Part 130
Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 1:45 pm
OMG, my EXTREME apologies. I thought for sure I'd updated last week, but I guess I totally spaced it. I'm going to blame the end of the school year craziness this time. Again, sorry.
Thank you so much for the feedback:
Ellie
Novy
simplyshiny
Tiffany
Krista
I'm realizing as I post this part that I REALLY need to write more of this. I've got more parts ready to go, but I've been having major writer's block lately and need to work through it.
Part 130
It was a scary feeling, leaving for a place she’d never been before. Maria hadn’t felt scared when she’d taken all those pills, and she hadn’t even felt scared when she’d passed out because of them. But all she felt now was fear. Fear of the unknown, or something cliché like that.
Tess and Kyle had helped her pack while Michael stayed out of her way. The packing didn’t take nearly as long as she’d thought it would, though, and by late afternoon, it was time to go. She waited a little longer than she should have, because Tess said Marty and her mom might stop by. But apparently her mom was a mess, so that wasn’t going to happen. Which was fine. Maria didn’t want her mom to see her like this. It was bad enough that Miley had to.
Kyle carried her bags downstairs and set them down on the porch where Michael, Tess, Ed, and Miley were waiting. No one said anything. What was there to say?
She cleared her throat and decided it was best to just get going. “Bye, Ed,” she croaked out, giving her stepdad a hug.
“Bye, Maria,” he returned. “See you soon.”
She tried to smile, though she doubted how soon it would be. She turned to Kyle next, wanting to say something to him but unable to get any words out. He opened his arms wordlessly, and she walked into them, hugging him hard, fighting not to cry. It would have been so easy.
When he let go, the reality sunk in that this was really happening, that she might not see him or any of those people again for months. Tess would probably come visit her once in awhile, and Kyle might tag along. But not Michael. She didn’t want to see him. Even right now, he couldn’t even look at her, so she did her best to ignore him and knelt down in front of Miley instead. She was in her wheelchair, clutching her favorite Hannah Montana doll to her side.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” she asked, wishing she would have thought a little longer and harder about this precious girl before she’d popped all those pills into her mouth.
“Where you goin’, Mama?” Miley asked quietly.
“Oh, not far away.” She was leaving it up to Michael to tell her whatever he saw fit about the . . . situation. “I just have to go somewhere else for awhile.”
“You comin’ back?” Miley squeaked out.
“Of course.”
“When?”
“As soon as I can.” She stroked her daughter’s hair, agonized by the tears streaming down her soft cheeks. “Sweetie, don’t cry,” she whispered, leaning in to embrace her. She cast a hesitant glance up at Michael. He was watching with interest, but as soon as she looked up, he looked away.
“You be a good girl for Daddy, okay?” Again, she tried to smile. She pulled it off better this time, just because Miley was the one she was smiling for.
Miley nodded sadly.
“Okay. I love you.” Maria kissed the top of her head, then forced herself up. She turned straight to Tess and announced, “I’m ready to go.” If she stayed one second longer, she’d lose her resolve and decide to stay. And she knew that wasn’t for the best.
“Alright, let’s go,” Tess said. Kyle handed her the duffle bag, and she slung it over her shoulder and carried it to the car. Maria walked alongside her, fidgeting with the ring on her left hand. She slid it off, stared down at it for a moment, and then turned back around, concealing it in her hand. She walked up to Michael, pressed her hand to his heart, and let go of the ring. He caught it before it fell to the ground.
She met his eyes sadly. He had to know she had no reason to wear that anymore.
“Maria?” Tess called.
She let out a determined sigh and hurried after her friend. When they drove off, Ed was waving goodbye, Kyle was comforting Miley while she cried, and Michael was holding the engagement ring between his fingers, staring at it in distress.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Max felt like he’d been hit by a ten-ton truck. There were no words to describe his conversation with Isabel, yet he was still going to have to find a way to explain it to Liz.
He’d barely stepped inside the apartment when she exclaimed, “Perfect timing! I just finished making dinner.” She turned off the oven and spun around to face him, looking like Suzy Homemaker in her apron. “Will Garret be joining us tonight?”
Max shut the front door, still in a daze. “Yeah.”
“Good, because—look what I made.” She picked up a plate and scurried toward him to show off a few oddly-shaped chicken nuggets. “What do you think?” she asked eagerly.
He scratched his forehead, not really sure what there was to say about those. “Uh . . .”
“Dinosaurs,” she chirped. “They’re Dinosaur-shaped.”
“Oh, yeah, now I see it, with the horn and . . . yeah.” He was so out of it. He’d thought the horn was . . . something else.
“What?” she asked, apparently sensing something was off. “Will he not eat chicken nuggets?”
“No, he’ll eat ‘em.”
She lowered the plate, staring at him intently. “What’s wrong?”
It was no use trying to hide it from her, especially when there wasn’t time to hide anything. “Liz, I need to talk to you,” he said, his stomach growling nervously.
“Okay.” She set the plate down on the kitchen table and scampered into the living room. She sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her, completely calm. For the time being.
He took off his coat, draped it over the arm of the couch, and practically collapsed.
“Is it something bad?” she asked.
“No.”
“Well, it doesn’t sound like something good.”
He sighed, trying to think of a good way to even broach the matter. “I’m not sure how I feel about it. And I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.”
She shifted around a bit, any ounce of calm quickly vanishing. “Max, could you just . . . could you just spit it out?” she stammered. “You’re making me nervous.”
Just spit it out, he thought. Easier said than done.
She scooted closer to him and squeezed his hand. The simple touch gave him the courage to start in.
“I think my sister’s finally lost it, Liz.”
“Lost what?” she asked.
“Her mind.”
Liz’s eyes bulged.
“Yeah, I just spent the last half an hour comforting her while she cried in front of me. Or . . .” He plucked at his shirt sleeve. “On me, I guess.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “That doesn’t sound like Isabel.”
“It’s not like her. I’ve never seen her cry, ever, not once in all these years.” She went out of her way to not show any vulnerability to anyone, especially not him.
“Well, what was she so sad about?” Liz asked.
“Michael, Garret, our dad.” A child traversed his spine at the thought of what their father had done to her. Child molestation was different than rape. It was a step beyond. “Life in general, you know. Turns out she and Michael almost knocked boots and--”
“Wait,” Liz cut in. “Knocked boots? What does that . . .” She trailed off abruptly, her mouth gaping. “Sex?” she shrieked. “They had sex?”
“Almost,” he repeated.
“What? When? Why?”
“I don’t know, but that’s apparently why Maria overdosed. She walked in on ‘em.”
“Oh my god,” Liz gasped, holding her hand to her stomach as though she were about to be sick.
“Yeah. And . . . well, let’s just say Maria wasn’t the only member of Michael’s harem who tried to kill herself last night.”
Again, Liz’s eyes bulged. “No way.”
“Yep. My sister the sociopath is now a suicidal sociopath.” He shook his head, not sure if there was any hope for her. “She almost jumped off a bridge.”
“Oh my god, that’s insane,” Liz said bluntly. “She needs help.”
“And that’s one thing we can all agree on, even her.”
“Good. Oh . . .” Liz made a disgusted face. “What’s her plan?”
“She’s gonna leave town,” Max revealed. “I think she said something about going back to Florida. Believe it or not, she actually wants to get away from Michael now.”
“Well, hopefully it’ll be good for her,” Liz said. “But what about Garret? Is he going along?”
“No.”
“Then what’s gonna happen to him? His dad’s in prison, his mom’s taking off without him . . .” she fretted aloud. “She can’t just leave him here. He has no one.”
“He has his godparents,” Max pointed out.
“But what’re we supposed to do?” Everything about her froze, and when he looked at her, he could see that she was getting it. “You want him to stay here,” she said, no hint of inquiry in her voice.
He nodded.
“For how long?”
“I don’t know.” He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He could barely think about the next day. “We gotta figure some stuff out. But I have to do this. I can’t let him be homeless. I can’t let him end up in the foster system like Tiffany.” Sure, Tiffany was getting a fairytale family now, but it hadn’t always been that way.
“No, of course not,” Liz agreed readily. “But Max, what’re we talking about here? A temporary thing? A permanent thing?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Because we barely have room here for the two of us.”
“We’ve got Isabel’s house,” he pointed out. “It’s technically mine since I bought it and it’s in my name.”
“So now we’re gonna move over there?” She started to talk louder as the stress of it all started to pile up. “What happens if she comes back?”
“She’s not coming back, Liz.” That was one thing he was certain of.
“She’s abandoning her son?” she shrieked.
“She thinks it’s for the best. And I agree with her,” he admitted. “I should’ve gotten him outta there years ago.”
“Max, my head is, like, spinning right now,” she said, pressing the heels of her hands to her temple. “Did you and Isabel talk about this?”
“Yes.”
“What’d she say?”
“She wants me to raise Garret.”
“Is that what you want?”
He sighed heavily. “I don’t know.” Over the past year, he’d done so much flip-flopping on whether or not he wanted kids, only to find out he wasn’t able to have them. And then everything with Tiffany had changed his mind, but then she’d left town . . . and now there was this, and this was huge and very sudden. “I know I wanna protect him. I don’t want her to corrupt him. But I don’t even know if I’m the right guy for the job. I don’t know if I can do any better than she has, but I know I can’t do any worse.”
She sank down into the couch, a contemplative expression on her face.
“He’s the closest thing I have to a son, you know, the closest thing I’ll ever have,” he pointed out. “I love that kid.”
“So do I,” she added.
“Yeah, so . . . I know it’s a lot to ask, but . . . we can’t just sit back and do nothing, Liz. We have to do something.” And ultimately, this was the only thing they could do. For anyone. They’d always been so concerned about themselves, but maybe it was time to think about somebody else for a change. “Alex is outta the picture, and now Isabel’s leavin’, too. So that leaves us.”
She twisted her hair into a knot on the top of her head, held it there for a moment, and then let it fall again.
“You can decide for yourself,” he said, “but . . . I’m gonna do this.” He hadn’t been trying to make the decision without her, but Isabel had been so hysterical and so eager to get gone that he hadn’t had time to stop and thinking, let alone talk it through with her beforehand.
“Okay,” she said, her voice even and calm again. “Then I’m gonna help you.”
“Seriously?” He’d been preparing himself for a no.
“Of course,” she said. “He’s my nephew, too, you know.”
He smiled and took her hand in his again, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. “Thank you.”
“We’ll just have to see how it goes,” she cautioned.
He nodded in agreement. These first couple weeks were going to be a big adjustment period for all of them. “She’s bringing him by tonight.”
“And then she’s taking off?”
He nodded.
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah.” His sister. She certainly had a flair for the dramatic.
“So . . . so let’s just try to make things as normal for him as possible,” she suggested, “and then we’ll just . . . we’ll just take it from there.”
“Alright.” Sounded like a reasonable plan to him, and he wasn’t even a reasonable guy.
“Oh my god,” she whispered in astonishment, leaning forward. “Did our whole lives suddenly change?”
He laughed a little and nodded. As much as he hated the thought of Garret technically becoming an orphan, he couldn’t deny that he was excited to spend more time with the kid.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Cresthaven Chemical Dependency Center wasn’t far away. It only took about twenty-five minutes to get there, but it was located far enough on the edge of town to make Maria feel like she was someplace entirely new. It was very country and secluded. Since it wasn’t on a major road, there were no noises from passing traffic, only the chirping of birds and the trickling of water from a fountain out front. There was an archway out front where Welcome was written with flowers. The front of the building boasted a large wrap-around deck and courtyard. All in all, it looked more like a bed and breakfast than a rehab facility.
“Well, here we are,” Tess announced, putting the car in park.
And there they are, Maria thought, surveying a few residents who were working outside. It looked like they were planting tomatoes in a garden, all under supervision, of course. Wasn’t gardening supposed to be something elderly people in nursing homes did to feel useful? Would they convince her to do that, too? Would she want to?
“Looks nice,” Tess remarked.
It did, but Maria couldn’t even muster the energy to agree. “I’m so sad, Tess,” she choked out, wishing she felt an immediate attachment or belonging to this place.
Tess reached across the gear shift and squeezed her hand. “I know. But that’s why you’re here.”
No, I’m here because I tried to kill myself. The thought sent a chill up Maria’s spine. How had her life come to this?
Tess unloaded the bags from the car. Maria offered to help when she remembered—she actually had to stop and remember—that her friend was pregnant and probably shouldn’t have been doing any heavy lifting. But Tess insisted they weren’t that heavy and carried both bags in at once, one duffle on each shoulder.
“Hi,” she greeted the attendant at the front desk. “This is Maria DeLuca. She’s checking in.”
I’m like a kid who can’t speak up for herself, Maria thought, embarrassed that Tess was talking for her.
“Of course,” the attendant said cheerily. She came around the desk and approached Maria with her hand outstretched. “Hi, Maria. Welcome to Cresthaven.”
Maria hesitantly shook her hand. She made it sound like Cresthaven was a spa.
A kid who couldn’t have been older than fifteen or sixteen came up to them next and said, “I’ll take your bags.” He had acne on the face and a nametag that simply said Volunteer.
“This is Henry,” the desk attendant explained. “He just has to look through your bags to give the a-okay to everything you’re bringing in. He’s doing some community service here, so you’ll probably see him around once in awhile.”
Normally, Maria would have smiled or said thank you or something, but all she could do was stand there.
“Thanks, Henry,” Tess said, passing the bags over to him. The poor kid looked like he was having a harder time carrying them than Tess was.
“Alright, if you’ll just come with me,” the desk attendant said, motioning for them to follow as she headed down the hallway, “there’s some paperwork I need you to fill out.”
Some paperwork turned out to be an understatement. There was a mountain of it, or at least that was what it felt like to Maria. She sat down with Tess in the conference room at 5:00, and at 5:30, she was still working on the forms. A few things caused her to linger: Relationship status. What was she now? Single? She wasn’t married. What did it even matter? She darkened the boxes for both single and in a relationship just to be safe. One of the forms also asked for information about children, and she stupidly wrote down both Miley’s and Macy’s names without thinking. When she tried to erase Macy’s name, she found that the eraser wasn’t working, so she had to cross it out instead.
“How’s it going?” the attendant asked when she came back into the room.
Maybe most people don’t take this long, Maria thought. The longest part had been the section where she’d had to write out her reason for seeking treatment in the first place. “What if I don’t know?” she asked.
“Don’t know what?”
“Some of the insurance stuff.”
“Let me see,” Tess said, leaning over to take a look. “Oh, I don’t know, either.”
“I don’t know all the . . .” She sighed. “Michael knows.”
“Could you call him?” the attendant suggested.
“No.” She didn’t want to hear his voice.
Tess quickly thought of an alternative solution. “Um, you know what? I could take this back with me and have him fill in some things. Would that work?”
“Sure, just get it back to us as soon as you can. I’ll make you a photocopy.”
“Thanks.” Tess handed her the paper, and she left the room to make a copy.
I’m so incapable, Maria thought, staring down at the pencil in her hand. Everyone had to take care of her.
“See?” Tess said. “No big deal.”
It was no big deal that she couldn’t fill out a simple slip of paper without Michael’s help? Really? Because it felt like one. But then again, everything sort of felt like a big deal now.
They met with one of the doctors next. He wasn’t dressed like the doctors in the hospital. He was wearing a blue sweater and khakis, but he had a folder identical to her patient file at the hospital tucked under his arm.
“Hi, Maria,” he greeted, “I’m Dr. Carlson. I’ll be your primary care provider while you’re here.”
She shook his hand limply.
“Is this your sister?” he asked, motioning to Tess.
“No,” she replied. “Well, yeah, basically.”
“Hi, I’m Tess.” Tess managed to smile and look friendly and everything when she shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you,” Dr. Carlson said. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you your room.”
It took all of Maria’s strength just to put one foot in front of the other.
She was on the second floor at the end of a short hallway. They had a nametag on her door already and flowers out front. They sure did love their flowers there.
There was a double bed and a dresser and a desk and a TV. And an end table with a lamp, of course. The floor was carpeted, and a large window looked out on the garden she’d glimpsed on her way in. There were serene paintings of sunsets and clouds on the wall, and Henry had already dropped off her bags. It was nice. There was nothing to complain about.
“Heating and air conditioning’s adjustable,” Dr. Carlson said. “Bathroom’s right around the corner. Plenty of spare blankets in the closet if you need them, and the bed’s adjustable.”
Maria sat down on the mattress, testing its comfort. It was okay, but a little too firm for her liking. She squeezed the pillows, disappointed to find that they were firm, too.
“The TV gets basic cable,” the doctor went on. “You’ve got a microwave and a mini-fridge over there.” He pointed out a corner of the room Maria hadn’t even bothered looking at. “And here’s a schedule of all the meal times.” He handed her a bright yellow piece of paper that succinctly laid out when breakfast, lunch, and dinner would all be served and contained a menu on the back.
“Maybe you’ll feel up to joining us for dinner tonight,” Dr. Carlson said.
She looked up at him sharply. He didn’t really think that was happening, did he?
“Of course, we can always bring the meal up here to you if that’s preferable,” he added understandingly.
Yeah. That was what she’d be doing. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to sit there and listen to anyone’s stories or have to share hers. She wasn’t on vacation, and nobody there was her friend. She was only there because she had no other choice.
“Looks nice,” Tess said.
“Our residents seem to become quite comfortable here after awhile,” Dr. Carlson said, smiling. He was obviously very proud of the place. “I’ll go ahead and leave you two to get settled. There’s just one more thing, Maria: I need to take your purse.”
Instinctively, she clutched her purse tighter to her side. “Why?”
“I just need to make sure you didn’t bring any pills in here with you,” he explained. “I’ll also need to lock up all your valuables—credit cards, things like that—and take your cell phone for forty-eight hours.”
Maria looked to Tess for answers, not understanding. Tess looked back at the doctor with the same perplexity.
He managed to sum it all up in one word: “Detox.”
“What? Detox?” She shot to her feet, hating the sound of the word. “But I’m not addicted to anything. I only overdosed once.” She closed her eyes and sighed in resignation when she realized how stupid that sounded. She only overdosed once. Only overdosed. Reluctantly, she handed her purse over to him, figuring she’d get used to having nothing.
“Thank you,” he said, turning to leave the room.
He was almost gone when she remembered something she needed. “Wait.” She scampered after him, stopping him in the doorway, opened her purse, and took out her wallet. All she wanted was the picture of Miley she kept there, so she pulled it out and held it close to her chest. He nodded in understanding and left the room.
“He seems nice,” Tess commented, walking around the room as casually as she could. “Well, this is spacious.” She peeked through the blinds, then tested out the curtain, pulling it shut for a second before opening it again. “Kinda puts freshman year’s dorm room to shame.”
Maria sat back down on the uncomfortable bed. God, she would’ve given anything to be back in freshman year’s dorm room with Tess instead of in this place. It wasn’t normal here. The way it smelled alone . . . it was so . . . clean.
“You’re gonna be okay here,” Tess assured her, taking a seat beside her. “You know, once you get things unpacked and get settled in, it’ll feel a lot more like home.”
Maria grunted. This room would never feel like home. She didn’t even know what home was anymore. Was it that house she shared with Michael, or was it someplace else, someplace she’d live if she couldn’t live with him anymore?
“Or, not exactly like home,” Tess amended quickly, “but . . . it’ll be cozy.”
Cozy was her daughter’s room with her daughter in her arms. And nothing else. “How did I end up here?” she wondered out loud.
Tess scooted closer and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, pulling her against her side. “Maria, nobody blames you,” she said. “We all just want you to get better.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You can,” Tess promised. “I believe in you. Miley believes in you.”
Maria stared down at the picture in her hand. She’d taken it only a few months ago on Miley’s first day of daycare. She was standing out by the car with her Finding Nemo backpack on her shoulders, and her hair was in pigtails. She was only halfway smiling because she’d been stubborn that day.
She made the decision right then and there to get healthy again, for Miley’s sake.
“I think you should go,” she told Tess.
“Already?”
“Yeah. If you don’t go now, I won’t have the strength to stay.”
Tess gulped, obviously about to get emotional, and nodded mutely. She turned to hug Maria more fully, and said, “I love you. Be brave, okay? I promise I’ll come visit.”
“Okay.” Tess was the only person she wanted to come visit her. Not Miley, not her mom . . . definitely not Michael.
“I’ll see you soon,” she barely managed to say, getting to her feet. She literally inched towards the door, obviously reluctant to go, and she kept turning around to wave goodbye to Maria. Finally, though, she was in the doorway, and the wave goodbye was the real thing. “Bye,” she whispered.
Maria managed to wave back, even forcing a small smile to reassure her that she’d be okay.
Tess slipped out of the room just as she started to cry. Maria was sad to see her go, but not sad enough to cry. She’d cried too much for one lifetime. So instead, she lay down, curling up on her side, and tried to get comfy. She set Miley’s picture down on the bedside table, leaning it against the lamp so that she could stare at it every night as she fell asleep, remembering that she still had one good thing.
TBC . . .
-April
Thank you so much for the feedback:
Ellie
Novy
simplyshiny
Tiffany
Krista
I'm realizing as I post this part that I REALLY need to write more of this. I've got more parts ready to go, but I've been having major writer's block lately and need to work through it.
Part 130
It was a scary feeling, leaving for a place she’d never been before. Maria hadn’t felt scared when she’d taken all those pills, and she hadn’t even felt scared when she’d passed out because of them. But all she felt now was fear. Fear of the unknown, or something cliché like that.
Tess and Kyle had helped her pack while Michael stayed out of her way. The packing didn’t take nearly as long as she’d thought it would, though, and by late afternoon, it was time to go. She waited a little longer than she should have, because Tess said Marty and her mom might stop by. But apparently her mom was a mess, so that wasn’t going to happen. Which was fine. Maria didn’t want her mom to see her like this. It was bad enough that Miley had to.
Kyle carried her bags downstairs and set them down on the porch where Michael, Tess, Ed, and Miley were waiting. No one said anything. What was there to say?
She cleared her throat and decided it was best to just get going. “Bye, Ed,” she croaked out, giving her stepdad a hug.
“Bye, Maria,” he returned. “See you soon.”
She tried to smile, though she doubted how soon it would be. She turned to Kyle next, wanting to say something to him but unable to get any words out. He opened his arms wordlessly, and she walked into them, hugging him hard, fighting not to cry. It would have been so easy.
When he let go, the reality sunk in that this was really happening, that she might not see him or any of those people again for months. Tess would probably come visit her once in awhile, and Kyle might tag along. But not Michael. She didn’t want to see him. Even right now, he couldn’t even look at her, so she did her best to ignore him and knelt down in front of Miley instead. She was in her wheelchair, clutching her favorite Hannah Montana doll to her side.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” she asked, wishing she would have thought a little longer and harder about this precious girl before she’d popped all those pills into her mouth.
“Where you goin’, Mama?” Miley asked quietly.
“Oh, not far away.” She was leaving it up to Michael to tell her whatever he saw fit about the . . . situation. “I just have to go somewhere else for awhile.”
“You comin’ back?” Miley squeaked out.
“Of course.”
“When?”
“As soon as I can.” She stroked her daughter’s hair, agonized by the tears streaming down her soft cheeks. “Sweetie, don’t cry,” she whispered, leaning in to embrace her. She cast a hesitant glance up at Michael. He was watching with interest, but as soon as she looked up, he looked away.
“You be a good girl for Daddy, okay?” Again, she tried to smile. She pulled it off better this time, just because Miley was the one she was smiling for.
Miley nodded sadly.
“Okay. I love you.” Maria kissed the top of her head, then forced herself up. She turned straight to Tess and announced, “I’m ready to go.” If she stayed one second longer, she’d lose her resolve and decide to stay. And she knew that wasn’t for the best.
“Alright, let’s go,” Tess said. Kyle handed her the duffle bag, and she slung it over her shoulder and carried it to the car. Maria walked alongside her, fidgeting with the ring on her left hand. She slid it off, stared down at it for a moment, and then turned back around, concealing it in her hand. She walked up to Michael, pressed her hand to his heart, and let go of the ring. He caught it before it fell to the ground.
She met his eyes sadly. He had to know she had no reason to wear that anymore.
“Maria?” Tess called.
She let out a determined sigh and hurried after her friend. When they drove off, Ed was waving goodbye, Kyle was comforting Miley while she cried, and Michael was holding the engagement ring between his fingers, staring at it in distress.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Max felt like he’d been hit by a ten-ton truck. There were no words to describe his conversation with Isabel, yet he was still going to have to find a way to explain it to Liz.
He’d barely stepped inside the apartment when she exclaimed, “Perfect timing! I just finished making dinner.” She turned off the oven and spun around to face him, looking like Suzy Homemaker in her apron. “Will Garret be joining us tonight?”
Max shut the front door, still in a daze. “Yeah.”
“Good, because—look what I made.” She picked up a plate and scurried toward him to show off a few oddly-shaped chicken nuggets. “What do you think?” she asked eagerly.
He scratched his forehead, not really sure what there was to say about those. “Uh . . .”
“Dinosaurs,” she chirped. “They’re Dinosaur-shaped.”
“Oh, yeah, now I see it, with the horn and . . . yeah.” He was so out of it. He’d thought the horn was . . . something else.
“What?” she asked, apparently sensing something was off. “Will he not eat chicken nuggets?”
“No, he’ll eat ‘em.”
She lowered the plate, staring at him intently. “What’s wrong?”
It was no use trying to hide it from her, especially when there wasn’t time to hide anything. “Liz, I need to talk to you,” he said, his stomach growling nervously.
“Okay.” She set the plate down on the kitchen table and scampered into the living room. She sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her, completely calm. For the time being.
He took off his coat, draped it over the arm of the couch, and practically collapsed.
“Is it something bad?” she asked.
“No.”
“Well, it doesn’t sound like something good.”
He sighed, trying to think of a good way to even broach the matter. “I’m not sure how I feel about it. And I’m not sure how you’re gonna react.”
She shifted around a bit, any ounce of calm quickly vanishing. “Max, could you just . . . could you just spit it out?” she stammered. “You’re making me nervous.”
Just spit it out, he thought. Easier said than done.
She scooted closer to him and squeezed his hand. The simple touch gave him the courage to start in.
“I think my sister’s finally lost it, Liz.”
“Lost what?” she asked.
“Her mind.”
Liz’s eyes bulged.
“Yeah, I just spent the last half an hour comforting her while she cried in front of me. Or . . .” He plucked at his shirt sleeve. “On me, I guess.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “That doesn’t sound like Isabel.”
“It’s not like her. I’ve never seen her cry, ever, not once in all these years.” She went out of her way to not show any vulnerability to anyone, especially not him.
“Well, what was she so sad about?” Liz asked.
“Michael, Garret, our dad.” A child traversed his spine at the thought of what their father had done to her. Child molestation was different than rape. It was a step beyond. “Life in general, you know. Turns out she and Michael almost knocked boots and--”
“Wait,” Liz cut in. “Knocked boots? What does that . . .” She trailed off abruptly, her mouth gaping. “Sex?” she shrieked. “They had sex?”
“Almost,” he repeated.
“What? When? Why?”
“I don’t know, but that’s apparently why Maria overdosed. She walked in on ‘em.”
“Oh my god,” Liz gasped, holding her hand to her stomach as though she were about to be sick.
“Yeah. And . . . well, let’s just say Maria wasn’t the only member of Michael’s harem who tried to kill herself last night.”
Again, Liz’s eyes bulged. “No way.”
“Yep. My sister the sociopath is now a suicidal sociopath.” He shook his head, not sure if there was any hope for her. “She almost jumped off a bridge.”
“Oh my god, that’s insane,” Liz said bluntly. “She needs help.”
“And that’s one thing we can all agree on, even her.”
“Good. Oh . . .” Liz made a disgusted face. “What’s her plan?”
“She’s gonna leave town,” Max revealed. “I think she said something about going back to Florida. Believe it or not, she actually wants to get away from Michael now.”
“Well, hopefully it’ll be good for her,” Liz said. “But what about Garret? Is he going along?”
“No.”
“Then what’s gonna happen to him? His dad’s in prison, his mom’s taking off without him . . .” she fretted aloud. “She can’t just leave him here. He has no one.”
“He has his godparents,” Max pointed out.
“But what’re we supposed to do?” Everything about her froze, and when he looked at her, he could see that she was getting it. “You want him to stay here,” she said, no hint of inquiry in her voice.
He nodded.
“For how long?”
“I don’t know.” He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He could barely think about the next day. “We gotta figure some stuff out. But I have to do this. I can’t let him be homeless. I can’t let him end up in the foster system like Tiffany.” Sure, Tiffany was getting a fairytale family now, but it hadn’t always been that way.
“No, of course not,” Liz agreed readily. “But Max, what’re we talking about here? A temporary thing? A permanent thing?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Because we barely have room here for the two of us.”
“We’ve got Isabel’s house,” he pointed out. “It’s technically mine since I bought it and it’s in my name.”
“So now we’re gonna move over there?” She started to talk louder as the stress of it all started to pile up. “What happens if she comes back?”
“She’s not coming back, Liz.” That was one thing he was certain of.
“She’s abandoning her son?” she shrieked.
“She thinks it’s for the best. And I agree with her,” he admitted. “I should’ve gotten him outta there years ago.”
“Max, my head is, like, spinning right now,” she said, pressing the heels of her hands to her temple. “Did you and Isabel talk about this?”
“Yes.”
“What’d she say?”
“She wants me to raise Garret.”
“Is that what you want?”
He sighed heavily. “I don’t know.” Over the past year, he’d done so much flip-flopping on whether or not he wanted kids, only to find out he wasn’t able to have them. And then everything with Tiffany had changed his mind, but then she’d left town . . . and now there was this, and this was huge and very sudden. “I know I wanna protect him. I don’t want her to corrupt him. But I don’t even know if I’m the right guy for the job. I don’t know if I can do any better than she has, but I know I can’t do any worse.”
She sank down into the couch, a contemplative expression on her face.
“He’s the closest thing I have to a son, you know, the closest thing I’ll ever have,” he pointed out. “I love that kid.”
“So do I,” she added.
“Yeah, so . . . I know it’s a lot to ask, but . . . we can’t just sit back and do nothing, Liz. We have to do something.” And ultimately, this was the only thing they could do. For anyone. They’d always been so concerned about themselves, but maybe it was time to think about somebody else for a change. “Alex is outta the picture, and now Isabel’s leavin’, too. So that leaves us.”
She twisted her hair into a knot on the top of her head, held it there for a moment, and then let it fall again.
“You can decide for yourself,” he said, “but . . . I’m gonna do this.” He hadn’t been trying to make the decision without her, but Isabel had been so hysterical and so eager to get gone that he hadn’t had time to stop and thinking, let alone talk it through with her beforehand.
“Okay,” she said, her voice even and calm again. “Then I’m gonna help you.”
“Seriously?” He’d been preparing himself for a no.
“Of course,” she said. “He’s my nephew, too, you know.”
He smiled and took her hand in his again, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. “Thank you.”
“We’ll just have to see how it goes,” she cautioned.
He nodded in agreement. These first couple weeks were going to be a big adjustment period for all of them. “She’s bringing him by tonight.”
“And then she’s taking off?”
He nodded.
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah.” His sister. She certainly had a flair for the dramatic.
“So . . . so let’s just try to make things as normal for him as possible,” she suggested, “and then we’ll just . . . we’ll just take it from there.”
“Alright.” Sounded like a reasonable plan to him, and he wasn’t even a reasonable guy.
“Oh my god,” she whispered in astonishment, leaning forward. “Did our whole lives suddenly change?”
He laughed a little and nodded. As much as he hated the thought of Garret technically becoming an orphan, he couldn’t deny that he was excited to spend more time with the kid.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Cresthaven Chemical Dependency Center wasn’t far away. It only took about twenty-five minutes to get there, but it was located far enough on the edge of town to make Maria feel like she was someplace entirely new. It was very country and secluded. Since it wasn’t on a major road, there were no noises from passing traffic, only the chirping of birds and the trickling of water from a fountain out front. There was an archway out front where Welcome was written with flowers. The front of the building boasted a large wrap-around deck and courtyard. All in all, it looked more like a bed and breakfast than a rehab facility.
“Well, here we are,” Tess announced, putting the car in park.
And there they are, Maria thought, surveying a few residents who were working outside. It looked like they were planting tomatoes in a garden, all under supervision, of course. Wasn’t gardening supposed to be something elderly people in nursing homes did to feel useful? Would they convince her to do that, too? Would she want to?
“Looks nice,” Tess remarked.
It did, but Maria couldn’t even muster the energy to agree. “I’m so sad, Tess,” she choked out, wishing she felt an immediate attachment or belonging to this place.
Tess reached across the gear shift and squeezed her hand. “I know. But that’s why you’re here.”
No, I’m here because I tried to kill myself. The thought sent a chill up Maria’s spine. How had her life come to this?
Tess unloaded the bags from the car. Maria offered to help when she remembered—she actually had to stop and remember—that her friend was pregnant and probably shouldn’t have been doing any heavy lifting. But Tess insisted they weren’t that heavy and carried both bags in at once, one duffle on each shoulder.
“Hi,” she greeted the attendant at the front desk. “This is Maria DeLuca. She’s checking in.”
I’m like a kid who can’t speak up for herself, Maria thought, embarrassed that Tess was talking for her.
“Of course,” the attendant said cheerily. She came around the desk and approached Maria with her hand outstretched. “Hi, Maria. Welcome to Cresthaven.”
Maria hesitantly shook her hand. She made it sound like Cresthaven was a spa.
A kid who couldn’t have been older than fifteen or sixteen came up to them next and said, “I’ll take your bags.” He had acne on the face and a nametag that simply said Volunteer.
“This is Henry,” the desk attendant explained. “He just has to look through your bags to give the a-okay to everything you’re bringing in. He’s doing some community service here, so you’ll probably see him around once in awhile.”
Normally, Maria would have smiled or said thank you or something, but all she could do was stand there.
“Thanks, Henry,” Tess said, passing the bags over to him. The poor kid looked like he was having a harder time carrying them than Tess was.
“Alright, if you’ll just come with me,” the desk attendant said, motioning for them to follow as she headed down the hallway, “there’s some paperwork I need you to fill out.”
Some paperwork turned out to be an understatement. There was a mountain of it, or at least that was what it felt like to Maria. She sat down with Tess in the conference room at 5:00, and at 5:30, she was still working on the forms. A few things caused her to linger: Relationship status. What was she now? Single? She wasn’t married. What did it even matter? She darkened the boxes for both single and in a relationship just to be safe. One of the forms also asked for information about children, and she stupidly wrote down both Miley’s and Macy’s names without thinking. When she tried to erase Macy’s name, she found that the eraser wasn’t working, so she had to cross it out instead.
“How’s it going?” the attendant asked when she came back into the room.
Maybe most people don’t take this long, Maria thought. The longest part had been the section where she’d had to write out her reason for seeking treatment in the first place. “What if I don’t know?” she asked.
“Don’t know what?”
“Some of the insurance stuff.”
“Let me see,” Tess said, leaning over to take a look. “Oh, I don’t know, either.”
“I don’t know all the . . .” She sighed. “Michael knows.”
“Could you call him?” the attendant suggested.
“No.” She didn’t want to hear his voice.
Tess quickly thought of an alternative solution. “Um, you know what? I could take this back with me and have him fill in some things. Would that work?”
“Sure, just get it back to us as soon as you can. I’ll make you a photocopy.”
“Thanks.” Tess handed her the paper, and she left the room to make a copy.
I’m so incapable, Maria thought, staring down at the pencil in her hand. Everyone had to take care of her.
“See?” Tess said. “No big deal.”
It was no big deal that she couldn’t fill out a simple slip of paper without Michael’s help? Really? Because it felt like one. But then again, everything sort of felt like a big deal now.
They met with one of the doctors next. He wasn’t dressed like the doctors in the hospital. He was wearing a blue sweater and khakis, but he had a folder identical to her patient file at the hospital tucked under his arm.
“Hi, Maria,” he greeted, “I’m Dr. Carlson. I’ll be your primary care provider while you’re here.”
She shook his hand limply.
“Is this your sister?” he asked, motioning to Tess.
“No,” she replied. “Well, yeah, basically.”
“Hi, I’m Tess.” Tess managed to smile and look friendly and everything when she shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you,” Dr. Carlson said. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you your room.”
It took all of Maria’s strength just to put one foot in front of the other.
She was on the second floor at the end of a short hallway. They had a nametag on her door already and flowers out front. They sure did love their flowers there.
There was a double bed and a dresser and a desk and a TV. And an end table with a lamp, of course. The floor was carpeted, and a large window looked out on the garden she’d glimpsed on her way in. There were serene paintings of sunsets and clouds on the wall, and Henry had already dropped off her bags. It was nice. There was nothing to complain about.
“Heating and air conditioning’s adjustable,” Dr. Carlson said. “Bathroom’s right around the corner. Plenty of spare blankets in the closet if you need them, and the bed’s adjustable.”
Maria sat down on the mattress, testing its comfort. It was okay, but a little too firm for her liking. She squeezed the pillows, disappointed to find that they were firm, too.
“The TV gets basic cable,” the doctor went on. “You’ve got a microwave and a mini-fridge over there.” He pointed out a corner of the room Maria hadn’t even bothered looking at. “And here’s a schedule of all the meal times.” He handed her a bright yellow piece of paper that succinctly laid out when breakfast, lunch, and dinner would all be served and contained a menu on the back.
“Maybe you’ll feel up to joining us for dinner tonight,” Dr. Carlson said.
She looked up at him sharply. He didn’t really think that was happening, did he?
“Of course, we can always bring the meal up here to you if that’s preferable,” he added understandingly.
Yeah. That was what she’d be doing. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to sit there and listen to anyone’s stories or have to share hers. She wasn’t on vacation, and nobody there was her friend. She was only there because she had no other choice.
“Looks nice,” Tess said.
“Our residents seem to become quite comfortable here after awhile,” Dr. Carlson said, smiling. He was obviously very proud of the place. “I’ll go ahead and leave you two to get settled. There’s just one more thing, Maria: I need to take your purse.”
Instinctively, she clutched her purse tighter to her side. “Why?”
“I just need to make sure you didn’t bring any pills in here with you,” he explained. “I’ll also need to lock up all your valuables—credit cards, things like that—and take your cell phone for forty-eight hours.”
Maria looked to Tess for answers, not understanding. Tess looked back at the doctor with the same perplexity.
He managed to sum it all up in one word: “Detox.”
“What? Detox?” She shot to her feet, hating the sound of the word. “But I’m not addicted to anything. I only overdosed once.” She closed her eyes and sighed in resignation when she realized how stupid that sounded. She only overdosed once. Only overdosed. Reluctantly, she handed her purse over to him, figuring she’d get used to having nothing.
“Thank you,” he said, turning to leave the room.
He was almost gone when she remembered something she needed. “Wait.” She scampered after him, stopping him in the doorway, opened her purse, and took out her wallet. All she wanted was the picture of Miley she kept there, so she pulled it out and held it close to her chest. He nodded in understanding and left the room.
“He seems nice,” Tess commented, walking around the room as casually as she could. “Well, this is spacious.” She peeked through the blinds, then tested out the curtain, pulling it shut for a second before opening it again. “Kinda puts freshman year’s dorm room to shame.”
Maria sat back down on the uncomfortable bed. God, she would’ve given anything to be back in freshman year’s dorm room with Tess instead of in this place. It wasn’t normal here. The way it smelled alone . . . it was so . . . clean.
“You’re gonna be okay here,” Tess assured her, taking a seat beside her. “You know, once you get things unpacked and get settled in, it’ll feel a lot more like home.”
Maria grunted. This room would never feel like home. She didn’t even know what home was anymore. Was it that house she shared with Michael, or was it someplace else, someplace she’d live if she couldn’t live with him anymore?
“Or, not exactly like home,” Tess amended quickly, “but . . . it’ll be cozy.”
Cozy was her daughter’s room with her daughter in her arms. And nothing else. “How did I end up here?” she wondered out loud.
Tess scooted closer and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, pulling her against her side. “Maria, nobody blames you,” she said. “We all just want you to get better.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You can,” Tess promised. “I believe in you. Miley believes in you.”
Maria stared down at the picture in her hand. She’d taken it only a few months ago on Miley’s first day of daycare. She was standing out by the car with her Finding Nemo backpack on her shoulders, and her hair was in pigtails. She was only halfway smiling because she’d been stubborn that day.
She made the decision right then and there to get healthy again, for Miley’s sake.
“I think you should go,” she told Tess.
“Already?”
“Yeah. If you don’t go now, I won’t have the strength to stay.”
Tess gulped, obviously about to get emotional, and nodded mutely. She turned to hug Maria more fully, and said, “I love you. Be brave, okay? I promise I’ll come visit.”
“Okay.” Tess was the only person she wanted to come visit her. Not Miley, not her mom . . . definitely not Michael.
“I’ll see you soon,” she barely managed to say, getting to her feet. She literally inched towards the door, obviously reluctant to go, and she kept turning around to wave goodbye to Maria. Finally, though, she was in the doorway, and the wave goodbye was the real thing. “Bye,” she whispered.
Maria managed to wave back, even forcing a small smile to reassure her that she’d be okay.
Tess slipped out of the room just as she started to cry. Maria was sad to see her go, but not sad enough to cry. She’d cried too much for one lifetime. So instead, she lay down, curling up on her side, and tried to get comfy. She set Miley’s picture down on the bedside table, leaning it against the lamp so that she could stare at it every night as she fell asleep, remembering that she still had one good thing.
TBC . . .
-April