Stranglehold (M/L,CC/UC,Mature) – Chapter 7 – 10/6/07 (WIP)

[fadedblue]

Title: Stranglehold
Disclaimer: The characters of “Roswell” belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. I don’t own anything!
Category: M/L, CC but explores UC relationships
Rating: Teen/Mature
Summary: Everything up to Departure is true. Liz reflects on her demons. Read more to find out .

Author's Note: I started writing this fic 6 years ago while I was still in high school and new episodes of Roswell still played on tv! Suffice to say, it’s been a while since I touched this fic. Not sure if any of you read this back then – this was posted under my old Roswell alias foreverdreamer – but I’m doing a repost (with some edits) and I’m aiming to complete this fic. I had a lot of good stuff laid out and it seems unfortunate not to let this story run its course. Hopefully my writing doesn’t sound too different – again, it’s been six years! Feedback is always appreciated!

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PROLOGUE

It was a cobweb of desires that entangled me. They never ceased their stranglehold, each translucent fiber squeezing me until I felt I would burst. Until all the feelings churning inside could just scream their way out of my body, leaving but an empty husk. Husks. Ironic perhaps. It was amazing how the roads of life always lead back to Max Evans.

+ + +

Some would tell me it was the day my life ended.

But I had never felt alive until that moment. My life begun. It’s crazy, but that day at the Crashdown—I could feel Max feeding himself to me. And a part of me clung onto him, and never let go. Max Evans didn’t only heal me. No, he did more than that. I was only sixteen, a naive teenager to the realities of the world and emotion, but I felt it. Our souls bonded. It burned an endless abyss in me, something that to this day I can never be rid of.

Love.

There was another day. A day that smokes with a more negative aftertaste, a day that could have well been the end of my life. It’s amazing how deliriously happy you can be one moment, and then—it’s gone. Why I continue to torture myself with the bitterness, with the pain is a mystery. But it’s like a drug. An addictive drug. Max is my drug. I’ve tried changing my life, but he won’t let me go. But that’s addiction. Where was I? Oh yes. The day.

The day Max left me. Forever.

+ + +

THIRTEEN YEARS AGO...(Year 2001)

“I can’t believe this is all I have of you. After all we’ve been through,” I trailed off. My eyes couldn’t—wouldn’t—leave the pendant. It seemed to mock me – a continual symbol and painful reminder of where Max was MEANT to be.

Not by my side.

But at least it was something I could hold on to, something tangible and real that I could touch. My eyes drifted back to Max’s face.

His eyes. They were killing me, slowly and surely. Through all the sorrow, deception, and lies, I could always count on one thing to tell me the truth – his eyes. Like the old adage, “Eyes are the windows to the soul.” Lately, his eyes had been veiled and murky, but right now, honesty was the only thing that shone through. That, and love.

“You never slept with Kyle did you?” His voice lowered to a mere whisper. I sat paralyzed. How long had it been since Future Max had come knocking on my balcony window? How long had it been since he had prophesied to me the downfall of Earth came intertwined with my love for Max? There were no words that could be formed on my lips. I merely shook my head, and watched helplessly as the walls around my beloved crashed to the ground.

“Max, I...” My words were cut off as he suddenly encompassed my own lips in his, his rough, yet gentle hands caressing the softness of my cheek, just like before. Any mention of the Future Max episode died in my throat as I returned his passionate kiss. There was a fire between us that had long gone dormant, but now, it suddenly burst into leaping flames.

I sank into sweet oblivion as flashes came to claim me, and I drunk in the memories Max fed me like water.

Max healing me. Revealing himself as an alien. Riding along the abandoned highway, wind through our hair, not a care in the world. Our first kiss to the soft strainings of Gomez. Taking a step back. Revealing his true feelings after my blind date. Going farther in Michael's apartment. Our kisses in the empty van, the law on our heels.

And then I saw me. The joy he had with me. The faith he had in me. The love he had for me.

Reluctantly, he ended the kiss, resting his forehead against my own as we each inhaled deeply the scent of the other. I wished the euphoric feeling would never end. I wished we could stay like this forever. Max must have read my mind—it was the connection. He opened his eyes slowly and ran a lingering hand through my hair.

I arched my head to luxuriate in the feel of his palm, his warm fingers marking feather-light phantom trails across my scalp. Would I ever have this again?

“God Liz, I wish we could stay like this forever,” he croaked out. My eyes welled up with unshed tears. I could feel a lone teardrop trickle its way down my face. The pad of his thumb wiped it softly off my face.

“Me too...” I raised heavy-lidded eyes to meet his own churning with desire. “Stay with me Max? Even if only tonight just...stay with me.”

He didn’t need to answer me. Silently, we climbed out of the Jeep and walked hand in hand to my balcony. He swept me into his arms and carried me up the well-worn ladder. Our eyes met briefly—I knew he was thinking of the wedding flash. Just as I was.

Max gently laid me in the cocoon of quilts bundled on my bed with care. He slipped silently between the sheets and I leaned against his strong chest with a sigh. I glanced at my clock one last time. 8:55. We had the night. I snuggled even closer, covering his hands with my own. I drifted into sleep by his light caresses and his scent...masculine yet comforting all at once. Tears streamed unbidden down my face as he tucked my small body closer to his own.

Gone and close the curtains
‘Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me, and a bottle of wine
and I’ll hold you tonight

‘Cause we know I’m going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren’t so
So take this wine and drink with me
Let’s delay this misery..

Save tonight.

*lyrics from Eagle Eye Cherry | Save Tonight*

+ + +

A/N: For the rest of this fic, Present Liz’s thoughts in italics. Song lyrics will be too, but you’ll be able to differentiate. Heh, and can I say that I’m amused that 2007 is represented in this fic. It felt so far away back then. Time flies!


CHAPTER ONE

Save tonight. I’ve saved that night in my mind, clutching it like a lifesaver in a churning ocean. Why it is hurtful? Why is it bitter? Well, when the love of your life disappears from your side before sun-up, your heart just can’t help but shatter. Don’t get me wrong, it was far from it at first. I know that he didn’t mean to, he didn’t want to…I’m just sorry it took me six years to find out.

Seven Years Ago (Year 2007)

The smoke ebbed sluggishly from the oven while I searched frantically for a potholder, glove, ANYTHING, that could retrieve the burning hunk of unrecognizable nothing without burning my hands beyond recognition. Damn housewife stereotypes.

I heard a pathetically disguised chuckle from behind me. Hands on hips, I swiveled around to face Sean, who’s smirking face only helped to irk me to no end.

“Sean, this isn’t funny.” I growled through clenched teeth. I managed to extract what was left of the roast (now a charred lump, half the original size) and promptly dumped it in the trash. “And that, good sir, is the last time you request anything from me and,” I waved my hand in disgust at the kitchen, “this.”

He laughed and grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close to him. I smiled impishly while he kissed me hungrily on the lips and dutifully returned his ministrations with my own. I pulled away and inhaled sharply as a fleeting, distorted image flashed before my eyes. It was fuzzy, as if someone had purposely mixed all the colors to confuse me. Could it...?

“Liz, what’s wrong?” Sean asked, a worried look rising in his eyes. He brushed my hair back from my face and I managed a small smile.

“I’m fine.” I replied hastily. ‘I’m not fine. I just had a flash.’ “I think all the smoke is starting to catch up to me...” Sean nodded skeptically and led me towards the sitting room.

“Hey, why don’t you get changed and we go out to eat?” he asked brightly. “Seeing that whatever dinner or edible food in the kitchen is ruined...”

“Watch your mouth mister,” I joked as I slapped his arm playfully. “I know you didn’t marry me for my cooking skills.”

“Nope, I married you cause you’re one hot babe.”

I rolled my eyes and bounded up the stairs lightly, assuming the guise of ‘okayness’. But I was far from it. I ran into the master bedroom and locked the door behind me, lest Sean felt like “surprising” me. I didn’t need it right now. Quickly, I crossed the carpeted expanse of the room to the balcony that I insisted be part of the condo when we purchased it. Sean gave into my wishes. I think he understood why.

Peeking around myself furtively, I crouched low to the ground and gently dislodged one of the lower bricks of the outdoor wall. I slipped my hand in and pulled out a small box, covered in dust and touched with rust.

My own Pandora’s box.

I haven’t looked in it for five years. All of the pain, the nightmares, and the ills of my past lay behind the rusted cover. Its silent shrieks filled my head and I briefly closed my eyes, apprehensive of unleashing the apparitions that had been kept undercover for so long.

My hand of its own volition threw open the cover and tears flooded my eyes at first sight. With trembling fingers I pulled out the pendant, looking as new as the day we filched it from Atherton’s. I ran my thumb over the raised alien design as disjointed flashes of that night ran through my mind. I touched my lips, almost feeling his kisses languidly covering my body like they did that night.

That night.

“Max...” I whispered aloud, tasting the feeling of his name on my lips. I hadn’t let myself utter his name for so long, it was almost a guilty pleasure saying it again. I shook myself out of my reverie and sifted through the contents of the box, memories hitting me full-force. I smiled slightly when I came upon the pressed white rose petals, and suddenly Max’s Spanish serenade drifted to my ears. I fought the urge to look over the balcony—I knew he wasn’t there.

My smile wavered when I touched my journal, at the bottom of the box, covered by years of memorabilia. I pulled out the leather-bound volume shakily, leafing through the slightly crinkled pages. A small gasp escaped my lips when I flipped open to a folded note, carefully pressed between two blank pages. Where did this come from? I frowned, biting my lip in thought. I’d never put anything in my journal and I sure didn’t tell anyone where I had put it. With the exception of Michael stealing it the first time. Should I read it?

I pulled the paper out of its nesting place and slowly unfolded the note. A chill ran through my body, shocking me like a dousing of cold water. Max’s familiar script leapt off the pages, causing another jolt of flashes. I fell to my knees, clutching my heart and gasping for breath.

*Max, tears streaming down his face, scribbling the note in the light of the early sun*
*Max putting the note inside the back of the journal*
*Max gently placing a kiss on my head before slipping into the morning*

“Max.” A cold sinking weight settled onto the bottom of my heart. I didn’t want to know what the note said. I didn’t want to hear the honeyed words or excuses he had for leaving. But I NEEDED to know. I owed it to myself.

Dearest Liz,

You don’t understand how hard it is to leave you, to leave the comfort and the love of your embrace. But I have to. I must. It breaks me apart inside, knowing that I’ll have to keep on existing without you. I don’t know if I will be able to exist without you—I would rather die than spend a minute away from you.

Last night you made me the happiest man alive. You filled me with renewed hope, renewed faith, and I have something to hold on to in what will be the darkest and most desolate days of my life. No matter where I am, be it Earth or Antar, I WILL come back for you. My soul will find its way back to its mate and not even death will keep me away.

I love you. More than you could ever know.

Yours forever,
Max

My mouth moved wordlessly, my eyes wide with unshed tears, my body immobile against the cold brick wall. I gaped at the letter for minutes more before letting it flutter back in between the pages of the journal. It was like he was calling me; I could feel him all around me, like a thick woolly blanket, safe and warm.

“Honey?”

Sean’s voice jerked me back from my thoughts, and suddenly, I found myself back in the middle of reality, away from those feelings of love and safety. “Yes…Sean…?” I finally replied, finding my voice again.

“Are you okay?” He sounded worried, obviously lurking behind the door from the nearness of his voice.

“Um…yeah.” I hastily stuffed the journal back into the box and slipped it into the hole before running back into the room. “You know what?” I ran around, trying desperately to look like I’d spent a decent amount of time trying on outfits. “I really want to go to that sushi place, um, over on Washington and 3rd?” I ran my fingers through my hair and quickly yanked a sundress off the rack. “I think you need to make reservations so,” I rummaged through a pile of shoes, “go make them!”

“Sure…honey.” Sean sounded unsure, confused even. I nearly burst out laughing. Sometimes Sean could be so dense. “Where’s the number?”

“On the coffee table. I grabbed a menu on the way home from work last week.”

“Okay then, come out soon.” He replied warily, slowly moving away from the door. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“YES, I’m okay!” I yelled, getting a little exasperated. My head started pounding, and I rubbed my temples, futilely trying to rid myself of the pain. I hopped on one foot towards the bathroom door, trying to pull on a black pump. ‘Where the hell did that scarf come from?’ I vaguely thought to myself when I saw myself hurtling headfirst towards the ground.

‘Max…’ His name echoed through my mind as the world around me faded to black.


TBC...

[fadedblue]

First off, I'm so thrilled people remember this fic. I'm even more thrilled that people are reading this!

tinie38
Chrissie1218
Begonia9508
bigears
Flamehair

Holy crikey, you started this when you were in high school? Well, talent is found early on. Great start, I am hoping you remain inspired.

Aw, thanks! I really appreciate that. I'll also admit, I had a similar reaction when I reread what I wrote. It was completely narcissistic of me, but I couldn't help but think "Damn. I was good." I only hope my continued writing will remain equally as engaging!

I was surprised to see that she ended up marrying Sean, I wonder how that happened.

No worries, there will definitely be more light shed upon that particular decision in the next few chapters. In this reality, the aliens actually left Earth at the end of season two, so you have to understand that Liz is operating with a completely different set of motivations. You'll see

Because I'm so absolutely appreciative of your interest in this fic, I'm posting another chapter! It's on the short side, but it sheds a little bit more light on what's going on. Like usual, I'd love some feedback! Thank you so much for reading

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CHAPTER TWO

“Liz.”

A single voice called to me, the sound welcoming and familiar on my ears. My eyes felt heavy and my body felt like lead. Why couldn’t I move?

“Liz?”

I struggled to find the source of the voice. Where was it coming from? I willed my eyelids to rise up, a move that was so simple, yet seemed to be a strain at the same time. A warm hand gently began to stroke my hair, and I smiled at the gesture. Where had I felt this before?

“Shhhh…just sleep…” the voice said soothingly. My eyes flew open.

“Max?”

I rubbed the blurriness out of my vision and focused on the figure in front of me. Was it really him? The voice was his. I felt it in my heart when he said my name—my heartbeat had suddenly increased itself tenfold, throbbing so hard it nearly leapt out of my chest. Butterflies flew crazily inside my stomach, leaving a funny queasiness that left me light-headed.

It was like being sixteen again.

I saw his eyes first. That warm amber I’d missed so much was staring straight into my own chocolate brown. “What…” I found myself gaping again, this time at Max, who sat quite calmly at my bedside, his penetrating gaze betraying only love.

“Max is that…really…” I stopped and threw myself at him, feeling his body conform to mine, our bodies fitting like two separate pieces of a puzzle. His arm snaked around my waist and his other hand caressed my hair lovingly. I breathed in the scent of him deeply, filling my starving lungs with his freshness.

My itching fingers weaved themselves through his still luxurious dark hair, and down to the tips of his endearing bangs. A small grin crinkled around his eyes, and I slid my fingers down to his eyelashes, running my tips along the velvety lightness. With excruciating slowness, I bought my face close to his and rubbed the nub of my nose playfully against his own, my lips barely brushing against his.

“Liz,” he groaned, desire apparent as he huskily called out my name. He planted soft kisses down my neck, each loving touch filled with fire that stoked something long hidden deep beneath my breast.

“I told you I’d come back for you,” he whispered quickly into my ear as he suddenly ceased his ministrations and swept me into his lap. I blushed, heat creeping up my flaming face.

“You’re burning up. Wake up.” he said, frowning slightly as he pressed the back of his hand against my forehead.

“What?” I stared confusedly into his eyes. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Liz…”

My eyes suddenly flew open and I found Sean staring at me with a wide, frightened stare. “Liz…” he mumbled into my shoulder as he suddenly swept me into a shaky hug. “Gosh, you were burning up…I…I was so afraid that something…”

I woodenly returned his hug, my face still flushed from my encounter with Max. Or was it Max? I finally took in my surroundings—the sterile pasty walls of the hospital room stared back at me. My forehead was covered with thick, white bandages, and trails of slender tubing hung off my pale body. “Sean, where am I?”

“You…you fell…slipped, or something. And…and…I found you in the room and you had hit your head on the dresser and there was blood…and…and…then the doctors said you had a fever…108 degrees. Everyone…was so worried…but all of a sudden…you got better,” his voice trailed off. “And now you’re okay. You’re here.”

I gently disengaged myself from his embrace and comfortingly stroked his arm. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that honey.” I stared down in my lap, letting my hair fall over my face. I didn’t want Sean to see the emotions I could feel burning across my face, all the pent-up passion, worry, confusion…

Was it Max?

“Um…Sean, could you just let me sleep a while? I’m still sort of tired and all this…excitement really has me worn out.” I pleaded, suddenly leaning against the flat pillows in a show of fatigue.

He nodded energetically, doing small things in consideration of my comfort, tucking the blankets close under my chin and smoothing the hair out of my face.

Sean really was a sweetheart. I always wondered how it would be if we had tried to make it work. But Sean could never fill that void in my heart. He was like a security blanket—things were stable with him. I had a set routine that lulled me into a steady sense of false happiness. I didn’t want to involve myself in anything new, anything that had the potential of heartbreak. I didn’t want my heart shattered the way Max Evans did. I guess that’s why I married Sean. My heart couldn’t be broken anymore.

“Thanks Sean.” I gave him a small smile, squeezing his hand in reassurance. He planted a light kiss on my brow before finally exiting the room, being careful not to squeak his boots on the clean linoleum floor. I frowned slightly—he was making this harder for me.

When the door closed behind him, I let out an enormous sigh of relief, finally able to have a moment of peace with my thoughts. The flash, dream, hallucination—whatever it was—was…well, I didn’t know what it was. But it felt so real…I could still feel his presence lingering in the air around me, just like how I’d feel back in high school, every time he left a room. The air would seem to be vibrating with his aura, yet at the same time painfully vacant, only making me crave him more. Just like now.

I took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed my eyes shut, determined to send myself to whatever dream plane I stumbled upon and back into Max’s arms. After five minutes of restless tossing and turning, I blew out a frustrated breath, sleep continuing to elude me.

“Max,” I whispered to myself, burning tears prickling at the edges of my eyes. “Why can’t you just be here with me?”

“But I am.” His deep murmur brushed tenderly against my ear.

I froze. A set of strong, loving arms encircled my waist lightly, eliciting another rush of emotions I thought I had buried deep inside me long ago.

This is over my head, but underneath my feet
Because by tomorrow morning, I’ll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way it was
I wish that it was just that easy

“Are you real?” I asked, hesitant to move from my comfortable position, and also admittedly a little afraid. What if I turned around and he disappeared? What if Max left again? God, I didn’t think I could stand it.

And I am somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream

“I’m real in your heart, aren’t I?” He slowly turned my body around, making me look into his endless amber eyes. “That’s all that matters, love.”

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don’t be surprised if I collapsed at your feet again

“All that matters.” I echoed.

*Lyrics from Lifehouse | Somewhere in Between

[fadedblue]

hi guys! hehe, i like reading your reactions...i really wish i could post more than one part (well, i guess i COULD, but i don't want to give too much away at once ). but anyway, i come bringing a pretty crucial part in this little story...oh and a banner!

tinie38 -- thanks! i hope you like this next part too!
Chrissie1218 -- your prediction for sean might happen sooner than later. and i also love that lifehouse CD. it's one of my favorites!
Begonia9508 -- hehe, you're definitely not making a fool of yourself! hopefully this part sheds some more light on your personal predictions
bigears -- follow your heart...mmm...sounds like something liz would do...
Flamehair -- mmm, interesting theory
kittens -- it's a little early to tell...we'll see!

hope this part gets you guys talking! thanks again for reading this!

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CHAPTER THREE

I gave a drawn out yawn, stretching out languorously beneath the thin covers. A smile hovered over my face as I gazed at Max’s angelic face, rimmed by the soft rays of the morning sun. He was so beautiful—and he was all mine. I lightly traced his lips with my index finger, marveling at their perfection. Even in his slumber, they seemed to call to me, beckoning me to come closer. Who was I to refuse such a request?

“Liz?” Sean strode into the room, carrying a tray, smiling tensely. “You’re up. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah…” My voice trailed off. I was frozen in place, my eyes kept moving between Sean and Max, baffled by the turn of events. Sean turned and set the food on a small side table by the window. Max had awakened at the sound of the door opening and sat up in the bed quickly. I looked at Sean again. Was he blind? Or was I just hallucinating? Max eased himself out from under the covers, a guilty expression apparent on his features.

“Liz, I can explain,” Max started, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

“You better explain.” I answered warily.

“Explain what?” Sean asked, his brow arched up in surprise. “I just wanted to bring you some breakfast. But if you’re not feeling up to it…” His voice instantly adopted a hurt tone, tinged with anger. He set the tray down with more force than expected, the plate and silverware clattering loudly into place.

I forced myself to smile, despite the frustration bubbling up inside. “Sorry, I was just talking to myself.” I pushed myself up against the headboard, moving over to give Sean room to sit by me.

“Oh.” He fiddled nervously with a fork and gazed down with a hard stare at his shoes.

“Sean, are you okay?” I asked faintly. The room filled with an uneasy silence as he stopping his fidgeting. He suddenly seemed so withdrawn, so anxious…it was scaring me.

“Liz,” he started, a strange quiver overtaking his voice. “Why did you marry me?”

My jaw dropped slightly. I wasn’t expecting this. No, I wasn’t expecting this at all. My gaze flickered briefly to Max, who stood off to the side, staring wistfully out the open window, obviously avoiding the questions in my eyes. I glanced back at Sean, who was now stirring my scrambled eggs into a pile of unidentifiable mush.

“Sean, why are you asking me this?”

“I just want to know.” he mumbled, avoiding my eyes.

“I don’t think that’s it.” I countered. “Why are you asking me this? Aren’t you happy with the way we are?”

“I was happy with the way we were.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I pushed myself off the bed and padded a few steps closer to Sean’s hunched-over figure.

“I knew coming into this that I wasn’t ever going to take Evans’ place in your heart. But I thought…” he faltered, emotion taking over. He raised his eyes to mine, and I nearly lost my breath – his gaze was so intense. “I thought that we could make a new life for ourselves, you know? Away from all the crap that Evans was giving you and just start over.”

“Sean, where is this coming from?”

“I heard you. The nurses heard you. I’m your husband, not Max. Shouldn’t you be calling for me? You told me from the start that part of your life was behind you. God, Liz, it’s been seven years. Seven damn years! Have you been lying to me this whole time?”

The gears in my head spun around crazily, trying to digest everything he was saying. He sounded near the point of breakdown, and I had no idea how my saying Max’s name would let loose these demons. I knew Sean never liked Max; he aggressively pursued me despite my feelings for Max. The hate in his voice surprised me…my stomach turned.

“You know what? Never mind.” Sean slammed his arm against the tray, sending it flying towards the wall. I cringed, and unconsciously moved closer to the window where Max had stopped staring out of. Instead, he was now staring at Sean with an odd glint in his eye, and his arms seemed to waver towards my body.

That was Max. Ever the protector. Sean though…I never knew he had that in him. A part of me was—and I know it’s just horrible to say but it’s true—relieved. As safe and as comfortable Sean was to me, he was never Max. I knew the empty voids in my heart would never be satisfied being filled with temporary comfort. It was like a child, learning to distinguish between shapes, circles with circles, squares with squares. The square could never be forced into the circle, no matter how hard the child pushed. No matter how hard I pushed, Sean never fit. There was only one man that could ever claim any part of my heart, and deep inside, we both knew.

“Max…” I whispered under my breath, my eyes lingering on the unwavering apparition of my love. I was mesmerized. I felt like someone had catapulted me years back in time. A girlish image of my younger self, sneaking covert glances at Max Evans rose like a mist before my eyes. To be that girl again…without the alien conspiracy or some bull called destiny or even life threatening gunshot wounds marring the tapestry of normal life. Was it even possible that Max and I could have been a normal couple? The idea was as ludicrous as seeing pigs fly, but staring at the image of Max, seventeen, jaw clenching and eyes leaping with a fire, a fire to protect me…I couldn’t help but wonder. Would we still be together? Would I be able to touch a real Max? A Max that wasn’t only a figment of my imagination? Would I have been able to avoid this travesty of a relationship with someone I didn’t love?

Could’ve. Would’ve. Should’ve.

My sudden lapse into thoughts of Max didn’t escape Sean. He swore roughly. “Damn it Liz…” He gave me one last, painful glance before finally angrily stalking out of the room, leaving me alone. I knew that things between us could never be repaired. In my heart of hearts, I knew that would be the last time I saw Sean DeLuca.

I let out the sigh I hadn’t realized I had been holding, relieved to feel air circulating throughout my body again. I slid down to the ground, burying my head into my hands. A familiar pain shot through my heart. Sean never replaced Max but I had learned to love him – well if you could even call it love. It was a comfortable situation that I had allowed myself to feel safe in. Now it was gone. I made a real mess of this one. It in no way compared to the first, but a tiny part of me couldn’t help but shove the fact into my face: I had been abandoned again.

‘Great job Parker’, the little voice murmured caustically in my ear. ‘First Max, now Sean. Nobody wants you…you’re just the poor, abandoned little orphan…everybody eventually leaves you…where are your parents? Your friends? Your love? All gone.’

“Shut up.” I growled through clenched teeth. I squeezed my eyes shut while my hands found themselves clasped firmly over my ears. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

“Liz, baby, what’s wrong?” I didn’t need to open my eyes know Max was standing next to me – his healing warmth was washing over me in waves.

“You’re not real. Go away.” My voice sounded tiny and helpless.

“Liz, look at me.” Max’s gentle hands closed over my own. I pulled them away, feeling scalded by his touch. Quickly, I jumped back and crawled to a vacant corner, huddled in a pathetic heap.

“You’re not real!”

His tender touch shocked me again, and I leapt from my post and ran behind the bed. Max slowly rose from his kneeling position and stood on the other side, head cocked to the side.

“Liz, I’m here. I’m really here.” His eyes were openly begging, pleading.

I refused to let myself be swayed. “No…no…yo-you’re like a hallucination or a ghost or something…you are not Max!” I pointed accusingly at him. The sudden irony of the situation hit me full force, hysterical laughter bubbling in my throat. I swore I could see the older Max suddenly materialize beside the younger apparition in front of me. A sudden swarm of memories engulfed my senses.

My vision wavered for a split second as my eyes adjusted to the new scenes unfolding before me. I could see myself trying to push Max into Tess’ arms, spying on them from Whittaker’s office. I could see my conspiring with Future Max, and pretending to sleep with Kyle, of all people. I could also feel my heart breaking again—this Max wasn’t real. I refused to let myself be torn down again after all these years.

“I’m going to sit here,” I made myself comfortable on the hard floor, “and I’m going to wait for you to disappear.” I crossed my arms in a show of determination, challenging him to do anything but.

“I’m not going to disappear Liz.” Max strode over, kneeling down next to my stiff body. He gently cupped my chin in his hand and forced me to look into his eyes, his deep amber eyes. It felt so real…My own hand snaked up to cover his. His skin was warm to touch, and my fingers traced the small veins that protruded slightly. It might have been a trick of my imagination, but I could swear I saw blood flowing through them, as plain as day.

I blinked furiously. I had imagined Max being with me thousands of times, him touching me the same way he did before he left. It had never felt like this, it had never felt so real before. When he appeared to me before, in my feverish haze, his touch had felt more real than ever…it had sparked something dormant inside, but I could only feel it within the confines of my subconscious, within my dream. The Max I was touching right now – I knew in my gut his solidity wasn’t a simple figment of my imagination.

He was here.


TBC!

[fadedblue]

ah, i'm on a tight schedule today so no time to post any responses to your feedback but i was impatient and decided to throw you all a bone and post this next part! back to back updates! whoo! this should settle a specific question once and for all and after this we move away a bit from the exclusively M/L action. so enjoy this! like usual, feedback would be lovely .

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CHAPTER FOUR

“Max, you’re here.” My eyes couldn’t help but hold a note of accusation. “You’re HERE.” I squeezed his hand tightly within mine.

“I guess I might have some explaining to do…” He trailed off, cracking a tiny half smile as my face took on a jokingly annoyed expression.

“I don’t think that covers the half of it.” I grinned. I had missed this. Missed this terribly. Max returned my grin and settled down on the ground next to me. I quickly burrowed myself into the solace of his arms, my body fitting perfectly into his. “Well?”

“Well…” Max glanced down at me. I could feel his reluctance, his obvious attempts at blocking something away from me. “I guess it all started that night…that night that I left you.”

I nodded, a sudden chill overtaking my body. How I ever survived the years without him holding me close, I had no idea. He seemed to feel this thought coursing through me, and quickly hugged me tighter.

“We took the granolith, me, Michael, Isabel, and…Tess. It was surreal, standing inside this machine and looking out into the granolith chamber. I could almost see through the walls and out into the desert, and into Roswell. You don’t understand how hard it was Liz, how hard to have to live without you. I wanted to turn back the moment I got in, but it was too late—the granolith had already prepped itself for takeoff, and there was no stopping it. It felt like only a few seconds, but soon flying through space, back to…Antar.

“We landed in a desert, the Antarians call it D’Wyeh Khar, and it was the site of a base for one of the many offshoots of Kivar’s rebel factions. They called themselves the Myamar and they had direct orders to capture us, and destroy us. Tess, knew of this, and managed to escape to the safety of the base, since it turned out she was working directly for Kivar.”

I smothered a gasp of surprise and looked on with wide eyes. I always knew that she wasn’t to be trusted, that she would only bring ruin to the group. From the day she stepped into Roswell, she had a personal vendetta against the rest of us. She lied, weaseled her way into our confidences, and milked every alien opportunity to the advantage of her “Destiny” cause. And her deceptions cost my best friend’s life. Hot tears sprung unbidden, and dripped steadily off my face as I thought of Alex, innocent Alex, taken over by a conniving, heartless…I paused my own train of thought and whispered to Max, “I’m sorry. It must have been hard.”

“I should be the one apologizing, not you,” he insisted soothingly. His tone turned bitter and self-loathing. “She made all our lives miserable. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have had to go through so much pain.”

“Don’t say that Max. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now, lying in your arms. I wouldn’t have had every laugh, every tear, every smile, every frown, every kiss.” I cradled his head between my hands. “My life could have easily ended that day, bleeding to death on the Crashdown floor, but no, you gave me the ultimate gift. You gave me life.” I leaned in closer, resting my forehead against his, my breathing falling into a steady rhythm alongside him, our bodies acting as one. “What would life be without the pain? Without it, I would have never had you.”

My heart fluttered passionately beneath my breast as he whispered a tearful “thank you”, his warm breath tickling the sensitive lobe of my ear. It was these small things, these minute gestures that inflamed me, and had me straining to extend our invisible connection till our souls could just touch, exchanging the slightest of butterfly kisses. I breathily murmured, “You’re welcome...” and with a small nod, gave signal for him to continue his tale.

“Tess didn’t waste time taking the opportunity to gloat in our faces. But pride was her biggest mistake. She ended up divulging sensitive information that we should have never known. We used it to our advantage, escaping from Kivar’s underlings, and we’ve been on the run ever since.”

“And you’re now back on Earth?” I asked, my brow furrowed in confusion.

“Well, not exactly…” He shifted uncomfortably.

“What do you mean, ‘not exactly’? You’re right here, aren’t you?” Thoughts began to race through my head—what if this wasn’t Max? What if it was a shapeshifter?—but his touch…his eyes…I quickly dispelled the thought and sat in his arms, apprehensive for his answer.

“We’ve been trying to get back to Earth, contact someone, anything. Nothing’s worked. We thought our powers probably just didn’t work over long-distances. But then, last night…I managed to slip into your dream.”

I blushed, remembering our intimate encounter after my accident. “I thought only Isabel could dreamwalk. How did you…?”

“On Antar, our powers are amplified. The atmosphere is like a catalyst, acting to speed up the development of our powers. We can basically tap into both aspects of the physical and mental.” He gazed down at me, mirth leaping in the depths of his eyes. I had unconsciously leaned forward, my face reflecting bright interest. “Ever my little scientist Liz. And here I thought I was boring you.”

I wrinkled my nose in reply, faintly glowing at his perceptiveness. After all this time, he could still read me like an open book. “Well, I just can’t help myself sometimes.” My tone turned serious again. “So…how come you’ve only managed to dreamwalk me now? After so long?”

Max frowned slightly. “I’m not sure. For the past seven years, I’d lost that connection with you. I thought I’d never be able to…to feel you again.”

“Max…” I breathed, feeling guilt tickling the edges of my thoughts. “I…I guess I was scared. I never let myself think of you, because I had a feeling that if I did, I would only be disappointed. You wouldn’t be back, and I’d still have a broken heart.”

The despair in his eyes was like a crushing weight on my heart, as I flicked a quick gaze at his face. I continued, my voice starting to break, “I found your letter yesterday and I…”

“The letter.” Max weaved his fingers into my own and squeezed lightly. “That must be what opened you up to me again.”

“Yeah,” I replied. My mind quickly recalled the contents of the letter, pausing briefly on the line ‘My soul will find its way back to its mate and not even death will keep me away.’ My heart warmed, leaving me full for the first time in years. And he did find his way back. He was here now.

“You said you’d find your way back to me…and you did,” I whispered to him with glistening eyes.

“My soul found its way back to you, love.” He sighed, pressing a feather-like kiss upon my brow. “And I mean literally.” He added sheepishly.

“Literally?”

“Yeah…you see, I’m not really here.”

It was my turn to shift uncomfortably. “Not really here?”

“I’m actually still on Antar.”

I slowly inched out of his embrace. “You’re back on Antar?” I realized how much of an idiot I sounded like, echoing every word Max had haltingly said to me. But I wasn’t quite getting what he was saying. How in the world did someone exist in two places at once?

“This must be a little strange for you…”

“That’s an understatement.” I unconsciously raised a hand to my head, rubbing the phantom pain in my temples. “So what is this? How are you here? How can I touch you? How can I feel this way if you’re not really here?”

“I came here because you needed me.”

Once again, I found my mind taking a trip down memory lane. Flickers of steam curled at the edges of my psyche, the streets of late night New York reassembling themselves before my very eyes. I could still feel myself being sucked into a vortex of energy, my eyes closing tightly against the sudden force, and my body whipped like a flimsy scarf in the wind as I was pulled towards Max.

I could still see the hustle and bustle, the lack of attention as my presence materialized in the middle of a crowded street without notice, and my fear that Max wouldn’t see me either, my heart leaping dangerously high in my throat. I could still see the leering faces of Lonnie and Rath as they held Tess in a chokehold of silence, and the teetering platform above Max’s head, seconds away from crashing down. I could feel the overwhelming relief coursing through my body as Max tilted his head in recognition, and then the soundless scream that ripped from my nonexistent voice as I was torn away again, in a thunderclap of an instant.

Give me
Just one part of you to cling to

My hands found themselves clutching wildly at Max, unwilling to let this moment suddenly be snatched away by some cruel trick of fate. I needed him, damn it. He seemed to hear my unsaid need and reassuringly stroked my back, sprinkling kisses upon my upturned face. I felt his gestures of love sending ripples of assuring calm to overtake my own turbulent and troubled waves. I let out a shaky sigh, reining my emotions back in.

And keep me
Everywhere you are

“I’ll be here whenever you need me, Liz.”

It’s just enough to steal my heart and run
And fade out with the falling sun

I nodded. A part of me hated the fact that I suddenly seemed so helpless at his feet, so dependent on his presence. I had survived the past seven years without him, and now I had more than thrown myself at a mere projection of him, seizing it like a lifeline. Yet my heart stated the truth of the matter. I loved him too much to let him go. But a tight knot formed in my stomach as he embraced me, and a feeling of impending doom pervaded my emotions. Suddenly it felt as if I couldn’t hold him tightly enough.

Oh, please don’t go
Let me have you just one moment more
Oh, all I need
All I want is just one moment more
You’ve gotta hold me and keep me now

*Lyrics from Mindy Smith | One Moment More

TBC...

[fadedblue]

hi you guys! gosh, i really hate to post and run but i've been on vacation in sunny california (and still am!) before my school term starts up again and it's been crazy busy! this part will be a bit different from the others, but i hope you'll still like it . i'll try to respond next time around! for those of you reading wish you were here, i'm going to try to update in a few days.

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CHAPTER FIVE

I stood, biting my lower lip nervously. My hand was poised above the doorbell, ready to push the button for the tenth time. The sun had barely begun to rise over the edge of the Los Angeles skyline. I didn’t know why I was there so early but I guess I just couldn’t wait. A sudden stampede of footsteps and muted cursing reached my ears—I broke into a small smile and dropped my arm.

The door began to open. “Who the hell rings someone’s friggin’ doorbell at this friggin’ unholy hour?! Some peo…” The flurry of words came to a sudden halt and I shifted my weight to my right leg. The left one was suddenly overwhelmed with that uneasy prickling sensation of sleep.

“Hey…Maria…” I said weakly, suddenly at a loss for words. My best…well, former best friend stood, jaw to the ground, in the doorframe, obviously hastily dressed in a rumpled tank and undies. I wasn’t going to ask who was in the bedroom awaiting her return. “You know, if this is a bad time, I can just…”

“Liz?” She barely whispered my name, the shock still quite evident upon her face.

Well, I guess you’re having a few questions at this point. Let’s skip back seven years, shall we? So, Max, Michael, Isabel, and Tess had just shot off to who knows where in a galaxy far, far away, leaving me and Maria alone on planet Earth. Let’s just say, the moments following were not a very pretty sight. Maria likes to be vocal about her emotions, especially when it comes to Michael. I’m sure she kept the entire town of Roswell awake with her screaming. I know I could’ve done something, but then again, I’ve never been very vocal about my emotions, at least not when it came to Max. I had shut down. I was empty, listless, simply going through the motions each day.

It was unbearable. So when Sean offered to take me along when he skipped town, it was tempting. I wanted to rid myself of the town that caused me so much grief. Going out to see the world…it was tempting. It was something I never thought I’d actually be doing. But it meant leaving Maria. My best friend in the whole world. We didn’t have anyone else but each other and I was going to abandon her out of some selfish whim to wash myself clean of the past. And I did. I don’t think she ever forgave me for that. It was enough that the love of her life leaves her in the dark of the night, but the only best friend she had left in the world leaves her too. It still hurts me to this day. But when I showed up on her doorstep, a whole world of memories and pain came crashing down with me.

“Liz.” She repeated herself, louder now. The haze that had appeared in her eyes was now clearing up. I braced myself for whatever screaming or yelling was to come. I now saw her eyes clearly. They were not filled with anger or rage; they were filled with pain. A clear and distinct pain suffused her features. I winced visibly—I could feel her emotions like a dead weight on my shoulders. And it broke my heart.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Her voice was chillingly void of any emotion.

I winced again. I knew I had that coming. “I just wanted to see you Maria.”

She gave a snort of disbelief and crossed her arms defensively. “You have no right to come here Liz. No. Right.”

“I know,” I whispered. A sudden attack of inadequacy touched me, and I felt incredibly vulnerable and worthless. Talk about making a big mess of things. “I…I guess I just had a feeling that told me to come here.”

Now Maria was the one shifting agitatedly, her inner feelings running rampant across her features. Glimmers of fear and betrayal intertwined with flickers of love and loyalty. “Why now? Why not before? Years before?” She now stood before me, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

I couldn’t stop myself. I threw my arms around her, tears freely streaming down my face. “Maria, I am so sorry. So sorry,” I muttered, my heart feeling relief as she returned my hug. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed the support of my best friend till now. “You don’t realize how hard the past seven years have been without you…there were so many things I didn’t get to tell you.”

“I know Liz, I know…” she whispered into my shoulder. “I didn’t know what to do when you left. Liz you left me all alone.” I tightened my hold, ashamed.

“I’m so sorry ‘Ria. There are a lot of things I wish I could take back,” I pulled back, holding Maria’s face between my hands. I pushed back wet strands of blonde hair that had stuck to the sides of her face, drinking in the image of the girl that had been joined to my hip since first grade. “God knows that Sean isn’t the best person to share girl talk over ice cream with.”

She laughed, and I echoed her, making a face at the memory. She had by now captured my own face between her hands, and we sat like this, laughing ceaselessly amidst our tearfest. “You do realize how silly we look, right?”

I nodded, a wide grin breaking across my face. I pinched her cheeks and scrambled up, pulling her along with me. “Hey! No fair!” she pouted. My heart leapt for joy; this was the Maria I remembered. She hooked arms with me, and pulled me into her house, slamming the door behind us.

“Hey Maria, you done out there ye…?” The voice trailed off. The man froze in midway out of the bedroom, his eyes narrowing at me, as if trying to remember something important. I stood gaping as Maria blushed quickly, and ran to push the man out the front door. She grabbed a shirt off the couch and went out the door behind him. A few whispers and giggles later, she scampered back with an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.”

“Maria. Do you know who he looks like?” I squeaked.

She sighed. “Yeah…I don’t know…I guess I just haven’t. You know.”

I nodded in understanding. But it left an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach to see my best friend with a man that looked like a splitting image of Michael Guerin. It was strange. Just strange.

+ + +

“Wait a minute…okay, I still don’t get it.”

Maria and I lounged comfortably together on her black leather couch, bowls of half-eaten vanilla ice cream perched precariously upon our stomachs. I scooped another soupy spoonful into my mouth and let the sugar set in before answering.

“Well, it was just one of those crazy, spontaneous things.”

“Um, I think crazy is just too light a word to describe marrying my cousin.” She punctuated the air with her spoon on the word ‘crazy’.

I laughed. It was simply indescribable how good it felt to be doing this again, sharing laughs and woes over a bowl or two of ice cream. The look on her face was absolutely priceless, plastic spoon jutting into the air, eyebrows contorted into shapes that I didn’t think was even possible.

“We were tired. We had just lost a lot of money to those cursed slot machines… happy hour was in full swing. I mean it’s Las Vegas. It just seemed incredibly convenient.”

“Well, at least you didn’t get conned into auditioning for the ever respectful job of stripper extraordinaire.”

We both shared the laugh this time. “The only drawback this time was we were stuck enjoying the comforts of a Days Inn instead of a classy penthouse suite.”

“Serves you right for marrying my cousin.” Her eyes softened, and she began to stir her ice cream restlessly. I knew the question that was on her mind, on the tip of her tongue.

“You can ask Maria. I’m okay.” I said quietly, tearing my gaze away from her nervous form.

“Was it…weird?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I gave a short laugh. “How weird could it be getting married to a guy you didn’t even love in the place where the happiest day of your life was supposed to happen?” The bitterness was painfully obvious in my voice, all thorns and brambles. Maria had cringed slightly, but recovered. She replaced our ice cream on the coffee table and sat up, patting her lap. I immediately curled myself up and laid my head down, feeling slightly comforted as she stroked my hair.

“You can tell me Liz.”

“The thing is, I can’t even remember that night. I was so drunk…I don’t even remember whose idea it was in the first place. But I guess it was for the better. God knows what I would’ve done if I knew.” I shifted my body so my head was lying flat in her lap, my eyes looking directly into hers. “You know, it’s just that I feel like I just wasted so much time with Sean. I mean, yeah, we ended up in this comfortable place, and he was a nice…distraction, but I look back right now, and it’s like, this whole part of my life is gone. It’s all just a blur.”

“It’s been hard Lizzie.” She slipped into using my old childhood nickname and I smiled, reveling in the aura of innocence and dreams that came attached with that name.

“I just feel that I’ve missed out on something. A lot, actually. You know, ever since we were kids, it was supposed to be me, molecular biologist at Harvard, and you, my crazy friend who throws great parties. Together, we were supposed to rule the world.”

Maria laughed softly in remembrance. “Yeah, you were the brains, and I was the brawn. And I would help you have fun while you slaved in a stuffy lab, and you’d make sure I didn’t get too stupid so I didn’t constantly make a fool of myself in front of the intellectually elite.” She scrunched up her face. “Gosh, was that even us?”

“It seems so bizarre, just thinking about it,” I admitted. “And then all that alien business just consumed my life. After that, I didn’t even think I’d go to college. I just saw myself with Max. I was all ready to be with him, through everything. And then…”

“And then Tess happened.” Maria finished for me, her eyes growing hard.

My mind involuntarily strayed to Max’s betrayal. I inwardly shuddered at the image of Tess in his arms, waking up the morning after. My throat constricted and my stomach turned. I felt a slight pull at my heart and saw a sudden flash of amber eyes. I knew Max was somewhere—watching. I quickly banished the repulsive thoughts, straining to hold back that part of myself—the embittered, loathing part—from Max’s seemingly omnipresent awareness. I wasn’t ready to face it myself.

“Can...can we just not talk about her right now ‘Ria?” I mumbled. Maria squeezed my arm in understanding.

“I guess I’m having an identity crisis or something,” I lamented, turning over to look up at Maria. She gave me a half-smile.

“I’ve been there, done that. This hair?” She twisted a handful of her honey blonde hair in between her fingers. “Dyed it 13 times. Red. Green. Purple. Black. All the colors of the rainbow before I finally went back to blonde. But I guess that sort of thing just comes with the tortured songwriter, trying to make a life for herself.”

“Well, I think it looks better blonde.” I replied as flashes of Maria with black and green hair flitted before my eyes. “Yes, much better blonde.”

“You know what I think Liz?” she suddenly said, her tone much more serious.

“Grace me with your infinite wisdom.” I joked, failing miserably at alleviating the solemnity in the air.

“I think that you were always waiting for something, even when we were kids. You were waiting for something, someone, to come and take you away from Roswell. And when Max Evans came, he completed something in you and it was undeniably right. You were willing to go through all the crap with him, as long as you were together. And when you did all that planning to turn him away, it hurt you more than you let on, even if you didn’t tell me everything. And when he finally left that day, to go to Antar, you didn’t have anything else. It’s not an identity crisis Lizzie; it’s losing a part of your soul to something you have no control over. And all you want is to be complete again.”

Honestly, it was like Maria had caught a glimpse of the mess in my soul and managed to explain it to me in an amazingly coherent way.

“I understand it now Lizzie. Why you had to go. I know how you feel. Because I feel it too.”

Best friend vibes. They never let you down. I sat up and hugged Maria. I knew she understood all the motivations that plagued me. But I felt a little guilty—my heart was beginning to repair while hers was still in shambles. Was it time to tell her about Max?

Maria caught the vibe of hesitancy that was being broadcasted off my body. “Is there something else?” I felt as if I were a child being caught with her hand in the cookie jar. I sighed remorsefully.

“Actually,” I started. “There is something.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Max is back.”

“WHOA, whoa, whoa. Max is WHAT?” Her voice must have gone up about ten decibels in the span of a millisecond.

“Well, not really back.”

“Okay, you DO understand you’re not making a scrap of sense now.” She pressed the back of her hand against my forehead. “Are you sick Lizzie? Feverish? Hallucinating?”

I pushed her hand away from my face agitatedly. “He…he just appeared okay? I don’t know what it means. I just know that it’s what split Sean and I up, but I’m not crying over that. It’s just that… it’s really confusing. Max somehow…astral-projected or something from Antar...him, Michael, and Isabel are running from Kivar’s men probably as we speak. I’m still trying to understand the situation as it is.”

“I would think so,” Maria replied with equal agitation. “What did he…did he say about…” A glimmer of hope appeared in her eyes as she stumbled over her words and I had to look away.

“Michael is fine, Maria.” I said quietly. “That’s all I know.” I hesitated saying more—Max really hadn’t given me too much information on the others before going away, and I didn’t want to fill her with false hopes. False hopes hurt more than the lack of hope ever could.

She nodded, looking a little dazed. I put my arm around her and we both sat in the silence, lost in our own labyrinths of thought.

Maria was the first one to think of it. I don’t think that I would have ever even thought so doing such a thing, but with Maria…well, Maria was always the more persuasive one.

“Liz.” She said firmly, and with determination. I eyed my best friend warily. I recognized that tone. I had gotten into a heck of a lot of trouble back in high school when Maria took on that tone. God, if Alex were here, he’d be getting his knickers in a twist trying to calm Maria down before trouble ensued. A little rumble of laughter spread through my body imagining him distracting Maria with his purposely off-key renditions of old Frank Sinatra love songs. I was glad I had gotten to a point in my life where I could think of Alex without spiraling into a deep pit of depression, something that occurred often on the road with Sean.

“Liz.” Maria repeated, even more firmly than before if that was possible.

“Yes?” I replied meekly.

“We’re going to save them.”

“Save who?”

“Max, Michael, and Isabel.”

“We’re going to what?”

“You heard me Liz.”

“How the hell are we going to do that? They can’t even figure out a way to do it themselves!” This had me going close to the verge of angry tears. False hopes, false hopes, false hopes…

“There must be something left here, something that was left behind. A clue. Anything.” Maria pleaded her case while I stared in stony surprise. “Come on Liz,” she continued softly, “We can just try.” Her eyes begged me to have faith in her insane plan. Begged me to help bring back the man she loved, and the man that I loved.

My shoulders sagged in defeat. She gave a small smile and embraced me. “We can do this Liz. I know we can.” She whispered in my ear.

“I know.”

It was like Maria had said years ago: we’ve all been sucked into the alien abyss. And even now…it wasn’t ever going to let go.


TBC...

[fadedblue]

Hi guys! I haven't abandoned this fic, haha. I have, however, been struggling with some writer's block on the next few parts and it's been aggravating the heck out of me. I think I'm tweaked the next part as best as I can (and it's probably not tweaked that well) but I just need to post it and get it done with. Anyway, before I post, some long delayed responses to feedback!

begonia9508 -- Glad you're enjoying these parts so far Eve! Interesting that you and some other people have assumed this new man to be Rath! I also enjoyed reading your thoughts on the Granolith. There will be more about that in one of the next parts!!

Addicted2AmberEyes -- Maria's a spitfire and if there's anyone that can get Liz going, it'd be her . I really enjoyed writing Maria into this story...there hopefully will be more Maria/Liz moments to enjoy!

tinie38 -- I think that it was sad Maria and Liz fell apart, but given the circumstances, I don't see how they could have kept it going, with the choices Liz made to leave everyone behind. But I'm glad they're back together too. Life is more exciting that way, haha.

bigears -- Their relationship will definitely be more complicated via the astral projection. There's slightly more info in the upcoming part. Hehe, and what can I say? Maria and Liz are suckers for the alien abyss. I'm not going to say it'll be easy though...

Flamehair -- First, a belated congrats on the birth of your son! I'm sure he's a darling ! I'm also glad you're still enjoying this fic...hope you like this next part!

Chrissie38, Natalie36 -- Thanks for continuing to read this fic!

and to all the lurkers, a big hugeeee THANKS!!

And now, on with the show !

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CHAPTER SIX

My mind skittered around blurred images that danced around my subconscious, around my dreams. My dreams were plagued. Plagued with an unknown deception. Fraught with some looming danger. If only I could make out the images. It was a cacophony of vivid colors, flashes of green and dark azure blue, all bleeding streams of red-blood red. Splashes of black only more so flawed the surface, twisting and turning like cruelly stabbed swords in the back of a brutally murdered soldier. Faces mocked me, faces hiding behind blank masks, their high-pitched laughing all blending into some malicious symphony, filling my ears with that horrible, guttural sound. I narrowed my eyes, focusing on one face, one face that slowly seemed to unravel itself from its cocoon of shadow. I waited. Each night I waited. Layer by layer was divested, and a distinct form seemed to take shape. I stepped forward.

A clap of pure white lightning flashed brightly against the seething sky.

I gasped, awakening, drenched in sweat. Max's arms suddenly materialized around me. I immediately felt safer, protected from the images…those horrible images…

"Liz, are you alright?" His voice was laced with worry. I nodded, only a barely audible whimper betrayed my real feelings. His eyes hardened, now pinched with fear. "Did you have the same nightmare again?"

"Yeah." I sighed.

"Why won't you tell me what was in it?" He asked quietly. I turned my head away slightly.

"It's really no big deal Max."

"Yes, it is a big deal." Frustration seeped into his voice. "I know what you and Maria are doing. What if this is some sort of Antarian mind game they're playing on you? What if you're getting hurt Liz?"

"It's nothing like that Max. I'm fine." I pleaded. I couldn't afford Max interfering in the plans, no matter how good his intentions were. I was going to save him.

"Liz, you have sacrificed yourself for me too many times in the past for me to just dismiss this." He gave a shuddering sigh and pulled me flush against him. "I know their power, and they can kill. If anything ever happened to you again…because of me…" A soft sob escaped, and I buried my head in his chest. "I don't know what I would do. I can't help you…I'm not even really here!" He ended in disgust.

I shook my head furiously. "No Max, you are. You don't understand how much it means to me that you're here…you've been my pillar of support and strength. God, if you hadn't come when you did, I'd probably be in shambles right now."

He smiled woefully. "You could never be in shambles. You're too strong for that."

"Oh, I've been in pretty bad places, I can tell you that." I sighed, fiddling nervously with the hem of his t-shirt. It was his faded green shirt, the one he wore the day he saved me. I smiled sadly at the memory – my life had changed so much in that instant. He grasped my fingers and intertwined them with his own.

"I'm sorry you had to go through times like those alone."

"I'm not," I replied faintly. "It helped me to survive on my own…something I never imagined I could do so well years ago."

He tilted my chin up. "Do you know how incredible you are, Liz Parker?"

I gave him a mischievous smile and leaned in, brushing his lips with a quick kiss. "I'm not incredible. I'm just stubborn." I poked him in the chest, each jab accentuating my words. "Besides, you've been very distracting lately, Mr. Evans. I'm getting and looking older than ever and here you are, not a day over seventeen. Tends to make my mind wander," I kissed his neck lightly, "if you know what I mean."

He smiled, playing distractedly with my hair. "You're changing the subject Liz. Besides, you should see me back on Antar. I'm an absolute mess."

"Well, I still love you, mess and all. And you changed the subject first."

He wrinkled his nose adorably and I laughed, hugging myself closer to his body. I embraced his distractions, and willed myself to forget the dreams. I could worry about them tomorrow.

+ + +

Max frequently came and went, usually for a day and a night, before disappearing for blocks of time. Astral projecting over such far distances took a lot out of him, and being a fugitive on the run, he needed to conserve all the energy he could. Parting was always hard, but lately I had other things on my mind to keep me distracted, mainly the “investigation”…and Maria.

I was stretched out on the carpeted ground by the doorway of Maria’s bedroom. She sat cross-legged in a deep red armchair, her fingers plucking a quiet song on the guitar. I was so thankful for her, letting me stay in her home without a second question after our initial reunion.

“Can you play another song ‘Ria?” I felt like a child, trying to wheedle a piece of candy from a mother. But I couldn’t help it. There was something about her music that transported me to a restful place. She smiled softly at my request and started picking the beginning of a tune.

Here I am
Paralyzed with fright
In the waiting place
Bolted upright
See I can’t face the day
Or sleep in the night
Flying with all the wrong birds
at a breakneck steep flight

But at the bend, I hold fast to what he read

Maria was such a natural, her singing smooth and edgy at the same time. I knew there was experience behind her words – the ache was apparent in her voice.

Baby, things will surely happen
Oh kid, doncha know you’ll move mountains
Just be slow
Be footsy and know
Oh the places you’ll go

These lonely years you’re playing
Not particularly well
It’s impossible to win when you play against yourself
Don’t stumble through the hard parts
Especially don’t look back
Just keep your focus fixed
‘cause life is one big balancing act

So instead, I stare straight ahead

As her voice lilted up, I could hear the rawness coming out of those lyrics. My heart broke as I wondered how these years must have been for her.

Baby, things will surely happen
Oh kid, doncha know you’ll move mountains
Just be slow
Be footsy and know
Oh the places you’ll go
Oh the places you’ll go

Her voice faded off, and she absent-mindedly plucked a few closing notes on the guitar. “I wrote this one last year after a gig in Pasadena. Sometimes if Mark has time, he comes with and sings on some of the songs. You wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at him, but he has a pretty nice voice.”

“So,” I started, folding my arms in front of me as I leaned against Maria’s doorpost. She blushed, anticipating my questions. “What’s up with this Mark of yours? You’ve been closed-mouthed about him ever since I moved here, which I must say ‘Ria, is very unlike the girl I used to know.” I had exerted an amazing amount of self control the past few days, not broaching the topic although he’d popped in a few times while I was there. I was able to study his face more closely on these subsequent visits. He wasn’t quite the exact image of Michael – his hair was shorn close to the head, and his features softer and his body stockier. His smile and laugh were eerily similar. The thought made me shiver slightly.

Her face turned flaming red and she ran her fingers through her choppy blonde hair nervously. I gave her a pointed look and she finally started talking. “Well, there’s really nothing much to know about. We met on one of my gigs. He was working the bar. I had a couple too many drinks, he took me home.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“No, nothing happened,” she said hastily, reading my look perfectly. “He made sure I didn’t do anything stupid, like drive or whatever. Afterwards, we got together once and while, and now…” Maria trailed off, her eyes becoming distant.

“What about…?” I asked softly, my question hanging silently in the air. Maria’s gaze flickered towards my direction.

“I thought that maybe I was attracted towards him because he looked so much like…you know. But it’s not that. I really like him, I do. That other part of me has been gone for a long time now. I’ve learned to move on, to move past it.”

“Like?” I hadn’t missed her slight discrepancy.

“It’s nothing serious. It might be in the future, but for now…we’re both comfortable the way we are.” she answered quietly.

“Well, I’m happy if you’re happy Maria,” I said with equal quietness, sitting next to her on the armrest of the chair. “And if he makes you happy, then all the better.” She gave me a weak smile, which I returned hesitantly. I couldn’t ignore the odd rush I felt when Mark was around—a small, yet nagging feeling—that there wasn’t something right about him. But it was neither the time, nor the place to voice such concerns. It was time to be the friend that Maria deserved to have.

“Thanks Liz.” She turned and enfolded me into a tight hug. Even as we embraced, I knew who she was thinking about. Her tears trickled slowly down my arm, and I didn’t say a word.

“No problem,” I whispered.

She gave a small laugh and hastily pulled away, wiping her face on a discarded t-shirt. “So,” she started nonchalantly, an obvious attempt to draw attention away from her tear-stained face. “How much have you been able to find about the Granolith?”

I gave a heavy sigh, a dull thudding pain returning to my head at the thought of the futile search. “Not much, unfortunately. I’ve been through everything of Max’s that I’ve kept with me, but all I’m getting are dead ends. No flashes, nothing.”

“Yeah,” Maria replied, after a beat. “I went through everything I had from Roswell and nothing makes a connection.”

I nodded. I knew that all of this “looking” was useless. Did we really think we’d find anything from what little we had? Even Max himself couldn’t provide any information we didn’t know already. My brow furrowed in frustration. With each passing day, I could feel our hopes getting smaller and smaller. Our enthusiastic and heart-felt “We’re going to save the aliens!” spiel didn’t have any substance. Our work over the past few weeks had only managed to stick us in a never-ending limbo.

“Maybe we should talk to the others.” Maria’s suggestion was tentative.

And rightly so. When I left Roswell, I didn’t only leave my best friend, I effectively divorced myself from my family, from anyone who had any association with the alien abyss. While Maria was certainly my closest friend, she wasn’t the only one I left behind in my attempt to escape. I still had a relationship with Kyle and his father. They had invested themselves in the entire alien affair and they too were tricked and left behind. And the only person who could give them any answers, any solace had left as well. At this moment…well, I couldn’t face them just yet.

“No, Maria.” I didn’t leave room for discussion. “I’m not going to bring them back into this.” She nodded, acknowledging my reluctance. I paced the room, my brain working at a frenzied pace. “We have to be overlooking something here…” I muttered my thoughts aloud.

“Liz, wait,” Maria’s voice paused my tumbling thoughts. “What about the whole Future Max thing? Didn’t he mention some chick named Serena who knew how to work the granolith? That you two were supposed to be friends in the future?”

I frowned. I had forgotten about that detail. “Yes…but I haven’t met any Serena up to this point. And all we have is a first name. We might as well be looking for a needle in a haystack.” Even as I said those words, I mentally re-filed that bit of information at the forefront of my mind.

“I guess,” Maria responded dejectedly. “It was worth a thought.”

“Well,” I started hesitantly. “I know I said I didn’t want to see the others but…at this point it doesn’t seem we have any other options than to…than to go back.”

“Back to Roswell.” Maria echoed.

“I know Max said that he was pretty sure things were destroyed when the granolith launched from the chamber but I guess we can’t know for sure unless we check it out ourselves.” I rubbed my temples, trying to relieve some of the pressure in my head, my eyes downcast. “Max is going to kill me when he finds out we’re going back…” I muttered under my breath.

Maria’s hand found mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Well, God knows we didn’t listen much to Max and Michael when they told us not to do stuff back then and I don’t know why we’d start now.” She gave a watery laugh and I squeezed her hand back firmly in appreciation of her attempt to lift our spirits.

We had both jumped eagerly back into the alien abyss, feet first, as if we’d never left. And knowing that scared me shitless. I closed my eyes, lifting up a prayer to whoever it was up there who would listen.

Protect us. Be with us.

Please bring them back to us…


TBC...

Note: Song in this part is "The Places You'll Go" one of Majandra Delfino's own off her latest album. It's great

[fadedblue]

patient, patient readers, how i love that you've stuck around to read this little story o' mine. unfortunately, real life is owning me in the form of an art school thesis project and it's definitely showing in the serious lack of update-age on my other stories. thankfully, this one has always been the easiest for me to write, and i recently got myself an awesome beta -- alli aka OrangeSky! can i just say that having a beta kicks some serious ass?

anyway, here's a new part for you all to enjoy. thank you so much for your comments and feedback and theories...i'll try to respond in a later post!

-----

CHAPTER SEVEN

Silence.

The air surrounding us was thick with it, a suffocating presence. Occasionally the sharp, quick sound of falling rock hitting rock pierced the terse air, but almost immediately, the hush fell upon the desert again.

I stopped to catch my breath, shielding my eyes from the harsh light of the sun. It’d been so long since I’d left this part of my life behind that I’d forgotten the overwhelming heat of the New Mexico sun, especially in the desert. Maria paused beside me, taking a quick swig of water. “You okay girl?”

I nodded. “Just getting re-accustomed to Roswell weather.” I gazed mournfully behind us toward the silver Toyota Camry parked out beside the highway. “I wish we could’ve kept driving.”

We had driven all day and all night from Los Angeles to Roswell, subsisting on diet coke, potato chips and gummy bears. It was an almost relaxing experience, flying down the empty roads in a car that, thankfully, had working air conditioning. We stopped only to refill the tank and didn’t talk too much, switching driving responsibilities every few hours so the other could get some rest. I knew I personally didn’t want to say too much – I was busy preparing myself mentally and emotionally. And when we hit 285 South for the last leg of our drive into Roswell, I knew the time taken was worth it.

“You know my car can’t withstand this sort of terrain, especially not after all that driving,” Maria said, giving a melodramatic sigh. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that it’s almost as bad as my Mom’s old Jetta. Gosh, to have that car again. At least it got us through all that alien mumbo-jumbo safe and sound.”

“Right.” I smiled and focused my attention on the cluster of cliffs towards the west. “I remember the chamber being somewhere over there, in between two of the cliffs. Where exactly, I can’t be sure.”

“Well, I’m not going to stand here all day and wait for the sun to bake me to a crisp. Let’s do it.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me forward, and we both fell into a rhythmic walk, Maria obviously anxious to arrive at our destination.

I stumbled forward, a bit surprised at Maria’s fervor. ‘Since when did I get winded so easily?’ I thought between my uneasy breaths. Back in the day, I could run from the law with the best of them. Now…I inwardly chuckled at the silly, fleeting thoughts that ran rampant through my mind. Must be the sun…

My eyes scanned the landscape thoughtfully. They snagged on a familiar looking rock formation, a large cluster of jutting cliffs and nooks, with one particular crag protruding much farther than the others. A flash from the day I left Max at the pod chamber played clearly before my eyes. This was it. I turned to Maria, giving her a slight nod. “We’re here.”

“Good,” she answered, squinting up at the rocks. “Shall we?”

We both started up the north face of the formation, carefully working our way around the rocky surfaces. My forehead was drenched in sweat, and my body felt sticky and grimy. I narrowed my eyes. I was going to find the chamber. Maria gave a strangled cry and I turned just in time to catch her before she fell.

“Maria!” I asked worriedly, barely holding my best friend up. “What happened?”

“Damn rocks…” she muttered, gently massaging her quickly swelling ankle. “I must have caught my foot in something. I’ll be fine, Liz.”

“You sure?” Her claim did nothing to assuage the uneasiness that filled my gut. I bit my lip anxiously. How I wished Max could be here right now and take away Maria’s pain. “Here, put your arm over my shoulder.” She swung her arm up and around my neck, and after easing her into a semi-standing position, we slowly limped to a flatter surface, under the shade of another overhanging crag. I helped her sit down slowly, against the rock’s slightly cooler surface, and took a look at her leg. It was tinged with red, with dark purple blotches marring the white skin around her ankle. “I think you twisted it. Here…why don’t we just go back and look for the chamber tomorrow?”

“No!” Maria yelled. I flinched, taken aback. She sighed and looked at the ground. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, I just…I just want to find this.” She lifted pleading eyes to mine. “I just want to know…that Michael will be safe.”

I nodded, tears threatening to fill my eyes. Hearing how Maria said Michael’s name only spurred me on to help Max, to save Max from the danger he was running from. To really have him safe and in my arms. I stood up shakily, putting an arm behind me and against the smooth wall in support.

That’s weird. I thought to myself. Although there were many other less bumpy surfaces in the cluster of rocks around them, the face of this rock was smooth. Unnaturally smooth. I turned and stared at the wall, my eyes roaming quickly over its surface. There was a particularly worn spot on the right side of the wall, its shade definitely lighter than the rest of the rock. I placed my hand lightly on the spot, my palm tingling with an odd, prickling sensation.

A flash of silver shone from beneath my hand and I pulled back in surprise. Maria stared at the silver handprint that had suddenly materialized upon the rock, shell-shocked. Dust permeated the air, temporarily blinding us as the muted rumble of rock against rock filled our ears. The face had opened itself, a rock door forming from the wall’s smooth, seamless surface. Inky darkness pervaded the interior.

“Liz…how did you…?” The question trailed from Maria’s lips as she stared wide-eyed into the chamber. All of our answers possibly lay within. All my doubts flew out of the window the moment the chamber opened its doors to me. I helped my friend up and we slowed entered the room, our eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness.

There was definitely something different about the chamber. For one, it had lost its usually aqua lit cast, and the pods were shaded; dormant. After I helped Maria to a far wall to rest her leg, I began to wander around, my eyes quickly picking up on the differences that separated the pod chamber of the present from the pod chamber of the past. I noticed immediately that only one pod glowed now, although the light was definitely dim. Tess, I thought scathingly. Of course only her pod would still have residual energy. The other three were cut off from the support of the Antarian government and on the run. How predictable that she would sever off their only tie to Earth as well.

I quickly wrenched my gaze away, my mind processing the other physical differences. While the pods were intact they were definitely looking a little worse for wear, nearly hanging off the wall; their wrinkled, skin-like membranes shredded even further, leaving much of themselves covering the ground below. I surmised it was probably from the impact of the granolith leaving the chamber. This also meant, as the thoughts in my head clicked into place, that the very fact the pods were still in one piece debunked Max’s theory that everything had been destroyed by the takeoff.

Almost giddy with nervous excitement, I focused on a memory of Max mentioning that they had placed whatever alien knowledge they knew somewhere within the chamber. I only hoped that Michael had thought to leave the translation of the Destiny book behind as well. I didn’t want to rehash past situations and get myself nearly killed again.

I decided to check out the Granolith first. Or more correctly, where the Granolith used to be. I gingerly edged myself through the opening of chamber door and gazed into the large, vacant chamber that once held the cone shaped transporter. The floor was burned black and edged with silver, probably deposit from the granolith itself. The symbol of the whirlwind galaxy that we had found on the orbs shone dully on the rounded wall. I ambled around, kicking lightly at piles of dust and ash, hoping that maybe a clue would soon uncover itself. No flashes seemed to register as I touched various parts of the chamber, leaving me with an almost lonely feeling, unable to clutch at this connection that Max had left me with.

My foot suddenly struck something hard as I poked and prodded one of the piles of dust. I reached in and pulled out the long diamond key Michael, Maria, and I had found in the abandoned house with the Destiny book translation. I cringed slightly as a sudden barrage of flashes assaulted my mind.

*flash*

Max slipping the key into the granolith. “Everyone say your goodbyes.”

*flash*

Max is holding the key, looking at the whirlwind clock. Michael and Isabel peer at him anxiously while Tess eagerly places her hand upon the granolith.

“I don’t want to go. I can’t just…leave.” Max says, pain filling his eyes. Tess turns to him, her face set and resolute.

“Max, we can’t stay here.” She places her hand protectively upon her belly and lifts deceptively tearful eyes towards the burdened leader. “The baby…”

Michael walks over to Max, his eyes also brimming with the same pain and guilt that cloud the other man’s. “Max, I know how you feel. But I have to leave Maria too…I…” He sounds defeated. “We have to do this or else your son dies, and we lose Antar in the process. We might not give a damn about the stupid planet, but we have a responsibility to uphold. The others…will have to wait.”

Isabel gives a choked sob as Tess’ features school themselves into a secretly smug smile. The taller blonde reaches over and squeezes Max’s hand reassuringly. “We’ll find a way back Max. You’ll find your way back to her.”

Max looks over to his sister, a sudden weight pulling at his heart. He flickers his gaze over to Tess, whose eyes have hardened at the mention of Liz. What ever possessed him to get close to her, let alone sleep with her? He feels the bile rising in his throat as the past few weeks’ events fly before his eyes. Liz. His Liz. She was probably still sleeping, face peaceful, with her hair splayed out like a chocolate fan on her pillow. He closes his eyes, letting her presence envelop him again, even from so far away.

Tess tugs urgently at Max’s sleeve as she doubles over in pain. “Max…” she utters through her shallow breathing. This seems to transport the rest of the aliens back to the present, and back to the inevitable journey that they are obligated to take.

Max hesitantly places his hand upon the cool surface of the granolith, Michael and Isabel soon following suit. With a sudden flash of energy he feels himself being pulled into the ship and in a split second, is staring out into the empty chamber from the murky interior of the granolith.

Max lets his eyes roam around for one last glance at the place he had called home. His eyes feel as if they could pierce through the steel walls and into the wide expanse of dry desert, all the way into the streets of Roswell where he had grown up, and to the Crashdown balcony of his love’s bedroom. He could see Liz, finally awake but crying, her trembling form curled in the fetal position in the exact spot where he had laid upon her bed. He reaches out his arm instinctively, as if to soothe her broken heart from the distance, but finds only nothing.

‘Liz!’

His aching cry scatters into oblivion as the ship hurtles the Royal Four into the dark solitude of space.

I stumbled back a little, physically overwhelmed by the flashes. I had always wondered what happened in the chamber before they left…when he had left me. I frowned. I had forgotten about the baby. I shook my head a bit, feeling oddly dizzy. How could I have forgotten? I must have really buried these memories deep inside of myself to not even remember until now. And now, it made me sick to think about Tess carrying a part of Max inside of her. How strange that Max hadn’t mentioned the fate of his son. I needed to ask him about that later.

I turned to leave the chamber, a little disappointed that there were no further clues other than the flash and the crystal, when I was stopped still in my tracks. The key had suddenly started pulsating wildly in my grasp, as if filling with some unknown energy that was just waiting to burst forth.

And then all I saw was black.