Part 20
Heartache for Everyone
you spent five years saying you’d come my way
well that’s a little more waiting than a heart can take
yeah but now that I know it’s just a fantasy,
I feel a hard time coming around for me.
I said oh there’s a heartache for everyone.
I spent two years saying give me a chance.
Yeah, clean it all up and I’ll take your hand.
But not forever, it was understood.
Yeah but just for a while, it would do us some good.
I said oh there’s a heartache for everyone.
I’m waiting to restore my love.
I’m waiting to restore my faith.
I’ll wait for you until I know
There’s a heartache for everyone.
Hey Valentine, I’m just stumbling around.
Who knew that Paris was such a lonely town?
I’ll meet you at the bridge where we wanted to kiss,
or take the high road and be done with this.
I’ll give you six more weeks just in case.
You can change your mind, you won’t be replaced.
Are we looking at a lifetime of regret,
or just one little moment that we’ll never forget?
I said oh there’s a heartache for everyone.
I’m waiting to restore my love.
I’m waiting to restore my faith.
I’ll wait for you until I know
There’s a heartache for everyone.
- Indigo Girls
As long as her mind retained memory, Liz knew she would not forget Max’s entrance. With a quick scan of the room, his gaze found her immediately. Primal rage morphed into a burst of joy. But that joy shifted into concern as Max dropped his warrior stance and rushed to her.
Max knelt down in front of Liz, the hands that had threatened violence only seconds before gently brushing a stray hair out of her eyes. He ran the back of one hand softly down her cheek, the tenderness in his touch a welcome alternative from the violation felt of Nikki’s harsh handling.
“Are you all right? Liz, can you hear me?”
Yes. Hear him, see him, feel him.
“Liz, can you hear me?” he asked again, this time his words deliberately pronounced.
‘Liz, have you been turned into a babbling idiot’ was probably what he was really asking. Given the dumbfounded stare she was sure was on her face, she really wouldn’t blame Max if he thought Nicholas had turned her into a vegetable. This would be a good time to speak up and assure him that she was fine.
Except she couldn’t form words. She could only stare at the man in front of her, half in disbelief, half in admiration. His face looked so sweet when he was worried. The way his eyes became softer, his brow crinkling slightly.
“Liz,” he pressed once more, his concern now laced with a touch of sorrow.
“Fine, I’m fine,” she managed to say, not wanting her starefest to cause him unnecessary grief. At the sound of her voice, Max’s breath caught, a reaction that caused her heart to flutter.
“I’ve never been so scared in my life.” Liz could hear a tremor in his voice, as though evidence of his claim.
“Me too,” she replied honestly. As she continued to take in the man before her, she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she really had lost it. If maybe the Max who was looking at her with wonder wasn’t yet another fantasy. The pain shooting up from her hands through her arms, however, convinced her of the reality of her situation.
Max must have picked up on her pain. He reached behind the column her arms were wrapped around and touched the device that had captured her wrists, wrists that suddenly became unbound. Her shoulders felt excessively stiff as she moved her arms to rest in front of her. Whatever had kept her bound hadn’t damaged her hands. Her wrists weren’t even red. Still, trying to move both them and her arms caused her wincing pain.
“May I?” Max softly asked, his hands resting gently on her own.
Liz looked up from her offending wrists to see Max’s imploring eyes.
“Um, it’s fine, really,” she protested weakly, trying to ignore the hurt in his face as she rejected his offer. He took his hands off her wrists and his eyes would no longer meet hers.
“I’ve learned to heal without connecting,” he mumbled, gaze still downcast. “I won’t see anything, I promise.”
He had seen through her protesting right into her fear. Could she feel any worse? Yet again Max had put himself out there. And yet again she had shot him down in order to protect herself. And he knew it.
“Well, if you’d really be willing, they are a little sore,” she offered those words and her wrists in apology
His hands touched hers once more and tingling warmth replaced the ache. This warmth spread up her arms, across her shoulders, and throughout the rest of her body. This warmth chased away every last drop of hate she had felt in and through Nicholas.
“Thanks,” she smiled softly.
Instead of replying, he stood, pulling her up with him. Given the wobbley nature of her legs only minutes ago, Liz was surprised to find herself feeling so solid on her feet. It had been some time since she had been healed by Max. She had forgotten just how powerful his touch was.
“We have to get out of here before Nicholas comes back. I can’t guarantee your safety if he and I meet.”
It took a moment for Max’s words to register. He had already begun to lead her out of the room, left hand holding hers, right hand out in front of him, prepared to take on any comers.
“Max,” Liz said as she squeezed his hand to get his attention, “you don’t have to worry about Nicholas.”
He paused mid-stride and lowered his right hand as he turned back to her. “What do you mean? He’s that great hate you sensed last night, right? He’s the one behind this, isn’t he?”
“He was.”
“Was?”
Words were an issue for her today. First she’d had trouble finding her voice to tell Max she was fine and now she didn’t know how to tell him that she had killed Nicholas. Liz felt a sharp pain in her chest. She’d killed someone. An evil someone, but a someone nonetheless. It didn’t seem real. But it was. The white remains of Nikki that dusted the floor were evidence of that. Still not able to verbalize, Liz gestured to those specks.
Max’s gaze turned to the floor and her answer. Liz knew the moment he realized what she was trying to tell him. The hand that had been holding hers slowly slipped from the embrace. She missed it already.
“What happened?” His voice was tight, controlled. He bent down to the ground, brushing his fingers over a few flakes at his feet.
What had happened? One minute Nikki had been making a playground of her mind and the next Liz had reversed the connection and turned one of his greatest enemies into powdered sugar.
“Nik-Nicholas went to connect with me again –“
“Wait, again?” Max cut her off sharply.
“He ran through my head once and then thought it amusing enough to try again. The second time something happened and his power backfired on him. I think. Whatever exactly happened, he went poof.”
“He mindraped you.” It wasn’t a question. It was a growl.
“Um, yes.” She shifted her feet, uncomfortable at the reminder.
Max’s hands clenched and released several times. He took a deep, ragged breath and then stood. Without looking her in the eye, he gestured to the space beyond the doorway.
“We still need to go.”
“O-okay.” She stepped through the frame and into a wide-open area. Her suspicions looked fairly accurate. She had been kept in some sort of warehouse. Max led her through the large space but he didn’t lead her by the hand. And he wouldn’t look at her.
“I took out more than a few Skins on the way in and I left Isabel and Michael to take care of the perimeter but there may be a surprise or two left. Stay on your guard.”
His voice sounded so normal, so calm. How did he do that? How did he so easily slip into the appearance of being unfazed? Adrenaline was rushing through her veins as the combination of fear and Max sent her heart racing. If she had been on her own, she would have broken into a run by now. But Max led them through the large open space into a dark stairwell as though he were taking a simple stroll.
As the door they had just passed through closed behind them, they were left in the pitch dark. Undeterred by the change in lighting, Max started down the steps. But Liz was not so confident in her ability to navigate the stairwell in the dark.
“Max, do you think you could –“ Liz didn’t have to finish her thought. A warm hand enveloped hers and she found herself easily guided down the stairs. They walked down a couple of flights, she wasn’t sure exactly how many. Her concentration was divided between trying not to fall and trying not to lose herself in the warmth of his touch.
At the bottom of the stairwell a neon exit sign gave the small space an eerie glow. Max let go of her hand to open the door. He touched the crash bar on the exit door, started to push, and then paused. Even in the weak red light Liz could tell he was struggling with something.
“Fuck it,” he said under his breath as he turned to face her. “I can’t do this anymore, Liz.”
“Do what?” she asked, genuinely confused.
“This,” he repeated, gesturing between the space between the two of them.
“I – I’m sorry you had to come searching for me.” Liz stammered as she felt her anger mix in with her confusion. “I don’t mean to be a burden.”
“God, Liz, that’s not it at all.” Max sounded disappointed, even hurt, at the assumption in her words.
“Then help me out here, Max. What is it?”
“It doesn’t matter what I do.” The faint light that bathed his face was playing tricks on her eyes. She knew the glisten she saw in his eyes was a trick of the odd light, not the threat of tears. “You get hurt. I can’t seem to stop it.”
Chest and throat constricted at his words, Liz had trouble forming her thoughts. Maybe it wasn’t a trick of the light. Maybe.
“Nicholas wasn’t your fault, Max,” she tried to assure him. “Nor was keeping me safe your responsibility. I was stupid. I didn’t pay attention to my senses that might have warned me about the danger. I’m the one who got Maria and I cornered.” Liz’s eyes widened. “Maria, is she –“
“She’s fine,” Max assured her quickly. “About an hour ago she found Isabel at our hotel.”
“How did she know where you’re staying?”
“I’m not sure. But thank god she did. Michael and I probably should have, but we didn’t think to look for you here.”
“You were looking for me before Maria found you?” That knowledge warmed her confused heart.
Max shrugged slightly, as though what he had done wasn’t a big deal. “When you didn’t come back after awhile, Michael realized something was wrong. He made excuses to your friend and found me. He and I went looking while Isabel stayed at the hotel in case anyone wanted to contact us.”
“Anyone?”
“Kivar.” Max didn’t even bother to try and hide the hatred in his voice. “We figured he had you and then when I heard how you were attacked, I knew Nicholas was involved too. Jumping you in an alley fits well into his M.O.”
“I don’t know if Kivar had a hand in my kidnapping,” Liz offered, “but I do know he parted ways with Nicholas years ago.”
Max’s brow contracted in confusion. “How do you know that?”
“Before I, uh, before he died I somehow reversed the connection and instead of him seeing my memories, I could see his.” Most of those memories were still a jumble, memories Liz would be more than fine if they never became clear, but that particular one was crisp. “Kivar broke off his association with Nicholas when he said he did. Nicholas wasn’t too happy about it. Blamed, well, you for his fall from grace. You and the rest of this world. He was just filled with hate.”
Liz couldn’t help the shudder that came when she thought about all the evil that had been inside of Nicholas. Of what he could have done to her, to Max. Liz also couldn’t help that Max saw her shudder, nor could she help the expression of defeat that came over him. His body lost all trace of the strong warrior as he sank down onto the bottom of the steps they had just traveled down.
“And you felt all that.” His voice was barely audible. Liz’s heart began to pound with nervous anticipation. Just last night - god it was only last night - he had confessed that he worried about her. Always worried about her. And now he was falling apart, literally at her feet. She didn’t know what bridge they were about to cross but she knew things would be different on the other side.
“Max,” she spoke softly as she sat herself down in front of him. She rested her back lightly against a wall, leaving the door on her right and Max only a few feet away. “I’m all right, really. You don’t have to worry anymore. Not about me, not about Nicholas. You’re free.”
“I will never be free.” His head hung low, voice defeated.
“With Nicholas gone, that’s the last of your serious earthly enemies. And I actually think Kivar wants to collect his pension and retire. You really can be free, Max.” Though he wasn’t looking, she offered him a smile all the same. “No one’s going to stop you from living your life.”
“No matter if all my enemies are gone, I’ll never be free, Liz.” He lifted his head and she could see a darkness that had nothing to do with the dim lighting obscuring his face. “Not while I’m haunted by things I’ve done. By things I’ve said.”
Her smile fell at his words. She knew what he was talking about. Knew it in her bones. But she wasn’t ready to broach that topic with him. Not yet.
Max didn’t leave her in the silence for too long. But his words did nothing to help calm the turbulent emotions inside of her. “Seeing you, it’s so damn hard. I can control my emotions, control all that threatens to rage inside me. Except around you.”
Like last night, in the face of such naked honesty she could only offer the same back. “I know what you mean.”
“God, Liz,” he gave a humorless laugh. “That just makes it worse.”
“Okay,” she replied dumbly.
“It’s just,” he sighed in frustration, “this is why I never wanted to see you again.”
“Excuse me?” His words managed to stir up a little annoyance to go with her heart-wrenching anticipation.
“Shit, I’m messing this up.” He took a breath and tried again. “Liz, seeing you, being near you, experiencing all that you bring up for me… I don’t know how to handle it.”
Again, she identified. “I think we’re making a good start. Last night, now. This being honest thing.”
“But honesty can only lead to more heartache.”
Her fears exactly. “Maybe, but maybe it will be the good kind. The kind that allows us to deal with seeing each other. Maybe even the kind that would allow us to be friends. I’d like that, Max.”
“But that can’t happen, Liz.” He said that so matter-of-factly. It made her want to scream. “We can’t be friends. We can’t be anything.
“Why?” she asked sharply, feeling the anger and irritation that had before only stirred slightly now surge. “Because you don’t need anyone? Because I’m just a human?”
“Because I buried my dreams of any life with you when I buried Tess.”
Oh.
“I tried to pretend for so long that I could be in your life. But five years ago, I knew it was over.” His following words sounded like they were more for him than for her. “It had to be over.”
“Why Max?” she pressed. It didn’t make any sense to her. She knew when she broke his heart that they would most likely never be together again. But she also believed they would be in each other’s lives. “Why can’t we even be friends?”
Max didn’t answer her immediately. He took a few moments, looking like he was searching for where to begin. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them while she waited. Finally, he spoke.
“I assume you know I was the one to actually kill Tess.”
“Yes, Michael told Maria and she told me.”
He nodded. “I figured as much. He didn’t tell Maria what happened though, how she died or what she told me before she died.”
“Um, no.” What did Tess tell him? Was it something else about his destiny? About their pasts?
“That’s because he doesn’t know.”
“I thought he was there when it happened,” she replied with an unsure voice.
“No,” Max countered, “he and Isabel were both locked out of the room that we had cornered her in. They helped me trap her and then I blocked them out.”
“Why did you block them out, Max?”
“Because it was something I had to do alone,” he answered, self-mockery evident in his voice. “Something I had to take care of. I was the one who needed that catharsis. Like you said, it always has to come back to me.”
“I didn’t mean – “
“I know you didn’t,” he cut off her rushed defense with understanding tones. “But it’s true. I thought Tess was all about me. Forget Isabel’s grief over Alex or Michael’s pain at her betrayal.”
“So you killed her. Alone.” Liz paused as she tried to process what he was saying, tried to think of something she could say. “I know that can’t be an easy thing, even though she was someone you hated. You shared something with her. That must have been difficult.”
He shook his head dismissively. “My unfortunate connection with Tess didn’t make killing her any harder.”
“Then what…” The memory of his previous words flashed in her mind. “Max, what did she say to you?”
“She just helped me realize a few things,” he mumbled as his eyes moved from her face to his feet.
“What things?”
When his gaze came back to her, his face was taut. “That more than anything, Liz, I want to protect you.”
Her mouth felt incredibly dry. “Protect me from what, Max? From Kivar, Nicholas?
His response was low, but firm. “From me.”
“From you? Why would you think that? You would never hurt me.” The moment the words left her mouth she knew them for the lie they were. There had been a lot of pain in their relationship. Nicholas had just reminded her of some of the worst of it. “I’m sorry. I guess we both know that’s not true. We have managed to hurt each other pretty badly. But I never felt the need to be protected from you.”
“But you did, Liz,” he stressed, his belief in the truth of his words abundantly clear. “You still do. I’m no good for anyone, let alone you. Maybe most especially you.”
How often had she reminded herself of that same sentiment over the last five years? How often had she repeated those words, hoping that if she said them enough she would finally believe? Liz squirmed slightly in her seat as she recalled the past events that caused such thoughts. What Max was telling her, it didn’t mesh with what she had lived. He had wanted to protect her? He had done more damage to her in that one night than any of her alien abductors ever had.
“Seeing you, feeling all that being near you stirs up inside of me,” she began softly, her voice growing stronger with each word, “I know what you mean about things being hard.”
Max didn’t respond to her words, rather looked at her like he wasn’t sure where she was going with them. She wasn’t entirely sure herself.
“You yell at me, push me away, and then you look at me with those damn eyes.” She gave a small, helpless laugh as she looked up at the ceiling, not quite able to meet the eyes in question as she spoke. “And I start to remember. And I start to feel. And I don’t want to.”
“Liz, I’m sorry. I never meant to stir things up, to confuse you.” She heard his voice but the words didn’t slow her speech. This was a long time coming.
“No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget. I can’t forget how badly you hurt me. I can’t let it go.”
“You mean – “
“Yes, Max, ‘I mean,’” she mimicked him as she brought her gaze back to him. She stared deep into his eyes and in a firm, strong voice that impressed even her, broached the thing that had stood between them for five years. “That night. Your dreams died with Tess? Mine died that night.”
Though he didn’t speak, his face belied his emotions. It had hurt him to hear her truth.
“I wanted it to be something more so badly,” she continued, though the firmness in her voice slowly morphed into mournful reflection. “In that moment, I was willing to throw away all the reasons why we weren’t together, my rightful anger, your distance, and take you back. But you were just there to find comfort - no, I don’t know if it was even that - to find physical release in my body.”
“God, Liz, you really think that?” There was no doubting the tears in his eyes this time. Liz was sucked under waves of emotion, but she wouldn’t let herself drown. She was going to get her answers, no matter how hard it hurt both of them.
“Well, what did I get wrong here?” she pressed, wrapping her arms tighter around her knees in an effort to comfort herself.
“I…” Max didn’t finish his thought. He looked like he couldn’t. But she wasn’t going to bail him out. She wanted that answer. So she waited. What he did finally reply with didn’t exactly fulfill her desire. “You think that and yet you still came here, to this meeting, to help me.
She sighed. “There’s more than just you and me riding on this conference. A lot more.”
“I know,” came his quiet response.
They stared at one another, both clearly uncomfortable with the welter of emotions that lay between them. As they sat in the silence, several thoughts ran through Liz’s head. One of them was a reflection that her words to Max several days ago had never seemed so true. One night really could bring a lifetime of changes.
“Liz,” Max’s raw voice interrupted her ruminations. “You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. I can’t even imagine a more amazing woman.”
His words warmed a heart that was trying to stay hard against this man who would not address what had been tormenting her for years. Every time she tried to put up a wall, he found a way to create cracks in her defense. He was so good at that.
“You are smart, strong, brave.” The adoration that shone in his wet eyes filled her with a familiar sense of wonder. “You think you’re this simple girl from Roswell, New Mexico and yet you command a room full of intergalactic leaders like you were born to lead. You offer wisdom, compassion, kindness to everyone, even those like me who probably don’t deserve it. You’re beyond beautiful. You’re pure, true.
No wonder she had fallen in love with him. He knew exactly what to say to make her feel like the most precious person in the world. He knew exactly what to say to make her forget all the problems between them and want to take him in her arms. And that’s how she got into trouble. That’s how things were never resolved. Tonight she couldn’t fall. She had to stay strong, true to herself.
“Really? Pure? I thought I was in the running for Queen of Slutsville. What with all the men I apparently just can’t keep my whorey hands off of.”
He flinched at her words. “Liz, I’m sorry. I should never have said anything like that, either in the park or that night.”
“You’re sorry?” she asked with incredulity. “That’s it? Sorry? Max, you made me feel cheap and used. That’s not something I can easily get over. In fact, I haven’t gotten over it. I’ve tried, hard. I’ve dated other men, but I can’t connect with them. And I don’t just mean in the Technicolor way you and I used to know. You haunt me, Max.”
She could see he was having a hard time swallowing and his hands were clenching his pant legs rather tightly. Her words were disturbing him. But he didn’t look away, didn’t try to silence her. She had a small moment of gratitude as she continued. “I fear I’ll never know a love like ours and yet I know you and I can never be. You made that perfectly clear when you rejected everything I offered you, rejected me.”
He let out a deep, shuddering sigh, as though he were the one processing this intense pain. He didn’t respond right away, perhaps leaving her room if she decided she had more to say, but he finally did speak. And when he did, Liz felt those cracks in her wall growing larger.
“That night,” his sorrowful voice began, “was one of the best and worst of my life. Having you there, in my arms. Willing to be with me even after everything I had done, after shutting you and everyone else out. Knowing that kind of forgiving and understanding love. Knowing that you wanted me just as desperately as I wanted you. And then to stand there and act like I didn’t care when you rightly called me on closing you out. To let you say all those horrible things, think all those horrible things, and not do anything to convince you otherwise. But I had to. At least at the time I thought I had to.”
“Why? To protect me?”
He nodded. “I didn’t mean… I tried to stay away, I should have stayed away. But I couldn’t. I didn’t come to you that night for, for what happened. I went there because I couldn’t stand to be so far away from you any longer, especially not on that night.”
“You remembered?”
“Of course I remembered, Liz.” Max’s face lit up, briefly, as a memory crossed his mind. “I remember what day it was the first time you used that shampoo I gave you. How could I forget the day that brought us together?”
“I…” The only thing she could think to say was this simple question, “then why did you pretend to forget?”
“The same reason I said those hateful things, the same reason I didn’t say those beautiful words back to you.”
Beautiful words? Liz’s heart jumped as she realized what he meant. I love you.
“The same reason I used all I learned to shut off our connection,” he continued with a heavy voice. “I didn’t want you to see inside. I wanted to protect you from all the darkness in me.”
“Darkness?” she echoed, confused. Was this about Tess again? “Max, what are you talking about?”
He didn’t respond and Liz knew he wasn’t going to answer her. He wasn’t ready. Though she wanted to, she knew better than to push. For now.
“Okay, so let me make sure I have this right,” she said as she tried to process what she did know. “You destroyed my faith in you, in us, challenged my faith in myself, in order to protect me?”
Max just nodded.
“I don’t know if I can believe that,” Liz challenged with little hesitation. “I don’t know if I can believe that someone who once claimed to love me would hurt me so badly in some convoluted attempt to protect me. I can’t believe you would take it upon yourself to resolve ‘us’ without involving me.”
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Liz was aware of the hypocrisy of her statement. But she didn’t want to, no, couldn’t, deal with that right now.
“Can’t you tell that I’m being honest,” Max implored, “can’t you just sense that?”
“No,” she sighed as her legs slid down onto the floor in an expression of defeat. “I can’t.”
“I don’t understand.”
This honesty thing was hard. Liz had to gird herself before she admitted one of the many things she had been hiding from him. “I can’t read you, Max.”
Max’s reaction was immediate. She didn’t see the anger, disappointment, or even relief she had been expecting. All she saw was concern. He quickly rose from the steps and knelt beside her, worry etched all over his face.
“Nicholas, did he do something to you? God, I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell.” He reached out his hand to touch her face. “Maybe I can -“
“No, Max,” she cut him off as she stopped his hand with her own. But instead of taking his hand away, he enveloped hers within it. That connection made her next words all the more difficult. “I’ve never been able to read you.”
“What?”
She looked down at their enjoined hands. “Funny, isn’t it? The one person I once felt most connected to in the world is the one person I can’t sense a thing off of.”
“You can’t read me?”
“That’s what I just said,” she mumbled, suddenly uncomfortable. She pulled her hand away from his touch, setting it back in her lap.
“Then... Then let me help you understand.”
Max reached out and took back the hand she had just withdrawn. He threaded their fingers together and Liz couldn’t control the memories of love his touch recalled. She looked up from their hands and saw the very thing she had run from in the park. The longing, the vulnerability, the glimpse of the boy she loved. And she was captured in that look. She couldn’t run anymore.
“Let me connect with you, Liz,” he requested softly… seductively. “See that I’m telling you the truth. See, see me.”
Ghost (CC,M/L,Mature/Adult) [COMPLETE]
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Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 20
Last edited by Doublestuf on Sun Jan 01, 2006 5:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
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Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 21
Part 21
You Left It Up To Me
when i let you go, i cursed myself with empty hands.
strong enough to watch you walk, but not enough to understand.
with spiteful eyes you burn for my grace.
i was trying to stand outside of this, you were trying to save face.
you can say that i don't care, i don't care.
you can hope that we still have something left to share.
just between you, baby and me there's nothing there.
i finally found someone that i can hold.
you ask me to defend myself, as if i shouldn't be so bold.
get that look off of your face.
i don't have the time, you don't have the place.
you can say that i don't care, i don't care.
you can hope that we still have something left to share.
just between you, baby and me there's nothing there.
what are you gonna do? I can't salvage any truth for you.
Everybody else already knows and it hurts you to realize so leave well enough, enough alone…
you don't need my hands to help you understand,
you don't need to hear my voice (you have no choice).
so don't being throwing stones, the closer we get, the harder they come.
even if you’re feeling alone, don't come home.
when it was up to you, you left it up to me.
- Indigo Girls
from Part 20
...
“You can’t read me?”
“That’s what I just said,” she mumbled, suddenly uncomfortable. She pulled her hand away from his touch, setting it back in her lap.
“Then... Then let me help you understand.”
Max reached out and took back the hand she had just withdrawn. He threaded their fingers together and Liz couldn’t control the memories of love his touch recalled. She looked up from their hands and saw the very thing she had run from in the park. The longing, the vulnerability, the glimpse of the boy she loved. And she was captured in that look. She couldn’t run anymore.
“Let me connect with you, Liz,” he requested softly… seductively. “See that I’m telling you the truth. See, see me.”
See Max?
The small noise of surprise that slipped from Liz’s lips couldn’t be helped. Between Maria’s grand interruption of her meeting with Michael, Nikki’s ambush, and her own reversal of the mindrape and the subsequent death of her captor, Liz probably should have been better prepared for the unexpected. But this - this went beyond unexpected. She was being offered an entrance into a place that had been denied her for years. This was mindblowing.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I understand.”
“What?” she asked sharply, startled by the voice that interrupted her thoughts. “No, I’m sorry. You just surprised me.”
“I know that feeling,” he said with an almost unperceivable grin.
She offered a hesitant one of her own in return.
“And you don’t have to worry about any more cupcake dresses. I can connect without seeing anything from you, I promise.”
Liz suppressed the feeling of guilt that arose at Max’s words.
“Is it safe to do this now? What about other Skins?”
“I know how they work. If more were waiting in the wings, they would have attacked us by now. And I’m confident Michael and Isabel have handled the perimeter. The only unknown variable has always been Nicholas. And you took care of that.”
She nodded slightly. Of course Max wouldn’t risk their safety. She didn’t need to worry about any more alien attacks but that didn’t mean she was concern free.
“What would I see?” Liz inquired softly. Would she be potentially subject to any or all f Max’s memory, because she didn’t know if that was such a good idea. There were certain things she knew she never wanted to know more about, let alone actually see.
“I can’t say for sure. I’ll concentrate on one memory, the one that I hope will help you understand. But you might pick up on scraps of others.”
“Others?” She tried to sound nonchalant in her echo but failed. They both were keenly aware of what particular other memory she was thinking about. And neither of them had any desire for Liz to see anything intimate between Max and Tess.
“I’ve spent years blocking that memory, Liz,” he answered without hesitation. “I don’t think you’ll be inflicted with that particular fuck-up of mine.”
Liz felt a twinge of sorrow for Max. She couldn’t say she was sad that he never seemed to sing an ode to joy when referring to his night with Tess, but she wished she didn’t hear the layer of self-hatred in his voice each time it came up.
“So, how do we do this?” she asked with a gentle squeeze of his hand.
“I seem to remember it goes a little something like this.” He slowly, reluctantly pulled his hand away from hers, and cupped her face with both of his hands.
“And now I’m supposed to look into your eyes,” Liz narrated as she felt herself falling deep into those eyes, in a way that had nothing to do with an alien connection.
Max gently brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. “Before we do this, I want you to know I meant what I said tonight. About you. Remember that, please. Promise me.”
“I promise,” she pledged.
“Are you ready?”
Could she ever really be ready? She nodded slightly.
Max took a deep breath and focused on Liz’s eyes. Nothing happened. Several beats passed and Liz was beginning to wonder if they had truly become too distant to connect when the flashes began. Bright images popped in her mind. Michael with his hands wrapped around Rath’s neck. Liz running away in the park. Max holding a small ceramic house. Liz running away at the rocks.
She didn’t just receive these images from Max. She was Max. She knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling as each flash came. The fear, the desperation, the exhaustion, the longing. The images quickly became longer selections of memory.
Max sighed as he stared at the chart in front of him. There had to be a pattern, there just had to be. Nicholas was an annoying little brat but a smart one, a methodical one. There was a rhyme and reason to his movements. All Max had to do was figure it out.
Because once he did, once he broke this code, they would be free.
No, he corrected himself, Michael and Isabel would be free. Even if he never saw another dingy motel room like this one, even if all their enemies were long dead and buried, Max knew he would never be free.
His eyes moved from the chart to something else on the worn desk. His wallet. The familiar mixture of hope and regret stirred within.
“Not now,” he commanded himself. He didn’t need to look at her picture, not again. He had already indulged himself once today.
His eyes fell back on his chart.
“Come on, you bastard, show yourself.”
Max and his wallet disappeared, replaced by an old, out-of-service gas station along an empty road.
Max coughed as he inhaled Skin dust.
They had been expected. Again. If it wasn’t for Isabel’s quick eyes and even quicker hands, it would have been the three of them who met their end tonight. Luckily for Max, his sister had transformed from high school homecoming queen to bad-ass warrior princess with ease.
Or maybe not. Watching his sister methodically check behind gas pumps for more Skins, Max knew her transformation hadn’t been an easy one. It may have happened quickly, almost over night following Lonnie’s attack, but it wasn’t easy.
“It’s clear,” her voice called out, simple, clean. She walked back toward her brothers, her face emotionless.
Another lead on Nicholas. Another ambush. Another reminder of the light Isabel had lost.
“Max, your journals are only leading us into his waiting arms.” Michael’s voice interrupted his reflection. “They may have worked for Lonnie and Rath, but Nicholas…”
“I know, Michael, I know,” he sighed. “But I swear, it will work. It has to.”
Because Max knew that if he wasn’t any good at protecting the people he loved, then he really was completely worthless.
That memory too dissolved as Liz was brought into another motel room. This one had a battle-worn Tess trapped in a corner with no escape as Max’s shield that surrounded her. Liz entered the memory in the middle of their conversation.
“So what?” Max asked incredulously. “You were supposed to get knocked up and bring a baby home?”
“Kivar thought it would be a nice touch,” Tess smirked, not appearing at all phased by her current entrapment. “I bring back a baby, the granolith, oh yes, and the three of you, and I get to sit at his right hand. Too bad we couldn’t get it right the first time and you wouldn’t get it up a second time.”
“Yeah, real shame all your conniving isn’t going to earn you anything but an early grave.”
“Ooh, scary. You sound so tough for a boy who couldn’t kill me when he had the chance.”
Between keeping Tess in his shield and keeping Michael and Isabel out of the room, Max was already growing tired. Still, he found the energy to give Tess a little attitude of his own.
“What can I say? I let you go at the rocks because I was in a state of shock. I never would have thought you dumb enough to believe Kivar would deal with you fairly.”
“Why do you think I so readily agreed to this deal Nasedo developed?” she asked snidely. “Because I’m such an evil bitch who only cares for herself, who had no one to teach her all these ‘human’ feelings like love? That would be such a simple answer, wouldn’t it Max? So nice and tidy, so easy to console yourself with at night. Well, let me tell you something. I’m not what Naesdo made me, I’m what you made me. I’m what Zan made. You don’t like what you see before you but you’ve only got yourself to blame.
“And why exactly is that Tess?”
“Stupid boy.” Her voice was thick with hatred. “I grew up learning more about our powers, about our pasts. And I made a promise to myself that I would not let the past repeat itself. As Ava I was a fool. I let you rule over me, I followed you blindly you out of love, ignoring my own strengths and ideas, completely giving into you. And you know what I got for my devotion? Pain and death. And not just pain from our enemies, Max. You, Zan, you hurt me over and over again. You and your damned need for control.”
Tess’ words, her accusations, struck a nerve. It seemed like all the women in Max’s life picked up on that need of his.
“I lost myself in you and I told myself it was okay because you were the king and you would know what was best for both of us.” She made a face of disgust, as though she couldn’t stomach those memories of the past. “And we were killed because you were so arrogant you wouldn’t acknowledge the discontent of your own people. Couldn’t see that they didn’t want to change things as quickly as you did. That someone like Kivar could take advantage of their disgruntled state and make his move. I am who I am today because there’s no way I would ever be that scared little bride again. I’m the one with control now, I’m the one with the power. How does it feel to be on the other side?”
“Tess...” Max wanted to point out that someone trapped in a force field wasn’t really in control. But he couldn’t. His mind was too busy trying to process the information she had thrown at him. He had been controlling and arrogant. So he’d been a crappy husband as well as a crappy king. He had run his world right into Kivar’s hands. But that wasn’t him, that was Zan. “Tess, you said you aren’t Ava, that you’ve learned from her mistakes. Well I’m not Zan. I’m not that man.
His response was met with disbelieving laughter. “You actually believe that, don’t you? You actually think that you aren’t Zan? Let me enlighten you – when it comes to all his negative qualities, you are Zan. Actually, you might even be worse than Zan.”
Max knew she was just trying to bait him, trying to distract him so she could break through his defenses and escape. He knew this and still he had to ask, “What do you mean by that?”
“As Zan you grew up with the knowledge that you were king, so I guess the arrogance that drove us all into the ground was hard to avoid. But as Max Evans…” She sneered. “You might play the shy kid but you are more full of it than anyone else I’ve known. And what you’ve done to Liz…”
“Leave Liz out of this,” Max shouted. He could feel energy rising up within him, just waiting to be released. He had to calm down, had to control it. He wasn’t going to let Tess goad him into doing something he would regret.
“God, look at you, always ready to defend her from big bad Tess when the one she really needs protecting from is you.”
“From me?” he asked doubtingly.
“Yes, from you,” she returned condescendingly. “Your little relationship with Liz is what makes you more despicable than Zan. As Zan, you treated me horribly, but at least you never claimed to love me, not the way you claim to love Liz. And you know what? If I hadn’t seen inside of that stupid mind of yours, I never really would have believed you loved that human. But you actually do. You do, and yet you abuse her just as you abused me. She’s lucky she got out. You would have destroyed her.”
The shield that was containing Tess pulsated as Max tried to calm his anger. He couldn’t let her get to him. He should unblock the door, call Isabel and Michael back in, and let them question her. He should get out of this room and away from her lies. Instead of doing those things, he stared at the woman in front of him with an even greater hatred.
“Shut. Up.”
“Oh, is the truth hard to face? Think about it Max. You’re in love with this girl and yet you’ve treated her like she’s not a person, just something for you to play with, to obey your commands, to do what you want. Jump when you say jump and all of that. And the moment she didn’t want to play that game, you threw her over for someone who would - me. It was just your bad luck that I was playing a game too and that I had the upper hand.”
“I said shut up.” Max’s voice was intense, it required all his infamous control to simply say the words and not yell them. “What happened between us was a stupid mistake and had nothing to do with Liz.”
“Idiot - it had everything to do with Liz.” Tess moved closer toward him as she slowly taunted him with her words. “Every time you kissed me, every time you caressed this body...” Her hand brushed across the top of her breasts suggestively. By now she had moved so close that they were but an inch apart, Max’s shield the only thing keeping them from physical contact.
Her voice grew soft, sickly seductive as she continued. “Every time you moved inside me, do you know what was on your mind?”
“Tess,” Max growled in warning.
“Liz, you sick fuck,” she smiled wickedly. “Liz was on your mind. She’s always on your mind. When you were fucking me, you were thinking about her, punishing her. And you think I’m so bad. Looks to me like you’re the monster.”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!” Max couldn’t contain his anger any longer and as his voice filled the room, so did his energy. Crackling white hot energy shot out from his hands as his whole body was consumed by rage as Tess’ words flooding his mind. Kissing Tess, touching Tess, fucking Tess. They were empty, emotionless encounters; he had only been interested in his past. In losing his human emotions in the blank slate of his alien side. None of these things had an ounce of love or affection associated with them; they were blank. Except... except... oh god no. No. There it was. A trace, just a trace. But it was more than enough. Revenge. Tess was right. Some small part of him had been with that bitch as a way to get back at Liz, to hurt Liz, to punish Liz.
“Noooooooooooo!” The scream tore out of him as the energy from his hands grew even stronger, enveloping the room in blinding white. The power of his own anger, anguish, and energy overwhelmed him and slowly the white faded into black.
Breathe. Breathe, girl, breathe.
Liz was vaguely aware that Max was no longer touching her, no longer kneeling beside her. After their connection ended he had moved himself against the steps and away from her.
That was about all she could tell. Her feelings were overwhelming her, making it hard to concentrate on anything else. Sorrow, love, expectation, disgust. She was sure that if she were to touch Max, even look at him, she would fall completely apart.
Wait. No, she realized. The emotions that continued to seep into her mind, her heart, they weren’t hers. Even though their connection had stopped, she could still feel everything he was feeling. Whatever the block had been was gone. She could read Max loud and clear.
But this went beyond her normal senses. Even with Nicholas, the most powerful other force she had felt till now, she could discern her feelings from his. Not with Max. She felt everything he was feeling with such clarity that the point where his emotions ended and hers began was indiscernible. It was too much, just too much.
Max’s voice broke through the entangled mess that was her mind as he continued the story. “When I regained consciousness, Michael and Isabel were standing over me freaking out and Tess’ charred corpse lay on the floor.”
Liz could only manage quick, shallow breaths. She used all Ava had taught her, all of her strength, to block out Max’s emotions. But it wasn’t working. She was too weak, her mind couldn’t handle it after Nikki’s attack.
“And that’s it. That’s how I killed Tess. I couldn’t control my own damn emotions and so she died, taking with her any information that might have been useful and providing yet another example of how me being fucked up can ruin everything.”
Liz bent her knees, pushed her weight against the wall, and lifted herself off of the ground. She couldn’t stay here, couldn’t be this close when she couldn’t block him out. She had never been able to read thoughts but right now she was beginning to wonder if that had changed too. Because she could have sworn that as she took the few steps to the door, she picked up that Max didn’t blame her for leaving, that if he could, he’d get the hell away from himself too.
Liz placed a hand on the crashbar but didn’t push. Even though she was losing herself in everything she was sensing from Max, some fraction of her didn’t want to leave. And that fraction was currently winning.
“I’m sorry if you...” Max paused, and then gave a short, defeated laugh. “God, you’re right. As if ‘I’m sorry’ could even begin to atone for all the crap I’ve put you through. I just... I hope that you understand now, that she was right, I’m right. You’re such a good person, Liz. You’d hold out hope for anyone. Please, just tell me you understand that you can’t hold out for me.”
Max finally looked at her, something Liz knew not because she had turned around to look at him, but rather because she had sensed he was forcing himself to do so. She knew he was looking at her, hoping that she would face him so he could look into her eyes, could see the disgust and hatred he knew would be there. Because if he could see that, then he could finally let go of the slim thread of hope he had been holding onto for himself. He could let go and let himself finally accept his worthlessness as a human being and lose himself completely into his alien side.
The tears she had been holding back came streaming down.
“Liz,” he called out gently, desperately. “Can you look at me? Just for a moment.”
She couldn’t, she really couldn’t. She was too damn weak.
He sighed and then spoke, offering more words of explanation that he apparently thought that she needed. But she didn’t. She believed everything he said. Knew everything he had told her tonight to be the purest of truth.
“I shouldn’t have come to your balcony that night because I knew that I can never be the man you want me to be. You said that you let me in, knowing all the reasons we should be apart. But you didn’t know the truth about me, not then. But I did. I knew and still I let myself fall into your arms. And then when you stopped me…” His voice dropped off as he struggled to find the words. “When you mentioned our connection, you reminded me of everything you deserved. Of everything I couldn’t… I can’t be.”
The remorse, the love, the truth of his words – they were choking her. The first few weeks of her powers hadn’t been so overwhelming. She could feel everything he was feeling and it was killing her.
“So I thought of every disgusting, horrible thing I could say to make you hate me. Because I would never be strong enough to stay away. Because I can’t stop this need for you, Liz. I’ve never been able to stop.”
Suddenly an image of Max at her window, tickets in hand, flashed in her mind. The guilt that usually came with that image had intensified greatly since her dream.
“But you’re the strong one. You’re the one that would be able to stay away. Who has been able to stay away. In that moment I knew that if I put everything in your hands, you would make it right. And you did.”
No, no, no. No, Max, she thought, I really don’t think it’s right. And I’m not strong. I’m not strong at all.
A strong woman wouldn’t run, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. She couldn’t stay in this small space, so close to this man and his feelings, the overwhelming trace of his thoughts. So close to the one person who stirred up the condemning guilt she had suppressed for so long but now found that she no longer could contain.
“I’m sorry, Max,” Liz mumbled as she gave a firm push on the bar and ran out of the building into an empty lot. No Skins came to greet her; all was quiet on this front. Michael and Isabel must have done their jobs well. Not that that was a surprise, given the glimpses of those two she had seen from Max.
She didn’t know where to go, which way would lead her home, but she had to keep moving.
Though the sun was long gone, the moon lit up the sky well enough that she could discern the landscape before her. At the far edge of the lot it looked like there was a street. A street was good. It could lead her, well, somewhere. At the very least to a payphone.
Liz kept moving one foot in front of the other. That was all she could do. Because even though she had left the stairwell, she hadn’t left Max’s feelings behind. No, she realized as she registered the sound of footsteps, she hadn’t left Max behind.
“Liz, wait.”
Her footsteps slowed but they didn’t stop.
“Liz,” Max called out again but this time his voice was accompanied by his hand. His hand gently touched her arm, intending to stop her flight. It did so much more than that. The moment he touched her, the feelings of sorrow and determination were accompanied by images, so many images. Soft kisses in the school hallway, a tentative kiss on her balcony, hot kisses next to the deep fryer, a desperate kiss full of sorrow in a cave.
Liz jerked her arm slightly and Max took her hint. And the burst of sorrow he felt added to her own pain.
“I’m sorry, Liz,” Max professed from behind her. “I’ve let you run away from me too many times. I can’t do that again.”
“It’s…” Liz struggled to find her own thoughts, to separate out her emotions from Max’s. “I can read…”
“What can you read?”
Being so close to Max, being so connected to Max, made explaining what was wrong an impossibility. She answered with the only words she could manage. “I just can’t do this now, Max.”
“Then just tell me,” he pressed in a low voice, desperation coming off him in waves. “Tell me you know now.”
“Know what?” she asked, though she was fairly certain she knew the answer.
“That’s I’m a monster. That you can’t save me. No one can.”
Why did Nikki have to mess with her mind? If her mind hadn’t been subjected to two excruciating viewings by the alien, she might have had the mental strength to close her mind to Max’s. And that was something she wanted more than almost anything right now. Because whatever she may have wanted to say was lost in him and thus lost to him. She couldn’t form complicated thoughts when she was struggling to tell if it was her heart or his that was breaking.
“Liz, Max,” came an excited voice to her left. Liz looked over and saw Michael running toward them with Isabel not far behind him. Liz couldn’t help herself. She ran straight to Michael.
The confusion she saw on Michael’s face didn’t stop him from opening up his arms to her. Liz didn’t know what looks were exchanged between Michael and his fearless leader but she felt resignation added to the chaotic blend of Max/Liz emotions.
“Where’s Nicholas?” Isabel asked as she walked past Michael and Liz to her brother. Good sister, Liz thought.
“Dead,” Max answered. “It’s over.”
Shock and reserved joy from Isabel slipped into her mind, increasing Liz’s mental and emotional confusion. Isabel had apparently forgotten to block her emotions; Liz was grateful Michael hadn’t. She also noticed Max didn’t mention that she had been the one to kill Nicholas. Even if she hadn’t been privy to his innermost emotions she would have known he was trying to protect her again, this time from unwanted questions.
“Liz, do you want me to take you home?” Both the soft tone of Michael’s voice and his words themselves were welcome.
She nodded against his chest.
“I promise I won’t let anything happen to her. Not this time.” Michael’s words may have been meant to assure Max, but Liz knew they didn’t. Because Max wasn’t concerned about Liz’s safety on the way home. He was too absorbed with worry that his effort to help her understand him had hurt her in ways he hadn’t expected. There had been an anticipation of hurt, anger, but not of this.
As Michael began to guide her away from the place of her captivity, Liz knew she had to do something.
“Wait,” she said as she stopped their movement. She turned to where Max was standing with Isabel by his side and forced herself to look at him. It took all she had to make eye contact and then speak. “This isn’t what you think. I promise. It never was.”
Though she knew she had confused him with her words, his face and his feelings told her so, she felt sense of accomplishment. She had managed to say something. For now, it would have to be enough.
*********
“After we get you all set for the night, I promise I’m going to find Maria and let her know you’re okay.”
“Thanks Michael. I appreciate that,” Liz replied with a grateful smile.
The elevator doors opened and the pair walked into the hallway that led to Liz’s suite. It wasn’t that late, not by New York standards, but Liz was ready for bed. Well, first she’d make sure she talked with Maria and maybe Alex and then she would be ready for bed. She was so exhausted and so grateful for Michael’s support – both emotional and physical.
On the way back from the abandoned warehouse, which Liz discovered was just across the Hudson, Michael had asked if there was anything he need to know. Liz knew what he meant. What would he have to deal with when he went back to Max. She told him in sparse detail about killing Nikki and connecting with Max. She didn’t tell him what Max had shown her, that was private, but let him know they both had confessed things that had been buried for years.
“Crap,” Liz muttered when they got to her door, hands not finding what she was looking for. She checked her coat pockets again. Her coin purse was there, but not her hotel key. “I think my key fell out somewhere in all the excitement.”
“No problem,” Michael assured as he waved his hand in front of her.
“Oh, right. If I tried I’d probably set the thing on fire.”
“Still having trouble controlling your powers?”
“Yes, and if you tell me one more time that I’m just trying to be like you I may have to do something drastic,” Liz grinned weakly.
“Like what?”
“Look, buddy, it’s been a long night. I’m not really up for creative, plausible threats.”
Michael just shook his head as he reached to unlock the door. Before he could use his powers the door opened. Maria was standing in the door way.
“Liz!” she exclaimed, a touch of worry punctuating her excitement. “I thought I heard you. Thank god you’re home.”
“I’m so sorry I got us attacked,” were the first words out of Liz’s mouth.
Maria waved her hand dismissively as she moved in for a hug. The two women held each other tightly, both needing the assurance of safety found in the other’s embrace.
“Let’s get inside,” Maria suggested after the women finally pulled apart.
“Good plan,” Liz nodded as she moved into her suite. Before Liz could say something to Michael, Maria spoke.
“Liz’s fridge has water, O.J., soda, and Snapple. Help yourself.”
So it wasn’t the smoothest extension of an olive branch, but it was offered. And Michael took it.
“Snapple sounds good.”
As Michael made his way to the small fridge in the kitchenette, Maria shut the door and pulled Liz into the parlor area.
“Are you all right?” Maria asked gently as she sat on the arm of the couch.
Liz shook her head as she leaned against the armchair. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be all right again.”
“Did Nicholas – “
“Not Nicholas,” Liz quickly assured her.
“Did Max – “
“God, no, Maria. Not Nicholas. Not Max. Me.” Maria’s concern was gone, replaced by confusion. Liz didn’t blame her. This whole mess was beyond confusing. But one thing was sure. “I’m the one who did this. I’m the one who screwed everything up.”
Now how am I going to fix it?
You Left It Up To Me
when i let you go, i cursed myself with empty hands.
strong enough to watch you walk, but not enough to understand.
with spiteful eyes you burn for my grace.
i was trying to stand outside of this, you were trying to save face.
you can say that i don't care, i don't care.
you can hope that we still have something left to share.
just between you, baby and me there's nothing there.
i finally found someone that i can hold.
you ask me to defend myself, as if i shouldn't be so bold.
get that look off of your face.
i don't have the time, you don't have the place.
you can say that i don't care, i don't care.
you can hope that we still have something left to share.
just between you, baby and me there's nothing there.
what are you gonna do? I can't salvage any truth for you.
Everybody else already knows and it hurts you to realize so leave well enough, enough alone…
you don't need my hands to help you understand,
you don't need to hear my voice (you have no choice).
so don't being throwing stones, the closer we get, the harder they come.
even if you’re feeling alone, don't come home.
when it was up to you, you left it up to me.
- Indigo Girls
from Part 20
...
“You can’t read me?”
“That’s what I just said,” she mumbled, suddenly uncomfortable. She pulled her hand away from his touch, setting it back in her lap.
“Then... Then let me help you understand.”
Max reached out and took back the hand she had just withdrawn. He threaded their fingers together and Liz couldn’t control the memories of love his touch recalled. She looked up from their hands and saw the very thing she had run from in the park. The longing, the vulnerability, the glimpse of the boy she loved. And she was captured in that look. She couldn’t run anymore.
“Let me connect with you, Liz,” he requested softly… seductively. “See that I’m telling you the truth. See, see me.”
See Max?
The small noise of surprise that slipped from Liz’s lips couldn’t be helped. Between Maria’s grand interruption of her meeting with Michael, Nikki’s ambush, and her own reversal of the mindrape and the subsequent death of her captor, Liz probably should have been better prepared for the unexpected. But this - this went beyond unexpected. She was being offered an entrance into a place that had been denied her for years. This was mindblowing.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I understand.”
“What?” she asked sharply, startled by the voice that interrupted her thoughts. “No, I’m sorry. You just surprised me.”
“I know that feeling,” he said with an almost unperceivable grin.
She offered a hesitant one of her own in return.
“And you don’t have to worry about any more cupcake dresses. I can connect without seeing anything from you, I promise.”
Liz suppressed the feeling of guilt that arose at Max’s words.
“Is it safe to do this now? What about other Skins?”
“I know how they work. If more were waiting in the wings, they would have attacked us by now. And I’m confident Michael and Isabel have handled the perimeter. The only unknown variable has always been Nicholas. And you took care of that.”
She nodded slightly. Of course Max wouldn’t risk their safety. She didn’t need to worry about any more alien attacks but that didn’t mean she was concern free.
“What would I see?” Liz inquired softly. Would she be potentially subject to any or all f Max’s memory, because she didn’t know if that was such a good idea. There were certain things she knew she never wanted to know more about, let alone actually see.
“I can’t say for sure. I’ll concentrate on one memory, the one that I hope will help you understand. But you might pick up on scraps of others.”
“Others?” She tried to sound nonchalant in her echo but failed. They both were keenly aware of what particular other memory she was thinking about. And neither of them had any desire for Liz to see anything intimate between Max and Tess.
“I’ve spent years blocking that memory, Liz,” he answered without hesitation. “I don’t think you’ll be inflicted with that particular fuck-up of mine.”
Liz felt a twinge of sorrow for Max. She couldn’t say she was sad that he never seemed to sing an ode to joy when referring to his night with Tess, but she wished she didn’t hear the layer of self-hatred in his voice each time it came up.
“So, how do we do this?” she asked with a gentle squeeze of his hand.
“I seem to remember it goes a little something like this.” He slowly, reluctantly pulled his hand away from hers, and cupped her face with both of his hands.
“And now I’m supposed to look into your eyes,” Liz narrated as she felt herself falling deep into those eyes, in a way that had nothing to do with an alien connection.
Max gently brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. “Before we do this, I want you to know I meant what I said tonight. About you. Remember that, please. Promise me.”
“I promise,” she pledged.
“Are you ready?”
Could she ever really be ready? She nodded slightly.
Max took a deep breath and focused on Liz’s eyes. Nothing happened. Several beats passed and Liz was beginning to wonder if they had truly become too distant to connect when the flashes began. Bright images popped in her mind. Michael with his hands wrapped around Rath’s neck. Liz running away in the park. Max holding a small ceramic house. Liz running away at the rocks.
She didn’t just receive these images from Max. She was Max. She knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling as each flash came. The fear, the desperation, the exhaustion, the longing. The images quickly became longer selections of memory.
Max sighed as he stared at the chart in front of him. There had to be a pattern, there just had to be. Nicholas was an annoying little brat but a smart one, a methodical one. There was a rhyme and reason to his movements. All Max had to do was figure it out.
Because once he did, once he broke this code, they would be free.
No, he corrected himself, Michael and Isabel would be free. Even if he never saw another dingy motel room like this one, even if all their enemies were long dead and buried, Max knew he would never be free.
His eyes moved from the chart to something else on the worn desk. His wallet. The familiar mixture of hope and regret stirred within.
“Not now,” he commanded himself. He didn’t need to look at her picture, not again. He had already indulged himself once today.
His eyes fell back on his chart.
“Come on, you bastard, show yourself.”
Max and his wallet disappeared, replaced by an old, out-of-service gas station along an empty road.
Max coughed as he inhaled Skin dust.
They had been expected. Again. If it wasn’t for Isabel’s quick eyes and even quicker hands, it would have been the three of them who met their end tonight. Luckily for Max, his sister had transformed from high school homecoming queen to bad-ass warrior princess with ease.
Or maybe not. Watching his sister methodically check behind gas pumps for more Skins, Max knew her transformation hadn’t been an easy one. It may have happened quickly, almost over night following Lonnie’s attack, but it wasn’t easy.
“It’s clear,” her voice called out, simple, clean. She walked back toward her brothers, her face emotionless.
Another lead on Nicholas. Another ambush. Another reminder of the light Isabel had lost.
“Max, your journals are only leading us into his waiting arms.” Michael’s voice interrupted his reflection. “They may have worked for Lonnie and Rath, but Nicholas…”
“I know, Michael, I know,” he sighed. “But I swear, it will work. It has to.”
Because Max knew that if he wasn’t any good at protecting the people he loved, then he really was completely worthless.
That memory too dissolved as Liz was brought into another motel room. This one had a battle-worn Tess trapped in a corner with no escape as Max’s shield that surrounded her. Liz entered the memory in the middle of their conversation.
“So what?” Max asked incredulously. “You were supposed to get knocked up and bring a baby home?”
“Kivar thought it would be a nice touch,” Tess smirked, not appearing at all phased by her current entrapment. “I bring back a baby, the granolith, oh yes, and the three of you, and I get to sit at his right hand. Too bad we couldn’t get it right the first time and you wouldn’t get it up a second time.”
“Yeah, real shame all your conniving isn’t going to earn you anything but an early grave.”
“Ooh, scary. You sound so tough for a boy who couldn’t kill me when he had the chance.”
Between keeping Tess in his shield and keeping Michael and Isabel out of the room, Max was already growing tired. Still, he found the energy to give Tess a little attitude of his own.
“What can I say? I let you go at the rocks because I was in a state of shock. I never would have thought you dumb enough to believe Kivar would deal with you fairly.”
“Why do you think I so readily agreed to this deal Nasedo developed?” she asked snidely. “Because I’m such an evil bitch who only cares for herself, who had no one to teach her all these ‘human’ feelings like love? That would be such a simple answer, wouldn’t it Max? So nice and tidy, so easy to console yourself with at night. Well, let me tell you something. I’m not what Naesdo made me, I’m what you made me. I’m what Zan made. You don’t like what you see before you but you’ve only got yourself to blame.
“And why exactly is that Tess?”
“Stupid boy.” Her voice was thick with hatred. “I grew up learning more about our powers, about our pasts. And I made a promise to myself that I would not let the past repeat itself. As Ava I was a fool. I let you rule over me, I followed you blindly you out of love, ignoring my own strengths and ideas, completely giving into you. And you know what I got for my devotion? Pain and death. And not just pain from our enemies, Max. You, Zan, you hurt me over and over again. You and your damned need for control.”
Tess’ words, her accusations, struck a nerve. It seemed like all the women in Max’s life picked up on that need of his.
“I lost myself in you and I told myself it was okay because you were the king and you would know what was best for both of us.” She made a face of disgust, as though she couldn’t stomach those memories of the past. “And we were killed because you were so arrogant you wouldn’t acknowledge the discontent of your own people. Couldn’t see that they didn’t want to change things as quickly as you did. That someone like Kivar could take advantage of their disgruntled state and make his move. I am who I am today because there’s no way I would ever be that scared little bride again. I’m the one with control now, I’m the one with the power. How does it feel to be on the other side?”
“Tess...” Max wanted to point out that someone trapped in a force field wasn’t really in control. But he couldn’t. His mind was too busy trying to process the information she had thrown at him. He had been controlling and arrogant. So he’d been a crappy husband as well as a crappy king. He had run his world right into Kivar’s hands. But that wasn’t him, that was Zan. “Tess, you said you aren’t Ava, that you’ve learned from her mistakes. Well I’m not Zan. I’m not that man.
His response was met with disbelieving laughter. “You actually believe that, don’t you? You actually think that you aren’t Zan? Let me enlighten you – when it comes to all his negative qualities, you are Zan. Actually, you might even be worse than Zan.”
Max knew she was just trying to bait him, trying to distract him so she could break through his defenses and escape. He knew this and still he had to ask, “What do you mean by that?”
“As Zan you grew up with the knowledge that you were king, so I guess the arrogance that drove us all into the ground was hard to avoid. But as Max Evans…” She sneered. “You might play the shy kid but you are more full of it than anyone else I’ve known. And what you’ve done to Liz…”
“Leave Liz out of this,” Max shouted. He could feel energy rising up within him, just waiting to be released. He had to calm down, had to control it. He wasn’t going to let Tess goad him into doing something he would regret.
“God, look at you, always ready to defend her from big bad Tess when the one she really needs protecting from is you.”
“From me?” he asked doubtingly.
“Yes, from you,” she returned condescendingly. “Your little relationship with Liz is what makes you more despicable than Zan. As Zan, you treated me horribly, but at least you never claimed to love me, not the way you claim to love Liz. And you know what? If I hadn’t seen inside of that stupid mind of yours, I never really would have believed you loved that human. But you actually do. You do, and yet you abuse her just as you abused me. She’s lucky she got out. You would have destroyed her.”
The shield that was containing Tess pulsated as Max tried to calm his anger. He couldn’t let her get to him. He should unblock the door, call Isabel and Michael back in, and let them question her. He should get out of this room and away from her lies. Instead of doing those things, he stared at the woman in front of him with an even greater hatred.
“Shut. Up.”
“Oh, is the truth hard to face? Think about it Max. You’re in love with this girl and yet you’ve treated her like she’s not a person, just something for you to play with, to obey your commands, to do what you want. Jump when you say jump and all of that. And the moment she didn’t want to play that game, you threw her over for someone who would - me. It was just your bad luck that I was playing a game too and that I had the upper hand.”
“I said shut up.” Max’s voice was intense, it required all his infamous control to simply say the words and not yell them. “What happened between us was a stupid mistake and had nothing to do with Liz.”
“Idiot - it had everything to do with Liz.” Tess moved closer toward him as she slowly taunted him with her words. “Every time you kissed me, every time you caressed this body...” Her hand brushed across the top of her breasts suggestively. By now she had moved so close that they were but an inch apart, Max’s shield the only thing keeping them from physical contact.
Her voice grew soft, sickly seductive as she continued. “Every time you moved inside me, do you know what was on your mind?”
“Tess,” Max growled in warning.
“Liz, you sick fuck,” she smiled wickedly. “Liz was on your mind. She’s always on your mind. When you were fucking me, you were thinking about her, punishing her. And you think I’m so bad. Looks to me like you’re the monster.”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!” Max couldn’t contain his anger any longer and as his voice filled the room, so did his energy. Crackling white hot energy shot out from his hands as his whole body was consumed by rage as Tess’ words flooding his mind. Kissing Tess, touching Tess, fucking Tess. They were empty, emotionless encounters; he had only been interested in his past. In losing his human emotions in the blank slate of his alien side. None of these things had an ounce of love or affection associated with them; they were blank. Except... except... oh god no. No. There it was. A trace, just a trace. But it was more than enough. Revenge. Tess was right. Some small part of him had been with that bitch as a way to get back at Liz, to hurt Liz, to punish Liz.
“Noooooooooooo!” The scream tore out of him as the energy from his hands grew even stronger, enveloping the room in blinding white. The power of his own anger, anguish, and energy overwhelmed him and slowly the white faded into black.
Breathe. Breathe, girl, breathe.
Liz was vaguely aware that Max was no longer touching her, no longer kneeling beside her. After their connection ended he had moved himself against the steps and away from her.
That was about all she could tell. Her feelings were overwhelming her, making it hard to concentrate on anything else. Sorrow, love, expectation, disgust. She was sure that if she were to touch Max, even look at him, she would fall completely apart.
Wait. No, she realized. The emotions that continued to seep into her mind, her heart, they weren’t hers. Even though their connection had stopped, she could still feel everything he was feeling. Whatever the block had been was gone. She could read Max loud and clear.
But this went beyond her normal senses. Even with Nicholas, the most powerful other force she had felt till now, she could discern her feelings from his. Not with Max. She felt everything he was feeling with such clarity that the point where his emotions ended and hers began was indiscernible. It was too much, just too much.
Max’s voice broke through the entangled mess that was her mind as he continued the story. “When I regained consciousness, Michael and Isabel were standing over me freaking out and Tess’ charred corpse lay on the floor.”
Liz could only manage quick, shallow breaths. She used all Ava had taught her, all of her strength, to block out Max’s emotions. But it wasn’t working. She was too weak, her mind couldn’t handle it after Nikki’s attack.
“And that’s it. That’s how I killed Tess. I couldn’t control my own damn emotions and so she died, taking with her any information that might have been useful and providing yet another example of how me being fucked up can ruin everything.”
Liz bent her knees, pushed her weight against the wall, and lifted herself off of the ground. She couldn’t stay here, couldn’t be this close when she couldn’t block him out. She had never been able to read thoughts but right now she was beginning to wonder if that had changed too. Because she could have sworn that as she took the few steps to the door, she picked up that Max didn’t blame her for leaving, that if he could, he’d get the hell away from himself too.
Liz placed a hand on the crashbar but didn’t push. Even though she was losing herself in everything she was sensing from Max, some fraction of her didn’t want to leave. And that fraction was currently winning.
“I’m sorry if you...” Max paused, and then gave a short, defeated laugh. “God, you’re right. As if ‘I’m sorry’ could even begin to atone for all the crap I’ve put you through. I just... I hope that you understand now, that she was right, I’m right. You’re such a good person, Liz. You’d hold out hope for anyone. Please, just tell me you understand that you can’t hold out for me.”
Max finally looked at her, something Liz knew not because she had turned around to look at him, but rather because she had sensed he was forcing himself to do so. She knew he was looking at her, hoping that she would face him so he could look into her eyes, could see the disgust and hatred he knew would be there. Because if he could see that, then he could finally let go of the slim thread of hope he had been holding onto for himself. He could let go and let himself finally accept his worthlessness as a human being and lose himself completely into his alien side.
The tears she had been holding back came streaming down.
“Liz,” he called out gently, desperately. “Can you look at me? Just for a moment.”
She couldn’t, she really couldn’t. She was too damn weak.
He sighed and then spoke, offering more words of explanation that he apparently thought that she needed. But she didn’t. She believed everything he said. Knew everything he had told her tonight to be the purest of truth.
“I shouldn’t have come to your balcony that night because I knew that I can never be the man you want me to be. You said that you let me in, knowing all the reasons we should be apart. But you didn’t know the truth about me, not then. But I did. I knew and still I let myself fall into your arms. And then when you stopped me…” His voice dropped off as he struggled to find the words. “When you mentioned our connection, you reminded me of everything you deserved. Of everything I couldn’t… I can’t be.”
The remorse, the love, the truth of his words – they were choking her. The first few weeks of her powers hadn’t been so overwhelming. She could feel everything he was feeling and it was killing her.
“So I thought of every disgusting, horrible thing I could say to make you hate me. Because I would never be strong enough to stay away. Because I can’t stop this need for you, Liz. I’ve never been able to stop.”
Suddenly an image of Max at her window, tickets in hand, flashed in her mind. The guilt that usually came with that image had intensified greatly since her dream.
“But you’re the strong one. You’re the one that would be able to stay away. Who has been able to stay away. In that moment I knew that if I put everything in your hands, you would make it right. And you did.”
No, no, no. No, Max, she thought, I really don’t think it’s right. And I’m not strong. I’m not strong at all.
A strong woman wouldn’t run, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. She couldn’t stay in this small space, so close to this man and his feelings, the overwhelming trace of his thoughts. So close to the one person who stirred up the condemning guilt she had suppressed for so long but now found that she no longer could contain.
“I’m sorry, Max,” Liz mumbled as she gave a firm push on the bar and ran out of the building into an empty lot. No Skins came to greet her; all was quiet on this front. Michael and Isabel must have done their jobs well. Not that that was a surprise, given the glimpses of those two she had seen from Max.
She didn’t know where to go, which way would lead her home, but she had to keep moving.
Though the sun was long gone, the moon lit up the sky well enough that she could discern the landscape before her. At the far edge of the lot it looked like there was a street. A street was good. It could lead her, well, somewhere. At the very least to a payphone.
Liz kept moving one foot in front of the other. That was all she could do. Because even though she had left the stairwell, she hadn’t left Max’s feelings behind. No, she realized as she registered the sound of footsteps, she hadn’t left Max behind.
“Liz, wait.”
Her footsteps slowed but they didn’t stop.
“Liz,” Max called out again but this time his voice was accompanied by his hand. His hand gently touched her arm, intending to stop her flight. It did so much more than that. The moment he touched her, the feelings of sorrow and determination were accompanied by images, so many images. Soft kisses in the school hallway, a tentative kiss on her balcony, hot kisses next to the deep fryer, a desperate kiss full of sorrow in a cave.
Liz jerked her arm slightly and Max took her hint. And the burst of sorrow he felt added to her own pain.
“I’m sorry, Liz,” Max professed from behind her. “I’ve let you run away from me too many times. I can’t do that again.”
“It’s…” Liz struggled to find her own thoughts, to separate out her emotions from Max’s. “I can read…”
“What can you read?”
Being so close to Max, being so connected to Max, made explaining what was wrong an impossibility. She answered with the only words she could manage. “I just can’t do this now, Max.”
“Then just tell me,” he pressed in a low voice, desperation coming off him in waves. “Tell me you know now.”
“Know what?” she asked, though she was fairly certain she knew the answer.
“That’s I’m a monster. That you can’t save me. No one can.”
Why did Nikki have to mess with her mind? If her mind hadn’t been subjected to two excruciating viewings by the alien, she might have had the mental strength to close her mind to Max’s. And that was something she wanted more than almost anything right now. Because whatever she may have wanted to say was lost in him and thus lost to him. She couldn’t form complicated thoughts when she was struggling to tell if it was her heart or his that was breaking.
“Liz, Max,” came an excited voice to her left. Liz looked over and saw Michael running toward them with Isabel not far behind him. Liz couldn’t help herself. She ran straight to Michael.
The confusion she saw on Michael’s face didn’t stop him from opening up his arms to her. Liz didn’t know what looks were exchanged between Michael and his fearless leader but she felt resignation added to the chaotic blend of Max/Liz emotions.
“Where’s Nicholas?” Isabel asked as she walked past Michael and Liz to her brother. Good sister, Liz thought.
“Dead,” Max answered. “It’s over.”
Shock and reserved joy from Isabel slipped into her mind, increasing Liz’s mental and emotional confusion. Isabel had apparently forgotten to block her emotions; Liz was grateful Michael hadn’t. She also noticed Max didn’t mention that she had been the one to kill Nicholas. Even if she hadn’t been privy to his innermost emotions she would have known he was trying to protect her again, this time from unwanted questions.
“Liz, do you want me to take you home?” Both the soft tone of Michael’s voice and his words themselves were welcome.
She nodded against his chest.
“I promise I won’t let anything happen to her. Not this time.” Michael’s words may have been meant to assure Max, but Liz knew they didn’t. Because Max wasn’t concerned about Liz’s safety on the way home. He was too absorbed with worry that his effort to help her understand him had hurt her in ways he hadn’t expected. There had been an anticipation of hurt, anger, but not of this.
As Michael began to guide her away from the place of her captivity, Liz knew she had to do something.
“Wait,” she said as she stopped their movement. She turned to where Max was standing with Isabel by his side and forced herself to look at him. It took all she had to make eye contact and then speak. “This isn’t what you think. I promise. It never was.”
Though she knew she had confused him with her words, his face and his feelings told her so, she felt sense of accomplishment. She had managed to say something. For now, it would have to be enough.
*********
“After we get you all set for the night, I promise I’m going to find Maria and let her know you’re okay.”
“Thanks Michael. I appreciate that,” Liz replied with a grateful smile.
The elevator doors opened and the pair walked into the hallway that led to Liz’s suite. It wasn’t that late, not by New York standards, but Liz was ready for bed. Well, first she’d make sure she talked with Maria and maybe Alex and then she would be ready for bed. She was so exhausted and so grateful for Michael’s support – both emotional and physical.
On the way back from the abandoned warehouse, which Liz discovered was just across the Hudson, Michael had asked if there was anything he need to know. Liz knew what he meant. What would he have to deal with when he went back to Max. She told him in sparse detail about killing Nikki and connecting with Max. She didn’t tell him what Max had shown her, that was private, but let him know they both had confessed things that had been buried for years.
“Crap,” Liz muttered when they got to her door, hands not finding what she was looking for. She checked her coat pockets again. Her coin purse was there, but not her hotel key. “I think my key fell out somewhere in all the excitement.”
“No problem,” Michael assured as he waved his hand in front of her.
“Oh, right. If I tried I’d probably set the thing on fire.”
“Still having trouble controlling your powers?”
“Yes, and if you tell me one more time that I’m just trying to be like you I may have to do something drastic,” Liz grinned weakly.
“Like what?”
“Look, buddy, it’s been a long night. I’m not really up for creative, plausible threats.”
Michael just shook his head as he reached to unlock the door. Before he could use his powers the door opened. Maria was standing in the door way.
“Liz!” she exclaimed, a touch of worry punctuating her excitement. “I thought I heard you. Thank god you’re home.”
“I’m so sorry I got us attacked,” were the first words out of Liz’s mouth.
Maria waved her hand dismissively as she moved in for a hug. The two women held each other tightly, both needing the assurance of safety found in the other’s embrace.
“Let’s get inside,” Maria suggested after the women finally pulled apart.
“Good plan,” Liz nodded as she moved into her suite. Before Liz could say something to Michael, Maria spoke.
“Liz’s fridge has water, O.J., soda, and Snapple. Help yourself.”
So it wasn’t the smoothest extension of an olive branch, but it was offered. And Michael took it.
“Snapple sounds good.”
As Michael made his way to the small fridge in the kitchenette, Maria shut the door and pulled Liz into the parlor area.
“Are you all right?” Maria asked gently as she sat on the arm of the couch.
Liz shook her head as she leaned against the armchair. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be all right again.”
“Did Nicholas – “
“Not Nicholas,” Liz quickly assured her.
“Did Max – “
“God, no, Maria. Not Nicholas. Not Max. Me.” Maria’s concern was gone, replaced by confusion. Liz didn’t blame her. This whole mess was beyond confusing. But one thing was sure. “I’m the one who did this. I’m the one who screwed everything up.”
Now how am I going to fix it?
Last edited by Doublestuf on Sun Jan 01, 2006 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
-
Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 22
Part 22
Kid Fears
Pain from pearls-hey little girl-
How much have you grown?
Pain from pearls-hey little girl-
Flower for the ones you've known.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Secret staircase, running high,
You had a hiding place.
Secret staircase, running low,
But they all know, now you're inside.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Skipping stones, we know the price now,
Any sin will do.
How much further, if you can spin.
How much further, if you are smooth.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Replace the rent with the stars above.
Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.
Replace the rent with the stars above.
Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Replace the rent with the stars above.
Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.
- Indigo Girls
“Lizzie, what do you screw up?”
“Um, let’s see. My life. Max’s life,” Liz answered Maria’s question though her focus wasn’t fully on her friend. Even though it was Maria that stood just a few feet away from her, it was Max’s face that Liz saw. The face that he’d worn as he stood there begging her to reject him.
Maria waved a hand in front of Liz’s face, getting her attention. “What exactly happened tonight? You look really tired and you’re not making a lot of sense.”
“Tonight hasn’t made a lot of sense,” Liz sighed as she fidgeted with the buttons on her coat. “While he had me, Nicholas took a peak into my head, not once but twice. I really thought for a moment, well more than a moment, that it was over. But for some reason I don’t quite understand, the second time he tried to mindrape me, instead him getting inside my head I got into his. And then he just went poof. Skin bits floating everywhere.”
Maria’s mouth dropped open but Liz just shook her head to dissuade any words of comfort her friend might offer.
“After that happened, Max showed up and got me out of there. We ended up talking and… and things came up.”
“What kind of things?” Maria pressed as she shot Michael a look. He was certainly taking his time picking out his Snapple, in no hurry to join the two women in their conversation.
Liz mentally groaned as she debated what to say. She wanted to tell Maria, especially after their last conversation about being open with each other. But if she started to tell Maria what happened tonight, she’d have to fill her in on what happened five years ago. That would be a longer conversation than Liz had strength for tonight. And while she loved Michael, she thought those particular details were something neither she nor he wanted him to know.
Instead of answering, she made her excuses. “Maria, I love you. And we’ll talk, I promise. But I’m so tired. All I want is a bath and then bed.”
“Of course,” Maria responded softly, her concern overriding her curiosity. “I know I’m tired and I wasn’t the one held captive by an evil alien.”
“But you were knocked out by one,” Liz returned, taking in the slight discoloration on her friend’s cheek. “Max said you were okay. Are you really?”
Maria shrugged. “A little sore and a lot exhausted from worrying about you. But the pain has worn off and now that I’ve gotten to hug you and make sure you’re all right, I only have to deal with my natural curiosity.”
“I can tell you what I know,” came Michael’s voice from the kitchen area. “If that’s okay with you, Liz.”
“That’d be great, Michael,” Liz answered quickly, curious to see if Maria would take him up on his offer.
“If you want,” Maria replied with a small shrug.
“Then I’ll leave you two here to talk while I indulge in the bath,” Liz offered to her friends, neither of whom seemed to be paying much attention to her.
“It looks like you did good tonight. Thanks for finding her,” Liz heard Maria say softly followed by Michael’s mumbled “yeah, sure.”
Liz couldn’t hide her smile as she made her way to the bathroom. That quiet exchange of words couldn’t last long with those two. She’d wager a bet that by the time she was done with her bath, they’d either be trading good-natured quips or making out. Either would be a sign of progress. Liz shut the bedroom door behind her and began stripping off her clothes. Moving into her bathroom to start her water, she noticed a basket sitting on the counter. Maria had apparently made herself at home while she waited for news, ordering the bath bouquet Liz mentioned last night. Though Maria hadn’t touched the champagne or salts she had indulged herself with the bubble bath. Just the thing to relax the tension someone might have if their best friend was missing. Just the thing Liz needed right now.
She added a few teaspoons of bubble bath to her water and started the jet timer. The force of the jets created large, fluffy bubbles that begged her to slip right in. Liz didn’t disappoint. The warmth of the water seeped through her skin, through the muscle, right into her bones. She let the massaging jets drive away the dirt and grime that served as evidence of her eventful evening. Unfortunately the warm water couldn’t wash away the emotional turmoil that was an even stronger reminder.
Just as her mind began to be overtaken by the turmoil that consumed her heart, Liz was suddenly filled with a different sort of warmth–one caused by the presence of a certain Guardian instead of water. She opened her eyes to see her tall friend standing in her bathroom.
“Liz, I’m so glad you’re – naked!”
Seeing the expression of Alex’s face Liz had to cover her mouth so Michael and Maria wouldn’t hear her laughter and wonder what was going on.
“I don’t normally take baths in clothes.”
“But you’re naked!”
“I’m covered in bubbles,” she pointed out in cheerful indignation. “And I thought what would weird out the teenage boy wouldn’t bother the Guardian.”
“Yes, but that was flashback land. That wasn’t live, right in front of me, naked best friend.”
“I can get out if you want,” Liz offered with a teasingly lifted brow.
“No, no, you’re fine,” Alex quickly objected. “It’s just the story of my life, so to speak. The first time I’m this close to a fully naked girl she’s one of my best friends and I’m dead.”
Liz gave Alex a sympathetic smile as he sat down on the tile next to the tub. Heads level, they could talk without worry about dissolving bubbles.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he apologized with a heavy voice.
“It’s fine, Alex,” she assured him. “I’m fine.”
He gave her an assessing look. “I heard you when you called out to me, and I didn’t even come. You’re sure you’re okay with that? Because I know I’ve never felt so bad?”
“I understand about the rules. I’m not upset with you, Alex.”
“The G.B.s said that you could handle yourself, that you’d be all right,” he continued in unneeded explanation, “so I stayed with Maria. Watched over her while she was unconscious. Then when she woke up, I tried to whisper to her where to find Michael. I probably don’t need to tell you that took some time. Woman has a hard head.”
“So you’re how she knew where they were staying.”
“I am.”
Liz nodded and they sat there for a few moments, Liz in her tub, Alex on his tile.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Alex prompted, breaking the silence.
Liz nodded again. The water had given her some energy and she knew that if she didn’t talk this through, she’d toss and turn all night. She needed to work some things out, needed to get some information so she could develop a plan. Covered in bubbles and comforted by jets of warm water, she began to tell Alex her story. She told him everything, about feeling stupid for getting Maria and herself cornered, about odd dreams and even odder realities to wake up to, about the pain of Nikki’s treatment and the surprise of the alien’s death. About Max. About how Max had laid everything out before her, offered her his soul to peruse. About her anger with herself. It was the last part of her story that Alex questioned.
“So after hearing that Max slept with Tess in some part to hurt you, you’re more upset with yourself than Max? Walk me through this again, please, Liz. My Guardian skills are at a loss.”
“It may seem strange, Alex, and pretty pathetic,” she added as she thought about the words she was about to speak, “but Max sleeping with Tess doesn’t hurt me in the way it used to. It didn’t stem from love or affection; it came out of a horrible place Max was in. It wasn’t a good experience for him–he was hurting himself. And yes, he did it in part out of his pain, out of his anger with me. But in some weird way, and I know this sounds stupid, but in some weird way, that’s comforting. That it was about me, not about her.”
“You’re right, it does sound stupid.”
“Thanks for the support,” Liz grumbled as she flicked a few suds that had risen close to her face.
“Which means,” Alex continued with a firm voice, “you’re thinking with your heart instead of that brilliant head of yours.”
“Well, what does that mean?”
“It means that that thing you couldn’t really do for so many years, you know, heal, you’ve started it.”
“Goodie for me,” Liz muttered, the light-heartedness Alex’s arrival had brought quickly evaporating.
“Don’t sound so excited.”
“It’s hard to be excited about my leaps and bounds of progress when I’ve just discovered how thoroughly I destroyed Max.”
“He’s the one who slept with her. You can’t be held responsible for his motives, Liz.”
“But it’s not just about his motives,” Liz countered quickly. “I pushed him, I pushed him towards her and away from me. Every time he tried to reach out, I smacked him away. And yes, he started behaving horribly toward me after you died, but I didn’t even stop to think about what was going on with him. I was so wrapped up in your death, I didn’t think about what Max was going through. Did you know he tried to heal you?”
Alex’s brow furrowed. Apparently he hadn’t.
“He went into that ambulance and put his hands on your body and tried to bring you back.”
“He put his hands…” Alex couldn’t finish his thought and Liz sympathized. With their respective unique existences came realities and revelations that could boggle the mind and silence the tongue.
“After he failed to heal you, he tried to stand by my side and be my friend, but I pushed him again. Max was already feeling guilty about his failure to help you and then I went and piled on more guilt. Tried to push him to consider that it was alien business that got you killed. He was so hurt and lost, confused and angry when he went to Tess. If I hadn’t been in such pain myself, I would have known that before tonight. I may have even guessed that he went through the motions because in some small way he saw his night with Tess as a way to even the score between us.”
Pausing for a breath, Liz turned on her side, placing her arms on the cool edge of the tub. Alex just kept looking at her, understanding radiating from his expression. “Was it wrong? Yes. Is it hurtful? Yes. But is Max the only one to blame? No.”
Alex cocked a brow, as if to ask if she were done. She gestured to him with her hand and he took her invitation to speak. “You’re thinking about how you changed the future, aren’t you?”
“How can I escape it? Changing our future, and the way I did it, was the beginning of his end, Alex.”
“I’m sure it hurt like hell.”
“It wasn’t just about the pain of rejection. He told me a long time ago that it made him doubt everything he had felt, but I didn’t understand that then. I didn’t understand until we connected and his thoughts became my thoughts, his feelings my feelings.” Liz shivered despite the surrounding warmth. “When I ‘slept’ with Kyle, I made him doubt himself. I made him doubt his feelings, his self-worth. And he never really needed a lot of help with that. I played on his insecurity, used it to my advantage. And since that night, he has sunk deeper and deeper into the darkness of doubt.”
“Liz,” Alex said but didn’t add anything else. She could see the wheels turning in his head but he clearly wasn’t ready for a full thought yet.
“If I hadn’t made him doubt himself so much he never would have slept with Tess. And what’s more important, he never would have believed all the things she said about him. Never would have believed that he was a threat to me.”
“I’m so sorry, for both of you,” Alex offered kindly, wiping away the tears that had slipped down Liz’s cheeks as she had spoken those last words. “Sorry Max has been dealt this crippling doubt, sorry you feel responsible. Sorry you’ve had to bear the weight of the world’s future. But Liz, you did what you had to do to save that world. And heroics that big usually don’t come without consequences.”
“Heroics,” she snorted weakly. “I don’t know if destroying the life of the man I loved counts as heroics.”
“You sacrificed a future with the one you love. Even if that future was grim, I think that’s what you call heroic.”
“But how do we know it was so grim?” she countered. “How do we know that even if it ended too soon, that future wasn’t better than this one?”
Alex crinkled his brow in surprised confusion. His reaction made it clear that he had never asked himself that same question, which was something that surprised Liz. If their positions were switched, she wouldn’t have been able to stop thinking about it. Or maybe she would. Maybe being a Guardian meant that you didn’t have questions like that anymore.
“We just have to have faith,” he answered simply and confidently. “Faith in Future Max, faith in your instincts, faith in those greater than all of us.”
Liz shook her head as she rested her back against the tub once more, eyes focused on the ceiling and not the earnest face of her friend. With a heavy voice she replied, “I can’t go on faith anymore, Alex. It can’t sustain me any longer. I need to know things.”
“What things?” he asked cautiously.
“Why did we come up with that plan, the future versions of Max and me? Why did those other versions think the only way the world would be safe was if we were apart? Why weren’t there other options?”
“I don’t know, Liz.”
“Well I need to know,” she insisted fervently as she met his eyes. “I need to know if destroying Max’s life was worth it. I need to know about that other life so I can figure out what to do with this one.”
“Liz, again, you are not to blame for Max so stop saying you destroyed his life.”
Liz started to protest but Alex cut her off before she could make a sound.
“Yes, you may have played a part, but you can’t blame yourself entirely. You know that right? Right?”
A few beats passed before Liz answered. “I suppose. But tonight when I saw him more fully than I ever have, the only thoughts that I could discern as mine were thoughts of how it was just that. All my fault.”
“It’s no wonder you’re so upset and confused right now. It sounds like you practically merged minds with him.”
“I couldn’t even separate what was coming from him and what was coming from me.”
“Some rest will probably do the trick. Sleep does a body good,” Alex replied sagely.
“Too bad I can’t sleep away all of my questions about that other life.”
“Too bad,” he sighed in sympathetic frustration.
Liz arched a brow as a plan began to emerge. “Too bad I don’t know any beings with access to information beyond mortal capabilities.”
“Liz,” Alex cautioned gently.
“Can’t you find out?” Liz pleaded, ignoring Alex’s soft warning. “Do my life review or something for that other future?”
“I don’t have open access to everything. If the Greater Beings wanted me to know about that future, they would have included it in my briefing.”
“What about other Guardians? Maybe they know something you don’t,” she pressed harder, refusing to give up. “You’re beyond time and space, right? So some would know what that other timeline held. Can’t you ask around?”
Alex tugged at the hair at the back of his neck. “It’s not like we Guardians get together on some beach at sunset and tune into ethereal music. ‘Pretty colors today, Earl. By the way, know anything about that timeline where Earth got destroyed by crazy, evil aliens?’”
For one of the few times in her life, Liz wasn’t in the mood for Alex’s humor. Without a smile, she pushed him again. “You mentioned a friend, one that helped you process your death. Maybe she knows something. Please, Alex. I need to know.”
Alex stared into her eyes with a fierce intensity, seeking whatever lay within and behind. He must have found whatever guidance he was looking for, because he reluctantly caved. “Fine. I can’t promise anything but I’ll ask Serena if she knows how I can get that information. I may be able to –“
“What did you say?” Liz cut him off as she quickly moved back to the edge of the tub, getting as close to Alex as she could without actually getting out.
Not meeting her eyes, Alex backtracked quickly. “I said I’d ask my friend for you.”
“No, no you didn’t say that at all,” she fired back rapidly. “You said something very different, very specific.”
Alex could never play poker. Everything played out on his face. Right now, his face was telling her that even if he might try to deny it, she wasn’t wrong in what she heard and she wasn’t wrong in assuming it wasn’t just a coincidence.
“What are you talking about?” he asked with faux innocence.
“Why are you being elusive?” she shot back.
Alex groaned lightly. “Because I know what you’re going to want and I can’t do that for you.”
“Yes, yes you can,” she countered with an encouraging voice. “I need to see Serena, Alex.”
“You can’t.”
“I have to speak to her,” she pleaded with voice and eyes. “Future Max said she was my friend and she was involved in this whole go-back-in-time-change-the-future plan. I’ve got to know things that only she may have the answer to.”
“Liz, you seeing and speaking with me is already bending the rules a million-fold.” Alex both looked and sounded like he was reciting some drill he learned in basic training. “Guardians don’t just appear to people and interact with them like this on a regular basis. I don’t know if it would get cleared with the Greater Beings.”
Since pleading didn’t seem to be working, Liz went another route. “She obviously appeared to me and interacted with me in that other life. She can do it again in this one.”
Alex wasn’t moved by her reasoning. “Liz, I really don’t know.”
Liz hated that she was trying to make Alex do something he was so clearly uncomfortable with. But she couldn’t let any discomfort she was causing her friend stop her. Knowing that she was only separated by one degree from answers for which she had longed for years pushed past her normal reservations. It was time to lay all her cards on the table.
With a solemn expression, Liz called up her resolve and spoke. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this but I see no other way. Tell the Greater Beings this: either I get to speak with Serena or I’m out.”
The bathroom was completely silent. Alex appeared both surprised and slightly hurt. Liz steeled herself against the feelings of disappointment emanating off her friend in waves. She couldn’t let herself be influenced by those feelings. Even with all his wisdom, Alex couldn’t understand what it was like to not have that assurance in the Greater Beings’ plans. Didn’t fully appreciate what this kind of doubt did to a person. He couldn’t because if he did, he wouldn’t have been taken aback by Liz’s demand. He would have understood.
“Liz, that’s not like you, making ultimatums,” he finally spoke with a heavy voice.
She refused to cringe at the censure. Except it wasn’t exactly censure. Alex was too kind for that. “I know it’s not. But sometimes we’re placed in situations that require us to act outside of ourselves. I can’t keep on this mission of saving the world while constantly remembering what a grand failure my last attempt at this was. I need some answers and I need them now. I’ve been holding on to this for too long.”
Alex sighed and Liz hoped his resistance was crumbling. It was. A few more beats passed before he gave her the answer she was seeking. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Alex. That’s all I’m asking of you. Just remember to let those Greater Beings know I’m not kidding. They have two options: let me speak to Serena or let me walk away from this council. I’ll respect whatever choice they make.”
“I’ll get back to you as soon as I know something,” Alex said even as he began fading out of her sight.
“Alex, wait,” she called out softly enough so Maria wouldn’t hear but hopefully loud and apologetic enough that Alex would.
Alex’s fading form became solid once more. Called back to her side, he knew what she needed to hear. “We’re fine, my friend.”
“Are you sure?” Liz pressed, somewhat unconvinced.
“While this may not be the course of action I would choose, I know you think this is what you need and I respect that.”
Liz nodded. “You know one of the worst times of my life was when I pushed you away with my secrecy.”
“I know. But you’re not pushing me away now. Didn’t you just tell me you understood me leaving you alone with Nicholas?”
She nodded.
With a small smile on his face and affection in his eyes, he continued, “We’re Alex and Liz. A little thing like another twist in the alien road won’t come between us. Nothing could.”
He said those words with such confidence and love that Liz felt herself growing teary-eyed in reaction. Instead of crying, Liz smiled.
“Now that’s what I like to see,” Alex smiled back.
“You tend to bring it out in me,” she admitted wryly.
“I want to hug you now, but, uh…” A very light blush crept up his neck as he gestured to her bubble-clad body.
Liz felt that welcome giggle coming back. “You better get out of here before these bubbles dissolve.”
Eyes suddenly very wide, Alex disappeared without another word.
Liz rested her head back against the porcelain. Hopefully Alex would be able to convince the G.B.s that she was serious. If she could get answers from this Serena person, maybe she would have a better idea about what she needed to do. Maybe she would have any kind of clue about how to help Max. Until then, she would just try and find a way to relax. Enjoy this bubble bath, for example.
A knock on her bathroom door ended any thoughts she might have had of enjoying some privacy.
“Lizzie, are you a prune yet?” Maria’s voice asked from the other side of the door.
“Not quite,” she called back, wishing for just a little more time to herself.
“I hate to interrupt, but you have a guest.”
A guest? Oh god, was it Max? No, no, she quickly answered herself. She knew Max well enough, certainly well enough after tonight, to know that he wouldn’t come here now. Perhaps it was Isabel or maybe even Larek. Damnit, given her ultimatum, what would she tell him?
That question ran over and over through Liz’s head as she got out of her bath and slipped into the robe that had been resting on the towel warmer. She had to have answers but she didn’t want to let Larek down. He had been so kind to her, so supportive. She wanted only to offer the same. Beyond his endearing nature, she was also driven in her desire to help by the kinship she felt with him. Though his dilemmas were of a different nature, they both knew what it was like to make decisions that had large and long-lasting effects. Something like that tended to form bonds.
Liz’s worry about what to say to Larek was shelved for a later date when she realized that it wasn’t the alien’s voice calling out to her from the other room.
“Come on, Parker, just because you’ve gone through hell and back today doesn’t mean you can keep a man waiting.”
“Kyle,” Liz exclaimed as she found a sudden energy that propelled her out of the bathroom, past Maria, and into the living area.
Strong arms wrapped around her and Liz sank into them.
“Fuzzy,” came a humored voice as hands stroked her bathrobe.
Liz laughed at her friend as she pulled back to get a good look at him. He looked a little tired but good overall.
“What are you doing here? Your dad and Maria’s mom getting too gushy for you?”
Kyle chuckled at her words. “You have no idea. But I’d be happy to share the details of my pain.”
“Oh god, please don’t,” Maria begged as she came out of the bedroom.
Looking around the suite, Liz realized someone was missing. “Where’s Michael?”
“He left when Kyle came in,” Maria replied.
Liz arched a brow, quite curious as to what prompted his leaving.
“I played nice,” Maria assured her smoothly. “We were actually having a decent conversation before my darling step-brother barged in without even knocking. Must be nice to have magic hands.”
Kyle grinned wickedly causing Maria to quickly protest, “you know I didn’t mean it like that.”
Liz laughed at her friends’ exchange. Rolling her eyes at Kyle, Maria continued with her explanation.
“He gave me a quick rundown of what he knew and then we were just talking, catching up. It was… Anyway, then Kyle came in. Michael said he thought we would be in good hands with Kyle,” she shot him a look of warning, “and that he should probably get back to the others.”
Liz nodded in acceptance. “So hand man, what brings you to these parts?”
“I did,” Maria answered for him.
“Listen Miss Motormouth,” Kyle chastised Maria, “it’s our parents who are married, not us. Let me speak for myself.”
“Fine,” the blonde answered, gesturing for him to speak.
Turning his attention back to Liz and with full seriousness, Kyle replied, “Maria did.”
Now it was Liz’s turn to roll her eyes. Gesturing to the couch and chair, she invited the pseudo-siblings to sit down to talk. Joining Kyle on the couch, Liz asked, “so what exactly happened?”
“I got a phone call from a panicked Maria hours ago. She told she needed reinforcements and to bring my firepower up here. Dad got me on the next flight out,” Kyle explained easily.
“I also called Ava,” Maria interjected. “Her flight should be arriving in an hour or so.”
Liz’s heart was suddenly overwhelmed with love upon knowing that her friends would come to her aid that quickly.
“I left her a message on her cell telling her you’re safe so we probably won’t see her until morning,” Maria continued. “I’d imagine she’s going to stay at one of her old haunts.”
Liz nodded. Liz and Maria had been to the city twice with Ava and both times she had insisted on staying in her old stomping ground. Home, it seemed, was home no matter how unsavory it might appear to others.
“Where are you staying, Kyle?” Liz asked her friend, who had already kicked off his shoes and untucked his shirt.
Kyle didn’t say anything, just patted the couch and gave her a sweet smile.
Liz gave him a wry smile back. “Only if you promise to follow the rules.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “Put the seat down, always wear pants, no girls after midnight, and don’t drink out of the carton. I’ll have you know I’ve grown since that spring break trip.”
Maria and Liz both snorted.
“So Maria,” Kyle continued without acknowledging the girls’ challenge to his growth, “When are you leaving? Because I was planning on putting the moves on Parker but I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake. Man, you don’t know the kind of day I had.”
The utterly inane nature of Kyle’s comments paired with his deadpan delivery sent both girls into a fit of giggles that started out small but continued to grow as the stresses of the day were released in the merriment.
Listening to the loud laughter, Kyle leaned back with a huge smile on his face, pleased he had done his job so well.
Kid Fears
Pain from pearls-hey little girl-
How much have you grown?
Pain from pearls-hey little girl-
Flower for the ones you've known.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Secret staircase, running high,
You had a hiding place.
Secret staircase, running low,
But they all know, now you're inside.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Skipping stones, we know the price now,
Any sin will do.
How much further, if you can spin.
How much further, if you are smooth.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Replace the rent with the stars above.
Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.
Replace the rent with the stars above.
Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.
Are you on fire,
From the years?
What would you give for your
Kid fears?
Replace the rent with the stars above.
Replace the need with love.
Replace the anger with the tide.
Replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love.
- Indigo Girls
“Lizzie, what do you screw up?”
“Um, let’s see. My life. Max’s life,” Liz answered Maria’s question though her focus wasn’t fully on her friend. Even though it was Maria that stood just a few feet away from her, it was Max’s face that Liz saw. The face that he’d worn as he stood there begging her to reject him.
Maria waved a hand in front of Liz’s face, getting her attention. “What exactly happened tonight? You look really tired and you’re not making a lot of sense.”
“Tonight hasn’t made a lot of sense,” Liz sighed as she fidgeted with the buttons on her coat. “While he had me, Nicholas took a peak into my head, not once but twice. I really thought for a moment, well more than a moment, that it was over. But for some reason I don’t quite understand, the second time he tried to mindrape me, instead him getting inside my head I got into his. And then he just went poof. Skin bits floating everywhere.”
Maria’s mouth dropped open but Liz just shook her head to dissuade any words of comfort her friend might offer.
“After that happened, Max showed up and got me out of there. We ended up talking and… and things came up.”
“What kind of things?” Maria pressed as she shot Michael a look. He was certainly taking his time picking out his Snapple, in no hurry to join the two women in their conversation.
Liz mentally groaned as she debated what to say. She wanted to tell Maria, especially after their last conversation about being open with each other. But if she started to tell Maria what happened tonight, she’d have to fill her in on what happened five years ago. That would be a longer conversation than Liz had strength for tonight. And while she loved Michael, she thought those particular details were something neither she nor he wanted him to know.
Instead of answering, she made her excuses. “Maria, I love you. And we’ll talk, I promise. But I’m so tired. All I want is a bath and then bed.”
“Of course,” Maria responded softly, her concern overriding her curiosity. “I know I’m tired and I wasn’t the one held captive by an evil alien.”
“But you were knocked out by one,” Liz returned, taking in the slight discoloration on her friend’s cheek. “Max said you were okay. Are you really?”
Maria shrugged. “A little sore and a lot exhausted from worrying about you. But the pain has worn off and now that I’ve gotten to hug you and make sure you’re all right, I only have to deal with my natural curiosity.”
“I can tell you what I know,” came Michael’s voice from the kitchen area. “If that’s okay with you, Liz.”
“That’d be great, Michael,” Liz answered quickly, curious to see if Maria would take him up on his offer.
“If you want,” Maria replied with a small shrug.
“Then I’ll leave you two here to talk while I indulge in the bath,” Liz offered to her friends, neither of whom seemed to be paying much attention to her.
“It looks like you did good tonight. Thanks for finding her,” Liz heard Maria say softly followed by Michael’s mumbled “yeah, sure.”
Liz couldn’t hide her smile as she made her way to the bathroom. That quiet exchange of words couldn’t last long with those two. She’d wager a bet that by the time she was done with her bath, they’d either be trading good-natured quips or making out. Either would be a sign of progress. Liz shut the bedroom door behind her and began stripping off her clothes. Moving into her bathroom to start her water, she noticed a basket sitting on the counter. Maria had apparently made herself at home while she waited for news, ordering the bath bouquet Liz mentioned last night. Though Maria hadn’t touched the champagne or salts she had indulged herself with the bubble bath. Just the thing to relax the tension someone might have if their best friend was missing. Just the thing Liz needed right now.
She added a few teaspoons of bubble bath to her water and started the jet timer. The force of the jets created large, fluffy bubbles that begged her to slip right in. Liz didn’t disappoint. The warmth of the water seeped through her skin, through the muscle, right into her bones. She let the massaging jets drive away the dirt and grime that served as evidence of her eventful evening. Unfortunately the warm water couldn’t wash away the emotional turmoil that was an even stronger reminder.
Just as her mind began to be overtaken by the turmoil that consumed her heart, Liz was suddenly filled with a different sort of warmth–one caused by the presence of a certain Guardian instead of water. She opened her eyes to see her tall friend standing in her bathroom.
“Liz, I’m so glad you’re – naked!”
Seeing the expression of Alex’s face Liz had to cover her mouth so Michael and Maria wouldn’t hear her laughter and wonder what was going on.
“I don’t normally take baths in clothes.”
“But you’re naked!”
“I’m covered in bubbles,” she pointed out in cheerful indignation. “And I thought what would weird out the teenage boy wouldn’t bother the Guardian.”
“Yes, but that was flashback land. That wasn’t live, right in front of me, naked best friend.”
“I can get out if you want,” Liz offered with a teasingly lifted brow.
“No, no, you’re fine,” Alex quickly objected. “It’s just the story of my life, so to speak. The first time I’m this close to a fully naked girl she’s one of my best friends and I’m dead.”
Liz gave Alex a sympathetic smile as he sat down on the tile next to the tub. Heads level, they could talk without worry about dissolving bubbles.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he apologized with a heavy voice.
“It’s fine, Alex,” she assured him. “I’m fine.”
He gave her an assessing look. “I heard you when you called out to me, and I didn’t even come. You’re sure you’re okay with that? Because I know I’ve never felt so bad?”
“I understand about the rules. I’m not upset with you, Alex.”
“The G.B.s said that you could handle yourself, that you’d be all right,” he continued in unneeded explanation, “so I stayed with Maria. Watched over her while she was unconscious. Then when she woke up, I tried to whisper to her where to find Michael. I probably don’t need to tell you that took some time. Woman has a hard head.”
“So you’re how she knew where they were staying.”
“I am.”
Liz nodded and they sat there for a few moments, Liz in her tub, Alex on his tile.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Alex prompted, breaking the silence.
Liz nodded again. The water had given her some energy and she knew that if she didn’t talk this through, she’d toss and turn all night. She needed to work some things out, needed to get some information so she could develop a plan. Covered in bubbles and comforted by jets of warm water, she began to tell Alex her story. She told him everything, about feeling stupid for getting Maria and herself cornered, about odd dreams and even odder realities to wake up to, about the pain of Nikki’s treatment and the surprise of the alien’s death. About Max. About how Max had laid everything out before her, offered her his soul to peruse. About her anger with herself. It was the last part of her story that Alex questioned.
“So after hearing that Max slept with Tess in some part to hurt you, you’re more upset with yourself than Max? Walk me through this again, please, Liz. My Guardian skills are at a loss.”
“It may seem strange, Alex, and pretty pathetic,” she added as she thought about the words she was about to speak, “but Max sleeping with Tess doesn’t hurt me in the way it used to. It didn’t stem from love or affection; it came out of a horrible place Max was in. It wasn’t a good experience for him–he was hurting himself. And yes, he did it in part out of his pain, out of his anger with me. But in some weird way, and I know this sounds stupid, but in some weird way, that’s comforting. That it was about me, not about her.”
“You’re right, it does sound stupid.”
“Thanks for the support,” Liz grumbled as she flicked a few suds that had risen close to her face.
“Which means,” Alex continued with a firm voice, “you’re thinking with your heart instead of that brilliant head of yours.”
“Well, what does that mean?”
“It means that that thing you couldn’t really do for so many years, you know, heal, you’ve started it.”
“Goodie for me,” Liz muttered, the light-heartedness Alex’s arrival had brought quickly evaporating.
“Don’t sound so excited.”
“It’s hard to be excited about my leaps and bounds of progress when I’ve just discovered how thoroughly I destroyed Max.”
“He’s the one who slept with her. You can’t be held responsible for his motives, Liz.”
“But it’s not just about his motives,” Liz countered quickly. “I pushed him, I pushed him towards her and away from me. Every time he tried to reach out, I smacked him away. And yes, he started behaving horribly toward me after you died, but I didn’t even stop to think about what was going on with him. I was so wrapped up in your death, I didn’t think about what Max was going through. Did you know he tried to heal you?”
Alex’s brow furrowed. Apparently he hadn’t.
“He went into that ambulance and put his hands on your body and tried to bring you back.”
“He put his hands…” Alex couldn’t finish his thought and Liz sympathized. With their respective unique existences came realities and revelations that could boggle the mind and silence the tongue.
“After he failed to heal you, he tried to stand by my side and be my friend, but I pushed him again. Max was already feeling guilty about his failure to help you and then I went and piled on more guilt. Tried to push him to consider that it was alien business that got you killed. He was so hurt and lost, confused and angry when he went to Tess. If I hadn’t been in such pain myself, I would have known that before tonight. I may have even guessed that he went through the motions because in some small way he saw his night with Tess as a way to even the score between us.”
Pausing for a breath, Liz turned on her side, placing her arms on the cool edge of the tub. Alex just kept looking at her, understanding radiating from his expression. “Was it wrong? Yes. Is it hurtful? Yes. But is Max the only one to blame? No.”
Alex cocked a brow, as if to ask if she were done. She gestured to him with her hand and he took her invitation to speak. “You’re thinking about how you changed the future, aren’t you?”
“How can I escape it? Changing our future, and the way I did it, was the beginning of his end, Alex.”
“I’m sure it hurt like hell.”
“It wasn’t just about the pain of rejection. He told me a long time ago that it made him doubt everything he had felt, but I didn’t understand that then. I didn’t understand until we connected and his thoughts became my thoughts, his feelings my feelings.” Liz shivered despite the surrounding warmth. “When I ‘slept’ with Kyle, I made him doubt himself. I made him doubt his feelings, his self-worth. And he never really needed a lot of help with that. I played on his insecurity, used it to my advantage. And since that night, he has sunk deeper and deeper into the darkness of doubt.”
“Liz,” Alex said but didn’t add anything else. She could see the wheels turning in his head but he clearly wasn’t ready for a full thought yet.
“If I hadn’t made him doubt himself so much he never would have slept with Tess. And what’s more important, he never would have believed all the things she said about him. Never would have believed that he was a threat to me.”
“I’m so sorry, for both of you,” Alex offered kindly, wiping away the tears that had slipped down Liz’s cheeks as she had spoken those last words. “Sorry Max has been dealt this crippling doubt, sorry you feel responsible. Sorry you’ve had to bear the weight of the world’s future. But Liz, you did what you had to do to save that world. And heroics that big usually don’t come without consequences.”
“Heroics,” she snorted weakly. “I don’t know if destroying the life of the man I loved counts as heroics.”
“You sacrificed a future with the one you love. Even if that future was grim, I think that’s what you call heroic.”
“But how do we know it was so grim?” she countered. “How do we know that even if it ended too soon, that future wasn’t better than this one?”
Alex crinkled his brow in surprised confusion. His reaction made it clear that he had never asked himself that same question, which was something that surprised Liz. If their positions were switched, she wouldn’t have been able to stop thinking about it. Or maybe she would. Maybe being a Guardian meant that you didn’t have questions like that anymore.
“We just have to have faith,” he answered simply and confidently. “Faith in Future Max, faith in your instincts, faith in those greater than all of us.”
Liz shook her head as she rested her back against the tub once more, eyes focused on the ceiling and not the earnest face of her friend. With a heavy voice she replied, “I can’t go on faith anymore, Alex. It can’t sustain me any longer. I need to know things.”
“What things?” he asked cautiously.
“Why did we come up with that plan, the future versions of Max and me? Why did those other versions think the only way the world would be safe was if we were apart? Why weren’t there other options?”
“I don’t know, Liz.”
“Well I need to know,” she insisted fervently as she met his eyes. “I need to know if destroying Max’s life was worth it. I need to know about that other life so I can figure out what to do with this one.”
“Liz, again, you are not to blame for Max so stop saying you destroyed his life.”
Liz started to protest but Alex cut her off before she could make a sound.
“Yes, you may have played a part, but you can’t blame yourself entirely. You know that right? Right?”
A few beats passed before Liz answered. “I suppose. But tonight when I saw him more fully than I ever have, the only thoughts that I could discern as mine were thoughts of how it was just that. All my fault.”
“It’s no wonder you’re so upset and confused right now. It sounds like you practically merged minds with him.”
“I couldn’t even separate what was coming from him and what was coming from me.”
“Some rest will probably do the trick. Sleep does a body good,” Alex replied sagely.
“Too bad I can’t sleep away all of my questions about that other life.”
“Too bad,” he sighed in sympathetic frustration.
Liz arched a brow as a plan began to emerge. “Too bad I don’t know any beings with access to information beyond mortal capabilities.”
“Liz,” Alex cautioned gently.
“Can’t you find out?” Liz pleaded, ignoring Alex’s soft warning. “Do my life review or something for that other future?”
“I don’t have open access to everything. If the Greater Beings wanted me to know about that future, they would have included it in my briefing.”
“What about other Guardians? Maybe they know something you don’t,” she pressed harder, refusing to give up. “You’re beyond time and space, right? So some would know what that other timeline held. Can’t you ask around?”
Alex tugged at the hair at the back of his neck. “It’s not like we Guardians get together on some beach at sunset and tune into ethereal music. ‘Pretty colors today, Earl. By the way, know anything about that timeline where Earth got destroyed by crazy, evil aliens?’”
For one of the few times in her life, Liz wasn’t in the mood for Alex’s humor. Without a smile, she pushed him again. “You mentioned a friend, one that helped you process your death. Maybe she knows something. Please, Alex. I need to know.”
Alex stared into her eyes with a fierce intensity, seeking whatever lay within and behind. He must have found whatever guidance he was looking for, because he reluctantly caved. “Fine. I can’t promise anything but I’ll ask Serena if she knows how I can get that information. I may be able to –“
“What did you say?” Liz cut him off as she quickly moved back to the edge of the tub, getting as close to Alex as she could without actually getting out.
Not meeting her eyes, Alex backtracked quickly. “I said I’d ask my friend for you.”
“No, no you didn’t say that at all,” she fired back rapidly. “You said something very different, very specific.”
Alex could never play poker. Everything played out on his face. Right now, his face was telling her that even if he might try to deny it, she wasn’t wrong in what she heard and she wasn’t wrong in assuming it wasn’t just a coincidence.
“What are you talking about?” he asked with faux innocence.
“Why are you being elusive?” she shot back.
Alex groaned lightly. “Because I know what you’re going to want and I can’t do that for you.”
“Yes, yes you can,” she countered with an encouraging voice. “I need to see Serena, Alex.”
“You can’t.”
“I have to speak to her,” she pleaded with voice and eyes. “Future Max said she was my friend and she was involved in this whole go-back-in-time-change-the-future plan. I’ve got to know things that only she may have the answer to.”
“Liz, you seeing and speaking with me is already bending the rules a million-fold.” Alex both looked and sounded like he was reciting some drill he learned in basic training. “Guardians don’t just appear to people and interact with them like this on a regular basis. I don’t know if it would get cleared with the Greater Beings.”
Since pleading didn’t seem to be working, Liz went another route. “She obviously appeared to me and interacted with me in that other life. She can do it again in this one.”
Alex wasn’t moved by her reasoning. “Liz, I really don’t know.”
Liz hated that she was trying to make Alex do something he was so clearly uncomfortable with. But she couldn’t let any discomfort she was causing her friend stop her. Knowing that she was only separated by one degree from answers for which she had longed for years pushed past her normal reservations. It was time to lay all her cards on the table.
With a solemn expression, Liz called up her resolve and spoke. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this but I see no other way. Tell the Greater Beings this: either I get to speak with Serena or I’m out.”
The bathroom was completely silent. Alex appeared both surprised and slightly hurt. Liz steeled herself against the feelings of disappointment emanating off her friend in waves. She couldn’t let herself be influenced by those feelings. Even with all his wisdom, Alex couldn’t understand what it was like to not have that assurance in the Greater Beings’ plans. Didn’t fully appreciate what this kind of doubt did to a person. He couldn’t because if he did, he wouldn’t have been taken aback by Liz’s demand. He would have understood.
“Liz, that’s not like you, making ultimatums,” he finally spoke with a heavy voice.
She refused to cringe at the censure. Except it wasn’t exactly censure. Alex was too kind for that. “I know it’s not. But sometimes we’re placed in situations that require us to act outside of ourselves. I can’t keep on this mission of saving the world while constantly remembering what a grand failure my last attempt at this was. I need some answers and I need them now. I’ve been holding on to this for too long.”
Alex sighed and Liz hoped his resistance was crumbling. It was. A few more beats passed before he gave her the answer she was seeking. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Alex. That’s all I’m asking of you. Just remember to let those Greater Beings know I’m not kidding. They have two options: let me speak to Serena or let me walk away from this council. I’ll respect whatever choice they make.”
“I’ll get back to you as soon as I know something,” Alex said even as he began fading out of her sight.
“Alex, wait,” she called out softly enough so Maria wouldn’t hear but hopefully loud and apologetic enough that Alex would.
Alex’s fading form became solid once more. Called back to her side, he knew what she needed to hear. “We’re fine, my friend.”
“Are you sure?” Liz pressed, somewhat unconvinced.
“While this may not be the course of action I would choose, I know you think this is what you need and I respect that.”
Liz nodded. “You know one of the worst times of my life was when I pushed you away with my secrecy.”
“I know. But you’re not pushing me away now. Didn’t you just tell me you understood me leaving you alone with Nicholas?”
She nodded.
With a small smile on his face and affection in his eyes, he continued, “We’re Alex and Liz. A little thing like another twist in the alien road won’t come between us. Nothing could.”
He said those words with such confidence and love that Liz felt herself growing teary-eyed in reaction. Instead of crying, Liz smiled.
“Now that’s what I like to see,” Alex smiled back.
“You tend to bring it out in me,” she admitted wryly.
“I want to hug you now, but, uh…” A very light blush crept up his neck as he gestured to her bubble-clad body.
Liz felt that welcome giggle coming back. “You better get out of here before these bubbles dissolve.”
Eyes suddenly very wide, Alex disappeared without another word.
Liz rested her head back against the porcelain. Hopefully Alex would be able to convince the G.B.s that she was serious. If she could get answers from this Serena person, maybe she would have a better idea about what she needed to do. Maybe she would have any kind of clue about how to help Max. Until then, she would just try and find a way to relax. Enjoy this bubble bath, for example.
A knock on her bathroom door ended any thoughts she might have had of enjoying some privacy.
“Lizzie, are you a prune yet?” Maria’s voice asked from the other side of the door.
“Not quite,” she called back, wishing for just a little more time to herself.
“I hate to interrupt, but you have a guest.”
A guest? Oh god, was it Max? No, no, she quickly answered herself. She knew Max well enough, certainly well enough after tonight, to know that he wouldn’t come here now. Perhaps it was Isabel or maybe even Larek. Damnit, given her ultimatum, what would she tell him?
That question ran over and over through Liz’s head as she got out of her bath and slipped into the robe that had been resting on the towel warmer. She had to have answers but she didn’t want to let Larek down. He had been so kind to her, so supportive. She wanted only to offer the same. Beyond his endearing nature, she was also driven in her desire to help by the kinship she felt with him. Though his dilemmas were of a different nature, they both knew what it was like to make decisions that had large and long-lasting effects. Something like that tended to form bonds.
Liz’s worry about what to say to Larek was shelved for a later date when she realized that it wasn’t the alien’s voice calling out to her from the other room.
“Come on, Parker, just because you’ve gone through hell and back today doesn’t mean you can keep a man waiting.”
“Kyle,” Liz exclaimed as she found a sudden energy that propelled her out of the bathroom, past Maria, and into the living area.
Strong arms wrapped around her and Liz sank into them.
“Fuzzy,” came a humored voice as hands stroked her bathrobe.
Liz laughed at her friend as she pulled back to get a good look at him. He looked a little tired but good overall.
“What are you doing here? Your dad and Maria’s mom getting too gushy for you?”
Kyle chuckled at her words. “You have no idea. But I’d be happy to share the details of my pain.”
“Oh god, please don’t,” Maria begged as she came out of the bedroom.
Looking around the suite, Liz realized someone was missing. “Where’s Michael?”
“He left when Kyle came in,” Maria replied.
Liz arched a brow, quite curious as to what prompted his leaving.
“I played nice,” Maria assured her smoothly. “We were actually having a decent conversation before my darling step-brother barged in without even knocking. Must be nice to have magic hands.”
Kyle grinned wickedly causing Maria to quickly protest, “you know I didn’t mean it like that.”
Liz laughed at her friends’ exchange. Rolling her eyes at Kyle, Maria continued with her explanation.
“He gave me a quick rundown of what he knew and then we were just talking, catching up. It was… Anyway, then Kyle came in. Michael said he thought we would be in good hands with Kyle,” she shot him a look of warning, “and that he should probably get back to the others.”
Liz nodded in acceptance. “So hand man, what brings you to these parts?”
“I did,” Maria answered for him.
“Listen Miss Motormouth,” Kyle chastised Maria, “it’s our parents who are married, not us. Let me speak for myself.”
“Fine,” the blonde answered, gesturing for him to speak.
Turning his attention back to Liz and with full seriousness, Kyle replied, “Maria did.”
Now it was Liz’s turn to roll her eyes. Gesturing to the couch and chair, she invited the pseudo-siblings to sit down to talk. Joining Kyle on the couch, Liz asked, “so what exactly happened?”
“I got a phone call from a panicked Maria hours ago. She told she needed reinforcements and to bring my firepower up here. Dad got me on the next flight out,” Kyle explained easily.
“I also called Ava,” Maria interjected. “Her flight should be arriving in an hour or so.”
Liz’s heart was suddenly overwhelmed with love upon knowing that her friends would come to her aid that quickly.
“I left her a message on her cell telling her you’re safe so we probably won’t see her until morning,” Maria continued. “I’d imagine she’s going to stay at one of her old haunts.”
Liz nodded. Liz and Maria had been to the city twice with Ava and both times she had insisted on staying in her old stomping ground. Home, it seemed, was home no matter how unsavory it might appear to others.
“Where are you staying, Kyle?” Liz asked her friend, who had already kicked off his shoes and untucked his shirt.
Kyle didn’t say anything, just patted the couch and gave her a sweet smile.
Liz gave him a wry smile back. “Only if you promise to follow the rules.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “Put the seat down, always wear pants, no girls after midnight, and don’t drink out of the carton. I’ll have you know I’ve grown since that spring break trip.”
Maria and Liz both snorted.
“So Maria,” Kyle continued without acknowledging the girls’ challenge to his growth, “When are you leaving? Because I was planning on putting the moves on Parker but I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake. Man, you don’t know the kind of day I had.”
The utterly inane nature of Kyle’s comments paired with his deadpan delivery sent both girls into a fit of giggles that started out small but continued to grow as the stresses of the day were released in the merriment.
Listening to the loud laughter, Kyle leaned back with a huge smile on his face, pleased he had done his job so well.
Last edited by Doublestuf on Tue Jul 25, 2006 5:05 pm, edited 3 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
-
Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 23
Part 23
Reunion
i had guards like watchdogs dogs in a manger
i could feel the protection possession and anger
and i drove out of there with no one behind me
feeling funny and free all you pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't you precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers
and i got nothing to hide
i laughed as i said it this is my situation
it's not pictures or privilege its just self preservation
i don't want you to feel any obligation
would it be so funny to be free all you pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't you precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers
and i got nothing to hide
we act empty and innocent but we are fueled by distortions
(i remember you when we were shiny and new)
of lives led in discontent trading misfortunes (now you guard your faith)
cause faith is one thing that is hard to deliver (temper your speed)
it feels funny being free all you pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't you precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't we precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers i got nothing to hide
i had guards like watchdogs dogs in a manger (i remember you)
- Indigo Girls
“Maria, stop hogging the jam.”
“I’m not done with it. And what do you need it for? Your waffles are already covered in whip cream and chocolate syrup.”
Kyle frowned as he looked down at the plate before him. Maria was right, you could barely tell there was an actual waffle for all the extras he had piled on. Even so, Kyle wasn’t satisfied.
“I can still see a little corner of waffle. It’s so sad and bare.”
“Do you really need to eat everything on the table at once?”
Kyle stroked his chin, pretending to be in deep thought. “Yes,” he replied after a moment, “so if you’d pass some of your eggs as well as the jam, I’d appreciate it.”
A bite of egg intended for Maria’s mouth found their way across the table to Kyle’s face. Kyle calmly picked off a piece of egg that was sliding down his cheek and placed it on top of his waffle.
“Thank you. Now how about that jam?”
Mid-bite of her own eggs, Liz tried not to choke on her breakfast. Seeing a familiar glint in Maria’s eye, Liz grabbed the jam and passed it to Kyle herself. She didn’t feel like getting caught in the middle of a food fight right after she took a shower.
Maria and Kyle had both properly freaked out when the Sheriff and Amy Deluca announced they were getting married. One October weekend their sophomore year, the two had received phone calls from their parents. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, and it wasn’t to Liz, but the soon-to-be-step-siblings acted like it was the most shocking thing they had heard. After getting off the phone with their respective parents, they got on the phone with each other and spent the next couple hours discussing just how crazy their parents were and why this would never work. Once they had gotten that initial reaction out of their system, both Kyle and Maria settled down to being supportive and even excited about their parents’ nuptials. They both enjoyed their odd little family, though neither seemed to relish witnessing the affection the Sheriff and Mrs. Valenti showered on one another.
“Glad you spent the night now?” Liz asked Maria who was currently giving Kyle the evil eye while Kyle ate his whip cream, chocolate, jam, egg covered waffle with deliberative pleasure.
“I’m not sure. I’m thinking the ladies working the street outside Justin’s apartment last night would have been less frightening.”
Maria had opted to share a bed with Liz instead of brave the city’s colorful night life, which seemed to be extra colorful by Justin’s apartment, by herself. At least that’s what she said. Liz had her suspicions that Maria didn’t want to let her out of her sight.
“Mmmm, so tasty,” Kyle moaned as he took another bite.
“Okay, Kyle, now that’s just overkill,” Liz challenged her ridiculous friend.
Kyle shrugged and went back to eating his breakfast sans dramatic expressions.
No longer distracted by the man across from her, Maria asked Liz, “So what’s the plan for the day?”
“Plan?” Liz echoed.
“You know, the thing you live for,” Maria answered.
“Sit around waiting for that producer to call you?” The producer Maria met in California was supposed to call sometime today and Maria had her cell in her sight since the moment she woke up. Liz had to promise to answer as her assistant and stall professionally if the phone rang while she had been in the shower. Waiting for Maria’s phone call while Liz waited for the G.B.s’ answer sounded like a perfectly good option.
“If I have to spend the day with nothing to do but watch her freak out as she waits, I’ll go crazy,” Kyle offered as he shoveled more waffle in his mouth.
“Okay,” Liz tried again, “how about seeing what’s on Movies on Demand?”
“Oh, they have this great cheerleader movie - ”
“No, Kyle,” both girls interrupted their friend.
“With Tommy Lee Jones,” Kyle continued indignantly. “I wasn’t going to suggest anything inappropriate. But if you ladies have that on the mind, I could make a couple suggestions. There’s this really good one that has the girls practicing their cheers, complete with trampolines and without tops.”
Liz and Maria gagged in unison.
“Don’t judge so quickly. It’s got great cinematography and – “
Kyle was interrupted by the hotel telephone ringing.
“I’ll bet that’s Ava,” Maria announced as she got up to answer the phone and get away from Kyle.
“You’re too much,” Liz told Kyle as Maria went to the phone.
“And that’s why you love me,” he replied confidently.
“True, true.”
“Liz,” Maria interrupted as she brought the phone over to her friend, “it’s not Ava.”
“Who is it?” Liz asked with forced ease. Max wouldn’t be calling her so soon, would he?
“Larek.”
Crap. Not Max but not much better.
Taking the phone and moving into the bedroom, Liz grasped for what she was going to say. She didn’t know if the G.B.s would take her seriously if she helped him while waiting for their answer. Liz hated it, but she knew if Larek wanted her to do anything council related she would have to excuse herself.
“Hi, Larek,” Liz said simply, hoping among his diplomatic skills wasn’t the ability to intuit her inner dilemma.
“How are you doing,” were his first words.
“You’ve heard,” she replied matter-of-factly as she sat down on the bed.
“Activity like that is hard to keep quiet. I heard rumblings yesterday afternoon, but not soon enough to be of any help to you myself. Max contacted me late last night.”
How is he, she wanted to ask but didn’t.
“He mentioned just how remarkable my second is.” His awe morphed into worry. “Liz, are you all right after facing Nicholas?”
Liz did a quick inventory of all her parts. “My head is still a little sore but I’m doing much better than I was last night.”
“I’m sorry, I was not even thinking about physical injuries. I assumed Max would have taken care of those. I meant how are you doing after destroying Nicholas? How are you processing?”
“I – I don’t know.” In the midst of the Kyle and Maria show, she hadn’t actually done much processing. Liz turned Larek’s question over and over in her mind a few moments before she could offer more explanation. “This may sound wrong or something, but I’m actually doing fine. Last night I was shaken up but I think that was the shock of it all. After sleep, I’ve found it hasn’t really been on my mind. I didn’t mean to kill him. It just sort of happened. ”
Of course it’s hard to give much thought to killing an evil alien when you’re obsessing over your part in destroying a good man, Liz added to herself.
“I admit I was very concerned when Max told me you had already rescued yourself when he arrived. I confess I have been worried since we started that I was asking too much of a human, from someone whose world isn’t directly involved in this mess.” Larek’s elegant British voice paused for a breath. When he continued, Liz could hear controlled anger in that voice. “I never expected this kind of danger, though. Never imagined anyone, even Nicholas, would dare violate the sacred protection you have as my second.”
“It came as a bit of a surprise to me too,” she offered with a light tone, hoping to ease his worry.
“I would understand if you wished to withdraw from this council.” He sounded just as he said, understanding.
“Thank you for your concern, Larek, but I’m fine.” The words naturally flowed out of her mouth, right past any thought she might have had to take the out he had just given her.
“I want you to know that the council is investigating what involvement Kivar had with your kidnapping. We will not rest until we unearth all who had a hand in this affront.”
“Larek, I don’t know if Max told you this but I saw inside Nicholas.”
“Saw inside?” Larek sounded disturbed by what she was telling him.
“Like his connection with me flipped. I got glimpses of a lot of things I don’t really understand or need to understand, but I did see something that might matter. I saw Kivar breaking ties with him after the last summit. I can’t say they never collaborated again,” Liz conceded, “but I did feel a sense of betrayal when Nicholas thought of Kivar.”
Larek took a few moments to absorb her words before responding. “I have known Kivar too long and too well to believe he is completely innocent of any involvement, but thank you for that information.”
“I don’t think I know any more that might help,” Liz offered truthfully. “I wish I did.”
“We will worry about that. You worry about taking care of yourself.”
Such a good man, she thought as she rubbed her temple. She really hoped the Greater Beings came through. She wanted answers, yes, but she really didn’t want to cause Larek any more trouble. He had dealt with more than enough in just these past few days.
Larek interrupted her thoughts with yet even more evidence of his good nature. “I know the woman who successfully fought Nicholas can probably handle anything, but I can have Whitmore stand guard at your hotel and accompany you around town. He may only be a human but he is well trained. He may seem mild mannered, but I would not want to go up against him especially when he is so enraged at what happened to you.”
While Liz didn’t doubt Larek, she found it hard to imagine Whitmore mad, let alone enraged. “A friend of mine who’s got a few tricks up his sleeve arrived last night. Between the two of us, not to mention my friend Maria who’s pretty ticked off about getting knocked out herself, I’m feeling more than safe. Thank you for the offer, thank Whitmore for me, but I’ll be okay.”
“It is good to have friends to keep an eye out for you.” Liz knew she wasn’t imagining the loss she heard coming from him. Larek lost his good friends years ago and alone was left to fight for their worlds. And if the Greater Beings didn’t come through, she would be faced with leaving him alone again. Liz sighed to herself. Guilt was becoming the constant destination for her train of thought.
“The council will be in recess until we are satisfied,” Larek continued, interrupting her thoughts once more. “Whitmore will be in contact with you to let you know our progress.”
Recess? “How long do you think it will take?”
“I do not except it will take too long. No more than a few days, I would imagine.”
“Really?” She didn’t disguise her surprise.
Larek laughed lightly, a good sound. “We will be thorough, do not worry, but it has been my experience that once their leader falls, most followers leap to get in the good graces of those who won.
“And Kivar?”
“Kivar has got nothing to lose admitting any involvement. It would just be another crime that we will have to look past if we agree to his deal.”
“He’ll probably make you dance for information.” Even if he wasn’t involved, Liz knew the usurper well enough by now to know direct answers weren’t his thing.
Larek lightly laughed. “As I said, I have been dealing with Kivar for a long time. I know how to do his waltz quickly and without straining too many muscles.”
“Glad to know you’re so nimble.”
“Just call me Fred Kelly.”
Liz laughed softly at Larek’s pop culture misstep. They spoke for a few more minutes, Larek insisting on leaving Whitmore’s emergency contact information in case she changed her mind. When they had hung up, Liz felt more confident that the G.B.s would answer her request. They had to. Forget what was due her, they surely owed Larek any help he wanted and for whatever reason, that help was Liz.
With a little more hope than when she entered it, Liz left her bedroom to find Kyle still sitting at the table, working on Maria’s breakfast.
“Where’s Maria?”
“Justin was dropping off her packages he got stuck holding yesterday when you two ‘got really lost.’” Kyle rolled his eyes at the excuse Maria had given Justin for their prolonged absence. “She just went to go pick them up.”
“And left you in on phone duty?” Liz asked as she observed the holy cell on the table next to him.
“This is Kyle Valenti, Ms Deluca’s assistant. How may I help you?” Kyle recited in his most professional voice.
“Nice.”
“Don’t know why she doesn’t get clothes with pockets.” He shook his head in overly overt disapproval as he took another bite of the absent woman’s eggs. “Amazing invention. You can put things in there, things like cell phones, and still have hands free to carry important packages.”
“Don’t know why she doesn’t get a step-brother who will help her carry all those packages so she has a hand free to hold her phone,” Liz retorted.
“Yeah. You should ask her that,” he smirked before shoveling in yet more of his sister’s food.
“You better hope she – “
Thump, thump, thump.
“Are you always this popular?” Kyle asked as Liz put her phone back in its receiver and moved to the door.
She did seem to be getting her fair share of surprise visitors. Other than Ava, who would be more inclined to walk right in rather than knock, she didn’t know who would be at her door. Looking through the peephole, Liz was a little startled by what she saw. While Michael himself wasn’t a real surprise, Michael clasping a brown bag in his arms and looking apprehensive was.
“It’s Michael,” Liz said over her shoulder. “He’s looking anxious.”
“Probably worried some fancy pants will see him standing at your door and wonder what he’s doing outside a VIP suite,” Kyle proposed with another smirk. “Let him in already.”
“Oh, right,” Liz muttered as she opened the door to the man.
“Is Maria here?”
No “hi” or “hey”? Liz smiled slightly. Someone only had one thing on the mind.
“No, but she should be back any minute. I’m surprised you didn’t see her talking to Justin in the lobby.”
“I came the back way,” Michael offered as he shifted on his feet, looking unusually uneasy.
“There’s a back way?”
“Yeah, several,” he replied, though Liz could tell his focus was on some inner conversation and not the one they were having. “Makes guarding this place from the outside a little difficult.”
“So are you my guard for the day?” Liz asked with a slight tease in her voice as she wondered if that was what was making Michael uneasy. Maybe his bag contained a weird weapon or surveillance device.
“Um, no,” Michael said cautiously, his attention shifting to her for the first time since she opened the door. “I mentioned that Kyle was here. Max thought between the two of you, you could take care of yourselves.”
Was that all he thought? Liz hadn’t even considered anything Max might infer from Kyle’s arrival.
“Well, do you want to come in?” she offered with a gesture of the head. “Maria should be back any minute, really. In the meantime, you can help us decide what movie to watch, as long as it doesn’t involve cheerleaders.”
“We’ve got waffles,” Kyle added helpfully from behind her.
Michael shook his head. “Thank you, but, I just…”
While he was never much for words, he seemed to be having an unusually difficult time forming a sentence.
“Here,” Michael finally grunted as he handed her the bag in his hand.
“What is it?” she asked as she looked down at the object she was holding. Whatever was in this bag, it wasn’t all that heavy.
“Something for Maria.” He took a small step back from the doorway as he spoke.
“Don’t you want to give it to her yourself?” Liz suggested as she watched him continue to edge away from her.
“No, no. It’s fine. Just…” he paused, both his speech and his movement. Her heart ached just a little bit as she watched vulnerability play across his face as he sought for words. “Tell her that I found it. With her I’ll always find it.”
“Okay,” she replied softly. Michael nodded slightly before he turned and walked away, leaving Liz with her confusion and Maria’s package.
“And just when you thought you’d filled your quota of weird alien moments,” Kyle muttered in Liz’s direction. She nodded as she shut the door. That was quite an odd exchange, even for the two of them.
“What’s in the bag?”
She shook her head as she set the item in question on the wet bar counter. “Whatever it is, it’s got Michael rather worked up.”
“What doesn’t get Michael worked up?”
Liz smiled. “True, but I haven’t seen him like this. His face was just so… Must be that ‘lost boy’ look that Maria often lamented.”
“You women are such suckers for that look.”
Yes, yes we are, Liz consented silently. How many times had her heart swelled at seeing such a similar look on Max’s face?
Damnit Liz, she cursed herself as she slid back into her chair, watching Kyle finish his breakfast. She let Michael get away without getting any information about Max. There was so much she wanted to know. How was he this morning? Had he said anything about what happened? Did he think she hated him?
“Stop thinking about Max, Liz,” Kyle’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “It’s not going to do you much good at the moment.”
“How did you - ”
“Don’t ask me why, but I’ve always known when you were thinking about Max. It may not be a jealous boyfriend instinct anymore, but it’s still there.”
“Michael said he told Max about you being here.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said as he pushed his empty plate away from him. “I heard that.”
“I wonder what he thinks that means,” she sighed.
“What do you want him to think it means?” he asked simply but Liz knew what he was really asking. Did she want to use Kyle’s appearance to further distance herself from Max? Did she want to use him like she did all those years ago? Though she never told him the full story, about Future Max and the end of the world, he had guessed that their faux night of passion was more than a girl getting rid of a persistent ex. Whatever it was really about, he didn’t need to know, or so he told her then and since. But whatever it was, whatever she needed then and since, he was there for her.
“That I’ve got a good friend and that’s all,” she replied. “But I seriously doubt that’s what he’ll think.”
Before Kyle could offer any reply of his own, there was another knock on the door.
“Jeez,” Kyle muttered as he got up to answer the knock. “How many… Oh.”
He opened the door to reveal Maria complete with shopping bags and luggage.
“So good of you to get up, Kyle,” the girl smirked as she handed off her shopping bags to Kyle. She walked into the hotel room, leaving her luggage and bag-holding-step-brother behind her. She took a look at her mysteriously disappearing breakfast, gave Kyle a dirty look, and sat back down at the table.
“Maria, what’s with the luggage?” Kyle asked as he struggled to bring Maria’s trousseau into the suite.
Maria smiled knowingly. “Justin was kind enough to deliver all my stuff like a good ex-boyfriend. You don’t think I’m going to leave the two of you here unchaperoned, do you?”
“Um, what?” Liz asked, thoroughly confused. “I may have recently had my mind played with by an evil alien, but I still have enough wits not to make a move on Kyle.”
“Hey,” Kyle objected quickly. “I’m move worthy.”
Both girls rolled their eyes and continued their conversation.
“I know that and you know that, and I’m pretty sure Kyle knows that,” Maria explained pointedly, “but does Max know that?”
“You’re trying to protect Max?” Liz quickly questioned, even more confused than before.
Maria hesitated a few moments before she answered. “I’m beginning to think that I’ve been exactly what you’ve accused me of.”
“Too hard on him?”
She nodded. “I know I’m not always the most rational person around.”
“You think?” Kyle muttered as he dragged her three bags of luggage plus four shopping bags into the bedroom. Liz tried not to smile as Maria shot him another dirty look.
“But I’m trying to work on that anger thing. I managed pretty well with Michael last night. It was,” Maria paused as she searched for words. “Good. It was good in a way that felt right and that I’ve sorely missed. It went so well that I think I’m up to trying with Max.”
“So you’re staying over.” Liz was remarkably thankful and proud of her friend. Thankful that she was offering a possible solution to the problem Liz had worried over just moments before. Proud that in less than 24 hours since their conversation about the anger that Maria had let herself be ruled by, she was making huge strides in giving it up.
Maria nodded. “I may not be running the ‘Max and Liz 4 Ever’ campaign anytime soon, but I don’t want your odd relationship to be even more strained. And I’m starting to see, thanks to both you and Michael, that Max may not be as over you as I thought. And if that’s true, then he’ll definitely think the worst with Kyle here.”
“Speaking of Michael,” Kyle interjected himself back into the room and the conversation, “you just missed him.”
“Wh-what?” Maria went from a poised woman to a flustered girl at the mention of Michael’s name.
“Damn, I’m sorry. I got distracted.” Liz pointed to the package on the counter. “He wouldn’t stay but he left that for you.”
Maria walked with forced calm over to the counter. Though she tried to hide it, Liz could tell from years of watch her friend that Maria’s heart was racing. Both Kyle and Liz looked on as Maria reached into the bag, gasped, and pulled out what looked like a small canvas. The blonde’s eyes devoured the sight before her as they quickly filled with tears. She laughed lightly as she turned the object around so her friends could see. The painting was Michael’s all right - vibrant colors, strong distinct shapes, Franz Mark with a touch of Kandinsky. It took Liz a moment to see what Maria had laughed at but when she did, she laughed herself. The painting was of Maria in Starbucks, looking royally commanding and royally pissed. Michael must have painted it last night.
“No wonder he was so uneasy at the door,” Kyle voiced from where he was standing behind Liz’s chair. “Probably didn’t know if you’d be pleased or annoyed that he captured you so well.”
Maria turned the painting back around, smiling even as tears slipped down her cheeks.
“Last night I asked him if he ever found the desire to paint again. I guess he has.” Her right hand caressed the canvas. “God, I’m so glad.”
“Maria,” Liz’s voice was soft and coaxing. “When Michel gave me the painting he told me to tell you that he found it, that with you he would always find it.”
Maria’s eyes shot up from the painting to Liz. “He said that?”
Liz nodded. Her heart ached with and for her friend. If she ever doubted her place in Michael’s life, Maria had to be beyond assured now. Even the years of separation hadn’t stopped her from being his inspiration. With both her supernatural and best friend senses, Liz knew Maria’s whole being was filled with an excited hope. What she had given up on years ago now seemed possible.
“I’ve – I’ve got to go to him,” Maria announced as she put the painting down and went to grab her coat.
“It’s been like five, maybe even ten minutes. He’s got to be long gone,” Kyle offered kindly but Maria would be undeterred.
“I know where his hotel is. If he’s not there, then I’ll just wait until he gets back.” She put her hand on the door handle, taking a pause in her exit to have one last look at the picture on the counter. “I just have to see him.”
Liz and Kyle watched as Maria opened and rushed out the door.
“Wow,” Kyle offered as the door shut behind the hurried blonde.
“Yeah,” Liz agreed. “All this and it’s not even 10 am. Wonder what the rest of the day is going to offer.”
“Cheesy movies?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Ah, crap,” Kyle muttered as he gestured at the table, “her phone.”
In her rush to find Michael, Maria had left her cell phone behind. That wasn’t good. If her potential producer called while she was out after Michael, Maria would be furious with herself.
“I can probably catch her,” Liz pronounced as she stood up and grabbed the phone.
“I can do it, Liz,” Kyle offered as Liz went to put on her coat. “What if you don’t catch her until the hotel?”
In other words, what if she runs into Max?
“I’ll deal. And I don’t know, maybe it would be a good thing. Maybe I can say some things to him I couldn’t say last night.”
“Want me to come with you? For back-up firepower just in case?”
She shook her head as she slipped both Maria’s and her own phone in her coat pockets. “If I do make it to the hotel, it would be a good idea not to have you anywhere around. Don’t want to complicate things. I’ll be fine. I’ll be extra attuned to my surroundings and call you if something seems funny.”
“You better.”
Liz left Kyle behind in her suite as she hurried down the hallway to the elevator. The ride from her floor to the lobby went by quickly but Maria appeared to have already left the hotel by the time Liz got to the ground floor.
Liz exited the hotel, ran past the bellhops and valets helping arriving guests. Scanning the scene for Maria, she tried to remember which train was the quickest way to the Clarion. Luckily for Liz, she didn’t have to think too hard. She caught a glimpse of Maria through a crowd of pedestrians on the other side of Park Avenue.
Liz hurried to the crosswalk, trying to catch up with Maria. As she tried to keep the blonde head in her eyesight, the warning alarm – the one that didn’t seem to be working yesterday – went off. Not that she was sensing anything dangerous or threatening. She just recognized the sheer stupidity of this whole situation. Maria running after Michael, her running after Maria. Just because she had killed the big, bad alien yesterday didn’t mean everything was all clear.
“Maria, hold on, your phone,” Liz shouted over through the crowd but Maria didn’t stop her quick stride.
Liz maneuvered her way in between shoppers, tourists, and locals, trying to keep her friend in sight. As she turned a corner she had seen Maria go around, her stride was stopped by a body – a very little body – that she had to quickly side step to avoid.
Looking down Liz saw a young girl standing before her, looking slightly startled.
“Oh sweetie,” Liz exclaimed as she knelt down so she and the girl were face to face. “I’m so sorry I almost ran into you. Are you okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.” The little girl, who couldn’t have been more than nine, looked up at her with big chocolate brown eyes. Along with her hazelnut skin and pig-tailed hair, those eyes made her absolutely adorable. Looking up from the girl, Liz glanced around to see where her parents were. She saw no one who appeared like they were with her. No one had her in their eyeline, no one was looking frantically for a lost charge.
“Hun, where are your parents? Are you lost?” Liz asked as she focused her sense on the girl. She didn’t pick up any fear or anxiety, rather an unusual calm.
“I don’t know where they are and no, ma’am, I’m not lost,” the little girl replied.
“Is there someone I can help you find?” Maria may need her phone, but Liz couldn’t let a young child wander around this big city alone.
The little girl smiled and shook her head. “I’ve found who I needed to find, thank you.”
“Where?” Liz looked around again. She still didn’t see anyone who was paying this girl any attention. It certainly didn’t appear as though she had found someone.
“Right here,” the little girl responded looking as confused as Liz felt. Maybe this someone was her imaginary friend and she didn’t understand why Liz couldn’t see it.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I don’t see anyone.”
“I wasn’t looking for anyone. I was looking for you, Liz.”
“What?” Confusion was quickly replaced by apprehension. “Who-who are you?”
The little girl giggled. “I’m sorry. I forgot. I’m not used to speaking with beings who aren’t more than a little all-knowing.”
Liz’s eyes widened. This wasn’t, it couldn’t be…
The girl extended her hand and a sweet smile. “My name is Serena.”
Reunion
i had guards like watchdogs dogs in a manger
i could feel the protection possession and anger
and i drove out of there with no one behind me
feeling funny and free all you pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't you precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers
and i got nothing to hide
i laughed as i said it this is my situation
it's not pictures or privilege its just self preservation
i don't want you to feel any obligation
would it be so funny to be free all you pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't you precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers
and i got nothing to hide
we act empty and innocent but we are fueled by distortions
(i remember you when we were shiny and new)
of lives led in discontent trading misfortunes (now you guard your faith)
cause faith is one thing that is hard to deliver (temper your speed)
it feels funny being free all you pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't you precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers pretty pretenders negligent vendors
aren't we precious inside
i have no need for anger with intimate strangers i got nothing to hide
i had guards like watchdogs dogs in a manger (i remember you)
- Indigo Girls
“Maria, stop hogging the jam.”
“I’m not done with it. And what do you need it for? Your waffles are already covered in whip cream and chocolate syrup.”
Kyle frowned as he looked down at the plate before him. Maria was right, you could barely tell there was an actual waffle for all the extras he had piled on. Even so, Kyle wasn’t satisfied.
“I can still see a little corner of waffle. It’s so sad and bare.”
“Do you really need to eat everything on the table at once?”
Kyle stroked his chin, pretending to be in deep thought. “Yes,” he replied after a moment, “so if you’d pass some of your eggs as well as the jam, I’d appreciate it.”
A bite of egg intended for Maria’s mouth found their way across the table to Kyle’s face. Kyle calmly picked off a piece of egg that was sliding down his cheek and placed it on top of his waffle.
“Thank you. Now how about that jam?”
Mid-bite of her own eggs, Liz tried not to choke on her breakfast. Seeing a familiar glint in Maria’s eye, Liz grabbed the jam and passed it to Kyle herself. She didn’t feel like getting caught in the middle of a food fight right after she took a shower.
Maria and Kyle had both properly freaked out when the Sheriff and Amy Deluca announced they were getting married. One October weekend their sophomore year, the two had received phone calls from their parents. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, and it wasn’t to Liz, but the soon-to-be-step-siblings acted like it was the most shocking thing they had heard. After getting off the phone with their respective parents, they got on the phone with each other and spent the next couple hours discussing just how crazy their parents were and why this would never work. Once they had gotten that initial reaction out of their system, both Kyle and Maria settled down to being supportive and even excited about their parents’ nuptials. They both enjoyed their odd little family, though neither seemed to relish witnessing the affection the Sheriff and Mrs. Valenti showered on one another.
“Glad you spent the night now?” Liz asked Maria who was currently giving Kyle the evil eye while Kyle ate his whip cream, chocolate, jam, egg covered waffle with deliberative pleasure.
“I’m not sure. I’m thinking the ladies working the street outside Justin’s apartment last night would have been less frightening.”
Maria had opted to share a bed with Liz instead of brave the city’s colorful night life, which seemed to be extra colorful by Justin’s apartment, by herself. At least that’s what she said. Liz had her suspicions that Maria didn’t want to let her out of her sight.
“Mmmm, so tasty,” Kyle moaned as he took another bite.
“Okay, Kyle, now that’s just overkill,” Liz challenged her ridiculous friend.
Kyle shrugged and went back to eating his breakfast sans dramatic expressions.
No longer distracted by the man across from her, Maria asked Liz, “So what’s the plan for the day?”
“Plan?” Liz echoed.
“You know, the thing you live for,” Maria answered.
“Sit around waiting for that producer to call you?” The producer Maria met in California was supposed to call sometime today and Maria had her cell in her sight since the moment she woke up. Liz had to promise to answer as her assistant and stall professionally if the phone rang while she had been in the shower. Waiting for Maria’s phone call while Liz waited for the G.B.s’ answer sounded like a perfectly good option.
“If I have to spend the day with nothing to do but watch her freak out as she waits, I’ll go crazy,” Kyle offered as he shoveled more waffle in his mouth.
“Okay,” Liz tried again, “how about seeing what’s on Movies on Demand?”
“Oh, they have this great cheerleader movie - ”
“No, Kyle,” both girls interrupted their friend.
“With Tommy Lee Jones,” Kyle continued indignantly. “I wasn’t going to suggest anything inappropriate. But if you ladies have that on the mind, I could make a couple suggestions. There’s this really good one that has the girls practicing their cheers, complete with trampolines and without tops.”
Liz and Maria gagged in unison.
“Don’t judge so quickly. It’s got great cinematography and – “
Kyle was interrupted by the hotel telephone ringing.
“I’ll bet that’s Ava,” Maria announced as she got up to answer the phone and get away from Kyle.
“You’re too much,” Liz told Kyle as Maria went to the phone.
“And that’s why you love me,” he replied confidently.
“True, true.”
“Liz,” Maria interrupted as she brought the phone over to her friend, “it’s not Ava.”
“Who is it?” Liz asked with forced ease. Max wouldn’t be calling her so soon, would he?
“Larek.”
Crap. Not Max but not much better.
Taking the phone and moving into the bedroom, Liz grasped for what she was going to say. She didn’t know if the G.B.s would take her seriously if she helped him while waiting for their answer. Liz hated it, but she knew if Larek wanted her to do anything council related she would have to excuse herself.
“Hi, Larek,” Liz said simply, hoping among his diplomatic skills wasn’t the ability to intuit her inner dilemma.
“How are you doing,” were his first words.
“You’ve heard,” she replied matter-of-factly as she sat down on the bed.
“Activity like that is hard to keep quiet. I heard rumblings yesterday afternoon, but not soon enough to be of any help to you myself. Max contacted me late last night.”
How is he, she wanted to ask but didn’t.
“He mentioned just how remarkable my second is.” His awe morphed into worry. “Liz, are you all right after facing Nicholas?”
Liz did a quick inventory of all her parts. “My head is still a little sore but I’m doing much better than I was last night.”
“I’m sorry, I was not even thinking about physical injuries. I assumed Max would have taken care of those. I meant how are you doing after destroying Nicholas? How are you processing?”
“I – I don’t know.” In the midst of the Kyle and Maria show, she hadn’t actually done much processing. Liz turned Larek’s question over and over in her mind a few moments before she could offer more explanation. “This may sound wrong or something, but I’m actually doing fine. Last night I was shaken up but I think that was the shock of it all. After sleep, I’ve found it hasn’t really been on my mind. I didn’t mean to kill him. It just sort of happened. ”
Of course it’s hard to give much thought to killing an evil alien when you’re obsessing over your part in destroying a good man, Liz added to herself.
“I admit I was very concerned when Max told me you had already rescued yourself when he arrived. I confess I have been worried since we started that I was asking too much of a human, from someone whose world isn’t directly involved in this mess.” Larek’s elegant British voice paused for a breath. When he continued, Liz could hear controlled anger in that voice. “I never expected this kind of danger, though. Never imagined anyone, even Nicholas, would dare violate the sacred protection you have as my second.”
“It came as a bit of a surprise to me too,” she offered with a light tone, hoping to ease his worry.
“I would understand if you wished to withdraw from this council.” He sounded just as he said, understanding.
“Thank you for your concern, Larek, but I’m fine.” The words naturally flowed out of her mouth, right past any thought she might have had to take the out he had just given her.
“I want you to know that the council is investigating what involvement Kivar had with your kidnapping. We will not rest until we unearth all who had a hand in this affront.”
“Larek, I don’t know if Max told you this but I saw inside Nicholas.”
“Saw inside?” Larek sounded disturbed by what she was telling him.
“Like his connection with me flipped. I got glimpses of a lot of things I don’t really understand or need to understand, but I did see something that might matter. I saw Kivar breaking ties with him after the last summit. I can’t say they never collaborated again,” Liz conceded, “but I did feel a sense of betrayal when Nicholas thought of Kivar.”
Larek took a few moments to absorb her words before responding. “I have known Kivar too long and too well to believe he is completely innocent of any involvement, but thank you for that information.”
“I don’t think I know any more that might help,” Liz offered truthfully. “I wish I did.”
“We will worry about that. You worry about taking care of yourself.”
Such a good man, she thought as she rubbed her temple. She really hoped the Greater Beings came through. She wanted answers, yes, but she really didn’t want to cause Larek any more trouble. He had dealt with more than enough in just these past few days.
Larek interrupted her thoughts with yet even more evidence of his good nature. “I know the woman who successfully fought Nicholas can probably handle anything, but I can have Whitmore stand guard at your hotel and accompany you around town. He may only be a human but he is well trained. He may seem mild mannered, but I would not want to go up against him especially when he is so enraged at what happened to you.”
While Liz didn’t doubt Larek, she found it hard to imagine Whitmore mad, let alone enraged. “A friend of mine who’s got a few tricks up his sleeve arrived last night. Between the two of us, not to mention my friend Maria who’s pretty ticked off about getting knocked out herself, I’m feeling more than safe. Thank you for the offer, thank Whitmore for me, but I’ll be okay.”
“It is good to have friends to keep an eye out for you.” Liz knew she wasn’t imagining the loss she heard coming from him. Larek lost his good friends years ago and alone was left to fight for their worlds. And if the Greater Beings didn’t come through, she would be faced with leaving him alone again. Liz sighed to herself. Guilt was becoming the constant destination for her train of thought.
“The council will be in recess until we are satisfied,” Larek continued, interrupting her thoughts once more. “Whitmore will be in contact with you to let you know our progress.”
Recess? “How long do you think it will take?”
“I do not except it will take too long. No more than a few days, I would imagine.”
“Really?” She didn’t disguise her surprise.
Larek laughed lightly, a good sound. “We will be thorough, do not worry, but it has been my experience that once their leader falls, most followers leap to get in the good graces of those who won.
“And Kivar?”
“Kivar has got nothing to lose admitting any involvement. It would just be another crime that we will have to look past if we agree to his deal.”
“He’ll probably make you dance for information.” Even if he wasn’t involved, Liz knew the usurper well enough by now to know direct answers weren’t his thing.
Larek lightly laughed. “As I said, I have been dealing with Kivar for a long time. I know how to do his waltz quickly and without straining too many muscles.”
“Glad to know you’re so nimble.”
“Just call me Fred Kelly.”
Liz laughed softly at Larek’s pop culture misstep. They spoke for a few more minutes, Larek insisting on leaving Whitmore’s emergency contact information in case she changed her mind. When they had hung up, Liz felt more confident that the G.B.s would answer her request. They had to. Forget what was due her, they surely owed Larek any help he wanted and for whatever reason, that help was Liz.
With a little more hope than when she entered it, Liz left her bedroom to find Kyle still sitting at the table, working on Maria’s breakfast.
“Where’s Maria?”
“Justin was dropping off her packages he got stuck holding yesterday when you two ‘got really lost.’” Kyle rolled his eyes at the excuse Maria had given Justin for their prolonged absence. “She just went to go pick them up.”
“And left you in on phone duty?” Liz asked as she observed the holy cell on the table next to him.
“This is Kyle Valenti, Ms Deluca’s assistant. How may I help you?” Kyle recited in his most professional voice.
“Nice.”
“Don’t know why she doesn’t get clothes with pockets.” He shook his head in overly overt disapproval as he took another bite of the absent woman’s eggs. “Amazing invention. You can put things in there, things like cell phones, and still have hands free to carry important packages.”
“Don’t know why she doesn’t get a step-brother who will help her carry all those packages so she has a hand free to hold her phone,” Liz retorted.
“Yeah. You should ask her that,” he smirked before shoveling in yet more of his sister’s food.
“You better hope she – “
Thump, thump, thump.
“Are you always this popular?” Kyle asked as Liz put her phone back in its receiver and moved to the door.
She did seem to be getting her fair share of surprise visitors. Other than Ava, who would be more inclined to walk right in rather than knock, she didn’t know who would be at her door. Looking through the peephole, Liz was a little startled by what she saw. While Michael himself wasn’t a real surprise, Michael clasping a brown bag in his arms and looking apprehensive was.
“It’s Michael,” Liz said over her shoulder. “He’s looking anxious.”
“Probably worried some fancy pants will see him standing at your door and wonder what he’s doing outside a VIP suite,” Kyle proposed with another smirk. “Let him in already.”
“Oh, right,” Liz muttered as she opened the door to the man.
“Is Maria here?”
No “hi” or “hey”? Liz smiled slightly. Someone only had one thing on the mind.
“No, but she should be back any minute. I’m surprised you didn’t see her talking to Justin in the lobby.”
“I came the back way,” Michael offered as he shifted on his feet, looking unusually uneasy.
“There’s a back way?”
“Yeah, several,” he replied, though Liz could tell his focus was on some inner conversation and not the one they were having. “Makes guarding this place from the outside a little difficult.”
“So are you my guard for the day?” Liz asked with a slight tease in her voice as she wondered if that was what was making Michael uneasy. Maybe his bag contained a weird weapon or surveillance device.
“Um, no,” Michael said cautiously, his attention shifting to her for the first time since she opened the door. “I mentioned that Kyle was here. Max thought between the two of you, you could take care of yourselves.”
Was that all he thought? Liz hadn’t even considered anything Max might infer from Kyle’s arrival.
“Well, do you want to come in?” she offered with a gesture of the head. “Maria should be back any minute, really. In the meantime, you can help us decide what movie to watch, as long as it doesn’t involve cheerleaders.”
“We’ve got waffles,” Kyle added helpfully from behind her.
Michael shook his head. “Thank you, but, I just…”
While he was never much for words, he seemed to be having an unusually difficult time forming a sentence.
“Here,” Michael finally grunted as he handed her the bag in his hand.
“What is it?” she asked as she looked down at the object she was holding. Whatever was in this bag, it wasn’t all that heavy.
“Something for Maria.” He took a small step back from the doorway as he spoke.
“Don’t you want to give it to her yourself?” Liz suggested as she watched him continue to edge away from her.
“No, no. It’s fine. Just…” he paused, both his speech and his movement. Her heart ached just a little bit as she watched vulnerability play across his face as he sought for words. “Tell her that I found it. With her I’ll always find it.”
“Okay,” she replied softly. Michael nodded slightly before he turned and walked away, leaving Liz with her confusion and Maria’s package.
“And just when you thought you’d filled your quota of weird alien moments,” Kyle muttered in Liz’s direction. She nodded as she shut the door. That was quite an odd exchange, even for the two of them.
“What’s in the bag?”
She shook her head as she set the item in question on the wet bar counter. “Whatever it is, it’s got Michael rather worked up.”
“What doesn’t get Michael worked up?”
Liz smiled. “True, but I haven’t seen him like this. His face was just so… Must be that ‘lost boy’ look that Maria often lamented.”
“You women are such suckers for that look.”
Yes, yes we are, Liz consented silently. How many times had her heart swelled at seeing such a similar look on Max’s face?
Damnit Liz, she cursed herself as she slid back into her chair, watching Kyle finish his breakfast. She let Michael get away without getting any information about Max. There was so much she wanted to know. How was he this morning? Had he said anything about what happened? Did he think she hated him?
“Stop thinking about Max, Liz,” Kyle’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “It’s not going to do you much good at the moment.”
“How did you - ”
“Don’t ask me why, but I’ve always known when you were thinking about Max. It may not be a jealous boyfriend instinct anymore, but it’s still there.”
“Michael said he told Max about you being here.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said as he pushed his empty plate away from him. “I heard that.”
“I wonder what he thinks that means,” she sighed.
“What do you want him to think it means?” he asked simply but Liz knew what he was really asking. Did she want to use Kyle’s appearance to further distance herself from Max? Did she want to use him like she did all those years ago? Though she never told him the full story, about Future Max and the end of the world, he had guessed that their faux night of passion was more than a girl getting rid of a persistent ex. Whatever it was really about, he didn’t need to know, or so he told her then and since. But whatever it was, whatever she needed then and since, he was there for her.
“That I’ve got a good friend and that’s all,” she replied. “But I seriously doubt that’s what he’ll think.”
Before Kyle could offer any reply of his own, there was another knock on the door.
“Jeez,” Kyle muttered as he got up to answer the knock. “How many… Oh.”
He opened the door to reveal Maria complete with shopping bags and luggage.
“So good of you to get up, Kyle,” the girl smirked as she handed off her shopping bags to Kyle. She walked into the hotel room, leaving her luggage and bag-holding-step-brother behind her. She took a look at her mysteriously disappearing breakfast, gave Kyle a dirty look, and sat back down at the table.
“Maria, what’s with the luggage?” Kyle asked as he struggled to bring Maria’s trousseau into the suite.
Maria smiled knowingly. “Justin was kind enough to deliver all my stuff like a good ex-boyfriend. You don’t think I’m going to leave the two of you here unchaperoned, do you?”
“Um, what?” Liz asked, thoroughly confused. “I may have recently had my mind played with by an evil alien, but I still have enough wits not to make a move on Kyle.”
“Hey,” Kyle objected quickly. “I’m move worthy.”
Both girls rolled their eyes and continued their conversation.
“I know that and you know that, and I’m pretty sure Kyle knows that,” Maria explained pointedly, “but does Max know that?”
“You’re trying to protect Max?” Liz quickly questioned, even more confused than before.
Maria hesitated a few moments before she answered. “I’m beginning to think that I’ve been exactly what you’ve accused me of.”
“Too hard on him?”
She nodded. “I know I’m not always the most rational person around.”
“You think?” Kyle muttered as he dragged her three bags of luggage plus four shopping bags into the bedroom. Liz tried not to smile as Maria shot him another dirty look.
“But I’m trying to work on that anger thing. I managed pretty well with Michael last night. It was,” Maria paused as she searched for words. “Good. It was good in a way that felt right and that I’ve sorely missed. It went so well that I think I’m up to trying with Max.”
“So you’re staying over.” Liz was remarkably thankful and proud of her friend. Thankful that she was offering a possible solution to the problem Liz had worried over just moments before. Proud that in less than 24 hours since their conversation about the anger that Maria had let herself be ruled by, she was making huge strides in giving it up.
Maria nodded. “I may not be running the ‘Max and Liz 4 Ever’ campaign anytime soon, but I don’t want your odd relationship to be even more strained. And I’m starting to see, thanks to both you and Michael, that Max may not be as over you as I thought. And if that’s true, then he’ll definitely think the worst with Kyle here.”
“Speaking of Michael,” Kyle interjected himself back into the room and the conversation, “you just missed him.”
“Wh-what?” Maria went from a poised woman to a flustered girl at the mention of Michael’s name.
“Damn, I’m sorry. I got distracted.” Liz pointed to the package on the counter. “He wouldn’t stay but he left that for you.”
Maria walked with forced calm over to the counter. Though she tried to hide it, Liz could tell from years of watch her friend that Maria’s heart was racing. Both Kyle and Liz looked on as Maria reached into the bag, gasped, and pulled out what looked like a small canvas. The blonde’s eyes devoured the sight before her as they quickly filled with tears. She laughed lightly as she turned the object around so her friends could see. The painting was Michael’s all right - vibrant colors, strong distinct shapes, Franz Mark with a touch of Kandinsky. It took Liz a moment to see what Maria had laughed at but when she did, she laughed herself. The painting was of Maria in Starbucks, looking royally commanding and royally pissed. Michael must have painted it last night.
“No wonder he was so uneasy at the door,” Kyle voiced from where he was standing behind Liz’s chair. “Probably didn’t know if you’d be pleased or annoyed that he captured you so well.”
Maria turned the painting back around, smiling even as tears slipped down her cheeks.
“Last night I asked him if he ever found the desire to paint again. I guess he has.” Her right hand caressed the canvas. “God, I’m so glad.”
“Maria,” Liz’s voice was soft and coaxing. “When Michel gave me the painting he told me to tell you that he found it, that with you he would always find it.”
Maria’s eyes shot up from the painting to Liz. “He said that?”
Liz nodded. Her heart ached with and for her friend. If she ever doubted her place in Michael’s life, Maria had to be beyond assured now. Even the years of separation hadn’t stopped her from being his inspiration. With both her supernatural and best friend senses, Liz knew Maria’s whole being was filled with an excited hope. What she had given up on years ago now seemed possible.
“I’ve – I’ve got to go to him,” Maria announced as she put the painting down and went to grab her coat.
“It’s been like five, maybe even ten minutes. He’s got to be long gone,” Kyle offered kindly but Maria would be undeterred.
“I know where his hotel is. If he’s not there, then I’ll just wait until he gets back.” She put her hand on the door handle, taking a pause in her exit to have one last look at the picture on the counter. “I just have to see him.”
Liz and Kyle watched as Maria opened and rushed out the door.
“Wow,” Kyle offered as the door shut behind the hurried blonde.
“Yeah,” Liz agreed. “All this and it’s not even 10 am. Wonder what the rest of the day is going to offer.”
“Cheesy movies?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Ah, crap,” Kyle muttered as he gestured at the table, “her phone.”
In her rush to find Michael, Maria had left her cell phone behind. That wasn’t good. If her potential producer called while she was out after Michael, Maria would be furious with herself.
“I can probably catch her,” Liz pronounced as she stood up and grabbed the phone.
“I can do it, Liz,” Kyle offered as Liz went to put on her coat. “What if you don’t catch her until the hotel?”
In other words, what if she runs into Max?
“I’ll deal. And I don’t know, maybe it would be a good thing. Maybe I can say some things to him I couldn’t say last night.”
“Want me to come with you? For back-up firepower just in case?”
She shook her head as she slipped both Maria’s and her own phone in her coat pockets. “If I do make it to the hotel, it would be a good idea not to have you anywhere around. Don’t want to complicate things. I’ll be fine. I’ll be extra attuned to my surroundings and call you if something seems funny.”
“You better.”
Liz left Kyle behind in her suite as she hurried down the hallway to the elevator. The ride from her floor to the lobby went by quickly but Maria appeared to have already left the hotel by the time Liz got to the ground floor.
Liz exited the hotel, ran past the bellhops and valets helping arriving guests. Scanning the scene for Maria, she tried to remember which train was the quickest way to the Clarion. Luckily for Liz, she didn’t have to think too hard. She caught a glimpse of Maria through a crowd of pedestrians on the other side of Park Avenue.
Liz hurried to the crosswalk, trying to catch up with Maria. As she tried to keep the blonde head in her eyesight, the warning alarm – the one that didn’t seem to be working yesterday – went off. Not that she was sensing anything dangerous or threatening. She just recognized the sheer stupidity of this whole situation. Maria running after Michael, her running after Maria. Just because she had killed the big, bad alien yesterday didn’t mean everything was all clear.
“Maria, hold on, your phone,” Liz shouted over through the crowd but Maria didn’t stop her quick stride.
Liz maneuvered her way in between shoppers, tourists, and locals, trying to keep her friend in sight. As she turned a corner she had seen Maria go around, her stride was stopped by a body – a very little body – that she had to quickly side step to avoid.
Looking down Liz saw a young girl standing before her, looking slightly startled.
“Oh sweetie,” Liz exclaimed as she knelt down so she and the girl were face to face. “I’m so sorry I almost ran into you. Are you okay?”
“Yes, ma’am.” The little girl, who couldn’t have been more than nine, looked up at her with big chocolate brown eyes. Along with her hazelnut skin and pig-tailed hair, those eyes made her absolutely adorable. Looking up from the girl, Liz glanced around to see where her parents were. She saw no one who appeared like they were with her. No one had her in their eyeline, no one was looking frantically for a lost charge.
“Hun, where are your parents? Are you lost?” Liz asked as she focused her sense on the girl. She didn’t pick up any fear or anxiety, rather an unusual calm.
“I don’t know where they are and no, ma’am, I’m not lost,” the little girl replied.
“Is there someone I can help you find?” Maria may need her phone, but Liz couldn’t let a young child wander around this big city alone.
The little girl smiled and shook her head. “I’ve found who I needed to find, thank you.”
“Where?” Liz looked around again. She still didn’t see anyone who was paying this girl any attention. It certainly didn’t appear as though she had found someone.
“Right here,” the little girl responded looking as confused as Liz felt. Maybe this someone was her imaginary friend and she didn’t understand why Liz couldn’t see it.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I don’t see anyone.”
“I wasn’t looking for anyone. I was looking for you, Liz.”
“What?” Confusion was quickly replaced by apprehension. “Who-who are you?”
The little girl giggled. “I’m sorry. I forgot. I’m not used to speaking with beings who aren’t more than a little all-knowing.”
Liz’s eyes widened. This wasn’t, it couldn’t be…
The girl extended her hand and a sweet smile. “My name is Serena.”
Last edited by Doublestuf on Fri Jul 21, 2006 6:02 pm, edited 3 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
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Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 24
Part 24
Cut It Out
I'm sittin in Darwin's theory
You're down in the 48
I'm practicing politics
You're practicing guitar and staying out late
How did we get so turned around
Why did we make it so hard
Can't we cut it out while it's tender
Give us something good to remember
Hey my my my rock star
I saw your feet leave the ground
You said all I want to be is loud
I was ushering your friends in
I was trying to clear the aisles
So how did you get so turned around
Why do you make it so hard
Why can't you cut it out I'm tender
Give me something good to remember
Cut it out cut it all out
So it's Alaska in the summertime
In the wintertime I'm free
But the days get short cold and wasted
Nowhere is warm enough for me
Baby you tell me what happened
How did I make it so hard
Can't we cut it out while it's tender
Give me something good to remember
Cut it out cut it all out
- Indigo Girls
Watching the young girl sitting next to her take such clear delight in the pretzel they had purchased from a street vendor, Liz felt unusually unbalanced. It was an innocent enough scene; Liz would have guessed any onlookers assumed she was a nanny sharing a Central Park bench with her young charge who was enjoying a snack before school. Except that any onlookers would just be seeing her, not Serena with her beautiful dark eyes and hazelnut skin, because this young girl wasn’t some school kid. She was an otherworldly being who was doing that selective revelation thing Alex had down. An otherworldly being who had, when they sat down on their bench, commented on how nice it was to be able to sit in the open next to a white woman, even if no one else could see them. Between that comment and the dated look of her school uniform and sound of her speech, Liz figured that this girl who looked to be about nine was probably twice as old as she was and maybe more.
As odd as that thought was, what really was throwing Liz off-kilter was watching Serena eat her pretzel. She had thought she had this Guardian thing figured out. They might look like they were normal humans and you might be able to hug them and laugh with them and cry with them, but they weren’t as they appeared. Guardians were otherworldly beings who could store the newest indie rock album in their heads and disappear into thin air. They were beyond space and time and so of course they didn’t sleep or eat. At least that’s what she had thought. But here was a Guardian consuming her salty treat with glee. Liz’s insides twisted just a bit; she hated it when something challenged what she thought she knew. She even gave a little “harrumph” in displeasure.
Her attention shifting at the sound of Liz’s discontent, Serena put her pretzel down. She smiled knowingly – Liz decided this was a popular Guardian expression – and said, “I’m not really eating it.”
“How did you –“ Liz cut herself off before she asked a stupid question, because of course a Guardian would know what she was wondering. Serena answered anyway.
“You’re making your ‘I’m-confused-and-I-don’t-like-it’ scrunchie face.”
“Oh,” Liz replied softly, absorbing the girl’s words. Wait, scrunchie? What kind of a face was that?
“I like to pretend,” Serena continued with a shrug. “Plus I’m used to pretending around you.”
Finally, something, Liz thought as her inquisitive antenna went immediately up. “What do you mean?” she asked. This was the first mention since she had bumped into the girl, almost thirty minutes ago, of their previous experiences in that alternate future together.
Serena smiled as she took another ‘bite’ of her pretzel. Liz tried to wait patiently while her companion chewed her food, but now that she knew the girl wasn’t actually eating, she found her patience evaporating.
“I don’t mean to hurry you, but you did say you were here to talk to me. Do you think we might do that sometime soon?” After she had recovered from her shock of almost literally bumping into the Guardian, Liz had found the wits to ask the girl if she had come to answer her questions. Serena replied sweetly, even if a little slyly, that she was here to talk with her. If she would answer Liz’s questions was yet to be determined.
Getting no immediate response, Liz continued. “Because if we’re not going to do that in the near future, I really ought to get this phone to Maria. She’s waiting for an important call.”
“Don’t worry,” Serena assured her as she enjoyed yet another bite. “She won’t need her phone ‘til tomorrow.”
Oh, Liz thought as she fiddled with the phone in question. That was good to know. But it got her no closer to the much-desired conversation. Liz opened her mouth to push Serena again but Serena spoke before she could.
“You were pushy last time too,” she said with a teasing smile. “I like it.”
Pushy? She wasn’t pushy, she was just on task.
Serena popped the last bite of pretzel in her mouth and stood up. Still mumbling to herself about this pushy business, Liz followed her example. Looking around at the snow-covered park in front of her, a huge grin crossed Serena’s face.
“You want to go make snow angels?” Her eyes, those eyes that reflected her ageless wisdom, were filled with childlike excitement. Irritation that had been building quickly dissolved as Liz found herself overcome with empathy and understanding. Those eyes and the way Serena had asked to play clued Liz into why they had just made time for Serena to pretend-eat a snack. The pretzel, snow angels – these things were Serena’s music stores. Like Alex, Serena seemed to long for things that reminded her of her human existence. Serena’s life had been cut drastically short, even shorter than Alex’s, so of course she would want to play and enjoy the day. Though she may sound much more grown up than the average nine year old, all she wanted was some time to just be a kid. Liz could give her that.
With a new attitude and a smile Liz offered an ‘of course’ and followed Serena into a part of the park with a patch of untouched snow. They quickly made a mess of the pristine white, first with snow angels, then snowmen, and then snowball fights. Liz briefly wondered what those making their way toward the hill for sledding or enjoying the snow’s weapon potential themselves must be thinking. She was throwing snowballs at someone no one else could see and ducking from Serena’s arsenal of cold wetness that wasn’t actually flying toward her.
Splat! Another one landed smack on her head. The snowballs that kept hitting her sure felt real, she thought wryly.
Between giggling and flinging snow back and forth, Liz actually enjoyed herself and was able to let her need for answers take a back seat to fun. She enjoyed herself so much she didn’t realize over an hour had gone by since she had left her hotel until her phone rang.
“Hold on, Serena,” Liz called out to the girl who was ducking behind a tree, both hands loaded with snowballs. She flipped open her phone with a “Hello?”
“So are you watching Maria and Michael make out or did you get waylaid by something else?”
Liz laughed at Kyle’s opening words. “Something else. Definitely something else.”
“An okay something else? Because you kinda got me worried and I’m pretty sure Ava is ready to blow someone up.”
“Ava’s there?”
“Yep, she got here about 20 minutes after you left.”
“Tell her I’m fine. I ran into someone who has some answers I need and I’m working on getting those.” Liz looked to Serena who had put down the snowballs and come to stand by her. “In fact, I think I’m about to get somewhere. Sorry I didn’t call you, I got distracted.”
“No worries, man. Just be safe and call me when you’re on your way back.”
“Will do.”
“Oh, and when you do get back, obey the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, okay?”
“What?” Liz asked incredulously at the same time she heard Kyle let out a loud “ouch.” Liz smirked into the phone. Apparently Kyle’s humor wasn’t well appreciated by Ava.
“Don’t piss the girl off,” she advised. “You may have firepower but she can totally take you.”
“I know, I know,” Kyle muttered as they said their goodbyes. Liz heard an “Ava, I swear I was kidding” that made her laugh out loud as she hung up the phone.
Hanging up with Kyle, Liz turned to Serena. “My friends were getting a little worried about me. I guess I’ve given them plenty to worry about lately.”
“They’re good friends. Always have been.”
Liz’s eager curiosity, the one that had been set aside for snow angels, came rushing back at yet another hint of their other existence together. “Can we sit and talk? I have so many questions.”
Serena nodded and they headed for the Ravine, one of the more secluded areas of the park. Thanks to the winter cold, the tourist population was sparse. They passed a few cross-country skiers and a family that appeared to be heading for the ice skating rink, but for the most part Liz and Serena had privacy.
“Thanks for playing with me,” Serena said as they sat down on another park bench close by the Loch which had been frozen over. The young girl gathered snow on the arm of the bench into a ball and threw it at the frozen stream, smiling as it failed to break through the ice when it hit. “We never had snow in Mississippi. I didn’t get to see it until after I died. It’s such a kick.”
“We didn’t have any in Roswell. That was one of my favorite parts of moving to Boston.”
“It’s like every time there’s snow,” Serena mused as she twirled a pigtail, “there’s a new beginning. Everything’s clean and pure and possible.”
Liz gasped. It was like Serena had taken the words right out of her mouth. How weird to be hearing her own thoughts coming from a nine year old. Okay, a nine year old looking Guardian. Still weird – in a good way. “That’s exactly I how feel.”
“I know,” she grinned, “you told me that one day when you thought I was scared. You told me all about the snow to help me not think about what was around us.”
Questions swamped Liz’s mind. Where had they been? What had been around them? Why had she thought Serena would be scared? Liz thought of all those but went with some basics first.
“When we knew each other, did I know you were a Guardian? Did other people see you? Did Max?”
“Nope, you were the oddball then too. Only one who got to see me.”
“So we were friends, like Future Max said?”
“Tight as can be,” Serena nodded.
Liz made what she now knew was her ‘scrunchie’ face. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but how did I become friends with, well, with-“
“An ankle-biter?”
“Yeah. Did I babysit you or something?”
Serena looked thoughtful for a few moments before she answered. “You did look out for me.”
“So,” Liz pushed, “how did we know each other?”
“We found ourselves in the same place at the same time.”
Liz made mental note. Being evasive was another one of those popular Guardian tools. “Look, we’re going to have to get to some real details here if this get together is going to be at all useful. I had fun playing in the snow, but I really need more than that. I need some answers.”
Serena squirmed in her seat as she made her own scrunchie face. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be a goof. We just don’t often do this talking to humans thing and last time you and I did, it was a little different.”
“Different how?”
“Different like you didn’t know about Guardians or anything like that.”
“Okay,” Liz replied, “then who or what did I think you were?”
“You thought I was a fellow prisoner.”
Now that she hadn’t expected. Serena had been a prisoner. She had been a prisoner. Whose? Liz was pretty sure she knew the answer but she asked anyway.
“Nicholas’s, the little twerp,” Serena answered, sounding exactly like the nine-year-old kid she looked to be.
“He is a twerp. Or I suppose, was now,” she amended. Again, at the thought of Nicholas’ ending, she found herself surprisingly free of the guilt she would have expected. Maybe she should have been worried about her lack guilt–worried she was being hardened like her alien friends had been. But she wasn’t. She was neither guilty nor worried and she was okay with that. “He had us both prisoner? How did he get you?”
“He didn’t. He didn’t even know I was there. Remember, you’re the only one that saw me.”
Right, right, Liz thought, trying to piece together this information. “So, how did he get me?”
“It was in the final days of Kivar’s assault on Earth. You had lead a team that was supposed to just be recon–no engaging in enemy fire. You were looking for a crystal that activates the granolith.”
Crystal, crystal… “I found that crystal. Maria, Michael, and I did, along with the corrupted translation of the destiny book. It’s how Max and the others were going to go home when Tess made them think their mother was contacting them through dreams.”
Serena shook her head. “You didn’t have it in that life. In that life, when Tess split town, she took both the crystal and the book with her. She didn’t leave it in some booby-trapped abandoned house where you could find it. But you knew of it and had gotten desperate enough in the fight to seek it out so you could harness the granolith’s power. And when you did, you fell into a trap Nicholas had laid.”
“A trap?”
“He had been after you for some time.”
“After me?” Brilliant questions, Liz, she mocked herself after yet another echo of Serena’s words.
“As the woman who was circled to the resistance’s leader and a pretty boss leader in her own right, you had a lot of worth. Plus Kivar was pretty interested in you.”
Liz’s stomach clinched. Kivar’s fascination with her wasn’t unique to this life. Somehow that news wasn’t exactly comforting. “So Nicholas and Kivar were working together in that timeline?”
“Max never went to the first summit and so Nicholas never failed Kivar. They never split ways, making them much stronger.”
“Did Tess work with them?” Liz couldn’t help but ask.
“Tess didn’t last much longer in that life than she did in this one.” While it wasn’t a clear answer, Liz could tell by the way Serena spoke that was all she was going to give.
Wanting to get back to when they had known each other, Liz asked “When I was being held prisoner by Nicholas, did what happened yesterday happen then too?”
Serena took a moment to respond. Her generally cheerful expression turned a trace troubled. It was a small change, but one that Liz noticed. “No. Yesterday, it became clear that you were the more powerful of you two. But, in that other lifetime, he was the powerful one.”
Why was that? Liz wondered as she tried to squelch the butterflies of apprehension. Serena, who had until this point been filled with only child-like joy, warmth and calm reminiscent of Alex, seemed a touch sorrowed. What would make her feel that way?
“Did Nicholas have an even better Skin or something in that lifetime?” Liz asked trying to understand.
“No, he had another copy of the Skin you first knew him in. No stronger than that one you encountered him in yesterday.”
If something wasn’t different with Nicholas that must mean something had been different about her. “Did I not change in that timeline? Did I not have my extra abilities in that life?”
Instead of answering directly, Serena asked her a question. “When you started getting your new abilities, was it an easy transition?”
Liz snorted. “It hurt like nothing else, made me really sick, and messed with my mind for a few weeks. For a few days I even thought it was going to kill me.”
Serena nodded. “It was the same in the other timeline. Except in that timeline, Max couldn’t bear to stand by and watch you suffer. So he tried to heal you. First by himself and then when that didn’t work, he brought out the healing stones, used them to amplify his power. His plan worked. The stones tempered the pain, but it seems they also tempered the full growth of your powers.”
Liz tried not to let a little bit of envy slip in. She wasn’t very successful. The other Liz had Max to help her deal with that awful time, a Max who was devoted to her instead of a Max who didn’t even notice what had happened because he no longer seemed to notice her. Liz shook those thoughts off. There were years’ worth of those differences and if she started fixating on them now, she’d never stop.
“How was I different? Could I not sense people’s feelings?”
“You had your senses about other people’s feelings. It was your own feelings you couldn’t harness with nearly as much success.”
Her own feelings? “What does that mean?”
Serena reached over to Liz, gently pulling one of her hands out of her coat’s warm pocket. “The emotional energy that causes these hands to spark and explode things when you’re upset, it can be harnessed, channeled so you can use your hands and even more as weapons.”
Even more? Like her toes?
“This is the same energy you harnessed with your mind yesterday. That wasn’t just Nicholas’ power that destroyed him. You managed to form a two way connection because of your sensing power but without your energy, you would have been at his mercy, and we know there wasn’t a lot of that. Your energy is what enabled you to turn his tricks back on him, what made you more powerful than Nicholas. But this energy is also what caused you pain during your transition.”
“And so when Max healed that other me…”
“He hurt the other you too,” Serena said, finishing Liz’s thought. “By healing you, he got rid of much of that energy. You had the ability to harness your feelings but no real juice to do any good in a tough spot. Your hands would occasionally glow, but no sparks.”
“Wow,” Liz sighed as she placed her hand back inside her coat pocket. While she had found her emotional barometer occasionally helpful, she had never really been grateful for her destructive power. She still didn’t know if ‘grateful’ was the right word, but she did have a new appreciation.
Serena lips curved into grin. “The glow was pretty swell, though. Didn’t help you escape, but it did keep us entertained. You could glow one hand and use the other to make neat shadow puppets.”
Shadow puppets? Nicholas must have indeed been without mercy if that was all they had going in the way of entertainment. At the image of Serena and herself entertaining each other, another thought popped into Liz’s head.
“Why did Nicholas, I mean, why did I think Nicholas was holding you prisoner?”
“Because I knew about the granolith.”
The granolith – now they were getting somewhere.
“You thought I was some kid genius,” Serena continued, “that they had captured and were using to figure out how they could use the granolith once they finally got their hands on it. The three weeks we were together, you would think you saw Skins come get me to do experiments on the crystal you had been trying to find.”
Liz started to get upset as she started to piece things together. “Is that why you were there, to tell me how to use the granolith to travel back in time? Did you tell Future Liz that the only way to save the world was for Max and me to break up? Is that why the Greater Beings sent you?”
Serena placed a hand on Liz’s arm, sending calming energy through the physical connection. “It was determined that from your point in time no course could be taken to prevent the destruction of your world as well as Max’s. I was sent to help you through your ordeal with Nicholas. But I was also sent to help you understand what needed to be done.”
Liz stood up from the bench, taking her arm out of reach from Serena’s attempt at calming her. She didn’t want to be calm. She wanted to be angry.
“So you told that future me I had to be apart from Max?” Oh god, even the Greater Beings thought she and Max shouldn’t have been together? That hurt. Yet it didn’t make sense. At least not all of it. “Why was Tess the important one to keep around? Tess who was in league with Kivar, the one who was going to destroy all these worlds?”
“Those were things I never told you,” Serena replied, a little too serenely for Liz’s tastes.
“But you just said you helped me understand what needed to be done,” Liz contradicted assertively.
“I did,” Serena replied, still rather calm. “Why do you think what needed to be done was what you did?”
“Because – “ Why did she think that? Because that’s what her one source of information about the future other than Serena had said. “Because that’s what Future Max told me. Why would he tell me that if you hadn’t told the future version of me the same thing?”
Serena smiled, a huge, almost pleased grin. “There it is.”
“There what is?” she asked, having trouble following.
“The question you need answered.”
Liz felt a rush of understanding as what she knew about Guardians and what she knew about that timeline began to click into place. “You didn’t tell me any specifics like that, did you?”
“Very good,” Serena replied with the voice of a proud teacher. “We would never interfere with the Embodied Realities so much as to tell you exactly what to do. That’s for you to decide. We give what information we can without risking fatalism.”
“What exactly did you say then?” Liz asked.
“I never said anything about Tess. I did mention, though, that I thought sometimes power we’re afraid of is only scary because we don’t understand it. But I was talking about you and your power, not Tess.”
Oh. Maybe her future self had misunderstood. If Serena had been as vague with Future Liz as she had been in the beginning of their conversation, it would be understandable how Future Liz would get her meaning confused.
“And the traveling back into time?”
“You were always asking questions about what I was learning about the granolith from the crystal. You knew time travel was possible from those conversations. And that was all I said.”
“Nothing about Max and I breaking up? Tess? Nothing about that at all?”
“Nope.”
Liz frowned as she continued processing. “Then why would Future Max and Liz come up with that? Were we not working out or something? Did we regret being together?”
“Oh no,” Serena quickly assured her with a smile. “You two were real gone. So very much in love.”
“Then, why?” Liz pressed again. “Why did we think we couldn’t be together? I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t answer that.”
“Do you mean you don’t know what happened?”
“Not exactly. I know what was said and what was done.” Liz started to speak, to press for what was said and done, but Serena held up her hand in a request for more time. Liz gave it to her. “If I told you those things, you’d be seeing them through my eyes and knowing what I thought. It would be my version of why, which wouldn’t necessarily be your truth. And that’s what will help you, what you’ll understand. Your truth.”
Liz wasn’t entirely sure what this conversation about her truth meant. What she did know was that an answer, her truth or not, was sitting right in front of her. “What other options do I have? It’s your version or nothing.”
“Not quite. If you really want to know the whats and the whys, you gotta make the scene.”
“Make the scene…” It took Liz a moment to translate the phrase. “You mean be there? You want me to time travel?”
“No, not time travel. Remember, you can’t run into yourself in time travel. Makes everything spaz out.”
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“I want you to have your very own Christmas Carol. Be in the scene but not really be there. You know, you can’t talk to or interact with anyone. And I’ll be your friendly Ghost of Christmas Past, or maybe it would be Christmas Future. No, wait, Ghost of Christmas Past Future,” Serena grinned, entirely too excited by her Dickens’ reference. “Anyway, I’ll show you what you need to see and you can draw your own conclusions.”
Was she kidding? Liz wondered in disbelief as she kicked at the snow in front of her. Didn’t anyone just tell people things nowadays? Why did there always have to be a cinemascope screening?
“Can’t you just tell me?”
“Not if you really want to understand.”
Liz wanted to be able to say no. She got that actually seeing what had happened would be more powerful, that she could spend hours asking Serena questions and still not know as much as if she witnessed the other timeline herself. But just as seeing what had happened would be more powerful and more informative, it would probably be more painful. She had wondered for years about that other future, the one she had let go. Seeing it might push her over the edge. Hadn’t seeing the past with Max last night just about done her in? How much could one girl take?
Serena interrupted her inner monologue with more encouragement. “You told Alex you wanted answers–that you couldn’t go on with this if you didn’t get them. This is how you get those answers.”
Liz didn’t respond, just kicked at more snow.
“Please,” a voice sweetly cajoled. Liz looked up from her kicking to see Serena making ridiculously over-the-top, pleading puppy-dog eyes and her pouting lip. It was too cute to ignore.
“You’re very persuasive when you do that,” Liz complimented the girl with a slight smile.
“Thanks,” the girl beamed. “You know, Alex and I do this life review thing all the time. Whenever we have a new charge, we view their life as if we were right there. It really is the best way and a way the Greater Beings wouldn’t let just anybody take. They’d have to think you were really special and could handle it.”
Liz arched her brow at the “she-must-be-special” line, wondering if it was just that, a line. Alex had told her the same thing when he first appeared to her, that she must be special if she was allowed to see him. Maybe he had told Serena that using something similar would work. And he would have been right. It might be a touch narcissistic but Liz fell for the “you’re special” line every time. Though still apprehensive, Liz acquiesced.
“Do I need to sit down so you can look into my eyes or something?”
Serena rolled her eyes and hopped off the bench. “That’s the Embodied Beings way. Our way is much more fun.”
Fun? What kind of fun, Liz wondered as Serena started walking away from the bench. The young girl extended out her hand and Liz took it. The two walked together, hand in hand, along the paved path by the stream. Not many people came to this part of the park and so the forested area had an untouched, innocent quality about it. The oaks, maples, and hickories were covered with snow instead of leaves and the man-made waterfalls had become icefalls. It was beautiful, peaceful. Liz didn’t know if it was her surroundings or her companion’s touch, but by the time they arrived at the north end of the Ravine, her doubts were calmed and ready to see what Serena had to show.
As they passed under the Huddlestone Arch, a rustic bridge made of stone that marked the end of the Ravine, Liz’s vision started to blur. Holding on tighter to Serena’s hand, she kept walking, only to find that Central Park was gone, replaced instead with, well, Liz wasn’t sure quite what she was seeing. Lights swirled around her, rushing around and between the two of them. Colors danced about, playing together, creating new colors, colors Liz sure she had never seen before. And the emotions – her extra-ability was on overdrive, as she felt surrounded by every joyful, warm, loving feeling she could imagine. Fun? This wasn’t fun – this was paradise.
Paradise, though, soon made way for something else. Still holding onto Serena’s hand, Liz found herself standing in a dark space. The first thing she noticed was the smell. The stench of decay washed over her, invading her nostrils and charging down into her stomach. The nausea that came quickly upon her went away when Serena squeezed her hand tightly, somehow causing both the smell and its effects to dissipate. As her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, Liz could see what was causing the offensive odor. There was a mangled decomposing body shoved in against a wall by a door. From what she could make out, it had been a man. She couldn’t tell for sure, but she didn’t think that was anyone she knew. God, she hoped not.
“He was one of your lieutenants that joined the fight when Kivar made his entire town ‘disappear.’ He was captured with you but Nicholas killed him after their first session together.”
Liz nodded slightly at Serena’s voice. Yesterday that could have been her or Maria. Words were not an option.
A sound, a labored cough, from far across the room drew her attention. Liz and Serena walked over to where another body was propped up against the wall. This one was alive, but just barely.
Liz looked down at her future self, wondering how anyone could survive what she had gone through. Future Liz’s face was darkened with bruises and cuts, her lips were cracked as though she were dehydrated. Her long dark hair was matted to her head, a head that was caked with blood. She wasn’t wearing much, just a shirt covered in grime and blood that fell about mid-thigh. Her arms had little cuts up and down them and her legs… one looked like it was broken and both were covered in bruises, including some by her thighs that looked like finger marks. Liz didn’t want to think what that meant.
“How,” Liz managed to voice, softly, tentatively, “how is she still alive?”
“She’s strong. And she’s got help, even if she tries to refuse it,” Serena replied as she squeezed Liz’s hand even tighter, helping to soothe the pain Liz was feeling.
Liz wondered if Serena meant herself and was going to ask but found herself distracted when another person entered the scene.
“Hello there, pretty, pretty,” a voice called from behind them. “Are you ready to have a good time?”
Liz turned her head to see a short figure standing in the doorway, silhouetted by a bright light. As the person stepped out of the doorway and into full view, Liz already knew who she was going to see. She’d recognize that malicious hate she was sensing anywhere.
Nicholas, in all his prepubescent glory, smiled in wicked pleasure as he directed two Skins over to Future Liz. Future Liz, whose eyes had opened at the sound Nicholas’ entrance, tried to defend herself, yanking away her arms away from the man and woman sent to fetch her.
Nicholas laughed at her attempts, which given her weakened state, were clearly going to fail. One of the Skin’s smacked Future Liz across the face and she stopped her struggles. The two Skins jerked her up off the ground as Nicholas walked over to the wall. As he came to stand near Future Liz, and disturbingly near Serena and herself, Liz found the hand not being held by Serena starting to spark up. She tried to quell the anger within her. She couldn’t affect this world and so getting glowing hands mad wasn’t going to do any good.
Still, Liz wished she could give Future Liz some of her power as she watched Nicholas look the battered woman up and down, another sick smile crossing his face.
“Come on, Queenie,” he smirked as he forcefully grabbed her head with both his hands, “we’ve got a show to start.”
These better be the best damn answers ever, Liz thought as she watched in horror as the abuse began.
Cut It Out
I'm sittin in Darwin's theory
You're down in the 48
I'm practicing politics
You're practicing guitar and staying out late
How did we get so turned around
Why did we make it so hard
Can't we cut it out while it's tender
Give us something good to remember
Hey my my my rock star
I saw your feet leave the ground
You said all I want to be is loud
I was ushering your friends in
I was trying to clear the aisles
So how did you get so turned around
Why do you make it so hard
Why can't you cut it out I'm tender
Give me something good to remember
Cut it out cut it all out
So it's Alaska in the summertime
In the wintertime I'm free
But the days get short cold and wasted
Nowhere is warm enough for me
Baby you tell me what happened
How did I make it so hard
Can't we cut it out while it's tender
Give me something good to remember
Cut it out cut it all out
- Indigo Girls
Watching the young girl sitting next to her take such clear delight in the pretzel they had purchased from a street vendor, Liz felt unusually unbalanced. It was an innocent enough scene; Liz would have guessed any onlookers assumed she was a nanny sharing a Central Park bench with her young charge who was enjoying a snack before school. Except that any onlookers would just be seeing her, not Serena with her beautiful dark eyes and hazelnut skin, because this young girl wasn’t some school kid. She was an otherworldly being who was doing that selective revelation thing Alex had down. An otherworldly being who had, when they sat down on their bench, commented on how nice it was to be able to sit in the open next to a white woman, even if no one else could see them. Between that comment and the dated look of her school uniform and sound of her speech, Liz figured that this girl who looked to be about nine was probably twice as old as she was and maybe more.
As odd as that thought was, what really was throwing Liz off-kilter was watching Serena eat her pretzel. She had thought she had this Guardian thing figured out. They might look like they were normal humans and you might be able to hug them and laugh with them and cry with them, but they weren’t as they appeared. Guardians were otherworldly beings who could store the newest indie rock album in their heads and disappear into thin air. They were beyond space and time and so of course they didn’t sleep or eat. At least that’s what she had thought. But here was a Guardian consuming her salty treat with glee. Liz’s insides twisted just a bit; she hated it when something challenged what she thought she knew. She even gave a little “harrumph” in displeasure.
Her attention shifting at the sound of Liz’s discontent, Serena put her pretzel down. She smiled knowingly – Liz decided this was a popular Guardian expression – and said, “I’m not really eating it.”
“How did you –“ Liz cut herself off before she asked a stupid question, because of course a Guardian would know what she was wondering. Serena answered anyway.
“You’re making your ‘I’m-confused-and-I-don’t-like-it’ scrunchie face.”
“Oh,” Liz replied softly, absorbing the girl’s words. Wait, scrunchie? What kind of a face was that?
“I like to pretend,” Serena continued with a shrug. “Plus I’m used to pretending around you.”
Finally, something, Liz thought as her inquisitive antenna went immediately up. “What do you mean?” she asked. This was the first mention since she had bumped into the girl, almost thirty minutes ago, of their previous experiences in that alternate future together.
Serena smiled as she took another ‘bite’ of her pretzel. Liz tried to wait patiently while her companion chewed her food, but now that she knew the girl wasn’t actually eating, she found her patience evaporating.
“I don’t mean to hurry you, but you did say you were here to talk to me. Do you think we might do that sometime soon?” After she had recovered from her shock of almost literally bumping into the Guardian, Liz had found the wits to ask the girl if she had come to answer her questions. Serena replied sweetly, even if a little slyly, that she was here to talk with her. If she would answer Liz’s questions was yet to be determined.
Getting no immediate response, Liz continued. “Because if we’re not going to do that in the near future, I really ought to get this phone to Maria. She’s waiting for an important call.”
“Don’t worry,” Serena assured her as she enjoyed yet another bite. “She won’t need her phone ‘til tomorrow.”
Oh, Liz thought as she fiddled with the phone in question. That was good to know. But it got her no closer to the much-desired conversation. Liz opened her mouth to push Serena again but Serena spoke before she could.
“You were pushy last time too,” she said with a teasing smile. “I like it.”
Pushy? She wasn’t pushy, she was just on task.
Serena popped the last bite of pretzel in her mouth and stood up. Still mumbling to herself about this pushy business, Liz followed her example. Looking around at the snow-covered park in front of her, a huge grin crossed Serena’s face.
“You want to go make snow angels?” Her eyes, those eyes that reflected her ageless wisdom, were filled with childlike excitement. Irritation that had been building quickly dissolved as Liz found herself overcome with empathy and understanding. Those eyes and the way Serena had asked to play clued Liz into why they had just made time for Serena to pretend-eat a snack. The pretzel, snow angels – these things were Serena’s music stores. Like Alex, Serena seemed to long for things that reminded her of her human existence. Serena’s life had been cut drastically short, even shorter than Alex’s, so of course she would want to play and enjoy the day. Though she may sound much more grown up than the average nine year old, all she wanted was some time to just be a kid. Liz could give her that.
With a new attitude and a smile Liz offered an ‘of course’ and followed Serena into a part of the park with a patch of untouched snow. They quickly made a mess of the pristine white, first with snow angels, then snowmen, and then snowball fights. Liz briefly wondered what those making their way toward the hill for sledding or enjoying the snow’s weapon potential themselves must be thinking. She was throwing snowballs at someone no one else could see and ducking from Serena’s arsenal of cold wetness that wasn’t actually flying toward her.
Splat! Another one landed smack on her head. The snowballs that kept hitting her sure felt real, she thought wryly.
Between giggling and flinging snow back and forth, Liz actually enjoyed herself and was able to let her need for answers take a back seat to fun. She enjoyed herself so much she didn’t realize over an hour had gone by since she had left her hotel until her phone rang.
“Hold on, Serena,” Liz called out to the girl who was ducking behind a tree, both hands loaded with snowballs. She flipped open her phone with a “Hello?”
“So are you watching Maria and Michael make out or did you get waylaid by something else?”
Liz laughed at Kyle’s opening words. “Something else. Definitely something else.”
“An okay something else? Because you kinda got me worried and I’m pretty sure Ava is ready to blow someone up.”
“Ava’s there?”
“Yep, she got here about 20 minutes after you left.”
“Tell her I’m fine. I ran into someone who has some answers I need and I’m working on getting those.” Liz looked to Serena who had put down the snowballs and come to stand by her. “In fact, I think I’m about to get somewhere. Sorry I didn’t call you, I got distracted.”
“No worries, man. Just be safe and call me when you’re on your way back.”
“Will do.”
“Oh, and when you do get back, obey the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, okay?”
“What?” Liz asked incredulously at the same time she heard Kyle let out a loud “ouch.” Liz smirked into the phone. Apparently Kyle’s humor wasn’t well appreciated by Ava.
“Don’t piss the girl off,” she advised. “You may have firepower but she can totally take you.”
“I know, I know,” Kyle muttered as they said their goodbyes. Liz heard an “Ava, I swear I was kidding” that made her laugh out loud as she hung up the phone.
Hanging up with Kyle, Liz turned to Serena. “My friends were getting a little worried about me. I guess I’ve given them plenty to worry about lately.”
“They’re good friends. Always have been.”
Liz’s eager curiosity, the one that had been set aside for snow angels, came rushing back at yet another hint of their other existence together. “Can we sit and talk? I have so many questions.”
Serena nodded and they headed for the Ravine, one of the more secluded areas of the park. Thanks to the winter cold, the tourist population was sparse. They passed a few cross-country skiers and a family that appeared to be heading for the ice skating rink, but for the most part Liz and Serena had privacy.
“Thanks for playing with me,” Serena said as they sat down on another park bench close by the Loch which had been frozen over. The young girl gathered snow on the arm of the bench into a ball and threw it at the frozen stream, smiling as it failed to break through the ice when it hit. “We never had snow in Mississippi. I didn’t get to see it until after I died. It’s such a kick.”
“We didn’t have any in Roswell. That was one of my favorite parts of moving to Boston.”
“It’s like every time there’s snow,” Serena mused as she twirled a pigtail, “there’s a new beginning. Everything’s clean and pure and possible.”
Liz gasped. It was like Serena had taken the words right out of her mouth. How weird to be hearing her own thoughts coming from a nine year old. Okay, a nine year old looking Guardian. Still weird – in a good way. “That’s exactly I how feel.”
“I know,” she grinned, “you told me that one day when you thought I was scared. You told me all about the snow to help me not think about what was around us.”
Questions swamped Liz’s mind. Where had they been? What had been around them? Why had she thought Serena would be scared? Liz thought of all those but went with some basics first.
“When we knew each other, did I know you were a Guardian? Did other people see you? Did Max?”
“Nope, you were the oddball then too. Only one who got to see me.”
“So we were friends, like Future Max said?”
“Tight as can be,” Serena nodded.
Liz made what she now knew was her ‘scrunchie’ face. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but how did I become friends with, well, with-“
“An ankle-biter?”
“Yeah. Did I babysit you or something?”
Serena looked thoughtful for a few moments before she answered. “You did look out for me.”
“So,” Liz pushed, “how did we know each other?”
“We found ourselves in the same place at the same time.”
Liz made mental note. Being evasive was another one of those popular Guardian tools. “Look, we’re going to have to get to some real details here if this get together is going to be at all useful. I had fun playing in the snow, but I really need more than that. I need some answers.”
Serena squirmed in her seat as she made her own scrunchie face. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be a goof. We just don’t often do this talking to humans thing and last time you and I did, it was a little different.”
“Different how?”
“Different like you didn’t know about Guardians or anything like that.”
“Okay,” Liz replied, “then who or what did I think you were?”
“You thought I was a fellow prisoner.”
Now that she hadn’t expected. Serena had been a prisoner. She had been a prisoner. Whose? Liz was pretty sure she knew the answer but she asked anyway.
“Nicholas’s, the little twerp,” Serena answered, sounding exactly like the nine-year-old kid she looked to be.
“He is a twerp. Or I suppose, was now,” she amended. Again, at the thought of Nicholas’ ending, she found herself surprisingly free of the guilt she would have expected. Maybe she should have been worried about her lack guilt–worried she was being hardened like her alien friends had been. But she wasn’t. She was neither guilty nor worried and she was okay with that. “He had us both prisoner? How did he get you?”
“He didn’t. He didn’t even know I was there. Remember, you’re the only one that saw me.”
Right, right, Liz thought, trying to piece together this information. “So, how did he get me?”
“It was in the final days of Kivar’s assault on Earth. You had lead a team that was supposed to just be recon–no engaging in enemy fire. You were looking for a crystal that activates the granolith.”
Crystal, crystal… “I found that crystal. Maria, Michael, and I did, along with the corrupted translation of the destiny book. It’s how Max and the others were going to go home when Tess made them think their mother was contacting them through dreams.”
Serena shook her head. “You didn’t have it in that life. In that life, when Tess split town, she took both the crystal and the book with her. She didn’t leave it in some booby-trapped abandoned house where you could find it. But you knew of it and had gotten desperate enough in the fight to seek it out so you could harness the granolith’s power. And when you did, you fell into a trap Nicholas had laid.”
“A trap?”
“He had been after you for some time.”
“After me?” Brilliant questions, Liz, she mocked herself after yet another echo of Serena’s words.
“As the woman who was circled to the resistance’s leader and a pretty boss leader in her own right, you had a lot of worth. Plus Kivar was pretty interested in you.”
Liz’s stomach clinched. Kivar’s fascination with her wasn’t unique to this life. Somehow that news wasn’t exactly comforting. “So Nicholas and Kivar were working together in that timeline?”
“Max never went to the first summit and so Nicholas never failed Kivar. They never split ways, making them much stronger.”
“Did Tess work with them?” Liz couldn’t help but ask.
“Tess didn’t last much longer in that life than she did in this one.” While it wasn’t a clear answer, Liz could tell by the way Serena spoke that was all she was going to give.
Wanting to get back to when they had known each other, Liz asked “When I was being held prisoner by Nicholas, did what happened yesterday happen then too?”
Serena took a moment to respond. Her generally cheerful expression turned a trace troubled. It was a small change, but one that Liz noticed. “No. Yesterday, it became clear that you were the more powerful of you two. But, in that other lifetime, he was the powerful one.”
Why was that? Liz wondered as she tried to squelch the butterflies of apprehension. Serena, who had until this point been filled with only child-like joy, warmth and calm reminiscent of Alex, seemed a touch sorrowed. What would make her feel that way?
“Did Nicholas have an even better Skin or something in that lifetime?” Liz asked trying to understand.
“No, he had another copy of the Skin you first knew him in. No stronger than that one you encountered him in yesterday.”
If something wasn’t different with Nicholas that must mean something had been different about her. “Did I not change in that timeline? Did I not have my extra abilities in that life?”
Instead of answering directly, Serena asked her a question. “When you started getting your new abilities, was it an easy transition?”
Liz snorted. “It hurt like nothing else, made me really sick, and messed with my mind for a few weeks. For a few days I even thought it was going to kill me.”
Serena nodded. “It was the same in the other timeline. Except in that timeline, Max couldn’t bear to stand by and watch you suffer. So he tried to heal you. First by himself and then when that didn’t work, he brought out the healing stones, used them to amplify his power. His plan worked. The stones tempered the pain, but it seems they also tempered the full growth of your powers.”
Liz tried not to let a little bit of envy slip in. She wasn’t very successful. The other Liz had Max to help her deal with that awful time, a Max who was devoted to her instead of a Max who didn’t even notice what had happened because he no longer seemed to notice her. Liz shook those thoughts off. There were years’ worth of those differences and if she started fixating on them now, she’d never stop.
“How was I different? Could I not sense people’s feelings?”
“You had your senses about other people’s feelings. It was your own feelings you couldn’t harness with nearly as much success.”
Her own feelings? “What does that mean?”
Serena reached over to Liz, gently pulling one of her hands out of her coat’s warm pocket. “The emotional energy that causes these hands to spark and explode things when you’re upset, it can be harnessed, channeled so you can use your hands and even more as weapons.”
Even more? Like her toes?
“This is the same energy you harnessed with your mind yesterday. That wasn’t just Nicholas’ power that destroyed him. You managed to form a two way connection because of your sensing power but without your energy, you would have been at his mercy, and we know there wasn’t a lot of that. Your energy is what enabled you to turn his tricks back on him, what made you more powerful than Nicholas. But this energy is also what caused you pain during your transition.”
“And so when Max healed that other me…”
“He hurt the other you too,” Serena said, finishing Liz’s thought. “By healing you, he got rid of much of that energy. You had the ability to harness your feelings but no real juice to do any good in a tough spot. Your hands would occasionally glow, but no sparks.”
“Wow,” Liz sighed as she placed her hand back inside her coat pocket. While she had found her emotional barometer occasionally helpful, she had never really been grateful for her destructive power. She still didn’t know if ‘grateful’ was the right word, but she did have a new appreciation.
Serena lips curved into grin. “The glow was pretty swell, though. Didn’t help you escape, but it did keep us entertained. You could glow one hand and use the other to make neat shadow puppets.”
Shadow puppets? Nicholas must have indeed been without mercy if that was all they had going in the way of entertainment. At the image of Serena and herself entertaining each other, another thought popped into Liz’s head.
“Why did Nicholas, I mean, why did I think Nicholas was holding you prisoner?”
“Because I knew about the granolith.”
The granolith – now they were getting somewhere.
“You thought I was some kid genius,” Serena continued, “that they had captured and were using to figure out how they could use the granolith once they finally got their hands on it. The three weeks we were together, you would think you saw Skins come get me to do experiments on the crystal you had been trying to find.”
Liz started to get upset as she started to piece things together. “Is that why you were there, to tell me how to use the granolith to travel back in time? Did you tell Future Liz that the only way to save the world was for Max and me to break up? Is that why the Greater Beings sent you?”
Serena placed a hand on Liz’s arm, sending calming energy through the physical connection. “It was determined that from your point in time no course could be taken to prevent the destruction of your world as well as Max’s. I was sent to help you through your ordeal with Nicholas. But I was also sent to help you understand what needed to be done.”
Liz stood up from the bench, taking her arm out of reach from Serena’s attempt at calming her. She didn’t want to be calm. She wanted to be angry.
“So you told that future me I had to be apart from Max?” Oh god, even the Greater Beings thought she and Max shouldn’t have been together? That hurt. Yet it didn’t make sense. At least not all of it. “Why was Tess the important one to keep around? Tess who was in league with Kivar, the one who was going to destroy all these worlds?”
“Those were things I never told you,” Serena replied, a little too serenely for Liz’s tastes.
“But you just said you helped me understand what needed to be done,” Liz contradicted assertively.
“I did,” Serena replied, still rather calm. “Why do you think what needed to be done was what you did?”
“Because – “ Why did she think that? Because that’s what her one source of information about the future other than Serena had said. “Because that’s what Future Max told me. Why would he tell me that if you hadn’t told the future version of me the same thing?”
Serena smiled, a huge, almost pleased grin. “There it is.”
“There what is?” she asked, having trouble following.
“The question you need answered.”
Liz felt a rush of understanding as what she knew about Guardians and what she knew about that timeline began to click into place. “You didn’t tell me any specifics like that, did you?”
“Very good,” Serena replied with the voice of a proud teacher. “We would never interfere with the Embodied Realities so much as to tell you exactly what to do. That’s for you to decide. We give what information we can without risking fatalism.”
“What exactly did you say then?” Liz asked.
“I never said anything about Tess. I did mention, though, that I thought sometimes power we’re afraid of is only scary because we don’t understand it. But I was talking about you and your power, not Tess.”
Oh. Maybe her future self had misunderstood. If Serena had been as vague with Future Liz as she had been in the beginning of their conversation, it would be understandable how Future Liz would get her meaning confused.
“And the traveling back into time?”
“You were always asking questions about what I was learning about the granolith from the crystal. You knew time travel was possible from those conversations. And that was all I said.”
“Nothing about Max and I breaking up? Tess? Nothing about that at all?”
“Nope.”
Liz frowned as she continued processing. “Then why would Future Max and Liz come up with that? Were we not working out or something? Did we regret being together?”
“Oh no,” Serena quickly assured her with a smile. “You two were real gone. So very much in love.”
“Then, why?” Liz pressed again. “Why did we think we couldn’t be together? I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t answer that.”
“Do you mean you don’t know what happened?”
“Not exactly. I know what was said and what was done.” Liz started to speak, to press for what was said and done, but Serena held up her hand in a request for more time. Liz gave it to her. “If I told you those things, you’d be seeing them through my eyes and knowing what I thought. It would be my version of why, which wouldn’t necessarily be your truth. And that’s what will help you, what you’ll understand. Your truth.”
Liz wasn’t entirely sure what this conversation about her truth meant. What she did know was that an answer, her truth or not, was sitting right in front of her. “What other options do I have? It’s your version or nothing.”
“Not quite. If you really want to know the whats and the whys, you gotta make the scene.”
“Make the scene…” It took Liz a moment to translate the phrase. “You mean be there? You want me to time travel?”
“No, not time travel. Remember, you can’t run into yourself in time travel. Makes everything spaz out.”
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“I want you to have your very own Christmas Carol. Be in the scene but not really be there. You know, you can’t talk to or interact with anyone. And I’ll be your friendly Ghost of Christmas Past, or maybe it would be Christmas Future. No, wait, Ghost of Christmas Past Future,” Serena grinned, entirely too excited by her Dickens’ reference. “Anyway, I’ll show you what you need to see and you can draw your own conclusions.”
Was she kidding? Liz wondered in disbelief as she kicked at the snow in front of her. Didn’t anyone just tell people things nowadays? Why did there always have to be a cinemascope screening?
“Can’t you just tell me?”
“Not if you really want to understand.”
Liz wanted to be able to say no. She got that actually seeing what had happened would be more powerful, that she could spend hours asking Serena questions and still not know as much as if she witnessed the other timeline herself. But just as seeing what had happened would be more powerful and more informative, it would probably be more painful. She had wondered for years about that other future, the one she had let go. Seeing it might push her over the edge. Hadn’t seeing the past with Max last night just about done her in? How much could one girl take?
Serena interrupted her inner monologue with more encouragement. “You told Alex you wanted answers–that you couldn’t go on with this if you didn’t get them. This is how you get those answers.”
Liz didn’t respond, just kicked at more snow.
“Please,” a voice sweetly cajoled. Liz looked up from her kicking to see Serena making ridiculously over-the-top, pleading puppy-dog eyes and her pouting lip. It was too cute to ignore.
“You’re very persuasive when you do that,” Liz complimented the girl with a slight smile.
“Thanks,” the girl beamed. “You know, Alex and I do this life review thing all the time. Whenever we have a new charge, we view their life as if we were right there. It really is the best way and a way the Greater Beings wouldn’t let just anybody take. They’d have to think you were really special and could handle it.”
Liz arched her brow at the “she-must-be-special” line, wondering if it was just that, a line. Alex had told her the same thing when he first appeared to her, that she must be special if she was allowed to see him. Maybe he had told Serena that using something similar would work. And he would have been right. It might be a touch narcissistic but Liz fell for the “you’re special” line every time. Though still apprehensive, Liz acquiesced.
“Do I need to sit down so you can look into my eyes or something?”
Serena rolled her eyes and hopped off the bench. “That’s the Embodied Beings way. Our way is much more fun.”
Fun? What kind of fun, Liz wondered as Serena started walking away from the bench. The young girl extended out her hand and Liz took it. The two walked together, hand in hand, along the paved path by the stream. Not many people came to this part of the park and so the forested area had an untouched, innocent quality about it. The oaks, maples, and hickories were covered with snow instead of leaves and the man-made waterfalls had become icefalls. It was beautiful, peaceful. Liz didn’t know if it was her surroundings or her companion’s touch, but by the time they arrived at the north end of the Ravine, her doubts were calmed and ready to see what Serena had to show.
As they passed under the Huddlestone Arch, a rustic bridge made of stone that marked the end of the Ravine, Liz’s vision started to blur. Holding on tighter to Serena’s hand, she kept walking, only to find that Central Park was gone, replaced instead with, well, Liz wasn’t sure quite what she was seeing. Lights swirled around her, rushing around and between the two of them. Colors danced about, playing together, creating new colors, colors Liz sure she had never seen before. And the emotions – her extra-ability was on overdrive, as she felt surrounded by every joyful, warm, loving feeling she could imagine. Fun? This wasn’t fun – this was paradise.
Paradise, though, soon made way for something else. Still holding onto Serena’s hand, Liz found herself standing in a dark space. The first thing she noticed was the smell. The stench of decay washed over her, invading her nostrils and charging down into her stomach. The nausea that came quickly upon her went away when Serena squeezed her hand tightly, somehow causing both the smell and its effects to dissipate. As her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, Liz could see what was causing the offensive odor. There was a mangled decomposing body shoved in against a wall by a door. From what she could make out, it had been a man. She couldn’t tell for sure, but she didn’t think that was anyone she knew. God, she hoped not.
“He was one of your lieutenants that joined the fight when Kivar made his entire town ‘disappear.’ He was captured with you but Nicholas killed him after their first session together.”
Liz nodded slightly at Serena’s voice. Yesterday that could have been her or Maria. Words were not an option.
A sound, a labored cough, from far across the room drew her attention. Liz and Serena walked over to where another body was propped up against the wall. This one was alive, but just barely.
Liz looked down at her future self, wondering how anyone could survive what she had gone through. Future Liz’s face was darkened with bruises and cuts, her lips were cracked as though she were dehydrated. Her long dark hair was matted to her head, a head that was caked with blood. She wasn’t wearing much, just a shirt covered in grime and blood that fell about mid-thigh. Her arms had little cuts up and down them and her legs… one looked like it was broken and both were covered in bruises, including some by her thighs that looked like finger marks. Liz didn’t want to think what that meant.
“How,” Liz managed to voice, softly, tentatively, “how is she still alive?”
“She’s strong. And she’s got help, even if she tries to refuse it,” Serena replied as she squeezed Liz’s hand even tighter, helping to soothe the pain Liz was feeling.
Liz wondered if Serena meant herself and was going to ask but found herself distracted when another person entered the scene.
“Hello there, pretty, pretty,” a voice called from behind them. “Are you ready to have a good time?”
Liz turned her head to see a short figure standing in the doorway, silhouetted by a bright light. As the person stepped out of the doorway and into full view, Liz already knew who she was going to see. She’d recognize that malicious hate she was sensing anywhere.
Nicholas, in all his prepubescent glory, smiled in wicked pleasure as he directed two Skins over to Future Liz. Future Liz, whose eyes had opened at the sound Nicholas’ entrance, tried to defend herself, yanking away her arms away from the man and woman sent to fetch her.
Nicholas laughed at her attempts, which given her weakened state, were clearly going to fail. One of the Skin’s smacked Future Liz across the face and she stopped her struggles. The two Skins jerked her up off the ground as Nicholas walked over to the wall. As he came to stand near Future Liz, and disturbingly near Serena and herself, Liz found the hand not being held by Serena starting to spark up. She tried to quell the anger within her. She couldn’t affect this world and so getting glowing hands mad wasn’t going to do any good.
Still, Liz wished she could give Future Liz some of her power as she watched Nicholas look the battered woman up and down, another sick smile crossing his face.
“Come on, Queenie,” he smirked as he forcefully grabbed her head with both his hands, “we’ve got a show to start.”
These better be the best damn answers ever, Liz thought as she watched in horror as the abuse began.
Last edited by Doublestuf on Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:23 pm, edited 6 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
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Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 25
Part 25
Perfect World
We get to be a ripple in the water
We get to be a rock that’s thrown
We get to be a boy on the bridge
Standing over the reservoir
I see the water lapping on the shoreline
Buried forest of a man made lake
Cemeteries are laying underneath it
Your heart like a damn embrace
We’re floating we’re swimming
And at this moment we are forgetting
What we caused what it takes
The one perfect world when we look the other way
I’m okay if I don’t look a little closer
I’m okay I if don’t see beyond the shore
I’m okay I don’t have to do the killing or
Know what the killing is for
We’re talking we’re driving
And in this moment we are denying
What we caused what it takes
The one perfect world when we look the other way
One perfect world...when we look the other way
You can see beyond the middle isolation
And the miracle of daybreak doesn’t move you anymore
Connect the points and then see the constellations
As the night comes down on the reservoir
We’re swimming we’re floating
And in this moment we are beholden
To what we’ve caused to what it takes
The one perfect world
Can we learn to live another way
Perfect world…can we learn to live another way
One…perfect world
Get to be a ripple in the water
- Indigo Girls
Future Liz screamed, a hoarse, weak sound, as Nicholas connected with her, making her mind his playground once again. The two Skins holding her up dug their fingers into her already-abused flesh as they tried to keep the woman still. Future Liz attempted to fight, trying to resist. For a woman who had clearly suffered much during her captivity, she managed to cause her captors some trouble, getting a good kick into the male Skin with her unbroken leg.
Liz had wanted to know what had happened: why Future Max came to her telling her she and her Max had to be apart. She wanted to know if it was all worth it. Watching an older version of herself writhe in excruciating pain, Liz understood why this was the way she had to know. No description could have ever done justice to what was happening in front of her.
Nicholas pulled away from his victim, a huge smile on his face. “Oh, that’s just fun. I should have known. Kivar told me you were more than meets the eye.”
Liz wondered what he meant but Future Liz said nothing. Liz could tell that all her energy was being spent in keeping her head raised and holding eye contact with her captor.
“I thought I knew everything after running around in your head for two weeks. But surprise, surprise.” Nicholas shook his finger at the woman. “You’ve been keeping things from me. That’s not nice. I already know where the granolith is.”
They knew were the granolith was? Liz wondered why her future self wasn’t panicked. At least she assumed she wasn’t panicked. Liz couldn’t read any feelings off Future Liz, which made sense (as much as any of this could) because she couldn’t exactly read herself either. What really didn’t make sense was Future Liz’s lack of concern.
“I’ll tell you what else I know,” Nicholas practically purred as he moved in closer to his captive. “That husband of yours is going to trade his seal for you.”
That’s right, Liz thought, her memory triggered. The seal. The granolith was useless without the royal seal to activate it. Liz hadn’t known the seal was something that could be given away. Apparently hearing about this seal trade from Nicholas was a little more worthy of Future Liz’s attention; the woman mustered the energy to speak.
“He would never do that.”
“Queenie, remember how I just saw inside that head of yours. No need to lie. I know you two have been communicating this whole time–that he has been helping you and tracking you down using that connection. Neat trick. Had I known you could do that, I might have prevented it. We have this nifty little device that can keep him out of your head. Of course, if I had done that, I wouldn’t have known he’ll be here in a few days with a plan to offer a trade.”
“You don’t know anything.” Future Liz’s words–which were probably supposed to sound tough and assured–came off more as a question than anything else.
“Does this sound familiar?: ‘Hold on baby, don’t let him get to you. You’re stronger than all this, better than all this. Just remember, I’m always with you. Always.’” He rolled his eyes and gagged at the words he mocked.
“So you know Max has been talking to me, that he knows where I am. So what?” Future Liz pushed back with more confidence. Liz knew the woman was angered that Nicholas had been privy to her intimate conversations with Max. And that anger gave her strength. “If you saw that much then you should also know that I won’t let him trade me for anything.”
Nicholas chuckled. “Oh, I think one look at you and he’ll do whatever we ask him to. But if you really think it’ll be an issue, we can arrange it so you aren’t able to communicate when he arrives. Of course, your king might not want his queen back without her tongue. Be of little use to him then.”
“You’re an evil little bastard,” she sneered.
Nicholas nodded his head and the Skins holding Future Liz’s arms twisted them back until she cried out in pain. “That’s for the height crack.”
Breathing heavily in pain, Future Liz turned her gaze pointedly to his pelvis. “Who said I was talking about your height?”
Liz turned her head, unable to watch as Nicholas further punished her future counterpart. In a voice hushed by agonizing empathy, she asked Serena “Why does she bait him?”
Serena questioned softly back. “Why would you?”
Because no matter how much pain it caused her, she would never want this warped creature to think he had broken her. She would fight. Even if the only weapon she had left was insolence, she would fight.
“How much more, Serena? I don’t think I can take much more. That either of me can.”
“It will be over soon,” the girl assured her as she gave another gentle squeeze to the hand she was still holding.
Over how? Liz never really knew the fate of the future version of herself. Because Future Max had mentioned Michael and Isabel’s deaths, she assumed he would have mentioned hers if she had died. She had also assumed since he didn’t, they had spent the last moments before he traveled back together. She assumed this because she had wanted to believe, needed to believe, that somewhere another Liz had a bittersweet but loving goodbye with her Max. That this Liz had been able to say all the things she would have wanted to say to Max, but never had the chance to. But maybe that was just another silly girlish fantasy. Maybe this Liz died before she was ever rescued by her Max.
“Enough,” Nicholas called out, stopping his underlings’ abuse of his hostage. One of Future Liz’s arms dangled limply in the Skin’s grasp, another broken limb.
“Oh, Queenie,” the alien grinned, “you look so regal.”
The two Skins chortled at Nicholas’ words until they were cut off by a glare from the alien general. He apparently didn’t want anyone sharing in his fun.
“There’s something not quite right, though.” Nicholas reached over and grabbed something from the belt of the female Skin. It was a knife. Liz moved as though she was going to stop Nicholas from attacking her other self but Serena pulled her back. Liz could only watch as Nicholas brought the knife to the older Liz’s face. Liz had to give her other self some credit. She didn’t even blink when Nicholas slid the face of the blade across her neck.
With his other hand, Nicholas reached up and grabbed a handful of her hair.
“So many memories with this hair,” he said as he ran the limp strands through his hand. “Your king sure does like to run his hands through this stuff. Likes doing other things with it too. Kinky”
Anger crossed Future Liz’s face again and Liz was right there with her. She had loved Max’s obsession with her hair. She cut it right before she had to see him again at the council because of that obsession. There was something sacred to her about the way the boy who had loved her would touch her hair, thread his fingers through it. Nicholas was trying to pervert that and neither Liz was too pleased.
“At least my king can get a woman to play with him. How many times has Kivar tried to win Vilandra back? How many times has he failed?”
Nicholas pulled her hair tightly, bringing her head down till she was eye level with him. He raised the knife in his other hand and Liz thought for a moment he was going to slit the woman’s throat. Instead he brought it to her hair. With rough strokes, he cut Future Liz’s long hair, leaving behind strands about as long as her own were, though nowhere near as neatly cut.
Nicholas held out the strands of cut hair in front of him. “I think I’ll bring this to my king when I see him. And I’ll see him soon. He’s tired of this fighting, Liz. He’s ready to end it once and for all.”
Nicholas nodded again to his Skins and they let go of Future Liz’s arms. She fell immediately to the ground, unable to support her weight on her one good leg.
“You backed the wrong camp on this one, girlie,” Nicholas taunted as he headed to the door, his damage done. “You’ve been the queen of a band of rebellious freaks. Soon you’ll be the queen of nothing but dead bodies. Should have run as far from Roswell and Max when you had the chance.”
“Wait,” Future Liz called out, lifting her head with what was probably the last of her energy.
Nicholas paused and turned back around, eyebrow cocked in curiosity.
“Where’s Serena?” Her voice was quite, labored.
“Who?” Nicholas replied, clearly confused.
“The girl, the little girl, you creep.”
The alien looked puzzled for a moment and then burst into laughter. “There is no little girl.”
“Oh god,” Future Liz sobbed, grief overwhelming at what she thought was Nicholas’ pronouncement of Serena’s death.
“The brilliant Queen’s brain has broken,” he laughed to himself as he passed by Liz and Serena. “Kivar is going to love this.”
The door shut behind the alien and his minions with a loud clang, followed by the sound of a lock being set.
Liz looked to Serena, the girl whose supposed death the other Liz was mourning. “Where are you?”
“My time here had finished. You no longer needed the guide of a Guardian.”
“No need? Look at her.” In only a few moments, the woman before them had stopped crying, had stopped moving. Liz thought for a moment she had even stopped breathing, only to be assured by the slight rise and fall of her chest. “She’s dying. She won’t make it for another few days. She has every need of divine intervention.”
Serena replied gently. “Just wait, watch.”
Wait for her future self to do what? Die? Liz wanted to tell Serena she had seen enough, that she couldn’t see anymore. But she couldn’t go, not until all her questions had been answered. So instead she did as Serena suggested. She stood and she watched.
Time went by slowly. What perhaps was an hour felt like days. Liz watched as her other self’s breaths got weaker and weaker. She waited and watched and wondered. Is this what drove Future Max to her balcony in such pain and desperation? Is this why he was so cold, so hardened?
Liz was lost in these thoughts until a thud from behind the door caught her attention. She turned to see what was going to happen next. What she saw made her breath catch in her throat.
There, in the doorway, hands raised, paralleling her own experience in a heartbreaking way, was Future Max. He looked just like she remembered him. Long, graying hair, leather pants and sleeveless vest, a worn and tired face. A face whose expression moved from intensity to agony the moment he saw his wife crumpled on the floor. As he ran quickly over to her, he threw his hand out at the door, creating a green shield Liz assumed was meant to keep others out. He dropped to the ground beside the unconscious woman, his breath heavy with fear.
“Come on, baby,” he coaxed as he pulled her broken body onto his lap, “come on, open your eyes for me.”
Future Liz didn’t move, didn’t make a sound.
“Love, you’ve got to do this.” His voice flowed from pleading to commanding to breaking as he spoke. Liz could feel the terror radiating off him. “You’ve got to be strong. You’ve been so strong, just once more and then you can rest, I promise. Come on, Liz. Oh god, open your eyes.”
Liz couldn’t help her own quiet sobs that came, watching this beautiful man cradling his love, cradling her, with such tender desperation. She knew this man, not because he had come to her balcony so many years before, but in his hardened face filled with complete devotion and desperation, she saw the Max she knew. The Max who revealed himself to her last night.
“Liz,” he whispered into her ragged hair, tears streaming down his face. “Liz, love. Baby, please don’t give up, don’t give up on me.”
A small noise came from the woman in his arms. He pulled back and Liz could see that her future self was struggling to open her eyes. Future Max rested her body against his leg and cupped her damaged head in his hands.
“That’s it, Liz, keep those eyes open for me,” he coaxed as he stared intently into her brown eyes. Through a little more encouragement, he managed to form a connection. Both of their bodies jerked slightly as he focused on healing the damage Nicholas had done to Future Liz’s mind.
The healing was exhausting him. His forehead was dripping with sweat, his breathing labored. It took a lot out of him but it appeared to be worth it. When he pulled back from the connection, Future Liz was awake and cognizant. She lifted her good arm, lightly touching his wet cheeks with her hand.
“You’re here,” she whispered weakly.
“I’m always here,” he choked, rubbing her temple lightly. Touching her heart he continued, “And here. Always. That’s what we promised, remember?”
Future Liz smiled faintly. “Always.”
The sound of an explosion from somewhere within Nicholas’ camp reminded the pair that their sweet reunion wouldn’t last long unless they got out of there.
“We need to go. Let me heal the rest of you,” he said as his hand went to her broken leg.
“No, Max,” she protested.
“Liz, stop trying to be strong. Let me heal you.”
“You need to be strong. If you heal me anymore, you’ll be just as weak as I am now. How can you keep me safe if you’re the one who needs to be carried out of here?”
Future Max cracked a gentle smile. “There you go being right again. You really have to stop it.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Future Liz offered before she faded out for a moment, her eyes rolling back into her head. The relapse didn’t last but a moment, a moment clearly too long for Max.
“You have to let me heal you,” he insisted, raising his hand once more. “Your head might be in the clear but the rest of you –“
“The rest of me is tired and needs sleep. The rest of me can wait.”
“No.”
“Yes,” she pressed back. “Remember I’m always right.”
“The moment we get clear –“
“You can do all you want to me,” she teased gently, a glint of something Liz envied in her eye. Strange thing, to envy a woman who’d gone through hell and back. But this woman had had years of heaven in Max’s arms too. Liz couldn’t help but think she would be willing to go through the hell to get that heaven. It seemed Future Liz thought the same thing. “I’ve missed all that you do to me.”
“Then I promise to do it all,” Max answered with a weary grin and a kiss to her brow.
Another explosion, this one closer, let the lovers know the fight was coming closer towards them.
“Michael and Isabel went to go get the crystal. They’re going to meet us here and then I’m getting you home.”
Future Liz nodded weakly. “Even if it’s a lie, say it will be all right.”
“It will, love, it will.”
As Future Max placed a gentle kiss on her lips, Liz found her own lips tingling at the memory of such similar kisses.
With her husband’s lips still on hers, Future Liz started to fade out again but pulled herself back. “I think I’m going to start on that rest now. Promise to save your energy.”
“Liz,” Max croaked.
“Promise,” she insisted.
“Promise,” he repeated. Satisfied with her husband’s answer, the woman gave into her body’s need for rest, passing out in the safety of his arms.
“I’m so sorry,” Future Max whispered to his wife’s unconscious form. “You deserve so much more than this. If I can make this right, I will. I promise, I will.”
Another explosion rang out followed by Michael bursting through Max’s shield and into the room. Like Max, he looked tired, hardened. His hair was long and unkempt. Liz wondered briefly what Future Maria had to say about that.
“You’re getting weak if I can get through your shield so easily,” Future Michael said as he walked over to the pair. Getting his first good look at Liz, Michael cursed. “Fucker. No wonder you’re weak. Her brain was probably just as beaten as her body looks.”
Future Max nodded. “I thought it was going to be bad. I didn’t know how bad. I don’t think she would have survived if we hadn’t been connected.”
“But she did. You kept her from that.” Michael nodded his head in the direction of the decomposing body by the door.
“If we had time, I would track Nicholas down and torture him with every device he used on her.” Future Max’s jaw clenched as he spoke.
“Well, we don’t have time to find him. He fell for your ‘two days from now’ herring and left, probably to go set a trap for you.”
“I just wish I could have reached through our connection and ended him instead of just giving him bad information. Because I swear, Michael, all I want to do is end him. Look what he did to her.”
“I got the crystal. It was right where Liz told you it would be. Let’s go so you can figure out a way to use it and end Nicholas and his boss once and for all.”
Future Max scooped his unconscious wife up in his arms as he stood. “Where’s Isabel? Is she keeping our escape route clear?”
The older Michael flinched before he responded in a flat voice. “She didn’t make it.”
Future Max closed his eyes tight, grief exploding throughout his whole body, so strong it almost knocked Liz over. Serena, who had remained so silent and subdued that Liz had forgotten she was still there, squeezed her hand, steadying her.
“Can we…” His voice dropped off as he lost the will to speak. Shaking his head, perhaps attempting to shake his grief away too, he tried again. “Is there any way we could get her body?”
Michael shook his head. “You know that’s not an option, Max. Nicholas might have left and taken most of his guards with him, but word has got to have reached him by now. Fear of Kivar’s wrath will send him scurrying back as quickly as possible. We need to get you and Liz out of here. Maria would come back to haunt me from her grave if I let anything else happen to her best friend.”
Liz gasped at Future Michael’s words. Maria was dead? What about Alex, Kyle, their families? She supposed it didn’t really matter because in a couple weeks this timeline would be finished. She still couldn’t help but grieve.
“We will avenge her, Max,” Future Michael promised his brother, his leader. “We’ll avenge them all.”
The leather clad Max nodded curtly in response. The two men quickly left the cell, Michael with his arms out, ready to defend his king and queen, Max carrying his broken wife. Liz and Serena remained behind in the empty room.
“I don’t,” Liz spoke after a few moments, “I don’t understand. Why did we have to be torn apart? Why did we think we weren’t supposed to be together?”
Watching that whole terrifying and tender scene, Liz was only more convinced of how good she and Max could have been for each other. Future Liz and Max were beautiful together. Everything she and Max had been intensified by years together, by a connection she and her Max had never gotten to explore. Why did Future Max have her throw that all away?
“We have one more moment to see,” Serena answered as she led Liz to the door of the cell. “In a couple weeks from now in this timeline, you should find that answer.”
The pair walked through the door of the room and as they did, their surroundings faded away once more. Instead of moving through the light and color-filled place of joy like they had the first time, they went directly to the next stop in this timeline. The last stop from what Serena said. Nicholas’s compound became a place Liz recognized. It was the pod chamber. Or at least, what had been the pod chamber. The pods weren’t anywhere in sight, replaced by an odd-looking door. Probably a reinforcement against Kivar’s forces in case they got through the outside rock and Max’s green shield lining the inside of the rock wall.
In the chamber were Future Max and Liz. The other Liz looked much better than she had just moments ago, or weeks ago Liz supposed. Her limbs were healed and her face shone with health. Future Max had done a good job. No longer distracted by the evidence of torture, Liz could take in what she might look like in nine or so years. She would look pretty good, she decided. At least in terms of aging. The leather pants and monotone colors had to be the by-product of fighting a war. And her hair… It was no longer ragged from Nicholas’ cut, instead it looked like a futuristic politician’s wife’s haircut. Maria must be dead in this timeline because there was no way she would have let Liz walk around like that. Couldn’t this Liz have gotten a better cut, like one she herself was sporting? Or couldn’t she have gotten Max to use his powers to re-grow her hair? Would that have been too much of a waste of his valuable energy?
“This future is not my future, this is not my future” Liz repeated to herself, causing Serena to look up at her curiously. Liz shrugged, a little embarrassed. “I was having a vanity moment.”
Serena smiled and turned back to the pair in the pod chamber. It looked like they were arguing.
“I have to be the one to do it, Liz,” she heard Future Max insist.
“No, Max, let me do this. I know you’re the one who will be able to figure out a way to keep Tess from leaving.”
“No, Liz,” Future Max shook his head, “trust me. My younger self will want nothing to do with Tess.”
“That’s why I’ll convince him,” the future version of Liz countered.
“No, Liz,” Max repeated, firmly this time, “it has to be you, the younger you. You’re the one who can make it right. You always have been.”
Liz cringed hearing familiar and misguided words on Future Max’s lips. Right? If he only knew. If her Max only knew.
“But Max – “
“You’re the one who believed it’s her power that we need. The one that convinced me we need her to stay, that we would have been stronger with her fighting beside us.”
“Then let me go and convince the younger you.”
“Liz, I’m telling you. That younger me only remembers the tricks Tess played on me with her mindwarping. He’s extremely wary of her and her power. He doesn’t have that brilliant rational brain of yours.”
“But I can –“
“Trust me when I tell you, at that moment in my life, I don’t think even a future Liz would have been able to convince me anything to do with Tess. Right now he’s so filled with thoughts of winning you back, he isn’t acting like his normal, more reserved and reasonable self.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Future Liz smiled softly as she reached out and brushed her thumb against his lips. Liz sighed internally. Even in the midst of a fight, this version of herself and Max could express love. “You singing fool.”
“A fool for love.”
Future Liz looked down from her husband to stare at the ground. “You’re always the one who has to save the day. Just once I wish I could have done something.”
Future Max gently took her chin in his hand, bringing their heads closer together and joined their lips in a soft kiss.
“Every day,” he spoke softly against her lips. “Every day you save me.”
Future Liz offered him a small smile at his words. “I just wish I could do more than read emotions.” The smile turned to pressed lips as her eyes turned from her husband to the entrance wall of the cave. “I wish I could have helped save other people.”
Future Max wrapped his arms around his Liz, squeezing her tight with all his love. “You did help save him. You brought Maria into his life.”
Liz found her eyes watering as she realized what they were talking about. Future Max had told her that twenty-five minutes before he left, he had held a dying Michael in his arms. In this timeline, Michael had just died. A knot rose in Liz’s throat as she continued to watch.
“And you will save him again, the younger you will at least, by getting Tess to stay. You’re the one that can get our group to accept her: you’re the one we all will listen to. You said Serena told you that a person couldn’t see herself when she time traveled.” Future Liz nodded at his words, a small sad smile crossing her lips at the mention of Serena’s name. “You can’t develop a plan with your younger self. I have to go and talk with you. Together we’ll save the day.”
Caught up in the peculiar beauty of watching this intimate scene between future versions of herself and Max, Liz realized she hadn’t noticed until now something odd mingling in with the sorrow, love, and fear. It was coming from Future Max.
“No, no,” Liz shook her head as she realized what she was sensing. This Max was planning something, something he didn’t want Liz to know about. He was blocking something from her, which she surmised didn’t happen much between these two. Whatever it was, it was crucial to him. Whatever it was, he knew his Liz wouldn’t approve.
Future Liz sighed as she gave in to her husband. “Just make it surgical, precise. Don’t do anything other than what you have to. We don’t know what little events then will bring about good things here.”
“I will.” No, no, he won’t, Liz wanted to shout.
“I love you,” Future Liz said as she held her husband close to her. “I love you and I have loved our life together. Every minute of it.”
“Liz,” Future Max sighed as he pulled back, “not every minute.”
Liz knew from both her special senses and her special knowledge of Max that he was thinking about her captivity.
“Stop blaming yourself.” Future Liz’s voice was commanding, clear. “It happened. And if what I went through there is part of what I had to go through to be by your side, then I’m all right with it.
“I’m not.”
Future Liz opened her mouth, Liz knew to argue with him, but changed her mind. “It doesn’t matter. You’re going to go back and get Tess to stay and the younger version of ourselves will only know the good, not the bad.”
“Oh my god,” Liz whispered to herself as what should have been obvious before became perfectly clear now. It was never her plan, never Future Liz’s thought to break the two of them up. That had come completely from Future Max. He and he alone had decided they needed to be apart.
And Liz knew why.
A loud explosion on the other side of the rock wall and Max’s shield knocked both Future Max and Liz to the ground. Scrambling to pick herself up, the older Liz grabbed her Max’s hand and brought it to the door barricading the entrance to the granolith.
“They’re coming. You have to go.”
“No,” Future Max shook his head, suddenly filled with protective feelings that washed over both Lizs. “When I go, the shield will fall. Kivar will be able to get you.”
“When you go,” she countered, “you’re going to make things right, make them better. And when you do, this world will cease to exist, Kivar right along with it.”
She pressed his hand against the door, opening the barrier. When the door opened, Liz saw that the pods were actually still there, just protected along with the granolith. Serena and Liz followed Future Liz and Max as they hurried through the door and the pods into the granolith chamber.
What had been an intimate moment just seconds ago had intensified in action. As Serena and Liz stood in the entranceway, another explosion knocked Future Liz off balance, into Max’s arms.
“I won’t leave you,” he swore, fear for her safety filling his heart and his voice.
“No, no, no. Max, you have to,” she insisted as she pushed him toward the control center of the granolith.
“If I'm successful, if I can do this, you and I won't exist. Not as we do now.”
“Max, if you don't do this, we're gonna die. Everyone will.” Another noise distracted Future Max from her words. Future Liz took command, shaking him to get him to focus. “Max, you have to do this. You have to try it.”
“I'll never see you again,” he mumbled. Liz could sense his heart breaking, both at what was happening and what he knew he was going to do.
Future Liz’s commanding intensity gave way to heartbreak of her own. Liz found her own heart aching for her future counterpart. Though her words were true, though she thought she was giving her younger self a chance at a better life with her love, she would not exist. All she and her Max had been and meant to each other would not exist.
Future Liz pulled her husband into an embrace.
“Thank you,” he spoke into her hair.
“For what?” she asked incredulously.
He pulled back from their embrace, cupping her head in his hands. “For every kiss, every smile.”
Liz felt tears streaming down her own face. He wasn’t just saying goodbye to this Liz, his Liz, in his time. He was saying goodbye to her forever, for all time and times.
“Max,” Future Liz said as she touched his cheek, a smile on her face. “I don't have any regrets.”
He doesn’t believe you, Liz wanted to cry out as an explosion knocked both of the pair off their feet and to the ground.
Not missing a step, Future Max pulled the clear crystal out of his vest and placed it in the base of the granolith. The bottom of the cone began to light up, a sign that the holy and powerful artifact had been activated. Future Liz and Max slowly rose off the ground, in awe of what they were seeing.
Liz was in awe herself. The whole chamber was lit up with greens and violets. A swirling mass of energy that defied all her scientific knowledge had formed at the top of the cone. She looked to Serena who was watching the scene with a sad expression on her face. Liz thought she understood why. Serena had been with Future Liz for weeks; she had planted both the idea of time travel and the necessity a powerful ally in her head. But what was going to happen once Future Max left this time would be nothing like Serena had envisioned.
Her attention went back to the man who would change this future, change her future. Liz saw him offer his wife a small sad smile and a nod. Flashes of light filled the space, and as Future Liz was knocked once again to the ground, Liz watched a V-shaped light illuminate from Future Max. His form morphed, becoming that light, and in a moment he had been transported into the granolith.
Future Liz lifted herself off the ground, brushed the hair out of her face, and looked up at her husband who was now forever separated from her by the granolith. He lifted his hand to the barrier of the cone and Future Liz did the same. Their hands taunted Liz, so close yet not connecting. That would be her and her own Max once Future Max came to her.
“Don’t do it, Max,” Liz whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear her. She watched the last moments of this timeline pass, Serena’s hand holding hers, giving her strength and comfort.
A noise came from the granolith, drawing Future Max’s attention upward. In a flash, he was gone, taken away from this Liz and brought to a balcony where a younger Liz–where she–was imagining a future with Max for the first time in months. A future that thanks to this Max would never be.
Another light filled the chamber, this one blurring Liz’s vision as Future Liz’s cry of “Max, Max” faded into the background. That broken cry still ringing in her ears, Liz watched as the future and the granolith chamber gave way to the present and Central Park.
Perfect World
We get to be a ripple in the water
We get to be a rock that’s thrown
We get to be a boy on the bridge
Standing over the reservoir
I see the water lapping on the shoreline
Buried forest of a man made lake
Cemeteries are laying underneath it
Your heart like a damn embrace
We’re floating we’re swimming
And at this moment we are forgetting
What we caused what it takes
The one perfect world when we look the other way
I’m okay if I don’t look a little closer
I’m okay I if don’t see beyond the shore
I’m okay I don’t have to do the killing or
Know what the killing is for
We’re talking we’re driving
And in this moment we are denying
What we caused what it takes
The one perfect world when we look the other way
One perfect world...when we look the other way
You can see beyond the middle isolation
And the miracle of daybreak doesn’t move you anymore
Connect the points and then see the constellations
As the night comes down on the reservoir
We’re swimming we’re floating
And in this moment we are beholden
To what we’ve caused to what it takes
The one perfect world
Can we learn to live another way
Perfect world…can we learn to live another way
One…perfect world
Get to be a ripple in the water
- Indigo Girls
Future Liz screamed, a hoarse, weak sound, as Nicholas connected with her, making her mind his playground once again. The two Skins holding her up dug their fingers into her already-abused flesh as they tried to keep the woman still. Future Liz attempted to fight, trying to resist. For a woman who had clearly suffered much during her captivity, she managed to cause her captors some trouble, getting a good kick into the male Skin with her unbroken leg.
Liz had wanted to know what had happened: why Future Max came to her telling her she and her Max had to be apart. She wanted to know if it was all worth it. Watching an older version of herself writhe in excruciating pain, Liz understood why this was the way she had to know. No description could have ever done justice to what was happening in front of her.
Nicholas pulled away from his victim, a huge smile on his face. “Oh, that’s just fun. I should have known. Kivar told me you were more than meets the eye.”
Liz wondered what he meant but Future Liz said nothing. Liz could tell that all her energy was being spent in keeping her head raised and holding eye contact with her captor.
“I thought I knew everything after running around in your head for two weeks. But surprise, surprise.” Nicholas shook his finger at the woman. “You’ve been keeping things from me. That’s not nice. I already know where the granolith is.”
They knew were the granolith was? Liz wondered why her future self wasn’t panicked. At least she assumed she wasn’t panicked. Liz couldn’t read any feelings off Future Liz, which made sense (as much as any of this could) because she couldn’t exactly read herself either. What really didn’t make sense was Future Liz’s lack of concern.
“I’ll tell you what else I know,” Nicholas practically purred as he moved in closer to his captive. “That husband of yours is going to trade his seal for you.”
That’s right, Liz thought, her memory triggered. The seal. The granolith was useless without the royal seal to activate it. Liz hadn’t known the seal was something that could be given away. Apparently hearing about this seal trade from Nicholas was a little more worthy of Future Liz’s attention; the woman mustered the energy to speak.
“He would never do that.”
“Queenie, remember how I just saw inside that head of yours. No need to lie. I know you two have been communicating this whole time–that he has been helping you and tracking you down using that connection. Neat trick. Had I known you could do that, I might have prevented it. We have this nifty little device that can keep him out of your head. Of course, if I had done that, I wouldn’t have known he’ll be here in a few days with a plan to offer a trade.”
“You don’t know anything.” Future Liz’s words–which were probably supposed to sound tough and assured–came off more as a question than anything else.
“Does this sound familiar?: ‘Hold on baby, don’t let him get to you. You’re stronger than all this, better than all this. Just remember, I’m always with you. Always.’” He rolled his eyes and gagged at the words he mocked.
“So you know Max has been talking to me, that he knows where I am. So what?” Future Liz pushed back with more confidence. Liz knew the woman was angered that Nicholas had been privy to her intimate conversations with Max. And that anger gave her strength. “If you saw that much then you should also know that I won’t let him trade me for anything.”
Nicholas chuckled. “Oh, I think one look at you and he’ll do whatever we ask him to. But if you really think it’ll be an issue, we can arrange it so you aren’t able to communicate when he arrives. Of course, your king might not want his queen back without her tongue. Be of little use to him then.”
“You’re an evil little bastard,” she sneered.
Nicholas nodded his head and the Skins holding Future Liz’s arms twisted them back until she cried out in pain. “That’s for the height crack.”
Breathing heavily in pain, Future Liz turned her gaze pointedly to his pelvis. “Who said I was talking about your height?”
Liz turned her head, unable to watch as Nicholas further punished her future counterpart. In a voice hushed by agonizing empathy, she asked Serena “Why does she bait him?”
Serena questioned softly back. “Why would you?”
Because no matter how much pain it caused her, she would never want this warped creature to think he had broken her. She would fight. Even if the only weapon she had left was insolence, she would fight.
“How much more, Serena? I don’t think I can take much more. That either of me can.”
“It will be over soon,” the girl assured her as she gave another gentle squeeze to the hand she was still holding.
Over how? Liz never really knew the fate of the future version of herself. Because Future Max had mentioned Michael and Isabel’s deaths, she assumed he would have mentioned hers if she had died. She had also assumed since he didn’t, they had spent the last moments before he traveled back together. She assumed this because she had wanted to believe, needed to believe, that somewhere another Liz had a bittersweet but loving goodbye with her Max. That this Liz had been able to say all the things she would have wanted to say to Max, but never had the chance to. But maybe that was just another silly girlish fantasy. Maybe this Liz died before she was ever rescued by her Max.
“Enough,” Nicholas called out, stopping his underlings’ abuse of his hostage. One of Future Liz’s arms dangled limply in the Skin’s grasp, another broken limb.
“Oh, Queenie,” the alien grinned, “you look so regal.”
The two Skins chortled at Nicholas’ words until they were cut off by a glare from the alien general. He apparently didn’t want anyone sharing in his fun.
“There’s something not quite right, though.” Nicholas reached over and grabbed something from the belt of the female Skin. It was a knife. Liz moved as though she was going to stop Nicholas from attacking her other self but Serena pulled her back. Liz could only watch as Nicholas brought the knife to the older Liz’s face. Liz had to give her other self some credit. She didn’t even blink when Nicholas slid the face of the blade across her neck.
With his other hand, Nicholas reached up and grabbed a handful of her hair.
“So many memories with this hair,” he said as he ran the limp strands through his hand. “Your king sure does like to run his hands through this stuff. Likes doing other things with it too. Kinky”
Anger crossed Future Liz’s face again and Liz was right there with her. She had loved Max’s obsession with her hair. She cut it right before she had to see him again at the council because of that obsession. There was something sacred to her about the way the boy who had loved her would touch her hair, thread his fingers through it. Nicholas was trying to pervert that and neither Liz was too pleased.
“At least my king can get a woman to play with him. How many times has Kivar tried to win Vilandra back? How many times has he failed?”
Nicholas pulled her hair tightly, bringing her head down till she was eye level with him. He raised the knife in his other hand and Liz thought for a moment he was going to slit the woman’s throat. Instead he brought it to her hair. With rough strokes, he cut Future Liz’s long hair, leaving behind strands about as long as her own were, though nowhere near as neatly cut.
Nicholas held out the strands of cut hair in front of him. “I think I’ll bring this to my king when I see him. And I’ll see him soon. He’s tired of this fighting, Liz. He’s ready to end it once and for all.”
Nicholas nodded again to his Skins and they let go of Future Liz’s arms. She fell immediately to the ground, unable to support her weight on her one good leg.
“You backed the wrong camp on this one, girlie,” Nicholas taunted as he headed to the door, his damage done. “You’ve been the queen of a band of rebellious freaks. Soon you’ll be the queen of nothing but dead bodies. Should have run as far from Roswell and Max when you had the chance.”
“Wait,” Future Liz called out, lifting her head with what was probably the last of her energy.
Nicholas paused and turned back around, eyebrow cocked in curiosity.
“Where’s Serena?” Her voice was quite, labored.
“Who?” Nicholas replied, clearly confused.
“The girl, the little girl, you creep.”
The alien looked puzzled for a moment and then burst into laughter. “There is no little girl.”
“Oh god,” Future Liz sobbed, grief overwhelming at what she thought was Nicholas’ pronouncement of Serena’s death.
“The brilliant Queen’s brain has broken,” he laughed to himself as he passed by Liz and Serena. “Kivar is going to love this.”
The door shut behind the alien and his minions with a loud clang, followed by the sound of a lock being set.
Liz looked to Serena, the girl whose supposed death the other Liz was mourning. “Where are you?”
“My time here had finished. You no longer needed the guide of a Guardian.”
“No need? Look at her.” In only a few moments, the woman before them had stopped crying, had stopped moving. Liz thought for a moment she had even stopped breathing, only to be assured by the slight rise and fall of her chest. “She’s dying. She won’t make it for another few days. She has every need of divine intervention.”
Serena replied gently. “Just wait, watch.”
Wait for her future self to do what? Die? Liz wanted to tell Serena she had seen enough, that she couldn’t see anymore. But she couldn’t go, not until all her questions had been answered. So instead she did as Serena suggested. She stood and she watched.
Time went by slowly. What perhaps was an hour felt like days. Liz watched as her other self’s breaths got weaker and weaker. She waited and watched and wondered. Is this what drove Future Max to her balcony in such pain and desperation? Is this why he was so cold, so hardened?
Liz was lost in these thoughts until a thud from behind the door caught her attention. She turned to see what was going to happen next. What she saw made her breath catch in her throat.
There, in the doorway, hands raised, paralleling her own experience in a heartbreaking way, was Future Max. He looked just like she remembered him. Long, graying hair, leather pants and sleeveless vest, a worn and tired face. A face whose expression moved from intensity to agony the moment he saw his wife crumpled on the floor. As he ran quickly over to her, he threw his hand out at the door, creating a green shield Liz assumed was meant to keep others out. He dropped to the ground beside the unconscious woman, his breath heavy with fear.
“Come on, baby,” he coaxed as he pulled her broken body onto his lap, “come on, open your eyes for me.”
Future Liz didn’t move, didn’t make a sound.
“Love, you’ve got to do this.” His voice flowed from pleading to commanding to breaking as he spoke. Liz could feel the terror radiating off him. “You’ve got to be strong. You’ve been so strong, just once more and then you can rest, I promise. Come on, Liz. Oh god, open your eyes.”
Liz couldn’t help her own quiet sobs that came, watching this beautiful man cradling his love, cradling her, with such tender desperation. She knew this man, not because he had come to her balcony so many years before, but in his hardened face filled with complete devotion and desperation, she saw the Max she knew. The Max who revealed himself to her last night.
“Liz,” he whispered into her ragged hair, tears streaming down his face. “Liz, love. Baby, please don’t give up, don’t give up on me.”
A small noise came from the woman in his arms. He pulled back and Liz could see that her future self was struggling to open her eyes. Future Max rested her body against his leg and cupped her damaged head in his hands.
“That’s it, Liz, keep those eyes open for me,” he coaxed as he stared intently into her brown eyes. Through a little more encouragement, he managed to form a connection. Both of their bodies jerked slightly as he focused on healing the damage Nicholas had done to Future Liz’s mind.
The healing was exhausting him. His forehead was dripping with sweat, his breathing labored. It took a lot out of him but it appeared to be worth it. When he pulled back from the connection, Future Liz was awake and cognizant. She lifted her good arm, lightly touching his wet cheeks with her hand.
“You’re here,” she whispered weakly.
“I’m always here,” he choked, rubbing her temple lightly. Touching her heart he continued, “And here. Always. That’s what we promised, remember?”
Future Liz smiled faintly. “Always.”
The sound of an explosion from somewhere within Nicholas’ camp reminded the pair that their sweet reunion wouldn’t last long unless they got out of there.
“We need to go. Let me heal the rest of you,” he said as his hand went to her broken leg.
“No, Max,” she protested.
“Liz, stop trying to be strong. Let me heal you.”
“You need to be strong. If you heal me anymore, you’ll be just as weak as I am now. How can you keep me safe if you’re the one who needs to be carried out of here?”
Future Max cracked a gentle smile. “There you go being right again. You really have to stop it.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Future Liz offered before she faded out for a moment, her eyes rolling back into her head. The relapse didn’t last but a moment, a moment clearly too long for Max.
“You have to let me heal you,” he insisted, raising his hand once more. “Your head might be in the clear but the rest of you –“
“The rest of me is tired and needs sleep. The rest of me can wait.”
“No.”
“Yes,” she pressed back. “Remember I’m always right.”
“The moment we get clear –“
“You can do all you want to me,” she teased gently, a glint of something Liz envied in her eye. Strange thing, to envy a woman who’d gone through hell and back. But this woman had had years of heaven in Max’s arms too. Liz couldn’t help but think she would be willing to go through the hell to get that heaven. It seemed Future Liz thought the same thing. “I’ve missed all that you do to me.”
“Then I promise to do it all,” Max answered with a weary grin and a kiss to her brow.
Another explosion, this one closer, let the lovers know the fight was coming closer towards them.
“Michael and Isabel went to go get the crystal. They’re going to meet us here and then I’m getting you home.”
Future Liz nodded weakly. “Even if it’s a lie, say it will be all right.”
“It will, love, it will.”
As Future Max placed a gentle kiss on her lips, Liz found her own lips tingling at the memory of such similar kisses.
With her husband’s lips still on hers, Future Liz started to fade out again but pulled herself back. “I think I’m going to start on that rest now. Promise to save your energy.”
“Liz,” Max croaked.
“Promise,” she insisted.
“Promise,” he repeated. Satisfied with her husband’s answer, the woman gave into her body’s need for rest, passing out in the safety of his arms.
“I’m so sorry,” Future Max whispered to his wife’s unconscious form. “You deserve so much more than this. If I can make this right, I will. I promise, I will.”
Another explosion rang out followed by Michael bursting through Max’s shield and into the room. Like Max, he looked tired, hardened. His hair was long and unkempt. Liz wondered briefly what Future Maria had to say about that.
“You’re getting weak if I can get through your shield so easily,” Future Michael said as he walked over to the pair. Getting his first good look at Liz, Michael cursed. “Fucker. No wonder you’re weak. Her brain was probably just as beaten as her body looks.”
Future Max nodded. “I thought it was going to be bad. I didn’t know how bad. I don’t think she would have survived if we hadn’t been connected.”
“But she did. You kept her from that.” Michael nodded his head in the direction of the decomposing body by the door.
“If we had time, I would track Nicholas down and torture him with every device he used on her.” Future Max’s jaw clenched as he spoke.
“Well, we don’t have time to find him. He fell for your ‘two days from now’ herring and left, probably to go set a trap for you.”
“I just wish I could have reached through our connection and ended him instead of just giving him bad information. Because I swear, Michael, all I want to do is end him. Look what he did to her.”
“I got the crystal. It was right where Liz told you it would be. Let’s go so you can figure out a way to use it and end Nicholas and his boss once and for all.”
Future Max scooped his unconscious wife up in his arms as he stood. “Where’s Isabel? Is she keeping our escape route clear?”
The older Michael flinched before he responded in a flat voice. “She didn’t make it.”
Future Max closed his eyes tight, grief exploding throughout his whole body, so strong it almost knocked Liz over. Serena, who had remained so silent and subdued that Liz had forgotten she was still there, squeezed her hand, steadying her.
“Can we…” His voice dropped off as he lost the will to speak. Shaking his head, perhaps attempting to shake his grief away too, he tried again. “Is there any way we could get her body?”
Michael shook his head. “You know that’s not an option, Max. Nicholas might have left and taken most of his guards with him, but word has got to have reached him by now. Fear of Kivar’s wrath will send him scurrying back as quickly as possible. We need to get you and Liz out of here. Maria would come back to haunt me from her grave if I let anything else happen to her best friend.”
Liz gasped at Future Michael’s words. Maria was dead? What about Alex, Kyle, their families? She supposed it didn’t really matter because in a couple weeks this timeline would be finished. She still couldn’t help but grieve.
“We will avenge her, Max,” Future Michael promised his brother, his leader. “We’ll avenge them all.”
The leather clad Max nodded curtly in response. The two men quickly left the cell, Michael with his arms out, ready to defend his king and queen, Max carrying his broken wife. Liz and Serena remained behind in the empty room.
“I don’t,” Liz spoke after a few moments, “I don’t understand. Why did we have to be torn apart? Why did we think we weren’t supposed to be together?”
Watching that whole terrifying and tender scene, Liz was only more convinced of how good she and Max could have been for each other. Future Liz and Max were beautiful together. Everything she and Max had been intensified by years together, by a connection she and her Max had never gotten to explore. Why did Future Max have her throw that all away?
“We have one more moment to see,” Serena answered as she led Liz to the door of the cell. “In a couple weeks from now in this timeline, you should find that answer.”
The pair walked through the door of the room and as they did, their surroundings faded away once more. Instead of moving through the light and color-filled place of joy like they had the first time, they went directly to the next stop in this timeline. The last stop from what Serena said. Nicholas’s compound became a place Liz recognized. It was the pod chamber. Or at least, what had been the pod chamber. The pods weren’t anywhere in sight, replaced by an odd-looking door. Probably a reinforcement against Kivar’s forces in case they got through the outside rock and Max’s green shield lining the inside of the rock wall.
In the chamber were Future Max and Liz. The other Liz looked much better than she had just moments ago, or weeks ago Liz supposed. Her limbs were healed and her face shone with health. Future Max had done a good job. No longer distracted by the evidence of torture, Liz could take in what she might look like in nine or so years. She would look pretty good, she decided. At least in terms of aging. The leather pants and monotone colors had to be the by-product of fighting a war. And her hair… It was no longer ragged from Nicholas’ cut, instead it looked like a futuristic politician’s wife’s haircut. Maria must be dead in this timeline because there was no way she would have let Liz walk around like that. Couldn’t this Liz have gotten a better cut, like one she herself was sporting? Or couldn’t she have gotten Max to use his powers to re-grow her hair? Would that have been too much of a waste of his valuable energy?
“This future is not my future, this is not my future” Liz repeated to herself, causing Serena to look up at her curiously. Liz shrugged, a little embarrassed. “I was having a vanity moment.”
Serena smiled and turned back to the pair in the pod chamber. It looked like they were arguing.
“I have to be the one to do it, Liz,” she heard Future Max insist.
“No, Max, let me do this. I know you’re the one who will be able to figure out a way to keep Tess from leaving.”
“No, Liz,” Future Max shook his head, “trust me. My younger self will want nothing to do with Tess.”
“That’s why I’ll convince him,” the future version of Liz countered.
“No, Liz,” Max repeated, firmly this time, “it has to be you, the younger you. You’re the one who can make it right. You always have been.”
Liz cringed hearing familiar and misguided words on Future Max’s lips. Right? If he only knew. If her Max only knew.
“But Max – “
“You’re the one who believed it’s her power that we need. The one that convinced me we need her to stay, that we would have been stronger with her fighting beside us.”
“Then let me go and convince the younger you.”
“Liz, I’m telling you. That younger me only remembers the tricks Tess played on me with her mindwarping. He’s extremely wary of her and her power. He doesn’t have that brilliant rational brain of yours.”
“But I can –“
“Trust me when I tell you, at that moment in my life, I don’t think even a future Liz would have been able to convince me anything to do with Tess. Right now he’s so filled with thoughts of winning you back, he isn’t acting like his normal, more reserved and reasonable self.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Future Liz smiled softly as she reached out and brushed her thumb against his lips. Liz sighed internally. Even in the midst of a fight, this version of herself and Max could express love. “You singing fool.”
“A fool for love.”
Future Liz looked down from her husband to stare at the ground. “You’re always the one who has to save the day. Just once I wish I could have done something.”
Future Max gently took her chin in his hand, bringing their heads closer together and joined their lips in a soft kiss.
“Every day,” he spoke softly against her lips. “Every day you save me.”
Future Liz offered him a small smile at his words. “I just wish I could do more than read emotions.” The smile turned to pressed lips as her eyes turned from her husband to the entrance wall of the cave. “I wish I could have helped save other people.”
Future Max wrapped his arms around his Liz, squeezing her tight with all his love. “You did help save him. You brought Maria into his life.”
Liz found her eyes watering as she realized what they were talking about. Future Max had told her that twenty-five minutes before he left, he had held a dying Michael in his arms. In this timeline, Michael had just died. A knot rose in Liz’s throat as she continued to watch.
“And you will save him again, the younger you will at least, by getting Tess to stay. You’re the one that can get our group to accept her: you’re the one we all will listen to. You said Serena told you that a person couldn’t see herself when she time traveled.” Future Liz nodded at his words, a small sad smile crossing her lips at the mention of Serena’s name. “You can’t develop a plan with your younger self. I have to go and talk with you. Together we’ll save the day.”
Caught up in the peculiar beauty of watching this intimate scene between future versions of herself and Max, Liz realized she hadn’t noticed until now something odd mingling in with the sorrow, love, and fear. It was coming from Future Max.
“No, no,” Liz shook her head as she realized what she was sensing. This Max was planning something, something he didn’t want Liz to know about. He was blocking something from her, which she surmised didn’t happen much between these two. Whatever it was, it was crucial to him. Whatever it was, he knew his Liz wouldn’t approve.
Future Liz sighed as she gave in to her husband. “Just make it surgical, precise. Don’t do anything other than what you have to. We don’t know what little events then will bring about good things here.”
“I will.” No, no, he won’t, Liz wanted to shout.
“I love you,” Future Liz said as she held her husband close to her. “I love you and I have loved our life together. Every minute of it.”
“Liz,” Future Max sighed as he pulled back, “not every minute.”
Liz knew from both her special senses and her special knowledge of Max that he was thinking about her captivity.
“Stop blaming yourself.” Future Liz’s voice was commanding, clear. “It happened. And if what I went through there is part of what I had to go through to be by your side, then I’m all right with it.
“I’m not.”
Future Liz opened her mouth, Liz knew to argue with him, but changed her mind. “It doesn’t matter. You’re going to go back and get Tess to stay and the younger version of ourselves will only know the good, not the bad.”
“Oh my god,” Liz whispered to herself as what should have been obvious before became perfectly clear now. It was never her plan, never Future Liz’s thought to break the two of them up. That had come completely from Future Max. He and he alone had decided they needed to be apart.
And Liz knew why.
A loud explosion on the other side of the rock wall and Max’s shield knocked both Future Max and Liz to the ground. Scrambling to pick herself up, the older Liz grabbed her Max’s hand and brought it to the door barricading the entrance to the granolith.
“They’re coming. You have to go.”
“No,” Future Max shook his head, suddenly filled with protective feelings that washed over both Lizs. “When I go, the shield will fall. Kivar will be able to get you.”
“When you go,” she countered, “you’re going to make things right, make them better. And when you do, this world will cease to exist, Kivar right along with it.”
She pressed his hand against the door, opening the barrier. When the door opened, Liz saw that the pods were actually still there, just protected along with the granolith. Serena and Liz followed Future Liz and Max as they hurried through the door and the pods into the granolith chamber.
What had been an intimate moment just seconds ago had intensified in action. As Serena and Liz stood in the entranceway, another explosion knocked Future Liz off balance, into Max’s arms.
“I won’t leave you,” he swore, fear for her safety filling his heart and his voice.
“No, no, no. Max, you have to,” she insisted as she pushed him toward the control center of the granolith.
“If I'm successful, if I can do this, you and I won't exist. Not as we do now.”
“Max, if you don't do this, we're gonna die. Everyone will.” Another noise distracted Future Max from her words. Future Liz took command, shaking him to get him to focus. “Max, you have to do this. You have to try it.”
“I'll never see you again,” he mumbled. Liz could sense his heart breaking, both at what was happening and what he knew he was going to do.
Future Liz’s commanding intensity gave way to heartbreak of her own. Liz found her own heart aching for her future counterpart. Though her words were true, though she thought she was giving her younger self a chance at a better life with her love, she would not exist. All she and her Max had been and meant to each other would not exist.
Future Liz pulled her husband into an embrace.
“Thank you,” he spoke into her hair.
“For what?” she asked incredulously.
He pulled back from their embrace, cupping her head in his hands. “For every kiss, every smile.”
Liz felt tears streaming down her own face. He wasn’t just saying goodbye to this Liz, his Liz, in his time. He was saying goodbye to her forever, for all time and times.
“Max,” Future Liz said as she touched his cheek, a smile on her face. “I don't have any regrets.”
He doesn’t believe you, Liz wanted to cry out as an explosion knocked both of the pair off their feet and to the ground.
Not missing a step, Future Max pulled the clear crystal out of his vest and placed it in the base of the granolith. The bottom of the cone began to light up, a sign that the holy and powerful artifact had been activated. Future Liz and Max slowly rose off the ground, in awe of what they were seeing.
Liz was in awe herself. The whole chamber was lit up with greens and violets. A swirling mass of energy that defied all her scientific knowledge had formed at the top of the cone. She looked to Serena who was watching the scene with a sad expression on her face. Liz thought she understood why. Serena had been with Future Liz for weeks; she had planted both the idea of time travel and the necessity a powerful ally in her head. But what was going to happen once Future Max left this time would be nothing like Serena had envisioned.
Her attention went back to the man who would change this future, change her future. Liz saw him offer his wife a small sad smile and a nod. Flashes of light filled the space, and as Future Liz was knocked once again to the ground, Liz watched a V-shaped light illuminate from Future Max. His form morphed, becoming that light, and in a moment he had been transported into the granolith.
Future Liz lifted herself off the ground, brushed the hair out of her face, and looked up at her husband who was now forever separated from her by the granolith. He lifted his hand to the barrier of the cone and Future Liz did the same. Their hands taunted Liz, so close yet not connecting. That would be her and her own Max once Future Max came to her.
“Don’t do it, Max,” Liz whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear her. She watched the last moments of this timeline pass, Serena’s hand holding hers, giving her strength and comfort.
A noise came from the granolith, drawing Future Max’s attention upward. In a flash, he was gone, taken away from this Liz and brought to a balcony where a younger Liz–where she–was imagining a future with Max for the first time in months. A future that thanks to this Max would never be.
Another light filled the chamber, this one blurring Liz’s vision as Future Liz’s cry of “Max, Max” faded into the background. That broken cry still ringing in her ears, Liz watched as the future and the granolith chamber gave way to the present and Central Park.
Last edited by Doublestuf on Fri Oct 05, 2007 6:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
-
Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 26
Part 26
Little Perennials
back in the long stretch of loneliness
i have come to call a living,
i'm getting something for all this love's labor,
even when i am forgetting.
oh we oh oh little perennials
where'd you come from?
daughter of my father's second cousin,
loyalties, i got em by the dozen.
we share a past, we share a blood relation
and that's as good as an invitation.
oh we oh oh little perennials
where'd you come from?
i'm in the north carolina mountains,
just to the west of where i met my calling.
if you look south to the foothills of these mountains rising,
that's the place where it feels good falling.
that's the place that i know.
i look for words to fill the empty spaces,
all the life revealed in these back stages.
i reach for names like little puzzle pieces;
oh perennial, come to me.
oh we oh oh little perennials
where'd you come from?
- Indigo Girls
Liz’s eyes adjusted to the world around her, a world she could affect, a world which what she had just witnessed had helped create. Turning to Serena who had was no longer holding her hand but still standing by her side, Liz asked, “How long have we been gone?”
“Gone?” Serena echoed and then pointed to something behind Liz. “About as long as it takes to walk under that arch.”
Liz turned to look where Serena was pointing. It was the Huddlestone Arch, the one that had transformed into the other timeline as they had passed under it. Reaching into her coat pocket to check the time on her cell phone, Liz understood what Serena meant. No time had passed for the world around them. She had just experienced a touch of being beyond space and time.
Slipping her hands into her coat pockets, Liz took stock of her surroundings. Things seemed normal, even if she felt anything but. At a loss for direction, Liz began to retrace the literal steps she had taken to get to this point, walking back through the arch with Serena at her side. No colors or blurred vision greeted her as she passed under it—not that she expected nor wanted to do anymore traveling back to the future. She had her answers, whether she was prepared to deal with them or not.
Neither she nor Serena said anything as they traced their path back through the Ravine. Even as they approached the bench they had left less than twenty minutes and more than a lifetime ago, nothing was said. Still, not all was silent. The recent revelations running through her mind, Liz couldn’t hold back a resigned laugh. Funny how even though she had been beyond space and time there were some things she would never be beyond. Funny how everything felt turned upside down and yet made perfect sense all at the same time.
“What are you going to do now?” Serena asked prompting Liz out of her thoughts.
“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “I don’t know what I thought I would learn from you, but it wasn’t this. I don’t exactly have a plan ready.”
“No plan?” Serena teased gently, earning a slight smile from Liz.
“I know I should have thought of this possibility. I’ve seen into his soul before, you know. Seen into it when he was the teenager in love with me. Seen into it when he was the man…” Her voice dropped off. There was no denying she felt love from him last night but what that meant, she couldn’t say. Everything was just too muddled. “I don’t know what he ‘is’ with me now. What I do know is that both the boy and the man had one thing in common other than having me on the mind.”
“What’s that?”
Liz took a moment to verbalize what was running through her mind. “I know what I did with Kyle didn’t help, but that wasn’t the source of all the changes in Max. I thought it was. I thought I pushed him over the edge, but I should have known. I saw it before I betrayed him. Before I ever pushed him away.”
“What did you see?” Serena prompted, though Liz had a feeling she already knew.
“What was there last night. What was there in the future.” As she spoke out loud the devastating truth, a hollow feeling crept in, starting in her throat, working its way into her chest and then flowing to the rest of her body as though it was being pumped directly from her heart. “He doesn’t believe in himself. He doesn’t believe he’s good enough. Doesn’t believe he really is worth all that the other Liz went through. All that I’ve been through.”
Max had never believed in himself. He had never believed he was worth the craziness that being in his life brought. That lack of belief had been there since the beginning of their relationship; it was why it took them so long to have an official relationship in the first place. She had known that going in and yet she had always thought that if she could just love him enough, believe in him enough, he would start to believe too. How simple she had been.
Liz gave a small laugh that was accompanied by a sob. “He told me our wedding song was ‘I Shall Believe.’ And I did, you know. I believed.”
She wiped the tears out of her eyes, letting the fullness of what she now knew overwhelm her. “I believed the whole time in that other life. And I believed until he broke my heart so cruelly in this life. I believed in him. I believed in us. And he didn’t, not now and not even then when I never made him doubt himself or my love for him like I did here.”
Just as Liz felt herself teetering on the edge of full hyperventilation, Serena reached out and wrapped her little arms around her, hugging the upset woman for all she was worth. Liz took a deep breath and let herself find comfort in the embrace.
“Thanks,” she offered with a watery smile when Serena gently unwrapped her arms. “I think I was just about to lose it.”
“What are Guardians for?” Serena offered back.
“Lots of things, I’d imagine.”
“You know, one of the things we’re really good at is asking questions,” Serena replied with that “I’m-here-to-help” look on her face.
“Um, okay,” Liz responded with more than a touch of apprehension in her voice.
“How do you feel about Max?”
“What?” Liz replied, a little sharply. It was a completely valid question but one she didn’t think had the best timing.
“I don’t mean bigger picture stuff. I’m pretty sure I know the answer to those questions.”
Really? Liz wondered. Maybe she’d share that answer with her.
“I mean, right now, in this moment, how do you feel? Are you frosted at him?
“What?” Liz asked again. She had been doing pretty well with Serena’s slang but that one was beyond her.
Serena grinned at Liz’s confusion. “Angry, are you angry at him?”
“At Max?” Awareness dawned on Liz even as she asked. “Oh, Future Max. I… yes and no. I could stand here and say he was wrong for doing what he did. Taking our future, my future, in his hands, making the decision on his own. But I did the exact same thing. Well, not the exact same thing I suppose since I had a version of Max telling me what needed to be done. But close enough.”
“And your Max? What are you thinking about him?”
How it wasn’t fair that one man could be both so heartbreaking and heart-stirring.
“I’m thinking I need to see him.” The words tumbled out, startling Liz as they came. See Max? Was that really what she wanted? Yes, she realized with intense clarity, it was. Liz could hear her inner Maria voice telling her to stay clear of Max for a while. Telling her that she should pause and collect her thoughts, process both the pain and the pleasure of what she had seen, what she had learned. Of course, it was Maria’s bolting out the door after Michael that led Liz to Serena and all that followed in the last few hours. Liz understood Maria’s burning need to see Michael right away. Even if it wasn’t the sensible course of action, it was the only one she could follow. No reasoning or excuses could stand in her way. “I need to talk to him. Try and explain some things. Things I probably should have explained years ago.”
“No more waiting.”
“No,” Liz shook her head. “Not after last night. I don’t think anything I could tell him would make him feel any worse than he already does.”
“And you? What will speaking with him right now do to you?”
“I—I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “And what’s more, I don’t care.”
Serena offered Liz a smile, that all-knowing kind, and Liz was confirmed in her decision. Today would be the day she had played out in her mind—often against her own better judgment—for years.
“Do you know what you’re going to say?”
Liz shook her head. “I have to wait and see if he’ll even want to talk to me. Assuming he doesn’t shut the door in my face, I’ll take it from there.”
“He won’t shut the door in your face,” Serena chided with a grin. “He may stand there looking confused, excited, and apprehensive, but he’ll let you in. Just like he did last night.”
Liz hoped it wasn’t just like last night. When Max let her in this time, literally and figuratively, she wasn’t going to run away. She was going to stay, talk, process, deal, cry, shout—do whatever it took to finally get everything out in the open.
Serena pointed toward the west end of the park. “Look’s like that’s your direction. Catch a cab and head to the Clarion.”
“Central Park West for me it is. And you?”
Serena’s hand moved from pointing west to north. “I’ve got other places to be,” she grinned. “Other lifetimes, other worlds.”
Liz nodded in understanding. She knew Serena wouldn’t stay, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be disappointed. Though she had only spent a few hours with the child Guardian, she felt connected to her.
“Thank you,” Liz offered in gratitude. “Thank you for showing me what I needed to see, for being there with me—with both ‘mes’.”
“I’m glad I got to know you—in both lifetimes,” Serena smiled.
“Me too,” Liz smiled back as she reached in for a hug. The two held each other tight, warmth and strength flowing through the connection.
“Thank you, too, for being a friend to Alex,” Liz uttered softly. “It means so much to me that he has someone.”
“It’s nice to have someone like him. I love his stories, especially the one about the mini-van that was secretly a spaceship,” Serena giggled as the two women pulled apart, causing Liz to laugh in appreciation.
“He is pretty funny.”
“He’s also pretty wise, so keep listening to him,” Serena commanded, her child’s face turning powerfully serious. “But most importantly, don’t forget to trust yourself, your power. And I don’t just mean your alien-granted powers.”
Liz nodded in reply, taking that command to heart. No more doubt. That emotion had never borne good fruit. “Thank you, again.”
“It was a scream, Liz,” a smiling Serena said as she faded from Liz’s sight.
Suddenly alone in the snow-covered park, Liz looked up the sky Serena had pointed to. “Thank you for her,” she offered quietly to the Greater Beings, the Greatest Being, whoever or whatever had brought the child into her life, this one and the one she had just experienced. A soft breeze blew past, giving Liz both chilled cheeks and the sense that she had just been told “you’re welcome.”
*****************************************************
Liz took a deep breath as she tried not to let her frustration get the best of her. The curious look from woman behind the marble counter wasn’t helping matters. She had walked into the Clarion with a determined stride and rather single-minded focus. Her whole being was filled with thoughts of Max: his eyes, his mouth, his hands. What all three would do to her when she finally told him all she had been holding back. Would he take her in his arms, look deep into her eyes, and kiss her? Would his eyes speak of pain and betrayal as he pushed her away, saying nothing as he fled her sight?
Different scenarios rushed in and out of her head the entire cab ride. As each one came and went, Liz had found her heart pounding harder and harder. She had longed to give into her self-doubt, to tell the cabbie to turn around, to flee her current course. That cowardice was why it had been years and Max still didn’t know the truth. No, Liz had shaken off her doubt with conviction; she couldn’t take the easy way this time. Burying her uncertainties deep within herself, Liz had approached the desk and the woman behind it with solid resolve. Nothing would stop her from speaking with Max.
Nothing except the fact that Liz had no idea where in the hotel Max was. Nothing except the fact the desk clerk had no record of a Max Evans staying with them, nor an Isabel Evans or a Michael Guerin or any combination of those names put together.
Liz didn’t blame the clerk, Katherine her name tag read, for looking at her as if she was a little off in the head. Most people actually knew the names of the people whose rooms they were looking for. Most people probably weren’t looking for someone who apparently was traveling under an alias.
A memory flashed in her mind. “What about a Chris Wolfe?”
Katherine typed the name into her computer, a surprised look appearing on her face. Liz knew she had finally gotten it right.
"Shall I ring him for you?” the woman asked, perfect politeness replacing her surprise that Liz finally got a name right.
“Yes, thank you.”
Katherine dialed Max’s room, smiled at Liz as they both waited. Liz commanded the butterflies in her stomach to stop their fluttering. She would get on the elevator, hit a button, walk down a hallway, knock on a door, and then… well, then she’d just have to let things happen. Armed with neither a plan nor control, she knew all she had was hope, though hope for what was still a little muddy.
At least, that’s what she would have done if Max was there.
“I’m sorry,” Katherine curtly apologized, “there’s no answer. Would you like to leave a message?”
As Liz debated whether or not a note left at the front desk of his hotel was the best way to contact Max after last night, a voice across the lobby called out her name. Liz looked back across the lobby and caught sight of a familiar face. Isabel was sitting on a sofa, book in her hand, a rare smile on her face.
“Um, I see one of my friends now,” Liz mumbled to the desk clerk. She walked over to where Isabel was sitting, taking a seat on an armchair across from her.
“You don’t want to go up there,” Isabel warned, her smile turning impish.
“No?” Liz asked, not getting what Isabel was communicating with her grin, her mind too heavy with thoughts of Max. Was he ignoring the phone on purpose? Did he know she was here? Was he furious at her? Broken-hearted? Or maybe he was just sleeping.
“Michael and Maria are… Let’s just say I guess she liked the painting,” Isabel intimated.
“Ah,” Liz grinned back, not missing that cue. Isabel was right, then; she didn’t want to go up there.
“Are you here to see…” Isabel’s voice dropped off but Liz knew who she meant.
“Is he here?”
“No, he went out for a walk. Had to clear his head or something.”
“How is-“ Liz cut herself off. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be asking you that.”
Isabel answered anyway. “He’s… I have actually no idea.”
Of course, Liz realized with a sinking heart. Max shielded himself from everyone, never letting anyone in anymore. That’s part of what made her reaction to his actual sharing of emotions last night so damn awful. While she was being warm, Liz had to think part of Isabel was angry with her for shutting her brother out. She wasn’t his fiercest protector for nothing, after all.
Given the big, almost giddy grin spreading across Isabel’s face, Liz now had to think that maybe she should stop ‘thinking’ so much. “What I do know is that he’s-“ Isabel’s words were interrupted by her light laugh. “God, for the first time in years he’s actually moody. I’d run out and get a Counting Crows cd for him if I didn’t think he’d throw it at me.”
Liz’s first glimpse of the battle-hardened Isabel standing at the door of her hotel room had been a shock: the dull hair, worn face, bland clothing. Though her clothes were still worse for wear and her hair in need of some life, her face was bright, happy. And her emotions were actually light, hopeful. Liz hoped Alex was watching from wherever it was he went when he wasn’t with her.
“When you say he’s moody-“
“It’s his classic ‘I’m so confused and depressed about Liz right now’ mood,” Isabel interrupted her. “It’s great!”
Great? Liz wouldn’t call Max being confused and depressed about her ‘great,’ but she knew why Isabel was so excited.
Liz sank deeper into the armchair, suddenly at a lack for energy. Both the adrenaline and anxiety that had been coursing through her body had dissipated, leaving her nearly exhausted. Isabel said nothing as she reached across to take Liz’s hand and gently squeeze it, offering Liz the same quiet compassion Liz had offered her several days ago at the Grand Hyatt.
“Sorry about the enthusiasm,” the alien offered as she pulled back from Liz. “I’m getting my brother back because you’ve been thrown into an emotional whirlpool.”
“I’ve got swim floaties,” Liz said with a shrug, uncomfortable that this woman who had been through years of hell would be offering her such an apology. “I’m really glad to see you so happy.”
“You’re pretty much the one I have to thank.”
“I’m sure Max would have –“
“I meant Nicholas.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, it great that my brother is actually showing emotion. But Nicholas…” Isabel shook her head. “I love my brother but if he wanted to turn stone cold and stay that way… Well, that’s not the life I want. But thanks to Nicholas, thanks to the constant running, the constant fear, never being able to let yourself relax, it was the life I was leading.”
“You did what you had to do to protect yourself.”
“Yes, but it was all defensive. Never offensive. We could never get close enough, never get an edge. But you did. You ended it. And now I’ve started thinking about what life could be like again. You know, living instead of just existing. It’s a scary thought.”
“Baby steps, isn’t that what they say?”
Isabel gestured to the book on her lap. “I guess this is mine. Reading here, out in the open. It’s not quite the social scene I used to inhabit, but it’s a start.”
“You know, if you want to take another step, there’s an old friend of yours back in my hotel room. I could call him up and have him meet us somewhere.”
Isabel’s lips formed something resembling a smirk. “I heard. I think that’s part of what’s got my brother so moody.”
Liz closed her eyes with a sigh. Amazing how youthful insecurities never go away. Another reminded her of the lesson she had just learned in her trip down other timelines lane.
“I’m sure our friend Kyle will be great to see,” Isabel offered, drawing Liz out of her thoughts, “but not today. I’ve forgotten what it is to be a social person. I’m going to need some time to refigure it out.”
Nodding in appreciation, Liz shot a look to the elevator. It wouldn’t lead her to Max, just her best friend. Not that she wanted to go up to see her at this particular moment. Standing up, she took Maria’s cell phone out of her coat pocket.
“Would you give this to Maria whenever they come up for air?”
Isabel rolled her eyes as she took the phone. “Yeah, I was planning on being out here for awhile.”
“My cell number is in there. If you decide you’d like to take another step, give me a call.”
Isabel nodded and Liz turned to leave, catching sight of the elevator door once more.
“Please,” she said as she turned to Isabel, “when he comes back, have him call me. I need to talk to him.”
“You two…” Isabel shook her head. “I really am hoping for the best. Of course, I don’t know what that might mean.”
“Me either,” Liz replied with a resigned half-smile.
“I’ll tell him to call, though I can’t promise he will.”
Liz left the Clarion much like she had left her own hotel hours ago, hand held tight around a cell phone. Max would call and she would wait by her phone until he did. She laughed lightly at herself, recalling her words to Kyle earlier this morning. ‘Wonder what the rest of the day is going to offer,’ she had mused. Well, in the space of three hours it had brought a Guardian, another timeline, much needed answers and a determined new course. The day had already held a lot and there were eleven more hours to go.
Little Perennials
back in the long stretch of loneliness
i have come to call a living,
i'm getting something for all this love's labor,
even when i am forgetting.
oh we oh oh little perennials
where'd you come from?
daughter of my father's second cousin,
loyalties, i got em by the dozen.
we share a past, we share a blood relation
and that's as good as an invitation.
oh we oh oh little perennials
where'd you come from?
i'm in the north carolina mountains,
just to the west of where i met my calling.
if you look south to the foothills of these mountains rising,
that's the place where it feels good falling.
that's the place that i know.
i look for words to fill the empty spaces,
all the life revealed in these back stages.
i reach for names like little puzzle pieces;
oh perennial, come to me.
oh we oh oh little perennials
where'd you come from?
- Indigo Girls
Liz’s eyes adjusted to the world around her, a world she could affect, a world which what she had just witnessed had helped create. Turning to Serena who had was no longer holding her hand but still standing by her side, Liz asked, “How long have we been gone?”
“Gone?” Serena echoed and then pointed to something behind Liz. “About as long as it takes to walk under that arch.”
Liz turned to look where Serena was pointing. It was the Huddlestone Arch, the one that had transformed into the other timeline as they had passed under it. Reaching into her coat pocket to check the time on her cell phone, Liz understood what Serena meant. No time had passed for the world around them. She had just experienced a touch of being beyond space and time.
Slipping her hands into her coat pockets, Liz took stock of her surroundings. Things seemed normal, even if she felt anything but. At a loss for direction, Liz began to retrace the literal steps she had taken to get to this point, walking back through the arch with Serena at her side. No colors or blurred vision greeted her as she passed under it—not that she expected nor wanted to do anymore traveling back to the future. She had her answers, whether she was prepared to deal with them or not.
Neither she nor Serena said anything as they traced their path back through the Ravine. Even as they approached the bench they had left less than twenty minutes and more than a lifetime ago, nothing was said. Still, not all was silent. The recent revelations running through her mind, Liz couldn’t hold back a resigned laugh. Funny how even though she had been beyond space and time there were some things she would never be beyond. Funny how everything felt turned upside down and yet made perfect sense all at the same time.
“What are you going to do now?” Serena asked prompting Liz out of her thoughts.
“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “I don’t know what I thought I would learn from you, but it wasn’t this. I don’t exactly have a plan ready.”
“No plan?” Serena teased gently, earning a slight smile from Liz.
“I know I should have thought of this possibility. I’ve seen into his soul before, you know. Seen into it when he was the teenager in love with me. Seen into it when he was the man…” Her voice dropped off. There was no denying she felt love from him last night but what that meant, she couldn’t say. Everything was just too muddled. “I don’t know what he ‘is’ with me now. What I do know is that both the boy and the man had one thing in common other than having me on the mind.”
“What’s that?”
Liz took a moment to verbalize what was running through her mind. “I know what I did with Kyle didn’t help, but that wasn’t the source of all the changes in Max. I thought it was. I thought I pushed him over the edge, but I should have known. I saw it before I betrayed him. Before I ever pushed him away.”
“What did you see?” Serena prompted, though Liz had a feeling she already knew.
“What was there last night. What was there in the future.” As she spoke out loud the devastating truth, a hollow feeling crept in, starting in her throat, working its way into her chest and then flowing to the rest of her body as though it was being pumped directly from her heart. “He doesn’t believe in himself. He doesn’t believe he’s good enough. Doesn’t believe he really is worth all that the other Liz went through. All that I’ve been through.”
Max had never believed in himself. He had never believed he was worth the craziness that being in his life brought. That lack of belief had been there since the beginning of their relationship; it was why it took them so long to have an official relationship in the first place. She had known that going in and yet she had always thought that if she could just love him enough, believe in him enough, he would start to believe too. How simple she had been.
Liz gave a small laugh that was accompanied by a sob. “He told me our wedding song was ‘I Shall Believe.’ And I did, you know. I believed.”
She wiped the tears out of her eyes, letting the fullness of what she now knew overwhelm her. “I believed the whole time in that other life. And I believed until he broke my heart so cruelly in this life. I believed in him. I believed in us. And he didn’t, not now and not even then when I never made him doubt himself or my love for him like I did here.”
Just as Liz felt herself teetering on the edge of full hyperventilation, Serena reached out and wrapped her little arms around her, hugging the upset woman for all she was worth. Liz took a deep breath and let herself find comfort in the embrace.
“Thanks,” she offered with a watery smile when Serena gently unwrapped her arms. “I think I was just about to lose it.”
“What are Guardians for?” Serena offered back.
“Lots of things, I’d imagine.”
“You know, one of the things we’re really good at is asking questions,” Serena replied with that “I’m-here-to-help” look on her face.
“Um, okay,” Liz responded with more than a touch of apprehension in her voice.
“How do you feel about Max?”
“What?” Liz replied, a little sharply. It was a completely valid question but one she didn’t think had the best timing.
“I don’t mean bigger picture stuff. I’m pretty sure I know the answer to those questions.”
Really? Liz wondered. Maybe she’d share that answer with her.
“I mean, right now, in this moment, how do you feel? Are you frosted at him?
“What?” Liz asked again. She had been doing pretty well with Serena’s slang but that one was beyond her.
Serena grinned at Liz’s confusion. “Angry, are you angry at him?”
“At Max?” Awareness dawned on Liz even as she asked. “Oh, Future Max. I… yes and no. I could stand here and say he was wrong for doing what he did. Taking our future, my future, in his hands, making the decision on his own. But I did the exact same thing. Well, not the exact same thing I suppose since I had a version of Max telling me what needed to be done. But close enough.”
“And your Max? What are you thinking about him?”
How it wasn’t fair that one man could be both so heartbreaking and heart-stirring.
“I’m thinking I need to see him.” The words tumbled out, startling Liz as they came. See Max? Was that really what she wanted? Yes, she realized with intense clarity, it was. Liz could hear her inner Maria voice telling her to stay clear of Max for a while. Telling her that she should pause and collect her thoughts, process both the pain and the pleasure of what she had seen, what she had learned. Of course, it was Maria’s bolting out the door after Michael that led Liz to Serena and all that followed in the last few hours. Liz understood Maria’s burning need to see Michael right away. Even if it wasn’t the sensible course of action, it was the only one she could follow. No reasoning or excuses could stand in her way. “I need to talk to him. Try and explain some things. Things I probably should have explained years ago.”
“No more waiting.”
“No,” Liz shook her head. “Not after last night. I don’t think anything I could tell him would make him feel any worse than he already does.”
“And you? What will speaking with him right now do to you?”
“I—I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “And what’s more, I don’t care.”
Serena offered Liz a smile, that all-knowing kind, and Liz was confirmed in her decision. Today would be the day she had played out in her mind—often against her own better judgment—for years.
“Do you know what you’re going to say?”
Liz shook her head. “I have to wait and see if he’ll even want to talk to me. Assuming he doesn’t shut the door in my face, I’ll take it from there.”
“He won’t shut the door in your face,” Serena chided with a grin. “He may stand there looking confused, excited, and apprehensive, but he’ll let you in. Just like he did last night.”
Liz hoped it wasn’t just like last night. When Max let her in this time, literally and figuratively, she wasn’t going to run away. She was going to stay, talk, process, deal, cry, shout—do whatever it took to finally get everything out in the open.
Serena pointed toward the west end of the park. “Look’s like that’s your direction. Catch a cab and head to the Clarion.”
“Central Park West for me it is. And you?”
Serena’s hand moved from pointing west to north. “I’ve got other places to be,” she grinned. “Other lifetimes, other worlds.”
Liz nodded in understanding. She knew Serena wouldn’t stay, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be disappointed. Though she had only spent a few hours with the child Guardian, she felt connected to her.
“Thank you,” Liz offered in gratitude. “Thank you for showing me what I needed to see, for being there with me—with both ‘mes’.”
“I’m glad I got to know you—in both lifetimes,” Serena smiled.
“Me too,” Liz smiled back as she reached in for a hug. The two held each other tight, warmth and strength flowing through the connection.
“Thank you, too, for being a friend to Alex,” Liz uttered softly. “It means so much to me that he has someone.”
“It’s nice to have someone like him. I love his stories, especially the one about the mini-van that was secretly a spaceship,” Serena giggled as the two women pulled apart, causing Liz to laugh in appreciation.
“He is pretty funny.”
“He’s also pretty wise, so keep listening to him,” Serena commanded, her child’s face turning powerfully serious. “But most importantly, don’t forget to trust yourself, your power. And I don’t just mean your alien-granted powers.”
Liz nodded in reply, taking that command to heart. No more doubt. That emotion had never borne good fruit. “Thank you, again.”
“It was a scream, Liz,” a smiling Serena said as she faded from Liz’s sight.
Suddenly alone in the snow-covered park, Liz looked up the sky Serena had pointed to. “Thank you for her,” she offered quietly to the Greater Beings, the Greatest Being, whoever or whatever had brought the child into her life, this one and the one she had just experienced. A soft breeze blew past, giving Liz both chilled cheeks and the sense that she had just been told “you’re welcome.”
*****************************************************
Liz took a deep breath as she tried not to let her frustration get the best of her. The curious look from woman behind the marble counter wasn’t helping matters. She had walked into the Clarion with a determined stride and rather single-minded focus. Her whole being was filled with thoughts of Max: his eyes, his mouth, his hands. What all three would do to her when she finally told him all she had been holding back. Would he take her in his arms, look deep into her eyes, and kiss her? Would his eyes speak of pain and betrayal as he pushed her away, saying nothing as he fled her sight?
Different scenarios rushed in and out of her head the entire cab ride. As each one came and went, Liz had found her heart pounding harder and harder. She had longed to give into her self-doubt, to tell the cabbie to turn around, to flee her current course. That cowardice was why it had been years and Max still didn’t know the truth. No, Liz had shaken off her doubt with conviction; she couldn’t take the easy way this time. Burying her uncertainties deep within herself, Liz had approached the desk and the woman behind it with solid resolve. Nothing would stop her from speaking with Max.
Nothing except the fact that Liz had no idea where in the hotel Max was. Nothing except the fact the desk clerk had no record of a Max Evans staying with them, nor an Isabel Evans or a Michael Guerin or any combination of those names put together.
Liz didn’t blame the clerk, Katherine her name tag read, for looking at her as if she was a little off in the head. Most people actually knew the names of the people whose rooms they were looking for. Most people probably weren’t looking for someone who apparently was traveling under an alias.
A memory flashed in her mind. “What about a Chris Wolfe?”
Katherine typed the name into her computer, a surprised look appearing on her face. Liz knew she had finally gotten it right.
"Shall I ring him for you?” the woman asked, perfect politeness replacing her surprise that Liz finally got a name right.
“Yes, thank you.”
Katherine dialed Max’s room, smiled at Liz as they both waited. Liz commanded the butterflies in her stomach to stop their fluttering. She would get on the elevator, hit a button, walk down a hallway, knock on a door, and then… well, then she’d just have to let things happen. Armed with neither a plan nor control, she knew all she had was hope, though hope for what was still a little muddy.
At least, that’s what she would have done if Max was there.
“I’m sorry,” Katherine curtly apologized, “there’s no answer. Would you like to leave a message?”
As Liz debated whether or not a note left at the front desk of his hotel was the best way to contact Max after last night, a voice across the lobby called out her name. Liz looked back across the lobby and caught sight of a familiar face. Isabel was sitting on a sofa, book in her hand, a rare smile on her face.
“Um, I see one of my friends now,” Liz mumbled to the desk clerk. She walked over to where Isabel was sitting, taking a seat on an armchair across from her.
“You don’t want to go up there,” Isabel warned, her smile turning impish.
“No?” Liz asked, not getting what Isabel was communicating with her grin, her mind too heavy with thoughts of Max. Was he ignoring the phone on purpose? Did he know she was here? Was he furious at her? Broken-hearted? Or maybe he was just sleeping.
“Michael and Maria are… Let’s just say I guess she liked the painting,” Isabel intimated.
“Ah,” Liz grinned back, not missing that cue. Isabel was right, then; she didn’t want to go up there.
“Are you here to see…” Isabel’s voice dropped off but Liz knew who she meant.
“Is he here?”
“No, he went out for a walk. Had to clear his head or something.”
“How is-“ Liz cut herself off. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be asking you that.”
Isabel answered anyway. “He’s… I have actually no idea.”
Of course, Liz realized with a sinking heart. Max shielded himself from everyone, never letting anyone in anymore. That’s part of what made her reaction to his actual sharing of emotions last night so damn awful. While she was being warm, Liz had to think part of Isabel was angry with her for shutting her brother out. She wasn’t his fiercest protector for nothing, after all.
Given the big, almost giddy grin spreading across Isabel’s face, Liz now had to think that maybe she should stop ‘thinking’ so much. “What I do know is that he’s-“ Isabel’s words were interrupted by her light laugh. “God, for the first time in years he’s actually moody. I’d run out and get a Counting Crows cd for him if I didn’t think he’d throw it at me.”
Liz’s first glimpse of the battle-hardened Isabel standing at the door of her hotel room had been a shock: the dull hair, worn face, bland clothing. Though her clothes were still worse for wear and her hair in need of some life, her face was bright, happy. And her emotions were actually light, hopeful. Liz hoped Alex was watching from wherever it was he went when he wasn’t with her.
“When you say he’s moody-“
“It’s his classic ‘I’m so confused and depressed about Liz right now’ mood,” Isabel interrupted her. “It’s great!”
Great? Liz wouldn’t call Max being confused and depressed about her ‘great,’ but she knew why Isabel was so excited.
Liz sank deeper into the armchair, suddenly at a lack for energy. Both the adrenaline and anxiety that had been coursing through her body had dissipated, leaving her nearly exhausted. Isabel said nothing as she reached across to take Liz’s hand and gently squeeze it, offering Liz the same quiet compassion Liz had offered her several days ago at the Grand Hyatt.
“Sorry about the enthusiasm,” the alien offered as she pulled back from Liz. “I’m getting my brother back because you’ve been thrown into an emotional whirlpool.”
“I’ve got swim floaties,” Liz said with a shrug, uncomfortable that this woman who had been through years of hell would be offering her such an apology. “I’m really glad to see you so happy.”
“You’re pretty much the one I have to thank.”
“I’m sure Max would have –“
“I meant Nicholas.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, it great that my brother is actually showing emotion. But Nicholas…” Isabel shook her head. “I love my brother but if he wanted to turn stone cold and stay that way… Well, that’s not the life I want. But thanks to Nicholas, thanks to the constant running, the constant fear, never being able to let yourself relax, it was the life I was leading.”
“You did what you had to do to protect yourself.”
“Yes, but it was all defensive. Never offensive. We could never get close enough, never get an edge. But you did. You ended it. And now I’ve started thinking about what life could be like again. You know, living instead of just existing. It’s a scary thought.”
“Baby steps, isn’t that what they say?”
Isabel gestured to the book on her lap. “I guess this is mine. Reading here, out in the open. It’s not quite the social scene I used to inhabit, but it’s a start.”
“You know, if you want to take another step, there’s an old friend of yours back in my hotel room. I could call him up and have him meet us somewhere.”
Isabel’s lips formed something resembling a smirk. “I heard. I think that’s part of what’s got my brother so moody.”
Liz closed her eyes with a sigh. Amazing how youthful insecurities never go away. Another reminded her of the lesson she had just learned in her trip down other timelines lane.
“I’m sure our friend Kyle will be great to see,” Isabel offered, drawing Liz out of her thoughts, “but not today. I’ve forgotten what it is to be a social person. I’m going to need some time to refigure it out.”
Nodding in appreciation, Liz shot a look to the elevator. It wouldn’t lead her to Max, just her best friend. Not that she wanted to go up to see her at this particular moment. Standing up, she took Maria’s cell phone out of her coat pocket.
“Would you give this to Maria whenever they come up for air?”
Isabel rolled her eyes as she took the phone. “Yeah, I was planning on being out here for awhile.”
“My cell number is in there. If you decide you’d like to take another step, give me a call.”
Isabel nodded and Liz turned to leave, catching sight of the elevator door once more.
“Please,” she said as she turned to Isabel, “when he comes back, have him call me. I need to talk to him.”
“You two…” Isabel shook her head. “I really am hoping for the best. Of course, I don’t know what that might mean.”
“Me either,” Liz replied with a resigned half-smile.
“I’ll tell him to call, though I can’t promise he will.”
Liz left the Clarion much like she had left her own hotel hours ago, hand held tight around a cell phone. Max would call and she would wait by her phone until he did. She laughed lightly at herself, recalling her words to Kyle earlier this morning. ‘Wonder what the rest of the day is going to offer,’ she had mused. Well, in the space of three hours it had brought a Guardian, another timeline, much needed answers and a determined new course. The day had already held a lot and there were eleven more hours to go.
Last edited by Doublestuf on Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:25 pm, edited 3 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
-
Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 27
Part 27
Run
You don't want me calling you up
All melancholy sick from love
You prefer it uncomplicated
Things are tricky now and I bet you hate it
Your mind's eye finds the exit sign
And you're off in perfect fashion
And you run, that's all you've ever done
It's all you know to do
I can't hold that against you
And you'll flee you're born to be free
And if you go I'll understand
But you better get out while you can
Party's over we had our fun
Flirting with madness a loaded gun
As much as nothing everything's changed
I'm soaking in it, it falls like rain
You seek the sun to dry off what's been done
You'll heat up every corner of the world
As you run...
Get out while you can
Can you keep this pace forever
I have never seen it done
You deep burn all you leave behind you
You're the surface of my sun
I measure to what degree
I can shape up what's been forged in me
The copper penny hissing in the pool
So much for wishes so much cooling
Down this fire impossible desire
The further you get the more I'm drawn
- Indigo Girls
She hated waiting.
Two days, Liz sighed internally as a she ran a comb through her wet hair. It had been two days. Well, to be precise, it had been two days and 20 hours since she had left both the Clarion hotel and a message for Max with Isabel. Two days, 20 hours, and not even a hint of communication with Max. She had gotten plenty of calls in the last two days but not one from Max and not one from a person who had managed to talk to Max and pass on her message.
Two days and 20 hours filled with more anxiety than she had felt in a long time. Waiting to hear back from Harvard hadn’t been this aggravating. Nothing could calm her nerves, not even her regular tricks like the long shower she had just taken. Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, she tried to comfort herself for the umpteenth time with the knowledge that it wasn’t as though Max knew she wanted to talk with him and was purposefully ignoring her.
It didn’t work.
If that had been the case then at least she would have known something, known where she stood with him, known she was going to have to do some serious work to earn his ear and interest. But as long as he didn’t know about her message, she didn’t know what he was thinking.
The closest she had gotten to speaking with Max was her recent conversation with Whitmore. Max hadn’t come back to the Clarion and his sister after his walk—he contacted Larek through Whitmore and insisted he be allowed to help in figuring out Kivar’s role in Nicholas’ attack. For the past two days, Max—with the assistance of Whitmore—had been absorbed in investigation. She knew this not because of Michael or Isabel—they had received a note from Max saying he was “working” and would contact them. Whitmore had called her yesterday to check in on her and pass on communicate from Larek. It was in the midst of her conversation with him that she had found out about Max.
“How’s Ava?” Liz had inquired after she had assured Whitmore she was fine—physically at least. Liz had suggested that since she was here already, Ava spend time getting to know more about her former world and the issues. She was spending time with Whitmore and—when he could get away from his own home-based investigation—Larek. Ava yearned to know much about her previous world as Tess ever had, but with a much saner, destiny-free, attitude towards the past.
“A surprise,” Whitmore had responded. “A good one. From what Larek has said, her predecessor was never as smart and savvy as she is. ”
“I’m glad.”
“Of course, Larek has had quite a time translating some of her slang.”
“Yeah, I’m guessing there’s quite a bit she says that doesn’t appear in the O.E.D.” Liz had smiled at the thought of the proper diplomat trying to decipher some of Ava’s more colorful choice of phrasing. “I’m glad he’s been able spend time with her. It can’t be easy balancing both the investigation on his world and on this one.”
“Well,” Whitmore had replied, “with Zan helping the investigation down here, Larek has been able to concentrate more intently on been happening on the other planets. It’s given him some unexpected free time.”
Liz’s ears had perked up and her heart had raced at Whitmore’s mention of Max. “I didn’t know Max was helping you.”
“Oh, er, yes,” Whitmore had muttered, leaving Liz wondering if that was a piece of information she wasn’t supposed to know. “He insisted.”
Whitmore had left the conversation at that but Liz had understood. Max had felt helpless in protecting her, protecting those around him. From what she had felt and seen from him three nights ago, Liz knew Max would need to do something—anything—to help. And when Max was that focused, when he ‘insisted,’ Liz knew no one could stand in his way.
Upon hearing about Max, that he was working on the investigation on Earth, working with Whitmore, Liz had longed to enlist her new friend in her attempt to reach Max. She had longed to have Whitmore tell Max to call her but hated to draw him into her personal life. Both he and Larek had respected the boundary between personal and political when it had come to Max; she would do the same.
While her conversation with Whitmore had reassured her anxious fear that Max was avoiding his hotel just in case she might trying to reach him—or anything else as ridiculous as that—she couldn’t shake the unease she felt.
Alex had tried to bring her peace. He had popped in several times, looked into her eyes with those calming green eyes of his. His presence had brought her a sense of calm from the very beginning but at this particular juncture not even that calm was enough. This anxiety wasn’t going to be eased. Not even Kyle’s wonderfully ridiculous sense of humor could pull Liz out of her uneasy state. The two had been left alone together during Liz’s wait; Maria had yet to come back from Michael’s and Ava was with Whitmore and Larek. Poor Kyle. He had tried to make her laugh—and he did—but no matter how much she enjoyed her friend’s company, no matter how helpful it was to talk generally about Max with him, the anxiety—the trepidation—stuck.
The more time that passed, the more Liz was afraid any assumptions Max had about her rejection when he had been so vulnerable before her would solidify. What she had to talk to him about was going to be challenging enough without having to overcome any more layers of Max’s self-doubt.
Just let me see him, she pleaded to the Greater Beings, the Greatest Being—whatever out there that might listen—yet again.
Liz turned off the hair-dryer she had been using and stood silent for a moment, opening herself up to any response she might receive, a “yes,” a “no,” a “you sure are a demanding thing” – something, anything. And yet again, she got nothing.
Looked like her desire to see Max before the council met again was going to go unfulfilled.
Damn, she hated waiting.
“Hey Liz, what time is Whitmore coming to get you?” Kyle’s voice rang from what had been the sitting area and was now Kyle’s make-shift bedroom.
“Um, eleven, I think,” she responded. Whitmore had called her late last night to tell her that the council would reconvene at noon the next day. Both investigations had been has Larek had predicted—quick and conclusive. What exactly was concluded, Liz still didn’t know. She guessed she would find out with everyone else at the council. Whatever it was, though, hadn’t seemed to affect what she and Larek had talked about just hours before. He had told Whitmore to tell her it was still a go.
“Maria called while you were in the shower, said she’d be here in like thirty minutes so you two could have a gab fest.”
“I take it you’re going to duck out, then?”
“What? And miss the Michael love fest?”
“So that’s a yes.”
“Hot coals and my eyes, this is a much preferable combination than Maria and Michael talk.”
Liz laughed lightly as she reached for her round brush, determined to have a great hair day today. Nothing like good hair to help boost a woman’s confidence, something she knew she was going to need a lot of the moment she saw Max.
The muffled sound of knock on the door let Liz know Maria had arrived. “Kyle, could you let Maria in?”
“I’m still in my towel,” was his reply.
Liz rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m in my robe plus I’m in the middle of brushing my hair. Besides, you’re closer.”
“But, Liz,” Kyle whined, “towel.”
“What in the world have you been doing out there this entire time? Never mind, I don’t want to know. Look, I’m sure Maria has seen in you like that at your parents’ house. She won’t die of shock.”
“Whatever,” she heard Kyle mutter as he made his way to the door. She also thought he might have said something about “don’t know how Whitman put up with this,” but she wasn’t sure.
“Come on in, Mar-“ Kyle’s voice dropped off as he opened the door.
“Kyle, is everything okay?” Liz asked.
No response.
Oh god, what now?
She hurried out of the bathroom, hands lighting up with green, ready to take out whatever threat was at her door, even if she probably didn’t look that intimidating wrapped in a robe. She burst threw the bedroom into the sitting area and turned towards the door. There in the doorway was neither an evil alien nor Maria.
It was Max. Max who was currently looking from Kyle, to Liz, back to Kyle again. She didn’t know what to say. The look in his eyes. She had seen it once before, the night she broke his heart. Speak, say something, she commanded herself. But nothing came. She watched Max back away from the door, mumble an “I’m sorry,” and quickly walk away.
Oh.
My.
God.
“Ah, shit,” Kyle quietly let out behind her as the hotel room door slowly shut behind the fleeing alien.
Liz opened her mouth to reply but found her voice was still nowhere to be found.
“Um, do you want me to run after him or something?”
A-naked-but-for-a-towel Kyle running after a-hurt-and-who-knew-what-else Max. Now there was a bad idea. She needed to get herself together, snap out of this shock, and go herself. She needed to run after him, make him listen to her, make him understand that--
“Hello?” Maria’s voice behind the closed door interrupted Liz’s thoughts.
“Maria,” Liz sighed, her voice coming back, as Kyle opened the door to their friend.
“Why did I just see Max bolting down the hallway?” Maria asked as she walked into the room. Taking in the scene, Kyle and Liz both in their respective towel and robe, Maria’s eyes widened. “Well, never mind. I can see why. So, did you two take a shower after having hot sex or did you have hot sex while in the shower?”
Something about Maria’s familiar absurd humor snapped Liz completely out of her stupor.
“Maria, not now,” Liz commanded firmly as she finally moved, turning and running into the bedroom. “Clothes, clothes, I need clothes.”
“So, what was Max doing here in the first place to catch this little scene?” Maria asked Kyle, who was reaching for one of his rumpled shirts, and received only a shrug in return.
“Damn it, where are my pants?” Liz scrambled around her room looking for clothing. “Maria, do you think you could catch him? Tell him, I don’t know, just tell him to wait for me, let me explain.”
“Um, Liz,” the blonde hesitantly said as she walked into the bedroom, “when I said bolting, I meant it. That man is long gone by now.”
“Shit,” Liz yelled out loudly, “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”
Why did the higher powers hate her so much? She had begged the Greater Beings to see Max before the next council meeting but this was… this was just mean. Those Greater Beings may work for good but they certainly had an evil sense of humor.
“Hey, we’ll call Michael, have him make Max come back and you two can talk about what just happened,” Maria offered gently as she sat down on Liz’s bed.
“Thanks, but I doubt it’ll help,” Liz replied, trying not to let her voice reveal the onslaught of tears she felt rising. “Max won’t… I know him. He won’t go back to the hotel. And even if he did, there’s no way Michael could get him to come back.”
Maria grimaced. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Look, maybe I could say something,” Kyle offered, his face reflecting both a lot of concern and a little bit of guilt.
“Definitely not, but thanks.” Liz sank down on her bed beside Maria, “It’s like the fates are against us or something. How are we ever going to overcome all these stupid misunderstandings, let alone all our serious issues?”
“We? You and Max?” Maria asked softly. Upon seeing Liz’s nod, she probed further. “Do you want there to be a ‘you and Max’?”
“I-I don’t know,” Liz replied honestly. “I just know I want to be able to be honest with him, real with him. I want all this crap that keeps happening, that we let keep happening, to just go away.”
“I’m sure after the council meeting you two can talk.”
“Oh god, the council. What if he doesn’t go, or what if he’s all shut down like he was the last time we had such an awful moment, or what if—“
“Liz,” Kyle interrupted her upset rambling. “I know I’m not some former alien king, but let me offer you a guy’s perspective. From what you’ve told me it sounds like he’s been this yo-yo at the council mainly because of his issues with the council, not with you. This council has just let him in, with the investigation and everything, and so now he’s a part of it. He’s really got a chance to be the only thing he’s really got left—the representative of his family, his people or whatever, at this council. I don’t think he’ll waste that. He’s got to prove he’s worth something to himself. And maybe even to you.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be there, then. Maybe I’ll distract him, or maybe—“
“Liz,” Kyle cut her off again as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked intently into her eyes. “Take a few centering breaths.”
Liz just looked at him. He stared right back. Realizing he wasn’t going to let this go, Liz did as he asked. In and out. In and out. The breathing actually did some good. She felt, not calm, not good, but maybe okay.
After Liz had done as he had requested, Kyle continued. “The plan you and Larek have been developing sounds pretty brilliant to me. You can’t let that go just because of this latest twist. So you’re just going to go there, face whatever it is you have to face, and rock that council’s mind. And then you’re going to grab Max and make him talk to you. And you’ll figure it out, the two of you. You just will.”
“Kyle…“she protested again, though this time with much less conviction.
“I mean it, woman. Don’t make me set something on fire just to prove to you how serious I am.”
“I believe, I believe,” she acquiesced with a slight smile. “When did you get so insightful?”
“Around the time I was relegated to girlfriend status with you,” he answered as he sat down next to Liz.
“Wait, plan, what plan?” Maria piped in, a few steps behind in the conversation.
“You’ve been so busy boinking, er, hanging out with Michael,” Kyle amended quickly after receiving Maria’s most intent glare, “that you’ve been out of the loop.”
“I can tell that. So why don’t we get our Liz refocused on this council by filling me in on her plan.”
“Well, if you really want to know, I was the one who thought of it first.”
“Kyle, I don’t think whining ‘can’t Ava go bother somebody else’ qualifies as thinking up the plan,” Liz chided playfully, no more threat of tears in her voice.
“I’m just saying, if criminal justice doesn’t work out, I may have a career as a diplomat.”
Maria and Liz snorted in unison.
“So, what’s this ingenious plan Kyle suggested?” Maria asked, getting the trio back on track.
“It’s not that complicated or anything, but I think that’s why it might work.” Surrounded by her friends, filled with the love and strength they gave her, Liz shared with Maria what she had been up to the past two days. She focused on this plan and on how she and Larek were going to present it. Only three hours before they would see if the council would buy into it. Only three hours before she would see if Max would even look at her. Or more precisely, she noted as she glanced at the bedside clock mid-explanation, two hours and forty-five minutes, give or take a few.
She really hated waiting.
Run
You don't want me calling you up
All melancholy sick from love
You prefer it uncomplicated
Things are tricky now and I bet you hate it
Your mind's eye finds the exit sign
And you're off in perfect fashion
And you run, that's all you've ever done
It's all you know to do
I can't hold that against you
And you'll flee you're born to be free
And if you go I'll understand
But you better get out while you can
Party's over we had our fun
Flirting with madness a loaded gun
As much as nothing everything's changed
I'm soaking in it, it falls like rain
You seek the sun to dry off what's been done
You'll heat up every corner of the world
As you run...
Get out while you can
Can you keep this pace forever
I have never seen it done
You deep burn all you leave behind you
You're the surface of my sun
I measure to what degree
I can shape up what's been forged in me
The copper penny hissing in the pool
So much for wishes so much cooling
Down this fire impossible desire
The further you get the more I'm drawn
- Indigo Girls
She hated waiting.
Two days, Liz sighed internally as a she ran a comb through her wet hair. It had been two days. Well, to be precise, it had been two days and 20 hours since she had left both the Clarion hotel and a message for Max with Isabel. Two days, 20 hours, and not even a hint of communication with Max. She had gotten plenty of calls in the last two days but not one from Max and not one from a person who had managed to talk to Max and pass on her message.
Two days and 20 hours filled with more anxiety than she had felt in a long time. Waiting to hear back from Harvard hadn’t been this aggravating. Nothing could calm her nerves, not even her regular tricks like the long shower she had just taken. Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, she tried to comfort herself for the umpteenth time with the knowledge that it wasn’t as though Max knew she wanted to talk with him and was purposefully ignoring her.
It didn’t work.
If that had been the case then at least she would have known something, known where she stood with him, known she was going to have to do some serious work to earn his ear and interest. But as long as he didn’t know about her message, she didn’t know what he was thinking.
The closest she had gotten to speaking with Max was her recent conversation with Whitmore. Max hadn’t come back to the Clarion and his sister after his walk—he contacted Larek through Whitmore and insisted he be allowed to help in figuring out Kivar’s role in Nicholas’ attack. For the past two days, Max—with the assistance of Whitmore—had been absorbed in investigation. She knew this not because of Michael or Isabel—they had received a note from Max saying he was “working” and would contact them. Whitmore had called her yesterday to check in on her and pass on communicate from Larek. It was in the midst of her conversation with him that she had found out about Max.
“How’s Ava?” Liz had inquired after she had assured Whitmore she was fine—physically at least. Liz had suggested that since she was here already, Ava spend time getting to know more about her former world and the issues. She was spending time with Whitmore and—when he could get away from his own home-based investigation—Larek. Ava yearned to know much about her previous world as Tess ever had, but with a much saner, destiny-free, attitude towards the past.
“A surprise,” Whitmore had responded. “A good one. From what Larek has said, her predecessor was never as smart and savvy as she is. ”
“I’m glad.”
“Of course, Larek has had quite a time translating some of her slang.”
“Yeah, I’m guessing there’s quite a bit she says that doesn’t appear in the O.E.D.” Liz had smiled at the thought of the proper diplomat trying to decipher some of Ava’s more colorful choice of phrasing. “I’m glad he’s been able spend time with her. It can’t be easy balancing both the investigation on his world and on this one.”
“Well,” Whitmore had replied, “with Zan helping the investigation down here, Larek has been able to concentrate more intently on been happening on the other planets. It’s given him some unexpected free time.”
Liz’s ears had perked up and her heart had raced at Whitmore’s mention of Max. “I didn’t know Max was helping you.”
“Oh, er, yes,” Whitmore had muttered, leaving Liz wondering if that was a piece of information she wasn’t supposed to know. “He insisted.”
Whitmore had left the conversation at that but Liz had understood. Max had felt helpless in protecting her, protecting those around him. From what she had felt and seen from him three nights ago, Liz knew Max would need to do something—anything—to help. And when Max was that focused, when he ‘insisted,’ Liz knew no one could stand in his way.
Upon hearing about Max, that he was working on the investigation on Earth, working with Whitmore, Liz had longed to enlist her new friend in her attempt to reach Max. She had longed to have Whitmore tell Max to call her but hated to draw him into her personal life. Both he and Larek had respected the boundary between personal and political when it had come to Max; she would do the same.
While her conversation with Whitmore had reassured her anxious fear that Max was avoiding his hotel just in case she might trying to reach him—or anything else as ridiculous as that—she couldn’t shake the unease she felt.
Alex had tried to bring her peace. He had popped in several times, looked into her eyes with those calming green eyes of his. His presence had brought her a sense of calm from the very beginning but at this particular juncture not even that calm was enough. This anxiety wasn’t going to be eased. Not even Kyle’s wonderfully ridiculous sense of humor could pull Liz out of her uneasy state. The two had been left alone together during Liz’s wait; Maria had yet to come back from Michael’s and Ava was with Whitmore and Larek. Poor Kyle. He had tried to make her laugh—and he did—but no matter how much she enjoyed her friend’s company, no matter how helpful it was to talk generally about Max with him, the anxiety—the trepidation—stuck.
The more time that passed, the more Liz was afraid any assumptions Max had about her rejection when he had been so vulnerable before her would solidify. What she had to talk to him about was going to be challenging enough without having to overcome any more layers of Max’s self-doubt.
Just let me see him, she pleaded to the Greater Beings, the Greatest Being—whatever out there that might listen—yet again.
Liz turned off the hair-dryer she had been using and stood silent for a moment, opening herself up to any response she might receive, a “yes,” a “no,” a “you sure are a demanding thing” – something, anything. And yet again, she got nothing.
Looked like her desire to see Max before the council met again was going to go unfulfilled.
Damn, she hated waiting.
“Hey Liz, what time is Whitmore coming to get you?” Kyle’s voice rang from what had been the sitting area and was now Kyle’s make-shift bedroom.
“Um, eleven, I think,” she responded. Whitmore had called her late last night to tell her that the council would reconvene at noon the next day. Both investigations had been has Larek had predicted—quick and conclusive. What exactly was concluded, Liz still didn’t know. She guessed she would find out with everyone else at the council. Whatever it was, though, hadn’t seemed to affect what she and Larek had talked about just hours before. He had told Whitmore to tell her it was still a go.
“Maria called while you were in the shower, said she’d be here in like thirty minutes so you two could have a gab fest.”
“I take it you’re going to duck out, then?”
“What? And miss the Michael love fest?”
“So that’s a yes.”
“Hot coals and my eyes, this is a much preferable combination than Maria and Michael talk.”
Liz laughed lightly as she reached for her round brush, determined to have a great hair day today. Nothing like good hair to help boost a woman’s confidence, something she knew she was going to need a lot of the moment she saw Max.
The muffled sound of knock on the door let Liz know Maria had arrived. “Kyle, could you let Maria in?”
“I’m still in my towel,” was his reply.
Liz rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m in my robe plus I’m in the middle of brushing my hair. Besides, you’re closer.”
“But, Liz,” Kyle whined, “towel.”
“What in the world have you been doing out there this entire time? Never mind, I don’t want to know. Look, I’m sure Maria has seen in you like that at your parents’ house. She won’t die of shock.”
“Whatever,” she heard Kyle mutter as he made his way to the door. She also thought he might have said something about “don’t know how Whitman put up with this,” but she wasn’t sure.
“Come on in, Mar-“ Kyle’s voice dropped off as he opened the door.
“Kyle, is everything okay?” Liz asked.
No response.
Oh god, what now?
She hurried out of the bathroom, hands lighting up with green, ready to take out whatever threat was at her door, even if she probably didn’t look that intimidating wrapped in a robe. She burst threw the bedroom into the sitting area and turned towards the door. There in the doorway was neither an evil alien nor Maria.
It was Max. Max who was currently looking from Kyle, to Liz, back to Kyle again. She didn’t know what to say. The look in his eyes. She had seen it once before, the night she broke his heart. Speak, say something, she commanded herself. But nothing came. She watched Max back away from the door, mumble an “I’m sorry,” and quickly walk away.
Oh.
My.
God.
“Ah, shit,” Kyle quietly let out behind her as the hotel room door slowly shut behind the fleeing alien.
Liz opened her mouth to reply but found her voice was still nowhere to be found.
“Um, do you want me to run after him or something?”
A-naked-but-for-a-towel Kyle running after a-hurt-and-who-knew-what-else Max. Now there was a bad idea. She needed to get herself together, snap out of this shock, and go herself. She needed to run after him, make him listen to her, make him understand that--
“Hello?” Maria’s voice behind the closed door interrupted Liz’s thoughts.
“Maria,” Liz sighed, her voice coming back, as Kyle opened the door to their friend.
“Why did I just see Max bolting down the hallway?” Maria asked as she walked into the room. Taking in the scene, Kyle and Liz both in their respective towel and robe, Maria’s eyes widened. “Well, never mind. I can see why. So, did you two take a shower after having hot sex or did you have hot sex while in the shower?”
Something about Maria’s familiar absurd humor snapped Liz completely out of her stupor.
“Maria, not now,” Liz commanded firmly as she finally moved, turning and running into the bedroom. “Clothes, clothes, I need clothes.”
“So, what was Max doing here in the first place to catch this little scene?” Maria asked Kyle, who was reaching for one of his rumpled shirts, and received only a shrug in return.
“Damn it, where are my pants?” Liz scrambled around her room looking for clothing. “Maria, do you think you could catch him? Tell him, I don’t know, just tell him to wait for me, let me explain.”
“Um, Liz,” the blonde hesitantly said as she walked into the bedroom, “when I said bolting, I meant it. That man is long gone by now.”
“Shit,” Liz yelled out loudly, “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”
Why did the higher powers hate her so much? She had begged the Greater Beings to see Max before the next council meeting but this was… this was just mean. Those Greater Beings may work for good but they certainly had an evil sense of humor.
“Hey, we’ll call Michael, have him make Max come back and you two can talk about what just happened,” Maria offered gently as she sat down on Liz’s bed.
“Thanks, but I doubt it’ll help,” Liz replied, trying not to let her voice reveal the onslaught of tears she felt rising. “Max won’t… I know him. He won’t go back to the hotel. And even if he did, there’s no way Michael could get him to come back.”
Maria grimaced. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Look, maybe I could say something,” Kyle offered, his face reflecting both a lot of concern and a little bit of guilt.
“Definitely not, but thanks.” Liz sank down on her bed beside Maria, “It’s like the fates are against us or something. How are we ever going to overcome all these stupid misunderstandings, let alone all our serious issues?”
“We? You and Max?” Maria asked softly. Upon seeing Liz’s nod, she probed further. “Do you want there to be a ‘you and Max’?”
“I-I don’t know,” Liz replied honestly. “I just know I want to be able to be honest with him, real with him. I want all this crap that keeps happening, that we let keep happening, to just go away.”
“I’m sure after the council meeting you two can talk.”
“Oh god, the council. What if he doesn’t go, or what if he’s all shut down like he was the last time we had such an awful moment, or what if—“
“Liz,” Kyle interrupted her upset rambling. “I know I’m not some former alien king, but let me offer you a guy’s perspective. From what you’ve told me it sounds like he’s been this yo-yo at the council mainly because of his issues with the council, not with you. This council has just let him in, with the investigation and everything, and so now he’s a part of it. He’s really got a chance to be the only thing he’s really got left—the representative of his family, his people or whatever, at this council. I don’t think he’ll waste that. He’s got to prove he’s worth something to himself. And maybe even to you.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be there, then. Maybe I’ll distract him, or maybe—“
“Liz,” Kyle cut her off again as he put his hands on her shoulders and looked intently into her eyes. “Take a few centering breaths.”
Liz just looked at him. He stared right back. Realizing he wasn’t going to let this go, Liz did as he asked. In and out. In and out. The breathing actually did some good. She felt, not calm, not good, but maybe okay.
After Liz had done as he had requested, Kyle continued. “The plan you and Larek have been developing sounds pretty brilliant to me. You can’t let that go just because of this latest twist. So you’re just going to go there, face whatever it is you have to face, and rock that council’s mind. And then you’re going to grab Max and make him talk to you. And you’ll figure it out, the two of you. You just will.”
“Kyle…“she protested again, though this time with much less conviction.
“I mean it, woman. Don’t make me set something on fire just to prove to you how serious I am.”
“I believe, I believe,” she acquiesced with a slight smile. “When did you get so insightful?”
“Around the time I was relegated to girlfriend status with you,” he answered as he sat down next to Liz.
“Wait, plan, what plan?” Maria piped in, a few steps behind in the conversation.
“You’ve been so busy boinking, er, hanging out with Michael,” Kyle amended quickly after receiving Maria’s most intent glare, “that you’ve been out of the loop.”
“I can tell that. So why don’t we get our Liz refocused on this council by filling me in on her plan.”
“Well, if you really want to know, I was the one who thought of it first.”
“Kyle, I don’t think whining ‘can’t Ava go bother somebody else’ qualifies as thinking up the plan,” Liz chided playfully, no more threat of tears in her voice.
“I’m just saying, if criminal justice doesn’t work out, I may have a career as a diplomat.”
Maria and Liz snorted in unison.
“So, what’s this ingenious plan Kyle suggested?” Maria asked, getting the trio back on track.
“It’s not that complicated or anything, but I think that’s why it might work.” Surrounded by her friends, filled with the love and strength they gave her, Liz shared with Maria what she had been up to the past two days. She focused on this plan and on how she and Larek were going to present it. Only three hours before they would see if the council would buy into it. Only three hours before she would see if Max would even look at her. Or more precisely, she noted as she glanced at the bedside clock mid-explanation, two hours and forty-five minutes, give or take a few.
She really hated waiting.
Last edited by Doublestuf on Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
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Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 28
Part 28
I Believe in Love
When we tried to rework all of this
Each to her rendition
Painted ourselves in a corner
Lost for ideas blindly fishing
For a compliment or kindness
Just to bring us into view
But you could not interpret me and I could not interpret you
I remember that cold morning when the trees were black with birds
I tried to make out some connection
We were at a loss for words
After all that we've been through
I could not see giving up
Despite the picture of our coffee growing colder in the cups
I want to say that underneath it all you are my friend
And the way that I fell for you I'll never fall that way again
I still believe despite our differences that what we have's enough
And I believe in you and I believe in love
So we went rolling on down through the years
Taking time off we could steal
Until the thief of things unreconciled
Stuck it's stick into the wheel
Now we're tumbling in a freefall
No one's gonna go unscathed
But it's not because you held back and its not how I behaved
I want to say that underneath it all you are my friend
And the way that I fell for you I'll never fall that way again
I still believe despite our differences that what we have's enough
I believe in you and I believe in love
There are avenues and supplements and books stacked on the shelf
Labyrinths of recovery in search of our best self
But most of what will happen now is way out of our hands
So just let it go and see where it lands
I want to say that underneath it all you are my friend
And the way that I fell for you I'll never fall that way again
I still believe despite our differences that what we have's enough
I believe in you and I believe in love
I believe in you and I believe in love
- Indigo Girls
Checking her eyes in the bathroom mirror, Liz reassured herself that no evidence remained of the tears she had shed in the last half hour. The threat of tears that had been contained for as long as Kyle and Maria had been with her had become more than a threat once they had left. The pair had made their exit half an hour ago, giving Liz time alone to collect her thoughts, strength, wits—whatever needed collecting. Rather than collect herself, Liz had let the tears flow. It had been needed. Maybe if she got them all out now, none would appear when she saw Max at the council.
A knock sounded at her door as Liz made her way into the sitting area. Confused, she glanced at the microwave clock. She wasn’t running late. Wondering why Whitmore had come to her room instead of meeting her in the hotel lobby, she reached to open the door.
As her hand went to the door handle she paused. She just assumed it was Whitmore. But maybe…
No, Liz stopped herself as she pulled on the handle. She wouldn’t let her heart hope.
Her heart near exploded when she opened the door. Max, not Whitmore, stood before her.
“May I come in?” His voice was soft, without anger, without ache.
She nodded and stepped away from the door, allowing him room to enter. As he passed by her, she was deeply aware that his body was only inches away from her own. She quelled the desire to reach out and touch him as he moved away from her and toward her couch.
The two former lovers stood in the suite, staring at each other, drinking in one another’s presence. Liz tried to find the words she needed, the words that would make everything right, that would bridge the chasm between them. All she could come up with was “I’m so glad you came back.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t walk away again. Something didn’t feel right.”
“It didn’t?”
“No.” This time he offered her a smile, a small one, but one that bore more than a touch of hope. “I don’t know how, but when we connected the other night, when you saw inside of me, somehow I got something from you. Not images or words but this feeling. I didn’t understand it then; there was just too much going on. It took me a couple of days, and I’ll be honest, the shock of seeing you with Valenti. But it all makes sense now. All of it.”
As he spoke those words, he took small steps toward her, slowly closing the gap between them.
“I know, Liz.” The intensity in his voice made her whole body tingle.
“You know?” He didn’t mean… he couldn’t mean.
“I know that it wasn’t right. You and Kyle. It has never been right.”
She rocked back, stunned. “You mean, you know. Oh my god.”
“What I don’t know is why, but right now it doesn’t matter.”
“How can it not matter?” she countered incredulously. “I broke your heart, Max. And in your pain you –“
“I know what I did and that is my burden to bear, no one else’s.”
“I…” She momentarily lost her words as he reached out his hand to touch her face. After taking a beat to indulge in his touch, she protested weakly. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe, Liz, believe.” His words were as soft as his caress on her cheek.
“There’s just so much to say, so much to sort out.”
“And we will. But right now all that matters is this.” He lowered his lips, pressing a tender, gentle kiss against hers.
“Max,” Liz sighed as she let her body sink into his.
“I was the one who didn’t believe. I doubted that I could ever deserve such happiness.”
“You do, Max, you do.”
“I’m starting to get that.” The smile that crossed his face as he spoke confirmed what he was saying. Liz felt herself wanting to weep for joy.
“Oh, Max.”
He pressed another kiss against her lips, this one speaking to her of passion.
“You’re the one, Liz. I will never doubt again. I love y-“
“Liz.”
A voice spoke her name loudly, drowning out what Max had been about to say.
“Liz, we’re here,” it called again. Slowly the warmth of the man she was pressed into, the adoring gaze of the man who had just been about to profess his love for her disappeared, abandoning her to harsh truth of reality.
“Liz,” the voice which had interrupted her fantasy called out again and a hand gently rested on her shoulder.
Liz forced herself to focus on the world around her and not the one in her head. This world had an alien in it too, but not the one she really wanted to see. She glanced out the limo window and saw the poster which had become so familiar to her. Abducted!. They had arrived at the theater.
She looked back over to where Larek was sitting and smiling gently at her. She smiled back as she tried to shake off the remnants of her fantasy. She wanted nothing more than to escape into that surreal scene she had created. The one she longed for. God, if only the fates could have been that kind.
“Are you ready?” her alien friend asked gently.
She started to nod but stopped herself. She was ready to support Larek in the plan they had developed; that was no problem. She wasn’t ready—would never be ready—to sit across from Max for hours wondering what he thought, wondering if he hated her, if he hated himself.
“Larek, I don’t want to ask you this. You’ve been so wonderful about this whole complex situation. But I have to. Do you think, do you think you could delay the start of the meeting for, well, a little bit? I have to speak to Max before this meeting begins. I just have to speak with him.”
Liz could read the sympathy in his brown eyes. “Liz, I wish I could say yes…”
“Oh, sure, of course,” she quickly replied as she tugged on the hem of her woolen skirt, regretting immediately pushing her personal life on her friend. “We have to focus on this plan. Don’t want to distract from that. I understand.”
“No, I am sorry. If it were at all possible, I would delay for as long as you needed. But you cannot speak to Max before we begin because he will not be there.”
Oh god. He wasn’t coming?
Larek rightly interpreted Liz’s panicked look. “Liz, he will be here,” he reassured her. “He will just be late. For this plan to work, we need all our hybrids to be on board. Isabel needs to be here as well.”
Oh, Liz thought as the pounding in her chest subsided, of course. As long as this council had been posturing instead of planning, Isabel’s absence made sense. But now that something might actually be happening, now that there might be some agreement, the former princess of Antar and powerful warrior needed to be here.
“To prevent Kivar from making a big scene about Isabel upon his entering, I asked our friends to arrive late. Let them make the grand entrance, not Kivar.”
What an entrance that would be. A cool, calm, battle-hardened Isabel entering the theater, flanked by her powerful brothers.
“That’s a good idea,” Liz agreed. “Give Kivar time and we know he’d come up with something to cause trouble.”
When Whitmore and Larek had met her this morning, Larek had informed her what had been discovered about Kivar’s involvement in her abduction. While Kivar had not employed Nicholas nor spoken to him directly, he had made sure news of Max’s demands reached the alien general’s ears. Once Nicholas had gotten wind of Max’s ultimatum, he decided to make a preemptive strike against both Antar’s rightful king and the council. No doubt about it, give Kivar any room and the man would wreak havoc. Liz didn’t know how much Vilandra’s past haunted Isabel’s present but there was no point in giving Kivar the upper hand.
She would just have to endure not knowing about Max. Following Larek into the theater, Liz resigned herself to the agony of the next several hours.
The first hour or so went by without too much pain, though more than enough anxiety. She had received genuine concern from the members of the council—with the obvious exception of Kivar—and had taken comfort in that. Larek had explained that Max and Michael would be joining them soon, delayed by an assignment he had given them. No one, even Kivar, had complained. While Larek informed the council that Nicholas’ forces had done exactly has he had predicted—jumped ship as quickly as possible—and chastised an unabashed Kivar for his indirect involvement, she managed to quell her nerves enough to pay attention to the conversation.
Liz sensed Max before she actually saw him. The connection wasn’t like three nights ago, when she had been unable to separate her emotions from his. It was more subtle, like she had caught a whiff of his scent in the air. She didn’t know what he was feeling—certainly not what he was thinking; she just knew he was there.
Just like in her fantasy, when she caught sight of him as he walked in with Michael and Isabel—all three clothed in dark power suits and serious expressions—her heart contracted and expanded so rapidly she thought it might burst.
Max was beautiful. She had always known he was a gorgeous man; even when she had hated him she couldn’t help but be all too aware of his attractiveness. The dark hair and ridiculously soulful eyes; the physique he had acquired and maintained not out of vanity but through venting his frustrations and hurts into physical routine. This morning the rich grey of his fitted suit combined with the ice blue of his tie helped give him a cool and commanding aura, one she couldn’t help but find undeniably breathtaking.
Watching the three hybrids calmly make their way to the council’s table—an extra chair having suddenly appeared for Isabel; Whitmore’s work to be sure—Liz opened herself to what she might sense from Max.
Sorrow. Resignation. Anticipation. Pushing a little harder she could catch segments of fuller emotions, though still nothing like the other night. He ached—much like Liz did—yet that emotion had been buried under others. She started to push even further, to get to the core of his pain, but halted. It was intrusive, and though she longed to know all she could about what he was feeling and thinking, it wasn’t right to strip away his defenses. Besides, she didn’t know how deep she could go and still be able to get out.
Settling back into her seat, Liz observed the reactions and interactions between the council and Isabel. Not to anyone’s surprise, Kivar—after a momentary lapse of unveiled shock—greeted Isabel with his particular brand of flair.
“Ah, Vilandra. I knew you couldn’t stay away from me too long, though you managed to keep yourself away much longer than I thought. But perhaps Rath has proven to be a more competent lover in this lifetime.”
Neither Isabel nor Michael gave any indication of having heard Kivar, much to the tyrant’s frustration—something he refused to show but Liz could still sense. As the other council members stood up to give their greetings to the newest member—greetings much more collegial than Kivar’s—Max and Michael took their seats. Isabel met each alien with a reserved smile, though when her eyes meet Liz’s there was genuine warmth. Max’s eyes, not at all to Liz’s surprise, never met hers.
“Welcome, all of you,” Larek offered with a gracious nod. “Isabel, we are glad to have you with us today.”
“Thank you.”
“I have invited Isabel,” Larek explained to the rest of the council as Isabel took her seat, “because I believe today may be the day we come to a head. If indeed the heroes of Antar will be expected to denounce any claim they may have on the planet, all should be here.”
The council nodded in agreement.
“Our meetings were interrupted by a most unfortunate incident.” Larek shot a directed glance at Kivar. “Yet I trust we may continue both in good faith and in sincere desire to come to a resolution for the people of Antar.”
All eyes turned toward Max to gauge his reaction to Larek’s words. He gave none.
“Antar’s transition to a government by the people will be a long one,” the chair continued, “and I do believe in our conversations we have laid out much of the necessary groundwork.”
“Yes, well, we may have groundwork but what does that get us if we don’t have the king’s permission,” Kathana cut in, much to several other council member’s frustrations. Liz sighed internally herself. If this was how the conversation was going to begin, she doubted the council would be in much of a receptive mood when Larek presented their plan.
“Perhaps what you mean to say,” Larek smoothly offered, “is that we are all aware how important Max’s contributions are to this process. Last time we met, we spoke of trust and I believe that you, Kathana, were very enthusiastic about gaining Max’s trust.”
Or rather, Liz thought, she had been very ready to over Nicholas’ head on a platter so she could get what she wanted—and Liz had a feeling that Kathana wanted something more than a successful transition for Antar’s people.
“Max, you got Nicholas, albeit in a less than fortunate way,” Sero acquiesced with a nod toward Liz. “The question remains before us. Do we have your trust?”
“Trust,” Max replied his head with a grim smile, “is a funny thing. You can have all the reasons to trust a person and then find one day, everything changes.”
Liz didn’t know if he was talking about his betrayal of her or her betrayal of him—perhaps both—but she knew they were on his mind.
“So what does that mean?” Hanar pushed as she leaned in toward Max.
“It means it doesn’t really matter if I completely trust you or not.”
“If you don’t trust us or even care to, then we’re back to square one,” Kathana protested with a pound of her fist on the table. “You have just wasted all our time. Again.”
“Not at all,” Max countered firmly. “It doesn’t really matter what I think but it does matter what the people of Antar think.”
“True, very true,” Sero interjected. “It’s the people who will need to trust us as we help them usher in a new era of democracy.”
“The Antarians have been through hell and back over the past sixty or so years.”
The council grimaced in agreement with Larek.
“Max is right,” he continued. “They are the ones who will truly be the judge of whatever plans we develop here and in the future. From the murder of their beloved Royal Family to the absence of their holiest artifact to the burden of living under Kivar’s rule, the people have been dealt a tremendously tough hand.”
Kivar smirked but said nothing.
“You are exactly right,” Kathana interjected with a burst of energy and interest. “I’m glad you brought it up.”
“It?”
“The granolith.”
“Ah,” Larek sighed knowingly. Liz surmised Kathana’s agenda was about to rear its head.
“As we all know, when our royal friends here denounce the throne they will need to give the seal to someone who can be trusted.”
“And that someone is, who? You?” Tukaram, Hanar’s second who had been relatively silent throughout the council’s meetings, asked incredulously. Must be some bad blood there, Liz observed. No wonder the other planets in the Whirlwind Galaxy had left Antar vulnerable for so long. Too busy fighting amongst themselves.
Kathana glared at the alien and continued. “Over a thousand years ago, before Antar’s kings and queens came to power, the people of Sumara held the seal. The blood of the Sumarains runs through the veins of my family. I would bear the burden of the seal once more if this council deems it necessary.”
“I’m sure,” Tukaram mumbled with contempt.
“It won’t be necessary,” Max’s strong voice filled the stage. “None but an Antarian will bear the seal.”
“And who do you suggest we choose? The local street sweeper?” Kathana snorted at her own suggestion. “None of Antar’s royal blood are alive. There are none that have the proven strength to bear such a responsibility, such power.”
“You have three of us before you today.”
“Yes, but you’re here to give up your claim to the throne and Antar. You’ll be on this planet for the rest of your life; we need the seal and the granolith with us.”
“You’ve got it partially right.”
“What do you mean?” This question came from Jael, Sero’s ever volatile second.
“I mean that Michael, Isabel, and I are ready to agree to denounce any claim to the throne. We are not, however, ready to neglect our duty to Antar and its people.”
So achingly beautiful, Liz thought again as she watched Max. He was truly present today; fully involved and commanding. He was being everything he should be, everything she knew he could be. Strong, smart, savvy. She didn’t know for sure what he was planning but she had a suspicion it resembled closely Larek’s and her own thoughts.
“Unless you denounce everything,” Hanar spoke up, “the people will not let you go. They have to believe you’re forever gone, out of your own free will, otherwise your legend will endure and we will have to fight it every step of the way.”
“Even if we’re gone and of our own free choice, I doubt the people will forget the powerful hope they placed in their heroes,” Max countered firmly, wisely in Liz’s opinion.
“Heroes?” Kivar laughed sharply, unable to resist commenting. “That’s what you think you are, Zan? A hero?”
“It’s about not what I believe, Kivar. It’s about the people,” Max retorted.
“Well, the people are fools. You’re no hero. You couldn’t save your family in your last life and you couldn’t save your lady love in this one. Luckily for her she could manage that on her own.”
Oh god, Liz ached as she saw Max flinch at Kivar’s remarks. She had to say something.
“Max has a valid point.” Her voice was quiet, subdued from lack of use this morning. “It’s insane to ask Antar’s people to just forget their heroes. Yes, Kivar maybe right, as much as I don’t like to admit it. The people may have made heroes out of people who weren’t worthy of that title. We can sit here and analyze that all day and get nowhere. And it doesn’t matter. Whether or not it was deserved, the Royal Four are idolized.”
As Liz spoke, she could tell the other council members were swayed—some more than others—by her words. This was good; this meant the plan she and Larek worked on might be received well. Liz also noticed—painfully—that Max wouldn’t look at her.
“If you think the people will accept a council of other planets, who as Max also has pointed out,” she looked directly at Max and still did not catch his glance, “abandoned them in their time of need, I think you’re living in a fantasy world. I believe you really do have the people’s best interests at heart, but the people have long memories. They may not believe that you care for their well-being.”
“Then what do you suggest we do?” Sero queried. “Kivar has made it clear he will not hand over Antar to the Royal Family and even if he would, the last several decades have made it evident that Antar will be best served by a people-led government.”
“I agree,” Liz replied, looking to Larek to introduce their plan.
“The people of Antar need a self-ruling system, no more dictators, no more monarchs.” Larek looked to both Kivar and Max as he spoke. “But that doesn’t mean we do not have a place for one of the Royal Four, former Royal Four. We can benefit from both a fresh perspective and the people’s love and trust of their beloved former ruler.”
Even as the rest of the council—including Kivar—was digesting Larek’s words, Max nodded his agreement.
“Fine, I can agree to that. Isabel and Michael don’t really want to leave here anyway.” Both of his siblings looked at him sharply, as though they might protest. “They might tell me differently, but I know. I know what they’ve given up to stand by me. I’ll agree to go without them, though I will make it clear I renounce any sort of clam to the throne.”
Before Kivar or anyone else could argue, Liz stepped in and softly spoke.
“Max, it can’t be you.”
At her words his eyes met hers for the first time since he had stood at her door this morning. In those eyes she saw his vulnerability, his self-doubt laid bare before her. She had wounded him; he thought she didn’t believe he was good enough to be the one to speak for Antar’s people.
“What? You think Isabel or Michael would be a better choice? Neither of them has studied our world as much as I have, neither care enough.” He sounded angry but Liz knew there was much more than that.
“I didn’t mean them, either, Max,” she said softly, willing him to know she didn’t doubt his worth.
“Then who the hell do you suggest?” Max shot back, the heat in his voice sending her chills. “Tess? She’s been dead and buried for a long time now.”
“I would never suggest her, Max,” Liz replied, hoping her cool and calm tones would put out the fire of anger and agony she felt from him. “Even if she were still alive, I think Antar needs someone a little saner than that. Someone who knows the history of your people and has the heart and mind to do what’s best for them. Someone strong, someone compassionate, someone who, while young of age, has been matured by the life they’ve lived. Someone who has both the decency and the command to make a great leader. Someone who doesn’t seem to elicit such animosity from Kivar.”
“Thank you, Liz, for that lovely introduction,” Larek interjected, much to Liz’s gratitude. Given the state of affairs between she and Max, she hated being the one arguing with him. “Max, you are right. The people of Antar need a representative on the council which will oversee the transition of power. Yes, they will have plenty of representatives from their current leaders, from the various groups and factions. But they need a unifying force. That is why I believe it is only right that Antar have one of their heroes once more. That is why I would like to recommend the council welcome Ava as the Royal Four’s representative, as one of our own.”
“Ava?” Max echoed, his look of confusion matched the expressions of the other council members, including Kivar. “What do you mean?”
“She hasn’t been seen or heard from in years,” Kivar added, his confusion slowly turning to interest, “In fact, I seem to recall hearing from a certain general who met his match with Ms. Parker that something unfortunate may have happened to our former Queen.”
“You were misinformed,” Larek coolly informed the dictator. “For the past several days, I have been speaking and working with Ava—as Tess’ hybrid counterpart is still known by—and find her to be all that Ms. Parker has said and more.”
“I confess,” Sero spoke up after the moments of silence that followed Larek’s last words, “I had forgotten about her.”
“I confess that I had too,” Larek admitted graciously. “It seems the stars truly smiled on me when they made Liz my second. She has been in contact with Ava for several years, knew of her strength and wisdom and compassion. She introduced us after Ava made her way from California to help her friend whom she had rightfully heard was in trouble.”
All three hybrids looked to Liz in surprise at Larek’s words.
“You’ve been in contact with Ava?” Michael sounded a little hurt that he hadn’t known.
“I’m sorry I never mentioned it. It’s just been kind of crazy.” He nodded in acceptance of her words and apology. “Ava appeared back in my life not shortly after you left Boston. She’s helped me with my powers and has been a great friend. The last few years she’s been living in California with a man by the name of Cal Langley, someone who apparently knows quite a bit about Antar and the Whirlwind Galaxy.”
Ears around the table perked at this news.
“I am happy to vouch for Ava’s ability to be an important contributor to our efforts to rebuild Antar,” Larek said, “though she is available for examination if you deem it necessary.”
No one jumped quickly on that option. The stage was relatively quiet for several minutes as each alien digested what Larek had proposed. Kathana and Banar whispered back and for to one another while Kivar tapped a finger on the table, apparently seriously contemplating what Larek had said. Michael and Isabel were both speaking to Max, who remained quiet. Liz could tell by their expressions that they were trying to encourage him on the benefits of Larek’s suggestion.
“While I certainly would like to meet her,” Sero finally spoke, breaking the quiet, “I trust your assessment of her character, Larek. And I dare say I find myself rather hopeful that the rest of the council will as well.”
“I remember Ava. I always thought she could have been more than Zan’s bride,” Hanar offered. “And Kathana, if I remember, Ava too had Sumerians in her lineage.”
“That she did,” Kathana confirmed. “We are in fact thirteenth cousins on my mother’s side. I would like to see how she might live into her Sumerian blood. It’s the blood of leaders.”
Upon hearing such favorable responses, Larek continued. “Ava offers her full support to this council, and if she is called to help rebuild Antar, she has agreed to offer whatever wisdom and leadership she has.”
“But she doesn’t want the throne?” asked Hanar, concern written all over her face.
“No.” Larek flashed a small grin. “Ava told me she’d never want anything as ‘cornball’ as a tiara.”
Liz smiled herself, easily able to hear her friend saying just that.
“And she would be willing to come to a place she does not know for a people she does not know?” Tukuram inquired.
“Yes. Ava is quite the intriguing individual. She is tough, strong-minded, yet incredibly caring and giving. Wouldn’t you say, Liz?”
Liz nodded. “I’ve benefited from both her strength and her kindness on several occasions. The first time she helped me, she didn’t even really know me. She just knew how desperately I needed her help.”
Liz’s eyes drifted toward Max as she spoke. She had met Ava because of the first botched summit. If it hadn’t been for Ava, she might have lost Max long before that night on the anniversary of the shooting. Liz wondered if Max remembered what Ava had done for him, for them.
“May I ask what you think about this proposal?” Larek inquired the council. Though no one spoke up immediately, Liz could sense a general acceptance. Perhaps no one wanted to be the first to agree.
“Larek, I sense that most everyone here is on the same page,” Liz offered, hoping that in knowing they weren’t alone, one of the council members would speak up.
“Indeed,” Sero offered in a firm tone. “This plan has my support.”
“Mine as well,” replied Hanar.
Kathana looked from Larek, to Max, to Kivar, and back to Larek again. A few beats passed before she spoke up. “Blood will tell. I welcome Ava’s contributions.
Three down but the most crucial two to go.
“Kivar?” Larek turned toward him. “You’ve been unusually quiet. Any thoughts you’d like to share?”
“I think,” the dictator drawled with a slick smile, “that I like this plan. Little Ava, Zan’s afterthought, usurping the king’s place. Yes, I think I like it very much indeed.”
Liz felt the council breath a sigh of relief. Kivar was on board. That only meant one more key figure had to agree to Ava’s involvement.
“Max?”
Rather than replying to Larek, Max looked to Liz.
“You think she’s Antar’s best solution?”
“I do.” In those two words Liz tried to convey all the compassion and conviction she had within her.
He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
“Then you have my support.”
“Stars above,” Jael let out as she slammed her hands against the table. The other council members erupted in similar expressions of elation, using words and phrases Liz was mostly unfamiliar with but she knew what they meant. It really did almost seem too good to be true. They had an agreement; after all the infighting and mistrust, they had come together. Liz could feel the cloud of anxiety and anticipation which had weighed heavily since their first meeting lift in the midst of this breakthrough.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Larek raised his voice over the joyful noise. Liz’s heart warmed at seeing his smile. “Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we have done what some deemed impossible. I know each of you will want to speak with your planets’ various leadership and tell them the news as soon as possible.”
“The whole Galaxy will abuzz tonight,” commented Tukaram.
Larek nodded. “We have done what was prescribed to us to do. Therefore, I propose we conclude this council.”
“What’s the next step?” asked Hanar with unmasked enthusiasm.
“I suggest that this afternoon the representatives of the Royal Houses gather together. In the Court of the Whirlwind Galaxy, both Kivar and the Royal Four will relinquish any claim of rule over Antar. We will also bear witness to the transfer of the seal from Max to Ava.”
Max and Ava in the same space together. Liz cringed internally. She had been friends long enough with Ava to no longer see Tess when she looked at the alien. She didn’t know how Max would feel looking into the face of the woman he killed.
“I will bring Ava early so you may meet her before we begin the ceremony.”
“What will you need from us?” Isabel’s voice was calm and cool but Liz could sense the excitement building up within her. Soon she and her brothers would be free from the burden of their past lives just as they were now free from the fear of Nicholas.
Larek smiled. “Your presence and your signatures, nothing more.”
Isabel and Michael nodded. Max remained still.
“I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now,” Larek offered kindly. “You are on the precipice of a new life, yet again. Max, Michael, Isabel, you have gone through more than any one of us could imagine. You have proven yourselves to be brave in both of your lifetimes. The people of Antar, indeed, the peoples of the Whirlwind Galaxy have been blessed by your participation here. Though you may not rule a planet, on behalf of this council, I commend you. You are the essence of what royalty ought to be, each one of you.”
“Here, here,” added Sero, followed by all but Kivar. Isabel and Michael both smiled at the recognition and yet again, Max offered no reaction. Liz stared at him, willing him to look at her. She wanted to offer him her understanding, her compassion, her care, all she could offer using only her eyes and her smile. She wanted him to not feel the emotions she was beginning to sense from him. Unneeded. Unwanted.
“Please inform your people that a new age for Antar is about to dawn. Once we oversee the abdications and the transfer of the seal, we will begin the long process of rebuilding Antar.”
“Thank you, Larek, for your leadership,” Sero interjected, followed by another round of “here, here” from the council. Liz loudly raised her own voice in praise.
“Thank all of you,” he responded, clearly touched. With a deep breath and a strong voice, he spoke his last words as chairman. “I here by convene this council. May you go in peace, each and every one of you.”
With those words, the council—and Liz’s part in it—concluded. As the alien leaders stood up, shaking hands and congratulating one another, Liz sat in awe. She had just borne witness, no, not just witnessed, offered a hand in creating a plan for peace. Intergalactic peace. Something many people on several different worlds thought impossible.
Impossible. What a funny concept, she mused. She had often thought that it would be impossible for she and Max to ever find a way back to one another. Looking to the man whose heart she had broken, who had broken her heart, she let herself have a moment of genuine hope. Maybe. Just maybe.
But before they ever had a chance of reclaiming what she once thought forever lost, there was so much they had to sort out. So much she had to say. And it was now or never. Liz stood up from her chair, planning to make her way to the three siblings who were shaking hands with various council members.
Liz had taken one step toward Max when rested on her shoulder. Liz turned to see Larek smiling at her. Though she wanted nothing more than to seek out Max, she gave her full attention to the diplomat.
“You…” he began but shook his head. “It is hard to find the words, in my language or yours.”
“I know what you mean,” she replied softly. What an unexpected gift her friendship with this man had been.
“It has been a pleasure.”
“For me too,” she smiled.
“If there is anything I can do for you,” he offered with a glance behind her. Liz knew he meant Max.
“Thank you, but I think this is going to require more brutal discussion than diplomacy.”
“Then I wish you the best,” he replied kindly and Liz had no doubt of his sincerity.
“So,” she transitioned away from that delicate topic, “now that the council’s done, what is my role?”
“You have brilliantly served me as my second. You may go taking pride in all that you have helped come to pass.”
In other words, she was being honorably discharged. “And this afternoon?”
“I wish very much you could be there, since you were so instrumental in our success. The ceremony of the seal, however, is highly sacred. While I am sure none here would object to your presence, if others discovered a human had been present, well, it would cause unneeded trouble and conflict.”
“I respect that.” Even though she had been a major part of this alien council, and Larek had made her feel nothing but welcome and wanted, she knew she would feel out of place. She just wished she could be there for Max. Of course, at the moment, she also knew her presence wouldn’t bring him any comfort or strength.
“Liz Parker, it has been an honor,” Larek professed as he took her hand in his, giving it a strong squeeze.
Liz pulled her hand away in order to wrap him in a firm hug.
“Take care of yourself,” she whispered in his ear.
Larek pulled away and offered her a smile. With a nod he moved to speak with Kivar who was still sitting at his seat. The dictator looked stunned, as though he too could not believe his reign had come to an end. Liz reached out to see if there were any emotions that would suggest he might back out of the agreement. She sensed nothing like that, only a slowly growing sensation of impotence. Once he gave up his hold on Antar, Kivar truly would not matter anymore. If he weren’t such an evil despot she might feel sorry for him.
Shaking off her concern for the man, Liz turned toward Max as she tried to think of a way she could get him away from the other council members and his siblings. She saw Michael and Isabel speaking with Sero, smiles on all their faces. Kathana, Hanar and their seconds were speaking in the wings; Jael was flipping through an assortment of papers in her hands. Here in the theater Liz saw and sensed everyone but the one person she wanted.
No doubt about it, she sighed as she sank back down in her chair. Max was gone.
I Believe in Love
When we tried to rework all of this
Each to her rendition
Painted ourselves in a corner
Lost for ideas blindly fishing
For a compliment or kindness
Just to bring us into view
But you could not interpret me and I could not interpret you
I remember that cold morning when the trees were black with birds
I tried to make out some connection
We were at a loss for words
After all that we've been through
I could not see giving up
Despite the picture of our coffee growing colder in the cups
I want to say that underneath it all you are my friend
And the way that I fell for you I'll never fall that way again
I still believe despite our differences that what we have's enough
And I believe in you and I believe in love
So we went rolling on down through the years
Taking time off we could steal
Until the thief of things unreconciled
Stuck it's stick into the wheel
Now we're tumbling in a freefall
No one's gonna go unscathed
But it's not because you held back and its not how I behaved
I want to say that underneath it all you are my friend
And the way that I fell for you I'll never fall that way again
I still believe despite our differences that what we have's enough
I believe in you and I believe in love
There are avenues and supplements and books stacked on the shelf
Labyrinths of recovery in search of our best self
But most of what will happen now is way out of our hands
So just let it go and see where it lands
I want to say that underneath it all you are my friend
And the way that I fell for you I'll never fall that way again
I still believe despite our differences that what we have's enough
I believe in you and I believe in love
I believe in you and I believe in love
- Indigo Girls
Checking her eyes in the bathroom mirror, Liz reassured herself that no evidence remained of the tears she had shed in the last half hour. The threat of tears that had been contained for as long as Kyle and Maria had been with her had become more than a threat once they had left. The pair had made their exit half an hour ago, giving Liz time alone to collect her thoughts, strength, wits—whatever needed collecting. Rather than collect herself, Liz had let the tears flow. It had been needed. Maybe if she got them all out now, none would appear when she saw Max at the council.
A knock sounded at her door as Liz made her way into the sitting area. Confused, she glanced at the microwave clock. She wasn’t running late. Wondering why Whitmore had come to her room instead of meeting her in the hotel lobby, she reached to open the door.
As her hand went to the door handle she paused. She just assumed it was Whitmore. But maybe…
No, Liz stopped herself as she pulled on the handle. She wouldn’t let her heart hope.
Her heart near exploded when she opened the door. Max, not Whitmore, stood before her.
“May I come in?” His voice was soft, without anger, without ache.
She nodded and stepped away from the door, allowing him room to enter. As he passed by her, she was deeply aware that his body was only inches away from her own. She quelled the desire to reach out and touch him as he moved away from her and toward her couch.
The two former lovers stood in the suite, staring at each other, drinking in one another’s presence. Liz tried to find the words she needed, the words that would make everything right, that would bridge the chasm between them. All she could come up with was “I’m so glad you came back.”
He nodded. “I couldn’t walk away again. Something didn’t feel right.”
“It didn’t?”
“No.” This time he offered her a smile, a small one, but one that bore more than a touch of hope. “I don’t know how, but when we connected the other night, when you saw inside of me, somehow I got something from you. Not images or words but this feeling. I didn’t understand it then; there was just too much going on. It took me a couple of days, and I’ll be honest, the shock of seeing you with Valenti. But it all makes sense now. All of it.”
As he spoke those words, he took small steps toward her, slowly closing the gap between them.
“I know, Liz.” The intensity in his voice made her whole body tingle.
“You know?” He didn’t mean… he couldn’t mean.
“I know that it wasn’t right. You and Kyle. It has never been right.”
She rocked back, stunned. “You mean, you know. Oh my god.”
“What I don’t know is why, but right now it doesn’t matter.”
“How can it not matter?” she countered incredulously. “I broke your heart, Max. And in your pain you –“
“I know what I did and that is my burden to bear, no one else’s.”
“I…” She momentarily lost her words as he reached out his hand to touch her face. After taking a beat to indulge in his touch, she protested weakly. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe, Liz, believe.” His words were as soft as his caress on her cheek.
“There’s just so much to say, so much to sort out.”
“And we will. But right now all that matters is this.” He lowered his lips, pressing a tender, gentle kiss against hers.
“Max,” Liz sighed as she let her body sink into his.
“I was the one who didn’t believe. I doubted that I could ever deserve such happiness.”
“You do, Max, you do.”
“I’m starting to get that.” The smile that crossed his face as he spoke confirmed what he was saying. Liz felt herself wanting to weep for joy.
“Oh, Max.”
He pressed another kiss against her lips, this one speaking to her of passion.
“You’re the one, Liz. I will never doubt again. I love y-“
“Liz.”
A voice spoke her name loudly, drowning out what Max had been about to say.
“Liz, we’re here,” it called again. Slowly the warmth of the man she was pressed into, the adoring gaze of the man who had just been about to profess his love for her disappeared, abandoning her to harsh truth of reality.
“Liz,” the voice which had interrupted her fantasy called out again and a hand gently rested on her shoulder.
Liz forced herself to focus on the world around her and not the one in her head. This world had an alien in it too, but not the one she really wanted to see. She glanced out the limo window and saw the poster which had become so familiar to her. Abducted!. They had arrived at the theater.
She looked back over to where Larek was sitting and smiling gently at her. She smiled back as she tried to shake off the remnants of her fantasy. She wanted nothing more than to escape into that surreal scene she had created. The one she longed for. God, if only the fates could have been that kind.
“Are you ready?” her alien friend asked gently.
She started to nod but stopped herself. She was ready to support Larek in the plan they had developed; that was no problem. She wasn’t ready—would never be ready—to sit across from Max for hours wondering what he thought, wondering if he hated her, if he hated himself.
“Larek, I don’t want to ask you this. You’ve been so wonderful about this whole complex situation. But I have to. Do you think, do you think you could delay the start of the meeting for, well, a little bit? I have to speak to Max before this meeting begins. I just have to speak with him.”
Liz could read the sympathy in his brown eyes. “Liz, I wish I could say yes…”
“Oh, sure, of course,” she quickly replied as she tugged on the hem of her woolen skirt, regretting immediately pushing her personal life on her friend. “We have to focus on this plan. Don’t want to distract from that. I understand.”
“No, I am sorry. If it were at all possible, I would delay for as long as you needed. But you cannot speak to Max before we begin because he will not be there.”
Oh god. He wasn’t coming?
Larek rightly interpreted Liz’s panicked look. “Liz, he will be here,” he reassured her. “He will just be late. For this plan to work, we need all our hybrids to be on board. Isabel needs to be here as well.”
Oh, Liz thought as the pounding in her chest subsided, of course. As long as this council had been posturing instead of planning, Isabel’s absence made sense. But now that something might actually be happening, now that there might be some agreement, the former princess of Antar and powerful warrior needed to be here.
“To prevent Kivar from making a big scene about Isabel upon his entering, I asked our friends to arrive late. Let them make the grand entrance, not Kivar.”
What an entrance that would be. A cool, calm, battle-hardened Isabel entering the theater, flanked by her powerful brothers.
“That’s a good idea,” Liz agreed. “Give Kivar time and we know he’d come up with something to cause trouble.”
When Whitmore and Larek had met her this morning, Larek had informed her what had been discovered about Kivar’s involvement in her abduction. While Kivar had not employed Nicholas nor spoken to him directly, he had made sure news of Max’s demands reached the alien general’s ears. Once Nicholas had gotten wind of Max’s ultimatum, he decided to make a preemptive strike against both Antar’s rightful king and the council. No doubt about it, give Kivar any room and the man would wreak havoc. Liz didn’t know how much Vilandra’s past haunted Isabel’s present but there was no point in giving Kivar the upper hand.
She would just have to endure not knowing about Max. Following Larek into the theater, Liz resigned herself to the agony of the next several hours.
The first hour or so went by without too much pain, though more than enough anxiety. She had received genuine concern from the members of the council—with the obvious exception of Kivar—and had taken comfort in that. Larek had explained that Max and Michael would be joining them soon, delayed by an assignment he had given them. No one, even Kivar, had complained. While Larek informed the council that Nicholas’ forces had done exactly has he had predicted—jumped ship as quickly as possible—and chastised an unabashed Kivar for his indirect involvement, she managed to quell her nerves enough to pay attention to the conversation.
Liz sensed Max before she actually saw him. The connection wasn’t like three nights ago, when she had been unable to separate her emotions from his. It was more subtle, like she had caught a whiff of his scent in the air. She didn’t know what he was feeling—certainly not what he was thinking; she just knew he was there.
Just like in her fantasy, when she caught sight of him as he walked in with Michael and Isabel—all three clothed in dark power suits and serious expressions—her heart contracted and expanded so rapidly she thought it might burst.
Max was beautiful. She had always known he was a gorgeous man; even when she had hated him she couldn’t help but be all too aware of his attractiveness. The dark hair and ridiculously soulful eyes; the physique he had acquired and maintained not out of vanity but through venting his frustrations and hurts into physical routine. This morning the rich grey of his fitted suit combined with the ice blue of his tie helped give him a cool and commanding aura, one she couldn’t help but find undeniably breathtaking.
Watching the three hybrids calmly make their way to the council’s table—an extra chair having suddenly appeared for Isabel; Whitmore’s work to be sure—Liz opened herself to what she might sense from Max.
Sorrow. Resignation. Anticipation. Pushing a little harder she could catch segments of fuller emotions, though still nothing like the other night. He ached—much like Liz did—yet that emotion had been buried under others. She started to push even further, to get to the core of his pain, but halted. It was intrusive, and though she longed to know all she could about what he was feeling and thinking, it wasn’t right to strip away his defenses. Besides, she didn’t know how deep she could go and still be able to get out.
Settling back into her seat, Liz observed the reactions and interactions between the council and Isabel. Not to anyone’s surprise, Kivar—after a momentary lapse of unveiled shock—greeted Isabel with his particular brand of flair.
“Ah, Vilandra. I knew you couldn’t stay away from me too long, though you managed to keep yourself away much longer than I thought. But perhaps Rath has proven to be a more competent lover in this lifetime.”
Neither Isabel nor Michael gave any indication of having heard Kivar, much to the tyrant’s frustration—something he refused to show but Liz could still sense. As the other council members stood up to give their greetings to the newest member—greetings much more collegial than Kivar’s—Max and Michael took their seats. Isabel met each alien with a reserved smile, though when her eyes meet Liz’s there was genuine warmth. Max’s eyes, not at all to Liz’s surprise, never met hers.
“Welcome, all of you,” Larek offered with a gracious nod. “Isabel, we are glad to have you with us today.”
“Thank you.”
“I have invited Isabel,” Larek explained to the rest of the council as Isabel took her seat, “because I believe today may be the day we come to a head. If indeed the heroes of Antar will be expected to denounce any claim they may have on the planet, all should be here.”
The council nodded in agreement.
“Our meetings were interrupted by a most unfortunate incident.” Larek shot a directed glance at Kivar. “Yet I trust we may continue both in good faith and in sincere desire to come to a resolution for the people of Antar.”
All eyes turned toward Max to gauge his reaction to Larek’s words. He gave none.
“Antar’s transition to a government by the people will be a long one,” the chair continued, “and I do believe in our conversations we have laid out much of the necessary groundwork.”
“Yes, well, we may have groundwork but what does that get us if we don’t have the king’s permission,” Kathana cut in, much to several other council member’s frustrations. Liz sighed internally herself. If this was how the conversation was going to begin, she doubted the council would be in much of a receptive mood when Larek presented their plan.
“Perhaps what you mean to say,” Larek smoothly offered, “is that we are all aware how important Max’s contributions are to this process. Last time we met, we spoke of trust and I believe that you, Kathana, were very enthusiastic about gaining Max’s trust.”
Or rather, Liz thought, she had been very ready to over Nicholas’ head on a platter so she could get what she wanted—and Liz had a feeling that Kathana wanted something more than a successful transition for Antar’s people.
“Max, you got Nicholas, albeit in a less than fortunate way,” Sero acquiesced with a nod toward Liz. “The question remains before us. Do we have your trust?”
“Trust,” Max replied his head with a grim smile, “is a funny thing. You can have all the reasons to trust a person and then find one day, everything changes.”
Liz didn’t know if he was talking about his betrayal of her or her betrayal of him—perhaps both—but she knew they were on his mind.
“So what does that mean?” Hanar pushed as she leaned in toward Max.
“It means it doesn’t really matter if I completely trust you or not.”
“If you don’t trust us or even care to, then we’re back to square one,” Kathana protested with a pound of her fist on the table. “You have just wasted all our time. Again.”
“Not at all,” Max countered firmly. “It doesn’t really matter what I think but it does matter what the people of Antar think.”
“True, very true,” Sero interjected. “It’s the people who will need to trust us as we help them usher in a new era of democracy.”
“The Antarians have been through hell and back over the past sixty or so years.”
The council grimaced in agreement with Larek.
“Max is right,” he continued. “They are the ones who will truly be the judge of whatever plans we develop here and in the future. From the murder of their beloved Royal Family to the absence of their holiest artifact to the burden of living under Kivar’s rule, the people have been dealt a tremendously tough hand.”
Kivar smirked but said nothing.
“You are exactly right,” Kathana interjected with a burst of energy and interest. “I’m glad you brought it up.”
“It?”
“The granolith.”
“Ah,” Larek sighed knowingly. Liz surmised Kathana’s agenda was about to rear its head.
“As we all know, when our royal friends here denounce the throne they will need to give the seal to someone who can be trusted.”
“And that someone is, who? You?” Tukaram, Hanar’s second who had been relatively silent throughout the council’s meetings, asked incredulously. Must be some bad blood there, Liz observed. No wonder the other planets in the Whirlwind Galaxy had left Antar vulnerable for so long. Too busy fighting amongst themselves.
Kathana glared at the alien and continued. “Over a thousand years ago, before Antar’s kings and queens came to power, the people of Sumara held the seal. The blood of the Sumarains runs through the veins of my family. I would bear the burden of the seal once more if this council deems it necessary.”
“I’m sure,” Tukaram mumbled with contempt.
“It won’t be necessary,” Max’s strong voice filled the stage. “None but an Antarian will bear the seal.”
“And who do you suggest we choose? The local street sweeper?” Kathana snorted at her own suggestion. “None of Antar’s royal blood are alive. There are none that have the proven strength to bear such a responsibility, such power.”
“You have three of us before you today.”
“Yes, but you’re here to give up your claim to the throne and Antar. You’ll be on this planet for the rest of your life; we need the seal and the granolith with us.”
“You’ve got it partially right.”
“What do you mean?” This question came from Jael, Sero’s ever volatile second.
“I mean that Michael, Isabel, and I are ready to agree to denounce any claim to the throne. We are not, however, ready to neglect our duty to Antar and its people.”
So achingly beautiful, Liz thought again as she watched Max. He was truly present today; fully involved and commanding. He was being everything he should be, everything she knew he could be. Strong, smart, savvy. She didn’t know for sure what he was planning but she had a suspicion it resembled closely Larek’s and her own thoughts.
“Unless you denounce everything,” Hanar spoke up, “the people will not let you go. They have to believe you’re forever gone, out of your own free will, otherwise your legend will endure and we will have to fight it every step of the way.”
“Even if we’re gone and of our own free choice, I doubt the people will forget the powerful hope they placed in their heroes,” Max countered firmly, wisely in Liz’s opinion.
“Heroes?” Kivar laughed sharply, unable to resist commenting. “That’s what you think you are, Zan? A hero?”
“It’s about not what I believe, Kivar. It’s about the people,” Max retorted.
“Well, the people are fools. You’re no hero. You couldn’t save your family in your last life and you couldn’t save your lady love in this one. Luckily for her she could manage that on her own.”
Oh god, Liz ached as she saw Max flinch at Kivar’s remarks. She had to say something.
“Max has a valid point.” Her voice was quiet, subdued from lack of use this morning. “It’s insane to ask Antar’s people to just forget their heroes. Yes, Kivar maybe right, as much as I don’t like to admit it. The people may have made heroes out of people who weren’t worthy of that title. We can sit here and analyze that all day and get nowhere. And it doesn’t matter. Whether or not it was deserved, the Royal Four are idolized.”
As Liz spoke, she could tell the other council members were swayed—some more than others—by her words. This was good; this meant the plan she and Larek worked on might be received well. Liz also noticed—painfully—that Max wouldn’t look at her.
“If you think the people will accept a council of other planets, who as Max also has pointed out,” she looked directly at Max and still did not catch his glance, “abandoned them in their time of need, I think you’re living in a fantasy world. I believe you really do have the people’s best interests at heart, but the people have long memories. They may not believe that you care for their well-being.”
“Then what do you suggest we do?” Sero queried. “Kivar has made it clear he will not hand over Antar to the Royal Family and even if he would, the last several decades have made it evident that Antar will be best served by a people-led government.”
“I agree,” Liz replied, looking to Larek to introduce their plan.
“The people of Antar need a self-ruling system, no more dictators, no more monarchs.” Larek looked to both Kivar and Max as he spoke. “But that doesn’t mean we do not have a place for one of the Royal Four, former Royal Four. We can benefit from both a fresh perspective and the people’s love and trust of their beloved former ruler.”
Even as the rest of the council—including Kivar—was digesting Larek’s words, Max nodded his agreement.
“Fine, I can agree to that. Isabel and Michael don’t really want to leave here anyway.” Both of his siblings looked at him sharply, as though they might protest. “They might tell me differently, but I know. I know what they’ve given up to stand by me. I’ll agree to go without them, though I will make it clear I renounce any sort of clam to the throne.”
Before Kivar or anyone else could argue, Liz stepped in and softly spoke.
“Max, it can’t be you.”
At her words his eyes met hers for the first time since he had stood at her door this morning. In those eyes she saw his vulnerability, his self-doubt laid bare before her. She had wounded him; he thought she didn’t believe he was good enough to be the one to speak for Antar’s people.
“What? You think Isabel or Michael would be a better choice? Neither of them has studied our world as much as I have, neither care enough.” He sounded angry but Liz knew there was much more than that.
“I didn’t mean them, either, Max,” she said softly, willing him to know she didn’t doubt his worth.
“Then who the hell do you suggest?” Max shot back, the heat in his voice sending her chills. “Tess? She’s been dead and buried for a long time now.”
“I would never suggest her, Max,” Liz replied, hoping her cool and calm tones would put out the fire of anger and agony she felt from him. “Even if she were still alive, I think Antar needs someone a little saner than that. Someone who knows the history of your people and has the heart and mind to do what’s best for them. Someone strong, someone compassionate, someone who, while young of age, has been matured by the life they’ve lived. Someone who has both the decency and the command to make a great leader. Someone who doesn’t seem to elicit such animosity from Kivar.”
“Thank you, Liz, for that lovely introduction,” Larek interjected, much to Liz’s gratitude. Given the state of affairs between she and Max, she hated being the one arguing with him. “Max, you are right. The people of Antar need a representative on the council which will oversee the transition of power. Yes, they will have plenty of representatives from their current leaders, from the various groups and factions. But they need a unifying force. That is why I believe it is only right that Antar have one of their heroes once more. That is why I would like to recommend the council welcome Ava as the Royal Four’s representative, as one of our own.”
“Ava?” Max echoed, his look of confusion matched the expressions of the other council members, including Kivar. “What do you mean?”
“She hasn’t been seen or heard from in years,” Kivar added, his confusion slowly turning to interest, “In fact, I seem to recall hearing from a certain general who met his match with Ms. Parker that something unfortunate may have happened to our former Queen.”
“You were misinformed,” Larek coolly informed the dictator. “For the past several days, I have been speaking and working with Ava—as Tess’ hybrid counterpart is still known by—and find her to be all that Ms. Parker has said and more.”
“I confess,” Sero spoke up after the moments of silence that followed Larek’s last words, “I had forgotten about her.”
“I confess that I had too,” Larek admitted graciously. “It seems the stars truly smiled on me when they made Liz my second. She has been in contact with Ava for several years, knew of her strength and wisdom and compassion. She introduced us after Ava made her way from California to help her friend whom she had rightfully heard was in trouble.”
All three hybrids looked to Liz in surprise at Larek’s words.
“You’ve been in contact with Ava?” Michael sounded a little hurt that he hadn’t known.
“I’m sorry I never mentioned it. It’s just been kind of crazy.” He nodded in acceptance of her words and apology. “Ava appeared back in my life not shortly after you left Boston. She’s helped me with my powers and has been a great friend. The last few years she’s been living in California with a man by the name of Cal Langley, someone who apparently knows quite a bit about Antar and the Whirlwind Galaxy.”
Ears around the table perked at this news.
“I am happy to vouch for Ava’s ability to be an important contributor to our efforts to rebuild Antar,” Larek said, “though she is available for examination if you deem it necessary.”
No one jumped quickly on that option. The stage was relatively quiet for several minutes as each alien digested what Larek had proposed. Kathana and Banar whispered back and for to one another while Kivar tapped a finger on the table, apparently seriously contemplating what Larek had said. Michael and Isabel were both speaking to Max, who remained quiet. Liz could tell by their expressions that they were trying to encourage him on the benefits of Larek’s suggestion.
“While I certainly would like to meet her,” Sero finally spoke, breaking the quiet, “I trust your assessment of her character, Larek. And I dare say I find myself rather hopeful that the rest of the council will as well.”
“I remember Ava. I always thought she could have been more than Zan’s bride,” Hanar offered. “And Kathana, if I remember, Ava too had Sumerians in her lineage.”
“That she did,” Kathana confirmed. “We are in fact thirteenth cousins on my mother’s side. I would like to see how she might live into her Sumerian blood. It’s the blood of leaders.”
Upon hearing such favorable responses, Larek continued. “Ava offers her full support to this council, and if she is called to help rebuild Antar, she has agreed to offer whatever wisdom and leadership she has.”
“But she doesn’t want the throne?” asked Hanar, concern written all over her face.
“No.” Larek flashed a small grin. “Ava told me she’d never want anything as ‘cornball’ as a tiara.”
Liz smiled herself, easily able to hear her friend saying just that.
“And she would be willing to come to a place she does not know for a people she does not know?” Tukuram inquired.
“Yes. Ava is quite the intriguing individual. She is tough, strong-minded, yet incredibly caring and giving. Wouldn’t you say, Liz?”
Liz nodded. “I’ve benefited from both her strength and her kindness on several occasions. The first time she helped me, she didn’t even really know me. She just knew how desperately I needed her help.”
Liz’s eyes drifted toward Max as she spoke. She had met Ava because of the first botched summit. If it hadn’t been for Ava, she might have lost Max long before that night on the anniversary of the shooting. Liz wondered if Max remembered what Ava had done for him, for them.
“May I ask what you think about this proposal?” Larek inquired the council. Though no one spoke up immediately, Liz could sense a general acceptance. Perhaps no one wanted to be the first to agree.
“Larek, I sense that most everyone here is on the same page,” Liz offered, hoping that in knowing they weren’t alone, one of the council members would speak up.
“Indeed,” Sero offered in a firm tone. “This plan has my support.”
“Mine as well,” replied Hanar.
Kathana looked from Larek, to Max, to Kivar, and back to Larek again. A few beats passed before she spoke up. “Blood will tell. I welcome Ava’s contributions.
Three down but the most crucial two to go.
“Kivar?” Larek turned toward him. “You’ve been unusually quiet. Any thoughts you’d like to share?”
“I think,” the dictator drawled with a slick smile, “that I like this plan. Little Ava, Zan’s afterthought, usurping the king’s place. Yes, I think I like it very much indeed.”
Liz felt the council breath a sigh of relief. Kivar was on board. That only meant one more key figure had to agree to Ava’s involvement.
“Max?”
Rather than replying to Larek, Max looked to Liz.
“You think she’s Antar’s best solution?”
“I do.” In those two words Liz tried to convey all the compassion and conviction she had within her.
He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.
“Then you have my support.”
“Stars above,” Jael let out as she slammed her hands against the table. The other council members erupted in similar expressions of elation, using words and phrases Liz was mostly unfamiliar with but she knew what they meant. It really did almost seem too good to be true. They had an agreement; after all the infighting and mistrust, they had come together. Liz could feel the cloud of anxiety and anticipation which had weighed heavily since their first meeting lift in the midst of this breakthrough.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Larek raised his voice over the joyful noise. Liz’s heart warmed at seeing his smile. “Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we have done what some deemed impossible. I know each of you will want to speak with your planets’ various leadership and tell them the news as soon as possible.”
“The whole Galaxy will abuzz tonight,” commented Tukaram.
Larek nodded. “We have done what was prescribed to us to do. Therefore, I propose we conclude this council.”
“What’s the next step?” asked Hanar with unmasked enthusiasm.
“I suggest that this afternoon the representatives of the Royal Houses gather together. In the Court of the Whirlwind Galaxy, both Kivar and the Royal Four will relinquish any claim of rule over Antar. We will also bear witness to the transfer of the seal from Max to Ava.”
Max and Ava in the same space together. Liz cringed internally. She had been friends long enough with Ava to no longer see Tess when she looked at the alien. She didn’t know how Max would feel looking into the face of the woman he killed.
“I will bring Ava early so you may meet her before we begin the ceremony.”
“What will you need from us?” Isabel’s voice was calm and cool but Liz could sense the excitement building up within her. Soon she and her brothers would be free from the burden of their past lives just as they were now free from the fear of Nicholas.
Larek smiled. “Your presence and your signatures, nothing more.”
Isabel and Michael nodded. Max remained still.
“I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now,” Larek offered kindly. “You are on the precipice of a new life, yet again. Max, Michael, Isabel, you have gone through more than any one of us could imagine. You have proven yourselves to be brave in both of your lifetimes. The people of Antar, indeed, the peoples of the Whirlwind Galaxy have been blessed by your participation here. Though you may not rule a planet, on behalf of this council, I commend you. You are the essence of what royalty ought to be, each one of you.”
“Here, here,” added Sero, followed by all but Kivar. Isabel and Michael both smiled at the recognition and yet again, Max offered no reaction. Liz stared at him, willing him to look at her. She wanted to offer him her understanding, her compassion, her care, all she could offer using only her eyes and her smile. She wanted him to not feel the emotions she was beginning to sense from him. Unneeded. Unwanted.
“Please inform your people that a new age for Antar is about to dawn. Once we oversee the abdications and the transfer of the seal, we will begin the long process of rebuilding Antar.”
“Thank you, Larek, for your leadership,” Sero interjected, followed by another round of “here, here” from the council. Liz loudly raised her own voice in praise.
“Thank all of you,” he responded, clearly touched. With a deep breath and a strong voice, he spoke his last words as chairman. “I here by convene this council. May you go in peace, each and every one of you.”
With those words, the council—and Liz’s part in it—concluded. As the alien leaders stood up, shaking hands and congratulating one another, Liz sat in awe. She had just borne witness, no, not just witnessed, offered a hand in creating a plan for peace. Intergalactic peace. Something many people on several different worlds thought impossible.
Impossible. What a funny concept, she mused. She had often thought that it would be impossible for she and Max to ever find a way back to one another. Looking to the man whose heart she had broken, who had broken her heart, she let herself have a moment of genuine hope. Maybe. Just maybe.
But before they ever had a chance of reclaiming what she once thought forever lost, there was so much they had to sort out. So much she had to say. And it was now or never. Liz stood up from her chair, planning to make her way to the three siblings who were shaking hands with various council members.
Liz had taken one step toward Max when rested on her shoulder. Liz turned to see Larek smiling at her. Though she wanted nothing more than to seek out Max, she gave her full attention to the diplomat.
“You…” he began but shook his head. “It is hard to find the words, in my language or yours.”
“I know what you mean,” she replied softly. What an unexpected gift her friendship with this man had been.
“It has been a pleasure.”
“For me too,” she smiled.
“If there is anything I can do for you,” he offered with a glance behind her. Liz knew he meant Max.
“Thank you, but I think this is going to require more brutal discussion than diplomacy.”
“Then I wish you the best,” he replied kindly and Liz had no doubt of his sincerity.
“So,” she transitioned away from that delicate topic, “now that the council’s done, what is my role?”
“You have brilliantly served me as my second. You may go taking pride in all that you have helped come to pass.”
In other words, she was being honorably discharged. “And this afternoon?”
“I wish very much you could be there, since you were so instrumental in our success. The ceremony of the seal, however, is highly sacred. While I am sure none here would object to your presence, if others discovered a human had been present, well, it would cause unneeded trouble and conflict.”
“I respect that.” Even though she had been a major part of this alien council, and Larek had made her feel nothing but welcome and wanted, she knew she would feel out of place. She just wished she could be there for Max. Of course, at the moment, she also knew her presence wouldn’t bring him any comfort or strength.
“Liz Parker, it has been an honor,” Larek professed as he took her hand in his, giving it a strong squeeze.
Liz pulled her hand away in order to wrap him in a firm hug.
“Take care of yourself,” she whispered in his ear.
Larek pulled away and offered her a smile. With a nod he moved to speak with Kivar who was still sitting at his seat. The dictator looked stunned, as though he too could not believe his reign had come to an end. Liz reached out to see if there were any emotions that would suggest he might back out of the agreement. She sensed nothing like that, only a slowly growing sensation of impotence. Once he gave up his hold on Antar, Kivar truly would not matter anymore. If he weren’t such an evil despot she might feel sorry for him.
Shaking off her concern for the man, Liz turned toward Max as she tried to think of a way she could get him away from the other council members and his siblings. She saw Michael and Isabel speaking with Sero, smiles on all their faces. Kathana, Hanar and their seconds were speaking in the wings; Jael was flipping through an assortment of papers in her hands. Here in the theater Liz saw and sensed everyone but the one person she wanted.
No doubt about it, she sighed as she sank back down in her chair. Max was gone.
Last edited by Doublestuf on Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
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Doublestuf
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Part 29
Part 29
Love’s Recovery
During the time of which I speak it was hard to turn the other cheek
To the blows of insecurity
Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They've all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.
There I am in younger days, star gazing,
Painting picture perfect maps of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love's perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
Left each other one by one in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.
Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bent
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction
Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me
I'd still have two of the same to live
But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as specks of dust we're universal
To let this love survive would be the greatest gift we could give
Tell all the friends who think they're so together
That these are ghosts and mirages, these thoughts of fairer weather
Though it's storming out I feel safe within the arms of love's discovery
- Indigo Girls
Earl Grey or Passion Fruit? Liz mulled over the two tea choices room service had just brought up. She had told the valet to pick something for her—there was too much running through her head to be faced with anything that resembled a decision. The eager young man apparently didn’t trust his ability to decide either for he had only simplified her choice, leaving behind the two options before her.
Liz refused to read anything into the names of the two teas he had left.
Choosing to go the traditional morning route, she placed the Earl Grey in the china cup and poured hot water over the bag. This morning was about comfort: warm tea, an oversized sweater, snow falling gently on the city landscape. She took her cup over to her the living area window; it wasn’t quite as centering as her window at home but it helped. Almost twenty-four hours had slowly ticked by since she had last seen or heard from Max and her brain and heart were as jumbled as ever. He never returned to his hotel last night—according to Michael—and as of this morning was checked out of the Clarion completely—according to the desk clerk she had spoken with this morning.
Though she hadn’t heard from Max, it seemed like she had heard from everyone else. Larek had called her last night to let her know of the ceremony’s success. He had also called to say goodbye. With the council complete, he was letting his host body go and returning to his planet for good. Whitmore would see to Ava’s transportation; the granolith could apparently be used to transport her to Antar without damaging the sacred object. She had briefly seen Ava before the ceremony—got to hug her and thank her—but hadn’t seen her since. Liz hoped she would get to spend time with her friend before Ava was gone for who knew how long.
Her other friends were making plans of their own. Michael and Maria were going to go somewhere and spend the holiday together—where, they hadn’t quite agreed on. Kyle was planning on heading back to Roswell tomorrow and had asked if she wanted to go with him.
Go home to Roswell. That was something she hadn’t done in a long time. She didn’t have reason to stay away; the person she had wanted to avoid was the person she longed to see. The person she doubted she would see if she went to Roswell.
Liz didn’t know what to do. Did she stay around and wait for Max to contact her or did she go home, home to Boston or even Roswell? Did she let him go and hope that the fates, the Greater Beings, whoever or whatever would bring them back together again?
Or was this it? Had this been their last chance?
“So what are we looking at?” Alex’s voice came from close behind her. Liz turned to see her friend standing behind her with a sad smile on his face. He had been by briefly the night before, not staying long as Kyle had been camped out on the sofa once again. Now she had her room to herself.
“Nothing,” she dismissed his question. “What’s wrong?”
“You’ve done an amazing job.” Alex’s voice was full of pride but Liz couldn’t shake the sense of sadness coming from him. “Remarkable. Certainly a lot quicker and with a lot less blood shed than some believed.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Of course,” he replied emphatically.
“So then why am I feeling this sadness from you?”
“It’s just that, well, that means my time with you is also ending a lot sooner.”
“Alex,” she sighed as she quickly wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Alex.”
As he squeezed her tightly back, Liz asked, “Is this it?” Her voice caught in her throat. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
“No, but it will be soon.”
She nodded into his chest, refusing to let herself cry. It wouldn’t do either of them any good. As she pulled away, Liz felt the question she had buried for a week rise up.
“Alex, what about Isabel?”
“Liz,” he sighed, “there’s nothing to say.”
“But you loved her and she loved you. And you’re here.” She poked her finger at his chest for emphasis. “You could talk with her, be with her.”
“I can’t, Liz. You know this.”
“I don’t know anything,” she denied though without much conviction. “It’s not fair. Why shouldn’t you get a chance at that kind of happiness?”
Alex took a few steps away from Liz as he processed his thoughts.
“I won’t lie to you. It’s not exactly easy seeing her and not being able to let her see me. I miss her just as much as you and Maria, maybe more. Not because she means more to me than you two, or because she was my girlfriend or whatever.” He laughed to himself at those last words. Liz smiled back in appreciation of the teenage confusion that had been Alex and Isabel’s relationship.
“I don’t know if she and I would have worked out,” he continued. “I don’t know if we would have gotten married and had kids or if we would have just been friends in the end. And that’s what’s so hard—the not knowing. Isabel represents all the things that I’ll never experience, never know about because my life was cut short.”
Liz cringed at his words.
“No, no, I’m okay,” he assured her. “I’m happy where I am now, doing what I’m doing. I am.”
“I can tell,” Liz affirmed with sincerity.
“I’m sorry I’ll never be able to explore the ‘might-have-beens’ with Isabel but I’m grateful that I got to spend time with you. Very few other Guardians are ever so lucky.”
The two friends stood silently for a few moments, appreciating the other’s presence and the blessing it was.
A knock on the door interrupted their reverence. Alex’s eyes narrowed at the sound and Liz sensed her friend didn’t want to see the person behind that door.
Isabel.
“Alex,” she broached softly, “stay.”
“I can’t – “
“I know you can’t show yourself. I know that. But please stay.”
Isabel knocked again but Liz made no move to answer the door until she received her answer from Alex. He nodded, almost imperceptibly, and Liz mouthed “thank you” as she walked toward the door.
“Hey,” Isabel said as Liz opened her hotel door. Quite a difference from the outraged greeting she had received from the woman the last time Isabel was at her door.
“Hey,” Liz repeated as Isabel walked into the room. A quick check assured her that Alex was still present, standing by the window, back to both her and Isabel.
At least he was here.
“How did it all go?” Liz asked as she gestured to the sofa. As Isabel got closer to Alex, sitting on the end nearest the window, Liz saw her Guardian friend’s shoulders tense and then relax. Isabel gave no sign that she sensed anything out of the ordinary.
“Fine,” the alien replied. “What’s important is that it’s over. Really over.”
“And no one made any noise about anything?”
“All went very smoothly.”
“Good.”
The two women sat in flat silence for a moment before Isabel broached what she must have known was on Liz’s mind.
“I haven’t heard from him either.” Her voice was soft and kind, accompanied by a gentle touch to Liz’s arm.
“You haven’t?” Liz hadn’t been expecting that.
“We haven’t heard from or seen him since the ceremony yesterday.”
“Is he-“ she stopped, not quite sure she wanted to know if he had already left town. She continued with a different question. “How did he handle giving up the seal?”
“To Tess’ face you mean?”
“To Ava.”
“He was uncomfortable, but I don’t think anyone other than Michael and I picked up on that.”
“But you haven’t heard from him since?”
Isabel shook her head. “He does this sometimes. Goes off without telling us what’s going on or where he’s going. Usually it was because of something he picked up in those journals of his. Left us in the dark for our protection or some such crap.”
“But he doesn’t need to protect you anymore.”
“I think that’s part of why he’s not contacted us yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“My brother gave up everything to keep us safe.”
Liz understood what she meant. “And now he doesn’t even have that anymore.”
“He’s got to be unsure about what the future will bring. I know I am.”
Liz’s eyes flicked up to Alex whose back was still to them. “You are?”
“I’m not an alien hiding from the FBI or enemies. I’m just Isabel, an ex-former warrior princess. I don’t know if I remember who that is. I don’t know where to go from here.” Isabel sank her head into her hands, rubbing her temples as she sighed.
Alex, please, Liz thought as loud as she could, hoping he would pick up on either those thoughts or the daggers she was shooting into his back with her eyes.
Running her hands through her short brown hair, Isabel lifted her head up. “Sometimes I just wish so hard that he was still here.”
“You mean Alex,” Liz replied, hoping so hard Isabel’s words were reaching into Alex and drawing him out of his silence.
“I miss him.”
“Me too.”
“It’s so selfish but I just know that he would have the right words for me. He always saw inside me better than anyone. Knew me sometimes better than I did.” Isabel laughed in self-deprecation.
“Isabel, if Alex were here, I think I know what he would say.” Liz hoped her friend would not let her—let Isabel—down.
“You do?”
“Yep. He would say…”
“He would say that you do know what to do,” Alex’s voice filled the room, or at least Liz’s ears. She smiled slightly in thanks at her friend as she repeated the words he spoke.
“I do?”
“You do,” Alex continued as he turned to face Isabel and Liz repeated his words for her ears. “You find your strength in your family and your family needs some looking after right now. You’ll go home, home to Roswell, and you’ll tell your parents everything you’ve wanted to tell them.”
“But Max and Michael-“
“Can’t have any excuses any longer,” Alex/Liz cut her off. “Your enemies are gone. And the truth will be a relief to your parents’ hearts. They’ll know you didn’t just leave because you were troubled. They will understand and be proud of you.”
“How do you know that?”
“They’re your parents. They love you.”
“Our family. Whole again. That would be a dream come true.”
“But that’s not the end, Isabel, it’s just the beginning.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your dreams won’t come true until you let more people see you for who you really are. That wonderful compassionate and caring woman. You’ve never really believed you can show yourself, trust people. That’s why you rarely let people in. But Isabel, there are going to be people in your life who you can trust. People who will see past whatever facade you might be tempted to put up. People who will look at you and know you’re just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”
Tears that had slipped down Isabel’s cheek now hung on her chin, pausing a moment before falling to her chest. Liz noticed Alex’s eyes were glossy with tears too. His voice wavered as he continued.
“And one day you will find someone you can trust not just with who you really are but with your heart as well. You are a woman filled with too much love not to share it. That man is going to thank his stars he was ever so lucky to be loved by you.”
Isabel’s smile was heartbreaking. “That sounds exactly like what he would say.”
Alex took a deep breath and turned back to face the window. He was done. Liz couldn’t be prouder.
“He was pretty smart, that Alex of ours,” Liz offered.
“He really was.”
Liz and Isabel smiled at one another, enjoying the memories they shared and the comfort those brought.
“I may be able to offer you the same,” Isabel said after a few moments of reverence had passed.
“The same?”
“Words from someone you need to hear from.” She reached into her coat and pulled out an envelope.
“This is actually why I came over in the first place. Well, this and to say goodbye for now.”
Liz took the envelope from Isabel’s hand. On it was her name written in Max’s hand. She repressed the urge to tear it open.
“I don’t know what’s in it. He slipped it under my door sometime last night.”
“Oh,” Liz replied dumbly, still staring at the white envelope in her hand. “Thanks.”
“I’m guessing you’re going to want to read that so I’ll get out of your way.”
“What?” Liz’s head snapped up. “You don’t have to.”
“Nah. I’ve got to make arrangements to get to Roswell. Start that mending. Start my life.”
Isabel rose from the couch and Liz followed her suit. The former warrior princess reached over and gave Liz a quick hug before she headed to the door.
“I’ve got your number,” Isabel said as she placed her hand on the door handle. “I’m definitely going to call. I want to know how the grad school stuff turns out.”
“I’d like that, Isabel. I really would.”
“Take care of yourself. And if you get a chance, take care of him too.”
Liz nodded and watched Isabel open and shut the door behind her, leaving her alone with Max’s letter. And Alex.
“Alex,” she quickly turned to her friend who was once again facing her. “I…”
“Thank you,” he offered softly. “We both needed that.”
His eyes were no longer shining with tears and a smile had crossed his face.
“Now come on, tear into that thing.”
She smiled back as she sat back down on the couch and opened the envelope. She pulled out a piece of paper, his words written on the front and back. Her heart raced as she began to read.
Liz,
I’m writing you as a man both free and lost. This afternoon I said a final farewell to my past, my so-called destiny, my role as protector of my family. In that way, I suppose I’m free.
And yet I feel lost. I’m not sure what that’s left for me… of me.
I’m glad you have a life outside of all this, outside of what I dragged you into. I’m glad you’ve moved on. I can’t lie. Seeing you this morning with Kyle, it tore at me like it did years ago. But unlike the years before, a part of me was glad. Glad that you really are free, that your world doesn’t revolve around this insanity.
I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t really know what I’m here for anymore. I used to think that I would live a quiet life, one that was comfortable and certainly didn’t attract any attention. And then—with you—for that brief and amazing period of my life, I actually dreamed that I just might fully live. When I killed that dream I only had one thing left.
For years now I’ve thought my purpose was to protect the ones I loved here, even if they had stopped loving me, and prepare to eventually free a people I didn’t even know. And now, here I am: a king with no kingdom, an alien with no race, a human with no one to love. It’s pretty damn pathetic.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know where I’m going to go. I don’t even know who I am.
And though I feel adrift, not knowing what to cling to, I do know something. I know the one good thing I did in my life was be a part of yours. Even though I brought you so much pain, you brought me the best moments I have ever known. I’m holding onto those moments now.
I say this without expectation, without hope of anything returned. I love you.
Thank you for being more gracious than I deserve, more understanding than anyone should be. Thank you for letting me share slices of your life with you. They have been the best of mine.
You’re a breathtaking woman, Liz.
Be well. Be happy.
Max.
“Oh, Max,” Liz sighed as she shook her head.
“What does he say?”
“Here,” she said as she handed him Max’s words. As Alex read the letter, Liz gathered together her coat and gloves. She checked her purse to make sure she had her phone and money for the subway—her method of transportation now that her personal limo driver had found a new charge in Ava.
“That’s some letter,” Alex muttered as he placed the paper on the coffee table.
“Where is he, Alex?” she asked as she slipped her coat on.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know or you aren’t going to say?” she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.
“What about you? Do you know?”
“Know what?”
“Do you know where you’re wanting to go with him? What are you hoping for?”
She paused in the middle of slipping her glove onto her right hand.
“I don’t know exactly.”
“Liz,” Alex pressed, “if you’re going to see him after he’s said goodbye to you in his letter, you have to know. And I think you do.”
“There just too much,” she shook her head in denial. “Too much pain, too much destruction, too much for us to ever go back.”
“You’re right, you can’t go back to what was.” Though she had said those words herself, it hurt hearing them come from Alex. “But why can’t you move forward?”
“I…” Now that made her pause.
Alex continued with his otherwordly wisdom. “I think you know the answer to that just as I think you already know where he is.”
“Already know? I wouldn’t have asked you if I-“ she stopped mid-sentence.
Alex was right. Right about everything. She knew the answer to his question just as she knew where she’d find Max.
“Thanks, Alex.”
“What are friends for.”
“Wishing me luck?”
“Luck,” he laughed gently.
With a smile she grabbed her purse and was out the door and on her way to Max.
Love’s Recovery
During the time of which I speak it was hard to turn the other cheek
To the blows of insecurity
Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They've all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.
There I am in younger days, star gazing,
Painting picture perfect maps of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love's perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
Left each other one by one in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.
Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bent
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction
Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me
I'd still have two of the same to live
But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as specks of dust we're universal
To let this love survive would be the greatest gift we could give
Tell all the friends who think they're so together
That these are ghosts and mirages, these thoughts of fairer weather
Though it's storming out I feel safe within the arms of love's discovery
- Indigo Girls
Earl Grey or Passion Fruit? Liz mulled over the two tea choices room service had just brought up. She had told the valet to pick something for her—there was too much running through her head to be faced with anything that resembled a decision. The eager young man apparently didn’t trust his ability to decide either for he had only simplified her choice, leaving behind the two options before her.
Liz refused to read anything into the names of the two teas he had left.
Choosing to go the traditional morning route, she placed the Earl Grey in the china cup and poured hot water over the bag. This morning was about comfort: warm tea, an oversized sweater, snow falling gently on the city landscape. She took her cup over to her the living area window; it wasn’t quite as centering as her window at home but it helped. Almost twenty-four hours had slowly ticked by since she had last seen or heard from Max and her brain and heart were as jumbled as ever. He never returned to his hotel last night—according to Michael—and as of this morning was checked out of the Clarion completely—according to the desk clerk she had spoken with this morning.
Though she hadn’t heard from Max, it seemed like she had heard from everyone else. Larek had called her last night to let her know of the ceremony’s success. He had also called to say goodbye. With the council complete, he was letting his host body go and returning to his planet for good. Whitmore would see to Ava’s transportation; the granolith could apparently be used to transport her to Antar without damaging the sacred object. She had briefly seen Ava before the ceremony—got to hug her and thank her—but hadn’t seen her since. Liz hoped she would get to spend time with her friend before Ava was gone for who knew how long.
Her other friends were making plans of their own. Michael and Maria were going to go somewhere and spend the holiday together—where, they hadn’t quite agreed on. Kyle was planning on heading back to Roswell tomorrow and had asked if she wanted to go with him.
Go home to Roswell. That was something she hadn’t done in a long time. She didn’t have reason to stay away; the person she had wanted to avoid was the person she longed to see. The person she doubted she would see if she went to Roswell.
Liz didn’t know what to do. Did she stay around and wait for Max to contact her or did she go home, home to Boston or even Roswell? Did she let him go and hope that the fates, the Greater Beings, whoever or whatever would bring them back together again?
Or was this it? Had this been their last chance?
“So what are we looking at?” Alex’s voice came from close behind her. Liz turned to see her friend standing behind her with a sad smile on his face. He had been by briefly the night before, not staying long as Kyle had been camped out on the sofa once again. Now she had her room to herself.
“Nothing,” she dismissed his question. “What’s wrong?”
“You’ve done an amazing job.” Alex’s voice was full of pride but Liz couldn’t shake the sense of sadness coming from him. “Remarkable. Certainly a lot quicker and with a lot less blood shed than some believed.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Of course,” he replied emphatically.
“So then why am I feeling this sadness from you?”
“It’s just that, well, that means my time with you is also ending a lot sooner.”
“Alex,” she sighed as she quickly wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Alex.”
As he squeezed her tightly back, Liz asked, “Is this it?” Her voice caught in her throat. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
“No, but it will be soon.”
She nodded into his chest, refusing to let herself cry. It wouldn’t do either of them any good. As she pulled away, Liz felt the question she had buried for a week rise up.
“Alex, what about Isabel?”
“Liz,” he sighed, “there’s nothing to say.”
“But you loved her and she loved you. And you’re here.” She poked her finger at his chest for emphasis. “You could talk with her, be with her.”
“I can’t, Liz. You know this.”
“I don’t know anything,” she denied though without much conviction. “It’s not fair. Why shouldn’t you get a chance at that kind of happiness?”
Alex took a few steps away from Liz as he processed his thoughts.
“I won’t lie to you. It’s not exactly easy seeing her and not being able to let her see me. I miss her just as much as you and Maria, maybe more. Not because she means more to me than you two, or because she was my girlfriend or whatever.” He laughed to himself at those last words. Liz smiled back in appreciation of the teenage confusion that had been Alex and Isabel’s relationship.
“I don’t know if she and I would have worked out,” he continued. “I don’t know if we would have gotten married and had kids or if we would have just been friends in the end. And that’s what’s so hard—the not knowing. Isabel represents all the things that I’ll never experience, never know about because my life was cut short.”
Liz cringed at his words.
“No, no, I’m okay,” he assured her. “I’m happy where I am now, doing what I’m doing. I am.”
“I can tell,” Liz affirmed with sincerity.
“I’m sorry I’ll never be able to explore the ‘might-have-beens’ with Isabel but I’m grateful that I got to spend time with you. Very few other Guardians are ever so lucky.”
The two friends stood silently for a few moments, appreciating the other’s presence and the blessing it was.
A knock on the door interrupted their reverence. Alex’s eyes narrowed at the sound and Liz sensed her friend didn’t want to see the person behind that door.
Isabel.
“Alex,” she broached softly, “stay.”
“I can’t – “
“I know you can’t show yourself. I know that. But please stay.”
Isabel knocked again but Liz made no move to answer the door until she received her answer from Alex. He nodded, almost imperceptibly, and Liz mouthed “thank you” as she walked toward the door.
“Hey,” Isabel said as Liz opened her hotel door. Quite a difference from the outraged greeting she had received from the woman the last time Isabel was at her door.
“Hey,” Liz repeated as Isabel walked into the room. A quick check assured her that Alex was still present, standing by the window, back to both her and Isabel.
At least he was here.
“How did it all go?” Liz asked as she gestured to the sofa. As Isabel got closer to Alex, sitting on the end nearest the window, Liz saw her Guardian friend’s shoulders tense and then relax. Isabel gave no sign that she sensed anything out of the ordinary.
“Fine,” the alien replied. “What’s important is that it’s over. Really over.”
“And no one made any noise about anything?”
“All went very smoothly.”
“Good.”
The two women sat in flat silence for a moment before Isabel broached what she must have known was on Liz’s mind.
“I haven’t heard from him either.” Her voice was soft and kind, accompanied by a gentle touch to Liz’s arm.
“You haven’t?” Liz hadn’t been expecting that.
“We haven’t heard from or seen him since the ceremony yesterday.”
“Is he-“ she stopped, not quite sure she wanted to know if he had already left town. She continued with a different question. “How did he handle giving up the seal?”
“To Tess’ face you mean?”
“To Ava.”
“He was uncomfortable, but I don’t think anyone other than Michael and I picked up on that.”
“But you haven’t heard from him since?”
Isabel shook her head. “He does this sometimes. Goes off without telling us what’s going on or where he’s going. Usually it was because of something he picked up in those journals of his. Left us in the dark for our protection or some such crap.”
“But he doesn’t need to protect you anymore.”
“I think that’s part of why he’s not contacted us yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“My brother gave up everything to keep us safe.”
Liz understood what she meant. “And now he doesn’t even have that anymore.”
“He’s got to be unsure about what the future will bring. I know I am.”
Liz’s eyes flicked up to Alex whose back was still to them. “You are?”
“I’m not an alien hiding from the FBI or enemies. I’m just Isabel, an ex-former warrior princess. I don’t know if I remember who that is. I don’t know where to go from here.” Isabel sank her head into her hands, rubbing her temples as she sighed.
Alex, please, Liz thought as loud as she could, hoping he would pick up on either those thoughts or the daggers she was shooting into his back with her eyes.
Running her hands through her short brown hair, Isabel lifted her head up. “Sometimes I just wish so hard that he was still here.”
“You mean Alex,” Liz replied, hoping so hard Isabel’s words were reaching into Alex and drawing him out of his silence.
“I miss him.”
“Me too.”
“It’s so selfish but I just know that he would have the right words for me. He always saw inside me better than anyone. Knew me sometimes better than I did.” Isabel laughed in self-deprecation.
“Isabel, if Alex were here, I think I know what he would say.” Liz hoped her friend would not let her—let Isabel—down.
“You do?”
“Yep. He would say…”
“He would say that you do know what to do,” Alex’s voice filled the room, or at least Liz’s ears. She smiled slightly in thanks at her friend as she repeated the words he spoke.
“I do?”
“You do,” Alex continued as he turned to face Isabel and Liz repeated his words for her ears. “You find your strength in your family and your family needs some looking after right now. You’ll go home, home to Roswell, and you’ll tell your parents everything you’ve wanted to tell them.”
“But Max and Michael-“
“Can’t have any excuses any longer,” Alex/Liz cut her off. “Your enemies are gone. And the truth will be a relief to your parents’ hearts. They’ll know you didn’t just leave because you were troubled. They will understand and be proud of you.”
“How do you know that?”
“They’re your parents. They love you.”
“Our family. Whole again. That would be a dream come true.”
“But that’s not the end, Isabel, it’s just the beginning.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your dreams won’t come true until you let more people see you for who you really are. That wonderful compassionate and caring woman. You’ve never really believed you can show yourself, trust people. That’s why you rarely let people in. But Isabel, there are going to be people in your life who you can trust. People who will see past whatever facade you might be tempted to put up. People who will look at you and know you’re just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”
Tears that had slipped down Isabel’s cheek now hung on her chin, pausing a moment before falling to her chest. Liz noticed Alex’s eyes were glossy with tears too. His voice wavered as he continued.
“And one day you will find someone you can trust not just with who you really are but with your heart as well. You are a woman filled with too much love not to share it. That man is going to thank his stars he was ever so lucky to be loved by you.”
Isabel’s smile was heartbreaking. “That sounds exactly like what he would say.”
Alex took a deep breath and turned back to face the window. He was done. Liz couldn’t be prouder.
“He was pretty smart, that Alex of ours,” Liz offered.
“He really was.”
Liz and Isabel smiled at one another, enjoying the memories they shared and the comfort those brought.
“I may be able to offer you the same,” Isabel said after a few moments of reverence had passed.
“The same?”
“Words from someone you need to hear from.” She reached into her coat and pulled out an envelope.
“This is actually why I came over in the first place. Well, this and to say goodbye for now.”
Liz took the envelope from Isabel’s hand. On it was her name written in Max’s hand. She repressed the urge to tear it open.
“I don’t know what’s in it. He slipped it under my door sometime last night.”
“Oh,” Liz replied dumbly, still staring at the white envelope in her hand. “Thanks.”
“I’m guessing you’re going to want to read that so I’ll get out of your way.”
“What?” Liz’s head snapped up. “You don’t have to.”
“Nah. I’ve got to make arrangements to get to Roswell. Start that mending. Start my life.”
Isabel rose from the couch and Liz followed her suit. The former warrior princess reached over and gave Liz a quick hug before she headed to the door.
“I’ve got your number,” Isabel said as she placed her hand on the door handle. “I’m definitely going to call. I want to know how the grad school stuff turns out.”
“I’d like that, Isabel. I really would.”
“Take care of yourself. And if you get a chance, take care of him too.”
Liz nodded and watched Isabel open and shut the door behind her, leaving her alone with Max’s letter. And Alex.
“Alex,” she quickly turned to her friend who was once again facing her. “I…”
“Thank you,” he offered softly. “We both needed that.”
His eyes were no longer shining with tears and a smile had crossed his face.
“Now come on, tear into that thing.”
She smiled back as she sat back down on the couch and opened the envelope. She pulled out a piece of paper, his words written on the front and back. Her heart raced as she began to read.
Liz,
I’m writing you as a man both free and lost. This afternoon I said a final farewell to my past, my so-called destiny, my role as protector of my family. In that way, I suppose I’m free.
And yet I feel lost. I’m not sure what that’s left for me… of me.
I’m glad you have a life outside of all this, outside of what I dragged you into. I’m glad you’ve moved on. I can’t lie. Seeing you this morning with Kyle, it tore at me like it did years ago. But unlike the years before, a part of me was glad. Glad that you really are free, that your world doesn’t revolve around this insanity.
I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t really know what I’m here for anymore. I used to think that I would live a quiet life, one that was comfortable and certainly didn’t attract any attention. And then—with you—for that brief and amazing period of my life, I actually dreamed that I just might fully live. When I killed that dream I only had one thing left.
For years now I’ve thought my purpose was to protect the ones I loved here, even if they had stopped loving me, and prepare to eventually free a people I didn’t even know. And now, here I am: a king with no kingdom, an alien with no race, a human with no one to love. It’s pretty damn pathetic.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know where I’m going to go. I don’t even know who I am.
And though I feel adrift, not knowing what to cling to, I do know something. I know the one good thing I did in my life was be a part of yours. Even though I brought you so much pain, you brought me the best moments I have ever known. I’m holding onto those moments now.
I say this without expectation, without hope of anything returned. I love you.
Thank you for being more gracious than I deserve, more understanding than anyone should be. Thank you for letting me share slices of your life with you. They have been the best of mine.
You’re a breathtaking woman, Liz.
Be well. Be happy.
Max.
“Oh, Max,” Liz sighed as she shook her head.
“What does he say?”
“Here,” she said as she handed him Max’s words. As Alex read the letter, Liz gathered together her coat and gloves. She checked her purse to make sure she had her phone and money for the subway—her method of transportation now that her personal limo driver had found a new charge in Ava.
“That’s some letter,” Alex muttered as he placed the paper on the coffee table.
“Where is he, Alex?” she asked as she slipped her coat on.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know or you aren’t going to say?” she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.
“What about you? Do you know?”
“Know what?”
“Do you know where you’re wanting to go with him? What are you hoping for?”
She paused in the middle of slipping her glove onto her right hand.
“I don’t know exactly.”
“Liz,” Alex pressed, “if you’re going to see him after he’s said goodbye to you in his letter, you have to know. And I think you do.”
“There just too much,” she shook her head in denial. “Too much pain, too much destruction, too much for us to ever go back.”
“You’re right, you can’t go back to what was.” Though she had said those words herself, it hurt hearing them come from Alex. “But why can’t you move forward?”
“I…” Now that made her pause.
Alex continued with his otherwordly wisdom. “I think you know the answer to that just as I think you already know where he is.”
“Already know? I wouldn’t have asked you if I-“ she stopped mid-sentence.
Alex was right. Right about everything. She knew the answer to his question just as she knew where she’d find Max.
“Thanks, Alex.”
“What are friends for.”
“Wishing me luck?”
“Luck,” he laughed gently.
With a smile she grabbed her purse and was out the door and on her way to Max.
A better world has got to start somewhere. Why not with you and me?