Change of heart, Adult/CC+UC&Slash

[nickimlow]

Isabel

Max was stunned for a moment, I think. He looked as if he was about to say something, but then Michael came along, placing a hand on Max's shoulder. "Come on, give her a break. She didn't do anything wrong. We will be far away from here before the Special Unit get here." Pulling my brother aside, he said something to him, and Max walked away, slowly.

I wanted to turn and leave, leave all of them behind, the way I'd left Jesse. There was nothing left for me. What good was it to spend the rest of my life running away, without the slightest hope that I would see my husband again? All this, everything, seemed to be in vain.

I didn't know what was going on in his mind as I waited to hear what he had to say, but he gathered me into his arms, protectively. "Izzy . . . I'm sorry. But you're not alone. I love you and I'm here for you whenever you need me, you know that right? And Max too, he didn't mean anything wrong, he just trying to care about you, about all of us . . . Izzy, I promise you, it will be all right again. I don't know when but it will be, I'm sure of that."

He sounded strong on the exterior, but I was sure that both of us knew that the odds of everything becoming all right again were highly unlikely. We had reached this stage, to a point where there was no return. As much as I appreciated his coaxing, I didn't - couldn't - believe him.

"We will get through this like we get through everything else . . . Just remember we're here for you; I'm here for you."

I stood frozen for a while, not returning his embrace. He sounded so un-Michael-like. I had expected him to gang up with my brother on the issue, but instead, he was trying his best to reassure me. It used to be me trying to comfort him when we were kids, me trying to calm him down. Now our positions were reversed.

But nothing would make things okay, not their love, not their promises. Promises meant nothing - they were beautiful but deceiving, empty.

Michael pushed a strand of my brown hair aside. With a smile, he said, "You know, I liked you better when you were blond. I must have a thing for blondes."

I smiled slightly. He was trying to cheer me up. "Maria's waiting," I said, nodding back toward the group.

I didn't want people; I didn't want company. I wanted to be alone, with just a little, if only that much, time and space by myself.

Or rather, myself and my memories.

"Go on, I'll be fine. I won't be long," I assured him.

As I walked away aimlessly, I felt deep down that those words were false, that I didn't know if I would ever be fine again.

[AntarPrince04]

*Max*

Max watches as Michael and Isabel walk away from him. He didnt know whether to just be understanding or be insulted and upset. He was Not "lecturing" my sister, or at least I wasn't trying too.

I understand where Isabels comeing from despite what she says to the contrary. God know's if I were in her position and it were Liz I'd probably be the same or worse, but I have to protect us. I know its hard for her, but she has to know that.

Michael may be right in that we can out run the special unit with enough time to spare, but that's not the point and he knows it. It's an unneccessary risk and we simply don't have room for that anymore. That's another thing too, what the hell was that? I did not expect that... I know Michael feels sorry for her and we all do. Except maybe kyle, but he knows I'm right and of everyone I expected him to agree with me. After all he was the most worried of all of us!

I sigh in agrivation and turn heading for the little dingy dinner I saw Kyle enter. One down one to go, I sigh. Entering the diner I head straight for the counter. We've made stops like this a hundred times and all the same. "Coffee, cream", I tell the waitress behind the counter and wait patiently till I get my coffee and casually scan the diner looking for kyle.

Taking my coffee I go casually to the same booth and sit in the same position as in the van, back against the window. "Nice to be out of that van", I say almost to myself. I have a feeling he knows why I'm here, but I won't push him. That wont help so I sit quietly trying to enjoy my coffee even though I've had better. I'm Just glad I didnt get the eggs.

[nickimlow]

OOC: I'm not sure if this is entirely random, or if I'm bored, or if I'm hyper . . . but it's an entry, even though it's - well, bizarre. I guess it's all in the head. A little on the long side, though . . . Sowwy!


Isabel

"Why are you here again?"

"I'm sorry if I shouldn't be."

"That was a question, not a reprimand."

"What do you think he's doing?"

"Are you wondering if he's started anew?"

"That's exactly what I'm wondering."

"I don't know. I wish I could help you, Isabel, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm dead, remember?"

Of course, Isabel thought. Alex put an arm around her shoulder. It felt so real. Leaning against him as they sat together on the bench, she thought about how much she resented Max, at least for the moment.

What did he know about anything? What on earth had happened to his I'm-not-the-king-anymore claim? He was still telling me how to live my life, telling me that I shouldn't take risks.

Pah! Yeah, right. Who took the very first risk? Well, who else but my darling brother? He risked exposing all of us when he healed his little Princess Parker. Who was he to say anything about taking risks?

Alex patted her gently as if he could hear her thoughts, which she knew he could. "Don't blame Max, Iz," he said calmly.

"He deserves to be blamed!" I cried aloud. I didn't even care if anyone heard. Passers-by would probably have thought that I was a madwoman roaming the streets, but who cared anyway?

"You should focus on your own problems and figure out how to fix things," Alex advised, his eyes intense.

"I still have the rings, you know," I said sadly. "He gave them back. But I just can't bear to wear them."

Alex sighed heavily. "You could keep them and go on dreaming if you like," he said. "The same way you kept me. Or you could throw them away and move forward. After all, he gave them both back to you. Why didn't he keep his?"

I felt the urge to scream. I had enough of a headache feeling upset over leaving Jesse without having to worry about why he'd given up his ring so quickly and freely.

"Okay, Isabel, listen to me. Take a deep breath. -Good. Now, stand up. -That's right. Now take another deep breath. A really deep one. -Good. Now walk back to the van."

"I'm losing it, Alex. I'm spinning off-guard, and whether I go back there or not, I'm still going to be crazy," I groaned. I knew quite well that I was slipping away, too well.

"Isabel, go back there."

Taking another deep breath, I did as he told me.

[Anna-Liisa]

speaking of Alex, there's going to be a little thing to add. Kyle/Alex used to have a relationship (Don't kill me) but Kyle had broke up with him because he believed that Izzie/Alex should've been a pair. And that's the reason he told Tess she was only a sister to him etc.

This is going to be an odd post.
----

Kyle

I was just minding my own business and sitting at the diner when Max decides to interrupt my peace. I sighed under my breath and put the book so that it hid my face. I tried not to look at him because he just...just made me narvous.

"Nice to be out of that van" he says.

I mumbled something in return and looked at the book.

'Concentrate, read, read...buddhism teaches us...no, I can't do this. I need to look at him..' I though to myself and put the book down.

"Max I appreciate that you try to talk to me but I'm fine..." I said to him. He looked like he wanted to say something but I raised my hand to make him quiet. "I know you're just trying to make me feel comfortable. It's okay, I'm fine with you and Liz making out in front of me.."

'Liar, Liar, Liar...' I though to myself.

"..because I don't care if you do. Because you see, I don't feel jealous because you have a girl..."

'No I feel jealous because Liz has you..'

"..because I'm not interested in girls. Now let me say this because I need to get it off my mind. I'm gay. I used to be with Alex, but then I said he needed to be with Isabel so we ended our relationship that we kept in secret. And then he...he...."

'He died...' I finished the sentence in my mind, 'He's dead...has been for a long time..' I looked away from Max to an other direction. I had talked too much.

[AntarPrince04]

*Max*

"Max I appreciate that you try to talk to me but I'm fine..., he tells me and I just nod. I know he is alright and I wasn't really worried about that. What worries me is how quiet and secluded he's been after leaving. It was hard on all of us I know, but kyle just...

I know from experiance that keeping thing locked up is unhealthy after a while. Sometime's....I mentally shake my head pushing the thought out. I so don't wanna think about that right now.

Anyway, I just thought Kyle may need an ear and apparently he does becuase he's still talking and I haven't said a word. "I know you're just trying to make me feel comfortable. It's okay, I'm fine with you and Liz making out in front of me...

I can't help but blush a little at his statement as he pauses. Ok yeah we were a little...proactive, but come on...Newly wed here. Not to mention I still got the wedding night on my mind a little...

"..because I don't care if you do. Because you see, I don't feel jealous because you have a girl..." I pause at that statment just starting to analize it. Is that what this is, does he still like Liz?

"..because I'm not interested in girls. Now let me say this because I need to get it off my mind. I'm gay. I used to be with Alex, but then I said he needed to be with Isabel so we ended our relationship that we kept in secret. And then he...he...."

Kyle stops and looks away and I can see the emotion in his eyes. He'd been holding this in for a while. I sit there quietly somewhat shocked. "You..you and Alex", I ask in some disbelief. Eventally he looks at me and nods. "Wow", I say quietly and somewhat sadly.

I see Kyle and the odd look in his eyes, almost like he's scared of what I'll say, but why he care what I think? Is he worried I'll tell Isabel or that I'll freak? That thought upsets me a little. He should know me better then that by now.. I know how hard his death was on Isabel, I can only imagine how hard it was on Kyle. Especially having to hold all that in and not being able to tell anyone. "Oh man...I'm sorry", I say honestly even though I doubt it'll mean much to him.

[nickimlow]

OOC: If the last post was bizarre, this is . . . insane Trust me to be crazy So, uhm, don't mind me, this is my last entry until next Wednesday, because I'm having exams next week! . . . If anyone needs to temp Isabel (or make her saner), go ahead. Toodles. ---Nicole.


Isabel

Streaks of blue and white, painted across the sky. And a tinge of gold. Beautiful. I wanted to have someone that would tell me that again, tell me that I'm beautiful. Why was the day so calm, cloudless, not a tear in need to shed, whilst beneath my eyes resided a fountain, and I could feel a river flowing out of floodgates opened wide? Splashing, hot upon my cheeks.

The pavement, gray and rough. It was bound to be hot. What if I touched the ground with my toes, would it scorch my skin? What if I looked at the sun, would it burn my eyes?

Each step I took was heavy, for I felt a force pulling me in the opposite direction. One . . . Go on. Two . . . Keep moving. Three . . . There you go.

As I approached the van, I found that no one was there. Oh, bliss. Silhouttes, shadows. Were they really there? I squinted my eyes and saw faint outlines through the tinted window of a diner. They were there, engaged in an interesting conversation, perhaps. Heaven, if it existed, must have seen my sorrow and ushered them inside.

The van was locked - the key was with Michael. Shoot. No, it didn't matter. I had powers, right? I was an alien, wasn't I? Or was I imagining that I was an alien, hallucinating? No, I was an alien, I was quite sure. I placed my hand over the door handle and tried to force it open with my mind.

. . . nothing.

I made myself focus. Focus, Isabel, focus. Shift the lock.

. . . nothing.

Impossible. Were my powers blocked? I tried again.

. . . nothing.

I felt some of my brain cells die as I exerted more power, harder this time. I could see the lock, I could feel it vibrate, but I had to make it move . . . move . . .

. . . finally. It moved.

I opened the damned door and collapsed onto the seat, too exhausted to start up the engine for air-conditioning.

Little lights, blue and purple and pink . . . tiny specks of gray and black . . . hush, go to sleep . . .

Before I closed my eyes, I reached for Jesse's photograph and placed my finger over it. For that, my powers would never fail. And then I went to sleep, not caring about the door that remained ajar, or that I was alone in the van - I went to sleep, just thinking about the person who was now far away.

[Anna-Liisa]

Kyle's going to have a flash ^_^
--

Kyle

I looked away from Max again when he said he was sorry. Why would he say so? It wasn't his fault Alex was dead. It was Tess's...Tess. Someone who wasn't worth keeping in thoughs, but someone who came into my mind when I though of Alex. I closed my eyes for a while. Once I got Alex into my mind I couldn't get him out in a while. I only remembered the day he died...

*flash*

"You did this to me, you sent me to Las Cruces"
"Okay, Alex, Alex let me fix your mind, you're not thinking straight..."
"You mindwarped me for two months while I decoded that silly book for you and now there's nothing left for you to mindwarp. You destroyed my mind! How could you do this to me? "
"Kyle get out!"
"What's going on? "
"Kyle go!"
"I have nothing, I might as well be dead...."

*end flash*

I opened my eyes and shook my head silently.

"Now you've done it Max.." I mumbled. "Now I can't get him out of my head. Him or the day he..." I couldn't say it out loud. "Or the alien murderer.."

I sighed. Why was I blaming Max for everything? It wasn't his fault Tess betrayed us. It wasn't his fault Alex was gone. The only thing that was his fault was my current depression. He and Liz.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled. "I'm sorry.."

[AntarPrince04]

Ok sorry for the delay. Things are kinda hectic here. This is gonna be short, but it should work. If not tell me.

*Max*

"Im sorry", I tell him quietly looking down at my coffe. I can only imagine how hard it was on Kyle. Especially having to hold all that in and not being able to tell anyone.

At my word he looks away and swallows hard. I know that look, I've seen it on Isabel a thousand times over. He's trying not to think about it, but it's a struggle and I could see the fight in his eyes before he looked away.

For a completely uncharacteristic moment Im alittle hurt. I can't blame him for not wanting to look at me; after all, Liz was right, it was an alen that killed Alex..His Lover. I shake my head in some disbelief at that one. I'm still wrapping my mind around that..But then all those times I saw Alex watching practices enter my mind and I can't help but smirk alittle.

I look up and I find kyle buried in his book again, but I can still still see a sad look in his eyes. It's clear he's still thinking about it. With a sigh I stand up, I better give him a minute. "I..I gotta go piss, I'll be right back."

As I pass him I go to pat him on the shoulder as if to tell him that itll be ok. As I do I suddenly freeze and my body clamps up slighly as I feel the pull of power and just before it takes my in and I get that feeling of being sucked through a wormhole, I feel my hand clamp down on kyles shoulder and I know itll bruise.

*flash*

Im standing in Kyles room back in roswell and I see tess and Alex aruging. Alex is in tears furious and he looks like shit. "You did this to me, you sent me to Las Cruces" , he yells angery.

"Okay, Alex, Alex let me fix your mind, you're not thinking straight..." , Tess is telling him in a rushed way, almost pleading but soft as if trying to soothe him. Yeah, I'll bet, I think sadly.

"You mindwarped me for two months while I decoded that silly book for you and now there's nothing left for you to mindwarp. You destroyed my mind!, Alex is telling her desperatly pushing her touch away and I could almost cry myswlf as I watch alex. Two months! Two Damn months and none of us saw it.. How could you do this to me?

I watch as kyle walks in to investigate, there is a worried but curious look in his eyes. "Kyle get out!" , she snaps calmly but authitativly.

"What's going on? "

"Kyle go!" , she snaps angerily all traces of he calm demeanor gone.

"I have nothing, I might as well be dead...." , Alex crys almost defeatedly. I watch as tess closses her eyes, I dont need to feel the energy to know that shes gonna mindwarp him...

*end flash*

I reached my hand out as if to stop her, but before I could I felt the formilliar tug of being pulled out. My eyes snap open and I release kyles shoulder, looking down at him in shock. He's saying something ( ""Now you've done it Max.." ), but I don't hear as my mind is coming back to me. I go and slump back in my booth - bathroom forgotten - looking upset.

"Oh god...That was it wasnt it?"

[Anna-Liisa]

Kyle

"Oh god...That was it wasnt it?" Max says, he seemed like he was in a shock. I nodded and looked away again. The image had been haunting me ever since I found out about it.

"I-I...just...I want it to go away" I said biting my lip. I felt fragile. I was alone with Max and I was pathetic. I looked at him. "It's like I'm living in a hell...even in my dreams" I sighed.

I didn't know why I was telling him all the things. I could just shut up and be there watching the window and wait 'till we leave. But no. I talked about the things I didn't want to talk about with Max.

[BrokenAngel]

OOC: Sorry about my absence, I've been busy dealing with my nephew. he's bipolar, 6, and in the hospital. But he's out now and doing better, so I'm back.

~Maria~

We were in the van for what felt like forever. but it always felt like forever lately. Between the tension, the confusions, and the general brokeness of Kyle and isabel, the minutes seemed to drone on as hours, and hours as days.

And sometimes I thinkw e all do annoying things simply to get a rise out of each other. Like we're bored with being angry and resentful. Like we need to create more drama, different drama to rbeak up the monotony of the same old drama. But as more time passes we all have become more apethetic. We almost just don't care anymore about some things becuase it's too much of a strain to care.

And I'm worried that that's happening with Michael and I. I think I'm really losing him now to this whole relaxed attitude.

And Isabel. We're loosing Isabel too. Everyday she's more and more upset, more and more distant, sleeping more. She's slipping away. Into the dream world where she can live happily ever after with the love of her life. Not that I blame ehr realy, but it's no way to cope, to continually run from reality into a self-made illusions. You ahve to feel the pain before you can work through it.

Lately Michael's been comforting Isabel more and more. I want to help her too, but I don't know if I can. Everytime I see Michael and Isabel together though, I get jealous, even though I'm sure I have nothing to worry about. Isabel loves jesse too much. But there's the nagging voice inside my that says they are each other's destinies, so maybe I ahve something to worry about.

WHen I can't watch Micahel and isabel tlaking any longer, I walk into the cafe, the one that Kyle had slipped into earlier, but I chose not to bug Kyle. He seemed like eh needed alone time. And he was reading about Buddha. And I never really got that.

I order coffee, even though odds are nine to ten that it'll suck, big time. And when I take the first sip and wince at the bitterness of it, I know I was right, and set into it with lots of sugar and cream to drown out the almost burnt taste.

"Hey," I say to Micahel. It's weird with him lately. he wants to only be friends. I want to try for more. We've never discussed it. And now there's the Isabel thing gnawing away at the back of my mind.

I can tell he's worried about isabel. And I know Isabel isn't okay, so I don't ask the insulting question. I know not to push him tot lak about any of it. it'll only result in a fight and as much as I want tot alk about some of it, I really don't want to fight. "Coffee?" I offer to him.