Just goes to show how differently men and women look at things...
HER DIARY
Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today the Leafs lost. At least I got laid.
The Differences between men and women
Moderators: singerchic4, Forum Moderators
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Stargazer's Delight
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Thu Apr 20, 2006 10:49 pm
- Location: Tasmania, Australia
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KarenEvans
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 3635
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:59 pm
- Location: Alex's room
The Man's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom:
1) Walk slowly and proudly up to the bathroom, make sure everyone knows that is where you are headed.
2) Enter the bathroom, and quickly check out the whole room
3) Look for the right urinal. This is how to pick your urinal: There must be at least one urinal between you and the next closest person (on either side) to you, if this is not available, take the urinal next to the wall, beside a 'safe looking' male. If this is also not available, glance at stalls, or leave bathroom, and return later, to get the right spot.
4) If proper urinal is available, approach urinal swiftly, looking straight ahead, never turning eyes or head. Another approach is to look at the floor, feet are always good as well.
5) Undo pants, relieve yourself as quickly as possible, keep head looking down (or eyes closed and head held looking up) this way no one will think you are trying to check them out.
6) Shake it off, put it back in your pants.
** Note Steps 7 and 8 are optional, but recommended in 45 of the 50 states.
7) Wash hands.
8 Attempt to dry hands. Look to see if a blow dryer or paper towel dispenser is close by. If not, your clothes will do just fine as a towel.
9) Exit bathroom, do NOT look back, you didn't forget anything.
10) Check to see if your female companion has exited the bathroom before you, although highly unlikely, you must check anyway.
11) Wait patiently for her return, remember to NOT say things like, "Wow, what took you so long."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Women's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom:
1) Enter bathroom, and start checking each stall, but do NOT check the first one, first one is bad luck, even if tests prove that it's always the cleanest. Look to see what stall is the nicest looking, deciding only after checking every available stall.
2) Decide which is the cleanest stall, and try to get to it before that other bitch who entered when you did.
3) Mutter "Slut" under breath, when she grabs the stall you wanted, and make a run for the one you wanted, or that skank who entered after you will get it.
4) Hang jacket and purse on hooks on door.
5) Take some toilet paper and wipe the seat, pretending you can wipe off all germs.
6) Line toilet seat with toilet paper! Germs are bad!
7) Start to take off all layers of required clothing, be sure nothing rests on the ground! Use all other hooks available if needed.
8 Sit down on toilet seat very lightly, as not to disturb layer of paper between you and the seat. Germs are bad!
9) Relax and let the flow go, but make sure your still sitting lightly, because the paper on the seat can't move, or you'll get germs!
10) Start to dispense the required amount of toilet paper from the roll. Fold into neat rectangle, and wipe all drips, very careful to not get germs from the seat!
11) Toss soiled toilet paper into toilet while standing up, watch out for the germs!
12) Start to put back on the 27 layers of clothing you were wearing, make sure it looks exactly like it did when you entered bathroom.
13) Put all toilet paper lining seat into toilet.
14) Flush.
15) Grab jacket and purse while unlocking door.
16) Walk to sink, and turn on tap.
17) Put hands under running water for at least 10 seconds.
18 Lather up with lots of soap, and be sure to get anywhere on hands that was exposed to germs!
19) Rinse soap off hands under water for another 10 seconds.
20) Look for paper towel, if there is none, mumble under breath, and stick hands under blow dryer for 4 minutes. NEVER WIPE HANDS ON CLOTHING! Make your move to counter/mirror section.
21) Put jacket to side, blocking that skank who was trying to get your stall from coming next to you, and make sure your as far away as possible from that bitch who took your stall.
22) Scoff at the way the bitch who took your stall looks. Her make-up is all wrong!
23) Spread out contents of purse on counter.
24) Touch up already perfect make-up, for no reason, be sure to take at least 2 minutes doing this.
25) Organize objects when putting back in purse, a messy purse is bad!
26) Put on jacket, laugh to self at that skank who wanted your stall her clothes are gross.
27) Walk out of bathroom, tossing head at the skank who is still putting make-up on, and make sure you gasp when the bitch who took your stall scoffs at you.
28 Find boyfriend outside, wonder how he gets done so fast ... You were really quick this time!
Here's an alternate list for Women:
1. Try to beat all other women into the restroom because there is always a line and if you let a few in front of you, you could have another 15 minute wait.
2. Never go to the first stall or stalls directly in front of the mirrors and basins as someone might be able to see in the stall. Never ever go to a stall without toilet paper.
3. Enter and lock the stall. (If it doesn't lock or have toilet paper, look for the next stall) Look for a relatively save place to lay down anything you are carrying (since we NEVER have pockets).
4. The toilet seat liners are always all gone so just hope the person who made the toilet seat lid warm before you sat down isn't carrying a life threatening disease. If the bathroom is really scary, then line it with toilet paper to be safe or hang over the seat to go.
5. While going, pull off a handful of toilet paper. Never ever drip dry. If you forgot to look first for toilet paper and there isn't any, ask for toilet paper from someone nearby. Flush.
6. Walk to sink and try to find a dry clean place to lay down any items you might be carrying or hold them between your legs.
7. Wash hands with soap. The dirtier the bathroom, the longer you wash them.
8. Look for paper towel, if there is none, mumble under breath, and go get a handful of toilet paper from the nearest empty stall. NEVER WIPE HANDS ON CLOTHING!
9. On the way out of the bathroom, try to figure out how to get out with re-touching the door handle.
10.Find boyfriend/husband outside. You knew he would get out there before you because he doesn't have to pull down his pants all the way to go, nor does he wash his hands appropriately.
11.Hope the soap you washed your hands with is enough to kill the germs he carried out with him.
1) Walk slowly and proudly up to the bathroom, make sure everyone knows that is where you are headed.
2) Enter the bathroom, and quickly check out the whole room
3) Look for the right urinal. This is how to pick your urinal: There must be at least one urinal between you and the next closest person (on either side) to you, if this is not available, take the urinal next to the wall, beside a 'safe looking' male. If this is also not available, glance at stalls, or leave bathroom, and return later, to get the right spot.
4) If proper urinal is available, approach urinal swiftly, looking straight ahead, never turning eyes or head. Another approach is to look at the floor, feet are always good as well.
5) Undo pants, relieve yourself as quickly as possible, keep head looking down (or eyes closed and head held looking up) this way no one will think you are trying to check them out.
6) Shake it off, put it back in your pants.
** Note Steps 7 and 8 are optional, but recommended in 45 of the 50 states.
7) Wash hands.
8 Attempt to dry hands. Look to see if a blow dryer or paper towel dispenser is close by. If not, your clothes will do just fine as a towel.
9) Exit bathroom, do NOT look back, you didn't forget anything.
10) Check to see if your female companion has exited the bathroom before you, although highly unlikely, you must check anyway.
11) Wait patiently for her return, remember to NOT say things like, "Wow, what took you so long."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Women's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom:
1) Enter bathroom, and start checking each stall, but do NOT check the first one, first one is bad luck, even if tests prove that it's always the cleanest. Look to see what stall is the nicest looking, deciding only after checking every available stall.
2) Decide which is the cleanest stall, and try to get to it before that other bitch who entered when you did.
3) Mutter "Slut" under breath, when she grabs the stall you wanted, and make a run for the one you wanted, or that skank who entered after you will get it.
4) Hang jacket and purse on hooks on door.
5) Take some toilet paper and wipe the seat, pretending you can wipe off all germs.
6) Line toilet seat with toilet paper! Germs are bad!
7) Start to take off all layers of required clothing, be sure nothing rests on the ground! Use all other hooks available if needed.
8 Sit down on toilet seat very lightly, as not to disturb layer of paper between you and the seat. Germs are bad!
9) Relax and let the flow go, but make sure your still sitting lightly, because the paper on the seat can't move, or you'll get germs!
10) Start to dispense the required amount of toilet paper from the roll. Fold into neat rectangle, and wipe all drips, very careful to not get germs from the seat!
11) Toss soiled toilet paper into toilet while standing up, watch out for the germs!
12) Start to put back on the 27 layers of clothing you were wearing, make sure it looks exactly like it did when you entered bathroom.
13) Put all toilet paper lining seat into toilet.
14) Flush.
15) Grab jacket and purse while unlocking door.
16) Walk to sink, and turn on tap.
17) Put hands under running water for at least 10 seconds.
18 Lather up with lots of soap, and be sure to get anywhere on hands that was exposed to germs!
19) Rinse soap off hands under water for another 10 seconds.
20) Look for paper towel, if there is none, mumble under breath, and stick hands under blow dryer for 4 minutes. NEVER WIPE HANDS ON CLOTHING! Make your move to counter/mirror section.
21) Put jacket to side, blocking that skank who was trying to get your stall from coming next to you, and make sure your as far away as possible from that bitch who took your stall.
22) Scoff at the way the bitch who took your stall looks. Her make-up is all wrong!
23) Spread out contents of purse on counter.
24) Touch up already perfect make-up, for no reason, be sure to take at least 2 minutes doing this.
25) Organize objects when putting back in purse, a messy purse is bad!
26) Put on jacket, laugh to self at that skank who wanted your stall her clothes are gross.
27) Walk out of bathroom, tossing head at the skank who is still putting make-up on, and make sure you gasp when the bitch who took your stall scoffs at you.
28 Find boyfriend outside, wonder how he gets done so fast ... You were really quick this time!
Here's an alternate list for Women:
1. Try to beat all other women into the restroom because there is always a line and if you let a few in front of you, you could have another 15 minute wait.
2. Never go to the first stall or stalls directly in front of the mirrors and basins as someone might be able to see in the stall. Never ever go to a stall without toilet paper.
3. Enter and lock the stall. (If it doesn't lock or have toilet paper, look for the next stall) Look for a relatively save place to lay down anything you are carrying (since we NEVER have pockets).
4. The toilet seat liners are always all gone so just hope the person who made the toilet seat lid warm before you sat down isn't carrying a life threatening disease. If the bathroom is really scary, then line it with toilet paper to be safe or hang over the seat to go.
5. While going, pull off a handful of toilet paper. Never ever drip dry. If you forgot to look first for toilet paper and there isn't any, ask for toilet paper from someone nearby. Flush.
6. Walk to sink and try to find a dry clean place to lay down any items you might be carrying or hold them between your legs.
7. Wash hands with soap. The dirtier the bathroom, the longer you wash them.
8. Look for paper towel, if there is none, mumble under breath, and go get a handful of toilet paper from the nearest empty stall. NEVER WIPE HANDS ON CLOTHING!
9. On the way out of the bathroom, try to figure out how to get out with re-touching the door handle.
10.Find boyfriend/husband outside. You knew he would get out there before you because he doesn't have to pull down his pants all the way to go, nor does he wash his hands appropriately.
11.Hope the soap you washed your hands with is enough to kill the germs he carried out with him.
-
KarenEvans
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 3635
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:59 pm
- Location: Alex's room
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WomanofMystery
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2004 5:09 pm
- Location: The good ship Serenity.
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Stargazer's Delight
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Thu Apr 20, 2006 10:49 pm
- Location: Tasmania, Australia
Good one KJ
A little round of Q & A
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
A little round of Q & A
Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.
Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.
Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.
Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
-
KarenEvans
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 3635
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:59 pm
- Location: Alex's room
-
Flamehair
- Addicted Roswellian
- Posts: 189
- Joined: Sat Aug 20, 2005 7:40 am
- Location: up in the mountains in switzerland
- Contact:
ouuuuchkilljoy wrote:You're not a kid anymore when...
You're not grouchy; you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.
The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
You start singing along with the elevator music.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".
You write thank you notes without being told.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
Others ask for your recipes.
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You paint your apartment walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.
You don't like to drive after dark.
I'm old - I'm very oldbig prince Leo Alsandair Aidyn Galahad Colin 12.08.2007
little prince Robin Faramir Gawain Diarmad Finlay 18.05.2009
little princess Eowyn Morgaine Nevialani Caitlin Valerie 15.05.2012
little prince Robin Faramir Gawain Diarmad Finlay 18.05.2009
little princess Eowyn Morgaine Nevialani Caitlin Valerie 15.05.2012
Rules for bedroom golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.
3. Owner of the course must approve the equipment before playing may begin.
4. For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.
6. Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.
7. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.
8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.
9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.
16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.
3. Owner of the course must approve the equipment before playing may begin.
4. For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.
6. Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.
7. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.
8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.
9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.
16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.
-
KarenEvans
- Roswell Fanatic
- Posts: 3635
- Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:59 pm
- Location: Alex's room