Words Of A Broken Heart (M/L, Mature) Part 6 04/09/06 [WIP]

[Eunique12]

Title: Word Of A Broken Heart

Author: Eunique
Rating: Mature
Genre: AU without Aliens
Disclaim: The characters of Roswell belong to The WB and UPN.
Summary: After a life of pain Liz Parker finally feels like she can find happiness. But sometimes you can find more then what you’re looking for, and it might hurt you more then you thought it would. A story about pain and what love can do to you when you give too much of yourself.
Author’s note: This is my very first story. It might not be supper good but I try. It’s a little confusing at first but it’ll get better…hopefully.
I waited a lonnnng time to post the next part cause i was kinda shy and i didnt thought it was good. but i juss love writing and i thought i should share it with other people who like to do the same. ..well i truly hope u guys will like it too.


Words Of A Broken Heart

It was a beautiful Sunday when I watched him go. The wind was blowing in his hair and he looked so beautiful like God knew he was going to leave and he had to look his best. But did God know? I stopped believing in God a long time ago; well at least I thought I did. I remember I used to pray everyday for him not to go. But he still left. So does God really exist? Maybe He just thought it was his time to go. They say you can’t hold someone’s heart forever. Why not? Why would it be so impossible?

I remember he looked back one more time before he left because he knew he was going to come back. I knew, deep down inside I knew but I still cried. I cried for all the hurt those years had been, I cried because of a child who wont grow to love a father, I cried because it hurt. Hurt, the key word for everything.
When you hit your foot on a table it hurts, when your best friend leaves you it hurts, when you’re dad leaves to never come back it hurts.

If this world is meant to hurt us than why do we fight to live? People don’t really ask those kind of questions, maybe because they are too afraid to know the answer. I used to be one of those people who were too afraid. I used to be so small, in a world full of people, hiding in the shadow of those who were brave enough to stand up and ask, until I met him.

At first he was just this guy that my best friend Maria, had to talk to since she was going out with his best friend. He was the quiet kind of guy. At least that’s what I thought. He looked pretty quiet to me. Whenever I was around witch was most of the time, he was so quiet, so reserved, almost as if he was too good for us, Maria and I. We didn’t really like him at first, but we had to deal with him because Maria really liked Micheal, and I liked Maria.
Tess and Isabel were also Micheal friends and were with him most of the time so when he and Maria were off doing God knows what, the four of us were left alone, and I have to say those moment were the most awkward moment I’ve ever lived. We never really talked. Max and Tess were always chatting about God knows what and Isabel she was just being Isabel. She was off to her "Im-so-popular-and-everybody-wants-me" worls. Me, in my corner I would be watching TV or I would be reading some magazine.

Every time I would come to Michael’s place with Maria, because I was of course forced, it was always like that. Almost like a routine and no one dared to break it but he did, Max did.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was just sitting on the floor reading a book, Cinderella to be exact. I have to say that I was in love with that story and no im not ashamed to say it.

I was at the part when Cinderella turned into the beautiful princess, when I felt someone sit next to me, and when I looked up from my book it was him.

“You like Cinderella?” he asked. Thinking that he was just going to laugh or make a stupid joke about it, I got up, took my book with me and was ready to leave but he stopped me and turned me around to face him. That was the very first moment I looked into Max Evans eyes and it’s a moment that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. For the very first time I looked someone in the eyes and wasn’t afraid of what they were going to see in mine but he quickly looked away.

I remember he looked down at the floor and I stayed there staring at him silently begging him to look at me.

I fell in love with him that day. After that day I was the one begging Maria to go over to Michael’s, I would wish he was there waiting for me. He was all I could think about and his eyes were all I could dream about. I wanted him to heal me but what really surprised me about all this, was that I wanted to be healed.

...tbc...


Part 1

Words Of A Broken Heart

I don’t think Max ever felt the same way about me, well first because when we turned 15 he started dating Tess. The pain I felt when I found out about them I can’t even explain. I always knew they had something going on but Isabel would always tell me they knew Tess since they were kids and she was like a sister to them. Well obviously not to Max. They went out for 3 years. 3 horrible years, but they loved each other. I could tell. Hell everyone could tell!

I remember, I would go straight home after school and I would cry my heart out. Even thought I knew home wasn’t the best place to hide and cry because usually I would hide from home. But I had no where else to go, no one else to talk to. Maria was always too busy with Micheal and we wouldn’t talk to each other like we used to anymore.
So I would go home and cry.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

I would cry harder.

“You little BITCH!! If you didn’t have me you and your retarded little girl would be nothing! You hear me!! NOTHING!!”

I would hear him scream and I would cry harder. I would hear my mom cry too, probably from the pain she was feeling. But I would never go see her. I would stay in my room and pray hard he wouldn’t come in there.
I could’ve helped her. I could’ve helped my mother but I would tell myself that she brought all this to herself.

I would hide under the covers and I would cry myself to sleep blocking all the noise, all the screams.

It was like that everyday at home and Lord knows how much I hated Hank. I hated both of them. Yes I did, I hated my mother because every time I would beg her to leave him she would tell me she loved him. I hated her for that, but then again I was just like her, we both loved someone that didn’t loved us back.
But I forgave her for that and she knows, I told her. I think I even told her the day Max and Tess broke up. That’s the day; things started getting better for me.

I remember I came to school that day with the same expression I had each day after crying the night before and Maria ran up to me.
“Oh my god Liz! Max and Tess! They broke up!” She yelled in my face. I didn’t say anything but instead my heart did a little happy dance until I saw his face. He looked to sad and vulnerable, you could tell he wasn’t the one who took the decision. And I felt miserable because he felt miserable. I don’t know what I was hoping, maybe that he would come see me and tell me that he left her for me. But he loved her not me.

But I wanted to make him feel otherwise. I was eighteen and I was going to graduate and I wanted to be able to remember this year as one of the only good year of my life. So I was on a quest…Get Max Evans to love me but little did I know that by doing that I would only bring more pain to myself.


...tbc...


Part 2

Words Of A Broken Heart

I had to spend the remaining time of my high school years leaving with Maria’s family. I loved Maria’s mom, don’t get me wrong, but I loved her more in a “my best friend mom” kind of way. Till this day I still find it hard to admit but I missed the life I had with mother. It was not the perfect life, but at least she was alive…I was alive.

Your probably wondering what happened with Max. Well after my moms death we weren’t really talking anymore. The rare time were we would actually talk would always be awkward. I think that day traumatized him because now he knew how much of a screw up I was.

Since that day everything was different. It was almost as if something inside my heart died that day and I just didn’t feel the same about life. And Max meant life and I couldn’t love life. So I pulled away from everything and everyone. The only person I would keep contact with was Maria and I had no choice since I lived with her. I could tell they were all worried for me but I could not be a part of their beautiful life because I thought that I would only screw it up like everything in mine.

By the end of our high school years, I was totally and officially a screw up. I was into drugs and I was failing almost all my classes so I knew for sure I wasn’t graduating with my classmate. But to tell you the truth back then I didn’t give a fuck. They all knew. They all knew what was going on in my life, Maria’s mom even tried to force me into going to see psychiatric but I ran away for a week and she drop the subject when I came back home.

Not very nice Liz, right. Yes I knew but I didn’t care. My pain was the only thing I cared about.

They’re all talking and I know they are talking about me. I like it. I love it. Im the center of attention. I know what they are thinking. Im a nobody, a loser, a lowlife.

Im walking down the hallways of Roswell High School and all eyes are on me.
I feel an arm pull me on a corner and I look up to see Maria staring at me.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?? You know everybody heard about last night Liz and my mom wants to see you at home after school.” She’s whispering almost as if she doesn’t want to be seen with me. I don’t blame her because I wouldn’t want to be seen with me too. She’s beautiful and as a beautiful future waiting for her and if she believe she’s going to fix me well she’s wasting her time. I won’t let her waste her time on me, she deserves better.

“Fuck off Maria. I’ll go home when I feel like going home. You ain’t my mom and you’re mother ain’t either.” I tell her without looking at her in the eyes.
“And im happy I ain’t Liz. Because I know for a fact no mother would like their daughter to be like that not even you’re mom. Believe it or not Liz she loved you and she believed in you…so did I” She tells me before walking away.
I watched her walked away with a heavy feeling in my chest. She’s right. No mother would want to have a daughter like me. For the first time in almost three months I can feel the tears rolling down my face.

Ever since that day the relationship between me and Maria was never the same and a month after I found out I was pregnant. Who was the father I had no idea. But my guess is it happened during one of the night I was either drunk or high on some sort of substance.

Keeping the baby was not an option for me but after Maria left for college with Micheal and the rest of the group I made a big decision. Change…to move on with my life and do something right for once, for someone. For Naomi, my for year old daughter. The reason I’m still here today to talk about my story. But that was only the introduction, because the real story start from now on…

...tbc...

[Eunique12]

Oops i missed a part

This is part 3 and the last part i post is part 4....makes more sense now


Part 3


One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn't tell no one else
Didn't even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way

Get it together
You wanna heal your body
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together

You can fly fly

Dark future ahead of me
That's what they say
I'd be starving if I ate all the lies they fed
Cause I've been redeemed from your anguish and pain
A miracle child I'm floating on a cloud
Cause the words that come from your mouth
You're the first to hear
Speak words of beauty and you will be there
No matter what anybody says
What matters most is what you think of yourself

Get it together
You wanna heal your body
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together

You can fly fly

The choice is yours
No matter what it is
To choose life is to choose to forgive
You don't have to try
To hurt him and break his pride
Just shake that weight off
And you'll be ready to fly

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your friends
Thought it would never change but as time moved on
That ugly duckling grew up to be a swan
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you'll never be happy
And you'll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old

Get it together
You wanna heal your body
Get it together
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap
Get it together(x2)

You can fly fly

You can fly fly fly fly...
you can live or you can die
you know that life is a choice you make
you can give or you can take

you can fly fly fly fly
you can fly fly fly fly...

I loved that song. I truly did, even though it had no meaning to me. What she meant when she wrote that song, the message she was trying to send, I had no idea. But I liked it. The main reason I liked it was because Max liked it. Whenever I would be in is car, a dozen of song would pass on the radio but that song would always come. I even gave it the title of “Max and Liz song”. I knew it had no romantic meaning but every time that song would pass everything would be so calm. I’d get lost in the lyrics and Max would just sing along.
You can fly fly…I could fly. I was so high I was afraid to look down.

Now you’re probably wondering what I was doing in Max’s car when the guy didn’t even know I existed. Well a couple of weeks after Max and Tess broke up my mission was already on. I would do everything to be in the same room has him and it was pretty easy since we had the same friends. I would take every occasion to talk to him and we became friends and soon best friends.

Im floating on a cloud…yes I was. Lord only knows how that boy made me feel. We were inseparable. Well I thought we were.

My name is Liz Parker and for me every good thing can’t last forever…

“You can fly fly fly…” I look over at Max and smile. He has an amazing voice, I know he doesn’t think so but he truly does. Then again for me everything is amazing about him. I look away before he realizes that im staring at him and my smile fades a little. He’s bringing me home. Home…I don’t think this place I live in should me call home. Home is where a family goes. But Hank, mother and I are nothing but a family.

I close my eyes and immediately pictures of him are everywhere. I imagine him coming back home with flowers and a limousine begging mother to take him back and promising me to never leave. That would be a family. A family going home…

“Oh my God Liz! Isn’t that you’re house?” I hear Max scream next to me. I look over at him and I look ahead of me where I see mothers house but with a police car and a paramedic in front of it.
I can feel my heart beating faster and my hands getting sweaty. I pray hard that the police is just there because the neighbor called the police again because of the noise coming from the house but deep down inside I know its more then that.

The car stops and Max jumps out of it and run to my side to help me out but I don’t even give him the chance to open the door for me and im already out running toward the house. But I soon feel an arm holding me back.

“Excuse me Miss? Do you live here?” I hear the police man say to me. I look at me straight in the eyes but the words won’t seem to come out. “Are you Elizabeth Parker?” he speaks again. Before I can even answer I see two paramedics coming out of the house carrying a body. I’ve saw this on TV before but this is reality. Mother is supposed to come out of the house hold me and tell me everything will be alright. That the police is just there because Hanks made a big scene again.

“Mom…mom…MOTHER!!” I don’t even know how I manage to say that. I don’t even know how that arm got on my waist to hold me back. I can’t hear anything. I can’t feel anything anymore. …

I didn’t cry that day. I didn’t even cry at the funerals. You might think Im a demon child to not cry for my own mother but I just couldn’t. I was so hurt, I couldn’t even cry. I hated the world. I hate mother for dying when I needed her, I hated myself for not crying, I hated Max because he felt sorry for me. But then again, I felt sorry for myself.


...tbc...

[Eunique12]

Part 5

Words Of A Broken Heart

The first months of my pregnancy were hell. Every time I would go out I could feel them, all watching me, judging me, looking not surprised at all. Amy would tell me that they eventually will get over it. She told me that when she was pregnant of Maria they would give her the same looks, the same comments. Roswell is a small town and whatever happens in your life the whole town knows about it.

I doubted my decision several times during those months. I was only eighteen and I was still trying to finish the classes I failed the previous year, I had no job and I was the town slut. I thought about leaving Roswell too. To go where? I had no family and the only person I could think about obviously didn’t want me.

I was eighteen and I was planning on raising a child with nothing. I had nothing to offer to Naomi but love. That’s all my mom offered me too and look where I am, I would tell myself. Naomi was going to come in this world with a messed up mother and no father. Just like me. The thought of Naomi being just like me freaked me out.
I would spend nights crying my heart out and the next morning I would make appointments that I would never go too.

On the fourth month of the pregnancy that’s when I started forming a bond with my baby. Late at night when I couldn’t sleep I would just talk my heart out to her.

“Hey you. How you feeling today? I hope it’s not to dark in there. I’m actually afraid of the dark. Are you? (Sigh)…you most think I’m a freak. Talking to an unborn child. Well I guess I am a freak. (Laugh…sign) I wont lie to you I have nothing for you. Nothing to give you. I know a lot about science but I’m sure a child can’t live off science. But I can teach you about stars. My mother taught me about stars. She was a great woman you know. She too didn’t give me much, but she taught me how to love. And I’ll love too, im sure I will. Not that I don’t already love you…Nancy Naomi Lorenzo…my mother. I’ll be a mother soon too. I’ll be you’re mother and even though I don’t have much to offer you, I love you.”

My everything. That’s what she was, that’s what she is. Sometimes I would wish for her to stay inside of me forever, so that way I could protect her from this world.


…

Amy was next to me when I gave birth. She was holding my hand while I was screaming and crying my heart out. I wished Nancy would have been there. To see her, she was so beautiful. When the doctors asked me if I wanted to hold her I almost said no. She looked to fragile. Like I could break her.

“What’s her name sweetie?” I hear Amy whisper next to me but I can’t speak. Im looking down at the little thing in my arms and it feels like a dream. I cant feel the pain between my legs anymore, all I can think about is her. That little thing in my arms. Is that how it felt mother? To have me in your arms?

“Miss Parker?” I look up to see the doctors, the nurse and Amy looking at me with a smile. I smile back and I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. Yes I feel it, happiness. A feeling I haven’t felt for a long time.
“Do you have a name?...Cause it can also…” I don’t let him finish and im already talking looking down at my angel.
“Naomi…my Naomi...Naomi Eliza Parker.”