Falling (AU, M/L Teen) Complete

[greywolf]

‘Miss Scientist,’ was a creature of reason, not of emotion, but it made little difference in a sixth grader so traumatized that her terror now trumped reason. Still, as she started to pull away from Max in her panic she saw the hand holding her wrist. It was the same hand that had helped to lift and drag an injured girl from approaching death under an oncoming car – it was the hand that had been stung as it crushed and pulled away scorpions that had been stinging her to death, somehow taking the pain of their stings away even as it took the scorpions themselves away – it had been the hand that clung to the throat of the rapist as he had tottered over the guard rail to fall to his death in the arroyo below. Emotion swings both ways, and Liz found it impossible to be afraid of that hand, once she recognized it – it was Max’s hand.

The voice seemed to cut through the terror – Max’s voice.
“Liz …what’s wrong?”

The hand had touched her in innocence – as much now as it had back then. She realized that – but it was a different Liz Parker – a young woman rather than a child that remembered the touch of that hand on her budding breasts. There had been a rightness to it – a feeling of comfort and warmth – that she still recalled despite the years – despite the terror she had experienced at the hands of her abductor. Max’s hand, she knew, would never hurt her – Max would never hurt her.

Liz took two deep breaths and forced the words from her mouth, “Uh…. Sorry, I’m OK.” She looked up at those thirty-four sets of eyes looking at her and the terror started to grow in her again … but she took his hand – somehow drew strength from it. “I guess I really just don’t like bananas that much.” She reached for it again but Max reached it first. “I’ll do it,” he said, fumbling as he tried to tear a foil package open while still holding the banana.

She knew the excuse had been lame – on a busy Saturday she might make twenty banana splits at the Crashdown, but those bananas were fruit – not phallic symbols. But the thirty other children didn’t seem in any mood to call her on it – they were in fact just really grateful that it was Liz and Max up there going through this and not any of them.

Liz knew that Max was trying to cover for her, but she also knew that Max was painfully shy – and doing this in front of all these people had to be frightening him – maybe frightening him as much as she had been frightened before she realized her protector was beside her. She couldn’t let him do it alone. She took the foil package from his hands and tore it, liberating the latex disk within….

Mr. Raff seemed oblivious to the drama going on at the front table as he continued to read from the lesson plan.

“Uh, this particular condom, as you will note, is a receptacle-tip condom. Some males have a sufficient volume of ejaculate that without room for it in the condom, the liquid will loosen the condom from the penis causing loss of the condom during coitus with subsequent loss of protection, both from pregnancy and from sexually transmitted diseases.”

The word the dead rapist had used had not been “ejaculate” – it had been cruder, as he’d described to the frightened girl what he had intended – that even his bodily fluids would possess her – even as his erect member tore into her. Her fear spiked again as the memory of his words came to her, but she drew comfort from Max being beside her, and with fumbling fingers placed the condom at the tip of the banana Max was holding and slowly rolled it down until her fingers met Max’s hands at the base.

[greywolf]

“I think,” said Nancy Parker, whispering to the woman beside her, “… that your wonderful son just saved my daughter’s life again. She appeared to be ready to die of embarrassment up there, before he took over and sort of snapped her out of it.”

Diane shook her head slowly, smiling in wonderment and affection at both of the young teenagers. “You have no idea how difficult it is for me to get Max to do anything that puts himself in the spotlight – even simply talking to my own cousins. But Liz somehow can get him to give a condom use demonstration in a classroom packed with teenagers. Trust me, her ability to get him to be more social is probably the best thing that has happened for him in his young life. I can’t believe how good those two are for each other.”

“I know they’re just kids, and it’s way too early for them to even consider who their particular special someone will someday be, but I have to admit that sometimes when I see them together…..”

“Yeah, I understand,” said Diane. “Philip really likes Liz too. We were talking the other day and he said something about hoping that our son has the good sense to notice what a fine young lady your daughter is, when he starts thinking more seriously about such things. We’d never say anything to Max – Liz and Max are good kids, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to send any messages that might be interpreted as – you know – pushing them, to have a relationship, teenagers can get in enough problems with their dating on their own, but even so… it’s hard sometimes not to wish that those two will someday be a couple.”

“I know just what you mean,” said Nancy, ‘… and speaking of such things – are you ready for our presentation?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess. Hopefully we won’t die of embarrassment up there, like Liz almost did.”

The women watched as Max distributed bananas to each table while Liz did the same with the small foil packages containing the condoms. Absent the emotional content which had largely been taken away by Liz and Max's demonstration, putting latex on a banana was scarcely rocket science. Certainly if shy Max and Miss Perfect Parker had been able to survive the embarrassment, most of their classmates decided they could as well. In another fifteen minutes the 'condom lab' was finished and it was time for the two mothers to give their presentation.

With Mrs. Parker, Mrs. Evans, and Mrs. Raff seated at the front table, Mr. Raff started the conversation.

"Today we have some individuals who are going to talk to about various aspects of human sexuality. Mrs. Evans in particular, as a lawyer, has her own unique knowledge to bring to bear on the subject. Teaching about sex, particularly here at the elementary school level has not been without controversy. The fact is that many young people make decisions about sexuality before they are really emotionally ready for the consequences of those decisions. The intent of this class is NOT to encourage such behavior. Hopefully none of you have any immediate use for the lab that you've just completed, but everyone makes choices in their lives and we realize sometimes the choices that get made are not the ones we would prefer that you make. Part of the reason for this course is to assist you in limiting the damage that can occur when inappropriate choices are made. But what we would also like to do is to give you some good guidelines about how you might make more appropriate choices. What we'd like you to get from this presentation and class discussion is some general guidelines that might help you make better and more informed choices in the future. So with no further ado, Mrs. Evans will start off the presentation."

[greywolf]

"Good afternoon, students," said Diane. "Nancy – that is – Mrs. Parker and I have volunteered to provide some of our perspectives on the subject that you are now studying. For the purposes of this first presentation, I’d like to talk to you a little bit about the law in general, and the law as it applies – or oftentimes as it doesn’t apply – to human sexuality. To start with, I am a lawyer – an officer of the court under the laws of New Mexico – and I’d like to tell you about the two general types of law, before explaining why neither one necessarily works particularly well when applied to this subject.

Our two general legal systems are the criminal system, and the civil system. Let me give you an example of a couple of different situations where one or the other would be applied.

Let’s say that your neighbor was going on vacation – that you knew your neighbor was going on vacation – and that while they were gone you broke into their house and stole something from them worth a thousand dollars. That would constitute a criminal violation. Laws exist to protect everyone – including their property rights. You, as a person living in the State of New Mexico have an obligation under New Mexico State Law to not violate the rights of others, and by robbing your neighbor you committed a crime not just against your neighbor, but against the State of New Mexico itself.

Now let’s take the same situation – your neighbor is going on vacation. But this time your neighbor comes to you and offers to pay you $200 to water his lawn and landscape plants while he is away. You agree, but then when he goes away you don’t do the watering. It doesn’t matter why you didn’t do it – that you forgot – that you changed your mind – that something more important to you came up. For whatever reason, you didn’t do what you said – what you contracted – to do – and because of that his yard lost a thousand dollars worth of lawn and shrubbery. The State of New Mexico is not going to arrest you for that. There is no requirement under the criminal code on the State of New Mexico for you to water your neighbor’s yard, but what you have done is violated a contract that you made with your neighbor. Because of that, your neighbor not only does NOT have to give you the $200, but they may sue you in civil court to recover damages – to get the thousand dollars back from you because you FAILED to do what you had previously agreed to do.

Now the reasons criminal law does not work well in the field of human sexuality are fairly simple. While everyone certainly was told by there mother what constitutes good and bad touching when they were little, the consensus for what actually constitutes good and bad touching in a sexual relationship is much less clear. Clearly somethings are off limits. You can’t, for instance, kidnap someone off the street and force them to have sex with you…”


As she heard the words the memories flashed back again in Liz’s mind of the man taunting her – threatening her – describing in vulgar graphic detail just what he intended to do to her body – what he intended to do to her mind. Liz started to hyperventilate…

Max was sitting quietly at the table with Liz, watching his mother give her presentation, but as she said those words, Max felt the terror radiate from the young girl beside him. Instinctively he reached out and put his hand softly upon hers.
Liz felt the hand on hers and looked down – his hand –- Max’s hand. He was there beside her she realized – Max, not that horrid man. She put her other hand softly on top of his and felt her heartbeat slow back to normal. She took a few deep breaths and things seemed to be better.

[greywolf]

The agreement with the school and the PTSA was that Diane and Nancy would give this presentation to all six of the sixth grade classes in the school district. They had both read through the presentations of the other, and it actually wasn’t until that very second that the potential terror that the last sentence might cause to one of the students who had indeed once been abducted hit their consciousness, but when it hit it hit simultaneously.

Diane’s eyes opened in shocked realization, and turned instantly to Nancy, the concern and apology apparent on her face. Nancy’s face was a mirror of her own, and they turned as one to look at the back table – at the young girl sitting there – before turning back to look at each other again.

Nancy fought back the smile. Here she and Diane were worried that their presentation might have somehow traumatized Liz and the reality..? Liz was sitting in the back of the room, apparently oblivious to the lecture, holding hands with Max, and lost in his big amber eyes. ‘If they don’t start paying more attention to the presentation,’ she thought, ‘Mr. Raff is probably going to get on their cases. Even if they are old enough for that sort of stuff, and I'm not sure they are, in the middle of class isn't the place...’

Nancy looked at Diane and nodded, encouraging her to continue the presentation. It didn’t look like her sentence had bothered Liz. ‘Chances are,’ Nancy told herself as Diane restarted her talk, ‘..neither of those two even heard it.’

[greywolf]

Diane looked at the two sitting at the table one last time, trying not to smile.

'Those two are so damn cute together...'

Still, she had a job to do ... "There are several reasons why the criminal justice system does not handle human sexuality well. One of these is the ambiguity of the courting process, and the focus of the criminal justice system on the concept of 'guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.' Let me give an example. Some things are definitely out of line – we’ve already gone over one of them – abduction and force. Similarly, if there is a serious discrepancy in power and authority between two individuals – should Mr. Raff for instance tell one of the girls – or boys – in this class to kiss him, that would be inappropriate. It could never be truly voluntary on the part of one of his students, because he is their teacher. That would be illegal.”

“Yeah, and he’d be in a lot of trouble at home, too,” said a smiling Mrs. Raff, drawing a little bit of nervous laughter from the crowd. Clearly, many were still uncomfortable with this discussion.

“But the problem,” Diane continued, “is one of ambiguity, and in the criminal justice system ambiguity always favors the alleged wrong-doer. Are you all familiar with the terms; 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base, and home run – not the actual baseball terms, but used as a euphemism for sexual activities?”

Diane looked around the room, seeing wide eyes and heads nodding slowly in the affirmative.

“Well, absent consent, you can consider first base a misdemeanor, second base a gross misdemeanor, and anything past that to be felonies. The problem is that in the courting behavior of any couple, this progression not only occasionally occurs, it is in fact the norm, and I have it on the authority of my own high school biology teacher that there wouldn’t be a single person in this classroom who would be here if there parents hadn’t gotten to the home run stage. One problem for the criminal justice system is that these things are generally done in private with only the two individuals really aware of the circumstances – the extent to which there WAS consent when the act occurred. Too often we encounter situations of he said – she said, where there are disputes as to whether consent were actually given or not. These are extremely difficult for the criminal justice system to resolve.”

One girl raised her hand. “But my mommy told me that ‘no’ meant ‘no.’ That doesn’t seem ambig- u- ous to me.”

The three grown women at the front table smiled at each other. “Well, it’s a little bit more complicated than that,” said Diane.

“People change their minds during the courting process – change them both ways. The young man you believed was your Prince Charming starts acting more like a frog, or someone who you thought uninteresting just sweeps you off your feet – probably not the best term to use in a human sexuality class – but the thing is that at the start of a simple date, neither the boy nor the girl necessarily knows where that date is going, or what their own reaction will be along the way. And unfortunately there is another little legal principle called ‘implied consent.’

Let me explain ‘Implied Consent” like this – last year a seventeen year old boy intentionally ran into another seventeen year old boy in Otero county. He hit him just as hard as he could, trying to take something away from him. He broke several ribs, ruptured the young man’s spleen – it required emergency surgery to keep him from dying. Was a crime committed here?”

Throughout the classroom heads were nodding and students were muttering yes.

“No,” said Diane. “The football safety was doing his best to keep a player from scoring – to knock the football out of his grasp to keep his high school from losing the state championship. It was a clean hit – not even a foul – just good rugged football. When the halfback put on the uniform he gave implied consent for the other football player to assault him. He agreed to take his chances. Unfortunately, courting too, can be somewhat like that.”

[greywolf]

“While either sex can misuse physical affection and cause physical or emotional damage to the other,” said Diane Evans to the class, “… the legal experience tends to be disproportionately one way, so fogive me for a minute if I address primarily the girls in the class. You girls are more vulnerable – that’s simple physiology. Right now you may not appreciate that because you start into puberty first – years before the boys your age do. Right now in sixth grade, many of you are very nearly the same size – practically as strong as the boys in your class. In fact, some of you are quite likely stronger physically than some of the boys in your class – but that condition is transitory. Within a few years most of you girls will be physically less strong than most of the boys, particularly in upper body strength. While human sexuality has both an emotional and a physical component – and you can be hurt by either one – girls have fewer options in attempting to physically prevent boys from forcing their acquiescence in the physical component of human sexuality, and unfortunately there are many males who seem unable or unwilling to prevent themselves from taking advantage of their greater strength to intimidate or even assault females.”

The words of Diane Evans somehow seemed to transport Liz back to the day of her abduction. The man had seemed incredibly strong to the ten year old girl she had been then. He had seemed unstoppable. Appalled by the terrible things he promised to do to her, she had come to the soul-numbing realization that there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing anyone could do about it…

Beside her, Max felt the terror grow again within Liz, and he cast his head anxiously from side to side, unconsciously seeking whatever threatened her, just as his hand unconsciously squeezed hers to reassure himself that she was still there.

The squeezing of her hand startled Liz – it was like the vice-like grip the man had when he’d pulled her in to the car. Her eyes went involuntarily toward the source of that grip and she saw the hands then … and she didn’t want hands gripping her – touching her – preparing her for the degradation the man had promised her. Her hands shuddered and started to pull back – but then she looked again. They weren’t the man’s hands – they were Max’s hands – they’d touched her before and it was silly to think that Max’s hands would ever hurt her. She gripped his hands softly and they seemed to gently release, as if the hands themselves were reassured by her presence. Once more her sympathetic nervous system eased her ‘fight or flight’ reaction – once more her hyperventilation slowed to near normal – once more Max’s presence let her push the terror of those memories enough at arm’s length that her panic gradually subsided.

“We see unfortunately too many cases of boys assaulting girls – sometimes not even realizing they are intimidating them with their greater strength – sometimes doing it knowingly. Assault is not just rape – it’s any physical activity that is non-consenting. It may be just a kiss, and yet… a kiss may be only a somewhat preliminary step to a far deeper consensual relationship. The problem is that the criminal justice system has at its core the tenet that a person must be proven to have committed the crime ‘beyond a reasonable doubt.’ It has been said of the US criminal justice system that ‘It is better that a dozen guilty men go free than that one innocent man be convicted,’ but where does that leave the twelve young women that were the victims of these men? What I want you to understand is that you must protect yourself from being victimized, the criminal justice system really can’t, or at least it can’t except at the extremes, where the physical damage done to the body makes it obvious that this couldn’t have been consensual. And I would submit to all of you here that if it comes to that point, it is far, far too late. It is imperative that both the male and the female in the relationship keep that from happening. Mrs. Parker, Mrs. Raff, and I will discuss some general guidelines later on how to keep that from happening.”

Max still wasn’t sure what was going on. Whatever was frightening Liz – she appeared to have calmed down for the moment. After the class he would ask her – whatever it was, she was terrified of it. ‘Does she somehow suspect – what I am?’ he asked himself guiltily. But she didn’t appear to.

Her fear seemed almost like it was caused by his mom. But that was silly. Max’s mom was about as nice a person as there was Earth – kind, loving, trustworthy…. ‘Oh yeah? You don’t trust her Max,’ his conscience reminded him reprovingly. ‘That’s not so,’ Max replied, lying to himself. ‘Mom has had enough disappointments not being able to have her own kids. It’s better that she doesn’t know the two she has are – different.’ Different was what he said to himself. Defective was what he thought.

Max looked back at Liz, wishing he weren’t defective. Wishing he could just be normal. Maybe then it would be alright for him to feel the sort of things for Liz he was starting to feel for her. But he knew that could never be.

[greywolf]

"On the other hand..." continued Diane Evans to the class, "... the other legal system – the civil system – is equally difficult to apply to the situation of a couple courting. The civil law system is fundamentally based upon contract law and involves something called a ‘tort,’ technically a breach of a contract. Now very few of us ever go out on dates with a written contract specifying what each one is and is not allowed to do on the date. Somehow most people really don’t find that romantic.”

Diane smiled as she said that and there was the titter of nervous laughter from the students.


“But even if there were some sort of a formal contract, courting is somewhat of a dynamic process, with people changing their minds constantly. ‘Am I going to hold this person’s hand?’ ‘Am I going to put my arm around them?’ ‘Am I going to permit them to kiss me?’ ‘How about second base?’ Depending on where you are in your relationship, you may be asking these questions not just before the date, but during the date as well. And the decisions you made beforehand may not – depending on the behavior of the one you are courting – be the same decisions you would make during the date, and every bit of input you provide to your partner becomes a basis for potential modification of whatever that contract may have originally been. And even more troubling, your partner on that date is going through the same ambiguous process.

Even without anyone attempting to take advantage of the situation, there is so much uncertainty and ambiguity in the situation – so little common understanding of just what the contract is or was, that basically all the civil legal system can do is attempt to make someone financially responsible for the results of their action, and it really doesn’t address the potential emotional distress caused to either party. And I must say, this appears to be an equal-opportunity problem between the two sexes. Boys get hurt by misunderstandings just as frequently as girls, both with attentions being rebuffed when all indications were that they would not be, and probably worse – by individuals who believe they have some sort of a special relationship with someone finding out that perhaps that person cares more for a third party or simply doesn’t care for them at all. Either of these things can cause immeasurable pain, even if there is no physical damage. And sometimes - sometimes there really isn't any fault. Sometimes, despite the best intentions - sometimes people just aren't able to commit - just aren't able to be comfortable enough with the other person to actually take their relationship to the next level. It's no one's fault - some people just have problems that way.”

Perhaps Max should have been listening to his mother. Perhaps it would have made a difference later. Perhaps if he had really listened to the words of his mother describing the confusion and the pain that could come out of a lack of communication with the one you care about, things might have been different, but Max was paying attention to none of these things. Max was holding Liz's hand, looking in to her eyes, and wondering what was wrong and how he could help. At least she seemed to be calming down.

Liz listened to Max's mom. If there was one thing she wasn't worried about - could never be worried about - it was Max's commitment to her. Whatever problems she might have – and her mind kept going back to what the book had said about post-assault sexual dysfunction – she knew Max would die for her. ‘But will I be able to be what Max wants? … what he needs?’ she found herself asking.

As his mother finished she, Mrs. Parker, and Mrs. Raff started out with the panel discussion. Liz had seemed to calm down, but now he could feel her fear start to grow and he didn’t understand – he simply didn’t understand. It was hard to even follow the discussion from the panel as he felt the concern grow from Liz.

[greywolf]

Nancy Parker started off the discussion, “Mrs. Evans has explained to you many of the legal problems – indeed, many of the problems of all sorts – with courting. One might ask, ‘why do we even bother?’ It can be a lot of trouble – a lot of pain and heartache – but the reason we bother is that it can also be something else. It can be the greatest fulfillment of our lives, to have a special someone that we can share with – share our deepest thoughts, our hidden feelings – share ourselves with, not just physically but completely – our whole lives and everything we are and will ever be. Unfortunately, many people never obtain that sort of relationship. Some settle for less, some never do find anyone. No one can make any guarantees when it comes to how you find that special someone, but some guidance can make it more likely that you will find that right someone in your life.”

Mrs. Raff hit a key on the computer and a screen projected behind the women at the front table. “We call it the four “C”s of courting,” she said.

“The first of these,” said Diane, “is caution. It’s important to not rush in to anything. There are a lot of people out there whose values may not be your values. These aren’t just the overt sociopaths – those who would have no compunction about harming you – in fact may ENJOY harming you – to get what they see as THEIR needs met, but also those who don’t truly value the relationship they might have with you. There are, for example, individuals of both sexes who regard sex just as a game – the object being to keep score of their conquests in competition with their similarly minded friends.”

“There are a number of ways you can be cautious,” continued Nancy Parker. “To begin with, take time to get to know people that you are considering dating as a friend before you consider dating them. I know, that gets harder as you get older, because you see your friends dating – you even may feel some pressure to date JUST because your friends do. That’s generally a bad idea. There is nothing wrong with being part of a group – either a church group or perhaps a club that has co-ed activities. Once you do decide to date – double dating with another couple can be a good way to assure that neither of you put yourself in a situation where you are putting yourself at risk. Perhaps the most dangerous thing you can do is to depend on someone you don’t know well – a stranger to have your interest at heart, rather than their own. So the key thing is to TAKE YOUR TIME. You have years to find that special someone. You don’t need to do it quickly because your friends appear to have found their special person, and most definitely not because the one you are dating is putting pressure on you to move faster than YOU are comfortable with.”

Liz looked at Max out of the corner of her eye. Boy was this speech off base for her problem. Max had put himself between her and danger the first day they’d met – and repeatedly since then. No, her worry wasn’t that Max would ever hurt her – she didn’t need to be cautious about that. Her worry was about herself – that she could never really be the special someone that Max deserved when the time came – that she was – different – broken.

“The next “C” is Communication,” said Mrs. Raff. “Mrs. Evans has told you about the legal problems of deciding just what signals mean what. But it’s more than that – it’s being honest with your would-be partner. It’s about telling them the truth. That sounds easy, I know, but it can be extremely difficult. Opening yourself up – actually risking letting someone know how you feel puts you at risk for embarrassment – humiliation –heartbreak. It isn’t easy to do. But without communication, relationships only get more difficult. Without communication, little misunderstandings become big problems. If you can’t talk to the other person – if you can’t tell them frankly what your feelings are – even if you know that they may have different feelings – or believe a different timeline for intimacy in your relationship is in order – maybe they really aren’t your special someone after all.”

“You have to make the choice,” said Diane Evans. “If there is really going to be depth to your relationship – if it’s not going to be just a superficial thing without real meaning, communication is key.”

Max was barely listening to his mother, worried about whatever was putting such fear in Liz. But even so, he was pretty sure his mom was wrong. He cared about Liz – cared deeply, even though he knew that she could never feel THAT way about him – certainly not if she knew what he really was. He was her friend though – and always would be. But whatever was scaring her – whatever was causing her to be so upset, certainly knowing she had a friend who was ‘not of this Earth’ wasn’t going to be helpful. ‘Some things,’ he thought, ‘… it’s better you just keep to yourself.’

Liz’s stomach tightened just a little bit more as she listened to Mrs. Raff and Diane Evans. She had told her mother that Max was the one, but how could she do this to him? She knew how he’d feel – Mr. Responsibility – thinking it was his fault. He’d been willing to die to save her from that man. How could she tell him that he hadn’t been in time? That just the words of the man and the knowledge that animals like him existed had twisted her inside? That because she was damaged – because she was too weak to work her way through this, they could never have the life together they might have had? ‘How can I tell Max something like that,’ she asked herself, feeling the fear and despair growing inside her again.

[greywolf]

“The third ‘C’,” said Nancy Parker, “…is caring. Caring means valuing the needs of the other person – at least as much as you value your own. It can’t all be one way. A good relationship means that the other person’s wants and needs are important to you also – so important, that you are willing if necessary to sacrifice your own wants and needs, if it is in the best interest of the one that you care for.”

“The final ‘C’ is commitment,” said Diane Evans. “The best relationships will withstand whatever stresses are placed upon them, because both people are ready to sacrifice to make the other one happy.”

Liz looked up at the front of the room. She cared for Max – but what if she couldn’t respond to the needs he would someday have for her? What if that one horrible ride down the mountain had forever ruined any possibility of her ever giving him that sort of fulfillment? She had no real doubt about Max’s commitment, he’d proven it often enough. But if she couldn’t commit to him – maybe it would be better if she stopped seeing him – let him find someone else. Maybe that was the most caring thing she was capable of doing for the young man whose happiness she most wanted. But she’d try – she’d talk to him about her problem. She’d be honest with him – that much at least she could do.

Max looked at Liz. She seemed lost in thought. But the waves of despair still rolled from her – he could feel them. Max didn’t know what the matter was. What he did know was that he’d do anything – anything at all, if it would let Liz get past this horrible depression she was having.

When class let out, Liz and Max rode their bicycles back to the Crashdown. Liz made a large root beer float for the two of them to split, and she took it back to the small dining area – used often for birthdays and other celebrations, but empty today – where she could talk to Max in private.

“Max – I have something I need to tell you – to be honest with you,” said Liz, her voice quavering.

Max could still feel the fear – the pain – the despair being given off by Liz, even without connecting with her. Whatever was causing her the pain – she apparently intended to share it with him, as painful as that obviously was for her.

“Go ahead, Liz. You can trust me – you know that.”

She gave him a weak smile. THAT she did know. If there was anyone on Earth that she could trust, it was Max. She just didn’t want to hurt him – didn’t want him to think it was somehow his fault. Max had come as fast as he could – almost died. She prayed that he wouldn’t blame himself for not being in time.

“you know, Max – that ‘Life Science’ class has sort of stressed me out. Not the class, really, but the ideas – the sex education part – it gives me bad thoughts – bad dreams about when I was kidnapped. I never told anyone – I never wanted to even remember I guess – but the guy who kidnapped me – he … he … exposed himself to me. He grabbed my hand and made me touch him. He told me over and over again what he was going to do to me, Max. Ugly things – scary things – bad things, Max,” she said with her head looking down at the table top. “I’m scared, Max. I’m scared that I’ll never be able to put those thoughts behind me. Scared that when I try to have my own special someone – that those thoughts and fears will always be there – never let me be happy. I don’t know what to do, Max. All I can say is that I’m working on it – trying to put it behind me. I just don’t know if I ever will.”

Suddenly his hands were around her hand, and she found herself looking in to his eyes. “You know I’ll always be your friend, Liz, don’t you? No matter what?”

“Yes Max,” she said, trying to smile, ‘but I want you to be more than that, Max,’ she told herself, ‘.. and I’m not sure I can ever put this behind me and let that happen.’

He heard her say yes, but he could still feel her pain – feel her doubt. He wished he could somehow go back in time – wished he could have been there with her – wished he could have powerblasted the man before he even got near Liz. He would always be her friend, but what if that wasn’t enough to make her happy?

He sucked on the straw, but neither the rootbeer, nor even the closeness of his best friend could stop the pain he was feeling. He had to do something -- he had to think - maybe then he'd find an answer.

Liz looked at Max. His eyes showed such concern. Liz knew she had to do something - had to make this better somehow. She couldn't give up her dream of being Max's special someone. He meant the world to her...

[greywolf]

It was long after midnight and Liz lay in her bed in the near-darkness, the only light that of a partial moon, coming through her window. The tears had finally stopped flowing, their only residue a small pile of moist tissues gathered by her pillow. Somehow, determination had gradually replaced despair.

She got up from the bed and walked into her bathroom. She fumbled in the darkness for the lower right drawer, and found the open box in the back. She took out one tampon and went back to her bed, slipping her pajama bottoms and panties off and letting them drop to the floor before crawling back in. She felt naked and vulnerable lying there, but gathering all the determination she could, she spread her knees to her sides and felt down there, opening herself for the applicator. As the tube touched her she started - his face appearing in her mind - once more mouthing the horrible words -- making the horrible promises of what he would do to her once they got to Mexico.

She tried to calm herself down - to tell herself it was only a memory - but the touch of the applicator seemed to send her body into a spasm and her mind into a world where the man was still alive, describing vividly and obscenely what orifices he would rip wide and penetrate - what he would do once he did. It wasn't her parasympathetic nervous system that was active - her reaction was pure terror. The vaginal walls closed in painful spasm, doing their best to refuse admittance to the horror that her mind believed was fast approaching. The pain and nausea were overwhelming.

The tampon and applicator fell from her hands as she let out a soundless scream of hopeless agony. Then the man's words started to replay themselves in her mind as he promised her what would happen next.

Liz's stomach could take no more. Even as she rolled out of the bed the vomit had already risen to her mouth. She ran for the toilet, just managing to get there as the remains of her dinner emptied themselves from her mouth and nose into the commode. She lay at the foot of the commode for long minutes, just sobbing. Finally she managed to crawl back to her bed. The memories continued for almost an hour before - mercifully - sleep overtook her.

It was long after midnight and Max lay in his bed in the near-darkness, the only light that of a partial moon, coming through his window. Tears streaked his cheeks as he thought of Liz and the pain he had felt from her. It isn't ever easy to take a life - it hadn't been for young Max Evans. From the day he'd killed the kidnapper, he'd felt some guilt - guilt that he let her be kidnapped, but guilt too that he had somehow not found a way to stop the man without killing him. Perhaps if he'd practiced his powers more - perhaps somehow if he'd done something different, he could have saved Liz without killing. The thoughts had haunted him since that day.

But not tonight. Not tonight did those thoughts of compassion for the dead man bother Max. Oh, he wished the man were alive - that he did. The Sheriff had said that the man had done that before - what he'd done to Liz - that and worse. Max's compassion was only for Liz - Liz and the other girls who had to live with the memories of that horrible monster. Max wished the man were alive, but only so he could make him suffer - suffer like Liz and the other girls he had hurt were suffering.

No, tonight Max was not the compassionate child. Tonight, were the man there, Max would have been the monster - the bringer of pain and terror. It wouldn't help Liz, of course, but at least it might make one sixth grade boy feel a little better.