Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:13 am
Heya, sorry this is late... been away this weekend. This has all been posted on write on and has been written for months... so if you are reading exposure and wondering why I'm not posting that but managing this, that's why. Anyway... on with the show
Thank you to the following for your feedback:
alizaleven
flyawayraven
RhondaAnn
Part eleven.
I back away as I stare at him stood before me.
There he is, with his goofy Alex grin that he used to flash me when we met in the school court yard for lunch. He’s stood by a grave just up from Max’s, his hands resting around the straps of his rucksack in the exact same way he used to. He is wearing a red shirt buttoned up to the top in the style that is Alex and his hair is neatly cropped as he likes it. He looks at me with such a friendly gaze that I just want to run over and hold him.
But I can’t.
He’s supposed to be dead.
So I back away, my feet stumbling slightly as I walk backwards without knowing where the hell I am or where the hell my feet are going.
“Liz?” He asks, his goofy grin disappearing slightly as he notices that I’m backing away from him, a complete look of terror on my face.
I start to cry harder then before as I hear the rich tones of his voice. It sounds so real – so like Alex that it could almost be him.
But he can’t be. It can’t be because I watched his body being lowered into the ground, our tears spilling out onto the coffin as we laid our roses and threw our dirt. I can still hear the soft sounds of Maria’s desperate and broken voice flowing out amongst the congregation. I can still see the tormented devastated expressions of his parents as they watched his coffin disappearing under a 6 ft layer of soil.
“What’s wrong?” He asks as he moves towards me, his loving concern etched across the face I had loved like a brother.
I shake my head furiously at him as I turn and start to run away as fast as I possibly can. How come he’s stood there? This can’t be real can it?
Right?
But he was stood there. He was there in front of me, looking at me with that same grin that he used to give me every time he stepped into the Crashdown.
This isn’t possible. This has to be some fucking trick… he just CANNOT be real. He died. Tess murdered him! I researched his death! I went into his wrecked car!!!
I saw the blood that had latched onto the seat.
HE’S DEAD – BURIED NOT TOO LONG AGO.
I stumble on a stone in the middle of the path way and end up sprawled over the floor on my front, my arms stretched out above me. I hear running behind me and I quickly roll over to find Alex skidding to a complete stop in front of me. He leans down to help me up – offering me his hand, but I just swat it away.
“You’re dead!” I whisper in shock and in panic as I start to scramble backwards – away from the thing in front of me. “YOU DIED!” I scream at him, desperate for this hell to end. Alex Whitman is DEAD, he cannot and isn’t stood in front of me.
Yet he is.
HOW?
He straightens up slightly before kneeling down, his hand resting lightly on the stone path to steady himself. “Liz, I’m not dead. How can I be if I’m right here in front of you?”
I still scramble backwards, trying to get as much distance between me and him. He can’t be alive! I watched him be buried! “You’re dead! I WAS AT YOUR FUNERAL!” I screech at him, my eyes wide manically searching for a way out of here. “None of this can be real.” I whimper as I find that I’m stuck here. “It can’t be. This has to be some trick of the light or something, you know, like virtual reality!”
I smile happily at this thought. “Yes!” I say excitedly as I sit up straight. “That’s it! The FBI used it on Max when he was in the white room so why not use it on me?!”
I laugh at my stupidity. “Alex can’t be alive so this makes so much sense now!”
Alex shakes his head at me and he all of a sudden looks sad. “When are you ever going to be better?” He asks softly as he sits down on the stones, no longer bothered with the kneeling. “When am I going to have my best friend back?”
“When you really come back from the grave.” I whisper to him. “I can’t let this break me – I can’t believe this is real. It has to be virtual reality.”
He looks at me as if I’m talking crap. “If this was really virtual reality then how come everything is so life like? How come I look like I’m real and how come even the words look carved into the grave stones – not just word processed?”
I laugh at this. “Oh come off it Alex! You know that the FBI and the Government have technology far more advanced then anything that they have given to the public! They did with Max – he actually saw a real image of me being dragged along the pavement dead!”
Alex just looks at me in response. I can actually see the mountain of reasonable questions piling up in his mind. “Okay then.” He says, a new idea springing up in his mind. “If this was virtual reality how come you can feel the stones beneath you?”
This floors me for a second because I can actually feel the stones digging into my hands and in to my backside. I can actually feel the hardness of the stones and the pain it is causing me. But then again… this is all a set up. They could manage this.
“It’s because it’s really underneath me. I’m being lead from room to room in areas that are ready for something like this.” I bite my lip thinking of how I was brought to this place. “I’ve been lead everywhere by Serena. I haven’t not once walked in a direction I have wanted to walk in!”
He nods in response to this. “That is a reasonable idea Liz, but you’re forgetting one factor. For Serena to have led you here… she’s had to have had some form of contact with you.”
I look at him for a moment confused. “What do you mean?”
“If she had led you here, she’d of had to have touched you. If this is virtual reality then she’d have to have been in the room knowing exactly how to move you and in which direction you have to go. She’d have to know exactly where the paths were, where the doors were. It’s not possible to know everything exactly.”
“She’s walking through a map made up on the floor. She’s using that!”
Alex shakes his head. “No. Liz you know better than that and if that was the case this area that you ran to wouldn’t exist. It would only have to be a set environment for it to work… they’d be no where for you to run the moment you saw me.” He looks at me and continues before I can even get a chance to speak. “And think about it… how can they touch you without alerting you to the fact it’s coming from outside? They’d have to know exactly when to touch you so to not alert you that you are in a virtual reality… even Serena’s timing can’t be that perfect!”
“It could be.” I say weakly. His reasoning is starting to get to me as I sit there listening to him.
Could he be right?
“And what about your mum?” Serena asks from behind Alex. “Your mum pulled your hair back – I know you felt that.”
“It can’t be real.” I whisper as tears start to leak out the corner of my eyes, some strange feeling of horror washing over me. “YOU” I emphasise this as I point directly at his chest like a scared child. “can’t be real.”
Alex stands up now and moves towards me. I don’t bother to move as I stare up at him tearily. “If I wasn’t real, how come I can do this?”
He kneels down and slowly he wraps his arms around me. The moment I feel his arms around me I completely break down, the tears washing my face. He’s whole, he’s real. If this was all virtual reality I probably wouldn’t be able to feel this. I wouldn’t feel the warmth of his arms and I wouldn’t be able to feel and hear his heart beating beneath my ear.
I wouldn’t be able to seek comfort in the sense that this IS Alex. This feels like Alex. The same feel that I used to love when I was feeling ill. The one that made me calm down when I ever had a problem, the one I ran to when I needed a friend. This is the one I leant into at girlie film nights, with Maria on the opposite side of him.
This IS Alex.
But this leaves me to question – what the fuck is going on?
Am I crazy?
I can’t be – can I? I know what I saw. I know what I felt. So it makes me question – if this is indeed Alex, alive and well, is this some sick experiment? Is this some guy pretending to be Alex?
I snuggle into his arms as he walks across the cemetery and I realise this isn’t just some guy. This IS Alex. So it leads to one thing and that’s the one thing I COULDN’T dream of thinking of – that I’m crazy.
After all, the scientist in me is telling me that I am. All the evidence is there – the documents, the institution, the lack of Isabel and the others saving me and the fact my mother looks like hell. My diary apparently doesn’t exist and there is the gravestone that states Max is indeed buried beneath it…
Then there is Alex – alive and well.
But then again, I know what I know and I felt what I felt. It was all there in techno colour with every heart ripping emotion available. I have felt love, euphoria, betrayal, loss and loyalty all in the space of two years. These are emotions that you cannot make up in the middle of psychosis.
Right?
I couldn’t just make up Max Evans and the feel of him healing my bullet wound. I couldn’t just make up the Granolith, Future Max, Larek, Antar or the Dupes…
I just couldn’t make up the aliens…
Could I?
Thank you to the following for your feedback:
alizaleven
flyawayraven
RhondaAnn
Part eleven.
I back away as I stare at him stood before me.
There he is, with his goofy Alex grin that he used to flash me when we met in the school court yard for lunch. He’s stood by a grave just up from Max’s, his hands resting around the straps of his rucksack in the exact same way he used to. He is wearing a red shirt buttoned up to the top in the style that is Alex and his hair is neatly cropped as he likes it. He looks at me with such a friendly gaze that I just want to run over and hold him.
But I can’t.
He’s supposed to be dead.
So I back away, my feet stumbling slightly as I walk backwards without knowing where the hell I am or where the hell my feet are going.
“Liz?” He asks, his goofy grin disappearing slightly as he notices that I’m backing away from him, a complete look of terror on my face.
I start to cry harder then before as I hear the rich tones of his voice. It sounds so real – so like Alex that it could almost be him.
But he can’t be. It can’t be because I watched his body being lowered into the ground, our tears spilling out onto the coffin as we laid our roses and threw our dirt. I can still hear the soft sounds of Maria’s desperate and broken voice flowing out amongst the congregation. I can still see the tormented devastated expressions of his parents as they watched his coffin disappearing under a 6 ft layer of soil.
“What’s wrong?” He asks as he moves towards me, his loving concern etched across the face I had loved like a brother.
I shake my head furiously at him as I turn and start to run away as fast as I possibly can. How come he’s stood there? This can’t be real can it?
Right?
But he was stood there. He was there in front of me, looking at me with that same grin that he used to give me every time he stepped into the Crashdown.
This isn’t possible. This has to be some fucking trick… he just CANNOT be real. He died. Tess murdered him! I researched his death! I went into his wrecked car!!!
I saw the blood that had latched onto the seat.
HE’S DEAD – BURIED NOT TOO LONG AGO.
I stumble on a stone in the middle of the path way and end up sprawled over the floor on my front, my arms stretched out above me. I hear running behind me and I quickly roll over to find Alex skidding to a complete stop in front of me. He leans down to help me up – offering me his hand, but I just swat it away.
“You’re dead!” I whisper in shock and in panic as I start to scramble backwards – away from the thing in front of me. “YOU DIED!” I scream at him, desperate for this hell to end. Alex Whitman is DEAD, he cannot and isn’t stood in front of me.
Yet he is.
HOW?
He straightens up slightly before kneeling down, his hand resting lightly on the stone path to steady himself. “Liz, I’m not dead. How can I be if I’m right here in front of you?”
I still scramble backwards, trying to get as much distance between me and him. He can’t be alive! I watched him be buried! “You’re dead! I WAS AT YOUR FUNERAL!” I screech at him, my eyes wide manically searching for a way out of here. “None of this can be real.” I whimper as I find that I’m stuck here. “It can’t be. This has to be some trick of the light or something, you know, like virtual reality!”
I smile happily at this thought. “Yes!” I say excitedly as I sit up straight. “That’s it! The FBI used it on Max when he was in the white room so why not use it on me?!”
I laugh at my stupidity. “Alex can’t be alive so this makes so much sense now!”
Alex shakes his head at me and he all of a sudden looks sad. “When are you ever going to be better?” He asks softly as he sits down on the stones, no longer bothered with the kneeling. “When am I going to have my best friend back?”
“When you really come back from the grave.” I whisper to him. “I can’t let this break me – I can’t believe this is real. It has to be virtual reality.”
He looks at me as if I’m talking crap. “If this was really virtual reality then how come everything is so life like? How come I look like I’m real and how come even the words look carved into the grave stones – not just word processed?”
I laugh at this. “Oh come off it Alex! You know that the FBI and the Government have technology far more advanced then anything that they have given to the public! They did with Max – he actually saw a real image of me being dragged along the pavement dead!”
Alex just looks at me in response. I can actually see the mountain of reasonable questions piling up in his mind. “Okay then.” He says, a new idea springing up in his mind. “If this was virtual reality how come you can feel the stones beneath you?”
This floors me for a second because I can actually feel the stones digging into my hands and in to my backside. I can actually feel the hardness of the stones and the pain it is causing me. But then again… this is all a set up. They could manage this.
“It’s because it’s really underneath me. I’m being lead from room to room in areas that are ready for something like this.” I bite my lip thinking of how I was brought to this place. “I’ve been lead everywhere by Serena. I haven’t not once walked in a direction I have wanted to walk in!”
He nods in response to this. “That is a reasonable idea Liz, but you’re forgetting one factor. For Serena to have led you here… she’s had to have had some form of contact with you.”
I look at him for a moment confused. “What do you mean?”
“If she had led you here, she’d of had to have touched you. If this is virtual reality then she’d have to have been in the room knowing exactly how to move you and in which direction you have to go. She’d have to know exactly where the paths were, where the doors were. It’s not possible to know everything exactly.”
“She’s walking through a map made up on the floor. She’s using that!”
Alex shakes his head. “No. Liz you know better than that and if that was the case this area that you ran to wouldn’t exist. It would only have to be a set environment for it to work… they’d be no where for you to run the moment you saw me.” He looks at me and continues before I can even get a chance to speak. “And think about it… how can they touch you without alerting you to the fact it’s coming from outside? They’d have to know exactly when to touch you so to not alert you that you are in a virtual reality… even Serena’s timing can’t be that perfect!”
“It could be.” I say weakly. His reasoning is starting to get to me as I sit there listening to him.
Could he be right?
“And what about your mum?” Serena asks from behind Alex. “Your mum pulled your hair back – I know you felt that.”
“It can’t be real.” I whisper as tears start to leak out the corner of my eyes, some strange feeling of horror washing over me. “YOU” I emphasise this as I point directly at his chest like a scared child. “can’t be real.”
Alex stands up now and moves towards me. I don’t bother to move as I stare up at him tearily. “If I wasn’t real, how come I can do this?”
He kneels down and slowly he wraps his arms around me. The moment I feel his arms around me I completely break down, the tears washing my face. He’s whole, he’s real. If this was all virtual reality I probably wouldn’t be able to feel this. I wouldn’t feel the warmth of his arms and I wouldn’t be able to feel and hear his heart beating beneath my ear.
I wouldn’t be able to seek comfort in the sense that this IS Alex. This feels like Alex. The same feel that I used to love when I was feeling ill. The one that made me calm down when I ever had a problem, the one I ran to when I needed a friend. This is the one I leant into at girlie film nights, with Maria on the opposite side of him.
This IS Alex.
But this leaves me to question – what the fuck is going on?
Am I crazy?
I can’t be – can I? I know what I saw. I know what I felt. So it makes me question – if this is indeed Alex, alive and well, is this some sick experiment? Is this some guy pretending to be Alex?
I snuggle into his arms as he walks across the cemetery and I realise this isn’t just some guy. This IS Alex. So it leads to one thing and that’s the one thing I COULDN’T dream of thinking of – that I’m crazy.
After all, the scientist in me is telling me that I am. All the evidence is there – the documents, the institution, the lack of Isabel and the others saving me and the fact my mother looks like hell. My diary apparently doesn’t exist and there is the gravestone that states Max is indeed buried beneath it…
Then there is Alex – alive and well.
But then again, I know what I know and I felt what I felt. It was all there in techno colour with every heart ripping emotion available. I have felt love, euphoria, betrayal, loss and loyalty all in the space of two years. These are emotions that you cannot make up in the middle of psychosis.
Right?
I couldn’t just make up Max Evans and the feel of him healing my bullet wound. I couldn’t just make up the Granolith, Future Max, Larek, Antar or the Dupes…
I just couldn’t make up the aliens…
Could I?