It's Time (M/L Teen-Mature) 1/1 11/1/05

[Icequeen]

This is something that came to me out of nowhere last night. Rated Teen/Mature for content.

Disclaimer: Don't own Roswell or any of the characters. Just borrowing and having fun.

WARNING: Angst!! no happy ending here.

~*~*~
“It’s time.” She says and I panic. Not that I haven’t done this a few times before, twice to be exact but I still panic a little. She’s as calm as ever gently shaking me out of my sleep to tell me ‘it’s time.’ How many times have I heard those words and my heart still jumps every time as if it was the first. It’s time, those two words that mean everything is going to change…again. It’s time, two words that mean my heart will make room for one more person to love, a piece of me and a piece of her. It’s time, the marking of sleepless nights and endless diapers, it’s time, two words that bring so much joy.

I jump out of bed and make the calls that need to be made to make sure our other child is taken care of as we rush out in the middle of the night to welcome another person into the world. Her bag has been packed for weeks now and sits on the foot of our bed. I quickly walk to our daughters room to let her know that her aunt will be here soon and tuck her back into bed. She says she’s too old for that but I secretly know she loves it.

“It’s time Max.” She says again as I help her down the stairs and make sure we have everything.

“Did you call everyone?” She asks and I forget that there was someone I didn’t call. She’s about to finish her freshman year of college and will be home soon for the summer. I look at my watch and see how late it is but we promised we would call no matter what time.

“I’ll call her now.” I say and lead her to the car while I put her bag into the back seat.

“Sweetheart it’s time.” I say when she answers half asleep. I assure her everything is ok and hang up.

“We’re ready.” I say and pull out of the driveway.

“I’m scared.” She says in the angelic voice of hers that makes my heart melt even after all these years.

“Everything will be fine.” I assure her and kiss the back of her hand as I drive carefully to the hospital. I pull up in front of the emergency room and help her out of the car.

“It’s time.” I say to one of the nurses and help her into the wheelchair. Paperwork is thrown at me that I quickly fill out. I walk into her room and see her laying there peacefully.

“I love you.” She says and strokes my face.

“I love you.” I say feeling a sense of dread come over me. Something in the pit of my stomach is telling me that something isn’t right but I ignore it.

“It’s time.” the doctor says and slaps on his rubber gloves. I’m taken to another room and given a smock to put on over my clothes as well as I hairnet and mask, then I wait.

10 minutes.

20 minutes.

It should have been time, time for me to go in. Each passing moment feels like an eternity.

“It’s time.” I say to the nurse but she doesn’t say anything. I see her rush into her room and wait.

5 minutes.

15 minutes. Time is mocking me. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes like hours.

Why haven’t I gone in? I wonder and wait……

“Please, it’s time.” I plead when the nurse comes out. She leads me in the room. A room that is too quiet. I look around and am met with downcast eyes.

“Liz.” I whisper when I see her laying in the bed pale, pale as a ghost.

“Max.” She says barely loud enough for me to hear.

“It is time.” She says and slowly brings her hand up to my face. I know what she means and don’t like it. She smiles lovingly and my son is brought over to me.

“No it can’t be time.” I say and feel the hot tears roll down my face. I don’t bother to wipe them away.

“Your son Mr. Evans.” The doctor says but I can’t look away from her needing to remember every contour of her face as if I don’t already. It can’t be time. It’s too soon. Where did the time go?

“Max look at him…..look at your son Max.” She urges me but I can’t. I can’t look away from her. I need more time.

“Liz please. Don’t do this. I can’t…” I don’t finish my sentence as a tear slips down the side of her face.

“You’ve made me so happy Max. Thank you. Thank you for loving me. I’m sorry to leave you like this but… it’s time.” She caresses my face again and the doctor comes over to me and tells me what happened but I don’t hear any of it. Everything is a blur.

“No! Do something. You have to do something! Save her! This is a fucking hospital!” I scream at the doctor who just looks at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes. I franticly look around and am met with several pairs of the same eyes, eyes of sorrow.

“I’m sorry but it was time.” He says. Time. I hate time. I didn’t have enough of it. Where did the time go?

“Liz look at me please. Don’t do this baby please!” I scream tears freely falling from my face blurring my vision. I wipe them away and beg her not to leave me.

“It’s time Max. I’m sorry.” She says and closes her eyes.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!” I scream fell my world crashing down on me. Tables are broken, glass shattered as the nurses try to calm me down but can’t. Their efforts are futile as rage consumes me. I’m given a shot and feel my eyes become heavy and drift close.

When I wake I’m in a hospital bed and instantly become alarmed. I call for Liz.

“Sir calm down. I’ll get a doctor.” The nurse says and walks out of the room.

“Mr. Evans….” He addresses me with the same downcast eyes and look of sorrow. The room is spinning as I see his lips move but can’t make out the words. I scream no over and over again by my words fall on deaf ears, it’s done. Time stopped passing by for her. It was over, her time was up. There is no escaping when time comes to collect.

“Max it was time.” I hear over and over again. How could it be time? She was so young. We thought we had all the time in the world. Time went by too fast. Time is laughing at me. I needed more of it when I thought I had all the time in the world.

I try to explain to my children that it was time but they didn’t understand. How could they, everyone thinks they have time to do things. Time to say I love you…later. Time to do something special….later. Time to call that someone you haven’t called in a while…later. Her time was cut short but it was well lived or I’d like to think so anyway.

The funeral was simple but classic, like her. I couldn’t look at her again, I want to remember her the way she was when she was alive. Perfect…timeless.

“Dad it’s time.” My daughter says as I kneel in front of her gravestone placing a single white rose on top.

Time….a curse to all of us. Never enough. It lets us think we have enough of it but there never is enough time. Time ticks away and stops when it wants to. You cannot escape time, it’s always there taunting, mocking, laughing, waiting to come collect at the most inopportune time.

I walk away and wait until I join my wife, my lover and above all my soul mate but it’s not time…….