As the Orb Glows...the Roswellian.. - Epi 8 - 7/28/08 (WIP)

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As the Orb Glows...the Roswellian.. - Epi 8 - 7/28/08 (WIP)

Post by singerchic4 » Fri Apr 14, 2006 4:11 pm

banner by: singerchic4

Nominee - Best Fanart Cover Round 9 (wow, thank you guys!)
Nominee - Funniest Fanfiction Round 9

Nominee - Most Hilarious Fanfic Award Round 2


Title: As the Orb Glows…the Roswellian Soap opera

Author: singerchic4, peo, Carebehr/Carebear, WishfulThinking, and Lady Penelope

Editor and Author: singerchic4

Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.

Pairings/Couples/Category: Though nothing is for absolute certain in soap operas, the couples will maintain the CC pairings even if they get a little detoured along the way.

Rating: TEEN (along the lines of the show)

Summary: “What if Roswell was a soap opera?” This fic is a little different than most fics on this board. It takes place along the lines of the show (picking up from Ch-Ch-Changes), but goes in a completely different direction.

Author's Note: It is a parody, both of the show and of soap operas in general. Don’t take any of it too seriously, some of it is far fetched and some is just over the top…it is meant to be the corny emotional rollercoaster that I hope will make you laugh and/or cry.

Original Location: This story was originally posted and written by the members of the bboard at I have been given permission by its writers to edit/rework/rewrite the story so that it may be posted on this board for all new readers to enjoy. We hope that this story will inspire you to come and visit our board. Many thanks to the original authors of this story: peo, Carebehr/Carebear, WishfulThinking, and Lady Penelope.

Prologue (Let’s review, shall we?):

VOICEOVER GUY: “On last week’s episodes of As the Orb Glows…”

(In the repair shop)
KYLE: Okay, why are you telling me this?

LIZ: What makes me different from everybody else is the fact that I was brought back from the dead by an alien.

KYLE: Yeah. So was I, and now that you've touched on one of my deepest, darkest fears, lets just assume that what you're going through…is stress. [He picks up a book and points to the title.] Buddha, Take Me Away. This book has gotten me through some very tough times. Here young grasshopper, take. [he hands her the book, and walks away.]

[Liz looks at the book and tosses it on the bench on top of a radio. The radio turns on and a song comes on for a second. She takes the book off the radio and it turns on again, this time longer. Liz stands up and places her hand near it. Sparks starts flying and we hear static. Kyle hears it and walks over to Liz.]

KYLE: Did you just...

[Liz places her hand near it again. Sparks fly.]

KYLE: You did. Whoa.

LIZ: Kyle, I think I'm changing.

KYLE (shaking his head): Naw, I don’t think so my friend.

LIZ: *gasp* No, you don’t mean…?! [she grasps his collar with both hands]

KYLE: I’m sorry Liz...but… [he bites his knuckle for dramatic pause] …you’ve got Alien Herpes!

LIZ: Ugh! [she lets go of his collar] DAMN it Tess!

KYLE: [his ears perk up] …wait, did you just say Tess?! [he starts to drool]

LIZ: Its not what you’re thinkin’ perv—when Tess slept with Max she must have given him Alien Herpes. Max must have passed to me when we kissed.

KYLE: Uh, oh [turns his back to her] …you can catch Alien Herpes by kissing Max, like Mono?

LIZ: I guess so…[she shrugs] Hang on…why are you staring your hands?

KYLE [whispering under his breath]: I’m checking for little green sparks between my fingers…

LIZ (puffing up like a mad hen): WHAT did you just say?! [Kyle shrugs sheepishly] Why would YOU be kissing Max?

KYLE: KIDDING...only kidding! [sighing to himself]...I wish I wasn't kidding though...

LIZ: What was that?

KYLE (caught): Nothing!

VOICEOVER GUY: Meanwhile, Isabel in a moment of clarity realizes that she has had the "hots" for Sheriff Valenti ever since he changed her flat tire. [CUT to flashback]

(Inside the police station)

DEPUTY: Forget something?

VALENTI: Papers.

ISABEL: Sheriff? I’m so glad someone’s here. I have a flat tire, and I am so not mechanical. [Isabel flips her hair and throws her leather jacket over her shoulder as she turns to distract Jim with her beauty]

DEPUTY: Sheriff. You’re off duty, Sheriff. I’d be happy to help the young lady out.

SHERIFF: It’s ok deputy. I've got it.


VOICEOVER GUY: This new relationship found trouble when a familiar face showed it self out of the blue....

(Pulled over on the road side)
SHERIFF: Well good afternoon Miss Evans, you know how many road cones you ran over back there? Can I see your driver’s license and registration…?

ISABEL: I’ll show you mine…if you show me yours…

ALEX: Show him what?


SHERIFF: Where did you come from?! You’re dead!

ALEX: What are you taking about? I’m not dead!

SHERIFF: Yes you are!

ALEX: No! I’m not!


COURTNEY: NO... [swoops her arm around Alex’s waist and grabs his left butt cheek]...He’s not!

[she kisses him on the cheek, of his face that is]

ISABEL: Oh! [throws her hands up in the air] MY GOD! [Alex and Courtney commence kissing to Isabel’s indignation and Sheriff’s puzzlement]

VOICEOVER GUY: It seems that Alex isn't dead after all. The body that Kyle carried was an impostor! This impostor turned out to be a special agent who through the help of plastic surgery infiltrated the group in order to expose their secrets...
The pod squad soon realizes... that while Alex was supposedly (Ahem!) ‘dead’ [clears his throat and makes air-quotes in the air…apparently he doesn’t understand that his name is VOICEover Guy], Alex was actually shacking up with Courtney's husk. It came to life, the night Courtney died.

VOICEOVER GUY: On yesterday’s episode of As the Orb Glows…Isabel, grossed out because Alex has contracted a flakey skin disease, jumps into the willing arms of the sheriff. Amy, walking in on them, flies into a jealous rage and accidentally shoots Jim with his own gun!

SHERIFF (to VOICEOVER GUY): Heeeyy man, come on!

VOICEOVER GUY: Sorry Jim, but that’s what the teleprompter says! I don't think you're gonna die though...Okay! Moving on…
Liz decides... to head out in search of Riverdog, hoping he will have a cure for the Alien Herpes. Maria offers to go with her, but Liz gently refuses. She's not sure how long she may be gone and wants Maria to keep an eye on Tess.

VOICEOVER GUY: Returning with the cure, Liz seeks out Max. They take the medicine prescribed by Riverdog, and both are cured instantly. However, they soon develop some rather interesting side effects...

VOICEOVER GUY: The side effects were unstoppable hallucinations of falling strawberries…urges of getting sexual healings…the inability to control the urge to point at the stars… and sweating uncontrollably.

VOICEOVER GUY: Instinctively, Max and Liz know that the only way to stop these symptoms is to go back to the desert, lay a blanket down under the starlit sky, share strawberries, and finish what they once started... Max fires up the jeep and peels out to the desert in record time... [VOICEOVER GUY changes his voice sound like a DISCLAIMER GUY who works on those commercials for Viagra] The producers of ‘As the Orb Glows’ would like me to remind our viewers that this is a soap opera and we claim the right to resurrect and/or kill off any character that we see fit…this includes the liberty to bring 'Bob the Jeep' back from the dead too.

VOICEOVER GUY(back in his normal voice): Little do they know—

THE ENTIRE CAST OF THE SHOW (cutting in): Come on man! ENOUGH with the history lesson! Let’s get on with the show!

VOICEOVER GUY (speaking very fast as the intro music to the Opening Credits begins to play): Tess has overheard their plans. She is infuriated to think that Max has turned to Liz. She decides to put an end to Liz and Max's relationship forever. She goes to the phone and dials. A male voice answers. Tess says "It's time."


[CUT to the Opening Credits]

Tune in tomorrow for the Episode!

Thank you so much for reading :D

Last edited by singerchic4 on Tue Nov 20, 2007 4:43 pm, edited 23 times in total.
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Post by singerchic4 » Fri Apr 14, 2006 7:11 pm

Erina wrote:I definitely like it. :)

I wasn't in a good mood for the most of the day, but after reading this...Heck, I didn't even need to read it all, just the first line - VOICEOVER GUY: “On last week’s episodes of As the Orb Glows…” - and I was already laughing! :lol:

It's great, can't wait for more!
Thanks Erina! Because you're so nice you get a present :wink:

Okay, so I lied…you guys get two parts is one day

From Prologue:
VOICEOVER GUY (speaking very fast as the intro music to the Opening Credits begins to play): Tess has overheard their plans. She infuriated to think that Max has turned to Liz. She decides to put an end to Liz and Max's relationship forever. She goes to the phone and dials. A male voice answers. Tess says "It's time."

Episode 1:

(At the Valenti’s)
KYLE: “’It’s time’…Well…what in the hell is that supposed to mean?! It’s time to go to the hospital because you’re in labor? Ah, the baby’s a-comin’ the baby’s a-comin’! pheft! Buddha! People these days…they don’t even bother to introduce themselves anymore…

TESS: No, you idiot! I'm not in labor, I’m not even pregnant. [under her breath] Note to Self: Find more intelligent henchmen

KYLE: Henchmen?! Okay, who is thi—

[Tess squints her eyes like she’s laying an egg and suddenly Kyle changes is tune]

KYLE: Yes, maaam! Right away—I’ll be right over!

TESS(leadingly): Do you know why you’re coming over, Kyle?

KYLE(confident): Of course I know why I’m coming over, you juuust said that we’ve got a ‘Liz to the Liz’ situation. Now I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not hang out with that shape shifter while our Liz has been kidnapped.

TESS[patronizingly]: That right Kyle, now you come over here and we’ll figure out what to do…okay?

KYLE: [calmly replaces the receiver] O-kaaay…somebody’s curls are wound too tight today. [He goes into the living room and gets one of his father's guns....]

From Prologue:
VOICEOVER GUY: On yesterday’s episode of As the Orb Glows…Isabel, grossed out because Alex has contracted a flakey skin disease, jumps into the willing arms of the sheriff. Amy, walking in on them, flies into a jealous rage and accidentally shoots Jim with his own gun!

VOICEOVER GUY: “Meanwhile back at the Sheriff's Station…”[under his breath] come on! I drive all the way to the studio in 2 hours of gridlock to say 6 words?! woop-de-friggin-doo—



SOUND TECHNICIAN (aka Bob): Ummm, you’re still on the air…


VOICEOVER BUY’s BOSS (disgruntled): --We apologize for the interruption…we now go back to your regularly scheduled program “Meanwhile back at the Sheriff’s Station…”


ISABEL: YOU—y-y-you……uh…you…hmmm……uh…line please?

LINE PROMPTER (whispering): Isabel’s line is “you shot him”!

ISABEL (with conviction): thanks…ISABEL’S LINE IS YOU SHOT HIM! [Isabel bi**hslaps Amy]

AMY: Oh-HO! I don’t think so little missy!

[the two have a smack-down on the floor of the police station]

SHERIFF: Calm down ladies! [in pain but obviously enjoying the cat fight]

AMY: Shut it Jim, you pedophile!

ISABEL: Don’t you DARE talk to him that way! [yanks Amy by the hair to a standing position]

AMY: I’ll talk to him how I want to YOU-y-you…you OLDIFILE! [all action freezes]

SHERIFF& ISABEL: Is that even a WORD?

[Amy grabs Isabel by the shoulders and throws her over the receptionist counter and dives in behind her. All that can be heard are grunts, growls (growls?!…yes, growls) and groaning]

SHERIFF(bleeding to death): Oooh-no! Its going dark, I see the light! Just know that I love you Amy-no-Isabel-no-Amy…I mean no, Isabel, I mean no-------." [Jim feigns death in the fashion of a poorly directed melodrama—with all the gasping for breath and twitching too…]

ISABEL: WAIT NO, DON’T! [Amy’s fist is drawn back ready to strike another blow]

AMY(frustrated): Whaaaat is it?

ISABEL(laughing): HA! Got your nose! [instead of grabbing Amy’s nose, she pulls a Three Stooges move and pokes Amy in both eyes]


ISABEL: I’ve got news for ya lady, if you think that I’m gonna fall for that one-- [Isabel bends over to give Amy a wedgie but is stopped by Amy’s question]

AMY: Uh, where’s Jim? [both jump back over the receptionist counter to find a not-breathing-Sheriff]

ISABEL: Awww, CRAP! He’s not breathing!

AMY: I’ll give him CPR!

ISABEL: Ohhhhhh no ya won’t! I’ll give him CPR! [and the hair-yanking ensues]

Suddenly! *gasp* Michael appears! [the theme song to Smallville plays briefly]

MICHAEL(confused): [singing along with theme song] Somebody saaaaaaaaave meeee…Whoa! What in the Antar is going on here?!

“You Bi-OW-tch!”

“You touch him with those lips and I’ll-”

“—You’ll do WHAT? Shoot me too?!”

[Realizing that Maria's mom could go to jail for murder, and having honed his healing powers, Michael saves Jim from the brink of death]

DUBED VOICEOVER GUY(taped from a previous episode…because VOICEOVER GUY’s continued employment status is still being discussed): “Later that day…Maria finds out what happened. Sleeping with him out of sheer gratitude, Maria becomes pregnant with Michaels child…”

[the audience is now asking themselves how that particular sound bite could have possibly been previously recorded from a past episode]


VOICEOVER GUY’s BOSS(attempting to fill in for VOICEOVER GUY): Uhhh, how does this thing work again? Oh okay…so once the red light is on, then I talk?……hang on, the red light is ON!

[audience hears a rustling of papers]

VOICEOVER GUY’s BOSS: OH-Uh-um-uh…[recovering] *Ahem* On tomorrow’s episode of As the Orb Glows…does Alex stay with the blond tramp? Would Isabel even want him back? What will happen to Maria? And what is the eeeeeeevil Tess’ eeeeeevil plan for Max and Liz? Tune in tomorrow to find out!……

VOICEOVER GUY’s BOSS(still ON-AIR): Whew! I’m glad that episode is over with…I bet the network is relieved that I was here to step in and clear up that mess! Yes, yes I’m sure they were impressed. I sure kicked ass didn’t I, Bob?…Bob?………Why are you waving your arms in the air like that? I thought I told you if you need to take a piss you need to just go!……What?…………I’M STILL ON THE AIR?! [panicked] HOLY SHI-itake Mushrooms on my sandwich for lunch please[recovering again], yes Jordan…thank you for asking…could you be a doll and dice those mushrooms too?……thats great…


Tune in tomorrow for the next episode of As the Orb Glows…
Thanks for reading!
Last edited by singerchic4 on Sun Dec 09, 2007 3:25 pm, edited 10 times in total.
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Episode 2

Post by singerchic4 » Sat Apr 15, 2006 4:33 pm

Shiesty23 wrote:LOL!! I LOVE IT!! The Voice over at the end was great! :D

And Isabel and Amy fighting over who was going to give CPR....

Can't wait to see what you come up with next....

RhondaAnn wrote:Oh this is just too freakin' hillarious!

Can't wait for more!
madroswellfan wrote:LMAO! :lol:
This is SOOO Funny! Great story! Cant wait for more!
Luzser1800 wrote:This is too funny! :lol: I love it! Continue, please. I want to read more.

Shiesty23, RhondaAnn, madroswellfan, Luzser1800 Thank you so much for your feedback! :D I'm very, very glad you guys find this stuff funny :lol: and that I'm not only amusing myself! :roll: :lol:

I'm back, as promised, with a new episode. I'll try to post one a day for now (until finals which are from 4/20-5/15)...but we'll see how long that lasts

Previously on “As the Orb Glows…”
From Prologue:
LIZ: I guess so…[she shrugs] Hang on…why are you staring your hands?

KYLE [whispering under his breath]: I’m checking for little green sparks between my fingers…

LIZ (puffing up like a mad hen): WHAT did you just say?! [Kyle shrugs sheepishly] Why would YOU be kissing Max?

KYLE: KIDDING...only kidding! [sighing to himself]...I wish I wasn't kidding though...

LIZ: What was that?

KYLE (caught): Nothing!

From Episode 1:
DUBED VOICEOVER GUY(taped from an previous episode…because VOICEOVER GUY’s continued employment status is still being discussed): “Later that day…Maria finds out what happened. Sleeping with him out of sheer gratitude, Maria becomes pregnant with Michaels child...”

(At the Evans’ Home)
ISABEL(on the phone): …and then Amy walks in on us and we have a smackdown!

MAX(on the other end): So how does this end up in Maria getting pregnant?!

ISABEL(on phone): Well, ya see Max…when a man and a woman wrestle naked—Oh, hang on someone’s at the door. I’ll call you back Max!

MAX(on phone): HEY! I am not done berating you yet!....Isabel?......ISABEL!?—[she hangs up on him]

ISBAEL(to herself): Yea, yea, yea…your royal-freaking-highness what else is new! [starts walking to the front door] Somebody reaaaally needs to get that guy a cactus to yell at whenever he feels like telling somebody off…at least it will be able to bite him back…[looks through the window in the front door and sees Alex’s face on the other side]

ALEX(sultry, or at least an attempt at sultry): Ohhhh Izzzy-aaaa-bell [smirk] come out, come out wherever you are!

ISABEL(ambivalent): What’s the matter with you?! [taunts him as she opens the door] Tired of being husky already? Or did you just run out of fresh moisturizer—what the?!

[Alex is standing on her doorstep with an "haute couture" leather ensemble purchased with his college savings account].

ISABEL: You didn’t walk all the way over here in that did you? [she laughs]

ALEX(in a low, sexy voice…which sounds surprisingly similar to James Earl Jones): Isabel…baby…honey… sweet reason for my exsistance….[makes a stance like superhero with his fists on his hips and sticks out his chest] I’m Hoooooooome!

ISABEL(disgusted at his lame attempt at reconciliation): Okaaaaay mister Desi Arnez wanna-be…why don’t you turn around and head right back home to your pile of drying skin. Oh, and make sure she hasn’t been sucked up by the vacuum cleaner yet. I’m sure your mom has already tried that one by now…she doesn’t like much dust around her house.

ALEX: Actually, that’s what I came here to talk to you about. Courtney literally blew away with the desert tumbleweeds this morning…in fact, she’s probably halfway down some poor hitchhiker's nasal passages in Texas by now and aggravating his dust allergy, as we speak….

[Alex paused for enough time for the mind to imagine a very gross visual]

ALEX: Besides, I know you never could resist a wardrobe of full body leather…[winks and blows her a kiss]

ISABEL(still disgusted but unable to resist the leather): Unfair! When it comes to leather, you know that I’m like a cat to milk…which ironically enough is where leather comes from…

[spurred by the intoxicating sight of Alex dressed head to toe in black cow-hide, the song “Lets Get it On” starts playing]

ALEX(playfully): Well….mooo baby, moo!

ISABEL(gaze turns heated): Meeeeeooooww! [Isabel snatches him by the collar, throws him in the house, and slams the door behind them]

VOICEOVER GUY: While the sex kitten and milking cow are busy getting it on, across town another potential odd couple are driving out into the desert…Side Note: And you guys were worried that I wouldn’t get my job back…well, I showed you f**kers didn’t I—[interrupted by Bob]

SOUND TECHNICIAN(aka Bob): Sorry about that! *sigh* On with the show…

KYLE(singing along with the radio and bopping his head to the music): DUUUUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!....bow-a-wow----DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!!

VOICEOVER GUY: (…okay, OKAY! I’ll be good, I PROMISE!...) Unbeknownst to him, Tess is hiding-out in the back seat holding the mindwarp on him about Liz’s fake kidnapping. As Tess listens, the evil grin on her face almost slips as she tries to hold in her laughter under the blanket in the back seat.

KYLE(screaming over the car radio): …DUUUUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!....bow-a-wow------DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!! Ok, done with this one…next! [changes the station] Ah, good one! I WANNA BE A SUPERMODEL!!

VOICEOVER GUY: As Tess is hiding under the blanket, she lets out a silent alien fart! Unable to stand the foul odor anymore, she busts out of her cover squealing:

TESS: “Oh my GOD, what in the hell did I eat!" [scaring the crap out of Kyle]

VOICEOVER GUY: The (AHEM) unfortunate incident......renders the mindwarp ineffective, and Tess has to think fast. “What will distract him…duh! he’s a guy, sex it is!” She puts her arms around Kyle's neck and whispers sweet nothings in his ear.

KYLE: "Oh, give it up, Tess, I'm GAY!" he screams. [Shocked, Tess inadvertently blocks his vision, and Kyle loses control of the car...]

The car skids to a stop... and Tess is thrown backward in rear seat, in stunned shock.

TESS: Well, that explains a lot. [she smirks]

KYLE: Look, it's not that I don't find you attractive…I'm just more interested in Max, that's all. [Kyle says, as he turns around in the front seat. Suddenly the whole scene in the repair shop makes sense!]

TESS: Well, if we don't do something soon, neither of us will have that chance to go after Max. Liz has him so far under her control that he won't even blink without her permission.

KYLE(with just a hint to a wicked grin): So…what is it that you have in mind?


VOICEOVER GUY: What does Tess have in mind for the strawberry couple? Is Kyle really gay? And does Max know about it? Tune in tomorrow for the next episode of “As the Orb Glows..”


Thank you guys for reading!
You’re feedback has meant a lot to me!
Last edited by singerchic4 on Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:32 am, edited 12 times in total.
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Episode 3

Post by singerchic4 » Sat Apr 15, 2006 5:23 pm

Okay, so I know I just posted Episode 2 but I’ve been thinking about it... Luzser1800 has already graciously made the first nomination for Funniest Fanfic (THANK YOU, BTW) and I have a hunch that others would like to 2nd Luzser’s nomination…so here are two more parts for you! Which makes a total of 5, which is the required length of a nominated fic. As Kyle would say "Hey, I'm just happy to be nominated!" I just hope that, unlike Kyle, I don't go throw up now :wink: :lol:

Oh, and there is one small joke of killjoy's in this episode that he said I could use. Just given credit where credit is due!

Episode 3

{{Fade to Max and Liz in the desert... strawberries are strewn everywhere as they get ‘busy’ under the stars. Suddenly, Liz sits up and looks around.}}

MAX: “Liz, what's wrong?”

LIZ: “I thought I heard Maria,” she whispers, “You know how she likes to interrupt us."

MAX: "Liz," Max says impatiently, "there is no one here." He tries to keep kissing her. But Liz has a smirk on her face.

LIZ: "Well, at least I'm not thinking of KYLE...did you think I wouldn't see that! It's a little distracting..."

Max is getting defensive…

MAX: "I wasn't thinking about Kyle!"

LIZ: "Well, I'm sure I wasn't thinking about him, and we're the only two people here. So you explain what I saw, Max"

MAX: "Maybe it's another mindwarp from Tess."

LIZ: "Oh pa-leez! She's miles from here!"

{{As the camera pulls back, we see Kyle and Tess peering over the hillside, looking down on Max and Liz. Kyle starts to giggle.}}

KYLE: "I can't believe you can project so far."

TESS: "It's easy when you're already tuned into someone's mind."

Tess gives her smug reply. But she's not done yet, she's just getting started.

TESS: "Watch this."

{{The camera zooms to Max and Liz...}}

MAX: "Liz, can't we just...try again?"

Liz looks into his eyes [sucker!], and they begin to kiss passionately once again.

Max groans as she gently kisses his stomach. Feeling her hands touch his thighs and other parts of his body, in that area, Max's groan becomes increased.

MAX(muttering): "Oh god Tess that feels so good."

Liz's head quickly shot up-

LIZ: "What did you just say?!"

MAX: "Oh shit"

LIZ(SCREAMING): "That's it! If you think I'm going to deal with this after all the crap you put me through this year, you can just FORGET IT!"

MAX: "LIZ WAIT! I'm sorry...I don't know what..."

(Max sees movement out of the corner of his eye.)

VOICEOVER GUY: Meanwhile back at Ms. DeLuca's house…Maria is lying on the couch watching General Hospital wiping the tears forming in her eyes. Michael walks in to tell her he got a phone call on his cell from… who else. (Big Pause Here)… Courtney!!! He’s telling her how she's back from the dead (so is Alex) and gave Alex the slip. But Maria starts sobbing uncontrollably.

MICHAEL: "What wrong with you? I'm not sleeping with her or anything."

MARIA: "Yeah…whatever, Michael Guerin… I mean it's not that, it the hormones."

MICHAEL: "WHAT?! You’re only a month along. It's that bad already?"

[Maria waves her hand the way she does when she's annoyed and sits back down to catch up on her soap.]

VOICEOVER GUY: Alex and Isabel are lying on her bed. Alex is "smoking" a candy cigarette as he lies next to Isabel.

ALEX: "You know, I was always a big fan of the Dream walking, but THIS...this has got to be the best thing that ever happened to Alex Charles Whitman!"

ISABEL: "Your middle name is CHARLES?! Eww. Could you just stop talking, you're turning me off." Isabel snaps.

Alex holds up Isabel's new leather bustier...and just like Pavlov's dogs...

ISABEL: "Oooh! On second thought..."

Isabel sighs as she throws herself at him...

VOICEOVER GUY: In the meantime...

Amy is sitting over Sheriff Valenti's hospital bed. She telling him about Maria and Michael's ordeal, hoping he'll wake up. She needs him, to use his position as sheriff, to cover up what she's about to do. [/color]

AMY: "I need to kill Michael!!! You have no idea of what he's done to my baby girl. She-She's pregnant. Please Jim, you really have to wake up."

Jim stirs, and turns toward Amy...

JIM(GROGGILY): "You shot me...”

AMY: "Yes I did...but Michael repaired most of the damage before the deputy came in. It just looks like a flesh wound now. Thank you for saying that the gun went off by accident."

JIM: "Amy....Michael saved my life. I know you're upset, but I'm not about to help you kill him."

AMY(PERTURBED): "Fine then! Why don't you just go back to your leather-clad tramp!?"

Amy she storms out of the room in a huff...


Be back with Episode 4 in a mo'
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Post by singerchic4 » Sat Apr 15, 2006 11:40 pm

Episode 4

VOICEOVER GUY: On a hill above town...

We see a shadowy figure dressed in a long, dark coat. With the collar turned up and a Stetson hat pulled low, it's impossible to tell who this is.

DA STRANGER: “Ah, Roswell…the land of the little green men and tourists who buy them as souvenirs…the freaks…” [tisk, tisk, tisk]

The stranger chuckles and mutters, in a low voice, "Everything is going exactly as I planned it." The air around him seems to stand still, as though even it knows what this dark stranger has in store of the peaceful town.

DA STRANGER: “Let’s go have some fun, shall we?”

[He takes a few steps down the slope, loses his footing, and falls flat on his face in the dirt]

DA STRANGER: “Bugger…[*grunt*]…alright, in a few minutes…[ow!]…THAT’s when the fun begins…[ow, that smarts!]…

VOICEOVER GUY: [chuckling] “Ha, ha…that was hilarious!!! Hey twinkle toes! You should watch where you’re going before you go making foreboding threats…you wouldn’t want to FALL victim to your own shortcomings, or take a TRIP that will only lead to failure…hee, hee, hee I crack myself up! And another thing, that coat is a little tight-fitting maybe you should wear a SLIP under that, you wouldn’t want to—“

DA STRANGER: “—I’d ZIP it if I were you!” [shaking his fist to the heavens threateningly]

VOICEOVER GUY: “EEEP! Didn’t realize he could hear me [*gulp*] …let’s just leave him to his business while we check in on Amy who is beginning to get into trouble of her own.

[Amy is pulling up to Pete's Bar, which is just outside of town. She gets out and follows a man in a coat and Stetson into the bar. She takes a seat at the bar next to him.]

AMY: "How about you buy me a drink?"

VOICEOVER GUY: The man turns around…*gasp*…he’s none other than our old ‘friend’ from the City of Angels…Cal Langley.

CAL: "Well how about you, telling me your name first. Then we'll see about that drink."

VOICEOVER GUY: “DUN, dun, duuuuun!” (to himself) Hee, hee, hee

SOUNDTECHNIAN(aka Bob): [dead panning] Yea, dude we get it, you’re a real comedian…NOT! While we’re still young please!!

VOICEOVER GUY: “FINE! MEANwhile, back in the desert......everyone’s a critic [grumble, grumble]”

Max has just spied Tess and Kyle on the hillside. He pulls a struggling Liz toward him and whispers in her ear.

MAX: "Liz! Listen! Don't look now but Tess is out there. I KNEW she was behind this!" [Liz turns around to look] (thinking to himself) “I did just say, ‘don’t look now’? Or was that just in my head? Whatever…”

LIZ: "Max...I'm sorry I didn't believe you. It's just's been sort of a hard year, you know?"

MAX: "I know." (whispering) "Now, let's make this fight look good so we can find out what Tess is up to...and don't worry, I intend to finish what we started as soon as we're alone...*wink*"

LIZ(giggling): “Oh-ho! Mr. Evans I presume…”

VOICEOVER GUY: “Back at the bar…Cal and Amy are hitting it off like—SEE NOTE AT TOP OF PAGE—huh?...okaaay, maybe later [disregards and moves on] Cal and Amy are hitting it off like a house on fire. They finally leave in the wee small hours of the morning and head back to Amy's place. She invites him in for a cup of coffee. Not much talking takes place, as she leads Cal to the bedroom…WAIT, hang on! There’s a note written on the page here! (reading aloud) “Dear VOG, in light of the recent fires in San Diego that almost took singerchic4’s house please DO NOT READ the metaphor above about ‘like a house on fire’. That is all.”……well, frick! I’m a dead man!!! Hopefully she wasn’t listening just now.”

SINGERCHIC4: “Nope, I heard it loud and clear.”

VOICEOVER GUY: “Double frick!”

SINGERCHIC4: [laughing] “Relax VOG, it’s alright. Maybe next time you should read the notes highlighted in red and bolded first voggie boy…”

VOICEOVER GUY: “Yes mam.” [hangs his head in shame]

SINGERCHIC4: “Don’t worry about VOG, you know I love you…now you can distract me by showing the audience some more alien hanky-panky!”


VOICEOVER GUY: [cheering too] “ALL-RI-HA-HA-IIIIGHT! Coming right up! (reading again) Cal and Amy are kissing upstairs on her bed.”

CAL: “Oh, Amy!”

AMY: “Oh, Cal!”

CAL: “Oh, Aaamy!”

AMY: “Oh, Caaaaaal!”


VOICEOVER GUY: [laughing] “I’m sorry!!! Yesh, it was the best that I could do on short notice!”

AMY: "I can show you a really wild time, but you have to promise to do something for me."

CAL: "What did you have in mind?"

AMY(purrs): "I need someone taken care of. Can you do that for me?"

CAL: "Who?"

AMY: [crying hysterically] "My daughter's boyfriend, he got my baby pregnant!"

CAL: [growling] "Consider it done. What's the lowlife's name?"

AMY: "Michael."

CAL: "I'll take care of it. Don't you worry your pretty little head. Now come here." [pulls Amy down onto her bed and turns out the light]

AMY: Oww! That’s not my shoulder Cal!

CAL(distracted): My apologies mam…

AMY(shocked): HEY! Who are you callin’ MAM?! [Amy shoves him off the bed and he lands on the laundry hamper with a grunt]

CAL(rebounding quickly): OH! Amy! I wasn’t calling you mam, I was talking to…the…uh, cat! That’s it, yea! I just stepped on her tail…sorry about that Amy!”

AMY(laughing): Oh! Okay, that’s alright then…come on up here big boy!”

CAL(sultry): Now….where were we? [they commence with da kissing]

AMY: …...Hang on....I DON’T HAVE A CAT!!!!!

VOICEOVER GUY: “Back in the desert…”

LIZ: "Okay, here we go." [She puts both hands on Max's shoulders and pushes him away. Tess' head pops up, she's very curious]

LIZ: “God, Max!!! Why is it whenever we're close you have to bring up your son. God!! He's safe! Don't you know what this does to me? Do you like hurting me?....Answer me!!"

MAX: “I-I-I don't know why it happens. I just don't.”

LIZ: Well, that's not the correct answer. We're through. [Tess and Kyle high-five each other]

Max pulls Liz to her and whispers, "Good job" as she pulls away and walks off towards the highway.

Last edited by singerchic4 on Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:33 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Post by singerchic4 » Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:54 am

Applebylicious- I’m not sure how you ended up over here either, but I’m glad that you did :)
killjoy- I love the title “As the Orb Glows” too, I wish that I could claim credit for it! One of writers of the original story came up with it a long time ago. No, I don’t think it is wrong that VoiceOver Guy has been your favorite character. I can claim the credit for him but I never could have known that he was going to last this long. I just needed someone to help me introduce the fic! He’s here to stay!
madroswellfan- thank you!
behrlyliz- I am sooo telling my stubborn sister that someone other than myself agrees that I’m a genius!
addicted2roswell- OMG I’m picturing your family asking you if you’re having a fit or something, LMAO!
paper- I used to have a warning for this story posted that said “unless you are alone, don’t read this fic…random outburst of uncontrollable laughter tends to cause strange looks by those around you” LOL Thanks for your support.


Thank you ALL very much for your responses and continued support of this fic! Being my first official fic on this board, I had no idea that it was going to get the response that it’s gotten. I’m very touched and happy that you are enjoying it. I'm hoping to get another episode after this one, posted soon...if only final exams and term papers (the devil's spawn :twisted: ) would just be over and done with :roll: !

Enjoy! This one has got an interesting twist at the end...see if you catch it :wink: .


Welcome back to the compelling (ahem) drama of As the World Turns.....EEP! SO sorry, of As the ORB GLOWS... (phew). On last week’s episodes we learned of the secret rendezvous of Alex and Courtney...I mean Isabel and Valenti...I mean Isabel and Alex...I mean Cal and Amy...I mean Kyle has a special yearning for Max...I mean I’m like-a do-a da cha-cha like a sissy girl...hey! Bruce Almighty, get out of the teleprompter control room!

On today’s episode of the Orb...

Max and Liz frantically search for clues fearing Tess could return at any moment.

LIZ: What are we looking for, Max?

MAX : I don't know...anything that will tell us what Tess is up to.

Liz spots a box on the top shelf.

LIZ: Max! Look at this.

MAX : You know, doesn’t anyone else ever find it strange that every line that I'm told always begins with “Max! Oh my gosh” or “Max! Don’t forget, you’re in charge here” or “Max! Don’t forget to wipe your own ass” or (my personal favorite) “Max! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?”

LIZ : Okaaay....I’m just gonna get the box down now...

Resigned to the fact the writers are never gonna change what already works, he waves his hand over the box and springs the lock. Liz's face blanched at what she saw inside. Sitting down felt good now...

LIZ : Oh my god...

VOICEOVER GUY : Aaaaaaand this is the PERFECT time in our story to check on our newest pair infatuated with young (ahem) love.

CAL : Ohhhhhh Amy...somebody is frisky in the morning aren’t they?...Amy? [opens his eyes to find the cat licking his face] Whooooa there kitty! Talk about a new meaning for the term Frisky Cat food.....

Cal sits up in bed and investigates his surroundings.

CAL : {Aww, good old laundry hamper... we’re good friends and that laundry hamper. And there’s Amy sleeping...I do like Amy...whoa! I have EMOTIONS?! This is heavy...must be time for a shower.}

Cal moves the covers aside to walk to the bathroom, which upsets the now napping feline.

CAL : Typical, napping at 7 am...Wait, I thought Amy said that she didn’t have a cat...liar...

After his Norman Bates flashback in the shower a peculiar urge to sudden shout “BACON!”, and pant like the dog from those Bacon Bits commercials, comes over him.


CAL : {First emotions and now smells?! What’s next?!}

He puts on his boxers and steps into the kitchen to see Amy cooking breakfast and Maria sitting at the kitchen table. His arrival makes Maria's jaw drop.

CAL : Uh oh...caught by mommy!

MARIA: Hardy-har-har. Very funny! WHAT are you doing in my house with the boxer’s attire theme? You’re talkin’ to a chick with alien morning sickness here, so DON’T LIE to ME DAN!

CAL : What's for breakfast, Amy?


CAL : I don’t know about you, but I’m hoping that is NOT a rabbit boiling in that pot over there...

Frankly, intimidated by the impregnated blond woman, who at this moment bears a striking resemblance to Glenn Close, Cal takes a few steps backwards and falls over an end table. Amy laughs as an annoyed Maria leaves the room. A hand reaches down to help Cal up. As Cal stands up Amy kisses him gently on the cheek.

AMY : How long is it going to take for you to realize that we DeLuca women are Fatal Attractions Cal?

A voice in the hallway quips:

MICHAEL : Damn straight my man, they will not be ignored Dan!

Cal takes a seat at the kitchen table and pulls Amy with him. Michael comes walking in the kitchen door to see Amy sitting on Cal's lap eating off his plate.

MICHAEL : Nice, I think I'm blind...and it’s probably boiled bunny for breakfast again...blech!

Amy and Cal continue snuggling over Cal’s plate.

AMY : Oh honey Calikins, you’ve got a little bit of hare’s fur on your cheek...let me get that off for you. *kiss*

MICHAEL : OH dear Lord! DOUBLE BLECH! Where’s Maria?

AMY (still kissing Cal's cheek) : In the living room I think.

Michael leaves this yuckfest to find Maria...and preferably a new pair of eyes so he can gouge out the old ones with a dull ice pick.

Meanwhile, the yuckfest is conversing in low whispers.

CAL : Was that him?

AMY : Yep, tonight our plan must go in affect. And there will be no regrets.

CAL : If you like, our plan can act out right now. Michael won't know what hit him, and Maria will think it'll be entirely his fault...

AMY : No, no. Let’s just wait till tonight, Dan.

CAL : Hey Amy?

AMY : Yea?

CAL : Don’t call me Dan again, that movie gave me the willy’s.

VOICEOVER GUY : Since I’m such a nice guy I’m going to let you see what was in that box at the Valenti’s...don’t ever say I didn’t give you nothin’...

LIZ : Oh my god...

Stunned, Max looks down at Liz.

MAX : It's another book...

LIZ : Max! Can you read it?

MAX : Oh my GOSH! What did I not just say in the segment before the bunnies for breakfast scene?! ENOUGH with this “Max! {Fill in the blank}” crap! I mean no other script in history has been more 'Holy Goat Bladders Bat Man'! I'm sure that Robin just had enough of that same Gosh forsaken line!!! That’s it!!! Hey you, VoiceOver Guy! Are you up there?

VOICEOVER GUY : Uhhhhh yea boss...I mean Max...I mean your royal highness?

MAX : Could you check the script for me and see if Liz is really supposed to be say [in a high girly voice] “Max! Can you read this?” which is about as corny as “Max! Are you a human dictionary?”

VOICEOVER GUY : It sure does, boss!

MAX : UGH! Note to self: make sure the writers are fired!

SINGERCHIC4 : Hey! You watch your mouth young man!

MAX : Oh, my gosh look at you up're breathtakingly beautiful, a genius, and a scholar (thank you McDreamy!). I'm so sorry that I insulted you can you ever forgive me?

SINGERCHIC4 : Of course Max, I forgive you. Oh, and thank you for the compliment. I’ll change the lines for you, just read what I just put on the teleprompter and get back to the scene.

MAX : Okay thanks! [reading the teleprompter]
I’m sorry to say this Liz, but I’m breaking up with you...I’m leaving you to be singerchic4’s PERSONAL SEX SLAVE?! What in THE HELL?!


SINGERCHIC4 : Just kidding (I wish) sorry about that, I couldn’t resist. A girl can dream can't she? I’m the writer of this show so I think I’m free to indulge in a few of my own personal fantasies, aren’t I?

MAX & LIZ : NO!!!!

SINGERCHIC4 : Really? Because that’s a shame...sorry about that you two. And just to make up for it I’m giving you two the rest of the day off.

MAX : But, what about the rest of this scene?

SINGERCHIC4 : Oh, don’t worry about it...I’ll just have VoiceOver Guy finish it while our stand in chimpanzees mime the actions.


SINGERCHIC4 : Uh-ah! Do not complain. As my mother would say, “I brought you into this world and I can just as easily take you out of it too”! Bring in the chimps...and...ACTION!
Chimps dressed in Max and Liz’s clothing are placed on scene and given a banana to play with while VoiceOver Guy reads the lines.

VOICEOVER GUY : [in a girly voice] Maybe we should get out of here. We have no idea when Tess and Kyle will be back.

VOICEOVER GUY : [in a low voice] Should we take the book? Tess might notice it's gone.

VOICEOVER GUY : [in a high girly voice] Let me try something. (at this point the Liz chimp should walk over to a bookcase, pick up another book, and hand it to Max...not the banana that the she-chimp is currently lobbing at he-chimp’s head) Here Max, you can make it look like the other one. This should keep her from noticing it's gone, at least for a little while.

VOICEOVER GUY : [in a deep voice] That's fantastic! (he-chimp has just thrown his own feces at the wall, eww)

VOICEOVER GUY : [in a high voice] Then put it back, lock the box, and let's get out of here. Now!

Max puts the box back exactly where they found it, and they leave the way they came in.

VOICEOVER GUY : Thank you for tuning in for today’s episode of As the Orb Glows...on tomorrow’s show hopefully there will be more action than primates...but you never know...see you next time!

Last edited by singerchic4 on Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:35 am, edited 7 times in total.
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Post by singerchic4 » Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:56 pm

roswell3053 wrote:I'm so extremely glad that you are back. I can't wait for you to update this story. It has been way to long.
You didn't have to wait long! Here ya go :D I made the episode extra extra long to make up for the long hiatus.

Hello everyone! I am delightfully giddy to announce my return to my favorite soap opera of all time As the Orb Glows…which is now back from temporary, long term hiatus.

The last year has been crazy. Instead of writing a soap opera, I was living one. I guess that’s why I’ve been gone so long.

But something extraordinary happened this week that has spurred me back to writing and providing laughter therapy for my friends and others. This week San Diego took the biggest hit any wildfire could throw and my neighborhood where I have lived all of my life lost more than 500 homes. The firestorm raged right up to my front and back door. BUT because of the quick thinking and right-place, right-time firefighters my house was SPARED. The miracle firefighters that saved my home when so many others around me burned have shown me just how lucky I really am.

That is why I’m giving myself the chance to laugh and make other’s laugh. So I am dedicating this long, fun filled journey to them and all of the other firefighters that worked tirelessly to save our lives and our possessions.

(On a side note, if you get the chance to donate to the Red Cross, please do. This is the second HUGE firestorm our San Diego suburb has endured in 4 years. Unfortunately the families that supported those who lost their homes in Oct 03 are now the families who lost their houses in Oct 07. It is heartbreaking to see so much pain and loss in one place. We're all just thankful that almost everyone got out alive.)

Sorry for all the downers!! Now, let's take some uppers :lol:

I hope that you all enjoy what’s in store. I would suggest starting over from the beginning. I have revamped it and edited it. Plus, being that it’s a soap spoof some of the plot lines are a little out of this world :wink: pun intended.

A special thanks to my wonderful beta for this part killjoy. Couldn’t do it without him! I've got spell checker but with my luck with spelling... the language setting is probably for Greek instead of English :roll: :lol: .

Thank you again for reading!!!!!!

Previously on As the Orb Glows…

<i> AMY(purrs): "I need someone taken care of. Can you do that for me?"

CAL: "Who?"

AMY(crying hysterically): "My daughter's boyfriend, he got my baby pregnant!"

KYLE: "Oh, </i>give<i> it up, Tess, I'm GAY!" he screams. [Shocked, Tess inadvertently blocks his vision, and Kyle loses control of the car...] Look, it's not that I don't find you attractive…I'm just more interested in Max, that's all.

LIZ: Well, </i>that's <i> not an answer. We're through. [Tess and Kyle high-five each other]

Max pulls Liz to her and whispers, "Good job." as Liz pulls away and walks off towards the highway.


AMY : How long is it going to take for you to realize that we DeLuca women are </i>Fatal Attractions <i>Cal?

A voice in the hallway quips:

MICHAEL : Damn straight my man, they </i>will not be ignored Dan <i>!

Cal takes a seat at the kitchen table and pulls Amy with him. Michael comes walking in the kitchen door to see Amy sitting on Cal's lap eating off his plate.

MICHAEL : Nice, I think I'm blind...and it’s probably boiled bunny for breakfast again...blech!

Amy and Cal continue snuggling over Cal’s plate.

AMY : Oh honey Calikins, you’ve got a little bit of hare’s fur on your cheek...let me get that off for you. *kiss*

MICHAEL : OH dear Lord! DOUBLE BLECH! Where’s Maria?

AMY (still kissing Cal's cheek) : In the living room I think.

Michael leaves this yuckfest to find Maria...and preferably a new pair of eyes so he can gouge out the old ones with a fork.

Meanwhile, the yuckfest is conversing in low whispers.

CAL : Was that </i>him<i>?

AMY : Yep, tonight our plan must go in affect. And there will be no regrets.


LIZ : Oh my god...

Stunned, Max looks down at Liz.

MAX : It's another book...</i>

Episode 6
Welcome to the season premiere of the Daytime Emmy Award Winning smash hit—oh, who are we kidding?! We're just this close to getting cancelled. Sorry boss, I get paid to read not lie! Yea, yea, yea…tell it to my lawyer who signed the permanent all binding contract with the network over summer hiatus. So, regardless of how I feel about this chimp’s playground hell-hole YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME FOREVER…got it? Speaking of primates…on with the show! We meet up with Michael and his pregnant-with-an-alien-hybrid girlfriend sharing a touchingly loving moment…

Michael walks into the living room after leaving the parental love-fest in the kitchen. Maria is sitting on the couch.

MICHAEL: Hey, Prego, how's it going?

MARIA(SHOUTING): Prego?! Could you possibly be any more insensitive!

Michael gives her a blank look and raises his if to say duhh remember who you are talking too here.

MARIA: Prego is a spaghetti sauce, it’s definitely not a term of endearment.

MICHAEL: Look, I'm sorry. It's just that you looked so cute sitting there, and that just kind of popped into my head when I saw you.

Maria's glare softens just a bit...

MARIA: Let's go out tonight.


MARIA: I just feel like getting out of the house.

MICHAEL: I suppose we can. Where do you want to go?

MARIA: Anywhere.

Maria looking nervously towards the kitchen. She can see her mom and Cal still canoodling at the table.

MARIA: Bleeeech! He-B-G-B’s...Let’s go now. I'm really craving a Tabasco burger from the Crashdown.

MICHAEL(GRUMBLING): You and your cravings. I hope this isn't going to last the whole pregnancy.

Michael shakes his head.

MICHAEL: Next thing I know, you're gonna be sending me out for eggplant strudel or something.

MARIA: Ah, give it a rest space boy. [smiles]

Maria manages to get Michael out the front door ahead of her. She looks back, hoping no one has noticed them leaving.

VOICEOVER GUY: That beautiful Hallmark moment was brought to you by the makers of romance and hanky panky our sponsor Neptune Condoms! Because remember if you're going to get anal probed Neptune Condoms are the only way to go! Warning: Neptune Condoms are not to be used by members of the Royal Four, studies have shown that it is likely the royal sperm may be able to penetrate the lining of the condom—[off camera Michael yells “doh! I knew I forgot something” and Maria smacks him upside the head]—Speaking of hanky-panky, I sense some brewing on the other side of town...

Max and Liz are sitting side-by-side, paging through the open book on Max's lap.

MAX: I don't understand any of this.

LIZ(TEASING): I thought I gave you that alien hooked on phonics last Christmas didn't I? You should be able to read at the grade five levels by now.

MAX(DEADPANING): Ha, ha very funny.

Camera zooms to a close up to a page of the book. Images of Max and Liz together are clearly depicted.

MAX: Liz, we did it...We changed destiny. Victory high-five!

Liz and Max do a corny THE TODD high five.

VOICEOVER GUY: Oh! I just love Scrubs! The Todd is awesome. Awesome-Todd-appreciation-five, Bob!

SOUND TECHNICIAN(AKA BOB): Don’t make me try and verbally convey an eye roll off camera, dude.

VOICEOVER GUY: Who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a damn, that’s right Bob Kleso.

MAX: I always knew you were meant for me. Let’s take this party inside shall we?

Max and Liz take a swan dive through the open window into her bedroom. They tuck and roll across the floor to the foot of the bed, springboard off the ground in tandem and leap onto the middle of the bed.

LIZ: Nicely done my friend. (then in mocking accusation) Hey! Have you been practicing without me?!

MAX : No! [blushing and shrugging] Okay, maybe a little.

Liz laughs in response, pushes him onto his back and pins him beneath her, tickling him relentlessly.

MAX : Okay, OKAY! [gasping for breath] Uncle! Uncle! I give!

He gently grabs her wrists to stop her movements. Instantly the mood turns heated when they realize that in her effort to pin him she ended up in his lap, straddling his hips.

They look into each others eyes and proceed to ‘cement’.

VOICEOVER GUY: Of course the all too convenient Tess-destiny-obligation-ending moment wouldn’t be complete without a few unwelcomed mood killers.

A shadowy figure walks in on Max and Liz. Liz screams as Max puts up his protective shield.

NASEDO: Hey, you can put down your shield. Max it's me, Nasedo.

MAX : What the hell? You’re dead. I held you in my arms.

NASEDO(HIS EYES GLAZING OVER AS HE STARTS FANASIZING TO HIMSELF) : Ah, yes you held me so tightly with your warm, tender, muscular arms...I’ll never forget that moment.

MAX : Huh?

Nasedo visually shakes himself out of it.

NASEDO : That was one of Tess' mind warps. You see, I had to distract her into believing that I was on her side. But there's only one person that I am supposed to protect. The King—

LIZ : –has left the building. So, if you don’t mind Max was about to start laying some pipe into my concrete foundations. So I’d really like to get back to that if you don’t mind.

MAX: Liz!?

He stared and she blushed. Max had never seen her be so blunt, but he felt the same way, freedom was quite an aphrodisiac.

NASEDO : Unfortunately Elvis is no longer with us...he went back home, to the Tryian hell of a card player though, shame he won’t make next millennial intergalactic bridge tournament...but, I digress. The point is that I was referring to another King and it is him that I am sworn to protect.

MAX : I always suspected that there was something off about Elvis' disappearance.

VOICEOVER GUY: Ha! Told ya Bob! You owe me $20! Pay up!

SINGERCHIC4: Hey, VOG! Give it a rest for a minute will ya? We’re getting to some juicy stuff here.

Max, Nasedo, and Liz look up.

LIZ: Thanks Lindz!

MAX(BACK TO NASEDO) : No really, what do you need to protect me from? What do you want from us? To take me back to Antar and Kivar? So he can do what? Kill me!

NAESDO: The only person you need protecting from is Tess…and Kivar…aaaand well, just about a million female fans of yours out there who all want to jump your bones and have hot alien sex with you. Don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn't bring you back to Antar to be killed. I'd only bring you back to rule our world again. But that's not why I'm here.

Nasedo takes a deep breath and sits down on the chair next to him.

NASEDO: Now that Tess believes me dead it’s the right time to reveal some important facts to you all. Isabel isn't the one who betrayed you. It wasn't her who fell in love with Kivar.

MAX: Well, that’s a relief! Now maybe she’ll get off my back a bit about this leaving Roswell business...If it wasn’t Vilandra then who was it?

LIZ(LAUGHING) : Ooo! Don’t tell me, Kivar took a swing for the other team and had the hots for Rath instead?

NASEDO: Unfortunately, no... He went after someone a little more dangerously close to Zan.

LIZ(JOKING) : Like his hairdresser? A person tells them everything, even their deepest darkest secrets like fantasies with steamy twin firefighters who wear nothing but those yellow pants with the suspenders that go over their very muscular chest and shoulders.......

Liz is blushing and looking guilty.

LIZ: I mean, hypothetically speaking anyway...of course!

Nasedo chose to ignore that uncomfortable statement.

NASEDO: Max, your own wife betrayed you and your family. She wanted to rule your world.

MAX: See, I just knew Tess had an ulterior motive for trying to break us up.

NASEDO: That book you have, it shows who is really supposed to be by your side. And from the look of things...

He cocked an eyebrow.

NASEDO: I can see it's already starting.

LIZ : What's starting?

NASEDO: The prophecy.

He starts jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store.

NASEDO: Max and You are the true King and Queen of Antar.

LIZ(IN VALLEY GIRL SPEAK) : No way! So, like, I’m like an alien too? That is SO farout...out of this, get it? Ha!

NASEDO: Like, WAY! You’re like so green around the gills, you go girlfriend!

SINGERCHIC4(INTERNAL MONOLOGUE) : Yesh, I know that this is a spoof and all, but I think that was the moment that I sank to a new low...

NASEDO: See Liz, you were a princess, so was Tess/Ava. On Antar I happened to study Midwifery-

MAX(STUDDERING) : —mid whatery?

LIZ: Duh, he was a mid wife.

Max still looked puzzled.

LIZ: Ya know, like Dell on ‘Private Practice’?

MAX : Ooooh, okay! Got it...I do love that show

Max looks directly at the camera and winks. :

MAX: Tune in Wednesday nights, 9 o’clock on ABC.

Liz agreed looking at the camera as well.

LIZ: I do too, I never miss a week.
That’s 8 PM central for you folks in the Midwest.

NASEDO: Eh, that the geography lesson is over can we get back on subject?

Nasedo snapped his fingers to turn the attention back on him.

NASEDO: Liz, I delivered you myself and the next year I delivered Tess. The same woman carried you both. Tess is your sister.

SOUND TECHNICIAN (aka Bob) : Duum, duum, duuuuuuuuum! (what can I say? the sound machine isn’t working today so I improvised!)

MAX : “What?! Sisters?!” [Max jumped to his feet] “Surely you can’t be serious?!”

NASEDO : Of course I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley!

VOICEOVER GUY : What the hell?!

[The sound of rustling papers can be heard as VOICEOVER GUY tries to find the current page of today's script]

VOICEOVER GUY : Who the hell is hiring the writers for this monkey show?! That's not even an original line!

NASEDO(looking at the camera and shrugging): Hey, it’s one of the classics…

Turning back to Liz and Max.

NASEDO: Anyway, you see Liz during the time of your birth families on your world were only allowed to have one daughter. Something about the families only having the hock for one wedding...or something like that. When a family had more than one girl, she was taken away at birth and was given over to the state. The majority of the time the girls were adopted out to families who couldn't bare children. Others lived on the castle grounds to become maidens for the future knights. Tess became more than that. She had a craving to rule the world. And when Max's and Isabel's parents couldn't find a fitted wife for Max on Antar, Tess was brought to Antar to ‘do the job’…for lack of a better term.

LIZ : So I'm related to TESS?! But she slept her way to the top? Well, to say that the later doesn’t surprise me one bit is the understatement of the century. [she sighed]

Max leaned over and rubbed Liz's shoulders for support.....he would have liked to have been rubbing a less appropriate part of her anatomy....but that's another part of the story we'll get to later.*wink wink*

LIZ : What about our parents? Why didn’t anyone know who I am? What happened to me in my past life?

NASEDO: Your father was the ruler of Zmszq. The second planet to the left of our world. Your father died shortly after Tess was taken and then your mother was thrown out of the kingdom when he died. They refused to have a female leader, so they took over.

Liz reacts in shock, so Nasedo explains further.

NASEDO: A very chauvinistic society, if you couldn’t already tell...kind of a back water country. Okay this story gets long, so please sit tight.

Liz and Max kick off their shoes, lean back in the bed and as Nasedo said ‘got comfortable’…which in light of their currently horny state meant Max hovering on top of Liz with his hand inching under her blouse while she clawed at his back.

NASEDO: (gulping) Not THAT comfortable!!!

MAX: OH! Sorry, our mistake. [chuckling, but settled into a more appropriate comfortable position]

NASEDO: Your mother was banished from her world and she fled with you to Antar and went into hiding. She gave you up to a woman named Sisilie to protect you from the new king of Zmszq. You were only about 2 years old so it was pretty easy to hide you. When you turned 16 you became a servant girl on the castle grounds. At the time you became good friends with a girl who knew about your past. Her name was Serena. When she told you about your past and what has happened to your family, you fled the castle grounds. The land just outside the castle wall was made of red sand that went into the blue ocean. You sat on the shore to watch the sun set to see the water turn to sparkling purple. Max stumbled upon you sitting under a tree on his evening horse ride and a conversation started. You told him about your past and he fell for you. Kivar at the time was third command, Michael his second. Kivar had hid in that tree above and overheard your conversation with Max. So Kivar thought he'd win Tess over by telling her about your rendezvous. Just like that she betrayed Max for betraying her love for him. But than Kivar betrayed Tess and than took over the I guess you can say that in the end there was a just a whole lot of betraying going on. So anyway the rulers of the other planets teamed up with Kivar to kick Max, Isabel, and Michael off the planet. They couldn't run to any of the other planets in their galaxy. They had to go farther.

MAX: But how did Tess get into the spacecraft with us?

NASEDO: She heard Kivar talking to his second at command that after he'd become King that Tess was to be assassinated. So he'd have no past of you, and he could dictate Antar with a fresh start.

LIZ: And what about me? I know I was born to human parents, not hatched.

NASEDO: I was always very fond of your mother and when she went into hiding she asked me to look out for you. When I had found out that you’d fallen for Max and as a result had died, I arranged for the transport of your essence to earth while the others were still in the pods. This was much later than the crash 50 years ago and I was already on earth when I got the word of your fate. At that point our technology had advanced far enough that we had found a way to protect you in the womb of a female human, instead of a pod. Having studied midwifery I figured out a way to do the whole thing without your parents even realizing what had happened. I tried to get the timing just right so that your birth would occur at the right time to be the same age as the others. This arrangement seemed to work best for everyone because it also kept you hidden from our enemies and from Tess too.

The three of them sat in silence as this news settled around them.

VOICEOVER GUY: I think that’s enough revelations for the time being. Let’s check in at the Crash with our favorites pregos’...sorry Maria.

Michael and Maria walk in the entrance. Maria makes a beeline for the booth farthest from the door. She slides into the seat facing the door. Michael gives her a confused look.

MICHAEL: Why do you want to sit all the way back here in the dark?

MARIA: I don't want anyone to see me. It'd ruin my rep if anyone found out I was pregnant.

MICHAEL: Your rep? You have a rep?

MARIA: Yeah, my rep! Now sit down and let's order something!

MICHAEL: I hope this is just the hormones talking. Otherwise, you're getting stranger by the day.

MARIA: I'm getting strange? Look who's talking- Mr. Second-in-Command. Mr. Out-of-this-world.

MICHAEL(HISSING) : OK, OK. Just drop it, will you?
What do you want to eat?

MARIA: Oh, just get me a burger and some fries. I have to go to the bathroom.

As Maria gets up from the table, she notices a shadowy figure outside the window. Panicked as her maternal instincts have started to kick in, she grabs Michael's arm and drags him yelping from the table.

[Menacing, dramatic music starts playing loudly in the background.]

MICHAEL(YELPS) : Hey! Now what?

Michael yelps as she is now pulling him by the ear.

MICHAEL: And where the hell is that music coming from?

Once through the swinging door she speaks but doesn’t slow her stride.

MARIA: On second thought, let's just go. I've changed my mind. No one can do a Crashdown burger like you. Let's go back to your place and you can make me one there.

She replies as she drags him through the kitchen and out the back door of the Crashdown.

Outside the Crashdown, Alex peeks through the window. He had seen Maria and Michael bolt out the back door.

ALEX: I wonder what that’s all about?

He sneaks round the back in time to catch Michael and Maria emerging from the alley. Maria screams and Michael is ready to fight.

ALEX: Whoooa guys hold it! It's just me, Alex...

MARIA: Alex! You scared the crap out of me!

Maria yells as she hits him.

MARIA: Was that you out front just now? What are you doing here?

ALEX: Izzy wanted a snack, so I offered to get her favorite from the Crashdown. Why are you sneaking out the back?

MICHAEL: I think it has to do with the hormones... She's been acting crazy all day.

MARIA: Thanks Bonehead!!

ALEX(CONFUSED) : Hormones?

MARIA: I wasn't ready to tell the world yet!

Maria has steam irrupting out of both ears and is smacking Michael hard on the shoulder.


MICHAEL: Maria's knocked up.

This time he braces for the impact.

MARIA: Michael! Didn’t I just say—

She smacks him upside the head this time.

ALEX: —Hey! That's great! Isn’t it?

MARIA: Yeah, I guess. Except mom’s pissed. She was screaming something about those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it... Look, I'm hungry. Can we discuss this some other time?

MICHAEL(RUBBING THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND SHOLDER) : We were heading back to my place. You want to come along?

ALEX: Nah. I'd better get back to Izzy. She's probably wondering what happened to her... um, snack (to himself)more like leather chew toy...

Michael shrugs.

MICHAEL: Alright, catch you later.

ALEX: Yeah, later.

Alex turns back down the alley to head back inside. Just out in sight of the sidewalk, he sees Cal walk past the alley entrance heading for the restaurant.

ALEX: Hey guys, wasn't that..? [he turns back around]

Maria and Michael are gone.

ALEX: Huh, wonder what spooked them?

VOICEOVER GUY: Meanwhile...

Tess and Kyle are celebrating the Max & Liz ‘breakup’ with beer and laugher.

TESS: Did you see how mad Liz was?

Tess laughs giddily. Tess and Kyle clink their beer bottles together in a silent toast.

KYLE(SMILING) : Classic...

Glancing over at a beaming Tess, Kyle suddenly finds himself very attracted to her. He moves in to kiss her...

TESS(SHOCKED): I thought you were gay!

KYLE: Make that ‘Bi’...

Kyle says as he attacks her.

VOICEOVER GUY: Back in Liz's room...

NASEDO(WINKING) : Well, I'll let you two get back to it.

MAX: Thanks, I guess?

He waits for Nasedo’s exit but instead he just stands there expectantly.

MAX: Could you, umm...leave now?

NASEDO: Oh, right...of course!

Nasedo walks out into the hall and closes the door behind him.

LIZ: I can't believe he just said that. That's jus-just weird for someone to encourage us to have- have- you know-

MAX: Sex?

LIZ: Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. Oh, my god. I'm not going to be a virgin anymore! I'm so going to have to tell Maria about this.

MAX: Um, you’re, kind of killing the mood.

Liz whispers than giggles.

LIZ: Oh, sorry... I won't tell Maria the whole losing the virginity thing, just the prophecy thing.

At this point Max is getting very impatient.

MAX: Liz, would you just shut up and kiss me already!

LIZ: Oh, yeah, we're back on that, cementi-n-g—

Max lunges in and cuts her off with a long passionate kiss and sheds his shirt.

LIZ: Oh yeeah, I like that.

Enter Maria The Interrupter...

MARIA: Oh, my God...Liz! I was just on my way back from Michael's and...

Liz looks at the camera.

LIZ: Uh, dejavu anyone?

MAX(WARNING) : NOT this time, Maria!

Liz bites her lower lip.

LIZ: Um, Maria could you...

MARIA: AB-solute-ly. Say no more...

Maria says as she checks out Max's beautiful abs from beneath her lashes.

Liz raises her eyebrows and gives Maria a look.

MARIA: OK, ok. I'm going! Just don't do anything I wouldn't do.

MAX & LIZ: Right, of course. Nothing you wouldn’t do.

Max and Liz say as they turn back to focus on each other.

Hey, she is knocked-up, isn’t she?!


Thank you guys for reading. I hope it was worth the wait! :D
Feedback very much appreciated.
Last edited by singerchic4 on Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:30 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Episode 7

Post by singerchic4 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 4:40 pm

FaithfulAngel24 - I’m happy to be back
RhondaAnn – That’s right, people aren’t going to be happy when they start finding out. Teenage pregnancy doesn’t go over well…I am spoofing all of the fics out there the just make their characters knocked up at 16…not that I don’t love when they work out for the best. Isabel is not going to be happy…you’ll see in today’s episode.
Flamehair - Thanks for the laughs…I missed you guys too.
roswell3053 – I can’t wait to see Tess and Kyle’s reactions either. Although, in this part they’re going to be a little busy on their own :wink:

A/N: Just a caption here. Some of the jokes in this episode may seem familiar, they’re killjoy’s. As he is my beta, he is whole heartedly flattered that I would include them in the story. As I see it part of a spoof story is including ‘what wouldn’t a character usually say?’ :wink: if you catch my drift. :lol:

REMINDER: This fic is written like reading a script. As the Orb Glows is the name of the The narrator (VoiceOver Guy) is highlighted in green because we can only hear his voice. Anything outlined with [ ] or * * is an action, { } is camera movement or cuts, and obviously anything like "MAX: " is spoken out loud. Enjoy!


VOICEOVER GUY: Goooood morning ladies and germs…its time for today’s episode of As the Orb Glows…because that orb has been glowing for years and hasn’t burnt out yet!

[The pink Energizer Bunny enters stage left, dipped in a bright green goo that is probably radioactive toxic waste.]

VOICEOVER GUY : That orb just keeps glowing and glowing and glowing and glowing...okay that’s enough, thank you!

[The pink Energizer Bunny is yanked off-screen by a large Shepard’s hook.]

VOICEOVER GUY : "Today’s episode starts off where last weeks left off.”

CAMERA GUY: "Uhhh where did we leave off last week?

VOICEOVER GUY : "How the hell should I know! I'm just the guy who reads this crap...*shaking today's script*.... out loud!"

{Camera fades in on Liz's bedroom window and enters, flies above the bed where Liz and Max are panting heavily. Strangely, Bob the show’s sound tech is standing in the corner singing in his best Barry Manilow impression.}

VOICEOVER GUY : "Sound machine still not working there Bob-o?” [laughs at Bob] “Max and Liz are making new efforts in human/alien ‘foreign relations’ upstairs, no thanks to ‘Marias interruptus’."

{Camera keeps moving through the bedroom door to the hallway, comes up behind Maria and we see her silhouette descending down the steps to the backroom…then the camera man brings the camera accidentally too close to Maria’s frame and rams the camera lens right into the back of her blond head.}

MARIA : "OW HEY, watch it bub…ow, now I’ve got a headache!”

VOICEOVER GUY : "But having satisfied her fears that Max would indeed not venture into Liz’s ‘land where no man has gone before’ she went back downstairs.”

{Camera follows her back, at a safer distance, until she stops suddenly. An unwelcome familiar blond is standing on the landing. Camera swings around to Maria's front to see her expression of shock and anger}

MARIA : "What the hell are you doing here?”

COURTNEY : “Maria—”

MARIA : "God, haven't you ruined my life enough?!”

COURTNEY : “Maria-”

[Maria brushes past Courtney, trips but lands on the couch. Courtney can’t help but giggle a little.]

MARIA : "Now you have to come here and laugh in my face. You,You, B-I-T-C—"

COURTNEY : “MAA-RI-A! Yesh woman! I'm not here to gloat. Much less enjoyable I’m afraid. I was sneaking around your backyard and I heard Cal and your mom going at it like a pair of Catholic bunnies…ew….but I overheard something your mom was saying to Cal. Where's Michael?”

[She looks around hopefully but doesn’t see Maria’s spaceboy anywhere.]

MARIA : "What do you mean, ‘where’s Michael?’ Typical! Da skin steals Alex, brings him back, dumps him off on Isabel and shows up here in my business because she’s decided that she’s had enough of men with brains [she points at her temple]…she wants the brawn [poses like a body builder].”

[Courtney doesn’t react.]

MARIA : "With all those paces you're putting that scrawny little ass of yours through, I bet you wear out that trashy 50 year skin suit in less than 5!! TRAMP!!!”

[Maria put her five fingered hand in the tramp's face for emphasis]

MARIA : "Do you get off on trailing after the men in my life, or is that just a bonus? I'm not helping you with anything until you tell me what you overheard, most especially not the location of said brawny boyfriend.”

[Courtney takes a long pause while Maria deflates from all her huffing and puffing.]

COURTNEY : (calmly) “Ya done?”

MARIA : *sigh* "Yeah, that’s good…nice to get that off my chest.”

COURTNEY : “Don’t mention it…, where’s Michael? He might be in a lot of trouble if we don't get to him first.”

MARIA : "Fine, Michael's in the alley in the Jetta...but what kind of trouble?”

COURTNEY : “The kind that could make your kid an orphan.”

[Maria’s hand instinctively covers her quickly growing baby bump.]

MARIA : "My kid? How did you know-”

COURTNEY : “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! Oh, congrats by the way...but you might want to lay off the sweets, you’re getting pretty heavy already.”

MARIA : "Ye-hah thanks, but I’m not getting fat! It’s an alien bun in the oven remember? Cooking time set to warp speed! Now, BACK TO THE TROUBLE!”

COURTNEY : “Your mom hired Cal to be her hit man for Michael getting you pregnant. She wants him dead. She tried to get Sheriff Valenti in on it, but Michael saved his life and he refused her offer.”

MARIA : "How did you find all that out?”

[Maria asks while at the same time, texting on her cell phone behind her back. This blond is the fastest text in the west!]

~UR N trouble Michael. Get N here NOW!!!~

COURTNEY : “I've told you before I'm a rebel. I worship Michael remember?”

MARIA : "Oh yeah...You’re a crazy, psycho, stalker. I remember now. Oh sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It's the hormones talking. [smirk] But seriously you are crazy.”

COURTNEY : “Listen, Slut. Why don't you just back off? I don't feel like beating the crap out of a fat pregnant lady. It’s not my style. Oh sorry, fat pregnant girl.”

[Just as the girls come to blows, Michael walks in to break them up.]

MICHAEL : “Maria!! What ARE you doing?!”

MARIA : "Kicking this bitch's ass into next Thursday, why?”

MICHAEL : “What did I tell you before about acting like this?”

MARIA : "Huh--”

MICHAEL : "--that if you're going have a chick fight, you've got to do it right! With either a vat of jello and/or mud rustling but not necessarily in that particular order. Oh, and tickets sold at the door, daddy wants a new big screen.”

MARIA : "Oh, that! I'm sorry, my mistake. Will not happen again.” [nods]

MICHAEL : [crosses his arms satisfactorily] "Mistake forgiven.”

[There's a loud groan from upstairs. Michael, Maria, and Courtney look up to the ceiling. Michael grins knowingly and rubs his nose...]

MARIA(sarcastically): "That’s great, just great! Now there is gonna be two members of the ‘I’m pregnant with an alien’s baby’ club! Fantastic! We should start collecting dues. We’ll use it to sponsor scholarships for our kids’ intergalactic soccer tournaments or something.”

MICHAEL : "OYE!” [yelling at the ceiling] “Uh, you might want to think about closing that window, Maxwell!" [He looks down, puts his hands in his pockets, and shuffles his feet.]

[The window slams shut from above.]

MARIA : "I think the moondoggies are finally ‘on approach’.” *giggle*

[A blushing Maria sneaks a look at Michael, and then looks away snickering.]

MICHAEL : "There may be a ‘full moon’ out tonight.”

COURTNEY : “I believe Max's spacecraft Endeavor has made a successful landing in Liz's Sea of Tranquility.”

MARIA : "A ‘huge’ advancement in intergalactic relations...”

MICHAEL : "One small step for man...”

MARIA : "Oh, there ain’t nothing small about that man’s step!”

[Maria’s mind is interrupted by a flashback]

{Camera cuts to flashback}

"So one of your alien powers is that you can manipulate matter?" asked Maria.

"That's right Pixie Girl," Michael answered. He stood shoulder to shoulder with Max who was nodding his head in response to the question.

"What kind of ways can you change this matter?" Maria asked another question.

"Oh we can do a lot of stuff." said Michael "We can change the molecules of one item so it will change into something else. We can also bend the molecules so they will change the shape of an item, making it wider or longer."

"Wow, I'm a little impressed." said Maria "When you guys learned you had this power what was the first thing you changed the shape of?"

To answer Maria's question Max and Michael could only look down at their crotch.

"OH GOD!" Maria rolled her eyes in disgust.

{END OF FLASHBACK: Camera cuts back to the scene}

[Maria is shaken out of her daydream as she watches Courtney’s eyes coyly glance downward to the zipper of Michael’s jeans.]

MICHAEL : "HEY!” [He covers him lower self defensively] “Don’t get any more funny ideas! I think we should continue this discussion elsewhere.”

MARIA & COURTNEY : "Agreed.”

[Even with their momentary respite, they are again shooting daggers at each other with their eyes...]


VOICEOVER GUY : "Alex had left Maria and Michael earlier at the Crashdown to head back to Isabel’s. But he made a detour on his way there. By the time he got there he found the Isabel was about to leave…”

ALEX : "Wait, where are you going?"

ISABEL : "Something came up. I've got to go."

ALEX : "But I brought you your favorite snack. Blood of alien smoothie and Will Smith burger, hold the onions, with an Alex on the side. *wink* And I picked up a little something special for you."

[He said it with a grin. So she had to admit that she was curious.]

ISABEL : "What is it?"

ALEX : "Well, let's just say it's something I'm sure you'll really like."

ISABEL : "Oh, come on. Show me!" [she started tickling him]

ALEX : [laughing] "OK, okay…here it is."

[He hands her a gift wrapped package.]

ISABEL : [laughing too] "You buckle faster than Max does…”

ALEX : "Open it."

ISABEL : "Oh Alex, it's beautiful."

[She cries, pulling a long, form-fitting leather dress and matching whip out of the box.]

ALEX : "I wanted to apologize for taking off for so long with that crazy Courtney chick, and I knew how much you like leather…Go on, try it on. I want to see how it fits."

[Isabel goes into to the bathroom and returns a few minutes later. Alex is stunned, to say the least.]

ALEX : "Wow!" [his jaw drops]

ISABEL : "What do you think of your girlfriend now? *snaps the whip in her hand causing it to make a loud pop in the air*

ALEX : "Come here, and I'll show you. Or do you still have to go?" [he grins]

ISABEL : "I'm sure it can wait." [she smirks] "Let's see how easy this comes off."

[Isabel takes Alex's hand and leads him into the bedroom and closes the door. Soon the loud sound of a zipper being lowered and than the sound of Isabel's dress hitting the floor could be heard. Which was than accompanied by the loud crack of a whip.]




VOICEOVER GUY : "Back in the desert, Tess and the sexually confused Kyle are still making out. Let’s see what they’re—”

KYLE : “Hang on VOG, wait please! Cut, cut!”

VOICEOVER GUY : "What’s up Kyle? The scene has got to start.”

KYLE : “So let me see if I have this right."


KYLE : "My mom leaves me when I'm six years old. Than Liz, my girlfriend at the time, dumps me for Max the alien king. Than Tess, the girl I had some feelings for, turns out to be a psycho murdering alien. And just when I start to think I have a shot with Isabel she runs off and marries Jessie?"

VOICEOVER GUY : [flipping ahead a few pages in the script to check what was coming up] "That sounds about right."

KYLE : "Gees," [he muttered while shaking his head] "And people wonder why I get written as gay in so much fanfiction."

VOICEOVER GUY : "Wait, you’re not gay?”

KYLE : “No, I’m not.”

VOICEOVER GUY : "Tough break man.”

SINGERCHIC4 : “Kyle, do you want me to give you you’re studly-ness back…would that make you happy?”

KYLE : “Yeah, it would help.”

SINGERCHIC4 : “Okay, for all tenses and purposes, As the Orb Glows contains a heterosexual Kyle.”

KYLE : “Just like that?”

SINGERCHIC4 : “Just like that. I had a few viewers write into the show complaining about the gay thing, but like you said…its no wonder you get written as a gay character so often. ACTION!”

VOICEOVER GUY : "Okay, well now let’s make Kyle ‘a real boy’ and give him some action, shall we?”

{Camera cuts back to Kyle and Tess making out heatedly.}

[Tess and Kyle are lost in each other's arms...]

TESS : "If I had any idea of how good this would be, Buddha Boy, I would've let you trim my lamp a long time ago.".

KYLE : "Well, I don't like to brag, but..."

[Kyle stops in mid-sentence as he realizes he is no longer laying on the ground…but floating about 100 feet above it.]

KYLE : "Holy s***!!!”

TESS : "Don't worry. I won't let you fall."

[She holds his face in her hands.]

TESS : "Just focus on me."

KYLE : "Well, far be it from ME to spoil the mood, but in case you didn't NOTICE...I'm floating here, with my ass in the air, and I left my Superboy cape in my other pair of jeans!!!”

TESS : "I'm telling you, I've got you!”

[She tries to calm him.]

TESS : “Its okay Kyle, really…uh oh”

[Suddenly Tess’ body goes limp and the two of them start falling towards the ground.]

KYLE : “TESS?!...TESSSS! WAKE UP!!! Oh, my Buddha we’re gonna die…”

[Kyle screams in panic as he looks around him with wide eyes.]

VOICEOVER GUY : "Sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got too…what am I saying? I LOVE torturing you people! [laugh] I wonder if they die? You’ll never know! Because I won’t tell you! Because I’m evil! Mua HA HA HA!”

SOUND TECHNICIAN(aka Bob): “No, you’re not. You’ve just realized that this story doesn’t have a really evil villain yet and you’re vying for more screen time!”

VOICEOVER GUY : "Alright Bob, you caught me…go play with your silly music box…shouldn’t you be working on your singing? …(back in narrator voice) ‘Meanwhile Amy and Cal are walking down main street towards the Crashdown.’”

AMY : “Aren't you listening to me!?! Typical male! When a woman speaks it goes one ear and out the other!”

[Cal seems to be otherwise occupied. Somehow Michael and Maria have vanished and so has the Jetta.]

AMY : “We have to find the Jetta. Right now! Now I have more motives to get rid of that boy.”

[Cal finally starts paying attention. Amy is certainly causing a commotion.]

AMY : “First: he knocks up my baby, second: kidnaps her, and third: steals my car! I think any courtroom would be on my side. Urgh!"

CAL : [whispering] "Can you please calm down, Amy. People are looking,"

AMY : "Oh, so now I'm crazy! Can't have a woman talk in public. She must stand behind her man and keep her mouth shut. Is that it? Well let me tell you something...I WON’T BE IGNORED"

SHERIFF VALENTI : "Amy, Amy. What's the problem here?"

CAL : "Back off Deputy Do-Right. There’s no problem here."

SHERIFF VALENTI : "I wasn't talking to you. Now, was I?"

CAL : [threatening] "Are you looking for trouble, man?"

AMY : [giggling] "Boys, boys. Are you fighting over me?”

CAL & VALENTI : [yelling] "No!"


VOICEOVER GUY : "Back at Isabel's place…”

{Screen cuts to the hallway outside Isabel’s bedroom.}

[The loud, screaming with pleasure sounds have died away. Now, contented sensual sounds are heard coming from behind the bedroom door. These are soon followed by the soft sound of voices talking…but not for long]

ISABEL : "SHE'S WHAT??!!" [she bangs the bedroom door against the wall in her wake as she storms out into the living room]

ALEX : "Will you keep your voice down!?"

[Alex is now regretting his very stupidly chosen form of pillow talk, ‘heard of anyone who’s been knocked up around the water cooler?’]

ALEX : "I don't think she wants everyone to know just yet."

ISABEL : "How could he be so stupid?!”

[Duh, it’s Michael!]

ISABEL : "He knows what the results will be. This will all end in tears, I just know it!

ALEX : [chuckling] "So, I take it that you’ve seen the movie Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy then, eh?”

ISABEL : [ignoring him] "What could he possibly have been thinking?!"

ALEX : "Again, I say ‘Duh, he’s Michael’…he thinks with his lower brain.”

Alex’s brain springs into a J.D.-like daydream :

"Come on Michael lets go to bed." purred Maria

"God Maria is sex all you ever think about?" Michael pouted

"What the hell is your problem?" Maria rolled her eyes.

"Everything with you is just sex sex sex." frowned Michael "Why can't you just love me for my mind?!"


ALEX : "HA! That’s classic!”

ISABEL : "What did you just say?”

ALEX : "Oh, nothing…”

[Isabel is pacing the living room like a caged animal. Alex is just watching her, admiring every move of her graceful body.]

ALEX : [calmly] "You know, it's really none of our business anyway."

ISABEL : "Like Hell, it's not!" [angrily] "You have no idea the trouble this could cause. We have to find him."

ALEX : "We don't even know where he is."

ISABEL : "Oh, I have a pretty good idea. Are you coming?"

ALEX : "Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world!”

[Alex grabs his coat and follows Isabel out of the apartment.]


VOICEOVER GUY : "Okay, just because I’m nice, lets see if the lamptrimmers will live to trim a lamp another day!”

[Kyle and Tess are plummeting downward towards the desert sand below at a breakneck speed. Kyle is trying to shake Tess awake.]

KYLE : “TESS! Wake up!”

TESS : [mumbling in her sleep] “Five more minutes, Dad! I’m having a hot sex dream…”

KYLE : “Come on, I’m too young and you’re too pretty to die!”

TESS : [woke up instantly] “Oh, Kyle that’s so sweet…Holy CRAP!!!”

[She pulled herself together enough to slow their plummet to a halt just a few feet from ground level. They hit the sand with a dull thud. Kyle got the wind knocked out of him and he is breathing heavily lying on his back. ]

KYLE: [sarcastically] "Okay, so maybe a dry spell isn't such a bad thing….What the hell just happened to you?”

[He gently reaches out to touch her cheek.]

TESS : “I had a flash, Kyle.” [she says seriously]

KYLE : “A flash? Since when does a flash make you pass out?”

TESS: (not hearing him) “I saw us, Kyle.”

KYLE: “Saw us careening towards our deaths? Cause ‘Newsflash!’ that was already happening…Ha! Bad news in a flash! Pun intended”

TESS: (not getting his lame joke) “No, we were standing on a cliff together. We were holding hands. And I had this strong feeling that we were…”

KYLE: “We were WHAT, Tess, WHAT?!!”

[Tess looks into Kyle’s eyes...]

TESS : "We were one, Kyle. We were using our combined powers to make something happen. I couldn't see any more than that, but there was an energy flowing through us that I've never felt before."

KYLE : "Tess, you know that I don't have any powers. It's been a long time since Max healed me and I've never felt anything...besides, you know how freaked out I get by all that ‘bewitched’ crap! I prefer to Darren in this story, the normal mortal whose wife is the one with the magic mumbo jumbo."

TESS : "I'm telling you, Kyle, I felt it. Maybe our being ‘together’ brought it to the surface."

[Tess reaches out to Kyle]

TESS : "Give me your hand..."

KYLE: [he eyes her warily] "I think not."

TESS : "Kyle, this is serious! We have to learn how to control this power. NOW GIVE ME YOUR HAND!"

KYLE : "Geez! CHILL ALREADY, would you?!"

[Kyle takes her hand.]

KYLE : "By the way, how do you always manage to look so hot when you're pissed."

TESS : "Just one of my many talents, I guess." [she says smiling] "Now close your eyes and concentrate."

[A slight glow emanates from their bodies while the breeze swirls around them...]

TESS : "Oh my god, Kyle, look!!!"

[Tess points in front of her as she struggles to keep her balance. Kyle stares wide-eyed and gulps...]

KYLE: “Aw, crap…”

[Suddenly, a burst of power explodes in front of them knocking them both off their feet...]


VOICEOVER GUY : "Alex and Isabel are driving towards the Crashdown. As they get nearer, they spot Cal and Amy arguing outside.”

ISABEL : "This doesn't look good."

[They park the car across the street from the Crashdown.]

ALEX : "Why would Amy hang out with Cal?"

ISABEL : "How should I know?"

ALEX : "I'm just asking. Don't bite my head off, ok?"

ISABEL : "Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I'm just worried."

ALEX : "Why?"

ISABEL : "Seeing those two together... I just get a bad feeling."

[Looking up at Liz's bedroom window, Isabel sees that the light is on.]

ALEX : "I wonder if Max knows how cozy Cal and Amy are getting?"

ISABEL : "Why would he care?"

ALEX : "Well, Cal did try to kill him, remember? Maybe Cal’s up to something very antiprotector-like again."

ISABEL : "Yeah, he and Amy are definitely up to something—look at how they're arguing. I just wish I knew what it was!"

ALEX : "Oh! I have an idea. But I don't think you're going to like it."

ISABEL : "What?"

ALEX : "Why don't you like daydreamwalk one of them and try to find out what they're up to?"

ISABEL : "Cal might sense me."

ALEX : "So try Amy. She's so upset right now; she probably wouldn't notice a parade going by…with baton twirlers and 76 trombones."

ISABEL : "Good point. Keep an eye on them while I give it a try"

[Isabel focuses on Amy and clears her mind. Images begin to swirl through her mind's eye.]

Alex watches her with concern as her face contorts.

ISABEL : (in her mind’s eye) Everything seems confused and angry, but one image leaps to the front. She hears gun fire. Then things start to swirl again. In her mind, she sees a body on the ground wearing Michael’s jacket and jeans, but she can't see a face. She sees Cal reach down and turn the body over.


SOUND TECHNICIAN(aka BOB): “DUuum, dum, dummm…”

VOICEOVER GUY : "To be continued! Now that’s what I call a cliff hanger… BAAAHAAAA …see, I told you I was eeeeevil ....BAAHAAAA.......*cough* *gasp* *wheeze*....shit I got to quit smoking!”

SOUND TECHNICIAN(aka BOB): “Save it dude!”


----END OF EPISODE 7-----

Thanks for reading. I love feedback! :D
Last edited by singerchic4 on Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:31 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: As the Orb Glows...the Roswellian Soap -Epi 7 AN 3/9/08[WIP]

Post by singerchic4 » Tue Jul 29, 2008 12:56 am


Scene 1



Alex watches Isabel’s facial expression while she is concentrating on daydreamwalking Amy’s mind. Everything seems to be alright until suddenly Isabel screams. Her arms lash out and she struggles as through drowning in invisible water. Alex flashes into action and tries to wake her. He shakes her roughly and attempts futilely to shout out her name over her screams. Panic is written all over his face. Something clearly went wrong in there, very wrong.

ALEX : "Izzy, it's OK. I'm here. Look at me."

He holds her face with both hands, and forcing her to look at him. She starts to still as her consciousness finally breaks the hold of Amy’s mind.

ALEX : "It's OK. It wasn't real. Shh, shh, it's ok."

As she rights herself, she realizes that her vocal chords are producing an earsplitting scream.

ISABEL : "Oh Alex, it was horrible."

ALEX : "I judged as much. But take a second and breathe. Just try to clear your head."

He reaches over and lifts her into his arms and gently rocks her back and forth. Her usually tidy hair has fallen out of its bun and is feathered messily around her eyes and ears. Her face is flush and tears are running down her cheeks. Whatever happened in there had shaken her to the core. Alex hadn’t seen her this way since she visited Max’s mind in the White Room.

ISABEL : "I saw…I think I saw C-Cal. He had a gun.”

Isabel's breathing slows and steadies. She looks up into Alex’s eyes and is comforted by his kind face and soft expression. She pulls out her hairtie and with true beauty queen, or alien queen, skill returns her blond mane into sleek shine and true organic experience.

VOICEOVER GUY : Herbal Essences is now available in The Aliens Stole my Baby commemorative bottles with delicious new Moon Rock scent, check your local stores for details

She wipes the tears from her eyes and cheeks. The normal and put together Isabel appears in moments.

ALEX : "Why would Cal need a gun? He’s an alien isn’t he? Full blooded Antarian shapeshifter?"

ISABEL : “I think because Amy was with him. The images are all fuzzy and disjointed. I can’t picture where they were but I know it was dark and not many people around. He aimed his gun at…at…someone. And then I heard a gunshot. Then I saw a body on the ground."

ALEX : "Oh, this can’t be good. Whose body was it?"

ISABEL : "That’s the thing, I can’t remember. It was the last image I saw and probably what woke me up.”

ALEX : "And made you scream your head off.”

ISABEL : "I feel like it was someone close to us…Max maybe? Cal did try to kill him once before…maybe he found out that he didn’t finish the job.

ALEX : "But then, why was Amy there? That doesn’t make much sense…it must have been someone that Amy would have wanted dead too…but who could that be?”

ISABEL : "I wish I knew. Who could they possibly have in common? They only just met. I mean we didn’t even know he was in town until late this afternoon.”

ALEX : "Do you remember anything else that might help us?”

ISABEL : "Yes, as a mater of fact I do. Something was different about this dreamwalk, other than the fact that it was on a conscious person.”

ALEX : "Different how?”

ISABEL : "Well, it had a different feel to it. Like not only was this a thought in Amy’s head but it was an event that would happen for real, not just in the dream plane.”

ALEX : "You mean like a premonition?”

ISABEL : "Yeah, kinda like that. I don’t know if that’s even possible for me to get a premonition. It doesn’t really follow the rest of my powers.”

ALEX : "Maybe they’re just growing in different directions. Do you think any of the dreamwalks you’ve had recently could be premonitions too?"

ISABEL : "I don’t know. I mean, maybe I just didn't realize that's what they were.”

She rubs her forehead trying to get rid of the splitting headache her vision/premonition had left behind.

ISABEL : "But I guess if that’s the case just call me Phoebe."

ALEX : "That Alyssa Milano is smokin’, isn’t she?”

ISABEL : "Yea, but I think that Katherine Heigl is a knock out.”


Scene 2



Max and Liz are canoodling in the darkly lit booth. Max’s arms are wrapped around Liz’s shoulders and Liz has intertwined every available appendage around his forearms and legs. They’ve come up for a breather from their love making escapades…and for nourishment. Liz is sporting the ‘after sex hair’ look and Max’s hair style would make Jim Carrey proud…in any movie, seriously pick one…the Grinch, uh…Liar Liar….no, Ace Ventura! YES! That’s it, perfect! Now just picture that and go with it.


MAX : Oh, Liz…I love you so much…I’m so happy that we’ve finally put all the confusion behind us and took us to the next step in our relationship.

VOICEOVER GUY : [to himself] *Phhft* “He sounds like a Hallmark card. I wonder if they have a card that says “I’m sorry I knocked up an evil she-alien but will you do me again please?”

LIZ : I’m happy too, because Maria was right…the alien sex with Michael is amazing!

MAX : "Hardy har- har-”

Liz leaned up and playfully kissed him on tip of his nose.

LIZ : Oh baby, you know I’m just kidding. You’re the only three foot little green alien for me.

MAX : “Hey! There's nothing little about me.”

LIZ : "No, no there is not”

She grinned knowingly and winked.

MAX : "And besides, I could never see what you and Michael could ever have in common anyway.”

LIZ : “Oh no! Don’t say that, you just broke the hearts of Polarists everywhere.”

MAX : "They can take it, they’re tough. But I will be honest, I can’t wait to read the rest of kerri’s Vertigo…even if Max, I mean me, hasn’t appeared in a scene in months!

LIZ : (laughing) "I’m glad to see you have a little room in your heart for the dark side.”

She hugs him around his middle and snuggles up against him. Something pops into her head and her cheeks turn red.

LIZ : "Although I’m sometimes sad that we don’t live in a Double Dipper universe!”

MAX : (blushing) "LIZ!”
LIZ : (innocently) "Whaaat?? A girl’s got to have fantasies other than hot almost naked fire fighters doesn’t she? You’re telling me you’ve never had fantasies before?”

She pokes him in the ribs and he smiles. Then she says seriously,

LIZ : "Because if there are any fantasies you'd like to act out, you know you can tell me.”

MAX : "Really? You’d do that?”

LIZ : "Yup, sure would. I want to make you as happy as you did for me earlier today…you know, five times…”

He smiled proudly at his conquests.

MAX : "Okay, in that case…"

Max bit his lip in thought. Then a mischievous grin crossed his face.

MAX : "There's always been this one thing I've always wanted to uh…throw it back in destiny’s face…sort of have my cake and eat it too…”

LIZ : (glaring) "Wait! You had better not be about to suggest you, me and Tess at the same time?"

MAX : (looking sheepishly at Liz) "Oh…well, in that case never mind."

Max quickly changed the subject.

MAX : "At least my fantasy didn’t involve Kyle, like Tess’ mindwarp suggested out in the desert earlier!”

He shuddered.

LIZ : "Yea, at least that’s a plus. You still don’t get along very well with him since the Future Max set up that I set up, huh?

MAX : "Sort of. We’re working on it. But even though I now know it was all a set up I can’t get the image of you two in bed together. I didn’t know what to do or say, all I could do was run…What was I supposed to do when I saw you too in bed together? Jump in the window and say ‘Hey you guys got room in there for one more?’”

LIZ : *gets a far off look in her eyes and a big smile spreads across her face* "Hummm…maybe the Gomez concert night wouldn’t have been a total loss after all…a two for one deal, if you know what I mean…”

MAX : "LIZ!”

LIZ : "Huh what?" *snapped back to reality* "Kidding! You know that Kyle is just a friend....A very tall handsome and let's not forget very muscular friend...."

MAX : "LIZ! You’re doing it again!”

LIZ : "Sorry sweetie.”

She chuckled softly under her breath.

LIZ : "Anyway, I hope you guys can patch things up eventually. Just like I do, he owes his life to you. Will you ever think of him as a friend again?

MAX: “Probably…I think I can get beyond the Gomez night…one thing I wish I could change though. Since I healed him, I keep getting these flashes of Kyle Valenti naked.

LIZ: “Lucky! I’ve only been seeing stars!”

She laughs and again Max tenses a little.

MAX : "On that note, why don’t you say we check and see if our order is ready and head back upstairs for round two?”

LIZ : "Sounds like a plan.”


ALEX : "Maybe we should find Max and see if he can shed some light on this. He might have an idea of what's going on."

ISABEL : "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

Alex and Isabel get out of the car and head for the Crashdown. Cal and Amy are nowhere to be seen.

WIDE ON Isabel and Alex, watch for oncoming traffic and then cross the street. They take cover under the spaceship sign up above.

ISABEL : "I wonder where Cal and Amy went. Do you think they heard me scream?"

ALEX : "Sweetheart, I think half the neighborhood heard you. Why the cops haven't appeared yet is anyone's guess."

ISABEL : "Let's get inside before anyone comes snooping around."

As they enter the Crashdown, they see Max and Liz near the back. They sit down in the same booth. Isabel says,

"We need to talk."

LIZ: "Shortly my dear…after all that cementing I'm in the mood for a Blood of Alien Smoothie and some strawberries first. What do you think, Max?" Liz says.

MAX: "I uh—“

ALEX: "We got to talk."

Alex asks as Isabel sits down in the booth. He slides in to join her, but winces in pain as he sits down on gingerly on his rear end.

LIZ: “Alex, are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

He shoots an embarrassed look at Isabel and clears his throat. Isabel giggles.

ALEX: "...oh yeah I'm fine…What's this about cementing?"

LIZ: "Uh, I was mentioning to Max that my dad is hiring some construction workers to re-cement the sidewalk out front. And I asked Max if he thought that as a nice jesture to the workers that we gave them a Blood of Alien Smoothie and some strawberries."

ISABEL: "Won't they think it's a little kinky?"

MAX: "Kinky, you really think?" [he winks at Liz]

ALEX: "Am I missing something here? What's going on with you two? You’re both talking cryptic"

MAX & LIZ: “No, nothing,"

Isabel and Alex exchange glances.

ISABEL: "Well, on to more important things. I just dreamwalk Ms. DeLuca and I saw Kale shoot someone. But the weird thing is that I can't remember who he shot when he rolled the body over. But for some reason, I feel like I know this person"

MAX: "I heard Michael, Maria, and Courtney downstairs talking when I was up in Liz's apartment. I couldn't really understand what they're talking about though."

ALEX: "Why were you up in Liz's apartment?"

LIZ: "We were studying…for anatomy"

ISABEL (GIGGLING): "Yeah, right."
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Re: As the Orb Glows...the Roswellian Soap - Episode 8 - 7/28/08

Post by singerchic4 » Tue Jul 29, 2008 12:27 pm

Thanks you guys, I appreciate you coming back!

With as often as I show up around here to post, I should be fired by now... :oops:

But, I'm glad you like it.

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