Hours, Only Lonely 1/1 (Tess POV) YTEEN 01/08/05
Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 11:01 pm
Title: Hours, Only Lonely
Author: muse
Rating: YTEEN
Pairing: None really, mainly Tess-Centric, but M/T and M/L implied
Summary: Follows Destiny but before the start of the second season. A little bit of my nonsense in how I see Tess.
Distribution: Want it, ask first please
Disclaimer: Nothing of Roswell is owned by me, yada, yada, yada. Song featured is Behind Blue Eyes by the Who. I don’t own that either, just wanted to use it for this fic.
Feedback: Always wanted and always appreciated
A/N: I was sorta at a loss as to what section to post this ficlet. Knowing that Tess isn't one of the most loved characters in the Roswell universe, and considering how I see her character, I thought that this would be the best place for this story. If it's not, I apologize to the mods ahead of time.
Special shoutout to ladygloria, who was kind enough to beta this for me in the wee hours of the morning. You always listen to my crazy ideas without laughing at me and of course make sure that I don't look like an idiot in my writing. Thanks for all your help on this one, girlie.
Hours, Only Lonely
We drove for what seemed like forever, probably because at the time I was so excited about our destination. After years of searching, tracking down false clues and harboring foolish hope (a plainly human trait Nascedo would tell me)we were heading to Roswell, and to what I thought was destiny.
To my family, and the one love that I had lived two lives to be with.
That was something that I had been trained, no designed for. My protector had taught me from a young age to hone my powers, to stay true to my alien side. And above all else, remain pure for my king. It seems that there are still some outdated traditions that Antarians have in common with human royalty.
Before I came to this sideshow town I was never allowed to do more than casually date any of the boys that showed interest in me at the schools I attended. And close friends? Forget it. Lab partners or acquaintances were fine, but actually getting close to someone? No way. Not that I minded too much then, after all they were only human and inferior to me and the family we had searched so long for.
I tried to appear as normal as any other kid and put on a show of the most mundane single parent family lifestyle. I did well in school and just tried to blend in with the all the other people around me. If that didn’t work a little mind warp or two prevented anyone from seeing what I didn’t want them to see, and kept the Special Unit one step behind us.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes</center>
What did it matter after all? I did what I had to, to ensure my survival and to protect the others I knew were out there waiting for me. Without me, the four square wasn’t complete. And naively, I just knew they yearned for me as much as I did for them.
They had to.
Or so I believed.
<center>***</center>
But my reunion wasn't as wonderful as I had imagined it would be.
Far from it.
Instead of welcoming me with open arms, they thwarted my every effort to be near them. They had no recognition of me, no idea who I was or what I meant to them. I was just the new girl at school, someone they couldn't and wouldn't trust.
And the destiny I had been saving myself for, the love of two lifetimes, hardly noticed my existence. It hurt more than I can stand to see the way Zan fawned over his little human, and to see the way he stared at her adoringly. It still does.
He looked at me that way once.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies</center>
Or did he? It’s so confusing sometimes, sorting through the memories locked inside my head. Sometimes I wonder if any of it happened, or if it was all a figment of my over-active imagination. Did we actually exist before, living on a planet in some unknown solar system? Was I really a young Queen ruling beside my beloved?
Or was that just a favourite fairytale I read too many times as a child, late at night under my covers so my ‘father’ wouldn’t see me filling my head with human trash.
<center>But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be</center>
Despite all of my efforts to fit in, to be accepted into my own family, they still distrust me; all of them. And even now, after this little alien calling card from Max and Isabel’s alien birth mother, he still goes after his perfect human, his Liz.
Watching them together, I can't help but think that maybe my protector was right. Maybe we need to listen to what Khivar has to say. After all, the future of my people depend on what choices we make right now, even if Max can’t see that. He would rather worship his human than lead his people, a weakness that is unforgiveable. And if a deal with the devil restores the balance of power, than so be it.
<center>I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free</center>
I came to this god forsaken town to find what I thought was the most important thing in the world...my destiny; to find my family and a place where I would finally fit in and feel safe. To be loved. Guess all those stories that Nascedo fed me of our past on Antar were just bull. The dead dreams of a life I once knew and thought I wanted again; but I don't anymore.
It makes it easier now, to do what I have to, without worrying about relationships that don't exist.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you</center>
I thought once that I had reached Michael. But really, what am I to him? Another part of a puzzle he wants answers to, sure, but am I a friend? Never. He sees me as Max’s former flame and the current thorn in Liz's proverbial side.
And his on again off again motor mouth girlfriend Maria views me as the whore of Babylon. But did she ever consider that Max was mine first? Don’t past lives as King and Queen outweigh the pale Romeo and Juliet comparison?
Isabel is harder to betray. We’ve grown close in the short time I’ve been in Roswell, but I know the truth of her role in the events that led to our deaths. I know what lurks behind her beautiful face and I’m betting that Max and Michael know nothing of her namesake Vilondra.
That’s one I’ll keep to myself for now, until I need it.
<center>No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through</center>
As for the rest, well what do I owe the humans, Alex and Liz? He’s nothing to me. And Liz – she’s Max’s perfect little schoolgirl crush. So if I do go through with the deal Nascedo has made with Khivar, what does their welfare mean to me? One skinny, geeky human boy and the goody-goody waitress next door; two examples of humanity at its most common. They mean nothing.
Or so I’ll tell myself if I start down this path.
<center>But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free</center>
And then there is Max.
He’s so many things to me and so few. My prince charming from the tales I loved as a girl, the boy king who I remember in my dreams. He’s also the teenage hybrid who’s trying desperately to keep us all alive and safe. Noble enough traits.
But he still won’t acknowledge what there is between us. I know he feels things for me, things he keeps buried inside. He can’t admit I make him hot, just like he can’t admit he and Liz are doomed. They were from the start.
Which is why I've yet to make my final choice.
<center>When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool</center>
He’s the one who drives me to this. It’s his stubbornness that forces me to play the villain. And like Snow White’s wicked stepmother, I’ve got my apple all ready for him.
Antar needs an heir of royal blood for Khivar to adopt as his own. Nasedo told me before he left to play games with the Special Unit that I simply needed to produce a child, and he would rule with me, appeasing the remainders of the resistance and the border worlds that opposed Khivar's reign. And then, one day, my son would be king.
And then, maybe, he could free our world. Release our people from the slavery that Max Evan's lack of action and denial of his destiny keeps them forced into. Isn’t that worth what I am going to do?
<center>If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat</center>
I have to decide now what path I should take. Nascedo is gone. Max pines over Liz and the others still see me as an outsider, trusting the humans more than they do their own kind.
But I need to know if that spark I know that exists between Max and I could burn. Or if I should trust the being that has raised me since I came out of my pod, and protected me all these years.
Do I play the sweet princess or the villain? Only time will tell.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes</center>
Author: muse
Rating: YTEEN
Pairing: None really, mainly Tess-Centric, but M/T and M/L implied
Summary: Follows Destiny but before the start of the second season. A little bit of my nonsense in how I see Tess.
Distribution: Want it, ask first please
Disclaimer: Nothing of Roswell is owned by me, yada, yada, yada. Song featured is Behind Blue Eyes by the Who. I don’t own that either, just wanted to use it for this fic.
Feedback: Always wanted and always appreciated
A/N: I was sorta at a loss as to what section to post this ficlet. Knowing that Tess isn't one of the most loved characters in the Roswell universe, and considering how I see her character, I thought that this would be the best place for this story. If it's not, I apologize to the mods ahead of time.
Special shoutout to ladygloria, who was kind enough to beta this for me in the wee hours of the morning. You always listen to my crazy ideas without laughing at me and of course make sure that I don't look like an idiot in my writing. Thanks for all your help on this one, girlie.
Hours, Only Lonely
We drove for what seemed like forever, probably because at the time I was so excited about our destination. After years of searching, tracking down false clues and harboring foolish hope (a plainly human trait Nascedo would tell me)we were heading to Roswell, and to what I thought was destiny.
To my family, and the one love that I had lived two lives to be with.
That was something that I had been trained, no designed for. My protector had taught me from a young age to hone my powers, to stay true to my alien side. And above all else, remain pure for my king. It seems that there are still some outdated traditions that Antarians have in common with human royalty.
Before I came to this sideshow town I was never allowed to do more than casually date any of the boys that showed interest in me at the schools I attended. And close friends? Forget it. Lab partners or acquaintances were fine, but actually getting close to someone? No way. Not that I minded too much then, after all they were only human and inferior to me and the family we had searched so long for.
I tried to appear as normal as any other kid and put on a show of the most mundane single parent family lifestyle. I did well in school and just tried to blend in with the all the other people around me. If that didn’t work a little mind warp or two prevented anyone from seeing what I didn’t want them to see, and kept the Special Unit one step behind us.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes</center>
What did it matter after all? I did what I had to, to ensure my survival and to protect the others I knew were out there waiting for me. Without me, the four square wasn’t complete. And naively, I just knew they yearned for me as much as I did for them.
They had to.
Or so I believed.
<center>***</center>
But my reunion wasn't as wonderful as I had imagined it would be.
Far from it.
Instead of welcoming me with open arms, they thwarted my every effort to be near them. They had no recognition of me, no idea who I was or what I meant to them. I was just the new girl at school, someone they couldn't and wouldn't trust.
And the destiny I had been saving myself for, the love of two lifetimes, hardly noticed my existence. It hurt more than I can stand to see the way Zan fawned over his little human, and to see the way he stared at her adoringly. It still does.
He looked at me that way once.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies</center>
Or did he? It’s so confusing sometimes, sorting through the memories locked inside my head. Sometimes I wonder if any of it happened, or if it was all a figment of my over-active imagination. Did we actually exist before, living on a planet in some unknown solar system? Was I really a young Queen ruling beside my beloved?
Or was that just a favourite fairytale I read too many times as a child, late at night under my covers so my ‘father’ wouldn’t see me filling my head with human trash.
<center>But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be</center>
Despite all of my efforts to fit in, to be accepted into my own family, they still distrust me; all of them. And even now, after this little alien calling card from Max and Isabel’s alien birth mother, he still goes after his perfect human, his Liz.
Watching them together, I can't help but think that maybe my protector was right. Maybe we need to listen to what Khivar has to say. After all, the future of my people depend on what choices we make right now, even if Max can’t see that. He would rather worship his human than lead his people, a weakness that is unforgiveable. And if a deal with the devil restores the balance of power, than so be it.
<center>I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free</center>
I came to this god forsaken town to find what I thought was the most important thing in the world...my destiny; to find my family and a place where I would finally fit in and feel safe. To be loved. Guess all those stories that Nascedo fed me of our past on Antar were just bull. The dead dreams of a life I once knew and thought I wanted again; but I don't anymore.
It makes it easier now, to do what I have to, without worrying about relationships that don't exist.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you</center>
I thought once that I had reached Michael. But really, what am I to him? Another part of a puzzle he wants answers to, sure, but am I a friend? Never. He sees me as Max’s former flame and the current thorn in Liz's proverbial side.
And his on again off again motor mouth girlfriend Maria views me as the whore of Babylon. But did she ever consider that Max was mine first? Don’t past lives as King and Queen outweigh the pale Romeo and Juliet comparison?
Isabel is harder to betray. We’ve grown close in the short time I’ve been in Roswell, but I know the truth of her role in the events that led to our deaths. I know what lurks behind her beautiful face and I’m betting that Max and Michael know nothing of her namesake Vilondra.
That’s one I’ll keep to myself for now, until I need it.
<center>No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through</center>
As for the rest, well what do I owe the humans, Alex and Liz? He’s nothing to me. And Liz – she’s Max’s perfect little schoolgirl crush. So if I do go through with the deal Nascedo has made with Khivar, what does their welfare mean to me? One skinny, geeky human boy and the goody-goody waitress next door; two examples of humanity at its most common. They mean nothing.
Or so I’ll tell myself if I start down this path.
<center>But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free</center>
And then there is Max.
He’s so many things to me and so few. My prince charming from the tales I loved as a girl, the boy king who I remember in my dreams. He’s also the teenage hybrid who’s trying desperately to keep us all alive and safe. Noble enough traits.
But he still won’t acknowledge what there is between us. I know he feels things for me, things he keeps buried inside. He can’t admit I make him hot, just like he can’t admit he and Liz are doomed. They were from the start.
Which is why I've yet to make my final choice.
<center>When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool</center>
He’s the one who drives me to this. It’s his stubbornness that forces me to play the villain. And like Snow White’s wicked stepmother, I’ve got my apple all ready for him.
Antar needs an heir of royal blood for Khivar to adopt as his own. Nasedo told me before he left to play games with the Special Unit that I simply needed to produce a child, and he would rule with me, appeasing the remainders of the resistance and the border worlds that opposed Khivar's reign. And then, one day, my son would be king.
And then, maybe, he could free our world. Release our people from the slavery that Max Evan's lack of action and denial of his destiny keeps them forced into. Isn’t that worth what I am going to do?
<center>If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat</center>
I have to decide now what path I should take. Nascedo is gone. Max pines over Liz and the others still see me as an outsider, trusting the humans more than they do their own kind.
But I need to know if that spark I know that exists between Max and I could burn. Or if I should trust the being that has raised me since I came out of my pod, and protected me all these years.
Do I play the sweet princess or the villain? Only time will tell.
<center>No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes</center>