Roswell Fanatics

Title: Butterfly
Author: JustThisOnce
Disclaimer: I own nothing etc...
Category: AU, M/L
Rating: Teen/Mature
Summary: After a series of traumatic events Liz withdraws into herself and suffers depression. She finally makes up her mind to overcome this and plans a trip to France. Will she be able to discover her true self once more while she’s there?

This was a challenge by Crazyapplesaucer which I just couldn’t resist. Let me know what you think, FB is always appreciated.

Anne

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Thanks to babylisou for this beautiful banner!!!!


Prologue

There was a time I was happy. It seems so long ago now but I know that if I only close my eyes I can be back there.

A time before adulthood, when everything seemed so simple and growing up was just a distant dream.

A time before love, true love that is. When love was the word you used when talking about the latest guy at school you had a crush on, or your pet.

A time before pain. Pain that was the result of the two things I just mentioned.

We can’t go back though, no matter how much we wish we could. Life just keeps moving forward with or without us and that’s where I made my mistake. I chose to stay behind, to try and re-find the happy times.

Instead I found myself stuck in the very memories I was so desperately trying to escape. The present became a blur, the future… the future was gone.

I lost myself.

Thanks for all the feedback, I'm glad you liked the prologue. An important fact I forgot to mention at the beginning was that Liz in this fic is British.

Anais Nin: I know how you feel, I felt the same way about all things creepy crawly when we had to count them in a quadrat. There were either none or there were too many to count because they kept moving between squares. Not sure what I hated most... the bugs or the lecturer for making us do it lol

m14: The title partly came from a song i was listening to at the time which fitted in with my ideas. The other reason for the title will become clear as the story progresses. your post actually inspired the epilogue so now i have a beginning and end... I just need the middle

Anne



Part 1

The summer of 2001 had been one of the hottest we had ever known and was also the first time I saw him. Max Evans. Tall, dark, handsome and my new boss. It didn’t take long for him to become the hot topic of conversation in the office. If rumours were to be believed, he was single and wealthy. It was obvious Max loved the attention, after all, who wouldn’t? As he settled in he got to know the other employees, some a little too well.

“So… Sarah isn’t it? How are you finding the changes I’ve implemented?”

“Um, yeah they’re good,” she replied with an idiotic smile and what I hoped was little consideration of her answer.

His changes had included an entire reworking of the filing system and next day deadlines of all typing assignments. With all the time wasted flirting I was surprised he thought we would have time to do any work at all.

“I’m planning on discussing further company development with all the staff individually,” he said. “How about we go for a drink after work to brainstorm.”

I nearly choked trying to turn a laugh into a cough and noisily shuffled some papers to try and hide it. Brainstorm? Yeah right! From what I had overheard it was obvious that Max Evans certainly didn’t have brainstorming on his mind.

“Problem Miss Parker?”

“No, I… choked… water,” I said pointing to the glass on my desk. I felt myself blush and sank lower into my chair. I picked up the papers and held them in front of me to prevent him seeing.

It was strange, no one else seemed to notice but he never went out of his way to talk to me and he certainly never flirted with me. I couldn’t be sure but I thought it was probably because he had heard about Sean. I peered over the top of the papers at the clock and noticed with a faint dread that it was nearly six o’clock.

“Parker… you need to go?” he asked without any trace of the sarcasm I had expected to hear.

“Um.. Well I…”

“Leave your paperwork with me and go.”

“Thanks,” I said packing my things away quickly and handing him my work.


* * * *


I had been home for fifteen minutes when Sean came in. He took off his coat and sat at the table ready for his dinner. “What we got?” he asked glancing at his watch impatiently.

“Spaghetti Bolognese. Your favourite.”

He grunted. “Why? What have you done?”

“Nothing. I just thought you deserved a treat after work.” He eyed me suspiciously but said nothing. “How did your interview go?” I asked as I put the plate in front of him.

“Always nagging. As soon as I walk in the bloody door you start with your questions. Not a moments bloody peace.”

“Sorry. I just thought…”

“You didn’t think. That’s your problem,” he yelled throwing the plate towards me. I tried to dodge it but it still caught my cheek and I gasped. Food fell onto my clothes and the plate smashed onto the floor with the rest. “I’m going out, clean up that mess.”

I watched him put his coat on and waited for the door to close behind him before venturing to the bathroom to clean up. I looked at myself in the mirror. My cheek was already red and would definitely be bruised tomorrow. I ran my hand down it and winced at the pain. It would be a good bruise.

The phone rang but I ignored it. It would most likely be Maria and I didn’t feel like talking to her today. Instead I washed off some of the Bolognese and put on a clean top.

Still holding my cheek I went back downstairs to the remains of dinner. I picked up the dustpan and knelt down to clear it up. I looked at the engagement ring on my finger and closed my eyes as the tears began to fall.

Hey, sorry the update took longer than intended but it's here at last. One more 'scene setting' part and we start getting into the more interesting stuff

Thanx for all your feedback, it's great to know that so many of you are enjoying this fic!

Anyways here it is!

Anne


Part 2

I had been in bed for almost an hour when Sean finally came home and from the grunts and bangs that were coming from downstairs I could tell he was drunk. Any minute now he would be making his way up the stairs to bed. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. The bedroom door was swung open and the light switched on but I kept my eyes closed, praying he was in a better mood than earlier. I felt the bed beside me lower as Sean sat down.

“Liz, Liz, you awake?”

I stayed silent.

“Come on Liz!”

Grabbing my shoulder he rolled me over onto my back and moved closer, running his hand over my chest. He’d done this before and while it repulsed me I knew it could end one of two ways. If I was to try and fight him off he would get violent, or I could let him get on with it.

He squeezed one of my breasts roughly and I couldn’t help but grimace.

“Ah, so you are awake,” he whispered leaning over me. His breath stank of alcohol and made me feel sick. He pulled himself on top of me, running his hand down my thigh and leaning down to kiss me. I looked away. Suddenly I seemed to have his whole weight on me, pinning me against the bed. He’d stopped moving and I realized that, thankfully, he’d passed out.

I struggled from beneath him and turned out the light as I went to the bathroom. I had to wash him off of me, get rid of the fowl smell of alcohol that lingered on my skin.

The water brought some relief as it washed away what had just happened, all but the memory of it. I had to get out of the house, clear my head. I dry myself quickly, careful of the bruises that litter my body. I pick up some clothes from the ironing pile downstairs and sling them on, not wanting to go back into the bedroom. No longer worried about waking up Sean I grab my keys and let the door slam on my way out. I know he won’t hear a thing until morning.

After a few minutes of walking I realize that it’s raining and I haven’t got a coat. My clothes are soaking and my white top has turned see-through, which I realize is probably one of the reasons the man who passed me a few seconds earlier had stared at me. I look up at the black sky and let the rain fall on my face. For no reason at all I begin to laugh, I laugh so hard that I don’t notice the man walking towards me.

“Are you okay?”

For a few stunned moments I stare at him, “um, Mr. Evans. Yeah I’m… I’m fine.” I bit my lip suppressing the unwanted laughter.

“What happened to your face?”

I run my hand across my cheek and my laughter fades. “Oh, cupboard door. You know how it is.”

“Oh.” He says obviously unconvinced. “Erm… you may want to put this on,” he says, handing me his coat. “Your top’s a bit…”

“Thanks.”

“You know you can tell me the truth?”

“About what?”

“Anything. If you ever want to talk… why don’t you come back to my flat and get dried off?”

“I shouldn’t. Sean will wonder where I am.” I lie, knowing that Sean wouldn’t even realize I wasn’t there. Trying to explain my absence in the morning would be tricky though.

“Sod Sean. You’re only going to get dried off, maybe chat and then you can go home.”

I wrap his coat tightly around me and nod.

* * * *

Ten minutes later I step out of Max’s bathroom wearing one of his shirts and some old trousers. He insisted I call him Max and not Mr. Evans and I’ve come to realize that my impressions of him at work were perhaps not the true Max Evans.

I can’t help but yawn and as we sit on the sofa and chat I find myself drifting off to sleep. The last thing I’m aware of is being lifted up and carried to a different room. I hear him say I can have his bed as I become aware of being placed on a soft surface.

For once I feel safe and warm, and fall asleep smiling.

My computer and word had a disagreement lol so I've only just managed to get this part done. I've got a new banner too... the old one kinda sucked.

Anne



Part 3

I woke up reluctantly, wanting to stay in my dreams a bit longer. There was a knock on the door, “yes?”

Max stuck his head round, “Just came to see if you wanted a drink? Tea? Coffee? Orange?”

“I can’t, I have to get home. Sean will be worried sick that I’m not there.” Or more likely he’ll be angry that he has to make his own breakfast, I add to myself.

“Forget Sean. Sorry... It’s just you put him before yourself all the time. He doesn’t own you, no matter what he may think.”

“I know it’s just…” I see the look he’s giving me and smile. “Orange would be great. Thanks.”

“Okay, one orange juice coming right up. You know something?”

“What?”

“You should smile more often; it makes your eyes shine.” He said disappearing back out of the room.

A few minutes later he was back with a glass of orange and a tray. “I bought you some toast too,” he said smiling. “I wasn’t sure what you like on it, so I bought everything”

I sit up and smile again, “thanks. You didn’t have to go to all that trouble…”

“Hey, it’s no trouble. I’ve got to get ready for work so I’ll leave you to it. Okay?”

“Oh my god, work! I’ve got no clean clothes with me.”

He leaves the tray next to the bed and turns to leave. “Have the day off. You can have the run of flat.”

“But…”

“No buts. You deserve the break.”

* * * * *

The next time I looked at the clock it was half ten. After finishing breakfast I had fallen asleep again. I got dressed and wandered around Max’s flat. On a table near the door I notice a piece of paper. I see my name on it and pick it up to read.

Liz,
You were asleep when I left and I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful and happy.

Feel free to stay as long as you like, and help yourself to any food and drink you want.

I’ll see you later if you’re still here, or at work tomorrow. Take care.

Max

PS. There’s a spare set of keys on a hook under this table. Take them, they’re yours. You can come and go as you please.

I run my hand along the underside of the table and my fingers catch on a small set of keys. I unhook them and put them in my pocket. Turning the paper over I scribble a quick note.

Thank you so much for letting me stay here last night, you have been so kind to me.

I will see you at work tomorrow; I have to go home to Sean.

Liz

Sean. I think of the mood he will be in when I get home and almost stay at Max’s, but I know that delaying going home would only make things worse. I close the door of the flat behind me and although I dread facing Sean I know that I have somewhere safe to go whenever I need.

* * * * *

Sean opened the door just as I was about to unlock it and pulled me into a hug. “Where the hell have you been? We’ve worried sick!” At first I’m taken aback and confused by the behaviour and then his words register. We. Maria must be here.

“Lizzie! I was so worried, we both were…” she looks at me. “What happened? That bruise!”

“Hit it on a cupboard yesterday, I left the door open and turned round. I really am clumsy sometimes.” She pulls me away from Sean and gives me a hug.

“Well I’m glad you’re safe. We have loads to catch up on, its as if you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Why would I ever want to do that?”

“Indeed. Oh, did you know Alex has moved out to France?”

“No. When did that happen?”

“Last week. He’s just bought a vineyard and hotel over there and he’s gone over to organise staff and make sure the new manageress settles in okay.”

We walk to the kitchen to sit down and chat over a cup of tea, my thoughts of Sean temporarily pushed to one side. His loving fiancé act would be dropped as soon as Maria went. For the moment though, I could enjoy talking to Maria and worry about Sean later.

Well, here's the part as promised so no need for torture

Enjoy!

Anne



Part 4

2 months later

The last few months have been okay. Sean has been the same as ever but it hasn’t really bothered me so much. Not now I have Max to turn to… and I seem to have done that a lot. I turn and look at him; he had offered to take me home after work so I would be back before Sean. It had been the same most evenings. Sometimes when the bruises are a little too obvious, I use the computer at Max’s apartment to do my work.

Gradually I’m working up the courage to leave Sean; I know I don’t need him to make me feel wanted. I sigh and turn to Max, “Thanks for the lift, and well, for everything.” I tell him, wanting to voice my gratitude even though I know he already knows how much his friendship has come to mean to me.

“So, this is what you’ve been up to, is it?”

I jump at the voice. “Sean!”

“Get inside.” He says forcefully, using all his will power to prevent him yelling at me. He notices my reluctance to move and opens the door, pulling me out.

“Why aren’t you at work?” I ask, realizing afterwards that the question would only fuel his anger.

“Hey, hey!”

“And who the hell are you?” he asks Max.

“That’s my boss, Mr. Evans.”

“Provide a personal taxi service as well these days do they?”

“I was just dropping her off from work; she worked a bit later than normal today to get some paperwork finished for me. A lift home is the least I could do.”

Sean looks at him smirking and I know he knows something. “Really? That’s strange because Elizabeth wasn’t at work today… were you?” he says turning to me. He rarely calls me by my full name and when he does I know something major has happened.

“I… I wasn’t?” I stutter, thrown by his statement. “I... I…”

“You’ve been shagging him haven’t you? You little slut.”

I take a step away from him, half afraid, half angry at his behaviour. As I do, Max leaps forward and swings his fist, catching Sean neatly ion the nose.

“Oh My God, Max… No! Stop it!”
Sean pushes him away and looks from me to Max, running his hand along his now bleeding nose. “On first name terms now are we? Get indoors.”

“Liz you don’t have to…” he puts his hand out to stop Sean coming towards me.

“Leave it Max… please.”

“Get inside - NOW!”

I turn and walk down the path as Sean turns back to Max who is getting back into his car. “And you… Stay the fuck away from my fiancé!”

* * * * *

I’d locked myself in the bathroom as soon as I got inside the house, afraid of what Sean might do. He followed me up and hammered on the door. “Open up the door Liz, let’s talk.”

“No. We can talk like this.”

“Elizabeth, open the door!”

“Sean, nothing is going on between Max and me. We’re just friends, I swear! He gives me a lift home sometimes.”

“Nice of him, but your avoiding the point. You weren’t at work today… why?”

“I just… I… I didn’t feel well; Max drove me to the doctors.”

“Don’t lie to me… I know damn well you weren’t at the doctors. It’s not the first time you haven’t been in work either.”

This was the first I’d heard about any suspicions he’d had. “What?”

“You heard me… I’ve phoned your office several times and you haven’t been in. Sometimes it’s ‘she’s assisting Mr. Evans personally and they are not to be disturbed.’ It’s been going on for the last two months.”

I can feel my anger rising, knowing he’s been specifically checking up on me. “You… you’ve been checking up on me.”

“And after all I’ve done for you! I go out and work hard everyday to get you the things you want and you repay me by screwing your boss! You left your mobile here today and I noticed Max in the phonebook so I phoned the number to see just who he was. Imagine how I felt when you answered his phone. His home phone!”

“You’ve been checking up on me!” I repeat louder, almost yelling. “I have not been sleeping with Max and how dare you go through my mobile!” I unbolt the door and launch myself at Sean, who obviously wasn’t expecting this reaction.

“Wha…”

“And what the hell is all this crap about everything you’ve done for me? God… you’ve done nothing but make my life hell for the past two years. Look at me! I walk around this house wondering what reason you’ll find next to hit me. Nothing I do is good enough for you. You accuse me of sleeping with my boss… you honestly think I would want him to see me like this?” I ask rolling up my sleeves to show him all the bruises he’d caused. “You think I’d want anyone to see me like this?”

“How dare you speak to me like this…” he says lifting his arm to hit me.

“Not this time Sean. Not ever again. You’re nothing, I don’t need you!” I scream as I push him away with every bit of strength I have left. He stumbles backwards and before I can do anything to stop it, he’s falling down the stairs. There’s a dull thud as he lands on the carpet at the bottom.

I move to the top of the stairs and look down at him, there’s a pool of blood by his head and his leg is twisted beneath him at an unnatural angle. There’s no noise or movement. I fall against the wall and slide to a sitting position. With shaking hands I pick up my mobile from where Sean had dropped it and dial Maria’s number. It only takes a few seconds for her to answer.

“Hiya Liz.”

I can’t speak; my mouth just opens and closes uselessly.

“Lizzie?”

“Uh… I… I killed him, Ria. Oh my God, I killed him!”

Thanks for all the feedback and bumps! greatly apreciated. I'm very sorry for the wait, I've been working on Broken Dreams as well, but here's part 5

Anne



Part 5


It doesn’t take Maria long to arrive although to me it feels like the minutes are dragging so slowly it could just as easily have been hours. She lets herself in and checks Sean’s body. I gave her a key a year ago… Sean doesn’t know that but I guess part of me was hoping she would come in and catch Sean one day. It wouldn’t be down to me to make the decision to leave. It never happened though and now it had come to this. “Liz? It’s okay Lizzie he’s alive. I’ve called an ambulance; it should be here soon.” She appears at the top of the stairs. “Let’s get you cleaned,” she says helping me off the floor. For the first time I realize I’ve been sick.

“Sorry,” I mumble as she leads me to the bathroom. I just stand there staring at my reflection while she fetches some clean clothes.

“Here, put these on.”

I don’t move.

“Hey chica, don’t go all shy on me. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.”

I sigh, thinking how wrong she is and am just about to pull off my top when the doorbell rings. She rushes down to let the paramedics in and I make the most of her absence and change hurriedly. A few minutes later I hear the ambulance leave and Maria comes back up just as I am washing my face. “Do you have a bag?” I ask her as she comes in.

“Bag? What for?”

“The clothes.”

“Stick them in the wash”

“They’re evidence Maria.”

Without turning to her I can tell that she is wondering what the hell I’m talking about.

“Liz, this was just an accident. No one is going to think you tried to kill him or anything.”

I sigh, uncertain whether it really was an accident. I was so angry, I had lost control. I think I had even wanted him dead but…

“It was just an accident… wasn’t it?”

I nod. “We argued. I pushed him away from me and he slipped down the stairs.”

“I told them we’d follow in the car.”

“Maria, I can’t.”

“I know you argued but Sean’s in a bad way.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Ok, but I don’t want you on your own.”

“It’s okay, there’s someone I can go see.”

“Want a lift?”

I shake my head, “I’ll walk, clear my head.”


* * * * *


Half an hour later I was stood on the steps to Max’s flat. I pushed the buzzer on the intercom. A second later a voice crackled through, “hello?”

“It’s Liz.” The door buzzed open and I walked up the stairs to flat 12b and knocked. The door opened and a beautiful blonde I’d never seen before opened the door.

“Come in!” she said cheerily, the French accent making her seem even more beautiful.

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“Don’t be silly, my dearest Maxie would never forgive me if you didn’t come in.” She stepped back allowing me to enter, “Max!” She smiled. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“I uh… I’ve not heard a thing about you,” I say hoping it didn’t sound rude.

“Hardly surprising. I sometimes think he’d forget me altogether if I didn’t just turn up every so often.”

I smile politely.

“I’m Isabel by the way. Max’s sister.”

I smile, “oh, pleased to meet you.” I feel myself inwardly sigh with relief and then feel guilty.

“Hey Is, could you pop to the shops for me? We’re out of milk.”

“Sure. I’ll see you later Liz.”


As soon as his sister has left I find myself telling him about everything that has happened.

Not only about Sean’s accident today but about everything that has happened for the last two years.

The beating, the rape, the feeling of worthlessness and how in those last few moments, I wanted Sean dead.

And Max listened. I mean really listened, not speaking once other than to tell me everything was okay now.

As he gently stroked my hair I knew.

I was falling for Max Evans.

Well here it is at last, a new part! I wont leave it so long next time, Promise -x-

Anne


Part 6

It was two hours later that I woke up on the sofa, my head against Max’s chest. Isabel was back and busy in the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” I say looking up at him.

“For what?”

“You know, for telling you all that stuff.”

Max looks at me and smiles, “I’m glad you did. I only wish you’d told me all this sooner, I mean I guessed some of what was going on.”

“The bruises were starting to be a give away. I don’t want to let him rule my life any more.”

“Then you should go to the police,” he says glancing at Isabel. “I could go with you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

Isabel walked over with some tea and looked at me. “You won’t be rid of him unless you do this. You need him to see you’re serious about getting him out of your life.”

“But he loves me. I can’t do that to him.”

“Love?” Isabel cried, her voice dangerously high. “From what I’ve heard that man has done absolutely nothing to show he loves you.”

“We’re engaged,” I say feebly, my words sounding ridiculous even to myself. “And you had no right to discuss my personal situation with anyone,” I add, hating myself for saying it. I stand up to leave, knowing I am making a stupid decision.

“Stay here, with me.” I hear him say.

I shake my head, “I can’t. Thank you for listening.”

I leave the flat and grab a taxi to the hospital. I spend the journey thinking about Max… what he had offered. No matter what he said I knew that going to the police wouldn’t solve this. There is only so much they can do, and I don’t think it would be enough to keep Sean away.

* * * * *

I jump out of the taxi, handing over five pound. Maria is by the doors, she looks paler than usual. “Maria?!”

“Liz! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to contact you.”

“Sorry I was with a friend. What’s happened?”

“A friend? God Liz, I didn’t want to believe it but it’s true isn’t it. You’ve been seeing another man, you’re boss.”

“Maria? What is all this about?”

She turned and walked back into the hospital. A few minutes later two police officers came out. “Elizabeth Parker?”

I nod.

“We need you to accompany us to the station.”

I nod again. “Is he alright?”

“Concussion and a broken leg. He’ll be fine. We just need to clarify a few details.”

* * * * *

It was four hours later that I cold leave the police station. I went to the phone in the reception and dialled the only number I could think of. I just hoped Max could forgive me after what I’d said earlier. Isabel answered the phone and said that Max was already on the way to the station. He had gone to the hospital only to be confronted by an irate Maria who had apparently told him to ‘go to hell’ before saying I had been taken to the station. As I hung up the phone Max called from behind.

“Liz! Are you okay? What happened.”

“It’s over Max.”

His face fell as he misunderstood what I meant.

“Sean, I mean. I told them what happened today and some of what happened before. They said he had been thinking of pressing charges but they assured me that shouldn’t be a worry now. He’s not going to be allowed anywhere near me. Or you. That’s if your offer from earlier still stands?”

His face broke into a smile, “Liz Parker, you have just made me a very happy man,” he said pulling Sean’s ring from my finger. I took it from him and threw it into the bin as we left and Max stopped to kiss me. A kiss like nothing I had ever shared with Sean.

Thanks for all the feedback! Here's the new part

Anne


Part 7

One month later

Max rolled over and put his arm around me. Life since I left Sean had changed dramatically. Isabel had gone back to France two weeks ago and I had had Max all to myself since then.
Even in just a month my confidence had improved and Max had shown me how a relationship was meant to be. A faint noise from the kitchen made me open my eyes. “Max?” I whispered.

“Hmmm?”

“Max!”

“What?” he said opening his eyes.

“That noise. Can you hear it?”

He listened to the silence, “No. do you want me to check?”

Max was used to my paranoia where sounds in the night were concerned.

“No,” I said with a smile. “I think I’ll get a glass of water though. Want one?” He shook his head. “Okay, back in five.”

I pulled the door behind me and walked to the kitchen. I took a glass from the drainer and poured some water from a bottle in the fridge.

The door buzzer made me jump. Putting the glass down I walked to the door and lifted the handset. “Hello?”

“Hey Liz, it’s Maria. I really need to speak to you. Can I come up?”

“Sure.” I said putting the handset down and buzzing her up. I open the door and smile as she reaches the door.

“I’m so sorry Liz. I should have listened to you but I couldn’t see past the nice guy act.”

“What’s up?”

“He’s been drinking. A lot. Came round my flat yelling and shouting how he was going to kill you both. If he couldn’t have you, no one could. He scared me Liz. I phoned the police and warned them.”

“Thanks for the tip off. I’ll make it quick,” said a voice from behind Maria.

Sean had appeared in the doorway before the door could be closed and pushed Maria roughly out of the way. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Sean swung his torch at me and caught me on the side of my head, as everything started to fade into blackness I saw him swing it again at Maria who rushed at him.

The last thing I heard was Max calling my name. The inky blackness washed over me, taking with it all sound, all thoughts and all pain.

Well here's part 8 as promised! Probably the first time I've posted when I've said I would

The next part or 2 will quite dark but stick with it!

Anne



Part 8


Poor love, its going to be hard for her.

What is?

Lost everything.

Everything? Maria? Max?

And the bloke who did it, her ex, killed himself after. A small comfort to know he isn’t around anymore.

Comfort? Doesn’t that idiot woman realise I can hear everything? Comfort? The only way his death would be a comfort would be if I had killed him myself.

“Hmm.”

“She’s waking!”

“Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. You’ve been sleeping for most of a week now.”

“Where’s Maria? And Max? I heard you talking.”

The woman’s face dropped. “Sorry, you should rest.”

“Sounds like I’ve had a week of that already. Tell me.”

The woman shifted uncomfortably, “I’m sorry Miss Parker but your friend died on arrival.”

I feel shiver running down my spine, we’d only just started speaking that night. She’d died because she came to warn me. “Max?”

“I’m afraid he’s missing.”

“Missing?” Missing isn’t dead though I think to myself, missing means he is still out there somewhere and he’ll find me, come back to me.

“You should know, the police have evidence to suggest that he may not have survived the attack. There were traces of Mr Evans‘ blood on a weapon found in an abandoned car. I probably shouldn‘t have told you all this so soon.”

“No, thank you for your honesty,“ I said.

In that second my world fell apart around me, I had nothing left, no one to turn to. I was completely alone.

I looked up as a nurse came into my room.

“How are you feeling today, Miss Parker?”

“Liz. My head aches but other than that I feel fine.”

“Well, I’m pleased to say that the tests we’ve done are all clear and you and the baby are both fine.”

I stare at her, “I’m sorry, baby?”

“You didn’t know?”

I shake my head. At one time a baby would have made my life complete but now? That was the last thing I wanted, a reminder of what I’d lost, of what could have been.

I close my eyes and lay back, sinking into the pillows. I wish that I could slip back into the blackness, it had been more friendly to me than the cold hard existence I was facing now.

New part, the last really dark part i'm pleased to say.

Part 9

The last few weeks flew by in a haze of visits from the police and visits from ‘friends’ who seem to have only surfaced now, where were they all before now? I find myself drifting in and out of memories, trying desperately to escape the current situation. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that Max isn’t coming back. He would be here by now if he could return. I remember the first time I saw him, before I realised he was my new boss. The way he looked at me differently to all the other women in the office. Like me he hid behind a mask, to every one else he was outgoing and a flirt but I saw the real Max Evans.

* * *

‘Why do you put on this act? Why don’t you let people see the real you?’

‘I can’t, I’ve been hurt to often. It takes someone special to see through the façade, if people don’t try then I’m happy for them to keep their initial impression of me.’

‘Aren’t you worried that you’ll miss this someone special if they think you’re playing around?’

Max leans closer to my ear, ‘I haven’t though have I? You saw the real me.’

* * *

I push the memory from my mind as a tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. A vision of Sean pushing his way into the apartment and swing the torch at Maria forces its way into my mind. The tears flow freely now, what had Sean done to Max? I hug my knees to my chest, and stare at the boxes of paracetemol I have collected. Life is too hard, to painful. How easy would it be to just swallow the tablets and let myself slip into oblivion? With shaking hands I pick up the box and pull out the foil packet. I run my fingers along the smooth surface and let my hand linger by one of the tablets, contemplating popping it out onto my hand.

* * *

‘Hey Chica, how you feeling today?’

‘oh Ria, I can’t do this. I can’t marry him.’

‘what do you mean? what’s happened?’

I contemplate telling her the truth, ‘It’s just… so fast. Can I really agree to marry a man I’ve only known for a short time?’

‘It’s not like you’re getting married tomorrow, you can always cancel the engagement. The two of you get on brilliantly.’

‘I guess. It’s just nerves.’ I say and smile.

* * *

I push several tablets out onto my hand as the next memory hits me.

* * *

Sean and I are out in London at a posh restaurant. I put on my favourite outfit, it makes me feel glamorous and should make Sean happy, he loves to show me off, his prize possession. On my return from the toilets a group of men start whistling and making comments, it’s obviously a Stag do so I take no notice. As I sit back down Sean’s mood sours.

‘What are you playing at? I told you not to make a show of yourself but you can’t help it can you? You have to be centre of attention.’

‘I didn’t do anything’ I say in my defence and immediately regret it.

He raises his voice and begins to call me names, accusing me of things I’m not guilty of. Things his jealousy and possessiveness have made into issues. I blush as people begin to turn and stare. The head waiter walks over and informs us we will have to leave and I’m mortified. Sean pays quickly and marches me from the restaurant. Once we are back at the house Sean yells some more at my spoiling the evening and leaves for the pub.

I find my self sitting in the kitchen holding a knife. My fingers caressing the blade that could end all my problems. I place it to my wrist, watching it push into my skin without breaking the surface. I stop. This is not the answer. I don’t know what is but I know that I cannot do this no matter how much I long to slip away. I will not let Sean win.

* * *

I stare at the tablets in my hand. Sean is gone, I think to my self. This is what he wanted, me dead. How can I give him the satisfaction. Then I think of the baby. I may not want to accept it but tiny being growing inside me is innocent and there’s a good chance it is the last piece of Max I have left.

I flush the tablets away and wipe my face. The doorbell rings and I contemplate ignoring it, pretending I’m not in.

“Liz? Liz open up, I know your there and if need be I’ll camp on your doorstep until you decide to surface.”

I force a smile and open the door, “Alex! What are you doing here?” I hug him tightly as though he might disappear if I let go. He doesn’t complain and hugs me tightly in return. I’m not completely alone, I will get through this. One day at a time.