Roswell Fanatics

Title: Suffocating?

Author: Rie482

Rating: I dunno. Teen?

Summary: In heart of mine. Liz has just told Max that they were suffocating – that they should end it and Max has run off, leaving a distraught Liz wondering whether or not she did the right thing. What does Max do now?

I probably shouldn't post this yet... but I want to. Sorry the first part is only short... but all the parts will be like that. I am thinking that there will be four parts. If people like the direction I go with this I maybe persuaded to go on

FEEDBACK IS NEEDED FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!!!

Part One
Song is in italics is Sophia by Nerina Pallot.

Liz.


‘No, Max, it can be. It can be really, really easy. You know, we both just stop pretending…’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know, maybe we're both just holding on to something that'll never be. Max, maybe we should just let go. I have been in so much pain. This whole year. and it's like I'm suffocating.’

Did I actually say that? Did I actually let him go that easily? God, what have I done? I thought at the time that I was doing the right thing, for me and Max. I thought it was okay to just let him go because he himself had come from the future, half pleading and half demanding that I give up the future with Max that I truly crave. I thought as I looked up at him that he was so distant from me, so it was ok. For one moment I felt like I had done the right thing, for him.

Five o’ clock and a fire escape symphony
Spilling out across the road and the square
And the sky’s the same as your own, do you think of me?
Do the parks and trees and the leaves reach you there?
After the rain, in the lonely hours he haunts me....
Calling out, again, and again....
Sophia, Sophia, I’m burning, I’m burning
It’s a fire, a fire I cannot put out.
Sophia, Sophia, I’m learning that some things
I can’t go without
And one of those is him.

Then his face fell and my whole world fell with it. Suddenly my stomach was churning angrily within me and I let out a pain filled sob the moment he turned on his heals, running out the door. That’s the moment when I realised I was wrong. I felt like I wanted to be sick as I ran outside after him.

I remember running towards the door, ceremonially throwing them open and then began to frantically search the area. I remember the pain I felt as I realised he wasn’t there anymore and the pain of my ankle twisting as my heel broke off my black shoe.

And now I walk these streets like a stranger in my home town,
Learn the language, form the words when I speak.
But he changed me, I’m his ghost since he came around
Now I count the hours, and the days and the weeks.....
In passion and silence,
Every word, every line a measure
It’s the science of the soul.
And his books, they breathe a reason
And now, I want to know.....
Sophia, Sophia, I’m burning, I’m burning
It’s a fire, a fire I cannot put out.
Sophia, Sophia, I’m learning that some things
I can’t go without
And one of those is him.

Now here I am… Lying on the ground screaming at the sky infuriated at a man who doesn’t even exist any more.

“WHY?! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE JUST LEFT ME ALONE?” My head lolls forward as I’m finally sick, the feeling of loss pushing out all the contents of my stomach. My lips continue to move as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. It won’t stop rolling off my tongue. It’s angry and it’s bitter. I can almost taste it. I don’t stop asking the question that has invaded my thoughts all evening. Why did it hurt so much? Why did I do what I did? Why – why did Future Max do this to me? Why?

And you, with your new born eyes,
Have you ever loved a man like I love him?
Do you hurt, but still feel alive
Like never before?
Oh Sophia! Sophia!
Sophia, Sophia, I’m burning, I’m burning
It’s a fire, a fire I cannot put out.
Sophia, Sophia, I’m learning that some things
I can’t go without
I can’t go without him.

I lift myself off the ground and I know I look like such a mess. I stand there and just look up at the stars that shine down onto me and I just wish I could make them all go away. They seem to just be laughing at me; like that I had fallen into this trap. I was willing to love a man from the stars, a man I can’t have and they had known it from the moment he was born that it just couldn’t be. A part of me feels like he’s up there with them. Future Max is stood there laughing at the fact I turned him from me and is amused by this pathetic display. He’s amused by the fact my knees are covered in black muck and my shoes are dangling from my grazed hand as I gaze up at him feeling like my life is now over.

I gasp and feel my legs buckle from under me. I can’t feel anything other than the feeling of hopelessness that has begun to fill my chest. I can’t feel my body hit the hard ground and the skin on my knees scrape along the concrete. I lie on the floor, just staring out in front of me.

Now he’s just being sadistic. He hates me. He wants me to suffer.

They are playing my song and he knew it would happen. The song has started and I can just about fill the tears starting to well up behind my closed eye lids as I hear the soft beginnings of the song. The song of my wedding dance.

“Liz?”

I sob again.

Heya guys! Well by the looks of things I shall be posting this one on a thursday I'll probably be posting on this one every week through my exams as the parts will only be short. A lot shorter than the ones I have on Exposure So unfortunately I will stop posting on exposure in a couple of weeks until the beginning of july.

I have no idea what I am going to do with this... It may just be a couple of parts long... but if you want me to continue I do need to know what you think. The more feedback I get the more likely I am to continue.

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Part two

Max.

‘No, Max, it can be. It can be really, really easy. You know, we both just stop pretending…’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know, maybe we're both just holding on to something that'll never be. Max, maybe we should just let go. I have been in so much pain. This whole year. and it's like I'm suffocating.’

Did she really say it? Did she really mean that? Of course she did. I could see it in her eyes as she looked up at me. She’s tired. She’s tired of living like this and I thought I felt the same way – but now I’m not so sure. I always thought that I could never tire of Liz. I couldn’t even begin to feel that way when it came to her, she’s the love of my life. No matter how much she has hurt me before, I always thought I could forgive her once she saw sense.

After a while I became tired of waiting for her to tell me the truth about Kyle, maybe I was just fooling myself into hoping she had pretended to sleep with him. To believe she did that for something; that it was all for an important reason. But the look in her eyes every time she reaffirmed that she did in fact break my heart for Kyle was a detached and almost cold one.

But I had always gotten the feeling that the look was there for a purpose, to stop me from being able to see past the façade she has been presenting to the world. She’d then take off her mask, throw herself into my arms and I’d pepper her faces with loving kisses as she told me the reason for it.

I’d always wake up with a smile on my face, a smile that would melt away as I realised it was a dream.

That was all false hope. I could see in her eyes that she wants it to be over.

It’s over

I’m suffocating

Suffocating?

Is that how I make her feel? Do I really paralyze her with the thought that maybe I will be able to remember Tess. Shit. I told her I remember Tess. Is that where this has all come from? How could I have been so stupid as to want to tell her about remembering my past life?! Why couldn’t I have just kept my big gob shut?

I just want to run back and make her see sense, take her in my arms and just hold her.

I don’t.

I haven’t moved. I’m still sat in the park on this bench. She doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want me. She’s suffocating and she needs me to let go. So I have to – because it’s Liz. I will do anything for her; I just want her to be happy. The happy bubbly Liz Parker that I fell in love with. The one who liked to be with me; the one who’d look deep into my eyes as she spoke to me.

The one I love.

She’s been missing for a little while now. She disappeared the day we listened to the message from our mother. She ran away from the pod chamber, running all the way to Florida. The last time I saw the Liz Parker I knew was when we looked at each other on top of the rocks.

I can still feel my heart thumping away at my rib cage as I looked at her. She was silently telling me she loved me through that gaze, it was so final as if it was the end.

I stop for a second and a frown comes across my face. The way she looked at me earlier – it caused my heart to hammer away at my chest yet I didn’t notice until now. It’s still racing now as I sit here, twirling the rose I wore in between my hands as I remember her words. Did she mean what she said?

‘No, Max, it can be. It can be really, really easy. You know, we both just stop pretending…’

Pretending? What are we pretending? Is she pretending? Is she pretending she doesn’t want to be with me? Is she pretending that she slept with Kyle?

Great.

I’m reading far far too much into her choice of words. I’m hopeless. Completely and utterly hopeless and there is nothing I can do about it. I groan outwardly as Liz in bed with Kyle flashes across my mind. Why is it that the moment I walk away from Liz, I start seeing them together?

But this time it has been different – that’s what has been worrying me.

That’s why I am sat here.

I usually think about it. It’s been forever imprinted on my mind. It’s a form of torture that suddenly rears its ugly head when ever there is a remote moment of happiness within my life. It’s after the small things that it decides to happen. Liz will smile at me like she used to, then suddenly her naked body covered by a thin piece of fabric flashes before my eyes and I just have to look away. The shame I see in her eyes when I finally gather the nerve to look at her again makes my anger flare and my heart break all at once. How can I love someone yet hate her at the same time? I’ve heard that there is a fine line between love and hate. I suppose this is the case.

This time it’s different. There is no Liz here; there is just the lingering of her words ‘pretending’ and ‘suffocating’. They seem to just jump at me and then suddenly I see her guilty face looking up at me from her bed where she lays with Kyle. Is there a connection? Is she telling me something through her words?

No

No

No. Stop it. She slept Kyle. She doesn’t want you. She’s suffocating because of you – so stop pretending that there is a chance for us.

Pretending.

There it is again.

The image.

Liz

Liz and Kyle.

Liz and Kyle, in bed together.

Stop it. You’re just torturing yourself. She doesn’t want you. You’re a freak. A monster who cannot give her what she wants. She said it herself – she doesn’t want to die for you.

A gasp lodges in my throat as I am struck with yet another image. But this one is followed by another and another and another. The first one is Liz staring at me from the bottom of the rock before she turns on her heels and runs away. The second one is her standing in my room, telling me she doesn’t want to die for me. The next one is the look she gives me from her bed where she lies with Kyle. The final one is prom, just an hour ago.

They are all different. They are all of different times in different places. But they are similar. She looks at me in the same way. Her eyes scream at me.

Love.
Love.
Love.

They scream it. Cry it. She loves me.

She loves me. She loves me. But then why? Why tell me she is suffocating – that it is over?

Pretending.

She’s pretending.

I suddenly stand up from the bench and moving quickly, almost frantically. I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel the need to go back to the prom. Something is pulling me towards it and I just let it pull me along. I walk quickly, almost stumbling over my feet as I start to run.

I need to go there. I need to see Liz. I need Liz

Liz
Liz
Liz

Liz?

I stop dead as I watch the silhouette crumple to the floor and cry out in pain.

Liz?

I step forward and there she is, lying on the floor, the moonlight bathing her in light.

I stay in the shadows, unsure whether or not I should make my presence known. I go to whisper her name. But someone gets there before me.

Screw it. I can't wait to give you this next part on Thursday. So I am giving it to you now.

In return I want some feedback Then maybe... you might get the next part before thursday...

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Part Three - Song is I shall believe.

Liz.

“Why did you do it?”

I just look up at her with disbelief in my gaze. My whole body is shaking with rage at the question. Doesn’t she know? Isn’t it obvious?

“For you.” I spit out at her in anger and bitterness, not even bothering to look up at her. “For you. It was all for you Tess.” I curl my head into my hands and start to cry, unable to look at her pretty face. “It’s all been for you.”

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

I just lie there and wait for her questions or her bitchy comments. I brace myself for the usual ‘he’s mine. We are meant to be together. No matter how hard you try you just aren’t meant to be together.’ I can just see her expression now, an angry yet pleased expression. She’s gloating. She believes they belong together. They belong together. Future Max saw that. He came to change my life for that soul purpose.

He wanted Tess.

He wanted me to suffer.

No. He didn’t want that. Max wouldn’t have wanted that, no matter what happened because we were together.

He had to do it.

There was no choice.

I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

“For me?” I tense when I hear her soft and confused whisper. I close my eyes and just wait for it. Some remark or for the moment my brain realises I’m hearing things. But it doesn’t happen and I can literally feel her eyes focus on me.

I slowly open my eyes and lift my head just to look at her.

It almost takes my breath away.

She looks like she’s been crying. I can clearly see the unshed tears and my heart twists as I see them starting to roll down her cheeks. But at the same time she is smiling. It’s a small fulfilled smile and I can’t help but frown at it.

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

“Are you okay?” I ask, completely forgetting the pain I was in because of this woman. I mentally kick myself that. I should hate her. But I can’t.

She merely nods.

“Then why the tears?” I ask my curiosity getting the best of me. In some way it should have been said in contempt but it doesn’t come out that way. I generally want to know.

She shakes her head. “It’s nothing important.” She says quietly, the smile spreading further across her face. It’s one that isn’t forced, faked or contorted to please Max. This one is actually real. She almost appears human as I stare at her. “I just think I’ve found home.”

She stops in mid smile and looks at me as if she’s suddenly realised something.

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

“What?” I ask quietly.

“You didn’t answer my question.” She states as a matter of fact. It’s not angry but worried. I can just about see the worry crease marring her face as she actually worries about me. Tess Harding is worrying about me. About how I feel. Christ. Something important and life changing must have happened. “Why? Why did you say that to Max?”

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

I laugh out loud as I think about it. I did it because a man from the future told me to. He wanted me to make Max fall out of love with me – so I did it. Then we danced on my rooftop. It sounds crazy even in my mind.

I try to gauge from Tess’ stance whether or not what I am seeing is actually true. Is she being sincere or does she just want to add salt to the heavily salted meal that is my life.

Great.

Now I’m using metaphors to describe my life.

How melodramatic.

I look up at her, then back down to the floor and then back up not knowing what to say. A minute ago I could have killed her, ripped into her declaring it was all her fault and that I hated her. But now, now something had changed. It was only something small yet it was there.

“Why Liz? I know you didn’t mean it.” She says as she moves toward the wall that is just behind me. She sits down and I can feel her eyes boring themselves into the back of my head.

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe

I sigh. “I am suffocating Tess.” I manage to whisper as I can feel the tears begin to return. For a moment I didn’t think I could cry any more than I had already done, but obviously when it comes to me I can. I never seem to stop crying these days. “But it’s not because of the reasons I told Max.”

I pause and kick myself. Why the hell am I telling Tess this? The secret I said that I could keep from Max is suddenly coming to the surface and I decide to tell – tell TESS? What the hell has happened to me?

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe

“What you are listening to right now – was supposed to be my wedding song.” I know I should stop before it all comes leaking out, but my mouth just doesn’t seem to want to stop.

The dam is breaking.

I shall believe

It’s about time.

And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

Heya guys! A new part for you to read! Enjoy.

Thank you to the following for their feedback:
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Part four

Max.

I stand behind the tree and watch the scene that plays out before me. Of all the people in the world I never once thought Tess would come to Liz’s aid. Ok – they aren’t exactly saying a lot to each other, but the fact she’s there means something.

I watch Tess closely. Why IS she there? It’s not like Tess to be concerned with anyone, especially not Liz.

Something’s different.

I can’t quite place it.

But it’s there.

Tess Harding has changed tonight.

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

“For you. It was all for you Tess.”

What did she mean it was all for Tess? Did she sleep with Kyle to get back at Tess? To push me towards her? No. That can’t be. She wouldn’t ever. Surely?

A sinking feeling in my stomach makes me want to hurl. She pretended to sleep with Kyle – to push me towards Tess? Doesn’t she know that I can’t just walk away from her that easily? Doesn’t she know what she means to me?

I couldn’t be with Tess.

Liz is the love of my life. She’s the reason I stand here today. She’s the reason I feel alive where ever I am, when I walk down the street. She’s the reason I live. She’s soul purpose for being. It runs through my veins and my heart beats out her name. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Sometimes when I lie in bed at night I swear my heart is actually calling out her name. It makes it hard to sleep at night. It’s going to be if your heart won’t calm down unless you are with the person it wants. That’s Liz. It’s what we both want. What we both need.

We couldn’t be anywhere else.

Everyone is gonna be second best.

There will never be another Liz.

I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

I tremble suddenly feeling uneasy. There is something about this song that strikes me, something that makes my heart ache deep down in my chest. It’s singing out to me, it feels like it knows me, like it has some meaning to me. I know it’s Liz’s favourite song so that’s probably why I feel this way.

It’s Liz’s song, so it hurts me. Yet, it makes me want to run over there and make her dance in the moonlight with me. I want to twirl her around, see her eyes wide with wonder and love as she spins around. Then I want to hold her close to me, so close that we can feel each other’s breath on our faces.

Liz.
It’s always been about Liz. I’ve always been drawn to her so I suppose that’s why I feel this way.

But for some reason it feels like something is missing. There is a part of me … missing. I can’t quite put my finger on it. But as the song continues I feel like everything is falling into place now.

It’s dawning on me. Whatever it is.

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Loss.

Pure loss.

It’s nestled in my chest – this feeling of loss of something I never quite had. Or the feeling of something that was taken away from me.

The image I saw in Vegas suddenly flashes before my eyes. I can feel the happiness my other self felt as he spun his beautiful bride around. It tingles throughout my chest making my body feel like its humming.

Then the second it’s there it’s been replaced with the image of Kyle and Liz invading my mind.

Where did that come from?

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

I shake off the feeling of uncertainty. There is something I am missing, the feeling of loss is just crushing me.

Liz.

It has to be Liz. I feel the loss of having lost her.

For good this time.

But if that were true, why am I still stood here? It’s as if I am glued to the spot. I never usually pry into Liz’s conversations. I have always watched her from afar, but not once did I invade her privacy. I wouldn’t ever do that to Liz. I couldn’t ever. Yet here I am, listening intently as if I am searching for something that I know is there.

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

My body suddenly feels like its on fire as Tess asks the question I am dying to ask Liz myself.

The truth will out.

I can feel it.

It hangs in the air like the smell of freshly cut grass. It’s something unique and wonderful. It’s fresh, like the secret I know Liz has been carrying around for months now. It’s new fresh, wonderful and unique information. Something I am dying to know.

I’ve waited for far too long. I should have pushed Liz to tell me the truth, yet there was a part of me that believed in her so much that I thought she’d come to me with anything.

I was wrong.

And we had to suffer for it.

Now I will know the truth. Now I will know what made Liz do this to me.

I need to know.

I have to.

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

“I am suffocating Tess.”

“But it’s not because of the reasons I told Max.”

I stand dumbfounded. Liz had lied to me. She lied to me about why she was suffocating. Was she really suffocating then?

She lied to me.

But she’s been lying to me for months now – why shouldn’t this be the same?

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe

“What you are listening to right now – was supposed to be my wedding song.”

I shall believe
And I shall believe

My heart leaps into my mouth.

I shall believe

Did she really say that?

Arghh... it's a sickness... I have to give you the next part now

I'm currently writing the ending of this. As I predicted it would be a short fic... but don't worry after this one you will have another 5 parts AND by the way my mind is boogling... a one part sequel

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Part five
Liz.

I run my hand through my hair as I shift myself into a sitting position. I’ve suddenly become aware of my ankle killing me, but still it’s nothing in comparison with the pain of having told Max a lie. Again.

I had heard Tess gasp out loud in shock to my last statement but I chose to ignore it. Her question just lingers in the air but once again I choose to ignore it. I am surprised that she hasn’t made some sarcie comment about my last words but I think I shocked her in the way I stated it as fact.

That was my wedding song.

It was.

It will never be.

“What do you mean by that?” I hear her ask in complete and utter confusion. My back is still facing her and I don’t want to make any attempt to look at her face. I think I’d lose my nerve if I was to look at her.

Suddenly it hits me. I have to tell Tess what has been going on.

I laugh.

Tess. I’m telling Tess about the end of the world. It seems so ironic.

I know she’s evilling me out now. I can feel the evils pounding at the back of my head repeatedly as she thinks I was laughing at her. “I wasn’t laughing at you.” I snap at her. It’s bitter and it’s angry. It’s accompanied by the words. “It’s the fact I’m telling you this.” I laugh out loud again as I shake my head. “You of all people.”

I sigh and look at my swollen ankle. It’s gone all red and puffy now; I can feel the steady movement of my blood circling around it. Its proof I’m alive. Not that I feel like that right now. There’s a sort of numbness that’s settling around my heart. A numbness that seems to be lessening slightly by the way I had slipped out those last words.

I have to tell someone else other than Maria about this. My heart is telling me that.

Well… I think that’s what’s happening. Part of me is screaming that this is all for a different reason, like it’s for the benefit of someone else.

Max?

I shake that thought off. He left a while ago. He’s out of my life.

“Why did you do it Liz?” She asks again, this time the Tess we all know and love is evident in her voice. It’s the pure annoyance but I doubt it’s because she’s Tess… it’s probably because I haven’t answered her in the last two minutes.

So I tell her, my head turning just to meet her eyes and then loudly and with my arms swinging around me, I say it.

“To prevent the end of the world.” I say it in the sarcastic tone that I have adopted lately. It’s dripping with it and it’s so theatrical and dramatic that I start laughing again. This time it’s hysterical.

“This is ridiculous!” I practically shout as my laughter dies down. I’ve suddenly become aware that I’m lying back on my side and I am pounding my fist on the tarmac that lies underneath me. “Why can’t it ever be okay for me to be with Max?!”

I sob now. All I want is for him to be here, holding my tightly to his chest as I just cry out my pain. I need his love. His complete and utter unconditional positive regard. That’s what my shrink is trying to give me. It’s the humanistic way. It’s humane. It’s supposed to help you work your way out of your funk and become a better and more fulfilled person.

But I know for a fact it only works when it comes from Max.

But once again I have pushed him away.

I am alone.

Helpless.
Alone.
Desperate.
Alone.

I’m suffocating.

Now I realise this is what suffocating is really like. I had been in pain before this night. But now, now I’m truly suffocating.

Now I know what it’s like.

I roll onto my back and spread my arms out and just stare at the stars, my eyes leaking sour tears as I study the sky. Is that where Future Max is right now? Is he up in the heavens looking down on me? Is his gaze full of longing and love or is it full of contempt and gloating?

“Even Max decided we shouldn’t be together.” I clench my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms. I shift my head slightly to look at Tess. I see utter disbelief flung at me. “It’s true.” I sob. “It’s true. He came back here and decided he was better off with you.”

I shake my head as my heart literally kicks me in the chest for saying something we both know isn’t true. I think those things because it makes the pain easier to bear. Well that was the idea anyway.

It’s turned into pure torture.

“That’s not true. Max and destiny decided that he was better off without me.” I close my eyes tightly. The stars are smiling at me for providing me with yet another night of misery. They love it. I swear they do. “I had to pretend to sleep with Kyle just to push Max away from me. Because he said so. That’s what Max came back to do.”

I can practically hear the creaking of Tess’ forehead as she frowns. I don’t even have to open my eyes to know that’s what she is doing right now. I don’t need to even hear the words I know she is going to say.

But I let her ask it.

It’s the right thing to do.

“Back from where?”

I sigh and open my eyes. I stare at the stars wondering whether or not I should utter the words that are bubbling underneath my lips.

I turn my head so my cheek is now on the tarmac and I am looking Tess straight into her piercing blue eyes.

I state it simply as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“The future.”

Heya guys. Here be the next part
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Max.

I take a huge step back as it feels like someone has shot me square in the chest.

The future? Me? From the Future?

She must be delusional. She must have been seeing things. That couldn’t have been me; I wouldn’t do such a thing. She means the world to me. She’s the reason my life has any meaning. I breathe each day because she is in my life.

“Max came back from 14 years into the future to make Max fall out of love with me.”

I love her.

“Because of Max being with me, the end of the world is brought forward in time.”

I couldn’t do that.

“It had destroyed every last person we love and hold dear.”

She’s lying.

“All because you left. All because of me. All because I was with Max instead of you.”

She has to be.

I see Tess walk away; shaking her head as I know she thinks Liz is in psychosis or something, just like I do. But there is something that keeps me in the spot I’m in. It must be the fact there is something niggling at me in the back of my mind or the fact I can hear Liz’s pain filled cries as she turns back onto her side and curls into a ball. Her cries are a mix between screams and cries of consuming grief.

It pierces through my heart and it melts slightly. Even though I don’t believe a word she had just said to Tess, I move nearer the tree. I rest my weary body against it as I watch her trembling. “Why?” She screams now and I gasp at the pure torment that fills her words.

She couldn’t have been speaking the truth?

I mean that goes against every law of physics in existence.

Right?

My mind wonders back to a memory of mine when everything was that much simpler. I see Topolsky sitting opposite me at her desk, holding that picture in midair. She’s just asked me which kid I would be in that scene. The one behind the tree. That was me.

‘No, that's interesting. That's a hard place to be. I've been behind the tree myself. In college I barely left my dorm for three years. Then I realized that I had gotten myself into this situation where I wasn't really living. I was just going through the motions, and it was really, really risky to change. To get out there in the world.’

‘But it was worth it?’

‘Yes, it was.’

‘Coming out from behind the tree, huh?’

‘Exactly. You start small. You say, "Today I'm going to do one thing to get out there." Nothing big. Just one thing.’

‘And, what did you do?

‘Started a conversation with this guy I liked.’

So I do exactly that. I step out from behind the tree and ask the question that is bubbling away inside.

“Why didn’t you just come to me?”

I see her body stiffen completely at the sound of my hurt yet sad voice. She wasn’t expecting me to come back here, to her. She’s thinking that I had run away. She’s thinking it’s all in her imagination.

Now she’s scared. She knows that if I am here then I heard every last word. She’s scared about how I’m going to react.

Now she is ashamed. She’s ashamed that she didn’t come to me.

That’s exactly what she is thinking right now because I know her.
I know Liz Parker. I know her mind, the way she works. When I saw in to her soul that day in the Crashdown I started something that would change both of us. For better and for worse. I don’t regret what I did, but right now I can feel her heart breaking through the connection that is now so weak only the strongest pain could be felt through it.

Now she’s thinking it couldn’t be possible for me to be stood here. Right? She pushed me away so I wouldn’t be daft enough to come back here.

But that’s where she’s wrong.

I love her.

With all my heart. I meant what I said that day in the bus.

“Whether I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, my destiny is still the same; it’s you Liz. I love you.”

“I love you”

She is my destiny, but for some reason we have lost sight of each other.

Heya guys - Just had a three hour long english lit exam (joy!) and thought I'd treat you to a new part

Enjoy

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Elizabeth Kivana

Liz.

“Why didn’t you just come to me?”

I turn into a statue at the sound of the voice that comes from behind me. I know that voice, I could recognize it anywhere. It’s deep, powerful and it’s husky yet it’s sad and defeated at the same time.

That’s my Max. The same old Max that takes the weight of the world on his shoulders. He speaks like that when he is troubled.

But he really can’t be here? Surely? I swear the last look on his face told me he never wanted to come back to this place again. He’d want to be as far away as possible right now. So great. Now it’s all in my imagination. I’m hallucinating a Max.

But what if I’m not? What if he is really here asking me that question? Then that means he heard me talking to Tess. He knows. Shit. He can’t know, I told the Future Max he wouldn’t ever know about this. Now this Max is going to realize he still loves me, he won’t be as angry as he was before. He’ll go to believing I am his destiny.

Shit.

The world is going to end.

Shit

Because of me.

Shit

But then again, Tess isn’t going anywhere now. I could see that in the way she looked at Kyle earlier. She seemed so at home and then just a minute ago – she appeared so human. So vulnerable and caring that I don’t think she could leave us even if we seriously pushed her away.

His words echo in my mind as I start to move slightly. My body is starting to relax as it suddenly realizes that Max knows. He knows. He knows that I didn’t come to him about it. Instead I tore his heart out, told him I didn’t want to die for him and then pretended to sleep with Kyle.

He knows.

I feel so ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper as I start to lift my warn and tired body off the floor slightly with my arms. I let my head dangle as the cool night air envelops me as I push myself up. I can’t dare look him in the eye to see his unconditional love and hurt swimming in his eyes. It would make what I have to say that much harder and I’ll lose my resolve.

After all I can’t go back on my word to Future Max.

“Why?” He asks again. He still hasn’t moved any nearer to me. He hasn’t tried to gather me up in his arms like he would have done before all this happened. He hasn’t made any desperate monologue about his undying love. Tears fall from the corners of my eyes as I realize what the hell I have done. I’ve changed Max into a man so unrecognizable to the innocent Max I adore.

“Because you told me not to.” I whisper as I finally find the courage to look at him. I flinch and look away when I see exactly what I was expecting. Unconditional love and hurt. I caused this man so much pain.
I hate myself for it.

“If it was anyone else I would have just told them to go away, pushed them out of my window and refused to even listen to a damn word they said.” I bit my lip before I look at him again. It’s still there but I have to take in the damage that I have caused. “But it was you. I could never turn you away.” I look back down to the tarmac. “So I did what you asked of me.” My voice lowers to an almost inaudible whisper. “And lost so much in the process.”

“How can I believe you?” His tone is full of anger and betrayal. I have lied to him for months, pretending to be something and someone I’m not. I have been pretending that this didn’t bother me. I lied to his face.

Now he doesn’t trust me

I’m not surprised

I wouldn't.

“Trust your heart, Max.” I state simply, reminding me of what my Granmother’s last words were. “It’s never misled you. You knew I wouldn’t do such a thing to you. You knew that. You dream about it. You ask me about it. Your heart just didn’t believe I slept Kyle.” I look up at him again, my heart and soul in my eyes as I beg him to believe that these words I speak are the truth. “And I didn’t.”

He stays on the spot and just looks back at me. His jaw is clenched and through what’s left of our connection I can feel confusion and anger. Anger at not realizing what was really going on.

Anger over letting someone fool him.

“I’m sorry Max. But I had to do this. You didn’t see the pain in your eyes as you told me about holding Michael dead in your arms before you came to me.”

I can see his look of disbelief mix with pain now. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I could use the granolith and just make Future Max just go away. But what is done is done. That’s what they say.

“I had to save you from that pain.”

“Oh how noble of you.” He quips.

Now I’m angry. Doesn’t he understand what I lost for wanting to spare him the pain of loosing everyone he knew and loved?

“Don’t think you’re the only one who suffered Max. I lost everything I have ever dreamed about. I lost you.” The anger drains out of my voice and out of body as I think about it.

I’ve lost everything I dreamt of.

Everything.

“I lost us.” I whisper as new tears start to form.

So... I'm back To inform you... there is only two more parts after this one... so enjoy it while it lasts. But I'm working on the one parter sequel so look out for that once this is finished.

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Elizabeth Kivana
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Another excellent update. It sorta like the show.

Thank you!!! It made me smile


Max.

I don’t know why I am so angry. It’s not like Liz wanted to hurt me. But she did and from somewhere deep inside is this anger. Pure anger. It’s mixed with hurt and betrayal, it is sour and it is furious. Liz Parker the love of my life betrayed me in order for me to go to Tess Harding. She tore my heart out for no damn reason. She did this ‘for’ me, not knowing what the hell it would do to me. Didn’t she realize how much this would hurt me? Didn’t she realize that my whole world has been turned upside down and inside out? Doesn’t realize what she has done? Why the hell did she do it?

Oh yeah.

My stomach and my heart sinks.

It was me.

Because of me.

I kick myself.

I didn’t think I had truly believed what I was hearing. Tess didn’t, so why should I?

“Trust your heart, Max.” I can hear her voice still hanging in the air. “It’s never misled you” The thing is – it has never led me astray, so now I am thinking maybe what she is telling me isn’t a complete lie to avoid the truth.

Maybe, just maybe it is true.

Great.

Not only have I confronted an already broken Liz, but I’ve accused her of lying, angered her and now by the looks of things I’ve broken her further. Why do I insist on breaking this girl? Why couldn’t I have just walked away from her, leaving her to live a normal life? Why couldn’t I have stayed away?

She’s Liz.

I’m addicted.

“Don’t think you’re the only one who suffered Max. I lost everything I have ever dreamed of. I lost you.” I wince at the sight of new tears. “I lost us.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, this time more softly as I feel my anger starting to melt away. There is a sense of loss in her words, like the niggling feeling in the back of mind that happened earlier on as I remembered the night in Vegas and the image flash before my eyes.

We were so happy and hearing I shall believe earlier has made me feel so lost, something that I can hear in her voice.

She fiddles with the hem of her dress for a while as she tries to think of what to say. She’s wording it perfectly in her mind and erasing all the crap lines she comes up with. But she can’t think of a good way to say it, so frustrated she sighs letting her hands fall onto her leg and looks at me.

“That night you saw me with Kyle… I knew you were coming to my window. I knew because you told me. That night – that night I lost more than your trust. I also lost the most special night of my life.”

Ok. Now I’m completely confused. What does she mean by that? How was it going to – oh.

“Would we have…?” I try to say it but its hard knowing I lost that as well because of my Future self. I swallow as my eyes start to sting with tears. “Was that the night we would have made love?”

I almost start to cry as I watch her head nodding meekly and the new fresh tears starting to fall. “And what you said to Tess earlier?” I ask in a mere whisper. I’m finding it hard to speak now. It’s all starting to make sense and then again at the same time it’s destroying me.

We’ve lost so much.

“We were 19. We eloped.” She declares softly. “That – that song was supposed to be our… our wedding song.”

This time I just land on the floor with a thump. I don’t even try to stop myself falling, so I just let my knees give way and join Liz on the floor. Tears well up in my eyes. “So – so what I saw in Vegas?”

“Was probably something Future Max experienced. It was probably his memory.”

I run my hands over my face in complete frustration as tears of grief fall down my cheeks. We have lost so much because of me. “Why – why couldn’t I have just left you out of it?” I ask her. “Why did I have to hurt you? Why couldn’t he have come to me – to someone else?”

“Because it had to be me.” She whispers. It’s not realization, its fact. She’s seriously thought about this.

I shake my head. “It could have been anyone other than you.”

“It couldn’t have been.” She says more firmly. “I’m the only one you’d trust enough. You know I’d have listened to you because I knew you better than anyone else.” Her voice lowers and I can just about make her words. “I’ve seen into your soul.”

I nod vacantly as I think about this. It’s true. I could have gone to anyone else, but at the end of the day I trusted Liz above everyone else. I know she’d have done anything I had asked of her, especially if it was to save the people we cherish. If it had been anyone else – they wouldn’t have been able to drive me away from Liz. So it had to be Liz to push me away from her.

To save the world.

“I’m sorry.” I mumble quietly beneath the tears that have been flowing steadily for a while now. We’d adopted a sudden contemplative silence between us as we thought about everything. I can see her practically jump off the floor at the sound of my voice.

“What for?” She asks me confused. She’s sat on the floor, propping up her body with one arm. She’d been tracing a finger, with her other hand, on the floor in circles and it stays there as she stops. She looks up at me confused, a slight frown on her delicate face. The moonlight flows down onto her petite body and I just marvel at how beautiful she looks right now. She really is perfect sitting here underneath the stars, her waving hair blowing slightly in the gentle wind.

God.

Michael is right. I really have turned soft.

But I don’t care. It’s the way I have always felt about Liz Parker. My heart softens just at the mere mention of her name.

But that’s love for you.

It takes me a moment to realize she is looking at me wondering whether or not I’m there in my mind, so I shake myself out of it and finally focus on the floor again.

“For doing this to you – yet again. I just…”

“Stop it Max.”

“Wish I had just stepped back from you, have just left Roswell”

“STOP IT MAX!” She screams out loudly and in pain. “Stop it.” She whispers when I stop, staring at her in shock. “I don’t regret a thing.” She declares softly as she looks at me adoringly. “If you had of stepped back, I’d never feel so alive like I do when ever I am with you.”

I sit and just stare at her. I’m aware my mouth is wide open but I don’t seem to care. At least I’m not drooling. “How?” I question her, disbelief in my voice. “How can you not regret this?”

“You do?” I watch her eyes gaze at me sadly.

“Never.” I answer almost instantly. I don’t even need to think about the answer to that question, it’s so ingrained into me that I can just let it out.

It’s as easy as breathing.

It’s as easy as loving her.

She smiles a glorious smile and my heart leaps into my mouth.

“Neither do I.”

Then, her smile disappears.

Hey guys. The real world sucks. I am having such a bad bad bad bad bad bad day so I need cheering up... So I'm posting this to you guys cos your feedback makes me smile... it really does

This is the second to last part. Enjoy... as I think you might

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Liz.

He’s smiling at me with the famous Max Evans smile. Not the one that he gives to just anyone, but the one that reaches his eyes. The one that makes his handsome face light up with such delicate, vulnerable and wonderful emotion that it makes you want to cry. It’s so innocent, it’s so loving and trusting that I just want to start crying all over again, because I know what I’m about to say next is going to shatter his heart.

“But we can’t be anything more than friends Max.” I tell him, my heart breaking as I say them. I want so much to crawl over to him, let his arms encircle me then feel him drag me into his lap, holding me tightly to his chest. I want Max. Every fiber of my being screams out for him.

I need him.

But it cannot be.

I’m suffocating.

I start to cry the moment the smile Max had flashed at me for the first time in months, disappears in a matter of seconds. I’m breaking him again. By telling him the truth he held some hope of us being together, but he needs to understand that this just can’t be. There is far too much at stake.

“We can’t Max.” I realize my voice is breaking as I say this. “Because-because of this – us, we destroy everyone that we have ever cared about.”

“I don’t care about anyone else.” He states quickly and forcefully.

I shoot him a look. “We both know that isn’t true Max. We both know how you feel about your family. In some ways you need them more than you need me.”

“That’s not true. You’re the reason I am here. You are the reason I survived it in the white room. You are the only reason why I am here.” I just want to break down as the look of horror and contemplation meld together on the surface of his face. “I meant every word I said that night Liz. Every word.”

“I don’t doubt that Max.” I say softly, trying desperately to hold on to my resolve. “I meant every word that night as well. But – but you have this destiny that you cannot ignore.” I bite my lip for a moment as I look up at the stars which hold Max’s people. “You have a larger purpose then me.”

I watch those stars, as if I’m searching for something… For something I cannot seem to find. I think I’m searching for some indication of what lies ahead of me. I wonder what is going to be waiting for me tomorrow. I’ve been searching for a little while now but I don’t see where my future lies. I want it to be with Max.

I tense the moment I feel his hands on my shoulder. I quickly turn my head round to look him straight in the face. It’s questioning him silently. “What are you doing?” I whisper as he smoothes back a lock of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. I shiver as I feel his fingers smooth all the way down the tip of it.

“Trying to remember a time when it was considered okay for us to be together.” He muses quietly. I rest my forehead against his and sigh, having to stop myself from falling into his arms.

“I don’t think there has ever been a point at which it was deemed acceptable.” I close my eyes as I feel his fingers roam across my cheek. I should be turning away from his touch, but I can’t do it. My body aches for him to just hold me, hold me all night as he whispers love filled words.

“Don’t you think it’s about time?”

I snap open my eyes and look at him. “Max. We can’t” I cry as I struggle away from him. I desperately scrambling onto my feet but the moment I try to walk away from him, my ankle gives way again and I end up on the floor once again. I feel his hands roam over my ankle and the pain ease, but it doesn’t take away the pain that is held within me. “We can’t do this Max. No one has accepted us. If we do this we drive away Tess – she leaves. Don’t you see she’s the link? You need her to save the world from Khivar. She left because we gave into our love and the world ended.”

“But she’s still here Liz!” He growls frustrated. “She isn’t going any where! She’s found acceptance… we both saw the way she has changed tonight.” He places his hands on both of my shoulders and gazes into my eyes.

This is the moment

“Liz.” He says my name which such love and need, my heart skips a beat. “This is supposed to be. Me and you. I know it. I feel it.”

I cave.

He lifts my hand to his chest and presses it firmly to his heart. “I feel it in here. I need you Liz. Plus – I think Future Max has been trying to tell me something.”

Ok. Now I’m confused… “What do you mean?” I ask with a frown. I suddenly notice my hand is still firmly placed on his chest and I move it quickly, balling it to my own.

“I’ve been seeing things.” He says with a blush on his cheeks. He’s embarrassed about seeing things when he really shouldn’t be… I’ve seen men from the future. I think that’s the thing to be worried about. “I’ve been thinking – the vision I had when I was in Vegas… well that wasn’t the only one I’ve had. I’ve just put it down to wishful thinking on my part – but I – I’ve been getting flashes tonight, which led me here.”

I gasp as I see the honest look in Max’s amber eyes.

“Look at Tess today… she seems to have found something she was searching for. How come this all happens on the night that happens? I think we’re being told something.” He smiles slightly. “I think we are being told it’s okay now.”

I look in to his eyes and find myself lost in them and I cannot stop that lone tear that finally makes its way down onto my skin. I am so tired of fighting now. I’m so tired of holding back my emotions and denying the things I need. I need Max in my life; it’s led us to this moment. No matter what I try to do I always seem to drift back to him.

To Max.

I just wish I knew whether or not that this is going to work if I were to give in.

I need to know before I press my lips against his. I need to know that I won’t end up making things worse. I need to know that I won’t cause another invasion. I need to know I won’t be the one responsible for the death of millions of people and the murder of all my friends.

I don’t want their blood on my hands if I know that I can prevent it.

His hand finds my cheek and I instantly give in.

I have to give in to my destiny. I have to give in and be with my soul mate because when I am without him I’m suffocating. I need to survive and without Max I don’t think I can.

I look out at the stars asking Future Max his permission and almost gasp out loud with joy as I see it. There amongst the dark night sky is the same sight I saw amongst the stars the night Future disappeared in to thin air. The shooting star streaks across the sky.

It was almost the same as the one I saw that night we danced on my balcony to the silent sounds of I shall believe.

I silently thank him and turn back to Max.

So guys. Here it is. The end. Hope you enjoy it... and before you kill me - yes it will leave a few things up in the air. BUT never fear I shall be posting a one part sequel to this called 23. It will explain a few things... but it will be a little while coming as I am writing it now.

Thank you everyone for all your wonderful comments, I couldn't have done this without you!

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Max.

“Okay.” She smiles.

“Liz I need you- I just can’t live without you. I don’t care…” She places her finger on my lips and I realize I hadn’t really listened to what she had just said. I had just presumed she’d refuse to try.

“Okay.” She whispers fresh tears in her eyes again, but this time these are tears of joy. She’s giving in to what we both need.

Each other

Our love.

We cannot live without each other.

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

I am trembling now, like a young lost school boy who has just met the girl of his dreams and I smile. It has always been like this with Liz. I’m a trembling, babbling giant of a mess when I am around her; I am jelly when I am around her. My stomach flutters as she looks at me with a smile that makes her look even more beautiful than she could even be right now. The moonlight is still cascading over her body, her pretty face shadowed and shaded by the moons rays. Night time makes Liz come alive.

I spread my fingers across her cheek and wipe away the tears. This moment is full of peace. Finally after months of pain, anguish and loneliness there is complete and utter peace in my mind, body and soul.

I am starting to feel human once again and all of a sudden I feel the true extent of my words to Liz that night in a lonely cramped and battered old bus that had been our solitude for the night.

Knowing you has made me human.

It’s true. Without Liz I am not human, I’m not the Max Evans that everyone knows. I am this thing, this unidentifiable thing that just walks around suffering.

I am indescribable.

I’m alien.

I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Taking her hand in mine I stand quietly, hoping that today we can start to make our own sweet memories, erasing those of a man that just does not exist any more.

“Dance with me.” I whisper, making her smile. Slowly she stands and without unlocking our gaze we melt into each others arms, holding on tightly as if we are holding onto our lifeline.

That’s what she is to me, my lifeline.

My heart.

My soul.

Without her I am incomplete; I don’t exist.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

Our foreheads touch as we move in closer to our bodies.

This is utter perfection. She fits my body so well that I do not how my Future self thought I could ever be with any one else. No one could come close to the way Liz is completely mine. It sounds so dominating and controlling, but it’s a matter of fact; Liz is mine.

“Since the moment I stepped off that school bus on the first day of term I knew that you were the one for me. I don’t know how, I don’t know why but I just knew you were mine, that you were destined for me. For that one moment I didn’t feel as lonely and confused I was for the first couple of months of my life.”

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

“For one perfect moment there was just this feeling of completion and purpose. I had to watch you; I had to be near you. I had to have you. But then this feeling of loss just washed itself over me. I couldn’t have you. I couldn’t because it wasn’t safe. I was too...”

“Different.” She adds quietly in remembrance of night of the crash festival.

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

“I didn’t want to harm you. I didn’t even know if you’d accept me so I just resigned to watching you. Then suddenly it happened and I saw my life without you flash before my eyes as I watched you collapse to the floor.” I close my eyes as I feel new tears at the thought that the world could have lost Liz that day. I would have lost my sense of purpose in this world.

She was the only thing that was maintaining me. Keeping me alive.

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

I feel her urge me on as I feel her loving gaze on mine.

“The horror I felt as I saw you lying on the floor of the Crashdown, bleeding, made me realise I had to do something. I couldn’t just let you die.”

“Why me?” She whispers with a slight frown on her face. She really doesn’t realise at times what she means to me. After all this time she still doesn’t have a clue.

“Because it’s you Liz. You may have your flaws, but to me you are perfect. Because you are my world.” I place her hand over my heart and press it close to my chest. “Can you feel that?” When she nods I bring my other hand to her face to sweep away a lock of stray hair. “It beats for you.” I press my forehead against hers.

“Only for you.”

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

I smile at her as I spin her out. I can feel my heart beating with love and acceptance as I watch her twirling around, her dress fanned out around her as the air sweeps it up. She has a look of contentment on her face and a feeling of happiness radiating from her body.

She is alive

I haven’t seen her this happy in months.

Then she stops dead and frowns, unable to look my direction. It’s as if she’s too scared to look at me. I step forward calling her name softly and then she looks up at me with tears in her eyes.

“I didn’t think you’d still be there.” She whispers. “You weren’t the last time we danced under the stars. You disappeared.” She takes my hand and then steps closer, her water filled eyes watching me intently. “I was left alone on my balcony.”

“I’m not going anywhere Liz, I promise you this.” I declare as I take her into my arms and hold on to her tightly as we start to dance once again.

and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

We get caught up in the moment, revelling in the feelings of just holding one another. It has been so long since we did this – just taken time to remember what we mean to one another. Then it strikes me and overwhelms me that this creature in my arms is going to be by my side for eternity, for the rest of my life.

I know it with such certainty.

I know it’s going to be okay.

We stop as the music slows down and I move my face nearer her ear and whisper.

“I love you”

“I love you.” She replies as she moves out to gaze upon my face. “I always will.”

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

As the music stops and we are just left moving quietly and softly to the music in our minds, I ask a question that now forms in my mind. “So tell me Elizabeth Parker” I say with a smile upon my face as she moves closer into my arms. “Are you still suffocating?” I smooth my hand over the back of her head, playing lightly with her hair as I await her answer.

I know what it is. But I need to hear it.

I feel her smile stretch out across my chest and smile myself as I see her eyes looking up at me. “No.” She whispers. “I’m finally breathing.”

The end

Heya guys!! Just a note to say 23 can be found here:

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