Thank you for the Awesome banner lizard queen aka Ki-Ki
Title: Because
Author: mmcherron AKA Lissalou72
Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.
Couples: Maria POV
Rating: MATURE to ADULT Because of violence and its pretty dark
Summary: Maria reflects on how her father affected her life.
Authors Note: I want to thank everyone that always encouraging me to keep on writing. This is my very first Maria POV I thought I should give it a try. I will warn you now that there is some violence in this so if you don't like that please don't read this because there is some darkness to this Fic.
I would like to Thank Ki-Ki for helping me with the banner I love it.
I would like to thank my wonderful beta’s Lazza and Daisy. Lazza you always make me believe that I can do it but with out you and your help I would have never tried to write a Maria Fic thank you. Daisy thank you for reading it and giving it your ok.
Mary, Cam, Selena and Carla you are all the best I would have stopped writing a long time ago if you weren’t always there for be smooches.
I would also like to thank all of the wonderful readers that take the time to read this and all my other fics that I have written. Thank you for the wonderful feedback it’s great to read. Thank you Lurkers too.
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I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break……
Kelly Clarkson…Because of you
Because
Maria POV
Have you ever wondered why you act a certain way around certain people? I wonder that everyday. I’ll always wonder if the reason why I act so strongly towards men is just because I really never had a chance to bond with them when I was younger.
Don’t get me wrong I have friends that are guys I even have a best friend that is a guy, Alex Whitman. He knows the real reason why I’m so angry. I really don’t mean to be angry at the whole male race but I can’t help it. How do I know that after you give your whole heart and soul to someone that they won’t rip it out, stomp on it and leave you and your child just like that?
I guess that’s what I’m scared of the most but you know damn well I won’t admit it. My best friend Liz was there the night that he finally left. To this day my mother still hasn’t gotten over the fact that my father left her. She has started to date again though FINALLY. But I think she should have chosen a better man to woo her I mean come on mom the sheriff please.
Do you know what its like going to school and everyone one knows that your mom is dating the sheriff….embarrassing. At least I have someone to share the shame with…his son Kyle Valenti. The jock of all jocks…The Buddha master himself. You wouldn’t have thought that Kyle Valenti was a Buddha boy would you, but his senior year in high school he discovered it during a football camp and has been studying it ever since.
Well let me tell what it has been like for me these past few years. We all graduated high school. Liz Parker my bestest friend in the whole world and Alex Whitman the second best friend the only male that I ever let get close to me. As well as Isabel Evans Alex Whitman’s love of his life, she is so pretty and always dresses to kill. Max Evans Liz’s dream man her one and only. And of course there is my step brother Kyle Valenti and his Buddha loving girlfriend Ava. Ohhh and I can’t forget the best one yet Michael Guerin Max’s best friend and the only guy to break through my many walls that I have put up around my heart.
Ok so would you like to hear the wild and long story about my life because it’s a doosey, will be here for a while? So I’m warning you now if you have to go to the bathroom you should do it now.
Let me start from the very beginning and hopefully you won’t fall asleep. It started when I was almost 6 years old. It was a month before my 6th birthday and I just started school. I was in kindergarten along with Liz. That is where we met and took Alex under our wings because of the class bully…Kyle Valenti.
You know when you are young you never notice that you parents fight all that much because they either hide it or do it when you are sleeping or something. Well mine weren’t like that; you see my dad and mom were always fighting at least for the last month that he lived with us. I remember one day coming home from school I made something for my dad. I was so proud that I made something for him.
I saw that he was home early and I ran up to him giving him the paper book that we made on what makes us the happiest. He didn’t even look at it or even get off the phone to talk to me. He just walked away….just like that. Nothing not a ‘great job’ or ‘I love it thank you’, the dumb ass threw it down and spilled a glass of water on it and then just threw it in the trash. I happen to remember I spent days making that picture for that book and he didn’t even notice.
During that time it was hard to get any of my parents to notice what I was doing. My mother was so heartbroken from the things my father was doing that she was in her own little world. I know now that she loved me in her own little way she couldn’t help the fact that my no good father was sleeping with the tramp down the street. You see my mother thought that my dad was it for her while he had other ideas. He told her that I was a mistake right along with her. I think that crushed my mother’s world. She started to drink and she was also popping pills like they were candy.
The lady that my father was slutting around with was a women called Pamela Troy. She was the slut from my mom’s and Liz’s mom’s high school class. Who would have known that her daughter was a bigger slut….Ohhh ya don’t even go there we are not related…Thank goodness. To even think of it gives me a rash. My father didn’t stay long enough for her to dig her fake long ass nails into because of course he was on to bigger and better things within a week. Nice father huh. Just someone you would want to bring to show and tell.
“Yes this is my dirty father that sleeps with slutty hoe bags and leaves his wife and young daughter to fend for themselves because he won’t want to give a dime to them so he went into hiding. Any questions?”
Please like that would happen because then he would have to see me and he never did. Not once after his slimy ass left me standing on the sidewalk watching him leave without even a goodbye NOTHING. Once again my father has the greatest track record with that. You see that’s the one thing I always knew that I could count on, him not giving a flying fuck what I did. Not once did he call. Not even after I found my mother laying in the tub after an overdose….nope…nothing.
I don’t hold anything against my mother but I also know that in those 2 years that she drank and drugged herself, Liz and I had to see this happening daily. I bet you are wondering why Liz was with us?? Well my poor Liz has a sad story right along with mine and we just seem to do better together. You see Liz’s mother use to beat her and I knew it, my mother knew it, so she tried to stay with me as much as she could. Liz’s mother has her own crazy story. You see her husband Jeff Parker died in a car accident and Nancy was the only survivor. She didn’t take well to that news and hasn’t been herself in years.
So you see Liz and I we’re like sisters and we’ll stick together until the end. I know for a fact that Liz has had it harder because she loved her dad more then anything in the whole world. That man would take us both to father and daughter events because I didn’t have a father to do things with. The year that her dad died I knew that Liz would take it hard. He died right before my mother had to go into the hospital.
Do you want to know what is even worse then that? The fact that the person that hit and killed her father was my father. The demon asshole himself. He lived but that only man to ever show me any love ever was killed by the man that has the same DNA as me. How is that? My heart broke all over again because how could I look at my best friend’s pain the same. It was a part of me that helped kill part of her, I know that probably doesn’t make sense to you but it does to me.
Liz never held it against me but I did. He was the root to all my pain. How could I not blame myself? Because of him I’m hurting and my best friend’s whole world got twisted and turned upside down. Life isn’t fair and we both learned that the hard way. Liz took it in strides. She never showed anyone that she was really hurting and that her she-demon of a mom took it all out on her.
That day at the funeral I watched as I piece of my best friend died forever because that night Liz got her first beating and came running over to my house. I was so scared I called Alex to come over. We were still young and I wasn’t sure what to do. My mother was in her room not waking up and I couldn’t get Liz to stop crying. I have never been so scared for her. I couldn’t believe that Nancy would do that to her. You see now why I hate him so…But it only gets worse.
You see in the years to come it only grew into something I could help hide for her anymore. Her mother Nancy Parker married the creepy guy named Hank Guerin. He had a son named Michael Guerin ringing and bells there with that name? Well they got married when we were 8th graders right before the summer.
We had one of the best summers that year. Liz’s parents went on a 2 month honeymoon taking Hanks trailer all over the United States and left the Crashdown under Liz’s supervision. Don’t worry her grandmother Claudia was there with us to keep an eye on us. Even grandma Claudia got Michael to laugh and have fun too. It was the best. But right after that summer she had to go to France for a few years on research and that is when Liz started to get it bad.
The beginning of our freshman year was scary for all of us. We were going to the big school and starting someplace different we are on the bottom once again in the school.
We were all close by now because we have known each other for a while. Liz and Michael got really close during the summer. Michael was a great brother to Liz. Max was starting to break out of his shell. I knew that he has liked Liz ever since 3rd grade. But this year I think is going to be the year that he grew a pair and ask her out. Isabel Evans miss popular ice queen herself was only around us when she had too. Poor Alex did ever thing in his power to get her to notice him but that doesn’t happen until junior year.
Ok bad to our freshman year. First off we were cast off as dorks and geeks and weirdo’s. We all sat by a tree on a table that is where you could find us until the year we graduated, during each and every break and lunch period.
Liz being one of our brainy acts was in all the honor and advanced classes. But she wasn’t the only one. Our dear Max Evans was in all of her classes. But I think he was more in them because Liz was in them and that was one way to spend all his time with her.
It was the worst year, but it was even worse for Liz and Michael but if you were to look at them you wouldn’t be able to tell. You see you already knew that Nancy was an evil bitch to Liz but now that Hank was there it wasn’t even better it was worse. Little did we all know that Hank use to beat Michael for fun. But you see now he has a new punching bag too.
Michael and Liz never left each other sides during the night because that is when their wonderful parents would drink the most. Michael knew it was only time before something was to happen and it happen the night my car…my wonderful Jetta was giving me problems and he came to help me with it.
When we got to the Crashdown we could hear yelling and screaming. Michael grabbed my hand and told me to go straight home and call him in 20 minutes and if they didn’t pick up to call the police. It’s like he knew that this was the night that it would happen. I have never been this scared in my life. I didn’t want to leave him. I started to cry because I knew that Liz has been home with them for about 40 minutes. If anything happen to her it would be my fault once again.
Michael grabbed me and looked into my eyes and told me that I was strong and to get my head on straight because he needed me right now. He gave me a quick hug and gently wiped my tears from my face and shoved me out the door.
I’m still not sure what exactly happen even to this day its like Michael’s and Liz’s biggest secret. I know deep down it has to have been really bad if both of them won’t say a word.
It was really bad. I sat next to the phone going crazy watching the clock next to it. It was like the world decided to go on slow motion for those exact 20 minutes. My heart was slowly dying because I knew that this was because of me. Somehow this all comes back to me and my no good father. He is like this hanging cloud of dread. Luckily for me I haven’t heard from him, ever…and I mean ever even after he killed Jeff Parker.
Ok let me get back to what exactly happen that one night. Well I never got a call and when I called them there was no answer. I had to tell someone so I called Max right away. Liz and Max were finally going out and I know he would have talked to her or at least would know what to do.
Max was just getting off work when I called and I told him what happen. He told me that he would go and check up on them. Little did we all know that Michael and Liz would be in the hospital for over 2 weeks and Hank and Nancy went to jail for life.
Liz was hurt the worst and it took a lot out of all of us. But that is when I was the love for the first time in Michael’s eyes. I never noticed before but it was there.
Yes he was a major pain in my butt and we constantly fought but I think that was the best part. I came and visited them everyday after school. I quickly got to know Michael even though I wanted to smack his head most of the time but I think that is just their male qualities that get me feeling that way.
Michael suffered a few broken ribs two black eyes and numerous cuts. Liz was much worse. And I know that Michael was beating himself up over it. Liz was in a coma for 2 weeks. She had major head trauma, along with a broken arm and a bruised hip. Michael, Max, and Alex never left her side.
The guilt was slowly eating me up inside because I felt somewhat responsible. I remember going home and crying to my mother. She was great after she got out of the loony bin, which she was only in for a month. She hasn’t pick up a drink or a pill since then. She is my strong backbone and I would be scared to see anyone pass Mrs. Deluca wrongly. She is still scary to this day and we are adults now.
My mother made me realize that what my father did wasn’t my fault all those years ago. I had to let that all pass now or I would never be able to move on. My mother told me I had to start letting others see the real me. Because of that evil ass that left me all those years ago I never wanted to hurt like that again I couldn’t risk it. I know that I would never heal. How could a father turn his own back on their child no matter what has happen. I can’t forgive that, and I won’t.
I may put my heart in the relationship but I’m not sure it I could do it at the lengths Liz and Max do.
After Liz recovered and got out of hospital Michael and Liz got emancipated. Max’s dad Phillip Evan’s helped them. Little did Liz know that her father left her loaded. She was the soul owner to The Crashdown Café and his life insurance.
Liz quickly gave Michael her brother half of the restaurant and they lived together in the apartment that was right above it. It was great. We were all finally getting along and even get this Michael and I started to date. You see I was had a thing for his spikey hair and cute butt. The only thing I felt bad in is not telling him the whole story on me. He knows some but not all.
I know more about him and his dad but me I’m like Fort Knox. I won’t say a word. Michael was always sweet, he never pushed or forced the issue and believe me there was plenty to fight about with us. It was always something but I with it was a form of foreplay if I really think about it now.
Oh ok I have to tell you about the best part….Alex and Isabel actually started to date and get this they did before Michael and I confessed our feelings. It was great to see Alex Whitman the geeks of the computer club get the hottest girl in school. Isabel Evans. I’m not too sure how he melted all the ice around her heart but he did it.
Our High School Senior year. Yes I have to say that was the most interesting year of my life. First off my mother started to date the Sheriff of the town. You remember I told you a bit on him earlier. Ok the Sheriff is a general all around great kind of guy but I hated that they were all lovey dovey everywhere. Right after Graduation they got married and I got a step brother, Kyle Valenti you remember him because I also talked about him earlier too.
Ohhh I have to tell you about the Senior prom because we all went it was great. We were all together and we have all the pictures. That was the night that Max proposed to Liz Parker.
At first I was so upset because Michael wasn’t going to come and he had to work. But little did I know that he took dance classes for weeks just so he would know how to dance for the prom and he wanted to surprise me. I think to this day that is still one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me.
Well one of the first at least.
So we all graduated and of course Liz was Valedictorian. We had the best time that night. We all figured out that we were all going to stick together and go to Boston for College. Liz of course was a Science Major and got a great job as a research in a Cancer Research Center. Max did too if you can believe it, but with the Evans you can never tell Max can be without Liz for more then a minute without going through withdrawals.
Alex now owns a computer business and is getting right up there along with Bob Gates. Isabel is a designer and owns a top company. They are married as well can you imagine that surprise.
Of course and then there is my Michael, he’s an artist and I’m a song writer/singer. We got married last year. Liz and Max were the first to get married, well after my mother. Then it was Alex and Isabel. Even my brother Kyle settled down before me with his wife Ava.
I thought I would be old and gray before he asked me but I couldn’t really blame him because I scared the shit out of him when I told him that monkeys would fly out of my ass before I would marry anyone. And that was at Kyle’s wedding. I feel bad for him that night he was really jumpy.
I have grown leaps and bounds since that faithful day I watched my father leave me on the sidewalk, but I will forever remember that sometimes you have to take a chance in life to see where it will lead you. I now know that deep in my heart.
But here today right now right this very minute I’m having a total breakdown because I just found out that I’m pregnant. I know that I wanted to have kids one day with Michael but am I really ready?
I’m scared to death that Michael will wake up one day and leave me because he realizes that I’m not what he wants. Then I would have this precious little baby here without a dad to hold her and love her like a father should. Not like how my father sperm donor was.
I called Liz right over because I’m feeling a bit emotional and Liz wanted to tell me something anyway so I told her to grab the ice cream and I will have the spoons and to get her pretty love butt here.
I can’t believe that I’m this nervous about having a baby. You would think that I just found out I was having a frog or something. I can hear Liz coming to the door and she has about 5 different kinds of ice cream in her bag….that’s my Liz.
I’m not sure how to say this so I’m just going to say it and see what happens…..
“LizI’m5weekspregnant”
I see her whip her head around fast, it almost seem like she did an exorcist head spin thing.
“Say that again Maria and I bit slower because I could have sworn you just said that you are 5 weeks pregnant.”
“I am”
“That is awesome I can’t believe this, I came down here to tell you I’m pregnant too.”
“Liz I’m scared. What if Michael leaves me when I tell him.”
“Maria I know for a fact that Michael is going to be really happy because I know my brother. He was just talking to me about how wonderful it would be to have kids so you have no problem there.” I always knew that Liz could make me feel better. She is the best.
“I can’t believe we are both going to be moms” Ohhh that is a scary thought. I just hope that one day I can get over all of this because I have wonderful support group. My broken heart it slowly mending and I know that he can never hurt me again.
That scared little girl he left behind without a second thought is all grown up and starting her own family. A family he’ll never get to meet and that’s his lost. He left me when I was young and full of dreams and because of him I almost never became who I am today.
Because he ran out on me doesn’t mean that everyone in my life is going to do that. I became stronger and so did everyone else in my family……
He is no longer in my nightmares…I can finally live because I’m stronger then him…
The End
