Roswell Fanatics

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:Mature
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is about to have his faith, patience and feelings tested to the limits by a witty, petulant fire cracker named Liz Parker and neither of their lives will ever be the same…



Part One


Caught a lite sneeze
caught a lite breeze
caught a lightweight lightning seed……..



Maria Deluca couldn’t hide the amused smile that stole across her face as her best friend came hurtling down the corridor making a beeline for her desk. She made a dramatic gesture of glancing at the clock, her features schooled in an even mixture of reproach and shock. “You do realize that your exactly two minutes and 16 seconds late for work right?”

Max Evans looked absently at his watch while pushing his spectacles into their rightful position “I know Maria but Tess wouldn’t let me past the front door until I decided between beaded majesty or grand affair and then traffic on the highway was a killer…”
Maria scowled into her coffee cup at the mention of all things unholy a.k.a Tess Harding “Max you wanta back it up a few steps, I mean how’s a girl supposed to interpret what in hell beaded majesty and gross affair is when she hasn’t even finished her first cup of coffee.”


Max smiled warmly “Grand affair not gross” he watched in amusement as Maria sucked the last few droplets out of her coffee mug, half expecting her to lick around the rim just incase she’d missed some.
Maria shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly “I think I had it right the first time, I mean it’s always a gross affair when Tess is involved.” Maria felt little effect from the icy glare that Max sent her way in respond to her little barb about his fiancée, although Maria felt the term ‘ball and chain’ more fitting. “Now don’t go getting your Calvin’s in a knot, we’ve been friends for twelve years Max Evans so you know I don’t mince my words especially where my best friends future happiness is concerned.”

Max sighed internally, Maria had been more than mildly vocal about her displeasure at the union between Tess and himself and while he had always valued Maria’s opinion on most things in his life he did not appreciate her advice where Tess was concerned. “Maria I know how you feel about Tess but the fact is I lov-”
“Please don’t finish that sentence Max, I’m sorry okay, I’ll be nice. So what was that you where saying about beaded and gross- I mean grand” she smiled impishly.
Max shook his head dismissively as an image of Tess star jumping in front of the entrance to his apartment brandishing glossy brochures of dinnerware flashed through his mind. “Oh it’s just the china patterns for the place settings; Tess just wanted my input is all.”
Maria rolled her eyes as Max faced forward to boot up his computer, staring at the back of his head she wondered for the thousandth time how someone as warm and giving as Max Evans could be in love with someone as dead to emotion as Tess Harding.


“Dad I need you to come get me…”
Jeff Parker closed his eyes at the all too familiar words and clutched the telephone receiver a little tighter to his ear “what kind of trouble are you in this time sweetheart?”
There was a slight pause at the other end of the line before Jeff Parkers daughter deigned to provide an answer.
“Nothing too bad daddy; disturbance of the peace, criminal damage….”
“Don’t tell me anymore Liz” Jeff sighed into the telephone, these days the only time he seemed to hear from his daughter was when she needed bail money. He had often wondered what he had done to make his sweet little girl turn into the delinquent that she had but he kept coming up empty. If he where honest with himself it had all started to unravel when Nancy had died and even after his remarriage things had not seemed to improve even though his wife had treated Liz as well as her own flesh and blood. There were many aspects of his daughter’s personality that made his heart swell with love and pride for her and other aspects not so much… “Where are you sweety?”

“Some redneck losers Ville called ‘Friendship.”
Jeff Parker pinched the bridge of his nose feeling the last tendrils of his patience grate and snap at his daughters petulance, not for the first time he found himself wondering why Liz couldn’t be more like her sister “and where in the hell is that exactly Liz?”
“Texas” she bite out “I’m in Texas” He could feel her bristle at the tone of his voice even from this distance and he instantly felt remorse.
“I’ll have someone come down and pick you up first thing tomorrow sweetheart.”
“You’re not coming yourself?” the hurt was evident in her voice.
“Honey you know I would but I have a really big case coming up and I promise I’ll send-”
“One of the lemmings that work for you, I know the drill dad.”
Jeff closed his eyes feeling the accusation in his daughters words, he wanted to tell her that he did care, that she was the most cherished thing in his life and just when he’d found the words he realized the only thing on the other end of the line was a dial tone “I love you Liz…” he whispered into the receiver before placing it back in the safety of its cradle.

Maria watched as Max diligently worked through his coffee break to recoup the two minutes worth of work he’d missed through being late. She smiled to herself as she watched him fumbling with the photocopy machine. For as long as she’d known Max Evans he had been a klutz of the highest caliber, a little geeky to boot but the sweetest guy on the face of the planet. She had just decided to put down her snickers and help him replace the ink cartridge when Jeff Parkers booming voice echoed through the intercom.
She watched as Max stilled his actions, his face paling at the utterance of his name. “Hey Max it looks like someone’s in trouble….” Maria singsonged.

Max ambled towards Maria’s desk his hand absently swiping across his mouth in nervousness “you really think? Maybe someone told him I was late this morning” Max turned panicky eyes toward Maria “Oh God!”
Maria placed a calming hand on Max’s shoulder “Max will you just relax, I know Jeff Parker can be tight assed but you being late to work by a couple of minutes for the first time in your career isn’t earth shattering.”
Maria watched as Max pondered her words, he really was the world’s worst worrier “he probably just wants to call you into his office to pat you on the head and tickle your belly.”
“You thin-” Max colored when he realized that he’d almost answered Maria’s sarcasm “very funny..”
“You don’t need to tell me I already know, you better get going before Jeff sends out a search party.”
She chuckled to herself as she watched Max take off toward Jeff’s office in a dead run and only as he rounded the corner did she remember the black ink smeared across his face “oops” she murmured smiling around a mouthful of chocolate.

Jeff swiveled his chair towards the door when he heard Max’s tentative knock “come on in Max.”
Jeff smiled warmly at the young man as he seated himself opposite “I appreciate you taking time from your work to come talk with me Max.”
Max returned Jeff Parkers smile coming to the conclusion that he had not been summoned to the boss’s office for a chewing out “it’s no problem really Mr Parker.”
Jeff scoffed at the formality “I really wish you would call me Jeff.”
Max nodded “sorry force of habit. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Max watched as a plethora of emotions registered in Jeff Parkers eyes, Max had never seen him so unsure before.

“Well Max I’m in a bit of a tight spot and I’m going to ask for your help.”
“I’ll help in anyway I can Mr Parker” Max waited patiently for Jeff to ask his favor unease growing in the pit of his stomach at the continuing silence “Mr Parker?” he ventured.
Jeff Parkers eyes snapped to Max “sorry Max I was miles away… look I need you to go to Texas Max and bail someone out of jail for me.”
Max regarded Jeff’s stoic face “um couldn’t we just wire the cash…”
“No! that is not an option, you see Max this is all very delicate” he looked at Max gravely “you see the person that’s in jail is my daughter and well I don’t want Claire to find out, it would only upset her.”

Max’s faced twisted in confusion “Mr Parker I don’t understand Tess isn’t in Texas or in jail, I was just with her this morning discussing china patterns and-”
“I’m not talking about my step daughter Max I’m talking about my other daughter Liz.”
Max was totally confused, up until this point he had thought that Tess had no siblings, she had never mentioned a step sister in their year and a half courtship. You would think that something such as having a sister would have come up in conversation “another daughter?”
“Tess has never told you about Liz?” Jeff asked incredulously.
Max shook his head numbly his expression mirroring Jeff’s; he couldn’t quite believe this series of events “so um when do you want me to leave for Texas?”
“Your flight leaves at eight tonight, when you touch down in Texas there will be a hire car waiting for you at the airport” Jeff reached into his desk and pulled an envelope from the drawer and handed it to Max “here’s all the details you’ll need and money.”
Max accepted the package with a nod and rose from his seat “I’ll just go and clear up the rest of my work before I head off.”
Jeff nodded “I really do appreciate this son; you’ll make a great addition to the family Max.”
Max paused at the door “that means a lot sir… and don’t worry I’ll make sure Liz gets home safe.”
“I know you will” Jeff murmured as his office door clicked closed. He knew that Max was a responsible and capable young man and since he was going to be part of the family what better way to meet Liz. He swallowed hard at the prospect, well it would test Max’s metal and deem him totally worthy of Tess. He just hoped that meeting Liz Parker wasn’t too much of a baptism of fire for Max Evans.



TBC……

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is about to have his faith, patience and feelings tested to the limits by a witty, petulant fire cracker named Liz Parker and neither of their lives will ever be the same…

Note: Thanks for the feedback, its much appreciated.

Part Two

Max looked on helplessly as his sister picked through his closet, her discerning eye selecting and disregarding garments. “You know Iz this little excursion to Texas isn’t a holiday. I’m flying down there to bail my fiancée’s step sister out of jail as a favor to her father, I’m sure I won’t even need an over night bag let alone a suite case.”
Isabel removed her head from Max’s closet long enough to cast him a withering look “Max it’s better to be prepared for any eventuality, what if the return flight was delayed and you didn’t have a fresh change of clothes huh?”
Max rolled his eyes at his twin sister, as long as he could remember she’d always been a total drill sergeant, regimenting every little morsel of his life. Just because she was older by five minutes did not make her the boss “well Isabel I’m sure walking around in the same set of clothes for more than one day wouldn’t cause my life or anyone else’s for that matter to tilt off its axis.”

Isabel walked around Max and laid her selection neatly across the bed; pointedly ignoring his sarcasm she began to fold the articles of clothing into the suitcase “I’ve picked out three days worth of clothing, I’ll let you pack your more intimate items yourself….ewww.”
“That’s very magnanimous of you Isabel” Max grumbled whilst looking over her shoulder as she finished packing the case.
“Look Max don’t pretend to have a hissy fit you and I both know that you’re grateful for my intervention.”
“Are you sure that we’re both sure and not that you’re just sure?” Max challenged.
Isabel’s face contorted into a scowl “that sentence didn’t even make sense Max, do you even bother to engage your brain before you let words tumble out of your mouth?”

Max flopped down on the bed raising his hands in submission “okay, okay I am grateful that you stopped by to organize my life- I’m just kidding Iz I really do appreciate you doing this.”
“So a step sister, how about that…” Isabel turned her gaze on Max as she flopped down next to him. To say that she had been shocked by the revelation that Tess had a sister would be an understatement, she’d always been such a princess and Isabel had contributed that to her ‘only child’ status. Isabel couldn’t even contemplate ignoring Max’s existence step or not. “and you had no idea? I mean Tess has never mentioned this sister?”


“Step sister” Max corrected his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He hadn’t even began to process the fact that his fiancée had a sister that he knew nothing about, Tess had not so much as uttered Liz’s name in the whole time that they had been together. It raised a whole host of questions about Tess’s relationship with her sister and with the trust and honesty of their own. “So you think it’s weird that she’s never mentioned Liz before?”
“Max it’s so far beyond weird, even if Tess despised the ground that Liz walked on you would think she’d at least mention her in negative terms, I know I certainly would. Have you talked to Tess about this yet?”
Max shook his head in the negative “no I tried to call her an hour ago but she was out with the wedding planner making arrangements.
“Wedding plans, ordinarily that would involve the bride and the groom, I mean Tess is marrying you right Max and not herself?” Isabel felt Max tense beside her “I’m sorry to be so blunt Max but she just makes me so mad excluding you from the wedding plans and every time I think about how she made you return the engagement ring that you’d agonized over so she could pick out her own.. my blood just boils.”

Max closed his eyes and sighed he seemed to be defending Tess and justifying his feelings for her to a lot of people recently. He knew that Isabel and Maria only had his best interests at heart but the picture they painted of Tess was only half the canvass as far as he was concerned. “Iz you don’t know Tess like I do, she may come off as a little cold but she has a good heart deep down and that whole incident with the engagement ring well she just wanted it to be perfect and I am actually involved in the wedding preparations…I picked out the china pattern this morning.”
A look of disbelief passed across Isabel’s features “she let you pick out the china pattern? well in that case I take it all back.”
Sensing an impeding fight if she kept up her swiping at Tess Isabel decided on a change of subject “so what exactly did Jeff tell you about this daughter of his?”

Max tilted his head to face Isabel a grateful smile touching his lips “well he didn’t really tell me much but he gave me a packet which had some basic statistics.”
“Such as?” Isabel couldn’t help but be curious about Jeff Parkers apparent wayward daughter. “Come on Max dish the dirt”.
Max turned towards Isabel resting his head on his hand “well she’s twenty one years old, dropped out of law school, has been in and out of trouble for the last number of years.”
“She sounds interesting…” Isabel murmured pondering the idea of Max spending time with someone with a personality completely alien to his own.
“She sounds like trouble with a capital T and the sooner I have her delivered into her fathers care the better.”

“Oh come on Max this could be a great experience for you, it might loosen you up a little.”
Max nudged against Isabel “hey I’m loose” he cried indigent.
“Sure you are Max, sure you are….” Was Isabel’s answer although it was barely discernable between her gasps of laughter.


Max had just placed his case by the door when an insistent pounding against his apartment door started, he hadn’t even bothered to look through the peep hole thinking that it was just Isabel coming back to make sure he’d packed his tooth brush. His breath rushed out of him when Tess pushed her way into the apartment.
“So it’s true you are going to Texas to bail her ass out of jail” Tess spat out as she paced up and down the apartment her gaze locked on Max “well?” she demanded.
Max eyed Tess wearily as she paced back and forth, he couldn’t understand why she was angry. Did she really think that he would have refused to help Jeff? And if anyone had a right to be angry it was him after all she had been the one who had kept her sister a secret. Pushing his glasses firmly up to the bridge of his nose he took a step toward her “of course I’m going Tess, did you really think I was goina tell your dad ‘no go pick your own goddamn daughter up? Get real Tess.”
She visibly flinched at his words, not being accustomed to him treating her with anything other than love and devotion. His new found fire made her blood run cold and it was on the tip of her tongue to ask him what had made him suddenly grow some backbone but she bite her tongue and pushed her mask back in place “Max why are you being like this?” she whimpered ducking her head to mask her triumph as he reached out his hand to her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap Tess, but this whole situation is crazy up until today I had no idea that you even had a sister and we’re engaged to be married. How do you think that made me feel?”

Tess felt the angry flush rush to her cheeks ‘step’ ‘step sister’ she wanted to spit the words in his face, scream it at the top of her lungs, stamp her feet with each enunciation of the words. Instead she raised remorseful eyes to her fiancé and played on his heart like an instrument. “Oh Max I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Liz but you have to understand why I didn’t.”
Max held her loosely at arms length as he digested her words, he had to understand? Says damn well who? He wanted to ask but instead he asked the safe question “well why don’t you tell me what I’m supposed to understand Tess because at the moment I’m a little lost.”

She flung herself into his chest her arms lassoing around his neck, it was either hug him or wring his curious neck and the former would not be conducive to her nuptials. “Max the thing with Liz is….” She trailed off seeming to be searching for the right words when really her mind had already formed them ‘Liz is the fucking bitch who I wish I’d smothered or kicked down the stairs when we where children’ of course she couldn’t let those words past her lips or Max would see her for what she was. So she gave a standard answer “Liz is the black sheep of the family Max, trouble follows Liz like a bad smell. She causes havoc and heartache wherever she goes and especially to mummy and daddy, she’s broken their hearts a thousand times over. The long and short of it Max is that Liz Parker is a blight on her family, she’s nothing but jail bait and she should have stayed gone.” She looked at him apprehensively, had she gone too far? She was relieved to see that she hadn’t. Resisting the urge to punch the air in victory she accepted his embrace and the kiss he placed on her forehead.

Max felt like a heel as he clutched her trembling body, he couldn’t fathom why he had been so vicious with her “Tess I’m sorry I had no idea that it was that bad. I mean Jeff didn’t give any indication…”
“Well of course he wouldn’t, she’s still his daughter and he loves her despite her many faults.”
“Of course” Max murmured against her hair “I can understand why you don’t acknowledge her but you still should have told me. When people get married there shouldn’t be any secrets between them Tess.”
“Of course your right darling” Tess rolled her eyes as she burrowed further into Max’s shoulder “it just hurts, I’d always tried to love Liz; after all she is my baby step sister… but she just threw my affection back in my face” she whimpered and made some snuffling noises that she hoped lead Max to believe that she was close to tears.
“Oh it’s okay please don’t cry, I’ll go down to Texas bail her out and turn her over to her father and then we can resume our lives as normal.”

TBC……

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is about to have his faith, patience and feelings tested to the limits by a witty, petulant fire cracker named Liz Parker and neither of their lives will ever be the same…



Part Three

Liz Parker clutched the grimy steel bars of the holding cell and flashed the deputy her most enticing smile. Granted it was difficult to muster considering her mock interest was focused on a balding fat pig. Once she’d garnered his attention she crooked her finger at him through the bars willing her smile to stay in place as she watched him amble toward her whilst idly scratching his crotch. Liz felt her stomach roil as his busy hand slide from his crotch to his lips “well ain’t you a looker”.

Liz raised her eyes in disgust to the man standing before her, she looked on as his gaze racked hotly over her body and decided that her attempt at playing nice with the authorities no longer interested her; she opted to have some fun instead. “Hey Bubba I don’t suppose there’s any chance of you springing me from this joint? I’ll make it worth your while if you know what I mean…” she murmured perching her lips together in a full on seductive pout.

Deputy Wilson thought all his Christmases had come at once as he gave his prisoner the once over. His gaze traveled from her full cherry red lips to her leather clad bosom and stayed there, maybe he could just have a little fun with her before the sheriff came back from his rounds. “What exactly you have in mind girly girl?” he drawled smacking his lips together.
Liz clutched the bars a little tighter at the derogatory endearment “well why don’t you mossy a little closer and find out.”
Wilson watched as Liz’s hand slide up and down the bars in a very overt manner, in one swift stride he had positioned himself directly in front of her “you’s wild as a peach orchard hog.”

Liz clucked her tongue as her eyes and hands slide to the level of his crotch “you really do know how to flatter a girl deputy.”
Wilson gulped in a breath and watched transfixed as her hands snaked closer and closer to his manhood.
“Now deputy close your eyes and I’ll give you you’re dues….”
Smiling in anticipation he squeezed his eyes shut and waited for her touch…




Max pulled into the four space parking lot of friendship sheriffs department and sighed. The relatively long drive from the airport to this small township had afforded him an opportunity to assimilate all the information that Tess had given him about the notorious Liz Parker. In all honesty he really did not know what sight would be greeting him once he walked through those double doors; from the stories that Tess had imparted about Liz’s many forays with the law he half expected her to be a tattooed, skinhead with murderous tendencies. Whilst reaching for the door handle of the driver’s door he reminded himself that on the flight home he would be sure to sleep with one eye opened.

He paused at the front entrance rifling through his briefcase to ensure that he had all the relevant documentation and fees in place, if there was one thing that Max Evans was it was organized and he prided himself on that fact.
“Can I help you there son?”
Max whipped his head to the side his hand rising to shield his eyes from the sun as he sought out the person who had addressed him. His eyes landed on the squad car and the man who was currently making his way toward him. “Well sir I really hope that you can, my name is Max Evans” Max extended his hand to the sheriff who clutched it in a firm shake “I’m an associate of Jeff Parker; it’s my understanding that you’re detaining his daughter Liz.”

The sheriff ushered Max through the front doors “we sure are, I’ve got my deputy keeping a close eye on Liz down in the cells, she’s got some spunk that girl I’ll tell you that for nothing.”
Max clutched the handle of his briefcase firmly as the sheriff led him through the bowels of the police station to the holding cells. He had been unnerved by the sheriff’s comment about Liz’s spunkiness; it seemed that all Tess’s recountings may not have been as over embellished as he had hoped. “I’ll be able to leave with Miss Parker as soon as I’ve presented the bail money?”
The sheriff nodded “yep, the sooner the better Mr Evans.”
A trickle of sweat ran the length of Max’s back as he posed the question he knew he more than likely didn’t want the answer to “um why exactly would that be sheriff, she hasn’t been a handful has she?” Max inwardly cursed himself for sounding so apprehensive, he had hoped that the sheriff would interpret his question as light hearted but it appeared the sheriff had picked up on his true meaning given his responding chuckle.

“Oh when I said handful I was just being polite” the sheriff murmured as he held the door open for Max “that girl has a streak of the devil in her…”
A piercing shriek echoed down the dimly lit hallway causing both men to stop in their tracks. The sheriff cast a questioning glance at Max before scurrying down the hall toward the cells with Max hot on his heels.

Never in a million years could Max have envisaged the spectacle before him, the howling had continued all the way down the halls. The sheriff had picked up some speed when the screamer had become discernable as the Deputy and Max had entered the room a few steps behind to find the sheriff valiantly trying to disengage his Deputy from the bars of a holding cell.


“Sheriff get this hell cat off me!” the deputy yelped.
The sheriff gave one more tug “now come on Miss Parker let Deputy Wilson out of yer hold.” Max took a step closer on hearing Liz’s name, he hoped to god that the Deputy’s current predicament had nothing to do with her or they could be at the station for a very long time. A husky feminine voice drew Max closer his mouth gaping open in horror as the situation became abundantly clear. Before him was a girl he could only assume was Liz Parker clutching the manhood of a law enforcement officer through his trousers.


“I don’t think so sheriff” Liz smiled as Wilson let out another almighty yelp “that’s what he gets for trying to dip his nib in the office ink.”
The sheriff cast an angry glance at Wilson “what you been up to boy?”
Max’s gaze traveled to Wilson if what Liz was implying were true he would be having a few choice words with the Deputy on her father’s behalf.

Liz’s eyes narrowed in exertion as she locked gazes with Wilson “you know if I cut off the blood supply to your very meager manhood for much longer it may fall clean off..”
“I’m sorry okay I never should have tried anything…” Wilson pleaded.
“And what about the other thing we discussed before the sheriff interrupted?” Liz queried.
Wilson grimaced as tears stung his eyes “I’M SORRY I CALLED YOU GIRLY GIRL!” Wilson stumbled backwards as Liz relinquished her hold, scuffling to the far corner of the room on his behind he kept his eyes on her as the sheriff went to release her from the cell “get her the hell outta here sheriff!”
Liz smiled widely as she was led to freedom “oh relax Bubba your safe” Liz’s eyes fixed on the suit standing ridge in the corner and she murmured “there’s too many witnesses to continue the fun…”

Max didn’t know what he had been expecting to emerge from that cell but the girl slowly strutting across the room toward him was certainly not it. He surveyed her with unabashed shock, his gaze traveling from her messy brown tresses piled high atop her head to her black shadowed eyes, down her slender nose to her scarlet lips; trekking along her slender neck to the tightly fitted black leather jacket which exposed her trim midriff and finally down her red leather clad thighs.

“Why don’t you just take a picture it’ll last longer”. Max’s eyes snapped to her face once she’d spoken, he’d been so engrossed in his perusal that he hadn’t noticed when she’d stopped in front of him. He finally took a hold of his senses and faculties when met with her expectant stare. “I’m sorry Liz, I mean Miss Parker I’m Max Evans your father sent me to bail you out.” Max snapped his outstretched hand back to his side when Liz ignored his gesture “I’ll um, I’ll just go and straighten things out with the sheriff and we can be on our way.”

“Well you go to it poindexter, I mean Max and I’ll just be right over here” Max watched as she gestured to the couch in the corner.
“You go ahead and do that Miss Parker..” he mumbled before turning on his heel to finalize things with the sheriff. After his brief encounter with Liz Parker he had decided that Tess had been too kind in her description, he hated the girl on first sight and knew that the feeling was more than equally reciprocated.

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is about to have his faith, patience and feelings tested to the limits by a witty, petulant fire cracker named Liz Parker and neither of their lives will ever be the same…

Note: Thanks for all the great feedback, your the best



Part Four

Liz melted into the stiff leather couch no longer able to support her body weight or her bravado. She tilted her head in Max’s direction and watched with interest as her father’s lemming tried to sweet talk the sheriff into not adding assault to her battery of misdemeanors. She cast an appraising eye over him and came to the conclusion that he was a handsome guy, although more Clarke Kent kind of handsome as opposed to Superman. Liz always prided herself on her natural intuitiveness as far as pegging people’s personalities went and she reckoned she had Max Evans down to a tee. From his ridged business like demeanor it was clearly evident that he didn’t get laid very often if at all and since he had come all the way down here to bail her out at her fathers behest she felt it safe to assume that he was a total brown noser, all in all she deduced that Max Evans was a loser…..

Max cast a glance over his shoulder making sure that his charge was still in the building, the last thing in the world he needed was to have to explain to Jeff Parker why he hadn’t brought his jail bait daughter home. “Sheriff I really appreciate you over looking this little incident, I’m sure that Miss Parker is truly sorry for any injury she may have caused Deputy Wilson.”
Just at that very moment Wilson emerged from the restroom fastening his belt. Max decided that he should try and build some bridges with the Deputy, after all he could still decide to press charges even if the sheriff was willing to turn a blind eye. “Deputy Wilson I was just telling the sheriff how grateful I am that you’re not going to pursue this matter and I really am sure that Liz is sorry-”
“My balls are blue from all her twistin and pullin.”
Well what could you really say to that sort of statement? As a man Max totally sympathized “well Deputy I’m sure Liz is sorry about the blueness of your balls too.”

“So what are you mystic Max or something? I didn’t realize that you were privy to my every thought” Liz snapped, how dare he apologize on her behalf like she were some wayward kid and besides she damn well wasn’t one iota sorry. If she had the opportunity to do it over she would have twisted that bastards nuts a hundred times harder.
Max tensed at the challenging look in Liz’s eyes, of course she would happen to eavesdrop on his conversation during the part where he was apologizing for her. “Of course I’m not privy to your every thought Liz but I do realize how remorseful you are about this situation since all parties are willing to let the matter slide with the apology I made on your behalf” ‘take the hint Liz’ was the silent communication Max was sending and she seemed to pick up on it because she took a step back.
“All I can say is it’s just as well you don’t know what I’m thinking right now..”

Max rolled his eyes as she turned and sauntered to the front doors, he could only imagine the colorful array of words that could spill from her mouth, he was confident that her vocab would put a sailor to shame. With one last nod of thanks to the sheriff and Deputy Max gathered up his briefcase and headed for the exit. In just five hours his duty of care would be relinquished to Jeff Parker and it couldn’t come a minute too soon. Touching his hand lightly to the small of Liz’s back to rouse her attention he queried “I bet you can’t wait to get out of here huh?”
Liz couldn’t belief this guy “no captain obvious I really want to go back to being locked up in my cell” rolling her eyes she pushed the door with her hip “can we please get the hell out of here.”


“Just five more hours” Max murmured feeling his patience spreading to their limit “we’re the blue Taurus” Max made his way around the passenger side readying himself to open Liz’s door when she stilled his actions.
“That’s real polite but you don’t have to open my door, I’m no lady.”
Max closed his eyes in frustration as he climbed into the driver’s side “well that’s clearly evident…”
Liz smiled at his comment “lets just call a truce okay Max? after all we’ll be spending a lot of time together on the return home and while I like some good old fashioned back biting I don’t think I have the stamina to keep this little sparing match going for the next five days.”
Max eased onto the highway “I think you mean five hours, that’s how long the plane ride home is.”
“But we aren’t flying home…”
Max glanced from the road to Liz “what do you mean we aren’t flying, how else am I supposed to get you home?” He had a really bad feeling about this.
Liz stretched her arms above her head a tiny smile tingeing her lips as she spoke “miles and miles of highway is how we’re going to get home.. Don’t you just love road trips?”

Max almost ran the car off the road at the mention of the word road trip. He couldn’t think of a worse scenario than being cooped up in a rental car with Liz Parker for five days. Burning at the stake or being mauled by Bengal tigers were better options than a road trip with her. Max shook his head fervently “that’s totally out of the question, we are flying home, that’s what I have planned for us to do, no deviations.”
Who the hell did this guy think he was? Liz unbuckled her seatbelt and swan sideways in her seat “well unless your planning to smuggle me on in your hand luggage we are driving home.”
Was the sarcasm never ending with her? “What the hells that supposed to mean?” Max demanded.

“I don’t have a passport” was her short nonchalant answer.
“How can you not have a passport, everyone has a passport” Max didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this stage, Isabel hadn’t been wrong when she’d said that this would be an experience.
“I had it revoked about six months ago, no big deal.”
No big deal? Max strongly begged to differ “so why was your passport revoked- actually I can more than likely guess.”
Liz pointedly ignored Max and pulled the road map from the glove compartment “we should find a motel for the night.”
Max felt the situation spiraling out of his control “No motel stops, we need to drive straight through.”
“Your goina drive for five days straight?” this guy really was uptight, why the big hurry to get home. He wore no wedding ring so he wasn’t rushing home to a wife perhaps it was a girlfriend, or maybe a boyfriend come to think of it.

“Well I was thinking that you could do your fair share of the- what’s that look for? Don’t tell me you’ve had your driver’s license revoked too” it was like a never ending torture just when Max thought things couldn’t get any worse they did times a hundred.
Liz watched in fascination as his jaw clenched closed and his ears flamed “okay then I won’t tell you.”
Max pushed a little harder on the gas “okay we’ll stop at a motel for the night and I’ll contact your father and let him know the situation. We will resume our journey at first light; we need to make it home within three days.”
“Why three days?”
“Isabel only packed three days worth of clothing” Max replied absently.
Liz shook her head and smiled it looked like Max was rushing home to someone after all….

TBC

Part Five

Anyone who said that road trips were fun obviously hadn’t had Max Evans along for the ride. Liz cast a lazy glance in Max’s direction; she decided that he wasn’t much of a conversationalist given that in the space of an hour the only time he had actually spoken was to berate her choice in radio station. The continuing silence was really starting to irk her so to stem the boredom she decided to do the unthinkable….attempt a conversation with him. She unfastened her seatbelt and swiveled in the seat her gaze leveling him “So how’d you end up with the task of chaperoning me, huh Max?” Liz watched his posture stiffen and realized that gleaning information from this guy would be akin to pulling teeth.

Max clutched the steering wheel tightly, what had been an exercise in goodwill was fast turning into hell on earth. As if spending five days and five nights on the road with Liz Parker wasn’t bad enough she actually expected him to talk to her as well. Max didn’t know how long his sanity would hold before he finally snapped and drove them both off a cliff. The past hours drive had consisted of Liz’s constant fidgeting, gum smacking and channel hopping; a person would be forgiven for thinking that she had some kind of attention deficit, at this split second in time the things he’d be willing to do in order to have something to sedate her with were unspeakable.
“Your father asked for my help” he murmured eyes never leaving the road.

“Well aren’t you a dependable kinda guy” she singsonged her mind screaming for her to say what she really thought he was, ‘a brown noser’. She watched the scowl that passed across his features at her comment as if he knew what she was really thinking; maybe he was Mystic Max after all.

“So how long have you worked for my father?” never one to be easily slighted or deterred Liz decided to continue on with her questioning, if she had to spend the best part of a week in his company she figured she ought to know some facts about his life however mundane they may be.

Max didn’t know if she was genuinely interested or if she was just asking questions so that she could send him up. “I’ve been with Parker and Associates since I graduated from law school, so that would be about three years.”
Liz nodded imperceptibly “so that would make you what, thirty? Well that explains a lot…”

Max looked away from the road momentarily, what the hell did she mean by that? Knowing that her reply would be some form of insult he still had to ask “what exactly does it explain?” he mentally berated himself at how indignant that had sounded. Why should he even give a damn what she thought of him?

Liz chuckled “well you do have this whole senior citizen tude about you and I would honestly have to say that you are the most uptight person I’ve met in my life” she paused momentarily in thought “and you seem kind of anal… guess your age explains that” Liz turned her face toward the window in an attempt to cloak her smile, if that didn’t garner a reaction from him she didn’t know what would.

Max was incredulous at her comments “Well I’m amazed that you could peg me so well Liz, since we’ve been in each others company what? A little over an hour...” he turned his daggered gaze on her and found that she was staring right back “I am not uptight, nor am I anal and as for my tude, well I don’t even feel the need to dignify that comment with a rebuff.” Max wondered what the chances were of retaining his job if he where to dump her ass out on the road and let her make her own why back home.

Liz watched the myriad of emotions that danced in his eyes and had to bite back the smile desperately trying to form on her lips “there’s no need to get all bent out of shape, they were just observations.”

“Well I can safely say that you wouldn’t be too pleased if I disclosed my observations of you.”

“Is that so?” Liz replied “well why don’t you go ahead and tell me what your first impressions of me are and we’ll just see how unpleased I am.”

There was no way in hell Max was going to back down from her challenge, turning the car into the parking lot of the first gas station they’d happened upon on their travels he cut the engine and unhooked his seatbelt, turning to face Liz he decided that his depiction of her would be ‘no holds barred’.,
Where to start? Max thought to himself as she attempted to stare him down “your delinquent, acid tongued, brash and dare I say slightly butch!”

Liz scoffed, those were his malign comments? Was that the best he could do? “That was a pretty accurate description Max and me Butch?” she slapped his arm playful “you’ll embarrass me with compliments like that…”

Max looked on in disbelief “it wasn’t meant as a compliment- you know what? this discussion is over” he eased open his car door hauling his overnight bag from the back seat “I’m going to go and freshen up in the restroom, why don’t you just sit here and stay out of trouble.”

“Yes sir” Liz muttered flipping Max the finger as he stalked toward the restroom. Her eyes lighted on the gas station and hoisting her backpack over her shoulder she decided to go see what she could pick up with a five finger discount….

Max locked the door to the one cubicled restroom and exhaled a long breath, never in his entire life had he come into contact with another living soul who had grated on his nerves like Liz Parker did. Every word that came out of her mouth, every movement she made seemed to irritate him to no end. She was everything he was not, they where as different as night and day. He stood before the mirror and pondered his reflection, was he really uptight and anal? He was responsible and took his duties seriously so of course someone like her would misconstrue his actions since responsibility didn’t appear to be in her nature. “You are not uptight or anal” he said to his reflection “and you certainly don’t care what Liz Parker thinks of you.” Feeling refreshed and able to face Liz again he headed out of the restroom and toward the car stopping short of his intended destination at the commotion that was apparently occurring inside the store. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach he jogged to the passenger side, noting the vacant seat his head snapped to the front doors of the store wondering what chaos Liz Parker was inflicting upon the locals…

Liz waited until Max had entered the restroom before she closed the car door; he probably would have frog marched her right back into her seat if he saw her heading toward the store. She walked the short distance and pulled open the dust coated handle, her eyes sweeping the small expanse before she found the section that housed the candy bars. The place was pretty dead, apart from the cashier and two guys milling about at the back of the store she seemed to be the only other shopper. Deciding against pilfering from such a small store she picked up a snickers and a stick of liquorice and headed toward the cash register, see she really wasn’t all that bad, despite what Max thought.
“Just these thanks” she smiled at the cashier sucking on the liquorice while she rang her items through the register. After collecting her change she sauntered toward the exit only to find it obstructed by one of the guys that had been hanging around the back of the store.
“Um you mind moving your fat ass, you’re blocking the exit.”

“You ain’t going nowhere girly” he snarled pushing Liz back up to the cash register.
Liz squirmed in his grip “look if this is about the candy bar I accidentally put in my bag I put it back o-”
“Shut up he barked” pushing her against the cigarette display he turned his gaze on the cashier “this here’s a robbery so open that there cash register and fill this bag.” He threw the back pack on the counter “an be quick about it!”
The lady behind the counter shakily did as she was instructed, her hands trembling as she pushed notes into the pack.

“Your not really going to let these two losers hold up the store are you?” Liz made a sweeping gesture between the two men “I mean they aren’t even brandishing weapons and you’re just going to roll over…”

“You better shut your trap girly” he replied grabbing Liz around the arm “Stevie hurry up with those smokes and road beers” he shouted to his accomplice.
“I’m goin as fast as I can Pete!” was the reply.

Liz couldn’t help but snort “wow what criminal masterminds you both are, not only are you holding up the store unmasked so that we can identify you but you’ve been kind enough to introduce yourselves as well…”
Liz watched as his face flamed and felt his grip tighten “you better shut that trap of yours girly girl or I’ll-”
“You’ll what?” Liz hissed, it was one thing being man handled but his repeated use of the word ‘girly’ was sending blood rushing to her head “you want a demonstration of what the last guy that called me girly got huh?”

Just as Liz was about to doll out her own brand of whoop ass someone came barreling through the door, both Liz and the robber snapped their heads toward the entrance. “Max! Get out of here” Liz spat out through clenched teeth, she knew that she could handle herself but Max had a bit of a soft centre, she just hoped he wouldn’t get hurt.

Max noted the man’s grip on Liz’s arm and jumped to the wrong conclusion “sir what ever she has stolen or damaged I will be happy to pay for, I can’t apologize enough.”
Max looked to Liz noting the incredulity that swept across her features, giving her one last disparaging look loaded with disapproval he turned pleading eyes back to the man that he assumed owned the establishment “I’d be grateful If we could settle this without the authorities.”

That asshole! Liz thought as she watched him almost bat his eyelashes at the man holding her in a vice like grip. Of course he would automatically assume that this was her doing and to think that she actually worried that he might get hurt….
“Unfucking believable!” Liz cried squirming in the robbers grip as her gaze pierced Max “right away you just assume that this is my fault! HELLO MAX THE STORE IS BEING ROBBED!!!!!”


Max looked on in horror as the man holding Liz nodded his head in agreement, he was just about to apologize to her when the man loosened his hold on Liz and with a rough push sent her hurtling toward him. Unprepared for the impact Max hit the ground hard, his arms going around Liz’s waist to break her fall. He felt the full weight of her body pressing into his and opened his eyes to find her face inches from his own. He noted with some surprise that her eyes where the most beautiful shade of brown….
He clutched her a little tighter regret for his assumptions radiating in his eyes “Liz I’m so sor-”

Liz cut him off “save you’re groveling for later” she pushed against his chest and sat back on her knees “we have more pressing problems.”
Max followed Liz’s line of vision and watched as the guy at the counter looked at him in amusement.

“That’s really iconic that you’d think your girl was stealin” he smiled wickedly “when it was really me.”
“Ironic not Iconic you red necked retard!” Liz rolled her eyes as she rose to her feet.
“Liz” Max hissed scrambling to his feet he pulled her behind him, his hold firm as she struggled to get out of his grasp.

“A word to the wise girly” the robber snarled as he advanced toward Max and Liz “shut your fuckin mouth…”

Max moved forward a little “trust me she will be shutting her mouth from now on, isn’t that right Liz?”
Liz watched as the would be robber towered menacingly over Max and fearing for his safety she decided that the best thing to do would be to acquiesce given the circumstances. After all Max had stepped in to protect her even though she most certainly didn’t need him too. The last thing she wanted was to see the sweet dork loose a few teeth.
“Yeah I’ll shut my mouth….” She replied without enthusiasm.

Pete sucked his teeth “just as well or I’d ave shut it for her.” Pete’s accomplish came ambling down the aisle to find Max and Pete eyeballing each other “I got the goods Pete lets get out of here.”
Pete took a step backwards “you have my sympathy son” he drawled inclining his head toward Liz before running out the exit.

Max turned concerned eyes on Liz, his hand tenderly resting against her forearm as he looked her over for injuries “Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you did he?”
Liz smiled, touched by Max’s genuine concern “just my pride” she quipped.
Returning her smile Max was snared in her gaze until a whimper from behind the counter drew his attention. “Are you okay Miss?” he queried coming around the counter to help the obviously shocked cashier “is their a phone in the store that I can call the police with?”

Satisfied that Max was able to attend to the cashier Liz sprinted to the door in time to see Stevie and Pete squeeze their fat behinds into a rust bucket Honda parked at the far end of the lot “Their making their get away..” she murmured watching as the car attempted to sputter to life, in the background she could hear Max finishing telling the police where exactly they were when the robbers suddenly abandoned their vehicle; by the looks of things the hunk of junk wouldn’t start…
Liz watched with trepidation as they started searching the lot for an open vehicle “um Max?”

Max looked toward Liz when she called his name, seeing her staring out the window he made his way toward her.
“Please tell me you didn’t leave the car keys in the ignition…”
Max looked on as the robbers climbed into their rental car panic sweeping through him “I can’t do that Liz.”

They both stood side by side at the window looking on helplessly as the robbers peeled out of the parking lot. Max could not believe that this was happening, as if being held hostage hadn’t been bad enough, their rental car had just been stolen. He tugged on his hair as realization hit him “shit! My wallet was in the car, all my money, and credit cards, gone!!!”
Liz tried to stem Max’s mounting panic “well look on the Bright side, they didn’t get everything we still have our bags.”

How can she be so calm? Max wondered. Didn’t she realize the enormity of the situation? here they were stranded in the desert with no mode of transport or money, with shock finally setting in he sank into the chair beside the door.
Liz slapped Max’s arm to gain his attention and once she knew she had it a smile tore across her lips and she asked with genuine delight “are we havin fun or what?”


TBC

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is about to have his faith, patience and feelings tested to the limits by a witty, petulant fire cracker named Liz Parker and neither of their lives will ever be the same…

Note: A massive thank you to everyone who has left feedback, I really appreciate it. So again a heartfelt thank you going out to: begonia9508 ,frenchkiss70, dreamer19, hazz, roswellluver, Natz, Purpleant, Emz80m, KParkerEvans, Strawberry88, Spacegal17, Gidget2, Smac, Akashaa, OmegaRam1, LIZamaMax, BehrObsession, stargrl678, marteloise, CherryFlavoredChica, Bixie, Kittens.
LIZamaMax- to answer your question my definition of a ‘girly girl’ would be a woman who is very feminine and also weak willed and minded and as Liz is none of these things it would be a massive insult to be called such, hence her reaction.





Part Six

“Are we havin fun or what?”

“No Liz” Max hissed “we are most definitely not having fun!” he wanted to choke the life right out of her when she’d made that statement. How could anyone find even a modicum of fun in being destitute and stranded in the desert?
“I just don’t know what the hell we’re going to do, I suppose I could have Iz wire me some money that’s assuming they have banks in the middle of nowhere and even then the money wouldn’t be here until tomorrow and we have nowhere to stay, no transport…”

Liz could only roll her eye’s as Max continued to drone on and on… the droning was never ending; if he didn’t take a breath soon he was goina turn purple “just chill out Max we’ll be fine.” Liz smiled at the disbelieving look he cast her and when he opened his mouth to speak again she placed a finger to his lips.
“Having your girlfriend wire some cash sounds like a plan, I have about fifty bucks so that should get us a motel room somewhere and as for transport… we can hitchhike.”

Max didn’t know which suggestion to shoot holes in first, if she thought that they would be occupying any sort of living space together she was dead wrong and hitchhiking was just out of the question. “Firstly Isabel is not my girlfriend she’s my twin sister and sharing a motel room and hitch hiking across the country are totally not options.”
Max couldn’t quite decipher the expression on Liz’s face, but it was somewhere between indignant and pissed off.

Liz tensed visibly her eyes narrowing into angry slits as she tried to melt Max with her glare “firstly…” she hissed “how the hell was I supposed to know that she was your sister and not your girlfriend? But that actually figures because who would put up with your whiney bitch ass….as for sharing a room, if you’re worried that I’ll try and jump your bones please don’t, your so far away from my ‘type’ that your practically in a different state.”

Feeling his bravado deflate slightly at her scathing words Max made his best effort to stand his ground and schooling his features into a mask of indifference he replied coolly “fine we’ll do it your way but once Isabel wires the money I’m running the show again, got it?”
Before Liz had a chance to tell Max where he could shove it a patrol car came blazing into the parking lot garnering her attention, recognition swept across her face and she gave a small wave.

When Max saw the car pulling into the lot it hadn’t even occurred to him that they may still be within the legal jurisdiction of friendship, so to say that he had been surprised to see the Sheriff and Deputy Wilson making their way toward them would have been an understatement. However the Deputy unholstering his weapon and releasing the safety upon seeing Liz was no surprise at all…

“Don’t shoot we surrender!” Liz joked raising her hands above her head submissively.
“Shut the hell up Liz” Max barked as he saw the Deputy cock his weapon and raise it toward her. It was clearly evident that Wilson was just itching to pull the trigger. Feeling the need to wade into the fray so to speak Max took a step in front of Liz, blocking her from the Deputy’s line of sight. “Don’t pay any attention to Miss Parker deputy she’s only pulling your leg.”
Liz sidestepped from behind Max smiling wickedly at Wilson “amongst other things” she murmured.

Max cringed at her innuendo “Miss Parker and I were just innocent bystanders.”
“Is that so?” the Sheriff queried his gaze sweeping between the two of them “so you saw what went on?”
“Well two local yokels who go by the aliases of Pete and Stevie held up the convenience store whilst toting invisible AK47’S, I gotta say I was so scared I almost peed my panties” Liz replied sarcasm dripping off every word.

Max eyed Liz wearily it was evident that she was enjoying this a little too much, any normal person would be unsettled at being held hostage during a robbery- but not her, no she had to make light of the situation. Max watched in disbelief as the Sheriff scribbled in his pad, surely he wasn’t taking her seriously.
“That’s not what happened exactly, everything other than the names you can disregard Sheriff.” Max added.

The Sheriff glared openly at him before turning his gaze on Liz “let me get this straightened in my own head- the convenience store was held up by two men named stevie and Pete, I think it’s safe to assume that they weren’t bright enough to change em. They didn’t seem all that threatening on account of them not having any weapons an all. How am I doing so far Mr Evans?” he asked pointedly.

Max withered under the Sheriffs intense gaze “I found them to be quite threatening..” he muttered. Max sent a heated look in Liz’s direction at her snort “I wasn’t the only person either, just ask the store clerk how threatening they were if you don’t believe me.”
All heads swiveled in the direction of the elderly cashier and then back to Max, he felt his face flame in embarrassment.

“Well if you two have nothing else to add you can be on your way” the Sheriff replied.

“Actually there’s a teensy weensy problem with that idea” Liz murmured.
The Sheriff looked apprehensive “why what’s the matter?”
Liz sighed “well you see sheriff Max left the keys in our car and good ole stevie and Pete are probably joyriding along route 60 in it even as we speak….”
“That true?” he chuckled watching Max with amusement dancing in his eyes.

Max grit his teeth and smiled at the sheriff “unfortunately yes but if Liz had stayed in the car like I’d instructed her to none of this would have happened.”
Liz squared her shoulders ‘instructed her?’ where did this guy get off? “don’t even go there Max. I wasn’t the one who screwed up- you were, so suck it up baby and stop assigning blame anywhere other than yourself!”
Liz felt Max’s stare but pointedly ignored it, of course she would have to shoulder the blame for this whole debacle.

“So…..” the sheriff murmured feeling the tension as Max and Liz stood face to face “can I drop you’s folks at a motel or something?”
Max unlocked his gaze from Liz’s “ that would be great” after the trials and tribulations of the day he just wanted to sink into oblivion for a few hours and escape Liz Parker. Tess certainly hadn’t been wrong when she’d said that trouble followed Liz like a bad smell, after only having the displeasure of being in her company for a matter of hours he had been through more drama than most people experienced in their whole entire lives.

After providing statements and convincing a reluctant Deputy Wilson that Liz Parker had played no part in the ensuing chaos the Sheriff kindly dropped them off at the nearest road side motel which just happened to be called ‘The Love Shack’. Max looked stricken as he gazed at the flashing pink neon sign, the letter ‘H’ blinked on and off sporadically. He didn’t know what was worse spending the night in ‘the love shack’ or the ‘love sack’.

He numbly followed Liz into room number six his trepidation mounting as his eyes alighted on the double bed. Falling bonelessly into the foam chair positioned at the window he watched as Liz bounced on the mattress.
“I’ll um- I’ll just sleep in this chair, okay.”

Liz collapsed on the bed “don’t be silly we can share” Liz had to wonder at how uncomfortable that idea seemed to make Max “I promise to keep to my own side.”
Max considered her offer and he was sorely tempted to take her up on it, the chair that was to act as his bed for the night didn’t seem too comfortable. He watched as she smiled genuinely at him and he decided that for the sake of a good nights rest they could share. As long as everyone kept to their own side of the bed everything would be fine, right?
“So what do you say Max?”
He pulled his stiff body from his seat and walked toward the bed, her question answered when he flopped down onto the soft mattress.
She turned to face him and smiled at how young and carefree he looked with his eyes closed and glasses off “okay then, I’m just going to go take a shower before bed.”
Max opened his eyes briefly as the bed shifted, he mumbled an ‘okay’ as Liz disappeared into the bathroom. Hearing the shower turn on he fluffed his pillow and started to doze off…..
When the bathroom door creaked open an inch he opened his eyes and watched as Liz poked her head out the door.
“By the way you don’t have a problem with me sleeping in the buff right?”
Max thought he had misheard her and bolted upright into a sitting position his mouth hanging open in shock.
Liz taking his silence as an ‘I don’t mind’ smiled and pulled the bathroom door closed again.
Max sat ridged listening to the soft humming floating from the bathroom, how was he going to deal with being sandwiched with a naked Liz Parker in a double bed at the ‘love shack’ perhaps ‘love sack’ was more fitting after all. “O God” he muttered drawing in a shaky breath “so much for a good nights rest…..”

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is about to have his faith, patience and feelings tested to the limits by a witty, petulant fire cracker named Liz Parker and neither of their lives will ever be the same…


Part Seven



Max stood and surveyed the double bed before him; the prospect of sharing it with a naked Liz Parker made him break out in a cold sweat.

Whilst most men would relish the thought of having a beautiful and extremely lithe woman pressed next to them Max Evans most definitely did not belong to their ranks.

He adjusted the pillows so that they cut a barrier right down the centre of the bed effectively dividing it into two equal parts, there would be no possibility of wondering into enemy territory now he mused.

Hearing the shower shut off he felt his heart hammer in his chest, rubbing his sweaty palms across his trousers he made his way around the bed to the night stand and flicked the lamp off, the last thing he needed was to get an eyeful of his fiancées step sister in all her naked glory, how would he ever face Tess again if that where to happen?

His eyes once again flickered to the sealed bathroom door as he heard Liz pad toward it “shit” he hissed before scrambling forward. He flung his back toward the door and braced his hands against the frame effectively barricading Liz inside. He decided that he would hold her captive until she complied and put some clothes on.

“What the hell..” Liz murmured as she twisted the door handle, the door would give way about an inch before snapping closed again, it was almost as if something was pressing against it “Max? Max you out there?” she rattled the handle in frustration with one hand whilst the other slapped against the door panel “this fucking door is jammed, Max come help me!”

Max pushed his body closer “it’s not jammed Liz, I’m holding it closed until you promise to walk out of there fully dressed.”

Liz snorted at his pompous request “you have got to be kidding me!”

Liz couldn’t believe what a big deal Max was making out of a little exposed skin. Anyone would be forgiven for thinking that he’d never seen a naked woman before and maybe that was the whole problem, maybe poindexter was frigid…it would explain why he was so wound up all the time.

“Come on Max don’t be a dick and let me out of here.”

Liz slide down to the tiled floor her back propped against the door, it looked like they were in for a long stay because there was no way in hell she was backing down to Max Evans.


Max shook his head resolutely “not until I hear the rustling of your smalls and clothes being put on.”

Liz’s face crumpled in disbelief, had she just heard him right? “Did you just say the word ‘smalls?” she queried.

“Yes..”

Liz couldn’t believe this guy “you know you’re probably the only person your age on the face of the earth who says smalls!”

Max stiffened as Liz’s mocking words drifted to him “why what would you have me call them?” he hissed. His nerves were frazzled contending with Jeff Parkers wayward daughter and he had been pushed just about as far as he could go “you have a problem with the word smalls, well how about unmentionables?” he spat.

Liz pressed her face to the door and snorted “that one’s even worse! Stop being so up tight and say it like it is.”

“I don’t see why it’s such a big damn deal what I call them and for your information I was just being polite but since you don’t seem to appreciate that I will just say it like it is. So put your damn panties and bra on and make yourself decent or you won’t be setting as much as your pinky across the threshold of this door!”

Max sucked a much needed breath into his lungs and waited for her biting retort, but none was forthcoming.

“Okay I’ll get dressed” Liz murmured as she hooked her bra.

“Really?” Max asked cautiously.

Liz wrapped her robe around herself and moved closer to the door “yes really, now open the damn door.”

“How do I know your telling the truth?”

“Well the only way to find out is to open the damn door now isn’t it” she snapped Liz was really starting to lose her cool “look I’m descent okay, I even have a robe on.”

Max hesitated for a moment before pushing himself away from the door, he waited with mounting trepidation as the door creaked open.

Liz tried to accustom her eyes to the darkness “Um Max?” she called out into the darkness “do you think you could maybe flip the light switch I can’t make my way to the bed.”

“Okay but there better not be any nasty surprises” he grumbled before leaning over the bedside table to get to the lamp. When the room was once again bathed in light he heaved a sigh of relief as he noted Liz’s ‘state of dress’.

“See I told you I was descent” she said gesturing wildly to her fluffy pink bathrobe.

“Thank you” Max sighed as she flopped down on the bed beside him “it just wouldn’t have been very appropriate that’s all”.

Liz twisted onto her side toward him “maybe you need a little inappropriateness Max; it’ll spice you up a bit.”

Max went ridged “excuse me?”

Liz scooted closer to him her fingers playing along the knot holding her robe together “I promised that I’d come out of the bathroom fully dressed but I didn’t promise to stay that way once I got out here” she murmured loosening her robe and letting it fall from her shoulders to reveal her red lace clad bosom.

Max leapt from the bed as if he had been scalded, squeezing his eyes shut he tried to dispel the image of red lace against smooth tanned skin “have you lost your mind? Put-that-back-on!” he hissed.

Liz moved toward him slowly letting her robe hit the floor completely “is that really what you want me to do Max?” she murmured against his ear “if you just open your eyes I promise you won’t be disappointed and just so you know I’m not technically wearing panties, I’m wearing a thong…”

That was it he had to stop this madness and extract himself from a potentially dangerous situation, so he blurted out the first thing that came into his head “I’m engaged to your sister!” he cried out desperately and he opened his eyes and stared into Liz’s horrified ones and watched as all the color drained from her face…

“You- Your engaged to Tess Harding?” she whispered angrily before planting a sound right hook to Max’s chin knocking him to the floor unconscious….

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is asked by his boss and future father in Law Jeff Parker to travel to Texas to bail his witty, petulant fire cracker of a daughter Liz out of jail. Liz turns out to be Max’s worst nightmare and chaos seems to follow where ever she wanders. With Max about to marry Liz’s much hated step Sister Tess will Max and Liz realize that there is a thin line between love and hate?

Note: Thanks for all the great feedback everyone and hello to anyone new joining the story its great to hear from you




Part Eight



Stars burst behind Max’s eyelids as he was roused to consciousness, opening his eyes tentatively the room swam around him. He felt like he had just been hit by a freight train when in reality it had been by a petite yet surprisingly strong girl, oh the humiliation…

Liz loomed over him and breathed a sigh of relief when he started to come too “hey you okay?” she murmured softly her hand reaching behind his head to feel the large lump that was forming “you hit your head pretty hard” that was an understatement, Max had hit the deck with such a resounding thud she had thought he’d cracked his skull open “I think you might be concussed, how many fingers am I holding up?” she questioned waving three fingers in front of his eyes.

“This many..” he snapped thrusting his middle finger under her nose.

Liz was actually surprised by his comeback, surprised and slightly impressed “maybe you hit your head harder than I thought” she laughed as she grappled to pull him to his feet “you seem to have woken up with one major tude…”

Max gingerly touched the tender spot at his scalp and winched “yeah well being knocked to the floor unconscious for no reason will do that to a person.”
He ambled to the bed and eased onto it gently, mindful not to rest his head against the wall.

Liz snatched the pillow she had placed under his head whilst unconscious off the floor and moved around the bed to prop it behind him “look I’m really sorry about that, I guess it was just a knee jerk reaction to finding out that you’re going to be my brother in law.”

Max turned his head to look at her “is it that terrible a prospect?”

Liz perched at the bottom of the bed and regarded him “no more terrible than having Tess for a sister..” she grumbled, looking at him pointedly she added “you should have told me you two were involved.”

Max closed his eyes and sighed, he knew that Liz was right. It should have been the first thing out of his mouth when they had met after ‘Hi I’m Max Evans..’
He wondered now why he hadn’t made that declaration to her upon first sight “your right I don’t know why I didn’t say anything sooner, I’m sorry.”

Liz smiled “maybe you didn’t tell me out of shame, if I where marrying Tess I wouldn’t want to broadcast it either.”

Max thought about berating her but he smiled instead “so why all the hostility between you two?” he queried, he had heard Tess’ version of events and now he wanted to hear Liz Parkers side of the story.

Liz flopped backward at the foot of the bed, her arm dangling over the side “where to start” she murmured running over the million cat fights she and Tess had had over the years “I guess it was just hate at first sight, Tess and I are just so different- we’re like night and day…”

Max’s eyes lingered on Liz’s long chocolate tresses, in that analogy she was most definitely ‘the night’, he checked himself for staring and turned his eyes to a random spot on the wall “so you didn’t even give her a chance then?”

Liz snapped her head in his direction and her eyes flashed fire “automatically you think it was me?” of course he did, he most likely thought that the sun shone out of Tess’s boney behind “it was a difficult adjustment for us all but Tess was the one who waged the wars, I just defended against the attacks..”

She looked so sincere Max thought as he gazed at her and despite what his family and friends thought he was not oblivious to Tess’ tantrums nor her selfishness “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to imply it was all your fault but Tess has lead me to believe that you’re a complete nightmare and I-”

“Would have to agree with her” Liz finished for him. She could only imagine the tales that poisonous madam had concocted and for some unknown reason she didn’t want Max Evans to believe the lies.

Max shook his head furiously in denial and thought better of it when a searing pain shot through his head.

Liz was at his side in a flash easing him down against the pillows “maybe we should call a doctor or something” she said worriedly as she loomed over him.

Max saw her doe eyes fill with concern and he rushed to dispel the look “I’m fine really, just no sudden movements that’s all” he joked. He watched as she rolled her eyes at him and smiled “and another thing Liz” he said with a quiet seriousness “I don’t think you’re a nightmare, It’s true there are elements of the ridiculous about you and trouble follows you around like a bad smell but what I’m trying to say rather longwindedly is that your not all that bad.”

Even though it wasn’t a glowing compliment Liz was still touched by his words and after all that had transpired between them in their short acquaintance Liz realized that it must have been difficult for Max to even admit that much, so she decided to jump on the band wagon and extend her own olive branch “maybe we were both quick to jump to conclusions about each other and I don’t think that you’re a total tight ass but you do have your moments and maybe your not a loser or a geek either, so in my book your okay too Evans.”

“Maybe we should get some sleep we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow” he said pulling back the covers and firing the barrier of pillows he had erected down the middle of the bed onto the floor. After all Liz was no longer the enemy, there little heart to heart seemingly calling a truce between them.

Liz smiled when Max patted the space beside him and she stripped off her robe “see I’m even fully dressed, talk about making an effort” she murmured playfully as she hopped under the covers.

Max didn’t know if he’d call black hot pants and a belly top which was definitely putting too much supple midriff on display as being fully dressed, swallowing thickly he turned toward the nightstand and snapped the light off.

Lying back against the pillows he spoke into the darkness “by the way I didn’t manage to get a hold of my sister, I’ll have to try again tomorrow.”

There was a moment of silence before Liz stirred and from the creaking of the bed Max realized that she was now facing him. He could feel her hot breath against his face.

“Why don’t we just get back home on our own Max?”

Humoring her he replied “and how do you suppose we do that exactly Liz, we have no money, no transport and I’m getting married in five days.”

Liz had an answer for every excuse “well we can pawn some of our stuff, hitchhike which won’t cost a penny and we’ll be back well before your impending nuptials. Think of this as your last adventure before you tie the knot or maybe in your case it’s a first adventure..”

Max switched the light back on and rolled onto his side to face Liz “your serious aren’t you?” he couldn’t believe that he was even considering her wild suggestion but Isabel’s words echoed in his mind ‘this could be a great experience for you’…

Liz could see Max’s resolve to say no weaken “I’m deadly serious” she gave him several moments to mull the idea over before asking “so what do you say Max?”

Max looked at Liz’s eager face, he realized that he had never dared embark on something so uncertain in his life before and he knew that he desperately wanted to experience life before he settled down with Tess and he didn’t want to disappoint Liz, maybe she needed this road trip as much as he did “okay lets do this” he replied excitedly.

“Yeah?” Liz asked shocked.

“Yeah..” Max answered before shutting the light off once again.

Liz smiled to herself in the darkness “this trip will change you for the better Max, trust me.”

As he drifted off to sleep he realized somewhat surprised that he did trust her….

Title: Caught a light sneeze
Author: Cornflakegirl
Pairings:M/L some M/T (non Gratuitous of course!)
Rating:R
Disclaimer: I own nothing just borrowing the characters for my own amusement.
Summary: Uptight, clumsy Max Evans is asked by his boss and future father in Law Jeff Parker to travel to Texas to bail his witty, petulant fire cracker of a daughter Liz out of jail. Liz turns out to be Max’s worst nightmare and chaos seems to follow where ever she wanders. With Max about to marry Liz’s much hated step Sister Tess will Max and Liz realize that there is a thin line between love and hate?
Note: Once again thanks for all the great feedback, it really is appreciated


Part Nine



Max shook his head resolutely “absolutely no” he clutched his laptop closer to his chest and gave Liz his most threatening and determined stare “you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead fingers..” and he really did mean that, nothing was going to come between him and this lump of plastic.

“That’s do-able” Liz murmured and then took him by surprise as her teeth clamped down on his hand, he yelped like the sissy he was and let the laptop tumble from his grasp but Liz Parker was a girl with quick reflexes and she launched herself backwards and caught it perfectly between her hands.

“You bit me!” he gasped as he loomed over her and made a dramatic show of rubbing his gnawed hand “I can’t believe you bit me!”

Liz smiled up at him from her position on the ground “Max to embark on a road trip we need cash and the only pawnable thing we have is your laptop. So unless you want to sleep under the stars and live off wild berries we need to sell this.”

Max sighed he knew that she was right, if they were going to follow through on this ill conceived journey they needed to have some cash at the ready.

“Okay” he conceded as he offered her his hand and pulled her to her feet “but do you really think a pawn brokers going by the name ‘PawnPorium’ is the best place to take it? They’ll probably offer us twenty dollars for it when it retails for at least a thousand bucks.”

Liz fought the urge to whack him upside the head “your right we’ll just go to the one beside it, Pawninvisible, maybe they’ll give us a better deal” she replied sarcastically. She squared her shoulders as Max opened his mouth to speak but his ringing cell interrupted his tirade and her retort.

Liz watched as he pulled it from his pocket, he seemed to hesitate for a moment as he noted the caller ID then with a deep breath he answered it.

Max hit send and murmured a tentative ‘hello Tess’.

“Don’t hello Tess me Max Evans!” she hissed across the line venomously.

Max closed his eyes in frustration, he was not in the mood to pander to or placate his Fiancée, he had enough to deal with having Liz Parker as a companion “well how would you like me to greet you when I answer the damn phone” he barked, the words sounded a little harsh even to his own ears and as he glanced at Liz she nodded her head in approval and mouthed ‘good for you’. He rolled his eyes at her and turned away, the line had gone awfully quite “Tess you still there?”

If Tess could have reached across the phone line she’d be choking him right about now “what way is that to speak to me Max?” she shrieked “you’ve never dared use that tone with me before, this is all that bitches influence isn’t it?” she lamented “I knew that skank would poison you against me, when I see that bitch I’ll-”

Max held the phone about a meter from his ear, it was either that or hang the damn thing up on her. Tess was well out of line, she had no right to berate him for defending himself nor did she have the right to verbally abuse Liz “Keep it clean Tess” he muttered darkly, his temper hanging by a thread.

The line went silent once again before Tess queried sweetly when he’d be home, it was as if there where two different Tess’ carrying on the conversation.

“Three maybe four days…” he murmured into the phone and waited for shrieking Tess to rear her ugly mouth again and he wasn’t disappointed.

“What! Did I just friggin hear you right, did you say three or four days?”

Pinching the bridge of his nose Max turned toward Liz and almost knocked into her she was standing that close, apparently she had been eavesdropping for the whole duration of the conversation given the Cheshire grin stretching her mouth.

“That’s what I said three or four days” he repeated “we’re traveling by road.”

“Like hell you are Max, you get your ass back here or else I’ll-”

Tess didn’t get a chance to finish her threat as Max unceremoniously cut her off and switched the cell off before re-depositing it in his jacket pocket. He couldn’t help but laugh at Liz’s gaping mouth “you leave that open like that for much longer you’ll start catching flies…”

Liz shook her head in disbelief how could he be so flippant when he had just incurred the wrath of Tess, Liz half expected her to zoom by on her broom stick and tear Max a new one “you hung up on her” she stated dumbly.

Max smiled in satisfaction at being able to stupefy Liz Parker, the come back queen. Grabbing hold of her hand he began to pull her across the road and toward the pawn shop “I think I should pawn my cell as well what do you think?”

Liz had a new found respect for Max, he did have a pair after all “I think it’s a great idea and the extra money would come in handy..”

Max pushed open the door and held it for her to enter “Ladies first..”

Liz’s eyes twinkled in amusement “so now I’m a lady, what happened to butch?”

Max grinned broadly as she swept past him “sorry slip of the tongue it won’t happen again, sir..”

The pawn shop wasn’t must to write home about, battered televisions made up the bulk of the product along with what looked like most of ‘Mr. T’s’ jewellery collection. The man behind the dirt encrusted counter was greasy and balding and his face looked like it was shy of water.
“Can I assist you folks..” he drawled his eyes latching on to Liz as he shot her a toothy grin “You buyin or sellin?” he queried rubbing his grubby hand against his string vest.

Max leaned into Liz and whispered in her ear “I’ll do the bartering Okay.” He didn’t wait for her protestations which he was sure there would be plenty of and placing his laptop and cell phone on the counter he eye balled the manager “how much will you give us for these?”

The man made a show of inspecting the items and after some deliberation he shrugged his shoulders and said “Two hundred an fifty.”

Max’s jaw clenched and he turned to Liz and silently communicated his displeasure and an ‘I told you so’ glare before returning his gaze to the manager “your kidding right? The laptop’s worth a thousand on its own.” His reasoning didn’t seem to be making any dent in the managers resolve and his suspicions where further confirmed when the man sucked on his teeth and murmured “folks don’t have much use for computees around here…”

Max closed his eyes in frustration “you mean computers” he corrected.

“That’s what I said” the manager replied sharply “two hundred an fifty, take it or leave it.”

Just as Max was about to tell the guy where he could shove his money Liz leaned against the counter, her hands framing her face as she smiled seductively at the manager. On closer inspection Max noted that the top two buttons of her blouse were undone.

Liz dazzled him with her smile “I think you can do better than that” she murmured tilting her head to the side “how does six hundred buck sound?”

Max looked on in shock as the manager pulled a bundle of bills form his back pocket “you okay to take that in twenties sugar?” he rasped speaking to Liz’s chest instead of her face.


Max cast a glance at Liz who was seated on the side of the road while he tried to thumb a ride. About a zillion cars had passed them in the last twenty minutes but no one was biting, Liz had said his technique was all wrong and he had rushed to reassure her that his ‘technique’ was anything but wrong.

“Are you willing to concede defeat and let me try?” she questioned as she stood beside him at the roadside as yet another car disappeared into the horizon.

“It’s not as easy as you think” he grumbled as he sauntered off to the side and slumped down onto his suitcase “you’ll probably be standing there all night and not one car will stop, you mark my words.”

“Ye of little faith” Liz said as she squinted into the distance and spotted an approaching tour coach. Racing to the side of the road she stripped off her blouse “watch and learn Max..” she replied with a wink before she returned to the roadside.

Max came behind her and threw his jacket over her shoulders, the coach was still a good bit off in the distance “are you crazy put your shirt back on!” he hissed shaking his head to dispel images of black lace, if she kept removing her clothing at unannounced intervals he was going to have to start walking around with his eyes closed.

Liz laughed as she turned to find him standing behind her with his eyes tightly clenched, any other guys eyes would be out on stalks if the female form was on full display but Max Evans was definitely a gentleman and him throwing his jacket around her in an attempt to protect her virtue was sweet, in a tight ass kind of way of course.

“Max stop being such a prude” she said pinching his cheek to garner his attention, when he opened his eyes and saw her still in a state of undress he made an attempt to look away but Liz clutched his arm “look you can’t see much of anything significant, the twins are hidden behind layers of lace and besides if you don’t look now you’ll miss my Madonna rendition.”

Liz thrust her breasts together and singsonged “I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through… didn't know how lost I was until I found you- Like a virgin touched for the very first time..” and Max couldn’t help but laugh at her antics “remind me why I’m with you again?” he asked.




Spotting the coach pulling closer she threw him a wink over her shoulder and replied “I’m great entertainment..” before she did her own brand of Madonna for the coach that was just upon them, needless to say it screeched to a halt and reversed back. By this point Liz was already shrugging into her shirt when the doors opened to reveal a leering driver, Max stepped up beside her protectively and helped her on board.

He almost slammed into her back as she stood rooted at the head of the bus “well this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind..” she murmured and then covered her mouth to hide a very un-Liz like giggle.
It didn’t take long for Max to realize what had Liz in near hysterics, he smiled softly and gave a small wave to the fifty or so old aged pensioners currently watching them disapprovingly and he murmured against Liz’s ear “of all the buses….”

TBC

Hi everyone I bet you thought I'd fallen off the face of the planet but for anyone thats interested I will be continuing all of my stories and I really am sorry for my long hiatus, I know I left you all hanging but it was unavoidable. Real life has been soaking up all of my time and still kind of is but I am going to finish my stories. I won't make any promises or declarations nor will I be able to commit myself to weekly updates but there will be updates as frequently as I can manage. So for anyone willing to stick with me I thank you and anyone who isn't my thanks to you as well for reading thus far, anyway I'm off to go work on updates. Hopefully I'll be back soon

Kat