Roswell Fanatics

[Here is the last pat from Ch.21 I posted it here. Read this first!]

I pushed my hair away from my neck and exposed the hideous mark that cursed my neck. I turned away from everyone, and felt more than saw the aliens gathered behind me looking at the scar. It was strange to have 'people' scrutinizing me. I felt at my most vulnerable.

Ch.22

Michael's POV

"So, what is it?" Max asked impatiently.

"Puhlease. Don' tell me ya don't recognize this heah symbol, yer Majesty." Liz responded.

"Well, I have this feeling like it should be familiar. Like I should remember it, but I forgot why." Max replied.

"Concentrate Max. Remember who you used to be. Think back." Tess coached.

"I can't, I."

*What the heck is that symbol. I know it means something. My alien side recognizes it somehow. I don't know for sure what kind of significance it holds, but I can tell from Liz's tense posture she's not comfortable with this. She's just humoring our fearless leader. Speaking of, he seems awfully close to touching her. I don't like it. And I'm pretty sure Liz doesn't either. As Max reaches out a hand to connect with her skin, I know that was a bad idea. The second their skin makes contact, Liz elbows Max in the stomach, which causes him to gasp as the air escapes his lungs momentarily and he sits back on the ground trying to catch his breath. Meanwhile, Liz escaped to the opposite end of the room where she presses her back as close to the wall as possible trying to disappear.*

max began to sit up again, but I roughly pushed him back down again.

"Did she say you could touch her? No Max, she didn't. You had no right." I shouted angrily at him.

"What .: wheeze:. she. she..." Max tried to defend himself, while getting oxygen back into his lungs.

"Michael, she did attack Max, not the other way around." Isabel supplied.

"I'm sorry, I... I don' like tuh be touched. 'Specially not dere." Liz stated, looking forlorn and shaky.

"What does the symbol mean, Liz?" Isabel asked innocently. At that Liz squeezed her eyes shut and sank her head back against the wall.

"I'm not sure, but. It looked like the royal seal of our home. it's still kind of fuzzy, but I know I've seen it before. In my past life, I think. We used the seal as a brand for royal property. I got a small flash of the past when I touched it."

*Huh? Why the hell would Liz have a tattoo of a royal seal?*

"O." the blonde gerbil muttered.

"What Tess?" I asked annoyedly.

"That was part of the memory I had, wasn't it? He did that to you. He -I felt- pain when that was seared into my -your flesh."

*O God.*

"I. Yeah." Liz answered weakly.

I finally got it. I... That bastard!! I'll kill him.

Isabel had a look of shock and pity on her face. Max looked a bit sheepish at hearing this. Alex looked about to spring over to Liz, and comfort her. I can't deny the fact that I've seriously contemplated it too. The Sheriff and Kyle seemed to be sharing my earlier sentiments of anger. Tess see resigned, as though she finally understood something important. Maria had a small tear running down her cheek, and she grabbed onto Alex for support. And Liz, well.

"Do you believe me now? What else must I do to prove my loyalty to you? It don't matta anyway. I'm leavin' in da mornin'."

"But you can't. You can't live the rest of your life alone. You need our help. And one way or another we're gonna need yours." I answered honestly.

"Now dat's wheah yo wrong. I can take care 'a myself. I been doin' it my whole life. I can do it fer anothah week."

"Another week?"

"I ain't stupid, I know they'll find me eventually. Dey's jus too powahful. But until they do, the location a the granolith is safe. I just gotta make it 'till da summits ovah. Dey got no use fer me afta that. So they'll just kill me."

"What? No. I'm not gonna let that happen. You're not alone anymore. We can help you." I argued.

"Yeah, we can help." Maria spoke up.

"Whatever we need to do to keep you and the granolith safe." Isabel supported, which I was grateful for.

"What can we do?" Max asked helpfully.

"Liz, stay in Roswell. We want you here. I want you here." I confessed.

"Well, I."

[On the potentially sappy note of the last chapter, I continue...]

Ch. 23

Liz's POV

"Da answer is still no. Nothin' ya guys say can change dat. Look, I really 'ppreciate what youse tryin' tuh do. But I can't stay. It's too dangerous for youse."

"Don't be a fucking martyr Liz, you don't have to anymore." Michael argued. I gave him a sad smile in return.

"Thank you. Thanx fer givin' me somethin' tuh think about. I wonduhd what my life would be like if I'd ended up wit people that cared about me. I guess, now I know. I'm sorry. But my mind is made up."

"What'll happen to you? and us." Tess asked in a surprisingly sympathetic maner.

"Well. Nasedo ain't foolish enough tuh tell da rejects where ya are, or da lacation a da granolith. and I'll die 'afore I tell 'em where ya all are. I'm just wonderin' 'bout Tess." I answered. With that last pointed statement, everyone turned to look at Tess.

"I. I won't. I've seen what they're truly capable of. They can't be trusted. And, I'm sorry for saying those things, I know now that no one could make that up. Or fake that kind of pain. I'm sorry."

"It's obvious ya din't know which side was up, or how to think fer yourself. Hopefully, now ya do. yo, I won't hold a grudge. I only got foh big fish tuh fry. When Zan, Rath, Lonnie, and Ava show up tuh the summit without the granolith, they're screwed. Khivar won't even give 'em a royal execution, theyse just mistakes. Dat makes it worth it."

"So you're just going to give up. To let them kill you. how can you let Zan win. Don't you care at all if they kill you?" Michael asked brokenly.

"Ya don't undahstand Michael. You don't know the alternative. I'm Zan's propuhty. He owns me. I want revenge against that bastard, but I gotta him the only way I can. I'll take away his prized possession, that oughtta really piss him off, havin' tuh kill his fave'rite toy. It may not be much Michael, but it's all the defiance a useless, abandoned wretch like me can muster." With that I stormed off to be alone in Kyle's earlier offered room. It doesn't matter. None of this matters. I'll be leaving behind the people I've come to care about, only to sacrifice myself for the greater good. When have I ever been noble? And, I can tell already I'll miss the roswell bunch. But I have to get over it, I have to give up the life I might've had in favor of being selfless. I have to forget about that now, I'm leaving in the morning anyway. All my friends, the emotions I've been feeling, and the pointless yearning for a life I could never have will be left behind along with whatever chance I had for happiness. FUCK!! I clench my teeth against my bottom lip, and squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to cry anymore. It's pathetic. Well, at least no one is here to witness this humiliating display of tears. Or, it looks like I spoke too soon.

The door banged open, and in walked Michael looking determined to get some answers from me. O shit.

"Hey Michael. Thanx for comein' in right at my most embarassin' moment." I quipped sarcasticly.

"We need to talk Liz."

See what I mean about negative connotations connected with that phrase?

[a/n: thanx for all the feedback. Here's the next part.]

Ch. 24

Liz's POV

"So..." I started.

"So." Michael reiterated.

"Are ya gonna say somethin'? Cause all this silence is makin' me crazy. Did ya want somethin'?" I asked.

"I don't want you to leave."

"Yeah, well me neither. So what?"

"Liz..."

"I told ya, you're wastin' yer breath."

"I just wanted you to know. I want you here. but, if you've decided to leave there's nothing I can do. You've obviously made up your mind, so what's the point in trying to persuade you?"

*Huh!?!* "Huh!?!"

"If you're leaving tomorrow, so be it, but we've got hours to kill until then, so..."

"Ya wanna do the nasty? Rut like animals in heat? That it Mike?"

"No, I." he got so flustered when he responded, it was soo cute.

"Youse too sensitive." I commented.

"What! She thinks Michael Guerin is sensitive? What planet is she from?" Maria suddenly exclaimed.

"Maria" Alex tried to placate her.

"I guess it's understandable, considering the alternatives. Michael must look like Mother Theresa next to the rejects." Maria rationalized from the other side of the door, where she was obviously eavesdropping along with the rest of the group. She kept on mumbling, obviously unaware that I knew she was spying.

Michael and I burst out laughing, startling Maria and the rest of the group.

"Yo Michael, don't worry I was just kiddin'." I reassured him.He nodded at this.

"Well, mostly." I jokingly added. He raised an eyebrow at me in a mixture of disbelief, and a glint of hope in his eye.

Ch. 25

Michael's POV

"Well, I um, better let you get some sleep. This might be the only chance you get for a while." I said.

"I don't sleep Michael, and I'd ratha not be left alone wid jus' my morbid thoughts and painful mem'ries."

"Really? Coz you kinda gave the impression that you wanted to be left alone. Everyone else is kinda giving you space."

"Not you tho."

"Well, no but I was worried about you. I..."

"Ezackly. You're da one I'll miss most when I leave."

She said this almost sheepishly. Like she wanted me to know, but was embarassed at her own emotions. No one's ever said they would miss me before. I always found it hard to understand the concept of missing anything. Things get lost, people die, and life moves on. But I don't want Liz to leave. I feel connected to her, and if she leaves... it might hurt. Worse than the beatings, the punches, the kicks, the harsh words. This was a wound that would not heal in a couple of days. Max couldn't wave his hands and make the pain go away.

"So, my dick is bigger than Max's? Good." I said to lighten the conversation. I don't want to think about 8 am.

"Well, technichally, not yours."

"But we're the same, genetically. We look the same, share the same name. We used to be the same person. I am Rath."

"Yer not Rath! Yer nothin like him. Ya hear? Yer not. He's da worst parts a who ya were. Don't eva make the mistake of comparin' yerself to that dumb fucking prick." She yelled, attempting to regain a sense of composure, and to reassure herself. If she needs to seperate us in her mind, then I don't mind.it's not like I want to be classified as a dumb prick. I don't want to be remembered for things I didn't even do.

"Ok."

She absentmindedly rubbed her neck, in an obvious sign of unbalance. She was remembering something, and the brand beneathe her palm was the source.

"Have you ever tried, getting rid of it?" I questioned looking pointedly at the mark.

"Gee. I hadn't thought of dat. What a brilliant idea." She rolled her eyes as if to say 'that was a dumb question.'

"I didn't mean. I just thought."

"It's cool Michael. And yeah, I tried. A couple a times. I tried usin' mah powahs, tried burnin' the skin, and I even tried gougin' it out. But the damn thing won't budge. It will stay tattooed on my skin 'till one of us is dead. And I can tell you right now, it won't be him. What time is it?"

"It's three am."

"I really should recharge, I've got a shitload to do tomorrow."

"I thought you said you couldn't sleep?"

"If I know you're heah, watchin' my dreams. Please."

I knew what she meant, she was plagued by nightmares. And for once she didn't want to be alone, like earlier in my apartment when we fell asleep on the couch. She deserved to let her guard down, to have peace. Besides, I had nothing better to do. I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could, and not sleep through any of it.

"Sure, Liz."

She had me get into be beside her, with her hand in mine till she fell asleep. I listened to her relaxed breathing, and looked at her loosened shoulders and wondered once again what her life would have been like if she had grown up in Roswell with us. I guess there is no point, since you can't change the past. I was so caught up in my thoughts, it took me a while to notice the change in Liz's breathing. Her breath became quicker and more shallow. Her eyes moved rapidly beneath her eyelids. Her body tensed, and shook. Something wasn't right. I reached out a hand to her shoulders to wake her up, and found myself pulled in. The first thought I had after finding myself in Liz's subconcious was - 'It wasn't nightmares, there was something far worse Liz feared.'

End chapter

Ch. 26

Liz's Dream

Liz's POV

*Where da fuck am I?* I wondered aloud as I felt my way through the darkness. It was so black I couldn't see particle of light. My hands felt around for a wall or a door, but there was only the feel of flat solid beneath my feet. I was going nowhere, with no idea where I would end up.

Hello, Liz.

I heard a voice, coming from all around me. The voice came from above, below, and inside my mind.

"Who are you?" I asked to something, whatever it was.

Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

The voice echoed my question like in a cave, fading to silence.

"Who are you?!?!" I asked more angrily, not willing to play this game. Whoever it was was fucking with me.

Your guide, your subconscious, your Giminy Cricket; whatever you would like to call me. And who do you THINK you are?

"Fuck if I know." I answered honestly.

I know who you are. The voice replied.

Here, I'll show you.

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Scenery lay itself out before me. Before, where there was only the absence of light, there was now a dimly lit alley, in the middle of the night. with growing panic I began to recognize this place.

"Why am I heah. I don't wanna be here." I shouted with anxiety. This place existed in New York City. I had been through every part of the city more than once, and I knew the city better than the back of my hand. Yet this particular place, I've only ever seen once. And I hope to never see it again.

You're here because you want to know who you are, and where you belong.

I watched as a woman in her early thirties, with light brown hair and a stained sweater and ripped pants walked into the deserted alley followed closely by a small being. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the painful memory reenacted before my eyes. I tried to force myself to wake up, but I could not. I kept my eyes closed to block out the excruciating images, yet my ears still heard pitiful sobbing, the kind that comes from a young girl. A sound that I made once upon a time. I realized with a sickening feeling in my stomach that I could not escape the scene before me. I was fated to relive my past.

"Lizzie, baby, you just wait here for a bit. Momma just needs to run an errand. Be good."

The little girl was not fooled, though only five, she sensed that her mommy would be gone for more than just a little bit.

"I wanna go with you Mommy."

"No baby. I have to do grown-up things. Stay here till I get back."

"No Mommy."

"Liz, stop it. You're only making this harder. I have to go."

"Please."

"I'm sorry, I. I can't do this anymore. This is too hard. I'm so tired. Don't you think I deserve some peace baby girl?"

"But, I'll be good Mom. And, I'll help. Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do. But that's not enough."

Then there was silence, but for the heartbreaking sniffles and hiccups of Young Liz.

"God, do you realize I haven't gotten a fix for almost eight whole fucking hours? All you can think about is yourself, how selfish can you be?"

An with that, the woman left her child alone, crying her little heart out.

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Liz didn't need to see anymore. She knew what happened, after all, she had lived it. Little Liz wandered aimlessly on the back streets, knowing instinctively to stay hidden. She fed on bits of food she found laying half-eaten on plates, just dumped on top of the trash can, or on a cart before she pocketed it without anyone noticing. She slept in cold, damp places until she found three other children, alone in the sewer, that offered her a place to stay.

"Why did ya show me that? That doesn't tell me who I am?"

But it does. Where you came from dictates who you will become.

"I won't belie'e dat."

Liz, you were abandoned, thrown away. This is where you belong. You're sewer trash.

After that remark, things became clearer.

"If I'm trash, what does that make you, Lonnie?"

At the mention of her name, Lonnie appeared in front of me with an amused smirk on her face.

"Aiight, how'd ya know it wuz me?"

"Who else could be dat bitchy?"

"Ya got me there."

"What d' ya want, Vilondra? 'Sides piss me off dat is."

"I just wanted tuh check up on ya. See how yer doin'."

"Really? Tha's nice, too nice."

"Well, I woulda written you a letter, but I lost ya adress. I gots a pen and paper handy, mind tellin' me one more time?"

"Do ya think I'm stupid?"

"No, I don't. The others made the mistake of underestimatin' you. I know yer smarter than those three put tagetha. I know that you see exactly what's goin' on. And, I know that you gots powahs, and ya thought none a us knew 'bout 'em."

"Zan knows?"

"His Royal Obliviousness? No way, yer smarter than that. And I ain't told him. I just see things a little more clearly than the otha three."

"Youse obviously smartah than I gave yuh credit for."

"Obviously. Look, I ain't surprised ya betrayed us, I could see how much ya hated Zan, all a us. Da moment ya got the oppertunity, ya'd take ya chance. And I respect that."

"Youse twisted."

"Thanx. Now, what I can't undastand is yer loyalty to our duplicates. That don't make sense."

"It don't have tuh make sense ta you. Hell, it don't make sense tuh me. But FYI: you foh are the duplicates, Michael and da others are da legitimate set."

At that she paused for a moment, and I saw the gears visibly shift in her head as she switched tactics.

"Michael, that's Rath's Dupe, right?"

Apparently she chose to ignore my fun trivia fact.

"So?"

"You feel somethin' fer him. You're gonna turn yer back on everythin' you've evah known (which, tuh be fair wadn't that great tuh begin wit.) for a copy of Rath? Why? He's an idiot. Da only thing he's good for is fuckin'... and maybe killin' things."

"Michael's nothin' like Rath."

"O come on, don't tell me you didn't enjoy the time we all had tagethah? "

"Luck'ly the miracuhl a alcohol wiped me a those assuredly disturbin' mem'ries."

"Tha's too bad, 'cause I can say from personal experience, youse a demon in da sack."

"Is dis supposed tuh make me change mah mind, 'cause it's not working."

"Are you willin' tuh die fer him? Cause dat's da only way this can end, unless ya hand ovah da Granolith."

"What da you care, Lonnie? You'll find a way 'ome wid or widout the Gran'lith. You fuhget Vilondra, I know you too. I know you been screwin' Nicholas, prolly made some sort o agreement? You go home, but yer brothah and your lovah are left to da mercy a the Skins. Am I right?"

"Yer good; ya know yer shit. I always liked you, Liz."

The she broke eye contact, and fixed her eyes to a point above my shoulder.

"It's a shame I'll have tuh kill ya."

"Ya can't kill me in mah own dream."

"I know dat, but I can kill him though."

I couldn't turn around to see what she was referring to for fear of turning my back on that tricky bitch. But I could guess that the fixed point above my left shoulder, was actually Michael, who hadn't said one fucking word the entire time. Crap!

a/n: thanks y'all for the feedback and bumpage

Ch. 27

Liz's POV

*Alright Liz, think of a plan.* But my mind was drawing a blank. I knew without a lingering doubt that Lonnie would not hesitate to kill Michael. the bitch would kill her own brother for God sakes.

"Yo Michael, ya mind movin' where I can keep an eye on ya?" I queried.

Lonnie just laughed a little and said
"Smart move Liz, nevah turn ya back on yer enemiez. I guess livin' wit us taught ya somethin'."

Michael did as I asked and stepped beside me. I felt a little better keeping him in my sights, at least this way I could focus on that conniving bitch.

"Puhlease, it's just common sense. I don't trust ya, but I guess the feelin's mutual."

"Suah is Liz. Yer right not to trust me." With that she stepped closer, so that we were only a few feet apart.

"I ain't scared a you." And I meant it too. I no longer feared Lonnie.

"No, but yer scared a him though." She said this calmly, which freaked me out more than anything. Then the strangest thing happened, she disappeared, replaced by Zan right before my eyes. Zan with his spikey hair, chin piercing, and tattoos.

"Yer not Zan." I said forcefully.

"I missed ya so much, Lizzie. It wadn' nice tuh run off from me like dat. Youse gonna haf tuh be punished." He said with an evil look of pleasure on his face, as if he was glad.

"Yer not Zan!" I screamed.

"Shut up bitch, else I'll disfigure that pretty face a yours, and no amount a plastic surgery will fix it."

I kept telling myself it wasn't him. It couldn't be him. Zan can't dream walk. But with the help of Lonnie... And who knows how much his powers have grown.

"You won't fucking touch her!" Michael growled.

I was greatful for Michael's protective act, it was nice to have someone lokking out for me for a change. But he was the one in immediate danger, not me.

"Michael, stay outta this. I'm handlin' it. Dat was good Lonnie, really sadistic and twisted, just like Zan. But ya missin' somethin'."

"I'm hurt Lizzie. Ya don't believe it's me? I know you bettah than anyone else alive, down tuh each freckle, and ev'ry hair. and believe me Liz, that'll be da only recognizable parts a you when I'm through wit ya."

*It's not Zan. It's not Zan.* The more I kept saying it in my head, the less I believed it. I closed my eyes to regain composure, to calm my rapid pulse. When I opened my eyes again Zan was an inch away from my face, his eyes level with mine. The bitter cold staring back at me made all reason fly outta my head. He quickly placed his hand around my throat and squeezed tightly. Not enough to kill me, just enough to show me he could. I waited a few moments to gather my strength, then jerked my knee towards his groin with all my might. I felt my knee connect, but the grip on my neck stayed the same. The only change was the look of concentration on his face had developed into an even creepier smile.

"Liz!" Michael yelled desperately. His entire body was paralyzed, except for his eyes and mouth. He watched what was happening, but was powerless to stop it.

Then silence except for my own panting and gurgling. I looked to where Michael was, only to find out he was gone. Not just from my sight, but from my dream. I focused my attention on the outer edges of my subconscious for a brief moment, and felt Michael's presence. He was trying to break through, trying to get back in after being brutally shoved out by Lonnie's lingering presence. I used the power I had left to harden the barrier, effectively blocking his readmittance. What was the point anyway. I could be stuck here forever, but Zan couldn't kill me. Besides, I'd rather Michael not see my own fear and pathetic humiliation. Who knows what else zan, and the ever constant (though not visible) Lonnie would do next.

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The fingers continued to dig into my throat, cutting off my air supply. I felt myself weaken, but not pass out. Zan always said it wasn't as much fun if I didn't remember his torture the next day. and the next. and the next....
I looked down at the hand that was strangling me, and noticed something odd. I tried to speak, but all that came out were gasps.

"hhh..kkk"

Seeing that I had something to say, he let go and dropped me to the floor. I was not thankful for this 'mercy' for the word had no meaning for my tormentor.

I massaged my sore, tense muscles and composed myself for speech while my lungs regained breath. Zan's cruel face laughed at my discomfort and utter helplessness.

"Ya fergot da seal, bitch." I rasped.

At that, he looked at his hand and cursed. She kept her disguise, but spoke in a feminine vice.

"I can't believe ya fell fer dat. It was hilarious! He ain't even heah. He can't dream walk, ya used tuh know dat."

"Ya think dat wuz funny? well, I ain't laughin'. I ain't gonna tell you shit, youse just wastin' yer time"

"O Liz, this ain't got nothin' tuh do wit that."

"Wha?"

"I knew ya wouldn' tell us nothin', youse stubbuhn. I just wanted tuh distract ya."

"Distract me from what?!?" I yelled angrily with a tinge of nervousness.

"Ya ain't da only one who knows wheah da Granolith is silly girl."

In an instant, I understood.

"Nasedo" I stated more than asked.

"Nah, he still won't tell us shit. But I'm willin' tuh bet he knows someone else that does."

"He's loyal to da oath, Lonnie. He never told ya nothin' before, what makes ya think he'll talk now?" I asked curiously.

"He's bein' persuaded tuh talk as we speak. When we got what we want, we'll end his miserable pathetic life. After all, he betrayed his royal four long ago, no one will miss him."

"No one else knows da location a the royal four, no one 'cept da protectors. But he ditched you four 45 years ago."

"Don't worry, I'll be suah tuh remind him a that right 'afore I snap his neck. See ya around Liz, it's been awful nice catchin' up. We'll see ya soon, Zan's been waitin' patiently. Well, as patient as a spoiled brat king that lost his favorite toy can behave. Toodles."

And with that she disappeared, leaving me alone in my own empty dream, dreading waking up. There's no where else to run and hide. They're coming, eventually, and my responsibility is keeping me here. There goes Plan A...

Ch. 28

Liz's POV

I stood in the now empty hollow room that was my dream. I was alone now, for which I was greatful. I had a lot to think about, and my next move to figure out. I sank to the floor, sitting with my knees bent in front of me. I closed my eyes. Everything was so messed up. Everything I thought I knew just a few weeks ago, meant nothing. My eyes reopened to see millions of broken mirror shards, mosaic-style, on all the walls and on the floor beneathe me.

A particular piece caught my eye, I saw the scars where my eyebrow rings once were. A reminder of my pathetic quest to fit in. I was only 13, trying so hard to be one of them, be accepted. But no matter what I did, I was always inferior. I was their little slave girl, their fuck toy; but never good enough to be included. Even when I found a new dysfunctional family of sorts, I was still all alone.

My eyes moved to another piece, one which showed a hint of the tattoo on my neck. A constant reminder of a mark I can never get rid of. My need to belong quickly became a yearning for escape. But even that was not an option, I was trapped. They didn't want me, but no one else could have me either. I was down-graded from slave, to property. I learned quickly what my place in life was, that I had nothing but what they allowed me to have. I became detached, in a constant dream, much like this. There was a comfort in this place, along with a safe sense of loneliness. At least nothing can hurt me here.

I tilted my head slightly, and saw the purpley-blue finger prints adorning my throat. I guess no place is safe, not even my own mind. These bruises showed me I could never go back, even if I wanted to. Which is nice, because I'd rather die than go back. But there's a frighteningly empty feeling in my stomach with the realization that I was alone. I had no home (however crappy it may be) to fall back on. I was free, but completely on my own. I've never been good at standing on my own two feet, it's quite a terrifying prospect.

I looked down at myself and closely studied my hands. My cuticles were shredded from where I anxciously bit and tore at them. Honestly, the habit was a bit massocistic and completely unhealthy. But, it seemed to lessen the pressure inside. I always imagined the skin around my nails as an outcropping of my emotions, growing up past the surface like weeds on a newly-cut lawn. Viciously ripping the unwanted growth gave me a sense of control, and a sense of peace. The best part of course was when I bit too much and blood flowed to the surface. It calmed me in a way nothing else had, the physical pain nothing compared to the warring emotions I could never define nor ease. The strange part was, I hadn't bit my fingers in days. Since I've been in Roswell, I haven't felt the need. Too confused to contemplate this new development I looked away from my hands to a point on the ground directly below me.

This piece of glass had me transfixed like none of the others. Here I was, staring at my own eyes. Not just the outside, but all the emotions lying underneath. My eyes held so many different thoughts and so much confusion. It brought me great pain to see the depth of sadness reflected in my own eyes, along with the fact it may never go away. This was worst of all, the pain I saw would always be there. Nothing could remove it. For as long as I live I will always see evidence of my past, not just physically. Even if I could heal all my marks, scars, and bruises; the pain would still be there. Just no one else would see but me. Luckily, I might not have to live too much longer with an all-encompassing blackness in my eyes, betraying the darkness I felt within.

The dark circles under my eyes told me what I already knew; I was tired. So tired. Obviously, this little nap I took wasn't very rejuvenationg. I'm still so stressed, I have no idea what I'm going to do. All these different parts of me, seen seperately, represent different parts of my life. Each part is pulling me in a different direction, confusing me more and more. What should I do? If I don't choose soon the darkness in my eyes will spread. I won't be the only one to suffer. The others; Michael, Max, Tess, Isabel, Maria, Alex, Kyle, the Sheriff... Their very lives could be over if I make the wrong choice.

With new determination I pushed myself up, and walked to the approximate center of the room. Pushing out the tiny mirror images lining the walls, I shut my eyes tight. I spun and spun, feeling the overwhelming dizziness in my stomach. The sick, nauseous feeling reminded me of the disgusting confused, trapped feeling I felt on a daily basis. The physical I could deal with, the emotional I could not. At the point where my body nearly collapsed from the light-headedness in my brain I opened my eyes to see the swirling pictures turn upside-down, sideways, and backwards. I had no idea which direction to take, they were all the same to me. Eventually my body chose for me, and collapsed to the ground. When my vision became clear and the scenery around me remained stationary, my confused state became lucid too. I knew exactly which way to go, the only way I could go was down.

Ch. 29

Isabel's POV

I materialized inside Liz's dream and found myself thinking how morbid it was. the surfaces of the walls and floors around me were reflective, yet with nothing to reflect. I didn't see her immediately, but Michael assured me she was in here, maybe not alone.

"Liz" I called out.

"Leave me alone, Lonnie." she resignedly muttered. I saw her laying on the ground with her eyes closed, not able to witness my entrance. But then again, Liz could probably feel my presence.

"It's Isabel." I assured her.

"Riiiigggghhhhtt." She said sarcastically.

"Liz, Michael is worried about you."

"Look, I don't cayre who ya are, I wanna be left alone!"

"Liz..."

"Didn' ya notice da barrier, that was on purpose. I need a little quiet time."

"How much time? You've been in here for hours."

"I need some time tuh think."

"Really, because it seems like you're just trying to escape. Hiding out in your own mind isn't going to help."

"Shut da fuck up Izabel. You don't know nothin' 'bout me, ya nevah needed to. Ya judged me from the first moment ya saw me, and you'll nevah see me as nothin' else. What's da worst ya evah been through, huh? 'O no, I'm adopted. Mommie and Daddy might not love me no more if dey knew what I really wuz.' Well guess what, I ain't got da luxury of what-ifs and maybes, I know my parents don't love me and they nevah did. Get ovah yaself princess, dere's a lot more hardships left tuh come."

She cruelly mimiced me, and while a few years ago that comment would have really hurt, now it was just empty words.

"I know there is, my entire life I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, but you must know what that's like."

At that she quieted down, seemed to close up.

"Liz, as much as I hate to admit it, we're screwed. We need your help. You're the only one with answers. And, truthfully I trust you more than I ever did Tess."

"Don't blame her, she's jus confused is all. It's gonna be 'specially rough on her, with her protector dead and ev'rythin'. But I gotta feeling she'll come through in da end. Don't ya worry."

"It's not just that. What about Michael? He wants you here, and not just because of what we're potentially up against. Don't think I haven't noticed, I'm not as oblivious as Max. I know you care about him."

"So? That's got nothin' tuh do wit it. ya gots tuh set aside yer personal feelin's and get down tuh business. Michael will eventually realize his obligations are more important than his misguided crush towards me. People mix up pity fer love all the time. And don't try tuh use my own feelin's against me, it won't work. Whether he likes me or not is relevant to my involvement wit you guys. I helped you because I care about him, not da otha way around. I don't expect nothin' back. From anyone."

I was shocked. Could she really think that? How lonely to go through life thinking all the people that care about you don't really mean it.

"That's not true Liz. Michael is sitting next to your bed. He's been there for a long, long time. He only left for a moment to come get me. He practically begged me to dream-walk you and see if you were ok. It's not fake, and it's not shallow. You actually have a chance here Liz, we're willing to make you a part of us."

At that she sucked in a painful breath, obviously trying to control herself.

"Isabel, if I tell you somethin' ya promise tuh keep it a secret, and not freak out?"

"ummm" I normally would say yest without hesitation, but I had a feeling I would not like what she had to say.

"Please Isabel. I wouldn't ask, but I'm real confused. I got no ideas, and my head is swarmin'."

"Sure"

"Wese doomed. There is no hope."

"Pessimist much?"

"Nah Isabel, ya don't undahstand. 'Membah my whole plan tuh leave so youse guys would be unharmed?"

She paused as if waiting for confirmation so I nodded.

"Well screw dat. Dey found another way. They gots a whole bunch a otherworldy sources, and dey finally found one who knows yer location. Da problem ain't if they find you foh and da granolith anymoh, it's when. There ain't no hidin', and no fightin' back."

"We're not going to just let them take the granolith, And I will not die without a fight."

"Isabel, don't you get it? yer toast. youse four confused little orphans wid a couple magic tricks. They're street-tough punks with fully-harnessed superpowers and absolutely no reservations 'bout killin' their own kind."

"Maybe we're not that advanced with our powers, and we're still missing a few aspects of our past, but we're not helpless. And we're not just four, we have an enhanced human on our side, and four humans to watch our backs."

"Ah ah. No way. I ain't facin' them, ferget it. Sorry but you're shit-outta-luck, I'm waitin' here for the end to come."

"Fine, cower in your safe, protective bubble. Maybe we will all die, but we'll try as hard as we can not to, while you wait patiently for them to kill you. I hope you'll be very happy in your own isolation, I'm sure you'll feel right at home."

And with that I left, having said all I needed to say. No goodbye, and no last look. I guess we're on our own. Shit! What am I going to tell Michael? He won't take this very well, probably blow something up. Then I'll have to fix it, great. Now is not the time to be cynical, I must be hopeful. they're gonna need me. Without Liz, we'll have to pray for help. O, who am I kidding. Without her, we're just waiting to die. We are so screwed.

Ch. 30

Liz's POV

*Breathe Liz, breathe.*

*In out. In out.*

For what seems like days I have felt a sort of mental knocking on the outer shell of my subconscious. In the real world it has only been a few hours. Time in my own mind moves faster than the awake world.

A whispered, liz echoed through my head. I tried to block it out. Isabel had left long ago, but Michael was still trying to force his way in. No, not force. Entreaty. I have been attempting to meditate, block out the hardships of life.

It hasn't been working. I can't forget Isabel's words of pleading, begging me to help. Maybe it makes me a heartless bitch, but I can't. I also remember the look in Lonnie's eyes when she told me they would find thw Granolith, and the other four. I'm scared. I've pretended to be this unflinching hardcore bitch, determined to make up for my past and concentrate my life on making my fucked-up, estranged 'family' fail. But I'm just trying to keep it together. Everything is completely fucked up. I wish I knew what to do, I wish I had answers to their questions. But I don't. I can't offer them a damn thing, not even reliance. I won't make empty promises, I have more integrity than that. God!!! I just wish I had someone to guide me. A protector of sorts. Though all the protectors I've seen have been self-serving assholes, but that's not the point. I'm so tired of figuring things out for myself, of taking care of myself. The only person who has ever given me any kind of direction was...

O my god.

That's it. There's only one person that can help me fix things and decide what to do. There's no guarantee this will work, but if it doesn't I could always retreat back to the safe haven that is my mind. Hopefully.

[a/n: hey guys, that was my 30th chapter. This is the most I have written my entire life, so... Go me!]

[a/n: I can't believe I'm writing another chapter so soon, I was going to let it sit for a while. O well, why not, huh?]

Ch. 31

Michael's POV

I had waiting for hours for Liz to wake, silently urging her to get up. But, to no avail. I beg Isabel to dream walk her, find out if Lonnie is still there. If something was wrong. But no. Isabel said she was alone. Liz simply did not want to wake up. I couldn't help it, I selfishly admitted to myself I was feeling abandoned. She would rather be stuck in her own mind than out in the real world with me. Self- centered I know, but I know enough to know people leave. They go away, and maybe they don't come back. It happens enough, and you start to think 'maybe it's because of you.'

Then out of nowhere her eyes flutter open, and her breaths deepens. She seemed to skip right past any sort of explanation, only looking in my direction with a sad smile on her face. Then, announced she had to 'piss like a racehorse' when she promptly locked herself into the bathroom. I wouldn't put it past her to just leave, but I could hear a faint tinkle and knew she hadn't gone anywhere. A few minutes later, approximately 23, she emerged from the bathroom with her hair dryed and she was wearing some of Kyle's old clothes. He was so short it didn't drag on her too much, but the clothes were still baggy. Somehow she managed to wear the outfit confidently, like it had been meant for her all along. She stood silently and awkwardly in the center of the room since the rest of the group had moved in to the living room to wait for Liz.

She seemed about to speak, then stopped herself. I'm too tired for this pussy-footing-around bull shit.

"What the fuck happened?" I queried offensively.

She seemed to take my bad mood in stride and took it as a place to start. I even got the feeling she was glad for the push.

"I learned a few things. None of 'em good. It turns out y'all ain't so safe in Tourist Trap, USA. Zan will come for you." she explained.

"Did you tell them? You just change your mind and decide to switch teams?" Max asked irritably.

I entertained the notion of blowing up his head, but my powers were too unfocused for that. And, Max is just an asshole and doesn't realize how stupid he sounds.

"I din' need tuh tell dem nothin'. They found someone else. Youse protector."

"What, Nasedo would never do that, he swore to protect us."

"Well, he would do that. He was a bastahd. Da only reason he ain't said nothin' 'afore now is 'cause of da oath. On Antar, before Zan died, he made the protectors swear to keep you guys a secret from theyse enemies, both sets. And your duplicates, dey count as enemies. He physically can't disobey your order, he'd be disgraced and could never show his face back home again."

"Then he won't tell them. He can't tell them."

"No, but da other Protector broke da oath long ago. He dropped his set intuh da sewers and left 'em to die. They wasn't da legit set, they were therefore useless. He went off to persue a human life and repressed his alien side. As he assimilated himself into this world, his stopped caring about going home. If dey threaten his life, he'll talk."

"Nasedo told me he didn't know where Cal was." Tess stated.

"Well, Zan seems to think he does, and he'll torture him till he gets da info he wants. Then kill him. I've seen 'em kill one of their own for less, dey got no mercy. I'm sorry Tess, he's prolly already dead as we speak."

At that she took off crying and hid in Kyle's room vacated by Liz earlier. Isabel nudged Max and made a motion with her head. The dunce Max finally got it and reluctantly started towards Tess.

Liz stopped him by saying "leave her alone. This ain't easy. He may have been a sonofa bitch, but he was all she had. After a while she grew used tuh da way things were, no mattah how bad things got. she could delude huhself fer a little while into thinking, maybe he really did love her and dis was juss how he showed it. Maybe this was what love really wuz. Getting hurt. Maybe he even thought he did really love her. She wishes she could just hate him, it would be so much easier. But a part a her will always remember how he saved her life. If it wadn't fer him, she'd prolly be dead by now. If she just hated him, it'd be easier tuh let him go."

"You were really talking about yourself, right?" Maria asked, showing her bluntness. Even Alex's mouth dropped open.

"So what are we going to do?" I asked; partly because I wanted to know, and partly to ease the tension.

"I'm gonna get some advice from an outside source."

"I don't trust anyone outside this room." Max stated with empty authority. It was his subtle way of telling her she had his trust, while also undermining her course of action.

"You do trust her, ya just don't know it yet. Besides, I ain't askin' yer permission. I'm goin', and you all can come er not, it's up to you. But Michael, I need ya tuh drive me."

"Where do you want me to take you?"

"We was there just the othah day, surely ya ain't forgot so soon."

"The Pod Chamber?"

"Nah, what's behind it. I need some quality time with Granny."

"Who?"