I Am Me (Seq. HOTD) Complete *12/27* (Mature)

[Lillie]

Dedicated to: katydid, Luna_Seer, *shiri&jensen4ever*, PML.

<center>Chapter Nine </center>



“You're right, Lonnie. What did Nicholas tell you? What did he want from you? What did he promise to you?” Tess asked, shrugging her shoulders. She wanted Lonnie to believe that she had been the one who didn’t know the truth, that she had been lied to. But Tess knew that Kellen and Elias were the top dogs, so Nicholas had to be a rogue. There was no other way around it. He was definitely Khivar’s man.

“Get ya and Max to New York to the summit. Do whateva we had to to get ya over there. Even if it meant telling about Vilandra’s past. They want the granolith and are willing to do anythin’ to get it. That was the plan, their idea, Nicholas’ idea. Hell, I don’t even remember Nicholas from Antar, and here he is running shit. Kinda funny.” Lonnie said with a laugh. Everything was blown to hell because of Rath. Who had known that he was such a loose cannon? It’s a good thing that he had been clueless about the other things she knew. What would he have done if he’d known the truth?

Tess moved closer to Lonnie, until she was only a few inches away from her. This sister of hers was not what she expected, and she wasn’t quite sure about how she should feel if she had to end up killing her. But there was something inside of her that was telling her that she couldn’t. That Lonnie was meant for a hell of a lot more than this. Upon complete instinct, Tess laid her hand on Lonnie’s shoulder and sucked in a harsh breath at the contact.

“Don’t touch me.” Lonnie screeched, trying to back away from Tess, but it was too late. Tess already saw the thing that she kept hidden inside. The thing that she hadn’t wanted for anyone to know about because her life would be turned completely upside down.

“Oh. You're pregnant. How long were you going to keep this a secret?” Tess asked, looking into Lonnie’s brown eyes. What was it those eyes had seen throughout her life? What was she going to do with a baby? A baby! Their first hybrid baby, what was going to happen?

“You’re pregnant?” Max asked shocked as he took a step closer to Lonnie. That just threw things in for a loop. How the hell were they supposed to hurt a pregnant girl? No matter if she was their enemy, she was pregnant. There was a life growing inside of her.

“Don’t know what yous talkin’ about.” Lonnie instantly denied, not caring that they knew her truth. She didn’t want this thing inside of her, it messed up all of her plans. Khivar wouldn’t want her if she was carrying someone else’s baby. She had been planning to take care of it herself once they got to New York. It was the only way. Her entire future depended on whether or not she’d have this kid.

“I understand that you're scared, Lonnie. You have every reason to be. You have a new life growing inside of you. What was your plan? Were you going to have the baby? You weren’t were you?” Tess figured out, shaking her head. Life was a precious gift, she had realized that a long time ago. It wasn’t something that you could just throw away.

“Shut up, Tess. Ya don’t know anythin’ about me.” Lonnie responded, clenching her jaw. She wasn’t about to admit the truth about the baby she didn’t want. Damn Rath. It was all his fault. He was the one who got her pregnant, the one who had become a loose cannon when she hadn’t expected, gotten himself killed. Now, she was going to be stuck on this miserable planet straddled with a kid she didn’t want. But she didn’t have to have it, another voice told her.

“I know all about you, Lonnie. You are willing to do just about anything to get back to Antar, aren’t you? To a life that isn’t yours anymore. You are not Vilandra and Khivar is not waiting for you on Antar. He used you, you were nothing to him. Did you know that he’s your half brother? He used you and you fell for it. Don’t be stupid to think that you honestly matter to him cause you don’t.” Tess injected, shaking Lonnie roughly by the shoulders. Just how stupid was she?

“You’re lyin’.” Lonnie said quietly, not wanting to believe the words that Tess was saying. How could Khivar be her half brother? How was it even possible? It didn’t make any sense.

“She’s not lying, Lonnie. Khivar is our half brother. Our mother had him before she got married. Khivar is the son of our mother and Tess’ father. From what I understand, it was kept a secret from him for most of his life. But by the time Khivar came into Vilandra’s life, he knew the truth and he abused it, he used her. Is that the love that you're trying to get back to? Because it’s a false one.” Max told her, watching the tears well up in her eyes. And for a moment he was taken aback by the emotion. It was something that he hadn’t expected from Lonnie. Something that she hadn’t seem capable of.

“Its all true, Lonnie.” Tess said, but all she saw was the resistance in Lonnie’s face. The other girl didn’t want to believe what they were telling her. And it was than that it hit Tess. Lonnie was so convinced about the life she was going to have with Khivar that she was willing to do anything. Sacrifice anything and anyone in order to get him back. Including her own baby, which was why she was refusing to talk about the baby. She was so determined to not think about it, because she already made plans inside her own head. Lonnie wasn’t going to have the baby.

Tess gripped Lonnie harder and concentrated all of her powers on the task. She was going to show Lonnie that this wasn’t a game. There was a life on the line, a baby’s life. And it was something precious. What wouldn’t she do for her own child? “You don’t want to own up to the fact you're pregnant, but I’m going to make you.”

“Tess, what are you doing?” Max asked as he watched the two girls in their power struggle. He felt as Liz gripped his arm, frightened as to whatever it was Tess was going to do to Lonnie. And he understood it, because he felt it too.

Tess ignored Max and Lonnie’s protests as she concentrated all her attention on the baby. She was going to show Lonnie the baby that she was so desperately trying to ignore, pretend didn’t exist. What Lonnie was planning was against everything that Tess believed. She believed in life and wasn’t about to let this desperate girl take away this baby’s life. Tess took in a deep breath as she forced the connection to Lonnie and her baby. A boy. It was a little boy, who would grow up with his father’s eyes and his mother’s sad smile, she realized. But other than that he would be his own person. And he would grow up to be a better person than his parents had been. He would be strong and brave and face hard times. But in the end everything would be okay. He would survive because it was ingrained in him.

“Do you see him, Lonnie? That’s the baby that you don’t want. You have to have him. He’s going to change the rest of your life. He needs you as much as you need him.” Tess enforced, as she let go of Lonnie’s shoulders. It was only after she looked at Lonnie, did she realize what she had done to the other girl. Tears were streaming down Lonnie’s face, her breaths were coming out in small bursts.

“Stupid bitch.” Lonnie growled as she did her best to try to get away from Tess’ prying eyes. They were all looking at her, they all saw her for what she really was. A duplicate, a fake, back up. That’s what she was. And she had always known it. Maybe that was why a part of her had always hated Ava. Ava was a real member of the royal four. Ava wasn’t a fake.

“I’ve been called that many times, so it doesn’t really hurt my feelings, Lonnie. I know right now you’re probably pissed off at me, but I really don’t care. I guess you can call what I gave you perspective.” Tess said with a small sigh. She didn’t know what the hell had possessed her to do that to Lonnie, but whatever it was she didn’t regret it. It looked as though what she had done served its purpose. She got Lonnie to see her baby, a baby that she had been avoiding. Pretending that it wasn’t real.

Max watched the exchange between the two blondes and realized that they were both forces to be reckoned with. But what were they going to do with Lonnie? He knew that Lonnie could not be trusted at all, after all she had helped to kill her own brother. Her flesh and blood. If she would do that to someone she had grown up with, why would she have any sort of loyalty for him. There was only one thing that he could do with her, and he didn’t like it one bit. But it was the only way.

“Don’t want this kid. Can’t have it. No room in my life for it.” Lonnie finally admitted, not wanting to meet their eyes. She didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes. They were perfect and didn’t know what it was like. Now, she understood why humans made such a big deal about damn kids. It sure fucked everything up.

“Who’s the father, Lonnie?” Michael asked quietly, with a feeling in the pit of his stomach. He already knew that it was Rath’s kid. Lonnie probably wasn’t going to let Rath even know about the kid, was probably just gonna get rid of it without him knowing. Michael couldn’t help but feel sorry for his duplicate. He would never have a chance to know his own kid.

“Rath. He didn’t know. Didn’t see the need to tell him cause I’m not having it. My life is supposed to be different. I’m supposed to have more. Not this nothing life.” Lonnie said, finally looking up at Max. She had underestimated him. He was a lot like Zan. Her brother. She hated to admit it, but she missed him. She missed her brother, the way that they had been before. There had been a time before they had remembered their lives on Antar, when everything had been good. They had been children, but that had been a long time ago.

She had a life that she didn’t want. She wasn’t happy with anything that she had. But she knew that she wasn’t going to get what she really wanted. She never was. She would never be the Princess Vilandra. For the rest of her life she was going to be stuck on earth as Lonnie. How the hell was she supposed to feel about that?

“Why am I needed so badly, Lonnie? Tell me. Why were you and Rath going to do whatever necessary to get me to the summit? Why wouldn’t your brother go?” Max questioned, wanting to get back to the point. He knew what he was going to do with Lonnie, and he would let them all know when he got the rest of his answers.

“You’re the king. But first you’d have to go to the emissary to be tested. Make sure you have the seal. You got the royal seal stenciled on your brain. Not sure if Zan had it, I guess we’ll never know. But they wanted to bring peace back to our world. At least that’s what we was told. Probably would have killed you the first chance that they had.” Lonnie acknowledged, finally coming clean with the rest of the plans. Max and Tess wouldn’t have survived one night on Antar alive. And it would have been a public execution to boot.

“The only thing that I’m wondering about is was it worth it to you, Lonnie. Was your brother’s blood worth it all? And this was the second time you’ve stabbed your brother in the back, not the first.” Max said, shaking his head at the very thought. He knew that Lonnie wasn’t evil, she couldn’t be all evil. She and Isabel shared the same genes, so Lonnie couldn’t be evil. It had to be the kind of life that she lived or maybe she really did have more alien genes in her. But they would probably never know for sure.

“I did what I had to do.” Lonnie said, shrugging her shoulders. There was no other way around what she had done. But she was the one that had to live with what happened with Zan. She did have his blood on her hands, not only in this life but the other also. The kind of person that she was had no right to have a child. She wasn’t good for anyone, and she had known that for a long time.

“Where’s Ava? What happened to her?” Tess asked softly, wanting to know about her duplicate. The real Avalina. What was the other girl like? Would she be the same as Lonnie and Rath had been? Or was she going to be different. Tess was insanely curious and wanted to know as much as she could.

“She left. She ran after Zan died. We put the fear of God in her. I don’t think that you will ever be able to find her. The way she was. She was scared. I think she’ll be hiding for a long time. And we’re real good at that. We’ve had lots of practice at hiding.” Lonnie said with a smirk. That was one thing she had complete faith in. The fact that Ava would probably never be found. She knew how to hide like the good little mouse she was.

“Funny about that Lonnie. So have I. I bet that Ava and I think a lot alike. I’ll find her, don’t worry about that.” Tess said with a smile as vicious as Lonnie’s. What was it about this other girl that put her on the instant guard? Did Lonnie so closely resemble her memories of Vilandra? Tess remembered the relationship that she and Vilandra had once had and it wasn’t a pleasant one. Their banter went back and forth, it didn’t matter when or where they were, they were constantly at each other.

“What happened to your protector? Where did he go?” Michael wondered, watching the dynamics between Lonnie and Tess. It was oddly fascinating, considering that the two of them were in fact from the same batch. Did that mean that they were a lot alike? What about Ava? Was she going to be like Tess? Or would she be completely different?

“Took off. Didn’t care to stay with us. Didn’t want to. Said we was nothing and he didn’t have to stay. Haven’t seen him in years. You know, Ava cried like a baby when he left on us. She loved him. Did you love your protector, Tess?” Lonnie said sarcastically. Their protector hadn’t cared about them, they were only a means to an end and after awhile he hadn’t cared anymore. He didn’t want to be saddled with four children who were not his own, on a planet that wasn’t his own. He had lost all hope that they were going to leave Earth.

Tess stayed silent at Lonnie’s words. Yes, she had loved Nasedo. He had been all she had known, despite everything that he had put her through. The fact that he hadn’t loved her, had only seen her as his way back home. She had loved him, he was the only father she’d ever had. Ever known. And she hated how she felt about him. She hated loving that man. But that was something that she hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone about. It was her own secret, her love for the man.

And Tess hated to admit it, but she believed on some level he had even hated her. She and the others had been responsible for taking him away from everything that he had known back on Antar. She had known that he had been happy once, that he had once had a family. She could remember times when she had been awakened by Nasedo’s screams. He would scream in the middle of the night, talking in Antarian. Crying out for his lost wife and child. They had died because of the uprising on Antar.

“Lonnie, Lonnie, Lonnie. Who cares anymore about those little things? They don’t matter. All I know is that you will never see the sight of Antar again. And neither will I, nor do I really care about that fact.” Tess said with a shrug. She had to admit that she was starting to hate hearing about Antar. It was a life that she was never going to know.

“So what’d ya gonna do with me now?” Lonnie finally asked, realizing that she wasn’t going to get the rise out of Tess that she wanted. She hated to admit it, but she probably never was going to see the light of Antar again. So what was going to happen to her now? What kind of life was she going to have now?

“If I ever see you again in this town, I will kill you, Lonnie. This is your get out of jail free card. So I want you to decide how you want to use it.” Max said. This was his plan, his idea. This was the only way and he knew it. Let Lonnie leave with her baby. But if she ever set one foot into Roswell, than there was no escape for her. He would kill her if he had to. There was no way that he would ever let her come back here.

Lonnie swallowed hard at his words while she tried to think of a come back, but there was nothing that she could say. There was really no one that she could go to. Nicholas was not going to be a help since she and Rath weren’t able to get Max and Tess to go to the summit. And she was pregnant. Her second whammy. Because of that, Nicholas would not have her back either. And Khivar wouldn’t want her. She was stuck on earth and she was alone.

Tess cocked an eyebrow at Max’s words. She was completely taken aback by Max’s words. She had to admit that she was proud of what he was saying. He was taking a stand and letting the girl know that in no way was she going to be able to come back. For the things that she had done had put her on the enemies list. It was interesting to see the way that Max was changing, evolving, stepping up to the plate. Becoming the leader that they needed him to be.

“Alright. I’ll leave.” Lonnie said quietly, knowing that there wasn’t anything else that she could say. And she knew that this was going to be the last time she would ever visit Roswell, New Mexico. The last time that she would ever see her brother’s clone. Should she say something to him before she left? Say sorry over what she had done? Naw, there was nothing that she could do. Her life was more confusing than before.

“For what it’s worth, Lonnie. I am sorry.” Tess said quietly, nodding her head at the other girl. She knew that the other girl was probably going to have a rough couple of years ahead of her, but she knew that eventually everything would be okay. Lonnie would find some peace in her life. But peace wasn’t an easy thing to achieve. “Take care of that baby, Lonnie. He is the only thing that is saving your life right now."


TBC. . . . . .

[Lillie]

Disclaimer: Hallelujah belongs to Jeff Buckley. At least this version of the song does.

Dedicated to: katydid, PML.


<center>Epilogue</center>


I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...


Tess stared at the wall, wishing that she could change it. Maybe she should have painted over it when she had the opportunity. Or at least put a couple of posters on the wall, but she hadn’t. There hadn’t really been a point in doing that, seeing as how she had not expected to stay for long with the sheriff. But this was now her home. She belonged in Roswell, New Mexico.

She didn’t know how she had survived the past week, but she had. The things that she had found out only produced more questions in her head. Questions she knew that she would probably never get any answers about. She would never find out why she and Ava had been switched. It only made her question her own destiny. She wasn’t supposed to be with the royal four, so where was her place in history? Would it be her destiny to be with Nathan or was that Ava’s?

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrough ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah


But destiny didn’t really matter anymore, because the one she thought was hers, really wasn’t. And she had to be okay with that. No, she was okay with that. She had been questioning her existence as Avalina for so long, and now she knew what the answer was. She knew who she really was. She was Tess Harding. A brand new person. She felt alive for what seemed like the first time in years and she had Max and the others to thank for that. Even though it had all started out so badly, it ended this way. She found herself.

Tess hadn’t even known that she was looking for herself, but she had found out where her loyalties truly lied. With her king, with small town boy Max Evans. They had saved each other. He had seen inside of her and realized what she was inside, saw the terrible childhood she had endured, the hope that she had wanted in coming here, in coming home. And that she hadn’t found it. But now, they were finally going to truly be a family.

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah


Tess was scared about what was going to happen next. There was still so much more left to do. They had to find Ava. She wanted to find Ava, who was her sister. That’s what she had taken to calling Ava, sister. It was the best word that she could use. Their romantic lives would be sorted out later on, the allusions, the grandeur, whatever was ahead of them would happen in due time. And she wouldn’t worry about it until it came along. She couldn’t worry about Nathan and what would happen. They had an enemy to defeat. An enemy who wanted them dead, but there was no way that it would be the end of them.

There was no way that they were going to go out that way. The battle wasn’t going to be easy, but in the end everything would be okay. She knew that it would. There was too much fight in her and Max and the others. She knew that this was only the beginning of it all, that there was so much more that was going to happen and she hoped that she was prepared. Nasedo had taught her a lot through her life, and she hoped that it made her ready. She would die for every last one of them. And in the end, that was really all that mattered.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

THE END


Note: Hopefully I will be able to post the prologue of My December in a couple of days. Barring I don't get my ass kicked at work, which is bound to happen. Next few days are gonna be busy. There is the Alamo Bowl and than New Year's. So the very first chance that I have, I will post.