OOC: hope this is ok for you guys
~Liz~
Isabel pulls out two bottles of Snapple from the fridge, holding one out, offering it to me. This is sooo strange. Even when Max and I were in the most stable part of our relationship I never hung out with Isabel like this. I’ve always thought that she basically seemed to put up with me simply because I was going out with Max. At first she didn’t even trust me, although after everything that we’ve been through I think we got past that a long time ago…
Still, since Alex died I know I’ve been distancing myself from them… I made that stupid suggestion that they were in some way to blame even though I know they’d never willingly have been responsible for anything happening to him. Looking at Isabel now I can see that she’s going through the same pain I am…perhaps even more…
Alex was my friend, I’m pretty sure she loved him… Still, love for us doesn’t seem to lead to a happy ending… Isabel’s lost Alex, and I’ve lost Max…
I know that neither of us really want to talk about either of those subjects though and refrain from bringing them up. I force a little smile and nod as she looks at me again, still waiting for my answer about the drink. “Sure, that’d be great…” I say as I take the bottle from her and open it. I’m just about to take a mouthful when I hear something outside.
Listening carefully, I strain and concentrate, listening for anything out of the ordinary. At first I think I might have imagined it…that the last two year simply have made me over-react or freak out for no real reason, but then I hear it again. Voices…coming closer…and then, the door opens…
A Baby Story (AU, ?C Teen) *Need Kyle, Isabel, Michael*
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KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
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StormWolfstone
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1597
- Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 11:20 am
- Location: In my mind
~*~ Isabel*~*
“Sure, that’d be great…” Liz responds as she takes the Snapple from me. I was silent, trying to determine just what to say, or if there was anything that I could say for that matter. Liz and I had never just talked and now it seemed that I really wished that things had been different. I can't hold anything against her, she helped save Max and for that I will forever me grateful. I just wish that I hadn't lost Alex, but that's no one's fault.
With a sigh, I open my mouth to say something when the door opens and Michael enter's. It seems to me that there's something on his face that tells me he is strained a great deal. Forcing a smile, I lift my hand in greeting and say, "Hi, Michael."
Michael walks in and without a word, I know that he's not alone. Suddenly, I feel as though the air is thick with tension when I see my brother enter behind him. Glancing around, I look at Liz apologetically, I hadn't anticipated this at all.
Michael greet's me with a slight smile, "Iz. What made you decide to skip?"
"Mood." Is the only answer I gave as I wondered just what was going to go on now. Maybe this could be a good thing.
“Sure, that’d be great…” Liz responds as she takes the Snapple from me. I was silent, trying to determine just what to say, or if there was anything that I could say for that matter. Liz and I had never just talked and now it seemed that I really wished that things had been different. I can't hold anything against her, she helped save Max and for that I will forever me grateful. I just wish that I hadn't lost Alex, but that's no one's fault.
With a sigh, I open my mouth to say something when the door opens and Michael enter's. It seems to me that there's something on his face that tells me he is strained a great deal. Forcing a smile, I lift my hand in greeting and say, "Hi, Michael."
Michael walks in and without a word, I know that he's not alone. Suddenly, I feel as though the air is thick with tension when I see my brother enter behind him. Glancing around, I look at Liz apologetically, I hadn't anticipated this at all.
Michael greet's me with a slight smile, "Iz. What made you decide to skip?"
"Mood." Is the only answer I gave as I wondered just what was going to go on now. Maybe this could be a good thing.
A List of All My Fics
My Avatar is an amazing Thai actor named Earth, he also goes by Cooheart and the BL's he acts in inspire writing.
My Avatar is an amazing Thai actor named Earth, he also goes by Cooheart and the BL's he acts in inspire writing.
*MAX*
I see Michael stiffen as he opens the door. A moment later, I follow him in and I can see why. Liz is here. Isabel, too, but Liz is the one who captures my attention. I barely notice my sister as I watch Liz. She doesn't move and all the color drains from her face. She's shocked, and not too happy to see me, either.
Not that I can't sympathize. Although I do my best to keep my feet moving at what seems like a normal pace, it feels like my brain has stopped working entirely.
Michael seems to be as surprised as I am, or I might have suspected he'd planned this. Plus, I think coming to Michael's place had been my idea, not his.
"Liz," I say aloud although even I can tell how flat my voice sounds. It feels strange to even say her name. My voice is as frozen as my thoughts.
I'd been wanting to see her. To see how she was. I'd been planning to keep my distance, since she'd made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. And I know she has every reason to hate me, even if she had broken up with me long before I ended up with Tess. But I wanted to see her. I still love her.
I'll always love her.
But she'll never be mine.
Never.
I take one more step and let the door swing shut behind me. "How are you?" I ask.
It sounds like a simple question, but it isn't. Her shock at seeing Michael and me makes it hard for me to see how she's holding up. I don't know what she's thinking, or what she's going to do.
I see Michael stiffen as he opens the door. A moment later, I follow him in and I can see why. Liz is here. Isabel, too, but Liz is the one who captures my attention. I barely notice my sister as I watch Liz. She doesn't move and all the color drains from her face. She's shocked, and not too happy to see me, either.
Not that I can't sympathize. Although I do my best to keep my feet moving at what seems like a normal pace, it feels like my brain has stopped working entirely.
Michael seems to be as surprised as I am, or I might have suspected he'd planned this. Plus, I think coming to Michael's place had been my idea, not his.
"Liz," I say aloud although even I can tell how flat my voice sounds. It feels strange to even say her name. My voice is as frozen as my thoughts.
I'd been wanting to see her. To see how she was. I'd been planning to keep my distance, since she'd made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. And I know she has every reason to hate me, even if she had broken up with me long before I ended up with Tess. But I wanted to see her. I still love her.
I'll always love her.
But she'll never be mine.
Never.
I take one more step and let the door swing shut behind me. "How are you?" I ask.
It sounds like a simple question, but it isn't. Her shock at seeing Michael and me makes it hard for me to see how she's holding up. I don't know what she's thinking, or what she's going to do.
-
KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
OOC: Hope this works for you Isabelle, sorry for the wait
~Liz~
In the split second before the door opens, I know who it’s going to be. The voices are clearer now and there’s one in there that I know so well… Max… I swallow and stiffen, feeling the strength in my legs disappear and knowing that the smile on my face has slipped. I wanted to talk to him this morning…I needed to even… But then I saw him with Tess and I realised that maybe what I was going to say just doesn’t matter. So what if I say I could deal with him and Tess having a child, who says he would still want a relationship with me…?
Things are just such a mess… I’ve been driving everyone away since Alex died, and it looks like I succeeded… My best friend is barely talking to me… I drove the guy I love right into the arms…and bed..of another girl… I’m distancing myself from everything that’s important, and what does that leave me with…? NOTHING! I can’t continue like this. Even if I can’t ever have the life I wanted, I can’t live like this… As impossible as it sounds, I NEED to move on…
Of course how I move on is still a question to debate…and to answer it, I know that, however hard it might be, I’m going to have to talk to Max…
I remain, still as a statue, as Michael and Max continue through the door. Max closes it behind him and to my surprise I see him look right at me. “How are you…?”
How am I…? Such a simple question…or at least it would be usually… As it stands, it’s anything but… The fact is I don’t know. Too many things are going on in my head and some other them I’m not sure I have any control over anymore… I take a breath, trying to calm myself and collect my thoughts. Then slowly, I look up and meet his gaze. “I’ve been better…” I say softly.
Then, I do something I can’t afford to think about… If I think about it, I won’t do it… Swallowing, I look up him again, stepping forward and closing some of the distance between us. “C-can we talk…?” I ask in a halting voice as I try to swallow the lump in my throat and calm my heart as it’s beats seem to ring in my ears.
~Liz~
In the split second before the door opens, I know who it’s going to be. The voices are clearer now and there’s one in there that I know so well… Max… I swallow and stiffen, feeling the strength in my legs disappear and knowing that the smile on my face has slipped. I wanted to talk to him this morning…I needed to even… But then I saw him with Tess and I realised that maybe what I was going to say just doesn’t matter. So what if I say I could deal with him and Tess having a child, who says he would still want a relationship with me…?
Things are just such a mess… I’ve been driving everyone away since Alex died, and it looks like I succeeded… My best friend is barely talking to me… I drove the guy I love right into the arms…and bed..of another girl… I’m distancing myself from everything that’s important, and what does that leave me with…? NOTHING! I can’t continue like this. Even if I can’t ever have the life I wanted, I can’t live like this… As impossible as it sounds, I NEED to move on…
Of course how I move on is still a question to debate…and to answer it, I know that, however hard it might be, I’m going to have to talk to Max…
I remain, still as a statue, as Michael and Max continue through the door. Max closes it behind him and to my surprise I see him look right at me. “How are you…?”
How am I…? Such a simple question…or at least it would be usually… As it stands, it’s anything but… The fact is I don’t know. Too many things are going on in my head and some other them I’m not sure I have any control over anymore… I take a breath, trying to calm myself and collect my thoughts. Then slowly, I look up and meet his gaze. “I’ve been better…” I say softly.
Then, I do something I can’t afford to think about… If I think about it, I won’t do it… Swallowing, I look up him again, stepping forward and closing some of the distance between us. “C-can we talk…?” I ask in a halting voice as I try to swallow the lump in my throat and calm my heart as it’s beats seem to ring in my ears.
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
*MAX*
She's been better. I'm sure that's true. I've been better myself. This is such a difficult situation. She looks miserable. Some of it might be Alex, I know, but most of that is my fault. I wish I knew what to do to make it better for her, since I know there's very little I can do to make it better for me. Nothing but try to forget Liz and all those dreams that will never come true.
But I just can't help it. I still love her and that means I want to help her. Somehow. But I don't know what to do. Leave her alone? Let her yell at me? Try to talk to her? I'm just so sure I'm only going to hurt her worse. It seems to be what I'm best at.
She swallows hard and asks me if we can talk. All my muscles seem to freeze and I can barely move. I want this so bad, and yet, I'm so afraid. But if she wants this, then I'll let her. Even if she only wants to blow up at me, that'll be okay. With an effort, I nod, hoping it looks normal. "Sure," I say.
I look up and suddenly realize that Michael and Isabel are still there. Michael had said he wanted to talk to me first. That's why I'm here. And Isabel also indicated she wanted to talk more later, after school. Can I blow them both off for Liz?
Of course not. I will talk to them. But Liz needs it most. She's the one who's been hurt the most.
"We can use Michael's bedroom," I say, tilting my head slightly as I look at Michael, just in case he has some objection. "I'll be back to talk to you both in a little while."
She's been better. I'm sure that's true. I've been better myself. This is such a difficult situation. She looks miserable. Some of it might be Alex, I know, but most of that is my fault. I wish I knew what to do to make it better for her, since I know there's very little I can do to make it better for me. Nothing but try to forget Liz and all those dreams that will never come true.
But I just can't help it. I still love her and that means I want to help her. Somehow. But I don't know what to do. Leave her alone? Let her yell at me? Try to talk to her? I'm just so sure I'm only going to hurt her worse. It seems to be what I'm best at.
She swallows hard and asks me if we can talk. All my muscles seem to freeze and I can barely move. I want this so bad, and yet, I'm so afraid. But if she wants this, then I'll let her. Even if she only wants to blow up at me, that'll be okay. With an effort, I nod, hoping it looks normal. "Sure," I say.
I look up and suddenly realize that Michael and Isabel are still there. Michael had said he wanted to talk to me first. That's why I'm here. And Isabel also indicated she wanted to talk more later, after school. Can I blow them both off for Liz?
Of course not. I will talk to them. But Liz needs it most. She's the one who's been hurt the most.
"We can use Michael's bedroom," I say, tilting my head slightly as I look at Michael, just in case he has some objection. "I'll be back to talk to you both in a little while."
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KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
OOC: perhaps not as emotional as I might have liked, but I think I'm still recovering from yesterday 
hhe, anyway, it's a start and I hope it'll work Isabelle
~Liz~
“Sure…”
Max nods at me and I can see how difficult this is for him. He’s trying so hard to look normal, but this is as hard for him as it is for me. We used to be so close…we’ve been through so much… And yet now…the idea of talking scares me so much…
I know this is what we both need…that I need to find out exactly where we stand, but I’m scared that the answer is going to be exactly what I don’t want to hear….
“We can use Michael’s bedroom…I’ll be back to talk to you both in a little while…”
His words make me aware that maybe I’ll stepping in front of people he needs to speak to, but right at this moment in time I can’t feel guilty. As Max says, he will talk to them later and right now we need this…
I nod as Max suggests going into Michael’s bedroom and I follow him, walking in front as he assures me inside and closes the door behind us. He looks at me and I think he’s wondering what I’m about to say…
He’s not the only one…How on earth am I going to say this… The words swim around in my head but they just won’t come out… I take a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say and close my eyes, biting my lip as I sink down onto the bed. For a moment I say nothing and then I force myself to look at Max.
“Max…I-I’ve been doing some thinking…” He looks like he’s about to interrupt but I hold up my hand. “Please, just let me finish…” I shake my head and swallow nervously. “I’ve b-been thinking about what I said the other night…a-and I want to appologise… I’m sorry Max…
I look up at him, waiting to see how he will react…worried that he’s going to completely brush me off just as I have done him and everyone else recently…
hhe, anyway, it's a start and I hope it'll work Isabelle~Liz~
“Sure…”
Max nods at me and I can see how difficult this is for him. He’s trying so hard to look normal, but this is as hard for him as it is for me. We used to be so close…we’ve been through so much… And yet now…the idea of talking scares me so much…
I know this is what we both need…that I need to find out exactly where we stand, but I’m scared that the answer is going to be exactly what I don’t want to hear….
“We can use Michael’s bedroom…I’ll be back to talk to you both in a little while…”
His words make me aware that maybe I’ll stepping in front of people he needs to speak to, but right at this moment in time I can’t feel guilty. As Max says, he will talk to them later and right now we need this…
I nod as Max suggests going into Michael’s bedroom and I follow him, walking in front as he assures me inside and closes the door behind us. He looks at me and I think he’s wondering what I’m about to say…
He’s not the only one…How on earth am I going to say this… The words swim around in my head but they just won’t come out… I take a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say and close my eyes, biting my lip as I sink down onto the bed. For a moment I say nothing and then I force myself to look at Max.
“Max…I-I’ve been doing some thinking…” He looks like he’s about to interrupt but I hold up my hand. “Please, just let me finish…” I shake my head and swallow nervously. “I’ve b-been thinking about what I said the other night…a-and I want to appologise… I’m sorry Max…
I look up at him, waiting to see how he will react…worried that he’s going to completely brush me off just as I have done him and everyone else recently…
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
*MAX*
Michael's bedroom is a bit of a wreck, as I expected it to be. But I didn't really want to leave the apartment. Not with Isabel and Michael waiting on me. Liz doesn't seem to notice. She sits on the bed and looks up at me and I wait, wondering what exactly I've opened myself up for this time.
Then she apologises, her voice weak and wavering. Her eyes are bright and I swear she's about to cry.
"No," I breathe, dropping to my knees in front of her and taking her hands in mine. "Don't apologise. You were right to be upset. I messed up everything. I know it."
Her words bring back our conversation last night. Her understandable anger. Her confusing rants about me 'making her' sleep with Kyle. And, the little slips that made me completely sure that she didn't actually sleep with him. I still don't understand what it was that I did that made her think she had to set me up like that. I'd almost think she was afraid of me; like I'd become a stalker, except that she said she did love me. But she was also very clear about wanting me out of her life. My mind is suddenly full of questions again, but none of them matter. None of them except what I can do to help Liz now.
"I'm the one who's sorry." I look up into her eyes, wanting so much to reach up and touch her face. To hold her and comfort her. To love her. But none of that seems right just now. She'd told me that she didn't want me. I close my eyes, turning my face down as the whole of my blame comes crashing down on me. "This is all my fault."
Michael's bedroom is a bit of a wreck, as I expected it to be. But I didn't really want to leave the apartment. Not with Isabel and Michael waiting on me. Liz doesn't seem to notice. She sits on the bed and looks up at me and I wait, wondering what exactly I've opened myself up for this time.
Then she apologises, her voice weak and wavering. Her eyes are bright and I swear she's about to cry.
"No," I breathe, dropping to my knees in front of her and taking her hands in mine. "Don't apologise. You were right to be upset. I messed up everything. I know it."
Her words bring back our conversation last night. Her understandable anger. Her confusing rants about me 'making her' sleep with Kyle. And, the little slips that made me completely sure that she didn't actually sleep with him. I still don't understand what it was that I did that made her think she had to set me up like that. I'd almost think she was afraid of me; like I'd become a stalker, except that she said she did love me. But she was also very clear about wanting me out of her life. My mind is suddenly full of questions again, but none of them matter. None of them except what I can do to help Liz now.
"I'm the one who's sorry." I look up into her eyes, wanting so much to reach up and touch her face. To hold her and comfort her. To love her. But none of that seems right just now. She'd told me that she didn't want me. I close my eyes, turning my face down as the whole of my blame comes crashing down on me. "This is all my fault."
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KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
~Liz~
“No…”
He drops down in front of me and takes my hands in his. Last night I would have pushed him away…pulled away from any contact with him because it was too painful… But now…now I know it’s more painful to be away from him.
“Don’t apologise…You were right to be upset…I messed up everything…I know it…”
Did he though…? I mean yes, he slept with Tess, but technically we weren’t together so how can I blame him for that…? The truth is that I started it all… I started it with that STUPID idea of mine when FutureMax came… In that life I had before, Alex was still alive… Something about what I did had consequences which resulted in my best friend dying…how can I live with that…how do I deal…?
I shake my head at Max. “No…I started all this…” I tell him softly. I know that he won’t understand what I’m saying, but maybe it’s time I explained… Maybe it’s time I told the truth about what really happened – or what didn’t as the case may be… If we’re going to talk…really talk…then we need to be truthful, and I think this is the first step maybe…
As soon as I make that decision, I feel it swimming in my head though and I begin to wonder if this is such a good idea afterall… Maybe it is just going to complicate things…maybe it’s just going to make things worse… I mean, I lied to him…is he going to be able to just forgive that…?
Off course part of me is asking why he should have to forgive me… He’s the one that’s got another girl pregnant… I push these thoughts aside though. I need to find out where we stand…I need to know if there’s a chance of there ever being an us again…
“I’m the one who’s sorry…This is all my fault…”
Without thinking about it, I reach over and touch his face. I can’t stand the way he’s closing himself off from me…I need him…I need to see him… “Don’t do this to yourself…” I tell him softly. As I realise what I’ve done, I draw my hand away, aware that it probably wouldn’t be classed as appropriate behaviour… Biting my lip, I look down unsure how to broach the subject I know I must… Our relationship – do we even have one anymore…? Even before we started going out we were friends, yet recently I think I’ve even lost that, and I can’t bare it.
If Max says he doesn’t want me…that he doesn’t even want to be a friend, then I’ll move on without him – I’ll have to… I hope it’s not going to come to that though… I want to know that he’s going to be a part of my life…at the very minimum as a friend, but maybe as more…
Everyone is going to think that I’m crazy, but maybe we can work something out…I know I’m willing to try… I swallow nervously and force myself to look back at Max. I don’t know what to say…I’m searching for the words to ask what I need to know and then three words come out… Three words I don’t even think about… “I love you…”
“No…”
He drops down in front of me and takes my hands in his. Last night I would have pushed him away…pulled away from any contact with him because it was too painful… But now…now I know it’s more painful to be away from him.
“Don’t apologise…You were right to be upset…I messed up everything…I know it…”
Did he though…? I mean yes, he slept with Tess, but technically we weren’t together so how can I blame him for that…? The truth is that I started it all… I started it with that STUPID idea of mine when FutureMax came… In that life I had before, Alex was still alive… Something about what I did had consequences which resulted in my best friend dying…how can I live with that…how do I deal…?
I shake my head at Max. “No…I started all this…” I tell him softly. I know that he won’t understand what I’m saying, but maybe it’s time I explained… Maybe it’s time I told the truth about what really happened – or what didn’t as the case may be… If we’re going to talk…really talk…then we need to be truthful, and I think this is the first step maybe…
As soon as I make that decision, I feel it swimming in my head though and I begin to wonder if this is such a good idea afterall… Maybe it is just going to complicate things…maybe it’s just going to make things worse… I mean, I lied to him…is he going to be able to just forgive that…?
Off course part of me is asking why he should have to forgive me… He’s the one that’s got another girl pregnant… I push these thoughts aside though. I need to find out where we stand…I need to know if there’s a chance of there ever being an us again…
“I’m the one who’s sorry…This is all my fault…”
Without thinking about it, I reach over and touch his face. I can’t stand the way he’s closing himself off from me…I need him…I need to see him… “Don’t do this to yourself…” I tell him softly. As I realise what I’ve done, I draw my hand away, aware that it probably wouldn’t be classed as appropriate behaviour… Biting my lip, I look down unsure how to broach the subject I know I must… Our relationship – do we even have one anymore…? Even before we started going out we were friends, yet recently I think I’ve even lost that, and I can’t bare it.
If Max says he doesn’t want me…that he doesn’t even want to be a friend, then I’ll move on without him – I’ll have to… I hope it’s not going to come to that though… I want to know that he’s going to be a part of my life…at the very minimum as a friend, but maybe as more…
Everyone is going to think that I’m crazy, but maybe we can work something out…I know I’m willing to try… I swallow nervously and force myself to look back at Max. I don’t know what to say…I’m searching for the words to ask what I need to know and then three words come out… Three words I don’t even think about… “I love you…”
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
-
KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
~Liz~
“No…”
He drops down in front of me and takes my hands in his. Last night I would have pushed him away…pulled away from any contact with him because it was too painful… But now…now I know it’s more painful to be away from him.
“Don’t apologise…You were right to be upset…I messed up everything…I know it…”
Did he though…? I mean yes, he slept with Tess, but technically we weren’t together so how can I blame him for that…? The truth is that I started it all… I started it with that STUPID idea of mine when FutureMax came… In that life I had before, Alex was still alive… Something about what I did had consequences which resulted in my best friend dying…how can I live with that…how do I deal…?
I shake my head at Max. “No…I started all this…” I tell him softly. I know that he won’t understand what I’m saying, but maybe it’s time I explained… Maybe it’s time I told the truth about what really happened – or what didn’t as the case may be… If we’re going to talk…really talk…then we need to be truthful, and I think this is the first step maybe…
As soon as I make that decision, I feel it swimming in my head though and I begin to wonder if this is such a good idea afterall… Maybe it is just going to complicate things…maybe it’s just going to make things worse… I mean, I lied to him…is he going to be able to just forgive that…?
Off course part of me is asking why he should have to forgive me… He’s the one that’s got another girl pregnant… I push these thoughts aside though. I need to find out where we stand…I need to know if there’s a chance of there ever being an us again…
“I’m the one who’s sorry…This is all my fault…”
Without thinking about it, I reach over and touch his face. I can’t stand the way he’s closing himself off from me…I need him…I need to see him… “Don’t do this to yourself…” I tell him softly. As I realise what I’ve done, I draw my hand away, aware that it probably wouldn’t be classed as appropriate behaviour… Biting my lip, I look down unsure how to broach the subject I know I must… Our relationship – do we even have one anymore…? Even before we started going out we were friends, yet recently I think I’ve even lost that, and I can’t bare it.
If Max says he doesn’t want me…that he doesn’t even want to be a friend, then I’ll move on without him – I’ll have to… I hope it’s not going to come to that though… I want to know that he’s going to be a part of my life…at the very minimum as a friend, but maybe as more…
Everyone is going to think that I’m crazy, but maybe we can work something out…I know I’m willing to try… I swallow nervously and force myself to look back at Max. I don’t know what to say…I’m searching for the words to ask what I need to know and then three words come out… Three words I don’t even think about… “I love you…”
“No…”
He drops down in front of me and takes my hands in his. Last night I would have pushed him away…pulled away from any contact with him because it was too painful… But now…now I know it’s more painful to be away from him.
“Don’t apologise…You were right to be upset…I messed up everything…I know it…”
Did he though…? I mean yes, he slept with Tess, but technically we weren’t together so how can I blame him for that…? The truth is that I started it all… I started it with that STUPID idea of mine when FutureMax came… In that life I had before, Alex was still alive… Something about what I did had consequences which resulted in my best friend dying…how can I live with that…how do I deal…?
I shake my head at Max. “No…I started all this…” I tell him softly. I know that he won’t understand what I’m saying, but maybe it’s time I explained… Maybe it’s time I told the truth about what really happened – or what didn’t as the case may be… If we’re going to talk…really talk…then we need to be truthful, and I think this is the first step maybe…
As soon as I make that decision, I feel it swimming in my head though and I begin to wonder if this is such a good idea afterall… Maybe it is just going to complicate things…maybe it’s just going to make things worse… I mean, I lied to him…is he going to be able to just forgive that…?
Off course part of me is asking why he should have to forgive me… He’s the one that’s got another girl pregnant… I push these thoughts aside though. I need to find out where we stand…I need to know if there’s a chance of there ever being an us again…
“I’m the one who’s sorry…This is all my fault…”
Without thinking about it, I reach over and touch his face. I can’t stand the way he’s closing himself off from me…I need him…I need to see him… “Don’t do this to yourself…” I tell him softly. As I realise what I’ve done, I draw my hand away, aware that it probably wouldn’t be classed as appropriate behaviour… Biting my lip, I look down unsure how to broach the subject I know I must… Our relationship – do we even have one anymore…? Even before we started going out we were friends, yet recently I think I’ve even lost that, and I can’t bare it.
If Max says he doesn’t want me…that he doesn’t even want to be a friend, then I’ll move on without him – I’ll have to… I hope it’s not going to come to that though… I want to know that he’s going to be a part of my life…at the very minimum as a friend, but maybe as more…
Everyone is going to think that I’m crazy, but maybe we can work something out…I know I’m willing to try… I swallow nervously and force myself to look back at Max. I don’t know what to say…I’m searching for the words to ask what I need to know and then three words come out… Three words I don’t even think about… “I love you…”
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
*MAX*
My eyes are squeezed tight, waiting for whatever going to happen, when I feel her touching my cheek. I'm surprised, but still miserable as I raise my eyes to hers. I can't even ask her for forgiveness. What I've done is too big.
But she's actually looking at me. And not yelling. Not hitting me... At least, not yet.
“Don’t do this to yourself…” she says, then breaks eye-contact and looks away. I'm not sure what she means by that. I'm not doing anything except taking responsibility for my own actions. It's all I can do. It's what I have to do. If there was someway to undo the hurt I've caused her, I would in less than a heartbeat, but I can't. It's too late now.
“I love you…” she says, meeting my eyes again. I feel my shoulders droop even farther. She told me last night that she loved me, even while in the same breath she screamed at me to leave her alone.
I nod, waiting for the rest, but it doesn't come. I realize her words were almost gentle. She sounded more scared than angry this time. I force myself to keep my eyes on hers. "I know," I whisper. "I love you, too." The words escape before I can hold them back. I know she doesn't believe that. She has no reason to.
"I'll never love anyone the way I love you." My resolve falters and my gaze falls away to the side. I want to tell her how much I regret all of it, but I know it doesn't matter. I want to tell someone how scared I am, but I can't. When I'm with Tess, I can imagine our lives together. I see how hard it's going to be, but I also see my duty and I know I'll find a way, even if it isn't what I wanted. But here, with Liz, all I can see is what I've lost and the pain I've caused her. She broke my heart when she pushed me away and made me think she'd slept with Kyle, but what I've done is worse.
I release her hand, sure that my trespass has gone on much too long. "Never," I repeat.
My eyes are squeezed tight, waiting for whatever going to happen, when I feel her touching my cheek. I'm surprised, but still miserable as I raise my eyes to hers. I can't even ask her for forgiveness. What I've done is too big.
But she's actually looking at me. And not yelling. Not hitting me... At least, not yet.
“Don’t do this to yourself…” she says, then breaks eye-contact and looks away. I'm not sure what she means by that. I'm not doing anything except taking responsibility for my own actions. It's all I can do. It's what I have to do. If there was someway to undo the hurt I've caused her, I would in less than a heartbeat, but I can't. It's too late now.
“I love you…” she says, meeting my eyes again. I feel my shoulders droop even farther. She told me last night that she loved me, even while in the same breath she screamed at me to leave her alone.
I nod, waiting for the rest, but it doesn't come. I realize her words were almost gentle. She sounded more scared than angry this time. I force myself to keep my eyes on hers. "I know," I whisper. "I love you, too." The words escape before I can hold them back. I know she doesn't believe that. She has no reason to.
"I'll never love anyone the way I love you." My resolve falters and my gaze falls away to the side. I want to tell her how much I regret all of it, but I know it doesn't matter. I want to tell someone how scared I am, but I can't. When I'm with Tess, I can imagine our lives together. I see how hard it's going to be, but I also see my duty and I know I'll find a way, even if it isn't what I wanted. But here, with Liz, all I can see is what I've lost and the pain I've caused her. She broke my heart when she pushed me away and made me think she'd slept with Kyle, but what I've done is worse.
I release her hand, sure that my trespass has gone on much too long. "Never," I repeat.