Roswell Fanatics

-Title:Dear Nobody

-Author:Pariz

-Disclaimer:I don`t own the rights to Roswell even if i wished it was so.

-Summary:This is a quite short one.It`s based on a book I read a while ago with the same name as the title.It`s written by Berlie Doherty.It`s post after departure.The aliens left earth,well everone beside Michael who stayed with Maria.The humans are left with a big suprise,who will turn their life upside down.

-Genre:CC

-Couples:M/L,M/M

-RATINGS:YTEEN





"You are nobody.I don`t want you here.Go away!"

January

Dear Nobody
Why are you here?
Why are you existing?
I don`t want you.
Go away!


Dear Nobody
It`s three weeks since they left.
I still hate him for leaving me here by myself.
What am I gonna say to you when you grow up and asks me about your father?
Well honey,you see that the night that you were made a crazy bitch
mind warped us so that we shouldn`t remember what had happend.
Then she tricked you father,made him thinking that they had slept
together and then told him that the baby couldn`t survive here on
earth so they had to gohome to their planet.
Your aunt Isabel came with them,but you onkel Michael stayed here
on earth with my best friend Maria(lucky her).
Maria doesen`t know about you.
Nobody does.

February
Dear Nobody
I have to tell my parent about you´soon.
I can`t hide you much longer.
Already my waist has disappeared and my stomach is rounding out.
Just slightly.
I can hid it,you,with loose shirts.
It`s like winter today.
I`m cold to the bone.
Are you warm enough,tucked up in there?
Listen.
Can you hear the rain?



March
Dear Nobody
I`ve told my parents about you.
We sat in the kitchen eating dinner and it just
slipped out.I don`t remember much after that.
My mom was crying and my dad was yelling.
He told me to get out and that he never wanted to
see me again. I ran as fast as I could to Maria`s house.
It was raining.I felt the rain mixture with my tears.
It was Maria`s mom,Amy,who opened the door.
I asked for Maria,but she told me that she was at Michaels.
She asked if I wanted to come inside,so I did.I mean I couldn`t
just go home.I sat down beside the fire.
Amy got me blancets and a cup of hot tea.
I always liked her.
She was about my age when she got pregnant with Maria.
So I told her about you.
She went up to me and hugged me,told me that everything was
gonna be alright.She was really mad when she found out that my parents
had kicked me out.Then she asked me if I wanted to stay there with
her and Maria.
I said yes of course.
It was just around eight,but it felt like I could sleep for years.
Just then Maria came home.
I told her everything.
She said that she wished I had told her earlier,but that she would
forgive me if I stayed there so that she could take care of me every
minute of the day.
Well I could live with that,I think!
Nobody! We have found a new home .


April

Dear Nobody
Today two things happened to me.
You moved.deep inside me I felt a fluttering,
ans I knew that you had moved.
You arched your back or something,
turned over in your sleep,
I don`t know-unsucked your thumb maybe,
whatever it was,Ifelt it.
It was like a tiny bird fluttering.
You are arms and legs and fingers,
you are moving parts.
You are a little amazing piece of machinery.


Dear Nobody
Maria and Michael went to my house to pick
up my things.I haven´t talked to my parent since thet day.
I`m living in the guestroom.I like it here.
Michael knows about you to.
i think that because Max isn`t here to take care of me,
he must do it for him.
He`s at our place everyday.
He only goes home to sleep and then in the morning he`s back.
The all treats me like I`m made of glass.
They put pillows behind my back,won`t letting me
carry heavy things,
hardly easy things to.
It`s quite annoying sometimes.


Dear Nobody
when i first found out about you I didn`t want you.
I wanted you to disappeare.
But now i have grown really fond of you.
I can`t wait for you to be born.



June

Dear Nobody
I can´t belive it´s the middle of June,
and that you have been inside me now for six months.
It`s no secret now,however loose my dresses are.
It would be like trying to stop day coming
If I tried to hide you now.
You keep pushing out with your leg or your arm,
as I you`re trying to wave in there,
to say hey!I`m here!
Your not taking any notice of me.
But I`m thinking of you all the time.
I can`t take my mind of you.
And it`s so hot! we`re in the middle of a heatwave.
I feel as if I`m trudging along with a bag of shopping
tied around my middle.
I try to imagine you,in the cool sea cave that`s your
home.Is it like being in a dark rock pool,
turning over and over with the tide of my beatin heart?
Are you calm in there,and crouched up safe?
You`re a real person.
I can`t wait to see you.
Oh but these are happy daytime thoughts,little Nobody.
Night after night I wake up lonely and afraid.
I went out in the garden last night.
The sky was clear,the stars looked enormous.
The stars reminded me of your father.
What is he doing?
Does he miss me just as much as I miss him?
Is he alive?
I wanted to scream out:
What will I do?
I don`t know where we`re going to live,
or what we`re going to live on.
I don`t know how to look after you.
i don`t know if I`m stron enough for this.
I`m frightened of the dark.
And when I turned back inte the house,into the kitchen
with all its gleaming,useful machinery,all it`s domestic
reassurances,I was frightened of the light.
I don`t know anything.
I wan`t Max to hold me in his arms and say,
it´s alright,we`ll manage,
we can do it together.
But he turned his back on that,maybe not with purpose,but he did.
And nothing will stop day coming,nothing will stop you being born.
You`ll march into the world bursting with power and wisdom
because you know how to be born.
I don`t know anythin.
I close the curtains because I couldn`t bear to look at the sky;
it was growing light:dawn was coming,
and nothing,nothing would stop it.





*Here comes the next part*

July
Dear Nobody
I try really hard,not to think of Max.
But it isn`t easy.
There are things that remind me of him everywhere I go.
Things like strawberries...
Yesterday we all decided to go out and eat.
And of course they chose that restaurant where Max and I had
our first date.I can`t take this anymore.
Is it possible to miss someone that much,that I do?
I`m afraid of all this hurt touching you.
Does it? Can you tell?


Dear Nobody
Did you like the song I played for you?
I`m gonna write it down so you`ll always remember it.

"What if I told you it was all ment to be,
would you belive me
would you agree
It`s almost that feeling
we met before
so tell me that you don`t think I`m crazy
when i tell you love has come here and now.

A moment like this
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this
some people search forever
for that one special kiss
oh I can`t belive it`s happening to me
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this

Everything changes but beauty remains.
Something so tender
I can`t explain
Well I may be dreaming
but till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I`ll cherich all the love we share

A moment like this
somepeople wait a lifetime
for a moment like this
some people search forever
for that one special kiss
oh I can`t belive it`s happening to me
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this

Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will
catch me when I fall
so let me tell you this
some people search forever
for that one special kiss
oh I can`t belive it`s happening to me
some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this

oh oh like this

oh oh oh oh

I can`t belive it`s happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this

oh like this.


August

Dear Nobody
It`s so hot.I`ve turned into a tottering boat,a huge swaying galleon
with round sails.Can I possibly get bigger than this
and not burst?I saw a film once of a man stuffing himself with
food till he exploded over all the people in the restaurant.
I laughed at the time.
And you don`t help.You`re nudging me and elbowing me all the time.
I expect it`s getting a bit cramped for you in there,
sometimes I think you`re as big as a whale,lumbering up out
of the sea,arching your great long back.
I`ve heard a record of whales singing.
They can hear each other forty miles apart in the ocean.
I wonder if you`re singing in there.
I used to think oceans would be silent places.
They must sound like motorways with all that whale-singing going on.
I`m being besieged by doctors and midwives and health visitors,
monitoring my weight and your size and your hearth beat and my blood
pressure,till I`m beginning to feel like a campaign rather than a person.They`re taking me over.
I`m scared that they`re going to take you over to.
I dream that I`m lying in a bed in a hospital and that someone walks
past me with a pram.I knew that you`re in it and that they`re taking you
away from me and I try to sit up but my arms and legs are waighted down,try to scream out but my mouth is bandaged up and Tess sits at the side of the bed and smiles down at me.
I`ve been given breathing and relaxtion exercises to do but as soon as
I start to do them I start shaking.
Nobody,what`s it going to be like,
giving birth to you? However many people are with me on that day,
I`ll still be on my own with the pain.
In my head I scream out loud,no one can hear me,they think I`m calm,
that I`m not worrying.
I sit in front of the television at home with Michael and my face is
quiet,but in my head I`m screaming out loud.
maria came to the relaxation class with me today.
I hate going.I feel really out of it,without a partner,years younger
than anyone.At least Maria sees the funny side of things.
We giggled all the way to the clinic on the bus.
People kept looking at us,as if we were invading their privacy just by
laughing,they sort of smiled at each other knowingly when theý noticed me.
You,I mean.I felt about twelve years old,Nobody.
One woman actually patted my stomach as I got of the bus!
What a cheek!How would she feel if I went and patted hers?
'You look bonny,love' she said to me and patted my lump,you,as if
she was a good witch charming me.
I didn`t feel bonny.My back aches and aches all the time,
you`re so heavy;my head is screaming inside.
At the ante-natal clinic I had to lie on my back on the floor and
breathe in and out,slowly and regularly,and curl round and move my legs up and down,very gently.
I was really aware of you then.Some of the woman had their husbands with them.There were all these bloated woman on the floor having their ankles
squeezed by partners and friends,trying to simulate labour pains.
Maria did her best,trying to look solemn and práctised,but everytime
she caught my eyes she cracked out laughing.It`s all right for her.Laughing hurts.None of us took it seriously.
It wasn`t real.We were all as shy as each other and smiling at each
other like kids at a new school.
I felt embarrassed,yet I felt supported,too,by all of them.
Embarrassed and embraced.That sounds nice,doesn`t it?
Afterwards we chatted about when our babies were due and suddenly,
after all,it seemed terribly real.
A few weeks away!It`s really going to happen.
I can`t wait to meet you.
I felt relaxed when I came out.I could have gone straight to sleep.
You were dozing,for a change.
Maria and I sat beside a young mother on the bus.
Her baby kept peeping over the top of the seat at us,and we were both
laughing at it and ducking our heads,trying to get it to smile at us.It looked so solemn,like a little old professor,just staring at us.I wonder what on earth it was thinking..
Do babies have thoughts?Do you,in there?
Or are thoughts only related to experience?
Then all of sudden the baby had had enough of us,
or of the journey,or of life,or something;anyway,it started howling.
It`s eyes puckered up and it´s cheeks bulged out like red balloons
and it`s mouth turned into a black square and it screeches and yelled and howled,great ear-splitting volleys of sound like fireworks whooshing off.
The poor mother tried everything-kissing it and shushing it and standing it
up and rocking it and shoving the crook of her finger into it`s mouth,and in
the end she was redder than the baby was and everyone on the bus was
squirming about feeling hot and cross.I`m sure she got off before her stop.
She just suddenly stood up,lugging her screaming bundle and her two bags of shopping with her.Her fold-up pram just wouldn´t separate itself from all
the other stuff in the luggage rack.
I stood up to help her and she gave me a real sharing,hopeless,
pitying sort of look.She didn`t have a ring either.
Does that mean she lives on her own with the baby?
And does it scream like that all night?
I can still hear it now.Could you hear it,little nobody?
Did you respond to it,in your sub-sonic ocean voice?
Maria grinned at me when I sat sown again.'Little brat!' she whispered.
'Yours won`t be like that,Liz.'




Dear Nobody
I`ve been thinking of names to you.If you`re a guy i`m thinking of
Alexander.How do you like Alexander Michael Evans?Or maybe Alexander Phillip?
I`m gonna give you your last name after your father.I know he would
have wanted that.If you`re a girl i`m thinking of Shiri or Kira.
I really like those names.How about Shiri Maria Evans,or Kira Maria Ambika?
Oh it`s so hard! Michael want to name you Michael Jr.Ha! No chance.
Don`t missunderstand,I really like Michael.I do!
He`s like a brother to me.But I won`t do that!
Maria said that if you would be a girl we could name you Michaela after Michael.
She`s sooo funny!=)
But it took a while until Michael spoke to her again.


Marias POV

I never wrote diary,but Liz bought me one so I thought I`ve give it a try.
A lots of things have happend lately.Alex death.
Tess pregnancy.The aliens leaving earth.
I still can`t belive that Michael stayed with me.HE`S SO CUTE!
When I first found out that Liz was pregnant,I felt so disappointed.
I mean she is my best friend in the entire world.
But I`m so glad she decided to stay here with me and my mom so that I
could take care of her.It`s so fun to have her here.And Michael!
He`s so overprotecting! He won´t let Liz do anything.And he`s at our house 24/7
to see that she`s not starving herself to death.He`s cooked food for a
whole army. If he continues this way she`s going to be big as a whale.
Oh no! I`ve gotta go.I can hear Liz and Michael fighting over something
(and something tells me that it is Michael who`s trying to give Liz more food).
Poor girl!
If he upsets her again,he`s going to know he`s alive.

******************************************************
He stood there on a cliff,looking over the desert.
He had made it.He was home...
******************************************************


-Liz,are you sure you`re going to be alright?
I mean we could just stay home and maybe watch a movie or som...

-Michael,I will be fine.Now go! Have a great time,Liz said and closed the door.
Michael and Maria was going out on a romantic dinner and Michael was afraid that she was going to be abducted and killed by an evil alien when they where gone.
She had to force him out of the house.Wonder how he`s going to be if Maria ever gets pregnant.Wouldn`t suprise me if he`d tie her up in the bed.
She went and got some ice cream and a looked through Marias dvd collection.
She was up for something sad so she picked West Side Story.
She was just settled when there was a knock on the door.
I hope for your sake Michael that it´s not you she thought as she walked to the door.

-Hello Liz,Kyle Valenti said with a huge smile on his lips when she opened the door,hope you`re up for some company cause I`m not leaving.

-Has Michael sent you,cause I swear I`ll kill him.

Kyle went inside -Belive it or not Parker,but I came here on my free will.
Dad started getting on my nerves so I thought I`d give you a visit.
You know me,I´m.....Ooohhh what do my eye see....Is that King Vanilla icecream???
This was so worth the long drive here.
So,what are you watching?

-West Side Story.

-Hmm,cool.Never heard of that.Is it a western film or what.

-No,more like Romeo and Juliet.

Kyles smile faded -No,not that kind of film.It`s always ends with you girls crying.
I hate girls that crying.

-Yeah,like you never cried when you`ve seen sad films.

-Never,and I don`t plan to either.

-Well see about that.

In the end of the film I wasn`t the one that cried hardest!





Dear Nobody
Dad called me this morning,said that he was sorry for acting the
way he did and for throwing me out.Hmmm little bit late???
anyway he wants me to come and eat dinner tomorrow.I think he
wants me to move home again.Nobody,it`s so hard.
I love them so much,but I don`t know if I can forgive them
for just throwing me out on the street and for saying those things that they
did.I know that I have to go there and talk to them,but i`m so scared.
Michael says that he wants to go with me.I don`t know what I would do
if I didn`t have Michael.I woke up at four this morning and just NEEDED cuppycakes,and then I mean NEEDED!So Michael (who`s known as the
biggest sleepyhead) went up and made 40 cupcakes to me,with blueberries in,
my favorite.Isn`t he cute!Anyway,I`ve decided to go and talk with my parents,
and I`ll take Michael with me.
Nobody,I hope I`ll do the right thing for you!



*********************************************************
Isabel walked up to me and stood beside me,admired the view infront her.
”What do we do now Max?”
” Were going home.Were taking our life`s back”
*********************************************************

"Okey,so here is the end of the story I don`t know if I should be happy or not...! Well..hope you`ll like it.Here it comes.

September

Dear Nobody
Today Michael and I went to see my parents.It was quite weird, you know.
Being in the house that`s been my home for like forever.But it didn`t feel like home anymore.I felt as if I was just a friend my parent had invited over for dinner.And the dinner was horrible.Dad just sat there, refusing to look at anything but his food.Mum, desperate trying to keep the conversation going.Michael was busy giving my parents the deathglare.
And I just sat there, not able to say a word.Holding a tight grip of Michaels hand .Refusing to let it go.Then he said it.The first words he`d spoken that night.Those six words I had waited for the whole night.Those words I didn`t know what to repty."We want you to move home" Thought I knew the words where coming, they brought me out of balance.I guess I should have just said no and walked out of their lives forever.But something told me not to. I couldn`t just think of what was best for me anymore.I had to think of what was best for you.And what was best for you was to have your grandparents around.For you to know them.So I said yes.
Dear Nobody.I hope I`ll do the right thing for you.


September 15th

Dear Nobody
I can`t belive it`s about two weeks to go.Deep, deep inside me there`s that screaming still, that fear; and at the same time there`s a kind of calm.I can`t wait to know you.I wish you could just magically appear. I`m afraid of the pain, Nobody.I can`t help being afraid of it.I hope we like eachother.I mean, really like.I wonder what my mother thought when she first saw me.My father has bought a cot for you.It was a most extraordinary thing, seeing him struggling in from the car with it, realizing what it was, looking at Mum straight away to catch the expression on her face, and seeing nothing there.She wants you to be adopted, still.She just pursed her lips then and followed him upstairs, and I hears them banging about moving my bed to make room for it.I followed them up. "I`m staying here, then?" I said. "Of course she`s staying here", my father said to Mum. "Where else would you go, tell me that?" she demanded."This arrangement won`t do forever, just remember that."And don`t leave that thing up," she said to him."Not till it`s born." She went into her own room and closed the door.I wanted to follow her but Dad shook his head at me."She has her own way of coping, Liz.Leave her," he said. After all it seems he understands her.I sank down onto my bed.The sides of the cot were propped against the wall.It was pale lemon, with rabbits in little blue and pink rompers prencing along the bars."How can I stay here if I`m not wanted?"Dad cleared his throat and squatted down in front of me, his long bony fingers resting flat along his tights."Of course you`re wanted. Get that out of your head.You`re our daughter.Never forget that.It wasn`t in our scheme of things to have a baby living in our house.." "It wasn`t in my scheme of things, either." "We don`t want to loose you, you know."I shook my head and he lifted up one of his hands and just touched my cheek; a shy unfamiliar gesture."You`re to stay here as long as you want to.That`s my promise.And your promise to me, Liz, is that you wont let your dreams go.One day you will graduate.Promise me that."I did promise him thought the screaming in my head was loud enough to drown us all.Maybe it was you, making your whale noises deep inside me.For a long time after he`d gone out of the room and into their bedroom I sat there, listening to that screaming, counting the rabbits in their never-ending joyous prancing round and round the sides of the cot, flopsy-bunnying for all the babies in the world.I could hear Mum and Dad in their room, consoling each other in whatever way it is that married people do.I wonder if he was loving her.

*************************************************
I`ve been in Roswell for about a week now.I can`t express in words how happy I was too see Mum and Dad again.I haven`t seen Liz yet.I haven`t dared to.I guess I`m ashamed for all the thing I`ve done to her.Maria told me that she would rip of my balls and jump on them if I`d ever come near Liz.Even Michael has told me to stay away from her.But I called her a couples of days ago, but when she heard that it was me, she hung up on me.So I have decided to go visit my friend Chris, who lives in France.I hope that when I get back, Liz will be ready to talk with me.
*************************************************

Dear Nobody
Max is back!
That`s right, your father has landed on planet earth.I can`t deal with this now.A part of me is happy.Thinking he`s here to make everything alright. A part of me is longing for his touch.Wanting to feel his lips against mine.But then there is the other part who`s taking over.The anger!
How could he leave me.How could he let me go through this all by myself?Where have he been this past nine months?I`ve told Michael and Maria to say to him, that he`ll keep himself as far away from me as possible.That`s the only way I`ll be able to keep myself from jumping in his arms.I have to stay strong.
He called today.I wanted to tell him to come and get me.To love me forever.I wanted him to say that he never cared about tess and their destiny.That I was his only love.But instead I hung up on him.
Leaving the words unspoken.Dear Nobody.He doesn`t know about you.

September 30th

Dear Nobody
I feel peculiar tonight.Terrible.I can hardly walk in fact.You`ve moved right down.Dropped, the midwife said.Turned, ready for action.I wish I was.I feel more like going to sleep, for a long, long time.You`ll be here in a few days, if you`re punctual.I`m gross.I`m a tube of butter.I don`t know myself these days.Once upon a time there was a girl called Liz who could dance.She could actually bend in the middle.What middle?Then she turned into a fat caterpillar and then she became a pupa and went into a state of coma.And a fairy godmother called a midwife came to see her and said, "CinderLiz, you will go to the hospital.You will emege out of your chrysalis."But the amazing thing is, there won`t just be one butterfly emerging, shaking trembly wings.There`ll be two, you and me.And the sad thing is, there won`t be a handsome prince.There won`t be any prince at all.
I wish it was all over.God I`m so fed up.


********************************************
The day before I was due to set off for France i bought some new jeans. Mum had given me some me some money to buy a quilt cover, of all things, but i didn`t bother to get that.But I did window shop a bit, looking at some black floaty material that reminded me of the dress Liz wore at the prom.There was a bit of poetry that kept coming into my head.
"He Wishes for the Sloths of Heaven",it`s called.It was one of the ones Hippy Harrington read to us, by that Isish poet, Yeats.I know it by off by heart.He`s right, Hippy.You should learn poetry by heart; then you own it, in a strange kind of way.
Had I in the heavens` embroidered cloths.Enwrought with golden and silver light.The blue and the dim and the dark cloths.Of night and light and the half-light.I would spread the cloths under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

I bought a postcard and wrote it down.No need to sign it.I walked down her road after that, with those words banging away in my head like music.I just thought I might see her and be able to say goodbye ´to her in a natural way.There`s no way I`m going to phone her again and suffer th humilation of having her hanging up on me.They`ve built a protective wall around Liz that`s too high to climb over and too thick to break through, and too deeply founded to tunnel under, and it`s something to do with the fact that they love her.I understand all that now; but it`s a funny kind of love.I walked past the house, looking and not looking at it.I hate this silence.It`s like a bandage, wrapped roung my mouth and my ears.Speak to me.I found myself in the Crash Down that`s own by Liz parents.I saw Liz father. He grinned away when he say me and came tiptoeing over with his hands behind his back. "How is it going in school?" I knew he`d say that.
"Fine," i said.I looked out of the window and then back at him before he moved away."How`s Liz,Mr Parker?" He looked a little confused.Nice bloke, Mr Parker.Wouldn`t want to hurt anyone`s feelings, you can tell that.His brain was working out that this was a taboo subject and that he was standing there with no defences."She`s good," he said.I swallowed hard.
"I`m going away the day after tomorrow, Mr Parker.Will you...will you give her this."I handed him the card.You`d think I`d pulled a living snake out of my pocket and put it into his hands, and that he didn`t know what to do with it, whether to stamp on it or shove it in his pockets out of sight or hold it out and admire it for the rare thing that it was.Anyway, I left him with it. I didn`t shake hands with him, as I would have done, as he`d have likes, probably.It would have made him feel better.But he`s old enough to handle snakes, I think.
********************************************
"okey,,I have the end of the story right beside me,,but I have to get something to eat at first.I`ll post the end later today."

"Okey,I think I`m ready to continue now.Hope you`ll like the rest of it."

September 30th

Yesterday I cleaned my room out, ready for you.I took all by books of the shelves and the glass porcelain animals I`ve collected since I was little, the pottery masks and the fans on my walls, ans I washed and dusted them all.
I washed all my floating scarves.I even took the curtains down and washed them and put them on the line to dry.Mum helped me to peg them out, and I stood watching them after she`d gone back into the kitchen.They were like birds`wings, flapping for freedom.I felt as if I was rising up, rising up with them.I went back into the kitchen and sat with Mum having lunch;
we were both sitting by the window, staring out at these huge flapping wings, saying nothing.But we weren`t apart.Mum and I.We weren`t looking each other out.

September 30th

A few minutes ago, I felt a massive kind of cramprising up from the base of my spine, right up, spreading out and up till it held me in the centre of it.It seemed to take hold of my whole body and when I felt as if I was going to burst with it it died away again.I`m not frightened.I know exactly what it is.
It means you`re coming.I`ve made my bed.I`ve put my case ready by the door.I`m not going to tell Mum until I have another contraction.It could go on for hours or days even the midwife told me.I want us both to be ready for this, you and me.I want us to be calm and ready.Breathe slowly, both of us.I feel as if I can hear your heart beating, deep in my veins.Here it comes.Again.Rising and rising.It`s a huge soaring white wave and I`m going under in it.Don`t let me drown.I know you`re coming.I didn`t know I was doing it but I`ve been screaming out, "Mum,Mum!" She ran into my room and I tried to walk over to her.I felt something pouring out of me.She put her arms round me and held me through the next one.We rose up on it together.I felt as if I was being born.I cried out loud, and she held me tight and took the pain for me.She`s phoning for the ambulance now,downstairs. I can`t stop shaking.Dad was playing the piano.That`s his way of coping with it.Did you hear it?It`s a song of welcome.But then I heard Mum shouting at him and he stopped playing.He came up to my room and stood in the doorway.I was propped up on the bed, waiting for the midwife to come, or the ambulance, wichever turns up first.I started trembeling again when I saw dad.He came over to me and took something from his pocket."I think you should have this now," he said."It´S from Max."
Then he went back down, back to his piano.I read it.I took it to the window and stood there looking at it in the light of the streetlamp.I could hear Max voice, that slight hesitation he has, reading the words to me.I turned round, aware of a sound behind me, to see Kyle in the doorway, looking important and shy and a bit scared.He crept as if I was dying.
"I`ve come to see if I can do anything to help," he said.If I hadn`t been hurting so much I would have smiled.But the I realized that he could help.
"Kyle," I said" Will you take something to Max for me?"
So now he`s gone down to get his car, while I make up this parcel.
Deat Nobody.
This is the last letter I`ll write to you.

"Well..I have to go again.My brother want the computer.So I guess I have to go whatch my roswell box.Yes that`s right..I have all the three seasons of Roswell. I`m so lucky"

"Okey..so here I am with the end! Enjoy it!"


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I took the package up to my room and opened it there.It was just a pile of letters.They all began the same way.

Dear Nobody

Is that what I`d become to her, then? I sat down on the bed with a growing kind of grief inside me, and began to read them in order.They took me back to January.When I finished reading them I felt as if I was hung in the space.There was no air around me, only blackness, cold and empty and vast.I lumbered downstairs.Dad and Isabel were sitting watching a late film on television.It was almost midnight. "The baby`s coming," i told them, and left them there with their faces open and gasping like fishes.I walked out into the yard.The air slapped me back to life.I jumped in my car and then I sat of straight for the hospital, so focused that it was as a magnet was drawing me there.I don`t think I`ve ever drow so fast in my life.
I parked the car and ran into the foyer. "Where`s Liz,? I asked the woman at the reception desk.For the first time in my life I couldn`t remember her last name.At last it popped up and I was told the ward numer.I ran off through a labyrinth of corridors that seemed to be a freeway for trolleys and stretchers.I came to a litte side ward, stopped and leaned against the corridor wall, dredging up air from somewhere.Oh,let her be all right.
I pushed the door open.Liz parents were there, standing round the bed.
When I burst in they turned round to stare at me.The room started swinging round like the pendulum of a clock.My legs were too heavy to move.
My breath was corked up in my throath.
Mr.Parker moved back and somehow I got myself to the bed.
Liz was smiling.She was pale and tired and smiling.
"Max," she said. "Look."

I saw something that was tiny and red-faced, crinkled-up, sleeping, breathing, am unbelivable still presence in the room.

"This is your daughter Lexi Marie Michelle Evans."


Dear Lexi

Today you are one month old.I can`t belive how fast it`s going.
We had a little party for you at the Crash Down.With balloons and even a cake, but still you`re too small to eat anything, but your mothers breastmilk.I never went to France, by the way.How could I leave the two most beautiful creatures in the world.You and your mother.Things are far from perfect between us, but were working on it.And it`s going great.
We bought a nice house for us three to live in.And there is plenty of room for more children...


"THE END"