What Real Life's Like (AU,CC,MATURE) Thread #1

[isabelle]

Sorry, Trude. I know I'm holding people up. I had a tricky post planned but hadn't had the chance to write it. I'll try something else to keep it moving.
Morpheusawakened - great post. I'm glad you're having fun here.
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*MAX*

I get into the jeep and give Tess a warm smile as we start down to the beach. She really is incredibly cute and very sweet and she has a gorgeous smile. I really do like her a lot. I don't know why I'm not feeling more 'connected' to her. I gotta stop obsessing over Liz and accept the wonderful girl I’m with.

“This should be fun,” I say, mostly to fill up the space as I drive. We can’t really continue our conversation about Alex since Kyle’s in the jeep. Maybe we should have suggested that he ride with Michael and Maria. Not that there’s a lot to talk about there, except how crazy Alex must be to be driving Jake and Isabel to this event. It could work for us and him, if Isabel is able to see him being normal for a while – even if only for a 20 minute drive. Assuming, of course, that he is able to act normal around her.

“You look great, Tess,” I tell her. She’s wearing that incredible blue sundress she just bought. “You, too, Liz.” I say smiling in the rear-view mirror at her. That was a mistake. Man, she really looks awesome. I don’t ever want to stop watching her.

With an effort, I return my attention to the road. “So, um. Kyle. What did you pack for us?” I feel a little guilty for not doing more to help out there. Maybe I can help with the cooking when we get set up.

“Ribs, Burgers, Veggie burgers, too.” He starts. “Chips, pickles, beer, soda. All the regular stuff.”

I nod. “Can you pass me a soda? I’m a little thirsty.” I can’t start on the beer while I’m still driving. Come to think of it, that could be a helpful side-effect of Alex being a driver. If he can't get drunk, he's less likely to embarrass himself again. “You, Tess?” I ask. She nods, so I add. “Make it two.”

[isabelle]

After consulting with CrystalBehr, I'm going ahead.
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*MAX*

“Coming right up,” Kyle says. He fishes through the cooler and hands the drinks forward with a smirk.

“What’s on your mind?” Tess asks, laughing at his expression as she takes the sodas.

“Nothing,” he says, still grinning. “It just looks like Max wouldn’t have had a problem with our lunch-time vocabulary word.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask, completely confused.

“You weren’t there,” Kyle says. “Alex turned completely blue when I mentioned ‘porn.’ But Max here is clearly less prudish.” The last he says with a wink at Liz.

“Why?” I ask, still not clear on what we’re talking about. They were talking about porn at lunch? And what would that have to do with me? Sure, I've seen a Playboy, but I haven't made a habit of it.

"These," he says, pulling some magazines from the floor of the jeep. Magazines that make Playboy look like Winnie-the-Pooh. "It's not the lightweightstuff, either."

"What the hell?!!" I can't help but exclaim. This is too much and I quickly pull over to the side of the road so I can turn around properly. Liz is turning red and looking away. I don't even want to guess what she and Tess must be thinking. "Where did those come from?"

[Sternbetrachter]

thank God for having some time for myself at work


ALEX

I'm the first one to leave the house - Max is still talking with Maria.
It's quiet in the car, no one's talking. It isn't really comfortable but at least Isabel and Jake are not all over each other.
Well, it's a bit hard to be romantic when System of a Down is playing. C'Mon, you didn't expect me to play slow music when they are driving with me!

I keep my eyes mostly on the street. Sometimes I'm looking through the review mirror - but only to check the traffic behind me of course. Max is two cars behind me but I cant see Maria's Jetta yet.
Behind me, Isabel and Jake are whispering and I'm kinda glad that I can't hear them - imagining what they talk about is bad enough.

Suddenly, Max pulls to the side, coming to a halt. Frowning, I check the traffic again before pulling over too.

"What are you doing?" Isabel asks surprised.

"Max just pulled over. I want to check that everything's alright since there seems to be an argument going on in his car." I explain while slowly driving back a bit, towards the jeep. Isabel and Jake look back too, noticing that Max stopped.

"You want to go back to them?" Jake asks. Isn't he a genius? "Why?"

"To make sure that everything's fine. Besides, I'm curious about what has them so exicted." I explain while turning off the engine.

I step out of the car, taking the keys with me, not even risking the chance of Jake driving away with my car and walk towards the jeep. I sigh in relief when I see that Isabel follows me and after a few seconds, Jake gets out too. At least I don't have to worry about them getting it on in the car while I'm not there. Even though I doubt that Isabel's the kind of girl to get all hot and heavy in a car but who knows.

****
hope you don't mind but a crowd could be fun

[isabelle]

No, Sternbetrachter, I don’t mind. Might as well thoroughly embarrass the guy. Morpheus, great idea. I'll use it, now. I’d love to see a Tess post to see what she’s thinking of all this. Kyle, too. And where’s Maria?
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*MICHAEL*

I get in the car with Maria and settle into a slouch as she pulls away from the curb. This whole experiment of being on this show isn’t turning out quite the way I expect it too. I glance over at Maria, wondering if I should have another go with her. She really is so cute, but still a bit strange. I don’t understand why she doesn’t seem to like me. Hopefully, she’ll soon have reason to think a little less of Max and maybe that’ll give me a decent shot.

Just as I’m about to sit up and try to charm Maria again, I change my mind. Maybe I’ll just let this one go for now. I know what Liz told me about getting closer to her, but it’s hard to figure out what it means in practice.

“So, what about this other girl you told Kyle would be coming to the beach? What’s she like?” I ask.

“She cancelled,” Maria says shortly.

Hmm. Well, I guess that means I don’t need to ask if she’s hot. So what can we talk about? Should I tell her about my cool apartment? How I won the motorski rally last year? That usually impresses the girls. But Liz says I should be showing an interest in the girl, instead. What do I know about Maria to ask? Besides the fact that she's really cute and she can't swim when she's drunk, not much.

“So, you and Isabel get anything nice when you were shopping?” I ask, although I really don’t care. All I want to do is get her close so I can kiss her. Once she's locked lips with me, she'll know that I'm the one for her.

Before she answers, I notice that Max and Alex have pulled over to the side of the road. “Looks like the guys are having a tailgate party,” I comment. “I wonder what that’s about. Maybe we should pull over and find out.” Could they have discovered my ‘gifts’ already? This could be getting good. I only wish there’d been some gay men’s magazines available, but I’m sure pegging Max as a hard-core porn reader will be enough.

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*MAX*

Tess lets out a shriek. For a moment, I think she’s reacting to the magazines but then I realize she’s spilled a soda on the seat. I must have jostled her in the confusion.

“Oh, Max. It’s everywhere. Your new car!” she says as she tries to brush the liquid away and keep it from getting on her new dress.

The car’s upholstery is really the least of my worries. How the heck am I gonna explain this when I don’t have any idea what’s going on? Liz won’t even look at me. Or maybe she’s trying to avoid looking at the magazines that Kyle is flipping through, his eyes wide with amazement. "Most guys hide stuff like this under their beds, not in the car," he comments.

Worse, I see that Alex has stopped and is coming over to see what’s going on, too. I really don’t need this.

“Do you have any napkins?” Tess asks, opening the glovebox. At the same time, Alex arrives, asking, “Everything all right?”

“No,” I say answering Tess first. “I just got the car yesterday.”

“Max? What’s this?” Tess asks, slowly, as she removes something from the glovebox about twice the size of a box of toothpaste. “I’ve heard of being prepared but a whole case? One hundred condoms, size small.”

“They’re not mine!” I say, hoping she’ll believe me although I know she has no reason to. I glance around, seeing the cameraman behind Alex and the camera they put on the rollbar of the jeep so they wouldn’t miss anything here, again. I’m filled with a sense of dread. I’m a high-school teacher. I promised I wouldn’t embarrass myself. If the Dean sees this…. Who am I kidding. Sex sells. It’s guaranteed that this is gonna be on the air. Some of the other teachers might even be watching live on the internet right now.

“They’re not mine,” I repeat, more softly, desperately. I wish I could disappear.

I’m so completely sunk!

[Sternbetrachter]

One hundred condoms, size small.

Michael really has something planned there! ... or are there still things to come?

but lets not be too hard on Max, after all, the old lie "Size doesn't matter" is true every now and then


ALEX

“Max? What’s this?” Tess asks, slowly, as she removes something from the glovebox about twice the size of a box of toothpaste. “I’ve heard of being prepared but a whole case? One hundred condoms, size small.”

“They’re not mine!” Max immediately cries. I wonder what has him so shocked or why Kyle's eyes have a glassy look - not to mention Liz's embarrassed expression.

Then I get a look at what Tess is holding and ... Oh my f+*king ...!

"Damn Evans! Where did you get those? I've never seen such magazines in the shops." Kyle suddenly exclaims, thrusting a magazine into Max's lap who jumps up in shock.

The camera guy next to me immediatly zoomes in on it - even before I can take a look at it and ... God, are there any children watching this show?

"Oh my god!" Isabel says, appearing next to me out of nowhere. Yes! Next to me! That means standing next to me isn't so bad.

It also means that I should learn to focus on the current situation and not only on Isabel. No matter how ... strange the situation might be. Man, I never thought that Max was into such stuff: S&M, Bonding, Domination ... I guess I should be glad that there isn't anything with animals on the cover and that I'm sleeping with my back to the wall.

With huge effort I look away from the magazine to Max who's deadly white and constantly murmuring, "That's not my stuff. I never saw it before."

Liz and Tess look at each other wearing similar expressions of shock and embarrassement at this situation. Kyle still looks like a kid in a candy store though.

"They aren't mine." Max repeats again in a monotone voice, looking quite lost now.

"You sure?" Jake buts in from behind Isabel, sounding very doubtful and being annoyingly close to Isabel.

"Yeah. That's a new car and ..." God, I hope Max won't start crying in front of the camera.

"Brand new car? Or did you buy it from someone who might have forgotten his ... bedtime readings?" I ask, trying not to look at the magazines.

"Maria and Michael are also coming to a halt." Liz states, looking out of the side window like a hawk, probably scared of looking ahead and to her side where she'd be bombarded by pictures of ... well ... exhibitionistic art.

[isabelle]

Michael really has something planned there! ... or are there still things to come?

I don't know - I'm making this up as I go along. But I think that's the last of Michael's purchases...
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*Max*

This is outrageous. How could this be happening? It has to be some kind of nightmare.

Size small? Good Grief. Not only do I look like a pervert and a sex-fiend, but an under-endowed sex-fiend. I don't know which is worse.

And my job! I am so fired. I know it.

Kyle throws one of the magazines in my lap and I nearly jump out of the jeep. I've never seen pictures quite like that. I feel dirty just touching the thing. People really like that? I push it out of my lap, wishing I could drop it on the street but not wanting to litter. Not something like that, when anyone could find it....

But then Alex says something that makes my brain start to work again. "Brand new car? Or did you buy it from someone who might have forgotten his ... bedtime readings?"

"It was pre-owned, yes," I say. "I got it from a dealer, just off-lease. But I'm sure something like that would have been cleaned out." I look up at Alex, hoping he can help. "You rode in the back seat this morning. They weren't there then or when we were shopping. Or were they? ... I didn't have the top on. Anyone could have put them in here...."

I feel like I'm grasping at straws but I just don't know what to make of all this. Why would someone put something like that in my car, unless they thought it was their own?

[morpheus awakened]

Okay, sorry about all the repetitive speech in this part. Backtracking is harder than I thought it would be. So here are Tess' thoughts on the matter...

morpheus

TESS

Oh crap! I just spilled soda all over my seat when Max suddenly pulls over to the side of the road at Kyle’s shocking discovery. “Oh, Max. It’s everywhere. Your new car!” I cringe as I try to brush the liquid away and keep it from getting on my new dress. I’m still looking around for something with which to blot up the spill when Kyle mutters, “Most guys hide stuff like this under their beds, not in the car.”

My mind is trying to focus on two things at once, and I don’t think it’s doing such a great job. I can’t find anything on the floor near my feet so I ask Max if he has any napkins even as I open the glove box. And oh…my….god… what in the heck is that doing in there?!?

“Max? What’s this?” I ask slowly, as I remove something from the glove box about twice the size of a box of toothpaste. “I’ve heard of being prepared but a whole case? One hundred condoms, size small.”

Max sputters out that they’re not his, his face and ears turning completely red. I’m not sure what to think, and I know Max has certainly lost his tongue. He just keeps muttering over and over like a broken record that they’re not his. This is just… weird. I would never have figured Max for the hard-core dirty magazine type. And I just don’t believe that size small business. Uh-uh, no way. Have you seen Max’s body?... And anyway, he’s just so, I don’t know, gentlemanly and decent, you know?

By now I’ve totally forgotten about the gradually dissipating pool of soda that has mostly run off on to the floor of the passenger side as I take in the shocked and confounded looks of my housemates.

Liz looks positively pink from embarrassment, so apparently she has never been within a ten foot radius of even a Playboy, let alone S&M magazines, and is looking everywhere but in Kyle or Max’s direction.

Kyle looks like he’s stuck between shock and some kind of twisted admiration to find such kind of magazines in the back of Max’s Jeep. (Well he is a guy after all, right? And they weren’t found in his car, so he’s not the one who has to be embarrassed.) I’m surprised and then pleased that he only looks through them briefly, and stops completely when he looks up to find me watching him. That’s when he blushes a little bit, and clears his throat before blurting out in Max’s general direction, although he’s still looking at me. "Damn Evans! Where did you get those? I've never seen such magazines in the shops." Then he thrusts a magazine into Max's lap who jumps up in shock.

I hear Isabel gasp “Oh my god!” from somewhere behind me near where I know Alex is standing, looking in my window.

Just then Alex breaks into my thoughts with an interesting response to something Max mumbled. “Brand new car? Or did you buy it from someone who might have forgotten his ... bedtime readings?”

"It was pre-owned, yes," he says. "I got it from a dealer, just off-lease. But I'm sure something like that would have been cleaned out… You rode in the back seat this morning. They weren't there then or when we were shopping. Or were they? ... I didn't have the top on. Anyone could have put them in here...."

I turn to look at Max. This definitely presents an interesting conundrum. The poor guy looks like he wants to disappear into thin air he’s so ashamed, and not guiltily ashamed. Innocently ashamed. I reach out and touch his right arm, saying softly, “It’s okay. I believe you.” Somehow this just doesn’t fit Max’s personality. It seems like this is something that would belong to someone more like…. Michael. Maybe. Maybe not.

[~Ruby~]

Quick post before I go to lesson. Awesome parts everyone!! :



Isabel

I open my mouth a few times but can’t really think of the right words to say, I mean poor Max. This is just beyond embarrassing and if it was happening to anyone but Max I’m sure I could have thought of a thousand things to say because its kind of amusing.

“Oh my God!” I mutter as I catch a glimpse at one of the magazines. “I didn’t even think that was possible!”

Jake shrugs beside me before grinning wickedly “Anything is possible when you put your back into it baby,”

I elbow him in the stomach “Perv”

“I wasn’t looking!” Alex says quickly, looking like a deer in the headlights

“I wasn’t talking to you dumbass!” I state with a glare “And eww!”

“What’s going on?” Maria asks as she joins the group with a smirking Michael. God, does he ever stop with the smirking.

“Take a look for yourself.” I say pushing her forward.

[isabelle]

*Michael*

Oh, this is good. Just look at all the shocked expressions. Maybe poor sainted Max isn't such a saint, afterall, is he?

Isabel grabs Maria and pushes her forward so she can see what's going on. It's priceless! I was planning on staying quiet while this plays out, but I can't help it. Not when Tess is already claiming to believe Max.

I give Max a nod of admiration. "Sex magazines and a huge supply of condoms," I spell out, in case Maria's missing it. "Looks like you have big plans for this show."

"No! They're not mine." Max insists, looking at Maria.

I scoff at that. "You don't need to be embarrassed. It's a free country and you're an adult. You can read whatever you like." I pick up one of the magazines, pretending I haven't seen them before. "Wow! This is kinda sick!"

[Sternbetrachter]

Ruby, great post! ... well, for Alex
great Michael post!

ALEX

“I wasn’t talking to you dumbass!”

Wow, I'm a bit surprised about how much hearing that hurts. Even though I should be used to it now, she obviously doesn't like me and maybe she's really just a bitch with a beautiful face and body.

Michael and Maria are already here? God, I must really have been caught up in my ramblings and I'm owing Max an answer to ... what was the question again?

"You don't need to be embarrassed. It's a free country and you're an adult. You can read whatever you like. Wow! This is kinda sick!"

Michael states grabbing one of the magazines, casually flipping through it. Maybe I should return to my world of rambling - unlike looking at that stuff it surely won't get me a ticket straight to hell.

Maria, Isabel and Tess look at each other with mixtures of bewilderment, disgust and confussion on their faces and Liz ... still looking out the window red like a tomato.

The two camera guys (the one from maria's car arrived also) look like children on Christmas Eve. I bet I know what they are going to broadcast from this day's events.

Max looks like the end of the world has come and ... HA! He asked me if I saw some of the magazines before. God, I can't believe that Michael can look at the pictures without blushing.

"No, I didn't see any magazines or something like that earlier." I tell Max, with a shrug of my shoulders. Not that I looked around much and they could have easily slipped out from some hiding place since then but I better not say that, Max already looks like he wants to hide anywhere.