~Liz~
“I know…I love you too…”
He loves me too…I hear the words but the question is what that actually means… Love can mean many different things…love of a sister…or of a friend… We’ve been through a lot together so maybe it’s natural… I chew on the inside of my lip nervously and wait, seeing that there is more that he wants to say.
“I’ll never love anyone the way I love you…never…”
His words leave me in no doubt as to his meaning though…although the question of where it leaves us still remains of course.
This situation is never going to be simple or easy…I know this… But I also know that I have to ask. I have to know if there truly is a chance. Looking up at him again I swallow and take a breath, trying to find the words I need. “So where does this leave us Max…?” I ask softly.
I don’t have to ask to know that Tess is going to feature significantly in his life from now on…she’s having his child… I don’t want to think about that, but I know that I have to…if I really think that we can make this work, I have to accept that…and even more, I have to face the fact that she will be a part of my life too…she and the baby… I’m saying that I’m willing to face that, but in the end, the final decision lies with Max…
A Baby Story (AU, ?C Teen) *Need Kyle, Isabel, Michael*
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, Forum Moderators
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KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
*MAX*
"Nowhere," I say, sadly, shaking my head, and looking away. I've tried to put myself in Liz's place. How would I feel if she were pregnant with - say - Kyle's baby. I'm thinking I would still love her. That I'd still be with her, and love her and her child, if she still wanted me. But that's all theory and this is real life. Liz has every reason to leave. She'd been telling me to go to Tess for almost a year, even if she does say she still loves me...
"I still dream about being with you. I wish it could be that way but I know it's not to be. It wouldn't be fair to even ask you, not when I have a baby with her." It wouldn't be fair to Tess, either. She'd been raised her whole life believing that she and I were supposed to have a family together. It's the world to her. How could I take that away? I could never hurt this baby, either. The child is an innocent. It shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes.
With an effort, I raise my eyes to meet Liz's again. My heart is already broken, yet it seems the hurt just keeps getting deeper. I wonder if it will ever end. "And I can't walk away from this, from my baby. I only hope you and I can still be friends, although I'd understand completely, if you said you couldn't do that."
"Nowhere," I say, sadly, shaking my head, and looking away. I've tried to put myself in Liz's place. How would I feel if she were pregnant with - say - Kyle's baby. I'm thinking I would still love her. That I'd still be with her, and love her and her child, if she still wanted me. But that's all theory and this is real life. Liz has every reason to leave. She'd been telling me to go to Tess for almost a year, even if she does say she still loves me...
"I still dream about being with you. I wish it could be that way but I know it's not to be. It wouldn't be fair to even ask you, not when I have a baby with her." It wouldn't be fair to Tess, either. She'd been raised her whole life believing that she and I were supposed to have a family together. It's the world to her. How could I take that away? I could never hurt this baby, either. The child is an innocent. It shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes.
With an effort, I raise my eyes to meet Liz's again. My heart is already broken, yet it seems the hurt just keeps getting deeper. I wonder if it will ever end. "And I can't walk away from this, from my baby. I only hope you and I can still be friends, although I'd understand completely, if you said you couldn't do that."
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KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
OOC: OK Isabelle, usually I'd wait to show you this before I posted but since I know I'm unlikely to see you until tomorrow night I thought I'd post it anyway. If there's something you want me to change feel free to say but I hope it'll work for you.
~Liz~
“Nowhere…”
He shakes his head and looks away and I feel as though my heart is breaking. Reason says that I should agree, but I wanted so much to hear him say something different… Even after everything I know that he’s the only one I will ever love like this. If this is what he wants, then I’ll try and move on, but it will never be the same.
Max breaks me out of these contemplations as I realise he has more to say.
“I still dream about being with you. I wish it could be that way, but I know it’s not to be. It wouldn’t be fair to even ask you, not when I have a baby with her…”
The thing is that he’s not asking me… The way he’s talking I’m still not sure what the situation is with Tess… He says he doesn’t love her as he loves me, but what about Tess…? I can’t help thinking that she didn’t look that happy either… She and Kyle have been getting pretty close recently…she seemed to have given up on ‘destiny’…
Before I can say anything more, Max looks up at me. “…and I can’t walk away from this, from my baby. I only hope that you and I can still be friends, although I’d understand completely if you said you couldn’t do that…”
Maybe I should just accept this…take what he’s offering and run, but something that he said earlier means that I know I can’t…I have to push ahead and ask the question that’s preying on my mind. Hesitantly, I reach out to touch his hand. “I understand what you’re saying Max…and if that really is what you want, well I guess that’s what we’ll do, but I have a question I need to ask first, because I’ve been thinking about this so much, and I’ve come to s-some conclusions…” I pause a moment and see him nod for me to continue. Taking a deep breath, I take the plunge. “W-what if I said I’m not asking you to walk away from this…I know that you’d never do that… W-what if I said I was willing to be with you through this…to have as much or as little to do with the baby as you and Tess wanted…?” I shake my head, sure that this isn’t coming out the way I wanted it to. “You see Max, I realised something last night…after a lot of crying and distress…I realised that even despite everything, I’m never going to love someone as I do you… Whether we’re together or not, my heart belongs to you and I can’t see that ever changing… I-if you w-want to be with Tess, well obviously what I’m saying doesn’t matter, but if you say you don’t love her...not really…doesn’t she deserve the chance to find someone that does…?”
I’m not just saying that to try and get what I want…I truly believe it… If say Sean got me pregnant…not that that would happen of course, but just say it did…I wouldn’t want to be with him just because of that… If I loved him, and he loved me, sure…but I don’t, and he doesn’t’… I would want him to be a part of the child’s life…to help me through the pregnany even, but be with him…? No… It wouldn’t be easy with a child, but I would rather take the chance that I would meet someone who accepted that fact, who loved me, and I loved back. If what Max says is true, Tess deserves more than that… I know that sounds crazy because I’ve basically always said I hate her, but I’m trying really hard to put myself in her position and this is what I’m coming up with… When Isabel and Michael had the scare, they hadn’t immediately decided they would be together…Alex had stuck by Isabel, and although Michael had brushed Maria off at first, I don’t think it would have lasted… You see in any relationship the thing I see as being most important is the fact that love exists on both sides…
I’m more than scared to hear how Max will respond, but I force myself to look up at him, waiting for his response…waiting for the words which, either way, are going to change my life…
~Liz~
“Nowhere…”
He shakes his head and looks away and I feel as though my heart is breaking. Reason says that I should agree, but I wanted so much to hear him say something different… Even after everything I know that he’s the only one I will ever love like this. If this is what he wants, then I’ll try and move on, but it will never be the same.
Max breaks me out of these contemplations as I realise he has more to say.
“I still dream about being with you. I wish it could be that way, but I know it’s not to be. It wouldn’t be fair to even ask you, not when I have a baby with her…”
The thing is that he’s not asking me… The way he’s talking I’m still not sure what the situation is with Tess… He says he doesn’t love her as he loves me, but what about Tess…? I can’t help thinking that she didn’t look that happy either… She and Kyle have been getting pretty close recently…she seemed to have given up on ‘destiny’…
Before I can say anything more, Max looks up at me. “…and I can’t walk away from this, from my baby. I only hope that you and I can still be friends, although I’d understand completely if you said you couldn’t do that…”
Maybe I should just accept this…take what he’s offering and run, but something that he said earlier means that I know I can’t…I have to push ahead and ask the question that’s preying on my mind. Hesitantly, I reach out to touch his hand. “I understand what you’re saying Max…and if that really is what you want, well I guess that’s what we’ll do, but I have a question I need to ask first, because I’ve been thinking about this so much, and I’ve come to s-some conclusions…” I pause a moment and see him nod for me to continue. Taking a deep breath, I take the plunge. “W-what if I said I’m not asking you to walk away from this…I know that you’d never do that… W-what if I said I was willing to be with you through this…to have as much or as little to do with the baby as you and Tess wanted…?” I shake my head, sure that this isn’t coming out the way I wanted it to. “You see Max, I realised something last night…after a lot of crying and distress…I realised that even despite everything, I’m never going to love someone as I do you… Whether we’re together or not, my heart belongs to you and I can’t see that ever changing… I-if you w-want to be with Tess, well obviously what I’m saying doesn’t matter, but if you say you don’t love her...not really…doesn’t she deserve the chance to find someone that does…?”
I’m not just saying that to try and get what I want…I truly believe it… If say Sean got me pregnant…not that that would happen of course, but just say it did…I wouldn’t want to be with him just because of that… If I loved him, and he loved me, sure…but I don’t, and he doesn’t’… I would want him to be a part of the child’s life…to help me through the pregnany even, but be with him…? No… It wouldn’t be easy with a child, but I would rather take the chance that I would meet someone who accepted that fact, who loved me, and I loved back. If what Max says is true, Tess deserves more than that… I know that sounds crazy because I’ve basically always said I hate her, but I’m trying really hard to put myself in her position and this is what I’m coming up with… When Isabel and Michael had the scare, they hadn’t immediately decided they would be together…Alex had stuck by Isabel, and although Michael had brushed Maria off at first, I don’t think it would have lasted… You see in any relationship the thing I see as being most important is the fact that love exists on both sides…
I’m more than scared to hear how Max will respond, but I force myself to look up at him, waiting for his response…waiting for the words which, either way, are going to change my life…
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
*Max*
’…If that’s what you want…’ she says and I feel myself crushed under the words. What I want isn’t part of this. It’s not about me. It’s about the baby and Tess, and Liz, too. It’s about Isabel and Michael. Ever since we came out of the pods, it’s been about the group. Keeping everyone safe. Not about what I wanted. For a little while, that was different. For a little while, I dated Liz and I had what I wanted, but that couldn’t last. Now, I do what I have to do and what I want has nothing to do with it. I have to protect this baby, and Tess and Michael and Isabel. I don’t really remember much about being a king – only a few flashes that Tess has shown me – but this feeling is familiar. I know I’ve been torn between duty and desire before, but the answer is the same. The needs of my people, my family, always come first. My wants come last. Or not at all.
W-what if I said I was willing to be with you through this…to have as much or as little to do with the baby as you and Tess wanted…?” she asks.
I look up into her eyes, more stunned than I can say. She’d stay with me, even through all that? Am I hearing her right? I stare at her, unsure, and amazed, my eyes wide, my mouth open in surprise as the corners start to slide upwards. I’m almost beaming, I know. I want to hold her close and promise to never leave her again. It’s everything I want. Everything I didn’t even dare to hope for. That she would even offer such a thing, after all this. It only makes me love her so very much more.
Unfortunately, it’s too late. What I want doesn’t matter anymore. I have to look after the baby and Tess. Still, just hearing the words is like magic. I don’t even move as I watch her, barely hearing the rest of her words as I fight to freeze the moment, not letting reality intrude enough to change my face. I never want to forget this moment, this feeling – a dream that almost came true.
She mentions Tess again and I try not to hear her. I don’t want this to end. But I hear it anyway. “I-if you w-want to be with Tess, well obviously what I’m saying doesn’t matter, but if you say you don’t love her...not really…doesn’t she deserve the chance to find someone that does…?”
I shake my head as that moment of elation fades and reality comes crashing in. “If I could be with you, it would be a dream come true. I can’t tell you how much I want that. To be with you is all I’ve ever wanted – to have a family with you, although not quite this soon...”
I take a deep breath, not breaking my gaze from Liz’s face. She looks like she’s about to speak, but I shake my head and she stills. What was that she said about Tess finding someone-else? Could it be possible that being with me will end up preventing her from finding what she needs? Could it be this course will hurt all three of us? No. I quickly dismiss the thought as wishful thinking. Tess has been completely clear from the start about what she wants and now she’s getting it.
I briefly touch Liz on the cheek, taking in the warmth and softness of her skin, wondering if it will be the last time. “I’ll always remember this moment,” I tell her. She captures my hand with her own, holding it against her face as I talk. “I want to be with you, too. I’ll never, never, stop loving you. But this isn’t about what I want. This baby needs us. I have to – I have to –” I swallow hard, trying to keep from breaking down. It’s not that Tess is a bad person, although there was a time we thought she might be. I care for her and I’ll find a way to do it. I know I will. But she’s not Liz. I’ll never love her the way I love Liz. I know that as a fact.
With a sigh, I look away. “Maybe you were right all along. It’s destiny…”
.
’…If that’s what you want…’ she says and I feel myself crushed under the words. What I want isn’t part of this. It’s not about me. It’s about the baby and Tess, and Liz, too. It’s about Isabel and Michael. Ever since we came out of the pods, it’s been about the group. Keeping everyone safe. Not about what I wanted. For a little while, that was different. For a little while, I dated Liz and I had what I wanted, but that couldn’t last. Now, I do what I have to do and what I want has nothing to do with it. I have to protect this baby, and Tess and Michael and Isabel. I don’t really remember much about being a king – only a few flashes that Tess has shown me – but this feeling is familiar. I know I’ve been torn between duty and desire before, but the answer is the same. The needs of my people, my family, always come first. My wants come last. Or not at all.
W-what if I said I was willing to be with you through this…to have as much or as little to do with the baby as you and Tess wanted…?” she asks.
I look up into her eyes, more stunned than I can say. She’d stay with me, even through all that? Am I hearing her right? I stare at her, unsure, and amazed, my eyes wide, my mouth open in surprise as the corners start to slide upwards. I’m almost beaming, I know. I want to hold her close and promise to never leave her again. It’s everything I want. Everything I didn’t even dare to hope for. That she would even offer such a thing, after all this. It only makes me love her so very much more.
Unfortunately, it’s too late. What I want doesn’t matter anymore. I have to look after the baby and Tess. Still, just hearing the words is like magic. I don’t even move as I watch her, barely hearing the rest of her words as I fight to freeze the moment, not letting reality intrude enough to change my face. I never want to forget this moment, this feeling – a dream that almost came true.
She mentions Tess again and I try not to hear her. I don’t want this to end. But I hear it anyway. “I-if you w-want to be with Tess, well obviously what I’m saying doesn’t matter, but if you say you don’t love her...not really…doesn’t she deserve the chance to find someone that does…?”
I shake my head as that moment of elation fades and reality comes crashing in. “If I could be with you, it would be a dream come true. I can’t tell you how much I want that. To be with you is all I’ve ever wanted – to have a family with you, although not quite this soon...”
I take a deep breath, not breaking my gaze from Liz’s face. She looks like she’s about to speak, but I shake my head and she stills. What was that she said about Tess finding someone-else? Could it be possible that being with me will end up preventing her from finding what she needs? Could it be this course will hurt all three of us? No. I quickly dismiss the thought as wishful thinking. Tess has been completely clear from the start about what she wants and now she’s getting it.
I briefly touch Liz on the cheek, taking in the warmth and softness of her skin, wondering if it will be the last time. “I’ll always remember this moment,” I tell her. She captures my hand with her own, holding it against her face as I talk. “I want to be with you, too. I’ll never, never, stop loving you. But this isn’t about what I want. This baby needs us. I have to – I have to –” I swallow hard, trying to keep from breaking down. It’s not that Tess is a bad person, although there was a time we thought she might be. I care for her and I’ll find a way to do it. I know I will. But she’s not Liz. I’ll never love her the way I love Liz. I know that as a fact.
With a sigh, I look away. “Maybe you were right all along. It’s destiny…”
.
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KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
- Location: UK
- Contact:
~Liz~
I can see that Max is stunned by my statement…I’m not surprised. It’s not like I was the most supportive last night… I screamed and yelled…told him I loved him, but then said for him to stay away… At that time I thought it would make it better… I couldn’t imagine having anything to do with this and I just wanted to forget about Max, to move on with my life.
The fact that I’ve come to realise over this time though, however short, is that I can’t do that. I can’t just forget Max, because he’s too important to me to do that. Even after everything that he’s done, everything that we’ve been through… Even after the fact that Tess is always going to be part of his life now…I know one thing, and that is, despite all this, I love him…
He looks at me and I know that he’s trying to work out if he’s really hearing me right. I don’t say anything more, simply nod in response. If he still wants me, I’ll be there with him through this… It won’t be easy, and I know a lot of people are going to ask me what I’m thinking…say that I must be crazy, but I don’t care…what I care about is the fact that my feelings for Max are clear, and if he still feels the same way and wants it, well we’ll find a way through this…
His lips begin to turn upwards and a smile breaks out onto his face. I allow a small glimmer of hope to begin to grow in my heart…
It’s only for a moment though, and it comes crashing down as I see him shaking his head. Although I’ve just asked about Tess, so strictly speaking he could be saying that is what he wants, that he doesn’t want Tess, I somehow just know that that’s not it… Fighting not to break down, I sit and listen to what he has to say.
“If I could be with you, it would be a dream come true. I can’t tell you how much I want that. To be with you is all I’ve ever wanted – to have a family with you, although not quite this soon…”
If he could… I knew he was going to say no. Under any other circumstance I’d laugh at the way he added the last bit, quickly assuring me that he never intended to make me a mother this early even though in essence it was what he wanted… A family with me…A family with Max… The mere thought of it brings a smile inside my head but it doesn’t reach my face for I have heard what he said…If…he’s saying that he can’t…that ‘we’ can never be…
My heart is breaking once more and I want to dispute this, to argue with him, but I see that he hasn’t finished and hold back.
He reaches up and touches my cheek and just for a moment I try to forget everything that has been said…I try to imagine that we’re together as we were the night of my blind date fiasco, or the night we found the orbs… Briefly I wonder what would have happened had Max and I not heard the noise…had we not stopped that night, but I brush it away as inconsequential…I can’t change what happened in the past…
“I’ll always remember this moment…”
Even though I know maybe I shouldn’t, I reach up and take his hand in mine, needing to feel it if only for another brief moment…
“I want to be with you too. I’ll never, never stop loving you. But this isn’t about what I want. This baby needs us. I have to – I have to-“
Max swallows and I can tell that he’s fighting not to break down. I can understand what he’s saying, it’s not that I can’t, but I don’t think this is the only way…
As he regains his balance, he pulls his hand away and I feel as though my heart is being pulled out as he looks away. “Maybe you were right all along. It’s destiny…”
Perhaps I should nod and accept this…this is what I tried to force him into for so long…after the vision at the cave, after FutureMax… I went as far as making him believe that I had lost my virginity to Kyle and this was where it had all led. I had made my bed many would say, but somehow I couldn’t just accept it…not after hearing what Max had said.
Had Max said this was what he wanted, had he not said that he wanted the same as me, maybe I would walk away, but he didn’t say that, and he did tell me he wanted to be with me, so I’ll try once more.
His desperation, the way he seems to believe that there’s no other way, it just doesn’t ring true, and I need to try and make him see there are other options. I look at him. “Max…don’t…you told me yourself, we make our own destiny, we make our own choices…life isn’t laid out before us because it’s affected by every choice we make…We make our choices, we don’t let others make them for us…” I take a moment, gathering my thoughts before continuing. “Now if this is what you and Tess want, well it is what will happen, but only for that reason… Some scientist on a distant planet couldn’t make you do that Max…you’ve said before, you’re not Zan, she’s not Ava…you’re Max and Tess, and yes, she’s having your baby, but that’s not because of who you were before, it’s because of who you are now, and the decisions you made in this lifetime, not your past!”
I shake my head, standing and walking over to the window for a moment before looking back at him. “Being there for Tess doesn’t mean being with her necessarily…parents don’t have to be together to be their for their child Max…
I don’t look at him, but I know he’s probably thinking that I’m saying this to try and get what I want. He’s right to some extent, but it’s nowhere near as simple as that. I look back at him. “Max, I’m not just saying this…I really believe this.” I take a breath realising that I need to voice some of the things that I have thought about. “Maybe this has nothing to do with what is happening with you and Tess, but it’s the closest idea I can come up with so please humour me and listen…” I watch for his nod and then continue. “Sean and I went out when he was here before…I don’t know if you realised that, but it did happen… He tried to kiss me, and I pulled away…I wasn’t ready for anything with anyone other than you and I don’t know if I ever will be, but that’s beside the point and I’m getting off the subject. What if I hadn’t pulled away…? What if I had gone further than you and I had ever gone with him and we had had sex…? What if I had gotten pregnant from that Max…? Are you saying from this I should have married him and stayed with him even though I didn’t love him…?” I look at him a moment, unsure whether I’m getting through but hoping desperately that I am. “I don’t love him, and he doesn’t love me, but would you say we should stay together for the sake of our child…?” I shake my head. “You see Max, I can’t say I agree… I wouldn’t want to be with Sean, and I don’t think in the long run that me being with him would be better for my child… I wouldn’t be happy, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to hide that forever. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t want Sean to be a part of our child’s life, but I am saying I wouldn’t want to give up my life because of that choice we made. Being there for your child, and being together with the father or mother of that child are two completely different things… Personally I would rather Sean were there for our child, and I have a chance later on of finding someone I did love…”
I look down, wondering whether I’ve gone too far but at the same time knowing that I needed to say this. “In the end Max, the decision is yours, and Tess’ even, but if you don’t love her, I personally believe she deserves more…”
I’ve said so much, and I know it might make no difference at all, but it’s been said, and now I have to see what Max says.
I can see that Max is stunned by my statement…I’m not surprised. It’s not like I was the most supportive last night… I screamed and yelled…told him I loved him, but then said for him to stay away… At that time I thought it would make it better… I couldn’t imagine having anything to do with this and I just wanted to forget about Max, to move on with my life.
The fact that I’ve come to realise over this time though, however short, is that I can’t do that. I can’t just forget Max, because he’s too important to me to do that. Even after everything that he’s done, everything that we’ve been through… Even after the fact that Tess is always going to be part of his life now…I know one thing, and that is, despite all this, I love him…
He looks at me and I know that he’s trying to work out if he’s really hearing me right. I don’t say anything more, simply nod in response. If he still wants me, I’ll be there with him through this… It won’t be easy, and I know a lot of people are going to ask me what I’m thinking…say that I must be crazy, but I don’t care…what I care about is the fact that my feelings for Max are clear, and if he still feels the same way and wants it, well we’ll find a way through this…
His lips begin to turn upwards and a smile breaks out onto his face. I allow a small glimmer of hope to begin to grow in my heart…
It’s only for a moment though, and it comes crashing down as I see him shaking his head. Although I’ve just asked about Tess, so strictly speaking he could be saying that is what he wants, that he doesn’t want Tess, I somehow just know that that’s not it… Fighting not to break down, I sit and listen to what he has to say.
“If I could be with you, it would be a dream come true. I can’t tell you how much I want that. To be with you is all I’ve ever wanted – to have a family with you, although not quite this soon…”
If he could… I knew he was going to say no. Under any other circumstance I’d laugh at the way he added the last bit, quickly assuring me that he never intended to make me a mother this early even though in essence it was what he wanted… A family with me…A family with Max… The mere thought of it brings a smile inside my head but it doesn’t reach my face for I have heard what he said…If…he’s saying that he can’t…that ‘we’ can never be…
My heart is breaking once more and I want to dispute this, to argue with him, but I see that he hasn’t finished and hold back.
He reaches up and touches my cheek and just for a moment I try to forget everything that has been said…I try to imagine that we’re together as we were the night of my blind date fiasco, or the night we found the orbs… Briefly I wonder what would have happened had Max and I not heard the noise…had we not stopped that night, but I brush it away as inconsequential…I can’t change what happened in the past…
“I’ll always remember this moment…”
Even though I know maybe I shouldn’t, I reach up and take his hand in mine, needing to feel it if only for another brief moment…
“I want to be with you too. I’ll never, never stop loving you. But this isn’t about what I want. This baby needs us. I have to – I have to-“
Max swallows and I can tell that he’s fighting not to break down. I can understand what he’s saying, it’s not that I can’t, but I don’t think this is the only way…
As he regains his balance, he pulls his hand away and I feel as though my heart is being pulled out as he looks away. “Maybe you were right all along. It’s destiny…”
Perhaps I should nod and accept this…this is what I tried to force him into for so long…after the vision at the cave, after FutureMax… I went as far as making him believe that I had lost my virginity to Kyle and this was where it had all led. I had made my bed many would say, but somehow I couldn’t just accept it…not after hearing what Max had said.
Had Max said this was what he wanted, had he not said that he wanted the same as me, maybe I would walk away, but he didn’t say that, and he did tell me he wanted to be with me, so I’ll try once more.
His desperation, the way he seems to believe that there’s no other way, it just doesn’t ring true, and I need to try and make him see there are other options. I look at him. “Max…don’t…you told me yourself, we make our own destiny, we make our own choices…life isn’t laid out before us because it’s affected by every choice we make…We make our choices, we don’t let others make them for us…” I take a moment, gathering my thoughts before continuing. “Now if this is what you and Tess want, well it is what will happen, but only for that reason… Some scientist on a distant planet couldn’t make you do that Max…you’ve said before, you’re not Zan, she’s not Ava…you’re Max and Tess, and yes, she’s having your baby, but that’s not because of who you were before, it’s because of who you are now, and the decisions you made in this lifetime, not your past!”
I shake my head, standing and walking over to the window for a moment before looking back at him. “Being there for Tess doesn’t mean being with her necessarily…parents don’t have to be together to be their for their child Max…
I don’t look at him, but I know he’s probably thinking that I’m saying this to try and get what I want. He’s right to some extent, but it’s nowhere near as simple as that. I look back at him. “Max, I’m not just saying this…I really believe this.” I take a breath realising that I need to voice some of the things that I have thought about. “Maybe this has nothing to do with what is happening with you and Tess, but it’s the closest idea I can come up with so please humour me and listen…” I watch for his nod and then continue. “Sean and I went out when he was here before…I don’t know if you realised that, but it did happen… He tried to kiss me, and I pulled away…I wasn’t ready for anything with anyone other than you and I don’t know if I ever will be, but that’s beside the point and I’m getting off the subject. What if I hadn’t pulled away…? What if I had gone further than you and I had ever gone with him and we had had sex…? What if I had gotten pregnant from that Max…? Are you saying from this I should have married him and stayed with him even though I didn’t love him…?” I look at him a moment, unsure whether I’m getting through but hoping desperately that I am. “I don’t love him, and he doesn’t love me, but would you say we should stay together for the sake of our child…?” I shake my head. “You see Max, I can’t say I agree… I wouldn’t want to be with Sean, and I don’t think in the long run that me being with him would be better for my child… I wouldn’t be happy, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to hide that forever. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t want Sean to be a part of our child’s life, but I am saying I wouldn’t want to give up my life because of that choice we made. Being there for your child, and being together with the father or mother of that child are two completely different things… Personally I would rather Sean were there for our child, and I have a chance later on of finding someone I did love…”
I look down, wondering whether I’ve gone too far but at the same time knowing that I needed to say this. “In the end Max, the decision is yours, and Tess’ even, but if you don’t love her, I personally believe she deserves more…”
I’ve said so much, and I know it might make no difference at all, but it’s been said, and now I have to see what Max says.
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Sorry I've been so slow in posting. I haven't been feeling well, and I've been having a hard time getting my mind into this RP, although I've really wanted to write for it.
This is a JP with KatnotKath - she wrote the Liz dialogue.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*Max*
I look away from Liz, knowing that I’m looking away from my heart, away from a future that is no longer mine. Somehow, it’s even harder now when she’s being reasonable. Yesterday, I wanted to somehow stop the hurting I caused her. Today, it seems she’s recovered on her own, but what she wants, what I want, isn’t something I can give her.
… Some scientist on a distant planet couldn’t make you do that Max…you’ve said before, you’re not Zan, she’s not Ava…you’re Max and Tess, and yes, she’s having your baby, but that’s not because of who you were before, it’s because of who you are now, and the decisions you made in this lifetime, not your past!” Liz says.
Her words ring true, pressing a new weight on my shoulders. She’s so right. I can’t blame this on destiny. I’m the one who did this. I ruined it all and it has nothing to do with my past. I was crushed by Liz’s continued rejection – by the sight of her with Kyle. I should have trusted my own heart. I should have waited. I don’t fully even understand how it happened, but I know that I’m the one who did it.
Liz has turned away, staring out the window as she continues to talk to me. I realize that she’s talking about Maria’s cousin, Sean. About having a theoretical baby with him. I suck my breath in, feeling as ‘though she’s punched me in the stomach. It was bad enough seeing her with Kyle. Now I have to imagine her with Sean, too? I know she wasn’t with either one of them and I cling to that thought as she goes through her hypothetical example.
”Being there for your child, and being together with the father or mother of that child are two completely different things… In the end Max, the decision is yours, and Tess’ even, but if you don’t love her, I personally believe she deserves more…” she says, never looking at me.
I take two steps towards her, reaching for her shoulder but freezing that way, without touching her, and then I let my hand drop. I love Liz with all my heart. Her solution, to support Tess and the baby, but not be with them, to be with her, sounds far too good to be true. I’d resolved to fulfill my obligation to Tess. I do care for her and our baby. I promised her I’d be with her. Can I break that promise? Can I break her heart like I’ve already broken Liz’s? Like I’ve broken my own? If I knew that this really would be right for Tess, it would be easy. It would be right… But I don’t know if I can make this decision without knowing what she needs. I couldn’t hurt Tess by sneaking around with Liz behind her back, but if she knew we weren’t together except as parents – and she were okay with that …
“Liz…” I say softly. My hand rises again, this time managing to bridge those last few inches to rest on her shoulder. She turns back to me, looking at my face for the first time since she started her speech. My heart melts and it’s hard to remember what I was going to say. Swallowing hard, I manage to control myself. “I just don’t know what to do. I think you’re right. Tess deserves more than to be with someone who’s there because he has to be, not because he wants to be. But I just don’t know if I can. I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused you already but I don’t want to hurt her, too…” I know Liz told me that she wouldn't ask me to abandon Tess and my baby, but I don't want Tess to feel that she's in it alone. She needs to know I'll be there for the baby and that's what I want to do - what I need to do.
"Alright Max...I understand what you're saying... A-and if you need time to think, time to get things straight in your head or time to speak to Tess, then take it... Take as much time as you need, and just know that my offer will still stand.” Liz says. I nod, mutely, hardly believing it. It’s what I wanted. What I didn’t even dare to hope for. And I know that she means what she says about the baby. That she’s going to try to give me and Tess all the space we need to be parents. It’s too amazing for words, but Liz isn’t done.
“I've thought about this a lot Max, and no - this isn't what I would have planned for my life, but then life doesn't tend to follow the plans we lay out... Stuff has happened and we can't change that...the question is, how we move on from this...that's up to you now.... I love you, and that's not going to change …"
“Liz…” I say softly. “I’ll always love you, too. No matter where I am, or what I’m doing, that will be true. Even if I weren't on Earth, you would be with me, in my heart.” I smile crookedly at her, sure that she has no idea how incredible she is. All I can do now is lean forward, touching my lips to hers and closing my eyes. In a moment, I’m crushing her against me, kissing her like a drowning man taking in air – and that’s how it feels. Like she’s life, itself. I just know that without her, I’ve been slowly dying and I’ll keep on dying if I don’t have her in my life.
.
This is a JP with KatnotKath - she wrote the Liz dialogue.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*Max*
I look away from Liz, knowing that I’m looking away from my heart, away from a future that is no longer mine. Somehow, it’s even harder now when she’s being reasonable. Yesterday, I wanted to somehow stop the hurting I caused her. Today, it seems she’s recovered on her own, but what she wants, what I want, isn’t something I can give her.
… Some scientist on a distant planet couldn’t make you do that Max…you’ve said before, you’re not Zan, she’s not Ava…you’re Max and Tess, and yes, she’s having your baby, but that’s not because of who you were before, it’s because of who you are now, and the decisions you made in this lifetime, not your past!” Liz says.
Her words ring true, pressing a new weight on my shoulders. She’s so right. I can’t blame this on destiny. I’m the one who did this. I ruined it all and it has nothing to do with my past. I was crushed by Liz’s continued rejection – by the sight of her with Kyle. I should have trusted my own heart. I should have waited. I don’t fully even understand how it happened, but I know that I’m the one who did it.
Liz has turned away, staring out the window as she continues to talk to me. I realize that she’s talking about Maria’s cousin, Sean. About having a theoretical baby with him. I suck my breath in, feeling as ‘though she’s punched me in the stomach. It was bad enough seeing her with Kyle. Now I have to imagine her with Sean, too? I know she wasn’t with either one of them and I cling to that thought as she goes through her hypothetical example.
”Being there for your child, and being together with the father or mother of that child are two completely different things… In the end Max, the decision is yours, and Tess’ even, but if you don’t love her, I personally believe she deserves more…” she says, never looking at me.
I take two steps towards her, reaching for her shoulder but freezing that way, without touching her, and then I let my hand drop. I love Liz with all my heart. Her solution, to support Tess and the baby, but not be with them, to be with her, sounds far too good to be true. I’d resolved to fulfill my obligation to Tess. I do care for her and our baby. I promised her I’d be with her. Can I break that promise? Can I break her heart like I’ve already broken Liz’s? Like I’ve broken my own? If I knew that this really would be right for Tess, it would be easy. It would be right… But I don’t know if I can make this decision without knowing what she needs. I couldn’t hurt Tess by sneaking around with Liz behind her back, but if she knew we weren’t together except as parents – and she were okay with that …
“Liz…” I say softly. My hand rises again, this time managing to bridge those last few inches to rest on her shoulder. She turns back to me, looking at my face for the first time since she started her speech. My heart melts and it’s hard to remember what I was going to say. Swallowing hard, I manage to control myself. “I just don’t know what to do. I think you’re right. Tess deserves more than to be with someone who’s there because he has to be, not because he wants to be. But I just don’t know if I can. I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused you already but I don’t want to hurt her, too…” I know Liz told me that she wouldn't ask me to abandon Tess and my baby, but I don't want Tess to feel that she's in it alone. She needs to know I'll be there for the baby and that's what I want to do - what I need to do.
"Alright Max...I understand what you're saying... A-and if you need time to think, time to get things straight in your head or time to speak to Tess, then take it... Take as much time as you need, and just know that my offer will still stand.” Liz says. I nod, mutely, hardly believing it. It’s what I wanted. What I didn’t even dare to hope for. And I know that she means what she says about the baby. That she’s going to try to give me and Tess all the space we need to be parents. It’s too amazing for words, but Liz isn’t done.
“I've thought about this a lot Max, and no - this isn't what I would have planned for my life, but then life doesn't tend to follow the plans we lay out... Stuff has happened and we can't change that...the question is, how we move on from this...that's up to you now.... I love you, and that's not going to change …"
“Liz…” I say softly. “I’ll always love you, too. No matter where I am, or what I’m doing, that will be true. Even if I weren't on Earth, you would be with me, in my heart.” I smile crookedly at her, sure that she has no idea how incredible she is. All I can do now is lean forward, touching my lips to hers and closing my eyes. In a moment, I’m crushing her against me, kissing her like a drowning man taking in air – and that’s how it feels. Like she’s life, itself. I just know that without her, I’ve been slowly dying and I’ll keep on dying if I don’t have her in my life.
.
-
KatnotKath
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 1130
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 5:54 am
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OOC: sorry about the length, I just started writing and this was what came out. I have tried to shorten it, but it just doesn't work, hope this is ok for everyone.
~Liz~
Suddenly I realise that Max is stepping towards me and as I look up and begin to turn round, I see him reaching for my shoulder. He stops parts way though, before his fingers contact my skin, and his hand drops to his side once more. Without even looking at him, I can sense all the confusion and anguish that I would see in his eyes and all I want to be able to do is make it go away.
Many people would say that he deserves everything that he gets… He betrayed me in a way no one can ever make up, but as much as I have tried, I just can’t think of him in that way.
What happened can’t be laid solely at Max’s feet… Tess had a part too, and me, indirectly. If I could go back in time, what would I change…? There’s so much that has happened, and every step has its own repercussions.
I ran away at the cave…maybe if I had stayed, Tess would have come to accept that we make our own future…that destiny really has no part in it… As it was, I left, and allowed her a summer to continue building up her hopes.
I waited to talk to Max after I went with Maria and Alex to see the fortune teller… If I had gone to him straight away, I wouldn’t have been home when FutureMax came. He would never have done his serenade and already the future would have been changed…
When FutureMax told me what he wanted, I listened and co-operated instead of going to the others… Would we have come up with an alternative plan to avoid this…? Would Tess have been willing to stay without being with Max if she had realised how important she was…?
What about in the end…if I had gone to Max and explained, rather than making that stupid mock-up of me and Kyle in bed… We might have found a way through it all together…
Maybe I would have been able to have that wedding…and maybe Alex would have been there…
Later, what if I had been able to keep a grip and not fly off the handle when Alex died… I was upset – and that’s completely understandable… I was devastated by the loss of my dear friend… But for some reason I seemed to lose sight of the fact we’d all lost him… And I had to make those stupid comments about it being Max’s fault… I had to go and break into the school, and get Sean caught in order for me to accept that maybe it was natural…
Alex didn’t commit suicide…I still refuse to believe that, but there are things that we don’t want to accept, yet we have to, and Alex’s death is one of them. It was a tragic accident…human and natural, and devastating… We all had to learn to cope with what happened, and I guess I took a lot longer than everyone else.
In the process, I succeeded in driving Max and Tess closer together, and in driving away my best friend… Maria hates me because of what happened to Sean, and who blames her…? Her cousin is back in jail because of what I wanted to do. Sean would do pretty much anything for me, and I knew it… I guess I used him, and that’s not something I’m proud of at all.
I wish I could take back the things I said and did…I wish I could change the past… But then hindsight is a wonderful thing as people always say. The fact is that we can’t change the past, only deal and move on…
If you think about it, can what Max did even be classed as wrong… We weren’t togther…he made a choice to move on…a choice that was his to make…
Everyone was upset and emotional, I guess everyone handles that in different ways…
No matter how people might say that I should hate him, and that I should want nothing more to do with him…I can’t though… I do still want to be with him… Because, despite everything, he is still the man I love.
He says he still loves me, that I was who he wanted, and as weak as it might make me sound, that’s enough…
Max did something without thinking…and now he’s having to face the consequences. But because he is who he is…he doesn’t even think of turning his back, of ignoring it or refusing to stand up and take this responsibility. He’s making it perfectly clear that this isn’t what he wanted, and yet he’s acting no differently than he would had it been me… That’s one of the reasons I love him so much…because of who he is…
The question which remains is where that leaves us though…?
“Liz…” He raises his hand again and sets it down on my shoulder. I turn back to him and look up again. He swallows and I wait silently, wondering what he is going to say.
“I just don’t know what to do. I think you’re right… Tess deserves more than to be with someone who’s there because he has to be, not because he wants to be. But I just don’t know if I can. I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused you already but I don’t want to hurt her too…”
I understand what he’s saying, and I know that it is another example of why I love him. I can’t be angry, because I know he is struggling with all of this. I wasn’t the most understanding last night…and I don’t suppose that he expected me to, but it won’t have helped… He’s got an huge amount of stuff to deal with and it’s not getting any smaller with time.
Once again, a decision is being laid at his feet…the choice is his to make…
But then maybe it’s not…because what I have spoken about doesn’t just involve him…or me…it involves Tess and their son… It involves a scared teenage girl – because in reality I don’t suppose believing yourself to be an alien queen is that much help in this situation - and a baby…
I can’t push Max to make a decision, because that wouldn’t be fair…if he needs time, time is what I have to give him… The things that I have said are anything but simple, and there isn’t just him to consider… “Alright Max…In understand what you’re saying…A-and if you need time to think, time to get things straight in your head or time to speak to Tess, then take it… Take as much time as you need, and just know that my offer will still stand…” It’s almost breaking my heart to do this…for fear that the result will be that I lose him, but I know it’s what I have to do and it needs to be said. ‘Offer…’ I’m making it sound like a business proposition… That’s not right, it’s something so much more than that…
If she ever talks to me again, Maria is going to ask me why on earth I am doing this…and the simple fact is that there is only one answer. I love Max… Whatever he has done, my feelings for him have survived, and I know that I’m never going to have feelings for anyone as I do for him…
Max nods and I get the feeling he wants to say something but I haven’t finished yet…
“I’ve thought a lot about this Max…and no – this isn’t what I would have planned for my life, but then life doesn’t tend to follow the plans we lay out…” I didn’t plan to be sat next to Max as another girl gave birth to his firstborn…but if that’s what he wants, I’ll be there… “Stuff has happened and we can’t change that…the question is, how we move on from this…that’s up to you now…” I meant what I said earlier…I’m willing to be there for him…and if they want me to, I’ll be there to help with the baby too – that’s up to them though of course… Needless to say that if Max and I are together, his son is going to be in my life too…but to what extent, well that’s up to Max and Tess… There’s just one more thing I need to say though…that I need to make clear. “I love you, and that’s not going to change…”
“Liz…”
I look up at him, waiting almost fearfully. If he says he needs time, that’s exactly what I will give him…I just hope that he’s not going to dismiss me completely.
“I’ll always love you too. NO matter where I am, or what I’m doing, that will be true. Even if I weren’t on EARTH, you would be with me, in my heart…”
I can barely breath as I listen to what he has to say and he smiles. Is he really saying this…?
Any questions in my head are silenced however, as he leans towards me, and before I know what is happening, his lips decend and capture mine.
At first the kiss is gentle and sweet, but the longing on both sides is evident as it quickly deepens. His arms wrap round me and suddenly I’m lost…
Michael and Isabel in the other room…the surroundings…nothing matters, just me and him… The connection which has been closed for so long is flying wide open and I can feel myself being sucked in. I know that I will never experience anything like this with anyone else and as the flashes begin to come, I just know that I’m home…
Simple images, me in the corridor, me in the crashdown…Max on the day of the shooting – that one must me coming from me I know… The connection between us has come to life in a way I have never known before… The images are not just coming from one of us, but both… No longer are the flashes I’m seeing just coming from Max, but from my self as well…
FLASH
*The two of us dancing*
*The two of us laughing*
*The cave at the reservation*
*Me running away from the cave that day last summer*
*Me in bed with Kyle*
*Dancing with FutureMax*
The flashes go on and on, but it’s not the images that affect me the most, it’s the emotions which are coming with them. The love and want, the despair when he saw me with Kyle…the pain and sorrow and the intense desire… It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, even with Max…
Being with him is all I want, and anything that comes with it, I can deal with…just as long as he’s there, with me… Without him, life barely seems worth living anymore… I need this, I need him…and suddenly, there’s a certainty in my head – I just know that we’ll find a way to make this work, because we have to…
~Liz~
Suddenly I realise that Max is stepping towards me and as I look up and begin to turn round, I see him reaching for my shoulder. He stops parts way though, before his fingers contact my skin, and his hand drops to his side once more. Without even looking at him, I can sense all the confusion and anguish that I would see in his eyes and all I want to be able to do is make it go away.
Many people would say that he deserves everything that he gets… He betrayed me in a way no one can ever make up, but as much as I have tried, I just can’t think of him in that way.
What happened can’t be laid solely at Max’s feet… Tess had a part too, and me, indirectly. If I could go back in time, what would I change…? There’s so much that has happened, and every step has its own repercussions.
I ran away at the cave…maybe if I had stayed, Tess would have come to accept that we make our own future…that destiny really has no part in it… As it was, I left, and allowed her a summer to continue building up her hopes.
I waited to talk to Max after I went with Maria and Alex to see the fortune teller… If I had gone to him straight away, I wouldn’t have been home when FutureMax came. He would never have done his serenade and already the future would have been changed…
When FutureMax told me what he wanted, I listened and co-operated instead of going to the others… Would we have come up with an alternative plan to avoid this…? Would Tess have been willing to stay without being with Max if she had realised how important she was…?
What about in the end…if I had gone to Max and explained, rather than making that stupid mock-up of me and Kyle in bed… We might have found a way through it all together…
Maybe I would have been able to have that wedding…and maybe Alex would have been there…
Later, what if I had been able to keep a grip and not fly off the handle when Alex died… I was upset – and that’s completely understandable… I was devastated by the loss of my dear friend… But for some reason I seemed to lose sight of the fact we’d all lost him… And I had to make those stupid comments about it being Max’s fault… I had to go and break into the school, and get Sean caught in order for me to accept that maybe it was natural…
Alex didn’t commit suicide…I still refuse to believe that, but there are things that we don’t want to accept, yet we have to, and Alex’s death is one of them. It was a tragic accident…human and natural, and devastating… We all had to learn to cope with what happened, and I guess I took a lot longer than everyone else.
In the process, I succeeded in driving Max and Tess closer together, and in driving away my best friend… Maria hates me because of what happened to Sean, and who blames her…? Her cousin is back in jail because of what I wanted to do. Sean would do pretty much anything for me, and I knew it… I guess I used him, and that’s not something I’m proud of at all.
I wish I could take back the things I said and did…I wish I could change the past… But then hindsight is a wonderful thing as people always say. The fact is that we can’t change the past, only deal and move on…
If you think about it, can what Max did even be classed as wrong… We weren’t togther…he made a choice to move on…a choice that was his to make…
Everyone was upset and emotional, I guess everyone handles that in different ways…
No matter how people might say that I should hate him, and that I should want nothing more to do with him…I can’t though… I do still want to be with him… Because, despite everything, he is still the man I love.
He says he still loves me, that I was who he wanted, and as weak as it might make me sound, that’s enough…
Max did something without thinking…and now he’s having to face the consequences. But because he is who he is…he doesn’t even think of turning his back, of ignoring it or refusing to stand up and take this responsibility. He’s making it perfectly clear that this isn’t what he wanted, and yet he’s acting no differently than he would had it been me… That’s one of the reasons I love him so much…because of who he is…
The question which remains is where that leaves us though…?
“Liz…” He raises his hand again and sets it down on my shoulder. I turn back to him and look up again. He swallows and I wait silently, wondering what he is going to say.
“I just don’t know what to do. I think you’re right… Tess deserves more than to be with someone who’s there because he has to be, not because he wants to be. But I just don’t know if I can. I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused you already but I don’t want to hurt her too…”
I understand what he’s saying, and I know that it is another example of why I love him. I can’t be angry, because I know he is struggling with all of this. I wasn’t the most understanding last night…and I don’t suppose that he expected me to, but it won’t have helped… He’s got an huge amount of stuff to deal with and it’s not getting any smaller with time.
Once again, a decision is being laid at his feet…the choice is his to make…
But then maybe it’s not…because what I have spoken about doesn’t just involve him…or me…it involves Tess and their son… It involves a scared teenage girl – because in reality I don’t suppose believing yourself to be an alien queen is that much help in this situation - and a baby…
I can’t push Max to make a decision, because that wouldn’t be fair…if he needs time, time is what I have to give him… The things that I have said are anything but simple, and there isn’t just him to consider… “Alright Max…In understand what you’re saying…A-and if you need time to think, time to get things straight in your head or time to speak to Tess, then take it… Take as much time as you need, and just know that my offer will still stand…” It’s almost breaking my heart to do this…for fear that the result will be that I lose him, but I know it’s what I have to do and it needs to be said. ‘Offer…’ I’m making it sound like a business proposition… That’s not right, it’s something so much more than that…
If she ever talks to me again, Maria is going to ask me why on earth I am doing this…and the simple fact is that there is only one answer. I love Max… Whatever he has done, my feelings for him have survived, and I know that I’m never going to have feelings for anyone as I do for him…
Max nods and I get the feeling he wants to say something but I haven’t finished yet…
“I’ve thought a lot about this Max…and no – this isn’t what I would have planned for my life, but then life doesn’t tend to follow the plans we lay out…” I didn’t plan to be sat next to Max as another girl gave birth to his firstborn…but if that’s what he wants, I’ll be there… “Stuff has happened and we can’t change that…the question is, how we move on from this…that’s up to you now…” I meant what I said earlier…I’m willing to be there for him…and if they want me to, I’ll be there to help with the baby too – that’s up to them though of course… Needless to say that if Max and I are together, his son is going to be in my life too…but to what extent, well that’s up to Max and Tess… There’s just one more thing I need to say though…that I need to make clear. “I love you, and that’s not going to change…”
“Liz…”
I look up at him, waiting almost fearfully. If he says he needs time, that’s exactly what I will give him…I just hope that he’s not going to dismiss me completely.
“I’ll always love you too. NO matter where I am, or what I’m doing, that will be true. Even if I weren’t on EARTH, you would be with me, in my heart…”
I can barely breath as I listen to what he has to say and he smiles. Is he really saying this…?
Any questions in my head are silenced however, as he leans towards me, and before I know what is happening, his lips decend and capture mine.
At first the kiss is gentle and sweet, but the longing on both sides is evident as it quickly deepens. His arms wrap round me and suddenly I’m lost…
Michael and Isabel in the other room…the surroundings…nothing matters, just me and him… The connection which has been closed for so long is flying wide open and I can feel myself being sucked in. I know that I will never experience anything like this with anyone else and as the flashes begin to come, I just know that I’m home…
Simple images, me in the corridor, me in the crashdown…Max on the day of the shooting – that one must me coming from me I know… The connection between us has come to life in a way I have never known before… The images are not just coming from one of us, but both… No longer are the flashes I’m seeing just coming from Max, but from my self as well…
FLASH
*The two of us dancing*
*The two of us laughing*
*The cave at the reservation*
*Me running away from the cave that day last summer*
*Me in bed with Kyle*
*Dancing with FutureMax*
The flashes go on and on, but it’s not the images that affect me the most, it’s the emotions which are coming with them. The love and want, the despair when he saw me with Kyle…the pain and sorrow and the intense desire… It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, even with Max…
Being with him is all I want, and anything that comes with it, I can deal with…just as long as he’s there, with me… Without him, life barely seems worth living anymore… I need this, I need him…and suddenly, there’s a certainty in my head – I just know that we’ll find a way to make this work, because we have to…
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
*Max*
This is where I need to be forever. When I’m kissing her, she makes everything whole. I don’t have to think about the war on Antar, people who expect me to be king, Tess. None of that matters as much as having her.
The flashes come fast and intense, but not nearly as intense as the feeling of Liz right there in my arms. At least, not until I see him. Kyle lying in bed with Liz the night of the Gomez concert and my heart shattering into a million pieces. I hold on to her tighter as it passes and then I see Liz dancing on her balcony with someone-else. Someone with long dark hair and in need of a shave. He looks a little like me, but what’s more surprising is her feelings as she dances. It’s bittersweet, filled with both love and regret.
Liz pulls away for a breath and I smile at her, letting all the love I feel for her show. I brush her hair back with my fingers, just staring at her, wishing the moment would never have to end. The images and feelings from the flashes come falling into place and suddenly I realize two things. First, the flash of Kyle was from my point of view. It was my memory. Usually I only see her memories while she sees mine. This time, we shared it. Now I know that she knows just how much it hurt me to see that. Last night, I’d convinced myself that she’d never slept with him because she said she’d ‘saved herself’ for me. But the feelings of that night are hard to forget. I’m not sure that it’s enough to know that it wasn’t real. I really want to know what really happened and why she did that.
The second thing I realize is that the man Liz was dancing with is important. It wasn’t Kyle, or Sean, or me, but she loved him, loved dancing with him, although she’d been hurt by him, too. I could see that she thought she’d never see him again, but she was enjoying herself, even as she was saying good-bye.
“Liz,” I say to her, feeling a bit breathless as it all sinks in. “You saw it too, didn’t you? What was that? Who was that?”
This is where I need to be forever. When I’m kissing her, she makes everything whole. I don’t have to think about the war on Antar, people who expect me to be king, Tess. None of that matters as much as having her.
The flashes come fast and intense, but not nearly as intense as the feeling of Liz right there in my arms. At least, not until I see him. Kyle lying in bed with Liz the night of the Gomez concert and my heart shattering into a million pieces. I hold on to her tighter as it passes and then I see Liz dancing on her balcony with someone-else. Someone with long dark hair and in need of a shave. He looks a little like me, but what’s more surprising is her feelings as she dances. It’s bittersweet, filled with both love and regret.
Liz pulls away for a breath and I smile at her, letting all the love I feel for her show. I brush her hair back with my fingers, just staring at her, wishing the moment would never have to end. The images and feelings from the flashes come falling into place and suddenly I realize two things. First, the flash of Kyle was from my point of view. It was my memory. Usually I only see her memories while she sees mine. This time, we shared it. Now I know that she knows just how much it hurt me to see that. Last night, I’d convinced myself that she’d never slept with him because she said she’d ‘saved herself’ for me. But the feelings of that night are hard to forget. I’m not sure that it’s enough to know that it wasn’t real. I really want to know what really happened and why she did that.
The second thing I realize is that the man Liz was dancing with is important. It wasn’t Kyle, or Sean, or me, but she loved him, loved dancing with him, although she’d been hurt by him, too. I could see that she thought she’d never see him again, but she was enjoying herself, even as she was saying good-bye.
“Liz,” I say to her, feeling a bit breathless as it all sinks in. “You saw it too, didn’t you? What was that? Who was that?”
-
KatnotKath
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~Liz~
For a few short moments, everything is just perfect… I forget about everything except being there with Max. No baby…no Tess…no alien planet, just Max and I as we were last summer before everything went to pot…
Then images in my mind draw me back though…reminding me of what happened. “Tess’ arrival… Nasedo… Max’s capture… The message at the cave… FutureMax… Alex’s death… I can’t block them out…it’s not that simple…
Finally, I pull away for a breath and inside my mind, I begin to reprocess everything that I have seen. Images from both sides…that’s never happened before – I wonder why now…?
Max smiles at me, brushing my hair back from my face and I can see that he’s deep in thought… “Max…?” How did that just happen…? Why…? …And where does that leave us…? Three questions I want to ask, but I just can’t… Not yet…
Max looks down at me and I know he has something to say…
“Liz… You saw it too didn’t you…? What was that…? Who was that…?”
Max doesn’t explain what he means, but despite the multitude of images we saw, I know which he means… “Y-you saw him…” It’s not a question, merely a statement… I know without asking what the answer will be…
He gives the slightest nod and I look down. How am I going to explain this…?
“Yes…I think I saw all of it…”
As the verbal confirmation comes, I swallow nervously before looking back at him. It isn’t like I didn’t know what was coming before he said it, but now I have to explain, and I just don't know how... I've kept this secret for so long, ad it sounds so unbelievable...what if he doesn't believe me...? I force myself to meet his questioning gaze… "H-he came to me last year...the night you sang with the mariachi band... I-I know how unbelievable this sounds, but Max...that was you...from the future..." There’s more to come of course, but for now this is the first step. I have to see how Max will react to this, before taking it any further… Biting down on the inside of my lip hard, my gaze never shifts from his as I wait to hear his response.
For a few short moments, everything is just perfect… I forget about everything except being there with Max. No baby…no Tess…no alien planet, just Max and I as we were last summer before everything went to pot…
Then images in my mind draw me back though…reminding me of what happened. “Tess’ arrival… Nasedo… Max’s capture… The message at the cave… FutureMax… Alex’s death… I can’t block them out…it’s not that simple…
Finally, I pull away for a breath and inside my mind, I begin to reprocess everything that I have seen. Images from both sides…that’s never happened before – I wonder why now…?
Max smiles at me, brushing my hair back from my face and I can see that he’s deep in thought… “Max…?” How did that just happen…? Why…? …And where does that leave us…? Three questions I want to ask, but I just can’t… Not yet…
Max looks down at me and I know he has something to say…
“Liz… You saw it too didn’t you…? What was that…? Who was that…?”
Max doesn’t explain what he means, but despite the multitude of images we saw, I know which he means… “Y-you saw him…” It’s not a question, merely a statement… I know without asking what the answer will be…
He gives the slightest nod and I look down. How am I going to explain this…?
“Yes…I think I saw all of it…”
As the verbal confirmation comes, I swallow nervously before looking back at him. It isn’t like I didn’t know what was coming before he said it, but now I have to explain, and I just don't know how... I've kept this secret for so long, ad it sounds so unbelievable...what if he doesn't believe me...? I force myself to meet his questioning gaze… "H-he came to me last year...the night you sang with the mariachi band... I-I know how unbelievable this sounds, but Max...that was you...from the future..." There’s more to come of course, but for now this is the first step. I have to see how Max will react to this, before taking it any further… Biting down on the inside of my lip hard, my gaze never shifts from his as I wait to hear his response.
My fics:
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!
~Max~
“Y-you saw him…” Liz says and I feel shiver flow under my skin at her confirmation. I feel cold. It was real. There's a him. Something happened. Something important.
I nod, slightly, biting the inside of my lip. "Yes. ... I think I saw all of it." So many flashes and I know they weren't all mine. They were shared. We both saw the same thing.
Nothing could have prepared me for her explaination, 'tho. "H-he came to me last year...the night you sang with the mariachi band... I-I know how unbelievable this sounds, but Max...that was you...from the future..."
"The future? Me?" I ask, sounding like a complete idiot. I had thought he looked a little like me, but so sloppy. Even Michael dresses better than that. "YOu're telling me that I came from the future - through time - and you never told anyone? Why?" I look at her, my eyes wide with amazement. I'm not even sure if I'm asking why this future me would have traveled through time, or why she kept it a secret. All I know is I don't understand and I hope she'll explain.
.
“Y-you saw him…” Liz says and I feel shiver flow under my skin at her confirmation. I feel cold. It was real. There's a him. Something happened. Something important.
I nod, slightly, biting the inside of my lip. "Yes. ... I think I saw all of it." So many flashes and I know they weren't all mine. They were shared. We both saw the same thing.
Nothing could have prepared me for her explaination, 'tho. "H-he came to me last year...the night you sang with the mariachi band... I-I know how unbelievable this sounds, but Max...that was you...from the future..."
"The future? Me?" I ask, sounding like a complete idiot. I had thought he looked a little like me, but so sloppy. Even Michael dresses better than that. "YOu're telling me that I came from the future - through time - and you never told anyone? Why?" I look at her, my eyes wide with amazement. I'm not even sure if I'm asking why this future me would have traveled through time, or why she kept it a secret. All I know is I don't understand and I hope she'll explain.
.
Last edited by isabelle on Mon Jan 10, 2005 10:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.