Roswell Fanatics

The songs are from Linkin Park. Hybrid theory album. Songs: By myself, In the end, and With you. I do not own them in any shape, words or form. Songs are all capitals

CHAPTER 28

LIZ’S POV

WHAT DO I DO TO IGNORE THEM BEHIND ME?
DO I FOLLOW MY INSTINCTS BLINDLY?
DO I HIDE MY PRIDE/ FROM THESE BAD DREAMS
AND GIVE IN TO SAD THOUGHTS THAT ARE MADDENING?

Ignoring the storm that waged war. Wind and rain wiping itself around her. Causing her wet hair to fling around her until it finally stuck to her wet body. Her jogging pants and t-shirt soaked through. Cling to her body. Doing little to protect her from the elements.

DO I/ SIT HERE AND TRY TO STAND IT?
OR DO I/ TRY TO CATCH THEM RED-HANDED?
DO I TRUST SOME AND GET FOOLED BY PHONINESS,
OR DO I TRUST NOBODY AND LIVE IN LONELINESS?
BECAUSE I CAN’T HOLD ON/ WHEN I’M STRETCHED SO THIN
I MAKE THE RIGHT MOVES BUT I’M LOST WITHIN

Making her way slowly through the desert. Stumbling and falling at times when the darkness prevailed. When lightening failed to light the sky. In between the bombs of thunder. No clue to were she was going. To what refugee that she sought. Just walking. Letting her mind and emotions wonder.

I JUST END UP GETTING HURT AGAIN
BY MYSELF (MYSELF)

I CAN’T HOLD ON
(TO WHAT I WANT WHEN I’M STRETCHED SO THIN)
IT’S ALL TOO MUCH TO TAKE
I CAN’T HOLD
(TO ANYTHING WATCHING EVERYTHING SPIN)
WITH THOUGHTS OF FAILURE SINKING IN

Vaguely aware of the fact that she was the cause of the storm. That she indeed held the power to stop it. Ignoring the occasional low ring of the phone in her back pack that she some how managed to savage in her haze. Only the faint words of the songs from the headphones hanging around her neck where able to break through her random thoughts. Each line seemly to send new questions and emotions through her.

IF I/ TURN MY BACK I’M DEFENSELESS
AND TO GO BLINDLY SEEMS SENSELESS
IF I HIDE MY PRIDE AND LET IT ALL GO/ THEN THEY’LL
TAKE FROM ME TILL EVERYTHING IS GONE
IF I LET THEM GO I’LL BE OUTDONE
BUT IF I TRY TO CATCH THEM I’LL BE OUTRUN
IF I’M KILLED BY QUESTIONS LIKE CANCER
THEN I’LL BE BURIED IN THE SILENCE OF THE ANSWER
(BY MYSELF)

*I don’t understand. Everything that HE did. Everything HE told me. Taught me? Why? What was it all for?*

IF I’M KILLED BY THE QUESTIONS LIKE CANCER
THEN I’LL BE BURIED IN THE SILENCE OF THE ANSWER
(BY MYSELF)

HOW DO YOU THINK/ I LOST SO MUCH
I’M AFRAID/ I’M OUT OF TOUCH
HOW DO YOU EXPECT/ I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHEN ALL I KNOW/ IS THAT YOU TELL ME TO

*Why leave me all alone sometimes? Where did HE go? What did HE do? What was so important that HE had to leave me? HE was my protector. Why didn’t HE protect?*

DON’T YOU KNOW
I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE IT GO
NO MATTER WHAT I DO, HOW HARD I TRY
I CAN’T SEEM TO CONVINCE MYSELF WHY
I’M STUCK ON THE OUTSIDE

*Did HE care about me at all? Was I just a job to HIM? To teach me for Kaviar?

CAN’T HOLD ON
(TO WHAT I WANT WHEN I’M STRETCHED SO THIN)
IT’S ALL TO MUCH TO TAKE IN

*HE kept me away from Kaviar in the end. HE tried to hide me away from him. To protect me.*

I CAN’T HOLD ON
(TO ANYTHING WATCHING EVERYTHING SPIN)
WITHOUT THOUGHTS ON FAILURE SINKING IN

*But why give me to Kaviar in the first place? Didn’t HE realize that he was hurting me? Did HE even care?*

I WOKE UP IN A DREAM TODAY
TO THE COLD OF STATIC/ AND PUT MY COLD FEET ON THE FLOOR
FORGET ALL ABOUT YESTERDAY
REMEMBERING I’M PRETENDING TO BE WHERE I’M NOT ANYMORE
A LITTLE TASTE OF HYPOCRISY
AND I’M LEFT IN THE WAKE OF THE MISTAKE/ SLOW TO REACT

*Did HE care all the times HE hurt me HIS SELF?*

EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE NOT CLOSE TO ME
YOU’RE STILL SO DISTANT/ AND I CAN’ BRING YOU BACK

*What changed? What happened that made HIM go against Kaviar? He knew what Kaviar wanted. Right? What he was planning for me all along.*

IT’S TRUE THE WAY I FEEL
WAS PROMISED BY YOUR FACE
THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE
PAINTED ON MY MEMORIES
EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT WITH ME
I’M WITH YOU

*Why didn’t you want me with Max and Michael. Did you hate them that much? Was it because you hated me? Why did you bring me here? What did you want? What am I suppose to do now?*

YOU/ NOW I SEE/ KEEPING EVERYTHING INSIDE
YOU/ NOW I SEE/ EVEN WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES

*I don’t understand.*

I HIT YOU AND YOU HIT ME BACK
WE FALL TO THE FLOOR/ THE REST OF THE DAY STANDS STILL
FINE LINE BETWEEN THIS AND THAT
WHEN THINGS GO WRONG I PRETEND THE PAST ISN’T REAL
NOW I’M TRAPPED IN THIS MEMORY
AND I’M LEFT IN THE WAKE OF THE MISTAKE/ SLOW TO REACT
EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE CLOSE TO ME
YOU’RE STILL SO DISTANT/ AND I CAN’T BRING YOU BACK

Falling once more. Slowing getting up. Noticing for the first time that she was at the gate of the cemetery.

Having no real idea how she got her. How she came so far.

Past conversation breaking through.

“The services is today.” Kyle coming into the room.

Not bothering to turning around to a knowledge him.

“Everyone is going.” Pause. “Dad got him a head stone.”

Still not answering him.

“It’s going to be ok Liz. I promise you.”

*But it wasn’t ok. I’m not ok. How could I be? I killed HIM.*

IT STARTS WITH
ONE THING, I DON’T KNOW WHY
IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY
KEEP THAT IN MIND/ I DESIGNED THIS RHYME
TO EXPLAIN IN DUE TIME

Finding herself walking through the hills of stones. Searching.

ALL I KNOW
TIME IS A VALUABLE THING
WATCH IT FLY BY AS THE PENDULUM SWINGS
WATCH IT COUNT DOWN TO THE END OF THE DAY
THE CLOCK TICKS LIFE AWAY
IT’S SO UNREAL
DIDN’T LOOK OUT BELOW
WATCH THE TIME GO RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW
TRYING TO HOLD ON/ BUT DIDN’T EVEN KNOW
WASTED IT ALL JUST TO
WATCH YOU GO
I KEPT EVERYTHING INSIDE AND EVEN THOUGH I TRIED/ IT ALL FELL APART
WHAT IT MEANT TO ME/ WILL EVENTUALLY/ BE A MEMORY/ OF A TIME WHEN

*The perfect cover. You would have been proud. They covered my bases for me.* Knowing how cover was important. *A mean to survive.* The thought bringing a small smile to her face for a moment. Knowing even with HIS death. *HE would have wanted her to cover her ass.*

“Have I taught you nothing?” HIS words echoing in her ears.

I TRIED SO HARD
AND GOT SO FAR
BUT IN THE END
IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER
I HAD TO FALL
AND LOSE IT ALL
BUT IN THE END
IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER

ED PARKER

Nothing more.

The simple words causing her to stop in her tracks. *There it is.* A few feet away. Standing alone in the corner. Seeing the ground ever so slightly disturbed around it. Still not quite blended in with the surround ground yet. Noticing that it was only around the stone that the earth had been moved.

*No grave.*

…TO REMIND MYSELF HOW
I TRIED SO HARD
IN SPITE OF THE WAY YOU WERE MOCKING ME
ACTING LIKE I WAS PART OF YOUR PROPERTY
REMEMBERING ALL THE TIMES YOU FOUGHT WITH ME/I’M SURPRISED
IT GOT SO (FAR)

*That’s because there wasn’t a body to bury.*

Squeezing her eyes shut at the images that began to bombard her.

HIS out reached hand. Yelling her name as the burning rubble collapsing on HIM. HIS scream of out rage and pain. Finally HIS out stretched hand turning to dust.

THINGS AREN’T THE WAY THEY WERE BEFORE
YOU WOULDN’T EVEN RECOGNIZE ME ANYMORE
NOT THAT YOU KNEW ME BACK THEN
BUT IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME
IN THE END

“I did this.” Running her out stretched hand over the etched letters. It was still hard to believe what she had done.

“I’m sorry.” Feeling the guilt over it still. Even after all she knew about HIM. What HE had done. What HE had made her do. *HE was the closes thing to a father that I had. HE taught me everything that I know. How to survive. Like it or not. I never would have made it this far without HIM.*

YOU KEPT EVERYTHING INSIDE AND EVEN THOUGH I TRIED/ IT ALL FELL APART
WHAT IT MEANT TO ME/ WILL EVENTUALLY/ BE A MEMORY/ OF TIME WHEN I

*And I killed HIM.*

Pain and loneliness filling her.

I PUT MY TRUST IN YOU
PUSHED AS FAR AS I CAN GO
AND FOR ALL THIS
THERE’S ONLY ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW…

“I remember everything now.” A lone tear finally making it’s way down her cheek unchecked.

CHAPTER 28B


MAX’S POV

“Did you find her?” Asking the question into the phone even before he saw who it actually was on the other end.

“No.” Recognizing James voice full of regret at one. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing at all?” Not wanting to believe that there was no sign of Liz. That she just simply vanished.

Lightening lighting up the sky again. Thunder booming seconds later.

*No not vanished. Liz is in Roswell somewhere. We just needed to find her.*

“Max. I just got off the phone with ever contact that I have.”

“And?” Not liking the sound at that.

“Nothing. Max. Nothing at all.” Disbelief in James voice.

“So that’s good. Right?” *At least that means Kaviar or the Special unit don’t have her.* Feeling no relief with the knowledge though.

“Max. I don’t think you fully understand what I am saying. My number one guy in the special unit and my number one guy with Kaviar...”

Cutting James off. “You have people in the special unit?” Not quite believing what he was hearing.

“Several. Including the head man. Peirce. That’s not important at the moment.”

“That’s not important?” *We have been terrified they would find us our entire lives. Man. I should have had this conversation with him months ago.* Mentally kicking himself for not finding out how far James reach went. *I just wanted to deal with Liz at the time being. Focusing solely on her.. I over looked some very important information.*

“After your crash and the government recovered some of our men. We knew the government would set up a special unit just for the sake of capturing, studying and eventually destroying us. Not to mention all the bodies that Kaviar’s men like to leave laying around. We didn’t need them stumbling across you and the others before we had a chance to find you our selves. Not to mention any more of us on our side getting capture. It was just a matter of getting our men in place and eventually control of it.”

“And are we?’

“Completely.” Leaving no doubt in his mind that James and his men have done just that.

“Max. I got a hold of my number one guy in the unit. There has been no active activity on the Kaviar front in over three months. Making me get in touch with my other number one guy. He has not heard from Kaviar in over eight months.”

“And?” Not sure where James was headed.

“Nothing. Max. Not a word. They have no idea where Kaviar is.”

“What does that mean? That he is here on earth?” Not liking the thought at all.

“That’s what they thought at first.”

“But now?”

“They have no idea. The last word they received was that he lost contact with Makita. Which wasn’t unusual at the times. But this time was different. Makita went into hiding from everyone. Giving Kaviar no clues at all to where he was at. Keeping Liz away from Kaviar. Which means something happened that made him turn against Kaviar. Something major.”

*That something being Kaviar raping and beating Liz.* Not volunteering that information to James.

“Kaviar send out orders to drop everything else and find her immediately. The last word was that he found them in North Dakota. Over eight months ago. That was the last time they heard from him. It’s like Kaviar just disappeared.”

“Died?”

“That’s what they are starting to think.”

“Your just finding this out now.” His voice coming out harder then he intended.

Hesitating for a moment. “I don’t contact Mavric. I wait until he can contacts me safely. I put him in mortal danger by doing so. With our lady missing I thought it was warrant to do so.”

Guilt going though him. *Way to go Evans you know these men put their lives on the line for you.* “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I’m just worried about Liz. I really do appreciate everything you do for us. The sacrifices everyone makes.”

“No need to apologize. I understand completely Sir.”

“Is Mavric in danger now?”

“We don’t believe so. The chain of command is starting to show signs of breaking down.”

“So they believe Kaviar is dead.”

“Some do and some don’t. Some think it is a test. You remember how twisted he is.”

*That I do.* “And you?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know. I can only pray that he is.”

“Amen to that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LIZ’S POV

Turning off the headphones. Finding no comfort in the music at the moment. Not being able to stand anymore question and emotions that the words evolved in her. Tossing the backpack and headphones a few feet from her.

Running her fingers over the etched letters of his name.

*I did this.*

Even though she remembered everything that HE did to her. She still felt the loss of HIM.

The guilt.

The confusions and questions that remained.

“Why did you bring me here? You say that I don’t belong with them but brought me here anyways? If it was just to go home. Why leave? Why not just have us all go home? What happened?” Not understanding anything at all.

Rack of sobs shaking her to the core.

“I don’t understand. I just don’t. I’m sorry… I am so sorry. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. I just don’t know.”

“I couldn’t let you hurt Max. You could have done anything to me. Anything at all. I would have let you. I would have left with you. Anything you wanted if you would have just left him alone. ”

“I couldn’t let you hurt him.” Knowing all to well what HE was capable of. That if it came down to HIM and Max. She would always do the same. *I would kill you again.*

He had turned her into a killer. A murder. In her eyes she was no better then HIM. Then Kaviar.

Unknown tears rolled down her cheeks. As the heavens rained down.

Anger suddenly coming over her.

“WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? I TRUSTED YOU. I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING THAT YOU ASKED. I DID EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO. WHY?”

Hitting her closed fist against the stone. “WHY? WHAT WAS IT ALL FOR?” Hitting the stone again. “Why?”

Not understanding at all. All HIS intention. Not making sense to her at all. Everything that HE did. All the training. Moving from place to place.

Hitting the stone.

“What where you doing every time that you left me? What was so important.”

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

Feeling her anger leave her. “I don’t understand. Why. Why did you lie to me about everything? Did you ever speak the truth. Am I only a lie?”

Feeling her energy start to weaken. The storm starting to pass.

Putting her back up against the head stone. “Why?” Pulling her knees to her chest. Throwing her head hard back against the stone. “Why?” Throwing her head back once more. The pain it caused doing little to easy the pain she felt in her chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`


MAX’S POV

“There was no sign of her.” Michael and Maria coming through the door just as he hung up from James.

Not expecting him too. *Liz hasn’t gone or wanted to go to the chamber at all. She didn’t even want to talk about it.*

“The storm is really bad.” Hearing the tears in Maria’s voice.

Looking out the window at the storm going on. *I need to do something now. I need to find her now.*

The whole idea of waiting there for Liz was starting to ware off. The logic and hope that Liz would come back to the Velenti’s was fading fast.

*Where are you Liz? Where are you?* Wishing more then anything that he was with her right now. The idea that Liz feeling alone and needed him desperately feeling him.

Feeling his power surge through him.

“Max” – Michael

Turning to face Michael. Find himself standing out side the cemetery. “What the hell?” Slowly turning in a circle. “How in the world?”

Rain quickly soaking him. “How did I?”

His phone going off in his hand. Automatically answering it in his haze. Turning it on and bring it to his ear. “Hello?”

“MAX! THANK GOD. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?” Michael screaming in his ear. “WHAT HAPPEN? WHERE ARE YOU?”

“Did you see that? He orbed.” – Alex in the back ground.

“Shimmered Alex. You watch Charm. He didn’t orb like Leo. There was no light. Max shimmered like Cole. There one minute. Gone the next. Since when can Max do that? How come no one told me?” – Maria in the back ground.

He could just picture Maria sniff her cedar oil. Their panic bickering calming his own panic some what. Making him focus once more.

*Liz.*

“I think it’s because no one knew.” – Alex’s

“Max are you alright?” Michael’s voice once more under control.

“I’m fine Michael.” Searching the area with his eyes.

“Did you.. What ever?” Michael not finding the word for what he did.

“I think I did.”

“Where are you?”

“Cemetery.”

Starting to make his way to the gate. *Nesado. Would Liz come here?*

“Is Liz…” Michael having the same thought.

“I’m looking.”

“I’m on my way.” – Michael

Hanging up the phone.

“WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?” Hearing Liz. “I TRUSTED YOU. I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING THAT YOU ASKED. I DID EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO. WHY?”

Dropping his phone he took off in a sprint.

“WHY? WHAT WAS IT ALL FOR?” Liz’s voice once more coming to him as he weaved in and out of the head stones. Heading to Nesado’s grave.

Hey everyone.

I wanted to thank Liz Parker Evans for taking time to tell me what she thought.

Ang died in late September. She got to spend the last few weeks home with her family. Where she wanted to be. She was content and happy. Made peace with the world and god. She was very brave and I love her very much. Finishing this story was one of the promises i made to myself and her. I hope to be honoring her by doing so.

Thanks again for all your love and prays.


CHAPTER 28C

MAX’S POV

“WHY? WHAT WAS IT ALL FOR?” Liz’s voice once more coming to him as he weaved in and out of the head stones. Heading to Nesado’s grave.

Stopping in his tracks a moment later at the sight before him. No more then 10 feet away. Sat Liz’s soaked shaking huddled form up against Nesado’s tombstone.

“Why did you let him near me?” Throwing her head back into the stone.

Feeling his body cringe at the sound cracking sound it made.

Liz’s voice filled with anguish. “Why? Every time you made me do something or let Kaviar near me. You killed a part of me. Didn’t you see that? Didn’t you know? There’s nothing left. Nothing left at all.” Half turning her body. Hitting the stone with her fist. “WHY!”

*Nesado. Damn you.* Feeling his heart constrict at the pain Liz was feeling. *If you weren’t already dead. I would kill my self.*

“IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? AM I WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO BE?” Hitting the stone again before a sob once more taking control of her body. “I don’t know what to do. What am I suppose to believe? Why did you do this to me?” Bring her hands to her face.

Seeing her bloody knuckles. Making him move forward once more.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Liz?” Kneeling down beside her. Sinking into the ground slightly.

Seeing the shock in her eyes as she looked up at him. “Max….” Liz attempting to stand up. “Stay away from me.” Just to slip back into the mud.

Fighting the urge to pull her into his arms. “Wait. Wait.” Holding up his hands to ward off her retreat. *Why does it always seem we go back to this? Liz trying to run and me trying to keep her.*

“Go away. Please just go away.” Sounding defeated. Making no new attempts to escape.

“I can’t.”

“Great.” Half laughing. Swiping at her tears. “Just great.”

“Liz. It’s….” Trying to start again.

“Why don’t you hate me?” Cutting him off.

“What? Liz no.” Shaking his head. *Where is this coming from.*

“How can you even stand to be near me, Max? Look what I have done.” Spreading her arms out before pulling them close to her once more.

“How can I not? Your everything to me.”

“I betrayed you Max. You know what I’ve done.”

“What you where forced to do.” Correcting her. *Why can’t you see that?*

“I still did it. I still betrayed you.” Tears filling her eyes once more.

“No. God Liz no.” Pulling her into his arms. Feeling the overwhelming feeling of exhaust, despair and pain. The soft rain once more turning hard as their powers combined. Fueling her powers. Feeling her weak struggle against him. “No baby. You didn’t.” Pulling her tighter against him. Stopping her escape. Gaining control of their powers once more. Feeling tears sting his eyes. Willing the rain to stop. Wishing for her pain to be gone. *How am I suppose to make this better for you?* Running his hand over the back of her head. Automatically making sure it was all right.

“Don’t.” Her protest weak. “Let me go. Max. Please just let me go.”

“You didn’t betray me Liz. The man you trusted betrayed you. You did nothing wrong.” Whispering in her ear as he held her close. “You didn’t betray me. You never could.”

“Max…” Feeling her tremble beneath his hands.

Rocking her gently. “Shh…. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You have to let it go Liz.”

“I hurt people Max. I did horrible things. You can’t justify it. It was wrong. I knew it was and I still did it.”

Leaning back a little. “Was forced to do, Liz.” Pulling her face up to look at him. “You keep leaving that fact out. If it wasn’t for the fact that they forced you.” Swallowing the lump that formed with his words. Hating to even think of what they forced her to do. “You never would have done any of it on your own. You wouldn’t my love. Would you?” Willing for her to see the truth.

“Don’t do this Max. Don’t justify it and forgive me.” Her eyes pleading with him to understand.

“There’s nothing to forgive. Let it go Liz. Please quit blaming yourself. It’s destroying you. Please, just let it go.”

“LET IT GO! LET IT GO!” Her small fist hitting his chest. “How do I let it go Max? How? I killed HIM. I killed those men.” Fresh tears rolling down her face. “I killed them. Me. Max. Me. It was my powers. Not HIS. Not Kaviars. Mine. Just mine.” Falling into his chest. “I did it. I killed HIM. HE was all I had.” A sob shaking her entire body.

“Liz, you have me.” Pulling her close to him once more. “You will always have me.”

“I did this. I can’t let it go Max. I can’t. Every time I close my eyes it’s there. I can’t let it go.”

“Baby. Nesado was going to kill me. He was crazy. He hurt you. He was going to hurt me. You did it to save me. If you hadn’t of done it. I would have.”

Feeling her stiffen slightly at his words.

Feeling her nod her head a little. “What about all those men? What excuse do I have for them. I’m a killer Max.” Liz weak protest.

“They forced you. You had no choice.” Turning her face up to look at him once more. “They forced you.” Leaving no room for argument.

“Don’t forgive me, Max. Please. Don’t forgive me. I hurt. That’s all I do. That’s all I ever do.”

“No you don’t. You don't deserve this. Quit punishing yourself please. You did nothing wrong. Your not hurting anyone but yourself.”

“I’m hurting you now.”

“No Liz. You’re not hurting me. You are everything to me. Don’t you see that? Feel that?” Bring her hands to his chest. Seeing how bruised and swollen they really were. “My heart beats for you. It kills me to see the pain that your in.” Running his hand over her hands. Healing them. “I hurt because I don’t know how to make everything better for you. I hurt because I don’t know how to take away the pain you feel.” Removing the wet hair from her face. “I hurt because you feel guilty and responsible for things you had no control over. I hurt because I feel guilty that I wasn’t there for you. I hurt because I wasn’t there to protect you. But you didn’t hurt me Liz. You’re not to blame Liz. Your not. You need to quite blaming yourself. You need to make peace with it and your self.”

“Max….” Searching his eyes.

“Stop pushing me away Liz. Talk to me.”

“I don’t ..” Looking away from him.

“Liz. Just talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” Giving her a small encouraging smile. “You can't keep everything to yourself anymore. It's not healthy. Maybe talking about it will help.” Not knowing what else to do. "Just talk to me please."

“I just don’t know what I can be anymore. Who am I suppose to be? I don’t know who I am.”

“Your Liz.”

“And who is that exactly?” Watching her take a shaky breathe. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to be someone. To live up to an image that HE created. To do something. To an image and a person that I didn’t know. I don’t even know why anymore. I thought I knew at one time. But I don’t think I ever really did. HE never told me. HE never really told me, Max. HE always talked about how I was this great queen. That my destine was to go back home and make everything right. But that’s not true is it?”

Shaking his head no.

“You took care of everything. Our planets are at peace. Aren’t they?”

“Everything is how we wanted it to be. Yes.” Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I feel like I’m waking up for the first time. I look in the mirror and it’s a stranger staring back at me. I’m being told that everything that I know and was taught is a lie. Was everything HE told me a lie? Was there ever any truth in any of it? Is there? Am I the cause of everyone’s unhappiness? Am I the reason that so many people came here?”

“They came because they wanted to Liz. Because they wanted you. Us.” Correcting himself. “To be safe. To be happy. Some came to start their own new lives. Their own ways. Your not the cause of anyone’s unhappiness. Our people are content. They are happy.”

“And the ones with Kaviar. With HIM?”

“I don’t know Liz. I guess they believed that Kaviar was good. That he was in the right. I’m told, not many of them left. But your not responsible for them.”

“Aren’t I?”

“No Liz. Your only responsible for your own happiness. Everyone else will make their own.” Wiping the tears off her face.

“You and Michael?”

“Will be fine as long as you are. All we want Liz is for you to be safe and happy. Nothing else matters.”

“I don’t know. I’m so confused Max.” Shaking her head. Wiping the rest of tears off her face. “I don’t know what it was all for. What it was all suppose to mean. Did it mean anything? Everything that HE did. Everything that HE made me do. If it was just for Kaviar then why didn’t he….” Shaking her head. “Was HE all bad? Did HE ever really care about me?”

The pain so clearly in her eyes. Ripping him apart. *She needs to know that he cared for her. She needs this.* Swallowing the lump in his throat. Speaking the words he didn’t want to say. To emit it even in the smallest sense. “I think that Nesado did care. That he really did love you, Liz.” *In his own sick and deranged way.* Leaving that thought out. Choosing his words carefully. “I think he really thought he was making you stronger. I think he believed Kaviar’s lies. I think he thought Kaviar really loved you. Thinking you two belonged together. And when Kaviar hurt you the way that he did. He realized that it wasn’t so. In the end he fought to keep you away from Kaviar. You can hold on to that, Liz. In the end he was trying to keep you safe.”

Watching her play with her play with hands. Letting his words sink in. “So what does that mean? I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. Where I am suppose to go from here?”

“You stop pushing me away. You let me in. We try a chance at being together. You have come so far on your own Liz. Let me help you go the rest of the way. Together.”

“I can’t.” Pulling out of his arms. “I can’t stay Max. I don’t belong here. HE wanted me to leave. I don't understand why HE brought me here just to take me away again. I don't know. HE was so mad…”

“Liz.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”

“Liz. You are not going to….”

Looking up at the sky. “I remember everything now Max. I can’t pretend it didn’t happen anymore. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But I did. I do. It was so easy to forget. Just to pretend that it didn’t happen. To let HIM lock away all the bad things. I can’t do that now. HE’S gone.”

“Liz…”

“You don’t know what I can do.” The rain starting to drizzle once more.

“I know…”

Closing her eyes. “I see terrible things. I don’t know what all I can do now. What more that I have done. It’s there all the time now. Every time I close my eyes. Waiting to consume me. Destroy me. These memorizes that are mine. I want to forget…. I want to pretend that it didn’t happen. That it didn’t matter. But I can’t do that anymore. I can’t sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s going to be ok. We can deal with everything together.”

Opening her eyes and looking at him once more. “No it’s not. Quite saying that. It’s not going to be ok. It’s never been ok.”

“Liz. Listen to me. We can’t change the past. I can’t change it. I wish I could but I can’t. But if you let me help you we can deal with it together. You don’t have to do this alone. We can build a future. We can make that right. Together. Together we can make that right. Like it was meant to be.”

“Meant to be?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know what that is anymore.”

“That’s all right.” Stretching out his hand to touch her face. Feeling joy sweep through him with the fact that she didn’t pull away. “We can make our own destiny.” Using the same words he spoke to her in their past life.

Small smile forming on her lips. “You think in your second life you would get a different line.”

Returning her smile. “Why? It worked the last time and it’s true. This is our second chance. A chance to be happy.”

“But..”

“No more buts Liz. We tried it apart. Let’s try it together now.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

Pulling her once more into his arms. Taking control of the rain and ending it once more. Sending all the love and strength that he felt to her.

Speaking into his chest. “I so scared max. I’m afraid I’m going to make the wrong choice. I’m scared I’m going to hurt you or Michael or get you both killed. Not to mention everyone else. I can’t live with myself if that happens Max. I can’t. I won’t do it. I rather die first. I rather try to live a life with out you and Michael. If it means you will be safe. That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

“Hey… Hey… The only way I would be hurt is if I had to live without you Liz. I can’t do that Liz. I can’t. I won’t. I need you like I need air.”

Looking up at him. “What about Kaviar? What are we going to do when he finds us? HE said that HE could know where I am. Kaviar knows how to take control of me. I should have left months ago. I’m sorry.”

“Liz. When is the last time that you and Nesado saw Kaviar?”

Feeling a slight tremor go through her as a wave of her fear hit him.

“Hey… Your safe. I’m right here. It’s just the past. I promise you Liz. I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. Ok. Do you trust me?”

Liz slowly nodding her head yes.

“Ok. Just think.” Swallowing the bile that threaten burned his throat. Hating to ask the question. “Was it when he….” Not able to finish the sentence.

Looking away from him. Shaking her head no. “I think it was just one time after” Her eyes taking a far away look. “I think….. It’s when…” Placing her hand on her shoulder.

Recalling the deep ugly scar that once graced the spot.

“Ok… Ok…” Nodding his head. Not needing her to explain anymore. Not wanting her to dwell on that night. *That’s what I thought.* Pulling her close to him once more. Taking comfort that she was in his arms. Hoping he was returning that same comfort. *It’s still amazes me that you made it though everything.*

“It’s better if I leave Max. I’m sorry.” Her words breaking though his thoughts.

“No. Liz it’s not. Listen to me. No one has seen or heard from Kaviar in months. There’s a good chance he could be dead.”

Pulling back from him. “No” Shaking her head.

“How can you be sure Nesado didn’t kill him that night?

“No. HE said…”

Cutting her off. “Nesado said a lot of things that weren’t true.”

“No.” Her disbelief clearly in her eyes. “HE said…. He was mad and…. I… No, it’s not true.”

“Liz. He has made no contact with anyone since that night. None of Kaviars men have seen or heard from his men at all. They think he is dead.”

“It can’t be.”

More he thought about it. The more it made sense. “You passed out. We don’t know what happened with Nesado and Kaviar after that. Think about it. Kaviar was fierce with Nesado for taking and hiding you. He tried to kill him. Kaviar would have if you didn’t heal him. Do you really think he would let Nesado walk away with you?”

Watching the range of emotion caused her face. Feeling the range of her confusion, doubt, fear, anger and confusion once more. Sweep through him. “I was hurt. Anything could have happened. But… HE would have told me…” Doubt clearly in her voice.

“Liz. We don’t really know why Nesado did half the things he did. I know you need answerers. Answerers I don’t think we will ever get. Some things we are just going to have to learn to let go. There is no way of knowing what Nesado really thought. What he would actually told you. He could have been using Kaviar as a way to still control you.”

“But HE blocked all that. I didn’t remember. Why would HE lie about Kaviar? There was no reason. Why was HE so mad.”

“But I did and you where starting to remember. Nesado might not have known Kaviar was actually dead or it could have been a way to still control you.” *He has control Liz most of his life. Maybe he was afraid of losing that control. Of losing Liz.*

“I don’t know…. " Doubt still evident.

“It’s ok. It’s going to be all right. I promise you.”

“But Kaviar. I just can’t assume he’s dead. I can’t. I can’t take that chance with you.

“And we won’t. I promise Liz. I’ll never let him hurt you again.”

“And you? He wants you dead. To suffer. To use me to…”

Cutting her off. “As long as you are with me. He can’t.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No.” Shaking her head.

“Love and life never was for us. You need to take a chance Liz. You need to put a little faith in me. In us.”

“Max.” Uncertainty still strong in her emotion and voice.

“Stronger together then apart. Remember?”

“More like putting you and Michael n danger.”

Trying to easy her fear. “Would you settle for dying without you?”

“Max.” Looking up at him in shock.

"We are going to be alright." Trying to reassure her once more.

"Peirce, Max."

*Peirce? Why does he matter?*

"I forgot all about him. Nesado was scared of him. He said..."

Laughing lightly.

"What?" Confusion once more masking her face.

"Peirce is on our side Liz."

"No Max. He's head of the special unit."

"That's ran by our side. Our people."

"But..."

"Nesado must not have known. We are safe from them Liz. I promise you."

Still feeling her confusion and fear through their connection. Not as intense but still there.

Whispering softly to her. “I’ll promise you this Liz.” Intertwining his fingers with hers. “This you will always be able to count on. When ever you start to doubt. To feel alone and scared. All you have to do is open your heart. I promise you will always feel it and know it is true. This is your home Liz. This is where you belong.” Pulling her tightly against him. “In my arms. This is where I will always keep you safe.” Kissing her forehead. “This is where you will always find comfort and love. No matter what happens in our lives. No matter where you go or what you do. In my arms is where you belong. Just know that I love you. That I will always love you.”

Liz staring at him a moment before slowly nodding her head yes. Leaning once more into him. "I'm so tired Max. I never thought I would be so tired at 17."

"I know baby. I know." Kissing the top of her head.

"So why don't we get both of you home." - Michael

Both turning to see everyone standing about 10 feet away from them.

"Hey, how long have you guys been here?"

"Long enough. Maxwell. Long enough." Michael stepping forward. Kneeling down next to them. "You all right?"

Liz nodding her head yes. Looking at him once more before looking back at Michael. "Take me home."

Ok here it is but first off I need to thank a lot of people for sticking with me and Angie. For all your love and prayes and for most for not giving up.

true blue
flyawayraven
alana
jaime
Elf3748
pandas2001
TrudyGill23
Ace Roswell
uw 51
extingman
brook
imnotic

Thank you all again.

Now this part.... It's not the best. It's the most add in part that I had to do to Angies's story yet. I apologize now if it sucks. I'm just not as good as she was.....


The part about the moon she got the idea and owe all credit to Can't Buy me love. I don't think she used any of their exact words. (It's been so long since I have actually seen it. I remember the movie when I read her version in this story. So if I or we did. I and we don't own it. At last I think that's it. I hope you like.... And I'm typing away the next part right now.


CHAPTER 28a

LIZ’S POV

Looking across the clear blue water to the snow capped Mountains in the distance. Calmness and contentment filled her as she made her way to her favorite spot under the white dogwood tree. Feeling the sun and wind on her face.

Running her fingers alone the leather binding of the diary Max had given her more then a year ago. Letting her thoughts take her back to that special night.

“Hey.” Looking up from the night to see Max standing by the door.

“Hey.”

“Get your jacket. Lets go.”

“Go?” Not moving from the window seat. More then content to stay where she was.

“Come. I have a surprise for you.” Taking a step towards her.

“For me?”

“Come.” Max urging her once more.

“I don’t like surprises.” Still making no move to get up.

“I think you will like this one.” Holding out his hand to her. His eyes intensely on her own. “Trust me?”

“Yes.” Surprising herself that the words slip so easy from her lips. Surprising her self more that she actually meant them. Taking his offered hand.

Being reward by the big smile that graced Max’s face. At once their connection filling her with warmth and love that Max held for her.

Max had taken her into the desert that night. Recalling how she felt when she realizing that they where not far from the pod chamber. How her heart started pounding in her chest. The fear she felt from being so close. Fear from the thought of having to face more of her past.

Recalling how Max sense her fear at once. Quickly to reassure her that they where not going there. That it wasn’t his intentions at all.

Even to this day she has still not gone there. Nor had she any desire too.

“Ever look at the sky?” Helping her out of his jeep.

“Yes. I was doing that back in my room.” Taking the blanket Max was holding while he adjusted his backpack he just put on. Began following him as he started up the rocks.

“No. I mean really actually look at them. Not what could be out there or what it all could mean or do. Not all the questions and answers that we seek.” Helping her up the rock they were climbing. “Just the moon. The stars. Just the beauty of it all.”

Coming to the top.

Looking out at her surrounding. “It’s beautiful.” The stars and moon filled the sky brightly. Lighting up the desert unhampered by any house lights. Calmness filled her. “It all seems so peaceful.”

“It is if you let it be.” Taking the blanket from her. Spreading it out on the small flat surface or the top of the rock. “I found this place a few years ago.” Watching him begin to set up a telescope. “When we first came to live with Mom and Dad. I used to stare at the sky. In awe of it’s beauty. I always had a feeling. A yearning for something. Something that was missing. I wasn’t quite sure what. It always came over me most intensely when I looked at the stars. But the beauty was always there.” Watching Max fiddle with the telescope. “Then we found Michael again and our powers started to develop.” Looking up at her. “I stopped looking at the beauty and started searching for the answers that I sought. That I needed.”

“I’m sorry.”

Max taking a step towards her. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Giving her a small smile. “Since you found us I realized that the stars didn’t hold the answers. That it never did. It was always inside of me just waiting for me to remember it. Waiting for you.”

Staring at each other a moment.

“Here.” Moving aside for her to look into the scope.

It was set on a perfectly clear part of the moon close up. “Wow.” Amazed at the sight before her. She could actually see the surface. The clear smooth surface and huge crack canyon formation to the side of it..

“See the sphere?”

“Yeah.”

“A million years ago an asteroid hit it. Causing a crater. A hole in the moon. It broke the moon so to speak.”

Looking back at Max. “Broke the moon?” *Funny way of putting it.*

“Broke it. Damaged it. It’s actually bigger then the Grand Canyon. An asteroid just crashed into it one day. No reason why. No answer to where it came from. Just that it happened. Hitting the moon. Saving the Earth from the damage it could have caused. Causing it to crack. To be changed forever.”

“It’s sad.” Feeling sad all a sudden.

“But it’s ok. The moon survived. Endured. It’s all right. It’s still beautiful.” Staring at each other once more. “Did you see what was next to it?”

Finally looking into the telescope once more. Seeing the sphere and the seemly smooth untouched land around it. Land seemingly to stretch on for miles and miles. Undamaged by the asteroid. Unaffected.

“It’s the sea of tranquility.”

“It’s beautiful.” Looking up at Max once more. “It seems so pure. So out of reach. So untouchable. Beautiful.”

“Yeah. Untouchable.” Staring intently at her. “So beautiful.”

Having the undeniable feeling that Max hasn’t been talking about the moon at all. Feeling heat rise up in her as she made herself look away. Breaking their eye contact.

Max clearing his throat before rustling around in his bag. “Here. I bought you something.”

“Max. I can’t…” Protesting before even seeing what he had for her. “You have given me so much already.”

“It’s nothing really.” Holding the brown leather cover book out to her. “Please.”

Carefully taking the book from him. Running her fingers over the leather binding. Carefully opening the book. Max’s neat handwriting covering the first page.

Tears stinging her eyes as she read.

Liz,
My greatest love in my last life and this one. Though I can’t promise that you will never fall again. I can promise you that you will always have some place soft to land. I will always be here to pick you up again. You will never be alone. I will always. Always be here for you. I meant and mean every word that I said.
Love always,
Max

Running her fingers over the page.

“I thought you might want to start a journal.”

Looking up at him questionably.

“You said you have a million thoughts going through your head. I thought you might want some place to put them. To get them out of there. Write down all your thoughts and feelings. What you know and remember. Maybe it can help you make sense of them. To maybe help you see the beauty that’s left.”

Pulling the book to her chest as tears filled her eyes. “Thank you.”

Looking down at the book that was now half filled. Running her fingers down the front of the book lovingly.

It had helped. Putting some sense of control in her life. To help quiet the conflicting voices that seemed to always fill her head. Giving her a much needed outlet to her pain. Her questions. Even her hopes and dreams.

*How odd it was to just write about anything…. Everything that seemed to be in my head at the time. My dreams. Hopes. Nightmares. Memories. How something so simple seemed to be able to help so much.*

Seeing the crumbled letter sticking ever so slightly above the pages. Pulling it out. She has read it a thousand times before. Knowing she would read it a thousand more still.

Carefully opening it.

Dearest Lizzy,
If you are reading this now it is because you have killed me. For I know it is the only way I would be gone.
You have scarified so much for me. I do not hold it against you. I know it was your last option. I know I would have left you with no other choice. I taught you to survive. You have and that is all that matters.
I would hope by now that you would not feel so lost and confused. That by now you would have the answers that you have always sought.
But at last I know that will not be true.
It is the way that you have spent your life. The way that I have created you to be.
Know that I was only trying to shield you from the hash reality of you life. Of this world that you have not been asked to be born into or the role in which you must play.
Though I have hurt and betrayed you. Know that I was only doing what I thought was right for you at the time. What I believed must be done.
At last, I have made arrangements for you in my wake. Financial aspects have all been taken care of. In the envelope you will find five different accounts. 2 with 10 million dollars 3 with 5 million dollars. As to the deed to the 200 acres in Colorado. I took it upon myself to rebuild the cabin you loved so much.
You will be safe there. I promise you.
As for you being alone. I have thought long and hard about telling you of the where about of your brother, Rath, Zan and his sister.
Your brother Michael Guerin. Max and Isabel Evan are in Roswell, New Mexico. I leave it in your hands to find them or not. As well to give them each the three remaining 5 million dollars accounts that I leave in their names.
Just know this. You don’t need them. They need you. You are more then them. Better.
Though you may not believe so. I did love you. Everything that I have ever done was for you. Always you.
Your protector

Wiping the tears out of her eyes. She carefully folded up the letter once more.

She still had her question. That she never thought she would get her answers too. Like why did HE bring her to Roswell? Why did HE want to leave so bad? Did HE know what happen to Kaviar? Is Kaviar still out there? Did HE really believe everything HE told her? Was it all just a lie? Just some delusion that HE created in HIS own head. Did HE honestly believe in HIS heart that everything HE had done was for her? Had HE really loved her? With so many more that she thought about daily.

*Only time will tell if any of them would ever be answered.*

Recalling the conversation that had taken place when she told the others about the money.

“What do you mean Nesado left them with 5 million dollars each.” Hearing the disbelief clearly in Maria voice.

“Is this true?” – Isabel

“5 million dollars!” - Maria

“Yes. The accounts are there. Each set up in your names.” – Sheriff

“Nesado did this? But why? He hated us.” - Michael

“He was still our protector. In a small way he made sure we would be taken care of.” -Max

“That doesn’t make sense.” – Michael

“Not much of what Nesado did made sense.” Max looking at her.

“Where did the money come from?” - Alex

“We don’t know. There’s no way to trace it.” - Sheriff

“5 million dollars each.” – Maria

“That’s a lot of money.” - Alex

“And you have an account too?” Maria turning toward her.

Nodding her head.

“Two with 10 million.” Max answering for her.

“No doubt who his favorite was.” – Alex

“What are you going to do with the money?” – Maria

“What ever we want.” – Max

The others had all talked about helping their families. Of houses, vacations and schools. Later that night when all was quiet she gave Kyle and Jim one of her own accounts. Ending with them both protesting profusely. On how they couldn’t possible except. With her giving every reason in the world why they should.

She had come to consider them like family. They had given her a safe place to stay. With no pressure and expectations. No strings attached. Becoming like a foster father and brother to her. She needed to give it to them. To give them something back in return for that they had given her. In her heart she knew the 10 million dollars was nothing compared to what they had given her but at least it was something. Plus it made her feel good.

In the end. She left it with them.

Thoughts shifting once more.

Running her fingers along the edge of the windowsill. The night was hot.

The room seemed to boil. Her lungs wanting to collapse. The room becoming small. The need to escape the room was starting to become unbearable.

Pushing the windows open. The warm soft breeze washing over her. Leaning her upper body out into the night. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breathe. Calming the burning and the urge to flee into the night. Just to leave right then and now and not look back.

It had been like this the last two nights. The decision had become clear ever since her and Max had read the letter from HIM. They had the Sheriff verify that the money was there and try to find out where it came from. Finding out there was no way to find out or track the money. Telling the others and have them start to make plans of the futures. To have Max and Michael still doing nothing but wait for her to make the next move. She decided. Ever since then she came to the conclusion that she was leaving.

*I needed to go. What if Kaviar wasn’t really dead? I still could be putting them in all in danger. Could I honestly live with myself if any of them got hurt because of me?*

It all seemed to easy for her if Kaviar was just dead.

*When was her life ever easy? Besides, I need to see if I can survive on my own. To find out whom I am. Where do I really fit in, in this life? Figuring that out seemed to be the easy part. Telling the others was not so easy. Besides, Max and Michael needed to get on with there lives.*

Ever since she made her decision. The room she became to love and consider her own private sanctuary had become like a cage. *I need to go soon. The sooner the better.*

“Planning on escaping out the window.” Hearing the humor in Michael’s voice from the door way.

“I will used the door.”

“Not funny.” Losing all sense of laughter.

“Wasn’t joking.” Turning to look at Michael.

“Liz.” Michael taking a step towards her.

“Michael. We need to talk.” *What better time then now?*

Some how knowing what was coming. “Don’t do this. You can’t go. You’re my sister. We belong together.”

“I’m not Aveana, Michael. I’m nothing like her.”

“Your heart is the same. I feel it. You’re always putting everyone before yourself. The same as her.”

“If that were true. I would have left a long time ago.”

“We didn’t give you a choice.”

“And now? We both know Michael. If I really wanted to go, no one could stop me.” *One mind warp would do the trick.* Swallowing down the bile that burned her throat at the thought of using her powers on them.

“Now you don’t have too. There is no reason for you to leave. I could get us a house.”

“Michael.” Pleading with him to understand.

“Kaviar is dead.”

“We don’t know that for sure.”

“Then we are stronger together.”

“I could be leading him right for us. We lost to him once. I won’t take that chance with you again.”

“If you were, don’t you think he would have been here by now? His own men haven’t heard from him. He’s dead. Quit using him as an excuse.”

Turning back to the window. *Is that true? Am I just using him an excuse to leave?*

*Maybe a little.* Being honest with herself. *But that doesn’t chance the fact that I need to leave. There are other issues to be dealt with. Besides, I’m only holding everyone back.*

“I have to, Michael. I’m sorry.”

“No you don’t. Please Liz. I’ll do anything. Please just give me a chance.”

Turning once more towards him. “Michael, it’s not you. I really think this is the best thing for both of us.”

“How can you say that?”

“Ever since I came here. You have just stopped. All of you have just quit living. Putting your futures on hold. Everyone holding there breathes. Just waiting to see what I’m going to do next. What about your futures? School? You have the money to do anything you want now and still you do nothing. Sure you all talked about what you wanted to do but nobody has done anything.”

“I just want my sister.”

“Your sister is dead.” Coming out harsher then she intended.

Seeing the hurt in his eyes. Regretting her words at once.

“I don’t care what you say. Your right here.” Placing his hands on her shoulders. “Right here.”

“I don’t know who I am Michael. I need time to figure that out.”

“We can give you time.”

“I can’t do it here. You need to take the next step in your life. Everyone does. Including me.”

“Why do you feel like you have to leave me to do that?”

“I need a chance to find my own way. To be on my own for once. I need to figure it all out for myself. Where no one has any expectations. To figure out where I truly do belong.”

“You belong with me.”

“I need this Michael….” Softer “With or without your blessing, Michael. I’m leaving. Please. Please just try to understand.”

Seeing the resolve and tears in his eyes before he looked away from her. Watching him take a shaky breathe in and slowly release it.

“Your not happy here are you?”

Blinking back the tears that threaten to slip from her own eyes. Slowly shaking her head no. “I don’t know what happiness is. I’m sorry. I guess if I had to say what it was. It would be here with all of you. It’s the closes I ever came but I can’t. I need to figure all this out. Can you understand that? Please.”

“If you would just let me in…”

“Michael, please. Just give me a little time. I’m suffocating here. ”

“Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?” Clearly hearing the defeat in his voice.

“No.” Wishing the word came out more solid then it did.

Hesitating a moment. “Where would you go?”

“I’m not sure. To the cabin in the mountain.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know.” Looking back out the window.

“Are you going to keep in touch?”

“I… I just need some time…” Willing the tears not to fall.

“Why do I feel like your trying to say good bye forever?”

“We don’t know that.”

Feeling him pulling her into his arms. “When are you leaving?”

“Soon” *Tonight?*

Pulling her tighter. “Where ever you go. No matter how far you try to run. You will always be my sister. That’s never going to change.”

Nodding her head. Not being able to bring herself to speak.

After a few minutes. “What are you going to tell the others?”

“The same thing.”

“Max isn’t going to go for it.”

“Max doesn’t have a choice.”

Max hadn’t been easy at all.

Sorry.... Again. Life.

Thanks... flyawayraven, Emz80m, purpleant Thanks so much for the feedback. Good to know that you haven't gave up. I hope this part makes everyone feel better.

Sorry if it's confusing. I had to fill in a lot myself. I'm just not as good as Ang.


Chapter 28b

Liz’s POV

Max hadn’t been easy at all.

Putting the last of the cloths she was going to take in the duffle bag. Taking only what was necessary and would fit into a backpack and duffle. Packing light. Knowing that it was a days hike to the cabin. *At least it used to be.* The closes road to the cabin ended 20 miles from it. *It wasn’t an easy track.* Still being able to picture the not so clear path in her mind. Knowing full in well that HE would not have made the cabin easy to get too. ‘You will be safe there.’ Recalling the words from the letter. That meant no real road or real path to it. Not making easy for anyone to just stumble upon it. Which was fine with her.

Having told Jim and Kyle an few hours before of her plans. Neither one much liking it but ending up giving there’s blessing under protest. Having the one condition that she had to stay in touch. Also giving them complete instructions on how to get to the cabin. ‘For in just in case.’

Picking up the picture that sat on the end table next to the bed. Picture taken at the park of all of them together. Michael and Max on each side of her. With everyone else sitting around them. Putting the picture into the duffel. On top of the journal Max had given her and zipping it up.

“And you and Tess?” Looking down at Kyle who was sitting at the end of her bed..

“Going to different collages. I just wasn’t in the cards.”

Feeling the guilt going through her. Feeling like she some how to blame for it. Kyle tried to go out and be friends with Tess. Since she lived with the Velenti’s and with everything that had happened with Tess, her and Max. Kyle and Tess never really got connected again. Even after she tried several times to try to convince Kyle, that Tess’s feelings for him were real. Not engineered to fall in love with him when she had mind warped Tess into forgetting the whole alien deal. With her staying with them and the others always hanging out because of it. Tension was higher then usual when Tess was around. Feeling that all the tension made it more difficult for the two to reconnect. She couldn’t help but feel to blame.

“I’m sorry Kyle.”

Kyle giving her one of his trademarks smile. “Don’t be. We were over way before you even showed up.”

“But…”

“But nothing. Don’t start the lecture. I’ve told you before. It’s all good. I promise.” Kyle standing up and pulled her into a hug suddenly turning serious. “I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too.” Tears stinging her eyes.

“Are you really sure? You can always change your mind. You know you don’t have to go. You’re safe here. I promise you that. Family and friends that love you.”

Closing her eyes tight. “I have to be.”

Feeling Kyle take a deep breathe in and letting it out. “You always have a home here.”

Nodding her head. “Your Dad has already told me.”

“You’re going to keep in touch.” Hearing the doubt clearly in his voice.

Nodding her head again. Pulling her self back. “That was one of the deals.” Giving him a small smile.

“Your like a sister to me. You know that? I really liked having you here.”

“Thank you. You and your Dad have been wonderful to me. It’s really meant a lot.”

“Don’t be surprise if I pop up on you.”

Bring a smile to her face. “I won’t.”

“So that’s it. You’re just leaving?” Turning to see Max standing by the door.

“Ok?” Watching Kyle looking at Max back to her again.

Nodding her head to Kyle. “I’ll give you some time alone.”

Nodding her head once more. Pulling her once more into a hug. “I’ll miss you.”

“Me too.”

Kyle paused a moment beside Max. Opened his mouth to say something just to close it again. Patting him on the shoulder once before leaving.

“Liz….” Max starting off.

“I have to.” Cutting him off.

“You don’t.”

“I never said it would be forever.” Not meeting his eyes.

“You never said you were coming back either. Where you even going to tell me?” Hearing his pain clearly in his voice. Pointing to the bags on the bed.

“Max. Please understand. I can’t stay here.”

“Then I will go with you.”

“You can’t. Your friends and family are here. You need to get on with your life. Go to school. Have a future. A real life.”

“My life is with you.”

“I don’t know what my life is yet.”

“We can figure it out together. Your not alone.” Hearing the pain and frustration in his voice.

“We can’t Max. I need to do this for myself.”

“I thought we were getting past all this. I thought….”

“You thought what?” Looking at him closely. Seeing the pain so clear in his eyes. Breaking her heart.

“I thought you were starting to let me in. That we were getting some where.”

Looking away from him. “I’m sorry Max.”

“That’s it isn’t. We were starting to get close. Your scared.”

“No.” Not meeting his eyes. “I’m confused. I need to figure this out. I just need to do this. On my own.”

“Look me in the eyes and honestly tell me that you don’t love me. Because I know you do. I feel it every time we touch.”

“My loving you is not the problem, Max. I just need to try this on my own for awhile.”

“You just can’t leave. Not now.” Shaking his head no.

Running her finger through the top of her hair. “You say you love me Max.”

“I do.” Pulling her into his arms. Feeling his love and pain for her. “I do.”

“But you don’t know me.”

“I know this.” Placing his hand over her heart. “I know you.” His sincerity was enough to break her heart. “Your Liz. I meant every word that I said Liz. This is where you belong. You feel it. I know you do.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what I feel. How can you know me when I don’t know myself? I don’t know anything. I’m not Aveana. I’m not the person you have been waiting for. I’m not the queen that HE wanted me to be. I just don’t know anything. Max. Staying here is not going to give me the answerers. I’ve tried. It’s just not working. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Liz.” Pulling her against him. “You don’t have to be anyone but yourself. Just Liz. Nothing more. Nothing less. That’s enough. Running away from us isn’t going to give you any new answerers. It’s not going to change who you are. It’s not going to change the person that I know you are.”

“I need this Max. I’m sorry but I do. I have to go. I just have too.”

“I can’t let you go.” Pulling her tighter against him. “Please. I know you love me. I feel it every time we touch. Tell me honestly that you don’t feel it too. You don’t want to go. You’re just scared. You belong with me Liz. I know deep down you know it too. I feel it. I can’t let you go. I love you. I just can’t.”

Feeling the internal battle once more starting to take place. Feeling her self start to give in to Max. Wanting so much to take the easy way out. To just stay.

“I can.” - Michael

Feeling Max grip on her loosen. Pulling away to see Michael in the doorway.

“Michael?” – Max

Pulling the rest of the way out of Max’s arms. Gaining control of her self once more.

“We have to let her go Max.”

“How can you say that? You’re her brother.” Hearing the disbelief so clearly in Max’s voice.

“It’s alright Maxwell.” Pulling her to into his arms. “I finally get it.” Whispering in her ear. “This will never change anything. You’re my sister and I’m your brother. No matter what you say or feel right now. I love you and will always be here for you.”

“I know.” Pulling back out of Michael’s arms. Wiping at the tears on her cheek. “I know.” Repeating the words softer this time. Turning to look once more at Max.

“Liz, please.” Tears slipping down his cheeks.

“I’ll take care of him.” Promising her.

Looking at Michael. “Thank you.” Looking to Max. “I’m sorry.”

“Liz.” Max pleading with her.

“Let her go Max.” - Michael

“How can you?” Max turning on Michael.

“Because we never had her in the first place.” - Michael

“Michael.” - Max

“What else can we do, Max?” Pointing his finger at her. “We can’t fix her. Heal her. Make everything better for her. We tried. It’s not working. She’s not better. Liz is no less confused since the day she found us. Until she realizes or decides that she wants or needs to be with us. There is nothing left for us to do.”

“But….”

Cutting Max off. “Because she doesn’t want us to Max. I finally get it. I do. Liz says she needs to do this on her own. Then I’m going to let her.” Lowering his voice some. “If we don’t let her go now. We might lose her forever. I’m not going to take that chance. Not with her. Not with my sister. If letting her go means keeping her. That’s what I’m going to do.”

Quiet a moment. “And if you can’t.” Max turning towards her once more. “If you don’t figure it all out on your own. When you finally realize what I’ve said all along to be true? That you really do belong with us? What if something happens? If you need us?”

Michael answering before she could speak. “Then we will be there.” Placing his hand on Max’s shoulder.

“How are we going to help you if you’re not here?” - Max

“One shimmer away Maxwell. You’re only shimmer away.” – Michael

“Is this what you really want?” – Max

Nodding her head slowly. Not trusting her voice.

Looking her once more in the eye. “I don’t know how to say goodbye.” Tears running down his cheeks. Breaking her heart even more.

“You don’t have to.” Taking the couple steps to them. Hugging Michael tight. Kissing him on the cheek before turning to Max.

Hugging him tight. Feeling his love for her wrap around her warming her inside. Looking up to see him staring down at her. Tears falling freely on both there’s cheeks. Pulling his face down to her. Closing her eyes as she slowly brought her lips to his. Softly kissed him. Holding still a moment before he started to slowly kiss her back. Allowing her self to melt into him as their kiss deepened. Sealing their connection forever. Feeling every ounce of emotion that he held for her as she slowly pulled back.

Seeing the love and shock on his face. In his eyes the understanding of how she really felt.

Whispering. “I just wanted to know what it would feel like.” Backing away from him. Grabbing her duffle and backpack off the bed.

“Liz.”

Taking another step backwards. “I love you too.” Hurrying out of the room. Leaving them behind.

Leaving before she could change her mind.

Running her fingers over her lips. To this day she could recall the feeling of that kiss. How soft his lips were. How their tongue gently grazed one another. The connection that she opened wide as she finally gave in to him. Surrendering for just that one moment. Feeling every ounce of Max’s love for her. Love that she held on to and wrapped around herself still to this day. When ever she felt alone and lost. It was there.

That one kiss had sealed her fate. There was nowhere in the world she could go now that Max could not find her. Not a feeling that she could have that he did not know. It was the same for him.

Recalling how she hadn’t gotten far that day. *Only to the old gas station out side of town.* Having to pull over because she was crying so hard.

The song playing on the radio:

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

She felt every bit of Max’s pain. It was like huge wave. A wave that matched her own . Feeling the loss of them. Panic and fear that she would never see them again.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams

She had spent her whole life looking for Max and Michael. Wanted so much to be with them. To just belong with them. Just to have them want her and need her like she needed them. *Now I’m just going to run away?*

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

*What am I doing? I can’t leave him. I can’t.* The realization of the fact hitting her like a freight train. At this very moment she had everything that she ever dreamt of. *And I’m what? Throwing it all away?*

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.


*And Kaviar?*

“Damn it.” Hitting the steering wheel with her hands. Cursing her self for being so weak. For not being stronger to protect them. *Is he still around? Was staying still putting them in danger?*

*Is that the only reason I’m leaving?* Afraid that it was the only thing keeping her away. Afraid of the fact that everything could really be that simple. Afraid to believe that Kaviar could actually be gone. That they were actually safe. That she wasn’t putting them in danger.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

*This song is not helping at all.* Turning off the engine.

Her mind was spinning.

“Damn it Max. I told you never to do that with out warning me.”

Looking up shocked to see Max and Michael standing next to her car. Yanking his arm away from Max. As he regained his bearings.

Max immediately opening up her car door.

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” – Michael

“Liz needs us.” Not taking his eyes off her. “Don’t you?”

“I….” Feeling the fresh tears washing down her face.

“It’s alright.” Feeling his arms around her immediately. “I’m here. I’m not going any where.” Pulling her tightly to him. “It’s alright. It’s going to be ok.”

Holding her tight. Just letting her cry.

“Things fall apart. They fell apart hard. So hard that they can never be put back together again. Not right at least. We fell apart. We weren’t put back together right. We didn’t get the chance too. Nothing turned out like you wanted. We weren’t together.”

“But we can be together now.” Stroking her hair.

“I broke. We fell apart. We….”

Cutting her off. “Can try again. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m not asking you to be like you were. Or that we would be like it was last time. Just a small chance, Liz. Just a chance to make it.”

“Max…”

“It going to be alright Liz. I promise.”

She wasn’t sure how long she had cried before she slowly pulled away from him.

“I’m sorry.” Wiping the tears off her face.

“Nothing to apologize for.” Max being more then happy to have her in his arms.

“Alright?”- Michael

Nodding her head.

“Ready to go home?” - Michael

“No.” Shaking her head.

“But…” - Michael

“I still can’t stay in Roswell. I’m sorry.” Still feeling lost. Confused. So scared she will make the wrong decision. Still terrified that Kaviar could find them there.

“But you don’t want to be away from us either.” Max stating the fact.

“I…” *Don’t know.* She didn’t know anything anymore. *Could it really be that simple?*

“Then we will all go.” - Michael

“What?”

“Me and Max will go with you.” – Michael

“You can’t.”

“Liz, Kaviar is dead.” Max stating her fear.

“We don’t know that.”

“Then we are safer together.” Telling her what they have always told her.

“Not when I’m the one that will kill you.”

“You wouldn’t do that.”- Michael

“You don’t know what I will do.”

“I do.” Max leaving no room for argument. “He’s dead Liz. If there is the smallest of small remote possibility that he is still around. Michael is right. We are stronger together. We will beat him together. That I promise you.”

“But..”

“But nothing. Why should we stay apart for a chance of something that could possible happen or never happen? We have the men, Liz. The surveillance. His alliance is gone. We are safe, Liz. If you still want to leave Roswell for a while. That’s fine too. Michael and me will just go with you. You don’t have to sacrifice us, Liz.”

“Sacrifice is not what you give up, Max. It’s living with what you gain by it.”

“We don’t have to live with out each other. It will be ok. I swear to you.”

Looking out to the desert. “But you need to get on with your lives.” That much she was sure of.

Turning her head so that she was looking him in the eyes. “My life is with you. Don’t you feel it?”

“Yes.” Answering with out thought. “But I still need time.”

“That we will give you. I promise.” - Max

“What about school? Your futures?”

“Haven’t you heard, we’re rich.” - Michael

“Michael.”

“Have I every told you that I just wanted to paint? I think a private cabin in the mountains would be a perfect place to start.”

“Your families? Maria?”

“Are just a shimmer away.” Max turning towards her smiling. Using the same words that Michael had spoken not so long ago.

“That they are, Maxwell. That they are.” Smile on Michael’s face.


Credit: The part about being broken. That they fell apart. Came from buffy the vampire slayer between Willow and Tara. The idea came from them. It's theirs. I own nothing of it.

Plus the part of sacurfice. I don't know where I heard it. I just know it's not mine.

The song is not mine. It's from Heart.

Hope you like. Thanks.