Won't Forget Tonight, Alex/Isabel, Alex POV YTEEN [COMPLETE]

[Sternbetrachter]

Won’t Forget Tonight
by Trude
Rating: YTEEN
Disclaimer: I really don’t own Roswell, so no complaints about it to me! The song, from which I borrowed some passages is called “Won’t Forget Tonight” belongs to “Loud Nine”.
Spoilers: HOM, CYN, maybe Departure
Summary: Alex’s POV during his dance with Isabel at the Prom.
AN: Thanks to Jamie for beta reading and giving me the courage to actually post it!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
Feedback would be nice, but since this is the first Roswell fic I’ve ever written and my first songfic – don’t make me cry, okay?


I am holding her close while I am watching her smile at some *friends* of hers.
She looks beautiful. She always does, but tonight she looks even more amazing than usual. I guess that’s because she’s really happy. I don’t mean her “happy ‘cause it is expected from me” way, I mean the “happy because I am” way.
She is smiling at me again, maybe she wants to kiss me again. Yeah, again. She already kissed me once and I couldn’t be happier. I mean, she kissed me! Queen Isabel kissing geek Alex! Okay, I admit I kissed her back, who am I to not do? But the point is, that she was the one who initiated the kissing!

Even though I am glad to be here with her, I know that I shouldn’t be! I am afraid that she is also happy because we are here together and that shouldn’t be the case. It will just make her unhappier in the end. I know that sounded crazy but the next is even crazier.

I know I am going to die!
Not the “everyone has to die” way, more like the way when you have an accident and you know that help will be too late.
It is not a pretty feeling, trust me!
I don’t know when or why I started remembering almost everything that involved my trip to *Sweden*, one moment I was thinking of the beautiful weather and the other I remembered me going to Las Cruces. Then, I slowly remembered almost everything that happened. I don’t think I would’ve stayed sane if it had been crushing down on me in one big heap.

I’ll lose my life
But I won’t forget tonight
I’ll lose my mind
But I won’t forget a thing you said

I still don’t know why I went or whose idea it was, but even if I did, that knowledge wouldn’t be able to keep me alive!

Two days ago I realized that I would die because of going to Las Cruces. I was watching the funny vampire episode of the “X-Files” when I suddenly got an eerie feeling and dread washed over me in huge waves.
Strangely enough realizing my soon coming death didn’t send me into a depression, God knows why not. I have been utterly calm since then, not making any comments to the others, not searching for the one who is responsible for this mess I am in, not even looking for the destiny book which I haven’t seen since Las Cruces.
Maybe I am still in shock or in denial, I don’t know and I don’t even care.
The only thing I did was leaving some “clues” for Liz, about Las Cruces and “Leanna”. Call it instinct, but I am quite sure that Liz is going to find them.
It wouldn’t be good to tell them, they would try to find a way to keep me alive (if they would even believe me) and then blame themselves because they couldn’t find a cure.
It’s better this way.
I hope.

Isabel is kissing me again, much longer this time! Gasping for air, we break apart. She is grinning at me, her eyes twinkling with happiness. I think she loves me! Another instinct. I guess that whatever happened made me more aware of my surroundings and the ones around me.

I am grinning back at her, but on the inside I am near to tears.

She’ll be hurt when I am dying and that’s something I didn’t want to happen. I never wanted to hurt her or make her uncomfortable, that’s why I let her go after Destiny and that’s why I didn’t really fight for her during the Grant fiasco. I never wanted to do anything she wouldn’t like and still I have no way to prevent it this time.

I’ll lose my life
But I won’t forget tonight
I’ll lose my mind
But I won’t forget a thing you said

That’s why I said no to her in the library. It hurt seeing her eyes fill with pain after hearing my answer, but it was for the best.
And still I am here with her.
She came to my bedroom in the middle of the night. I was strumming my guitar when I heard a knock on my window. Thinking that maybe it was the asshole who sent me to Las Cruces, I almost knocked her down with my guitar before I recognized her.
We were sitting on my bed (lifetime fantasies getting real) and she told me about going to university. I didn’t hear everything she said, cause I could only focus on her beauty. But I heard her asking, almost begging, me to go to Prom with her.
I was silent for awhile, not knowing what to do. On one hand I didn’t want to, on the other hand this was something I never imagined to happen, her asking me to go to the Prom with her.
I said yes, of course. I can’t deny her anything, I never could.
For a second I even thought that maybe, she would be so miserable without me, that she, well, would join me in death. I know that’s utterly crazy and I shouldn’t have thought of it, but ...
But is it so crazy that I don’t want to be alone there, wherever “there” is?
I immediately dismissed the thought. I want her to live, needed to know that she would live despite everything that would happen after I translated the book. She should live cause I won’t be able to .

If I had the chance to change some things that happened last year, I would immediately try to make things better for Liz and Maria. They are my sisters and I just watched when Max or Michael broke their hearts again and again. I wouldn’t let that happen again.
And of course, I would act differently towards Isabel. Not letting her get through with everything, being more persistent after the whole Destiny thing and not letting her end our “relationship” without a real fight.

So, here I am, in the gym, dancing with the love of my life. Trying to make this the best evening of her and my life.
Judging from her smile and her lips coming closer to mine again, I am not doing bad.

I’ll lose my life
But I won’t forget tonight
I’ll lose my mind
But I won’t forget a thing you said

Whatever will happen to me, I won’t forget this night. I won’t forget a single moment, word or touch I shared with her.

I am gonna be
Crawling, crawling
Crying out tonight
At the time we never had
But I won’t forget tonight

END