And the next hours didn’t give any answers to the confusion that reign in the house even as Alexandra tried to get her sister to talk but with no luck so she went home to celebrate her engagement with her fiancé, and left her parents to deal with their silent daughter who unlike her sister did not have something celebrate on her 21st birthday. And the next day wasn’t any easier as she didn’t explain anything except to move up to Grace’s old room, over the garage, and the only thing she said to enlighten her confused parents were that she and Justin were over, for good, and there would be no reconciliation.
All she said about school was that she needed time, and had arranged to finish a few of her classes for the fall semester on-line otherwise she was taking time to think over the direction of her life and she did not volunteer anything more even as Grace and Alexandra pulled their sister to
Cow Patties for drinks on Sunday night. Before Alexandra had to fly back to school, she elected to crawl out from the glow of her engagement to figure out what was going on with her twin sister.
Carrie was down in the dumps about something. She just did not know why? Alexandra did not fail to notice that she was the only one who was drinking. Now that she and Carrie were official and did not have to hide their alcohol use. Grace had an excuse that she was pregnant, so she had a regular iced tea.
And Carrie was having one too. Which signaled to both sisters that there was something going on with their sister. “Not drinking? Alexandra asked her twin.
“I don’t feel like it” Carrie muttered.
“You always feel like it, so what’s up?” Grace asked as they both laughed but they did not get one from Carrie. “So, what’s up with you and Justin?” she asked because she knew they had not gotten any information since the summer about what was going on with Carrie and Justin, and that was surprising.
“Nothing, we’re over” Carrie muttered.
“Did he screw up again?” Alexandra asked surprised because she now recalled her sister had not commented much at all about herself in any text message which were becoming fewer and fewer over these last weeks.
“Nope,” Carrie said as she didn’t add anything of substance to it except to say, “We were just too different,” she muttered. “Once back at school we both realized that there was a side of us that we will never get,” she muttered as she was crying this time over the breakup because she had too many other things on her mind. “We mutually decided it was over.”
“So, where does leave you?” Grace asked.
“Rethinking my life,” Carrie muttered as she knew she was scaring her family. “That includes school…”
“You’re almost finished, so why now?” Alexandra asked and knew something was up with her sister because this was not the Carrie she knew. She had known her sister to be excited about graduating,
it was all she could talk about all summer and now to stop, before the finish line, to Alexandra, it was very weird. To Grace too it was also strange because she could not imagine stopping when you are just months away.
“Well, I don’t have any choice” Carrie muttered as she got up and walked away, and went behind the bar and asked for her job back and told them that she could work any shift they wanted, and she would start the following week because they people booked all week to take the shifts. She just walked out instead of coming back to the table.
“What’s going on with her?” Grace asked.
“I have no idea,” Alexandra muttered. “She’s not talking to me either,” but she did not have time to figure it out because she had to catch her flight.
While Carrie just went up to her room above the garage and wanted to kick something but she didn’t because she was too rash, and she needed to carefully consider her options as she went into the bathroom and wanted to curse as she saw the
half dozen pregnancy tests and that they were all
positive.
“That shows me for sleeping with two guys with twenty-four hours.” Carrie muttered to herself as she knew she had not drunk anything at
Cow Patties because she knew she was pregnant, and knew since being at school, and wanted the tests that she took when she got home to be wrong.
But the tests all the same thing. And she could not ignore the fact
I do not know who the father is of my baby
The idea she wanted to be a mother now, it confused her. She was 21 and not a teenager anymore, and she could not figure out what she wanted. Children young was what Grace and Jake seem to want, and she figured Alex might have a child or two when she was young now that she and Graham were getting married, but it hadn’t been on her radar, and now it was
She did not know how to respond.
But she got up the next day and continued to figure out what she wanted, as she met her mother for lunch at the Crashdown. Seeing her grandfather delighted at seeing her made her day.
Therefore, I came home she told herself.
To see people who loved me and wanted me to succeed.
“Your mother told me you were home,” Jeff Parker smiled at his granddaughter. “So, why are you not still at school?”
“Mental health week,” Carrie muttered because technically she did have the week off because her university gave the coming off for students to have a break mid semester.
“But you’re not planning to go back, are you?” Jeff asked.
“Nope,” Carrie muttered. “I am finishing the semester, on-line, but January might be a different story, but I have not gotten there yet because I need to think of some stuff in my life, and figured I could stay home and help Mom until the baby comes you know…”
“I think she and your father have it pretty together,” Jeff muttered because he did sense his granddaughter was overwhelmed about something and was only using her mother as an excuse to distract because she had seen it many other times with his other grandchildren.
“True, but the holidays are coming, and Christopher is a handful,” Carrie muttered. “So, it’s better if I stick around…” she smiled. “Dad is working, and can’t always be at home, and you never know what might happen in a day with Christopher around…”
“If you say so,” Jeff smiled at the excuses that his granddaughter seem to have on hand as a way to get out of what she was feeling “Your grandmother will be happy to have you home,” he smiled at it still amazed him to think he and Nancy were blessed with so many grandchildren, and now great grandchildren were coming, and given they had spent so many years without their daughter, she and Nancy would take it, no questions asked because they had Beth had been able to come to a relationship that had taken time but was rewarding to watch.
“Thanks Grandpa,” Carrie smiled.
“If you need any shifts,” Jeff smiled. “We could use the help around here…”
“Are you sure?” Carrie asked.
“Yeah,” Jeff nodded. “I want to spend more time with your grandmother and not be so tied to the restaurant, so I could use the help…”
“You still love it, don’t you?” Carrie asked as she could not imagine the family without the Crashdown.
“Certainly, but with you grandkids, and Grace and Jake adding another great grandchild,” Jeff admitted at the glow he felt at the knowledge that there was more little one in the world in a few months. “It would be nice to spend more time with them…”
“Oh,” Carrie asked as she did not want to be reminded of her own news.
“So, yes, your Grandmother and I would love to help around here if you want to give it and it will get you out of the house,” Jeff asked helpfully.
“Super, I think I’ll take it you up with you because I can’t start my other job for another week, so I could use something to do…” Carrie smiled and hugged her grandfather as her mother came in, and told her the news but had to go to the bathroom so it left her mother with her father.
“She’s troubled about something?” Jeff asked his daughter.
“Yeah,” Beth admitted. “I don’t know what it is, but I’ll get it out of her one of these days… she smiled. “You and Mom are doing, alright, right?”
“We’re fine,” Jeff smiled and hugged his daughter because it was a relationship earned over a lot of years, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world even if his daughter was lacking the memories of those younger years. Still they were able to create many more memorable ones over the years, and he treasured them.
“I am glad,” Beth smiled as her daughter came out of the bathroom a looking a little green and under the weather, “Are you okay, honey?”
“I am fine Mom,” Carrie lied.
*
It would take a few days before Beth was able to get her daughter to admit what was troubling her and it was a doozy when Carrie admitted she was
pregnant, “I am pregnant,” came the words and that she did not know who the father was…”I wish I could say for sure, but I don’t know who it is,” although she would not admit to the other candidate other than Justin, and Beth suspected she knew, but she didn’t confront her daughter and wanted to wait until Carrie came to terms with the news on her own.
Of course, the family was shocked to learn the news. Grace and Alexandra suspected they also know but no one was talking about it spare Carrie’s feelings, and Max had to keep his protective instincts on hold to spare his daughter a tough time even though he and Beth would talk about it, and could feel slightly amused at the fact they were having another baby, while two of their kids were now pregnant, and one daughter was engaged.
“Where did our lives come to,” Max muttered as he and Beth watched a movie one night on television. Carrie had taken Christopher to the Crashdown for dinner, and they were home yet. “It’s pretty remarkable.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Beth smiled as she kissed her husband. “Carrie will get it together, one of these days she assured her husband. “You should stay away from trouble you know with her private life,” she laughed because now that it looked like Khivar was over, and life could return to normal, well, Max was getting back to his protective instincts, and that could mean trouble. “She’ll figure out what she wants” she murmured as they kissed. “We should leave it to her to figure out.”
“I hope so,” Max murmured as the days went by and before they knew, and it was December, and weeks before Beth’s due date. He was staying close to home most days, and Carrie was helping with Christopher to distract from her own life. Alexandra was due home any day now from school, for the Christmas break, and the whole family had something to celebrate. Elizabeth was getting stronger, and while she could not come home for the holidays, people could visit for longer periods during the Christmas holidays. The kids were planning sweet surprises for their mother.
Carrie on the other hand had mostly stayed away from discussing her personal life. And her family had largely respected her wishes although she knew her father wanted to say something, and if her parents knew, they knew to keep silent as she hadn’t mentioned the candidates for her baby’s father, but during a doctor’s appointment, the situation got more complex when she mentioned the possibility that she didn’t know who the father was because she couldn’t pinpoint down the moment that conception had occurred and the doctor revealed during the ultrasound that she was having
twins.
Whoa she muttered to herself as the doctor advised against a DNA test until the babies were born because it would take time, and paternity could be complicated when you are involving multiples.
She went home and revealed to her parents that she was having twins. “It’s twins” Once out of sight. Max had enough and despite Beth’s efforts to keep a lid on his instincts, Max could not help it although he promised to wait when Beth pleaded him to respect his daughter’s wishes. Of course, once Serena discovered that Carrie was pregnant, which she had known but had kept from her son because had assumed that Carrie’s ex was the father. But when she overheard her sons talking about his encounter in the summer with Carrie, she alerted Beth, and they all knew the situation had changed.
Serena then confessed to her son that Carrie was pregnant. Matthew felt bamboozled about the news, and at the same time but was telling himself that Justin had to be the father because it had been only one night between him and Carrie. He figured Carrie would come to him if it was any one other than Justin, and told his mother such and Serena calmed down, for the moment at least and then Max finally caught up with Matthew at a Rogers family dinner that Max and Beth were invited to and confronted about his intentions about his daughter. While Matthew was able to keep his cool but once that encounter was over, Matthew realized that he could be the father, and that likely Carrie didn’t know, and so he decided, well, to go straight to the source and in mid December, he found Carrie at the Crashdown clearing a table before the dinner service. “When were you going to tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Carrie muttered even though she knew and knew she could blame one of her parents, and probably her father for getting Matthew involved as he saw her one-night stand come into the Crashdown looking like he wanted to explode
I understand that sentiment she muttered to herself.
I felt it in the beginning.
“That your baby could be mine?” Matthew asked as it was now evident that Carrie was pregnant. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because there was no reason to tell you,” Carrie lied as she continued with the cleaning up the dishes and putting them in the bucket on the table.
“So, do you know it’s your boyfriends?” Matthew asked.
“Ex-boyfriend because we’re through” Carrie muttered as he forced Matthew to follow her through the doors of the back. “You wanted something,” she muttered as she was not ready to admit anything and was not prepared to…
Still processing the situation, and unsure how to respond, and yet he was here, and wanting answers from Carrie. “If you do not know if it is Justin’s, then you very well know then that I could be the father,” Matthew muttered as he had not expected to be in this position
maybe I should given how I have conducted my life he muttered to himself but now he was here, wanting to know more. “Mom tells me it’s
twins…” as he still felt shocked by that very development and the fact it had not been Carrie who told him.
I had to find out from my own mother, of all people. It should have been reversed, not my mother who told me…
“Yeah,” Carrie agreed as she saw confusion on Matthew’s face, and knew she should be feeling guilty that it was someone else who told Matthew. Given the closeness of the families. One could not keep her pregnancy a complete secret, but she had tried anyways. She had hoped Matthew would have cared. But it was clear, he did, at least to a point. “Look, I don’t know if they are yours or not, as it could be, or could not be, and right now, I am not finding out.”
“Why not?” Matthew asked as he was shocked that Carrie would not want to find out.
“Because my doctor’s suggested that it is better, I wait until the babies are born to test them to know for sure, because it’s more complicated to assess the paternity of twins” she muttered. “Look, I know this complicates your life…” she sighed. “Which is why I did not tell you because I know how this changes everything. Fortunately, you can walk away you know, and I will not hold it against you,” Carrie murmured “Whether the babies are yours or not…” she acknowledged. “I am not asking anything from you because I have the support of my family, and I can support the babies myself.”
“What about school?” Matthew asked. “I hear you dropped out?”
“I didn’t drop out, I merely suspended things until the babies are born, and I haven’t decided what I am doing yet to be honest” Carrie muttered. “I am working here and Cow Patties” she admitted. “I will be full time here after the first of the year.”
“Can you do it alone?” Matthew asked as he could not believe that Carrie was thinking about doing this all on her own. He knew she would have her family to support her, but this was a big ask for someone, to take all on their own.
“Sure,” Carrie smiled. “Well, my Mom did it when her mind was a hell of a lot more fractured than mine is, right now” she sighed as she was developing a lot of respect for her mother’s situation as she faced her own. Yet she knew she was a hell of a lot more fortunate because she was not recovering from a life altering car crash and been robbed of her memory “If she could handle me and my sister for nearly fourteen years alone than I think I can do it myself…” she sighed as she checked to see if they had an audience. “And if you expect me to know once they are born, then you are going to be disappointed because I am not sure if I will find out when they are born…”
“Now I know you are crazy?” Matthew asked. “Are you sure everything is alright, did Justin hurt you?”
“Do not bring Justin in this okay,” Carrie muttered because she still felt guilty of how it went with Justin, and how she had hurt him. Justin had been someone special, and she had hurt him by complicating things, and that is why mutually calling it off had been the right choice for her.
One of the only things I have done right.
Matthew did not understand and did not understand why she would not want to find out, at all. “Come on, I know why you would want to wait until the babies are born, but why the hell would you not find out?”
“Because you know my circumstances,” Carrie said simply “I do not know if it is possible to know given the genetics these children could be living under once, they are born. I know it would do a lot of good for you to know, or for Justin, assuming I tell him.”
“Justin doesn’t know?” Matthew asked, surprised.
“Nope, and I do not plan to” Carrie sighed. “We are different, and we are now over. Knowing would not change that, and therefore, he does not need to know”
“If they are his, shouldn’t he know?” Matthew muttered as he could not believe he was getting upset that she had not told Justin either of their potential shared parenthood.
“Why should I. Especially if I am not going to find out if they are his…” Carrie asked as she was tired of this discussion, and knew it had to be had. She was tired of drama. “Look, my family has lived through a lot of uncertainty these last years, and I am not about to give us any more angst. We have had more to last a lifetime, so take it from me, walk away…”
“What if I want to be there for you and the babies?” Matthew asked even if he did not know if he did want to be there for her, but he did not like being told to walk away and not allowing him to make the decision for himself.
“You are young Matthew,” Carrie said stopping the pacing she was doing. “You should take this chance at walk away, because I am giving you a chance to leave…” Carrie sighed because she was ready to go back on the floor. “I’m giving you the keys to walk away, no regrets, no expectations because sure we had great night, but that was all it is…” she sighed. “It was one night.”
“And if it led to something more?” Matthew asked.
“Then I will have something to tell the kids one day,” Carrie smiled. “I am not going to talk badly of it, but I am preparing myself to do this alone because I have learned relationships just don’t mix when you’re too different, and the world can’t know who I am, and I am not prepared for our differences to get in the way.”
“I know, you know,” Matthew muttered. “If you are thinking about your deep darkest secrets, but I am not Justin. I know who you are, and what you can do at the end of the day?”
“Maybe, you do, but it will still rain on your parade one day,” Carrie smiled. “Take my suggestion and walk away, but if you do want to stay then involve yourself, but you need to know what you’re getting into, because sure, they might be yours, and they also might not be yours at the same time but at the end of the day, I know what I am doing with my life…” she sighed
up to a point. The pregnancy was the only thing she knew at this point. Everything was still a mess of the unknown. “You don’t, and therefore I don’t need the stress, okay?”
“Do you, because it doesn’t seem you do?” Matthew asked.
“I’ve said my piece, and the decision is yours” Carrie muttered as she stormed out of the kitchen as she went back on shift as felt the weight of the world.
I should just walk away he muttered to himself.
She is telling me to, and she wants to deal with this on her own, but… he mused as felt in a world of his own.
“My sister knows how to make an exit,” said a voice as Matthew whipped around and saw a very pregnant
Grace Guerin laughing at him. “We are some family, we are” she laughed as she walked into the conversation that she could not help overhearing as she came into by the back way. “Don’t mind me, I was just coming for some of my grandfather’s famous tabasco pancakes.”
“It’s almost dinner?” Matthew asked as he checked the clock on the wall.
“The baby doesn’t know time, and he wants some pancakes, so I want some” Grace sighed “I understand you now know?” she sighed as she gave a
knowing glance to Matthew.
“Do you
all know?” Matthew asked a little wary because he had known that Carrie had a ridiculously small circle who knew every little secret, but he now was setting it firsthand.
“She won’t talk about it, but because yes, we are a small fraternity but a large one at that, so of course it’s not hard to figure it out,” Grace smiled. “If they were her ex’s than she wouldn’t be this down in the dumps” she hinted to Matthew who eyebrows rose. “She would still be with him?”
“She doesn’t know, and she doesn’t want to find out?” Matthew asked.
“Sometimes not knowing is better than knowing,” Grace sighed. “Look, I won’t say I would be doing what my sister is doing, because it is her body, and she can only do what she wants. Personally, I would rather know but then that is me…”
“She doesn’t know what it means because of youknow…” Matthew asked.
Grace could not help but laugh because of course it was the
secret. The secret was always defining them and what they chose to do about it. She did not envy her sisters trying to deal with relationships when the person you loved did not really know. “You think you do but really you don’t even know half of it what it means to be who we are, and to have to live under the weight of keeping such a secret” Grace murmured. “Trying to live our daily lives under the weight of what people would think of us if they knew. I am lucky because my husband knows, and has always known, and knows what it means to be one of us” she sighed. “Certainly, you know, but you also don’t know too. Carrie does not need that stress right now when she needs to think about the babies. Maybe once they come, she will feel different and want to know, but you shouldn’t pressure her…”
“I don’t want to pressure her,” Matthew muttered. “But shouldn’t I know?”
“You should,” Grace allowed. “But sometimes we girls do not want someone who is only invested in them because it is their kid. If you want a chance with her than maybe try to prove to her that she can trust you, regardless of what might happen with the babies…”
“It’s a very big burden if they are not mine,” Matthew asked. “Taking on some else’s kids, and what if they are not mind, and she wants to tell Justin someday?”
“Then deal with it,” Grace advised. “If you want a chance with my sister…” she sighed as she sensed that deep down that Matthew truly did want a chance with her sister as she also thought of the risk that Michael had taken in raising Jake with Maria when they got together again once Maria was already pregnant, or what Finn was risking if he and Elizabeth made it work, and while they did share Drew, but there was little Mick. Of course, in Elizabeth’s case, the father was dead, and Justin is a good guy, still they did not know anything about the father of Mick, or if he had family.
Sure, she should know, but it is not her place but her sister’s. “Which is all she’s asking is for you to think about it, and what it means to you…”
“Yeah,” Matthew acknowledged because he did know he had a lot to think about…
“All you have to do is prove to her that she can count on you, wherever the future might hold. My mother raised my sisters alone for a lot of years before my father came back into her life, and I am sure it was a lot of work, and to do it alone isn’t easy even when you have family which is the case for Carrie, but wasn’t the case for my mother” Grace advised. “We all want help, whether we’re asking for it or not?”
Matthew nodded as Grace nodded herself. “I think I’ll go and go some of those pancakes from my grandfather,” she smiled. “I know this is a lot on you, but even more is on my sister so you cannot truly blame her for choices she makes right now. Hormones are to blame. Sanity will return once the babies are born…”
Matthew sighed as he watched Grace walk toward her smiling grandfather, as the door swung open, he watched as Carrie watched him as she sighed herself, before closing and hiding Matthew from view.
In the front of the restaurant. Grace put in her order with her grandfather and noticed her sister in reflection, so she approached as she waited for the pancakes to be ready. Sighing, and thinking how she wished things would be easier but at least this issue was of the romantic kind
which is hard to get my head around, that the danger is now gone, and this will our every day normal life as she approached her sister. “Give him a break you know…”
“I am,” Carrie muttered as she was not asking for her family’s advice, but knew Grace was going to give it too her. At least Grace was happy and. “I am not asking for him to be involved?”
“You are asking him to assume a lot,” Grace sighed. “Who knows what the future holds because none of us do, as it can change on a dime, and you shouldn’t give up on a good thing” she sighed. “We have certainly seen that life doesn’t give us guarantees.”
“Go back to your husband and daughter and leave me alone” Carrie laughed. “It’s all so easy for you…”
“No, it isn’t, even if it does look it, but it’s not” Grace muttered. “I am just giving you some advise” she sighed. “You can choose to take it or not…”
“Thanks,” Carrie muttered as she watched as her sister take the take-out container with her as she left the Crashdown, as she wished for it all to make sense…