Thanks everyone!!! I know that most of you are hating Amy right about now and unfortunately you probably will dislike her even more after this chapter but I hope you still enjoy the story!! Thanks again!
Chapter 10
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
~&~&~&~&~&
Maria was so upset after Amy left that she waited for her tears to subside and slipped out of the gallery through the back exit, careful to remain unseeing by the other employees. The sun was already high in the sky and shining so brightly that she had to shield her eyes from the harsh, mid-day light.
Quickly, she climbed inside her Jetta and sped off to some unknown destination. Maria could only think of one other time when Amy had lashed out at her and while it hadn’t been nearly as bad as this time, it had still managed to shake Maria deeply.
“Do you really expect me to believe that Kyle spent the entire night in your bed and the only thing you did with him was sleep?” Amy questioned with a large dose of disbelief. “Please Maria, I wasn’t born yesterday” she spat and circled her daughter like a detective would a criminal.
“Of course I expect you to believe that” Maria stated with a hint of anger. “You know I’ve never lied to you before so why would I start now?” she asked with hurt swimming in her eyes.
“You’re both teenagers… I understand that he has wants and you have needs but I will not tolerate you having sex underneath my roof” Amy continued as though she hadn’t even heard Maria’s denial.
“God mom… he’s my friend, he’s like a brother to me. He and Tess got into this huge fight about her parents and he was upset. He needed someone to talk to and I wanted to help him but that was it… just talk” Maria said in defense and stormed out when Amy still seemed unsure of whether or not she should believe her daughter’s story.
Maria didn’t know where to go but she knew she had to get somewhere far away, she needed to put some distance between her and wherever her mom was. She needed to think and desperately tried to push past the pounding in her head and the hammering in her heart as she drove down the lonely highway out of town.
~&~&~&~&~&
Michael paced back and forth, concern etching his features and fear clouding his eyes. It had been four hours since he called the gallery and convinced Jennifer to tell him what had happened earlier with Maria. He had initially known something wasn’t right when she stuttered and let it slip that her boss was missing.
Unfortunately, all she had been able to tell him was that Amy Deluca showed up, the two yelled for several minutes before Amy stormed out and Maria disappeared.
Currently, he was a minute away from grabbing his keys and going in search for either Deluca woman, hoping that if he couldn’t Maria, he might at least be able to talk it out of Amy.
A knock on the door finally brought Michael out of his thoughts and he hurriedly pulled it open when he heard a female voice on the other end.
~&~&~&~&~&
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
Maria tipped the bottle back, emptying the last of its contents in her mouth. Angry that there was no more, she chucked it off the ledge and stumbled forward, loosing her footing enough that she slid, ungracefully, onto the hard rock ground.
After hours of aimlessly driving around, Maria finally returned to Roswell and ended up at the old quarry she and her friends used to party at when they were in high school. The place was deserted and seemed like the perfect spot for some privacy to think only it didn’t take long for Maria to get so depressed that she went out and bought a bottle of Vodka.
Years spent around Amy Deluca taught her a couple things, one being how to choose a good bottle of liquor.
After a while, Maria finally started to forget her problems as she drowned her sorrows in the potent clear liquid and before long, nothing bothered her anymore… except that her bottle was now empty. As her eyes started to droop, she leaned back against the door of her car and eventually dozed off where she sat.
~&~&~&~&~&
“This is all your fault” Amy Deluca accused and barged into Michael’s apartment the second he opened the door. “You think that you can just waltz into her life, make her fall for you and then leave her… well you’ve got another thing coming!” she declared and angrily poked his chest, punctuating her last few words.
“Forgive me for not understanding but what the hell are you talking about!?” Michael fired back.
“I’ve known guys like you” she continued as though she hadn’t heard him. “You act sweet, you tell a girl she’s special and that you care about her. Next thing you know, it just isn’t working out for you anymore and she gets the pleasure of seeing your back as you walk away. Well not this time, it’s not gonna happen, do you understand me?” Amy questioned and stared at him with fire in her eyes.
“Look… I don’t know what your experiences are or what sorts of guys you’ve known but you don’t know me and if you think Maria is dumb enough to fall for lines and hollow promises then you don’t know your daughter either” Michael said sincerely though there was anger boiling just beneath the surface of his calm exterior.
~&~&~&~&~&
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
~&~
“Full house, queens over jacks” Maria said triumphantly and laid her cards down for Michael to see. His next statement, however, wiped the smirk from her face.
“Four of a kind.”
“I think your cheating” Maria stated with a mock serious expression, ignoring Michael’s amused grin. “I mean, how else could you have won the last five hands?” she demanded though her argument lacked bite. “Fine” she said when he still hadn’t answered. “Ask away.”
“First kiss?”
“Thirteen… Matt Harris… beneath the football stands at a home game” Maria answered and took the cards from Michael’s hand to shuffle. “I’m dealing this one” she added though couldn’t hold her serious expression for long. “Are you hungry?”
“Starved, what do you feel like eating?” Michael asked with excessive politeness, teasingly trying to annoy her.
“Ice cream” Maria said instantly. “Come on, you’re driving.”
“Maria… Maria” a voice said, trying to nudge her out of sleep.
~&~&~&~&~&
“How dare you presume to know or judge me!” Amy exploded and clenched her fists, barely restraining herself from using them. “I’m warning you know, you stay away from my daughter” she barked and began to walk away when a single word from his mouth stopped her cold. “What did you say?” she demanded.
“I said no” Michael repeated. “I won’t stay away from Maria because I do care about her. She’s… incredible and I’m not going to let you try and bully me away because you’re not doing her any favors” he stated simply.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Amy questioned angrily.
“I’m talking about misery loving company” Michael stated as he slowly began to lose his temper. “I may not know all the details but I know the idea about your past. You think men are scum, you use and discard them and you tried teaching Maria to do the same but you’re wrong if you think you did it out of love… if you think you’re doing this now out of love.”
“I don’t have to take this from some two bit artist that doesn’t’ know a damn thing about me” Amy spat defensively.
“You’re selfish”
“Fuck you and fuck your opinions” Amy yelled as she slammed the door behind her for the second time in one day.
~&~&~&~&~&
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Carefully Max hefted Maria up into his arms and gently placed her in the backseat of her car. “I’ll follow you back to her place” he told Liz and handed her the keys he’d found beside Maria on the ground.
“Would you also call Isabel for me… let her know that we found Maria and that… that she’s okay?” Liz requested and received a nod and a peck on her lips from her husband. She waited until she was safely enclosed in the Jetta with her unconscious best friend before asking out loud, “What’s going on with you Maria?”
~&~&~&~&~&
“Jennifer… its Isabel Evans. My sister in law found Maria and she drove her home a few minutes ago” she relayed to the worried secretary who’d been the one to alert Isabel of their boss’ absence.
“Thanks Isabel” she retuned and chatted for a couple minutes more before hanging up. She stared at the phone for several minutes before flipping through the rolodex. After grabbing the right card, she still stared, unsure until finally deciding she was doing the right thing. Swiftly, she dialed the number and waited for the person on the other end to answer.
~&~&~&~&~&
Michael pulled to stop in Maria’s drive way and cut the engine. He took a long look at the house, wondering what sort of condition he’d find her in before finally making a choice to get off his bike and find out.
Surprisingly, the door was unlocked so Michael let himself in and called out to her, trying not to frighten her if she’d heard him walk in. when there was no answer, he quietly walked through the house until he found her in her bedroom, past out cold with a small plastic waste basket beside the bed.
The smell of alcohol permeated the air and Michael couldn’t help but briefly flashing back to his days with Hank.
While he did drink, he hated the sight of someone drunk because of all the times he walked in on his foster father, past out on the old battered couch or even the floor if he’d been unable to make it to the living room. Michael hated those days but pushed past the memories and gently pushed the hair from Maria’s face.
He stared at her for several minutes before covering her with an afghan he found tossed onto the floor. He didn’t know what caused her to do this to herself though he would have bet money it was her mother’s doing.
Sighing heavily, he walked over to the chair in the corner and sat, watching over her for the rest of the night.
Because of You (MM / Adult) (Complete)
Moderators: Itzstacie, Forum Moderators
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Hi! I'm so sorry I took so long with this update but thank you to everyone for the feedback and for sticking around!!! Song is Fallen by Sarah McLachlan
Chapter 11
Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
~&~&~&~&~&
The smell of frying bacon and coffee brewing brought Maria out of the alcohol induced sleep she’d been in all night. She was disoriented at first, unaccustomed to getting drunk or hang overs and thanked whatever higher power there was that a waste basket had conveniently been placed beside her.
She retched until she felt like she was going to turn her stomach inside out then fell back against the pillows. Her breathing was harsh and ragged and her head felt as though a freight train had run over it. She was sweating from the effort of what she had just done and angrily threw her arms out, grasping the comforter in an attempt to still the spinning room.
“This’ll help” a voice said, causing Maria to snap her eyes open in surprise. Before her stood Michael, wearing one of her aprons over his clothes while he held a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other.
Maria looked up at him and felt the ache inside her increase though it had nothing to do with her hangover. Michael wore an expression she herself had used many times in the past when she took care of Amy after a long night of partying. After everything she had been through with her mom, she never would have guessed that one day someone would look at her with pity in their eyes because of a drunken night of alcohol binging.
“Thanks” she mumbled and forced herself up into a sitting position. Wordlessly, she accepted what he offered but still couldn’t help but wonder how and why he was there. For that matter, she wondered how she had gotten home too.
“Why don’t you get cleaned up and come to the kitchen” Michael suggested and didn’t wait around for her response.
Slowly, Maria managed to pull herself out of bed and stumbled against her dresser on her way to the bathroom. “Damn it” she swore and carefully walked the rest of the way.
Minutes later, the feel of the cool spray against her warm body was enough to jolt Maria back to the real world. Her drunken haze began to lift and she was left with even more questions about what had happened the previous night. The last thing she could remember was sitting out at the quarry and then… nothing.
Over the pounding water, Maria could still hear the clatter of pans and the footsteps of old, heavy Timberland boots. She wondered what Michael was thinking. Was he disappointed, angry, sad? Was he just as confused as she was or did he understand more than she did? Did he feel anything or had she just ruined something that could have potentially been great?
Maria didn’t have any of these answers but decided that there was only one way to find out.
After a few more minutes, Maria pulled the shower curtain aside and enveloped herself in a fluffy, blue, terry cloth bathrobe. She took her time brushing her teeth and then her long, wavy hair. Unconcerned, she tied it up in a loose bun and after changing into a comfortable pair of track pants and a fitted tee, she went to find Michael.
“Juice or coffee?” he asked without turning around.
“Coffee please” Maria answered. It was strange how natural he looked working in her kitchen but it was even weirder that she felt like the stranger in the room. “Thank you” she added when he placed a steaming mug in front of her.
Maria half expected him to jump right in but instead, he hander her plate of food which she had to force down due to the lingering bout of nausea. Briefly, she wondered why Amy did this so often if the nauseous stomach, aching head and cotton mouth were always the end result.
Thinking about her mother now, brought it all flooding back. Maria couldn’t believe the things they had said to one another but there was no taking them back now and surprisingly, she didn’t want to.
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
The silence was deafening and the seconds ticked by, echoing loudly from the old, stainless steel clock above the stove. Off handedly, she wondered whether or not it was Michael’s intention to slowly drive her crazy with his quiet eating and avoidances but she didn’t dare ask until finally, with too much on her mind, Maria couldn’t contain her questions anymore.
Her fork dropped with a loud clatter against the white, ceramic plate, causing Michael to look up from his own breakfast. “Tell me what happened” she requested though it sounded more like a demand, even to her own ears. “Please” she added when his eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly.
“I’m not entirely sure” Michael replied and eventually just pushed his plate away, abandoning the rapidly cooling bacon and eggs.
“How did I get here?” Maria modified when his answer did nothing to help fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle.
“After you disappeared, Jennifer and one of your curators… the tall blonde one… got worried” Michael stated and Maria figured he was referring to Isabel. “Your friends Max and Liz were the ones who found you and since I had been calling all day looking for you, Jennifer thought to call me once she knew you were okay.”
“And you stayed here… all night?” Maria asked, surprised.
“Yes” Michael answered simply and after an uncomfortable second, he rose from his seat and began clearing away the dishes. “Now can you tell me what exactly happened that made feel like you needed to go off and get drunk alone?” he asked in a quiet tone that had Maria raising her gaze to watch him.
Disappointment.
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
She knew he was disappointed in her and that hurt more than she cared to admit.
“I um… I had a little… run-in, with my mom and I guess it just effected me more than it should have” Maria half admitted. She wanted to tell him the whole truth but she also didn’t want him to feel responsible for the things Amy said. Maria knew that while he may have been the reason behind this argument, the things said had been a long time coming.
Did she regret fighting with Amy? Yes. Was she sorry she said what she had? No.
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
“Would you please tell me what you’re thinking?” Maria asked after a few tense moments. She wondered why his opinion mattered so much but in truth, no amount of wondering could change it. She cared what he thought and a part of her liked it.
“Your mother came by to see me” Michael stated and Maria didn’t bother to hide or disguise her surprise. “She wanted me to know that I couldn’t get away with hurting you if that was my intention. Just so you don’t have to ask, it isn’t my intention” he added quietly. “I was pretty mad and I decided that she had no right coming here and accusing me of something I wouldn’t do but… well I had a lot of time to think last night and I guess I can understand that a part of her, however warped, was actually trying to help.”
We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
“No she wasn’t” Maria immediately countered. “I used to think she was trying to help me but… she’s just trying to make me as miserable as she is so that she won’t be old and alone. She wants me right beside her, cursing men for the sins of my father’s past and I thought I could be that for her but I just…can’t, not anymore.”
Michael watched her, observing the expressions she wore as she uttered words that showed just how much had changed in the span of a single day. “Why?” he asked simply and watched another myriad of emotions play across her face.
“Because I’ve spent the last ten years pushing men away, convinced that I needed to before they got close enough to hurt me” Maria finally replied. “I keep everyone… including my friends, at a distance because a part of me believes that they will eventually hurt me if I give them half a chance and I can’t afford that chance.”
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
“So what now?” Michael asked, unsure of where all of this would leave him and his feelings for her.
“I don’t know” she admitted honestly. “I feel like there was a part of me that’s always been hidden and now… now it wants to wake up, it wants to come into the light and I’m scared of… of everything I know I would feel if it let that happen.”
It was the closest Maria had ever come to admitting just how much she cared for him and how much he already meant to her. It wasn’t much, she knew that, but it was the best she could do for now and it would have to be enough.
“I don’t want to hurt you Maria, I don’t want for you to be afraid of me or afraid of what I feel for you” Michael stated and finally closed the distance between. His knees touched the ground, kneeling before her, holding her hands in his as he silently begged her to look into his eyes and see the truth swimming within their depths.
“When I finally left Hank, I was grateful for a lot of things” he continued quietly. It amazed Maria how his tone was so soft, yet still commanded your attention. It was impossible to not listen to him. “Mostly I was glad that he’d never lay a hand on me again, never raise his voice to me again but among all of that was the feeling of relief that I’d never have to walk in to any room and see him past out on the floor again. I’d never walk into a room and cringe at the scent of stale whiskey half burnt cigars permeating the air.”
Maria had an idea of where this was going and she understood it more than he realized, having played the same part for many years when Amy showed up, clothes hanging off her body and vodka on her breath. There were only rare occasions when her mom didn’t smell like a brewery when she arrived home from a date and those had been during her relationship with Jim. Maria often wondered why her mother drank so much and only ever arrived at one conclusion… the alcohol helped her pretend but she had never needed to pretend with Valenti.
“I hated seeing you drunk” Michael confessed. “I hated it because I knew why you had done it… to forget. I hated it because I know how easy it is to let go of things, to push them from your mind when you have a bottle of alcohol in your system and fogging your brain. I don’t want that for you because… because you’re too good for that” he said vehemently.
She didn’t know how to respond, but she did have one question, a single word that would finally put into perspective exactly what he was doing there with her. A single word that would explain how she managed to finally get it right after so many years of getting it wrong.
“Why?”
“Because when I look at you, I see something I never thought I would ever see” Michael stated.
“And what is that you see?” Maria wondered, curious, but cautious at the same time.
“My future” he softly replied.
Chapter 11
Heaven Bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
~&~&~&~&~&
The smell of frying bacon and coffee brewing brought Maria out of the alcohol induced sleep she’d been in all night. She was disoriented at first, unaccustomed to getting drunk or hang overs and thanked whatever higher power there was that a waste basket had conveniently been placed beside her.
She retched until she felt like she was going to turn her stomach inside out then fell back against the pillows. Her breathing was harsh and ragged and her head felt as though a freight train had run over it. She was sweating from the effort of what she had just done and angrily threw her arms out, grasping the comforter in an attempt to still the spinning room.
“This’ll help” a voice said, causing Maria to snap her eyes open in surprise. Before her stood Michael, wearing one of her aprons over his clothes while he held a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other.
Maria looked up at him and felt the ache inside her increase though it had nothing to do with her hangover. Michael wore an expression she herself had used many times in the past when she took care of Amy after a long night of partying. After everything she had been through with her mom, she never would have guessed that one day someone would look at her with pity in their eyes because of a drunken night of alcohol binging.
“Thanks” she mumbled and forced herself up into a sitting position. Wordlessly, she accepted what he offered but still couldn’t help but wonder how and why he was there. For that matter, she wondered how she had gotten home too.
“Why don’t you get cleaned up and come to the kitchen” Michael suggested and didn’t wait around for her response.
Slowly, Maria managed to pull herself out of bed and stumbled against her dresser on her way to the bathroom. “Damn it” she swore and carefully walked the rest of the way.
Minutes later, the feel of the cool spray against her warm body was enough to jolt Maria back to the real world. Her drunken haze began to lift and she was left with even more questions about what had happened the previous night. The last thing she could remember was sitting out at the quarry and then… nothing.
Over the pounding water, Maria could still hear the clatter of pans and the footsteps of old, heavy Timberland boots. She wondered what Michael was thinking. Was he disappointed, angry, sad? Was he just as confused as she was or did he understand more than she did? Did he feel anything or had she just ruined something that could have potentially been great?
Maria didn’t have any of these answers but decided that there was only one way to find out.
After a few more minutes, Maria pulled the shower curtain aside and enveloped herself in a fluffy, blue, terry cloth bathrobe. She took her time brushing her teeth and then her long, wavy hair. Unconcerned, she tied it up in a loose bun and after changing into a comfortable pair of track pants and a fitted tee, she went to find Michael.
“Juice or coffee?” he asked without turning around.
“Coffee please” Maria answered. It was strange how natural he looked working in her kitchen but it was even weirder that she felt like the stranger in the room. “Thank you” she added when he placed a steaming mug in front of her.
Maria half expected him to jump right in but instead, he hander her plate of food which she had to force down due to the lingering bout of nausea. Briefly, she wondered why Amy did this so often if the nauseous stomach, aching head and cotton mouth were always the end result.
Thinking about her mother now, brought it all flooding back. Maria couldn’t believe the things they had said to one another but there was no taking them back now and surprisingly, she didn’t want to.
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
The silence was deafening and the seconds ticked by, echoing loudly from the old, stainless steel clock above the stove. Off handedly, she wondered whether or not it was Michael’s intention to slowly drive her crazy with his quiet eating and avoidances but she didn’t dare ask until finally, with too much on her mind, Maria couldn’t contain her questions anymore.
Her fork dropped with a loud clatter against the white, ceramic plate, causing Michael to look up from his own breakfast. “Tell me what happened” she requested though it sounded more like a demand, even to her own ears. “Please” she added when his eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly.
“I’m not entirely sure” Michael replied and eventually just pushed his plate away, abandoning the rapidly cooling bacon and eggs.
“How did I get here?” Maria modified when his answer did nothing to help fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle.
“After you disappeared, Jennifer and one of your curators… the tall blonde one… got worried” Michael stated and Maria figured he was referring to Isabel. “Your friends Max and Liz were the ones who found you and since I had been calling all day looking for you, Jennifer thought to call me once she knew you were okay.”
“And you stayed here… all night?” Maria asked, surprised.
“Yes” Michael answered simply and after an uncomfortable second, he rose from his seat and began clearing away the dishes. “Now can you tell me what exactly happened that made feel like you needed to go off and get drunk alone?” he asked in a quiet tone that had Maria raising her gaze to watch him.
Disappointment.
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
She knew he was disappointed in her and that hurt more than she cared to admit.
“I um… I had a little… run-in, with my mom and I guess it just effected me more than it should have” Maria half admitted. She wanted to tell him the whole truth but she also didn’t want him to feel responsible for the things Amy said. Maria knew that while he may have been the reason behind this argument, the things said had been a long time coming.
Did she regret fighting with Amy? Yes. Was she sorry she said what she had? No.
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so
“Would you please tell me what you’re thinking?” Maria asked after a few tense moments. She wondered why his opinion mattered so much but in truth, no amount of wondering could change it. She cared what he thought and a part of her liked it.
“Your mother came by to see me” Michael stated and Maria didn’t bother to hide or disguise her surprise. “She wanted me to know that I couldn’t get away with hurting you if that was my intention. Just so you don’t have to ask, it isn’t my intention” he added quietly. “I was pretty mad and I decided that she had no right coming here and accusing me of something I wouldn’t do but… well I had a lot of time to think last night and I guess I can understand that a part of her, however warped, was actually trying to help.”
We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
“No she wasn’t” Maria immediately countered. “I used to think she was trying to help me but… she’s just trying to make me as miserable as she is so that she won’t be old and alone. She wants me right beside her, cursing men for the sins of my father’s past and I thought I could be that for her but I just…can’t, not anymore.”
Michael watched her, observing the expressions she wore as she uttered words that showed just how much had changed in the span of a single day. “Why?” he asked simply and watched another myriad of emotions play across her face.
“Because I’ve spent the last ten years pushing men away, convinced that I needed to before they got close enough to hurt me” Maria finally replied. “I keep everyone… including my friends, at a distance because a part of me believes that they will eventually hurt me if I give them half a chance and I can’t afford that chance.”
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear
“So what now?” Michael asked, unsure of where all of this would leave him and his feelings for her.
“I don’t know” she admitted honestly. “I feel like there was a part of me that’s always been hidden and now… now it wants to wake up, it wants to come into the light and I’m scared of… of everything I know I would feel if it let that happen.”
It was the closest Maria had ever come to admitting just how much she cared for him and how much he already meant to her. It wasn’t much, she knew that, but it was the best she could do for now and it would have to be enough.
“I don’t want to hurt you Maria, I don’t want for you to be afraid of me or afraid of what I feel for you” Michael stated and finally closed the distance between. His knees touched the ground, kneeling before her, holding her hands in his as he silently begged her to look into his eyes and see the truth swimming within their depths.
“When I finally left Hank, I was grateful for a lot of things” he continued quietly. It amazed Maria how his tone was so soft, yet still commanded your attention. It was impossible to not listen to him. “Mostly I was glad that he’d never lay a hand on me again, never raise his voice to me again but among all of that was the feeling of relief that I’d never have to walk in to any room and see him past out on the floor again. I’d never walk into a room and cringe at the scent of stale whiskey half burnt cigars permeating the air.”
Maria had an idea of where this was going and she understood it more than he realized, having played the same part for many years when Amy showed up, clothes hanging off her body and vodka on her breath. There were only rare occasions when her mom didn’t smell like a brewery when she arrived home from a date and those had been during her relationship with Jim. Maria often wondered why her mother drank so much and only ever arrived at one conclusion… the alcohol helped her pretend but she had never needed to pretend with Valenti.
“I hated seeing you drunk” Michael confessed. “I hated it because I knew why you had done it… to forget. I hated it because I know how easy it is to let go of things, to push them from your mind when you have a bottle of alcohol in your system and fogging your brain. I don’t want that for you because… because you’re too good for that” he said vehemently.
She didn’t know how to respond, but she did have one question, a single word that would finally put into perspective exactly what he was doing there with her. A single word that would explain how she managed to finally get it right after so many years of getting it wrong.
“Why?”
“Because when I look at you, I see something I never thought I would ever see” Michael stated.
“And what is that you see?” Maria wondered, curious, but cautious at the same time.
“My future” he softly replied.
<center>
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Thanks everyone for the feedback!!! Glad you're all liking Michael and I'm glad you still like the story!!! Song is 'So Far Away'by Staind
Chapter 12
This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before
~&~&~&~&~&
Hours, then days after Michael left, Maria was still unable to get his words out of her mind. So many different emotions ran through her, the most prominent being fear, closely followed by confusion. He sensed her uncertainty, she knew he had, which had probably been the reason he left after cleaning up the breakfast dishes.
His body said he was fine, his words correspond with his actions but his eyes… his eyes were worried. Maria assumed he feared she would reject him which was ironic since she held the same fear.
Even now, more than a week later, Michael still held that one emotion in his eyes. The amazing thing, at least to Maria, was that he still didn’t push her to commit or admit more than she was ready to. He was patient and respected her feelings, something that Maria wasn’t used to but rapidly found herself appreciating.
She wanted to say yes to him, she wanted to commit but there was niggling fear in the corner of her mind that continuously held her back each time she opened her mouth to tell him.
The show was nearing, less than a week away now and Maria had no idea what would happen afterwards. Never would she consider asking him to stay for her, no matter how much she wanted to which left her at a stalemate. There were countless attempted to talk to him about it but each time she chickened out and now Maria was left with more questions than answers.
Another concern was Amy who had yet to return any of Maria’s calls. It was the longest they had ever gone without talking and while it felt like a portion of stress had been lifted from her shoulders, Maria was also saddened by the thought of losing her mother over something as petty as stubbornness.
She was worried, she couldn’t help but be. Michael knew it too and even encouraged Maria to go by the shop and see her in person. While it a tempting offer, one that Maria frequently toyed with, she just couldn’t. She had taken too many steps towards her mother, never getting any closer so now she just had to wait and hope Amy would eventually take her own step forward.
It was in bed a few nights later when Maria finally came to a decision that would possibly give her some sort of closure… something to help her get past the years of lost hope and negative assumptions.
Actually… Michael had been the one to give her the answer after a night of very pleasurable sex.
“Oh god Michael… more” Maria moaned, writhing against the mattress as he began to thrust harder, filling her to the hilt with his thick erection. “That feels so good” she panted and arched into him, gripping his hands tightly.
“Maria…” he groaned when her hips bucked up to his, trying to get closer. He pounded inside her, spurred on by the soft mewing sounds she made and the arousing way she bit her lip in pleasure. She was close, so close and wanted more as a euphoric tingle traveled up her body until she came, shaking in satisfaction.
Michael continued his deep strokes, prolonging the deep sated feeling she felt as he built her up all over again. She was wet, holding him tightly within her silken depths until he couldn’t hold out any longer. “Oh god…Maria” he groaned in release, spilling his seed into her already drenched core.
Tired and sated, he regretfully pulled out and rolled onto his side. Their bodies were hot, slicked with sweat and satisfied. Maria enjoyed sex with Michael, unaccustomed to achieving such great levels of passion and more so, unaccustomed being able to lay back and trust her partner would provide her with that much passion.
Sex with Michael was definitely satisfying and Maria found herself wanting to spend more and more time in bed with him.
“You’re mind’s working overtime” Michael commented quietly. Maria wasn’t surprised to find his eyes were closed, deciding and finally accepting that Michael Guerin had to have some sort of sixth sense when it came to her.
“I was just thinking about how much I enjoy this with you” Maria replied honestly, though left out the thoughts of her previous partner’s inadequacies. There were just certain things that no one wanted to know.
The smirk on Michael’s face had Maria laughing, something that had been foreign to her for so long. “Beautiful sound” she barely heard him murmur and it was enough to make her smile. She had no idea what she had done to deserve him but she was glad she had him… at least for now.
As doubt began to creep up, Michael miraculously opened his eyes, shooting her an appraising look. “Something new is going on in there” he declared and waited, patient as usual, for Maria to open up to him. The expression he wore plainly said he didn’t expect it but the look in his eyes said he hoped it.
Turning onto her side, Maria pillowed her head with her hands and gave Michael her own curious look. She wondered why he wanted to know her so much, he wanted to ask but she didn’t because a part of her already knew the answer. “You know… one of the few things I remember about him was the way he always double knotted my shoes for me before school in the morning” she stated, deciding that she wanted to share this with him, knowing he wanted her to.
“I had this one pair of red sneakers that I wore all the time” she laughed, remembering how Amy used to scold her every time Maria walked into the kitchen for breakfast, wearing a green or purple shirt with those red shoes. No six year old had the greatest fashion sense and Maria proved that often enough but her dad always laughed it off, saying that she was cute no matter what she wore. “Did you ever have something like that… something you always wanted to wear or play with?” she wondered.
“A stuffed alien” Michael chuckled in remembrance. “It was this neon green… thing, that had this huge head and big, black eyes. It was something my parents bought during a visit here once and it was the last thing they gave me before the accident.”
“Do you still have it?” Maria asked, almost positive that she knew exactly what he talked about. The souvenirs hadn’t changed over the years and chances were it was the same kind of stuffed alien that sat on her childhood bed in Amy’s home.
Michael smiled, seemingly amused and nodded once. “Tell me more about the shoes” he requested right after, reminding Maria of the story she had wanted to share.
“Oh… well it was this ritual with us. He would sit at the kitchen table, waiting for me to walk in and then he’d listen to all my stories about what happened on the playground or what my teacher said the day before. He acted like everything out of my mouth was the most fascinating thing” she reminisced and unconsciously allowed a smile to spread across her face.
He had been incredible, like this older best friend which was why it had felt like such a betrayal when he left.
Before she could get lost in thoughts better left untouched, Michael’s gentle voice pulled her out of those musings. “You once told me about a guy your mom dated, a former sheriff” he led in though Maria had no idea where he was going with it. “And I’ve thought about it… a lot actually and maybe you should talk to him… about trying to find your dad” he suggested though his tone was light, trying to put less emphasis on it than it deserved. He was trying to make her feel comfortable, trying not to pressure her.
Maria appreciated that more than he knew.
“I know that Jim would help if I asked” she acknowledged. “But why would I want to ask?” she questioned and patiently waited back as Michael tried to formulate some sort of answer that wouldn’t be too hard on her ears or heart.
“I might be wrong” he finally stated and playfully toyed with one of her hands. The soothing circles he drew on her palm were like some sort of soothing balm that relaxed Maria’s frazzled nerves. “But maybe if you understood what happened, you might finally be able to get some closure and maybe…maybe you could forgive him” he added.
Forgive him…Maria wondered if she had it in her to ever do that. She wondered if any explanation he could possibly give her would ever be good enough to warrant forgiveness.
Leaving hadn’t only hurt Maria, it had sent Amy on this downward spiral that she’d yet to resurface from. If she wanted to be honest, Maria would also admit that she wasn’t sure her mom would ever resurface after all the years spent drinking and dating numerous men. Their faces were countless, their features indescribable and she preferred it that way.
“Listen Michael, the truth is that I’ve thought about it before” Maria admitted and was a bit taken aback that he didn’t seem at all surprised by this admission. “I’ve wanted to call him, to see him… even at a distance, but I don’t know if I could look at him without talking to him. I don’t know if I can talk to him without yelling and I don’t know if I can yell and stop yelling” she said, fighting back a small river of tears that threatened to fall now that the truth had finally come out.
She wanted her dad back, she always had but she didn’t think he deserved to have her back, so she made them both pay. It was funny how she had never realized that before but laying in bed with Michael, she was able to dredge up things that she assumed would forever stay locked away. How did Michael get the key?
“I never assumed it would be easy… for either of you” Michael quietly replied. “But isn’t it worth a shot if there’s even half a chance you might get through seeing him again?” he asked.
There was vulnerability in his eyes. It took Maria a moment to place it’s origin but when she did realize why, it hit her like a ton of bricks. Michael had lost his parents and had no way of ever getting them back. He couldn’t stare into their faces, he couldn’t hear their voices and never again would he be able to do either of those things.
Suddenly, Maria was hit with the realization that she was lucky… at least more so than a lot of other people. Her life hadn’t been perfect, it still wasn’t, but she still had the opportunity to make things right. Michael had been deprived of that chance and didn’t want her to lose hers too.
“I’ll think about it.”
It wasn’t a yes… but it wasn’t a no… it was a maybe. It had to be enough because Maria wasn’t sure if she could promise anything more than that.
It had taken a few more days after to make a decision but now that she had, Maria decided to do something about it before she lost her nerve.
Grabbing her cell phone, Maria dialed a familiar number and listened to the echoing rings. The voice that greeted her was a friendly one that she had heard so many times over the years. “Jim… its Maria. I need a favor.”
~&~&~&~&~&
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
Chapter 12
This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before
~&~&~&~&~&
Hours, then days after Michael left, Maria was still unable to get his words out of her mind. So many different emotions ran through her, the most prominent being fear, closely followed by confusion. He sensed her uncertainty, she knew he had, which had probably been the reason he left after cleaning up the breakfast dishes.
His body said he was fine, his words correspond with his actions but his eyes… his eyes were worried. Maria assumed he feared she would reject him which was ironic since she held the same fear.
Even now, more than a week later, Michael still held that one emotion in his eyes. The amazing thing, at least to Maria, was that he still didn’t push her to commit or admit more than she was ready to. He was patient and respected her feelings, something that Maria wasn’t used to but rapidly found herself appreciating.
She wanted to say yes to him, she wanted to commit but there was niggling fear in the corner of her mind that continuously held her back each time she opened her mouth to tell him.
The show was nearing, less than a week away now and Maria had no idea what would happen afterwards. Never would she consider asking him to stay for her, no matter how much she wanted to which left her at a stalemate. There were countless attempted to talk to him about it but each time she chickened out and now Maria was left with more questions than answers.
Another concern was Amy who had yet to return any of Maria’s calls. It was the longest they had ever gone without talking and while it felt like a portion of stress had been lifted from her shoulders, Maria was also saddened by the thought of losing her mother over something as petty as stubbornness.
She was worried, she couldn’t help but be. Michael knew it too and even encouraged Maria to go by the shop and see her in person. While it a tempting offer, one that Maria frequently toyed with, she just couldn’t. She had taken too many steps towards her mother, never getting any closer so now she just had to wait and hope Amy would eventually take her own step forward.
It was in bed a few nights later when Maria finally came to a decision that would possibly give her some sort of closure… something to help her get past the years of lost hope and negative assumptions.
Actually… Michael had been the one to give her the answer after a night of very pleasurable sex.
“Oh god Michael… more” Maria moaned, writhing against the mattress as he began to thrust harder, filling her to the hilt with his thick erection. “That feels so good” she panted and arched into him, gripping his hands tightly.
“Maria…” he groaned when her hips bucked up to his, trying to get closer. He pounded inside her, spurred on by the soft mewing sounds she made and the arousing way she bit her lip in pleasure. She was close, so close and wanted more as a euphoric tingle traveled up her body until she came, shaking in satisfaction.
Michael continued his deep strokes, prolonging the deep sated feeling she felt as he built her up all over again. She was wet, holding him tightly within her silken depths until he couldn’t hold out any longer. “Oh god…Maria” he groaned in release, spilling his seed into her already drenched core.
Tired and sated, he regretfully pulled out and rolled onto his side. Their bodies were hot, slicked with sweat and satisfied. Maria enjoyed sex with Michael, unaccustomed to achieving such great levels of passion and more so, unaccustomed being able to lay back and trust her partner would provide her with that much passion.
Sex with Michael was definitely satisfying and Maria found herself wanting to spend more and more time in bed with him.
“You’re mind’s working overtime” Michael commented quietly. Maria wasn’t surprised to find his eyes were closed, deciding and finally accepting that Michael Guerin had to have some sort of sixth sense when it came to her.
“I was just thinking about how much I enjoy this with you” Maria replied honestly, though left out the thoughts of her previous partner’s inadequacies. There were just certain things that no one wanted to know.
The smirk on Michael’s face had Maria laughing, something that had been foreign to her for so long. “Beautiful sound” she barely heard him murmur and it was enough to make her smile. She had no idea what she had done to deserve him but she was glad she had him… at least for now.
As doubt began to creep up, Michael miraculously opened his eyes, shooting her an appraising look. “Something new is going on in there” he declared and waited, patient as usual, for Maria to open up to him. The expression he wore plainly said he didn’t expect it but the look in his eyes said he hoped it.
Turning onto her side, Maria pillowed her head with her hands and gave Michael her own curious look. She wondered why he wanted to know her so much, he wanted to ask but she didn’t because a part of her already knew the answer. “You know… one of the few things I remember about him was the way he always double knotted my shoes for me before school in the morning” she stated, deciding that she wanted to share this with him, knowing he wanted her to.
“I had this one pair of red sneakers that I wore all the time” she laughed, remembering how Amy used to scold her every time Maria walked into the kitchen for breakfast, wearing a green or purple shirt with those red shoes. No six year old had the greatest fashion sense and Maria proved that often enough but her dad always laughed it off, saying that she was cute no matter what she wore. “Did you ever have something like that… something you always wanted to wear or play with?” she wondered.
“A stuffed alien” Michael chuckled in remembrance. “It was this neon green… thing, that had this huge head and big, black eyes. It was something my parents bought during a visit here once and it was the last thing they gave me before the accident.”
“Do you still have it?” Maria asked, almost positive that she knew exactly what he talked about. The souvenirs hadn’t changed over the years and chances were it was the same kind of stuffed alien that sat on her childhood bed in Amy’s home.
Michael smiled, seemingly amused and nodded once. “Tell me more about the shoes” he requested right after, reminding Maria of the story she had wanted to share.
“Oh… well it was this ritual with us. He would sit at the kitchen table, waiting for me to walk in and then he’d listen to all my stories about what happened on the playground or what my teacher said the day before. He acted like everything out of my mouth was the most fascinating thing” she reminisced and unconsciously allowed a smile to spread across her face.
He had been incredible, like this older best friend which was why it had felt like such a betrayal when he left.
Before she could get lost in thoughts better left untouched, Michael’s gentle voice pulled her out of those musings. “You once told me about a guy your mom dated, a former sheriff” he led in though Maria had no idea where he was going with it. “And I’ve thought about it… a lot actually and maybe you should talk to him… about trying to find your dad” he suggested though his tone was light, trying to put less emphasis on it than it deserved. He was trying to make her feel comfortable, trying not to pressure her.
Maria appreciated that more than he knew.
“I know that Jim would help if I asked” she acknowledged. “But why would I want to ask?” she questioned and patiently waited back as Michael tried to formulate some sort of answer that wouldn’t be too hard on her ears or heart.
“I might be wrong” he finally stated and playfully toyed with one of her hands. The soothing circles he drew on her palm were like some sort of soothing balm that relaxed Maria’s frazzled nerves. “But maybe if you understood what happened, you might finally be able to get some closure and maybe…maybe you could forgive him” he added.
Forgive him…Maria wondered if she had it in her to ever do that. She wondered if any explanation he could possibly give her would ever be good enough to warrant forgiveness.
Leaving hadn’t only hurt Maria, it had sent Amy on this downward spiral that she’d yet to resurface from. If she wanted to be honest, Maria would also admit that she wasn’t sure her mom would ever resurface after all the years spent drinking and dating numerous men. Their faces were countless, their features indescribable and she preferred it that way.
“Listen Michael, the truth is that I’ve thought about it before” Maria admitted and was a bit taken aback that he didn’t seem at all surprised by this admission. “I’ve wanted to call him, to see him… even at a distance, but I don’t know if I could look at him without talking to him. I don’t know if I can talk to him without yelling and I don’t know if I can yell and stop yelling” she said, fighting back a small river of tears that threatened to fall now that the truth had finally come out.
She wanted her dad back, she always had but she didn’t think he deserved to have her back, so she made them both pay. It was funny how she had never realized that before but laying in bed with Michael, she was able to dredge up things that she assumed would forever stay locked away. How did Michael get the key?
“I never assumed it would be easy… for either of you” Michael quietly replied. “But isn’t it worth a shot if there’s even half a chance you might get through seeing him again?” he asked.
There was vulnerability in his eyes. It took Maria a moment to place it’s origin but when she did realize why, it hit her like a ton of bricks. Michael had lost his parents and had no way of ever getting them back. He couldn’t stare into their faces, he couldn’t hear their voices and never again would he be able to do either of those things.
Suddenly, Maria was hit with the realization that she was lucky… at least more so than a lot of other people. Her life hadn’t been perfect, it still wasn’t, but she still had the opportunity to make things right. Michael had been deprived of that chance and didn’t want her to lose hers too.
“I’ll think about it.”
It wasn’t a yes… but it wasn’t a no… it was a maybe. It had to be enough because Maria wasn’t sure if she could promise anything more than that.
It had taken a few more days after to make a decision but now that she had, Maria decided to do something about it before she lost her nerve.
Grabbing her cell phone, Maria dialed a familiar number and listened to the echoing rings. The voice that greeted her was a friendly one that she had heard so many times over the years. “Jim… its Maria. I need a favor.”
~&~&~&~&~&
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today
<center>
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Thanks to everyone for the wonderful feedback and of course... patience. More angst but I absolutely love happy endings so just keep that in mind. Thanks again!
Chapter 13
“I need stronger lighting over this sculpture… that painting is crooked Jennifer… what do you mean that the truck carrying Lonnie’s work is running late?!”
Maria was a second away from screaming when two strong arms wrapped around her. Normally, she didn’t make a habit of mixing business with pleasure but in that moment, she really needed someone to lean on. “Listen, don’t worry about any of my stuff, I’ll make sure it’s taken care of” Michael assured with a quiet whisper against her ear. “Everything’s gonna work out.”
Before Maria could say her thanks, one of the curators rushed forward to say there was another problem with the lighting… several burnt out bulbs that would need to be changed.
Without another word, she pulled away from Michael and rushed off to the storage room to search for the needed bulbs while Isabel went off in search of a ladder.
Normally shows weren’t this chaotic but with Brody calling, saying he wouldn’t make it, Maria was doing the work of two people and finding herself stretched entirely too thin. It seemed as though any and everything that could go wrong, had. Maria wasn’t even sure if they would be ready before eight and as far as she was concerned, opening the doors late was unacceptable.
“Jennifer would you please…”
“Already on it Miss Deluca” she called out, noticing that various people from the press had already begun to congregate outside.
Holding a show in a place as busy and exciting as New York or even Paris was a secret dream of Maria’s. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever get the opportunity but until then, the shows she held in Roswell were always very upscale and in her opinion, posh. Waiters walked around carries trays of champagne and pâté while soft, instrumental music played in the background. Some danced a little, some drank a lot and usually she closed the door at night, assured in the fact that the artists portrayed would get good reviews the next morning. She wouldn’t have accepted anything less.
“Alright ladies and gentleman, we have exactly seven minutes until opening, let’s get everything cleaned up” Maria called out, nearly an hour later and smiled slightly when everyone began clearing out whatever tools they used or mess they made in the organization part of the evening.
“Good luck Miss Deluca” everyone whispered as they walked by her, knowing that she would be the one to make or break the show in her first few sentences. Sometimes it just came down to whether or not she could sell the artists she was featuring.
“It’s gonna be great” Michael said, placing a chaste kiss to her cheek.
“Shouldn’t I be the one trying to reassure you?” Maria queried.
“Oh course not” Michael replied, donning a confident smirk that spoke volumes. “I already know it’s gonna be hit.”
“Funny” Maria dryly retorted but none the less, returned his smile. “Showtime” she whispered to herself before walking forward, each step projecting a confidence she wouldn’t have until all was said and done.
~&~&~&~&~&
“It turned out amazing Maria” gushed Liz who stood analyzing one of Lonnie’s paintings. “Looks like you have another hit on your hands.”
“Thanks” she replied, emitting a small sigh of relief as she looked and around.
Everyone seemed really interested in all the works. Isabel appeared to have her hands full with the press who diligently asked a series of questions about Michael and his display of sculptures. The usual art patrons were mixing with the newcomers and while Michael and Lonnie were the hit of the show, Maria had already had several compliments on choosing the other two artists as well. All in all, she’d say the night was a success.
“You’re too modest” a voice said, causing Maria to whirl around in surprise.
“Jim” Maria greeted and was instantly pulled into a fatherly hug by the older man. Beside him stood Kyle, Tess and their two year old son, James who offered his godmother a toothy grin.
From several feet away, Michael watched Maria transform before him. It was as beautiful as seeing a caterpillar become a bright, free flying butterfly. Her smile stretched across her face and her eyes twinkled happily as a small boy with a head of thick brown hair leapt into her arms. She caught him with an ease that seemed both natural and instinctive. The little boy seemed to love and care for her as much as she seemed to love and care for him.
Michael assumed the people standing around his girlfriend were the famous Valenti family he had heard so much about during their night of truth poker. While he didn’t know them, he knew Maria thought highly of them, especially Jim and he couldn’t help but be glad that they were here for her.
“I don’t like the food” James admitted with his buried in Maria’s neck.
“He wanted to try the pâté” Tess explained and couldn’t help but laugh in remembrance of the face her young son made at the taste.
“Well I happen to know where there are some big, chocolate chip, M&M cookies” Maria whispered conspiratorially and was awarded another bright smile from the small child in her arms. Before either Kyle or Tess could protest, Maria carried him away to her office, laughing at the excited expression he wore.
~&~&~&~&~&
“What the hell is he doing here?” Amy demanded as she barged into her daughter’s office. Maria wasn’t sure whether Amy didn’t notice James or didn’t care he was there but whichever the reason, she never stopped yelling. “God Maria… what happened to you? Do you have any sense of family loyalty?” she questioned, wearing the same harsh expression Maria had seen during their last visit.
“Oh my god Miss Deluca… I’m so sorry” Jennifer stated as she rushed in, unannounced. Maria gave her secretary a tight smile that had more to do with her mother’s horrible timing than anything else.
“It’s fine” Maria replied and handed James over to the concerned woman. “Would you please take him back to Mrs. Valenti?” she requested after tossing the little boy a small, encouraging smile. “I’ll see you later James” she called out and waited until the door was shut before laying into her mother. “What the hell are you doing here?” she questioned angrily.
“Why I wouldn’t I be here? You are my daughter, in case you have forgotten” Amy answered, perfectly playing the part of the wounded mother.
“A daughter who has called you more than a dozen times with no response” Maria stated with fire in her eyes. “A daughter who was yelled at, blamed and told, if I’m not mistaken… go to hell” she reminded, her voice rising with each word. “Or have you forgotten?”
“I haven’t forgotten anything” Amy quickly defended. “And I also have nothing to apologize for” she stated rebelliously. “I was trying to look out for you, to protect you but you couldn’t see past your own stubbornness” she angrily declared. The fire in her eyes matched the anger in her daughter’s as they stood in front of each other, locked in a battle of wills that neither could ever really win.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
“You really don’t get it, do you?” Maria asked sadly. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me over the years? Do you even care that after all this time, you’re still pushing your anger and sadness on me? Do you… do you realize any of it?” she wondered with regret in her eyes and defeat in her voice.
For years she fought through the idea that men would only hurt her. Once she had succumbed to that fear, she had fought the men she dated, valiantly, or so she thought, trying to keep them at arms length. Then after that, she fought to keep Michael at bay, fought to keep him from breaking down any of the tall, well constructed walls she’d built around herself.
She fought until she couldn’t fight anymore. Now Maria was just tired. She didn’t want to remember anymore, she just wanted to live.
“Don’t you dare take that tone with me!” Amy lashed out. “Don’t you dare blame me for whatever mistakes you’ve made with your life. I am not to blame for any of it” she denied, causing Maria to feel even more sadness.
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
“You know what… it doesn’t even matter anymore” Maria softly replied.
“Don’t… just, don’t!” Amy warned, wearing, for the first time, a look of fear in her own eyes. It was something Maria had never seen before. “None of this is my fault. You… you did this. You chose to push men away, you chose to be hurt by them and you’re choosing to let this… this bohemian artist wannabe into your life. It won’t be my fault when he hurts you, it’ll be your fault. It’s your fault… it’s always your fault” she yelled, scaring Maria with the eyed look she wore. “Always your fault” she muttered.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
“You’re right, it is my fault” Maria yelled back. “It’s my fault because I didn’t think for myself. I let you put words and thoughts into my head until they became my own. I made more than a dozen mistakes and I’ll accept responsibility for them but when will you? When will you stand up and take responsibility for all the mistakes you’ve made?” she questioned angrily.
Things were quickly escalating out of control. Had she been thinking clearly, Maria might even have wondered whether or not anyone in the gallery could hear them but by now, logic had flown out the window and she was running purely an angered adrenaline.
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
“Are you ever gonna wake up and see you’re the reason Jim left? Are you ever gonna see that you could have been happy but you pushed away that chance in favor of being a bitter, angry drunk?!” she yelled and closed her eyes in pain as her mother’s hand slapped her cheek.
“Don’t you dare talk to me like that” Amy lashed out. Tears fell from both their eyes though neither stopped to point it out. Now that the truth had been admitted, the word had been said, there was no taking it back. They would have to either rebuild from that point on, or let go forever. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, what my life has been like. I’m the one whose husband left, I’m the one who had her heart broken and I’m the one who has to live with it, not you. Don’t ever talk to me like some self righteous, spoiled teenager. I am still your mother” she yelled, her voice echoing in the silence of the small, quiet room.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
“Then act like it” Maria vehemently retorted. “For as long as I can remember, you take on the role of mom whenever it suits you and hand it over to me whenever you decide someone needs to take care of you.”
“Shut up” Amy screamed and turned to walk out the door.
“No, not now” Maria demanded, grasping her mother’s arm when she attempted to leave. “It’s not easy to hear, is it? It’s not a pleasant story and you know that. It’s why you want to run away.”
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
“I watched you stumble in early in the morning or late at night, drunk and disheveled from whatever date you were on” Maria continued, knowing that she needed to get it all out now, otherwise she’d never be able to finish this story. “I held your hair when you got sick, brought you crackers when it was the only thing your stomach could take. I helped you get to your bed and covered you so you wouldn’t be cold, I worked extra shifts at the shop because you were too hung over to open up some mornings.”
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
“More than half the time I played the role of a mother. I had more responsibilities than anyone else I knew and I was robbed of a childhood. Since that day… the day he left, I was forced to grow up so much faster than I was meant to. I had to take care of you I had to listen to… to you tell Jim how much I looked like someone you hated” she spat, her voice thick with tears but she refused to stop. She couldn’t stop.
“I was your daughter damn it. I am your daughter and all you cared about was how you were feeling, how sad you were, how it affected you. My feelings were never a consideration. I was… I was hurting too. He was my dad and I love him too” she managed to choke out before her vision became clouded and her voice became too rough to continue.
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
“Did you really hate me that much?” she whispered and felt Amy slump at the final question.
“No” Amy whispered back. “I hated me that much” she said simply and successfully walked out, taking advantage of the fact that Maria was too shocked to stop her.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
~&~&~&~&~&
Hours later when the last glass of champagne was emptied, the last cracker had been eaten and the last person had stepped through the glass doors, Maria was finally able to heave a sight of relief. The night had been a success. The others were thrilled, talk filled the air about an after show celebration but Maria was too lost in her thoughts to hear any of it.
Michael knew something was wrong though Maria refused to tell him what it was. No one but Jennifer knew the real reason for Maria’s inner turmoil, having been the only one to see Amy Deluca.
A knock at the door caused Maria to snap out of her stupor. “I’ll get it” she volunteered, prepared to tell whoever it was that the gallery was closed. “Deputy Fisher” she stated in surprise when the dark haired man turned, his hat in hand. “Is there a problem?” she asked.
“Yeah… um, I don’t really know how to tell you this but… well there’s been an accident. It’s your mother.”
Because of you
Because of you
Chapter 13
“I need stronger lighting over this sculpture… that painting is crooked Jennifer… what do you mean that the truck carrying Lonnie’s work is running late?!”
Maria was a second away from screaming when two strong arms wrapped around her. Normally, she didn’t make a habit of mixing business with pleasure but in that moment, she really needed someone to lean on. “Listen, don’t worry about any of my stuff, I’ll make sure it’s taken care of” Michael assured with a quiet whisper against her ear. “Everything’s gonna work out.”
Before Maria could say her thanks, one of the curators rushed forward to say there was another problem with the lighting… several burnt out bulbs that would need to be changed.
Without another word, she pulled away from Michael and rushed off to the storage room to search for the needed bulbs while Isabel went off in search of a ladder.
Normally shows weren’t this chaotic but with Brody calling, saying he wouldn’t make it, Maria was doing the work of two people and finding herself stretched entirely too thin. It seemed as though any and everything that could go wrong, had. Maria wasn’t even sure if they would be ready before eight and as far as she was concerned, opening the doors late was unacceptable.
“Jennifer would you please…”
“Already on it Miss Deluca” she called out, noticing that various people from the press had already begun to congregate outside.
Holding a show in a place as busy and exciting as New York or even Paris was a secret dream of Maria’s. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever get the opportunity but until then, the shows she held in Roswell were always very upscale and in her opinion, posh. Waiters walked around carries trays of champagne and pâté while soft, instrumental music played in the background. Some danced a little, some drank a lot and usually she closed the door at night, assured in the fact that the artists portrayed would get good reviews the next morning. She wouldn’t have accepted anything less.
“Alright ladies and gentleman, we have exactly seven minutes until opening, let’s get everything cleaned up” Maria called out, nearly an hour later and smiled slightly when everyone began clearing out whatever tools they used or mess they made in the organization part of the evening.
“Good luck Miss Deluca” everyone whispered as they walked by her, knowing that she would be the one to make or break the show in her first few sentences. Sometimes it just came down to whether or not she could sell the artists she was featuring.
“It’s gonna be great” Michael said, placing a chaste kiss to her cheek.
“Shouldn’t I be the one trying to reassure you?” Maria queried.
“Oh course not” Michael replied, donning a confident smirk that spoke volumes. “I already know it’s gonna be hit.”
“Funny” Maria dryly retorted but none the less, returned his smile. “Showtime” she whispered to herself before walking forward, each step projecting a confidence she wouldn’t have until all was said and done.
~&~&~&~&~&
“It turned out amazing Maria” gushed Liz who stood analyzing one of Lonnie’s paintings. “Looks like you have another hit on your hands.”
“Thanks” she replied, emitting a small sigh of relief as she looked and around.
Everyone seemed really interested in all the works. Isabel appeared to have her hands full with the press who diligently asked a series of questions about Michael and his display of sculptures. The usual art patrons were mixing with the newcomers and while Michael and Lonnie were the hit of the show, Maria had already had several compliments on choosing the other two artists as well. All in all, she’d say the night was a success.
“You’re too modest” a voice said, causing Maria to whirl around in surprise.
“Jim” Maria greeted and was instantly pulled into a fatherly hug by the older man. Beside him stood Kyle, Tess and their two year old son, James who offered his godmother a toothy grin.
From several feet away, Michael watched Maria transform before him. It was as beautiful as seeing a caterpillar become a bright, free flying butterfly. Her smile stretched across her face and her eyes twinkled happily as a small boy with a head of thick brown hair leapt into her arms. She caught him with an ease that seemed both natural and instinctive. The little boy seemed to love and care for her as much as she seemed to love and care for him.
Michael assumed the people standing around his girlfriend were the famous Valenti family he had heard so much about during their night of truth poker. While he didn’t know them, he knew Maria thought highly of them, especially Jim and he couldn’t help but be glad that they were here for her.
“I don’t like the food” James admitted with his buried in Maria’s neck.
“He wanted to try the pâté” Tess explained and couldn’t help but laugh in remembrance of the face her young son made at the taste.
“Well I happen to know where there are some big, chocolate chip, M&M cookies” Maria whispered conspiratorially and was awarded another bright smile from the small child in her arms. Before either Kyle or Tess could protest, Maria carried him away to her office, laughing at the excited expression he wore.
~&~&~&~&~&
“What the hell is he doing here?” Amy demanded as she barged into her daughter’s office. Maria wasn’t sure whether Amy didn’t notice James or didn’t care he was there but whichever the reason, she never stopped yelling. “God Maria… what happened to you? Do you have any sense of family loyalty?” she questioned, wearing the same harsh expression Maria had seen during their last visit.
“Oh my god Miss Deluca… I’m so sorry” Jennifer stated as she rushed in, unannounced. Maria gave her secretary a tight smile that had more to do with her mother’s horrible timing than anything else.
“It’s fine” Maria replied and handed James over to the concerned woman. “Would you please take him back to Mrs. Valenti?” she requested after tossing the little boy a small, encouraging smile. “I’ll see you later James” she called out and waited until the door was shut before laying into her mother. “What the hell are you doing here?” she questioned angrily.
“Why I wouldn’t I be here? You are my daughter, in case you have forgotten” Amy answered, perfectly playing the part of the wounded mother.
“A daughter who has called you more than a dozen times with no response” Maria stated with fire in her eyes. “A daughter who was yelled at, blamed and told, if I’m not mistaken… go to hell” she reminded, her voice rising with each word. “Or have you forgotten?”
“I haven’t forgotten anything” Amy quickly defended. “And I also have nothing to apologize for” she stated rebelliously. “I was trying to look out for you, to protect you but you couldn’t see past your own stubbornness” she angrily declared. The fire in her eyes matched the anger in her daughter’s as they stood in front of each other, locked in a battle of wills that neither could ever really win.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
“You really don’t get it, do you?” Maria asked sadly. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me over the years? Do you even care that after all this time, you’re still pushing your anger and sadness on me? Do you… do you realize any of it?” she wondered with regret in her eyes and defeat in her voice.
For years she fought through the idea that men would only hurt her. Once she had succumbed to that fear, she had fought the men she dated, valiantly, or so she thought, trying to keep them at arms length. Then after that, she fought to keep Michael at bay, fought to keep him from breaking down any of the tall, well constructed walls she’d built around herself.
She fought until she couldn’t fight anymore. Now Maria was just tired. She didn’t want to remember anymore, she just wanted to live.
“Don’t you dare take that tone with me!” Amy lashed out. “Don’t you dare blame me for whatever mistakes you’ve made with your life. I am not to blame for any of it” she denied, causing Maria to feel even more sadness.
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
“You know what… it doesn’t even matter anymore” Maria softly replied.
“Don’t… just, don’t!” Amy warned, wearing, for the first time, a look of fear in her own eyes. It was something Maria had never seen before. “None of this is my fault. You… you did this. You chose to push men away, you chose to be hurt by them and you’re choosing to let this… this bohemian artist wannabe into your life. It won’t be my fault when he hurts you, it’ll be your fault. It’s your fault… it’s always your fault” she yelled, scaring Maria with the eyed look she wore. “Always your fault” she muttered.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
“You’re right, it is my fault” Maria yelled back. “It’s my fault because I didn’t think for myself. I let you put words and thoughts into my head until they became my own. I made more than a dozen mistakes and I’ll accept responsibility for them but when will you? When will you stand up and take responsibility for all the mistakes you’ve made?” she questioned angrily.
Things were quickly escalating out of control. Had she been thinking clearly, Maria might even have wondered whether or not anyone in the gallery could hear them but by now, logic had flown out the window and she was running purely an angered adrenaline.
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
“Are you ever gonna wake up and see you’re the reason Jim left? Are you ever gonna see that you could have been happy but you pushed away that chance in favor of being a bitter, angry drunk?!” she yelled and closed her eyes in pain as her mother’s hand slapped her cheek.
“Don’t you dare talk to me like that” Amy lashed out. Tears fell from both their eyes though neither stopped to point it out. Now that the truth had been admitted, the word had been said, there was no taking it back. They would have to either rebuild from that point on, or let go forever. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, what my life has been like. I’m the one whose husband left, I’m the one who had her heart broken and I’m the one who has to live with it, not you. Don’t ever talk to me like some self righteous, spoiled teenager. I am still your mother” she yelled, her voice echoing in the silence of the small, quiet room.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
“Then act like it” Maria vehemently retorted. “For as long as I can remember, you take on the role of mom whenever it suits you and hand it over to me whenever you decide someone needs to take care of you.”
“Shut up” Amy screamed and turned to walk out the door.
“No, not now” Maria demanded, grasping her mother’s arm when she attempted to leave. “It’s not easy to hear, is it? It’s not a pleasant story and you know that. It’s why you want to run away.”
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
“I watched you stumble in early in the morning or late at night, drunk and disheveled from whatever date you were on” Maria continued, knowing that she needed to get it all out now, otherwise she’d never be able to finish this story. “I held your hair when you got sick, brought you crackers when it was the only thing your stomach could take. I helped you get to your bed and covered you so you wouldn’t be cold, I worked extra shifts at the shop because you were too hung over to open up some mornings.”
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
“More than half the time I played the role of a mother. I had more responsibilities than anyone else I knew and I was robbed of a childhood. Since that day… the day he left, I was forced to grow up so much faster than I was meant to. I had to take care of you I had to listen to… to you tell Jim how much I looked like someone you hated” she spat, her voice thick with tears but she refused to stop. She couldn’t stop.
“I was your daughter damn it. I am your daughter and all you cared about was how you were feeling, how sad you were, how it affected you. My feelings were never a consideration. I was… I was hurting too. He was my dad and I love him too” she managed to choke out before her vision became clouded and her voice became too rough to continue.
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
“Did you really hate me that much?” she whispered and felt Amy slump at the final question.
“No” Amy whispered back. “I hated me that much” she said simply and successfully walked out, taking advantage of the fact that Maria was too shocked to stop her.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
~&~&~&~&~&
Hours later when the last glass of champagne was emptied, the last cracker had been eaten and the last person had stepped through the glass doors, Maria was finally able to heave a sight of relief. The night had been a success. The others were thrilled, talk filled the air about an after show celebration but Maria was too lost in her thoughts to hear any of it.
Michael knew something was wrong though Maria refused to tell him what it was. No one but Jennifer knew the real reason for Maria’s inner turmoil, having been the only one to see Amy Deluca.
A knock at the door caused Maria to snap out of her stupor. “I’ll get it” she volunteered, prepared to tell whoever it was that the gallery was closed. “Deputy Fisher” she stated in surprise when the dark haired man turned, his hat in hand. “Is there a problem?” she asked.
“Yeah… um, I don’t really know how to tell you this but… well there’s been an accident. It’s your mother.”
Because of you
Because of you
Last edited by To_Kiss_A_Frog on Sat Sep 03, 2005 6:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
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Hi everyone, thanks again for your kind feedback!! Songs used are 'Handy Man' by James Taylor and 'Safest Place' by Leann Rimes. Also, a quick heads up, I stopped this chapter where I did otherwise you would have ended up with an EXTREMELY long update. Hope you enjoy and I'll be back soon 
Chapter 14
“Hey girls, gather round. Listen to what I’m putting down. Hey babe, I’m your handy man”
Maria stood leaning against the doorjamb, a small smile on her face as silent tears fell from her bright eyes. It was silly, she had always thought so but Amy loved the old James Taylor song and being the sweetheart he was, Jim always sang it for her whenever she was down about anything. It only seemed fitting that he would sing it now for her.
A presence appeared behind her though Maria didn’t need to turn to know who it was.
Michael had been her rock throughout the night. He held her when she cried, he brought her coffee when she was tired and he let her lean on him when the weight of all became too much to carry. Maria didn’t know what she would have done without him and was truly glad she didn’t have to find out.
“I’m not the kind to use a pencil or rule. I’m handy with love and I’m no fool. I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can.”
He didn’t touch her, giving her the space he knew she needed. It was that sixth sense again, telling him exactly what to do and say to ensure she didn’t go crazy. He chased away her chill with his presence, filling her with the hope that everything would okay. It had to be okay, Maria wouldn’t accept anything else.
“If your broken heart should need repair. Then I’m the man to see. I whisper sweet things, you tell all your friends. They’ll come runnin’ to me.”
She was glad for his voice. Her eyes drifted closed and listened to his words, allowing herself, for just a moment, to forget where they were and what they were there for. She wanted to forget. She wanted it to be a dream but the wish was hollow and unfilled. They were in a hospital and Amy Deluca was locked in a coma, battling for the right to wake up again.
Tess and Kyle had stopped by and stayed for as long as they could. Eventually, putting James to bed had been a necessity and they returned to their hotel. Max and Liz also waited around for as long as they could but when it became obvious that Amy’s condition probably wouldn’t change right away, Maria told them both to go home and get some rest.
Now Michael and Jim were the only two remaining.
Despite everything they had been through, Jim never stopped loving Amy. Watching him sing to her now filled Maria with a deep regret over the things she said to her mother less than twelve hours before.
“Here is the main thing I want to say. I’m busy 24 hours a day. I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can.”
Maria wasn’t naïve enough to think their argument was the sole reason for the accident but she did believe their angry words had played a part in it all. Drinking had been Amy’s defense against anything she didn’t like. If you couldn’t make it go away, forget about it. Maria felt like she should have known Amy would go out and get drunk. She should have stopped her or followed her but… she hadn’t. Now she had to live with the guilt that came along with her mother’s condition.
As though he sensed her feelings, Michael placed both hands on Maria’s shoulders and gently guided her out of the room just as Jim sung the song’s last strains.
“That’s me. I’m your handy man”
Wordlessly, he took her hand in his and walked until they reached the waiting room. It was empty, a stark contrast from its appearance earlier that night. Friends and strangers had filled the area, some waiting to hear news about Amy, others there to find out about their own mother or uncle or sister or friend.
“I can understand that you’re worried and that you probably don’t want to talk much about anything” Michael stated, his eyes refusing to turn away from hers. “But maybe it’s a good idea if you did” he quietly added. “What happened between you and your mom at the gallery tonight?” he asked.
In her grief and fear, Maria had begun to utter nonsense, meaningless words that Michael eventually pieced together. He knew Amy had been at the gallery but he had no idea what had been said. Asking hadn’t been an option at the time. Maria was too torn up. However, now that she was significantly calmer, he decided that getting everything out might somehow help her understand that none of it was her fault.
“It doesn’t matter” Maria muttered darkly and pulled her hands out of his grip. Michael let her go willingly but he would never lie and say that it didn’t hurt when she turned away from him.
“It does matter” he argued from where he stood. “It matters because you’re holding on to something that isn’t right.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about” Maria said as she whirled around and pinned him with angry glare. “You don’t know her, you don’t know what she’s like. I do. I should have done something or kept my damned mouth shut but I didn’t. Now she’s in there, unable to wake up and I’m…” she trailed off and turned away, hoping to hide her tears from him.
He didn’t comment, but Michael saw them.
“She’s mother she’s… she’s not perfect but she’s all that I have left. I can’t lose her I can’t… she’s the only one left and…”
He caught her. Wrapping his arms tightly around her body from behind, he held her up when she couldn’t stand. He let her fall apart in his arms and gave her something to lean on.
“Oh god Michael… I’m so sorry” she sobbed into her hands. It occurred to her, through the haze of self guilt she felt, that Michael did know what she was going through. His parents were gone, taken in away at such a young age by a car accident. Michael knew what it was like to lose everything, to lose everyone and still… he stood, listening to her ramble on about what he didn’t know.
“Shh…” he quieted and shifted her slightly so that she faced his chest. “It’s okay” he murmured softly in her ear and stroked her hair. “I know baby… I know” he whispered and buried his face against her neck.
As she stood there, crying and holding tightly to him, Maria vaguely felt his own tears fall against her skin.
~&~&~&~&~&
Daytime I'm fine
Everything is back normal
Last night I thought that I would die
Jim and Maria took turns throughout the rest of the night, sitting, urging Amy to wake up. When the sun finally rose, announcing a new day, one stayed, holding vigil in the room while the other left the hospital to take a shower and grab a fresh set of clothes.
Throughout all the visits, the naps and the prayers, Michael continued to stand beside Maria. They didn’t talk anymore about the argument she had with Amy or the argument they had with each other. The right time had past and another had yet to come along. Both understood this.
“I’m gonna go get some coffee. Do you want anything?” Michael asked somewhere between breakfast and noon.
“Dr. Pepper” Maria requested, missing his small smile. When he turned to go, her eyes rose from her clasped hands and followed him until he disappeared past the viewing glass.
I had nightmares, I was so scared
Thank god that you were by my side
To hold me when I cried
“Please wake up” Maria pleaded and gently took her mother’s hand between hers. “I know that you’re mad at me and I know that… that you probably don’t even wanna talk to me but… please wake up mom, please.”
She wasn’t sure what she expected. Perhaps a miraculous recovery inside of five seconds. Whatever she expected, Maria was disappointed as Amy continued to lay, unmoved and unchanged.
I wanna be strong
But I don’t wanna be alone tonight
I wanna believe that I can save the world
And make it right
~&~&~&~&~&
But I'm only human
And you've got a hero's face
Right here in your arms is safest place
The safest place
The days ticked by until an entire week had past. Kyle and Tess visited everyday for four days until it was time for them to return to Albuquerque. Jim had a choice to make and in the end he chose to stay in Roswell. Maria wasn’t surprised and truthfully, neither was anyone else.
What was a surprise was the small slip of paper Jim handed Maria as the two sat alone in waiting room. The doctor had taken her for some tests, leaving everyone with some time away. Despite it, neither felt like leaving the hospital.
Michael, however, was at his apartment, trying to work through his agent’s urgings and arguments that he return to Las Cruces. Rath had been on Michael’s case since the day after the show but Michael continuously held him off, determined not to leave until Amy was better and things were straightened out between him and Maria.
“What is this?” Maria asked as she read the unfamiliar name and number. “Who’s Angela Porter?”
He seemed… reluctant.
“She was your dad’s wife” Jim finally replied.
Chapter 14
“Hey girls, gather round. Listen to what I’m putting down. Hey babe, I’m your handy man”
Maria stood leaning against the doorjamb, a small smile on her face as silent tears fell from her bright eyes. It was silly, she had always thought so but Amy loved the old James Taylor song and being the sweetheart he was, Jim always sang it for her whenever she was down about anything. It only seemed fitting that he would sing it now for her.
A presence appeared behind her though Maria didn’t need to turn to know who it was.
Michael had been her rock throughout the night. He held her when she cried, he brought her coffee when she was tired and he let her lean on him when the weight of all became too much to carry. Maria didn’t know what she would have done without him and was truly glad she didn’t have to find out.
“I’m not the kind to use a pencil or rule. I’m handy with love and I’m no fool. I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can.”
He didn’t touch her, giving her the space he knew she needed. It was that sixth sense again, telling him exactly what to do and say to ensure she didn’t go crazy. He chased away her chill with his presence, filling her with the hope that everything would okay. It had to be okay, Maria wouldn’t accept anything else.
“If your broken heart should need repair. Then I’m the man to see. I whisper sweet things, you tell all your friends. They’ll come runnin’ to me.”
She was glad for his voice. Her eyes drifted closed and listened to his words, allowing herself, for just a moment, to forget where they were and what they were there for. She wanted to forget. She wanted it to be a dream but the wish was hollow and unfilled. They were in a hospital and Amy Deluca was locked in a coma, battling for the right to wake up again.
Tess and Kyle had stopped by and stayed for as long as they could. Eventually, putting James to bed had been a necessity and they returned to their hotel. Max and Liz also waited around for as long as they could but when it became obvious that Amy’s condition probably wouldn’t change right away, Maria told them both to go home and get some rest.
Now Michael and Jim were the only two remaining.
Despite everything they had been through, Jim never stopped loving Amy. Watching him sing to her now filled Maria with a deep regret over the things she said to her mother less than twelve hours before.
“Here is the main thing I want to say. I’m busy 24 hours a day. I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can.”
Maria wasn’t naïve enough to think their argument was the sole reason for the accident but she did believe their angry words had played a part in it all. Drinking had been Amy’s defense against anything she didn’t like. If you couldn’t make it go away, forget about it. Maria felt like she should have known Amy would go out and get drunk. She should have stopped her or followed her but… she hadn’t. Now she had to live with the guilt that came along with her mother’s condition.
As though he sensed her feelings, Michael placed both hands on Maria’s shoulders and gently guided her out of the room just as Jim sung the song’s last strains.
“That’s me. I’m your handy man”
Wordlessly, he took her hand in his and walked until they reached the waiting room. It was empty, a stark contrast from its appearance earlier that night. Friends and strangers had filled the area, some waiting to hear news about Amy, others there to find out about their own mother or uncle or sister or friend.
“I can understand that you’re worried and that you probably don’t want to talk much about anything” Michael stated, his eyes refusing to turn away from hers. “But maybe it’s a good idea if you did” he quietly added. “What happened between you and your mom at the gallery tonight?” he asked.
In her grief and fear, Maria had begun to utter nonsense, meaningless words that Michael eventually pieced together. He knew Amy had been at the gallery but he had no idea what had been said. Asking hadn’t been an option at the time. Maria was too torn up. However, now that she was significantly calmer, he decided that getting everything out might somehow help her understand that none of it was her fault.
“It doesn’t matter” Maria muttered darkly and pulled her hands out of his grip. Michael let her go willingly but he would never lie and say that it didn’t hurt when she turned away from him.
“It does matter” he argued from where he stood. “It matters because you’re holding on to something that isn’t right.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about” Maria said as she whirled around and pinned him with angry glare. “You don’t know her, you don’t know what she’s like. I do. I should have done something or kept my damned mouth shut but I didn’t. Now she’s in there, unable to wake up and I’m…” she trailed off and turned away, hoping to hide her tears from him.
He didn’t comment, but Michael saw them.
“She’s mother she’s… she’s not perfect but she’s all that I have left. I can’t lose her I can’t… she’s the only one left and…”
He caught her. Wrapping his arms tightly around her body from behind, he held her up when she couldn’t stand. He let her fall apart in his arms and gave her something to lean on.
“Oh god Michael… I’m so sorry” she sobbed into her hands. It occurred to her, through the haze of self guilt she felt, that Michael did know what she was going through. His parents were gone, taken in away at such a young age by a car accident. Michael knew what it was like to lose everything, to lose everyone and still… he stood, listening to her ramble on about what he didn’t know.
“Shh…” he quieted and shifted her slightly so that she faced his chest. “It’s okay” he murmured softly in her ear and stroked her hair. “I know baby… I know” he whispered and buried his face against her neck.
As she stood there, crying and holding tightly to him, Maria vaguely felt his own tears fall against her skin.
~&~&~&~&~&
Daytime I'm fine
Everything is back normal
Last night I thought that I would die
Jim and Maria took turns throughout the rest of the night, sitting, urging Amy to wake up. When the sun finally rose, announcing a new day, one stayed, holding vigil in the room while the other left the hospital to take a shower and grab a fresh set of clothes.
Throughout all the visits, the naps and the prayers, Michael continued to stand beside Maria. They didn’t talk anymore about the argument she had with Amy or the argument they had with each other. The right time had past and another had yet to come along. Both understood this.
“I’m gonna go get some coffee. Do you want anything?” Michael asked somewhere between breakfast and noon.
“Dr. Pepper” Maria requested, missing his small smile. When he turned to go, her eyes rose from her clasped hands and followed him until he disappeared past the viewing glass.
I had nightmares, I was so scared
Thank god that you were by my side
To hold me when I cried
“Please wake up” Maria pleaded and gently took her mother’s hand between hers. “I know that you’re mad at me and I know that… that you probably don’t even wanna talk to me but… please wake up mom, please.”
She wasn’t sure what she expected. Perhaps a miraculous recovery inside of five seconds. Whatever she expected, Maria was disappointed as Amy continued to lay, unmoved and unchanged.
I wanna be strong
But I don’t wanna be alone tonight
I wanna believe that I can save the world
And make it right
~&~&~&~&~&
But I'm only human
And you've got a hero's face
Right here in your arms is safest place
The safest place
The days ticked by until an entire week had past. Kyle and Tess visited everyday for four days until it was time for them to return to Albuquerque. Jim had a choice to make and in the end he chose to stay in Roswell. Maria wasn’t surprised and truthfully, neither was anyone else.
What was a surprise was the small slip of paper Jim handed Maria as the two sat alone in waiting room. The doctor had taken her for some tests, leaving everyone with some time away. Despite it, neither felt like leaving the hospital.
Michael, however, was at his apartment, trying to work through his agent’s urgings and arguments that he return to Las Cruces. Rath had been on Michael’s case since the day after the show but Michael continuously held him off, determined not to leave until Amy was better and things were straightened out between him and Maria.
“What is this?” Maria asked as she read the unfamiliar name and number. “Who’s Angela Porter?”
He seemed… reluctant.
“She was your dad’s wife” Jim finally replied.
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Hi everybody!!! Thanks for all the great feedback! I ask that you all please remember a happy ending will eventually come. Thanks for sticking with me and I'm sorry if Maria frustrates you in this one.
Chapter 15
Something had changed…shifted, since he left her at the hospital only three hours before.
When Maria showed up on Michael’s doorstep, shaking and bleary eyed, he had instantly assumed the worst. She fell into his arms and cried until she had no tears left. Afterwards, she just sat in chair, unable or unwilling to talk about whatever was bothering her and while it killed him, Michael held back from asking any questions.
He hoped that she would talk to him when she was ready but as time ticked by, he began to get more and more worried with every silent minute. Finally, when he was at his wits end, she opened her mouth and the words that spilled out had been the last ones he expected.
“Did you ever notice how it always rains whenever something dramatic is happening?” Maria asked, unable to look away from the window and the raging storm brewing outside. “A woman finds out her husband is cheating and confronts him in the rain. A man proposes to his girlfriend in the rain. You find out some deep, dark secret while the thunder cracks and lightening brightens up the sky. Rain falls, soaking your skin and making it impossible to see anything but what’s directly in front of you.”
He listened, taking in her words, trying to find whatever hidden meaning lied behind them. “What you describe happens in movies” Michael quietly replied.
“It’s happening now” Maria countered. “And this isn’t a movie” she stated though her eyes still refused to look away from glass.
“I didn’t ask because I wanted you to just tell me but… what happened Maria?” Michael questioned, deciding that giving her space wasn’t doing either of them any good. “What happened while you were at the hospital?” he asked.
“I learned a lesson” Maria shrugged though offered no further explanation.
Michael found his patience slowly slipping away. He wanted to ask her a dozen questions… wanted to turn her chin and force her eyes to look into his but he did neither of those things. Instead, Michael just stood from his seat and knelt down in front of his less than forthcoming girlfriend. “What lesson?” he asked and for a split second, saw despair in her eyes before she quickly masked them. In place settled another expression of indifference.
“She was right” Maria stated. “All these years, she told me what a horrible person my dad was for leaving us. She told me but… I guess I always wanted to believe he had a good reason. I wanted to believe that I mattered more to him but I was wrong” she quietly uttered.
“How do you know he didn’t have a reason or that you didn’t matter?” Michael questioned though somehow, he already knew she would have an answer.
“Because he… he remarried” Maria replied, finally turning her gaze down to Michael. “A woman named Angela Porter and… they had a child together… a daughter” she informed, desperately trying to hold in every feeling of anger and sadness she felt. Victor Deluca didn’t deserve to know how sad she was… he didn’t deserve anything as far as Maria was concerned. Least of all… her grief.
At a loss for words, Michael pulled her hand between his, offering his silent support as he waited for her to say anything else. “A part of me wonders if my mom knew about his marriage” she commented though it seemed as if she was no longer with him. Words fell from her mouth but they were meant for her to say rather than for him to hear. “Maybe that’s why she was so angry. Maybe she knew about this other woman or maybe… maybe this other woman was the reason he left. I just… god, if I could take back the things I said to her, if I could…”
“No” Michael fiercely interrupted, thoroughly surprising Maria in the process. “Don’t you understand?” he asked. “Her mistakes are not your own and his mistakes are not mine or any other man’s. Amy doesn’t understand that but you have a chance to. Please don’t let this accident change the way you were starting to look at things” he emotionally beseeched.
“Michael, what are you talking about” Maria questioned and roughly pulled her hand away. “Don’t you understand?” she quickly countered as she rose to pace. “My mother is in the hospital and while it isn’t all my fault, it’s partly my fault. I upset her, I said some horrible things to her and in the end… she was right about everything.”
“Including me?” Michael queried in a voice so quiet, it was almost lost in the thunder clapping outside.
“I don’t know” she stated regretfully. “It isn’t as easy as to say yes or no. I’m just not sure… about anything really. Not after this new revelation” said Maria.
She watched as Michael ran a shaky hand over his face and nearly gasped at the sight of his red rimmed eyes as his hand slowly returned to his side. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can keep doing this” he stated sadly. “I don’t know what else I can say to make you see that I’m not him. I’m not gonna hurt you just because your parents ended up apart. What can I say to you that will make you see that?” he asked, struggling to not lose the last remaining shred of self control he held.
“That’s the thing Michael… this isn’t about you” Maria argued and looked away when the sight of his worn expression and hurt eyes became too much for her. “What can I say to make you understand that this is something that goes beyond us… beyond anything that has ever happened between us?” she wondered and felt a fresh batch of tears sting her eyes. “I admit that I care about you but… but the truth is that I can’t be with you… not now… maybe not ever.”
It hurt to say and she wanted to take the words back the moment they left her mouth. But she didn’t… she couldn’t.
“How can you ask me to let you go?” Michael questioned, his voice laced with disbelief. “How can you think that I’d just… just walk away when you mean so much to me?”
“Because it’s for the best” Maria stated, every word like another dagger to her heart. “You deserve something that I’ll never be and I… I don’t know what I need. Please respect my wishes and walk away” she begged, her plea no more than a quiet, anguished whisper.
Michael felt his heart race, scared and angry at once. Each emotion fought for dominance until he pushed everything aside and strode up to Maria. “Then face me” he said, gently grasping her arm to turn her body. “If you want me to go, you have to look me in the eye and tell me. Face me” he demanded, unmindful or caring of the tears that had begun to fall from his eyes.
“I… please Michael… don’t do this” Maria cried back, closing her eyes in emotional pain. “Just go” she yelled. “Leave!” she demanded.
“Open your eyes Maria” he persisted in a voice filled with raw emotion. “Damn it, look me in the eye!” he begged.
“Go!” she sobbed, still unable to do as he asked.
“Why?” Michael asked. “So that you can hate me too. So that you can make yourself feel better, knowing that I walked away from you? If you want it, you have to look me in the eye and ask for it” he told her, praying to god that she wouldn’t.
Tears continued to fall from both their eyes, dropping soundlessly onto the carpeted floor. Slowly, Maria’s eyes fluttered open, a defiant glint in the beautiful green depths that caused fear to settle in the pit of Michael’s stomach. With five precise words, she broke his heart.
“I want you to go.”
~&~&~&~&~&
Later that evening, Michael had just zipped up his bag when a knock sounded at his front door. He refused to let himself anticipate it could be Maria and quickly hurried to see who was on the other end. “Jim… come in” he greeted, trying to push the disappointment down.
“I was hoping you’d still be here” Jim stated, looking around though he didn’t seem surprised to find the apartment clean and mostly packed up. “I talked to Maria earlier and she mentioned that you were going back to Las Cruces” he added, noticing the hard look Michael wore in response to his wording.
“I didn’t have much of a choice” Michael stated and pushed past his own feelings to avoid inadvertently being rude to the innocent man before him.
“I know that too” Jim replied. “Listen Michael… I don’t want to take up much of your time, I just felt the need to let you in on something.”
“I’m listening” said Michael, crossing his arms in front of him as he waited for Jim to say his peace.
“Maria and Amy… they’re different, special women who feel things greatly. They aren’t easy, by any means and sometimes they push and push until you can no longer stand” Jim stated though there was sadness in his eyes as he did. “I won’t ask you to push her back because chances are, she’ll only continue to turn away but I will ask you to continue caring for her. The time will come when she needs you and I truly hope that you’ll be there for her when that happens.”
“Why should I?” Michael asked. “Why should I put myself through the pain and heartache when the chances are high that she’ll never acknowledge how much she feels for me? How much more can I take before I’m the one that breaks?” he questioned, battered and broken by his afternoon.
“How much you can take depends solely on one thing” Jim stated.
“And what’s that?”
“How much you love her.”
~&~&~&~&~&
The beeping monitors greeted Maria as she slowly woke from sleep. Within her hand still lied Amy, cold, clammy and unmoving.
Hours had spent sitting, watching and waiting for Amy’s eyes to open, her hand to twitch or her body to move. An afternoon and evening spent with no response and no change. To say she was disappointed was the truth, to say she was worried would be a complete understatement.
“Hello Maria” Charlotte, the nighttime nurse greeted as she breezed in. “I just need to check her IV” she stated and offered the younger girl a smile as Maria tiredly rose from her seat and stretched her aching muscles.
For a few minutes, Charlotte made small talk, trying to keep Maria’s mind in a positive place as she petered around, checking one thing or another. “Thanks for everything Charlotte… I’ll see you later” she said, bidding the nurse farewell when a quiet sound grabbed their attention.
“Maria…” Amy wheezed, seconds before her eyes delicately fluttered open.
As Amy slowly came out of her sleep, Maria was ushered out so that the doctor could come in and give her a thorough check up. While she waited, Maria called Jim who vowed to rush over immediately. Her next thought was to call Michael before she sadly remembered that she couldn’t do that anymore. She had pushed him away and as much as she needed it at the time, she was sad that he actually let her.
Chapter 15
Something had changed…shifted, since he left her at the hospital only three hours before.
When Maria showed up on Michael’s doorstep, shaking and bleary eyed, he had instantly assumed the worst. She fell into his arms and cried until she had no tears left. Afterwards, she just sat in chair, unable or unwilling to talk about whatever was bothering her and while it killed him, Michael held back from asking any questions.
He hoped that she would talk to him when she was ready but as time ticked by, he began to get more and more worried with every silent minute. Finally, when he was at his wits end, she opened her mouth and the words that spilled out had been the last ones he expected.
“Did you ever notice how it always rains whenever something dramatic is happening?” Maria asked, unable to look away from the window and the raging storm brewing outside. “A woman finds out her husband is cheating and confronts him in the rain. A man proposes to his girlfriend in the rain. You find out some deep, dark secret while the thunder cracks and lightening brightens up the sky. Rain falls, soaking your skin and making it impossible to see anything but what’s directly in front of you.”
He listened, taking in her words, trying to find whatever hidden meaning lied behind them. “What you describe happens in movies” Michael quietly replied.
“It’s happening now” Maria countered. “And this isn’t a movie” she stated though her eyes still refused to look away from glass.
“I didn’t ask because I wanted you to just tell me but… what happened Maria?” Michael questioned, deciding that giving her space wasn’t doing either of them any good. “What happened while you were at the hospital?” he asked.
“I learned a lesson” Maria shrugged though offered no further explanation.
Michael found his patience slowly slipping away. He wanted to ask her a dozen questions… wanted to turn her chin and force her eyes to look into his but he did neither of those things. Instead, Michael just stood from his seat and knelt down in front of his less than forthcoming girlfriend. “What lesson?” he asked and for a split second, saw despair in her eyes before she quickly masked them. In place settled another expression of indifference.
“She was right” Maria stated. “All these years, she told me what a horrible person my dad was for leaving us. She told me but… I guess I always wanted to believe he had a good reason. I wanted to believe that I mattered more to him but I was wrong” she quietly uttered.
“How do you know he didn’t have a reason or that you didn’t matter?” Michael questioned though somehow, he already knew she would have an answer.
“Because he… he remarried” Maria replied, finally turning her gaze down to Michael. “A woman named Angela Porter and… they had a child together… a daughter” she informed, desperately trying to hold in every feeling of anger and sadness she felt. Victor Deluca didn’t deserve to know how sad she was… he didn’t deserve anything as far as Maria was concerned. Least of all… her grief.
At a loss for words, Michael pulled her hand between his, offering his silent support as he waited for her to say anything else. “A part of me wonders if my mom knew about his marriage” she commented though it seemed as if she was no longer with him. Words fell from her mouth but they were meant for her to say rather than for him to hear. “Maybe that’s why she was so angry. Maybe she knew about this other woman or maybe… maybe this other woman was the reason he left. I just… god, if I could take back the things I said to her, if I could…”
“No” Michael fiercely interrupted, thoroughly surprising Maria in the process. “Don’t you understand?” he asked. “Her mistakes are not your own and his mistakes are not mine or any other man’s. Amy doesn’t understand that but you have a chance to. Please don’t let this accident change the way you were starting to look at things” he emotionally beseeched.
“Michael, what are you talking about” Maria questioned and roughly pulled her hand away. “Don’t you understand?” she quickly countered as she rose to pace. “My mother is in the hospital and while it isn’t all my fault, it’s partly my fault. I upset her, I said some horrible things to her and in the end… she was right about everything.”
“Including me?” Michael queried in a voice so quiet, it was almost lost in the thunder clapping outside.
“I don’t know” she stated regretfully. “It isn’t as easy as to say yes or no. I’m just not sure… about anything really. Not after this new revelation” said Maria.
She watched as Michael ran a shaky hand over his face and nearly gasped at the sight of his red rimmed eyes as his hand slowly returned to his side. “I don’t… I don’t know if I can keep doing this” he stated sadly. “I don’t know what else I can say to make you see that I’m not him. I’m not gonna hurt you just because your parents ended up apart. What can I say to you that will make you see that?” he asked, struggling to not lose the last remaining shred of self control he held.
“That’s the thing Michael… this isn’t about you” Maria argued and looked away when the sight of his worn expression and hurt eyes became too much for her. “What can I say to make you understand that this is something that goes beyond us… beyond anything that has ever happened between us?” she wondered and felt a fresh batch of tears sting her eyes. “I admit that I care about you but… but the truth is that I can’t be with you… not now… maybe not ever.”
It hurt to say and she wanted to take the words back the moment they left her mouth. But she didn’t… she couldn’t.
“How can you ask me to let you go?” Michael questioned, his voice laced with disbelief. “How can you think that I’d just… just walk away when you mean so much to me?”
“Because it’s for the best” Maria stated, every word like another dagger to her heart. “You deserve something that I’ll never be and I… I don’t know what I need. Please respect my wishes and walk away” she begged, her plea no more than a quiet, anguished whisper.
Michael felt his heart race, scared and angry at once. Each emotion fought for dominance until he pushed everything aside and strode up to Maria. “Then face me” he said, gently grasping her arm to turn her body. “If you want me to go, you have to look me in the eye and tell me. Face me” he demanded, unmindful or caring of the tears that had begun to fall from his eyes.
“I… please Michael… don’t do this” Maria cried back, closing her eyes in emotional pain. “Just go” she yelled. “Leave!” she demanded.
“Open your eyes Maria” he persisted in a voice filled with raw emotion. “Damn it, look me in the eye!” he begged.
“Go!” she sobbed, still unable to do as he asked.
“Why?” Michael asked. “So that you can hate me too. So that you can make yourself feel better, knowing that I walked away from you? If you want it, you have to look me in the eye and ask for it” he told her, praying to god that she wouldn’t.
Tears continued to fall from both their eyes, dropping soundlessly onto the carpeted floor. Slowly, Maria’s eyes fluttered open, a defiant glint in the beautiful green depths that caused fear to settle in the pit of Michael’s stomach. With five precise words, she broke his heart.
“I want you to go.”
~&~&~&~&~&
Later that evening, Michael had just zipped up his bag when a knock sounded at his front door. He refused to let himself anticipate it could be Maria and quickly hurried to see who was on the other end. “Jim… come in” he greeted, trying to push the disappointment down.
“I was hoping you’d still be here” Jim stated, looking around though he didn’t seem surprised to find the apartment clean and mostly packed up. “I talked to Maria earlier and she mentioned that you were going back to Las Cruces” he added, noticing the hard look Michael wore in response to his wording.
“I didn’t have much of a choice” Michael stated and pushed past his own feelings to avoid inadvertently being rude to the innocent man before him.
“I know that too” Jim replied. “Listen Michael… I don’t want to take up much of your time, I just felt the need to let you in on something.”
“I’m listening” said Michael, crossing his arms in front of him as he waited for Jim to say his peace.
“Maria and Amy… they’re different, special women who feel things greatly. They aren’t easy, by any means and sometimes they push and push until you can no longer stand” Jim stated though there was sadness in his eyes as he did. “I won’t ask you to push her back because chances are, she’ll only continue to turn away but I will ask you to continue caring for her. The time will come when she needs you and I truly hope that you’ll be there for her when that happens.”
“Why should I?” Michael asked. “Why should I put myself through the pain and heartache when the chances are high that she’ll never acknowledge how much she feels for me? How much more can I take before I’m the one that breaks?” he questioned, battered and broken by his afternoon.
“How much you can take depends solely on one thing” Jim stated.
“And what’s that?”
“How much you love her.”
~&~&~&~&~&
The beeping monitors greeted Maria as she slowly woke from sleep. Within her hand still lied Amy, cold, clammy and unmoving.
Hours had spent sitting, watching and waiting for Amy’s eyes to open, her hand to twitch or her body to move. An afternoon and evening spent with no response and no change. To say she was disappointed was the truth, to say she was worried would be a complete understatement.
“Hello Maria” Charlotte, the nighttime nurse greeted as she breezed in. “I just need to check her IV” she stated and offered the younger girl a smile as Maria tiredly rose from her seat and stretched her aching muscles.
For a few minutes, Charlotte made small talk, trying to keep Maria’s mind in a positive place as she petered around, checking one thing or another. “Thanks for everything Charlotte… I’ll see you later” she said, bidding the nurse farewell when a quiet sound grabbed their attention.
“Maria…” Amy wheezed, seconds before her eyes delicately fluttered open.
As Amy slowly came out of her sleep, Maria was ushered out so that the doctor could come in and give her a thorough check up. While she waited, Maria called Jim who vowed to rush over immediately. Her next thought was to call Michael before she sadly remembered that she couldn’t do that anymore. She had pushed him away and as much as she needed it at the time, she was sad that he actually let her.
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Thanks everyone and when you read this chapter, I'll just say, it isn't as bad as you might think. song is "Best I Am" by Flaw. Thanks again for the great words!!!!
Chapter 16
The next morning, once the doctors and nurses were satisfied with Amy’s progress, Maria was finally allowed to sit and have a much needed conversation with her mother. While she knew it wouldn’t be easy and most likely, very emotional, Maria never would have anticipated what Amy Deluca had to say.
“How’re you feeling mom” was the first thing Maria asked when she walked in and took a seat beside the stiff, hospital bed. At a closer glance, it was apparent how pale Amy still was and how fragile she seemed to be. Thankfully, the bruises that earlier marred her skin had faded and all that resided were the small red marks created by IV needles. “Do you need anything or…”
“Maria, hush” Amy interrupted though in a rare moment, there was no harshness in her tone. If anything, Amy seemed amused by her daughter’s babying and wore an uncharacteristic smile. “I’m alive” she shrugged. “Don’t worry about anything else.”
For a moment, Maria was taken aback by her mom’s attitude. She was happy, encouraged but still surprised.
“Listen sweetheart, I’m just gonna jump right in here and I want you to just listen me before you saying anything” Amy stated as a small wave of nervousness flooded Maria’s stomach. “First of all, I want… I need to apologize to you. I knew that what all my lectures and words were doing to you but I kept saying them anyway. It was never my intention to hurt you but that’s what happened anyway and… and while I don’t know if you can ever forgive me… I sincerely hope you can try.”
Maria’s eyes widened at the confession. While a part of her always wondered whether or not her mom knew the effects her words had, she convinced herself that Amy hadn’t. She needed to believe that otherwise, she just had a mother who was hurt and wanted to hurt back. This new revelation wasn’t an easy one to learn.
“What um… what brought all this on?” Maria managed to ask once the weight of the truth sunk in.
“This morning, a couple hours before you arrived, Jim stopped by and we had a long talk” Amy explained. “I won’t lie and say it was pretty because the truth is, it was an extremely hard and bitter pill to swallow but… but he made me realize a lot of things I had been allowing myself to stay blind to” she admitted, wearing a pained expression that needed no explanation.
Maria was at a loss as to how to respond. Even after all the mean words and loud arguments they had recently gotten into, Maria had acknowledged that she was wrong and that she should be the one to apologize. She convinced herself of this while wishing and praying for her mom to wake up but now… now it seemed as though everything had changed.
The next several minutes were spent discussing Amy’s plans.
After a lot of thought and deliberation, Amy decided to begin attending AA meetings and even suggested that Maria try out Al-Anon as a way to begin recovering from her own demons. As per Jim’s request, she also agreed to do some volunteer work in the hospital’s drug and alcohol abuse unit.
“Look, I realize that this isn’t at all easy for you. I know I have so much to make up for and one single conversation and a few promises aren’t going to automatically make it better” Amy acknowledged sadly. “We both need to take some time but… but please just consider what I’ve said” she implored in a voice full of emotion.
~&~&~&~&~&
After so many days of being absent from the gallery, Maria decided to take a break from the hospital and stopped by to make sure everything was in order. Pleased, though not at all surprised, she found that Isabel had been helping Jennifer out a lot over the last week and things were still running smoothly.
“Here you go Miss Deluca” Jennifer said, handing Maria a stack of mail to look through.
“Thanks Jennifer… for everything” she added when her secretary just shrugged it off.
Alone, Maria sifted through the reviews from various publications. It seemed that they had a unanimous opinion… they loved the show. Lonnie’s paintings were raved about. The works of Marco Windsor and Nelson Anderson were complimented almost embarrassingly. Then Michael’s sculptures… well all of Michael’s work was enjoyed, loved and well written about.
Maria had to agree about all their reviews and felt a wave of sadness when she remembered that calling Michael up and telling him about it was out of the question. It wasn’t the first time and she knew it wouldn’t be the last but thoughts of regret filled her. She wanted to take back her words but didn’t allow herself that luxury. Michael was gone, he was better off without her and Maria would just have to learn to live with that.
Wallowing was not an option.
~&~&~&~&~&
“Hey, is everything okay?” Maria asked at two in the morning when Jim appeared on her doorstep.
“Everything is fine sweetheart, can I come in for a second?” he asked and waited until Maria stepped away before walking in. “I’m heading back to Albuquerque in a few minutes but I wanted to stop by here first and let you know I wouldn’t be around for a while” he said, explaining his presence at such a late hour.
“You mean you aren’t gonna stay longer?” Maria questioned, feeling a wave of sadness.
Over the last week, she had gotten used to having him around again. Maria also knew that Jim was responsible for the transformation slowly taking place in Amy. He finally got her to see what she was doing to herself and Maria was honestly afraid that having him leave now, would halt her mother’s progress.
“I’ll be back again, but for now, your mother needs time to heal and having me hovering around won’t help things” he stated, completely contradicting Maria’s thoughts.
“I don’t see how it…” Maria trailed off, unsure of what she wanted to say.
“I hate to say this darling, but your mother has always relied on men as a distraction. It’s a habit that goes hand in hand with her drinking and having me around would just… well it would be too easy to use me a crutch” he explained and smiled gently, as though sensing her sadness. “I will come back Maria. I love your mother and I want to be here for her, I just can’t do that until she’s ready for me to.”
Maria nodded to show she understood. She didn’t like it, but she understood.
“Before you go, there’s one thing I’ve been wondering about and just… I just thought it was too rude to ask but…”
“Go ahead darling” Valenti encouraged kindly.
“Why do you still love my mom?” Maria blurted out, belatedly realizing that it did, in fact, sound rude. Thankfully, Jim didn’t seem at all offended and appeared to even understand why she needed that answer.
“Unfortunately there is no easy answer to that question” Jim stated after a few silent moments. “The only thing I can tell you is that love is universal. When you truly love someone, it never fades away, no matter how difficult things get or how difficult it is to remember all the wonderful things you originally fell in love with.”
Maria didn’t reply, uncertain of how to respond. “Listen darling, one other thing I want to say to you is about your dad” he added, successfully catching Maria’s attention. “I don’t know why he left or what he did afterwards but his actions don’t affect me, they affect you. One day, you’re gonna stop being angry and you’re gonna be curious. Whenever that day arrives, I’d like you to consider going to see Mrs. Porter.”
“Do you know how…?”
“Awkward it would be? Yes, I realize it would be difficult” Jim replied. “But she has answers that no one else does. Just… please just think about it, okay?”
“I’ll think about it” Maria said and smiled weakly when Jim rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. “Have a safe trip and call if you need anything.”
“Same to you darling” Jim returned, offering one last parting smile before he walked back out.
As the she closed door and leaned heavily against it, Maria’s mind ran ramped. She knew that there were a lot of choices left to be made. There were so many ways her life could be either better or worse depending on her decisions and her mistakes. The knowledge of this scared her because Maria didn’t know if she had it in her to make the right choice.
Long.
I’ve Been Running away for far too long
Afraid of what
Afraid of what I know is soon to come
She couldn’t help but wonder if she really deserved to be happy.
~&~&~&~&~&
For the next several days, Maria developed a new routine to accommodate the recent changes in her life.
Every morning she was up early and at the gallery, trying to make up for all the time she missed. Every night she stayed until the sun was down then stopped by the hospital to visit with her mom for an hour or two.
The end of visiting hours was what Maria dreaded most. When it was late at night and there was no one around to talk or spend time with, she was left alone with her thoughts. More often than she cared to admit, Michael made a cameo in her mind. Sometimes it was memories of stupid jokes, laughter and long nights in bed. Other times it was raised voice and tears.
With each passing day, the urge to call him got stronger and her resistance got smaller.
I may not be much of an example right now
But I can give you all of my knowledge on how
To get along in this place
Right now all I can say
“Come in” Maria called out, surprised that someone was still around considering the late hour.
“Hey stranger. Miss me?”
“Billy?”
Is that I will do the best that I can
To be a good example of man
I know one day that You’ll understand
You deserve the best that I am
You deserve the best that I am
Chapter 16
The next morning, once the doctors and nurses were satisfied with Amy’s progress, Maria was finally allowed to sit and have a much needed conversation with her mother. While she knew it wouldn’t be easy and most likely, very emotional, Maria never would have anticipated what Amy Deluca had to say.
“How’re you feeling mom” was the first thing Maria asked when she walked in and took a seat beside the stiff, hospital bed. At a closer glance, it was apparent how pale Amy still was and how fragile she seemed to be. Thankfully, the bruises that earlier marred her skin had faded and all that resided were the small red marks created by IV needles. “Do you need anything or…”
“Maria, hush” Amy interrupted though in a rare moment, there was no harshness in her tone. If anything, Amy seemed amused by her daughter’s babying and wore an uncharacteristic smile. “I’m alive” she shrugged. “Don’t worry about anything else.”
For a moment, Maria was taken aback by her mom’s attitude. She was happy, encouraged but still surprised.
“Listen sweetheart, I’m just gonna jump right in here and I want you to just listen me before you saying anything” Amy stated as a small wave of nervousness flooded Maria’s stomach. “First of all, I want… I need to apologize to you. I knew that what all my lectures and words were doing to you but I kept saying them anyway. It was never my intention to hurt you but that’s what happened anyway and… and while I don’t know if you can ever forgive me… I sincerely hope you can try.”
Maria’s eyes widened at the confession. While a part of her always wondered whether or not her mom knew the effects her words had, she convinced herself that Amy hadn’t. She needed to believe that otherwise, she just had a mother who was hurt and wanted to hurt back. This new revelation wasn’t an easy one to learn.
“What um… what brought all this on?” Maria managed to ask once the weight of the truth sunk in.
“This morning, a couple hours before you arrived, Jim stopped by and we had a long talk” Amy explained. “I won’t lie and say it was pretty because the truth is, it was an extremely hard and bitter pill to swallow but… but he made me realize a lot of things I had been allowing myself to stay blind to” she admitted, wearing a pained expression that needed no explanation.
Maria was at a loss as to how to respond. Even after all the mean words and loud arguments they had recently gotten into, Maria had acknowledged that she was wrong and that she should be the one to apologize. She convinced herself of this while wishing and praying for her mom to wake up but now… now it seemed as though everything had changed.
The next several minutes were spent discussing Amy’s plans.
After a lot of thought and deliberation, Amy decided to begin attending AA meetings and even suggested that Maria try out Al-Anon as a way to begin recovering from her own demons. As per Jim’s request, she also agreed to do some volunteer work in the hospital’s drug and alcohol abuse unit.
“Look, I realize that this isn’t at all easy for you. I know I have so much to make up for and one single conversation and a few promises aren’t going to automatically make it better” Amy acknowledged sadly. “We both need to take some time but… but please just consider what I’ve said” she implored in a voice full of emotion.
~&~&~&~&~&
After so many days of being absent from the gallery, Maria decided to take a break from the hospital and stopped by to make sure everything was in order. Pleased, though not at all surprised, she found that Isabel had been helping Jennifer out a lot over the last week and things were still running smoothly.
“Here you go Miss Deluca” Jennifer said, handing Maria a stack of mail to look through.
“Thanks Jennifer… for everything” she added when her secretary just shrugged it off.
Alone, Maria sifted through the reviews from various publications. It seemed that they had a unanimous opinion… they loved the show. Lonnie’s paintings were raved about. The works of Marco Windsor and Nelson Anderson were complimented almost embarrassingly. Then Michael’s sculptures… well all of Michael’s work was enjoyed, loved and well written about.
Maria had to agree about all their reviews and felt a wave of sadness when she remembered that calling Michael up and telling him about it was out of the question. It wasn’t the first time and she knew it wouldn’t be the last but thoughts of regret filled her. She wanted to take back her words but didn’t allow herself that luxury. Michael was gone, he was better off without her and Maria would just have to learn to live with that.
Wallowing was not an option.
~&~&~&~&~&
“Hey, is everything okay?” Maria asked at two in the morning when Jim appeared on her doorstep.
“Everything is fine sweetheart, can I come in for a second?” he asked and waited until Maria stepped away before walking in. “I’m heading back to Albuquerque in a few minutes but I wanted to stop by here first and let you know I wouldn’t be around for a while” he said, explaining his presence at such a late hour.
“You mean you aren’t gonna stay longer?” Maria questioned, feeling a wave of sadness.
Over the last week, she had gotten used to having him around again. Maria also knew that Jim was responsible for the transformation slowly taking place in Amy. He finally got her to see what she was doing to herself and Maria was honestly afraid that having him leave now, would halt her mother’s progress.
“I’ll be back again, but for now, your mother needs time to heal and having me hovering around won’t help things” he stated, completely contradicting Maria’s thoughts.
“I don’t see how it…” Maria trailed off, unsure of what she wanted to say.
“I hate to say this darling, but your mother has always relied on men as a distraction. It’s a habit that goes hand in hand with her drinking and having me around would just… well it would be too easy to use me a crutch” he explained and smiled gently, as though sensing her sadness. “I will come back Maria. I love your mother and I want to be here for her, I just can’t do that until she’s ready for me to.”
Maria nodded to show she understood. She didn’t like it, but she understood.
“Before you go, there’s one thing I’ve been wondering about and just… I just thought it was too rude to ask but…”
“Go ahead darling” Valenti encouraged kindly.
“Why do you still love my mom?” Maria blurted out, belatedly realizing that it did, in fact, sound rude. Thankfully, Jim didn’t seem at all offended and appeared to even understand why she needed that answer.
“Unfortunately there is no easy answer to that question” Jim stated after a few silent moments. “The only thing I can tell you is that love is universal. When you truly love someone, it never fades away, no matter how difficult things get or how difficult it is to remember all the wonderful things you originally fell in love with.”
Maria didn’t reply, uncertain of how to respond. “Listen darling, one other thing I want to say to you is about your dad” he added, successfully catching Maria’s attention. “I don’t know why he left or what he did afterwards but his actions don’t affect me, they affect you. One day, you’re gonna stop being angry and you’re gonna be curious. Whenever that day arrives, I’d like you to consider going to see Mrs. Porter.”
“Do you know how…?”
“Awkward it would be? Yes, I realize it would be difficult” Jim replied. “But she has answers that no one else does. Just… please just think about it, okay?”
“I’ll think about it” Maria said and smiled weakly when Jim rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. “Have a safe trip and call if you need anything.”
“Same to you darling” Jim returned, offering one last parting smile before he walked back out.
As the she closed door and leaned heavily against it, Maria’s mind ran ramped. She knew that there were a lot of choices left to be made. There were so many ways her life could be either better or worse depending on her decisions and her mistakes. The knowledge of this scared her because Maria didn’t know if she had it in her to make the right choice.
Long.
I’ve Been Running away for far too long
Afraid of what
Afraid of what I know is soon to come
She couldn’t help but wonder if she really deserved to be happy.
~&~&~&~&~&
For the next several days, Maria developed a new routine to accommodate the recent changes in her life.
Every morning she was up early and at the gallery, trying to make up for all the time she missed. Every night she stayed until the sun was down then stopped by the hospital to visit with her mom for an hour or two.
The end of visiting hours was what Maria dreaded most. When it was late at night and there was no one around to talk or spend time with, she was left alone with her thoughts. More often than she cared to admit, Michael made a cameo in her mind. Sometimes it was memories of stupid jokes, laughter and long nights in bed. Other times it was raised voice and tears.
With each passing day, the urge to call him got stronger and her resistance got smaller.
I may not be much of an example right now
But I can give you all of my knowledge on how
To get along in this place
Right now all I can say
“Come in” Maria called out, surprised that someone was still around considering the late hour.
“Hey stranger. Miss me?”
“Billy?”
Is that I will do the best that I can
To be a good example of man
I know one day that You’ll understand
You deserve the best that I am
You deserve the best that I am
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
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Hello readers! Thank you very much for your wonderful feedback. Now while it doesn't happen in this chapter, I promise that there will be an M/M renunion very soon and it'll definitely but interesting. Thanks again for all the encouragement. Enjoy!
Chapter 17
“I heard about your mom, thought I’d stop by and see how you were holding up” Billy shrugged indifferently. “So… how are you?” he asked, seemingly unaware or unconcerned with the awkwardness his presence caused.
“Look… Billy, it’s nice of you to come by and everything but… well that last time we saw each other, you were insulting me and my date was punching you” Maria reminded him. “So I’ll ask again, what are you doing here?” she repeated while giving him a pointed stare. Her day was too long and her life was too tiring to put up with any false sympathy or bullshit from her less than friendly ex.
“What makes you think I have an ulterior motive?” he questioned snidely. He sounded mad but the expression he wore contradicted his tone. If anything, he seemed amused by her disbelief which further irritated a bedraggled Maria.
Somewhere around five, she had let her hair loose and successfully mussed it up with impatient or frustrated fingers every few minutes.
It never occurred to her that it was a gesture she had picked up from Michael. Countless times he ran his hands through his hair when his muse was being uncooperative or he was unsatisfied with a finished piece. The only difference was that the look was natural on his already shaggy hair and perfectly complemented his twenty four hour, five o’clock shadow.
“When you and I broke up, I was honest with you Billy” Maria stated in response. “Why don’t you return the favor and tell me the truth about why you’re here?” she requested in a no nonsense voice that had him regarding her curiously.
Finally, what seemed like minutes later, Billy pushed off from the doorway and dropped down in one of Maria’s chairs. “A part of me wanted to come here and see how you were holding up” he acknowledged though Maria sensed there was a ‘but’ coming up. “But… I’ll admit that I was curious about whether or not the rumor I heard was true.”
“What rumor?” Maria asked, puzzled and completely unaware of any rumor circulating about her.
“The one where your man up and left you” Billy stated simply, as though he truly believed his words wouldn’t hurt. “I heard through the grape vine that he wasn’t into heavy work so he went back to where he came from.”
Now Maria wondered if he was dumb or very smart. Did he know the impact his words would have and was he using them to hurt her for their failed relationship? She didn’t have that answer but figured it didn’t really matter anyway. Maria didn’t believe she would ever really get a straight answer from Billy on that subject or any other so she chose to look past the harshness of his words’ meaning and concentrate on something more important. First and foremost, how in the world did he hear that and who did he hear it from?
As though sensing exactly where her thoughts were headed, Billy threw in, “One of your girls here mentioned it to one of mine down at the bar. News travels fast.”
Maria couldn’t bring herself to react to that last piece of information. Briefly, she wondered which one of her employees decided to be chatty but that thought was quickly overshadows by the realization that there were some who truly believed Michael had just up and left.
While they were right and he was no longer staying in Roswell, Maria knew the real reason. She had pushed him too far and eventually… he just couldn’t stand any longer. It was sad and still, Maria wished she could somehow talk to him or at the very least, see him, again. It was out of the question, her head knew that but unfortunately, her heart didn’t.
“Look Billy, not that it’s any of your business but… Michael is gone” Maria acknowledged. When she saw Billy open his mouth to retort, she quickly rushed forward with the rest of her speech. “But the reasons he left are no one’s business. I don’t know what your employee told you or what my employee told her but I guarantee that there are holes in the story.”
“So then why don’t you fill them in for me?” Billy challenged lightly though his eyes shone true curiosity. He wasn’t as disinterested or casual about the whole thing as he tried to appear to be. For whatever reason, he wanted these answers though unlike any time before, she had no inclination to give them to him.
“What does it matter?” Maria shrugged with an air of indifference that mirrored and rivaled his.
“It just does” Billy replied as he firmly settled his gaze on Maria’s confused eyes. “Tell me what happened between the two of you” he demanded again though this time, it only served to anger Maria.
“I’ll repeat this one last time, it is none of your business” Maria stated with forced control. “You and I… we aren’t friends Billy. I’m not gonna sit here and confide in you or ask your advice or… anything. You should go.” The curiosity and intensity in his eyes turned to anger in a matter of seconds. Had she not been so used to glares like that from Amy, Maria probably would have been frightened by it.
“Fine… I don’t give a shit what happens to you anymore” Billy vehemently lashed out. His eyes dangerously flashed for a moment though Maria forced herself to meet his gaze head on, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of showing fear. “Truth is… I don’t know why I ever did to begin with. You’re just an emotionally frigid bitch who’s gonna live out her life with no one but her lush of a mother and a horde of fucking cats. Hope you like silence because I can guarantee plenty of it in your future.”
As Maria stood before him, listening to his words, a sense of determination filled her.
“Thanks for the update, Madam Vivian.” Each word was dripping with sarcasm as Maria shot him an annoyed expression. “But I wouldn’t quit your day job if I were you. Now… if you’d kindly leave and try not to let the door hit your ass on the way out” she lashed back in a voice laced with confidence. It was clear that Billy was surprised by the quick one eighty but didn’t comment.
“Go to hell” Billy stated.
“I’ll save you a seat” Maria retorted and watched as he turned and walked out of her life… hopefully forever.
~&~&~&~&~&
With determination she never before experienced, Maria decided it was time to make some changes. Things couldn’t stay the way they were and she had the perfect way to start putting the pieces of her life back together.
“I’ll only be gone for two… three days at the most” Maria reminded as she flounced around her office, straightening papers, checking memos and making sure everything was completely in order. “You can reach me on my cell if anything comes up but I trust that the two of you will be able to handle… well, anything. Um… I think that’s it. Are there any questions?”
“No”
“None”
“Good. Okay… well then I’ll see you both in three days” Maria replied and received two friendly hugs from both Jennifer and Isabel. Though neither of them knew the true nature of her trip, they both seemed to understand it was something important. They were good friends and Maria knew everything at the gallery would be fine in their hands. The nervousness swimming around in her stomach was for an entirely different reason.
Telling Amy the truth hadn’t been something Maria relished. While she was regularly attending AA meetings and slowly becoming the mom she once was, she still had a lot of issues to work through and Maria didn’t relish the idea of knocking that house of cards down. Lying wasn’t an option, at least not after everything they had been through so that only left one possible choice… omission.
Maria simply explained her upcoming absence with a single sentence. “I have business to take care of.” No other question was asked and no other detail was revealed. Strangely enough, a part of Maria actually believed that maybe Amy understood more than she let on, that maybe she knew not to ask any questions in order to make things easier on her daughter. Whatever the reason, Maria was glad that she didn’t have to lie.
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Now, speeding down the highway in her old Jetta, Maria observed the countryside and watched as sand and desert rocks turned into green grass and trees. She had never been to Texas before but a map and plenty of junk food made the drive easy enough. As she sang along with the tunes on the radio, Maria was actually able to forget, if only for a short time, the reason she chose Marathon or what lied there.
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Unfortunately those moments were few and far between.
Trying hard to reach out
But, when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away
Minutes turned into hours until Maria finally reached her destination. It was already late in the afternoon and while she was tempted to just find a hotel room until the morning, she realized that putting it off now would only make it easier to put it off later too.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But, I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away
~&~&~&~&~&
The house was small but cozy looking. Carpet grass covered the front yard, flanking the cobblestone walkway that led up to a bright, red door. With the white picket fence, it looked like something out of a storybook.
Seeing it now, Maria couldn’t help but wonder what her dad’s life had been like. Did he pull into the garage every day after work or did he just leave his car in the driveway? Did Angela scold him for leaving his briefcase on the table or did she just humor him and move it herself? Did he tie his daughter’s shoelaces every morning before school? Did she completely love and adore him?
As the last thoughts floated through Maria’s mind, the nervous knots in her stomach tightened until she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t do this, not now… maybe not ever.
It was one thing to wonder but an entirely different thing to actually know.
Just as Maria turned back towards her car, prepared to drive away and never look back, a little girl with pigtails and a bright smile appeared by her side. “Hi” she happily greeted. “Who are you?”
“Um… I’m…”
“Cassandra! Who are you talking to sweetie?” a voice called out, drawing away the attention of both females.
Tongue tied and rooted in place, Maria just stood, staring as a woman with long dark hair and blue eyes slowly walked forward. Despite here interest in the little girl, the woman kept her eyes focused solely on Maria. “Cassie, go inside and fix yourself a peanut butter sandwich while I talk to the nice lady” she calmly directed.
“Okay grandma. Bye Miss” the young girl called out as she ran inside, leaving the two women standing face to face.
“I always wondered if you’d come here” she stated. “You look just as I imagined you would Maria.”
Chapter 17
“I heard about your mom, thought I’d stop by and see how you were holding up” Billy shrugged indifferently. “So… how are you?” he asked, seemingly unaware or unconcerned with the awkwardness his presence caused.
“Look… Billy, it’s nice of you to come by and everything but… well that last time we saw each other, you were insulting me and my date was punching you” Maria reminded him. “So I’ll ask again, what are you doing here?” she repeated while giving him a pointed stare. Her day was too long and her life was too tiring to put up with any false sympathy or bullshit from her less than friendly ex.
“What makes you think I have an ulterior motive?” he questioned snidely. He sounded mad but the expression he wore contradicted his tone. If anything, he seemed amused by her disbelief which further irritated a bedraggled Maria.
Somewhere around five, she had let her hair loose and successfully mussed it up with impatient or frustrated fingers every few minutes.
It never occurred to her that it was a gesture she had picked up from Michael. Countless times he ran his hands through his hair when his muse was being uncooperative or he was unsatisfied with a finished piece. The only difference was that the look was natural on his already shaggy hair and perfectly complemented his twenty four hour, five o’clock shadow.
“When you and I broke up, I was honest with you Billy” Maria stated in response. “Why don’t you return the favor and tell me the truth about why you’re here?” she requested in a no nonsense voice that had him regarding her curiously.
Finally, what seemed like minutes later, Billy pushed off from the doorway and dropped down in one of Maria’s chairs. “A part of me wanted to come here and see how you were holding up” he acknowledged though Maria sensed there was a ‘but’ coming up. “But… I’ll admit that I was curious about whether or not the rumor I heard was true.”
“What rumor?” Maria asked, puzzled and completely unaware of any rumor circulating about her.
“The one where your man up and left you” Billy stated simply, as though he truly believed his words wouldn’t hurt. “I heard through the grape vine that he wasn’t into heavy work so he went back to where he came from.”
Now Maria wondered if he was dumb or very smart. Did he know the impact his words would have and was he using them to hurt her for their failed relationship? She didn’t have that answer but figured it didn’t really matter anyway. Maria didn’t believe she would ever really get a straight answer from Billy on that subject or any other so she chose to look past the harshness of his words’ meaning and concentrate on something more important. First and foremost, how in the world did he hear that and who did he hear it from?
As though sensing exactly where her thoughts were headed, Billy threw in, “One of your girls here mentioned it to one of mine down at the bar. News travels fast.”
Maria couldn’t bring herself to react to that last piece of information. Briefly, she wondered which one of her employees decided to be chatty but that thought was quickly overshadows by the realization that there were some who truly believed Michael had just up and left.
While they were right and he was no longer staying in Roswell, Maria knew the real reason. She had pushed him too far and eventually… he just couldn’t stand any longer. It was sad and still, Maria wished she could somehow talk to him or at the very least, see him, again. It was out of the question, her head knew that but unfortunately, her heart didn’t.
“Look Billy, not that it’s any of your business but… Michael is gone” Maria acknowledged. When she saw Billy open his mouth to retort, she quickly rushed forward with the rest of her speech. “But the reasons he left are no one’s business. I don’t know what your employee told you or what my employee told her but I guarantee that there are holes in the story.”
“So then why don’t you fill them in for me?” Billy challenged lightly though his eyes shone true curiosity. He wasn’t as disinterested or casual about the whole thing as he tried to appear to be. For whatever reason, he wanted these answers though unlike any time before, she had no inclination to give them to him.
“What does it matter?” Maria shrugged with an air of indifference that mirrored and rivaled his.
“It just does” Billy replied as he firmly settled his gaze on Maria’s confused eyes. “Tell me what happened between the two of you” he demanded again though this time, it only served to anger Maria.
“I’ll repeat this one last time, it is none of your business” Maria stated with forced control. “You and I… we aren’t friends Billy. I’m not gonna sit here and confide in you or ask your advice or… anything. You should go.” The curiosity and intensity in his eyes turned to anger in a matter of seconds. Had she not been so used to glares like that from Amy, Maria probably would have been frightened by it.
“Fine… I don’t give a shit what happens to you anymore” Billy vehemently lashed out. His eyes dangerously flashed for a moment though Maria forced herself to meet his gaze head on, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of showing fear. “Truth is… I don’t know why I ever did to begin with. You’re just an emotionally frigid bitch who’s gonna live out her life with no one but her lush of a mother and a horde of fucking cats. Hope you like silence because I can guarantee plenty of it in your future.”
As Maria stood before him, listening to his words, a sense of determination filled her.
“Thanks for the update, Madam Vivian.” Each word was dripping with sarcasm as Maria shot him an annoyed expression. “But I wouldn’t quit your day job if I were you. Now… if you’d kindly leave and try not to let the door hit your ass on the way out” she lashed back in a voice laced with confidence. It was clear that Billy was surprised by the quick one eighty but didn’t comment.
“Go to hell” Billy stated.
“I’ll save you a seat” Maria retorted and watched as he turned and walked out of her life… hopefully forever.
~&~&~&~&~&
With determination she never before experienced, Maria decided it was time to make some changes. Things couldn’t stay the way they were and she had the perfect way to start putting the pieces of her life back together.
“I’ll only be gone for two… three days at the most” Maria reminded as she flounced around her office, straightening papers, checking memos and making sure everything was completely in order. “You can reach me on my cell if anything comes up but I trust that the two of you will be able to handle… well, anything. Um… I think that’s it. Are there any questions?”
“No”
“None”
“Good. Okay… well then I’ll see you both in three days” Maria replied and received two friendly hugs from both Jennifer and Isabel. Though neither of them knew the true nature of her trip, they both seemed to understand it was something important. They were good friends and Maria knew everything at the gallery would be fine in their hands. The nervousness swimming around in her stomach was for an entirely different reason.
Telling Amy the truth hadn’t been something Maria relished. While she was regularly attending AA meetings and slowly becoming the mom she once was, she still had a lot of issues to work through and Maria didn’t relish the idea of knocking that house of cards down. Lying wasn’t an option, at least not after everything they had been through so that only left one possible choice… omission.
Maria simply explained her upcoming absence with a single sentence. “I have business to take care of.” No other question was asked and no other detail was revealed. Strangely enough, a part of Maria actually believed that maybe Amy understood more than she let on, that maybe she knew not to ask any questions in order to make things easier on her daughter. Whatever the reason, Maria was glad that she didn’t have to lie.
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Now, speeding down the highway in her old Jetta, Maria observed the countryside and watched as sand and desert rocks turned into green grass and trees. She had never been to Texas before but a map and plenty of junk food made the drive easy enough. As she sang along with the tunes on the radio, Maria was actually able to forget, if only for a short time, the reason she chose Marathon or what lied there.
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Unfortunately those moments were few and far between.
Trying hard to reach out
But, when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away
Minutes turned into hours until Maria finally reached her destination. It was already late in the afternoon and while she was tempted to just find a hotel room until the morning, she realized that putting it off now would only make it easier to put it off later too.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But, I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away
~&~&~&~&~&
The house was small but cozy looking. Carpet grass covered the front yard, flanking the cobblestone walkway that led up to a bright, red door. With the white picket fence, it looked like something out of a storybook.
Seeing it now, Maria couldn’t help but wonder what her dad’s life had been like. Did he pull into the garage every day after work or did he just leave his car in the driveway? Did Angela scold him for leaving his briefcase on the table or did she just humor him and move it herself? Did he tie his daughter’s shoelaces every morning before school? Did she completely love and adore him?
As the last thoughts floated through Maria’s mind, the nervous knots in her stomach tightened until she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t do this, not now… maybe not ever.
It was one thing to wonder but an entirely different thing to actually know.
Just as Maria turned back towards her car, prepared to drive away and never look back, a little girl with pigtails and a bright smile appeared by her side. “Hi” she happily greeted. “Who are you?”
“Um… I’m…”
“Cassandra! Who are you talking to sweetie?” a voice called out, drawing away the attention of both females.
Tongue tied and rooted in place, Maria just stood, staring as a woman with long dark hair and blue eyes slowly walked forward. Despite here interest in the little girl, the woman kept her eyes focused solely on Maria. “Cassie, go inside and fix yourself a peanut butter sandwich while I talk to the nice lady” she calmly directed.
“Okay grandma. Bye Miss” the young girl called out as she ran inside, leaving the two women standing face to face.
“I always wondered if you’d come here” she stated. “You look just as I imagined you would Maria.”
<center>
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Hi everyone, sorry for the long wait. I had serious writer's block on this last chapter but I hope you all like it and I promise a big, dramatic return of Michael in the next chapter. Thanks for sticking with me and I'll try not to keep you waiting for long, again. Enjoy!
Chapter 18
“I always wondered if you’d come here” she stated. “You look just like I imagined you would, Maria.”
As the words sunk in, Maria found herself confused and a little bit angry. “Funny that you’ve always known about me when I never heard a thing about you” she bit back and had the decency to look apologetic when the older woman’s eyes filled with sadness. “That was rude” Maria stated for her.
“But not untrue” Angela replied. “Why don’t you come inside for a moment?” she invited. “Cassie shouldn’t be alone in the kitchen for too long unless I want to spend my evening cleaning” she said, almost drawing a smile from Maria.
“Alright” she agreed and silently followed the older woman inside.
“Please have a seat while I make a quick pot of tea” Angela offered before leaving Maria alone in the cozy looking living room.
Framed photographs filled the mantel space and brightened up the bookshelves and end tables. The little girl, Cassie, seemed to be the prominent theme among the occasional candid of a woman who appeared to be Maria’s age. She was very beautiful and looked as though she could have been Angela’s much younger twin.
Then, just as Maria began to turn away, one last picture caught and held her gaze.
He was young and looked just like Maria remembered. “You have his hair and eyes” came from behind her, quickly pulling Maria out of the staring match she was in with the frame. “He always told me how much the two you resembled one another but I didn’t imagine it well enough until he showed me your picture.”
Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Maria waited until they were both seated before she finally just jumped right in. “I realize that I have no right coming here but I have a lot of questions and unfortunately, the one person I need them from is… has passed away. And… well I don’t even know how he died” she quietly admitted.
Originally, it hadn’t been her intention to be rude or harsh but after seeing the lovely home and the family her dad had obviously had before his death, Maria was filled with anger and sadness for all that she had lost.
“Alright. But before you ask me your questions, please me allow me to explain some things to you first” Angela kindly requested. “I think that it might provide you with some of the answer you’re looking for.”
“Okay” Maria agreed but declined the offer of tea as she settled into her seat.
“About twenty one years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Back then, they didn’t have as many answers as they do today and the treatments were less effective and more expensive” Angela sadly began. “I met Victor at the hospital. I was very sick, I was scared and he was an incredibly easy person to talk to.”
“Wait a second” Maria quickly interrupted. “Why was my father at the hospital?” she asked, unable to remember a day when her dad was sick or even resembled being sick. No particular instance came to mind no matter how far back she thought.
“Maria… your father was diagnosed with lung cancer, three months before he left Roswell” Angela stated though her sympathetic expression did nothing to soften the blow. “It was the reason he decided to leave. He didn’t want for you and Amy to watch him suffer through the illness.”
“No… no, that’s not possible” Maria emphatically denied. “We would have known if there was something wrong. He wouldn’t have just… no, you’re wrong” she stated, unwilling to believe that she was the one who was wrong.
“You were a little girl Maria” Angela said, gently. “He loved you and Amy more than anything which was why he left. He couldn’t bare the idea that you would be sad or that you would cry over him so he left, hoping that you would hate him instead” she explained.
“That doesn’t make sense” Maria stated simply. “Why would he want for us to hate him?”
“Because sadness lasts forever. Victor hoped that your hate would eventually fade” Angela replied. “Now I’ll admit that it isn’t necessarily logical but when love and family are involved… well sometimes it’s hard to be logical.”
Maria kept her words and decided to store them a way for later examination. It was the best she could do just then.
“Please continue. What happened after you first met?” Maria asked though her tone was significantly politer. A little bit of her anger had drained away with the realization that the woman before her was not the reason her father had disappeared so many years ago.
“We talked” Angela smiled. “He would tell me stories about you and your mom and then I would fill him on the antics of my daughter, Caitlin. He would laugh and I would laugh and for a little while we were able to pretend that cancer wasn’t knocking on our doors. We would pretend that we were just two people who met and became friends.”
Quietly… patiently, Maria listened to the older woman’s soft voice as she relayed so many different tales that explained a lot and confused her a little more. She leaned that Caitlin’s father wanted nothing to do with them and left Angela when she was pregnant. She leaned that Angela’s parents were the ones who looked after everything while she was sick. But more than that, she finally learned why her father re-married.
“There was a treatment program that I heard of here in Texas but because of its exclusivity, there were specific conditions upon getting chosen to participate. I qualified for each, except one. I had to have a complete family, meaning children and a spouse” Angela explained while Maria listened, partly thinking about how different things used to be.
“So my dad married you in order to get you into the treatment program” Maria easily deduced. Suddenly all the pieces were falling into place and while she still held some anger towards her father for lying, she was also very proud of him for what he had done for Angela.
“You have to understand that while I did love Victor, it was platonic… for the both of us” Angela quickly intervened. “Despite everything that you might believe, Victor never stopped loving Amy.”
Maria nodded in understanding but the numbness she felt inside made it impossible to say anything just then. She needed time to process everything but first, she had one last question.
“How did he do it?” Maria asked. “How did he manage to just push his feelings for us aside and go on with his life just because he thought it was for the best? How did he do it?” She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted the answer but her mind refused to take the question back. If she had any hope of eventually coming to terms with everything she had leaned, she needed to know the complete truth.
“Victor had a heart of gold, Maria, not one of steel” Angela stated simply. “He would call your house or that little shop she owned, every other night, sometimes more or sometimes less. He never said anything, he just wanted to hear yours or your mother’s voice. Knowing that you were okay was what got him through the days.”
Maria could have said that she wasn’t okay. She could have told Angela about Amy’s drinking or her own insecurities. She could have told her so many things but in the end… she said nothing. The past was long gone and bringing up all the problems that rested there would never change or fix them.
“Thank you for… everything, but I really should get going” Maria stated as she suddenly began to feel very cold and very alone.
“There’s just one more thing. Excuse me for just a second” Angela said and gestured for Maria to remain seated. Quickly, she scurried out of the room, leaving Maria, once again, to observe her surroundings.
“Hi” the little voice from earlier, greeted. “Whatcha doing?” she asked with a toothy grin. Maria could help but laugh as she saw little bits of peanut butter smeared across the little girl’s teeth.
“I’m just waiting for you grandma to come back, sweetie” she politely answered. “What about you. What are you doing?” Maria asked and watched, smiling, as the little girl propped herself up on the coffee table and lightheartedly swung her legs back and forth.
“Nothin’. I’m bored. You wanna come play in my room” she invited, only to frown a moment later when Angela returned, stating that she needed to go brush her teeth. “Alright. Bye miss” she added and slowly walked away.
“Does she live here with you?” Maria inquired and accepted the book Angela handed to her.
“Caitlin and her husband went away for the anniversary, so I volunteered to watch Cassie until they return” Angela replied though Maria’s attention was no longer on the older woman’s words, but on the book she held in her hands. “It was Victor’s. He used to write in that thing for hours though he would never tell me what it was about. When he died, he asked me to keep it and to give it to you if you ever tried to contact me” she explained about the beautiful, leather bound journal.
“They’re all letters” Maria stated in awe. “Memories.”
The pages were old and slightly yellowed, making the velvet black ink leap out on every letter. Lightly, Maria fingered the words, remembering and memorizing the penmanship of someone she once knew but would never see again. Suddenly, it was too much for her. Now that she was no longer holding on to hate and anger, sadness had crept in.
“I um… thank you, but I really have to go” Maria stated and hastily gathered her purse and keys.
“Maria, are you…?”
“Thank you” she interrupted, offering one weak smile before hurrying out of the house and straight to her car. It wasn’t until she was in the safety of her hotel room that she finally allowed her tears to fall as she cried for her father and the time she would never have with him.
~&~&~&~&~&
“What’s your favorite place in the whole world?”
“It varies” Michael replied as he plucked a single kernel of popcorn from the overflowing bowl. Maria believed he was the only person she knew who always ate popcorn one kernel at a time and teased him about it every time they had watched a movie together. Now, sitting, wrapped in thick blankets and nothing but darkness to keep them company, she still found it incredibly amusing.
“Explain” she requested and barely resisted the urge to purr when his hands teasingly began to run up and down her naked spine. There was something about his hands that never failed to make her shiver. He was gentle but so confident. Maria had never been touched by anyone, the way Michael touched her.
“It varies, depending where you are” he shrugged as though his words or the sentiment behind them, was no big deal.
“You don’t need pretty words to get me into bed” Maria commented. “You already have me here.”
“Do you want it to be just about that?” Michael asked though he never ceased his hands’ motions. “Do you want every word from my mouth and ever action I take, to be about getting you into bed and keeping you there?”
“I don’t know” Maria said, this time being the one who shrugged. “Sometimes I think it would be easier if that was all you wanted. At least then I’d be able to fulfill your desires but… but I know it’s an impossible task.”
“Maria… do you think I want too much from you? Do I ask too much of you?” he questioned, wearing a look of complete seriousness and attentiveness.
“You don’t ask any more than you deserve to have” she replied vaguely.
“Listen…I care about you Maria… more than I had planned on ever caring about anyone” Michael stated and slowly trailed his hands up her body, leaving a trail of goose flesh in their wake. “Everything about you feels right to me. The adoration I feel you smile at me… the desire I feel whenever you put your hands on me… the overwhelming sense of completeness whenever we’re joined.”
His words were seducing her, filling her with a hope she had never had with anyone before him. He did that to her and she wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing.
“You’re it for me sweetheart. Whether you see that now or later, it’s something that’s gonna stand true.”
For a night, she let herself believe that it could be as simple as that. She gave herself up to it and to him.
As he slipped inside her, he filled her in so many ways. He worshipped her body, loved it with his as he brought her up to heights of complete ecstasy. He was an incredibly skilled lover. His hands molded to every curve, every crevice and danced over her skin like a master performer.
Lips skimmed and caressed hers, filling her with a deep seeded desire to stay joined with him forever. His hips pushed into hers, bringing her pleasure like no other until she was a shivering, quivering mass. He never let her come down from her high without first bringing her up to another. He made her mindless with pleasure and only after she shook in satisfaction, did he finally give her a reprieve.
~&~&~&~&~&
As she slowly fell out of her dream, her memory, Maria felt lonelier than ever. Never before had she stopped to look around her, seeing and acknowledging all that she was missing. She did that now and found so many things she wanted, could have had, but pushed away.
Her father pushed people away. He pushed at her and her mother until both had consuming and overwhelming feelings of anger. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to push people away anymore. She didn’t want loneliness and she didn’t want to live her life without those who mattered most.
As a plan began to form and take shape, she reached into her purse for a phone. This wouldn’t be easy to accomplish and would be a huge risk but she was tired of waiting around the shadows, scared that someone was going to come out of the light and hurt her. Now was about taking hold of her life and making it worth living.
She was tired of existing. She was finally ready to live.
Chapter 18
“I always wondered if you’d come here” she stated. “You look just like I imagined you would, Maria.”
As the words sunk in, Maria found herself confused and a little bit angry. “Funny that you’ve always known about me when I never heard a thing about you” she bit back and had the decency to look apologetic when the older woman’s eyes filled with sadness. “That was rude” Maria stated for her.
“But not untrue” Angela replied. “Why don’t you come inside for a moment?” she invited. “Cassie shouldn’t be alone in the kitchen for too long unless I want to spend my evening cleaning” she said, almost drawing a smile from Maria.
“Alright” she agreed and silently followed the older woman inside.
“Please have a seat while I make a quick pot of tea” Angela offered before leaving Maria alone in the cozy looking living room.
Framed photographs filled the mantel space and brightened up the bookshelves and end tables. The little girl, Cassie, seemed to be the prominent theme among the occasional candid of a woman who appeared to be Maria’s age. She was very beautiful and looked as though she could have been Angela’s much younger twin.
Then, just as Maria began to turn away, one last picture caught and held her gaze.
He was young and looked just like Maria remembered. “You have his hair and eyes” came from behind her, quickly pulling Maria out of the staring match she was in with the frame. “He always told me how much the two you resembled one another but I didn’t imagine it well enough until he showed me your picture.”
Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Maria waited until they were both seated before she finally just jumped right in. “I realize that I have no right coming here but I have a lot of questions and unfortunately, the one person I need them from is… has passed away. And… well I don’t even know how he died” she quietly admitted.
Originally, it hadn’t been her intention to be rude or harsh but after seeing the lovely home and the family her dad had obviously had before his death, Maria was filled with anger and sadness for all that she had lost.
“Alright. But before you ask me your questions, please me allow me to explain some things to you first” Angela kindly requested. “I think that it might provide you with some of the answer you’re looking for.”
“Okay” Maria agreed but declined the offer of tea as she settled into her seat.
“About twenty one years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Back then, they didn’t have as many answers as they do today and the treatments were less effective and more expensive” Angela sadly began. “I met Victor at the hospital. I was very sick, I was scared and he was an incredibly easy person to talk to.”
“Wait a second” Maria quickly interrupted. “Why was my father at the hospital?” she asked, unable to remember a day when her dad was sick or even resembled being sick. No particular instance came to mind no matter how far back she thought.
“Maria… your father was diagnosed with lung cancer, three months before he left Roswell” Angela stated though her sympathetic expression did nothing to soften the blow. “It was the reason he decided to leave. He didn’t want for you and Amy to watch him suffer through the illness.”
“No… no, that’s not possible” Maria emphatically denied. “We would have known if there was something wrong. He wouldn’t have just… no, you’re wrong” she stated, unwilling to believe that she was the one who was wrong.
“You were a little girl Maria” Angela said, gently. “He loved you and Amy more than anything which was why he left. He couldn’t bare the idea that you would be sad or that you would cry over him so he left, hoping that you would hate him instead” she explained.
“That doesn’t make sense” Maria stated simply. “Why would he want for us to hate him?”
“Because sadness lasts forever. Victor hoped that your hate would eventually fade” Angela replied. “Now I’ll admit that it isn’t necessarily logical but when love and family are involved… well sometimes it’s hard to be logical.”
Maria kept her words and decided to store them a way for later examination. It was the best she could do just then.
“Please continue. What happened after you first met?” Maria asked though her tone was significantly politer. A little bit of her anger had drained away with the realization that the woman before her was not the reason her father had disappeared so many years ago.
“We talked” Angela smiled. “He would tell me stories about you and your mom and then I would fill him on the antics of my daughter, Caitlin. He would laugh and I would laugh and for a little while we were able to pretend that cancer wasn’t knocking on our doors. We would pretend that we were just two people who met and became friends.”
Quietly… patiently, Maria listened to the older woman’s soft voice as she relayed so many different tales that explained a lot and confused her a little more. She leaned that Caitlin’s father wanted nothing to do with them and left Angela when she was pregnant. She leaned that Angela’s parents were the ones who looked after everything while she was sick. But more than that, she finally learned why her father re-married.
“There was a treatment program that I heard of here in Texas but because of its exclusivity, there were specific conditions upon getting chosen to participate. I qualified for each, except one. I had to have a complete family, meaning children and a spouse” Angela explained while Maria listened, partly thinking about how different things used to be.
“So my dad married you in order to get you into the treatment program” Maria easily deduced. Suddenly all the pieces were falling into place and while she still held some anger towards her father for lying, she was also very proud of him for what he had done for Angela.
“You have to understand that while I did love Victor, it was platonic… for the both of us” Angela quickly intervened. “Despite everything that you might believe, Victor never stopped loving Amy.”
Maria nodded in understanding but the numbness she felt inside made it impossible to say anything just then. She needed time to process everything but first, she had one last question.
“How did he do it?” Maria asked. “How did he manage to just push his feelings for us aside and go on with his life just because he thought it was for the best? How did he do it?” She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted the answer but her mind refused to take the question back. If she had any hope of eventually coming to terms with everything she had leaned, she needed to know the complete truth.
“Victor had a heart of gold, Maria, not one of steel” Angela stated simply. “He would call your house or that little shop she owned, every other night, sometimes more or sometimes less. He never said anything, he just wanted to hear yours or your mother’s voice. Knowing that you were okay was what got him through the days.”
Maria could have said that she wasn’t okay. She could have told Angela about Amy’s drinking or her own insecurities. She could have told her so many things but in the end… she said nothing. The past was long gone and bringing up all the problems that rested there would never change or fix them.
“Thank you for… everything, but I really should get going” Maria stated as she suddenly began to feel very cold and very alone.
“There’s just one more thing. Excuse me for just a second” Angela said and gestured for Maria to remain seated. Quickly, she scurried out of the room, leaving Maria, once again, to observe her surroundings.
“Hi” the little voice from earlier, greeted. “Whatcha doing?” she asked with a toothy grin. Maria could help but laugh as she saw little bits of peanut butter smeared across the little girl’s teeth.
“I’m just waiting for you grandma to come back, sweetie” she politely answered. “What about you. What are you doing?” Maria asked and watched, smiling, as the little girl propped herself up on the coffee table and lightheartedly swung her legs back and forth.
“Nothin’. I’m bored. You wanna come play in my room” she invited, only to frown a moment later when Angela returned, stating that she needed to go brush her teeth. “Alright. Bye miss” she added and slowly walked away.
“Does she live here with you?” Maria inquired and accepted the book Angela handed to her.
“Caitlin and her husband went away for the anniversary, so I volunteered to watch Cassie until they return” Angela replied though Maria’s attention was no longer on the older woman’s words, but on the book she held in her hands. “It was Victor’s. He used to write in that thing for hours though he would never tell me what it was about. When he died, he asked me to keep it and to give it to you if you ever tried to contact me” she explained about the beautiful, leather bound journal.
“They’re all letters” Maria stated in awe. “Memories.”
The pages were old and slightly yellowed, making the velvet black ink leap out on every letter. Lightly, Maria fingered the words, remembering and memorizing the penmanship of someone she once knew but would never see again. Suddenly, it was too much for her. Now that she was no longer holding on to hate and anger, sadness had crept in.
“I um… thank you, but I really have to go” Maria stated and hastily gathered her purse and keys.
“Maria, are you…?”
“Thank you” she interrupted, offering one weak smile before hurrying out of the house and straight to her car. It wasn’t until she was in the safety of her hotel room that she finally allowed her tears to fall as she cried for her father and the time she would never have with him.
~&~&~&~&~&
“What’s your favorite place in the whole world?”
“It varies” Michael replied as he plucked a single kernel of popcorn from the overflowing bowl. Maria believed he was the only person she knew who always ate popcorn one kernel at a time and teased him about it every time they had watched a movie together. Now, sitting, wrapped in thick blankets and nothing but darkness to keep them company, she still found it incredibly amusing.
“Explain” she requested and barely resisted the urge to purr when his hands teasingly began to run up and down her naked spine. There was something about his hands that never failed to make her shiver. He was gentle but so confident. Maria had never been touched by anyone, the way Michael touched her.
“It varies, depending where you are” he shrugged as though his words or the sentiment behind them, was no big deal.
“You don’t need pretty words to get me into bed” Maria commented. “You already have me here.”
“Do you want it to be just about that?” Michael asked though he never ceased his hands’ motions. “Do you want every word from my mouth and ever action I take, to be about getting you into bed and keeping you there?”
“I don’t know” Maria said, this time being the one who shrugged. “Sometimes I think it would be easier if that was all you wanted. At least then I’d be able to fulfill your desires but… but I know it’s an impossible task.”
“Maria… do you think I want too much from you? Do I ask too much of you?” he questioned, wearing a look of complete seriousness and attentiveness.
“You don’t ask any more than you deserve to have” she replied vaguely.
“Listen…I care about you Maria… more than I had planned on ever caring about anyone” Michael stated and slowly trailed his hands up her body, leaving a trail of goose flesh in their wake. “Everything about you feels right to me. The adoration I feel you smile at me… the desire I feel whenever you put your hands on me… the overwhelming sense of completeness whenever we’re joined.”
His words were seducing her, filling her with a hope she had never had with anyone before him. He did that to her and she wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing.
“You’re it for me sweetheart. Whether you see that now or later, it’s something that’s gonna stand true.”
For a night, she let herself believe that it could be as simple as that. She gave herself up to it and to him.
As he slipped inside her, he filled her in so many ways. He worshipped her body, loved it with his as he brought her up to heights of complete ecstasy. He was an incredibly skilled lover. His hands molded to every curve, every crevice and danced over her skin like a master performer.
Lips skimmed and caressed hers, filling her with a deep seeded desire to stay joined with him forever. His hips pushed into hers, bringing her pleasure like no other until she was a shivering, quivering mass. He never let her come down from her high without first bringing her up to another. He made her mindless with pleasure and only after she shook in satisfaction, did he finally give her a reprieve.
~&~&~&~&~&
As she slowly fell out of her dream, her memory, Maria felt lonelier than ever. Never before had she stopped to look around her, seeing and acknowledging all that she was missing. She did that now and found so many things she wanted, could have had, but pushed away.
Her father pushed people away. He pushed at her and her mother until both had consuming and overwhelming feelings of anger. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to push people away anymore. She didn’t want loneliness and she didn’t want to live her life without those who mattered most.
As a plan began to form and take shape, she reached into her purse for a phone. This wouldn’t be easy to accomplish and would be a huge risk but she was tired of waiting around the shadows, scared that someone was going to come out of the light and hurt her. Now was about taking hold of her life and making it worth living.
She was tired of existing. She was finally ready to live.
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To_Kiss_A_Frog
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 292
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 7:38 pm
Thanks for the wonderful feedback, sorry for taking so long and please don't hate Michael. Give him a chance, I promise thtat everything has an explanation. Thanks again wonderful readers and lurkers!
Chapter 19
Despite her best efforts, Maria was unable to put her father’s journal down until she had read every single page and every last word. The tears that fell from her eyes had remained a constant throughout the night and by the time the sun rose, calling attention to the new day, she didn’t even realize she was crying anymore.
He was amazing and so sad at the same time.
The letters were descriptions, day to day thoughts of what he felt and a little about what he went through. The words weren’t harsh but they weren’t easy to read either. So much pain and heartache had followed him from Roswell and it would seem that it died with him on August 20th. Maria knew in her heart, that she would never forget the date of that day.
Unfortunately, with all her knowledge, came the question of whether or not to fill in the blanks her mother still had in her own story. Maria didn’t know if the truth would make things better… somehow easier for Amy to get through or if it would make things worse. Hate had become such a huge part of Amy’s memories though Maria had to wonder if that hate was merely a curtain to shield the sorrow and sadness that her mother truly felt since the day Victor Deluca walked away.
The answer to that question, however, was something she would have to search for. It wouldn’t come easy but then life and all the things worth having and knowing were never easy. Maria learnt that from Michael.
Michael… that name alone stirred up so many emotions that Maria had been numb to for so long. It also reminded her of the plan she had set in motion the evening before.
To say that several people were surprised would be an understatement though the truly wondrous thing, at least in Maria’s opinion, had been the incredible support she received from her mom when she told Amy her plan. There had been no illusions in her mind that Amy would have a difficult time accepting Maria’s words… but she hadn’t. Maria was grateful for that, more than she could have ever conveyed.
Now all that was left was to return to New Mexico and hope for the best. In the end, that was really all she could do. Maria had called the shots for too long, it was time to let someone else step up to the plate while she stood on the sidelines, hoping for a homerun.
~&~&~&~&~&
With her mind running a chaotic race, the long drive back into Roswell seemed much shorter than it had the day before. A dozen different scenarios played out, some ending well and others ending horribly wrong.
It was because of her numerous reservations and unending nerves that Maria nearly sighed in relief at the sight of the little green alien, welcoming her to Roswell. The trip wasn’t over, but she was more than halfway there and something about being back home filled her with a sense of confidence.
This was where they met and kissed, made love and shared more than a few memories. This was home but Maria was also made aware of one other important detail as she drove down the nearly deserted Main Street. This wasn’t really home anymore… not since Michael left. Somewhere along the line, things had changed and she was reminded of a conversation they once had.
“I hated seeing you drunk” Michael confessed. “I hated it because I knew why you had done it… to forget. I hated it because I know how easy it is to let go of things, to push them from your mind when you have a bottle of alcohol in your system and fogging your brain. I don’t want that for you because… because you’re too good for that” he said vehemently.
She didn’t know how to respond, but she did have one question, a single word that would finally put into perspective exactly what he was doing there with her. A single word that would explain how she managed to finally get it right after so many years of getting it wrong.
“Why?”
“Because when I look at you, I see something I never thought I would ever see” Michael stated.
“And what is that you see?” Maria wondered, curious, but cautious at the same time.
“My future” he softly replied.
Something had shifted since that morning or maybe it was because of that morning. Whatever the reason, Maria could no longer see the future she had once believed she would have. All the plans and choices she mapped out so long ago were now obsolete because they were missing one very important variable that she hadn’t anticipated back then.
Love.
When she looked at Michael…when she thought of Michael, she was finally able to see herself five years down the road. She saw the life she could have if she put away her doubts and insecurities, simply trusting all the things she had previously doubted. She could do it and when she did, he was always in those images… always standing beside her. Now it was time to make that fantasy into a reality.
Just as she began to get lost in her plans, “Foxy lady” filled the car, alerting Maria to her mother’s call.
“Hello” she nervously greeted, hoping and praying that her mother hadn’t changed her mind. To have Amy’s support had been an unexpected but extremely welcome surprise. Still, she hadn’t completely healed from the past and couldn’t help but fear the worst as her mother’s voice flooded through the phone lines.
“I was just calling to see how close you are?” Amy stated in a pleasant tone which instantly filled Maria with guilt as she thought about where she had been. “I hoped that you might stop by for a few minutes before you continued with your trip” she quietly added. There was vulnerability hiding in her voice, something Maria hadn’t heard in a long time… if ever.
“Sure thing mom” Maria agreed after a quick glance at her watch. “Are you at home or the shop?” she asked and slowed to a stop in front of the Crashdown. Inside, she saw Liz wiping tables clean while Max sat at the counter, glancing over at his love whenever he thought she wasn’t looking. It was sweet and made Maria miss Michael even more, if that were possible.
Suddenly, the nervousness began to fall away, leaving shear determination in its place.
“I’m at the shop” Amy replied, bringing Maria back to the present.
“Great, I’ll be there”
~&~&~&~&~&
“Are you really sure that this is what you want?” Amy asked, wearing a look that could only be described as motherly concern. It was a good feeling to know that Amy’s inquiries were purely based on her love rather than the selfish wonder of how it would affect her life. Maria relished it and silently thanked the higher powers for giving her, her mother back.
“It’s really what I want” Maria agreed, thinking of the plan she had come up with. “I have to give this a shot, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes. Michael is what I want” she declared and let out a small sigh of relief when Amy merely smiled in understanding.
“I love sweetie. Please don’t forget that” Amy stated and pulled her daughter into a warm embrace. “Call me if you need anything… okay?”
“I promise” Maria replied as she returned the comforting hug.
~&~&~&~&~&
The last time she had come to the city, it had been on the back of a motorcycle going more than 70mph while she held tightly to the reckless driver. Exhilaration tinged with apprehension had dominated her emotions that night though now, it was the other way around. It was easy to talk a big game and pretend that she wasn’t worried but the closer she got to him, the harder it became to breathe.
Emotions had never been such a roller coaster before. It was either up or down but never curves and swift turns at breakneck speed. She never felt as out of control as she tended to be with Michael and while it was scary, it was also exactly what she needed.
Remembering the promise she made to herself, Maria took a deep breath and slowly stepped down onto the sidewalk. His building suited him, she decided at her first glance. Strong, towering and rough around the edges. Funny how she had believed the same thing about his studio. It appeared that Michael always picked things that suited him. That thought alone was enough to give Maria the last boost of confidence she needed to walk up to his door.
With more confidence than she felt, Maria raised her hand to knock on the solid oak and took a step back in surprise as the door immediately swung open. The sight that greeted her was one that filled the pit of Maria’s stomach with dread. “Hi, can I help you” a short blonde asked though what really struck Maria was the girl’s appearance.
Though it was still early evening, she was dressed solely in an oversized black t-shirt that bore a Metallica logo. Her short hair had been pulled up into a messy ponytail while her eyes shone fatigue, as though she was either just going to bed or had just gotten up. Either way, it was obvious that Michael had moved on. The blonde was proof enough.
“No, it was uh… my mistake” Maria fumbled and quickly turned to walk away, ignoring the woman’s cries of protest.
As she tore through the building entrance, the safety of her car wasn’t near enough and Maria broke into a swift walk in an effort to put as much distance between her and the man who held her broken heart.
Blood pounded, her breathing ragged as her heart followed a harsh staccato beat. “I’m so stupid” she cursed before she had completely slammed her car door closed. “Why wouldn’t he move on? I pushed and… and now he’s…” she trailed off as the tears began to fall, clouding her vision.
With her body slumped over the steering wheel, crying out her frustrations and sadness, she didn’t notice the single figure who watched her from a bedroom window. Their express was sad and sympathetic though there was a hint of something else in the depths of their eyes.
~&~&~&~&~&
“I hear the ticking of the clock. I'm lying here the room's pitch dark. I wonder where you are tonight. No answer on the telephone” Maria softly sang in hopes that she could finally purge the old tune from her head. On the drive to her hotel, it had seem fitting that the old ‘Heart’ song would begin playing as it gave a pretty accurate description of the events and her feelings.
At first she was sad and then a bit angry but now… now she was just melancholy and surprisingly accepting.
“And the night goes by so very slow. Oh I hope that it won't end though, Alone”
Outside, a raucous clap of thunder filled the air as a single bolt of lightening brightened the sky. Inside, the power flickered for just a moment before deciding it wanted to stay on for a little while longer. Maria hardly noticed the change as she began to get lost in the lyrics of song that explained what she, herself, couldn’t put into words.
“Till now I always got by on my own. I never really cared until I met you. And now it chills me to the bone. How do I get you alone. How do I get you alone.”
Her eyes closed of their own volition as she shut everything out, choosing only to listen to the sound of her own voice. She found it strangely therapeutic and raised her voice by a single decibel. Vainly, she tried to drown out the pounding in her head as images past through her mind.
“You don't know how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight. Oh you don't know how long I have waited, and I was going to tell you tonight. But the secret is still my own, and my love for you is still unknown. Alone”
The first knock went unheard. The second was dismissed as some other outside noise but there was no mistaking the third and loudest.
Tentatively, Maria rose from the bed and slowly trekked to the door. With her body shielded by the tattered wood, she peaked her head out, only to be confronted by the object of her musings. “Michael” she breathed out and the sound was caught up and carried away by the wind that swirled around them, causing his hair to gently fly around his face.
It was a bit longer than before and in desperate need of a trim. Maria longed to reach out and brush it away and very nearly did until she reminded herself that the right was no longer hers.
“Can I come in” he asked just as the first drops of rain began to fall.
She wanted to tell him no simply because she wanted to hide her pain. She wanted to but still found herself opening the door wider as a silent invitation which he easily took.
Taking a deep breath and a moment to school her features, Maria turned and met his steady gaze with one of her own. She thought herself prepared but as the familiar timber of his voice floated to her ears, minus the roaring elements that previously mingled with it, she decided that nothing could have prepared her for this face to face meeting.
Chapter 19
Despite her best efforts, Maria was unable to put her father’s journal down until she had read every single page and every last word. The tears that fell from her eyes had remained a constant throughout the night and by the time the sun rose, calling attention to the new day, she didn’t even realize she was crying anymore.
He was amazing and so sad at the same time.
The letters were descriptions, day to day thoughts of what he felt and a little about what he went through. The words weren’t harsh but they weren’t easy to read either. So much pain and heartache had followed him from Roswell and it would seem that it died with him on August 20th. Maria knew in her heart, that she would never forget the date of that day.
Unfortunately, with all her knowledge, came the question of whether or not to fill in the blanks her mother still had in her own story. Maria didn’t know if the truth would make things better… somehow easier for Amy to get through or if it would make things worse. Hate had become such a huge part of Amy’s memories though Maria had to wonder if that hate was merely a curtain to shield the sorrow and sadness that her mother truly felt since the day Victor Deluca walked away.
The answer to that question, however, was something she would have to search for. It wouldn’t come easy but then life and all the things worth having and knowing were never easy. Maria learnt that from Michael.
Michael… that name alone stirred up so many emotions that Maria had been numb to for so long. It also reminded her of the plan she had set in motion the evening before.
To say that several people were surprised would be an understatement though the truly wondrous thing, at least in Maria’s opinion, had been the incredible support she received from her mom when she told Amy her plan. There had been no illusions in her mind that Amy would have a difficult time accepting Maria’s words… but she hadn’t. Maria was grateful for that, more than she could have ever conveyed.
Now all that was left was to return to New Mexico and hope for the best. In the end, that was really all she could do. Maria had called the shots for too long, it was time to let someone else step up to the plate while she stood on the sidelines, hoping for a homerun.
~&~&~&~&~&
With her mind running a chaotic race, the long drive back into Roswell seemed much shorter than it had the day before. A dozen different scenarios played out, some ending well and others ending horribly wrong.
It was because of her numerous reservations and unending nerves that Maria nearly sighed in relief at the sight of the little green alien, welcoming her to Roswell. The trip wasn’t over, but she was more than halfway there and something about being back home filled her with a sense of confidence.
This was where they met and kissed, made love and shared more than a few memories. This was home but Maria was also made aware of one other important detail as she drove down the nearly deserted Main Street. This wasn’t really home anymore… not since Michael left. Somewhere along the line, things had changed and she was reminded of a conversation they once had.
“I hated seeing you drunk” Michael confessed. “I hated it because I knew why you had done it… to forget. I hated it because I know how easy it is to let go of things, to push them from your mind when you have a bottle of alcohol in your system and fogging your brain. I don’t want that for you because… because you’re too good for that” he said vehemently.
She didn’t know how to respond, but she did have one question, a single word that would finally put into perspective exactly what he was doing there with her. A single word that would explain how she managed to finally get it right after so many years of getting it wrong.
“Why?”
“Because when I look at you, I see something I never thought I would ever see” Michael stated.
“And what is that you see?” Maria wondered, curious, but cautious at the same time.
“My future” he softly replied.
Something had shifted since that morning or maybe it was because of that morning. Whatever the reason, Maria could no longer see the future she had once believed she would have. All the plans and choices she mapped out so long ago were now obsolete because they were missing one very important variable that she hadn’t anticipated back then.
Love.
When she looked at Michael…when she thought of Michael, she was finally able to see herself five years down the road. She saw the life she could have if she put away her doubts and insecurities, simply trusting all the things she had previously doubted. She could do it and when she did, he was always in those images… always standing beside her. Now it was time to make that fantasy into a reality.
Just as she began to get lost in her plans, “Foxy lady” filled the car, alerting Maria to her mother’s call.
“Hello” she nervously greeted, hoping and praying that her mother hadn’t changed her mind. To have Amy’s support had been an unexpected but extremely welcome surprise. Still, she hadn’t completely healed from the past and couldn’t help but fear the worst as her mother’s voice flooded through the phone lines.
“I was just calling to see how close you are?” Amy stated in a pleasant tone which instantly filled Maria with guilt as she thought about where she had been. “I hoped that you might stop by for a few minutes before you continued with your trip” she quietly added. There was vulnerability hiding in her voice, something Maria hadn’t heard in a long time… if ever.
“Sure thing mom” Maria agreed after a quick glance at her watch. “Are you at home or the shop?” she asked and slowed to a stop in front of the Crashdown. Inside, she saw Liz wiping tables clean while Max sat at the counter, glancing over at his love whenever he thought she wasn’t looking. It was sweet and made Maria miss Michael even more, if that were possible.
Suddenly, the nervousness began to fall away, leaving shear determination in its place.
“I’m at the shop” Amy replied, bringing Maria back to the present.
“Great, I’ll be there”
~&~&~&~&~&
“Are you really sure that this is what you want?” Amy asked, wearing a look that could only be described as motherly concern. It was a good feeling to know that Amy’s inquiries were purely based on her love rather than the selfish wonder of how it would affect her life. Maria relished it and silently thanked the higher powers for giving her, her mother back.
“It’s really what I want” Maria agreed, thinking of the plan she had come up with. “I have to give this a shot, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes. Michael is what I want” she declared and let out a small sigh of relief when Amy merely smiled in understanding.
“I love sweetie. Please don’t forget that” Amy stated and pulled her daughter into a warm embrace. “Call me if you need anything… okay?”
“I promise” Maria replied as she returned the comforting hug.
~&~&~&~&~&
The last time she had come to the city, it had been on the back of a motorcycle going more than 70mph while she held tightly to the reckless driver. Exhilaration tinged with apprehension had dominated her emotions that night though now, it was the other way around. It was easy to talk a big game and pretend that she wasn’t worried but the closer she got to him, the harder it became to breathe.
Emotions had never been such a roller coaster before. It was either up or down but never curves and swift turns at breakneck speed. She never felt as out of control as she tended to be with Michael and while it was scary, it was also exactly what she needed.
Remembering the promise she made to herself, Maria took a deep breath and slowly stepped down onto the sidewalk. His building suited him, she decided at her first glance. Strong, towering and rough around the edges. Funny how she had believed the same thing about his studio. It appeared that Michael always picked things that suited him. That thought alone was enough to give Maria the last boost of confidence she needed to walk up to his door.
With more confidence than she felt, Maria raised her hand to knock on the solid oak and took a step back in surprise as the door immediately swung open. The sight that greeted her was one that filled the pit of Maria’s stomach with dread. “Hi, can I help you” a short blonde asked though what really struck Maria was the girl’s appearance.
Though it was still early evening, she was dressed solely in an oversized black t-shirt that bore a Metallica logo. Her short hair had been pulled up into a messy ponytail while her eyes shone fatigue, as though she was either just going to bed or had just gotten up. Either way, it was obvious that Michael had moved on. The blonde was proof enough.
“No, it was uh… my mistake” Maria fumbled and quickly turned to walk away, ignoring the woman’s cries of protest.
As she tore through the building entrance, the safety of her car wasn’t near enough and Maria broke into a swift walk in an effort to put as much distance between her and the man who held her broken heart.
Blood pounded, her breathing ragged as her heart followed a harsh staccato beat. “I’m so stupid” she cursed before she had completely slammed her car door closed. “Why wouldn’t he move on? I pushed and… and now he’s…” she trailed off as the tears began to fall, clouding her vision.
With her body slumped over the steering wheel, crying out her frustrations and sadness, she didn’t notice the single figure who watched her from a bedroom window. Their express was sad and sympathetic though there was a hint of something else in the depths of their eyes.
~&~&~&~&~&
“I hear the ticking of the clock. I'm lying here the room's pitch dark. I wonder where you are tonight. No answer on the telephone” Maria softly sang in hopes that she could finally purge the old tune from her head. On the drive to her hotel, it had seem fitting that the old ‘Heart’ song would begin playing as it gave a pretty accurate description of the events and her feelings.
At first she was sad and then a bit angry but now… now she was just melancholy and surprisingly accepting.
“And the night goes by so very slow. Oh I hope that it won't end though, Alone”
Outside, a raucous clap of thunder filled the air as a single bolt of lightening brightened the sky. Inside, the power flickered for just a moment before deciding it wanted to stay on for a little while longer. Maria hardly noticed the change as she began to get lost in the lyrics of song that explained what she, herself, couldn’t put into words.
“Till now I always got by on my own. I never really cared until I met you. And now it chills me to the bone. How do I get you alone. How do I get you alone.”
Her eyes closed of their own volition as she shut everything out, choosing only to listen to the sound of her own voice. She found it strangely therapeutic and raised her voice by a single decibel. Vainly, she tried to drown out the pounding in her head as images past through her mind.
“You don't know how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight. Oh you don't know how long I have waited, and I was going to tell you tonight. But the secret is still my own, and my love for you is still unknown. Alone”
The first knock went unheard. The second was dismissed as some other outside noise but there was no mistaking the third and loudest.
Tentatively, Maria rose from the bed and slowly trekked to the door. With her body shielded by the tattered wood, she peaked her head out, only to be confronted by the object of her musings. “Michael” she breathed out and the sound was caught up and carried away by the wind that swirled around them, causing his hair to gently fly around his face.
It was a bit longer than before and in desperate need of a trim. Maria longed to reach out and brush it away and very nearly did until she reminded herself that the right was no longer hers.
“Can I come in” he asked just as the first drops of rain began to fall.
She wanted to tell him no simply because she wanted to hide her pain. She wanted to but still found herself opening the door wider as a silent invitation which he easily took.
Taking a deep breath and a moment to school her features, Maria turned and met his steady gaze with one of her own. She thought herself prepared but as the familiar timber of his voice floated to her ears, minus the roaring elements that previously mingled with it, she decided that nothing could have prepared her for this face to face meeting.
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