Thank you everybody
!!! Broken song lyrics by Seether.
Chapter 7
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
~&~&~&~&~&
When Maria heard the knock on her door later that night, she grabbed her purse and pulled out a twenty to pay the delivery man. “How much is… Michael. What are you doing here?” she asked and reluctantly stepped aside to let him enter. He had been on her mind for the better part of the day and while she knew they had things to talk about, she still wasn’t sure whether or not she was ready for that conversation.
“I called your office earlier and Jennifer told me you had to go out of town” Michael stated. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans and while he looked relaxed, Maria sensed he was anything but that.
“Santa Fe, actually” Maria volunteered but didn’t say anything else before the doorbell rang again, this time revealing the pizza guy.
“One large pizza, an order of cheese sticks and a small garden salad” he rattled off. “$16.50 Miss Deluca”
“Here you go Danny, keep the change” she offered and accepted the three boxes he handed her.
“See ya next week” he called out just as Michael reached forward to grab the boxes from her outstretched arms. Maria blushed slightly when he looked down at all the food and then up at her with his eyebrow quirked curiously.
“Were you expecting company” Michael asked, and for a moment, Maria forgot why he was there and why she had been so nervous. A laugh bubbled forth as she watched him examine everything and just shook her head when he gazed up at her as though she were crazy.
“No, I just… like a little bit of everything and don’t mind leftovers” Maria shrugged and led him to the kitchen. “Are you hungry?” she asked, partly hoping he’d say yes and partly hoping he’d say no so that she could postpone whatever it was he came by to say. When he nodded his head yes, she pulled out two plates and resigned herself to the fact that this wouldn’t wait.
“You know… I should be surprised that you were gone when I woke up this morning but I can’t honestly say I am.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Maria questioned, not yet sure if she should be offended by his declaration.
“It means that from the first moment I met you, I knew that you weren’t like other women” Michael stated and accepted the plate she handed him. “There is… something going on with you, something in your head in… your life, that you’re dealing with and I knew that whatever it was would be like this big wall between us if I ever asked you out” he explained and something in his words struck a chord in Maria. He was so scarily close to the truth that she lashed out instead.
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and… and I think you should leave” Maria stated but she wouldn’t look him in the eye.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here, anymore
“Do you want me to go because I’m wrong?” Michael asked. “Or because I’m right?”
Maria felt pressure build up in her chest as she stared up at him.
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
How could he be right about her, how could see what she had always tried so hard to hide? True, the other men who had walked in and out of her life knew that she cared little for commitment and had little tolerance for romantic feelings but they had all assumed she was just angry or… who knew what? But right now, Michael was looking at her and she almost felt like he was staring straight into her heart.
Something told Maria that he didn’t share the opinions of those before him and that scared her too. She could really fall for him and that was the last thing she needed. It would just end in heartbreak and she had enough of that in her life to last a lifetime.
“What does it matter whether you’re right or wrong?” she asked but didn’t wait for his answer before barreling forward. “This… you and me… it can’t work. We’re just too… different” she stated, valiantly trying to defend her actions but it didn’t help that even she knew they were flimsy excuses.
“You don’t even see it do you?” Michael asked and the knowledgeable way he stared at her quickly pissed Maria off.
“See what?” she questioned with no small amount of irritation.
“How incredible you are” Michael stated, thoroughly shocking Maria to her core. He said it with such conviction that this time she seriously did think he was staring into her eyes and straight down to her heart. “I’ve only known you for days and already… god, already you’ve gotten so far under my skin.”
He actually seemed bothered by that but Maria didn’t have time to ponder it before he continued. “I just… I just want you to talk to me” he said in a much calmer voice. “Talk to me, trust me or… at least try to.”
Maria wanted to give in to his request but what would happen if she did? They would talk, get to know one another and when the show was over he would go back to Las Cruces. In the end she decided that the loss just wasn’t worth the gain.
“Why? Why do you want to get close to me when you already know how much work I am? Why?” Maria had to ask. She needed to know why he was trying so hard. She wanted to know what he wanted in return because she learned a long time ago that everything came at a price, it was just the way the world worked and she wasn’t sure if she could afford whatever it was Michael wanted.
Rather than answer, Michael took the plate Maria still held and placed it down on the table. “Come on” he encouraged and didn’t give her much of a choice but to follow along.
“Where are we going?” she asked and dug her heels into the floor, trying to at least slow him down if she couldn’t stop him.
“I wanna show you something and then maybe afterwards, you won’t have so many questions” Michael stated but still offered no clue as to where he was taking her. One look at his face told Maria that she wasn’t going to change his mind so she decided not to bother trying. Patiently, Michael waited for Maria to lock up, ignoring the longing looks she sent towards the kitchen and her rapidly cooling pizza.
Wordlessly, Maria climbed onto the bike behind him and tightly wrapped her arms around his waist when he sped off into the street.
It didn’t take Maria long to notice they were heading west out of the city limits. She wanted to ask again where they were going, but she also knew that Michael wouldn’t be able to hear her question over the sound of his roaring engine and whipping wind.
Almost an hour later, Maria was tired, irritated and ready to smack Michael upside the head. She couldn’t believe he brought her to Las Cruces. If she expected him to take her to his apartment or his studio or even some random place he liked, she would be wrong as he continued driving until they reached the gates of Saint Joseph Cemetery.
The second he cut the engine, the sound of silence engulfed them. It was almost deafening and Maria found herself shivering as she sat perfectly still and observed the lightly swaying trees, the high risen half moon and illuminating stars that shed a soft glow over the entire area around them.
“What are we doing here?” she asked quietly and slowly, her anger started to slip away.
“Come on” Michael said in response and gently took her hand in his.
Fallen leaves were crushed beneath their shoes as they walked a short path towards a double gravestone. “Here lays James Michael Guerin and Sara Faye Guerin” Maria quietly murmured as she looked down at the etchings in the smooth gray marble. “Two souls whose imprints will forever walk the Earth.”
Maria wanted to ask how but even more than that, she wanted to ask why. Why did he want her to see this?
“Two years later I met this old woman, Clara” Michael began. It was almost as if he had read her mind and saw the questions that resided there, or maybe he just wanted to explain. “To make a long story short, she told me something that always stayed with me, no matter how old I got or where I went or what I did.”
“What was it?” Maria asked in the same soft tone he was using.
“The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to before”
“And why did that stay with you?” she questioned, still unsure of where this was going.
“Because it’s the truth” Michael stated as though the answer should have been obvious. “Something terrible happened in my life and nearly tore me apart but it didn’t. Afterwards I was… angry, upset and whole lot of other things. I didn’t have a good life but I learned to appreciate everything twice as much as I would have. I learned that… no one has an ideal life. Everyone gets happy, everyone gets sad, we win, we lose, and we… live.”
“I’m sorry that you lost your parents at such a young age” Maria said sincerely but she had to admit that she still didn’t understand his reason for bringing her here.
“Something happened to you, something you hold inside” Michael stated knowingly. Suddenly very self conscious, Maria wrapped her arms around herself and took a small step back.
“Do you always make a habit of bringing dates out here whenever you realize they have a secret or something they just don’t want to share with you?” Maria snipped though it was more of a defense mechanism than actual anger. She still couldn’t understand why he was trying so hard with her and despite her question, she doubted there was any truth to it.
“No, I’ve never shown anyone this place before” Michael answered quietly.
“Then why me?!” Maria yelled, finally disrupting the peaceful air around them. She wanted the truth and now she was tired of waiting for it.
“I don’t know!” he yelled back. “Don’t you think I know this is crazy? We hardly know one another but… but when I look in your eyes and see all the pain you hide inside them, I just… want to make it all go away.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
“Maybe you can’t” Maria said and trembled from the intensity he held in his eyes. “I know that I’m broken but maybe… maybe I’m just not worth fixing.”
“No” Michael shook his head and tugged at her hands until she let him hold them. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t shut me out.”
“Why?” Maria asked and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “Why should I try to let you in when… you’re just gonna leave eventually? This can’t go anywhere Michael so just let go now before the both of us get in too deep.” She was pleading with him now but there was something more in her eyes. Hope. She wanted to trust him, she was just scared.
Gently, he framed her face and wiped the single tear that feel from her beautiful hazel eyes. “I promise I won’t hurt you” he said simply.
“Everybody hurts everybody” Maria retorted matter of factly.
“Everybody makes mistakes” Michael corrected. “Life isn’t perfect Maria, but you’ll never even come close to perfect if you’re always pushing everyone away. Give yourself a chance. Give me a chance.” This time he was the one pleading with her and as they stood in the center of an old cemetery with nothing but silence to keep them company, she actually opened her mind to the possibility of putting her trust in Michael Guerin.