Title: Amy Deluca’s Pleasing, Passionate, Pleasure Parties!
Author: Meagzie
Disclaimer: Trust me, if I owned any piece of Roswell, I would not currently work in retail. Regardless, I do not own any Roswell related characters, ideas, etc. and no infringement is intended!
Pairings/Couples/Categories: CC
Rating: Adult – definitely nothing here for the kiddies.
Summary: In these tough economical times, Amy Deluca decides to try a new business venture. She enlists Maria, Isabel and Liz as her guinea pigs.
Author’s Notes: First note, this story is NOT intended for anyone under the age of 18. It involves many sexual subjects. It's inappropriate, rude, crude, and probably just a bit offensive - but it's all done in humor. I promise. Just sit back and laugh!
Okay, so if you enjoy this story at all – even a teeny bit – the real thanks and appreciation needs to go to Lissa. This story would have never come about if it weren’t for her – nor would it have come to a finished state without her. So thank you to Lissa for getting me off my mental couch and forcing me to write again.
Another thank you to Liz for making my beautiful banner! She’s magic.
And one last thank you to all the readers and Roswell community members who have welcomed me back years later.
Enjoy!
~*~*~*~
“Okay, Maria, seriously, what are we doing here?”
Liz glanced around Michael’s apartment, realizing that for once it actually appeared tidy. The usual boxes of pizza and empty bottles of Tabasco sauce no longer littered the floor. Even the couch cushions were neatly arranged and the lingering dust on the television had been wiped away recently.
“Where’s Michael?” asked Liz.
Maria swept her luxurious blonde curls behind her shoulders and gave a playful shrug. With a shit-eating grin, she replied, “Not here, that’s for sure.”
Liz twisted her hands together nervously. Any time that grin appeared on her best friend’s face, it could only mean trouble. The mere fact that Maria had not only been able to convince Michael to leave his sanctuary but also to clean the typically toxic zone was nothing short of a miracle. It only made Liz all the more nervous.
A loud rapping sound was heard from the front door before it swung open noisily. Isabel walked in, her shiny pointed boots clicking and clacking along the floor. Liz stared dumbfounded. How was it that every time Isabel walked into the room, the whole world seemed to shiver and shake at her beauty? It truly wasn’t fair. Liz twirled her dull brown locks around her finger sadly. Stupid beautiful aliens.
“Maria!” Isabel’s voice rang. “What are we doing…” She paused, her eyebrows scrunching immediately. Her eyes roamed the apartment, taking in each section of space. Slowly, she asked, “Did Michael clean his apartment?”
Maria nodded with a happy grin. “It’s wonderful what a little persuasion of the sexual nature can do!”
“Gross, Maria,” Isabel gagged. She walked around the living area and sat down elegantly on the sofa. “Will you please explain why I’m here and not enjoying my Friday night elsewhere?”
Liz watched as Maria began hopping from one foot to the other excitedly. “It’s a surprise!” she exclaimed. She glanced over at the clock, and nodded to herself. “She should be here any moment now.”
Before Liz could even part her lips to ask whom she was referring to, another loud knock came from the front door. Maria bounced quickly over and wrenched the door open. Liz couldn’t see who was at the door, but saw Maria ushering the person in quickly.
“Ms. Deluca?” Isabel’s voice rang out.
Amy Deluca waved warmly at the girls in front of her. She had a large rolling suitcase behind her, more than likely filled with things that Liz was sure she didn’t want to know about. Regardless, Amy dragged the luggage towards the teenaged girls and let it drop heavily next to the coffee table. It fell with a loud thud.
Amy clapped her hands together and grinned. “So who is ready for this party to begin?”
Liz glanced from Amy to Maria quickly, confusion still etched on her face. “Party?” she repeated. “Is someone going to explain what is going on?”
Amy’s right eyebrow shot up and she stared hotly at her daughter. “You didn’t tell them what we’re doing?”
Maria squirmed sheepishly. “Well, if I told them, they would have never shown up. Especially squeaky clean, girl-next-door Liz Parker!”
Liz felt mildly offended but remained quiet. Really? What could[/] she say to that? She was pretty innocent.
“Okay, if you don’t tell me what is going on, I’m walking out that door right now!” Isabel’s screech rang through the apartment.
Maria vaulted herself towards the sofa and forced her tiny body between Isabel and Liz. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed both of their hands and held them close to her chest. She closed her eyes and spoke in a deeply soothing voice.
“Well, ladies, there comes a time in our lives as beautiful, young women when we have to de-stress from the multitude of demanding pressures that plague our lives. Some people play music, some people work out in gyms, and some people – well, they participate in adult activities.”
Liz’s heart stuttered to a stop as she heard Maria’s words.
“Excuse me?”
Maria held a firm grip on their hands. Ignoring Liz, she continued on with her dramatic monologue.
“And as you know, in these changing times, the economy has suffered greatly in recent years. People are finding themselves in financial predicaments they never would have imagined. So to fend off from an impending monetary doom, my mother has found another way to make a little extra money.”
Amy nodded enthusiastically, bending over her suitcase and unzipping the cover. “Let me present to you,” she cried excitedly, “Amy Deluca’s Pleasing, Passionate, Pleasure Parties!” She pulled out a long, pink banner with the same name and some odd graphic printed on it.
“Mom! You got a banner made!” Maria exclaimed excitedly. She clapped her hands together and went to look at the sign up close. She giggled and pointed to the phallic shaped graphic. “I like the illustrated penis.”
Amy grinned happily. “I thought the pink was a nice touch.”
“Wait,” Isabel stuttered. “Is this what I think it is?”
Maria and Amy nodded together. “It’s an adult toy party!”
Liz’s face went white. Her fingers went limp and she slumped against the back of the sofa. Did she hear that correctly?
“No, no, no!” Liz whined. “Really, Maria? An adult toy party?”
Amy pulled some rubbery toy from her luggage and flung it up in the air with gusto. “What, Liz? We’re all grown woman! Nothing to be afraid of.” She started to place various bags, bottles, and tubes onto the coffee table. Objects of various colours, shapes, textures, and materials were sprawled across the tabletop. “I need you ladies to act as my test subjects. I need to know how to run these parties before I go out into the Roswell toy buying public!”
“I – er –no! – uh –really…” Liz trailed off. She glanced over at Isabel, hoping to find a partner but she was already perusing the various toys. Liz dropped her head to her chest. “Fine.”
Amy jumped enthusiastically. She led Maria back to the sofa, and pushed her down by the shoulders. “Ok, ladies! Lets get this show on the road.” She glanced over at Liz and patted her lightly on the head. “We’ll start slow and light for you, Liz.”
Liz grumbled to herself, feeling like a petulant child. She was eighteen now! An adult! She could participate in these… these… adult activities just like everyone else in the room. She was going to sit and enjoy it. Whether she liked it or not.
Amy reached for a slim clear bottle and held it in front of her. “First we’ll start with lubricants. This here is your basic water-based lubricant.” She leaned forward, speaking lightly. “Girls, just between you and me, make sure you always use a water-based lubricant. Any oil based ones will affect latex condoms – and we don’t want any little Roswellians running around any time soon, do we?”
Liz dropped her head into her hands. Think of your happy place, think of your happy place…
“What’s the difference between that one-” Isabel gestured to the tube in Amy’s hand, “and all these other ones?”
“Well, this one,” Amy picked up a pink bottle, “is a different and fun treat! Hold out your hand!” She squirted a small portion of liquid onto Isabel’s palm. “Okay, now rub your hands together. What do you feel?”
Isabel massaged the lubricant into her hands and focused on the oncoming sensations. Her eyes opened wide as a heat surged through her skin. Initially it was a warm tickle on her fingers, but rapidly it burst into an all-out forest fire on her hands. She jumped up from her seat and began screaming incoherently.
“What the HELL is in that?” Isabel shrieked. Her hands were waving erratically in the air while the other three women stared on in horror.
“It’s not supposed to burn!” Amy cried. Without a thought, she squeezed another amount of the warming lubricant into her own palm. She took a quick sniff and then rubbed it into her hands. Her eyes squeezed shut, awaiting the oncoming blaze.
Amy’s head tilted to the side and her eyes popped open. “Isabel,” she said slowly, “what are you talking about?” A sly grin spread across her lips. “This feels fantastic! Just imagine that on your naughty bits!”
Liz watched as Isabel scowled hotly at Amy. She was still hopping from foot to foot as her hands were held out limply in front of her. Liz jumped in surprise as a thought hit her. She leaned towards Maria and nudged her shoulder.
“Maria!” Liz whispered quickly. “I think Isabel is having a… Czechoslovakian reaction to the lube!”
“Son of a bitch!” Isabel cried out. Her long slender fingers were starting to turn into an unattractive crimson shade. The flames roared intensely underneath the layers of her skin, burning deep down into her muscles. Surely, this couldn’t be a normal reaction! It felt like she had dipped her hands into the deepest recesses of Hell and had yet to pull them out.
Maria grabbed Isabel’s arm and dragged her towards the bathroom. “You need to scrub that crap off! Bleach ‘em if you have to!” she hissed into the suffering alien’s ear. “Apparently your extra-terrestrial existence isn’t meant to coincide with sexual lubricant!” Maria shoved her inside the small room and slammed the door.
Grinning sheepishly, she shrugged her shoulders and offered to her mother, “Must be allergic to something. Maybe a bad reaction to her hand lotion?” She gestured to the rest of the toys laid before them. “We’ll, uh, just continue until she’s done.”
Amy raised an eyebrow but shrugged in response. She motioned for her daughter to sit down again.
“All right, well, lets leave the liquids alone for now.” Amy picked up a tiny, cylindrical object. It was a deep blue shade with a wire running from the top all the way to a small square remote. “This, girls, can be your very best friend. It’s a Vibrating Bullet!” She placed the egg shape into Liz’s hand but kept the remote.
“Now, hold onto it, okay?” Amy instructed. She flicked a switch on the tiny remote.
Liz felt the toy suddenly vibrate against her hand, spooking her effectively. Her eyes were round and wide, staring at the tiny toy bucking like a wild bronco. She rolled the miniature egg around in her palm and tossed it from hand to hand. With a confused look, she glanced up at their party host.
“I get that it vibrates,” Liz said slowly, “but, uh, what do you do with it?”
Amy raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Well, you rub it up against your Happy Moaning Button! Duh!”
Liz blinked. “My what?”
“Happy Moaning Button!” Maria repeated exasperated. “It’s your magical little nub that brings all your dreams and fantasies to life!”
Liz stared blankly at her best friend. “Do I even want to know why it’s called that?”
Amy gasped loudly, her hand covering her parted lips. “Liz,” she whispered loudly. “Have you never had a… you know?”
Maria waved her hand at her mother. “Please, Mom! Of course Liz has! She’s eighteen, for Buddha’s sake! Who hasn’t experienced an orgasm by that age?” She glanced over at Liz. Furrowing her eyebrows, she questioned, “Right, Liz?”
Liz’s cheeks burned bright, her stare planted firmly on her feet.
“LIZ!” Maria shrieked. Gripping her shoulders, she forced her best friend to look into her eyes. “I mean, I know Max is a big Mr. Prude like you but surely you’ve Teased the Kitty! Tickled the Taco! Buffed your Muffin!” Liz’s silence caused Maria to carry on weakly. “Paddled the Pink Canoe? Worked Out at the Y? Hee-haw’d with Mee-maw?”
“Played the Clitar?” Amy added thoughtfully.
“No!” Liz shouted back at them. “I have never done – that before. I just never felt the need to do…” she swallowed, “that.”
“Well, of course you don’t, sweetheart,” responded Amy. “If your tongue swells up at just the thought of saying masturbation, your fingers would surely fall right off at the tips any time they go near your fur burger!”
“Ms. Deluca,” moaned Liz. Her head felt dizzy. “Please stop referring to my lady parts.”
Amy let out a wild cackle and playfully slapped Liz’s arm. “Oh, honey, I helped change your diapers and bathed you girls together since you were young! No sense in being embarrassed now!”
Liz was about to rant about respecting her privacy on these intimate matters when she heard the bathroom door open. Isabel came strolling back into the main room, her face wearing a clean mask of composure once again. Her clothes were smoothed to perfection and not a hair stood out of place. The only sign of her previous trauma were the tattered bathroom towels wrapped tightly around her hands.
“How are you feeling, dear?” Amy asked as the young girl sat back down again.
Isabel nodded. “I’m fine. Although Michael’s loofah is now in tattered pieces.” She glanced down at her hands. “Scrubbed a few layers of skin off so at least I know why exactly my skin is burning now - as opposed to some weird inexplicable toxic lubricant.”
Shrugging, the tall blonde turned towards Liz. “So, seriously, you’ve never Played with Mrs. Palmer’s Five Daughters?”
Liz groaned loudly. “Enough!”
Isabel raised an eyebrow but didn’t continue. Figuring Liz had endured enough torment for the moment, she gestured towards the table. “What’s next, Ms. Deluca?”
Amy clapped her hands delightfully, taking the vibrating bullet from Liz’s hand and placing it back onto the table. She picked up a long purple toy. Liz noticed that it had an additional piece poking out along the shaft shaped as a rabbit, its body smooth but slightly curved with its ears pointed straight out.
“This, my lovely ladies, is a favorite of mine and will be a best seller for sure! Let me introduce you to the Rabbit Vibrator!”
Maria cocked her head to the side. “What’s that extra piece there for?”
Amy took a hold of the long shaft, running her fingers along the jelly substance that sheathed the toy. “Well, this here is for insertion into your Love Tunnel. As you can see, its shape resembles an actual penis fairly realistically.” She grinned cheekily and pointed out little nubs along the length. “And, yes, ladies – it’s ribbed for your pleasure.”
Amy curled her finger around the attached rabbit-shaped piece her daughter had pointed out. “And this is the best part! It’s shaped like a cute little bunny rabbit so that when the shaft is inserted, the tip of its ears rub up against your Happy Moaning Button!” She flicked a button at the base of the toy and the whole piece began to shiver and shake. “Plus it vibrates!”
All the women sat in a stunned silence as the purring of the mechanical instrument filled the room.
“Isn’t there something morally wrong about a cute little bunny rabbit being used as my own personal sex slave?” expressed Isabel. Her head cocked to the side as she eyed the shaking toy. “When I think of bunny rabbits, I’m reminded more of rainbows and sunshine. I’m not sure that bunny rabbits should have any role in my partaking of the happy sneeze.”
Maria gasped in utter shock. She seized the purple phallic device from her mother and gripped the still quivering toy tightly to her chest, shielding it from the criticism of her fellow partygoer.
“Isabel! Orgasms are rainbows!” demanded the outraged blonde. “Praise thy holy vibrating rabbit! It shall bring forth its magical, moan-worthy orgasm only if you honor its glory rightfully!”
“Wait!” Liz paused. She was beyond confused and could barely follow the current conversation. “Your happy sneeze?”
Isabel rolled her eyes and nodded. “You know, when you spooge? The big ‘O’?”
“Or as the French say,” added Amy, “la petit morte. Also known as The Little Death.”
“Wow,” Maria ignored them all and moaned as she stared fixed at the toy. She had a firm grip on it, feeling the intense vibrations tingle her fingers. “This is almost too much heaven for my va-jay-jay to handle!” She grinned. “I want one in every color!”
Liz stared at the vibrating contraption from her spot next to Maria, wondering how some little mechanical cylinder could really bring that much pleasure. Wasn’t the act of loving supposed to be shared with a special someone? How could a simple shaking rabbit really part the Red Sea like her best friend was implying?
“Does this,” Liz took a deep breath, “really feel that good?”
Peering up from the blanket of hair covering her face, Liz found three stunned expressions looking back at her. Her cheeks turned crimson almost immediately. “Isn’t all this supposed to be shared with someone else? Sex and all that, I mean.”
“Liz, seriously, I know my brother is little loco sometimes and refrains from a lot of things, but trust me – Rolling the Fleshy Blunt isn’t one of them.” Isabel shrugged. “So why should you?”
Liz stared in stunned horror.
“Yeah!” piped Maria. “I know you’re thinking that sex should only be shared between two people, but really, how can you possibly expect the act of lovemaking to be amazing if no one knows what they’re doing!” Maria presented the vibrating toy to Liz. “We practice with toys like these, and boys practice by Choking the Sheriff and Waiting for the Posse to Come!”
Amy patted Liz’s knee. “I can assure you that sex is awful the first time for everyone. It just is. Regardless of any experience, preparation, or extreme emotional buildup that either of the partner has.” She nodded reassuringly. “But if you try self-love first, you’ll have some sort of expectation of how it should feel like.”
Liz didn’t know how to respond. She certainly wasn’t quite as prudish as Maria was making her seem to be… but her hymen was definitely fully in tact. Perhaps they were right. Maybe a little self-discovery was necessary for her to ever fully comprehend what the sexual world could truly present to her. Max and her may not have knocked boots quite yet, but Liz was sure it was in her not so distant future. What an idiot she would look like if she freaked out as soon as the clothes fell off.
“Really, Liz, you need to be comfortable with yourself before anyone else will be,” Maria added softly. “It makes the whole experience all that much more memorable if you can let go of your inhibitions and be comfortable with how your body truly works on your own. So when you’re ready, including another person will just add to the pleasure!”
“Maybe,” Liz exhaled slowly. “Maybe I do need to learn to be, uh, more comfortable with myself.” She slowly turned the Rabbit vibrator around and around in her hand, her gaze fixed. That was as much as she was going to declare about that subject. She wasn’t sure if she could handle saying much else about Playing the Clitar out loud.
“Knock, knock!” A voice called from the front door. All four heads swung to see who had arrived. A blonde mop of hair peaked out from behind the door. Diane Evans waved from her spot before making her way towards them.
Liz’s jaw dropped to the ground as the purple jelly colored toy fell from her hand. This was a nightmare, it truly had to be. Only in a nightmare would her boyfriend’s mother show up right in the middle of her masturbation revelation.
“Did you know she was coming?” Liz hissed quietly into Maria’s ear.
Maria frowned and shook her head ‘no’.
“Diane!” Amy exclaimed. She sat up and hugged her friend. “I was worried you weren’t going to come!” She pulled the older Evans woman to the couch and gestured for her to sit down.
Diane smiled apologetically. “I’m so sorry I’m late. Phillip and I got caught doing – things.” She gave Isabel a quick kiss on her forehead and squeezed Amy’s hand. “Hopefully I haven’t missed too much!”
“Oh, hi, Mrs. Evans!” piped Maria. “You didn’t miss much. Liz was just telling us how she is going to try masturbating for the first time!”
“MARIA!” shrieked Liz. Her flaming face fell into her hands. Why couldn’t she have played sick tonight? Or claimed that her father needed her to work a shift at The Crashdown? No, instead she was browsing sex toys with her boyfriend’s mother and sister, and hearing her best friend declare her embarrassing sexual experience – or rather, lack there of. Her best friend was a freakin’ traitor.
Diane Evans let out a small chuckle and patted Liz’s shoulder. “It’s okay, dear. Everyone needs a Clam Bake for One every once in a while! Nothing to be ashamed about.”
She took a seat beside Liz and Isabel, placing her purse by her feet. Glancing at her daughter, she gasped at the sight of her wrapped hands. “Isabel!” she exclaimed. “What happened to your hands?”
Maria leaned forward and whispered loudly. “Bad reaction to the warming lubrication.”
“Oh,” Diane cooed. She frowned sadly. “That’s too bad. The warming stuff is the best.” She patted her daughter’s wrapped hands tenderly.
“Oh god, Mom,” Isabel moaned. “We may be stuck here together but please, whatever you and Daddy do behind doors, I don’t want to know!”
Diane raised an eyebrow, a smirk gracing her lips. “Who said it was just Daddy?”
“Next subject, please!” Liz shouted. She was already mortified beyond comprehension. Hearing about her boyfriend’s mother sexual life with her husband and possibly other partners – that would surely kill her right on the spot. They’d have to call Max soon to heal her exploded eardrums.
Amy cleared her throat. “Well, lets move on to a little more advanced stuff, shall we?” Clearing off some of the table, she placed a few different objects front and center. “Now, Liz, dear, don’t freak out, okay? Not everyone enjoys these, but some people really like it.”
Liz furrowed her eyebrows, unsure as to what exactly Maria’s mom was referring to. These toys were fairly similar to the vibrators and dildos she had seen before. Well, these ones were a little short in length though and maybe a little bigger in girth. Actually these seemed more like bulbs than your typical dildo. It didn’t look like many of these vibrated though. Just looking at them, they seemed a whole lot less scary than…
“Oh my god!” Liz shrieked. “Those are not for your cooter, are they?”
Isabel and Maria broke out into raucous laughter as they watched the slow realization dawn on Liz’s face.
Amy bit her lip, trying to keep herself from adding to the laughter at Liz’s expense. “Some people enjoy anal stimulation. It’s not for everyone and don’t ever let a boy convince you to do it if you’re not comfortable with it.” She gestured towards the butt plugs in front of her. “But I do recommend that if you do participate in anal sex that you use one of these first. To, you know, stretch yourself out.”
“Oh yes,” Diane added. “Anal sex hurts like a bitch without taking the proper measures. Lots of lube, take your time, and like Amy said, it’s a good idea to stretch yourself out first.”
Liz froze in her seat, sneaking a glance at Isabel. Surely the same horrified look on Isabel’s face was mirrored in her own features. Had Mrs. Evans truly just admitted to having anal sex in front of her daughter and her son’s girlfriend? This was truly Hell. Liz pondered if Maria could catch her if she made a mad dash for the door. At the very least, the floor could show Liz some sympathy and swallow her whole. Anything to escape this tragic nightmare.
Maria, on the other hand, gazed admiringly up at Diane. “How bad did it hurt the first time?” she questioned.
Diane smiled and patted her hand. “A lot, my dear. It was a special treat for my wonderful husband, and well, eventually I grew to enjoy it.” Sternly she shook her finger at Maria though. “But this is definitely not a daily activity. It’s far too easy to do serious, irreparable damage to your anus!”
“Oh my god, oh my god,” whimpered Isabel as she tried to cover her ears with her poorly wrapped hands. She was pretty sure her ears were now burning hotter than her hands ever were.
“What’s all this for?” Maria questioned as she held up a different butt plug that had a tube hanging from it.
“That is not for the faint of heart,” Amy teased with a smirk.
Amy took the hanging tube attached to the butt plug in Maria’s hand. Liz leaned forward, curious as to what function a little tube with a bulb would have on this silly contraption. It was in her biological nature to be naturally inquisitive about how things functioned – sexual nature or not.
Amy began to squeeze the bulb in her hand and suddenly the plug began to expand.
“Holy crap! That thing is inflatable!” Maria jumped. In her utter shock, her hand holding the toy quickly jerked right up.
“OW!” screamed Liz. Her hand instantly covered her right eye, a string of curses falling from her lips.
“OH, Liz! I’m so sorry!” Maria cried apologetically. “I was so surprised by it inflating and – and – and it just happened! My hand moved and it hit you and – and – and – crap. I’m sorry!”
Liz ignored her friend’s ramble for a few moments, letting the temporary pain consume her. After everything she had already experienced that evening, the physical pain of getting beaten up by an anal toy was more than welcome. She willed for the pain to be more excruciating, perhaps enough to make her pass out cold on the couch and be forced to skip the rest of this awful evening.
“Oh my,” crooned Amy. “Let me look at that, dear.” She pulled Liz’s hand away and examined the reddening area. “It’ll bruise for sure, but it’ll probably go away in a few days. You better put some ice on that though.”
Glaring at Maria before she could even offer to go get it, Liz stood up and walked towards the refrigerator. Facing her back to the rest of the ladies, she stealthily pulled her cell phone out from her pocket. Taking a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure they weren’t watching her, she began to type a text message to Max.
The apocalypse has begun and it’s starting in Michael’s living room. Retrieve me ASAP. Pls. Begging you.
Liz slid the phone back into her pocket with a sigh. Hopefully he’d be there soon with some sort of plausible excuse to execute her escape. She threw some ice into a nearby towel and placed it against her eye. Her slow steps gradually led her back to the living room and on the sofa next to Maria.
The inflatable butt plug was now in Diane’s hand. She was admiring the smooth material of the toy. Isabel had the air bulb in her hand, inflating and then deflating the toy again and again in boredom. She decided to see how far the thing could inflate and kept squeezing the bulb. After about twelve squeezes, the plug had expanded to well over three times it’s original size.
Diane let out an involuntary purr. Stroking her chin, she glanced over at her friend. “Does this come in any other colors, Amy?”
“MOM!” Isabel screeched. Her mother shrugged her shoulders and winked at Amy; a not so subtle message claiming they would talk later.
“Okay, okay,” sighed Amy. “I think it’s time we leave the topic of insertables behind us.” She placed most of the items on the table back into her suitcase. Digging through her luggage she pulled out a few different media cases.
“Now this evening isn’t just about toys,” she declared as she displayed a range of various DVD covers. “I wasn’t going to originally show these titles but I think in the interest of relaxing everyone -” the mother pointedly glanced at Liz “- I think we should take a peek at these.”
Liz groaned inwardly. Really? Wasn’t this evening uncomfortable enough? Did Amy really have to point out her discomfort by displaying graphic video of unrealistic and altogether ridiculous pornographic material?
“No, really,” Liz insisted. “I’m relaxed.” She bounced in her seat and patted the air around her. “See? Completely relaxed. No non-relaxedness here!” She pressed her palms together and pleaded. “No need for any porn, see! We’re all relaxed!”
It was too late though. Her words fell on deaf ears.
Diane was bent over the table, glancing through the different titles. The different DVD covers were adorned with images of nude, muscled males and well endowed women with their punani’s spread wide. There were dozens of covers sprawled out. Some had men groping a woman’s goodies, others had female on female action including an odd, seemingly acrobatic act involving a tongue and various vegetables.
Liz shuddered.
Maria began giggling raucously. She held up a DVD. “This is hilarious! Forty Gays and Forty Dykes!” She pointed to another one. “Shaving Ryan’s Privates! Or this one, How Stella Got Her Tube Packed!”
Isabel laughed along with her friend.
“Oh, what about this one? I Can’t Believe It’s Nut Butter!” Catching her eye, she picked up another case and showed it to the others. “Weapons of Ass Destruction #6? Really? Because the first five weren’t enough?” Isabel stated sarcastically.
“Oh, the first three were good,” Diane sighed dreamily, “but the two movies following those weren’t nearly as enjoyable.” She eyed the DVD in her daughter’s hand. “I wonder how that one that is.”
Gaping, the youngest Evans dropped the cover onto the table and proceeded to cross her arms and lean back into the sofa. Apparently that was enough parental shock she could handle for the moment.
Clearing her throat, Amy turned on Michael’s television. Having already placed a DVD into his player, she went to sit beside her daughter. “I thought we could sample one so we can test the goods!” She squinted at the title on the case. “Dirt Pipe Milkshakes #3.” She looked up, confused. “What the hell is a dirt pipe milkshake? Even I don’t know that one…”
Maria’s body leapt towards the machine at an impossibly quick speed. She banged on the machine quickly and wretched the offensive disc from its holder. She tossed it far across the room. “No, Mom, just… no.”
Still puzzled, Amy shrugged her shoulders. Perhaps this was one subject she should stay in the dark about. Gesturing to the multitude of different discs, Amy told her daughter to pick a different one. Hopefully something more appropriate.
“Okay, maybe some girl-on-girl porn? Cougars Crave Young Kittens #32?” Maria suggested. She winked at her best friend and grinned. “You might want to take some notes, girlfriend! After watching this, you’re going to want to break in your snatch pronto!”
As she heard the words fall from her best friend’s lips, Liz wondered if she repeated the Candyman’s name five times that he would come kill her with his hook. She prayed deeply that he would.
The screen flickered for a moment and then the title credits began to play across the screen. Liz’s breath was caught somewhere between her lungs and her throat as the scene began to unfold.
It seemed to be a fairly average sunny day set inside of perfectly suburban home. A young, barely legal girl found herself sprawled across a chaise lounge. Her left leg stretched far above as her perfectly manicured nails circled around an erect nipple. Her other hand crept lower, her moans loudening as it slinked closer to her nether regions.
Surprise! The middle-aged neighbor came around to borrow some sugar and happened upon this sight of the younger girl molesting herself in the most unholy of ways.
Liz began to laugh loudly. “Are you kidding me?”
The remaining women in Michael’s apartment shushed her immediately.
“Ooh, this is the good part, Liz!” squealed Maria. She leaned forward, paying close attention. “Okay, watch the younger girl. See how she doesn’t just go straight for her hoo-haa? You have to get yourself all warmed up before the main event – even if it’s only a party for one.”
Liz would have already covered her eyes if she wasn’t already sure that Maria would tie her hands behind her and tape open her eyelids torture style.
Speaking up from her left side, Diane commented as well.
“Yes, Liz, women have many erogenous zones. There are, of course, the obvious ones. Your clit -”
“Happy Moaning Button!”
Diane chuckled. “Right, the Happy Moaning Button. Also the breasts and nipples are pleasurable erogenous zones.” She gestured to her own breasts and then ran her hands to her neck. “You have to remember too that there are other areas. Even just lightly running your hands across your neck and down the base of your throat can feel very erotic.”
“Yes, look at them,” Amy pointed to the television. “The older lady is only running her fingertips down her legs and rubbing her feet and already the youngin is purring like a kitten.” She shrugged. “It’s really just about relaxing and letting your own feelings and sensations guide you.”
Liz shook her head. “I just don’t know if I’m comfortable with touching myself in such an intimate way. I feel like… agh.” She threw her hands up in frustration.
Diane rubbed her back consolingly. “It’s okay, we’re all friends here.” She smiled encouragingly.
Liz dropped her head into her hands and took a deep breath.
“I just feel like if I really experience all this on my own, that it will tarnish the actual experience I’ll have when I’m ready for… you know, someone else.” Liz pulled nervously at her hair. “What if I finally start – er, rubbin’ my nubbin and I do have an orgasm, I start to really like it? Like… only like that. What if I can’t enjoy sex at all because it doesn’t feel as good as doing it myself?”
Both Amy and Diane glared as Isabel let out a short bite of laughter.
Even Maria rubbed Liz’s hand comfortingly.
“It’s not like that, girlfriend! Sure, only you can love yourself in that way, but that goes in the other direction too! Only he can touch you and make you feel a certain way too. It’s all just different perspectives and sensations.”
Amy stood up and turned the television off. “Maybe it’s enough of that lesson for now,” she said softly. She sat back down in front of Liz and took her hands into her own. “We truly just want you to be able to enjoy any sexual experiences you will have. It’s very important to have a healthy outlook on sex as you mature into a beautiful, young woman. You have a lovely body and should feel no shame towards it.” She patted Liz’s cheek gently before resuming her role as hostess and retrieving more items.
Liz sat back and wondered for a moment. Maybe all these floating thoughts she had about sex were a bit ridiculous. It wasn’t like she’d be the first woman to explore her own body intimately. Masturbation was hardly a taboo in her generation – in actuality, it was nearly considered an accepted daily practice if anything.
And surely, she couldn’t possibly get addicted to masturbation. It was a little silly to think that Max’s body would feel anything but euphoric when they finally bumped uglies. It wasn’t completely foreign to her that the simple thought of Max’s wandering hands started to get her pipes slick but Liz rarely let those mental images go any farther than that. It was hardly a crime to think sexy, pleasurable thoughts about the one she loved. Maybe in a round about way, Max really would participate in her self-love testing. He just wouldn’t know it.
“Liz,” Diane spoke softly so only she could her. Breaking her thoughts, the younger girl turned to her potential mother in law with a smile.
“Don’t ever be shy about this. I meant it when we’re all friends here. You can always find a confidant in me.” Diane braced Liz’s shoulders and gave her a determined but heartening look.
“If you ever need, ahem, hands-on tutoring, please don’t be afraid to come to me. As an experienced lady, I’m sure I could assist you in discovering all the pleasures that our womanly bodies have to offer.” She nudged her shoulder and smiled sincerely. “I have to pass on all my sexual wisdom to someone, you know!”
Silence.
Liz’s face stayed frozen. Absolutely stone cold frozen. Had Mrs. Evans actually just suggested that she and her engage in private sexual tutoring lessons? No. Freaking. Way.
Fuck masturbation. Max’s mom just ruined that EVER bringing pleasure to her now.
She couldn’t respond but with a simple nod and an awkward cough. They had to move on before Liz encountered another stifling second of thinking about Mrs. Evans becoming the cougar to her kitten.
“Please,” Liz begged pleadingly into Amy’s ear. “Move on to the next subject.”
Amy frowned but nodded at Liz’s private request.
“We move on to one of my favorite subjects!” She held up a clear zipped bag triumphantly. “Bondage!” Amy opened the bag and began to pull out various items. “This one in particular is considered a bondage beginner’s set. It’s for people who are interested in trying something a little more – uh, intense.”
Isabel picked up a black blindfold and peered at it. “This is kind of neat.”
“This set comes with that blindfold,” Amy gestured towards Isabel, “a set of Velcro handcuffs, a set of Velcro anklecuffs, and an Ostrich feather.” She picked up the feather and lightly dusted it against Liz’s arm. “It seems like a pointless toy but in fact, it can be very sensual with the right intimate partner.”
Maria picked up the handcuffs and studied them. “I wonder if Michael would ever let me put these on him.” She grinned wickedly. “It would be so sexy to see him all cuffed to his bed and tickling him with the feather.” She sighed dreamily.
“Oh honey,” Diane commented as she took the handcuffs from Maria. “These cheap Velcro cuffs wouldn’t hold a naughty, naughty boy like Michael. You’d need something more along the lines of rope. Or leather bondage handcuffs.”
Silence encompassed the room, although Diane took no notice of it. Her hooded eyes were tilted towards the ceiling in a dreamy stare.
Clearing her throat, Liz was pretty sure she had hit her limit for the night. Being forced to sit through another sexual innuendo from her potential mother-in-law would surely make her stomach turn inside out. Between getting battered with an anal plug and the constant ridicule of her entirely virgin status, Liz couldn’t take much more.
“Well, this has been,” she swallowed harshly, “fun, but I totally forgot that I promised Max I’d meet up with him tonight. He should be here any moment soo…”
“Oh,” replied Amy. She glanced up at the wall clock and nodded. “I suppose it is getting rather late. I want to thank you wonderful ladies for being my guinea pigs for my new business venture! So please, take any toy I have offered here. My treat.”
Liz vehemently shook her head. “No, Ms. Deluca, really, I appreciate the gesture but I politely decline.” The last thing she needed was to have the wretched inflatable plug hanging from her purse when Max came to pick her up.
“Aw, c’mon, Liz,” Maria insisted. “Even prudes like you couldn’t refuse a bottle of lubricant.” She snickered in Isabel’s direction. “Just make sure it’s not the warming kind!”
“You may not be comfortable with rubbin’ the nubbin yet, but you will be!” Amy added in an encouraging voice. “And sex isn’t always about two people. Maybe Max wouldn’t mind helping you out in this mechanical way…?”
Liz stood with her jaw clenched and shook her head once again. “No. Thank. You.”
“It’s probably for the best, Lizzie dear,” cooed Diane. She rubbed Liz’s shoulder comfortingly. “We all know Max feels the same way you do. I doubt he’s done much past launching the hand shuttle. He values his innocence just as much as you do, I’m sure.”
Isabel huffed loudly. “Oh, c’mon, Mom! He may be your son, but he’s still a man!” She shook her head in disgust. “We all know that Max used to couch bomb when no one was home!”
“Couch bomb?” Diane questioned in a confused tone. “Do I even want to know what that means?”
“Mrs. Evans, couch bombing is when a guy stuffs a Ziploc bag full of Crisco between couch cushions and proceeds to… defile it.” Maria smiled sheepishly.
For the first time that evening, Diane was speechless. There was not one word or noise that came from her lips. Simply, she had no response. She didn’t even think she was capable of forming a response.
“Well, with that being said,” she said quietly. “I think it’s time for me to call it an evening. Thank you for a wonderful party, girls.” Diane picked up her purse and began to make her hurried exit towards the door.
At the same moment, Max happened to be walking into the apartment and nearly toppled into his mother. Steadying her by the shoulders, he smiled broadly at the woman.
“Hey, Mom!”
Diane blinked, her face expressionless. Suddenly she smacked her son in the chest with her purse. “You, young man, owe me a brand new couch!” As she went to walk out the door, she turned back to add, “As well as several caseloads of Crisco!” The screen door slammed loudly.
Only a few moments later, Diane slipped back into the apartment and past Max silently. Refusing to acknowledge her son, she reached for the inflatable butt plug and tucked it into her purse. She gave a thankful nod to Amy and stormed out of the apartment once more.
Max scratched his head. “Well, that was… weird.”
Max noticed Maria and Isabel helping Ms. Deluca place random items into an oversized luggage piece. No one had greeted him yet but that didn’t bother him much. It seemed like Liz was desperate to exit anyway, with as few distractions as possible.
He glanced over at his girlfriend as she gathered her things quickly. He couldn’t help but grin at the sexy woman as she was bending over. There were a multitude of reasons for why he loved this girl so much, and perhaps it was boorish of him to think this, but one of those many reasons was that beautiful round bottom.
Shawty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. The whole club was lookin’ at her!
Max cursed himself for the stupid song that flooded into his mind as Liz’s ass almost made his eyeballs explode with pleasure.
At that moment, Liz turned around to face him. Gasping, Max noticed her puffy right eye.
“Liz! What happened to your eye?” Max asked worriedly. He peered towards her, trying to appraise the damage around her bruised, swelling eye.
Liz scoffed, waving him away. “Lets just say I got into a fight with an inflatable butt plug,” she pouted irately. She pushed past him, wanting nothing more than to go home at that moment.
Max stood frozen for a few seconds, taken aback by Liz’s comment. Trying to hide his creeping grin, he began to move towards his girlfriend.
“I’m sorry to say it, babe, but it looks like the inflatable butt plug won!”
finis