Departure Series
Author: Roswellianprincess16 aka Selena
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: I do not own any of Roswell or its characters.
Summary: This consists of three different POV's that take place during Departure, each one part long. They follow the story line, nothing is changed, it is simply to explore what the characters were feeling.
Author's Note: I will be starting with Liz's POV, and then going on to Max's and then Tess. I will post the new POV on Friday. I would also like to thank Lissa for beta-ing for me. You're the best.
Unspoken- Liz POV
“Liz… Tess is pregnant.”
His words register in my mind, even now, as we go into the lab. My mind is swirling with the disbelief that seems to be plaguing me. He not only slept with her… but now she’s pregnant? The constant reminder of his infidelity will belong to the woman I have grown to despise? The pain burning within my chest is too much. I know this is how it’s supposed to be. I know that. And still, it doesn’t make the pain any less. I pushed him into her arms. I made him believe that Kyle and I slept together. And now… we can’t go back. She’s pregnant.
I try to focus on the task at hand.
“If I were an alien, and I was having trouble threading a needle, I would probably just use my powers. But, I probably wouldn’t need a needle to begin with; I probably would just zap the blouse the way Isabel did it…. They’re human blood cells, take a look.”
I can’t help the edge in my voice. He’s too close, standing beside me, his arm upon the table. I move over, making some room for him to glare into the microscope. I look away, not wanting to look at his face, but as he gets closer, I look back at him, unable to look away. There are so many things to think about. Leanna is innocent. Tess is having Max’s child. Things are so messed up now. How are we ever going to fix it?
“If Leanna was innocent, then who killed Alex?”
“I don’t know.” I answer honestly as I watch his anger begin to flare.
“You must have some idea who it could’ve been!” He snaps and I face him head on. He’s dug himself into a hole and the frustration is eating at him.
“Whoever did it set up an innocent girl. We have to start from the beginning. We have to find him or her before they kill someone else.” My frustration is eating at me as well. Not only because I’m terrified of this killer, who may be out to kill the human members of this secret club, but because I can sense that something is seriously wrong. That Max is torn about something.
“I can’t do that. I don’t have time.” Don’t have time? It’s as if I’m spiraling downward, lost within my thoughts.
“What are you talking about?”
“Tess’ child, our child….” The words make my stomach sink and I turn from him in anger.
“Yea, well that’s your personal life.” I throw my hands up in the air, because there’s nothing else I can do. Because, it’s all out of my hands. His life is no longer intertwined with mine… not the way I want it to be.
“It can’t survive here, he’s dying… We’re leaving.” I’m not sure if it’s the actual words or the tone of his voice that makes me turn around. Suddenly, there’s an ache in my stomach, a worry burning over me. I… I don’t know if I can bear him leaving me. Yes, I’m angry at him. And somewhere inside, I know that things can never go back to the way they were. But… I don’t think I can imagine a life without him. He’s always been there, even before I knew he was.
“Where?” I bring myself to ask the question. But I’m afraid my eyes are betraying what I’m really feeling.
“We’re going back.” He practically whispers. Then I feel the thump in my heart. It’s not possible. Is it?
“Back?” I point upwards, not able to say what it implies. Remembering when he himself made that gesture, and wanting so desperately to go back to those simple times.
All he does is walk closer to me, his eyes examining me carefully.
“When is this happening?” I say, snapping out of my memory. He’s before me now, his eyes looking into mine in a way that I vaguely remember.
“Tomorrow, just after dawn.” I’m looking at him, registering the sadness on his face. But instead of feeling bad, I can’t help but be angry.
“You can’t leave before this is resolved.” I demand, suddenly feeling completely alone. Would he just leave us to this killer? Without even looking back?
“The way the granolith works….” I know he’s trying to remain calm. To simply explain something to me. But, I’m so angry I’m not even thinking straight. He’s just going to leave us here. To leave and forget everything we’ve been through. And not even because it’s his choice but because he slept with Tess and she’s now pregnant!
“I don’t really wanna hear about how the damn….”
“I know you don’t.”
“You can’t just leave us with a killer out there.” You can’t just leave me here.
“I don’t have a choice!” And that’s when everything breaks loose within me. Don’t talk to me about not having choices Max Evans. I KNOW what not having a choice looks like, and from what it seems, you willingly had sex with Tess. My mind wanders to Future Max. I was supposed to have made love to Max that night. Instead, he… made love to Tess. My heart finally breaks within me. The worst feeling I’ve ever had.
“Not anymore but you did and then you got Tess pregnant!”
“I know you’re upset.”
“I- I trusted you, I gave you everything. I jumped off bridges for you, I broke laws for you, I risked getting shot for you, I trusted you! And you go off… God with Tess! God, I saved myself for you!” And then I shut down. Because I never meant to say all those things. I never meant to let him know just how betrayed I felt. I never meant to tell him so much.
“Saved yourself? You slept with Kyle!” I take a deep breath. It’s all out now. The months of lying, the secrets I’ve had to hold so close to my heart, they’re all out now.
“Take me home.” I demand, not knowing what else to say.
The drive home was long and silent. The tension building from every angle. I partially regret what I said. Partially regret getting so riled up that I lost my head for a minute. But, part of me is relieved. I hated lying to him. Hated hurting him the way I did. In a way, it’s like a load has been lifted off my back, knowing that he’ll leave, partially knowing the truth.
We park in front of the CrashdDown and I turn to look at him for a moment, simply feeling everything I had denied myself for months. This was the man that I would have given everything for. That I gave up a future I desired for. That despite Tess and the baby, I still love him. It doesn’t make it right, but I love him.
“I always thought when we graduated I’d give you my ring. Looks like I won’t graduate, so… this is something… from where I’ll be.” I reach over and grab the edge of the pendant, feeling the heavy burden of tears that I’m trying so hard to fight. He lets his fingers linger, and I look down at his hands, hands that once made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
“I can’t believe that this is what I have of you. I can’t believe that after everything….” I turn away, because I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to look into his eyes, because I can feel his pain as well. And I know, the minute I do, it’s going to break me.
“Liz… you never slept with Kyle, did you?” I turn to face him, and the pure regret in his eyes is enough to make me wish I could disappear. I don’t want to feel this pain. I don’t want to have to live my life missing him. I nod my head, defeated, and tired of lying.
His face seems to wrinkle in pain, and I hold back my tears, feeling the tingle in my face muscles. I can’t think of anything to say. Nothing will make things right again.
“I wish… I wish this all could have been different. I wish that so much.” I wish it too. I think to myself. I wish it so badly. Then he does something I didn’t expect. He kisses me.
His hands reach up to my face and he puts his lips on mine. I know for sure that this is our final goodbye. I take in his scent, the feel of his lips, like none other on my own. I try to memorize the feeling, try to remember the way Max had always made feel. I reach up and touch his face, letting my hand linger on his jaw.
I think back to all the kisses we’ve shared, all the feelings that have flowed through both our veins and somehow melded us into one being. And the sadness overtakes me. Because I’ll never be able to feel that way again. Because the man that I love is leaving me…. Forever. I’m so angry at him. I hate what he’s done and I wish I could go back and change so much. But, all I have left is this memory. This memory of how much he loves me, because I can feel it. I can feel it on his lips, in his hands that run through my hair.
His lips linger on mine, a desire we both share to just never move from the place where we are. I can feel his hesitation, his hands remain on my face, his lips remain firmly against mine, and then he pulls away softly, as if getting the last taste. I let myself linger near him, my eyes closed, my heart in pieces. I pull away finally, and I look at him, with the tears blurring my vision.
I can’t let him leave without answering the one question. The one thought that has been plaguing me since I found out.
“I guess this is our goodbye.” I say, without being able to mask the hitch in my voice. This moment is exposed, naked between the two of us. We both know how much pain this is causing.
“Just tell me one thing. Do you love her?” I sit, waiting for the answer, because the fear is almost paralyzing. The thought that had sprung up when Tess first came to Roswell. When Max kissed her and saw things.
I guess I’m not that special after all… huh?
My voice rung in my ears, the hurt look on his face at my comment. Now, he looks at me, with those sad, beautiful eyes and lets his hand linger in my hair.
“Not like I love you.”
I stare at him, unsure of how his words are supposed to make me feel. I know I hold a special place in his heart. But it hurts immeasurably to know that she has also affected him so deeply. That she will be another he remembers as his love.
I get out of the Jeep, because there’s nothing left to say. I can’t stay there. I walk over to the CrashDown doors, the one place that united us. I turn to look back for an instant, as I see him attempt to smile, his own eyes full of tears. I’m never going to see him again.
I walk into the restaurant and let the door close behind me. I take a deep breath and the tears begin to fall, fast and free. The pain is unbelievable, a truly physical pain, an emptiness that scares me. I lean against the door and let my body slide to the floor as I’m attacked by the sobs. And without looking, I know he’s still out there. I don’t want him to leave me.
“I love you.” I whisper the words I couldn’t tell him. The words I know that somehow, he already knows.
