Roswell Fanatics

Michelle in Yonkers wrote:I just discovered this, so I'm replying to stuff that's way back:

killjoy said:

Ok for you uneducated lot let me give you a few facts on women and sex." smiled Kyle "Like did you guys know that in the end there are only four types of orgasms for women out there?"

Michael, Max and Alex could only shake their heads no at that question.

"It's true." nodded Kyle "You see for a woman you first have the positive orgasm. That's where she goes 'Oh Yes Oh Yes Oh Yes'. Than you have the negative orgasm where a woman goes 'Oh No Oh No Oh No'.Than you have the religious orgasm where the woman goes 'Oh God Oh God Oh God'.And last but not least for women there is the fake orgasm......." Now this was when Kyle got a big smile on his face as he got ready to deliver the punch line "......And that's when she goes 'Oh Michael,Oh Michael,Oh Michael!'

I would post and say how funny this is, but my neighbors are having me carted off to the funny farm for all the strange laughter emanating from my place, alone, in the middle of the night...

I agree with Morning Dreamgirl—this so needs to be dialogue in some fanfic!

.

Yeah, I forgot to comment on how hilarious that is. That had me laughing for a good ten minutes, I'll tell you. Except, come on, Oh Michael Oh Michael Oh Michael wouldn't be fake!

You're just too funny, killjoy.

-April

Max and Liz are sitting together at one of the booths in the Crashdown. As usual both teensare staring into each others eyes;having those soulful looks. Max has this intense look as if he would go crazy if he would look away.

"Damn it Liz, I really don't wanna see your barleycorn...That is just disgusting.I won't touch this...ewww."

Michael: Sometimes, when it's late at night and I'm all alone, I like to put on a tutu and pretend that I'm a prima ballerina and dance around to my Hanson cd.

Kyle: Tess, I want to have sex with you 20 times a week, you want to have sex with me no times a week. Let's compromise and make it 10 shall we?

I heard the 2nd one somewhere and couldn't resist using it here.

Tess was cooking at the stove when she heard Kyle suddenly bust out in laughter.Turning to look over her shoulder Tess found her boyfriend sitting at the kitchen table with a book in his hand.

"What so funny?"

"Ohhh just the joke book,Michael loaned me the other day at work." Kyle answered not taking his face out of the book's pages.

'Must be good to get you laughing like that." smiled Tess.

"Ohh yeah it's great!" Kyle returned the smile and than turned the page "Let me give you an example......two blondes enter a bar......OW!!!!" Kyle jumped up from his seat after getting the living hell shocked out of him.He looked up to find Tess glaring at him with her hand pointed out toward him."What the hell was that for?!"

"What did I tell YOU about dumb blonde jokes?!" growled Tess as she used her none power shooting hand to run through her long blonde hair.

"Ohh yeah sorry,"Kyle said meekly and than sat down quickly and hide his face behind his book.


Ok I don't know if that's any good....but it's been a long time since I've been on this thread I had to give it a shot

Tess: If I were to ever go, would you come with me?

Max: You better mean when you go and that would be a hell no.

Maria: But I would be happy to send you away with a few parting gifts, a few bitch slaps and kick in the ass would really go a long way for us all.

Liz: As for me, I could send you away with several photos of me and Max before during and after our honeymoon. Would you like walletsizes or just the wide large shots? Nevermind, I'll throw in both because your just so garsh darn special.

Tess thinks for a moment...

Tess: So when I go, will you all miss me?

Kyle: I love you...I honestly love you...

The shower curtain is pulled back and Kyle squeaks in horror.

Kyle: Maria I didn't want you to find out about us this way.

Maria chokes on her own vomit and turns chalk white. She turns to Michael with unbelieving eyes.

Michael: Sorry babe, but if you saw him in only his dad's cowboy hat and spurs you'd honestly love him too.

"Ohhh man I don't feel so good," Michael moaned leaning foward in his spot in the Crashdown booth.

"Michael sweetie are you ok?" Tess asked kneeling down close to her friend.

"No..." Michael moaned again this time holding his stomach "I think it was that leftover fish I ate for lunch.It most have been bad?"

"Yeah you're lookinga little green," said Tess who than spun around to point her finger at Kyle and glare "I want NO little green alien jokes to come out of your mouth mister!!"

Kyle who was about to say something shut his mouth and than pouted at his girlfriend

"Gee spoil all my fun why don't you."

Roslover39 wrote:

Liz: Max, don't you wanna touch my hair, stroke my skin?

Max: Why?

LOL this had me in stitches

dreamer19 wrote:Graduation...Max and Liz's wedding at the end...

Liz's voice over: I'm Liz Parker and I'm happy.

Moving to the shot of the back of the van...

Max pounding on the back of the window: No wait I made a mistake! Somebody help me!

awww thats evil BUT SOOOOO FUNNY ^^

PS: a special mention to killjoy for making me laugh so much. ^^
i couldn't quote every single gag/joke that you wrote

i love the smurf joke ^^ BRILLIENT

"Yo Michael what's up?" Kyle asked as he fall into the other side of the Crashdown booth across from Michael

"Reading," was all Michael blurted out his face still stuck in the book that was laying flat on the table top.

"Yes I can see that," Kyle rolled his eyes "But what are you reading?"

Without saying anything Michael picked the book up with both hands and held it up so Kyle could read the cover.

"You've got to be kidding me?" Kyle laughed as he looked at the huge black and yellow book that had the title of....

How To Be A Sensitive Guy....For Dummies

Tess: Lord have mercy Kyle..Maybe I should convert to buddhism.

Kyle: Why?

Tess: Because I need to get in contact with my soul.

Kyle: Do you even have one you alien muppet? (laughs)

****************

Liz: (watches' Tess angrily from the bar) I feel like ripping those fake blonde curls off her hair.

Alex: I'll help you if you like.

Maria: What's your reason for hating her Alex?

Alex: She always arrives at the time when I'm about to make love to Isabel!


**************

Tess and Max kiss at the observatory. Liz arrives.

Liz: Thanks for keeping him company in my absense. You can leave now Tess.

Tess: But I..we were just getting starting...

Max throws Tess and reaches for Liz and kisses her.

Max: Sorry babe, Liz is more beautiful then you.

Tess; But..I...I...I'll just go and find Kyle. (leaves)

*****************

Isabel: I've been married so many times mom.

Dianne: What? At the age of eighteen? Already?

Isabel: I've married Micheal, Married Kivar and some other alien guys and I also can't decide between Max, Alex and Kyle.

Dianne: You playerette! (shock written over her face)

*********************

Max: Will you marry me?

Liz: Where's the ring? Why did you just transform a coal into a diamond! I want the ring!!

Zan: I have it. (Climbs up the balcony)

Liz looks happy and runs to hug Zan.

Liz: My hero!

Zan slips the ring on her finger.

Max: But..I thought you loved me Liz?

Liz: I do. (turns around and grabs Max while holding onto Zan) I love the pair of you. My lovlies.

***************