Roswell Fanatics

A/N: Hey, I'm back! This will be the last update for a while, I think, as classes started last week and are kicking my ass. I'll try to work on it whenever I get down time (yeah, right). To clarify some of your questions...in case it wasn't cleared up in previous updates...

Khivar raped Vilandra in her life on Antar and the memories were passed to Isabel through the link. She is now stuck with them in her own head. Yes, I know, I'm putting these characters through hell. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This chapter contains the last disturbing dream sequence. Enjoy. And as always, feedback is the writer's crack.

Chapter 11

Two hours. It had been two hours since he had last seen her; spoken to her; touched her. It was the longest he had gone without some kind of contact with her since this whole thing began. And the look on her face when he left that room was doing nothing to convince him that he shouldn’t be holding her right now; reassuring her that he would be there for her no matter what. Walking out had been the single most difficult thing he could recall doing in his life time. He sat on the couch in the living room, hands between his knees, staring at the floor. He had attempted to sleep earlier; his instincts telling him that when this finally sank in to Isabel’s overwhelmed mind, neither of them would be doing much sleeping. Unfortunately, his psyche had other ideas and had kept him awake and staring at the ceiling for an hour before he finally gave up. Max and Michael had gone into Max’s room and he hadn’t seen them for at least an hour. Sighing, he headed towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water.

A loud thump, a bang, and Isabel’s now familiar terrified shriek made him drop the plastic cup he was taking from the cabinet and race towards the room.

Oh god, will this ever end?

“Alex!” Michael bellowed, a split second before he joined Max and Michael standing in the wide open doorway.

“Oh god.” He pushed past them to get to her and stopped short at the threshold. Isabel was on the floor, having fallen out of bed in an obvious attempt to escape her mental demons. There was a red mark on her forehead where she had apparently hit her head on the nightstand on the way down. Alex gulped reflexively, imagining the goose egg she would have in a few hours. But what broke his heart was the sound of her moaning sobs, and the sight of her tears streaming through her closed eyes as she thrashed and continued to fight off her imaginary attacker. It mildly alarmed him that the desperate, out of control panic that he had experienced when he had first seen Isabel like this was replaced with a morbid feeling of déjà vu. She was sobbing, whimpering, moaning, twisting, rocking; to even the educated observer, an ideal candidate for a psychiatric hospital. To Alex, it was simply symptomatic of the terror she was experiencing in her mind. She nearly whacked her head on the edge of the nightstand again and he jumped to action. Without hesitating, he crouched down and pulled her rigid, resisting body into a straight jacket hold.

She screamed and bucked but he held her tightly from behind. Her head snapped back in a last ditch effort to escape but he reacted quickly, moving one forearm to wrap around her forehead and pull her head back against his shoulder. He was torn between risking making her nightmare worse and holding her to prevent her from hurting herself, again. Deciding that the latter was more important at the moment, he held her as gently as he could under the circumstances and began to whisper soothingly in her ear, hoping that his voice would somehow bring her out of it.

“Isabel…Isabel, listen to me. Shhh, Isabel. Shhh. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re ok. I won’t hurt you. Shhh. Open your eyes. Come on sweetheart. Open your eyes for me.” She screamed again, a loud, desperate, animalistic noise, making Alex wince as her mouth was very near his right ear. He tightened his grip as she continued to struggle. She wasn’t coming out of it.

“Alex?” Alex jerked his eyes from Isabel to see Max crouching in front of them. Michael stood behind him, looking ready to pounce.

“God Max, do you think he reversed the connection already?” Alex nearly shouted over Isabel’s wailing.

“No, I don’t think so.” Max was fairly confident. “She came out of those dreams fairly easily; this has to be something different. I want to connect with her again.” Alex nodded, not being able to come up with another viable solution in his current state of mind. Isabel’s wailing and grinding of teeth was making her look more like a candidate for exorcism than a petrified girl having night terrors. Still fighting him and thrashing wildly, she managed to twist her arm and dig her fingernails into Alex’s forearm. Grimacing against the pain, he saw Michael come forward and crouch down. He gripped Isabel’s wrists gently and pinned her forearms down. The blankets she had twisted herself in when falling were still wrapped around her legs. Between Alex and Michael, she was effectively immobilized. Alex fought back the guilt he felt at having to resort to physically restraining her, knowing that it was literally a last resort; this was definitely a desperate situation. She continued to wail and whimper, fighting against their hold with every last ounce of energy she possessed, which he reasoned couldn’t be much at this point. He met Michael’s eyes and saw what he felt; pain and overwhelming determination. Max leaned in over Michael from the side and gently touched Isabel’s forehead while Alex held her head steady on his shoulder.

“I’m not going to hurt you Iz,” Max said softly, even though he knew he was probably speaking to a brick wall. She groaned in angry, helpless protest when he touched her temple. He winced but didn’t have time to contemplate this as he was hurled head first into the most confusing whirl of emotions he had ever experienced. Terror. Pain. Anger. Guilt. Fear. Shame. He found himself pasted on the ceiling, watching from above.

“That’s right, fucking, feels good, doesn’t it?” He slammed into her. She screamed. Screamed. Screamed. Screamed.

“Whore.”

Whimpering. “Don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me, please, please, please, please, please, don’t hurt me…” The room began to spin and Max shut his eyes, blocking out the disturbing scene. When he opened them again, he was standing in a dark room with the equivalent of a naked bulb of light shining down onto a figure. She was huddled in the center of the room and shaking. He knew instantly it was Isabel. She was completely curled in on herself with her arms wrapped around her knees and her head buried between them. Her normally impeccably groomed hair was frazzled and greasy, hanging limply over her shoulders. Her whole body shook like a frightened kitten.

“Don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me, please, please, please, please, please.” The words were the same, only the scene had changed. This was the “dark place” she talked about.

“Isabel,” he approached her slowly. Her head whipped up.

“Max?” Disbelief. Fear. Humiliation. “No, Max, no. Stay away Max, please don’t hurt me, stay away.” His chest constricted painfully, but he wasn’t leaving her alone this time.

“I won’t hurt you Isabel, I won’t hurt you. I’m not leaving you alone.” By this time he was standing directly over her, watching her cower in fear at his feet. He crouched down and she winced, as if expecting to be struck. Not giving her a chance to react, he put his arms securely around her. He pulled her tightly against his chest, neutralizing her feeble attempts to escape him. She wailed in protest and pounded her fists against his chest, but he held her tightly. “Isabel, shhh... I won’t hurt you… You’re safe… I’m not leaving you ... Shhh.” Her exhausted body couldn’t take anymore and she slumped against him; whimpering and panting.

“Go away Max, please. Just leave me alone.”

“No.” She panted heavily against his chest, crying, choking, and trying to breathe. For what felt like an eternity, he held her, stroking her back silently. He expected her to fight him, to try to break free, but it never happened. To his complete surprise, the next words out of her mouth were,

“Please Max, please make it stop.” He winced at the absolute desperation he heard in her voice.

“Is he back? Did he make another connection?” he queried gently.

“N-no, this is…all me I think. I just, it’s not Khivar really, it’s, it’s the memory of him…and…and Vilandra. Oh god, oh god. It’s in my head…like, like it’s my memory, but, but it’s not.” She started to sob. He rocked her gently before tentatively asking another question.

“So it doesn’t have anything to do with the connection?”

“N-no, I d-don’t think so.” She dissolved into sobs yet again.

“Shhhh, ok. It’s ok.”

“What am I going to do Max?” she wailed from his chest. Max swallowed once before responding.

“I want to try something Iz, ok?”

“O-ok.”

“You know what delta brain waves are?”

“Y-yeah.”

“The ones that control you when you sleep.”

“Yeah.”

“I want to try to control them so that you can sleep without the dreams.”

“W-why didn’t you do that before?”

“I’ve never done it before; I didn’t want to scare you more. And I think the whole problem was that Khivar’s connection took over your brain.”

“But now…”

“I don’t know if I can erase the memory, but I can try to make it so that you can sleep.” Isabel was silent. He leaned back to look at her, her dream-body still trembling slightly. “Do you trust me Iz?” She looked terrified.

“Yes Max,” her answer was so honest, so immediate.

“Ok. I’m going to put you to sleep. You don’t have to do anything, just relax. Everything’s ok. When you wake up, we’ll be right there, I promise. Alex and Michael are with you right now. All you have to do is close your eyes and go to sleep.” He hadn’t expected her to do as he said without question, but he felt her relax against him almost immediately. “Go to sleep. Just relax, close your eyes. I’m right here. Shhh. That’s it.” As he spoke, he channeled a small amount of soothing energy into her dream self and waited for the telltale signs of a person in deep sleep. “Shhh, it’s ok. Go to sleep.” He doubted that she even realized what he was doing. The space around him seemed to lighten. It was warmer, peaceful. The apparition of Isabel slept soundly in his arms. Breathing a small sigh of relief, Max withdrew himself from the dreamscape.


Alex and Michael watched in amazement as Isabel slumped against Alex’s chest, completely unconscious and silent.

“Holy shit,” Michael cautiously released her wrists and Alex loosened his grip, but he wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. “What the hell was that? 15 minutes?”

“Yeah,” Alex breathed a momentary sigh of relief. “I have no idea. God I hope it wasn’t him.” He shuddered, Michael nodded in agreement. Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by Max suddenly opening his eyes and gasping for breath. He pulled away from Isabel and Alex caught her head as it slumped forward. “Max?” He was crouched next to Isabel, holding his head in his hands and breathing heavily.

“She’s sleeping.”

“What was that?”

“Not Khivar.” Alex let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

“What was it then?”

“The memories of Khivar raping Vilandra have become her own memories. They aren’t controlled by Khivar, but her own mind turns the memories into nightmares.”

“Oh shit.”

“I can’t erase the memories. I tricked her brain into going to sleep though.”

“You did what?”

“Delta waves…powers. She’s asleep and shouldn’t be waking up any time soon, but when she does; hopefully no nightmares.” The three of them sat in silence, lost in contemplation. It was then that Alex remembered the swelling mark on her forehead. It had gone from angry red to purple.

“Michael, help me get her back on the bed. We need to do something about that bruise.”

“I’ll get some ice,” Max got off the floor and headed towards the kitchen, relieved to have something to do with himself. Michael slowly began to free Isabel’s legs from the twisted sheets. Alex scooted out from behind her, carefully cradling her limp upper body to his chest and supporting her head. Michael took her legs and together, they lifted her from the floor and gently placed her back on the bed. Alex rearranged the pillows while Michael recovered her with the sheets and comforter. She slept soundly throughout the entire ordeal.

“She looks so…small.” Alex sighed. The events of the past hour reminded him all too well of how her poignant dreams affected her. How could she get better if the very thing that was causing her distress was the one thing that could save her? How could they do this? How could he do this to her? He raked his hands over his face and through his hair.

“At least you can do something to help her,” Michael sighed. “I’m kinda the third wheel here. I mean, Max has his powers, and you’re…you. I’m just a stand in for either of you.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s not?”

“She loves you.”

“I think the lack of sleep is getting to you Wittman...”

“I mean that.”

“She loves you.”

“Think about it.” Michael raised his eyebrow.

“Yesterday, she went to the Crashdown, right?”

“Yeah.”
“I was at home; Max was at the UFO Center.”

“Are you going somewhere with this?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but the catalyst for this whole chain of events was her throwing a Cherry Coke in your face because you said ‘hi’.”

“Pretty much.”

“A mentally stable person does not throw a drink at a person who says hi.”

“No.”

“Whether or not she consciously knew it, she was at the end of her mental rope. She needed to feel safe. She could have come to any of us. Max was the logical choice since he’s the only other person who knew about the dreams, but she didn’t go to him.” He paused. “She went to you. She knew you would protect her. You make her feel safe.” Michael blinked. “My guess is that she went to the Crashdown because she knew that you would be there. She needed to feel safe, but in her unstable mind, she probably didn’t consider the very likely possibility that you might say hi. When you did, you reminded her of why she was there. She couldn’t handle the shame and guilt, and she bolted.”

“Thank you, Sigmund Freud.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.” Michael would never admit it, but Alex’s recognition of his place in Isabel’s life meant a lot to him. He was saved from having to come up with a deeper response by Max’s return with an icepack and the almost empty bottle of Tylenol. Alex took the icepack and placed it gently on the swelling knot on Isabel’s forehead. She winced and whimpered, twisting slightly, but she didn’t awaken.

“Shhh. Sorry,” he apologized to the unconscious girl. She calmed down at the sound of his voice. He cautiously stretched out on the bed next to her. As if sensing his presence, she turned her face into his chest and nuzzled the fabric of his shirt. “Shhhhh.” He kissed her cheek and ran the fingers of one hand through her hair, readjusting the icepack with the other. He turned to Max and Michael. “I’m going to stay with her until she wakes up.” Michael nodded in agreement, but couldn’t help pointing out:

“You know, she might be pissed since she told us all to get the hell out.”

“I don’t give a damn. You saw her. She can kick and scream all she wants. I’m not leaving her alone again.”

“No argument here. Hopefully she’ll sleep for a while anyway,” Max added. “It’s getting late, when’s the last time she ate?”

“I guess it was that bowl of soup that I had to practically force down her throat,” Michael grimaced.

“I don’t want to wake her up. She’ll be hungry enough when she wakes up on her own.”

“I haven’t eaten yet today, I’m gonna go order take out. Too tired to cook. You want anything?” Max offered.

“Yeah, whatever you’re having is fine, thanks.” Alex nodded gratefully. He had barely had time to eat since yesterday, having been a little distracted. Michael and Max left the room and he turned his attention to the sleeping girl in his arms. Whatever Max had done had worked. Her breathing was deep and even and the worry lines that were constantly etched in her forehead were less visible.

She looks so innocent.

“I guess I’m not your favorite person right now, am I?” he whispered, knowing she wouldn’t respond. “I know you’re scared baby. God…I’m scared too.” He ran his fingers through her hair again, not sure if it was to comfort her or himself. He kissed her forehead, continuing, “I wish I could take it away.” He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he scanned her sleeping face. “I just need you to be ok.” He paused. “I’ll take care of you sweetheart. If you were conscious, you’d probably rip me a new one for saying that, huh? Tell me you don’t need anyone to take care of you…call me a chauvinist pig…” he chuckled. “Whatever you decide, I’m going to be there. I’m not going anywhere and nothing you can say will change my mind.” He kissed her forehead tenderly again and laid his head on her chest, soothed by the sound of her steady breathing.


Isabel opened her eyes to total darkness. She froze, her breathing speeding up and her heartbeat skyrocketing until she realized that the thing she was clutching to her chest was a person and that person was talking to her.

“Shhhh, it’s ok Iz. You’re ok.”

“Alex?”

“Yeah, I’m right here.”

“Where are you?” Wait, he just answered that. Before she could berate herself for sounding like an idiot, the dim light on the nightstand switched on and she was squinting into his concerned eyes.

“Right here.” He cupped her cheek with one hand and to his relief, she nuzzled into him. A few seconds later, he realized that his palm was wet. She was crying. “Shhh.”

“I…I’m sorry…I yelled at you,” she whimpered into his hand. “I…shouldn’t have done that. It…it’s not your fault and…and I need you. Please…

“Shhh…it’s ok sweetheart, I know.” He wiped her eyes with the pads of his thumbs and kissed her forehead. She sat up, putting her arms around his neck and hiding her face in the crook of his shoulder.

“You don’t hate me?” she mumbled.

“Never.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. You were overwhelmed. It was a natural reaction.”

“I…guess so.”

“I know so.”

“I…I don’t know what to do.”

“About what?” Alex gulped. She looked up into his eyes and he was nearly bowled over by the vulnerability he saw. “Listen to me. Whatever you decide, I’ll be right there with you. Either way. I just want you to be ok,” he assured her.

“That’s just it…”

“What?”
“I’ll never be ok…unless…unless we do this.” The silence hung heavy in the air between them. He couldn’t argue with that.

“Is that really what you want?”

“I want it to be you.” Whoa. Alex blinked once, twice, then his brain reconnected with him mouth long enough to be able to respond.

“I want it to be you too.” He kissed her tenderly, and was overjoyed when she tentatively returned the gesture.

“Are you sure?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

“I…I’m sure that I want it to be you. And I’m sure that I want these horrible nightmares to stop. I love you. You love me…right?” She looked up at him, as if scared of his answer.

“I love you Isabel, never doubt that.”

I’m…I’m just scared. I mean, what if I like, freak out in the middle of it? What if…what if I start to like…hallucinate and think you’re him? Oh god, you’re not him. Never him. I don’t think that.”

“Isabel…” he cut her off. She looked up at him, shame and guilt evident on her face. “I know you know that. You know I would never hurt you. I would never do anything you don’t want me to do. I love you. But…if you did start to get scared, it wouldn’t be your fault sweetheart. You’ve been hurt…badly. And it’s only natural for you to want to not put yourself in that situation again. You might consciously know that I would never hurt you, but the subconscious is a very powerful thing. So…it’s ok, if you get scared.” She nodded, resting her forehead against his chest and he stroked her back soothingly. He took a deep breath to steady himself and give himself time to think. “Do you trust me?” His fingers caught her chin and lifted her face to meet his, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“You know I do.” Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

“Then believe me when I tell you that I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do. If we do this and you get scared, you tell me and we stop. But I’m not going to leave you alone. I will be right there holding you until you’re ok… if you want me to.”

“Oh Alex.” God…where had all that come from? He knew he meant every word of it, but he had no idea he worked so well under pressure. Inwardly, he was amazed, shocked, shaking. And more determined than ever that he would help her through this…if she let him.

TBC

I'm baaaack! Thought I had disappeared off the face of the earth? I think I did. But the aliens known as professors at this school have returned me relatively unharmed, excpet for the damn barcode on the back of my neck...hope no one notices. Spring break is in two weeks, the next update will probably be around then.

I have a question for you all, if you could give me some feedback. I know this story is choc full of disturbing angst and drama. So...as objective readers, which one do you think is the most poignant/best? Just wondering.

Anyway, I digress.

Chapter 12

Isabel trembled in Alex’s arms as he rocked her. She had never been so scared, yet so relieved in her life.

He loved her.

Alex loved her.

She loved him.

She had known it before, but had not let herself believe it. They sat silently in the dim light from the nightstand. For a very long time, neither of them spoke. Alex was simply glad that she was clinging to him instead of pushing him away. Isabel just wanted to crawl up inside of him and never come out. Maybe if she sat here long enough in the comfort and protection of his arms, she would wake up and it would be over. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again. No such luck. Alex felt a wet spot forming on his sleeve and gently pulled back to look into Isabel’s tear stained face.

“Isabel, talk to me,” he urged her, gently wiping her tears away.

“I don’t know…I don’t know what to do Alex. How…how do we do this? I’m so scared.”

“I know you are.” He wasn’t going to admit to her how terrified he was right now. She needed his confidence and love. He tilted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes once more. “Are you afraid of me?” he questioned gently, even though he knew what the answer would be.

“No! I…I’m not afraid of you Alex!…I could never be afraid of you!” She sobbed, burying her face in his shirt and clinging tightly around his neck, appalled that he actually believed it. “Please don’t think that!” she begged him. Alex held her tighter, reassuring her.

“Shhhh. Sweetheart, I don’t think that. I never thought that. Shhh…I know.” He tenderly kissed her face, forehead, neck, shoulders; anywhere that he could reach. He leaned her back, gently guiding her onto the pillows behind them. She froze, clinging to him.

“No...”

“Shhh, I’m right here,” he said quickly, stroking her hair away from her face. He lay down on his side, propping himself up on one elbow and pulling her closer in to him so that he could whisper softly in her ear. She looked at him apprehensively. “Listen to me sweetheart.” She nodded against the pillow and tried to will her tense muscles to relax. “It’s ok to be scared, but you have to remember something…you’re here…with me. Not him. He may be a very real figment of your imagination, but I am right here, with you, in the flesh; you don’t have to be scared of me. I love you Isabel. I love you so much. I think about loving you, touching you, and the idea that it might be a reality is so amazing to me. But that’s the difference between him and me.” He kept stroking her forehead, soothing her as he spoke, “I am real. And I love you. I will do everything I can to help you remember that. You have to trust me. Let me love you. When we are together, it’s you loving me and me loving you. No one else is here and nothing else matters. Do you understand sweetheart?” Isabel nodded emphatically, tears streaming down her face at the heartfelt words. Somehow, he always knew just what to say.

“I love you Alex,” she whispered through her tears, turning on her side to wrap her arms around him. He put his arms around her, holding her tightly, knowing how badly she needed to be held, and how badly he needed to hold her.

“I love you too Isabel.” He leaned down, gently taking her lips in a tender kiss. She responded tentatively at first and he let her guide him, not wanting to overwhelm her. Slowly, she was able to push her some of her inhibitions to the background. This was Alex. He was holding her as if she were the most delicate thing on the planet.
He kissed her gently; his taste, his smell, the warmth of his mouth on top of hers reminding her of reality.

He tangled his fingers in her hair, kissing her forehead; cheeks; nose; lips; neck.

She ran her fingers in the short hair at the nape of his neck, clinging to him; letting his presence reassure her. Eventually they pulled away from each other.

“No rush,” Alex gently reminded her. “I know you think that if we don’t do this soon, he will get back into your mind somehow.”

“He will…” she whispered forlornly.

“But we don’t have to do it this minute.” He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“And if we don’t? He’ll just be back. The minute I close my eyes, he could…”

“I know,” he said softly. “But we’re going to go slow.” Isabel nodded as he kissed her forehead. “I refuse to rush this. I refuse to rush you. We’re not doing this because of Khivar.” He felt her stiffen in his arms when he used the evil bastard’s name.

“We’re not?” She shuddered.

“No. We can’t let our first time be about him, Iz. It’s about us. I’m with you because I love you. You love me. No other reason.” She sighed.

“I do love you Alex.” She raised her teary eyes to his and he reflexively wiped away the oncoming tears with his thumbs.

“I know you do sweetheart. I love you too.” He leaned in towards her, hesitating, asking her permission. She bridged the gap between them, bringing her mouth to his. The kiss was gentle, tender, hesitant, consuming. He placed butterfly kisses on either side of her mouth before running his tongue gently over her lips. She opened her mouth hesitantly and he reassured her by running his hands through her hair as his tongue explored her mouth. She whimpered at the unexpected touch of their tongues and he tried to pull away to reassure her, but she placed one hand at the nape of his neck, holding his mouth to hers. Realizing she was ok with this, Alex let his hands skim over her hair and down her back, stroking, soothing. Her hands played in the short hair on the back of his head, her arms tight around him as if she thought he would disappear. Despite her obvious willingness to continue, Alex could feel how tense she was. Her muscles jumped every time he touched her and her arms around his neck felt like a vice. She pulled back, gasping for air and he pulled away slightly to look at her.

“Isabel?” His voice came out rougher than he had intended.

“I…I’m sorry. I…I can’t.” She burst into sobs and he immediately drew her back into his arms.

“Shhh. It’s ok, it’s ok.”

“No! It’s not! What if…what if he comes back? What if I can’t do this soon enough and he comes back? Oh god! Please Alex, please, he can’t come back!” He tightened his arms around her despite her feeble attempts to pull away.

“We can do this baby, we can do this. You can do this. It’s gonna be ok. I won’t let him hurt you,” he murmured. The next thing he knew, her lips were crashing into his with a force he hadn’t known she was capable of, nearly knocking him backwards. His arms came around her in a reflex to try to balance them. She was trembling uncontrollably, holding him so tightly, he could barely breathe. Her lips were stiff against his and he could taste her tears as they fell freely from her face on to his. He had to stop her, but the last thing he wanted to do was physically restrain her. Instead, he let his body go slack beneath hers, holding her gently against him but otherwise not responding.

“Alex!” she sobbed when she felt him go limp. “Alex! Please!” He looked up at her with unshed tears in his eyes, not needing words to tell her what he was doing. She collapsed on to his chest with renewed sobbing and he bent his head down to kiss her hair.

“Shhh. Sweetheart.” He ran his hands up and down her back as he rolled her gently to the side. She whimpered and clung to him and he pulled her into his arms in response. “I’m right here, not leaving you, remember?” She nodded, but clung to him anyway. Alex was at a loss for words. There were so many thing wrong with this situation that almost nothing he could say would make it better. She was so scared. After an eternity, her sobs died down and turned to random hiccups against his chest. Praying for divine intervention, he rubbed her back as he spoke. “I love you Isabel. I love you and there is no time limit on that.” He continued when she didn’t protest. “I want to make love to you.” She gasped but he kept talking. “But I am not going to make love to you when you’re shaking in fear before we even start.”

“I can’t…I can’t help it! It’s not you!” she protested desperately.

“Shhh. I know. I know it’s not.” He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear as she lay on her side with her face buried in his chest.

“What…what are we going to do?” Alex breathed a momentary sigh of relief. ‘We’… ‘we’ meant she was slowly realizing that she wasn’t in this by herself.

“We are going to take it one step at a time,” he whispered. “And you are going to go down to the kitchen and eat dinner.”

“I…I don’t know if I…”

“I’ll help you.”

“I’m so dirty.”

“After dinner, you can take a shower...or a bath, a nice hot bath to relax you. How does that sound?”

“O…ok.” He cringed at her tone of voice. Submissive. Resigned. Lost. She sounded as if she were about 7 years old. He cautiously disentangled himself from her sheets and moved to the dresser. She sat up slowly and carefully tossed the blankets aside. He handed her a pair of cotton shorts and she took them from him. He didn’t turn away and she didn’t seem to mind that he was watching her. She bent her knees to put the shorts on and winced. She turned her head, hoping he hadn’t noticed, but she knew he had.

“Can you stand up?” She shook her head.

“It hurts.” Silently, he came to kneel by the side of the bed in front of her.

“Put your hands on my shoulders.” He guided her hands to his shoulders and put his hands on her hips, helping her to stand. She winced again and he pretended not to notice. When she was leaning against him and standing, using his shoulders for support, he took his hands from her hips and slid the shorts on underneath the t-shirt. She looked down at him appreciatively.

“Ok?” She nodded. His hands were so warm, and gentle and he kept looking at her like he loved her. Loved her. A giant tear rolled down her cheek and before she knew what was happening, his arms were around her and she was crushed comfortably against his chest.

“I hate this. I hate being so…helpless,” her words were muffled in his shirt.

“You’re not helpless, baby. Needing help doesn’t make you helpless. It makes you human.” She looked up at him as if he had suddenly sprouted a second head.. Her face crumpled at the absolute conviction in his eyes. “Yes, I know what I said.”

“But I’m not…”

“Yes. You are.”

“How can you say that?” she hissed, her eyes flashing and beginning to tear. “After everything…this is not something humans have to deal with Alex.”

“Oh really? Humans don’t ever have to deal with guilt, or assault, or jealousy, or fear, or pain, or rape?” He felt her flinch. Her eyes went wide for a second before she bit out a reply.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do. The circumstances may be different Iz, but the feelings are the same. You’re human sweetheart, whether or not you want to admit it.” His arms were still around her, holding her tightly. How was it that she could feel so protected and so exposed at the same time? She hid her face in his chest. Alex lowered his head so that he could speak directly into her ear. “You’re so used to using your alien side to keep people away. You build this wall around yourself and you feel protected by it… You don’t have to deal with things that scare you… But what do you do when the one thing you think will keep you safe is the thing you’re scared of? You’re supposed to be stronger than that right?... You shy away from humans because you’d be exposing yourself. And now that you had this horrible thing happen to you are exposed and you don’t know what to do.” He paused. “If Khivar was trying to get you to acknowledge your alien heritage, he did the exact opposite. He wants you to be afraid of him and your “alien” self but I’d say the thing you’re scared of more than anything is being human.” She didn’t respond, but he didn’t need a response, knowing that he hit the nail on the head by the way she buried her face deeper and wrapped her arms more securely around his torso.

She wasn’t incapable of walking, but he really couldn’t stand to see her in any more pain tonight. And it didn’t look like she would be willing to put enough distance between them to walk anyway; so he bent slightly, putting one arm around her shoulders and the other behind her knees. He lifted her gently and she didn’t protest, wrapping her arms around his neck and hiding her face in his shoulder. “Come on, you’ll feel better once you have some food in you.” He kissed her forehead and headed towards the kitchen.

TBC

Chapter 13

Whatever conversation had been taking place in the kitchen immediately ceased as Alex carried Isabel into the room.

“Ok guys, what were you talking about?” Isabel fixed them with her patented death stare. Michael and Max looked guilty at each other. Michael cleared his throat.

“We were just wondering if…if you’d feel better with the girls around, you know…Liz and Maria could…maybe, help you? I don’t know…” He trailed off. All eyes were on Isabel. Her head rested on Alex’s shoulder as she tried to absorb this new possibility.

“I…I don’t know. I…you guys are the only ones who know and I don’t know if I could take another two people knowing yet another one of my secrets.” She shuddered and Alex tightened his hold on her.

“It’s up to you Iz.”

“I…maybe, I…god.”

“Think about it, ok?” She nodded as Alex lowered her into a chair at the kitchen table. She winced only slightly and hoped that they didn’t notice.
“There’s vegetable beef stew on the stove Iz, you want some?”

“Wow, Michael, you cooked?”

“I needed something to do. I can do more than flip burgers you know.” He moved over to the stove to fix her a bowl, not caring about the fact that she hadn’t actually said she wanted some. She was eating whether she wanted to or not.

“How are you feeling Iz?” Max asked hesitantly. He was relieved to see Isabel letting Alex help her.

“I’m ok Max,” she blushed and stared down at the stew that Michael had just placed in front of her, along with a glass of milk and some crackers. The smell of it reached her nose and she inhaled deeply, suddenly starving. She began shoveling spoonfuls of the steaming stew into her mouth, fully aware that the three men were watching every move she made and mentally calculating her calorie intake. She wanted to scowl at them and tell them to stop staring at her, but the rational side of her realized that she had given them good reason to be paranoid in the last 24 hours, so she let them stare. When no one had said anything for a full minute, she finally put her spoon down in exasperation and fixed them with a glare. “If someone doesn’t say something, I’m going to scream.” The three of them grinned, elated to see some of the old Isabel resurfacing.

“You know what we want to ask, Iz,” Max said hesitantly. “But you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to…have you and Alex…worked something out? I mean, it’s none of our business, but I can’t stand to see you hurting like this and I just want you to be ok,” he quickly amended. Isabel tensed slightly but relaxed when she felt Alex come up behind her and place his hands supportively on her shoulders.

“It’s ok Max, you have a right to ask that, after everything you’ve done for me I…” She trailed off, staring into her half eaten bowl of stew. “I love Alex. He loves me. I trust him. I just…have to take it slowly. We’re going to take it slowly. I’m not sure how much time we have, but I have to take it slow…” Alex massaged her shoulders gently and bent down to kiss her cheek.

“We’re not going to rush this,” he continued for her, aware that he was speaking for her benefit as well as Max’s and Michael’s. She was still staring into her stew. Alex reached down and spooned more stew up from the bowl, handing it to her. She took the spoon again and began to eat, slower this time.

“I didn’t meant to upset you Iz,” Max apologized.

“It’s ok Max, I know what you meant.” The room fell silent as Isabel finished her meal. Alex reluctantly left his post behind her chair to serve himself after belatedly realizing that he hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours. All he cared about was that she appeared to have gotten some of her appetite back. He could tell by the way her eyes kept sliding shut even as she ate, that she was still exhausted. She was trying to stay awake for their benefit.

“Isabel?” She jerked her head back from almost landing on the table. “Come on Iz, let’s get you upstairs.” She didn’t protest as he rose from his seat and leaned down to pick her up from the chair. She leaned her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. “’Night, guys,” Alex said over his shoulder as he carried Isabel up the stairs.

“Yell if you need anything,” Max reminded him.

“Alex?” Isabel whispered from his shoulder as they walked down the hall.

“Yeah baby?”

“I’m dirty.” Alex sighed, not sure if she was completely aware, or if she meant it in the physical or the metaphorical sense. He hoped it was the former.

“I’m gonna take care of you ok? You still want to take a bath?”

“Yeah…” she trailed off. He put her down on the bed and cupped her cheek in his hand.

“I’m going to run the water ok? I’ll be right back.” She nodded, sinking further into the pillows. Alex went across the hall to the bathroom. Leaning over the tub to turn on the faucet, he had to shut his eyes and swallow bile as he noticed the dried blood on the white tile. He scrubbed it away almost angrily, knowing that it would upset Isabel all over again if she saw it. As the tub filled, Alex sat back on his heels, mentally preparing himself. Isabel needed to trust him unequivocally or this wouldn’t work. Taking a deep breath, he headed back across the hall. Isabel’s eyes opened half way as she felt him standing over her.

“Alex?”

“You ready?”

“Uh huh.” He picked her up gently, cradling her head against his shoulder. All of her muscles went rigid.

“It’s ok, I’ve got you.” Entering the bathroom, he kicked the door shut with his foot and set her down on the lid of the toilet. He knelt in front of her. She looked at him wearily, obviously exhausted. “I’m going to take your shirt off, ok?” Panic briefly flitted across her eyes before she seemed to realize who was kneeling in front of her.

“Ok.”

“I’m right here Iz, you’re safe,” he assured her as he grasped the hem of the oversized t-shirt in his hands and pulled upward gently. She raised her arms, allowing him to slide the shirt smoothly over her head. He tossed it onto the floor and pretended not to notice the old, dried blood on the back. Isabel immediately crossed her arms over her chest, feeling suddenly very vulnerable. ‘Oh, god…’ she thought, ‘If I can’t even let him see my chest…how are we going to…’ Alex saw her eyes begin to tear and cupped her face in his hands. He made sure he had eye contact before he spoke. “It’s ok sweetheart, one step at a time.” To his surprise, she hesitantly lowered her arms, exposing herself to him. “You’re beautiful,” he reassured her, kissing her forehead. “Are you ok?” She nodded. “I’m going to take your shorts off now, ok?” Again, a slight nod. She was trying so hard to trust him and he wasn’t going to do anything to screw that up. He moved slowly, well aware that she could lose her control at any minute. As his hands moved to the waistband of her shorts, she sucked in a deep breath.. “Shhh,” he soothed her, keeping his eyes on hers. “Trust me.”

“I do.” Her voice was hoarse and raspy with nerves, but her willingness to speak the words aloud gave him new resolve.

“You know you’re safe.”

“Yes.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“I know.”

“Good.” As he spoke, he slid her shorts down to her ankles, tossing them aside with the discarded shirt. She was so distracted by his voice that she hardly noticed that she was sitting nude before him until he stood up over her, offering her his hand. “Can you stand up?” She nodded, accepting his offered hand and rising unsteadily to her feet. He pretended not to notice that she was trembling. She winced as she raised her foot to step over the edge of the tub and would have fallen if he hadn’t been holding her hand. “Ok?”

“Yeah.” She held on to his hand like a vice as she lowered herself into the warm water. When the water hit her healing injuries, she couldn’t help crying out.

“Too hot?”

“No, it hurts…”

“It will get better, I promise.” She sat in the tub, one arm wrapped around her knees, the other grasping Alex’s hand for dear life. He kneeled down next to the tub so that he was level with her. Not wanting to startle her, he reached out with his unoccupied hand. “Can you lean back?” She hesitated a second before nodding stiffly. Slowly, she uncurled herself and allowed him to guide her back, his hand placed gently on the back of her neck. “Ok?”

“Yeah.” Isabel was too busy fighting her vulnerability to think of anything else.

“How are you doing?”

“Scared.” Alex conscientiously lowered his voice to practically a whisper.

“What are you scared of sweetheart?”

“The things in my head.” Her voice trembled.

“What can I do to make it better?” She looked at him for the first time since getting into the bath.

“Don’t leave me alone.”

“I’m right here.” He ran the fingers of his free hand through her hair in a soothing motion, his other hand still held by her death grip. “Will you let me help you get cleaned up?” She nodded almost imperceptibly. “Ok, let’s wash your hair first.” Tentatively, Isabel released her death grip on his hand. She tilted her head back, allowing him to pour water over her long dark blond hair. It was tangled and matted from never having been fully brushed out since her episode in the shower two days earlier. As if he had done it before, he poured a large amount of her shampoo into his hands, and gathered her hair on the top of her head. Using both hands, he massaged her scalp gently with his fingertips, working the shampoo into lather. Isabel could feel herself begin to relax in spite of her body’s demands to remain on full alert. “Close your eyes baby,” he urged gently. She looked apprehensively at him before closing her eyes. He could still see the tension on her face. “It’s ok. I’m right here. You’re safe. I’m not going to leave you alone.”

He kept his hands running through her hair as she leaned back again to help him rinse the shampoo out. After repeating the process with conditioner, he found her bath sponge and the raspberry scented shower gel she used. Her eyes were still closed and little by little, he could see her muscles start to relax. It was obvious that she was still completely spent from the ordeal of the last few days. She was just barely conscious, and fighting it. Alex took a deep breath. “I’m going to wash the rest of you now, ok?” Her eyes fluttered open briefly, meeting his before she relented, once again having to think to remember that she was safe. Again, she tried to open her eyes, but found it nearly impossible. Alex stroked her forehead. “Don’t fight it sweetheart, close your eyes. I’ll take care of you.”

It seemed as if his reassuring words were the last bit of encouragement her exhausted body needed to finally slip into unconsciousness. He watched her entire body go limp as her breathing evened out. Satisfied that she wouldn’t be waking up, he began to wash her gently, supporting her neck and head with one hand. He was acutely aware of the absolute trust in him she must have to allow him to do this for her and it humbled him yet again. With featherlike strokes of the sponge, he bathed her chest, arms, and legs. He looked up at her peaceful face once more before tending to the bruised and tender flesh between her legs, cringing slightly as he saw the small amounts of dried blood in the water. He was suddenly very glad she was unconscious.

Satisfied that she was clean, he grabbed a large, fluffy towel from the counter and pulled the stopper from the tub. As gently as he could, he lifted her from the tub and wrapped her in the towel. He cradled her head in the crook of his arm and she let out a small whimper and attempted to burrow into to his chest. “Shhh. I’ve got you.” He wrapped her tighter into the towel and pulled her closer to him as he walked across the hall to the bedroom. He lowered her carefully to the bed and turned towards her dresser to find something she could sleep in. Satisfied with another oversized shirt, he sat next to her on the bed and carefully unwrapped the towel. She was beautiful. There was no denying it and he had to fight his basic instinct to gawk in amazement. Carefully, he patted her skin dry and squeezed the excess moisture out of her hair, making a mental note to have Michael or Max dry it later. As he slipped the t-shirt over her head, her eyes fluttered open. Her eyes were unfocused and she looked dazed from lack of quality sleep.

“Alex?”

“Shhh,” She didn’t put up a fight as he maneuvered her arms into the sleeves and pulled the shirt down over her body. “Go back to sleep baby.” She looked like she wanted to do just that, but her eyes wouldn’t stay closed for more than a few seconds. He moved over to her dresser to find a comb for her damp hair.

“Alex?!”

“Shhh, I’m right here.” He reappeared over the bed and she immediately relaxed. “Can you sit up against me? I’ll comb your hair, ok? She nodded, slightly annoyed when she realized that the idea of combing her own hair was exhausting. He sat behind her and pulled her back between his legs. She rested against his chest as he began to gently comb out the tangles left by two days of inactivity. Even without seeing her face, Alex could tell she was fighting herself. She would relax and go completely still against him for a few minutes, and then she would jump, as if jolting herself awake. Just as he put the comb aside, she jumped again. Without a word, he pulled her back against him and waited for her breathing to even out. “Isabel?” No answer. Breathing a deep sigh, he pulled away gently and rolled her over on to her side so that her back was against his chest. She startled awake again.
“Shhh, Isabel.”

“Wh-what are you doing Alex?”

“Trust me, sweetheart.” She never could understand how he did it, but with those three words, she stopped fighting the urge to give in to him. He felt her body relax in acceptance. “Can you do something for me?” His voice was deep, soft, and reassuring.

“Yes,” it was barely a whisper.

“Take a deep breath.” His hand came from behind to rest on her lower abdomen. Obediently, she filled her lungs. “Let it out.” The air wooshed from her and she felt his hand start to move in soothing circles on her stomach. “Again.” Deep breath. “Let it out.”

“Alex?”

“Shhh. Deep breath.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes…you can.” His other hand began to rub identical circles on her upper back, right between her shoulder blades. “Deep breath…that’s it.” “And out.” After nearly fifteen minutes of this, Isabel could barely keep her eyes open and didn’t particularly want to. His hands felt so warm, soothing, good. And he just kept whispering in her ear, “deep breath…sweetheart, that’s it…shhhh...again.” Then she felt the hand that had been stroking up and down her back move to the top of her thigh and begin to stroke up and down, from hip to knee. Her eyes flew open and she tensed only slightly because she still felt like Jell-O, but enough. Alex sensed the change in her but didn’t pull away.

“Alex?” she whispered, half raspy with sleep, half anxious.

“Shhh, it’s ok sweetheart. Just relax. This is it, ok?...This is it…one step at a time…deep breath.” There was no change in his voice. Even when reassuring her, he simply kept talking in that soothing, rumbling baritone. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, relaxed. And she realized happily that his hand on her thigh felt good, right. His body pressed up against hers made her feel safe. The rumbling of his voice in his chest kept her anchored to reality. On her fifth deep breath, she felt him lean in to place a gentle kiss on her temple. “Goodnight, Love.”

A/N: Hey guys, I'm back! Thanks for your continued support and feedback. Please let me know what you think. Here's the next chapter. More angst!

Chapter 14

“He loved you,” he snarled in her ear, as he pumped into her forcefully. He held her hands above her head and she couldn’t look away. “I bet he could smell me on you, that’s why he couldn’t stand to touch you anymore. He loved you and you betrayed him. He knew he wasn’t enough for you ‘cause you were sleeping with me; or maybe it was the other way around, hmmm? Can you please a man? I know you can please me, sweetness. Yeah, and I can please you.” He thrust his hips forcefully and she cried out, tears running down her cheeks. “That’s right, feels good doesn’t it? That line between pleasure and pain is so subjective isn’t it? Did you and Commander Rath ever play the S & M game darling? Bondage? I bet you did. I bet he liked to be in control in bed, just like on the battlefield. Did you like it? Hmm? Did it make you wet? That’s it…”

Isabel shot up in bed, screaming. Not again. No. Not again! Alex’s eyes flew open. There was Isabel, sitting up in bed with her arms wrapped protectively around her knees, rocking back and forth and whimpering. Oh shit. Not again.

“Isabel?” he whispered but she didn’t hear him. He sat up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. She stiffened briefly before his familiar embrace brought her back to reality and she slumped back against him, sobbing. “Shhh, what was it Isabel? What happened?” She was sobbing and choking so hard, she could hardly speak.

“M-michael…M-michael…get Michael…please Alex…g-get Michael!” Alex had never been more confused in his life, but this was not the time to argue with her.

“Alright sweetheart, I’ll get him. I’ll get him…just hang on ok? He’ll be right here.” She didn’t even object to him leaving the room. Alex ran down the stairs into the living room. Michael was asleep on the couch. “Michael!” Alex shook him. “Michael!”

“What!?” Michael bolted upright.

“She needs you man, she’s screaming for you.” Michael swung his legs off of the couch, immediately on full alert. He heard her sobbing and glanced at Alex.

“Stay here,” he commanded, and Alex was compelled to obey. He had never heard Michael’s voice take on that tone, it was eerie, but somehow appropriate. He watched him disappear up the stairs and he knew that Isabel would be ok.

Michael took the stairs two at a time and ran down the hallway. He burst into the room, not bothering to knock. The sight of Isabel on the bed, curled up into a ball, made his stomach drop. She looks so scared. The instant she saw him, she curled farther in on herself, as if she were trying to disappear. His instinct to protect her won out over his confusion and he approached the bed slowly. He kneeled down at the side of the bed so that he was level with her.

“Isabel?” He spoke softly, not wanting to scare her more.

“Michael?” His name was a scared, tiny whimper.

“Shhhh. I’m here. What happened Iz?” He pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, relieved when she didn’t move away from him. He reached out to smooth her hair back from her forehead. Isabel lost it.

“I’m sorry, don’t hate me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, don’t hate me, please, I’m sorry,” she sobbed. She tried to pull farther away from him, but ended up simply backing herself into the corner of the wall. Wordlessly, Michael pulled her away from the wall, and into his arms. She resisted him, but her weakened state was no match for his strength. He positioned her shaking body horizontally across his lap and held her tightly, rocking her against him. She had not stopped chanting mindlessly to herself and he still had no idea what she was talking about. He held her until the sobs died down and she was left whimpering and clinging to him like a frightened child.

“Isabel?” She moaned in response. He tried to shift her off of his lap and on to the bed, but she wrapped her trembling arms around his neck and shook her head violently, her grip almost strangling him. “Ok, ok, I’ve got you.”

“Don’t leave me,” she begged pitifully. Michael felt his chest clench in response to her desolate tone. .

“Never.” He kissed her forehead

“I’m sorry…”

“What are you sorry for?” he whispered. His voice rumbled low in his chest and his arms surrounded her, making her feel safe. Isabel didn’t want to tell him. She really didn’t want to tell him, but there was hardly a choice now.

“I…I had a nightmare,” she said slowly, hardly speaking loud enough to be understood. Michael shut his eyes against the rage and willed himself under control. If that bastard… “It was one of Vilandra’s memories.” Oh shit. She broke down again. “Oh god, I can’t tell you this…I can’t, you’ll hate me. You’ll hate me.” Michael warred with himself internally. There was no point in trying to tell her she was dead wrong. She wouldn’t believe him, no matter how many times he told her.

“Iz, I’m going to connect with you.” Her head shot up from its place on his shoulder and she looked at him fearfully.

“No, Michael, please.” But her protests were weak. He needed to know, and she knew she couldn’t tell him on her own.

“Yes, unless you’re willing to tell me, and right now, you can’t do that. That’s ok, but I can’t protect you if I don’t know what I’m protecting you from,” he told her gently. But his voice remained firm and she knew he wouldn’t let it go. She started to cry again.

“You can’t protect me from this Michael, Vilandra is in my head.” He knew he wouldn’t connect with her unless it was absolutely necessary. He didn’t want to invade her thoughts or her privacy, but he was running out of options. He tried a different tactic.

“What does he do to Vilandra, Iz?” Isabel was caught off guard by the direct question. “What does he do to her?” He repeated more forcefully, knowing by her silence that he was had hit a nerve. “Does he hurt her?” She jerked her head in a nod. “Does he hurt you?” Nod. Michael tightened his arms around her, his protective instincts on overdrive. He didn’t need her to clarify on that particular statement. He thought for a minute before asking his next question.
“What happens when he’s hurting you Iz?” Isabel shuddered and started to whimper. How the hell did he do that? Suddenly, her brain couldn’t connect with her mouth. She opened her mouth, tried to say something and closed her mouth. Michael could hear her gasping and knew she was having another panic attack. “Shhh, it’s ok Iz. Tell me. I won’t let anything happen to you. Tell me.” At his gentle command, Isabel couldn’t take it anymore.

“He…he told me…how…how you….how Rath…loved me-Vilandra…and that I-b-betrayed you-him. Rath loved me-her…but I-Vilandra…s-slept with Khivar and Rath kn-knew I-she was a…traitor and th-then he hated me-her. He c-couldn’t stand to l-look at me. I was a…whore. I b-broke his heart.” She broke down, weeping and gasping into his shoulder. He held her securely against him, at a temporary loss for words. That cruel, disgusting, perverted bastard deserved a slow death by torture. Alex and Max would volunteer to help him. Not that he would need any help. Not that his fantasy was even remotely possible given that the bastard was on another planet. While Michael had been lost in his very satisfying virtual reality, Isabel’s cries had died down substantially.

“Isabel…” he whispered against her ear. And then she did the one thing he didn’t expect her to do. She attempted to throw herself out of his arms. As surprised as he was, Michael’s strong arms were locked around her like steel and they didn’t move. “Shhh, stop it. You’re not going anywhere.”

“It’s ok…I un-understand if-if you, if you hate me.” She bit her lip and clenched her eyes shut. She would not let him see her cry, not if he was going to leave her. Michael was quickly reaching the end of his rope.
“Isabel, shut up. I’m not letting you go.” His words were intentionally harsh, to startle her and make her pay attention. It worked. She looked up at him in disbelief, her eyes starting to tear. Was he angry at her? “No, Isabel.” He cradled her face in his large hands and forced her to keep eye contact with him. “Stop it right now. Listen, and listen good, because I won’t stop saying this until you know it’s true… You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not Vilandra, you are Isabel, and I am not Rath, I’m Michael. And you have never, ever betrayed me. And you won’t. I know that. I’m your brother Iz, and you are one of the most loyal and trustworthy people I know. I don’t hate you and I will never hate you, I’m not going anywhere. Do you understand me?” She nodded and tried to look away but he wouldn’t let her. “Tell me what I just said,” he commanded. Isabel took a deep breath and forced back tears.

“I-I am not Vilandra…and you are not R-rath. You…you don’t hate me. You-you are my…my brother and I won’t…betray…you.”

“And?"

“You won’t…leave me?”

“Never, I’m not going anywhere. And neither are Max or Alex.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” He looked her straight in the eye. “Do you really?”

“I…I want to believe it. I think I do…and then…and then something happens and…it’s so real Michael, it’s so real! It’s like I’m not even me anymore, it’s like I’m her and I can’t tell the difference when I’m asleep and I can’t separate me from her. And I’m not like that Michael! I’m not!”

“No, you’re not, you aren’t Vilandra,” he said again, making her meet his eyes.

“It’s so real and I get so scared and then I can’t think straight. And it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told myself it isn’t real and that you guys won’t leave. Every time I hear him say it, I believe it, because she believed it. Oh god.”

Michael gathered her in his arms, having given up on trying to soothe her with rationality. It was quite obvious that she was incapable of it at this point. “Shhhh, shhhh.” He rubbed her back and held her head to his chest. He glanced over her shoulder at the clock on the nightstand. It was nearly four in the morning. “Isabel, I’m going to lay down with you ok?” She nodded minutely and allowed him to guide her down to the bed with him. He pulled the blankets up over her shoulders, tucking her in and allowing her to rest her head against his chest. “We’re going to get through this Iz, I promise,” he vowed, wrapping his arms more tightly around her. “Just go to sleep now.”

“I’m sorry Michael.” He sighed.

“For what?”

“For everything.” Her eyes were glazed over as she looked up at him and he could tell she was only half conscious. A person could only lose so many hours of sleep before they became incoherent, and she was fast approaching that point.

“Shhh, Iz, go to sleep. I’ll stay with you.”

“Promise?” she mumbled into his chest. He could barely hear her.

“Promise. Sleep.” He stroked a hand through her hair in a repetitive, soothing motion. Within minutes, her entire body went limp in his arms. Michael knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping for the rest of the night, so he settled for watching Isabel, thoughts flying through his head at an impossible speed. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t protect her, that there was nothing that any of them could do, no police could get involved, no doctors, no psychologists, no one who would have the slightest idea what they were doing. Shit. Movement by the door aggravated his already hyper-sensitive protective instincts and made him turn towards the intruder with lightening speed. He threw up an energy shield that surrounded the bed, protecting Isabel and himself.

“Michael! It’s ok, it’s just me!”

“Shit Alex, don’t do that! I could have fried your brains out.” Michael retracted the force field.

“Yeah, but then Isabel would kill you,” he chuckled.

“True.”

“So…care to fill me in on what’s going on?” They both glanced at Isabel. She hadn’t moved a muscle.

“One of Vilandra’s memories apparently involved Khivar taunting Vilandra that she betrayed Rath…do I need to elaborate?”

“Not really.” Alex cringed, suddenly understanding exactly why Isabel woke up screaming for Michael. He studied Isabel, sleeping peacefully in Michael’s arms. “She’s ok now?”

“Yeah, I guess, as good as she can be anyway.” Alex sighed.

“I don’t know how we’re going to do this,” he confessed. “She’s so scared, and I can’t stand to see her like this. I don’t want to be the reason, you know?”

“She’s not scared of you,” Michael assured him.

“But she’s scared of what we have to do. I never wanted it to be like this.”

“Yeah, I know, but she’s scared of what she thinks it will be like, not what it is.”

“What do you mean?” Michael sighed. He wasn’t good at putting things into words.

“She has sex all built up in her head to be this horrible, painful thing and technically she hasn’t even had it yet.”

“So?”

“So you have to prove her wrong.”

“I know that, I just don’t know how we’re going to do this and I don’t know how much time we have. The more time we take, the more likely it is that she will have another horrific nightmare, and that will just set her back more.”

“You can’t help it, man. You’re doing the right thing by not rushing her.”

“I know.” He shook his head. “Crap, it’s four-thirty, I need to sleep.”

“Take the guest bedroom, I’ll stay with her.”

“You sure?” He glanced at Isabel one more time.

“Yeah, you need a break anyway.” Alex nodded but seemed hesitant to leave her. “I’ll come get you if she needs you.”

“Ok.” Alex finally relented. Holding back a yawn, he left the room, closing the door behind him. Michael dropped his head on the pillow next to Isabel and tried again to stop the thoughts from running amuck in his head. Isabel whimpered in her sleep and he pulled her closer to him, kissing her forehead.

“Shhhh.” As he studied her sleeping face, he couldn’t ignore the feeling gnawing at his gut that they were in way over their heads.

A/N: Yes, finally! Thank you all for being so patient with me.

Chapter 15

“I want to call Liz and Maria.”

“I know, me too.” Max and Alex stare at their respective breakfasts, trying to eat, but failing.

“Do you think she will castrate us?”

“Probably, but we’re running out of options.” They glanced wearily at the hallway leading to the stairs. “But Michael will hold her back if she tries, right?”

“I hope so. You know if it were up to her, she wouldn’t tell another soul about this right?” Alex nodded.

“Yeah, but she can’t do this forever.”

“I know…I’ve been trying to come up with a way to make the block more permanent.”

“Can you do that?” Alex dropped the fork that was half way to his mouth.

“Maybe. It wouldn’t last forever. You’d still have to…consummate your relationship…but it might make it easier for you to…you know.” Max reached for his glass of orange juice and averted his eyes, silently cursing the gods that made him more aware of his sister’s sex life than a brother should ever have to be.

“Really? You’d have to connect to her again though, I know she doesn’t want to do that again.”

“No, you’d have to connect with her.” Alex looked at him like he had sprouted a third eyeball.

“Um, Max, have we forgotten my COMPLETELY HUMAN status?”

“No, I would supply the power for the connection and I would make the block more permanent, but I could sort of bring you in with me, so all she would really be aware of is you.”

“Are you serious?” Alex was trying not to get his hopes up.

“We could try it. I’m not even sure if I could do it but I think it’s possible.”

“What would I have to do?"


“You start forming the connection like I would, but using my power. Once you’re in, you could start replacing her nightmares with your own thoughts. It would be kind of like what you would have to do later, but without the sex, and less permanent. She might find it less…violating.”
“I’m willing to try anything at this point.”

“Let’s let her sleep though. And I’ll call Liz. She and Maria are probably wondering what the hell has…” He was interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone. Glancing over at Alex wearily, he answered it. “Hello?...hi Liz.” Alex smiled despite himself. Now she couldn’t castrate them because they didn’t technically call them…right?

“No, things are…not ok. Yeah, no it’s not me. It’s Isabel. Listen, I know, she didn’t want us to say anything, but we’re getting desperate….Yes, Alex, Michael and me….She’s ok for now. Why don’t you call Maria and meet us over at my house? We can explain everything better in person. I promise. Ok…ok, I love you too.” Max hung up the phone, glancing up at Alex.

“That’s my Liz, always wants to know everything and come up with all of the solutions.”

“So she’s coming over here with Maria and then what?”

“First we’ll have to talk Isabel down from the ceiling when she finds out they’re coming. Then we have to actually tell them.”


Michael wiped the sleep out of his eyes and glanced to his left where Isabel lay sleeping, her head resting on his arm. It was already late morning and he was grateful that she had slept this long. ‘I hope Maxwell has a few more tricks up his sleeve, because we’re running out of options.’ He thought morbidly. No matter how much Isabel loved Alex, it would tear her apart to have sex with him before she was ready, whether or not she was sure of their love. It wasn’t the kind of thing you could be forced into, and yet, that was essentially what they were doing. He sighed and rolled over, but stopped short when he heard Isabel stir next to him.

“Michael?” Her voice was scratchy and weak.

“Morning, Iz. How are you doing?”

“Still tired.”

“Go back to sleep, there’s no reason for you to get up if you don’t want to. Do you want me to bring you anything?”

“Where’s Alex?”

“I think I heard he and Max in the kitchen. I think they’re making breakfast. You should eat.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Well, you’re gonna.”

“Michael…”

“Isabel…” She glared back at him and Michael sighed in frustration.
“What can we do Iz? I just want you to start feeling better and that’s not gonna happen unless you start taking care of yourself.” She knew he was right but that didn’t stop the butterflies in her stomach.

“I…I don’t know Michael…I’m sorry. I just want to be ok, and the only way I can do that is if I have sex with Alex and I’m so scared to do that but if I don’t, that bastard will come back into my head and Alex will think I don’t love him or don’t want him…and that is so not true. I want him Michael, I want him so much! I don’t know what I’m going to do. I trust Alex, but I can’t help being scared. I mean, most people are nervous about their first time, right? Well, multiply that by about a thousand….and….” She was talking so fast that Michael could barely make out the words, but he realized she had just summed up the problem in about thirty seconds. And she wasn’t finished. “…I don’t know what to do Michael…I don’t know what to do. What should I do…” She looked up at him imploringly and he wished to high heaven that he had an answer for her, any answer at all.

"Calm down Iz,” he finally said in a stern but gentle voice, cutting off her crazed monologue. She had started to cry and flipped over on the pillow refusing to look at him. He put a hand on her shoulder, massaging it gently as he spoke. “You trust me, right?”

“Y-yes.”

“And you trust Alex…”

“Y-yes.”

“And Max.”

“Yes.”

“We’re not going to let anything happen to you. No one is going to hurt you here.”

“I know that,” she mumbled.

“We’re going to do whatever it takes Iz.”

“I’m not sure if I can do whatever it takes.”

“Isabel, you are the strongest woman I know…give yourself a little more credit, huh?”

“But I’m so scared.”

“Of Alex, or of sex?” Isabel blushed at the forward question.

“Michael...”

“Tell me,” he demanded gently, already knowing what the answer would be.
“Sex,” she whispered, unable to believe that she was having this conversation with Michael.

“I know you’ve been through trauma Iz, but let me tell you something from experience, ok?”

“Michael, I don’t want to know about your sex life. I’ll never be able to look at Maria again.”

“But that’s it, I’m with Maria.”

“Yeah…so?”

“Iz, for most people, sex is really about the person you’re having it with, not the act itself…I mean, don’t get me wrong, the sex is…explosive, but I look at Maria and I know there’s not another woman on this planet or any other, for that matter, that I would rather be with.” She finally turned to look at him, not used to Michael being so…sensitive.

“Someone’s been watching the Sunday Night Sex Show.”

“I’m serious Isabel.” Her face turned somber again.

“I know.”

“Alex won’t hurt you, Iz.”

“I know.” She turned her head again, burying her face in the pillow.

“You have to remember that. And…I don’t trust just anyone with my little sister.” She had to laugh at him.

“How do you even know you’re older than me?”

“I just do. It’s the same instinct that tells me that I’m Max’s second-in-command.” Isabel winced.

“I’m so sorry, Michael.” She still wasn’t looking at him and it took him a beat to understand what she meant.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I wish I believed you.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders protectively and kissed her forehead.

“We’re gonna work on that.”


Alex was two seconds away from running up the stairs to bang on her door, when Michael and Isabel finally made their way into the kitchen. Alex and Max noticed immediately how heavily she leaned against him.

“Are you alright, Iz?” Max asked cautiously.

“Yeah, just tired.” Michael helped her lower herself into a seat at the table.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really, but I’ll eat something…I guess.” When she was nibbling half-heartedly at some dry toast and tea, Alex cleared his throat.

“Isabel, Liz called this morning…” She put her toast down and dropped her eyes to the table.

“And?” Alex cringed. She sounded so resigned to whatever he was going to tell her, he almost didn’t want to do it but a look from Max changed his mind.

“Iz, she and Maria just want to know what’s going on and why none of us have been around the past three days,” he said gently. “It’s not very hard to figure out that if we disappear for a long time without telling anyone, that something is seriously wrong.”

Isabel’s eyes flew to Max’s face, brother and sister simultaneously remembering the horrific 48 hours that they all referred to as “when Max was in that place.”

“Everyone’s worried about you sweetheart.” Alex could see that Isabel was nearing the end of her rope. He came to her side of the table quickly placing his hands on her shoulders for support.

“I know…” she said forlornly. “I’m sorry, to make you all worry like this, you’re right, it’s not fair.”

“We don’t want your apologies, Iz,” Michael reminded her. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“What do you want me to do, Michael?” Isabel looked at him with tears in her eyes.

He purposely softened his voice. “I just want you to let us help you. Remember what we talked about?” Isabel averted her eyes again and nodded, sniffling.

“Tell...tell them whatever you want,” she said dejectedly. “Just…don’t make me do it. I…I’m not mad…you’re, you’re right, it’s just so hard.” She started crying in earnest and Alex couldn’t help himself. He kneeled down in front of her and wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders. “Alex, I want to go back upstairs.”

“Ok, come on,” he easily lifted her into his arms, shooting Michael and Max an apologetic glance before carrying her up the stairs. “Shhh, baby, it’s ok.” Max and Michael sat in absolute silence.

“Do you think we were wrong?” Max asked in a low voice once they heard the door shut.

“No matter what, it was going to upset her. We couldn’t keep it to ourselves forever; and once Maria and Liz find out and she gets used to them knowing, it’ll be ok.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“She needs them, I mean, they’re girls. They can offer a different…perspective, or something.”

“I hope so.” Then Max remembered what he and Alex had been talking about earlier that morning. “I wish there was something else we could do, you know, to make this easier for her.”

“If I knew what that was, Maxwell, we wouldn’t be sitting here, twiddling our thumbs.”

“I think I have an idea…”

Alex laid Isabel gently on the bed, trying to ignore the voice in his head that was counting how many times he had done this already. She whimpered and tried to cling to him when he pulled away.

“It’s ok, sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.” He crawled up on the bed beside her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling her down to him as if she thought he would disappear.

“They’re going to think I’m a whore,” she mumbled tearfully into his chest. Alex pulled away abruptly and she let out a heart-wrenching sob. “No! Alex! Don’t go!” She was hysterical and Alex wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and tell her that it was going to be ok, but he had to do something else first.

“Hey…” The firm tone of voice that she had only ever heard Michael use, made her look up at him, shocked. “Don’t say that,” he held her face in his hands as tightly as he could without hurting her. “Don’t you ever say that. It isn’t true, and you know it.” He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “Furthermore, I am not going anywhere. Every time I walk out that door, you think I’m never coming back. Sweetheart, I know how scared you are. But you have to trust me. Michael, Max and me…we’re not going to leave you alone.” He tightened his hold around her and listened as her breathing hitched but she didn’t say anything. “I’ve known Liz and Maria my entire life Iz. And I trust them completely. Can you trust me when I tell you that your secret is safe with them?”

“I know it is, Alex…I know.” She continued to cry.

"Shhh, I'm right here." He guided her back onto the pillow and pulled her into his chest again. "Try to get some more sleep sweetheart."


“You can do that?” Max had just finished explaining to Michael what he was pretty sure he could do to help Isabel.

“I think so. If Alex is willing to do it and Isabel is willing to let him in.”

“She doesn’t know yet though, does she?”

“No…what do you think?”

“I think it might take some convincing…she’s already scared of having so many people in her head.”

“If there was another way…”

“I know, I’m not saying she wouldn’t go for it. She trusts both of you.”

“I want to give her and Alex some time. What happened last night? Alex was…I heard her screaming...and you were…”

“She had a nightmare.”

“Damn.”

“It was about me…err, no, it was Khivar taunting her about Rath, and all I can say is that it wasn’t pretty.” Max winced, having a fairly good idea what that meant. “The real problem is that she can’t distinguish fantasy from reality immediately when she wakes up from one of those. Y’know, most people take a few deep breaths and go ‘ok, whoa, bad dream’ but she has herself pretty much convinced that it’s reality until someone breaks through that fog.”

“Yeah, you’re right, I just wish there was another way.” The doorbell rang and Max and Michael took a collective breath before Max got up to answer it. “You ready to do this?”

TBC

A/N: I haven't abandoned this story. Thanks to Mt Gazer and others for keeping me on my toes. I will return when real life stops being crappy. It means so much to me that everyone is still enjoying the story.