Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2004 4:08 pm
Hi everyone!
Good news! You get a new part posted this week after all. See how good I am to you? Well, it's only fair since you guys are all (really) so good to me.
BTW - it was only a warning that I MIGHT not be able to post as often. I'll do my best! Honest!
Well, as always, a big thank you for leaving me feedback. And there have been a number of great thoughts, hopes and guesses coming out, some I even wish I had thought of myself!
Little_Miss_Roswell - Well, Liz is hardly the strong warrioress type, now, is she? Still, stranger things have happened.
AJK001 - Well, you know me. Can't go too long without them and if I do, make up for lost time with doozies!
mezz - Meanie? Me? Mwuah Hah hah!
Yup! 
roswellluver -
What can I say? LOL 
Smac - No, Max never said that he wanted Liz in the same way, though he did say he would like to make her dreams come true. Yes, Ava is very interesting.
g7silvers -
:):) he he he he . YOu just know I'm going to say - "But I can!" 
Butterflies - Cruel, meanie - sigh, I am Soo misunderstood!
LOL
LTL - Hmmmm... me certain me remembers a certain scene where certain queen was paying certain suspicious man!
There's a first. A straight answer.
Alma - You seem to know me so well!
LOL
frenchkiss70 - What? No! Course not!
Not yet, anyway! 
I am a dreamer - Sorry about your loss of sleep. I'm told catching up on my fics does that to you.
They do tend to be long. Anyway, welcome aboard. Glad you liked my warning. 
aurorasky - What? You don;t think Liz's cold shoulder was what it seemed?
BehrObsession - Remember that there is more than one plot going on here. It's not just Kivar with machinations at work.
youre my dreamgirl - Well thank you, Ma'am.
As for telling you you are right... nope. Shan't. 
NorafanofMaxandLiz - I promise to try to get back and update aa time will allow!
What can I say? I'm a sucker for Oreo cookies and have no shame. 
mareli - Yup. You may.
Taking? I think thrusting sharp daggers into a heart does a little more damage than that. 
BelevnDreamsToo - I could tell you all that... but I would be lying.
Like I said. Zan did what every other guy does in a brothel. Nuff said.
As for spys, yes. Just who is spying for whom and what information is being passed around?
Teresa - Okay,
I meant much later. YOu will recognise when. Yes, to badd about working to live. But ir could be worse. I 'could' live to work.
Roswelllostcause -
Now I would hate to be the reason you shoved yout Troll in front of a bus and become institutionalised, so I deliberatelt didn;t earn any money this week, just for you. Sure, the roof leaks and my kids are starving, but for you...
Feeling guilty yet?
Trust me, I will try to post regularly, nut sometimes, I might not be able to make it. 
smokie - Well, if it's any consolation, Liz will soon be far removed from all the plotting.
Ooooo. Does that sound ominous, or what? 
SarahWhitman -
LOL - Yup. It sure does.
Windmills Of Your Mind
Dusty Springfield
Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carrousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of it's own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle your head
Why did summer go so quickly
Was it something that I said
Lovers walking along the shore,
Leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Part 21
Liz had never truly understood what was meant when they said that everything moved in slow motion, until that very moment. Her thoughts seemed normal but the knife seemed to take forever as the deadly blade arced toward her heart. Her thoughts were of one thing. She would die and Zan would believe that she did so still hating him. Why had she been so cold toward him? Liz closed her eyes and tightened her body against the blow. She just knew that the impact would hurt - if only for a little while. A tear dropped from the corner of her eye.
The blow never landed. She heard the clatter of steel against stone, followed by a muffled grunt, a thud and the sound of something sliding. Liz opened her eyes to see her would be assassin in a heap against the wall, unconscious. Standing next to her was a woman - at least, what appeared to be a woman, dressed as she was in a long, black cloak. Her face was hidden in the shadows of her hood.
"Are you all right, child?" the older voice asked in a calm, steady voice, as though nothing had happened at all.
"Uh," Liz's body started shaking. Her breathing started to speed up as her heart pounded loudly in her chest. The walls started to sway. "No. No, I don't think so."
"Come," the woman wrapped her arm around Liz and led her to a small alcove. "Sit," she indicated a small stone bench.
Liz did as she was ordered but it was some time before she managed to gain control of her own body.
"Who..." she finally managed to gasp. "Why did... that... man t... try to k... kill me?" She couldn't help her wavering voice.
"Because you pose a threat to someone's plans," the old woman shrugged, as though it meant nothing. "I told you that you should go home."
"I would if I could," Liz groaned. She started to cry. "Oh, god! I miss my dad. And my mom. And Alex. I want Max!"
"Then why do you stay?"
"Because... because we can't go," Liz controlled her sudden bout of sobbing. "Not just yet."
"No," the woman shook her hood. "Not until you've completed your journey."
"What journey?" Liz frowned.
"The one that led you to follow Zan to that place," she smiled.
"How do you know about that?"
"I know about everything," she chuckled.
"Like who just tried to kill me?"
"I have my suspicions. The important thing is that I was nearby to prevent it."
"And why were you nearby?" Liz narrowed her eyes.
"I seem to have a knack of being in the right place at the right time." She glanced at the heap. "Although to some, it's the wrong place at the wrong time. Nevertheless, where you are concerned, it's the former."
"You've been spying on me?" Liz accused.
"If I was," her voice laughed, "then it's lucky for you. Now, have you calmed yourself down? Are you well enough to attend your lessons?"
"I... I think so," Liz nodded.
"Then come," the old woman rose, and helped Liz to stand, taking much of her weight against her own body. "I will walk with you. In case I need to persuade you to finish what you started."
"What have I started?" Liz looked confused.
"Many things," the woman shrugged. "All of them incomplete."
"Do you have to talk in riddles?" Liz demanded.
"Riddles you say?" the woman laughed. "If you think these are my riddles, pray you never hear my real ones. Say you are on your way to a town in which everyone tells the truth, which lies next to one where everyone tells lies. Now, you come to a fork in the road, and you don't know which road to take. One road leads to Truthsville and the other to Liarsville. A young girl from one of the towns is playing at the fork, and you can only ask her one question. What would you ask her to find the right road?"
"What does this have to do with anything?"
"Now, that's a riddle."
"If all you're going to do is laugh at me," Liz tried to pull herself free.
"Am I laughing at you? No, child. I'm not that shallow."
"So why don't you answer my questions?"
"Who says that I'm not?"
"I do!" Liz snapped. "Just tell me what I have started."
"I've already told you. Many things."
"Can't you be more specific?" Liz groaned, shaking her head.
"More specific," the woman mumbled. She reached a thin, pale hand into the shadow of her hood. "For a start, you have started two journeys. One long and one short. Yours and Zan's. Now your journey is long and complicated. It has many twists and forks. You must decide if you are going to Truthsville or to Liarsville. Zan's, on the other hand, is short and simple. It has always been so. He will see his journey to its end. What happens then is up to you. Which direction will you take when Zan's journey is complete?"
Liz opened her mouth to speak, but the woman raised her hand.
"You wish more specific help? Very well. Zan is feeling... boxed in. Partly, he is confused by your attitude toward him. There are other reasons, too. Perhaps he might tell you. He plans to take a ride in the forest behind the Castle Z'ndrina. You should join him, though do not advertise this fact. Surprise him. You might find something that will help you decide which road to take; though it might not be the one you want. Ah, here we are. Your room."
"Are you some kind of wise woman?" Liz narrowed her eyes again. She turned to look in the classroom. "'Cause I gotta say. None of what you just said sounded very wise to me."
"But it made you forget your ordeal," the woman laughed. "I am not so old that I don't remember that strong, masculine arms are much better for calming young women than frail female ones. Words suffice for only a short while."
"So what was the question, again?" Liz turned, but the woman was gone.
* * *
"Oy, you!" Maria called out to Rath whom she caught walking along a corridor. "I've been looking for you."
"I was not aware of that fact," Rath looked around, as if searching for an escape route.
"So I haven't seen you in a while," Maria shrugged.
"Is that a good thing?" Rath's eyes narrowed.
"Perhaps," Maria rolled hers. "You do know that we're kinda counting on you to keep lines of communication open between Liz and Zan, right? Unofficially, of course."
"I was under the impression that Lady Elizabeth did not wish any contact with Zan at all. Officially or otherwise. She has been doing her level best to maintain her distance from him. I thought you wished the same between us."
"Liz is a little more sensitive than me," Maria smirked. "She takes things personally. Little things upset her. Like, let's say, oh..." she shrugged, "like seeing someone she's rather fond of visiting a brothel."
Rath's eyes widened with surprise.
"Yes," Maria nodded. "We spotted you the other day and followed you."
"Oh," Rath hunched his shoulders, showing little sign of embarrassment. "That explains a lot."
"It does, huh?" Maria stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop. "Does it explain what you were doing there?"
Rath started to chuckle.
"Two young men, a pocket full of gold and a house full of women who sell their virtues cheap. Want me to paint you a picture?"
"Okay," Maria shook her head. "That explains the what. But what about the why?"
"Why?" Rath looked surprised. "Don't the men from your country get... urges?"
"They do," Maria nodded. "But not all of them run to a cat house when they do."
"But some do?"
"Okay," Maria conceded. "But why Zan? Why does he need to run to one and such a cheap one at that?"
"Whether with gold or power, Zan will end up paying for it. And that particular one is the only place where the women are more interested in his money than who he is. Women don't exactly line up... rather, they didn't. Before..."
"Yeah, but..."
"Look, ever since Elizabeth... and he... well... his needs..."
Ah," Maria nodded tactfully. "I see."
"And he doubts that Elizabeth is the sort of lady who would..."
"Relieve the urges she's helped create?" Maria's eyes widened. "He's got that straight."
"If he's horny, I bet she is too. I told him to just go for it, you know? But you know Zan."
"You told him what?" Maria punched his arm. "I can't believe you told him to do that."
"What?" Rath complained, rubbing his arm. "He's head over heels in love with her and I don't doubt that she feels the same. It would cause a lot less stress all around if the horn dogs just did it."
"You're such a... a guy!" Maria stormed towards their apartment.
"I'll take that as a compliment, shall I?" Rath shouted at her back.
* * *
Liz was a little surprised, a little shocked, and whole lot disappointed to find the classroom empty when she entered it. Zan should have been here. A wave of anxiety swept over her. Had she been the only one to have been attacked? Had someone attacked Zan too, but had succeeded? Not fully recovered from the shock of her earlier ordeal, Liz froze. Her body started to shake again as her heart rate sped up. She felt very alone and vulnerable as every shadow hid a potential murderer. Liz was on the verge of full blown panic.
"Lady Elizabeth?" a deep, warm voice called from behind her. "Are you all right?"
"Zan!" Liz exclaimed.
She spun around to face him: to confirm that it really was him. Filled with a sudden and immense sense of relief, Liz launched herself at Zan, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself against his comforting body.
"What is it?" his voice was filled with concern. Zan's arms surrounded Liz, enveloping her within his shield. One hand on the small of her back, pulled her to him. The other held the back of her head, just above the nape of her neck. "Whatever is the matter?"
"Nothing," she sighed, feeling so very warm and secure. "It's just..." Liz couldn't help it. At that moment, she felt so... loved, that the dam burst its banks and she collapsed into a bout of hysterical crying.
With no hesitation, Zan lifted Liz into his arms as easily as he would a small doll, and left the classroom, taking his precious bundle with him.
* * *
The feeling was so pleasant, Liz did not want to recover from her bout of crying and give Zan a reason to let go of her. Call her selfish but she loved the sensations that his arms holding her made her feel. Sensations that she had never felt before, not even with Kyle. Only in her dream had she felt so... cherished. And the beauty of it all was that Zan showed no sign of wanting her to recover, either. As though he did not want Liz to have a reason to break their embrace. But... Liz understood that all good things had to end and she knew that Zan deserved some sort of explanation. For both why she was like this, and for her earlier treatment of him. It was then that she realized that she was in a room she had not seen before, and that she was sitting on Zan's lap... on a bed.
"Where are we?" she managed at last, once she had gained control of her speech.
"I, uh..." Zan was blushing. "I thought it would be better to bring you somewhere... where my father couldn't..." He started to try to untangle himself from her, to separate them. "I'm sorry."
Liz responded by holding him tight, resisting his attempts to release her.
"So..." she swallowed. "So we're in your room?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"On your... bed?"
Zan continued to nod.
"It's okay," she soothed. "Thank you."
"For what?" Zan frowned.
"For caring," Liz shrugged. "I don't know. This. For treating me like a friend when I've been... you know." Liz suddenly gasped. "Your lesson! You'll be late!"
"We, uh, already missed it," Zan gave a soft chuckle.
"Have we been here that long?" Liz's eyes widened. "I'm sorry."
"It seemed appropriate," she felt him shrug. "You seemed so... upset. I hope it was nothing I had done."
"No, uhm... Sorry about this."
"No need for apologies, Lady Elizabeth. Would you like to talk about it?"
"Can you, uh..." Liz played with her fingers. "You can call me Liz, again. If you want to, that is. Like you used to."
"Of course," he smiled. "Liz."
"Will you get into trouble? For missing your lesson, I mean?"
"No more than usual," Zan laughed. "Although I dread to think what my father will do if he learns that you and I were alone in my chamber."
"Maybe," Liz looked downward but raised her eyes. "Maybe we should take steps to prevent your father from wanting to marry me."
Zan blinked.
"Forget it," Liz tried to shrug it off.
"As much as I would like to... uh... with you... Liz. I couldn't. Not when you so desperately want to return home. And as for my father, well, I will do whatever I can to find the, uh... Granolith, so that you and Maria can..." his voice fell. "Leave."
"Do you want me to leave, Zan?"
"No," Zan shook his head. "I wish that you could stay here, that we could run away somewhere, a different country perhaps, where no one knows who I am, and we could get married and... But that can never happen. Not while you still desire to return to your home, if only for a visit."
"Maybe I..."
"No," Zan shook his head. "You will wake up one day and blame me for being the reason you never see your family, your friends. Slowly that blame will turn to hate... and eventually... No, Liz. I will help you to go home, though it breaks my heart to do so. That way, I will forever be a little part of your heart, as you will be part of mine."
"Soul mates," Liz whispered, leaning her forehead against Zan's.
"Always," he reached his finger up and touched her lips.
Liz kissed his fingertip and looked into his eyes.
"So," Zan coughed and looked away, breaking the spell. "Will you tell me the reason for your distress?"
Liz really felt like hitting Zan at that moment.
* * *
"Whoa!" Maria stared at Liz in surprise. "Slow down, Liz. Since when do you eat your breakfast like a pig at a trough?"
"Since I really have to keep an eye on Zan today."
"What do you mean? I thought today was, like, holy day? You know. Their version of Sunday. Does Zan have lessons on Sundays?"
"No," Liz shook her head taking another huge bite of her toast. "Shmppme hmoweled ee uhhm fummmow imm uh-mmhay."
"Tell me you didn't just talk with your mouth full," Maria laughed.
"Sorry," Liz forced the swallow down with a gulp of milk. "She told me to follow him today."
"Who did?" Maria frowned.
"Remember that old lady? The one I bumped into that first time we met the king and she warned me about following Zan's doom or something? Well, I, uh... bumped into her again yesterday." Liz had neglected to inform Maria about the attempt on her life. By the time she had finally left Zan's room, she had calmed down. Rather, Zan's presence, and his warm arms had calmed her down. She had wisely decided to keep her attack a secret from her drama queen friend. "On the way to lessons."
"Oh yeah," Maria grinned. "So how did it go? Did you talk to him?"
"It went..." Liz smiled. Then her face fell. "Why won't he kiss me?"
"Wow!" Maria nodded. "That well, huh? Why am I not surprised? You know what, Liz? Take it to him. Be the aggressor for a change and kiss him."
"Do you think it will work?"
"He's a guy, isn't he? What's more, he's a guy head over heels in love with you - those were uh, Rath's exact words, by the way - so if you did that, he'll probably melt on you. Or explode. One way or another, though, he 'will' kiss you."
"I'm not sure. Wait. He said that? Those exact words?"
"He did."
"And that's what Zan told him?"
"I'm not sure that Zan used those words, per se, but I'm sure he told Rath in that round about way of his. So what's this about that old lady? Why did she tell you to follow Zan today?"
"Something about taking the right road to Truthsville and Liarsville."
"Huh?"
"You had to have been there," Liz shrugged. "It's some kind of riddle I think I'm supposed to solve."
"Like, whether Zan's a liar or not? About what?"
"I don't know," Liz sounded frustrated. "Why can't riddles be... I don't know. Easier."
"They are when you already know the answer," Maria shrugged. "And why do I get the feeling that if you add what's going on in our life to what happened in your dream, divide by two, you'll find the truth?"
Liz stopped and looked at Maria thoughtfully.
"Sometimes, Maria, you can be really smart."
"Thanks," Maria smiled. She narrowed her eyes "I think."
* * *
Following Zan without being seen had been rather easy. He didn't seem to have that sixth sense that many people do, warning him that someone was spying on him; at least, he never stopped and looked around to see if he was being followed or something. Liz had been worried that he would lead her into the rather unsavory section of town again, but she was relieved that he never even left the castle. After a number of rather unimportant seeming tasks, Zan ended up at the stables. When Liz slipped inside, she had to duck behind a bale of hay because there were four miserable looking guards inside, apparently waiting for him.
"Are you ready?" Zan asked them, his voice returning to the sullen whine that he had adopted in his early days with Liz.
"Yeah," the guards did not look happy.
"Will this take long?" their sergeant asked. "It's the big feast tonight, when King Azande's going to make some huge announcement. We want to be back by then."
"It's just a short ride into the woods, sergeant," Zan whined. "I've been cooped up in my lessons all week. I just need a bit of fresh air. I need to think. That's all."
"Well, make it quick!" the sergeant ordered.
Liz was shocked that Zan took such abuse from men who were technically subordinate to him.
"I will," Zan confirmed, climbing - awkwardly - into his saddle.
The soldiers mounted their own horses, and followed Zan out through the large doors into the courtyard.
"Great," Liz groaned as she surveyed the stables. There were no other horses. "How am I supposed to follow him? On foot?"
Then it hit her.
"On foot!" she exclaimed.
Liz lifted her skirts and started to run, following the soldiers. She knew where they were going. She knew that by taking some steps at the back of the courtyard, she would cut out a loop that the horses would have to take. She easily beat them to the main gate. She walked through the gates, and sat on the bench that stood to one side of the drawbridge, and waited. At last, she heard the clip clop sound of horses' hooves. Feigning nonchalance, Liz looked up to see Zan with his four guards riding across the bridge.
"Zan!" she exclaimed, hoping she sounded both surprised and pleased to see him.
"Liz," Zan looked startled. His eyes shifted about. "What are you doing here?"
"I just felt a bit... closed in you know? I needed some air. Where are you going?"
"I felt like a ride," he shrugged. "Clear the cobwebs from my mind."
"Sounds great," she beamed. "Can I come?"
"I don't know," he continued to look around. "What if my father saw?"
"I don't care," Liz asserted. "Look, Zan. You're my friend, right? Friends do things like this together. Let me come with you."
"But you have no horse."
"I can ride double with you. You already know I hardly weigh anything."
"All right," he sighed. He sat upright in his saddle and smiled. He then leaned down again and held his hand out to her. "Climb aboard."
Liz smiled. Mission accomplished.
* * *
Whatever notion Liz held about the romance of riding tandem on a horse died that afternoon. Even though Zan held her tight against him, she had never felt more uncomfortable in her life. Riding saddles were not made for two! But, at least she was with Zan, experiencing her first real look at the Antarian countryside. The mood was muted somewhat by the four guards that were always a few paces behind.
"You should be more careful, Zan," Liz looked back at the guards who seemed more interested in their discussion than where they were. "You should bring more guards. What about your safety?"
"No one would dare attack me," Zan laughed. "I am, after all, still royalty."
"Isn't that a little arrogant?"
"Perhaps," he shrugged. "But my father is so afraid of the people rising against the monarchy, like Kivar preaches, there would be rather... brutal reprisals."
"He wouldn't have to worry if he was more..."
"Tolerant?" Zan raised an eyebrow.
"I was going to say human, but maybe the term doesn't fit anyway."
"Are you hungry?" Zan pointed at the small village in the forest clearing ahead. "Perhaps there is an Inn."
"Okay," she smiled. "Is this like, a lunch date?"
"It's certainly lunch," Zan kicked the flanks of the horse to speed him up.
Armed with some bread, cheese, some smoked meat that tasted just like ham, some roast chicken, a bowl full of fruit and a skin of a light, fruity wine, the small party made their way through the forest.
"I thought we were eating," Liz gazed longingly at the basket that the serving girl had packed for them.
"We are," Zan nodded. "But in a place a little more suited to a quiet luncheon."
"Uh huh," Liz smirked. "And can I trust you to behave?"
"Of course," Zan nodded with a sense of solemnity.
"Pity," Liz rolled her eyes.
"Liz!" Zan gasped. He smiled. "Sometimes, you can be positively evil."
"But you love me, right?"
"Right," he smiled. "Right. Ah, here we are."
Liz turned to look at their destination. It was a small glade through which flowed a small, narrow stream. At the far end, the stream was fed by a waterfall over a tall escarpment, the water breaking into large droplets by the time they exploded into the small pool below.
"Oh, Zan," Liz's eyes were wide. "It's beautiful."
"Well," his eyes burned brightly. "Beautiful scenery for beautiful company."
They sat on a patch of light green grass, bathed in warm sunshine while they pulled pieces of food and fed themselves, and one another. The guards, drinking flagons of beer and wrenching slabs of dark meat from a carcass Liz didn't ask about, sat a respectable distance away, so that neither could hear the other's conversation. Although they were never happy with Liz's presence with Zan, they did nothing to separate them.
"I used to come out here when things got too much for me in the palace," Zan looked into here eyes. "Of course, in those days, there was no need for a guard."
"And did you bring any... young ladies?"
"Only you," he smiled.
"Really?"
"Really. Do you think I could lie to you?"
His eyes were locked onto here. There was a kind of molten quality to them. Zan leaned forward, reached his hand out to her face and tuck a loose strand of her long dark hair behind her ear.
"You had a..."
"Hair thing," she smiled.
It was a scene from her dream she had replayed many times. It was almost like a sign. Emboldened by this, Liz decided to act upon Maria's suggestion, and she started to lean toward Zan. When she saw him leaning into her, his eyes closing, she closed her own eyes in anticipation of the long, slow, and extremely fulfilling kiss she knew was just a heartbeat away. This was it, she sighed. There was an explosion of light and a sharp pain on back of her head. Everything faded into dark.
* * *
Good news! You get a new part posted this week after all. See how good I am to you? Well, it's only fair since you guys are all (really) so good to me.

BTW - it was only a warning that I MIGHT not be able to post as often. I'll do my best! Honest!
Well, as always, a big thank you for leaving me feedback. And there have been a number of great thoughts, hopes and guesses coming out, some I even wish I had thought of myself!

Little_Miss_Roswell - Well, Liz is hardly the strong warrioress type, now, is she? Still, stranger things have happened.

AJK001 - Well, you know me. Can't go too long without them and if I do, make up for lost time with doozies!

mezz - Meanie? Me? Mwuah Hah hah!


roswellluver -


Smac - No, Max never said that he wanted Liz in the same way, though he did say he would like to make her dreams come true. Yes, Ava is very interesting.
g7silvers -


Butterflies - Cruel, meanie - sigh, I am Soo misunderstood!

LTL - Hmmmm... me certain me remembers a certain scene where certain queen was paying certain suspicious man!

Alma - You seem to know me so well!


frenchkiss70 - What? No! Course not!


I am a dreamer - Sorry about your loss of sleep. I'm told catching up on my fics does that to you.


aurorasky - What? You don;t think Liz's cold shoulder was what it seemed?

BehrObsession - Remember that there is more than one plot going on here. It's not just Kivar with machinations at work.

youre my dreamgirl - Well thank you, Ma'am.


NorafanofMaxandLiz - I promise to try to get back and update aa time will allow!


mareli - Yup. You may.


BelevnDreamsToo - I could tell you all that... but I would be lying.


Teresa - Okay,

Roswelllostcause -




smokie - Well, if it's any consolation, Liz will soon be far removed from all the plotting.


SarahWhitman -

Windmills Of Your Mind
Dusty Springfield
Round, like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel.
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carrousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of it's own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream.
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle your head
Why did summer go so quickly
Was it something that I said
Lovers walking along the shore,
Leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And a fragment of this song
Half remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning,
On an ever spinning wheel
As the images unwind
Like the circle that you find
In the windmills of your mind
Part 21
Liz had never truly understood what was meant when they said that everything moved in slow motion, until that very moment. Her thoughts seemed normal but the knife seemed to take forever as the deadly blade arced toward her heart. Her thoughts were of one thing. She would die and Zan would believe that she did so still hating him. Why had she been so cold toward him? Liz closed her eyes and tightened her body against the blow. She just knew that the impact would hurt - if only for a little while. A tear dropped from the corner of her eye.
The blow never landed. She heard the clatter of steel against stone, followed by a muffled grunt, a thud and the sound of something sliding. Liz opened her eyes to see her would be assassin in a heap against the wall, unconscious. Standing next to her was a woman - at least, what appeared to be a woman, dressed as she was in a long, black cloak. Her face was hidden in the shadows of her hood.
"Are you all right, child?" the older voice asked in a calm, steady voice, as though nothing had happened at all.
"Uh," Liz's body started shaking. Her breathing started to speed up as her heart pounded loudly in her chest. The walls started to sway. "No. No, I don't think so."
"Come," the woman wrapped her arm around Liz and led her to a small alcove. "Sit," she indicated a small stone bench.
Liz did as she was ordered but it was some time before she managed to gain control of her own body.
"Who..." she finally managed to gasp. "Why did... that... man t... try to k... kill me?" She couldn't help her wavering voice.
"Because you pose a threat to someone's plans," the old woman shrugged, as though it meant nothing. "I told you that you should go home."
"I would if I could," Liz groaned. She started to cry. "Oh, god! I miss my dad. And my mom. And Alex. I want Max!"
"Then why do you stay?"
"Because... because we can't go," Liz controlled her sudden bout of sobbing. "Not just yet."
"No," the woman shook her hood. "Not until you've completed your journey."
"What journey?" Liz frowned.
"The one that led you to follow Zan to that place," she smiled.
"How do you know about that?"
"I know about everything," she chuckled.
"Like who just tried to kill me?"
"I have my suspicions. The important thing is that I was nearby to prevent it."
"And why were you nearby?" Liz narrowed her eyes.
"I seem to have a knack of being in the right place at the right time." She glanced at the heap. "Although to some, it's the wrong place at the wrong time. Nevertheless, where you are concerned, it's the former."
"You've been spying on me?" Liz accused.
"If I was," her voice laughed, "then it's lucky for you. Now, have you calmed yourself down? Are you well enough to attend your lessons?"
"I... I think so," Liz nodded.
"Then come," the old woman rose, and helped Liz to stand, taking much of her weight against her own body. "I will walk with you. In case I need to persuade you to finish what you started."
"What have I started?" Liz looked confused.
"Many things," the woman shrugged. "All of them incomplete."
"Do you have to talk in riddles?" Liz demanded.
"Riddles you say?" the woman laughed. "If you think these are my riddles, pray you never hear my real ones. Say you are on your way to a town in which everyone tells the truth, which lies next to one where everyone tells lies. Now, you come to a fork in the road, and you don't know which road to take. One road leads to Truthsville and the other to Liarsville. A young girl from one of the towns is playing at the fork, and you can only ask her one question. What would you ask her to find the right road?"
"What does this have to do with anything?"
"Now, that's a riddle."
"If all you're going to do is laugh at me," Liz tried to pull herself free.
"Am I laughing at you? No, child. I'm not that shallow."
"So why don't you answer my questions?"
"Who says that I'm not?"
"I do!" Liz snapped. "Just tell me what I have started."
"I've already told you. Many things."
"Can't you be more specific?" Liz groaned, shaking her head.
"More specific," the woman mumbled. She reached a thin, pale hand into the shadow of her hood. "For a start, you have started two journeys. One long and one short. Yours and Zan's. Now your journey is long and complicated. It has many twists and forks. You must decide if you are going to Truthsville or to Liarsville. Zan's, on the other hand, is short and simple. It has always been so. He will see his journey to its end. What happens then is up to you. Which direction will you take when Zan's journey is complete?"
Liz opened her mouth to speak, but the woman raised her hand.
"You wish more specific help? Very well. Zan is feeling... boxed in. Partly, he is confused by your attitude toward him. There are other reasons, too. Perhaps he might tell you. He plans to take a ride in the forest behind the Castle Z'ndrina. You should join him, though do not advertise this fact. Surprise him. You might find something that will help you decide which road to take; though it might not be the one you want. Ah, here we are. Your room."
"Are you some kind of wise woman?" Liz narrowed her eyes again. She turned to look in the classroom. "'Cause I gotta say. None of what you just said sounded very wise to me."
"But it made you forget your ordeal," the woman laughed. "I am not so old that I don't remember that strong, masculine arms are much better for calming young women than frail female ones. Words suffice for only a short while."
"So what was the question, again?" Liz turned, but the woman was gone.
* * *
"Oy, you!" Maria called out to Rath whom she caught walking along a corridor. "I've been looking for you."
"I was not aware of that fact," Rath looked around, as if searching for an escape route.
"So I haven't seen you in a while," Maria shrugged.
"Is that a good thing?" Rath's eyes narrowed.
"Perhaps," Maria rolled hers. "You do know that we're kinda counting on you to keep lines of communication open between Liz and Zan, right? Unofficially, of course."
"I was under the impression that Lady Elizabeth did not wish any contact with Zan at all. Officially or otherwise. She has been doing her level best to maintain her distance from him. I thought you wished the same between us."
"Liz is a little more sensitive than me," Maria smirked. "She takes things personally. Little things upset her. Like, let's say, oh..." she shrugged, "like seeing someone she's rather fond of visiting a brothel."
Rath's eyes widened with surprise.
"Yes," Maria nodded. "We spotted you the other day and followed you."
"Oh," Rath hunched his shoulders, showing little sign of embarrassment. "That explains a lot."
"It does, huh?" Maria stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop. "Does it explain what you were doing there?"
Rath started to chuckle.
"Two young men, a pocket full of gold and a house full of women who sell their virtues cheap. Want me to paint you a picture?"
"Okay," Maria shook her head. "That explains the what. But what about the why?"
"Why?" Rath looked surprised. "Don't the men from your country get... urges?"
"They do," Maria nodded. "But not all of them run to a cat house when they do."
"But some do?"
"Okay," Maria conceded. "But why Zan? Why does he need to run to one and such a cheap one at that?"
"Whether with gold or power, Zan will end up paying for it. And that particular one is the only place where the women are more interested in his money than who he is. Women don't exactly line up... rather, they didn't. Before..."
"Yeah, but..."
"Look, ever since Elizabeth... and he... well... his needs..."
Ah," Maria nodded tactfully. "I see."
"And he doubts that Elizabeth is the sort of lady who would..."
"Relieve the urges she's helped create?" Maria's eyes widened. "He's got that straight."
"If he's horny, I bet she is too. I told him to just go for it, you know? But you know Zan."
"You told him what?" Maria punched his arm. "I can't believe you told him to do that."
"What?" Rath complained, rubbing his arm. "He's head over heels in love with her and I don't doubt that she feels the same. It would cause a lot less stress all around if the horn dogs just did it."
"You're such a... a guy!" Maria stormed towards their apartment.
"I'll take that as a compliment, shall I?" Rath shouted at her back.
* * *
Liz was a little surprised, a little shocked, and whole lot disappointed to find the classroom empty when she entered it. Zan should have been here. A wave of anxiety swept over her. Had she been the only one to have been attacked? Had someone attacked Zan too, but had succeeded? Not fully recovered from the shock of her earlier ordeal, Liz froze. Her body started to shake again as her heart rate sped up. She felt very alone and vulnerable as every shadow hid a potential murderer. Liz was on the verge of full blown panic.
"Lady Elizabeth?" a deep, warm voice called from behind her. "Are you all right?"
"Zan!" Liz exclaimed.
She spun around to face him: to confirm that it really was him. Filled with a sudden and immense sense of relief, Liz launched herself at Zan, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling herself against his comforting body.
"What is it?" his voice was filled with concern. Zan's arms surrounded Liz, enveloping her within his shield. One hand on the small of her back, pulled her to him. The other held the back of her head, just above the nape of her neck. "Whatever is the matter?"
"Nothing," she sighed, feeling so very warm and secure. "It's just..." Liz couldn't help it. At that moment, she felt so... loved, that the dam burst its banks and she collapsed into a bout of hysterical crying.
With no hesitation, Zan lifted Liz into his arms as easily as he would a small doll, and left the classroom, taking his precious bundle with him.
* * *
The feeling was so pleasant, Liz did not want to recover from her bout of crying and give Zan a reason to let go of her. Call her selfish but she loved the sensations that his arms holding her made her feel. Sensations that she had never felt before, not even with Kyle. Only in her dream had she felt so... cherished. And the beauty of it all was that Zan showed no sign of wanting her to recover, either. As though he did not want Liz to have a reason to break their embrace. But... Liz understood that all good things had to end and she knew that Zan deserved some sort of explanation. For both why she was like this, and for her earlier treatment of him. It was then that she realized that she was in a room she had not seen before, and that she was sitting on Zan's lap... on a bed.
"Where are we?" she managed at last, once she had gained control of her speech.
"I, uh..." Zan was blushing. "I thought it would be better to bring you somewhere... where my father couldn't..." He started to try to untangle himself from her, to separate them. "I'm sorry."
Liz responded by holding him tight, resisting his attempts to release her.
"So..." she swallowed. "So we're in your room?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"On your... bed?"
Zan continued to nod.
"It's okay," she soothed. "Thank you."
"For what?" Zan frowned.
"For caring," Liz shrugged. "I don't know. This. For treating me like a friend when I've been... you know." Liz suddenly gasped. "Your lesson! You'll be late!"
"We, uh, already missed it," Zan gave a soft chuckle.
"Have we been here that long?" Liz's eyes widened. "I'm sorry."
"It seemed appropriate," she felt him shrug. "You seemed so... upset. I hope it was nothing I had done."
"No, uhm... Sorry about this."
"No need for apologies, Lady Elizabeth. Would you like to talk about it?"
"Can you, uh..." Liz played with her fingers. "You can call me Liz, again. If you want to, that is. Like you used to."
"Of course," he smiled. "Liz."
"Will you get into trouble? For missing your lesson, I mean?"
"No more than usual," Zan laughed. "Although I dread to think what my father will do if he learns that you and I were alone in my chamber."
"Maybe," Liz looked downward but raised her eyes. "Maybe we should take steps to prevent your father from wanting to marry me."
Zan blinked.
"Forget it," Liz tried to shrug it off.
"As much as I would like to... uh... with you... Liz. I couldn't. Not when you so desperately want to return home. And as for my father, well, I will do whatever I can to find the, uh... Granolith, so that you and Maria can..." his voice fell. "Leave."
"Do you want me to leave, Zan?"
"No," Zan shook his head. "I wish that you could stay here, that we could run away somewhere, a different country perhaps, where no one knows who I am, and we could get married and... But that can never happen. Not while you still desire to return to your home, if only for a visit."
"Maybe I..."
"No," Zan shook his head. "You will wake up one day and blame me for being the reason you never see your family, your friends. Slowly that blame will turn to hate... and eventually... No, Liz. I will help you to go home, though it breaks my heart to do so. That way, I will forever be a little part of your heart, as you will be part of mine."
"Soul mates," Liz whispered, leaning her forehead against Zan's.
"Always," he reached his finger up and touched her lips.
Liz kissed his fingertip and looked into his eyes.
"So," Zan coughed and looked away, breaking the spell. "Will you tell me the reason for your distress?"
Liz really felt like hitting Zan at that moment.
* * *
"Whoa!" Maria stared at Liz in surprise. "Slow down, Liz. Since when do you eat your breakfast like a pig at a trough?"
"Since I really have to keep an eye on Zan today."
"What do you mean? I thought today was, like, holy day? You know. Their version of Sunday. Does Zan have lessons on Sundays?"
"No," Liz shook her head taking another huge bite of her toast. "Shmppme hmoweled ee uhhm fummmow imm uh-mmhay."
"Tell me you didn't just talk with your mouth full," Maria laughed.
"Sorry," Liz forced the swallow down with a gulp of milk. "She told me to follow him today."
"Who did?" Maria frowned.
"Remember that old lady? The one I bumped into that first time we met the king and she warned me about following Zan's doom or something? Well, I, uh... bumped into her again yesterday." Liz had neglected to inform Maria about the attempt on her life. By the time she had finally left Zan's room, she had calmed down. Rather, Zan's presence, and his warm arms had calmed her down. She had wisely decided to keep her attack a secret from her drama queen friend. "On the way to lessons."
"Oh yeah," Maria grinned. "So how did it go? Did you talk to him?"
"It went..." Liz smiled. Then her face fell. "Why won't he kiss me?"
"Wow!" Maria nodded. "That well, huh? Why am I not surprised? You know what, Liz? Take it to him. Be the aggressor for a change and kiss him."
"Do you think it will work?"
"He's a guy, isn't he? What's more, he's a guy head over heels in love with you - those were uh, Rath's exact words, by the way - so if you did that, he'll probably melt on you. Or explode. One way or another, though, he 'will' kiss you."
"I'm not sure. Wait. He said that? Those exact words?"
"He did."
"And that's what Zan told him?"
"I'm not sure that Zan used those words, per se, but I'm sure he told Rath in that round about way of his. So what's this about that old lady? Why did she tell you to follow Zan today?"
"Something about taking the right road to Truthsville and Liarsville."
"Huh?"
"You had to have been there," Liz shrugged. "It's some kind of riddle I think I'm supposed to solve."
"Like, whether Zan's a liar or not? About what?"
"I don't know," Liz sounded frustrated. "Why can't riddles be... I don't know. Easier."
"They are when you already know the answer," Maria shrugged. "And why do I get the feeling that if you add what's going on in our life to what happened in your dream, divide by two, you'll find the truth?"
Liz stopped and looked at Maria thoughtfully.
"Sometimes, Maria, you can be really smart."
"Thanks," Maria smiled. She narrowed her eyes "I think."
* * *
Following Zan without being seen had been rather easy. He didn't seem to have that sixth sense that many people do, warning him that someone was spying on him; at least, he never stopped and looked around to see if he was being followed or something. Liz had been worried that he would lead her into the rather unsavory section of town again, but she was relieved that he never even left the castle. After a number of rather unimportant seeming tasks, Zan ended up at the stables. When Liz slipped inside, she had to duck behind a bale of hay because there were four miserable looking guards inside, apparently waiting for him.
"Are you ready?" Zan asked them, his voice returning to the sullen whine that he had adopted in his early days with Liz.
"Yeah," the guards did not look happy.
"Will this take long?" their sergeant asked. "It's the big feast tonight, when King Azande's going to make some huge announcement. We want to be back by then."
"It's just a short ride into the woods, sergeant," Zan whined. "I've been cooped up in my lessons all week. I just need a bit of fresh air. I need to think. That's all."
"Well, make it quick!" the sergeant ordered.
Liz was shocked that Zan took such abuse from men who were technically subordinate to him.
"I will," Zan confirmed, climbing - awkwardly - into his saddle.
The soldiers mounted their own horses, and followed Zan out through the large doors into the courtyard.
"Great," Liz groaned as she surveyed the stables. There were no other horses. "How am I supposed to follow him? On foot?"
Then it hit her.
"On foot!" she exclaimed.
Liz lifted her skirts and started to run, following the soldiers. She knew where they were going. She knew that by taking some steps at the back of the courtyard, she would cut out a loop that the horses would have to take. She easily beat them to the main gate. She walked through the gates, and sat on the bench that stood to one side of the drawbridge, and waited. At last, she heard the clip clop sound of horses' hooves. Feigning nonchalance, Liz looked up to see Zan with his four guards riding across the bridge.
"Zan!" she exclaimed, hoping she sounded both surprised and pleased to see him.
"Liz," Zan looked startled. His eyes shifted about. "What are you doing here?"
"I just felt a bit... closed in you know? I needed some air. Where are you going?"
"I felt like a ride," he shrugged. "Clear the cobwebs from my mind."
"Sounds great," she beamed. "Can I come?"
"I don't know," he continued to look around. "What if my father saw?"
"I don't care," Liz asserted. "Look, Zan. You're my friend, right? Friends do things like this together. Let me come with you."
"But you have no horse."
"I can ride double with you. You already know I hardly weigh anything."
"All right," he sighed. He sat upright in his saddle and smiled. He then leaned down again and held his hand out to her. "Climb aboard."
Liz smiled. Mission accomplished.
* * *
Whatever notion Liz held about the romance of riding tandem on a horse died that afternoon. Even though Zan held her tight against him, she had never felt more uncomfortable in her life. Riding saddles were not made for two! But, at least she was with Zan, experiencing her first real look at the Antarian countryside. The mood was muted somewhat by the four guards that were always a few paces behind.
"You should be more careful, Zan," Liz looked back at the guards who seemed more interested in their discussion than where they were. "You should bring more guards. What about your safety?"
"No one would dare attack me," Zan laughed. "I am, after all, still royalty."
"Isn't that a little arrogant?"
"Perhaps," he shrugged. "But my father is so afraid of the people rising against the monarchy, like Kivar preaches, there would be rather... brutal reprisals."
"He wouldn't have to worry if he was more..."
"Tolerant?" Zan raised an eyebrow.
"I was going to say human, but maybe the term doesn't fit anyway."
"Are you hungry?" Zan pointed at the small village in the forest clearing ahead. "Perhaps there is an Inn."
"Okay," she smiled. "Is this like, a lunch date?"
"It's certainly lunch," Zan kicked the flanks of the horse to speed him up.
Armed with some bread, cheese, some smoked meat that tasted just like ham, some roast chicken, a bowl full of fruit and a skin of a light, fruity wine, the small party made their way through the forest.
"I thought we were eating," Liz gazed longingly at the basket that the serving girl had packed for them.
"We are," Zan nodded. "But in a place a little more suited to a quiet luncheon."
"Uh huh," Liz smirked. "And can I trust you to behave?"
"Of course," Zan nodded with a sense of solemnity.
"Pity," Liz rolled her eyes.
"Liz!" Zan gasped. He smiled. "Sometimes, you can be positively evil."
"But you love me, right?"
"Right," he smiled. "Right. Ah, here we are."
Liz turned to look at their destination. It was a small glade through which flowed a small, narrow stream. At the far end, the stream was fed by a waterfall over a tall escarpment, the water breaking into large droplets by the time they exploded into the small pool below.
"Oh, Zan," Liz's eyes were wide. "It's beautiful."
"Well," his eyes burned brightly. "Beautiful scenery for beautiful company."
They sat on a patch of light green grass, bathed in warm sunshine while they pulled pieces of food and fed themselves, and one another. The guards, drinking flagons of beer and wrenching slabs of dark meat from a carcass Liz didn't ask about, sat a respectable distance away, so that neither could hear the other's conversation. Although they were never happy with Liz's presence with Zan, they did nothing to separate them.
"I used to come out here when things got too much for me in the palace," Zan looked into here eyes. "Of course, in those days, there was no need for a guard."
"And did you bring any... young ladies?"
"Only you," he smiled.
"Really?"
"Really. Do you think I could lie to you?"
His eyes were locked onto here. There was a kind of molten quality to them. Zan leaned forward, reached his hand out to her face and tuck a loose strand of her long dark hair behind her ear.
"You had a..."
"Hair thing," she smiled.
It was a scene from her dream she had replayed many times. It was almost like a sign. Emboldened by this, Liz decided to act upon Maria's suggestion, and she started to lean toward Zan. When she saw him leaning into her, his eyes closing, she closed her own eyes in anticipation of the long, slow, and extremely fulfilling kiss she knew was just a heartbeat away. This was it, she sighed. There was an explosion of light and a sharp pain on back of her head. Everything faded into dark.
* * *