Roswell Fanatics

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Title: The Shadows That Hide

Author: Dream Weaver

Rating: Adult (because of nature of story)

Pairing: CC/Alex POV

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, WB and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement intended.

Challenge based on Roswell Heaver Avant Garde Spring Fic Challenge for a minor character POV.

Summary: We never really saw what Alex experienced in the hours before his final moments.....what would we see looking through his eyes?

Author's Notes: The underlined areas are the requirements for the challenge. This story is my first ever POV story that steps out of the realm of Dreamer. I also attempted my first ever banner for this story. I hope that I give Alex the understanding that he so deserves.

I want to think Suicide_Eagle_Rath and Ken242 for really helping me sort out the ideas for this story.

Warning: This story is going to be a sad, dark story so if you can't deal with this, please read at your own risk.


Chapter 1

I gaze out the window in my room and I notice that a blue bird has just landed on the branch in the fully bloomed red bud tree outside. She opens her orange beak and chips happily. Spring has definitely hit Roswell.

I sign as the growing discomfort in my gut causes me to turn away from the window. I am not usually one that hates this time of year, but lately I feel as though if I see one more person dressed with the twitter pated look of spring fever I am going to scream.

I guess you would think that I would be in high spirits lately considering the night I had recently had with the girl of my dreams, Miss Isabel Evans at Prom. You would also have to assume that I feel like I am on top of the world, right? Well, if you would have asked me last year I would have said, Hell Yea! But for some unknown reason my mind and emotions are both somewhere else these days.

Something has been gnawing at the back of my recently developed scatterbrained mind and I just haven't seemed to be able to find the key to unlock the pathway. I feel void of anything and I can’t seem to grasp just the simple pleasures that used to make my life worthwhile.

I have been sitting here at my desk in my room for what seems like hours and I glance over at the clock on the wall and notice that, in reality it has only been thirty minutes. I sigh as I scratch the back of my head, dumbfounded. Again there goes thirty minutes of my life that I can’t get back because I can’t seem to do anything these days but just sit and stare off into nothing, which is completely uncharacteristic for me.

I find myself doing this so often lately and I have begun to notice it happening in my classes and I can do nothing but watch sadly as my grades slip. I just can’t seem to concentrate on anything and it is beginning to unnerve me.

I have been contemplating telling my two best friends, Liz and Maria about my recent dilemma, but just can't bring myself to open my mouth. Maybe I am just too scared to alarm them when I myself could just be completely be overreacting. At least that's the excuse I give myself.

Maybe I am just still trying to get back in the swing of real life after getting back from Sweden. “Yea, that’s all it is.” I say as I shake my head slightly.

I glance down to the open English Lit book on my desk that I have been trying to read for an hour now when I am suddenly overwhelmed with that awful blinding pain again in my head.

The pain begins to ache behind my eyes before it wraps around my brain causing the mind numbing pulsing and I clutch the side of my face, wincing. I grip the side of my desk as black stops blur my vision and the pain makes me want to pass out.

Migraines are becoming a constant in my life also. These migraines are the kind that come on quickly with no warning and can completely incapacitate you. I grab for my bottle of extra strength aspirin and pop four in my mouth, washing it down with the last sip of cola in my glass. Within seconds the pain begins to lessen slightly and I can again at least open my eyes.

The first item in my sight when I am able to focus my tearing eyes is the picture on my desk of Leanna. I smile slightly as a memory of us outside a museum in Sweden plays through my mind. I can see her standing a few feet away from me and I remember the happiness I had just walking through the gallery with her.

Her back is to me as she stares at an Italian painting and I recall calling her name, before she slowly begins to turn.
I begin to drum my fingers rapidly on my desk as I stare at the picture. Weird I have noticed that I have added this new habit to the growing new traits I have seemed to acquire lately.

The memory is slightly changing in my head and confusion begins to overwhelm me. The face of who I believe to be as Leanna is blurry. I squint my eyes trying to focus on the face. Something is not right and my mind is swirling, which causes the images to become distorted. I grip my head again and close my eyes tight trying to reorientate myself before I most likely pass out.

I hold my breath as flashes I can’t seem to understand buzz through my mind before a vision of a strange looking computer comes into my head that I have never seen before. It looks to be some sort of computer lab. But I have never been to a place like this?

“Where is this?” I say out loud as I try to figure out what the hell is going on.

I notice that I am again drumming my fingers again as I see a young man and a blonde sitting in front of this computer, but I can’t see their faces with their backs to me. I continue to stare into the vision in front of me and I taste something metallic in my mouth as I watch the blonde begin to turn.

“ALEX!”

My mother’s voice shakes me out of my stare. I blink twice as my vision returns and I shake my head as the discomfort subsides to just a light pounding, which is normal for me these days.

I feel something warm on my face and I reach up to find a trail of blood under my nose. I reach over and grab a napkin and wipe away the sticky liquid as I again stare at the wall in front of me trying to remember for the life of me what I had just been doing.

“What was I doing again?” I say to myself. The confusion is so intense in my mind that I can’t seem to recall what had just happened in the last few minutes. Weird. I notice my American Lit book opened on my desk. “I guess I was studying.” I say to no one in particular.

I turn and head to my bed, picking up my guitar. I feel drained and sad again, I hate feeling this way. Always the same thing, always sad, tired and miserable. I am just so tired of feeling lost. I am not home anyone, how do I get home……home……..my new nervous habit again starts as I drum my fingers on the side of my guitar.

I can now hear the voices of my two best friends as the door to my room opens so I take a few deep breaths and put on my smile. I don’t want to alarm them by seeing me like this. I am just exhausted, that’s all it is. I really need to get out of my funk and maybe a dose of Maria and Liz is just what I need to help me do that.

Note: Again all underlined areas are the remaining requirements for the story. Scenes, dialogues and ideas were borrowed from epi's Cry Your Name and Baby It's you.

Chapter 2

“Maria, if I have to hear you speak once more about how romantic Michael was for taking dancing lessons after you accused him of cheating on you, I think I am going to gag.” Liz says giggling as I watch her throw a pillow at Maria from her spot on the bed.

I have to giggle, but try my best to hide it so the two don’t turn on me. Something about these two women always seems to lighten the dark that has taken residence up inside me. They make me feel warm. I can forget about the cold.

Maria hasbeen unusually chipper the last few days. Must be the spring fever lingering in the air that’s effecting her. Man, how I wish I could feel something, anything besides this emptiness.

“Who shoved a stick up your ass, Miss Parker? It’s not my fault that King Max goes for skinny man-stealing alien hybrids like Tess.” Maria says as she playfully throws the pillow back up at Liz.

Tess, the name causes me to stare off again. I find myself drumming my fingers on the side of my guitar as my mind yet again wanders to memories unknnown to me. Tess?

*Flash*
A blonde woman is standing in the corner of a barren room, only containing a bed and a desk with a computer sitting on it. She is gently gliding her fingertips over the top of his desk. Alex is pacing back and forth. “You can’t make me do this! I am tired of this; it has been over a week. I want to go home.”

The blonde woman’s voice is very familiar as she speaks.
“Alex you are the only one who can do this, you don’t get a choice. You will do what I need done. It’s best to just cooperate; it will make this so much easier.”

***RING! RING****

My phone shakes me out of my mind and I am again confused as to what the heck I had just remembered. I shake my head slightly and turn to see Maria and Liz still throwing friendly banter back and forth. Neither one has noticed my moment of confusion. I reach for the phone.

“Hello?” I question, not quite sure who could be calling since Maria and Liz are both here with me at the moment and have both stopped their conversation to concentrate on me.

“Hey Alex, its Isabel”

Isabel? My gut churns at the sound of her voice. I have tried so hard to not let my feelings for this breathtaking creature resurface, but just the sound of her voice makes me want to melt and give in to all the fantasies I have had for her for as long as I can remember.

“Isabel,” I say as the butterflies flutter in my stomach and I watch out of the corner of my eyes as Maria and Liz are suddenly at the end of my bed ready to put their two cents in I am sure. “How are you?” I add nervously.

I am sitting on my bed and I notice again the drumming of my fingers on my guitar. I can feel something pulling at the back of my mind, something right above the surface, something that I should remember, but I can’t seem to grasp what it could be.

I am uneasy as I get a quick flash of several odd symbols that I can't even remember ever seeing in my life, but then they are gone as quickly as they had come. I hear Isabel’s voice in his ears, only catching the last sentence, “I really had a great time at Prom Alex.”

I am slightly embarrassed that I completely zoned out yet again and especially while talking to Isabel. I quickly add, “Yeah, it was a great night for me too.”

I can see Maria and Liz leaning in slightly and Liz holds up a thumbs up signal that causes me to giggle, but I conceal it well so Isabel doesn’t hear it.

I hear a hint of vulnerability in Isabel’s voice when she continues, “Yeah? So what are you doing tonight?”

I am caught slightly off guard. First Prom, now this wonderful woman is asking me out? God, I can feel my palms sweating and my heart rate rise. I swallow before answering, “Tonight?”

I see Maria and Liz gesturing wildly and signaling “NO!” I guess they want me to play a little hard to get. God, I can’t believe I am about to say what comes out of my mouth suddenly; “I can’t” I look over at my two best friends with wild eyes. God, am I crazy?

I hear the hint of disappointment in her voice which causes a slight pain in my heart. It’s so hard to say no to this woman. “Why?” She asks.

I am caught off guard, “I have a, ah……” I am completely unsure how to get myself out of this when I see Maria and Liz open their mouths wide and whisper “study…study!” so I quickly add as calmly as I can, “I’m studying.”

Isabel chuckles slightly. “Alex. An A is the best you can get.”

I wince slightly. I wish A’s have been my grades lately, but no one but me will ever find out I just got an F on my AP Biology exam. I found myself staring at the wall and before I knew it class was over and my test was blank.

I swallow hard before answering, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, I know. But I gotta, I’ve got a monstrous final in ah…..” I am again grasping for straws when Liz and Maria hold up the nearest book to them. “Robert Frost?” They both shake their heads no wildly pointing to the book. It’s my English book. “English—I’ve got a killer final; Mr. Broski’s really putting the screws to us.”

The screws to us? God, what the hell was that. I can see Maria and Liz covering their mouths to mute their growing laughter. Man, what is wrong with me?

I hear a playful tone in Isabel’s voice that sends chills down my spine. “Well, if you’d rather stay and study, not come out and play with me…..”

Oh holly shit. I grit my teeth and look over at my two friends. I may be a lot of things and emotions lately but I can’t help the visuals that come with that comment. My face blushes and Maria and Liz whisper to me, “Stay strong.” As they make big muscle gestures which causes an awkward smile. Am I really about to do this? I really am loosing it, in more ways than one.

“I don’t want to, but I have to.” I say softly as I grip my guitar, biting my tongue. Maria and Liz exchange triumphant looks. I am going to get them for this.

A sigh escapes her as she replies, “Well if you change your mind, I’ll be at the Crashdown, probably until closing so…..”

I take a deep breath. I would give anything to be near her, but my friends know best, right? “Ok, well…..I’ll see you later.”

Isabel quietly ends the call. “Ok.”

I fall back onto my bed. Every cell in my body is on overload and I feel movement beside me as Maria and Liz sit next to me.

Maria playfully shakes me. “I’m so proud of you!”

I look at her, slightly defeated and I can feel a slight emptiness again. Maybe it’s for the best; I don’t want to be a downer to Isabel. Besides in my current state of mind I wouldn’t make the best date anyways.

“This blows.” I say to her.

Maria looks down at me and adds, “Well, at least you have the upper hand.”

Upper hand? Liz leans over, “Yeah, you’ve got her chasing you. Who’d have thought that?”

Maria smirks, “Not me.”

I am staring at the ceiling with a heavy heart. I really hope that this plan to get Isabel to chase me is not going to backfire. I know how these crazy plans of Maria and Liz’s turn out sometimes.

I sigh as I picture Isabel. So much time has been wasted waiting…..I find myself drumming my fingers again. Waiting on something, the answers to questions…….so many questions.

I shake my head and say, “She’s thinking about me. Even now she’s on her bed and she’s thinking about me.”

I can feel that nagging pull in my mind again. Something is not right. Where are the answers? But better yet, what are the questions to the missing answers?

Maria shrugs, “Ok, so are we done with this Isabel thing?” When I don’t answer, she adds, “All right, Max kissed Tess.”

Liz looks down and I meet her gaze. She smiles gently as she turns to Maria, “Maria, let’s go to work.”

Maria stands and heads towards the door. “Ok.”

Liz stands also. “Come on.” She glances at me, smiling,” Alex, you be strong, ok?”

I grunt slightly and Maria in her unusually chipper mood practically chants, “Strong, Strong, Strong.”

I glance over at Maria as Liz playfully adds as they head out the door. “Just be strong, Ok? Goodbye.”

I watch them leave then turn my gaze back to the ceiling. “Strong. “ I repeat the command to myself. “Str…yeah.”

My mind begins to wander again and it upsets me that it seems that I can’t even focus for even a few minutes today. A sudden rush of panic fills me as the blonde from my previous unknown memory flashes for mere seconds in front of my eyes.

I sit up quickly. Something about this woman scares the hell out of me, but for the life of me I can’t seem to recall who she is or where I know her from. I still have not even seen her face, but something is so familiar about her.

I hear Liz call out, “Hey Alex, your food’s here.”

I stand and head out into the hallway just in time to see Maria turn, “Bye.” Liz then waves and they are gone. I am still in a daze and my head is beginning to pound again. They are gone and I am alone. Alone. Cold, nothing changes. Always the same thing.

I notice the delivery guy is staring at me so I address him, “Ah it’s about time.”

He answers me back. “Sorry, man. I got turned around on Cherry Drive.”

Whatever, it doesn’t matter anyways. I answer, “Yeah.” I take the bag and hand over my credit card for him to check.

“Thanks,” He says as he examines the receipt and the card.

I reach into the bag to find that my food is cold. Cold, always cold. I look at the man in front of me, “Hey, this isn't even warm.”

He shrugs. “Aw, yeah. Sorry. You better nuke it”.

I am overwhelmed with despair. This is not right. Nothing seems right anymore. I glance up at him, feeling completely void. I feel nothing and it’s disturbing. “I'm, I'm...I'm so sick of this. I'm....”

I trail off as yet again a vision of me in a bedroom I have never seen before flashes across my mind. I an overwhelmed with grief and sadness as I repeat the words in my head, “Always the same thing, always cold. Always the same thing –“

I glance up to see the boy ready to hand over the receipt as I add, “I'm just so sick of everything.”

The man just stares at me, with no expression. He is looking at me like the way I feel void, empty. He hands me the receipt, “Here, could you sign here? Please?”

A series of numbers suddenly flash in my mind. I contemplate them. Again, I am overwhelmed with this image that I don’t understand. I have never in my life seen these numbers and again the aggravation of this whole situation upsets me. Why can’t I remember? What is truth and what I false in my head? I am beginning to loose track of reality and fiction.

I hand the receipt back to the man, “Why does life have to be so wrong? Why does everything have to be a lie?”

He takes the slip and turns to leave, adding, “I dunno, dude.”
I stare at him blankly before closing the door. The click of the lock triggers another image of just a door, slamming shut and locking. Again the overwhelming panic filters into my body. I rush back to my room, shutting the door. I open the bag and take out the soda, opening it to take a sip.

The framed picture of Leanna and I catches my eye. I glare at the picture. Something seems off about it. Something I just can’t put my finger on. Beside the picture lays two tickets to Beth Orton.

I had hoped to take Isabel to the concert. Hope, what a funny word that seems to be. I see the book of Robert Frost’s poetry that I had been reading since Sweden and pick it up, opening it to a passage that I have become accustomed to reading daily. Daily, never changes…..

The woods are lonely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

I place the tickets into the book before closing it to lay it back on the desk. The passage’s words haunt me and I am unsure why they are affecting me in this way. I find myself staring down again at the picture of Leanna and I and am puzzled as her face in the picture has become fuzzy.

I pick it up, taking a closer look. Something is wrong, something is false. My mind is not registering her face. But why? “Miles to go before I sleep……” I say as my fingers again begin to drum on the desk. Then without warning, my head screams out in pain as the blinding sting causes me to collapse to the floor, as I still clutch the picture.

I close my eyes trying to channel the throbbing that is building and I slam my fist on the floor. Without any notification, memories flood my mind, overpowering me and sending me into a complete frenzy and sensory overload.

*****FLASHES******
A college sign Flashes, Las Cruses before changing to show Alex walking in the dark of night going into a building with a sign on the door marked, Litvak Building then entering a lab and taking a seat in front of a computer working on something. Unknown symbols flash on the screen as Alex watches, just staring into nothing as the computer beeps.

The scenes change as we now see Alex answering the door. A blonde kid hands Alex a bag as he says, “Man, dude you must have an obsession with Thai because I think this is my tenth day delivering to you.”

Alex takes the bag without saying a word and walks over to place the food on the desk, before he stares again at the wall as he eats his food.

As the scene changes again, Alex sees himself again back in the large computer lab as he types in the pass code to mask the email, 11100100100111011001 and then sends a file to someone via email.

The scene again changes as Alex sees himself in a dorm room, with the blonde from his previous vision. He is pacing, completely panicked and unnerved. “Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing here?” He walks over taking a seat as he drums his fingers and staring at the blonde. “Always the same, always cold, why is everything a lie? I am not Ray, there is no Leanna, I am trapped. You are holding me prisoner.” He watches as he slams his fists on the desks. “Why can’t I remember?”

The woman grabs his head as she says, “You are Ray. You are here conducting research to find a translation to a new language. Your favorite food is Thai. You will not leave this room until 11 pm to only go to the computer lab. No where else. I promise that everything will make sense, just read this right here." She said as she opened up a book to an already marked page.

”Here Ray, read this and all will make sense. Remember you have to remember to read this every night, it’s important.”

Alex recognized the words that the Alex in the vision. As he recited the words, his head began to get heavy. “The woods are lonely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.” The dream Alex’s head hit the desk and the blonde girl walked over, placing a hand over his head. Alex could see that her hand was glowing orange. And the girl finally spoke.

“There now, sleep Alex. When you wake up, you will continue with the routine. A few more days and I will have the translation to the Destiny book and then you can go back to your pitiful little existence and with any luck, I will be getting off this planet.”

She grunted slightly, “And if you would just stick with the program and read this damn passage that I have programmed in your brain to reset my mind warp you would get more accomplished.”

Alex tried to focus on the woman’s face in order to make a connection to the very recognizable voice. The blonde turned and Alex was finally able to catch her face. But what he saw ripped all remaining threads of sanity from his mind.
*****END FLASH*****

As I open my eyes, the pieces began to fit together and the pain is almost too much for me to understand. I look up, fury in my eyes as rain began to pour outside my now darkened window. The only word that could get to escape my lips was, “Tess!”

Thanks for the feedback guys! Just so you all know, I am going to most likely continue this into a sequel.......Thanks for the kind words and again, I hope I was able to give a little of understanding for those of us who have always wondered about his final hours.

Lines and scenes are borrowed from the Episode Departure


Chapter 3

I am frantically driving in the pouring rain as all the images that had just came flooding back to me are now crashing into the present, confusing me on what is real and what is not. How could I have allowed her to take control of me like this? How could I have not known?

Putting the distorted pieces together, the realization hits me like a ton of bricks. The last few months of my life have all been a lie. I had never gone to Sweden. I have never dated a girl named Leanna. Everything had been fabricated by the evil mastermind I know as Tess Harding.

I am utterly wrecked and the realization that I have lost so much time is hitting me hard. All the times I could have been with my family, with Maria….Liz…..Isabel. God, Isabel.

Tess stole that time away from me without even a care and I was just a pawn in her grand scheme to get home. She forced me, against my will, by mind warping me to stay in Las Crues and translate that damn Destiny book. So many lies, so many lies……

The pounding in my head has only gotten worse and I am finding it even hard to concentrate on the road as the rain beats down on my car. My mind is gone. The littlest things like watching the road to drive are gone. Tess has taken everything away from me and she is going to pay.

I pull into the Valenti’s driveway and notice that the light is on. I walk to the door and reach for the knob and it turns. I hear voices towards Kyle’s room and I follow them.

The throbbing in my head is overtaking my conscious mind as too many of the confusing memories that are flooding back are mixing with my old memories making my head what to explode.

I see Tess sitting on Kyle’s bed next to Kyle. Tess turns as she notices me. “Alex?”

My words are monotone and I begin to recite the words that flash from a memory “You are the royal four. You are created from the genetic materials of your alien predecessors and human subjects...”

Kyle turns to me, with confusion clearly planted on his face, “Alex, hey man you ok?”

I stare into nothing as I continue, “You are given human forms so you can...”

Tess stands cutting me off. “Alex, are you ok?”

Her words break through my daze and the fury mixed with confusion is overpowering as I spat at her. “You did this to me, you sent me to Las Cruces”. My mind is searching for the words, but the pain has become too much.

Tess looks over at me before rising to approach me. Her expression shows panic. Kyle is sitting there completely confused. He doesn’t know what I know. Tess is a manipulative life stealing bitch!

She speaks as she reaches out, causing me to take a step back, “Okay, Alex, Alex let me fix your mind, you're not thinking straight.”

Panic races through my body as the images of how many times she has placed her hands on my head over the past months, each time condemning me to the prison and hell and for what?

I grab my head to try and dull the pain as I turn an angry stare at her, “You mind warped me for two months while I decoded that silly book for you and now there's nothing left for you to mind warp.”

I can feel the sensors in my mind firing and can almost feel the fibers tearing and I can feel my brain coming apart at the seams. I scream in pain and utter despair, “You destroyed my mind! How could you do this to me?”

Kyle rises now and Tess turns to him, “Kyle get out!”

Kyle advances towards us, “What's going on?”

Tess hollers again, “ Kyle go!”

My memories are disappearing one by one. I am seeing flashes of my childhood with Liz and Maria and then they are gone, gone forever as my brain continues to erase my life. I am loosing everything. I have nothing left, I am nothing.

I speak my voice unrecognizable as the realization hits me. My brain is dying. I will never be the same again. I face Tess as my confusion finally overtakes my sanity. “I have nothing, I might as well be dead.”

Kyle is up now, reaching for me, concern and worry clearly on his face, “Hey just calm down!”

Tess takes a step forward, reaching for my head. “He's right okay. Calm down! Just calm down!”

I know what she is going to do. I am petrified and I back up trying to stay away from her, but I know that she doesn’t need to be touching me to do what she needs to do.

I grab my head once more as Isabel; my Isabel comes into my mind. I can see the glorious vision that is Isabel Evans. The only woman that I will ever love. I watch as she smiles, but then begins to fade just like all the other memories that I have lost tonight.

The loss I feel is overwhelming, throwing me into a panic as I feel the familiar sensation as I notice Tess’s eyes pushed closed as she begins to do her worst. No she can’t have what’s left; she can’t have my only memory. She can’t have my memories of Isabel! I won’t let her take her away too.

I scream as my dream girl fades from my mind, “No, you can't mind warp me. NO!!!!”

The anguish I feel as my mind begins to dissolve is unbearable. I can feel myself slipping away. My thoughts jump to Maria and Liz. How will they get over this? God, please be with them and protect them. My parents….please help lessen their suffering as they grieve over their lost son. I take one final glance at Kyle as my legs give out and I collapse to the ground. Please God, help Kyle protect my girls.

Upon my lips and with my final breath as the darkness finally takes its final hold on my life I mutter “Isabel”. My sweet Isabel. We never got our change, our moment in the sun. I will be waiting………..


Epilogue

“Your duffel's all loaded.”

Tess looks at Kyle as she shuts the door to the car, “Thanks Kyle.”

Kyle stares at her, “Want me to come along?”

Tess glances back at the duffel containing Alex Whitman’s body before she places her hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “No. Go in the house. I'll take care of everything from here.”

Tess Harding turns and climbs into the driver’s seat and starts the ignition. She glances again in the back seat. “I am sorry Alex. This was not supposed to happen. You were not supposed to die.”

She pauses to take a deep breath as she prepares to enact her cover up plan. She smirks slightly,” But you know as they say in wartimes, in battle, you are bound to have a few causalities.”

The vehicle starts and pulls away from the Valenti household as a ghostly figure appears from the shadows. A smirk is apparent on its face as it speaks, “You won’t get away with this Tess Harding.”

A haunting laugh echoes into the silence of the night as the rain slowly ends and the red tail lights of the car fade out of sight. The ghostly figure dissolves as quickly as it appeared, leaving a message in the wind, “One way or another you will pay. I will see to that.”