what she had to do… and had loved her in spite of the commitment she could not make to him. Had not pitied her life. Had found the cause in it and did not judge it.
The blood in her veins had the power to kill a demon. If anyone knew that, she would become a target for the evil legions walking the earth. Did that make Danny half a killing instrument of God? Did it make him a target? Did it matter at all? Could she still do it? She knew that she could hear them… like music from another room but did it mean she had to do anything about it? Did she have the option of ignoring the call?
--
Dean found fruit in the fridge. Figured grapes were okay but didn’t get the allure… except they were fun to toss into the air. Made the kid laugh; bonus. The kid even tossed him a few. Used his pocket knife to share an apple. Then Dean watched the eyelids droop even in mid-chew. “You sleepy?”
“No.” Came a petulant reply.
“Come on, dude.” Dean tossed the core, cleaned his knife and tucked it away before scooping up winkin’-blinkin’-nod. The boy gave half-hearted protests but was ultimately unable to muster the effort to run away. Walking through the bar got the little dude covered in bar maiden kisses, then out to the rooms. Dean had to root around to find a change of clothes for the boy… which led him to accidentally sticking his hand in Liz’s panty drawer. He totally did not take a peek at the black lace before shutting the drawer.
Dressed for bed and rubbing the crap out of his eyes, Danny refused to get in his bed. Dean sat on Liz’s bed and tried out a story but the kid forced himself to stay awake, squeezing a replica of a Chevelle in his fist. Dean tried every trick he’d ever used on his brother. Rubbing his back, humming, walking the floor, shutting down all the lights. This ended with Dean’s boots on the floor, socked feet on the bed, curled against the pillows with Danny sitting on his stomach. His little head kept dipping and nodding but the kid started talking and wouldn’t stop.
“It’s blue.” Danny ran the car up Dean’s chest, “crashing” it into his neck. The wheels caught on Dean’s necklace. Danny pulled the charm out and frowned at it, his head dipping and his eyes drooping. “’us this?”
“Your uncle Sammy gave it to me. It’s for protection.” And that was too much explanation. Dean pulled it from around his neck and settled it around Danny’s. “Safe.”
“Uh mine?”
“Yeah, it’s yours.”
“I strong!” He sat up and raised his arms out.
“Let me see those guns.” Dean made a show of squeezing the tiny biceps. “Yep. Strong.”
“My strong little man.” Liz interrupted and swept him up in her arms. “Time for bed.”
“Uh Story.” He demanded though his eyes were already half-closed.
“Okay. A story.” Liz moved so Dean could climb off the bed. “See you in the morning, Dean.”
“Yeah. Good night.” Dean froze for a minute but leaned in to kiss Danny’s face. “Night, bud.”
Jo had to step back and step onto a crate in order to fit all the Winchester faces in her little screen. “Okay, boys. Say Cheeseburger.”
“Cheesebooger!” Danny shouted, creating much more natural smiles for his father and uncle.
“Wonderful.” Jo hopped down and waved the Polaroid around. “I’m gonna make copies on Ash’s scanner.”
“We have got to work on that lisp, dude.” Dean scooped Danny off the hood of the car and set him on his feet.
Sam followed Dean and Danny into the bar. Danny ran straight for a table where his coloring books and crayons waited. Dean went straight for a beer behind the bar. In a fit of immaturity, Sam grabbed Dean from behind, trapping his head under his arm and giving him the mother of all noogies.
“You’re so gonna get it.” Dean ground out as he tried to get out from under his brother’s grip.
“How you going to do that, shorty?” Sam was just about to take Dean to the floor when he felt a pain in his foot. He turned to find little hands shoving at his leg and stomping on his foot. “Danny?”
“Stop! No!” Danny cried out, then bit his uncle’s leg. “Mine!”
“Augh!” Sam leapt away but Danny kept coming at him, fists flying.
Dean watched for a minute as his ginormous brother was accosted by a tiny tot… and retreating. Sam tripped over his own feet trying to get away from Two Feet of Fury. “Danny, cool it, tiger.”
The tot spun and raced into Dean’s arms. “Mine!”
“Yeah.” Dean hugged him. “I’m yours. You tell that big freak of an uncle to keep his hands off.” He studied the frown on his son’s face. “Hey, I’m okay. He’s just really big. A big softy… Like a Teddy Bear… filled with marshmallows.” That got a giggle.
“Well, a shorty like you finally got a bodyguard.” Sam tried to recover himself but he’d decided to keep his distance from Mighty Mouse’s twin brother.
“What the hell happened in here?” Ellen gaped at overturned table and scattered chairs and Dean kneeling on the floor.
--
Ash sniffed as he drained his glass. “So this babe walks into the Piggly Wiggly, you know and she’s hot… tight pants, tight shirt and big boobs and…”
“Ash, do we really have to listen to this?” Liz complained as she tipped her bottle back.
“Anyway, this babe has got this tattoo, right on her armpit and when she lifted her arm…”
“Oh ew.” Jo screeched and held her hands up. “No more. Please.”
“Wuss.” Ash challenged as he plucked a new-to-him beer from the bucket next to him.
“Ash!” Sam called over. “I will buy you a pitcher of beer, come kick my brother’s ass at darts. Please.”
“Excuse me, ladies. Duty calls.” Ash tossed his hair over his shoulder and reached out for the darts. “Let me show you what this man is made of.”
“You win and I’ll pay for a second pitcher.” Dean snorted.
Liz crossed to watch, sitting on a table top. She watched them match shot for shot for two rounds before Ellen and Danny returned from town with a Happy Meal and a new pair of shoes. She had almost stepped down to grab her son when Dean swooped him up, examined the new shoes, made a silly comment about being the speediest kid in the world, had himself a French fry fed to him before settling him on the table next to Liz.
Ellen caught her eye as she sat with her own beer. “Have to share him now, huh.”
“Yeah. I guess.” She nodded and helped Danny unpack his meal. Watched him clap when Dean crowed out another victory.
“That boy is smitten.”
“Yeah.” Liz nodded again. For a second she felt him slipping away from her and then he turned his smile on her. That little mouth full of little teeth, cheeks smeared with ketchup.
“Ash!” Ellen called out. “Go tie down the trash bins. Storm coming in.”
“Jus-sec.” Ash tossed his last dart and beat his chest. “You owe me another pitcher of beer.”
“Dean. Go help him.” Ellen ordered.
Dean blinked at her. Glanced at Sam, then followed Ash out the backdoor. Sam took a seat at the table next to Ellen, near to where Danny still sat finishing his dinner. When Sam attempted to smile and illicit some kind of cute response from Danny, the boy slapped his hand on Sam’s face, pushing him away.
“Danny, no.” Liz patted his hand down. “Say you’re sorry.”
“I don’t think he likes me very much.” Sam admitted.
“He doesn’t have a lot of male role models.” Liz lifted Danny onto her lap, where he began rubbing his eyes and pouting. “He’s also very sleepy.”
“It’s okay… I forgive you.” Sam held out his hand for Danny to shake. The boy swatted it away and buried his face in his mother’s shirt. “Geez, I wonder what I did.”
“He’s just cranky.” Liz hefted him into her arms and waved goodnight to everyone. “It’s bed time.”
Dean walked in and noticed his audience was missing a few members. He scooped his beer up and nodded to Ellen. “I owe Ash about three pitchers of beer.”
“I could just apply a couple of those to his tab. Should knock it down to size.” Ellen nodded. “Storm’s coming, make sure your windows are up.”
Jo collected their empties and turned to go. “Slow night tonight. You boys clean up after yourselves if you stay up.”
Sam looked to his big brother, who was suddenly quiet and brooding. He smirked and turned away not soon enough. Dean beaned him with a pretzel. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything.” Sam winced at the smarting on the back of his head.
“You emote, you giant emo freak.” Dean muttered and emptied his beer.
Dean tossed his bottles in the bucket and helped Sam dump the dregs and load the dishwasher. He heard Liz telling Danny a story as he walked past their room to the bathroom. When he came back through, their light was off. He paused, thought about knocking but went on to his room for a fitful night of sleep.
--
Dean woke up with a foot in his back. He had been fairly certain that he’d gone to bed alone which could only mean… Danny. There he was, sleeping soundly, sprawled across the other half of the bed.
“He got up before 3 am. I panicked when I realized that he was gone.” Liz’s voice floated over from a chair near the door. “I guess he adores you or something.”
“He gets mad if Sammy plays around too rough with me.” Dean rolled over so he could stroke Danny’s hair from his face. “He tells Sammy that I’m his.”
“That’s pretty funny.” She gave him a half-smile.
“Yeah. Pretty funny.”
“I’m gonna get breakfast started. Let him sleep. The storm had him pretty freaked last night.”
“Gotcha.” Dean laid his head back down on his pillow, and just lay watching the boy sleep. He never even heard Liz leave the room. The rain hit the roof in steady waves. Dean just lay staring at him. When the boy finally woke, it was to chatter sluggishly in a language that Dean hadn’t yet learned to decipher. Danny flopped over and scooted close to Dean. He struggled to pull something out of his pocket. Dean helped him out and found his amulet hanging by its cord with pocket lint all over it. Carefully he cleaned it up. Danny shifted onto his knees and tried to hang it over Dean’s head. “You giving it back already?”
“Safe.”
“I gave it to you. It’s yours.” Dean picked it up and held it out. Danny wrapped his tiny fingers around it but didn’t move to take it back. “You scared of the rain?”
“Boom.” Danny made a face.
“Thunder scares you.” Dean nodded. “That’s why you came in here?”
Danny flopped back onto the pillows. “Big boy bed.”
“Think your mom still wants you in the crib, bud.” Dean flopped onto his back, readjusting his amulet so that it strangle him so much. After a moment, Danny readjusted his posture. Dean kicked his legs free of the sheets and crossed his legs. Danny did the same. He tucked his hands behind his head, elbows out. Danny followed suit. Sammy burst out laughing from where he’d been lurking in the hallway.
“So, you’re on duty already?”
“Dude, I was on duty before I woke up.” Dean sat up and Danny copied. “He ditched his crib for my bed in the middle of the night.”
“And you had no clue?”
“Didn’t even feel him until I woke up with a food in my back which is better than when it used to be your big head.”
“Liz says breakfast is ready.”
“Come on, champ.” Dean yanked on some jeans from the floor before Danny climbed onto his back for the ride. He held Danny’s arms down to keep them from choking him on the short walk to the kitchen. Liz was just doling out breakfast onto several plates when they walked in. Her face lit up when she saw her son.
“Mommy!” He called out.
“You’re finally awake, you Houdini.” Liz set the pan down in the sink and had to pull his little arms off of Dean so she could greet him with morning kisses. “Don’t you scare Mommy like that.” She tried to get him settled in his high chair but he refused. “Danny, come on.” Then the little hands began reaching past her to Dean. Dean watched her shoulders go back defensively. Dean stepped in and took Danny in his arms but then sat him the high chair. “Thanks, Dean.” They both knew then that it was going to be a long day.
--
Dean held out his hand for Max to shake. Max seemed hesitant but took it and introduced himself properly. Max hung a bit. He didn’t know what to do with himself if he wasn’t trying to woo the new girl. “Liz is a great girl.” He finally commented to Dean.
“Yeah.” Dean took a deep breath. “She is.”
There were several moments of awkward silence. Then Dean cleared his throat. “How long have you been seeing her?”
“We weren’t dating.” Max shook his head and sipped his beer. “She’s opted out of whatever it is that we were doing.”
“Oh.” Dean nodded to himself, wondering what that meant exactly.
“You moving to Nebraska?”
Dean had been thinking a lot about that but hadn’t been talking to Sam about it yet. “Thinking about it… want to be close to Danny.”
“He’s a good kid. Shy but good.”
“Yeah.” Dean felt some emotion bubbling up in his chest. Pride.
“Why’d you leave her?” Max didn’t seem to mean any malice by his question and Dean took it to be a query of general confusion.
“Thought she’d be better off without me.” There it was. The truth. He’d told himself it was for her but it was for him. His father had waited a week too long to inform him and that was the truth. Selfishness disguised as mercy.” I didn’t know she was pregnant or that Pastor Jim died a year ago. I didn’t know.”
Max took pity on him. “Well, as willing as I am to be her man… she doesn’t love me… or want me if she doesn’t love me… so… Good luck to you.”
Dean sat frozen as Max laid down money for his drinks and made his way out into the night. When he found Liz, she was laughing with a couple of regulars.
Dean liked to watch her play with their son. He hoped he managed to look at least a fraction as happy when he played with Danny. He got his glimpses in here and there. Ellen had put them to work on the sign for the Roadhouse. He noticed that she had also taken the numbers off the doors that he and Sam occupied. He didn’t know how he felt about that. He still hadn’t decided if he was staying. Then Danny waved up at him and Dean knew he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.
“Would you two jackasses hurry it up before the rain starts again and you get fried on my roof?” Ellen called up. “I’m not cleaning Winchester off my bar!”
Dean got back to work checking the lines for tears and covering them up with black tape. Sam grinned at him. “What?”
“Dude, I don’t know if Danny understands who you are yet but… he’s so got a crush on you. He’s been wearing that jacket all day.”
“He’s got good taste.” Dean grinned.
“Hey, so… I uh, think there’s a university around here somewhere. Jo was telling me and I thought I could take some classes and get a place off campus…”
The silence was telling. Sam waited but Dean didn’t comment. They finished quickly and tested the sign before climbing down. Then Dean turned to his brother. “Let me talk to her about it first.”
--
Raining. Drinking. Idling.
Liz had come to him before. He’d just let it. He hadn’t hoped to try but how could he not when she looked so beautiful and she sang so badly. Liz tilted her head at him. “What are you thinking?”
“If you’ll slap me if I kiss you right now…”
“Why would I slap you?”
“Well, I’ve seen you do it once before. It didn’t look fun.”
“True.” She shrugged, sad smile on her face.
“Well?”
“Well, what are your intentions?”
“To stay as long as I can.”
“Then I’ll think about it.” She resumed singing with the radio. No customers in the bar. No one to interrupt. Just her feet propped on a box and his chair facing hers. Beer in the bottles. Danny napping. Sam and Jo in town shopping. Ash doing whatever Ash did.
“So you’re not seeing that Max guy anymore?”
“That’s the rumor.” She nodded to herself, carefully schooling her face not to give anything away.
“So what’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing.”
“Really.”
“Really. He’s nearly perfect.” Liz cleared her throat. “But I don’t love him. I don’t know if I can.”
Dean nodded to himself, not sure if he wanted to talk about this anymore. “Guess that point’s kind of important.”
“Tends to be just a little.” She stared at him. “I remember, Dean.”
“Yeah?” He blinked at her. “How much?”
“Everything.”
“How long?” He turned his eyes out to the rain falling.
“Been getting bits and pieces but I got most of it now.”
He moved his chair closer and slowly reached out to lift her chin. There it was. Liz tried to turn away but he held her chin and ran his thumb along the scar that marked the puncture wound that had nearly caused her death. Then he leaned forward and kissed it gently. “It’s healing really well.” Then he lifted the sleeve of one arm. She let him turn her arm out so he could see the jagged scar there. He could make out where the fingernails had been, ran his thumb over them. “You killed five demons that day.”
“But I remember it all, Dean…” She tried to put some space between them, taking her arm back. “Everything.” She stared at him. “I remember everything I did with John… why would you still want me.”
“Do you know how many women I’ve been with?” He met her eyes. She shook her head slowly. “One nighters. Lost weekends. Two weeks once. I don’t know how many. I’m not a good person on the best of days, Liz. I’m just not. I wonder why you would want me…” He cleared his throat. “My life is one that doesn’t allow for normal relationships… we both know that yours doesn’t either…”
“He was your father.” She protested, her hand falling on his. “I can’t imagine what that must have done to you. I don’t know what… No, I know what I was thinking… but I can’t excuse what I did.”
“And about what I did?”
“It wasn’t your choice.” She admitted. “It was mine. You took it away from me.”
“Sam doesn’t understand this… and I’m not sure that I understand it but…” Dean took a swig off his beer. “I’m fucked up, Liz. I am. It wasn’t you. It’s… just my life.” He shrugged. “I… don’t have the same hang-ups. I was mad at my dad because he… he… I didn’t blame you for whatever happened between the two of you.”
“You should have. I started it. I cornered him.” She met his eyes. “You don’t want to know, Dean.”
“Maybe I do.”
She looked away, stared off at the rain and sipped her beer. “Dean… I’ve never, never crossed over my lives that way. Never met a man I’d loved before. Never… John was the first man I fell in love with that had children of his own. I just… the odds…” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m… I’m always 20 years old. I don’t get to grow up.” She sobbed suddenly. “I’m hearing them… singing. I hear them. What if I don’t get to see Danny grow up?”
“It’ll be different this time.”
“I thought it was going to be different with John, Dean. I thought he was the answer.” She reminded him. “All I got to keep of him was the ring and the locket. I don’t know how I did that. How was I able to keep that?” She popped open another beer from the bucket next to her. “I go over it and over and over and the only thing that makes sense… terrifies me.”
“What do you think it was?”
“Maybe I was pregnant. Only just. Maybe a few days.” She shrugged. “Maybe I was more pregnant. I don’t know. I thought I could come back. I just had to hang on and get the job done and I could come back. Maybe… He didn’t want me to have it.”
“So… with dad…”
“Dean… you were so… tentative with me. I mean… you’d make love to me like it was the last time we were going to be together but then you’d… act like it was okay that I was going off to die.” She stared at him. “I know that sounds like you were cold and I know that you weren’t but… You just accepted it. You let me go.”
“I gave you time to do your job. I grabbed everyone to go get you. Pastor Jim was working on that spell and Sam was working with him and I knew Dad would do what he could to make sure you’d make it.”
“I wanted to come back to you.” She watched the rain. “I’m sorry that I went to John. I thought… since I loved him so much that it would be the same but it wasn’t. It wasn’t the same at all. I didn’t care that he was another 20 years older. I could remember the way he used to make me feel. Safe and loved and vital.”
“What happened?” Dean cleared his throat, eyes on the wall. “I don’t remember you acting all that different. I’m not saying that I need to know the blow-by-blow but… I just don’t get it.”
Liz took a long pull on her beer. “I cornered him. I wanted to tell him my suspicions about why we fell into this mess. And I thought that I could… love him the way I did so many years ago… The thing about dying the way I do, waking up the way I do… It really is a whole other lifetime. It isn’t just me… time traveling. Even though I can feel those emotions so vividly, they aren’t the same. I remember thinking that even though he was older and… not as fit.” She smiled to herself. “And graying and everything… I could love him but I couldn’t. It had nothing to do with all of that except that I didn’t… and he could see it. He could see that despite what we’d done, that I knew I didn’t. Then I saw the shame in his eyes that he let it happen. He never would have wanted to hurt you that way.”
When Dean didn’t start talking, she kept on. “You used to scare him.” His head whipped to face her. “You did. You thought he hung the moon and set fire to the sun… and it scared the crap out of him. You used to follow him around and try to walk like him and work on the car with him and…” She grinned to herself. “He was so afraid that he was going to let you down.”
“He did that plenty.”
“Maybe he did. But at six years old, you were very forgiving. He forgot about Halloween and you comforted him.” She finally looked at him. “Do you remember what we talked about? About settling down someday?”
“That was a lifetime ago.”
“Yeah, for me too.” She looked at him. “It’s doable.” He didn’t say anything. “After you figured out what was going on… you stuck by me… even knowing what I’d been for your dad… and what I’d been to you… I admired that. You held yourself away from me but you still let me love you.”
“You almost died. We almost didn’t get there in time. We walked in and there was a demon standing over you. I killed that man and you… touched him with your blood. You said something in a Latin so old that neither Jim or Sam knew what you were saying. We almost lost you but you looked at me.” Dean looked away. “You looked at me while they were trying to keep you in your body and I swear to God that I thought I saw… It was like you were… going away, your body… I could see the ground under you.” Dean’s face started to crumple but he sniffed and pulled it back together. “You were gonna leave me. I saw it… and you were looking right at me.”
“Dean.” Liz sat up and made him look at her. “I’m here. We have a son. We can’t change what’s happened in the past. It’s done. I just need to know if you’re going to get to know your son. If something happens to me, are you going to take care of him?”
“You know I will.” Dean sat back and stared at her. “There’s a… mechanic in the next town over who’s looking for some help. Sam’s looking to go to school again… Gonna keep hunting though.”
“Never figured you’d stop.”
A cry from inside sent both of them to their feet. They found Ellen trying to comfort a cranky two year old who wouldn’t be consoled. Liz took him in her arms. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Mommy!” Danny cried.
“Found him walking up and down the hallway, screaming his head off.” Ellen offered.
Danny just would not settle. Then he spotted Dean and tried to climb down. Liz set him on his feet and he ran straight for his father, who picked him up and frowned at him. “Bud, what’s with the tears?” He got no answer, just a hiccup, a swipe of the eyes and a snotty nose against his neck. When he looked up, Liz was frowning but Ellen was grinning. “What?”
“Looks like we know who he prefers.” Ellen swatted Liz’s butt with a rag. “Don’t worry, the novelty wears off for a bit.”
Dean paced the floor while Danny caught his breath and played with Dean’s amulet. “Is this a good thing?”
“For you yeah. You’re new to him. Danny doesn’t cotton well to strangers.” Liz sighed. “I mean, he was fine with Sam for a while but he’s decided that he doesn’t like Sam.”
“That’s just funny. Sam’s so afraid he’ll accidentally hurt him that he just lets Danny kick the crap out of him.”
“What did he do?” Liz tilted her head at Dean.
“Bit him on the leg.”
“Danny!” Liz scolded her son.
“He was just defending me.” Dean stroked Danny’s back. “From his freakishly tall uncle.”
“Come on. I’ve had chili warming forever. We might as well eat while there’s no drunks to look after.” Ellen pulled Liz along.
Dean walked Danny up and down the bar until he calmed and eventually fell asleep. He handed the boy off to Liz so that he could eat. Liz sat right at the table and held the sleeping boy. Dean thought about leaving. There was no way he could stop hunting altogether. But he couldn’t leave for good. He thought about T-ball and cootie shots and man-to-man talks. Roadtrips and pool games. He wanted that.
--
Sam handed Dean the newspaper with the hunt. It was emergent. It could be dealt with quickly. Dean nodded and handed it back. They’d leave tonight. Dean scooped Danny up from where he’d been watching TV and planted a kiss on his head. “I’m leaving but I’ll be back.” Then he’d set him back down and gone in search of Liz, who was fighting with a stain on Danny’s favorite shirt. “Hey…”
“Hey.” She tossed him a small smile.
“Sammy got us a hunt.”
“Oh.” She went still then picked up a spray bottle to attack the stain once more. “Be careful, then. Drop a postcard or something.”
“We’re coming back.”
She stilled again. “Then… we’ll see you when you get back.”
