Chapter11
Triss:
“Is this about Kristy?” I ask softly, my arms tightening their hold, the picture becoming clearer for me. She nods an affirmative, and I feel her tears soaking through my shirt at the shoulder as she starts to cry harder. “Did you dream about her last night?” She nods and affirmative. “You know that wasn’t your fault.” Liz doesn’t say anything.
I can remember her laugh. Actually, it was always closer to a giggle. I remember how she used to brush Liz’s hair.
“Your hair is so pretty Lizzie, wish mine was as smooth and beautiful as yours.”
Her good mood was always infectious, her actions always bringing fourth laughter.
“Kristina James, what have you done!” Giles cried as he looked around the kitchen at the snowflakes falling from the ceiling. She looks around innocently trying in vain to keep an ancient spell book behind her back. It’s too big not to be seen.
“Hand it to me Kristy,” he says tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose, exhausted from trying to constantly keep up with her, “I can reverse the spell.” A mischievous grin forms on her face before she bolts out of the room with the book, the watcher right on her heels.
When I saw her broken body, I felt a damper on my spirit snap me into reality, introduced me to the real world. A feeling that didn’t go away till we got here, far from the hellmouth.
“Liz…” I trail off as the scene comes into view. Pushing the other girls out of the way, I see Kristy’s body lying haphazardly on the ground, her neck at an odd angle. I feel bile rising in my throat, and I quickly look away.
“Where’s Liz?” I ask the surrounding slayers. Most have tears in their eyes, and a few were weeping quietly.
“She went that way,” one states quietly, pointing me in an easterly direction, and I speed off. I find her leaning against a tombstone, blankly looking at another in front of her.
“Liz…?” She doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t and isn’t crying.
“I’m going to miss her,” is all that she quietly says.
I’ve never seen her cry before now.
I jerk Liz away from my shoulder to look at me. “Liz, it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident,” I say gently, but she breaks away from me.
“An accident I could have prevented!” she flings back at me and I cringe slightly, “she was part of my group, she was my responsibility!”
“She was a slayer. We all know the risks.”
“She was ten Triss! She was just ten!” I can feel the tears threatening to spill forth, but I hold them back, trying to be strong; if not for me, then for Liz.
“We all miss her Liz, but she died in battle. When you’re in a fight to the death, it’s hard to look after everyone fighting beside you.”
“But she trusted me,” I hear her whisper, holding back a sob, “she said I was like a big sister to her, and I let her down.”
I’m crying now too, and we just hold each other for a while. I feel the anger slowly drain out of her, as if it were tangible. Her breathing slowly evens out, and I silently curse Malivk’s name.
“Have you told your friends about Kristy? Your parents?”
“I’ve told Maria and Alex, not my parents; they would have freaked,” is her flat reply, and I nod slowly.
“You have to talk to people about this,” I advise gently, “you can’t keep this to yourself.”
“I have you and Em,” she says earnestly, playing with the edge of her shirt.
“They say you’ve changed, Alex and Maria.”
“They said that?” she says, astonished. I nod.
“It wasn’t your fault Liz. You were on patrol, and you were ambushed. There were dozens of them Liz and only four of you; you were lucky to get out of that with only that gash on your shoulder and a couple bruises.”
“But Kristy died. We all knew that that demon guy Malvik was in town, trying to open the hellmouth. We stopped him, and he decided to start hunting us down! I knew that it was dangerous for us, but we went out anyway! I knew what happened to Sara’s group a few days before, but I didn’t think that it would happen to us, I thought that I was smarter then that! I led us out that night, and I almost got us all killed! How can … how can you even look at me after that?” She says brokenly, slowly sinking down to sit on her bed.
“Liz, look at me!” I grasp her face gently in my hands, forcing her to meet my gaze. “It wasn’t your fault. You can’t protect everyone! You did your best. You took out half of them by yourself! She would have been so proud of you.”
It grows quiet between us. Liz’s tears have soaked through the shoulder of my shirt, but soon her crying has been reduced to hiccups, which are the only things marring the silence.
“It was two weeks ago, but it seems so much farther. She wanted to come to Roswell with us. She would be here with us right now, did you know that?” She stops to take a breath, “you stopped getting those dreams when you became a slayer right? The ones where you see past slayers dying.”
“Yeah.”
“Then why am I the only one that still has them?” she says with exasperation. It’s something I’ve been thinking about too.
Later that afternoon….
Alex:
“This is hopeless,” Maria groans, flopping onto the couch with a sigh.
“Maria, we have to keep going. This is important,” Liz urges half-heartedly, but everyone seems discouraged.
“Do you know how many “doors” are in this book alone?” Maria cries, holding up a particularly large dusty volume from the coffee table, waving it around in the air.
“Couldn’t be as many as this one,” replies Triss flatly, offering a book that was much thinner. “20 different FREAKING doors! Five of which could have been closed in the last two months!”
I smirk, looking back over my shoulder at the four girls sitting around in Xander’s living room with books scattered all around them on the floor, table, couch and chairs. With a groan, they simultaneously drop the books and flop over to sit beside Maria, giving up finding the “door” mentioned in Liz’s dream for the moment. They’ve been at it for three hours straight. At least it wasn’t me!
“Alex, wipe that smile off your face!” Maria barks at me from the couch, pointing an accusing finger at me. Her eyes are closed.
“I have no idea what you mean,” I smirk again, turning back to the computer. Being the geek in the group sure does have its advantages. I get to search over the internet. Na, na, na, na, naaaa, na….
“Do you have anything?” Liz asks, coming up behind me. She leans over my shoulder to get a better look at the monitor.
“Nah, ‘door’ is too broad, so I’ve been searching for any ancient doors. You said that first slayer person said that said door’s opening and closing is natural? Yeah, but it’s still too vague. I got nothing.”
Liz nods her head absently, pulling back slightly, deep in thought. I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to know where her train of thought is leading her.
“Em, Triss, lets go train,” Liz says with an edge. They nod, and without a word they leave Maria and I to unearth the reason for the dark times ahead.
It's My Life (BtVS,XO,CC,TEEN) 07-31-05 [WIP]
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Butterflies
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It's My Life: (Buffy/Ros) M/L - Ch.11 - Dec. 3
"Remember to always be yourself... unless you suck." -Joss Whedon
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Butterflies
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Chapter 12
Max:
Is’ concerned gaze is boring holes in my head. If she asks me one more time about that damn dream, I’ll… One of Michael’s blasts shoots directly at me, and I barely put my shield up in time to deflect it. He smirks at me as I refocus on our training. The shield thing is a new power that I just discovered. It’s quite neat, actually.
It’s a green energy field that emanates from my palm, and encircles me in a dome. One night, Michael snuck through my window while I was having a nightmare and got thrown back by a green barrier when he startled me awake. We’ve been testing how much it withstands and how big it can get during regular practise sessions at the quarry. We’ve spent a majority of our free time here, training. Having Tess here has been a God-sent. She knows a lot more about our powers that we had ever hoped for. Especially in the control department.
But it’s other issues that my thoughts wander to as I raise the shield again, reflecting Michael’s blast back at Isabel, which she dodges gracefully, but then gives me her trademarked death glare. Charming, really.
Liz’s behaviour has been a little off since she got back. The most blatantly obvious point is the time she spends NOT at the Crashdown. During the summers she’s usually there working everyday. Second is the relatives that she brought back with her. They, and her, for that matter, are giving off weird vibes. Other-worldly vibes that have our spider-senses tingling up a storm! I’m sure, though, that if she were involved with some alien thing, she’d tell us straight-away, which she hasn’t. Though Michael followed her and her cousins to the cemetery, that can hardly concedered suspicious, if you discount all the weaponry Michael says that they had with them, which I can’t figure out. Weapons at the cemetery?
With the new aliens in town, apparently feeding on human flesh, I am really, really, hoping that their appearance and Liz’s changes are not connected in any way. My world is becoming more and more green around the edges as time goes on. The only bright side to the past few days is Liz’s acceptance of our relationship. She’s hiding something from me, and that hurts, but I trust her. There must be reasons behind her summer transformation. Hopefully it’s a good thing, cause I’m really sick of bad news. I have a feeling that we’re going to find out tonight.
I wave at Michael to stop, before looking at my watch. “Damn it! Guys, I gotta go, the UFO Centre calls.”
Emily:
“Hiya!” THWACK! My leg connects with Triss’ defending arm. I sense Liz’s attack, and duck, her arm flying over my head, missing by centimeters. I throw a right hook at Liz, and she dodges, stepping to my right, her leg connects with my side seconds later, sending me sprawling.
I flip back up in time to defend myself from Triss’ fists, but Liz approaches, and we both turn on her. I aim a kick high, Triss aims one low, but she flips gracefully backwards avoiding our attempts to subdue her.
That’s one thing I hate about fighting Liz. She makes everything seem so effortless, graceful. The only sign that she’s even getting a workout is a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead. She doesn’t even breathe hard! She makes the rest of us look bad, and I say that with as much love as possible.
This is how we train. Before, when there was only one slayer, even when there was two, the training was done with a watcher. They’d throw knives, and the slayer would dodge, or they would tell them to run laps… now, we fight each other. In my opinion, it’s better this way. A better workout all around.
I try to keep in mind that I LIKE this, as Liz proceeds to kick our asses. Liz does another flip backwards, this time, her foot connecting with my face, sending me crashing into the punching bag across the room. I don’t even bother to get up, just sit back watching Triss and Liz go at it.
Liz aims a blow to Triss’ head, but Triss blocks, barely. Triss lashes out with a fist in retaliation, but Liz catches it and twists it around, pinning her hand behind her back. She trips up Triss, and sits on her back, triumphant. Liz wins. Again. The girl must love her cabbage.
Liz:
We lie there on the mats, all three of us on our backs, gazing up at the ceiling. I can feel my heartbeat slowing. It’s funny really. If I had “kung-fu”ed like that before becoming a slayer, I would be so tired, I’d go to bed and sleep for a week. Now, I can sense the energy, the adrenaline, flowing through my body. I could seriously go for another round… or two… but judging from the way Triss and Emily flopped down onto the mats says that they can’t. Well at least not without a breather first. Does it mean something that I can beat them both in a fight?
“He changed you. You changed him. You are different than all slayers, different than any slayer that ever was…”
“Liz… LIZ!”
“Yeah!” I snap to attention.
“Jeeze. Disappear there for a second?” Triss asks turning her head so I can see her grin.
“Nah. Just thinking…”
“Well, I was asking you about Max. I really think that you would tell him about the whole slayer thing. You guys have a date tonight, don’t you? Maybe…”
“Yeah, we had planned something tonight, but I have a feeling that the ‘dinner and a movie’ part ain’t happening anymore. Maria said that he, Michael, Iz, and Tess want to talk to me… so I guess this is the best opportunity I’ll get to tell them, but I’m still not sure if I should.”
“Liz, you have to. He’ll find out eventually, won’t he? And you love him right?”
‘Wow, this situation is a little familiar,’ I say to myself. The irony of this situation does not go unnoticed by me. Max made the exactly same decision and decided that he didn’t want me involved, didn’t want me in danger. Well, at least till he healed me in the Crashdown, then the whole ‘not-of-this-earth’ thing came out.
He’d want me to tell him. He’d want me to be straight with him, but why is it so hard?
“Liz, you’re a slayer. We all know the pitch. You, Em, and I are basically walking around with expiry dates stamped on our foreheads!” I smile at the mental picture Triss’ words create, “Our lives are full of death, we fight evil, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t live our lives to the fullest, and you’ve found love babe. Hang onto it with both hands, and don’t let go.” I raise my head with a teary smile, and hug her.
“Wait a second. You’re going to tell them all! I just thought you were telling Max!” Em sits up and stares down at me. “It’s dangerous if too many people know. We can’t have them all involved. There’s only so many people we can protect at a time!”
Triss interrupts, “Yeah, but Em, you’re forgetting that they aren’t human,” she says slyly, chancing a quick glance in my direction, “well at least not completely, and while we’re on that topic, when are you going to tell us what’s up with your friends. If they’re going to know our secret, I want to know there’s!”
“Hey! What and who I tell are my business, capiche? Geeze, I guess I didn’t realize that you guys were so wary of them…”
“Not wary Liz, curious. And a little scared for their safety,” Triss admits, “ You of all people should know what it’s like. This isn’t just some secret. Who you tell could have negative impacts on your life, OUR lives, and definitely their lives. Have you thought about this? Are you sure you want to change their lives forever?”
I love Triss and Em, but the fact of the matter is, that as much as I wish that they knew the truth about Max and the others and tell them how he changed my life forever, almost as much as being a slayer has, but it’s just not my place to tell them. I’ll leave that up to Max. Wait a sec… when did I decide to tell him exactly?
“Look. I’m going to go to the Crashdown tonight, and I’m telling them. All of them, and that’s the end of it. Kay?”
Triss and Em nod slowly in agreement, their heads bent, looking at the ground. Wow, they’re not fighting me on this one? That’s new! They don’t say anything else. Thank God that’s the end of that!
“Do either of you know what time it is?” I ask, “and if you say ‘time to get a watch’ I will beat you down again, Triss,” I quickly state before her mouth even makes it half-way open. She snaps her mouth shut, and then proceeds to stick her tongue out at me.
“Time?” I ask again.
“It’s almost six,” Triss answers begrudgingly, standing up and stretching like a cat. Em follows suit.
“Alright, so I’m going to go out patrolling for an hour. Max gets off work at 7 tonight. Do you guys wanna come with, or are going out later?”
“Later, I’m just going to go help decipher your dream with Ria and Alex,” is Em’s quick response as she disappears up the stairs.
“Yeah, we’ll go out together later,” Triss says, walking toward the stairs. She turns around to look at me. “Hey Liz… Carpe Diem.”
I smile, “Yeah, carpe diem.” Seize the moment.
Before I can even reach the weapons, I here a loud thump, and a groan.
“You ok Triss?” I yell behind me, with a smile on my face.
“Shut up,” is her reply as I hear her pick herself up and continue on her way. Jesus, she’s going to kill herself some day. I quickly sober at the thought.
Something was coming. I could sense something creeping near, it was just the “what” that I just couldn’t put a finger on. The girls were almost sixteen and I’m almost seventeen, yet we battle forces of darkness. I smile inwardly at the cliché (“battle the forces of darkness”? Who woulda thought…). I mean, don’t get me wrong, I guess it was an honor to be one of the chosen, but most of the time it doesn’t feel that way.
I think about Em and Triss, how they had to leave the life they new behind. We were stationed at my hometown. I was the lucky one. Emily’s parents were died trying to save their daughter, which they did. Even with so many of us, we all feel the burden. We share the load now, but the pressure is immense.
We’ll be lucky to make it to 25. I want to see the world, I want to go to university, I want to take that road trip we planned in 7th grade with Maria and Alex. I want to live. I want a normal life! But everything I’ve ever wanted seems so far away, out of my reach.
The more I think about it, the more the unfairness and injustice causes rage to well up inside. My breathing changes, and my eyes flare. I whirl around to face the punching bag beside me. Taking out my anger and frustration.
I start pummeling it furiously, with uncontrolled hits. The tranquility of the training room vanishes in an instant as my fists fly. I punch it for the First Slayer, who endured the violation of those old fools who started it all. I kick it for the countless girls, slayers, who fought and died courageously in battle. The sound of my fists and the rattling of the chain connecting the bag to the ceiling, echo through the basement as I lash out at it for the lonely road that was the slayer’s path, her destiny. Striking out for the dream, that message, and normal teenage life I will never have. Why did it have to be me? I scream in my head. I beat the bag with my fists for the pain and suffering of it all; mine, the others, Kristy, so young, yet in the end it doesn’t matter… it never seems to matter.
Hot tears streak down my face, and I feel the blood pumping furiously in my veins as I slump soundlessly to the ground, all the fight in me gone. I bury my face in my hands and breathe. Max’s face drifts to mind. His soft smile, his gorgeous honey-coloured eyes, and his voice, gentle, comforting. I remember the feeling of security as he put his arms around me, like no one could touch me, like I was safe from the world, from the alien insanity. I smile softly at his loving words a few nights back.
“You complete me Liz, you’re my strength…”
And he is mine. How is it possible to love someone as much as I love Max? Just thinking of him soothes my anger, my frustration, my sadness. There is no longer any doubt in my mind. I’m telling Max tonight. How could I even think I could do this without him? My heart immediately lightens at the thought, like a huge burden is lifted off it.
I get up, stretching my hands over my head and I feel a soft, satisfying tingling sensation going up my spine. I walk over to the truck housing all the weapons. I slip a stake up my sleeve and strap a small dagger around my ankle, unaware of the whirlwind symbol outline that has placed itself at the back of my neck. The glowing mark dims gradually as I climb up the stairs and go out the back door, while it shimmers out leaving a plain black tattoo. Marking me forever.
***************
Merry Christmas everyone!
Max:
Is’ concerned gaze is boring holes in my head. If she asks me one more time about that damn dream, I’ll… One of Michael’s blasts shoots directly at me, and I barely put my shield up in time to deflect it. He smirks at me as I refocus on our training. The shield thing is a new power that I just discovered. It’s quite neat, actually.
It’s a green energy field that emanates from my palm, and encircles me in a dome. One night, Michael snuck through my window while I was having a nightmare and got thrown back by a green barrier when he startled me awake. We’ve been testing how much it withstands and how big it can get during regular practise sessions at the quarry. We’ve spent a majority of our free time here, training. Having Tess here has been a God-sent. She knows a lot more about our powers that we had ever hoped for. Especially in the control department.
But it’s other issues that my thoughts wander to as I raise the shield again, reflecting Michael’s blast back at Isabel, which she dodges gracefully, but then gives me her trademarked death glare. Charming, really.
Liz’s behaviour has been a little off since she got back. The most blatantly obvious point is the time she spends NOT at the Crashdown. During the summers she’s usually there working everyday. Second is the relatives that she brought back with her. They, and her, for that matter, are giving off weird vibes. Other-worldly vibes that have our spider-senses tingling up a storm! I’m sure, though, that if she were involved with some alien thing, she’d tell us straight-away, which she hasn’t. Though Michael followed her and her cousins to the cemetery, that can hardly concedered suspicious, if you discount all the weaponry Michael says that they had with them, which I can’t figure out. Weapons at the cemetery?
With the new aliens in town, apparently feeding on human flesh, I am really, really, hoping that their appearance and Liz’s changes are not connected in any way. My world is becoming more and more green around the edges as time goes on. The only bright side to the past few days is Liz’s acceptance of our relationship. She’s hiding something from me, and that hurts, but I trust her. There must be reasons behind her summer transformation. Hopefully it’s a good thing, cause I’m really sick of bad news. I have a feeling that we’re going to find out tonight.
I wave at Michael to stop, before looking at my watch. “Damn it! Guys, I gotta go, the UFO Centre calls.”
Emily:
“Hiya!” THWACK! My leg connects with Triss’ defending arm. I sense Liz’s attack, and duck, her arm flying over my head, missing by centimeters. I throw a right hook at Liz, and she dodges, stepping to my right, her leg connects with my side seconds later, sending me sprawling.
I flip back up in time to defend myself from Triss’ fists, but Liz approaches, and we both turn on her. I aim a kick high, Triss aims one low, but she flips gracefully backwards avoiding our attempts to subdue her.
That’s one thing I hate about fighting Liz. She makes everything seem so effortless, graceful. The only sign that she’s even getting a workout is a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead. She doesn’t even breathe hard! She makes the rest of us look bad, and I say that with as much love as possible.
This is how we train. Before, when there was only one slayer, even when there was two, the training was done with a watcher. They’d throw knives, and the slayer would dodge, or they would tell them to run laps… now, we fight each other. In my opinion, it’s better this way. A better workout all around.
I try to keep in mind that I LIKE this, as Liz proceeds to kick our asses. Liz does another flip backwards, this time, her foot connecting with my face, sending me crashing into the punching bag across the room. I don’t even bother to get up, just sit back watching Triss and Liz go at it.
Liz aims a blow to Triss’ head, but Triss blocks, barely. Triss lashes out with a fist in retaliation, but Liz catches it and twists it around, pinning her hand behind her back. She trips up Triss, and sits on her back, triumphant. Liz wins. Again. The girl must love her cabbage.
Liz:
We lie there on the mats, all three of us on our backs, gazing up at the ceiling. I can feel my heartbeat slowing. It’s funny really. If I had “kung-fu”ed like that before becoming a slayer, I would be so tired, I’d go to bed and sleep for a week. Now, I can sense the energy, the adrenaline, flowing through my body. I could seriously go for another round… or two… but judging from the way Triss and Emily flopped down onto the mats says that they can’t. Well at least not without a breather first. Does it mean something that I can beat them both in a fight?
“He changed you. You changed him. You are different than all slayers, different than any slayer that ever was…”
“Liz… LIZ!”
“Yeah!” I snap to attention.
“Jeeze. Disappear there for a second?” Triss asks turning her head so I can see her grin.
“Nah. Just thinking…”
“Well, I was asking you about Max. I really think that you would tell him about the whole slayer thing. You guys have a date tonight, don’t you? Maybe…”
“Yeah, we had planned something tonight, but I have a feeling that the ‘dinner and a movie’ part ain’t happening anymore. Maria said that he, Michael, Iz, and Tess want to talk to me… so I guess this is the best opportunity I’ll get to tell them, but I’m still not sure if I should.”
“Liz, you have to. He’ll find out eventually, won’t he? And you love him right?”
‘Wow, this situation is a little familiar,’ I say to myself. The irony of this situation does not go unnoticed by me. Max made the exactly same decision and decided that he didn’t want me involved, didn’t want me in danger. Well, at least till he healed me in the Crashdown, then the whole ‘not-of-this-earth’ thing came out.
He’d want me to tell him. He’d want me to be straight with him, but why is it so hard?
“Liz, you’re a slayer. We all know the pitch. You, Em, and I are basically walking around with expiry dates stamped on our foreheads!” I smile at the mental picture Triss’ words create, “Our lives are full of death, we fight evil, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t live our lives to the fullest, and you’ve found love babe. Hang onto it with both hands, and don’t let go.” I raise my head with a teary smile, and hug her.
“Wait a second. You’re going to tell them all! I just thought you were telling Max!” Em sits up and stares down at me. “It’s dangerous if too many people know. We can’t have them all involved. There’s only so many people we can protect at a time!”
Triss interrupts, “Yeah, but Em, you’re forgetting that they aren’t human,” she says slyly, chancing a quick glance in my direction, “well at least not completely, and while we’re on that topic, when are you going to tell us what’s up with your friends. If they’re going to know our secret, I want to know there’s!”
“Hey! What and who I tell are my business, capiche? Geeze, I guess I didn’t realize that you guys were so wary of them…”
“Not wary Liz, curious. And a little scared for their safety,” Triss admits, “ You of all people should know what it’s like. This isn’t just some secret. Who you tell could have negative impacts on your life, OUR lives, and definitely their lives. Have you thought about this? Are you sure you want to change their lives forever?”
I love Triss and Em, but the fact of the matter is, that as much as I wish that they knew the truth about Max and the others and tell them how he changed my life forever, almost as much as being a slayer has, but it’s just not my place to tell them. I’ll leave that up to Max. Wait a sec… when did I decide to tell him exactly?
“Look. I’m going to go to the Crashdown tonight, and I’m telling them. All of them, and that’s the end of it. Kay?”
Triss and Em nod slowly in agreement, their heads bent, looking at the ground. Wow, they’re not fighting me on this one? That’s new! They don’t say anything else. Thank God that’s the end of that!
“Do either of you know what time it is?” I ask, “and if you say ‘time to get a watch’ I will beat you down again, Triss,” I quickly state before her mouth even makes it half-way open. She snaps her mouth shut, and then proceeds to stick her tongue out at me.
“Time?” I ask again.
“It’s almost six,” Triss answers begrudgingly, standing up and stretching like a cat. Em follows suit.
“Alright, so I’m going to go out patrolling for an hour. Max gets off work at 7 tonight. Do you guys wanna come with, or are going out later?”
“Later, I’m just going to go help decipher your dream with Ria and Alex,” is Em’s quick response as she disappears up the stairs.
“Yeah, we’ll go out together later,” Triss says, walking toward the stairs. She turns around to look at me. “Hey Liz… Carpe Diem.”
I smile, “Yeah, carpe diem.” Seize the moment.
Before I can even reach the weapons, I here a loud thump, and a groan.
“You ok Triss?” I yell behind me, with a smile on my face.
“Shut up,” is her reply as I hear her pick herself up and continue on her way. Jesus, she’s going to kill herself some day. I quickly sober at the thought.
Something was coming. I could sense something creeping near, it was just the “what” that I just couldn’t put a finger on. The girls were almost sixteen and I’m almost seventeen, yet we battle forces of darkness. I smile inwardly at the cliché (“battle the forces of darkness”? Who woulda thought…). I mean, don’t get me wrong, I guess it was an honor to be one of the chosen, but most of the time it doesn’t feel that way.
I think about Em and Triss, how they had to leave the life they new behind. We were stationed at my hometown. I was the lucky one. Emily’s parents were died trying to save their daughter, which they did. Even with so many of us, we all feel the burden. We share the load now, but the pressure is immense.
We’ll be lucky to make it to 25. I want to see the world, I want to go to university, I want to take that road trip we planned in 7th grade with Maria and Alex. I want to live. I want a normal life! But everything I’ve ever wanted seems so far away, out of my reach.
The more I think about it, the more the unfairness and injustice causes rage to well up inside. My breathing changes, and my eyes flare. I whirl around to face the punching bag beside me. Taking out my anger and frustration.
I start pummeling it furiously, with uncontrolled hits. The tranquility of the training room vanishes in an instant as my fists fly. I punch it for the First Slayer, who endured the violation of those old fools who started it all. I kick it for the countless girls, slayers, who fought and died courageously in battle. The sound of my fists and the rattling of the chain connecting the bag to the ceiling, echo through the basement as I lash out at it for the lonely road that was the slayer’s path, her destiny. Striking out for the dream, that message, and normal teenage life I will never have. Why did it have to be me? I scream in my head. I beat the bag with my fists for the pain and suffering of it all; mine, the others, Kristy, so young, yet in the end it doesn’t matter… it never seems to matter.
Hot tears streak down my face, and I feel the blood pumping furiously in my veins as I slump soundlessly to the ground, all the fight in me gone. I bury my face in my hands and breathe. Max’s face drifts to mind. His soft smile, his gorgeous honey-coloured eyes, and his voice, gentle, comforting. I remember the feeling of security as he put his arms around me, like no one could touch me, like I was safe from the world, from the alien insanity. I smile softly at his loving words a few nights back.
“You complete me Liz, you’re my strength…”
And he is mine. How is it possible to love someone as much as I love Max? Just thinking of him soothes my anger, my frustration, my sadness. There is no longer any doubt in my mind. I’m telling Max tonight. How could I even think I could do this without him? My heart immediately lightens at the thought, like a huge burden is lifted off it.
I get up, stretching my hands over my head and I feel a soft, satisfying tingling sensation going up my spine. I walk over to the truck housing all the weapons. I slip a stake up my sleeve and strap a small dagger around my ankle, unaware of the whirlwind symbol outline that has placed itself at the back of my neck. The glowing mark dims gradually as I climb up the stairs and go out the back door, while it shimmers out leaving a plain black tattoo. Marking me forever.
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Merry Christmas everyone!
"Remember to always be yourself... unless you suck." -Joss Whedon