Change of heart, Adult/CC+UC&Slash

[AntarPrince04]

Alex

"Ca--call you? Need...What?" , he studders and I chuckle. "For me? I don't understand. Alex, you're...you're- dead I mean, how can you be there. I mean, even if I'd call you, you couldn't come back. Unless you're a ghost...."

I laugh and hold my hands up in personal confusion, and it is partailly true. Technically Im not allowed to fully understand it till he does, but at the same time I already do because hello his subconscience. ...Its best to try and avoid analizing it if you can, it'll give us both a headache. "Hey, don't look at me. I don't make the rules, I just follow them..."

[Anna-Liisa]

Kyle

"Hey, don't look at me. I don't make the rules, I just follow them..." Alex says. I still keep on staring, but now I wanted to try if he was really there. I moved my hand towards him and touched his hair.

"I can touch you..." I said, sounding stupid. But hey, what else could I say? 'Hurray my ex-boyfriend was brought back from dead for a few minutes' ? Don't think so.

"It's just that I don't remember...needing or calling you. Though I talked about you with Max and...oh god Max...I made myself look like an idiot in front of him. I can't go and meet his eyes anymore" I said with a sigh.

Then I just started staring at Alex again. Man he hadn't changed much...he looked like he used to. To me. Too bad he really wasn't there. He couldn't've been.

[AntarPrince04]

Alex

Once again we're sitting in silence just like we used too. Kyle was never much of a talker unless it was to complian, but I was used to that. It was oddly comforting. I can feel his eyes burning into me still trying to process all this, but I don't say a word. If he wants something he'll ask. I feel his hand reach out and touch me to confirm that I'm there and I almost sigh at his touch. Even now it feels nice.

"I can touch you..." , he says bewildered and I smile soothingly.

"Yes, you can. Im real kyle. Or at least as real as you want me to be."

We are quiet for a while before he desides to speak again. "It's just that I don't remember...needing or calling you. Though I talked about you with Max and...oh god Max...I made myself look like an idiot in front of him. I can't go and meet his eyes anymore"

I sigh and take his hand and he finches a little but I ignore it. It'll go away. "....Do you remember when I'd watch you at practice? I thought if you knew...well lets just say Terminal geekdom was the least of my worry's. They may be shocked, but they'll sopport you. ...They arent your Mom", I say softly knowing it still bothers Kyle. As much as James try'd to tell him otherwise, he knew Ms Valinti Left because 'She didnt want a Fag in the house'.

OOC: Ok low blow I know but it fit perfect. Forgive me

[nickimlow]

OOC: I'm just soooo bored and out of ideas. But I thought I'd post something Iz-central anyway. Oh, and I'm not too sure about this, but my reason to why Isabel can't see Alex is because it's Kyle's Alex there. Or . . . something That wouldn't quite explain her seeing - or thinking she'd seen - him in the first place. Well, I never make any sense. I'll delete this as soon as someone yells at me, so now you know what to do if this shouldn't be here Hugs. ---Nicole.

Isabel

It must have been a trick of the light. Or perhaps I was going crazy. Because, the image of Alex Whitman flickered and died, as if I had merely imagined it. But Kyle continued to stand there, reaching out to touch air, speaking to nobody. It was an odd sight; in fact, what Kyle looked like then was close to what I would have imagined myself looking like while talking to Alex.

Or rather, 'Alex'.

I had the urge to go up to Kyle and ask him what was the matter, but then I remembered that I was being anti-social and problematic at the moment. So I just stood at a distance and watched. It was awkward.

Alex had been my companion up to the time I met Jesse. Maybe that was why I kept seeing him.

Now that brought my thoughts back to Jesse. I still had no explanation to the strange dreamwalk. Or whatever it was I had seen in Jesse's mind.

The others still weren't out yet, so I spent the next few minutes staring at Kyle and wondering whom I should tell about the dreamwalk. All of them thought I was sick or insane, so what good would telling them do? I tried weighing out the possibilities, but got nowhere. It was tell them or don't.

If what I had seen was real, then my husband's life was hanging in the balance. His life, and ours.

It was tell them. Or at least, tell Max. As long as he didn't get obnoxious.

[Anna-Liisa]

Kyle

Alex...or Ghost Alex...whatever he was, took my hand. I felt odd when I felt his hand in mine. Just like old times...almost.

"....Do you remember when I'd watch you at practice? I thought if you knew...well lets just say Terminal geekdom was the least of my worry's. They may be shocked, but they'll sopport you. ...They arent your Mom"

My eyes widened a little. Why did he have to say that? I was going to take my hand away from Alex because he was so stupid, but then again...he was right about that. He must've been serious, because he'd never talk about my mom because he knew it was too much for me.

"Alex...I...You're right..." I said. "But...I just can't go there...I'd start crying because of everything...I don't why but these days I've been mostly feeling like crying...because I've been thinking about you.."

[AntarPrince04]

*Alex*

"Alex...I...You're right...", he tells me with a big sigh and as always I wait ever so patient. But...I just can't go there...I'd start crying because of everything...I don't why but these days I've been mostly feeling like crying...because I've been thinking about you.."

I snort softly and I cant help but be a little snarky. This entire thing becoming almost cotredictotory. "So your lonely and miss me, but you still want Max? Kinda contredictory baby."

OOC: I know I know sucks, but its what I had. Btw, Alex is jealious, but only cuz on some level Kyle wants him to be.

[Anna-Liisa]

Kyle

"So your lonely and miss me, but you still want Max? Kinda contredictory baby" Alex says.

I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Was he being jealous? Cute. Or then not excatly cute..but kind of. Alex was always cute when he was jealous. I smiled a little.

"Don't worry Alex. I'm not going to forget you even if I'd get someone new. Though, I won't get Max...'cause he's married now, so no need to be jealous.." I said.

I was still smiling even if I said that. I knew it was right. Max wouldn't leave Liz because of me. I was naive, for even saying I was gay or showing him that I had feelings towards him. But well. At least I had told him...I had told someone.

"In a few years I'll laugh at the whole confession thing.."

[Roswell4ever1]

(OOC- Ok guys, sorry it's taken me so long. Hope this works, if not, let me know and I'll fix it.)

~Michael~

Ten minutes guys. We're leaving. Max says before walking toward the van. He's right, we can't stay in one place for too long. It isn't safe. Our lives will never be safe but at maybe we can have some semblance of it at somepoint. Though I don't hold my breath. That's what worries me about Maria. I look at her all I can see is how I'm putting her life in danger. Her being with us could get her killed and I feel so helpless because if it comes to that, I might not be able to stop it. I love Maria, more than she even knows but I can't let myself get that close to her. Not now. She might have to leave us someday and I don't want to make it harder on her. Or me for that matter. No, I have to put that stonewall back up and make sure she can't get through it. I have to keep my distance, that's all there is to it.

Getting up from where I'm sitting, I head to the bathroom. It could be hours before we stop again. Once done in the mens room, I walk back out and head in the direction of the van where I see Max and Liz talking. Sometimes I wish I could be as open about my feelings as Max is. Other times, I'm greatful that I'm not. Less people get hurt that way. It's going to be one hell of a long trip.

[AntarPrince04]

OOC: Actually hun, one of my Max posts spoke directly to Michael and then went back to the Van. That may be a place to start.

Alex

"In a few years I'll laugh at the whole confession thing..", he says to me with one of those telling little laughs. I smile and scratch a non-exsisting itch just to occupy myself.

It looked as if he were gonna say something, but he doesnt so I do for him. "Probably, but If you really thought that you wouldn't be making such a big deal outta this."

He takes his usually diffensive stance and I just sigh. "How am I making this a big deal?", he asks anxiously with the tell tale signs of guilt.

"Oh come on Kyle", I say bluntly. "Out of everyone you call lie to, and I must say we all have gotten quite good at it in the past three years... Well 1 and a half for me, but anyway, out of everyone you can lie too Im not one of them. As much as that may scare you, we both know its true..."

[StormWolfstone]

ooc: hope this works...... been trying to work something out since I'm taking over Maria and didn't feel it would be cool to use lots of backposting to do so.

~Maria~

Everyone has piled out of the van and done some talking, but I have to admit I'm not interested in talking to anyone other then Spaceboy. He's distancing himself from me again and for the life of me I can't figure out why. Doesn't he realize that I love him and want to be with him no matter where it may take us? Does he love me?

I really wish I knew what to do. I hate wondering when he's going to decide that I shouldn't be here and somehow convince the others to leave me behind too. Damn it, doesn't he realize that I made this choice and now, even if I wanted to (which I don't), I can never return home because the FBI would simply decide to try and use me to get to them or something.

Couldn't he just stop trying to be so distant and hold me? I mean, I'm scared for all of us, concerned that we'll never have the chance to settle somewhere, but I'd feel better if I knew where I stood on a permanent basis.