“Where are we going, Drewey-Wooey?” asked a giggling Joey as she was being dragged down the hall by Andrew.
Andrew wasn’t sure about the Drewey-Woowy part, but otherwise he realized it was a perfectly reasonable question. His initial thought had been to get Joey to her room, but the West Roswell team rooms were altogether in one block and Andrew had decided that was really too close to the party if Joey was going to potentially be using her powers in public. He had gone to the back stairwell and was taking her down it, instinctively headed toward the room he had shared with his parents. But except for the new nickname, it had been a rational question, and he looked back at Joey briefly hoping she had recovered from whatever was affecting her. As he saw her free hand scrape along the concrete blocks of the outer wall, turning them to a very attractive West Roswell High School Maroon and White, that hope was dashed.
“Joey, stop that!”
“But we won………I think we should paint the town…..red…”
“Not right now, Joey. Right now we need to find a room and hide.”
Joey’s face got a funny smile. She appeared to like that idea. Andrew opened the door on the ground floor and peered down the hall. It was empty. Four doors down was the room he and his parents had shared. They’d gotten a late checkout and he’d kept one of the key cards so he could park in the underground parking garage when he returned for the awards dinner.
He was desperately hoping the room had not yet been cleaned and the card reader of the lock not yet reprogrammed. Given all the people that had checked out after the tournament, it seemed likely the card would still work. If they could get in there that would give him time to call her folks, time to figure out what to do, without Joey publicly using her powers. At least he hoped it would.
“Andrew….did you know I didn’t get MVP?” asked Joey loudly from behind him in the stairwell. As he pulled her through the door he put his finger to his lips and whispered, “Yes Joey. I was at the awards dinner with you. I know you didn’t make MVP. I’m sure you will next year though, but we’ve got to be quiet right now,OK”
As he pulled her toward the door her lips took a poutish look, her finger mimicking his in front of her lips.
“But I AM …YOUR most valuable player,…..aren’t I Andrew?” she asked in a voice that was now an exaggerated whisper.
“Yes, Joey….yes you are,” he said as he put the card into the card reader…..praying for the green LED to light.
When it did he inwardly rejoiced, quickly flinging the door open and seeing the room just as he’d last left it, the unmade bed where he’d slept directly in front of him. He pulled Joey inside, and turned to lock the door and throw the bolt, feeling safe for the first time in long minutes. As he turned he saw a smiling Joey flop herself back onto the bed and lay there looking up at him with an eager smile.
“You’re my most valuable player too Andrew……you want to play around?”
Joey (AA/CC teen) [WIP]
Moderators: Anniepoo98, ISLANDGIRL5, truelovepooh, Forum Moderators
Did Andrew want to play around?
What the hell kind of dumb question was that? Of course Andrew wanted to play around. Andrew had been fantasizing playing around with Joey since…well…puberty, maybe before that. Fantasizing playing around with Joey may very well have been what brought on puberty for Andrew.
And had Joey been stone-cold sober and asked Andrew to go to bed with her…..to have sex with her, he’d have probably taken time to ask her if she was really really really sure, because this was a big step........probably.
OK, maybe not. He might have only asked her if she were really sure, and that while shedding his clothes.
But this wasn’t the same situation. This wasn’t a stone-cold sober Joey, it was a Joey that seemed to be irrational and threatening to ruin her own life and that of her entire extended family by publicly revealing her powers. And because of that, actually doing the deed wasn’t even a consideration for Andrew right now. Joey was his, and he was going to protect her, and tonight that meant protecting her even from herself.
Andrew moved past the bed quickly to the phone and dialed ‘0’. Joey’s face instantly took on a disappointed poutish look.
“‘Front Desk”
“This is Mr. Douglas in room 118. I need to extend my stay one more night…..would it be possible to just keep this room.”
“Yes….but it hasn’t been made up because we thought you were checking out. I’ll send housekeeping up there at once.”
“No, that’s fine. I’ll take it just like it is, thank you.”
“Very well sir. Have a good night.”
Andrew carefully looked out the peephole before opening the door and putting the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the doorhandle. He turned to face Joey, to try to explain that this was just until she was feeling better. The poutish frown was gone. Instead there was an eager grin. Andrew got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Somehow he knew the poutish frown would have been easier to deal with…..he wasn’t sure why, he just knew it.
Laying back on the bed, Joey had heard the phone call and the last words of the front desk. Her brain was pretty fuzzy, but the parts that were still working appeared to be planning on having a very good night indeed....
What the hell kind of dumb question was that? Of course Andrew wanted to play around. Andrew had been fantasizing playing around with Joey since…well…puberty, maybe before that. Fantasizing playing around with Joey may very well have been what brought on puberty for Andrew.
And had Joey been stone-cold sober and asked Andrew to go to bed with her…..to have sex with her, he’d have probably taken time to ask her if she was really really really sure, because this was a big step........probably.
OK, maybe not. He might have only asked her if she were really sure, and that while shedding his clothes.
But this wasn’t the same situation. This wasn’t a stone-cold sober Joey, it was a Joey that seemed to be irrational and threatening to ruin her own life and that of her entire extended family by publicly revealing her powers. And because of that, actually doing the deed wasn’t even a consideration for Andrew right now. Joey was his, and he was going to protect her, and tonight that meant protecting her even from herself.
Andrew moved past the bed quickly to the phone and dialed ‘0’. Joey’s face instantly took on a disappointed poutish look.
“‘Front Desk”
“This is Mr. Douglas in room 118. I need to extend my stay one more night…..would it be possible to just keep this room.”
“Yes….but it hasn’t been made up because we thought you were checking out. I’ll send housekeeping up there at once.”
“No, that’s fine. I’ll take it just like it is, thank you.”
“Very well sir. Have a good night.”
Andrew carefully looked out the peephole before opening the door and putting the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the doorhandle. He turned to face Joey, to try to explain that this was just until she was feeling better. The poutish frown was gone. Instead there was an eager grin. Andrew got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Somehow he knew the poutish frown would have been easier to deal with…..he wasn’t sure why, he just knew it.
Laying back on the bed, Joey had heard the phone call and the last words of the front desk. Her brain was pretty fuzzy, but the parts that were still working appeared to be planning on having a very good night indeed....
A lot of people have never been to New Mexico and relatively few people live there. To say New Mexico has wide open spaces that are scarcely populated is kind of like saying China has a few people. While true, the statement really doesn’t convey the enormity of the truth. The first atomic bomb blast on the planet was in New Mexico….above ground. Nobody noticed.
Now that’s wide open spaces.
At this time Michael and Maria were traveling through these wide open spaces, going south on good old state highway 285 east of Estancia.
If you were to find ‘wide-open-spaces' defined in the dictionary and there was an illustration, that illustration would likely show highway 285 east of Estancia, and let me tell you…it wouldn’t show much. Of the many things this illustration would not show…..well, it’d be a damn long list at that, but somewhere on the list would be cellphone towers.
Despite the frantic efforts of Andrew to get a call through to Michael and Maria, his phone call had gone directly to their voicemail, because they were in an area with no service. This would also happen with a phone call from Andrea Lopez and another call from Liz Evans.
Michael and Maria actually would receive none of these calls until they crested a small rise 60 miles north of Roswell and actually got within line of sight to a cellphone tower thirty miles north of Roswell. That is, after driving another hour and a half, they would be able to find out what was going on back in Santa Fe…..at which time they would be about three hours away by car.
Of course, they didn’t know any of this. Ignorance, as they say, is bliss. And the Guerin’s were kind of blissful. Maria was actually in back, laying out on the seat, trying to nap. She’d lived in New Mexico almost all of her life and while she loved the wide open spaces….well, she’d seen them. Besides, being pregnant again after 16 years was a little more tiring than she’d remembered. In the driver’s seat was Michael Guerin. He was pretty happy right now. His daughter had sparked her team to a state basketball championship, his wife was starting to snore quietly behind him, and he was actually feeling in a great mood as he took another swig of his Snapple. Plan on that mood lasting another 90 minutes.
Back in room 118, things were getting much more interesting.
Now that’s wide open spaces.
At this time Michael and Maria were traveling through these wide open spaces, going south on good old state highway 285 east of Estancia.
If you were to find ‘wide-open-spaces' defined in the dictionary and there was an illustration, that illustration would likely show highway 285 east of Estancia, and let me tell you…it wouldn’t show much. Of the many things this illustration would not show…..well, it’d be a damn long list at that, but somewhere on the list would be cellphone towers.
Despite the frantic efforts of Andrew to get a call through to Michael and Maria, his phone call had gone directly to their voicemail, because they were in an area with no service. This would also happen with a phone call from Andrea Lopez and another call from Liz Evans.
Michael and Maria actually would receive none of these calls until they crested a small rise 60 miles north of Roswell and actually got within line of sight to a cellphone tower thirty miles north of Roswell. That is, after driving another hour and a half, they would be able to find out what was going on back in Santa Fe…..at which time they would be about three hours away by car.
Of course, they didn’t know any of this. Ignorance, as they say, is bliss. And the Guerin’s were kind of blissful. Maria was actually in back, laying out on the seat, trying to nap. She’d lived in New Mexico almost all of her life and while she loved the wide open spaces….well, she’d seen them. Besides, being pregnant again after 16 years was a little more tiring than she’d remembered. In the driver’s seat was Michael Guerin. He was pretty happy right now. His daughter had sparked her team to a state basketball championship, his wife was starting to snore quietly behind him, and he was actually feeling in a great mood as he took another swig of his Snapple. Plan on that mood lasting another 90 minutes.
Back in room 118, things were getting much more interesting.
Andrew picked his phone back up where it had fallen from his hand. ‘Well, that couldn’t have gone much worse.’
He had really wanted to talk to Michael or Maria, hoping that they could help him, or at the least that he could reassure them since it wouldn’t be too much longer before they’d get a message from the Coach that Joey was missing. The message he had left would serve neither purpose. ‘It was a mistake to lie to them, even to try to save Joey from embarrassment,’ he admitted to himself glumly.
If Joey’s secret got out…it could put a lot of lives in danger, hers included. They really had needed to understand how serious the situation was here. It was an even worse mistake to have them find out about it…from an irrational Joey.
In fact, he would have erased the whole damn message and re-recorded it if things hadn’t gotten so busy there putting out the fire, scared to death that the smoke alarm would go off and bring a couple trucks full of firefighters to the room. But the phone had fallen from his hands and in the time it had taken him to take the burning levis off and shove them in the shower, the Guerin’s voicemail had accepted the original message and disconnected.
Joey was becoming increasingly irrational, the fire proved that. Right now she was quiet enough…using her powers to draw a heart on the wall above the headboard of the bed in iridescent blue.
As happy as he was to see that ‘JG loves AD,’ he was starting to get really scared. She had gone from giggling and acting silly to looking at him VERY intently, especially once he was reduced to wearing his boxers by the fire in the Levis. He looked down at the small area of first degree burn just below his right buttock. The pain didn’t matter, he’d had far worse in football, and she’d said she was sorry….in a drunken sort of way. But he wasn’t really sure he’d ever seen Joey out of control before….except maybe when they’d kiss.
But that wasn’t anything like this….where she was using her powers for stupid things, not worrying if anyone saw, not really worrying if anyone got hurt. She was scaring him….not that he thought she’d hurt him….not even that he’d leave her if he thought she would. It scared him to death that she’d hurt herself. Pulling the sodden wallet out of his wet levis he found the telephone number for ‘Aunt’ Izzie. Maybe she’d know what to do……
He had really wanted to talk to Michael or Maria, hoping that they could help him, or at the least that he could reassure them since it wouldn’t be too much longer before they’d get a message from the Coach that Joey was missing. The message he had left would serve neither purpose. ‘It was a mistake to lie to them, even to try to save Joey from embarrassment,’ he admitted to himself glumly.
If Joey’s secret got out…it could put a lot of lives in danger, hers included. They really had needed to understand how serious the situation was here. It was an even worse mistake to have them find out about it…from an irrational Joey.
In fact, he would have erased the whole damn message and re-recorded it if things hadn’t gotten so busy there putting out the fire, scared to death that the smoke alarm would go off and bring a couple trucks full of firefighters to the room. But the phone had fallen from his hands and in the time it had taken him to take the burning levis off and shove them in the shower, the Guerin’s voicemail had accepted the original message and disconnected.
Joey was becoming increasingly irrational, the fire proved that. Right now she was quiet enough…using her powers to draw a heart on the wall above the headboard of the bed in iridescent blue.
As happy as he was to see that ‘JG loves AD,’ he was starting to get really scared. She had gone from giggling and acting silly to looking at him VERY intently, especially once he was reduced to wearing his boxers by the fire in the Levis. He looked down at the small area of first degree burn just below his right buttock. The pain didn’t matter, he’d had far worse in football, and she’d said she was sorry….in a drunken sort of way. But he wasn’t really sure he’d ever seen Joey out of control before….except maybe when they’d kiss.
But that wasn’t anything like this….where she was using her powers for stupid things, not worrying if anyone saw, not really worrying if anyone got hurt. She was scaring him….not that he thought she’d hurt him….not even that he’d leave her if he thought she would. It scared him to death that she’d hurt herself. Pulling the sodden wallet out of his wet levis he found the telephone number for ‘Aunt’ Izzie. Maybe she’d know what to do……
The second phone call went better than the first...but not much. This was in fact the first time that the twins had ever been trusted by their parents to stay without a baby sitter while the parents went off to a party given by Jesse's law office. And of course....neither of them had met Andrew and both had been preached at for most of their lives to not divulge alien related stuff over the phone....and certainly not to strangers.
The stench of scorched fabric was still fresh in his nostrils as Andrew heard the signal of the ringing phone. He hoped this was the right number, the ink had smeared badly when his wallet had been soaked.
"Ramirez residence, Juanita speaking."
'Thank God' "UH...., I need to speak to Isabel."
"Uh....My mother can't come to the phone right now.....can I take a message?"
"Uh....look, my name is Andrew and I'm with your cousin Joey and.....I need to speak with her about...uh Czechoslovakian business."
Juanita was suddenly very wary. She looked at her sister for help. "This is Carmelita.....uh....Czechoslovakia stopped being a country years ago....before we were born. We don't know what you mean....probably you have a wrong number..... Good-bye."
"Oh God, don't hang up! Honest...I'm Joey's well...fiance. Here, talk to her...."
"Carmey!!! Is that you????"
"Joey?"
"Carmey....Do you know what that old horndog father of mine did?"
"Uh....no."
"The same thing your horndog father did......he got her pregnant, Carmey...I'm going to be a sister. But....I guess I was already a sister, because of Mark......but I'm going to be a sister again."
"Joey....are you feeling OK?"
"OK?? I'm feeling great. I'm here with Andrew. He's wearing boxers. They are real nice boxers too," and then Joey's voice took on a sad note. "I burned his bum....and he won't let me fix it even."
A speechless Carmelita gave the phone back to Juanita.
"Joey???"
"Janey! Did you know I have a horndog dad too?
And at their age.
Andrew and I are younger...in better condition. I'll bet if we tried, we could have a baby before they did. They have a head start though, but I bet if we worked at it real hard...."
"I'm pretty sure that's not the way it works, Joey."
"You're an old stick-in-the-mud, Janey. I bet it would work. At least it'd be real fun to try."
"Joey, give the phone back to Andrew."
"OK Janey. Say Hi to your horndog dad and Aunt Izzie for me."
"Uh...OK, Joey."
"Uh Juanita..?" asked Andrew.
"The number you need, Andrew, is in Phoenix, Area code 480. You need to talk to Dr. Max Evans. The phone number is....."
When she hung up Juanita realized that what she had done had NOT been standard operating procedure. But it didn't worry her. What worried her was what was going on with Joey.
"You know, I never would have thought she'd have been anything but a brooding loner, obsessed with her training, determined to be a soldier like her father," said Juanita.
"Yeah," said Carmelita. "I think Andrew's been real good for her too. Hope he survives the night."
The stench of scorched fabric was still fresh in his nostrils as Andrew heard the signal of the ringing phone. He hoped this was the right number, the ink had smeared badly when his wallet had been soaked.
"Ramirez residence, Juanita speaking."
'Thank God' "UH...., I need to speak to Isabel."
"Uh....My mother can't come to the phone right now.....can I take a message?"
"Uh....look, my name is Andrew and I'm with your cousin Joey and.....I need to speak with her about...uh Czechoslovakian business."
Juanita was suddenly very wary. She looked at her sister for help. "This is Carmelita.....uh....Czechoslovakia stopped being a country years ago....before we were born. We don't know what you mean....probably you have a wrong number..... Good-bye."
"Oh God, don't hang up! Honest...I'm Joey's well...fiance. Here, talk to her...."
"Carmey!!! Is that you????"
"Joey?"
"Carmey....Do you know what that old horndog father of mine did?"
"Uh....no."
"The same thing your horndog father did......he got her pregnant, Carmey...I'm going to be a sister. But....I guess I was already a sister, because of Mark......but I'm going to be a sister again."
"Joey....are you feeling OK?"
"OK?? I'm feeling great. I'm here with Andrew. He's wearing boxers. They are real nice boxers too," and then Joey's voice took on a sad note. "I burned his bum....and he won't let me fix it even."
A speechless Carmelita gave the phone back to Juanita.
"Joey???"
"Janey! Did you know I have a horndog dad too?
And at their age.
Andrew and I are younger...in better condition. I'll bet if we tried, we could have a baby before they did. They have a head start though, but I bet if we worked at it real hard...."
"I'm pretty sure that's not the way it works, Joey."
"You're an old stick-in-the-mud, Janey. I bet it would work. At least it'd be real fun to try."
"Joey, give the phone back to Andrew."
"OK Janey. Say Hi to your horndog dad and Aunt Izzie for me."
"Uh...OK, Joey."
"Uh Juanita..?" asked Andrew.
"The number you need, Andrew, is in Phoenix, Area code 480. You need to talk to Dr. Max Evans. The phone number is....."
When she hung up Juanita realized that what she had done had NOT been standard operating procedure. But it didn't worry her. What worried her was what was going on with Joey.
"You know, I never would have thought she'd have been anything but a brooding loner, obsessed with her training, determined to be a soldier like her father," said Juanita.
"Yeah," said Carmelita. "I think Andrew's been real good for her too. Hope he survives the night."
Joey was continuing to write graffiti on the walls with her powers. Andrew didn't really like it, but it at least kept her occupied while he struggled with his cellphone.
"Does it feel hot in here to you, Andrew?"
Well, it HADN'T felt hot in there, up until his pants had caught fire, but yes, it was probably a little warm. He struggled to put in the right area code, one eye on Joey, to make sure she didn't set fire to something or shoot flares out the window or something.
"I guess it is a little, Joey. Hang on until after this call, and I'll put on the air conditioning."
But she wasn't, she was fumbling at the buttons on her blouse...
"Joey...I think that would be a bad idea. Hold on a minute...I'll turn the air conditioning on right now.."
Once again, Joey seemed to be having trouble understanding the finer points of button mechanics. Once again the golden glow lanced out from her index finger, and a button turned to dust. She watched the dust drop onto the carpet with a silly smile, giggled, and did the same to the next button. Briefly fascinated by this, Andrew watched two more buttons meet their fate, before he extrapolated where this was going.
As he turned the air conditioning on full, he said, "Joey, you REALLY shouldn't do that."
But while the words might have gotten to her ears, long before they had filtered down to that part of her brain that was still working, the last two buttons had been turned to dust. As she shed the blouse and stood by the bed wearing nothing above the waist but her bra, she fanned herself with the room service menu.
"Andrew...," she whined, "I'm still hot..."
The phone was answered on the second ring.
"Hello," said a woman's voice.
"I need to talk to Dr. Evans."
"Speaking..."
That confused Andrew. But he guessed that there were women named Max.
"My name is Andrew Douglas , and I need to speak to a doctor. Someone's sick."
"Well, I'm a doctor Mr. Douglas....but I think you want my husband. I'm sorry but he's in at the hospital right now, assisting on one of his patients who is undergoing surgery. He won't be available for at least an hour or so. But I can refer you to the physician who is covering for his group, I'm sure he will be able to help you."
"I can't...I mean, it's got to be Dr. Max Evans....., not someone else."
"Why is that?"
"Uh...Dr. Evans.....Are you Juanita and Carmelita's aunt?"
"What has this to do with my nieces, Mr. Douglas?"
"Well, they gave me your number because....uh...Joey is sick."
"Oh...you are THAT Andrew Douglas. Joey ....Joey doesn't GET sick, Andrew. What's going on?"
As he looked in the mirror he saw the golden glow reach out again...this time to the zipper of her skirt. The skirt quickly slid to the floor next to her debuttoned blouse. 'Omigawd,' he thought. 'What IS going on?'
Too desperate to even try to spare Joey any embarrassment this time, Andrew blurted out, " Joey's really acting irrational.
We were at a victory celebration when her tem won the state championships, she drank one toast, and since then has been using her powers in....in all sorts of ways. I've gotten her to my room ...uh...room 118, and I don't think anyone has seen anything she's done. But she's acting...well just crazy, and I don't know how long I can stop her from doing something...something that other people will notice. I tried calling her Mom and Dad, but their phone just went to voicemail. I tried her Aunt Izzie, but she wasn't there. Juanita gave me your number...."
"Andrew, this is VERY important. Did Joey have any alcohol? Any alcohol at all?"
"I don't know. My glass was sparkling grape juice, but Joey's glass? I just don't know."
"Did she drink the toast right before she started acting irrational, Drew?"
"Yes, I think so...No, I'm sure of it."
"Then listen carefully, Andrew. You have to kiss her."
"I have to do WHAT?"
"You have to kiss her, Andrew. Quick, before she does anything that people see."
Andrew looked at Joey who was now on the bed, wearing only her underwear, slowly crawling down toward him. She appeared to be stalking him.
"Uh, I think that might be a real bad idea, Dr. Evans."
"Now is not the time to be shy, Andrew. What's wrong? She's your fiance for Pete's sake. Don't tell me you haven't ever kissed her."
Of course Andrew had kissed Joey. He liked kissing Joey. But that was a rational Joey, not a half nude Joey stalking him from the middle of a Queen sized bed.
As Joey appeared ready to lunge, Andrew said, "I think I'll have to get back with you."
As he closed the flip-phone he saw her lunge, the impact catching him in the chest and toppling him backwards onto the floor, Joey on top of him.
"Does it feel hot in here to you, Andrew?"
Well, it HADN'T felt hot in there, up until his pants had caught fire, but yes, it was probably a little warm. He struggled to put in the right area code, one eye on Joey, to make sure she didn't set fire to something or shoot flares out the window or something.
"I guess it is a little, Joey. Hang on until after this call, and I'll put on the air conditioning."
But she wasn't, she was fumbling at the buttons on her blouse...
"Joey...I think that would be a bad idea. Hold on a minute...I'll turn the air conditioning on right now.."
Once again, Joey seemed to be having trouble understanding the finer points of button mechanics. Once again the golden glow lanced out from her index finger, and a button turned to dust. She watched the dust drop onto the carpet with a silly smile, giggled, and did the same to the next button. Briefly fascinated by this, Andrew watched two more buttons meet their fate, before he extrapolated where this was going.
As he turned the air conditioning on full, he said, "Joey, you REALLY shouldn't do that."
But while the words might have gotten to her ears, long before they had filtered down to that part of her brain that was still working, the last two buttons had been turned to dust. As she shed the blouse and stood by the bed wearing nothing above the waist but her bra, she fanned herself with the room service menu.
"Andrew...," she whined, "I'm still hot..."
The phone was answered on the second ring.
"Hello," said a woman's voice.
"I need to talk to Dr. Evans."
"Speaking..."
That confused Andrew. But he guessed that there were women named Max.
"My name is Andrew Douglas , and I need to speak to a doctor. Someone's sick."
"Well, I'm a doctor Mr. Douglas....but I think you want my husband. I'm sorry but he's in at the hospital right now, assisting on one of his patients who is undergoing surgery. He won't be available for at least an hour or so. But I can refer you to the physician who is covering for his group, I'm sure he will be able to help you."
"I can't...I mean, it's got to be Dr. Max Evans....., not someone else."
"Why is that?"
"Uh...Dr. Evans.....Are you Juanita and Carmelita's aunt?"
"What has this to do with my nieces, Mr. Douglas?"
"Well, they gave me your number because....uh...Joey is sick."
"Oh...you are THAT Andrew Douglas. Joey ....Joey doesn't GET sick, Andrew. What's going on?"
As he looked in the mirror he saw the golden glow reach out again...this time to the zipper of her skirt. The skirt quickly slid to the floor next to her debuttoned blouse. 'Omigawd,' he thought. 'What IS going on?'
Too desperate to even try to spare Joey any embarrassment this time, Andrew blurted out, " Joey's really acting irrational.
We were at a victory celebration when her tem won the state championships, she drank one toast, and since then has been using her powers in....in all sorts of ways. I've gotten her to my room ...uh...room 118, and I don't think anyone has seen anything she's done. But she's acting...well just crazy, and I don't know how long I can stop her from doing something...something that other people will notice. I tried calling her Mom and Dad, but their phone just went to voicemail. I tried her Aunt Izzie, but she wasn't there. Juanita gave me your number...."
"Andrew, this is VERY important. Did Joey have any alcohol? Any alcohol at all?"
"I don't know. My glass was sparkling grape juice, but Joey's glass? I just don't know."
"Did she drink the toast right before she started acting irrational, Drew?"
"Yes, I think so...No, I'm sure of it."
"Then listen carefully, Andrew. You have to kiss her."
"I have to do WHAT?"
"You have to kiss her, Andrew. Quick, before she does anything that people see."
Andrew looked at Joey who was now on the bed, wearing only her underwear, slowly crawling down toward him. She appeared to be stalking him.
"Uh, I think that might be a real bad idea, Dr. Evans."
"Now is not the time to be shy, Andrew. What's wrong? She's your fiance for Pete's sake. Don't tell me you haven't ever kissed her."
Of course Andrew had kissed Joey. He liked kissing Joey. But that was a rational Joey, not a half nude Joey stalking him from the middle of a Queen sized bed.
As Joey appeared ready to lunge, Andrew said, "I think I'll have to get back with you."
As he closed the flip-phone he saw her lunge, the impact catching him in the chest and toppling him backwards onto the floor, Joey on top of him.
It’s probably fair to warn you at this point that the next hour and thirty minutes in room 118 are going to get a little…..well….steamy.
But before that, it’d help if you had a little bit of background about three simple and non controversial subjects.
These subjects are:
Life
Theology
Evolution
Well, OK, they aren’t EXACTLY simple and they may not be ENTIRELY non controversial……but please hear me out.
Life on Earth and apparently Antar as well had a couple of biological imperatives, those being to survive and to reproduce.
This was actually only one imperative, to survive. But in order to survive, it pretty well had to reproduce, because DNA wore out.
DNA is kind of like an old 45 RPM record, over time it accumulates scratches, gets warped, brittle,…just doesn’t work any more. Reproduction was kind of like digitally remastering it. You make another copy, or at least a half a copy, and with luck it’s good for another hundred years. And you can make several half-copies, if you are so inclined. And if you make enough copies and enough of them survive, the DNA survives as well.
The next generation gets to do the same thing all over again. That’s life. That’s how life goes on, and that’s why reproduction is as much an imperative as survival. Simple…..n’est-ce-pas?
Next is Theology. And this also has to do with the subject to follow. I realize that evolution is only a theory, and not everyone believes in it. And that’s OK. It’s entirely possible that what I’m about to tell you about evolution….well, it could be entirely false. It’s indeed possible that God created Adam from clay and Eve from his rib…and all that.
But if He did, if He created their bodies like that, He created them in such a way that they appear and act like they have evolved, just the way I’m going to describe it to you. And that’s the truth. I don’t care what you’ve heard or read elsewhere.
Why did He do that? I have no idea. He’s the Big Guy, the Alpha and Omega, and sometimes He probably does just work in mysterious ways.
He rules the cosmos, for crying out loud. He’s entitled to a cosmic sense of humor.
You don’t think so?
Well, YOU tell Him. I’ve been around too long, my DNA has accumulated more than it’s fair share of scratches and warping, so I’m probably going to see Him before you do.
You want to tell him what He can and can’t do…and maybe piss Him off..? Well, go for it. I’m not telling Him anything.
So now we get to evolution. In the parallel evolution on Earth and Antar, life started primitive and became more sophisticated with time. This is called phylogeny.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search? ... =phylogeny
In the course of this development the brain has expanded over time, kind of like adding rooms on to your house. It was actually fairly successful before the additions…..otherwise it would have died out. But it kind of improved the house over the eons. When it was pretty primitive, it was just something like a foundation for the house. It was called the archencephalon. It wasn’t very bright, but some things it did pretty well. It did all the routine stuff…..digest food, breathe, operate the muscles, and….oh yeah, reproduce. If it hadn’t done the latter….well, we wouldn’t be around. And it didn’t take enormous brainpower to do any of these things.
Over time part of the archencephalon got bigger. This was called the cerebrum. It contains what are known as the “higher centers” of the brain, a term which the midbrain, the remaining part of the old archencephalon would probably resent….if it were bright enough to do that….which it isn’t.
Anyway, the cerebrum is where everything that Maria and Michael have been telling Joey for the last 15+ years has been stored. You know, stuff like don’t scratch your butt in public, look both ways before you cross the street, and good girls don’t do that……or at least….not until they are married. That kind of stuff. The cerebrum, in fact, is largely inhibitory to the midbrain. The midbrain is kind of a let-it-all-hang-out sort of brain. It’s specialty is really….well……making whoopee….because it’s a biological imperative.
Now where this all relates to the situation about to unfold in room 118 is this. The alcohol in the champagne has interfered with the inhibitory impulses coming from all those years of Maria and Michael telling Joey what she should and shouldn’t do.
We actually have four players in this little drama. The first is Joey’s cerebrum.
For the next 40 minutes it’s going to watch in horror at what is happening, and be totally powerless to do anything about it.
For about the next half hour after that, it’s going to be in total awe. Damn…it never saw anything like THAT before.
In the remaining time it’s going to realize that maybe the midbrain isn’t so damn dumb after all. It isn’t like the midbrain is mindlessly going after anything that moves, like some stupid Cocker Spaniel humping a chair leg.
There are 6 billion human beings on Earth. The only one her midbrain wants is Andrew. Whenever it had happened, during the healing, during a hundred walks on the beach, during the dream of a baby they shared,…somewhere along the way, her midbrain had decided Andrew really WAS the one that her Mom and Dad told her she should wait for. Well, now she had him. She didn't NEED to wait any longer.
Could that be so bad?
The other two players in this drama are Andrew’s cerebrum and midbrain. You’ve already heard from Andrew’s cerebrum. He’d actually love to go along with Joey’s midbrain, it’s just that 16+ years of Barbara and Roger talking to him has convinced his cerebrum that he really can’t take advantage of Joey while she’s intoxicated.
And it’ll actually take a little bit of time for his midbrain to start to side with Joey’s midbrain……probably 4 to 5 milliseconds. But he’ll keep it in check …barely….for an hour and a half.
Now before you horndogs get to panting too much, Joey and Andrew are NOT going to have sex tonight. They’ll come real close…..and both learn things about themselves and each other. And eventually it will happen, and that eventually is not too far down the road. But not tonight. I thought I’d tell you that so you didn’t get your hopes up…..
Are you ready now?
But before that, it’d help if you had a little bit of background about three simple and non controversial subjects.
These subjects are:
Life
Theology
Evolution
Well, OK, they aren’t EXACTLY simple and they may not be ENTIRELY non controversial……but please hear me out.
Life on Earth and apparently Antar as well had a couple of biological imperatives, those being to survive and to reproduce.
This was actually only one imperative, to survive. But in order to survive, it pretty well had to reproduce, because DNA wore out.
DNA is kind of like an old 45 RPM record, over time it accumulates scratches, gets warped, brittle,…just doesn’t work any more. Reproduction was kind of like digitally remastering it. You make another copy, or at least a half a copy, and with luck it’s good for another hundred years. And you can make several half-copies, if you are so inclined. And if you make enough copies and enough of them survive, the DNA survives as well.
The next generation gets to do the same thing all over again. That’s life. That’s how life goes on, and that’s why reproduction is as much an imperative as survival. Simple…..n’est-ce-pas?
Next is Theology. And this also has to do with the subject to follow. I realize that evolution is only a theory, and not everyone believes in it. And that’s OK. It’s entirely possible that what I’m about to tell you about evolution….well, it could be entirely false. It’s indeed possible that God created Adam from clay and Eve from his rib…and all that.
But if He did, if He created their bodies like that, He created them in such a way that they appear and act like they have evolved, just the way I’m going to describe it to you. And that’s the truth. I don’t care what you’ve heard or read elsewhere.
Why did He do that? I have no idea. He’s the Big Guy, the Alpha and Omega, and sometimes He probably does just work in mysterious ways.
He rules the cosmos, for crying out loud. He’s entitled to a cosmic sense of humor.
You don’t think so?
Well, YOU tell Him. I’ve been around too long, my DNA has accumulated more than it’s fair share of scratches and warping, so I’m probably going to see Him before you do.
You want to tell him what He can and can’t do…and maybe piss Him off..? Well, go for it. I’m not telling Him anything.
So now we get to evolution. In the parallel evolution on Earth and Antar, life started primitive and became more sophisticated with time. This is called phylogeny.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search? ... =phylogeny
In the course of this development the brain has expanded over time, kind of like adding rooms on to your house. It was actually fairly successful before the additions…..otherwise it would have died out. But it kind of improved the house over the eons. When it was pretty primitive, it was just something like a foundation for the house. It was called the archencephalon. It wasn’t very bright, but some things it did pretty well. It did all the routine stuff…..digest food, breathe, operate the muscles, and….oh yeah, reproduce. If it hadn’t done the latter….well, we wouldn’t be around. And it didn’t take enormous brainpower to do any of these things.
Over time part of the archencephalon got bigger. This was called the cerebrum. It contains what are known as the “higher centers” of the brain, a term which the midbrain, the remaining part of the old archencephalon would probably resent….if it were bright enough to do that….which it isn’t.
Anyway, the cerebrum is where everything that Maria and Michael have been telling Joey for the last 15+ years has been stored. You know, stuff like don’t scratch your butt in public, look both ways before you cross the street, and good girls don’t do that……or at least….not until they are married. That kind of stuff. The cerebrum, in fact, is largely inhibitory to the midbrain. The midbrain is kind of a let-it-all-hang-out sort of brain. It’s specialty is really….well……making whoopee….because it’s a biological imperative.
Now where this all relates to the situation about to unfold in room 118 is this. The alcohol in the champagne has interfered with the inhibitory impulses coming from all those years of Maria and Michael telling Joey what she should and shouldn’t do.
We actually have four players in this little drama. The first is Joey’s cerebrum.
For the next 40 minutes it’s going to watch in horror at what is happening, and be totally powerless to do anything about it.
For about the next half hour after that, it’s going to be in total awe. Damn…it never saw anything like THAT before.
In the remaining time it’s going to realize that maybe the midbrain isn’t so damn dumb after all. It isn’t like the midbrain is mindlessly going after anything that moves, like some stupid Cocker Spaniel humping a chair leg.
There are 6 billion human beings on Earth. The only one her midbrain wants is Andrew. Whenever it had happened, during the healing, during a hundred walks on the beach, during the dream of a baby they shared,…somewhere along the way, her midbrain had decided Andrew really WAS the one that her Mom and Dad told her she should wait for. Well, now she had him. She didn't NEED to wait any longer.
Could that be so bad?
The other two players in this drama are Andrew’s cerebrum and midbrain. You’ve already heard from Andrew’s cerebrum. He’d actually love to go along with Joey’s midbrain, it’s just that 16+ years of Barbara and Roger talking to him has convinced his cerebrum that he really can’t take advantage of Joey while she’s intoxicated.
And it’ll actually take a little bit of time for his midbrain to start to side with Joey’s midbrain……probably 4 to 5 milliseconds. But he’ll keep it in check …barely….for an hour and a half.
Now before you horndogs get to panting too much, Joey and Andrew are NOT going to have sex tonight. They’ll come real close…..and both learn things about themselves and each other. And eventually it will happen, and that eventually is not too far down the road. But not tonight. I thought I’d tell you that so you didn’t get your hopes up…..
Are you ready now?
Andrew knew that he had to keep Joey in the room, at least until her father showed up or until she regained her senses. It wasn’t just that the room was trashed….rock stars trashed rooms all the time. That was only money. But the walls themselves were glowing where she’d touched them….not like paint…not even like fluorescent paint with black light shining on it, but more like fluorescent bulbs. The colors gave the room an other worldly appearance, even with the room lights on. Andrew couldn’t fix that, couldn’t explain that. But Santa Fe crawled with scientists. Many of the scientists at Sandia labs lived south of the town. They would be crawling over this like ants if it was discovered. They did energy research at Sandia, Andrew knew….and also built thermonuclear weapons. It had the highest security classification of any installation in the country. Andrew desperately did NOT want to attract their attention.
Last edited by greywolf on Sat Nov 25, 2006 12:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
Let’s see….. When we last left Andrew, he was in room 118, flat on his back on the carpet, with Joey kind of on top of his chest.
I think I mentioned that midbrains, while absolutely essential to survival of the species…..well, they aren’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer, if you get my drift. One of the huge advantages that cerebrums have over midbrains is that they have most of the individual as opposed to racial memories. Cerebrums are able, for example, to call up past memories and compare them against the current situation to assess the situation and to come up with potential strategies for dealing with it, and that’s what Drew’s cerebrum was up to right now.
Drew’s cerebrum was recalling that he’d been in similar situations only twice previously in his life….but by comparison, this wasn’t all that bad.
The first time had been a little over a year ago in his sixth game on the freshman football team. He’d been tailback, and the ball had come to him on a delayed handoff. It was a delay so one of the lineman in front of him could work a trap block. This involves the offensive lineman ignoring the guy he usually blocks, and going after the guy next to him. The surprised defensive player comes rushing in, fat dumb and happy, thinking he has a free shot into the backfield. He doesn’t. That’s because the offensive lineman next to him has ignored the guy he normally blocks, and now comes out of nowhere and shoves the defensive lineman out of the way. The defensive lineman that he was supposed to block is similarly surprised at his apparent good fortune. As his opposing linemen appears to miss the block, he slides off in the other direction, expecting a free shot into the backfield. He meets the halfback, who is serving as lead blocker for the tailback….that was Drew…., who delayed long enough to allow all those blocks to start to open a seam for him to get through the line. Drew had watched all these blocks work flawlessly, and had moved in to the seam, also fat dumb and happy, expecting that he now had a free shot into the backfield. Have you ever heard of a linebacker? These are guys who usually hang out behind the line. They watch for short passes, or for guys like Drew who succeed in getting past the line, to try to tackle them before they make too much yardage. Usually. Usually. that is, when the coach doesn’t call for a linebacker blitz. When the coach does, and on this play he had, they storm full speed between their own defensive linemen, hoping everybody will be tied up and they’ll get a free shot into the backfield.
Anyway, Andrew, fat dumb and happy, had entered the seam and been hit stomach high by the helmet of the linebacker going in the other direction at full steam and wound up flat on his back looking up at a hot, sweaty, smelly linebacker sitting on his chest. And he had been hit so hard that he was almost knocked out of his football cleats. That, his cerebrum thought, had been much worse than this.
The second time he’d had something like this happen,….well that’d been Joey. He’d awakened in the pod chamber with Joey asleep on his chest. That actually hadn’t been the least bit unpleasant, particularly after he’d found out his arms were working again. He had known her….been fantasizing about her for years, but it became quickly obvious that he’d never REALLY known her. And while the whole not-of-this-Earth part of it had been kind of a surprise, it had actually been….well, great.
Andrew’s cerebrum, at this point, was starting to feel pretty good about the situation, due in large part to its naiveté about the female of the species in general and the midbrain of the female of the species in particular. A more experienced male cerebrum would have realized it was in deep, deep trouble.
But Andrew’s cerebrum was saying…hey, this is Joey. She was his soulmate. They’d bonded in a hundred walks on the beach. They’d connected dozens of times…shared her dream as well. Not only that, but he outweighed her by a good 50 pounds, was six inches taller, and was in pretty good shape himself. All he really had to do was keep her in the room until her folks got there. While he had some ethical qualms about ‘taking advantage of her’ while she was in an impaired state, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done a little fondling of this and that when she hadn’t been impaired, and he knew that she hadn’t minded much…had in fact been pretty damn enthusiastic. I mean, they were engaged for crying out loud.
So his cerebrum had now convinced itself that maybe he could just hold on to her, calm her down, use his superior weight and strength and the like to keep her from going too far. Like I said, his cerebrum was kind of naïve about women. And his OWN midbrain too, for that matter.
Joey’s midbrain was making a similar sort of mistake.
Now before we go any further, I want to correct any misperception you have about what I’ve said about midbrains in general and Joey’s midbrain in particular. I alluded to the fact that midbrains weren’t particularly bright, and that unfortunately is true. I did not mean to imply, however, that Joey’s midbrain was savage, brutish, or insensitive. Now there were indeed midbrains that were like that.
Take the midbrain of the black widow spider, for instance. I mentioned that midbrains took care of reproduction and digestion..? Well no sooner does the female black widow spider get done with mating than her midbrain turns from making whoopee to making lunch…the father of her upcoming offspring being the blue plate special of the day. And it gets worse.
Some species of praying mantis only wait until the male has gotten started mating before ripping off his head and chowing down, knowing that the body will finish mating eventually even without the head. When it does…well, the rest will be dessert.
Joey’s midbrain was far more advanced than these, and it really cared for Drew….it really did. Besides, it had future plans for him. Joey’s midbrain was pretty much monogamous….some are you know, and it had no real assurance, given the vagaries of the human female reproduction cycle, that the first time was going to…..well….take. It kind of wanted to keep him around….in case today was just kind of the wrong day of the cycle. And more than that, it wanted to keep him around long term.
Joey was a mammal (readily identifiable by the modified sweat glands visible peeking out around the edges of her bra) and therefore was designed to care for young, not just lay a bunch of eggs someplace and wave bye-bye.
While males tended to be kind of all thumbs caring for young, they were better than nothing. And since Joey really wasn’t equipped to nurse more than one or two offspring at a time, Joey’s midbrain really needed to keep Andrew around for the long haul ….years and years…..if it REALLY wanted to propagate the species……and believe me, it did.
So, far from being some brutish thing that was going to gnaw Drew’s head off, Joey’s midbrain really did care about Drew.
Oh, it might cause her to bite his ears or his nipples or something, but they wouldn’t be deep bites. She wasn’t looking for nourishment…hell, that was only….well…foreplay.
And she might put a few scratches in his lower back and/or buttocks during the mating itself….just out of enthusiasm and trying to kind of act like a cheerleader, but again that wouldn’t be out of any malicious intent. Heck, it’d even happen in years to come when her own cerebrum WAS working. Cerebrum’s weren’t unalterably opposed to midbrains making whoopee, in fact, under the right circumstances, they kind of enjoyed the heck out of it themselves.
So please don’t take anything I’ve said as being anti-midbrain, because I’m not. Midbrains are hard working and do a very necessary job. They just aren’t terribly bright.
In keeping with this, Joey’s midbrain really didn’t think it’d have much of a problem with Andrew.
Heck, they’d been bonding for months, a certain amount of foreplay had already been accomplished, the shared dream had obviously affected his midbrain as deeply as it had affected hers. This shouldn’t be a problem. A little nibbling, a few caresses, release a few pheromones from the sweat glands……hell, her midbrain figured to have his midbrain doing just what she wanted in a matter of seconds. Then it’d be up to HIS midbrain to handle his pesky cerebrum. This shouldn’t be any problem at all.
In addition to not being terribly bright, on this occasion, it was also being naïve. But even so, it wasn’t a brute. It is important that you understand that it really cared about Andrew, cared as deeply as it could….although in truth ‘deep’ wasn’t particularly a midbrain trait.
Anyway…..where were we? Oh yes, Andrew flat on his back on the floor clad in boxers, a shirt with only three buttons left that hadn’t been turned to dust, a T-shirt and sweat socks, with Joey straddling his chest, wearing panties and a bra.
And at this point Andrew’s cerebrum really figured it had the upper hand. All it really had to do to control the situation was to grasp her to him, talk slowly and calmingly, and maybe speak reassuringly until she calmed down, taking advantage of Andrew’s superior weight and muscle mass to control her. And it really thought that would likely work and that what’s more, it’s own midbrain would be supportive of this plan……..It should be obvious to everyone that for all it’s vaunted ‘higher functions,’ Drew’s cerebrum was pretty damn naïve.
Midbrains aren’t much for verbal communication. They are no match whatsoever for the specialized cells in the auditory cortex of the cerebrum. Their verbal vocabulary is really limited, mostly stuff like moans, groans, the occasional snarl,….that sort of thing.
But their olfactory communication skills….that is, their ability to communicate by smell…..that was really pretty good. The midbrain runs the autonomic (or involuntary) nervous system and it is directly connected to the olfactory nerves to relay smell from the nose.
Midbrains, particularly those that want to make whoopee, communicate by releasing pheromones at each other.
Joey’s midbrain had been using a pheromone on Andrew for almost 20 minutes already, starting way back at the party as soon as the champagne had disconnected her own cerebrum. It had started with a low potency but long range pheromone. This substance was actually isolated by scientists in the 1990s, and it’s chemistry determined. It was actually a low molecular weight and fairly volatile aldehyde compound, and it’s full structure had been determined and it had been given a scientific name by IUPAC* nomenclature. But no one can remember the long scientific name, and even if some people could, midbrains wouldn’t, because they aren’t all that bright.
Midbrains just call that pheromone, ‘Come hither,’ and Joey had been pouring it out for quite awhile now. The other two pheromones at her body’s disposal are a heavier molecular weight organic ester and a similar compound with an attached ethyl ether subgroup. Neither has had their formulas worked out, but because they are less volatile, they only work at close range. Sitting on your chest is close enough.
The first close range pheromone also has a long scientific name, but the midbrains just call it ‘Going my way…,sailor?’
Now the midbrain code…..well, more of a guideline really, …well it says that this one should be employed at close range, and if…and only if…. the male comes back with a corresponding pheromone, the third pheromone, ‘You show me yours and I’ll show you mine,’ can then be employed.
In a slight breach of protocol, Joey’s midbrain employed both immediately as soon as she was within range. In fairness, it really was more of a guideline than a code.
And to be completely fair, Joey’s midbrain didn’t really think it had done anything wrong, and I can probably tell you why, but first we have to have a short digression into the millennia old conflict between human midbrains and human cerebrums.
As with most age-old controversies, there’s some truth to each sides opinion. I personally don’t have a dog in that fight, so I can probably explain the politics of the situation to you without a lot of bias.
Midbrains have a bias that they got along fine without cerebrums, and that cerebrums (who are mainly inhibitory to the midbrain) are kind of…well... overly straight and uptight stuffed shirts.
Cerebrums on the other hand, tend to think that midbrains are uncouth louts. And there is an element of truth to all of that. The more fair minded midbrains will admit that some of the technology…agriculture, refrigeration, and the like,..is real handy. It isn’t all feast and famine like it was in the old days, when everybody would gorge themselves after they got a mammoth or something and go hungry for weeks between times.
And midbrains have the ‘fight or flight’ reflex, and there’s no question that after the cerebrum’s came up with those spears,…well hell, the saber tooth tigers were extinct in a few millennia.
But midbrains still think that cerebrums are slackers, particularly in the early years when they can’t even form long term memories. And it takes the cerebrums over a year to even get toilet trained.
Midbrains, on the other hand, start their job before birth, regulating heart rate and blood pressure. As soon as the umbilical cord is clamped, they are totally responsible for breathing…..for life.
And the fact of the matter is that midbrains can live without cerebrums, not particularly well, but they can live. Conversely, cerebrums can’t live without midbrains. If the truth be known, most midbrains think of cerebrums as kind of…slackers, particularly in the first few years.
Cerebrums, on the other hand, defend not doing much during pregnancy and the first couple years as just normal development. Moreover, they argue, nobody would really want to know those memories.
Why would anyone want to remember being in the womb, they ask? BORING.
And birth….??? EWWWW!
Maria’s labor for Joey had been fairly easy…six hours of Maria pushing hard. Why would Joey want to remember that? It would probably traumatize the girl. She’d never be able to squeeze toothpaste out of the tube for the rest of her life.
For Drew it was even worse. Remember Barbara had the bifid uterus? Didn’t contract right? Like being in a mixmaster for 12 hours, then the damn thing tore. They had to do an emergency C-section. Some guy you don’t even know cuts a hole in your mom and pulls you out. You really want that memory? I don’t think so.
And even in the early days outside of the womb……? Drew had been circumcised the next day……now was THAT a memory any guy wanted to carry for the rest of his life? Not me!
Anyway, we aren’t going to settle the controversy here….just thought you ought to have the background. Now where were we?
Oh yes. Joey in her undies was clinging to Drew exuding great quantities of pheromones from her sweat glands, particularly in the armpits and pubic area. I didn’t make that up….that’s just fact. As I said above, you don’t like it, you tell Him. I am too old to dictate to a Diety about how I think human bodies ought to be constructed.
Anyway, the other reason that Joey’s midbrain thought it was being reasonable was…well it had been waiting a long, long time.
The midbrain owns something called the pituitary gland that does a lot of things. After almost ten years of working hard to keep Joey’s body breathing, digesting, blood pressure regulated, heart beating properly, and other stuff like that, the midbrain started thinking about making whoopee. It had the pituitary gland start secreting hormones to prepare her for that. It waited almost another year until everything was ready, and had now been testing the system every 28 days for the last five years. That was 65 practice cycles. If the damn thing wasn’t going to work now, it never would.
And historically, only a couple hundred years previously, Joey would have been mated in her early teens. It was only recently in history that cerebrums had gotten so damn inhibitory. In the 1700s, Joey would have been considered well on her way to spinsterhood.
Now you may not agree with this rationale, that’s up to you. As Eddie Izzard said, “..just a difference….”
So where were we? Oh yes….Joey in her underwear was cuddled up on Drew’s chest, him in little more than his underwear, and he thought that his midbrain was going to continue to agree with his cerebrum and restrain Joey from making whoopee. Man was he naïve.
So there they are, the pheromones are thick in the room, both lying there on the rug.
Andrew begins to notice that his heart rate is going up…..significantly. Now while his own cerebrum pretty well controls the regular part of his nervous system, the midbrain controls the autonomic nervous system.
This controls functions that his consciousness really couldn’t. As his heart rate goes up, his respiratory rate also goes up……suddenly he even feels…other things going up. Now at this point, we really need to digress a little bit.
Have you ever heard the expression “the fifth column”? This expression relates originally to the 1936 Spanish Revolution when the rebels were attacking Madrid. While they attacked in four columns, the way they REALLY were able to enter the city was through the efforts of supporters already within the city boundaries. Since that time, any group of secret sympathizers or supporters of an enemy that engage in espionage or sabotage within defense lines or national borders has been called a “fifth column.”
Well, as Andrew looked down at his boxers suddenly tenting up, he began to realize that his midbrain had already defected to the opposition, and certain parts of his anatomy within his boxers were redefining the nature of a “fifth column.”
* IUPAC=International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry
I think I mentioned that midbrains, while absolutely essential to survival of the species…..well, they aren’t exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer, if you get my drift. One of the huge advantages that cerebrums have over midbrains is that they have most of the individual as opposed to racial memories. Cerebrums are able, for example, to call up past memories and compare them against the current situation to assess the situation and to come up with potential strategies for dealing with it, and that’s what Drew’s cerebrum was up to right now.
Drew’s cerebrum was recalling that he’d been in similar situations only twice previously in his life….but by comparison, this wasn’t all that bad.
The first time had been a little over a year ago in his sixth game on the freshman football team. He’d been tailback, and the ball had come to him on a delayed handoff. It was a delay so one of the lineman in front of him could work a trap block. This involves the offensive lineman ignoring the guy he usually blocks, and going after the guy next to him. The surprised defensive player comes rushing in, fat dumb and happy, thinking he has a free shot into the backfield. He doesn’t. That’s because the offensive lineman next to him has ignored the guy he normally blocks, and now comes out of nowhere and shoves the defensive lineman out of the way. The defensive lineman that he was supposed to block is similarly surprised at his apparent good fortune. As his opposing linemen appears to miss the block, he slides off in the other direction, expecting a free shot into the backfield. He meets the halfback, who is serving as lead blocker for the tailback….that was Drew…., who delayed long enough to allow all those blocks to start to open a seam for him to get through the line. Drew had watched all these blocks work flawlessly, and had moved in to the seam, also fat dumb and happy, expecting that he now had a free shot into the backfield. Have you ever heard of a linebacker? These are guys who usually hang out behind the line. They watch for short passes, or for guys like Drew who succeed in getting past the line, to try to tackle them before they make too much yardage. Usually. Usually. that is, when the coach doesn’t call for a linebacker blitz. When the coach does, and on this play he had, they storm full speed between their own defensive linemen, hoping everybody will be tied up and they’ll get a free shot into the backfield.
Anyway, Andrew, fat dumb and happy, had entered the seam and been hit stomach high by the helmet of the linebacker going in the other direction at full steam and wound up flat on his back looking up at a hot, sweaty, smelly linebacker sitting on his chest. And he had been hit so hard that he was almost knocked out of his football cleats. That, his cerebrum thought, had been much worse than this.
The second time he’d had something like this happen,….well that’d been Joey. He’d awakened in the pod chamber with Joey asleep on his chest. That actually hadn’t been the least bit unpleasant, particularly after he’d found out his arms were working again. He had known her….been fantasizing about her for years, but it became quickly obvious that he’d never REALLY known her. And while the whole not-of-this-Earth part of it had been kind of a surprise, it had actually been….well, great.
Andrew’s cerebrum, at this point, was starting to feel pretty good about the situation, due in large part to its naiveté about the female of the species in general and the midbrain of the female of the species in particular. A more experienced male cerebrum would have realized it was in deep, deep trouble.
But Andrew’s cerebrum was saying…hey, this is Joey. She was his soulmate. They’d bonded in a hundred walks on the beach. They’d connected dozens of times…shared her dream as well. Not only that, but he outweighed her by a good 50 pounds, was six inches taller, and was in pretty good shape himself. All he really had to do was keep her in the room until her folks got there. While he had some ethical qualms about ‘taking advantage of her’ while she was in an impaired state, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done a little fondling of this and that when she hadn’t been impaired, and he knew that she hadn’t minded much…had in fact been pretty damn enthusiastic. I mean, they were engaged for crying out loud.
So his cerebrum had now convinced itself that maybe he could just hold on to her, calm her down, use his superior weight and strength and the like to keep her from going too far. Like I said, his cerebrum was kind of naïve about women. And his OWN midbrain too, for that matter.
Joey’s midbrain was making a similar sort of mistake.
Now before we go any further, I want to correct any misperception you have about what I’ve said about midbrains in general and Joey’s midbrain in particular. I alluded to the fact that midbrains weren’t particularly bright, and that unfortunately is true. I did not mean to imply, however, that Joey’s midbrain was savage, brutish, or insensitive. Now there were indeed midbrains that were like that.
Take the midbrain of the black widow spider, for instance. I mentioned that midbrains took care of reproduction and digestion..? Well no sooner does the female black widow spider get done with mating than her midbrain turns from making whoopee to making lunch…the father of her upcoming offspring being the blue plate special of the day. And it gets worse.
Some species of praying mantis only wait until the male has gotten started mating before ripping off his head and chowing down, knowing that the body will finish mating eventually even without the head. When it does…well, the rest will be dessert.
Joey’s midbrain was far more advanced than these, and it really cared for Drew….it really did. Besides, it had future plans for him. Joey’s midbrain was pretty much monogamous….some are you know, and it had no real assurance, given the vagaries of the human female reproduction cycle, that the first time was going to…..well….take. It kind of wanted to keep him around….in case today was just kind of the wrong day of the cycle. And more than that, it wanted to keep him around long term.
Joey was a mammal (readily identifiable by the modified sweat glands visible peeking out around the edges of her bra) and therefore was designed to care for young, not just lay a bunch of eggs someplace and wave bye-bye.
While males tended to be kind of all thumbs caring for young, they were better than nothing. And since Joey really wasn’t equipped to nurse more than one or two offspring at a time, Joey’s midbrain really needed to keep Andrew around for the long haul ….years and years…..if it REALLY wanted to propagate the species……and believe me, it did.
So, far from being some brutish thing that was going to gnaw Drew’s head off, Joey’s midbrain really did care about Drew.
Oh, it might cause her to bite his ears or his nipples or something, but they wouldn’t be deep bites. She wasn’t looking for nourishment…hell, that was only….well…foreplay.
And she might put a few scratches in his lower back and/or buttocks during the mating itself….just out of enthusiasm and trying to kind of act like a cheerleader, but again that wouldn’t be out of any malicious intent. Heck, it’d even happen in years to come when her own cerebrum WAS working. Cerebrum’s weren’t unalterably opposed to midbrains making whoopee, in fact, under the right circumstances, they kind of enjoyed the heck out of it themselves.
So please don’t take anything I’ve said as being anti-midbrain, because I’m not. Midbrains are hard working and do a very necessary job. They just aren’t terribly bright.
In keeping with this, Joey’s midbrain really didn’t think it’d have much of a problem with Andrew.
Heck, they’d been bonding for months, a certain amount of foreplay had already been accomplished, the shared dream had obviously affected his midbrain as deeply as it had affected hers. This shouldn’t be a problem. A little nibbling, a few caresses, release a few pheromones from the sweat glands……hell, her midbrain figured to have his midbrain doing just what she wanted in a matter of seconds. Then it’d be up to HIS midbrain to handle his pesky cerebrum. This shouldn’t be any problem at all.
In addition to not being terribly bright, on this occasion, it was also being naïve. But even so, it wasn’t a brute. It is important that you understand that it really cared about Andrew, cared as deeply as it could….although in truth ‘deep’ wasn’t particularly a midbrain trait.
Anyway…..where were we? Oh yes, Andrew flat on his back on the floor clad in boxers, a shirt with only three buttons left that hadn’t been turned to dust, a T-shirt and sweat socks, with Joey straddling his chest, wearing panties and a bra.
And at this point Andrew’s cerebrum really figured it had the upper hand. All it really had to do to control the situation was to grasp her to him, talk slowly and calmingly, and maybe speak reassuringly until she calmed down, taking advantage of Andrew’s superior weight and muscle mass to control her. And it really thought that would likely work and that what’s more, it’s own midbrain would be supportive of this plan……..It should be obvious to everyone that for all it’s vaunted ‘higher functions,’ Drew’s cerebrum was pretty damn naïve.
Midbrains aren’t much for verbal communication. They are no match whatsoever for the specialized cells in the auditory cortex of the cerebrum. Their verbal vocabulary is really limited, mostly stuff like moans, groans, the occasional snarl,….that sort of thing.
But their olfactory communication skills….that is, their ability to communicate by smell…..that was really pretty good. The midbrain runs the autonomic (or involuntary) nervous system and it is directly connected to the olfactory nerves to relay smell from the nose.
Midbrains, particularly those that want to make whoopee, communicate by releasing pheromones at each other.
Joey’s midbrain had been using a pheromone on Andrew for almost 20 minutes already, starting way back at the party as soon as the champagne had disconnected her own cerebrum. It had started with a low potency but long range pheromone. This substance was actually isolated by scientists in the 1990s, and it’s chemistry determined. It was actually a low molecular weight and fairly volatile aldehyde compound, and it’s full structure had been determined and it had been given a scientific name by IUPAC* nomenclature. But no one can remember the long scientific name, and even if some people could, midbrains wouldn’t, because they aren’t all that bright.
Midbrains just call that pheromone, ‘Come hither,’ and Joey had been pouring it out for quite awhile now. The other two pheromones at her body’s disposal are a heavier molecular weight organic ester and a similar compound with an attached ethyl ether subgroup. Neither has had their formulas worked out, but because they are less volatile, they only work at close range. Sitting on your chest is close enough.
The first close range pheromone also has a long scientific name, but the midbrains just call it ‘Going my way…,sailor?’
Now the midbrain code…..well, more of a guideline really, …well it says that this one should be employed at close range, and if…and only if…. the male comes back with a corresponding pheromone, the third pheromone, ‘You show me yours and I’ll show you mine,’ can then be employed.
In a slight breach of protocol, Joey’s midbrain employed both immediately as soon as she was within range. In fairness, it really was more of a guideline than a code.
And to be completely fair, Joey’s midbrain didn’t really think it had done anything wrong, and I can probably tell you why, but first we have to have a short digression into the millennia old conflict between human midbrains and human cerebrums.
As with most age-old controversies, there’s some truth to each sides opinion. I personally don’t have a dog in that fight, so I can probably explain the politics of the situation to you without a lot of bias.
Midbrains have a bias that they got along fine without cerebrums, and that cerebrums (who are mainly inhibitory to the midbrain) are kind of…well... overly straight and uptight stuffed shirts.
Cerebrums on the other hand, tend to think that midbrains are uncouth louts. And there is an element of truth to all of that. The more fair minded midbrains will admit that some of the technology…agriculture, refrigeration, and the like,..is real handy. It isn’t all feast and famine like it was in the old days, when everybody would gorge themselves after they got a mammoth or something and go hungry for weeks between times.
And midbrains have the ‘fight or flight’ reflex, and there’s no question that after the cerebrum’s came up with those spears,…well hell, the saber tooth tigers were extinct in a few millennia.
But midbrains still think that cerebrums are slackers, particularly in the early years when they can’t even form long term memories. And it takes the cerebrums over a year to even get toilet trained.
Midbrains, on the other hand, start their job before birth, regulating heart rate and blood pressure. As soon as the umbilical cord is clamped, they are totally responsible for breathing…..for life.
And the fact of the matter is that midbrains can live without cerebrums, not particularly well, but they can live. Conversely, cerebrums can’t live without midbrains. If the truth be known, most midbrains think of cerebrums as kind of…slackers, particularly in the first few years.
Cerebrums, on the other hand, defend not doing much during pregnancy and the first couple years as just normal development. Moreover, they argue, nobody would really want to know those memories.
Why would anyone want to remember being in the womb, they ask? BORING.
And birth….??? EWWWW!
Maria’s labor for Joey had been fairly easy…six hours of Maria pushing hard. Why would Joey want to remember that? It would probably traumatize the girl. She’d never be able to squeeze toothpaste out of the tube for the rest of her life.
For Drew it was even worse. Remember Barbara had the bifid uterus? Didn’t contract right? Like being in a mixmaster for 12 hours, then the damn thing tore. They had to do an emergency C-section. Some guy you don’t even know cuts a hole in your mom and pulls you out. You really want that memory? I don’t think so.
And even in the early days outside of the womb……? Drew had been circumcised the next day……now was THAT a memory any guy wanted to carry for the rest of his life? Not me!
Anyway, we aren’t going to settle the controversy here….just thought you ought to have the background. Now where were we?
Oh yes. Joey in her undies was clinging to Drew exuding great quantities of pheromones from her sweat glands, particularly in the armpits and pubic area. I didn’t make that up….that’s just fact. As I said above, you don’t like it, you tell Him. I am too old to dictate to a Diety about how I think human bodies ought to be constructed.
Anyway, the other reason that Joey’s midbrain thought it was being reasonable was…well it had been waiting a long, long time.
The midbrain owns something called the pituitary gland that does a lot of things. After almost ten years of working hard to keep Joey’s body breathing, digesting, blood pressure regulated, heart beating properly, and other stuff like that, the midbrain started thinking about making whoopee. It had the pituitary gland start secreting hormones to prepare her for that. It waited almost another year until everything was ready, and had now been testing the system every 28 days for the last five years. That was 65 practice cycles. If the damn thing wasn’t going to work now, it never would.
And historically, only a couple hundred years previously, Joey would have been mated in her early teens. It was only recently in history that cerebrums had gotten so damn inhibitory. In the 1700s, Joey would have been considered well on her way to spinsterhood.
Now you may not agree with this rationale, that’s up to you. As Eddie Izzard said, “..just a difference….”
So where were we? Oh yes….Joey in her underwear was cuddled up on Drew’s chest, him in little more than his underwear, and he thought that his midbrain was going to continue to agree with his cerebrum and restrain Joey from making whoopee. Man was he naïve.
So there they are, the pheromones are thick in the room, both lying there on the rug.
Andrew begins to notice that his heart rate is going up…..significantly. Now while his own cerebrum pretty well controls the regular part of his nervous system, the midbrain controls the autonomic nervous system.
This controls functions that his consciousness really couldn’t. As his heart rate goes up, his respiratory rate also goes up……suddenly he even feels…other things going up. Now at this point, we really need to digress a little bit.
Have you ever heard the expression “the fifth column”? This expression relates originally to the 1936 Spanish Revolution when the rebels were attacking Madrid. While they attacked in four columns, the way they REALLY were able to enter the city was through the efforts of supporters already within the city boundaries. Since that time, any group of secret sympathizers or supporters of an enemy that engage in espionage or sabotage within defense lines or national borders has been called a “fifth column.”
Well, as Andrew looked down at his boxers suddenly tenting up, he began to realize that his midbrain had already defected to the opposition, and certain parts of his anatomy within his boxers were redefining the nature of a “fifth column.”
* IUPAC=International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry
Last edited by greywolf on Sat Nov 25, 2006 10:38 am, edited 3 times in total.
Have I mentioned that midbrains are faster than cerebrums? Midbrains aren’t as versatile as cerebrums, but what they do they tend to do well….and fast. They are kind of like the proprietary ROM in old Macintosh computers. Real limited in function, and you can’t program it to do anything new, but within those limitations…..well…….it’s real fast.
I mention this because while Andrew’s cerebrum was tied up in thought…contemplating the treachery of his own midbrain, and then going into numerous subroutines like ‘shocked disbelief’, ‘how could it do this to me?’ ‘after all the things I’ve done for that midbrain,’ and the like, Joey’s midbrain was working. The three last buttons on his shirt were dust long before he got over the shock and awe that his own midbrain had defected to the ‘enemy’.
That was another gripe midbrains had about cerebrums, that they tended to be too…….cerebral. Midbrains were more down to earth. Cerebrums tended to build air castles. Midbrains were grounded.
An example:
I mentioned that Joey’s midbrain wasn’t savage and that was generally true. But it was in charge of survive and reproduce, so there was an exception. Joey’s midbrain was quite capable of being savage to protect mate and child….they were needed for reproduction. Driving south on 285 toward Roswell right now was Michael’s cerebrum. It had managed to convince itself that Joey really wouldn't have powerblasted him back in the confrontation over the engagement. Michael’s cerebrum was engaged in wishful thinking. Even Michael's midbrain knew better than that. Even then Joey's midbrain had decided he was the one, she’d have most certainly powerblasted Michael if necessary. She really would have. For mate and child, midbrains could be incredibly savage.
But if you asked a midbrain, they’d tell you……well, not much, their verbal skills were limited to moans and groans and snarls, really. But if you could have gotten by that….interpreted their thoughts, well….midbrains were kind of afraid of the savagery cerebrums were capable of. Look at Hitler, for example. Hitler’s midbrain would have never thought of all the political intrigue and buildup necessary for WWII. Given its option, it would have spent the Thirties and Forties holed up in Berchtesgaden with Eva Braun, screwing like bunnies. And it would have never sent millions to gas chambers. Oh, if some guy had threatened Eva, his midbrain might have taken him on…hit him….kicked him….bit him…..maybe even beaten him over the head with a rock. But gas chambers? Not a midbrain’s style.
Most of the true horrors in the world, actually, were caused by cerebrums. Fascism…Communism….all cerebral stuff. Red Guards, the killing fields of Pol Pot…..all cerebrums run amok. And sometimes they got viruses……weird ideas that just took them over. Strapping explosives to themselves, their mates, and their kids, and blowing themselves up. That wasn’t surviving and reproducing. The Jonestown Kool-Aid fest? A midbrain just wouldn’t do that. Or how about that Hale-Bopp cult thing? Some dumb cerebrum infected with a computer virus decides that it ought to commit suicide to join some flying saucer. And to castrate itself while it’s waiting for the saucer to come by. Hey, a midbrain would never come up with that idea.
But where were we? Oh yes, while Andrew’s cerebrum was lamenting his treacherous midbrain, Joey zapped the last three buttons on his shirt. I wonder if he’ll be regretting turning the air conditioning on full before long?
Andrew’s midbrain hasn’t just been twiddling it’s thumbs either. While his cerebrum is ranting about lack of loyalty, the midbrain is doing its best to forge a new alliance. It’s pumping out two male pheromones in answer to the pheromone messages it has received. Let’s just stick with the midbrain names, they are less complicated than the IUPAC ones. Those would be, ‘Oboy-oboy-oboy-oboy!’ and ‘Your place or mine?’
And Joey’s midbrain is definitely getting the message chemically. It hadn’t missed the tell-tale tenting in the boxers, either. It’s working through her autonomic system to send blood into certain areas too, engorging tissues, secreting fluids, getting various and sundry areas…..well…prepared. It’s also working indirectly as well, through that pituitary gland we mentioned, secreting something called follicle stimulating hormone. No, that doesn’t have anything to do with her hair. It’s a dumb name really….some cerebrum named it that. It’s a hormone that stimulates the cells in the ovary to produce an egg. There is one egg in Joey’s right ovary that’s really almost ready…..the midbrain’s giving it a little nudge. Midbrains are good at multitasking, cerebrums have to timeshare the one processor, which in Andrew’s case is now wasting precious milliseconds wondering what it could have possibly done to turn it’s own midbrain against it. Like I said, midbrains were doers…..cerebrums were thinkers.
But where were we? Oh yes, Joey had now zapped the last of the buttons on the shirt. Well, at this time Drew’s cerebrum begins to question this particular course of action. Of course, while his cerebrum is debating the NEXT course of action, his midbrain is at work….not just the ‘fifth column’ business, but increasing blood flow to the whole area while churning out it’s own stimulant hormones. One would get the opinion that midbrains like things moist and steamy……and actually, they do.
Anyway, even a cerebrum will eventually make a decision, and Andrew’s cerebrum decides that it maybe doesn’t trust itself to just hug Joey to himself, there within close range pheromone distance. Maybe he ought to get away. And he does, pushing her off to the side and scrambling quickly to his feet. She held onto the shirt though, so it got left behind. Joey’s midbrain accepts this with good grace, however. Obviously just not enough foreplay yet. Or as Pepe Le Peu would say, ‘He wants to play…..theeese one….’
OK, despite being down to boxers, a t-shirt, and two socks (one of those with a small hole), being barely able to control his pheromone and hormone induced lust, and not being able to get his face within six or eight inches of anything without certain parts of his anatomy already bumping in to it, Drew’s cerebrum still thinks it’s got the upper hand. It kind of amazes you that the cerebrum is actually the more evolved and modern part of the brain, doesn’t it?
As I said, Drew’s cerebrum right now is a little delusional, still believing he can win this on brute force. He’s bigger, he’s stronger, he’s going to be able to control her. There’s an old adage in sports, it goes like this: ‘A good big man will take a good little man every time.’ Like many stereotypes, it is generally true, that is it is a strategic truth. However he’s forgetting another old saying: ‘Never get in a knife fight with a midget in a phone booth.’ That’s a tactical truth that he will soon learn. No, Joey wouldn’t knife him….but she will outmaneuver him.
I mention this because while Andrew’s cerebrum was tied up in thought…contemplating the treachery of his own midbrain, and then going into numerous subroutines like ‘shocked disbelief’, ‘how could it do this to me?’ ‘after all the things I’ve done for that midbrain,’ and the like, Joey’s midbrain was working. The three last buttons on his shirt were dust long before he got over the shock and awe that his own midbrain had defected to the ‘enemy’.
That was another gripe midbrains had about cerebrums, that they tended to be too…….cerebral. Midbrains were more down to earth. Cerebrums tended to build air castles. Midbrains were grounded.
An example:
I mentioned that Joey’s midbrain wasn’t savage and that was generally true. But it was in charge of survive and reproduce, so there was an exception. Joey’s midbrain was quite capable of being savage to protect mate and child….they were needed for reproduction. Driving south on 285 toward Roswell right now was Michael’s cerebrum. It had managed to convince itself that Joey really wouldn't have powerblasted him back in the confrontation over the engagement. Michael’s cerebrum was engaged in wishful thinking. Even Michael's midbrain knew better than that. Even then Joey's midbrain had decided he was the one, she’d have most certainly powerblasted Michael if necessary. She really would have. For mate and child, midbrains could be incredibly savage.
But if you asked a midbrain, they’d tell you……well, not much, their verbal skills were limited to moans and groans and snarls, really. But if you could have gotten by that….interpreted their thoughts, well….midbrains were kind of afraid of the savagery cerebrums were capable of. Look at Hitler, for example. Hitler’s midbrain would have never thought of all the political intrigue and buildup necessary for WWII. Given its option, it would have spent the Thirties and Forties holed up in Berchtesgaden with Eva Braun, screwing like bunnies. And it would have never sent millions to gas chambers. Oh, if some guy had threatened Eva, his midbrain might have taken him on…hit him….kicked him….bit him…..maybe even beaten him over the head with a rock. But gas chambers? Not a midbrain’s style.
Most of the true horrors in the world, actually, were caused by cerebrums. Fascism…Communism….all cerebral stuff. Red Guards, the killing fields of Pol Pot…..all cerebrums run amok. And sometimes they got viruses……weird ideas that just took them over. Strapping explosives to themselves, their mates, and their kids, and blowing themselves up. That wasn’t surviving and reproducing. The Jonestown Kool-Aid fest? A midbrain just wouldn’t do that. Or how about that Hale-Bopp cult thing? Some dumb cerebrum infected with a computer virus decides that it ought to commit suicide to join some flying saucer. And to castrate itself while it’s waiting for the saucer to come by. Hey, a midbrain would never come up with that idea.
But where were we? Oh yes, while Andrew’s cerebrum was lamenting his treacherous midbrain, Joey zapped the last three buttons on his shirt. I wonder if he’ll be regretting turning the air conditioning on full before long?
Andrew’s midbrain hasn’t just been twiddling it’s thumbs either. While his cerebrum is ranting about lack of loyalty, the midbrain is doing its best to forge a new alliance. It’s pumping out two male pheromones in answer to the pheromone messages it has received. Let’s just stick with the midbrain names, they are less complicated than the IUPAC ones. Those would be, ‘Oboy-oboy-oboy-oboy!’ and ‘Your place or mine?’
And Joey’s midbrain is definitely getting the message chemically. It hadn’t missed the tell-tale tenting in the boxers, either. It’s working through her autonomic system to send blood into certain areas too, engorging tissues, secreting fluids, getting various and sundry areas…..well…prepared. It’s also working indirectly as well, through that pituitary gland we mentioned, secreting something called follicle stimulating hormone. No, that doesn’t have anything to do with her hair. It’s a dumb name really….some cerebrum named it that. It’s a hormone that stimulates the cells in the ovary to produce an egg. There is one egg in Joey’s right ovary that’s really almost ready…..the midbrain’s giving it a little nudge. Midbrains are good at multitasking, cerebrums have to timeshare the one processor, which in Andrew’s case is now wasting precious milliseconds wondering what it could have possibly done to turn it’s own midbrain against it. Like I said, midbrains were doers…..cerebrums were thinkers.
But where were we? Oh yes, Joey had now zapped the last of the buttons on the shirt. Well, at this time Drew’s cerebrum begins to question this particular course of action. Of course, while his cerebrum is debating the NEXT course of action, his midbrain is at work….not just the ‘fifth column’ business, but increasing blood flow to the whole area while churning out it’s own stimulant hormones. One would get the opinion that midbrains like things moist and steamy……and actually, they do.
Anyway, even a cerebrum will eventually make a decision, and Andrew’s cerebrum decides that it maybe doesn’t trust itself to just hug Joey to himself, there within close range pheromone distance. Maybe he ought to get away. And he does, pushing her off to the side and scrambling quickly to his feet. She held onto the shirt though, so it got left behind. Joey’s midbrain accepts this with good grace, however. Obviously just not enough foreplay yet. Or as Pepe Le Peu would say, ‘He wants to play…..theeese one….’
OK, despite being down to boxers, a t-shirt, and two socks (one of those with a small hole), being barely able to control his pheromone and hormone induced lust, and not being able to get his face within six or eight inches of anything without certain parts of his anatomy already bumping in to it, Drew’s cerebrum still thinks it’s got the upper hand. It kind of amazes you that the cerebrum is actually the more evolved and modern part of the brain, doesn’t it?
As I said, Drew’s cerebrum right now is a little delusional, still believing he can win this on brute force. He’s bigger, he’s stronger, he’s going to be able to control her. There’s an old adage in sports, it goes like this: ‘A good big man will take a good little man every time.’ Like many stereotypes, it is generally true, that is it is a strategic truth. However he’s forgetting another old saying: ‘Never get in a knife fight with a midget in a phone booth.’ That’s a tactical truth that he will soon learn. No, Joey wouldn’t knife him….but she will outmaneuver him.