<b>Part Two</b>
The soft sound of Isabel’s crying seemed to echo through the Guerin house. Alex wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. Max stood in the corner talking to Valenti quietly. Maria assumed it was about making sure that there was no autopsy on Michael’s body, that their secret wouldn’t come out, exposing them.
“Can I get you something?” Liz asked, putting a hand on Maria’s shoulder.
Maria shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“Ok.” Liz sat next to Maria on the couch. Maria gave her best friend a weak smile.
“I’m ok Liz… I’m just worried about the kids ya know.” Maria had held strong the whole day. No tears, just taking care of the things, trying to keep her mind off the situation.
“Here Maria, I made some tea.” Tess said, interrupting the two. The girls welcomed her happily. There was no longer an animosity, nor would there be. They were all best friends, inseparable. Maria was happy for her support system; she wasn’t sure what she would have done without it.
“Thanks.” Maria said, taking the tea.
“Maria, you’re Mom and Jim offered to take the kids and I’m going to stay here with you tonight, if that’s ok.” Tess told her.
Maria nodded. “That’s fine, but I’m ok guys. Really.”
“We know.” Liz said. “We just don’t want you to be alone right now. This is a hard thing to deal with.”
“Thanks guys.” Maria said, resting her head on Liz’s shoulder. Her eyes traveled around the room watching everyone. Kyle and Amy were playing with the kids, trying to keep them calm. Isabel and Alex were still sitting on the couch, Isabel still sobbing. And Max had now joined them, trying to comfort Isabel.
Jim stayed in the corner, his eyes meeting Maria’s. She could see in his eyes how worried he was, and the sadness that his son-in-law was dead. He was just as upset as everyone else, regarding Michael like a son for such a long time. Jim always kept his cool, always stayed strong for everyone.
“Maria, I think Jim and I are going to take the kids now… so they can get some sleep.”
Maria looked up at her Mother. “Ok. Let me get their things.” Maria said.
* * *
Once everyone was gone, Maria made Tess a bed in the guest room, right next to her own room. The two friends stayed up talking, and afterwards Maria felt slightly better.
As Maria headed into her bedroom, Tess made her promise to wake her up if she needed to talk. Maria agreed, and then went into her bedroom. She changed quickly, and then tucked herself into bed. She felt a chill run through her body as she looked at the empty space beside her. She pulled the covers closer around her, but it was no use. She was still freezing.
Sleep didn’t come easy for Maria that night. She spent hours staring at the ceiling, but finally her eyes closed, and she fell into a restless sleep.
* * *
<I>Maria smiled as she stood on the beach, watching her kids play in the sand. The salty ocean breeze blew through her curly blonde hair and the waves washed up on the sand, making a loud crash. The weather was perfect. Not to hot, not to cold. She could hear her children laughing and it made her so happy. Everything was perfect.
“Maria?” The familiar voice called from behind her. She turned around and looked into the eyes of her husband, the man she loved more than anything in the world.
“They said you were dead. I knew it wasn’t true.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. It was soft and gentle. “Please don’t go away… not again. I need you.” She pleaded, the tears brimming in her eyes.
“I’ll never go away. I’ll always be with you Maria, I would never leave you.” Maria wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder, looking far beyond where they were standing. What she saw shocked her.
Standing on the pier was a man dressed in a tight black t-shirt and black pants. He stood staring at her, hands on his hips. Her breath caught in her throat. She looked back towards her dream Michael and saw him almost disappearing. She looked back towards the other man, the other Michael… This one was real.
Maria ran towards him, the hot sand was burning her feet, but she didn’t care. When she reached him he pulled her in, kissing her deeply. The passion was so intense she felt like something had exploded around her. This was it; this was the real deal… only her Michael could make her weak in the knees with a kiss.
“I can’t stay long.” He told her. “I just wanted you to know, that I love you more than anything in the world.”
“I love you too.” She said. “Do you have to go?” She asked.
He nodded sadly. “I’m sorry, it’s not safe.”
“It’s never been safe…” She started.
“I’ll come back for you, once this is all worked out. I’ll come back for you I promise. Goodbye Maria.”
“Don’t go, not yet.” She pleaded.
Michael didn’t pay any attention to her; he just turned his back to her and walked off, towards the setting sun.
“Michael!” She cried. “You can’t leave me like this! I can’t do this without you.”
Michael stopped for a second, and Maria knew he would turn around and run back to her, holding her forever. But he didn’t, he stopped for a second and then continued walking.
“MICHAEL!” She yelled, tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks. “Don’t leave me! MICHAEL!”</I>
* * *
She woke up in her bed and she sat straight up, her heart racing, her body full of adrenaline. That had been some dream… no it wasn’t a dream… it was real.
“Maria!” Tess ran into the room. “Are you ok?”
Maria nodded. “Michael…” She said.
“What about him?” Tess asked, running a hand through Maria’s hair.
“He’s alive.”
<b>Part Three</b>
“You guys, it wasn’t just a dream. It was real!” Maria had just finished telling the gang about her dream, but unfortunately, no one believed her.
“Maria, I know how hard this is to understand but Michael is dead.” Jim told her.
Maria shook her head. “No, I saw him Jim… He’s not dead!” She insisted.
“Maria, Michael can’t dream walk. There’s no way he was in your dream.” Max said.
“He’s alive Max! I know for a fact that he’s alive.”
“Enough!” Isabel spat. “Don’t you think we are all trying to deal with this? You insisting that Michael is alive isn’t making it any easier!”
Everyone looked at Isabel in shock. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I forgot that this was all about you.” Maria stood up and stormed to her room.
“Maria?” Liz walked in the room. “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine Liz.” Maria snapped.
“Maria, I need to talk to you about something… You need to make arrangements for ya know… for Michael. A funeral and stuff.”
Maria nodded. “Oh yeah, I … I guess I do need to do that.”
“Max and I will go with you if you want.” Liz offered.
“Ok, umm… let me get my Mom to watch the kids and we’ll go this afternoon.”
“Ok.”
“Liz…” Maria said.
“Yeah?”
“Can you just give me a few minutes alone.” Maria asked.
Liz sighed. “Yeah, I’ll be downstairs when you are ready.”
“Thanks.” Liz left and Maria alone and she walked to the closet. She opened it up and pulled out a shirt. She looked at the left side of the closet, the side that held Michael’s clothes. She reached out and touched one of his t-shirts. A lump started forming in her throat and she felt the sting of tears. She took a deep breathe and began to regain her composure.
“It’s ok you know.”
Maria turned around, startled by the intruder. “What’s ok?” She asked.
“To cry.” Isabel told her, walking into the room. “To break down, to yell, scream, be pissed off, be sad… It’s all ok.”
Maria grabbed at a shirt out of the closet and slammed the door shut. “I’ve got to be strong for the kids.” She told them.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. This whole thing is hard for me too.”
Maria nodded. “I know it is. I wasn’t trying to upset anyone.”
“I know.” Isabel said. “Look, Alex and I are going to go. We’ll be back later ok?”
“Ok.”
Isabel hugged Maria and Maria gratefully hugged her friend back. “It’s gonna be ok. We’ll get through this… you have me… you have all of us.”
“Thanks.”
Isabel left and Maria sat down on the bed, clutching her shirt. She wouldn’t let herself break, she was Teflon… She could handle anything.
* * *
Choosing coffins and gravesites and funeral homes was more work that Maria expected. She was glad to have Max and Liz with her, and they offered to help with some of the cost, because everything was so expensive, and Maria wasn’t sure where she stood financially.
The next day was the viewing. Many people showed up, and Maria was surprised at how supportive most people were. All throughout the day Maria remained strong.
Around 7, when the second session began, Max went up to the coffin and looked in at his best friend’s body. He put his head down, and it looked like he was praying. Maria wasn’t sure. Suddenly Max fell to his knees in front of the casket and began sobbing loudly.
Liz ran to his side and wrapped her arms around him. Max was the strongest person Maria knew. She had never seen him cry. As she watched Liz rock Max back and forth trying to comfort him, Maria felt her own grief begin to resurface.
Maria knew that if she didn’t get out of that room immediately she would lose it, and she couldn’t afford to lose it. She grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
The chilly February air was a blessing as it hit Maria’s face. She opened her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Maria hadn’t smoked in years. She had picked it up towards the end of her senior year, when life was extremely stressful, then quit when she became pregnant with Aiden.
With a shaky hand Maria lit her cigarette and took a long drag. She immediately felt better, the chemicals numbing her emotions.
“Mind if I join you?” Maria jumped and turned around.
“Kyle! God you scared me. I thought you were Jim.” She told him.
“You gonna share the wealth or what?” He asked. Maria lit a cigarette with her own and handed it to Kyle. “Needed to get out of there huh?”
“Yeah, I just needed some air.”
“I hear that… Pretty stuffy in there. So when did you take up smoking again?”
Maria rolled her eyes. “About 5 minutes ago… and you?”
“I sneak one here or there, try not to let Tess catch me.”
Maria laughed. “I used to do that. After Aiden was born I would try to sneak one… Michael would always catch me though. He would kiss me and I’d be busted.” She chuckled again. “He hated me smoking.”
“So why would you start now?” Kyle asked, taking another drag of his cigarette. “I’m sure Michael wouldn’t like it.”
Maria shrugged. “Well Michael’s dead. I don’t think he really fucking cares.”
“Maria… I didn’t…” Kyle started, shocked by her response.
Maria threw her cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. “When I need a babysitter Kyle, I’ll let you know.” With that she turned of her heel and stalked inside, not wanting to deal with Kyle anymore.
<b>Part Four</b>
“Maria, Alex and I want to take the kids tonight? Is that ok?” Isabel told Maria as everyone congregated at her house following the funeral.
“Yeah.”
“And I’m going to stay with you tonight.” Amy said, placing a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.
Maria simply nodded. Everyone was basically just taking her life in their hands. She was completely coherent. She could take care of herself and her children, but she would let them do what they wanted. At least for a few days, but then she would be taking her life back.
Maria tapped her foot anxiously. She wanted a cigarette more than anything right now. This day had just been too stressful for her. She needed to relax, but there was no where she could go. Someone would see her.
“Maria!” Maria saw Jesse Ramirez, Michael’s partner, coming her way.
“Hi Jesse.” She said. Jesse pulled her into a hug.
“I’m so sorry. I wanted to come by sooner, but there’s been a lot to do at work.” He explained.
“I understand. Thank you for being here. I’m sure Michael would have appreciated it.”
“Are you ok?” He asked.
She nodded and faked a smile. “I’m fine. I mean, I’m not jumping for joy, but I’ll be ok.”
“I just want you to know that if you need anything, I’m here for you.”
She smiled. “Thanks Jesse. I appreciate it.”
“Also… You should know that Michael simply adored you.” Her told her.
Maria couldn’t help but genuinely smile. “Thanks.”
“I mean, I know that you know he loved you, but I don’t think anyone could love someone as much as Michael loved you and the kids. You were his world.”
“That means a lot. Thank you.”
Jesse kissed Maria on the cheek. “No problem. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Maria watched Jesse walk off and sighed. She really needed a cigarette.
* * *
The stars were so pretty. The night was cloudless and Maria could see all of them, shimmering in the sky. She could remember when Michael studied the stars, trying to find his home planet. Then little by little he stopped paying attention to the stars and trying to find home, and paid more attention to the home that was right in front of him.
“I brought you some hot tea.” Amy said, sitting down on the two person swing Maria had placed on her balcony.
“I love this balcony.” Maria said. “Michael and I were so excited about watching the stars out here. We’ll never get to do that now.”
Amy put her arm around Maria. “I know baby, and I know it’s terrible, but it’ll get better. I promise.”
“It’s not terrible, I think that terrible is on it’s way. Right now it’s worse… Right now I just want to join Michael… I just want to die Mom.” Maria finally let a few tears slide down her cheeks.
“It’ll be ok.” Amy assured her.
“And I keep saying that I’m trying to be strong to take care of the kids, but the only thing I can think about is… Who’s gonna take care of me?” Maria started sobbing loudly, her wall finally crumbling around her.
She curled up into the fetal position and placed her head in Amy’s lap. Amy ran her fingers through Maria’s hair, letting her cry. The sobs shook Maria’s body violently.
“I miss him so much.” She choked out. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this alone.”
“You’re not alone Maria, you have me. You’ll always have me.”
“I need him Mom… I need him. I don’t want to live without him.” Maria continued crying loudly, not able to stop. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to stop crying again.
<b>Part Five</b>
<I>The Present</I>
“MOMMA!” The sound of Lucy screaming scared Maria to death. She jumped up from her swing and ran from her room down the hall to where the twins slept.
She opened the door and saw Lucy clutching the blankets tightly to her, crying loudly. Lauren sat straight up in her bed, shaking, obviously scared for her sister.
“Lucy…” Maria sat on her bed and held her daughter. “What’s wrong sweetheart? What’s wrong?”
“I want my Daddy!” She screamed. “Please Momma, I want my Daddy.”
“I want Daddy too!” Lauren cried out.
Maria lifted Lucy into her arms and carried her over to Lauren’s bed, now able to hold them both. The twins cried and cried and Maria rocked them back and forth, calming them as best she could. She had been lucky so far, the kids had accepted everything well, not really understanding. She should have known it was only a matter of time before they broke down too.
“I want Daddy! I want Daddy!” Lauren cried.
“I know, I know. Shh…” Maria whispered. “It’s ok, it’ll be ok.”
* * *
Within a few minutes the twins had fallen back to sleep. Maria returned Lucy to her bed and kissed both of her girls on the forehead.
After that she traveled a little farther down the hall to Aiden’s room. He was curled up in his bed, clutching his stuffed alien tightly to him. Maria smiled. She remembered when Michael showed up with that thing while she was giving birth to Aiden. She wanted to kill him. She was already freaked out about having an alien baby, and then Michael had to be a smart ass.
Aiden was her strong one. He was going to be just like Michael, she sensed that from the moment he had emotions. He was loving, and caring, but also could be a tough little guy. She had always thought that her children would grow up normally. Alien issues aside of course. They had a loving mother, a terrific father and they wouldn’t lack for money… all of that was changed now. Maria was going to have to raise them all on her own, and she had no idea what she was going to do about finances. She didn’t have a job, and without Michael’s salary, they would never be able to afford the house, or anything else for that matter. There was more to all of this then losing a loved one. They were losing a lot more.
Maria kissed Aiden and headed back down the hall to her room. She grabbed her cigarettes from the top drawer of her nightstand and stepped back onto the balcony.
This was the first night that she was alone in the house with the kids. Someone had always been with her, but tonight she knew it had to stop. The funeral was over, and it was time to start getting things back to normal. Her children needed stability right now, not to be staying at a different place every night.
Maria finished her cigarette and smashed it in her ashtray. She locked the sliding door leading to the balcony and got back into bed. She felt a little better now, maybe she’d be able to sleep.
* * *
<I>She watched from a distance, she wanted to get closer but she couldn’t move, so she stayed where she was. Michael was walking down the street when there was a loud bang and he fell. Maria screamed, and tried running to him, but she couldn’t. She was stuck.
The scene changed to Michael’s funeral. Maria walked up to the coffin and let herself cry, only a little though. She reached out and ran a finger over his hands. “Michael…” She cried quietly. “Michael…”</I>
* * *
She cried quietly in her sleep, calling out his name. “Michael…” She rolled onto her side and clutched Michael’s pillow to her chest unconsciously and cried a little bit more.
She woke up slowly, her eyes having a hard time adjusting, tears running down her cheeks. She sat up and wiped her eyes, and jumped when she saw a figure standing at the foot of her bed. “Who’s there?” She asked.
The figure walked slowly next to the glass sliding doors, the moonlight illuminating him. Maria froze. “Michael.”
<Part Five</b>
Michael made his way to the bed and sat on it, right next to Maria. Maria reached out slowly and touched his face. She could feel the rough stubble indicating he hadn’t shaved in days.
She could hardly breath as his hands held her face, and he leaned in to kiss her. When his lips hit hers, it was electric. She felt her whole body tingle, and she knew she wanted more. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss.
He pushed away from her quickly and suddenly and she stared into his chocolate brown eyes. “You’ve been smoking.” He said quietly.
That made her smile trough the fresh stream of tears that started running down her cheeks. “It’s really you.” She said.
“It’s really me Baby.”
A strangled cry errupted from Maria’s lips and Michael pulled her into him. With her face buried in his chest, she cried. Her arms instinctively went around him and she held on tightly, as if he’d disappear if she didn’t. “It’s ok Maria, I’m right here.” He whispered, running his hands through her hair. “I’m not dead.”
“I saw your body, I … How is this possible?” She was trying to choke back her sobs, but she couldn’t. Every time she looked at Michael, the tears started up again.
“Maria, listen to me.” Michael cupped her face and forced her to look at him. “I have to tell you something.” She nodded, and he continued. “There are people and they want to kill me.” He told her. “I met up with Nasedo in New York and we had this plan, but it didn’t work like we had wanted.”
“Who would want to kill you?” She asked, completely confused.
“Remember those pods that Max, Isabel, Tess, and I were in?” She nodded. “There were two sets and the other set is bad. I saw them kill their Max and… now they want to kill me.”
“But as far as they know, you’re already dead.”
“If they find out I’m alive, it’s over Maria, for all of us. I can’t be here.”
Maria shook her head. “No, Michael… we’ll figure something out. You can’t just leave me, not again.”
“Maria…”
Maria pushed him away and jumped off the bed. “No! You don’t get to make all the decisions. This affects me too!” She cried.
“Damnit Maria!” Michael stood up and faced her.
“I won’t let you do this.” She told him. “I don’t care what happens. I want to be with you no matter what. I always have.”
“I’m not taking that chance Maria, not with your life. I love you too much. If they find out I’m alive I don’t even know what they’d do to you or the kids… No, I won’t let that happen.”
Maria collapsed on the floor, sobbing yet again. “I just got you back, and now I’m losing you again.”
* * *
Michael bit his bottom lip, trying to keep his composure. Seeing Maria sobbing on the floor was killing him. He didn’t want to leave. He kneeled down next to her and rubbed her back gently. He just let her cry, knowing it was what she needed.
A loud sob shook Maria’s whole body. Michael tried to contain his own tears, brimming at his eyes, ready to fall. This was tearing him apart just as much as it was her. He pulled her small petite body into his arms and inhaled the scent of her hair. Strawberry, he would miss that. He would miss the way her body fit perfectly with his. The way she glared at him when he pissed her off. All the little things that he had never taken time to notice. He would miss it all.
“Will I ever see you again?” She choked out, looking up at him.
“I hope so.” He said, brushing a few stray hairs from her face. “I’ll wish for it everyday.”
“Me too.” She said, nodding. “How much time do we have?” She asked, looking towards the clock.
Michael looked toward the window. “A few hours.” He told her.
Maria grabbed his hands and pulled him toward the bed. She reached down to his waist and pulled his shirt up over his head and discarded it on the floor.
Michael felt nervous as he started taking off her clothes. He couldn’t understand why. He and Maria had made love a million times, but this time was different… because this could be the last, and that was just the worst feeling in the world.
He gently laid her down on the bed, his body hovering over hers. “Thank you.” He whispered, kissing her gently on the lips.
“What for?” She asked.
“Loving me.” He replied.
Tears slid down Maria’s cheeks. “I’ve always loved you. I always will.”
Michael let a few of his tears out too. Maria wrapped her arms around him and he kissed her neck. This was it… this was the last time he would ever be with her… the last time he’d be able to feel her next to him.
He moved his lips down to her collarbone. He was fully prepared to make the most of it.
<b>Part Six</b>
<I>I pull the covers 'cross the bed
I tuck away the thoughts in my head
And I live behind closed doors
Knowing I will always love you more</I>
She felt his arms move, as he let her go hesitantly. A chill ran through her whole body. She almost didn’t look up, knowing that if she watched him walk out that door, she’d lose it completely. But she couldn’t just let him go.
“I don’t want you to go.” She said softly, still facing the other direction.
His warm hand moved slowly down her naked back. “I don’t want to go.”
She turned toward him. “Then don’t. Stay with me… stay with me forever.”
She could see him so well now. As she reached out for his hand she could tell that he was struggling, internally as well. He felt like he was abandoning his family, but he felt if he didn’t they would die.
<I>And I won't fall apart
I won't lie in pieces on the ground
I won't fall apart
If we say it all without a sound</I>
Maria sat up and wrapped the blankets around her body. “I love you.” She said strongly, knowing he had to do this, and she was just making it harder on him.
“I love you too.” He kissed her gently, one last time on the lips. “Goodbye Maria.”
“Goodbye Michael.” She said, forcing her tears back.
He shut the door softly behind him and she could hear as he walked down the hall. He stopped in the twin’s room, then Aiden’s. She could tell by his movements, and just the fact that she knew him well enough to know he couldn’t leave without at least seeing them.
<I>If we could last another day
Filled with nothing left to say
I will know I've loved my best
Then maybe I could put my heart to rest</I>
Maria walked out to the balcony, her blankets still wrapped around her. She sat on her swing and lit a cigarette.
The sun was rising just below the horizon. She could see tiny rays of sunlight trying to break through the darkness. Soon the stars would disappear and the sun would shine.
“I love you.” She whispered, as the last sign of night faded away, and sun took the place of the moon, creating a new day. Maria stood up. Clothed herself, and made the bed. The kids would be up soon. They would want breakfast.
* * *
<I>And I won't fall apart
I won't lie in pieces on the ground
I won't fall apart
If we say it all without a sound</I>
He sat alone, on the back of the bus, a hat on his head, and sunglasses, hiding his face. To the casual observer he appeared to be reading a book, and trying to keep the sun out of his eyes as it shone in brightly on the bus.
To the person who noticed everything, the not so casual observer you could say, this man was broken in half. He wore sunglasses to hide the tears that cascaded down his cheeks, and the book he was reading was nothing more than an old photo album of happier times. Those were gone now. Blue skies were no more, all the future held for him were dark clouds.
<I>If I could make the sun rise a little too slow
To keep from hearing what I already know</I>
The album fell to the last page and Michael ran a finger over it. “I love you.” He whispered, examining the picture, how happy his family looked.
<I>And I won't fall apart
I won't lie in pieces on the ground
I won't fall apart
If we say it all without a sound</I>
He then shut the album and turned to the window, staring as the desert passed quickly. Where he was going, he didn’t know. What the future had in store for him, that was uncertain as well. But as much as these feelings troubled him, it was worth it, because he knew his family would be safe. No harm would come to them, that he was sure of.
<I>I will live behind closed doors
Knowing I will always love you more </I>
The End
"What do I look like? The Wizard of Oz? You need a brain? You need a heart? Go ahead, take mine. Take everything I have."
</center>