*MAX*
Just say it. I know I should. I shouldn’t drag it out. But it’s so hard to go there. As horrible and painful as this is now, seeing her anger and hurt, I know it’s gonna be so much worse. I feel my shoulders shaking from the tension. And what was that she said about the Gomez contest and Kyle? I’m so confused. She broke my heart that day, and every day since. Pushing me away. Denying and destroying all that we’d shared together.
And it 's not a lie. I still love her so much it hurts. To see her like this. So full of pain. I want to hold her. To comfort her. To find some way to fix it. I reach out to her, but she steps back, not allowing the hug.
“Liz? What are you talking about? What did I make you do?” I drove her to Kyle, somehow? How? I thought things were going better then. She’d been pushing me at Tess since that day in May, but she had relented, and we were going to the concert. I thought it was going to work, again, and then – God, just the memory of it is like a physical pain. She and him together, like that.
“You and Kyle?” I ask, trying to make sense of it. It’s so hard to even say her name with his in the same sentence. “What...? How did I… ?”
A Baby Story (AU, ?C Teen) *Need Kyle, Isabel, Michael*
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, Forum Moderators
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ATigerLilyAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:35 am
I ended up with internet access out ehre after all. For a little while anyway.
~Mollie
~Tess~
I'm amazed at how quickly Kyle can change gears. How one second he seems to be so angry and then the next he's appologizing. He asked so many questions. There are so many words to say. But I don't even know if I can form them all. if I can really put how I'm feeling into understandable strings of wrods. Maybe it's becuase how I'm feeling is so confused. All I know for sure is that I am sorry. It seems like things ahve been tail spinning downward now that I really step back and look at them, although at the time, having Max seemed like a step up.
"I'm sorry," I say to him again tearfully. What else does he want me to say? but I know what he wants. he wants answers. he wants explanations. he wants reasons. And I don't know if I'm brave enough to give them to him.
Sure, I meant to sleep with max, but now, I'm not sure it was the right thing to do, or what I really wanted. And it seems to ahve elft a lot of people borkenhearted, or upset. But I also see it as a little hypocritical, him questioning my motives, considering what he did with Liz. "You're no stranger to making the mistake of sleeping with someoen you might nto be in love with," I fire at him. but I regret it immediately from the look on his face.
Way to go, I chastise myself. This sin't what I wanted to say to him. i didn't want this to angry or jealous. but maybe the sad fact of the amtter was that those emotions couldn't be avoided. I sighed and covered my tear stained face with my hands as fresh tears came at the thoguht that I could've jst completely pushed him away, but I ahve to try and salvage this, so I look back up at him and try agian, staying calm, despite his negative onslaught. I'm only goign to try and say what I think is important to say. And that is hoenstly how much I ened him trhough all of this.
I'm a little stunned that he thinks that I would want him to choose sides between Liz and I. But then again, what should I expect? if I was in his shoes, I'd be thinking that's what I wanted too. I shook my head,"I could nevr ask you to choose sides...especially nto right now." It's hoenst, the truth, but I can see that ti confuses him.
"It's jsut that..." I begin, unsure of if I can finish this statement. I mean, sure it isn't a declaration of the fact that I might still be falling in love with him despite what happened between me and Max, but ti's not easy all the same,"Kyle...I need you too." And then I'm not sure what his expression is saying to me. I think shocked and disoriented come to mind, but I'm not sure why he's feelign those things.
I don't knwo waht kind of reaction I ultimately expect from him. I don't realy know what I want him to do. becuase there's nor eally easy way to solve this problem. But I know I don't want it to be something angry again. I don't want to yell, or be yeleld at, and I definitely don't want to cry anymore.
~Mollie
~Tess~
I'm amazed at how quickly Kyle can change gears. How one second he seems to be so angry and then the next he's appologizing. He asked so many questions. There are so many words to say. But I don't even know if I can form them all. if I can really put how I'm feeling into understandable strings of wrods. Maybe it's becuase how I'm feeling is so confused. All I know for sure is that I am sorry. It seems like things ahve been tail spinning downward now that I really step back and look at them, although at the time, having Max seemed like a step up.
"I'm sorry," I say to him again tearfully. What else does he want me to say? but I know what he wants. he wants answers. he wants explanations. he wants reasons. And I don't know if I'm brave enough to give them to him.
Sure, I meant to sleep with max, but now, I'm not sure it was the right thing to do, or what I really wanted. And it seems to ahve elft a lot of people borkenhearted, or upset. But I also see it as a little hypocritical, him questioning my motives, considering what he did with Liz. "You're no stranger to making the mistake of sleeping with someoen you might nto be in love with," I fire at him. but I regret it immediately from the look on his face.
Way to go, I chastise myself. This sin't what I wanted to say to him. i didn't want this to angry or jealous. but maybe the sad fact of the amtter was that those emotions couldn't be avoided. I sighed and covered my tear stained face with my hands as fresh tears came at the thoguht that I could've jst completely pushed him away, but I ahve to try and salvage this, so I look back up at him and try agian, staying calm, despite his negative onslaught. I'm only goign to try and say what I think is important to say. And that is hoenstly how much I ened him trhough all of this.
I'm a little stunned that he thinks that I would want him to choose sides between Liz and I. But then again, what should I expect? if I was in his shoes, I'd be thinking that's what I wanted too. I shook my head,"I could nevr ask you to choose sides...especially nto right now." It's hoenst, the truth, but I can see that ti confuses him.
"It's jsut that..." I begin, unsure of if I can finish this statement. I mean, sure it isn't a declaration of the fact that I might still be falling in love with him despite what happened between me and Max, but ti's not easy all the same,"Kyle...I need you too." And then I'm not sure what his expression is saying to me. I think shocked and disoriented come to mind, but I'm not sure why he's feelign those things.
I don't knwo waht kind of reaction I ultimately expect from him. I don't realy know what I want him to do. becuase there's nor eally easy way to solve this problem. But I know I don't want it to be something angry again. I don't want to yell, or be yeleld at, and I definitely don't want to cry anymore.
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JBehrsGurl
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2001 6:43 pm
- Location: Californiaaaaa! With Brendan Fehr & James Lafferty
- Contact:
LIZ
“What...? How did I… ?”
I sigh and shake my head, "Now's not the time to dwell on the past Max, what's done is done and I have no idea what you were thinking when you crawled into my room and scared the shit out of me that night..." I chuckle, "Gray hair..." I giggle to myself.
Sometimes I just wish that I could clone Max so I could have one of my own. Then Tess could have one, and so could I. Everyone would be happy, YIPPY! I really need to take Prozac.
"Max..." I look at him, waiting for what he has to say. I want him to hurry up so I can leave. But my stomach is in knots and I'm dreading what's to come...
“What...? How did I… ?”
I sigh and shake my head, "Now's not the time to dwell on the past Max, what's done is done and I have no idea what you were thinking when you crawled into my room and scared the shit out of me that night..." I chuckle, "Gray hair..." I giggle to myself.
Sometimes I just wish that I could clone Max so I could have one of my own. Then Tess could have one, and so could I. Everyone would be happy, YIPPY! I really need to take Prozac.
"Max..." I look at him, waiting for what he has to say. I want him to hurry up so I can leave. But my stomach is in knots and I'm dreading what's to come...
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
I'm sorry this part turned out to be very long. I tried to cut it down but it seemd to break the flow. I'll post shorter ones next time
JBehrsGurl and isabelle I like your parts! ATLA I like Tess's responses, really make me sweat lol
~*~* Kyle ~*~*
"You're no stranger to making the mistake of sleeping with someone you might not be in love with," Tess fires at me.
The immediate guilt that spread through me surprises even me. But it’s not guilt about what I’ve supposedly done because of course I didn’t sleep with Liz. It’s guilt about how I’m deceiving Tess and everyone else, maybe even myself.
I can tell by Tess’s tears that she mistook the look on my face and that’s she just upset more by her own guilt. I want to hold her close to me and wipe them away and tell her the truth. For once I want to shed this dark veil of lies Liz and I weaved and take my chances with Tess, baby and all…destiny and Max be damned.
But I can’t form the words to begin. I realize that I’ve been quiet too long when Tess speaks up again. "I could never ask you to choose sides...especially not right now."
The truth is there in her eyes, I know in my heart that she wouldn’t ask me to choose but yet I still asked. Why? I think, partially, even I’ve come to start believing the lie about Liz and me. Isn’t that why I asked her if she would make me choose between Liz and me? The person I “slept” with and the one I love?
It confuses me, this entire weird…fiasco we have made of our lives. Love one, be with another. Isabel, Liz, Michael, Max, me…we’ve all done this. We all love with all our hearts yet we pretend to be with someone else. Maybe it’s an alien thing…
I snap my self back to what Tess is saying and am shocked. Did she just tell me she needs me? For a second I wonder if I heard right. She said she needs me!
Why? The thought pops instantly in my head before I can stop it. Guilt and shame follows it, coiled with it anger. The anger I push back down. No matter how much I want to demand what right she has over me, I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of this…I want it to end; I want us to go back to normal.
But we can’t. My head reminds me. We can’t go back.
Tess is looking at me, waiting for me to say something. And I don’t know what to say. What can I say? How can I offer her comfort when my heart is breaking? How can I promise that I’ll be by her side through this when I know that each moment will remind me with astounding pain how much I lost to Evans.
I have to let her go. She made her choice and obviously it wasn’t me. Obviously she loves Max. I feel like kicking my self. This is my entire fault. I should never have fallen for her. I should never have nursed the stupid illusion that Tess Harding could be falling in love with me, that we might have something between us. How could I have ever even thought that? Where did I come up with that stupid notion? Tess had been honest from the day she came to Roswell. Her mission was to get Max and she would stop at nothing to get him. She wasn’t interested in anyone else. She had made that so clear…then why don’t I believe that this is what she wants? Why do I keep thinking that I can see some shadow of sorrow in her eyes? Why is she crying? If this was what she had always wanted, for Max and her to be together, then why is she here with me?
“Tess…” I find myself saying, a question which I am scared to ask bubbling part my lips. I have to ask even though the answer could hurt me like hell. “Are you happy?”
“What?” Tess asks with confusion. She wipes back at her tears, as she looks puzzled.
“Are you happy?” I ask again, swallowing back the bitterness in my mouth. “Is this what you want? Does he, does this baby make you happy?”
“I-I don’t understand…” Tess stammers, but there is a brief flash of dawning and deep pain in her eyes.
“Do you love him?” I finally ask. Better to come straight to the point. I decide. It’s easier that way for both of us. I fix her with a penetrating gaze, willing my heart not to shatter if she says yes. By some miracle I hope she says no. “Are you in love with Max?” I ask again. I step closer to her and wipe the lone tear that has managed to make its way past her shut lids. She opens her eyes slowly and her eyes meet mine.
“Because if you are, and this is what you want and…and if he makes you happy…then I’m happy…” I say. “I’ll be there for you, I’ll always be there for you…I just want you to be happy with whatever you choose…”
Tess looks bewildered for a second, taking her time to answer. I find my self praying to a God I had stopped believing in ever since I discovered Buddha, I find myself praying to every God or higher being there is. I only ask one thing: that she chooses me.
~*~* End Kyle ~*~*
JBehrsGurl and isabelle I like your parts! ATLA I like Tess's responses, really make me sweat lol
~*~* Kyle ~*~*
"You're no stranger to making the mistake of sleeping with someone you might not be in love with," Tess fires at me.
The immediate guilt that spread through me surprises even me. But it’s not guilt about what I’ve supposedly done because of course I didn’t sleep with Liz. It’s guilt about how I’m deceiving Tess and everyone else, maybe even myself.
I can tell by Tess’s tears that she mistook the look on my face and that’s she just upset more by her own guilt. I want to hold her close to me and wipe them away and tell her the truth. For once I want to shed this dark veil of lies Liz and I weaved and take my chances with Tess, baby and all…destiny and Max be damned.
But I can’t form the words to begin. I realize that I’ve been quiet too long when Tess speaks up again. "I could never ask you to choose sides...especially not right now."
The truth is there in her eyes, I know in my heart that she wouldn’t ask me to choose but yet I still asked. Why? I think, partially, even I’ve come to start believing the lie about Liz and me. Isn’t that why I asked her if she would make me choose between Liz and me? The person I “slept” with and the one I love?
It confuses me, this entire weird…fiasco we have made of our lives. Love one, be with another. Isabel, Liz, Michael, Max, me…we’ve all done this. We all love with all our hearts yet we pretend to be with someone else. Maybe it’s an alien thing…
I snap my self back to what Tess is saying and am shocked. Did she just tell me she needs me? For a second I wonder if I heard right. She said she needs me!
Why? The thought pops instantly in my head before I can stop it. Guilt and shame follows it, coiled with it anger. The anger I push back down. No matter how much I want to demand what right she has over me, I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of this…I want it to end; I want us to go back to normal.
But we can’t. My head reminds me. We can’t go back.
Tess is looking at me, waiting for me to say something. And I don’t know what to say. What can I say? How can I offer her comfort when my heart is breaking? How can I promise that I’ll be by her side through this when I know that each moment will remind me with astounding pain how much I lost to Evans.
I have to let her go. She made her choice and obviously it wasn’t me. Obviously she loves Max. I feel like kicking my self. This is my entire fault. I should never have fallen for her. I should never have nursed the stupid illusion that Tess Harding could be falling in love with me, that we might have something between us. How could I have ever even thought that? Where did I come up with that stupid notion? Tess had been honest from the day she came to Roswell. Her mission was to get Max and she would stop at nothing to get him. She wasn’t interested in anyone else. She had made that so clear…then why don’t I believe that this is what she wants? Why do I keep thinking that I can see some shadow of sorrow in her eyes? Why is she crying? If this was what she had always wanted, for Max and her to be together, then why is she here with me?
“Tess…” I find myself saying, a question which I am scared to ask bubbling part my lips. I have to ask even though the answer could hurt me like hell. “Are you happy?”
“What?” Tess asks with confusion. She wipes back at her tears, as she looks puzzled.
“Are you happy?” I ask again, swallowing back the bitterness in my mouth. “Is this what you want? Does he, does this baby make you happy?”
“I-I don’t understand…” Tess stammers, but there is a brief flash of dawning and deep pain in her eyes.
“Do you love him?” I finally ask. Better to come straight to the point. I decide. It’s easier that way for both of us. I fix her with a penetrating gaze, willing my heart not to shatter if she says yes. By some miracle I hope she says no. “Are you in love with Max?” I ask again. I step closer to her and wipe the lone tear that has managed to make its way past her shut lids. She opens her eyes slowly and her eyes meet mine.
“Because if you are, and this is what you want and…and if he makes you happy…then I’m happy…” I say. “I’ll be there for you, I’ll always be there for you…I just want you to be happy with whatever you choose…”
Tess looks bewildered for a second, taking her time to answer. I find my self praying to a God I had stopped believing in ever since I discovered Buddha, I find myself praying to every God or higher being there is. I only ask one thing: that she chooses me.
~*~* End Kyle ~*~*
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
I'm sorry this part turned out to be very long. I tried to cut it down but it seemd to break the flow. I'll post shorter ones next time
JBehrsGurl and isabelle I like your parts! ATLA I like Tess's responses, really make me sweat lol
~*~* Kyle ~*~*
"You're no stranger to making the mistake of sleeping with someone you might not be in love with," Tess fires at me.
The immediate guilt that spread through me surprises even me. But it’s not guilt about what I’ve supposedly done because of course I didn’t sleep with Liz. It’s guilt about how I’m deceiving Tess and everyone else, maybe even myself.
I can tell by Tess’s tears that she mistook the look on my face and that’s she just upset more by her own guilt. I want to hold her close to me and wipe them away and tell her the truth. For once I want to shed this dark veil of lies Liz and I weaved and take my chances with Tess, baby and all…destiny and Max be damned.
But I can’t form the words to begin. I realize that I’ve been quiet too long when Tess speaks up again. "I could never ask you to choose sides...especially not right now."
The truth is there in her eyes, I know in my heart that she wouldn’t ask me to choose but yet I still asked. Why? I think, partially, even I’ve come to start believing the lie about Liz and me. Isn’t that why I asked her if she would make me choose between Liz and me? The person I “slept” with and the one I love?
It confuses me, this entire weird…fiasco we have made of our lives. Love one, be with another. Isabel, Liz, Michael, Max, me…we’ve all done this. We all love with all our hearts yet we pretend to be with someone else. Maybe it’s an alien thing…
I snap my self back to what Tess is saying and am shocked. Did she just tell me she needs me? For a second I wonder if I heard right. She said she needs me!
Why? The thought pops instantly in my head before I can stop it. Guilt and shame follows it, coiled with it anger. The anger I push back down. No matter how much I want to demand what right she has over me, I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of this…I want it to end; I want us to go back to normal.
But we can’t. My head reminds me. We can’t go back.
Tess is looking at me, waiting for me to say something. And I don’t know what to say. What can I say? How can I offer her comfort when my heart is breaking? How can I promise that I’ll be by her side through this when I know that each moment will remind me with astounding pain how much I lost to Evans.
I have to let her go. She made her choice and obviously it wasn’t me. Obviously she loves Max. I feel like kicking my self. This is my entire fault. I should never have fallen for her. I should never have nursed the stupid illusion that Tess Harding could be falling in love with me, that we might have something between us. How could I have ever even thought that? Where did I come up with that stupid notion? Tess had been honest from the day she came to Roswell. Her mission was to get Max and she would stop at nothing to get him. She wasn’t interested in anyone else. She had made that so clear…then why don’t I believe that this is what she wants? Why do I keep thinking that I can see some shadow of sorrow in her eyes? Why is she crying? If this was what she had always wanted, for Max and her to be together, then why is she here with me?
“Tess…” I find myself saying, a question which I am scared to ask bubbling part my lips. I have to ask even though the answer could hurt me like hell. “Are you happy?”
“What?” Tess asks with confusion. She wipes back at her tears, as she looks puzzled.
“Are you happy?” I ask again, swallowing back the bitterness in my mouth. “Is this what you want? Does he, does this baby make you happy?”
“I-I don’t understand…” Tess stammers, but there is a brief flash of dawning and deep pain in her eyes.
“Do you love him?” I finally ask. Better to come straight to the point. I decide. It’s easier that way for both of us. I fix her with a penetrating gaze, willing my heart not to shatter if she says yes. By some miracle I hope she says no. “Are you in love with Max?” I ask again. I step closer to her and wipe the lone tear that has managed to make its way past her shut lids. She opens her eyes slowly and her eyes meet mine.
“Because if you are, and this is what you want and…and if he makes you happy…then I’m happy…” I say. “I’ll be there for you, I’ll always be there for you…I just want you to be happy with whatever you choose…”
Tess looks bewildered for a second, taking her time to answer. I find my self praying to a God I had stopped believing in ever since I discovered Buddha, I find myself praying to every God or higher being there is. I only ask one thing: that she chooses me.
~*~* End Kyle ~*~*
JBehrsGurl and isabelle I like your parts! ATLA I like Tess's responses, really make me sweat lol
~*~* Kyle ~*~*
"You're no stranger to making the mistake of sleeping with someone you might not be in love with," Tess fires at me.
The immediate guilt that spread through me surprises even me. But it’s not guilt about what I’ve supposedly done because of course I didn’t sleep with Liz. It’s guilt about how I’m deceiving Tess and everyone else, maybe even myself.
I can tell by Tess’s tears that she mistook the look on my face and that’s she just upset more by her own guilt. I want to hold her close to me and wipe them away and tell her the truth. For once I want to shed this dark veil of lies Liz and I weaved and take my chances with Tess, baby and all…destiny and Max be damned.
But I can’t form the words to begin. I realize that I’ve been quiet too long when Tess speaks up again. "I could never ask you to choose sides...especially not right now."
The truth is there in her eyes, I know in my heart that she wouldn’t ask me to choose but yet I still asked. Why? I think, partially, even I’ve come to start believing the lie about Liz and me. Isn’t that why I asked her if she would make me choose between Liz and me? The person I “slept” with and the one I love?
It confuses me, this entire weird…fiasco we have made of our lives. Love one, be with another. Isabel, Liz, Michael, Max, me…we’ve all done this. We all love with all our hearts yet we pretend to be with someone else. Maybe it’s an alien thing…
I snap my self back to what Tess is saying and am shocked. Did she just tell me she needs me? For a second I wonder if I heard right. She said she needs me!
Why? The thought pops instantly in my head before I can stop it. Guilt and shame follows it, coiled with it anger. The anger I push back down. No matter how much I want to demand what right she has over me, I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired of this…I want it to end; I want us to go back to normal.
But we can’t. My head reminds me. We can’t go back.
Tess is looking at me, waiting for me to say something. And I don’t know what to say. What can I say? How can I offer her comfort when my heart is breaking? How can I promise that I’ll be by her side through this when I know that each moment will remind me with astounding pain how much I lost to Evans.
I have to let her go. She made her choice and obviously it wasn’t me. Obviously she loves Max. I feel like kicking my self. This is my entire fault. I should never have fallen for her. I should never have nursed the stupid illusion that Tess Harding could be falling in love with me, that we might have something between us. How could I have ever even thought that? Where did I come up with that stupid notion? Tess had been honest from the day she came to Roswell. Her mission was to get Max and she would stop at nothing to get him. She wasn’t interested in anyone else. She had made that so clear…then why don’t I believe that this is what she wants? Why do I keep thinking that I can see some shadow of sorrow in her eyes? Why is she crying? If this was what she had always wanted, for Max and her to be together, then why is she here with me?
“Tess…” I find myself saying, a question which I am scared to ask bubbling part my lips. I have to ask even though the answer could hurt me like hell. “Are you happy?”
“What?” Tess asks with confusion. She wipes back at her tears, as she looks puzzled.
“Are you happy?” I ask again, swallowing back the bitterness in my mouth. “Is this what you want? Does he, does this baby make you happy?”
“I-I don’t understand…” Tess stammers, but there is a brief flash of dawning and deep pain in her eyes.
“Do you love him?” I finally ask. Better to come straight to the point. I decide. It’s easier that way for both of us. I fix her with a penetrating gaze, willing my heart not to shatter if she says yes. By some miracle I hope she says no. “Are you in love with Max?” I ask again. I step closer to her and wipe the lone tear that has managed to make its way past her shut lids. She opens her eyes slowly and her eyes meet mine.
“Because if you are, and this is what you want and…and if he makes you happy…then I’m happy…” I say. “I’ll be there for you, I’ll always be there for you…I just want you to be happy with whatever you choose…”
Tess looks bewildered for a second, taking her time to answer. I find my self praying to a God I had stopped believing in ever since I discovered Buddha, I find myself praying to every God or higher being there is. I only ask one thing: that she chooses me.
~*~* End Kyle ~*~*
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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ATigerLilyAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:35 am
Oh wow, Fallen Magic, your Kyle part made me have to really think on my response, lol
~Tess~
I still stare up at Kyle in complete disbelief. He wants to know if I'm happy? And what's he gonna do if I say no? It's not like he can rescue me from my life, right? I try to get my thoughts straight because it's the first time I've ever asked even myself this question. Am I happy? I don't even know. All I knew is that it was the way things were and I had to deal with it.
Max and this baby is all I was told I should want since I was born, or ahtched rather. This is all I've ever known. And I know Nasedo, the closest thing to a father I've ever had, was profoundly dissappointed in me and my inability to achieve his goal. But that's just it, it was his goal. I don't even know that it was ever mine outside of it being some desperate attempt to gain approval from him.
And so here am I, having everything I'm supposed to want, and the only thing I can think about is someone else. The only person I can think about is Kyle. And I realize in thsi moment that I don't think I want it. And that in order to not lie to myself, I don't think Max wants it either. I know he'd never turn his back. I know he'd always support me. But he doesn't really want to be with me. I can see it everytime Liz is around. Max may love me in his own way, but he isn't in love with me, like he is with Liz. And now I'm confused, but we can't really fix this problem, can we? Things can't go abck to the way they were. max and I can't let go of each other and epect Liz and Kyle to be waiting.
But Kyle's waiting patiently for an answer to his question and I know I can't lie to him, but I don't know that I can say the truth. "I thought it would make me happy," I begin a little unsure about what I should tell Kyle. I don't want to hurt him, but this is all very sudden. "It's supposed to make me happy...but I feel a little empty." I tell him, and it's because I knwo I'm going to ahve to loose something and that something is more than likely Kyle. I mean I can't ask Kyle to accept Max's baby too, even if I want to.
"And I do love Max," I began slowly. I notice his face fall and I proceed,"But I don't think I'm in lvoe with him. And we all know he's in love with Liz." I decide not to say that I'm really in love with Kyle. I jsut can't say that right now. "And I do love this baby already," I tell him honestly,"And the idea of having a baby does make me happy." It's someone for me to love that will love me back. So maybe max can give me that, the thing I've always wanted in some way. "But if I changed my mind, I have no where else to go,"I tell him honestly, illustrating not just how torn I am, but how stuck I feel. I need Max right now to help me through this, despite the pain it causes to everyone. I wish things were ultimately different, but they aren't.
~Tess~
I still stare up at Kyle in complete disbelief. He wants to know if I'm happy? And what's he gonna do if I say no? It's not like he can rescue me from my life, right? I try to get my thoughts straight because it's the first time I've ever asked even myself this question. Am I happy? I don't even know. All I knew is that it was the way things were and I had to deal with it.
Max and this baby is all I was told I should want since I was born, or ahtched rather. This is all I've ever known. And I know Nasedo, the closest thing to a father I've ever had, was profoundly dissappointed in me and my inability to achieve his goal. But that's just it, it was his goal. I don't even know that it was ever mine outside of it being some desperate attempt to gain approval from him.
And so here am I, having everything I'm supposed to want, and the only thing I can think about is someone else. The only person I can think about is Kyle. And I realize in thsi moment that I don't think I want it. And that in order to not lie to myself, I don't think Max wants it either. I know he'd never turn his back. I know he'd always support me. But he doesn't really want to be with me. I can see it everytime Liz is around. Max may love me in his own way, but he isn't in love with me, like he is with Liz. And now I'm confused, but we can't really fix this problem, can we? Things can't go abck to the way they were. max and I can't let go of each other and epect Liz and Kyle to be waiting.
But Kyle's waiting patiently for an answer to his question and I know I can't lie to him, but I don't know that I can say the truth. "I thought it would make me happy," I begin a little unsure about what I should tell Kyle. I don't want to hurt him, but this is all very sudden. "It's supposed to make me happy...but I feel a little empty." I tell him, and it's because I knwo I'm going to ahve to loose something and that something is more than likely Kyle. I mean I can't ask Kyle to accept Max's baby too, even if I want to.
"And I do love Max," I began slowly. I notice his face fall and I proceed,"But I don't think I'm in lvoe with him. And we all know he's in love with Liz." I decide not to say that I'm really in love with Kyle. I jsut can't say that right now. "And I do love this baby already," I tell him honestly,"And the idea of having a baby does make me happy." It's someone for me to love that will love me back. So maybe max can give me that, the thing I've always wanted in some way. "But if I changed my mind, I have no where else to go,"I tell him honestly, illustrating not just how torn I am, but how stuck I feel. I need Max right now to help me through this, despite the pain it causes to everyone. I wish things were ultimately different, but they aren't.
*MAX*
Okay. Someone should take my picture right now and paste it in the dictionary under ‘confused.’ I really don’t understand what Liz has been talking about. I broke her heart? She’s the one who’s been doing this to me. Pushing me away. Refusing to talk to me. Sleeping with Kyle. How did I ‘make her’ do that?
I know the whole “destiny” thing hurt her, but it hurt me, too. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t choose it. We could have ignored it together, Liz and I. Made our own destiny. But she bailed on that. I remember her whole speech about not wanting to die for me and I do understand how being who I am, with all the responsibilities and dangers that come with it, could be too much for her. I was so amazed that she actually accepted me for as long as she did. Then as soon as we saw the hologram, she gave up on me. But that was her choice. I didn’t make her do anything. If I could have made Liz do anything, I would have made her stay. God knows I tried.
“… you crawled into my room and scared the shit out of me that night... Gray hair..."
I didn’t go in her room that night. I was still outside the window when she broke my heart. Gray hair? Whose gray hair? Now she's giggling. Has Liz slipped completely off the deep end? I want to shake her so she’ll start making sense again. I open my mouth to beg her to explain but close it again without posing the question. It hasn’t worked up ‘till now, and I don't know if I want to deal with yet another confusing response.
"Max..." she says, wanting me to continue.
I lean my head against the wall, looking up at the ceiling, wishing for an answer, and then close my eyes in frustration. Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and straighten up again.
“Liz,” I start, as gently as I can. “I know you won’t believe me. And you’ll believe me even less in a few minutes, but I swear to you it’s true. I love you, Liz.”
“HA!” She shouts in my face. “If you — ” she starts, but I interrupt her.
“I do Liz. You’ve always been the one I’ve wanted. And you always will be.” My throat closes up for a moment, as I imagine my future without Liz. Me being the father to Tess’s baby instead. I manage to swallow a sob before it escapes. “Oh, God. It should have been you. It should have been…”
.
Okay. Someone should take my picture right now and paste it in the dictionary under ‘confused.’ I really don’t understand what Liz has been talking about. I broke her heart? She’s the one who’s been doing this to me. Pushing me away. Refusing to talk to me. Sleeping with Kyle. How did I ‘make her’ do that?
I know the whole “destiny” thing hurt her, but it hurt me, too. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t choose it. We could have ignored it together, Liz and I. Made our own destiny. But she bailed on that. I remember her whole speech about not wanting to die for me and I do understand how being who I am, with all the responsibilities and dangers that come with it, could be too much for her. I was so amazed that she actually accepted me for as long as she did. Then as soon as we saw the hologram, she gave up on me. But that was her choice. I didn’t make her do anything. If I could have made Liz do anything, I would have made her stay. God knows I tried.
“… you crawled into my room and scared the shit out of me that night... Gray hair..."
I didn’t go in her room that night. I was still outside the window when she broke my heart. Gray hair? Whose gray hair? Now she's giggling. Has Liz slipped completely off the deep end? I want to shake her so she’ll start making sense again. I open my mouth to beg her to explain but close it again without posing the question. It hasn’t worked up ‘till now, and I don't know if I want to deal with yet another confusing response.
"Max..." she says, wanting me to continue.
I lean my head against the wall, looking up at the ceiling, wishing for an answer, and then close my eyes in frustration. Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and straighten up again.
“Liz,” I start, as gently as I can. “I know you won’t believe me. And you’ll believe me even less in a few minutes, but I swear to you it’s true. I love you, Liz.”
“HA!” She shouts in my face. “If you — ” she starts, but I interrupt her.
“I do Liz. You’ve always been the one I’ve wanted. And you always will be.” My throat closes up for a moment, as I imagine my future without Liz. Me being the father to Tess’s baby instead. I manage to swallow a sob before it escapes. “Oh, God. It should have been you. It should have been…”
.
Last edited by isabelle on Mon Oct 13, 2003 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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FallenMagic
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 390
- Joined: Thu Dec 05, 2002 1:51 am
- Location: Malaysia
Mollie, you're not the onlyone who made to think before posting lol Tess is making Kyle think REAL hard before answering! isabelle that was a great Max!
It would be nice to know what the thers are thinking...
~*~* Kyle ~*~*
I don’t know why I hoped Tess would profess her undying love to me. Actually maybe I do but that’s not gonna make things all right is it. It’s not going to change the fact that Tess is pregnant…with Max’s kid! And the fact that she’s still wanting my support and telling me that she needs me too…well it is of some comfort, not enough but it will have to do. That’s all she can give me at the moment.
It hurts me to know she still loves Evans, not in love but love is love…isn’t it? It also doesn’t go by me that she never mentioned me. That alone is hard to swallow. But I nod and hesitantly pull her into a hug. I want to pull her closer, but I’m not sure if she’ll allow that or want that.
“You’ll always have somewhere to go.” I tell her. “No matter what happens, I want you to know you can always come to me. Anytime, for anything.”
I step back from the embrace and manage a sad half smile. “I…I just need a little time, okay?” I say. “I just need a little time to…to let this sink in. Just for a while. That’s all I ask.”
I need that time. I need it to vent, to rage, to hurt and to find solace in my misery. I don’t want her to think I’m bitter. I’m not…well maybe a little. But I meant it when I told her I want her to be able to come to me. But in order to let myself be put in that position, I need to come to terms with it first. And I can only do that alone, or maybe with Liz…
~*~* End Kyle ~*~*
Tess is making Kyle think REAL hard before answering! isabelle that was a great Max! It would be nice to know what the thers are thinking...
~*~* Kyle ~*~*
I don’t know why I hoped Tess would profess her undying love to me. Actually maybe I do but that’s not gonna make things all right is it. It’s not going to change the fact that Tess is pregnant…with Max’s kid! And the fact that she’s still wanting my support and telling me that she needs me too…well it is of some comfort, not enough but it will have to do. That’s all she can give me at the moment.
It hurts me to know she still loves Evans, not in love but love is love…isn’t it? It also doesn’t go by me that she never mentioned me. That alone is hard to swallow. But I nod and hesitantly pull her into a hug. I want to pull her closer, but I’m not sure if she’ll allow that or want that.
“You’ll always have somewhere to go.” I tell her. “No matter what happens, I want you to know you can always come to me. Anytime, for anything.”
I step back from the embrace and manage a sad half smile. “I…I just need a little time, okay?” I say. “I just need a little time to…to let this sink in. Just for a while. That’s all I ask.”
I need that time. I need it to vent, to rage, to hurt and to find solace in my misery. I don’t want her to think I’m bitter. I’m not…well maybe a little. But I meant it when I told her I want her to be able to come to me. But in order to let myself be put in that position, I need to come to terms with it first. And I can only do that alone, or maybe with Liz…
~*~* End Kyle ~*~*
<center>There are endings and beginnings and then there are Crossroads; and, somehow, in the end all that's left are Pieces Of A Dream</center>
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ATigerLilyAngel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:35 am
Okay, so I had to think long and hard about how to reply and eventhough I'm pretty sure we agree that tehy aren't going to be together yet, I couldn't resist giving them a slightly awkward, tortured moment...or the possibility for one anyway, lol. If Pheebs were reading she'd proclaim I was evil for the millionth time and that I was far too fond of bittersweetness, and (in my own words) that I needed to grow a happy ending bone, lol.
~Tess~
I stare at him in almost disbelief. I can't understand how he could jsut wrap me up in his arms and still accept me, although that's all I wanted for him to do this whole time. I smile slightly when I realize that I'll always have Kyle, no matter what. And he needs time. And I can understand that. I think I need time to sort out everything in my muddled brain. I'm not going to begrudge him a little time if it means I'll have him by my side.
With the way he's acting though, I can't keep one thought from slipping through my brain. I wish it was him. I wish now that I'd slept with him, that it was his baby. Not because max isn't a great guy, but I know I can never really ahve Max. And as we stand by eachother, supporting eachother, well it seems partially fake because we both can't wait to run off to somewhere else. Him to Liz and me to Kyle.
But the worst part is that what we truly want can never be, unless we actually agree that we want it, admit that we want it. And I know Max would never do that while I was pregnant. he'd feel overcome with guilt. he'd feel like he was putting me through unnecessary stress.
But don't get me wrong, being with Max isn't bad. Far from it. I mean he's one of the ebst guys I could ask to be in this position with. A lot of guys would've walked away and washed their hands clean of it as a teenager, but he hadn't. And through all of this emotional turmoil, we'll have each other to hold on to. To balance us out. To keep us grounded. To make life bearable. And then from time to time we can look over at the by then happy Liz and Kyle and know that eventhough we lost, we still have them to. Just not in the way we want. But we'll be too stubborn to say so, too committed to making us work. And so our hearts will break and we'll ahve to lean on eachother again. it's not a terrible life, I'm jsut smarter than that, to know that it's not what either of us want.
And at some point during all of this thinking, words slip past my lips, words that I don't even realize I'm uttering until it's too late. "I wish it was you..."
~Tess~
I stare at him in almost disbelief. I can't understand how he could jsut wrap me up in his arms and still accept me, although that's all I wanted for him to do this whole time. I smile slightly when I realize that I'll always have Kyle, no matter what. And he needs time. And I can understand that. I think I need time to sort out everything in my muddled brain. I'm not going to begrudge him a little time if it means I'll have him by my side.
With the way he's acting though, I can't keep one thought from slipping through my brain. I wish it was him. I wish now that I'd slept with him, that it was his baby. Not because max isn't a great guy, but I know I can never really ahve Max. And as we stand by eachother, supporting eachother, well it seems partially fake because we both can't wait to run off to somewhere else. Him to Liz and me to Kyle.
But the worst part is that what we truly want can never be, unless we actually agree that we want it, admit that we want it. And I know Max would never do that while I was pregnant. he'd feel overcome with guilt. he'd feel like he was putting me through unnecessary stress.
But don't get me wrong, being with Max isn't bad. Far from it. I mean he's one of the ebst guys I could ask to be in this position with. A lot of guys would've walked away and washed their hands clean of it as a teenager, but he hadn't. And through all of this emotional turmoil, we'll have each other to hold on to. To balance us out. To keep us grounded. To make life bearable. And then from time to time we can look over at the by then happy Liz and Kyle and know that eventhough we lost, we still have them to. Just not in the way we want. But we'll be too stubborn to say so, too committed to making us work. And so our hearts will break and we'll ahve to lean on eachother again. it's not a terrible life, I'm jsut smarter than that, to know that it's not what either of us want.
And at some point during all of this thinking, words slip past my lips, words that I don't even realize I'm uttering until it's too late. "I wish it was you..."
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JBehrsGurl
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Tue Dec 11, 2001 6:43 pm
- Location: Californiaaaaa! With Brendan Fehr & James Lafferty
- Contact:
LIZ
“Oh, God. It should have been you. It should have been…”
Umm... And people think I'M crazy? Here Max is talking nonsense to his own self! Should have been me? Umm... Should have been me When? What? Where? How?
"Max you're not making any sense." I snap.
"Well you're not making any sense either!" He snaps back.
Ouch.
"Don't yell at me!" I shout.
"Don't yell at me!" He yelps back.
I cross my arms and count to ten, "He never said it was going to be easy..." I mutter, "Look. We could go back and forth like this all night, but unlike you -I need to shower and get some homework done." I sigh, "And you're right. I don't believe you when you say you... Love me." I whisper the last part. "Like I said before, if you did you wouldn't have asked me to do the things you did."
If he loved me, he wouldn't put me through so much agony, he wouldn't have came to me from the future and ask me to ruin my life, to sacrifice what I would die to keep. He wouldn't have left me for... her.
"Don't you have some more cuddling to do with your queen?" I sneer, "It's not good to keep your lady waiting Maxwell."
He looks sticken, and it hurts me inside to know that the pain came from me. But dammit! He deserves to feel at least an ounce of the pain I'm feeling!
"I'm going to say something. Then I'm going to give you 30 seconds to tell me what it is you have to say before I march up those stairs and get ready for bed." I glance at my watch for good measure. "Okay. Here goes -but you cannot respond to what I have to say. You hear it, you disgaurd it and you don't get to ask questions." I reply with venom, taking a deeeeeep breath I say, "I still love you... But that doesn't mean a thing, it's just something I have to get over. Why I told you, I'll never know." I roll my eyes, trying to play the tough one when all I really want to do is run upstairs and cry in my bed, "Okay. Your turn. What is it you wanted to say? Your 30 seconds starts now..."
“Oh, God. It should have been you. It should have been…”
Umm... And people think I'M crazy? Here Max is talking nonsense to his own self! Should have been me? Umm... Should have been me When? What? Where? How?
"Max you're not making any sense." I snap.
"Well you're not making any sense either!" He snaps back.
Ouch.
"Don't yell at me!" I shout.
"Don't yell at me!" He yelps back.
I cross my arms and count to ten, "He never said it was going to be easy..." I mutter, "Look. We could go back and forth like this all night, but unlike you -I need to shower and get some homework done." I sigh, "And you're right. I don't believe you when you say you... Love me." I whisper the last part. "Like I said before, if you did you wouldn't have asked me to do the things you did."
If he loved me, he wouldn't put me through so much agony, he wouldn't have came to me from the future and ask me to ruin my life, to sacrifice what I would die to keep. He wouldn't have left me for... her.
"Don't you have some more cuddling to do with your queen?" I sneer, "It's not good to keep your lady waiting Maxwell."
He looks sticken, and it hurts me inside to know that the pain came from me. But dammit! He deserves to feel at least an ounce of the pain I'm feeling!
"I'm going to say something. Then I'm going to give you 30 seconds to tell me what it is you have to say before I march up those stairs and get ready for bed." I glance at my watch for good measure. "Okay. Here goes -but you cannot respond to what I have to say. You hear it, you disgaurd it and you don't get to ask questions." I reply with venom, taking a deeeeeep breath I say, "I still love you... But that doesn't mean a thing, it's just something I have to get over. Why I told you, I'll never know." I roll my eyes, trying to play the tough one when all I really want to do is run upstairs and cry in my bed, "Okay. Your turn. What is it you wanted to say? Your 30 seconds starts now..."