Roswell Fanatics

Ladies have you always wondered how we men pick out our clothing for the day? How we come up with the wonderful outfit you see us wearing? Well wonder no more! For the link below cleary shows the detail we men go through when picking out what we are going to wear for the day.So check it out and have one less thing about us men you don't know about


http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/2-10-2002-11401.asp

What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!?"

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

To: Tech Support

To whom it may concern,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

Signed, Jane

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Sincerely,
Tech Support

LOL Wow, that's a fairly accurate description on men as compared to computer programs.

I'm guessing that she wishes she would have read the fine print.

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember .

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."


11. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

13. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

12. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

LOL!!! So funny[/b]

Making a woman happy is easy

A man only has to be a
1. Friend
2. Mate
3. Lover
4. Brother
5. Father
6. Teacher
7. Cook
8. Mechanic
9. Architect
10. Stylist
11. Electrician
12. Sexologist
13. Gynecologist
14. Psychologist
15. Psychiatrist
16. Therapist

and he needs to be
17. kind
18. sympathetic
19. athletic
20. gentle
21. paying attention
22. gentlemanlike
23. intelligent
24. smart
25. creative
26. sensitive
27. strong
28. understanding
29. tolerant
30. modest
31. ambitious
32. talented
33. brave
34. resolute
35. trustworthy
36. respectful
37. giving
38. passionate and most importantly
39. able to pay.

He should also make sure that
a) he is not jealous, but also not uninterested
b) he gets along with his family, but doesn’t spend more time with them than with his wife
c) he gives her space, but is interested in where she has been and what she’s done.

It is very important to not forget birthdays, anniversaries, wedding days, her period,
the date of their first kiss, the birthdays of her favourite aunt, favourite nephew or her best friend


Sadly, even following those rules perfectly, do not guarantee 100 % happiness.
She could feel confinded in such a perfect and balanced life and leave with the first jerk she meets.

And now the other side:
Making a man happy is, as we can quickly realize, not that easy.
Then:
A man needs:

1. Sex und
2. Food.

Most women are, of course, unable to deal with those needs/demands.

What do we learn of all this?

Living together in harmony is not that difficult. Men just need t realize that they can't be so demanding!

Good one Trude

Wait a second here.....

You ladies want us men to not be jealous....

...but to also give you space, but be interested in where she has been and what she’s done.



But doesn't the be interested in what she's been doing and where she's been come in conflict with the not being jealous part?

Lord women are confusing.

Lord women are confusing.

you say that like it's a bad thing