Red Ragtop (M/L AU Mature) 1/1 5/20/06

[FamersAmers]

Title: Red Ragtop

Author: FamersAmers

Rating: Marure (if only for the content)

Category: M/L

Disclaimer: I do not own them, they are the creation of other people such as Melinda Metz and the WB. I do not own the title either it is the title of a Tim McGraw song

Summary: The summer of 2001 changes Max Evans and Liz Parker.

A/N: This came to me after hearing the song Red Rag Top by Tim McGraw. This will go from present time to past and the past will always be in Italics. Warning: It will not end in a conventional way!

~~Max POV~~

I remember that summer like it was yesterday as I stare at the red ragtop convertible stopped next to me. We are stopped at the light on Wilshire and the young brown haired girl in the driver’s seat reminds me of the brown-eyed beauty that stole my heart so many years ago. That summer, the summer I turned twenty was the one that changed my life. The man I am today reflects that time, the incidents that happened and the lives that were changed. As I stare at the young woman I transport myself back there to that summer seven years ago.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Are you ready” I watch as she strolls into my apartment with her purse and duffle bag. I rush over to her and take the bag out of her hands.

“You really shouldn’t be lifting that.” She shoots me a look that say relax and I shoot her a look back.

“I am not going to break.” I smile and put the bag down next to mine.

“I realize that, but you shouldn’t be doing it.” I turn away from her and make sure that I leave my key for Danny on the counter. He is going to need it this summer and since I am not going to be using it he might as well take it.

I look at her and blow out my breath, “Are you ready?” she takes my hand and smiles.

“Ready when you are.” I let go of her hand, grab the bags and we head to my car. I load the bags, check to make sure she is in and then head to my side of the car. I hop in, start it and as we pull out of the university parking lot my stomach is doing summersaults and my stomach never does summer salts.

~*~*~*~*~*~

My sophomore year of college was coming to an end and my girlfriend asked me to come home with her for a two weeks. I wasn’t quite ready to go home and face my parents, I wasn’t ready to tell them the news that I had learned not just a week before, so going home with her seemed like the best thing.

I have to say, at the time it seemed right, that we tell her mother first. Her mother was all she had. Her father had died when she was little and we both knew that her mother would support any choice that we made. My parents on the other hand were going to flip out. I already had their conversation etched in my mind.

I could see my mother crying and my father’s angry words, “You are too young, you have the whole world ahead of you; this girl is only trying to tie you down.” Those were the words that played over and over in my mind. I couldn’t let them go. So to go home with Liz and tell her mother was the better thing to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Wow this is bigger than I imagined.” I look through the windshield at all of the buildings and at the streets.

“What did you expect… a hole in the wall?” I laugh, that is exactly what I expected. She tells me to turn and as we make our way down Main Street I see the café that her mother owns. Her house is right next door, and parked right out front is a red rag top convertible.

I pull up and she hops out quickly searching for her mom. I however, make my way to the car. I run my hand over it and look in the window. “Wow, this is nice.”

“You like it?” I look up to see a tall red headed woman standing with Liz at her side.

“I love it!” my eyes are wide, my dream as always been to have one of these.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Later I would come to hate that car; it held every memory from that summer, good and bad. What seemed like such a beautiful piece of machinery was ugly and destructive.

Nancy was the greatest woman, she had a wonderful heart and she welcomed me into the family even though she did not know me. For her I made her daughter happy and in turn that made her happy. At the time, and maybe I still do, I wished my parents were more like Nancy.

The café that they owned was alien themed and every now and then I can still taste the greasy food. Food that my father believed clogged the arteries but was too good to pass up. The food at the Crashdown was too good to pass up.

We spent most of our time in that café planning a life we knew nothing about, a life that both of us did not want but were too afraid to admit.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Are you sure this will be big enough?” I look at the picture and frown. The apartment I shared with my roommate Danny was bigger than this.
“Well on both of our paychecks, what is in the bank, and the cost of school this is the only thing we can afford Max.” the look on her face tells me she finds it too small as well, but she won’t ever say anything.

She sighs as the waitress comes with the food. Liz knows her from high school and as they talk I can tell that they were once good friends. According to Liz they were, but when Liz went away to school they lost touch.

She tells us to enjoy our food and she walks away. “I told her.” Her face is seeking my approval and I smile and nod.

“As it should be, your friends are important. They should know.” I stab my fork into my burger and wonder why the hell I am using a fork in the first place.

“So are yours, but I don’t see you jumping to tell them.” I keep my head down and stare at my Saturn Rings. What am I supposed to tell her? I don’t want to tell anyone, not my friends, not my family, not anyone.

“I will, give me time.” She says nothing and starts to eat.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I guess that is where I should have known something was wrong. The fact that I didn’t want to tell anyone our situation made the situation that much worse. I think I actually hoped it would go away.

I guess the saying is true, be careful what you wish for you might just get it. Well I got what I wished for and so much more.

~*~*~*~*~*~

With the wind in my hair I can’t help but feel free for the time being. At this moment there are no worries, no cares and with the girl I love beside me what could go wrong.

“Max pull over.” She has that look in her eyes and I know what it means. I quickly pull the car over and watch as she dashes out of the car.

I follow behind and hear the sounds of her crying. She does it every time she gets sick. I rub her back and let her know I am there.

When she finishes she rests her head against my chest and wipes the tears from her eyes. I wrap my arms around her.

“It will be ok” I always tell her that. She never says anything but today is different, she speaks.

“I really don’t think it will.” I frown and am actually glad she can’t see it. I want to ask her why but I don’t.

“Yes it will, everything will be ok.” She wipes her face again and stands up. She brushes the dirt off of her clothes and walks to the car. She doesn’t get in it; instead she sits on the hood.

I sit next to her and as we stare out into the desert I watch her get lost in her thoughts.

“Max, what if we didn’t do this, what if we just said no and ended it.” I look at her shocked. Not shocked that she is saying what I have been hoping, but the fact that she is even saying this.

“Is that what you want?” she looks at me, no expression on her face.

“I don’t know, sometimes it would make things easier.” She turns back to the setting sun.

“For who?” I am almost angry, but part of me wants to scream at her yes, please we are too young for this. But, a part of me is upset with her for even suggesting this.

“For you, for me, for everyone.” I see the tear fall down her face and I hope she doesn’t mean what she is saying.

“Liz, we can’t. You know it and I know it.” I pull her into my arms and I close my eyes. I may be too young for this and part of me may not want this, but I would never purposely end it.

I feel her shake her head and she pulls back and wipes her tears. I let her have a moment to collect herself and as I sit in the car I feel my own tears. I quickly wipe them away before she sees.

~*~*~*~*~*~

That was the most revealing conversation the two of us had that whole summer. There on that red rag top she was all but telling me she didn’t want to do this. I was angry with her at the time, even if I wanted the same thing.

I look at it now and realize that she was just as scared as I was if not more, and all of her choices that summer where made out of fear. Mine were too, I won’t lie, but hers just seemed more stunning.

The next real conversation wouldn’t happen until I had come back from my parents. I was dreading that trip and she knew it. We both knew that my parents were not going to be as accepting as Nancy was. My parents were going to disown me.

That didn’t stop me from doing what I knew was right, it didn’t mean it was easy, but I wasn’t going to do wrong by Liz.

~*~*~*~*~*~

We sit in the car and stare at each other. This was going to be hard. I had to say goodbye to her for a month while I went home alone and told my parents everything.

I asked her to come with me, but she refused. It would be too hard and too stressful and both she and her mother knew that was the last thing she needed.

“So you will call?” I smiled and kiss her head.

“Of course I will.” She smiles and touches my face. We both are acting like we aren’t going to see each other again. The tears start to form in her eyes and she laughs and wipes them away.

“Sorry” she apologizes for her emotions and I simply smile

“Don’t worry, no matter what happens I will call and I will be back in a month.” She nods her head and falls into my arms. I hug her tightly and lean back to kiss her.

I pull away and lean down and kiss her abdomen. Her hand rests on my head and I stay there for a moment. I might just be able to get used to this.

~*~*~*~*~*~

That was the moment I really felt something other than fear. I felt love; the love I had for Liz and her love for me. It radiated off in waves and I didn’t want to leave. But I boarded the plane and prepared myself for the change that was about to happen in my life.

I remember that telling my parents was not an easy event. Just as I has suspected there were tears, a lot of tears, anger and disappointment.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Maxwell I can not believe you were that stupid and careless.” I watch as my dad paces the living room. My mother is sitting in her chair, tears falling and shaking her head.

“You were supposed to be careful. We expected more than this from you. This girl is only trying to trap you. I mean from the sounds of things she isn’t exactly high up on the money tree.” I glare at my father.

“It doesn’t matter dad, all that matter is I love her, we are going to do this.” He stops and goes to my mother’s side and they hold hands.

“Well I hope you know what you are getting yourself into, because we are not going to support you in this.” Despite my preparedness for this conversation it did not hurt any less.

“If you do this you are on your own. This girl is going to ruin your life.” My mother still has yet to say anything and as I watch her I know she does not feel the same as my dad, but she won’t ever say that.

“I will do this alone, I just thought that maybe, just maybe you would be there for me, for Liz.” My dad lets his head fall, the disappointment casing his face.

“We just can’t. You are more than welcome to stay the summer, and your tuition is paid for the coming year, but from then on, if you take this on, you are on your own.” I say nothing more, there is nothing more to say.

I get up and walk across the room. My hand rests on my mothers shoulder and I feel her hand come to mine.

“I am going back to Roswell; I will be gone at the end of the month.” I walk out of the room and head straight for my room. I promised to call Liz.

~*~*~*~*~

I stayed the whole month, packing my things and getting them ready to be sent to L.A.

I talked to Liz every night and made sure she was doing ok. She always assured me she did, but there was always something in her voice. Something that told me no matter how many times she tried to convince herself she was ok and convince me she was not ok.

When my month was up, I quickly did everything so that I could be back on the plane to Roswell. My mother took me to the airport and as I sat in the car with her that day I learned something new about my mother.

She was willing to defy my father.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“I put some extra things in the duffle for you and Liz.” I smile at my mom. She has taken this whole situation extremely well.

“Thank you mom.” She pulls me into a hug and I know she is crying I can feel the wetness on my shoulder.

“I want to come to LA in January.” I pull back wondering if I have heard her correctly. My father would not go for that, especially since he just disowned me.

“Really?” she smiles and touches my cheek

“Yes, call me and I will be there.” I pull her into a hug. This means more than I could ever tell her. We say our goodbyes and she tells me to send my love to Liz and I promise to do so.

The plane ride is anything but eventful. I want to get back to Liz as soon as I can and the five hour ride seems more like an eternity.

The plane lands and I quickly make my way off the plane and go straight to the baggage terminal to collect my bags.

I grab the shuttle to the parking lot and as I step off there is the red convertible staring me in the face.

Liz is sitting on the hood patiently waiting and I smile as she catches my eye. There is something different about her but I can’t put my finger on it. She doesn’t smile when she sees me, she simply scoots off the car and stands patiently.

“Hey” I put my bag down and pull her into my arms. I kiss her and she is the one to pull back.

“How did leaving go?” I put my bags in the trunk and shake my head.

“Well my father wished me the best even though he seems to think I won’t ever see the best part. My mom however surprised me. She sent a bunch of stuff to you and said she wanted to come out to LA in January.” She looks surprised and I chuckle.

“That was my reaction too. My mother defying my father is something I never thought would happen in this life time.” She shakes her head and we quickly head for her house, she informs me Nancy wants to take us to dinner.

~*~*~*~*~*~

You think I would have noticed something was wrong by the way she was acting, but I saw nothing. I was more enthused by being home and being with her than noticing that something was off.

She did a good job of hiding from me too. She played the game so well and now looking back I know why she did it, even if I don’t understand, I know why.

That whole night everything was off. Nancy and Liz kept sending glances at each other and Nancy had this look on her face. I couldn’t quite place it at the time, but now I realize it was one of sadness and pity, pity for me but sadness for the things that would never come to be.

~*~*~*~*~

I roll over and Liz is not beside me. I slowly sit up and look out the window. She is sitting on the swing swinging back and forth. I push the covers off of me and quickly head out into the hot night air to see her.

As I approach I notice the tears on her face. The moonlight lights up her face well and as she sees me she wipes the tears from her face.

“Are you ok?” she shakes her head and looks up at me.

“You up for a drive?” I simply nod and watch as she stands up and wipes her face. She takes the lead and I follow her out of the back yard and out to the car.

I sit in the passenger’s seat staring at her, watching her as she drives the small stretch of desert road. There is something uncomfortable about the silence and as I find moments to speak I hesitate.

She pulls over at the same spot we pulled over at the last time and quickly gets out of the car. She sits on the hood and as I sit in the car staring at her back I cant help but wonder what is going on.

“Liz?” the tears are fresh and as I inch my way closer to her and shut the door she starts to speak.

“I lost it” it what is it? I sit on the hood right next to her.

“What did you lose?” I have a gut feeling I know what she lost but I can’t make the words come from my mouth.

“The baby Max, I lost the…” I don’t wait for her to say the words I simply pull her into my arms and hold her tightly. I don’t know when she miscarried all I know is I wasn’t here for her and my heart is breaking.

“When?” she is crying so hard it is hard to understand her but she talks as well as she can.

“Last week…I…didn’t want to tell you.” I sooth her and I feel the hot wet tears slide down my own face. As I sit there holding her I promise to be there for her.

We sit there for a long time in silence, the tears running down both of our faces. Everything we had just planned, everything that would come to be in eight months time was no longer there. There was no baby, there was no future and my heart was breaking.

“Please don’t stop loving me.” Her words are desperate. It is almost like she is pleading with me.

“Never” I don’t think I could even if I tried. I clutch her and pull her closer to my body as we sit on top of the red rag top.

~*~*~*~*~*

We really tired to make things work after she lost the baby. I tried to make things work. I stayed the summer like I had planned and I always tried to be there. Liz pulled away as much as she could. She didn’t want to feel any hurt, she really didn’t want to feel anything.

When the summer came to a close we both went back to LA in the fall. We didn’t live together like we had planned. I went back to living with Danny and she moved back in with her roommates.

I kept trying after we got back from Roswell. I took her out to dinner and to the movies and sometimes we would just hang out at my apartment. But we were trying to hard and in the end it wasn’t worth the heartache. By December of that year we both had given up on the hopes of ever having a relationship and went our separate ways.

I didn’t see Liz much after that. We both avoided each other at all costs. I saw her at graduation and she was just as beautiful as ever. But we did not talk, we simply shared a stare.

She graduated with a BS in Biology and I heard she was headed for Harvard to work on her doctorate. I graduated with my degree in business and headed home to Boston to work for my father. However, that did not last too long. He wanted to open a branch in LA and I was the first to jump.

I have not seen Liz in over 6 years nor do I care too. The last time I saw her she was in a coffee shop in Boston sitting and smiling with a young man. I walked away leaving her there staring after me.

As I watch the red rag top convertible next to me I feel the pang in my heart and I can hear her words.

“I just don’t love you anymore.” They echo in my mind and I sigh.

That summer was the summer that changed my life; I lost a part of myself that year. I lost a sense of direction and purpose. I don’t remember much of whom I was, I was lost and confused. I do know that I am a stronger and wiser person today because of Liz Parker and the events of that summer that changed both of our lives.

As the light turns green and the car speeds away I smile, take my foot of the break and head out into the world.

The End