Roswell Fanatics

Title: Reprise
Author: RedRoze68
Rating: TEEN
Category: M/L and others
Disclaimer: I can't take credit for the characters, or the setting. And as for the plot, anything and everything I have ever seen, heard, or read has influenced me, and in turn, this, so... I own nothing, please don't sue.
Summary: After the end of Season 3 and Graduation, everything goes to hell again, so the past must once again be changed. This time, it's decided that Liz can't be healed by Max, because that's where the whole thing started.
Author's Note: This is my first fic, so I don't really know what I'm doing. I didn't plan on writing one but... here it is. Feedback of any kind is greatly appreciated


Now on with the story....









Prologue


Reprise: (noun) a recurrence, renewal, or resumption of an action


September 18th, 1999


This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was not part of the plan, this was never her intention! Serena said that she would make it work! She promised, agreed with her that it was the right thing to do. Serena swore that she ....

She paused, reflecting for a moment. No, that’s not true. All Serena promised was that she would do her best with the information she was given, the theories that she had. Serena didn’t even get a chance to finish explaining what she did know to her. No, it would have been wrong to blame Serena, her dear friend Serena. Serena, who after all she had done for them, was now...

Her eyes welled up with tears. She couldn’t even continue that thought. She had come back so that she could fix things, change the beginning, where everything went wrong. If she did this right, Serena would be alive, safe. Everyone would.

But she didn’t do it right! She didn’t know what went wrong, or how to fix it. She didn’t even know if she’d be able to continue on with her mission. God, she had to though, didn’t she? The future of the world depended on it.

Yet, all she could think was, this wasn’t supposed to happen. She started to breathe faster as she frantically looked at herself again in the bathroom mirror, running her hands across her face, down her body. It didn’t feel like her own. She laughed mirthlessly, as she thought to herself that it wasn’t her own.

Her face... she touched the smooth skin on her forehead. Her hair... shorter than she remembered it. The silly antennae resting upon her head. Her uniform... it was even more ridiculous looking than she remembered. And shorter, not to mention extremely form-fitting, she thought to herself as she grimaced. No wonder Max camped out in that booth nearly every day as a teenager.

Max. The thought of him brought her back to her goal, her mission. Everyone’s lives depended on her succeeding. She knew that it didn’t work the first time, that Future Max only made things worse. But that’s because Future Max, hell, any version of Max Evans, always refused to look at the obvious. He refused to recognize the full importance of the beginning, the very first violation of the natural order of things, way before anybody even thought to use the Granolith to travel in time. Before anybody even knew that the Granolith existed.

She looked in the mirror once again, and sighed. The face that looked back at her was never meant to live beyond the next hour. She was supposed to die that day, bleeding on the Crashdown floor, and the rest of the world was supposed to continue on without her. She was never supposed to be saved by Max Evans, alien extra ordinaire. The only way to fix this, fix everything, was to prevent Max Evans from saving her life.

She readjusted her antennae headband nervously. That didn’t mean she wanted to die, of course. As much as she wanted to be noble, and act in the interest of the greater good, she didn’t want to die. Not when she could think of an alternative, at least.

Her plan was to stay outside of the Crashdown, unseen and unnoticed. She had arrived an hour before the shooting was to happen, in hopes that she would be able to stop the shooter before he even entered the building. If the men were already inside, she would just have to carefully watch them from outside, and deflect the gun out of the man’s hand before he ever got a chance to raise his arm to fire.

That was the plan. Now she knew that her plan would never be able to work. Not after everything went so wrong. But, wasn’t there some saying? “The best laid plans of mice and men”... something like that. She wasn’t sure what exactly had happened, what went wrong, or what she was going to do now. All she knew was that she was now in the 16 year old body of Liz Parker, and she had a feeling that she was stuck there.



*~*
Let me know if anyone is interested in this story and wants me to continue it...

Part 1


“Liz?” A voice startled her out of her thoughts. “Liz, where are you? The place is a zoo out here! You better get your cute butt back in here pronto, chica.” Maria didn’t wait for a response, and rushed back out into the dining area.

She knew that Maria was a little annoyed that Liz wasn’t out there helping her and was very preoccupied, but still, why didn’t she notice? It felt like everyone in the world, or at the very least, her best friend, should be able to tell the difference. She wasn’t Liz. Well, of course, she was Liz. But she was a 22 year old Liz trapped in the life of her 16 year old self. It was amazing how different she was before, before Max, before she fell headfirst into the alien abyss. They seemed like two different people, the before-Liz and the after-Liz. Especially after... after everything that happened after Graduation

They had been so happy. Despite the fact that they were on the run, and could never stay in one place for too long, they were more than content.

That’s not quite true actually. Max and Liz, they were happy. Blissfully so, especially during the first three months after their wedding. The dingy motels, sleeping outside some nights, the endless greasy fast “food,” if you could even call it that... none of it bothered them. All that mattered was the two of them, and they were blind to what was happening around them.

Not everyone was as happy as they were. Maria and Michael were at each other’s throats constantly. Their living quarters were too small, everything was too strained. At times, it really did seem that there was nothing better to do, other than fight and argue over petty things. Life on the road quickly wore thin, and every mile away from Roswell they traveled seemed to add another mile between the gulf that separated them.

Kyle too seemed lost. It wasn’t so much being on the road and not settling in one place that bothered him. He just felt like he didn’t fit, like he didn’t belong. Out of the Pod Squad, he had become closest to Isabel, especially since Maria and Liz were constantly occupied in one way or another with their significant others. But Isabel wasn’t there for Kyle, and she had closed herself off from the rest of the group. Out of all of them, she took their departure from Roswell the hardest. She missed her parents, she missed Jesse. Often times, Isabel would go off by herself, for hours, and she wouldn’t tell anybody that she was going, or when she was coming back. She began to do this more and more frequently, and for longer and longer periods of time. And then one day, about one year after they left Roswell, she went off by herself and never came back.

Obviously, once they knew something was wrong, the rest of them were frantic with worry. They all searched for hours, all over the city. They were in Seattle at that time, and had been in countless other cities over the past year. They had only been in Seattle for a few weeks, but Isabel already knew the city pretty well, better than the rest of them did.

Liz remembered every detail of that day so clearly. Kyle was the one who realized that Isabel had been gone far too long. Even after he told them this, they just ignored him, and told him that Isabel was always going off, and she always came back. Except, that time, she didn’t.

Liz still felt the weight of guilt, even now, in this different time, when Isabel was safe in Roswell. It crushed her chest, making it difficult to breathe. She should have been aware that something was wrong, that Isabel wasn’t “getting back to normal.” Liz had told herself that soon, soon she would be back to her old self, instead of the depressed, shadow of a person she had become. Liz had been too wrapped up with Max to make much more than the most minimal attempt at reaching Isabel, and helping her. She wasn’t helping anyone, not Maria, not Michael, not Kyle. She wasn’t even helping Max or herself. For awhile, it was like they weren’t living in reality. All the feelings, all the anger they still harbored about the past was buried inside them, and it was never resolved. So they continued to be happy, and so sure in the strength of their love, that they lived only in the moment and nothing else mattered.

And really, those few months were all they had, so she supposes that they were correct in acting that way. But the future was just as important, and they didn’t do enough to protect it.

Liz couldn’t help but wonder, as careful as they were at that time, how they could have let Isabel go off on her own, for any length of time. She remembered arguing with her, telling Isabel that she should be more careful. Isabel didn’t listen, and insisted that she could take care of herself. Besides, she argued, didn’t they have Liz as an early warning system?

Liz’s powers had developed so that she had become a sort of empath. Besides seeing the future, if they were close by, she was able to pick up on people’s emotions, and sometimes even hear their thoughts, if she concentrated hard enough. Liz felt even guiltier that she didn’t realize then what was going on with Isabel. With her powers, there was no excuse!

But Liz had a hard time controlling her new powers, and this power especially overwhelmed her. She found that she could block out the emotions and thoughts of others, and often did that instead of trying to control it. It seemed too hard to try to sift through what emotions and thoughts belonged to what person, so she didn’t even bother trying. She couldn’t help but think now that she should have.

Liz wasn’t aware though, of what Isabel was planning on doing. No one knew, and yet, nobody seemed all that surprised that she left. In the final months before Isabel’s departure, no one even bothered to comment on Isabel’s frequent trips out into the city, and ignored the fact that Liz really wasn’t, in fact, much of an “early warning system.” There really was no way to tell if a stranger that they passed on the street was really the FBI in disguise, because Liz never really practiced her powers. For the most part, she was actually blocking people’s thoughts and emotions, and she could never control the flashes she got of the future.

Once they realized that Isabel might be in trouble they searched for her, for hours. Finally, Maria found the letter, which had fallen behind the dresser in the motel they were staying in. By that time, it was too late. Isabel had been gone for hours, and they now knew that she had no intention of coming back. She didn’t say where she was going, only that she needed to be by herself for awhile and that she would find them when she was ready to come back.

They all knew what that meant. If, when, she wanted to come back, she would dream walk one of them. Since she was the only one with that ability, they had no way of contacting her. Once, Kyle caught her dream walking him, but she left as soon as he realized that she was there. She didn’t dream walk any of them again, until it was too late.

“ELIZABETH PARKER! If you don’t get out here right this minute, I will come in there and get you myself, and you don’t want that to happen,” Maria said outside the bathroom that Liz was currently hiding in. Liz couldn’t help but cringe. Dealing with Hurricane Deluca was the last thing she needed right now.

She glanced at her watch. 7 minutes. She had been here, in this time, in this body, for only 7 minutes. God, it sure felt like a lot longer than that. She still had about 50 minutes or so, she estimated, until she was to be shot.


Liz smoothed her apron, readjusted her headband one last time, and took a deep breath, before she left the bathroom, stepped into the backroom, and then through the swinging door into the restaurant.



*~*
Expect Part 2 this Wednesday!

Part 2


“I’ve got one Sigourny Weaver, that’s for you, and one Will Smith.” Liz smiled at the couple as she placed the food down in front of them. She had been back here, in this body, for nearly an hour, and she was starting to adjust to it. At least, that was what she was telling herself. In reality, she was just ignoring everything, all of the emotions that were building up, threatening to crash down on her like a tidal wave. She was just trying to get through the rest of the day, and then she could rest, after the shooting.

She still wasn’t sure how she was going to prevent it. The obvious way would be to just drop to the ground before the gunman shot, but Liz was afraid that she might freeze like she did last time. That couldn’t happen. She couldn’t get shot, and Max definitely couldn’t save her.

Max. She looked over at him and sighed. Out of everything, he was the hardest to ignore. When she walked into the restaurant and saw him, she forgot to breathe. She couldn’t help but think of him as a sort of ghost. The Max she knew, the Max she was married to, was... gone. The one sitting before her was younger, and though he still looked so serious, at this time he didn’t look like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Not yet. This Max, he was still innocent, hadn’t seen the horrors that she had seen. This Max looked at her from across the room with longing in his eyes, and would look away bashfully when she caught him staring.

He seemed like a ghost from the past. When she went to their table to take their order, she discreetly and innocently touched his hand. She had to, in order to prove to herself that he was solid, real. Alive.

It was a mistake though. Just a simple touch of his hand, and her heart began to pound, and images, flashes of them in the Crashdown, played in her mind.

*Flash*
“Max Evans is staring at you again”
*Flash*
“Liz! Liz, you have to look at me”
*Flash*
“You broke the bottle when you fell, and spilled ketchup on yourself. Don’t say anything, please”
*Flash*
“Maybe I can make the connection go the other way... I have to touch you”
*Flash*

She had jerked her hand back suddenly, as if she had been burned. She saw Max looking at her strangely, his eyes unreadable. Suddenly she was shaking, violent tremors running through her body. Taking a shaky breath, she excused herself, and went directly into the break room, leaving a confused Max and Michael behind.

The images kept playing over and over again in her mind, in a continuous loop. The past, the future... it was starting to blur together in an alarming manner, and suddenly it was hard for her to tell which was which. Everything that had happened, all the guilt, the worry, the pain, it was pressing down on her and it felt like she was about to break.

At that moment, she gathered up the last of her strength. Those images were no longer the past. And they definitely could not be the future. She had to do everything in her power to prevent that from happening, and she couldn’t very well do that from the break room, now could she?

With that, she marched back into the café. She was filled with a deep calm, and though that calm had faded as soon as she saw Max again, outwardly she was perceived as being perfectly fine.


She was once again startled out of her thoughts when a hand tapped hers. “Ex-boyfriend?” the woman seated in front of her asked, tilting her head in Max’s direction. She had obviously asked the question more than once, and Liz saw genuine concern in her eyes. Suddenly, Liz realized why she had seemed so familiar. Jenn. And her husband’s name was Larry. They had witnessed the shooting, and had come back to Roswell to question her. She had forgotten about them after that, too preoccupied with the events that were unfolding at the time, but now she wondered what had happened to them after they left Roswell.

Focusing on Jenn again, she gave a half-hearted smile. “Uh, yeah. Something like that.” Well, so much for thinking that everyone would think she was completely fine. Even these strangers noticed something was wrong.

“So, are you and your family from Roswell?” Larry cut in. Jenn gave him a dirty look, then another sympathetic look to Liz. Then Liz swore she heard a loud bang underneath the table, and a pained “Oomph!” come from Larry, and she saw a satisfied smile gracing Jenn’s face. “Uh,” Larry said, clearing his throat as he motioned to the plate in front of him. “Thank you.. We’ll let you know if we need anything else.”

Liz looked at them for a moment, and gave Jenn a grateful smile. She went over to the cash register, falling in step with Maria. Suddenly, she couldn’t help the random, inane thought that went through her head : Maria looked so much better with longer hair. Liz almost started to giggle at the absurdity of it all. Here she was, after having gone back in time and was currently attempting to save the world, and all she could think about was Maria’s beauty faux pax.

Maria noticed the sudden smile on Liz’s face, and couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. She had been worried for her friend. Liz was acting really unusual that day, and she had a heaviness about her and a sorrow in her eyes that nearly took Maria’s breath away. But Liz also looked very determined, and whenever Maria had asked what was wrong, Liz just brushed her off, and said it was nothing.

Liz’s sudden change of mood wasn’t the only thing that Maria noticed. She looked slyly at Liz, before saying as nonchalantly as possible, “Max Evans is staring at you again.” She noticed that Liz’s head shot up, and she looked startled. Liz stared at her, and then at Max for a moment, before looking at the ground. Maria looked at her sharply, surprised. Maria was constantly harping on Liz about Max, saying he was secretly in love with her, and asking her why she didn’t do something about it. This was the first time Liz didn’t argue with her, or give some excuse about how loyal Kyle was, and how much he appreciated her. Maybe Liz was finally coming to her senses, and perhaps that driveling poodle would finally be kicked to the curb.

Liz continued to stare at the ground. That was incredibly... bizarre. Anyone who’s ever claimed that something has felt like ‘deja vu’ has no idea what they are talking about. And when she looked at Max, and he looked away, so quickly, so shyly, her heart nearly broke into pieces. That was when she truly realized the magnitude of what she was about to do. If she went through with this - no, when she went through with this, she would no longer be a part of the alien abyss. Max would never know how much she loved him, how he was the only one for her and would always be the only one for her. This Max would never get a chance to be with her, hold her, know what it felt like to be loved in return. She had her chance, her precious time with her Max, and even now, she couldn’t say that she regretted one moment of the time she was with him, one moment spent in his presence. She would give her life for those moments. But she wouldn’t give the lives of Alex, Serena, and billions of other people in the world, even for her own happiness.

Liz looked up, after hearing the raised voices. Not yet, it can’t be happening already! She looked down at the ground and found that she is standing in the exact same spot where she was shot the first time. She looked over at Max, seeing that he was looking at the scene with concern. She flinched as a cup went flying, smashing to bits against the ground. Everything started to go in slow motion and she heard Maria shout her name. Liz felt her body go rigid, and her eyes widen as she remembered that this was her one chance, her one shot to make everything right.

One of the men pulled a gun out, and someone shouted for everyone to get down. She looked over at Max again, and saw him flatten himself against the bench.

*Max.*

That one thought entered her mind, and she felt it somehow flow through her veins. It burned her, more potent than any burst of adrenalin. With that one thought, she was suddenly moved to act, and before she even realized what she was doing, she gathered all the energy that had been building up inside of her. She felt it settle somewhere inside her chest, as she watched the men grapple with each other for control of the gun. Just as the barrel of the gun was turned and pointed at her, she raised her hand and released the energy. The gun was suddenly pulled upward, and it fired, knocking the men to the floor. There was a loud crack as the bullet hit the ceiling, and plaster rained down.

The two men looked around the Café, panicked and then scrambled up off of the floor, half running, half crawling out the door into the street. Liz quickly lowered her arm, and started to tremble, partly due to all the energy she expended moving the gun, and partly due to all of the emotions that were overwhelming her.

Maria rushed over to Liz, and hugged her as tightly as she could. She could see how badly Liz was shaking, and she looked at her closely, making sure she was alright. Maria was so scared when she saw the gun pointing at Liz. She was so sure that Liz was going to be shot, and all she could think was ‘Oh-my-god, my best friend is going to die and I’m not going to be able to do anything about it’. Somehow, thankfully, the bullet ended up hitting the ceiling, though she wasn’t really certain how that happened. She didn’t care. As long as Liz was alright, safe and sound.

Max looked up again, after hearing the gun go off. He glanced at Michael, making sure that he is alright, before his eyes drift automatically over to Liz. He wanted to go over to her, to make sure that no falling pieces of plaster hurt her and to see for himself that she was fine. He started to get up out of his booth to make his way over to Liz, when he saw Maria walk over to her. He sighed. Good. Liz looked shaken, and Max was sure that Maria would be able to take care of her. What was he thinking anyway? Like Liz would want to talk to him, especially if she was upset.

He looked over to Michael, and tilted his head towards to the door, signally that he wanted to leave. Michael nodded his head, and Max threw some money down on the table to cover the meal, plus tip. He couldn’t help but be particularly grateful for the fact that he and Michael didn’t even need words to communicate anymore. Because inexplicably, his throat felt tight, and he didn’t think he would be able to speak without Michael hearing the tears in his voice. He wasn’t sure why he was so sad; nobody even got hurt. Yet he still felt a loss, a deep sadness, like someone had died. He couldn’t help the chilling thought that it felt like what had died was actually a part of himself.



*~*
So what do you think? I'll have Part 3 for you on Saturday!

Hey y'all! Thanks to roswellluver, Breathless, and I am a dreamer for leaving fb. As to your questions:

1. No one saw Liz use her powers (everyone but the two men with the gun were on the ground, and those two happened to be a bit busy at the time)

2. I'm gonna explain why Max felt a sense of loss, simply because I'm not sure yet if the characters will realize that it happened. When F. Liz came back, she brought her connection to Max with her. Max's end of the connection was also opened, because the timelines hadn't changed yet, (if you want me to get all technical as to how this happens, well that's just too bad ) As soon as she came back, it opened from his end, so not only was Liz connected to Max, he was connected to her.
This is why Max was able to receive flashes from Liz, because a connection had already been established. After Liz changed everything by not getting shot, his connection to her faded, just like F.Max had done. Liz still retained her connection because she was Future Liz. Max felt the loss of the connection, knew he was missing something, but didn't know what.

3. I am a dreamer, you're right, it could be 100 times better or 100 times worse. But, don't lose hope yet about the other couples! You never know... and as the saying goes, "the more things change, the more things stay the same...."

4. No one asked about this yet, but you might wonder about it in the future. Sometimes one of the characters might get a feeling, an impression, or a flash, about the other timeline, like Max did in Las Vegas. The reason for this is that though the other timeline disappeared, because it had existed at one time, echoes of that time can be felt in the present.


Hopefully I answered a few questions and allayed a few fears!

I hope you like this new part! Let me know what you think.




Part 3


Swish shh, Swish shh The mop glided back and forth over the same spot on the floor in a steady rhythmic motion. Back and forth, back and forth, never slowing.

By this time it was almost dark outside, and only the faintest rays of the sun’s light could be seen across the horizon. The tables had been cleaned, the chairs put up, all the plaster had been swept from the floor, and all that was left to do was mop.


Swish shh, Swish shh Liz didn’t ever want to stop mopping. Not that she was generally all that fond of the task, but today she was grateful for it. If she kept herself moving, then maybe she wouldn’t have to think about everything. It was why she had insisted that she lock up, even though her dad was hesitant, worried about whether or not Liz was really all right.

It was almost laughable really. She had insisted that she was fine, perfectly ok, when in reality, nothing would ever be ok again.

She had so many things to deal with already, even after the gunshot. Soon after it had gone off, someone must have called the police, because in strolled Sheriff Valenti. She had wanted to run up to him and hug him, and just ask him to make everything better. At some point along the way, he had become a father figure to the group, someone they always knew was there and could depend on. She had missed him... Oh, she had missed everyone! Suddenly she had felt this great need to go find every single one of their group and just hug them like there was no tomorrow. Because for her, there hadn’t been.

She didn’t though. For one, Maria was busy giving a detailed description of the men that had fought in the Crashdown, and the police officer seemed highly appreciative of her cartoon comparison. Besides, she could run up to Maria later, without making a scene.

Secondly, and most importantly, she realized that this Jim Valenti was not the same man that she had befriended. Unlike last time, he didn’t suspect anything “other worldly” had occurred here, but he was still the potential antagonist to the aliens. He still would go after the truth, should he ever begin to suspect it, with an alarming tenacity that could ruin everything. He still hated the word “alien” with every fiber of his being, and was consumed by it and the fact that his father’s obsession ruined his life. Though he was concerned for her, seeing as she was his son’s girlfriend (and she would have to remedy that soon, she supposed) something was bothering him about what happened. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he sensed, rather than knew, something was amiss.

She had known all of this to be true because she felt it.

She hadn’t even realized that her powers were blocked until they were unblocked. Or that she even still had powers. When she was unable to feel the emotions of the people in the Crashdown, she had assumed it was because she was in her 16 year old body, before Max Evans had saved her life and changed her.

Apparently, though, not only did this 16 year old Liz receive all of the memories of the alternate future, she also got her powers.

Wonderful.

Of course, as soon as she had thought that, she changed her mind. It was wonderful, she thought, and not in a sarcastic way like before. Because it was necessary. Without her powers, she wouldn’t have been able to deflect the gun, and then she probably would have been shot, and it would have been all for naught.

Besides, to be honest, she didn’t want to live without her powers. Yes, it would make things more difficult, but she had grown accustomed to having powers. And, it was all she had left of Max.

Max. It was her love for him, and her desire to keep him and everyone else safe that finally unlocked her powers. It was his name that opened the floodgate, which had been shut after she had come back here in time.

And as soon as it opened, the first person she felt was Max. He had been scared, but not for himself. For her. His first concern was always for her. She felt his love for her, and it amazed her still that he could love her so much, especially since she knew that he believed she would never love him back.

The emotions of other people had slowly filtered in. Maria’s confusion, and worry for her, the gunmen’s sense of panic, and the general hysteria that filled the air. But she had blocked all of these out, and focused only on her connection to Max, which was still there, burning brightly. It had been there before, even when her powers were blocked. It was why she was able to receive the flashes from him, but she didn’t realize at the time what it could mean.

She had been puzzled at Max’s sense of pain and loss as he left the Crashdown. Could he possibly feel what he missed, all that could have developed had it not been for the absence of one bullet wound? She didn’t know, but she knew that it didn’t matter now anyway. What was done was done and it was for the best.

Valenti had finished questioning them, and her dad told them that he was going to close the diner early. Liz had offered to close up, and she felt his surprise and relief when she hugged him tightly before he left the room.

And so, now, she was mopping.

And trying desperately not to let everything come crashing down on her, at least not until she reached the safety of her room.

She suddenly thought of Atlas, the man that was pictured carrying the world on his shoulders, for all of time. She could definitely empathize. She was carrying the weight of the world on her own shoulders right now, and it felt so heavy.

So heavy.

She would have to live with this knowledge, with her memories from what was and what could never be. She had never planned on sticking around past the shooting. She was going to disappear the way Future Max did, into the oblivion. She didn’t care, was looking forward to it actually. Living without all of her friends, living without Max, knowing what she knew, would be too painful.

But apparently, she was stuck here, having to relive her life twice. Living with her other memories, would be difficult, to say the least. It was hard to sort out her memories actually. She had two memories of yesterday.

One was of war and pain and blood, the smell of burning hair, smoke and death, and a hole being burned in Maria’s chest as Liz screamed and ran towards her, too late.

The other was of school yesterday, the classes she had, the assignments she had been given, and every single trivial conversation she had participated in.

And there was going to be two sets of memories for tomorrow too. One of Liz finding out that Max was an alien, and that he loved her. The other memory had yet to be created.

This was her burden. Knowing what she knew, keeping secrets from her friends. About the future, about her powers, about everything. She was used to keeping secrets, but she almost always had someone to share them with. The 8 of them, Max, Liz, Maria, Michael, Isabel, Alex, Kyle, the Sheriff... they had known a secret, about past lives and certain Czechs, and it had made them stronger. But to be the only one to know something of this magnitude... it would be worse than when she had to keep Future Max a secret. That was only one secret, and honestly, a small part of her had continued to believe that it would one day be out in the open, and she and Max would be together and everything would be perfect, end of the world be damned.

This time, she was barely friends with Max. She didn’t even have his friendship to depend on. And she knew that keeping this many secrets from Maria and Alex would be hard, so much harder than the first time she tried this.

She would be isolated. She would miss how much closer she, Maria, and Alex had become after they had been inducted into the I-know-an-alien club. She would miss Kyle and his Buddhist jokes, and Sheriff Valenti’s quiet support. She would miss Isabel, and even Michael, because she had come to respect and love both of them, and she knew that they had felt the same.

And she would miss Max. More than anything in the entire present, past, or the many different Futures, she would miss Max. She wouldn’t get to have their first date at the Chinese restaurant again. In this time, they would never hang out in the eraser room, he would never climb up onto her balcony, they would never kiss, never get married, never make love. They would never dance to I Shall Believe at their wedding. She would miss his kisses, his touch, and his special smile, the one he saved just for her. She would miss their late night conversations, the things that they shared and had made them laugh, and the way he made her feel safe and protected. She would miss their friendship.


She would miss Max.


And with that thought, she gave in, succumbing to the pain. She dropped the mop to the floor, and sank to her hands and knees, releasing heart-wrenching sobs that came from the very depths of her soul. She cried for what had been and for what couldn’t be, and what was now. She cried for everyone who had died, and for everyone who now lived. She cried for the things she had experienced and hoped to never experience again. She cried for the Max who had died in her arms, and the Max who lived now and would never be in her arms again. Lastly, she cried for herself, and for everything she has had to and will continue to have to endure.

She remained that way, sobbing on the Crashdown floor, for a very long time.



*~*
I'll have a new part for you on Wednesday...

Part 4


Max tapped his finger impatiently against the table as he looked at the clock on the wall of the biology room. Where was she? It was unlike Liz to be late, and he wanted to make sure that she was ok after yesterday.

He had been so scared yesterday, for her. He had had some kind of flash when she had touched him yesterday, a sort of premonition. He saw a jumble of images and sounds, but one that clearly stood out was Liz, lying on the floor of the Crashdown after being shot.

The whole thing was extremely bizarre, and he had been a little confused about what had actually happened. But because of this interlude, after the gun went off, he had been certain that Liz had been shot.

Thankfully she hadn’t been.

He still wanted to make sure that the plaster hadn’t hurt her, and that she was emotionally ok. Because that gun could have just as easily turned towards her and fired.

But she wouldn’t have died. Because as soon as the gunshot rang out, he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if Liz was shot, he would go save her.

“So good of you to join us Miss Parker,” the biology teacher said as Liz entered the room.

As soon as Max saw her, his chest tightened. She was so beautiful it actually hurt him sometimes to look at her.

For the first time ever, their gazes locked. Max had always avoided making direct eye contact with Liz, but this time, he couldn’t help it. She stared at him so intently, and his eyes were just drawn to hers. He just seemed to fall into her eyes, and he was drowning in them, completely helpless. He could see a deep pain and sorrow there, and he wanted so badly to fix whatever was wrong, and make her happy.

“Could you please take a seat Miss Parker?” the teacher demanded briskly, breaking whatever spell Max and Liz had been under.

Liz quietly went to her seat, and then sat silently, looking at the table.

“Are you alright?” Max asked softly, unsure whether he even had the right to ask.

She looked up in surprise, and then she gave a small smile. She hesitated, and then nodded slowly.

The teacher sighed. “Okay, everyone on the right prepare a slide with the vegetable sampling, everyone on the left, take a toothpick and get a sample from your cheek.”

Well, time to make a quick get away. Just as Max was about to raise his hand to get a bathroom pass, he felt Liz’s hand on his arm.

“Let’s use a sample from my cheek, ok?”

He nodded dumbly, still looking at her hand, Liz’s hand, which was currently resting on his arm. Damn, he wished he had worn short sleeves, so he could actually feel her skin on his.

Nevertheless, she was touching him and it wasn’t an accident, like the times when her hand brushed his when they were working on an experiment. It was intentional contact! The last time she had touched him...

He waited for the flashes to come again like they had at the Crashdown, and he was half expecting them. They didn’t come. He felt slightly disappointed for some reason.

Liz looked tired. She wearily got the sample, as Max prepared the slide. Liz was tired, exhausted in fact. She got very little sleep last night, and coming to school this morning was even more trying than she thought it was going to be. Everything, every place, reminded her of Max. He was inescapable, and she was having a hard time dealing with it. She didn’t really know how much more of this she could take, or how she could sit next to him in class and act like nothing had happened between them. Especially since, technically, nothing had happened, at least not in this timeline.

And on top of everything else, after this period she was going to have to go find Kyle and break up with him.


* * * *


“You’re breaking up with me?” He looked at her incredulously, confused at this sudden turn of events.

She sighed. She knew that he was hurt and bewildered. He really did have feelings for her, and it hurt her that she had to hurt him. She did love him as a friend.

“Is there someone else?” He was insecure, worried that he wasn’t enough for her. He also was angry at the mystery man who must have captured her heart. There was simply no other explanation for her sudden refusal of him.

Liz knew exactly what Kyle was feeling. She felt awful, but it had to be done. This break-up was necessary, but it would be worse to lead him on.

“Kyle, it’s not you, I swear. I love you as a friend, but I can’t be with you. And the truth is... I’m leaving. I’m going to go to school somewhere else.” Liz knew that Kyle was surprised at what she said, but so was she! She hadn’t even admitted to herself that she was planning on leaving until the words were out of her mouth. But it seemed right, and she knew that she couldn’t stay here. She needed to put distance between herself and everything that reminded her of Max.

“You’re leaving?!? Where are you going?” Kyle demanded.

Liz blinked in surprise. Where was she going? Not to the boarding school in Vermont. That was connected to her other life. She thought of New York, but the dupes were there. Worrying about seeing one of them was not something she needed.

“L.A.” she blurted out. L.A.? Actually, she had heard about a boarding school there that had an awesome science program. Her dad had mentioned it to her, but she knew that he didn’t actually want her to leave. But she said L.A. before she even thought about it, so she supposed she would now have to persuade her parents.

“But... why... why are you leaving?” His brows were knit together in confusion, and she knew that he couldn’t figure out why she would possibly want to leave.

“Well, um, I’ve always dreamed of leaving this town, and I heard about a boarding school that has a great science program, and I figured that could help me get into Harvard.” Liz didn’t even know if she wanted to go to Harvard anymore. In either timeline, she hadn’t gone to Harvard, and she wasn’t sure she even cared about going at this point. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life now that Max couldn’t possibly be in it.

“I’m going to miss you Liz” Kyle said, sincerely. He moved closer to her, and looked down into her face. His blue eyes were warm, and she felt how much he cared about her. He pulled his hands out of his pocket, and began to wrap them around her tentatively. She closed the space between them, and hugged him tightly. She closed her eyes, expelling a relieved sigh. Kyle was alive, and he was safe, and that was worth everything.

“I’ll miss you too.” Liz squeezed her eyes shut as a solitary tear escaped down her cheek.


* * * *


Somehow, she had convinced her parents to let her go. They hadn’t wanted to send her there, but she explained that she thought it would be a great opportunity, and it would help her reach her dream job as a molecular biologist. Perhaps her dad had seen the desperation in her eyes, because he finally gave in, telling her mom that it would be ok, and that they needed to let her go.

Convincing her parents was so much easier than convincing Maria and Alex. They both were hurt and felt betrayed, like she was running away from them. She told them that after seeing the gun pointed at her in the Crashdown, she realized she didn’t have a lot of time to make her dreams come true, because everything could end at anytime. She didn’t want to waste a minute, and she knew that they would always be her best friends and would be there for her, and that was the only thing that gave her the courage to go.

She wished she could tell them the whole truth.

And she wished she could answer their questioning looks as to why she began to cry when she saw Alex the day after the non-shooting, and why she hugged them extra tightly, clutching them to her like they were going to leave her.

She knew that they sensed that something was different. And perhaps that was why they didn’t push her about staying in Roswell. On some level, they knew that she had to leave.

Tonight was her last night in Roswell, and tomorrow she would be leaving for the school in L.A. All of the arrangements had been made, her stuff had been packed, and her teachers knew that she was leaving. She had done everything on her to-do list except one thing.

She had to say goodbye to Max.



*~*


Side note to you folks:
Remember, Liz and Max don't always see the whole picture. Liz knows that she would be just torturing herself if she attempted to be "just friends" with Max, and she still has the mentality that they can't be together as more than that. Remember, every time they were together, the world literally ended. So even if she could rationally work out that it wasn't necessarily Liz and Max's coupling that made everything so terrible, she has underlying issues with it that would be hard to work out. Leaving Roswell is an easy out to her dilemma.


*Quick disclaimer* - some of the dialogue from this part and Part 2 was lifted from the Pilot Episode

Let me know what you thought of it! I'll have a new part for you Saturday!

desertskies: I haven't seen the show Quantum Leap actually, but Liz did change the future when she didn't get shot. In the beginning she explains that something went wrong and she wasn't supposed to end up in Past Liz's body. In actuality, it's not like Future Liz has invaded Liz's body like some kind of parasite, (even though they are the same person...) it's more like Liz suddenly has all of these memories, which because of how intense they were, are freshest and most prominent in her mind. Because she suddenly remembers experiencing all of these things, and because she feels like she has lived through them, she, in essence, becomes Future Liz. Oh, and the powers and the connection came along with those memories too

I hope I cleared up a few things for everyone!




Part 5

She stood outside his window nervously, shifting from one foot to the other. She knew logically that she shouldn’t be here, that Max wouldn’t expect her to be here. They technically weren’t even really friends, and no one knew that she was leaving besides her parents, the school, Maria, Alex, and Kyle. He might wonder why she came to say goodbye to him, specifically.

This could, potentially, ruin everything.

And she didn’t care.

She needed this. She needed to see him one last time, talk to him alone, hear his voice one last time. Because it had to be the last time. She planned on staying away, and if she came back to Roswell to visit, she had no intention of seeing him if she could help it. It would be too hard. It was painful as it was.

She knew that she should probably tell Max, Michael, and Isabel a bit about their origin, but she couldn’t think of a way to do it without revealing who she was and what she knew, or stirring them into a frenzy so that they would search for answers that would start this thing all over again. As far as she was concerned, they were safe. Max’s otherworldly origin hadn’t been exposed because he hadn’t healed her. The FBI would never hear of Max, and neither would Tess, Nasedo, or the Skins. Khivar would probably continue to believe that they had either died in the crash or were puny, worthless beings that weren’t even worth the time of day. He wouldn’t get so pissed off that he decides to destroy the Earth. Again.

And if she did reveal everything to Max, would they let her leave? Because she had to leave. She couldn’t stay in Roswell and not be with Max. And as much as she wanted to be with him, she couldn’t. Even though they had decided that the shooting was the source of all the later destruction and mayhem, she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was actually her relationship with Max that caused it all. She just knew, deep down inside her, that her being with Max was the true cause of everyone’s demise. But no matter what, she didn’t want to negate everything she had already accomplished by risking it.

She breathed in deeply, as if the night air would comfort her or give her strength.

She could feel him through the connection, and it made her ache. To be so close, and not be able to touch him... it was nearly unbearable. He would always be there, a presence inside of her that was impossible to ignore, and the closer she was to him, the stronger the presence became. That’s why she had to leave Roswell.

And so there she was, standing outside his bedroom window at ten o’clock at night, looking and feeling ridiculous.

She tapped on the window.

A moment later, she saw the window being pulled up, and heard a “hey Micha-”

Max looked startled, to say the least. “You’re not Michael!”

Liz couldn’t help but be slightly amused. “No, I’m not.” She took in his appearance. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants , and had obviously been lying in bed, though his face didn’t wear the tell-tale signs of sleep. His hair was damp from the shower, and it curled on his forehead, framing his eyes. She longed to reach up and run her hands through his hair, and she acknowledged that the sight of him still sent tremors through her body.

Max , unaware of the affect that he had on her, simply stared at her, still in a state of shock. “What are you doing here?” he queried, confused.

Liz looked at him steadily and asked in a quiet voice, “Can I come in?”

Max’s eyes narrowed momentarily in disbelief, as if trying to determine whether she was real or a figment of his imagination. As if suddenly realizing that this was indeed real, and not a fantasy, his eyes widened again. He ran his hand through his hair, and shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. Liz felt, through her gift and the connection, that he was surprised to see her there, completely confused, but at the same time incredibly elated that, for whatever reason, she had sought him out.

“Of course. Um, here let me help you.” He grabbed her arm as she climbed through the window, and she stumbled slightly, falling against him.

They were silent for a moment, breathing heavily as they looked at each other. For just a moment Liz let herself relax, revel in the feel of his body. She looked up into his eyes, his face just inches away, and she saw that his eyes had darkened, and he was giving her a look that nearly melted her and all of her resolve.

She stiffened immediately and Max, sensing the change, cleared his throat and took a step back away from her. He seemed to be getting his bearings back as he distanced himself, and he looked at her strangely as he realized something. “Why didn’t you just knock on the front door? And,” he said, looking bewildered, “how did you know which room was mine?”

Oh! She hadn’t even thought about using the front door. She was so used to entering through his window, especially at night, that she didn’t even think about it! She decided to ignore his first question and try to address the second. “Um... lucky guess?” she said weakly, with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

He looked at her oddly, but let it go. “So...”

Liz began to pace back and forth, as if gathering strength. Max had no idea what was going on, but he had a hard time getting past the fact that he had Liz Parker, the girl of his dreams that he was secretly in love with, in his bedroom, a bedroom that also happened to be the setting of at least a hundred different fantasies about her.

“I’m leaving, Max.”

And with that, his world came crashing down.

“Tomorrow. I’m leaving tomorrow,” she continued. “I’m going to a school in L.A. They-they have a really good science program, and I-I’m leaving.” She was stuttering, she was aware of that fact, but it was difficult to form coherent sentences when she knew that he was devastated. Even without using her gift, she could see it in his eyes.

“Max, please.” She stepped closer to him, so that they were once again a breath apart.

His gaze was piercing as he looked down at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to say goodbye Max. And to let you know, I’m going to miss you. And I.. I’ll never find a better lab partner,” she added lamely, with a weak smile, and tears swimming in her eyes.

With his hand seeming to have a mind of it’s own, he reached down to cup her face. She closed her eyes, and leaned into his hand. Her lips began to tremble as she struggled not to cry.

He looked down at her trembling lips, and before he could stop himself and actually think about what he was doing, he leaned down and softly brushed his lips against hers. He became lost in the taste of her mouth as he slowly, hungrily, deepened the kiss.

Slowly, unwillingly, they pulled apart, each breathless. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek, and he brushed it away with his thumb, wishing he could brush away all of her pain as easily.

He leaned his forehead against hers, and she breathed in a deep, skaky breath, as if trying to breath as much of him in as possible.


“Goodbye Max.”


Before he could react, she was across the room and out the window, and she moved with a speed that astounded him. By the time his brain started to work again, he found that his feet had moved on its own accord and he was now at the window. He looked out into the dark night, hoping that she would still be there, that she changed her mind, that she was staying. He never realized how much of his world was based around her. Loving her, dreaming about her accepting him, it made him feel the closest he had ever felt to normal. When you live in constant fear of being discovered and you can’t open up to anyone, you tend to hold fast to dreams like they are your lifeline. Liz was his lifeline.

He searched the dark night that surrounded his house and threatened to swallow it whole in vain.

She was gone.




*~*

Ok, so I know I probably just broke all of your dreamer hearts. But it had to be done. Let me know what you think, and feel free to bash the part if you want

And I will postthe next new part on Saturday. For serious, I mean it this time, swear.... Oh well, if I posted earlier, would any of you really mind? If so, speak up

Breathless, I am a dreamer, and frenchkiss70: Max didn't get a flash when they kissed because he isn't connected to Liz anymore, it's a one way connection. His end of the connection disappeared when the shooting was changed (it was there for a little while though, when F.Liz first appeared, which is why he got flashes when they touched) but Liz is still connected to Max, so she can sense him. Make sense?

Part 6


May 22nd, 2001

“Maria!” Liz exclaimed, in a half-hearted attempt to admonish her friend, laughing in spite of herself.

“Oh, come on babe, you know it’s not that far-fetched. Julia Roberts* does it all the time! I’m just saying, don’t go off and fall for whatever handsome hunk you are co-starring with on a whim, and then run off to Vegas to marry him... unless, of course, I’m at the wedding.” Liz could almost see the smirk on her best friend’s face and the wink-wink, nudge-nudge that she knew Maria was giving her.

“I promise that I won’t run off and get married unless you are there, ok?” Liz says, with laughter in her voice.

“Promise?” Liz can hear the smile in Maria’s voice over the phone.

“Yes, Maria, I promise. Girl Scout’s Honor!”

“But, Liz, you were never a Girl Scout!” Maria pouts.

“Bye ‘Ria,” Liz sings into the mouthpiece, with another laugh as she hangs up the phone.


Liz sits on the couch for another moment, shaking her head with an amused smile on her face. She still missed Maria and the rest of them so much, and often times she wished that her best friend was with her. She hoped to have Maria visit again soon though. She knew that Maria would want to meet her co-star. Of course, first they would have to find a co-star for her.

She sighed. Truly, she had never imagined it would get this far. She had felt the need to get her story, or rather, the story that she prevented from happening, down on paper, but she couldn’t risk writing down the actual facts. So she had tried to stick to what actually happened as best as she could, while changing details so that nobody would be able to do some deductive reasoning and get their hands on a certain group of Czechs.

She didn’t want to start another journal. She connected the idea of journaling with the thought of Max, and that would just cause her more pain. So she began to use her computer as a new way of putting her thoughts down on paper, and decided to write it as a story, with Liz as the narrator. Somehow, it seemed that this, coupled with the changed details, made the story more impersonal and easier to write.

And write she did. She spent a good deal of her spare time writing, and even some time that she didn’t have to spare. She did have a lot of free time though, because she had gone through high school at an accelerated rate and finished this past January. She had already decided to take a year and a half off before going to college, and had moved out of her dorm room into an apartment by herself. This had initially made her parents a little wary, but they trusted her, so amazingly enough they let her do what she wanted.

And what she wanted to do was write. She wrote about how an alien girl came to this planet, and had “super powers” a lá Superman. At any rate, the boy that she has always been in love with gets shot, and she heals him. The story continues from there, with reverse genders and slight modifications, specifically in the powers that they all had.

She just wanted to write. She wanted to purge the whole thing from her system, maybe in an attempt to just move on, move past it. She never imagined it would lead to this.

A few weeks ago she was waitressing at an upscale restaurant a few blocks from her apartment. She had just gotten the job, but was pretty confident that it would be a piece of cake, considering she had been a waitress for practically her entire life. But it wasn’t as simple as she thought it was going to be.

Because she ran into Cal Langley.


“ I want my usual, and make it snappy. I’m in a hurry today,” demanded the bald man in the Armani suit easily and confidently, without even bothering to look up.

Liz sighed. She could deal with rude customers, but she just wasn’t used to so many at one time! All the rude people in L.A. seemed to flock to this restaurant, and must eat only here!

“Sir, I’m a new waitress, so I don’t know what your usual is. If you tell me what it consists of, I’m sure I will be able to bring it to you as fast as I can,” she said, tired of this customer already. Thankfully, she was nearing the end of her shift, and she wouldn’t have to deal with these people for much longer.

The man was angry, annoyed that she was so worthless and was wasting his precious time. “You people are pathetic, and worse than pathetic, you are useless!” He scowls at the papers he has in front of him, as if they will be more helpful and compliant than his useless waitress. He’s been having an awful day, and he still hasn’t come across a decent pitch for the new tv show he’s supposed to produce. He’s a movie producer! Why do they want him to produce a tv show, one that doesn’t even have a plot or characters yet? They refused to support his new movie unless he produced a tv show for them. Just what was wrong with this network?!? And to just to make his day even better, he gets stuck with a waitress who doesn’t even know what she’s doing! The gods sure were smiling on him today. “Look, just tell the kitchen that Cal Langley wants his usual!” he barks out, frustrated beyond belief.

Liz dead-panned. Cal Langley? As in, the other protector, the one that abandoned them, that Cal Langley?

And here she was thinking that by finishing writing her story, she would finally be able to escape from the alien abyss, as best as she could.

Liz hurried to the kitchen, and repeated his order to the cooks. When she brought him his food, which oddly enough, contained a lot of lemons, he still never looked up at her, and it wasn’t even until she gave him the bill that he glanced her way.

But when he did, it made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

He was scrutinizing her, sizing her up. He appeared to be thinking of something, and she knew he was curious about it, trying to make a decision. She decided that she really didn’t want to know what he was thinking, and chose not to use her gift. She quickly went through her closing speech of “have a nice night” and left, finishing her shift right then and there.

She went into a back room, and changed out of her uniform. She searched her bag, just to check one more time that it was still there. There! She found it. She pulled out the sloppy disk, which she had labeled simply “L. Parker” and breathed a sigh of relief. Now that she had finished it, she definitely didn’t want to lose it. She wasn’t quite sure what she was going to do with the story now, but she couldn’t just hold onto it. Maybe she would get it published as a book or something, under a different name. Part of a series, it would have to be. She had only written up through the Destiny message from Max and Isabel’s mother (names and details changed, of course. ) She decided to end there, and start the next part of her story in a new file on a new floppy disk. Her laptop had just recently crashed, so she had been using the computers at the library to write until she got it fixed. She had a serious love-hate relationship with her computer. She loved it, but it apparently hated her.

“Liz, you better get back in here. One of your customers wants to talk to you,” Justine, a fellow waitress, called into the room.

“But my shift is over!” Liz called back grumpily. What did these whiny, self-absorbed, spoiled brats want now? Did she not bring them their food fast enough or something? Was her smile not wide enough, or bright enough for them?

“You should work on your customer relations! Besides, you never know when you might get an extra tip out of something,” she said as she winked at Liz. “Cal Langley wants to speak with you.”

Picking up her bag and still clutching the floppy disk in hand, Liz made her way back into the restaurant, filled with trepidation. Could he sense that she was different? Could he possibly tell, with some extra alien sense, that she had done her make-up and hair today by waving a hand over her face, and that the color of her shoes didn’t originally match her outfit? Would he ruin everything?

She gathered up her courage, and stood in front of him. The worst that could happen would be that he knew what she was, and she didn’t even know what he would do with that information. Somehow, from what she had heard about him, she didn’t think he would care.

“What’s your name?” Cal asked as he looked at her intently

“Liz Parker,” she answered, calmly.

“Liz Parker. Hm. Not much to work with. Maybe... Eliza Parker? Lizzy Parker? No. Beth Parker! Now, that could work,” he mused, “it matches your look, and it’ll feed into the small-town girl bit.”

What is he talking about? He noticed Liz’s perplexed look because he flashed her a grin. “How’d you like to be in my next movie?”

Was he serious? He couldn’t be! He didn’t even know if she could act! “Um... I don’t know....” What was she supposed to say? She was too flabbergasted to even think, let alone speak!

“Of course you do! You wanna be a star! Everyone does, it’s their number one dream, and yours is about to come true! Besides, you have that doe-eyed thing going on that the audience will eat up! You aren’t gorgeous, but it’s not so bad that make-up can’t help. And you may not have the body for it, but that can be fixed too, and the studio might even pay for it. You’d be getting a lucky break kid!” He looked at her confidently, and leaned back in his chair, completely at ease.

Liz felt a rage building inside of her as he continues to talk, adding insult after to insult to an already-existing injury. She looked at him strangely, her face a mask, not revealing how upset she really was. She carefully placed both of her hands on the table palm down, so that she wouldn’t be tempted to use them to zap him into dust. When you have that kind of power, it was so tempting to use it.

She cleared her throat, and then began to speak softly, with her voice slowly gaining strength and volume. “I have been talked down to, insulted, and treated sub-human by the lot of you all day long. I don’t care who or what you are, but you have no right to treat people this way. You are arrogant, rude, and inconsiderate. I would never work for you. And for future reference, if you are trying to win someone over and convince them to do something, don’t insult them.”

Liz turned on her heel and left. She knew she would get fired for her outburst, but she really didn’t care. She was so tired of serving stuck-up Hollywood socialites, and she just couldn’t deal with it anymore.

She was so angry and indignant she didn’t even realize until later that she had left her floppy disk on Cal Langley’s table.


And so, much to Liz’s surprise, Cal called her apartment a few days later, asking her to please meet with him. She agreed, if only so she could find out if he guessed the truth behind her story.

Luckily, he didn’t seem to. What he actually wanted was to make her story into a television show, of all things.

At first Liz had been unsure. On tv? Did she want that many people watching a censored and edited version of her life? Or, well, rather, one of her lives?

Then she thought about it, and decided that television was as good of a medium for expelling her demons as putting it all into a book. Better, in fact, because with fantasy tv shows like Charmed and Angel, the viewing public was used to strange and unusual fiction. No one would even guess that it wasn’t fiction. So, she made up her mind, and agreed to turn her life story into the latest television hit.

Then Cal insisted that Liz play the main alien, the heroine of the show.

And Liz knew she was in trouble.

Because, for some reason beyond Liz’s comprehension, heaven help her, she agreed to it.




*~*

*Note: As far as I know, Julia Roberts doesn't actually marry her costars. She just gets engaged to them

Let me know what you think, new part on Wednesday.

Part 7

Liz had dated, sporadically, while at the boarding school. It was her attempt to move on, live her life the way she knew Max would want her to live it. He would not want her to be lonely. He wouldn’t want her to be alone for the rest of her existence, mentally and emotionally stuck in a time that didn’t exist anymore.

At the start of each date, she was always optimistic, telling herself that even though he wasn’t Max, he didn’t have to be. But somehow, she always ended up expecting him to measure up to Max.

He never did.

She knew that the real problem was that she was supposed to act, in a way, like Max was dead, and move on. But in her mind, even though she didn’t have her wedding ring, she still felt like she was married to him, and she had vowed she would love him and be faithful to him for the rest of her life, for better or for worse, til death do they part. Well, this was definitely “for worse,” but she couldn’t let go of her love for Max. Death had parted them once, but it didn’t anymore. In this time, Max wasn’t dead. He was living in Roswell.

And a part of her still hoped that he was waiting for her like she was waiting for him.

She knew it was wrong, and that they couldn’t be together, and she did want him to be happy, of course. But the hope still lived, burned brightly in her heart, even when she chose to ignore it. It couldn’t be snuffed out, no matter how hard she tried.

Because to hope is to live.

When she had first moved to L.A., hope was hard to find. She knew that she had done the right thing, and she never regretted for a moment all that she gave up. And she knew logically that she was lucky. She had had Max for awhile, was married to him. She had felt his love for her, and for awhile she had been happy. She still retained all of her memories of the alternate future, every single moment that, whether good or bad, was filled with love.

But that was precisely what made everything so hard.

When she decided to come back and change things, she hadn’t expected to still be living, existing. Her sacrifice only was only to be made once, and then her other self would be able to live in blissful ignorance, never knowing what it was like to really live and love.

But because something had gone wrong, she was still here. Her sacrifice wasn’t made once, but over and over again every single day.

Sometimes she felt like she was just going through the motions of living. Though she had friends here, had made a life here, and was even, at times, happy, it didn’t feel right.

Nothing felt right.


* * * *


“I faxed you the revised script. I think it’s brilliant, babe, and the audience will eat it up! And with you as the star! It’s a good thing you look young for your age, lends to your credibility. No one would even believe you that weren’t in high school!”

“Cal, you know I’m only seventeen. If I had gone to a normal school, I would still be in high school,” Liz replied, slightly amused.

Cal ignored her and continued on as if she hadn’t spoken. “I even came up for a title for the show. ‘Kismet’. Now doesn’t that just reek of the teen idea of romance? Girls will be swooning and sighing left and right!”

Liz paled slightly and her knuckles whitened as her grip on the phone tightened. Did he know something? “Kismet?” she choked out, barely able to get the words out over the sudden flare of panic that had taken over her.

“Yeah, you know, kismet. Destiny, fate, all that preordained stuff. Don’t worry about it, even if you don’t like it now, I guarantee it will grow on you. We’ve got everything set for this thing, including your new co-star. You’ll love him, trust me. You can meet him tomorrow, and then we start shooting the day after that. If you have any questions, call my secretary.”

The line went dead. Liz exhaled, slowly releasing the breath she had been holding. Sometimes, something would happen, or Cal would say something, and Liz couldn’t help but wonder if Cal knew more about her than he was letting on. Other times though, he seemed so genuinely clueless as to what her story was really about, she was sure he knew nothing. Still, she knew he couldn’t help but have his own suspicions about it, and she wondered what kind of theories he had come up with.

She knew she could take a peek, listen to his thoughts and figure out what he really knew, but she tried to use her ability to read minds as little as possible. Though, she must admit, at times it was tempting to use, she tried to respect people’s privacy. The only powers that she used frequently were her abilities as an empath, and her ability to change the molecular structure of things. The second power was incredibly useful, especially when she was running late in the morning. Nothing dries hair faster and puts every hair perfectly in place like a little alien magic!

One of her powers was gone though, seemingly permanently. She had not had one single flash of the future since she came back. She had never been able to control the flashes, and after Graduation, few of the flashes even pertained to the Pod Squad, but she had still gotten frequent flashes about other people’s future. The only theory she could come up with was that coming back in time had screwed up that gift, probably because she screwed with time.

Every so often she checked for new powers. About a year ago she discovered that she had the ability to heal, after she had burned her hand on the stove while cooking pasta. She realized that her powers must start to work in stages, and that she had yet to fully develop. Kind of like she was going through the alien version of puberty, she mused.

Tonight she was planning on checking again if she could dreamwalk. Every few weeks she checked, even though, as of yet, she hadn’t developed that power. She had to admit that the main reason she wanted that gift was so that she would be able to keep a closer eye on everyone back in Roswell.

She never bothered trying to mindwarp. Even if she knew where to begin, a part of her just couldn’t deal with it. She didn’t want to have Tess’ gift.

Even though she did use her gifts for recreational purposes, she rarely ever peeked into someone’s psyche, and she was especially nervous about dipping into Cal’s. She wasn’t sure if he would be able to sense what she was doing because of his alien status.

Besides, she didn’t really need to know what he was thinking. Even if somehow he suspected the truth, which she seriously doubted he did, she was sure he wouldn’t do anything about it. She knew better than anyone how much he didn’t want to leave Earth, and how he despised the royals of Antar and wanted to stay out of the whole thing if it was at all possible.

But, thanks to her, there was nothing to even stay out of. She knew, from questioning Maria, that Max, Isabel, and Michael were still tucked away in Roswell. At first she had tried to subtly question Maria about Max and his family, but Maria saw right through her. Eventually she had ‘fessed up, and admitted to Maria that she had a “slight crush” on Max, and couldn’t resist hearing new bits of information about him. Knowing Maria was the queen of gossip and matchmaking, she was sure that Maria would be especially watchful for any strange happenings in Roswell, especially those pertaining to Max. If Maria had reported anything out of the ordinary, she would have been on the first plane back to Roswell. As of yet, her Czechs were still following the same routine that they had before she left, and nothing new had happened. Which was exactly what she was hoping for and expecting. Since Max had never been exposed by the shooting, they had never found any orbs, had never known anything about shape shifters, Skins, Khivar, or even of the planet Antar. There was no way they could know anything about former lives, Destiny, or a murdering witch called Tess.

They were safe. Alex and Maria were safe. The Sheriff still had his job, and had, in fact, married Amy Deluca. They had gotten married in the last timeline too, but they had gotten together much faster this time, perhaps because Jim wasn’t constantly busy with alien affairs. Also, it turned out that not only wereKyle and Maria step-siblings, but they actually ended up becoming close friends, and ironically enough, Kyle still found his way to Buddhism.

The knowledge that everyone was safe and happy didn’t make her miss them any less though. It had already been decided that after Maria graduated she was going to go to a college in California with Liz, and they were in the process of coercing Alex to come too. Originally Alex mentioned wanting to go to UNM but changed his mind after Liz practically had a melt-down as she begged him to go anywhere else, just not there. Liz knew that she scared him, but was grateful that he agreed not to go there. She never offered an explanation for her behavior, and she knew that her friends were worried about her, but she just couldn’t let Alex go there. That was the place were Tess mindwarped him, destroyed his mind, and slowly killed him.

He couldn’t go to school there.

Even if he didn’t come to California, and she was pretty sure that he was going to join them there, she didn’t mind. He would actually be able to live long enough to go to school, should he choose to, and that’s all that mattered.

She couldn’t wait until he and Maria came up to visit next week.




*~*
Feeback is, as always, appreciated

And, just to let you folks know, I might have a suprise for you tomorrow (hint hint)

Part 8


Liz sat cross-legged on her bed, surveying her bedroom. Her walls were a soft pink and her furniture rested on a hardwood floor. On her walls were numerous photographs and posters, along with copies of song lyrics from her favorite songs, including I Shall Believe. Resting next to her bed on a night stand was a tattered copy of The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, her yearbook from freshman year, a glass of water, and a recent photograph of her, Alex, and Maria, who sported newly cropped hair, dyed a dark red.

The photo was just one more thing to remind her that this Maria and Alex were not the same people she knew in the other timeline. They didn’t just have different hairstyles and jokes. These people had gone down a completely separate path than the Maria and Alex she knew before had, and therefore they were different.

Liz knew that they were different, and that she couldn’t view them as the same friends from the alternate future, but sometimes it was difficult. In the beginning especially, right after she first came back, she would sometimes slip up, and refer to a shared experience or conversation that had never happened in this timeline, which earned her some strange looks.

But Liz learned. She began to think of her relationships with everyone in a different way. She compared it to if two friends were separated for a long period of time. When they met again, they would be different people, but fundamentally, they would still be the same friends that they were before.

Of course, her situation was a bit more complicated, because, instead of her friends having new memories and experiences that she didn’t have a part of, memories that she was a part of had disappeared, or rather, ceased to exist.

But despite that, the heart of the matter was that she was Liz, and they were Alex and Maria, and they were her best friends and always would be.

She knows that it would have been more complicated with Max, if she had had the strength to stay in Roswell and become friends with him. She had memories of things that had never happened, experienced things that, God willing, he would never have to. But the point was, even with all the extra baggage she carried, she was still Liz, and he was still Max.

Which meant that she would always be in love with him, regardless of what timeline it was.

Sighing, she reached over to her night stand and pulled out her yearbook. She knew that her previous attempts at dreamwalking had been fruitless, but she still felt the need to try.

She flipped through the book, letting her fingers linger over various photographs. She stopped at Max’s picture. Dark eyes framed by even darker hair, and a small, shy smile that transformed his face from attractive to... absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.

She wondered if he looked different now, whether he had changed anything from the last time she saw him. Whether he let his hair grow a little longer, or left the stubble to grow in on his face. Liz wondered if he had changed in other ways. Maybe he had decided that he was sick of the Counting Crows, and he didn’t really like Gomez. Perhaps he had decided that he really liked strawberry ice cream (with tabasco sauce of course) better than vanilla ice cream. Maybe he didn’t miss her at all, and had forgotten all about her and their kiss.

She sighed. Deep down she knew he wouldn’t forget. She didn’t know whether she wanted him to or not.


She moved on to Isabel’s photo. She couldn’t help but smile at how put-together, and just completely gorgeous Isabel looked, even back in freshman year. She had always wondered how Isabel did it, and now she knew. Of course, Liz now had a little bit of alien hocus pocus of her own to help her appearance.

She usually chose Isabel to try to dreamwalk, figuring that since she had the gift, she would probably be most receptive to it. Placing her index finger over the picture, she tried to open herself up as much as possible. She took a deep breath, looked at Isabel’s shining hair and smiling face one more time, and then closed her eyes and waited.

And waited.

Liz sighed in frustration, but tried to remain calm. She tried to reach out with her mind into the darkness, but to no avail. She decided to make herself comfortable, and crawled underneath her quilt, laying on her side and curling around her pillow. She looked at the picture again, and tried to relax as she closed her eyes.

She felt herself drifting...


* * * * *


“Ok, so does everyone know what they’re doing?” Max asked. He looked around at each person individually, until his gaze falls on Maria.

“Yes! For the hundredth time! We know! Everyone goes in except for me!” Maria huffed, obviously put out by the plan.

Liz sighed, and tried to appease her best friend. “You know that we need someone to drive the van. We need as many people as we can have inside, but we still need someone to drive.” Maria looked only slightly mollified, so Liz continued. “You know the most important thing is getting Isabel out of there, and keeping everyone safe.”

Maria had the grace to look embarrassed. “Well then,” she said, looking at the ground as she cleared her throat, “let’s get this show on the road.”


Liz looked at her friend for a moment, and then unhesitatingly marched across the room in a few strides and enveloped her in a tight embrace. Maria was stiff in her arms initially, but then hugged her back just as enthusiastically

Liz felt awful. She knew that they had all grown apart, but it still saddened her that her best friend would hesitate even for a moment while hugging her. Liz knew it was mostly her fault. After they had left Roswell, Liz had been wrapped up in Max and their new marriage, and seemed to have less and less time for Maria. And despite the close quarters, lately she couldn’t help but feel the distance that had grown between them, a distance which had only grown since Isabel left.

“I thought you said we were leaving,” Michael said gruffly, looking pointedly at Liz and Maria. Maria gave him a look that could freeze molten lava, and then marched out of the motel room, slamming the door behind her.

Michael followed suit, muttering something about “homicidal ex-girlfriends” as he slammed the door even harder.

The remaining three winced as the room shook. Kyle began to grow more and more uncomfortable as he looked from Max to Li,z and back again. They seemed to be communicating without words as they looked at one another, and Kyle felt that, once again, he was intruding on a private moment.

He cleared his throat. “Well, I, ah, yeah,” he mumbled, nodding his head in the direction of the door. As he began to walk out, he was surprised to feel a hand on his shoulder.

He turned back to face Max, who was looking at him with a piercing gaze. He gave him a nod, and there appeared to be... was that respect and worry in his eyes? For him, Kyle? Would wonders never cease? “Be careful.” That’s all he said, but it spoke volumes. Liz placed her small hand on his arm, and looked up at him, giving him a watery smile.

Kyle suddenly felt the need to lighten the mood. The air was far too thick with fear and emotion, and it was nearly choking them. “When this is over, we’re definitely going out to dinner to eat someplace nice, your treat. None of this fast food crap anymore.” He gave them a wide grin, and Liz couldn’t help but smile back. He nudged Liz and motioned in Max’s direction, saying in a stage whisper, “Love, let’s not bring the third wheel with us this time. He’ll have to be told sooner or later of our little trysts.” Kyle wiggled his eyebrows, and Liz laughed. She became even more amused when she saw the scowl appear on Max’s face.

“Bye kids!” And with that Kyle walked out the door, looking back over his shoulder to blow them a kiss.

Liz was still smiling when she turned back to Max. He was happy now, relieved to see her smiling. Moments of levity had been few and far between lately, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he had heard Liz laugh. Their light mood did seem a bit inappropriate in contrast to the serious situation, the danger that they were about to put themselves in, and that Isabel was in right now. But they needed just a bit of lightness to get them through these dark times, and their bright smiles soon faded.

Liz turned to face Max, nervously twirling the wedding band on her finger. He took her hand in his, stopping her fidgeting. He looked down at her, and used his other hand to trace the contours of her face which he knew so well.

“I love you,” he offered simply, not knowing how else to say what he needed to say.

Liz looked close to tears for a moment, but then she clenched her fists and looked up at him with a clear understanding and steely resolve in her gaze.

“You know I love you too, but don’t you dare try to say your goodbyes. There is no ‘off chance’ that you aren’t coming back. I refuse to even entertain that thought, or humor you by saying goodbye! Everyone is coming back. There are no ands, ifs, or buts about it.” Liz jut out her chin in defiance. She didn’t want anyone going in with the mentality that they might not come out.

Max simply looked at her. He never thought that it was even possible that he could love or admire his wife any more than he already did, but she proved him wrong again, amazing him with her strength. He loved her with every fiber of his being, and there was no way in hell he would ever be able to say goodbye to her. He kissed her forehead, and squeezed her hand reassuringly. With that they both turned together, and walked out of the motel and into the rain.

~*~*~

They entered the facility, which was located somewhere in Oregon, wearing suits and jackets, with passes they had created themselves using Isabel’s descriptions. They knew that the passes would get them past the first checkpoint, but they still held their breaths.

The man at the counter was so engrossed in whatever website he was looking at, that he just waved them on without even looking up. Kyle couldn’t help but snicker to himself, as he figured, by the way the man’s eyes were glued to the screen, the website was probably in the same category as his old “Busty Biker Babes” magazines.

“One down,” Liz heard Michael mutter under his breath.

At the next checkpoint, there was no military guard, but rather a door that they would need a special card to get into. Thankfully, a little bit of alien magic can go a long way.

They were surprised to see that beyond the door was a hallway diverged into two, and they were already at the place that Isabel had described to them when she dreamwalked Max. She only knew how to get in as far as the intersection, because it was then that the drugs they had given her kicked in and knocked her out.

Liz assumed there would be more security, but their wasn’t. She couldn’t help but think that compared to the security of the CIA on Alias, the FBI had nothing. They might just as well have had no checkpoints whatsoever, and painted in big red letters on the roof of the building, “Isabel Evans is here!” Did these agents know nothing?

To give them some credit, it was 3 AM, so there weren’t as many people around. They didn’t know that Isabel had slowly become immune to the drugs they had been giving her, which were supposed to block her powers. It had actually been nearly 6 months since she had been captured, so their security was probably getting more lax, and the FBI had perhaps even begun to believe that the other aliens weren’t going to try to rescue Isabel.

Well, if they believed that, then they were in for a rude awakening.

“Liz, go with Kyle to the left. Michael and I will go to the right. If you don’t find her, come back here. Wait here for no more than two minutes, and if we aren’t back, get yourselves out.” Max thought that he felt that Isabel was to the right, but he it was very faint, and he wasn’t sure. He wanted Michael with him because he might have a better connection to her, and frankly, Liz’s blasts had become more powerful than both his and Michael’s, so he trusted her to take care of Kyle. His first instinct was to protect her, but he knew he also had to do the best he could to protect Kyle, who was only armed with a gun.

Max looked at them both, and then gave Liz a tender look. “Be careful,” he whispered.

“You too,” she said, and then turned to move down the corridor without looking back.

Before they had completely rounded the first corner, they ran into an agent.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be in -” Liz cut off the man mid-sentence, and incapacitated him with a quick green jolt.

“We have to hurry, there’s bound to be others around.” She quickly walked up to the first room on the left, and swiped her hand over the knob, unlocking it. She flung open the door quickly, taking an offensive stance.

The room contained only desks and scattered papers.

Liz let out a frustrated sigh. There were 5 other rooms just before the next corner, and who knows how many beyond that. This would take forever, and they didn’t have the time!

“Here, it’ll be faster if we each check different rooms,” Kyle offered. She nodded in agreement, but an uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. Move faster, move faster, her mind was screaming at her.

Liz quickly marched up to the next door on the left, and simply flung it open with her powers. What she saw inside made her sick. The room contained an operating table, with various sharp and grotesque tools placed beside it. The rest of the room was bare, sterile, and, of course, white.

“Keep moving,” she muttered to herself as she fought the urge to throw up. She had to check the next room.


“Nothing in this one,” Kyle called out. The room he had checked contained a table hooked up to some sort of machine, where the person could be strapped in, and, it looked like, could be given varying degrees of electric shock. They locked their offices, but they didn’t even bother locking their rooms of torture? That thought scared him more than anything else they had encountered so far.

Liz moved to the fourth room, opening it the quickest way she could with a deftly placed blast. In the room was a well-equipped laboratory. She was furious that they used the science she loved so well to harm her friend. She was about to move onto the last room when she heard the shout and the gun shot.

Liz spun around, only to see Kyle lying on the floor, face down. It seemed he had opened the door to a security room. Though the men seemed to be useless at surveillance, since the monitors that would have shown activity in their hallway was currently displaying a solitaire game, they were armed and quick to fire.

A rage built up inside of her, as she saw what they had done to Kyle. She didn’t know how badly injured he was, but she couldn’t think about it at that moment. She tried to restrain herself, and as she flung out her arms, she managed to somehow keep her blasts to a low enough level where they only knocked the guards out. She felt like she was the model of restraint, and then after completing her task, she practically threw herself down onto the ground next to Kyle, as she called his name desperately over and over again.

Her hands trembled as she carefully turned Kyle over, and then they flew to her mouth as a cry of denial escaped from her lips. Kyle had been shot through the chest, and he had already lost a lot of blood. “No,” she moaned, “Kyle...”

“Kyle,” she said desperately, “can you hear me? You have to stay with me, k?” Liz began to shake as hot tears coursed down her cheeks. She pressed her hands against the wound, trying to stay the bleeding. His white shirt was already dyed red with blood, and she inanely thought that the stain was going to be a bitch to get out.

His face had gone slack, and his eyes were opened slightly, revealing only white. There was sweat on his forehead, dampening his hair. Oh God, he looked... he looked...

What was the matter with her? She was always the calm one, especially in bad situations. Even after Alex’s death, she wouldn’t let herself fall apart until after she found out who had murdered him. But she hadn’t seen Alex die, not like...

No! Kyle was not dead! She just had to keep it together, get him to Max, and he would fix everything. She bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to calm herself, and soon her mouth was filled with the coppery taste of blood.

The hallway was eerily silent, except for the buzzing fluorescent lights overhead. They flickered on and off. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. Like Kyle. He too was slipping away, blinking on and off again like the light. She felt him drift away momentarily, just out of her reach, only to come back again, like static on a cell phone when you are going through a tunnel. But he stayed gone a little longer each time he left, and the emotions she was getting from him grew fainter and fainter.

“We’re gonna get you to Max, and he’s going to fix it, ok? You’re going to be fine!” Her breath hitched in her throat, and her teeth began to chatter as the rest of her body shook violently. “Kyle! I still owe you that fancy dinner, remember? Just you and me!” Her voice broke, as she tried to pull him into a standing position. Giving up, she hooked her arms around his chest, and began to half-drag, half carry him down the hallway.

She continued to talk, trying to keep him from slipping away. “Kyle, remember, Isabel made Max ask you to promise that once we got her out of here, you would watch the third Lord of the Rings movie with her, because she never got a chance to see it? You agreed remember? You told Max to tell Isabel that you would even spring for popcorn. Isabel,” her throat closed for a moment and she fought to control her tears. “Isabel will be pissed if you break your promise.”

She wasn’t sure how she found the physical strength to carry him all the way to their meeting place, but what was more astonishing was she somehow found the mental and emotional strength to keep moving.

She found Max and Michael already waiting there, carrying Isabel between them. Her skin was an alarming shade of gray, and there were grotesque scars running up her arms and across her chest, disappearing down under the front of her hospital gown. Her hair, once beautiful and healthy, was stringy and matted. But her eyes! Oh, her eyes held the worse change! Where once they had reflected a warmth that was radiant, though she let few see it, now her eyes were haunted, reflecting terrors that only she and one other could ever understand.

Eyes shifted from Isabel to Kyle. As soon as Max saw him, he rushed over to him as Michael took Isabel. Liz laid Kyle on the ground as gently as she could, as she pleaded with Max with her eyes to heal him. They knew that they didn’t have much time, that they would be discovered in a matter of minutes, but this had to be taken care of first.

Max didn’t hesitate as he bent down over him, his hands glowing as he pressed down on Kyle’s chest. Beads of sweat broke out on Max’s forehead, and he began to shake from the exertion.

Nothing happened.

Max moved his hand to Kyle’s neck for a moment, to check for a pulse and to confirm what he already knew. He looked at Liz with sorrow in his eyes.

“Kyle is dead.”



* * * * *


Liz woke up with a start, breathing heavily, her eyes wild with fear. Her sheets were tangled around her legs, and her pillow was wet, soaked with tears. She removed her hand from where it still rested on the yearbook, and brushed her hair back from her damp forehead. Her clothes were soaked through with sweat, and she was trembling.

She reached over to the night stand to get her glass of water that was kept there for just this purpose. She took slow sips, and concentrated on getting her breathing to even out.

Nightmares. They had plagued her since Kyle’s death, and after each new tragedy they got worse and worse. When she first came back from the future, she had had nightmares nearly every night. By now they had become less frequent, and she only had them a couple times a month. Each time, she had to relive a different hellish memory from her other past, and each time she woke up sweating and shaking, and found that she had been crying in her sleep.

She moaned as she looked at the clock. The red light seemed to taunt her, knowing that she should be asleep. 3:26. She longed to smash the digital clock to bits, but she refrained, trying to remember not to blame inanimate things for her problems. Nevertheless, she could resist glaring at it like it was the root of all evil.

Sighing, she threw her covers off, and got out of bed. She might as well take a shower, she wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep tonight




*~*

Of course, along with the good news of this new, longish part, you're gonna have to receive some bad news. Unfortunately I'm going to be very busy for most of June, and I'm not going to have access to a computer on Saturdays, so until further notice updates will only be on Wednesdays.

See you Wednesday, and let me know what you think of the new part in the meantime!

*Note*: I don't own "She" by Elvis Costello. The other song in this part is "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, and I don't own that either, though I wish I did because it's a beautiful song. If you can, I recommend listening to it while you read this.




Part 9


Liz moved across the kitchen to turn on the radio, tuning it to one of her favorite stations. It never disappointed her, and always had a song playing that she adored. Currently, it was playing She by Elvis Costello. She smiled to herself as she began to sing along. Elvis Costello reminded her of home, and of her mother singing on laundry day. She needed something to lift her moods after her nightmares, and fortify her spirit for the day ahead.

“She may be the face I can’t forget, the trace of pleasure or regret,” she sang off-key, filling the tea kettle with water before placing it on the stove. She turned on the knob, and sat down at the kitchen table to wait.

She knew that she could just heat up the water herself, but it never tasted quite the same. Alien powers didn’t really match up to the conventional ways of cooking. It was worse than trying to nuke it in the microwave. She grimaces as she remembers Michael’s early experimentation with using his powers to grill burgers.

Let’s just say, a gourmet chef Michael is not, especially when it comes to using his powers to cook.

There was another reason she wanted to avoid using her powers. Today, she was looking for normalcy. For some reason, she had a feeling it was going to be a bad day, and she needed to prepare herself in any way that she could. Doing the familiar, such as singing along to Elvis Costello, or making tea on a stove, soothed her, and made her feel more in control. Today she wanted to be normal. Just a normal day for a normal girl to make normal tea.

Sighing, she rolled her eyes. Right, normal. She didn’t even know what the word meant anymore. Oh, she lived a perfectly normal life, didn’t she? Liz mocked herself internally. After all, don’t all girls come back in time to save the world? Of course the average teenage girl has alien powers, and is about to star in a television show that parallels the story of a life that didn’t happened, and oh, yeah, is being produced by an alien! It was the blond-haired, blue-eyed, cheerleader, American-as-apple pie ideal, was it not? Don’t forget about the soul mate that she can’t be with...

Which brought her back to thinking about Max again. Damn it, she still thought about him way too much. She needed to move on, or if not move on, at the very least, let go. Relax her grip at least just a little bit on Liz’s idea of Max and her being together. Seriously, when was it going to sink in that she had changed the future, and that she couldn’t be with Max?

And even if she could be with him, perhaps he didn’t even want her anymore. Maybe he wanted “normal girls” now. After all, Max, at least the one from the future that didn’t happen, was convinced that if Liz never had been saved, she would have been perfectly content with “normal boys.” What’s to say that Max wouldn’t be content with “normal girls”? She didn’t even fall into that category anymore, did she? How ironic.

But, really, why would he want some girl that he married in the future, in another life really, coming back to use their connection to compel him to be with her?

Sounds familar... does the name Tess ring any bells? If she did that, wouldn’t she be as bad as Tess, convinced that Max would be ever so much happier and would love her, if only he knew that they were meant to be together.

Like hell. There was no way she would be like Tess. Whenever she felt that it was safe to come back to Roswell, if she told them about what happened in the future... perhaps she would just leave out the part about her and Max being together. And they could forget the kiss they shared before she left. And she could forget the way he looked at her, and the way she felt when she was with him.

Yeah, like that’d be possible. Keep dreaming Evans-... damn it, Parker! The name is Parker now.

God, she couldn’t even remember her own name.

Guess she wasn’t going back to Roswell anytime soon.

The tea kettle let out a shrill, piercing whistle, as if it were screaming at her in protest, shrieking at the unfairness of it all. “I hear ya,” she muttered to herself. Nothing about her life was fair.

A long time ago, she had thought that life was fair. Or, at the very least, it was reasonable. Until reality hit in the form of a blonde with curly ringlets and the word “Destiny” practically tattooed to her forehead. Tess sure stole Liz’s rose-colored glasses in record time. She soon realized that not only was life not fair or reasonable, it was demanding, and it asked for far more than you even thought you could possibly give. And sometimes it didn’t even ask. It just took.

Of course, after graduation, she must have dug up those tinted glasses again, because once again, everything was right with the world. All that mattered was her and Max, and how happy they were. It seemed that she had forgotten all of the pains of the past, everything that should be blocking her way to happiness. Everything that needed to heal suddenly had a band-aid slapped over it, and it was out of sight, out of mind.

Those glasses blocked out what was right in front of her, and filtered out all of the signs until it was too late.

And after Kyle’s death, those glasses were broken for good, and she didn’t think she would ever see the world in that naive, blissfully ignorant way again.

She moved the kettle away from the stove and it stopped its shrieking. Methodically she poured her tea, added honey and tabasco sauce, and then stirred the concoction with a spoon until it was blended to perfection. Mmm, sweet and spicy.

Just another remnant of her life with Max.

Abruptly she got up from her chair, momentarily abandoning her tea. She needed something to do, she needed... She was full of all this restless energy, and her thoughts kept settling on Max today, more so than usual.

She needed a distraction.

She looked around the immaculate kitchen, the spotless living room, and the basket of laundry that would still be sitting on the floor by the couch had she not already put it away.

Well, this will teach her for spending hours cleaning and scrubbing so early in the morning.

Next time she woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a nightmare, she should just read a book. A boring one. Maybe it would put her back to sleep so she could have some peace for awhile.

The song on the radio changed as she sank down onto the couch, but she didn’t notice. Her body went limp, buckling under the pressure, the weight of the world that was threatening to crush her. She hadn’t let herself to just let go in the longest time. She had remained stoic and strong during the entire time since she had left Roswell.

But something was shifting, changing. She could feel it in her bones, feel it inside every hidden corner of her soul.


Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?


She didn’t think she could handle any more changes. She was buckling under just the prospect of one, how could she handle the real thing? Hadn’t she done enough?


Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah


She needed help. She hadn’t let anyone help her since she first received her memories from the future, since she first became Future Liz.


Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya


She needed someone to hold her up now.


And she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
But from your lips she drew the Hallelujah


She was tired of being the strong one, of being the one who had to sacrifice everything. Couldn’t someone else just shoulder part of the responsibility for a little while?

Did she have to be alone?


Yeah but baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor,
You know I used to live alone before I knew ya


She was tired of being plagued with nightmares, of what was and what could be again. She was tired of being responsible for the fate of an entire world. She was just tired.


And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah


She knew it was wrong to even entertain these thoughts. It was what it was, and there was no changing that. Yet, even knowing that, oh how she wished things were different!


Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya


Besides, wasn’t she allowed to be a little selfish once in a while? How many sacrifices had she already made for a world that would never know or thank her? How many more did she have to make every day, simply by continuing to live a lie?


But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath you drew was Hallelujah


And she missed Max. She missed him so much it physically hurt her at times. She thought, with time, that she would think of him less often, and be able to move on, perhaps not romantically, but still in some way, shape, or form.


Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya


But she was wrong. She did not think about him any less frequently. In fact, as of late, her thoughts had been centered on him more and more. She missed the times when thoughts of him had caused complete and utter happiness, instead of the bittersweet sadness that always seemed to accompany her thoughts now.


It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah


That was also part of the shift, the changing. Her thoughts were not only of Max, but of an unknown, something that she couldn’t quite grasp but she felt just on the edges of her consciousness. It seemed almost like a premonition of the future, but it was more like a feeling than a flash of images. It was as if something was trying to prepare her, but she couldn’t quite grasp what she was being prepared for.


Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah


Sighing, she grabbed the almost-literal weight she had been carrying, and placed it firmly back on her shoulders. Sitting on a coach in her living room, railing against the unfairness of her life wasn’t going to accomplish anything.


Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu -


She got up off the coach, and moved back into the kitchen. She turned off the radio, cutting off the singer mid-word. She continued over to the table, and picked up her mug, taking a sip, suddenly needing to feel something warm, needing to combat the chill that had suddenly descended upon her.

She grimaced. The tea was ice-cold, and not even a bit of alien magic could save it. Reheated honey-and-tabasco tea was almost as bad as cold tea.

She dumped it down the kitchen drain, before turning to head back towards her bedroom. She needed to find something suitable to wear today. After all, she was going to meet her new co-star. Not that she really felt up to it today.

She sighed. Yeah. It was going to be a bad day.




*~*
Let me know what you thought of this part, I'll have more for you next week!